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theheavymetalmama · 6 years

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Katie Reviews “Far Cry 5″

Doctor Stupidlove

Another day, another Far Cry game. Whether or not that’s a good or bad thing depends on person to person with a laundry list of variables, including but not limited to personal taste and sensibilities, franchise fatigue, whether or not you bought into the glue-huffing guff that this game held a leftist bias pushing an anti-white, anti-American agenda because for the first time in the series the bad guys are an American fanatically religious death cult instead of brown people from imaginary foreign countries, and a myriad of other things I’m probably missing. I’ll say up front that after Primal and a bunch of other bullshit from Ubisoft between now and the infamous ‘women are too hard to animate’ thing I was pretty much done with the series and Ubisoft as a whole. Then the launch trailer for Far Cry 5 dropped and, having grown up in a dead gold mining community chock-full of racist loonies not unlike the one depicted in the fictional Hope County, my interest immediately peaked.

See, the Far Cry games have a strange pattern to them. No game is perfect, but the Far Cry games stand out in that they have one glaring flaw that mars an otherwise damn good game. Far Cry 3 is held aloft as when the series peaked, and for good reason, but the main character was irredeemably unlikable and the main charismatic villain just up and vanishes from the halfway point in the game. Far Cry 4, or Far Cry 3 2 as some call it, fixed the villain problem but the main character was just dull. Primal was...not good, with a boring lead, a boring villain, and an overall boring game. Sure, Blood Dragon was a ton of fun, but part of the charm was that it was completely self-aware of its’ own absurdity and the characters from the hero to the villain weren’t characters so much as they were walking punchlines.

So how does Far Cry 5 compare? Well, when it comes to story, setting, and gameplay, it’s a step up from Far Cry 4 in some ways, blows Primal out of the water, but has its’ own issues and hang-ups that don’t quite make it live up to Far Cry 3. That’s the short version, anyway. The long version?

Let’s start with graphics, location, and aesthetics. Far Cry 5 looks fucking beautiful.

I’m not kidding, everything from the wild lands, the forests, the mountains, the lakes and rivers, the settlements, everything in Far Cry 5 is absolutely gorgeous. It’s not quite up there with Breath of the Wild or Horizon: Zero Dawn in sheer style and detail, but it’s pretty damn close. More often than not I found myself forgetting about the mission and spending a lot of time exploring, hunting, and trying to take in the sights. More on the ‘trying’ part in a bit. The atmosphere sucks you right in, everything from the chirping birds and buzzing bees making the world feel alive. Exploring the woods and hearing cultist singing and chanting far off in the distance, especially at night, is legitimately terrifying. Wildlife always plays a key role in the Far Cry games and this is no exception, from docile deer to the always pleasant wolverine providing plenty of opportunities for hunting. Just don’t get skunked.

The game takes place in Hope County, a fictional region in rural Montana. Now I’ve never actually been to Montana, but I did grow up in Washington state and I can’t help but notice many similarities. The woods, the rivers, the god damned apple farms, exploring Hope County felt like I was going home again. Sometimes not for the better, but that’s neither here nor there. In any case, Hope County is beautifully detailed, from the farms to forest to the interiors of the (ugh...) Spread Eagle bar to the small hunting cabins out in the woods. Hats off to the artists and environmental designers for Far Cry 5, because they manage to tell more story about the world and characters with just a ransacked pumpkin farm and a dog mourning his dead owners than Square Enix and Konami ever could with a 20 minute cutscene and a dictionary’s worth of dialogue for each character.

Speaking of characters, the Far Cry games are loaded with memorable characters and the locals of Hope County are no exception. Returning character Hurk is back and as redneck-y as ever, and it turns out Hope County is his home. We also meet members of his family, like his pyromaniac cousin Sharky, his promiscuous mother Adelaide and her boyfriend Xander who’s roughly 1/3rd her age, and his racist conspiracy theorist gun-hoarding father Hurk Sr. No wonder he’s so messed up.

But Hurk and his folks aren’t the only people you meet, as the game is packed to the brim with memorable characters that you either love or love to hate, from lovable country boy Nick Rye and half-feral huntress Jess Black to the cartoonishly evil Seed family. More on them in a minute. Oh, and you get a pet bear named Cheeseburger.

Combat and gunplay is as tight as ever, and vehicle control is so smooth it gives Grand Theft Auto a run for its’ money. The soundtrack is pretty damn good, featuring a good mix of licensed and original music and songs. To the surprise of nobody my favorite is the one that plays during the stunt missions.

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Leveling and character progress has been streamlined a bit. You upgrade your skills not by gaining experience, but by completing in-game challenges and finding ‘perk magazines’ that, you guessed it, give you points to unlock...well, perks. Some may not like that, but in my opinion it makes sense because if you gained experience just by killing stuff you’d reach level 50 before your first boss fight. Things like bigger ammo bags and extra weapon holsters are no longer unlocked by animal skins but through perks, and said said skins are now exclusively a form of making money.

So that about covers it for the good, and now it’s time for the bad. The streamlining I just brought up both helps and hurts the game. On one hand it does make progressing a lot less tedious, but on the other hand it does take away a lot of what makes Far Cry stand out from other typical shooters. It feels less like they were trimming the fat and more like they were cutting corners. For starters, areas that contain loot only contain ammo, crafting components, and sometimes money. There’s no more animations for skinning animals, harvesting plants, looting corpses, or even your character opening doors. That’s not so bad, but I really miss how dynamic and, as much as I’ve grown to detest this word, cinematic meeting new characters in previous games were. Take a look at this scene in Far Cry 4 when you meet Longinus, easily one of the highlights of the game.

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And here’s what happens when you meet Sharky in Far Cry 5. (MINOR SPOILERS)

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See the difference? Now one can argue that meeting new characters in real time saves some...well, time and is considerably less pretentious, but it just isn’t as interesting. Far Cry 5 still has plenty of scripted cutscenes, but again, they’ve been stripped down to the bone.

Now remember what I said earlier about trying to take in the sights? This game is packed to the fucking gills with enemy NPCs. Now previous Far Cry games had plenty of enemies as well but this went way overboard to the point that you can’t walk or drive 50 feet before running into a convoy or roadblock or whatever. I speak no hyberbole when I say that by the time you’ve liberated your first region, you’ll have killed more cultists than there are people currently living in real-life Montana as well as hunted and skinned more wolves, cougars, and bears than there are wolves, cougars, and bears currently populating the US west coast. Also, in what universe can a fucking turkey pose a legitimate threat to humans!? Does Far Cry occupy the same universe as fucking South Park?

The story of Far Cry 5 is pretty straight forward, but it definitely feels like there’s some pretty big pieces missing from it. This isn’t just me, critics and players across the board agree that it feels like something was cut from the game at the last minute. This is especially true for the endings, but more on that in a bit. I can’t help but feel that the writers and developers had a lot more to say about racism, gender roles and the enforcement thereof, gun violence and gun culture in America, sexism, religious zealotry, far-right extremism, and of course this tire fire of a presidential administration, because the pieces for all of that are still there. A handful of NPCs mention gender roles for a hot second, several of the guns for hire make disparaging remarks about Trump, the symbol of Eden’s Gate strongly resembles the same symbol the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacist groups use, Hurk’s dad is a caricature of far-right ideals purposefully exaggerated for ridicule and contempt, and there’s even a mission where you meet up with another returning character to find Trump’s pee-tape.

All of the elements are there, but the game says almost nothing about any of it. Why?

When the first trailer for the game dropped it was around the same time Wolfenstein II: the New Colossus was close to release and the same mouth-breathing shitheels who screamed about how killing Nazis in Wolfenstein was pushing an anti-white, anti-conservative agenda did the same thing for Far Cry 5. My guess is that the PR guys at Ubisoft saw the oxygen-thieving wastes of space screaming about how the game was “anti-white SJW propaganda” and then panicked and removed huge chunks of the game so as not to alienate any racist shitheads who may want to buy it. Not only does the game say almost nothing about any of the themes and elements that I mentioned earlier, but the cult of Eden’s Gate is multi-racial and gendered where most of the guys have long hair and hipster beards and all the women barring Faith Seed have short hair and buzz cuts. It’s really jarring and feels like something that was added at the last minute, as the male cultists all sound the same and the female cultists say hardly anything at all.

That brings us to the player character; they’re aren’t a character, they’re an avatar and silent protagonist. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it feels strange. Especially when you play as a female, which I did. Now the character creation itself is fine, especially with the wide variety of outfits, but the rest is pretty bare bones. More to the point, it’s painfully obvious they designed the game with a male lead in mind and then added a gender-switch as an afterthought. Almost everyone in the game refers to you by male pronouns (which to be fair I call my ladyfriends ‘dude’ all the time) but there are a few scenes where you’re found shirtless in the game. Now call me old-fashioned, but I’d have a bit stronger of a reaction than “Oh, you startled me” if I woke up to some weirdo carving the word ‘wrath’ into my tits! I have a sneaking suspicion that they added a gender switch at the last minute because someone reminded them of the time they looked like lazy idiots for claiming your customizable assassin in Assassin’s Creed: Unity couldn’t be a woman because women were too hard to animated.

And now, let’s finally talk about the Seed Family.

We have the leader Joseph Seed, the trainer and disgraced soldier Jacob, the sadistic second in command John, and the seductress Faith. The Far Cry games are known for their charismatic villains and the seeds are no exception, and especially gripping because the second you meet any single one of them you immediately want them dead. The only problem is that, again, they’re so cartoonishly evil that the more you see them the more you want to shove them crotch-first into the mouth of a hungry grizzly bear. Vaas was always one step ahead of you and constantly in your face and Pagan Min was so suave and charming that you kind of wanted to see where he was going with it all.

Not the case with the seeds. When you see them they immediately piss you off, and the more you see them they just keep pissing you off because they keep hiding behind doors, cronies, hallucinations, or plot devices. And hey, that’s fine. As long as you get to shove the barrel of a shotgun right into their mouth and spatter their brains all over the walls of their church then who cares, right?

....

So, let’s talk about the endings of the game.

Once you’ve liberated all three regions of Hope County by killing John, Jacob, and Faith, you return to the main cult compound to arrest Joseph once again. However, once you get there and cuff him you step outside to find your allies under the brainwashing influence of the drug Bliss and a boss fight ensues. When you knock your allies out and revive them, they snap out of their Bliss-induced stupor and turn on Joseph, and once you’ve freed all of them Joseph drops like a hot rock. When Joseph is down and the day is won...this happens.

....no, really.

Right the fuck out of nowhere a nuke lands somewhere in the outskirts of Hope County and you scramble to escape, and pretty soon you black out and wake up in a bunker chained to a bed with Joseph hovering over you saying that you’ll be his first new recruit in the cult. All the allies you previously made die as Hope County is wiped off the map and the game ends, not even giving you a continuation like previous games did and rendering every single thing you did up to this point totally and utterly meaningless.

Now some people have defended this, including the developers, saying that there are radio broadcasts in-game talking about how tensions are raising in Russia and North Korea. I spent hours driving around in the game listening to the radio and I heard no such thing, but if they’re indeed there then this only furthers my suspicion that this was a last-minute change because of the backlash from racist shitbirds and wasn’t the ending the writers and developers originally intended.

For starters, the escalating tensions between Russia, the US, and North Korea aren’t mentioned anywhere else in the game except in the radio broadcasts (which again, I never heard) and despite the Seeds going on and on about “the collapse” we never get any idea of what the collapse is until the end of the game. It’s not even a convincing depiction of a nuke going off! Just some burning trees and a few animals dropping dead as you make your escape with Joseph in tow and neither of you having so much as a sunburn. If this ending was what they planned from the start then they would have went all out, showing in graphic detail the horrors of a nuclear holocaust. How much of a gut-punch would it have been to see Nick Rye hug his wife and newborn daughter just before the skin is blasted off their bones like that scene in Terminator 2 that made me avoid mesh fences for two fucking years? Or Jess run one of her own arrows through her heart to spare herself an agonizing death? Or hell, Hurk, one of the few returning characters in Far Cry, desperately begging the player for help as his face melts off his skull? That would have hit players and hit players hard and people, myself included, wouldn’t be bitching about how out of nowhere and shit the ending is! And that’s to say nothing of the idea of North Korea wasting one of the handful of nukes they have on rural fucking Montana! Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, Ubisoft, how fucking stupid do you think we are!?

...okay, fair enough. But still!

Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Well, damn, that’s grim. Anyway, what’s the good ending like?”

That IS the good ending.

No, I’m not even kidding. Despite the end scenario being Doctor Strangelove by way of Deliverance (and no, that’s not me being snarky, the game references the movie by playing “We’ll Meet Again” during the final cutscene) that’s the good ending because you, the player, are still alive. The bad ending is that after you arrest Seed and see your friends and allies under the influence of Bliss, you’re given the option to let him go and walk away. You then then your Bliss-induced allies walk with Joseph peacefully into the church and then leave with the same three people, in which they get into a car and leave while chatting about getting the army involved and taking Seed out once and for all. One of them then turns on the radio, the song “Only You” plays, and a red haze takes over the screen just before the credits roll heavily implying that you succumbed to the brainwashing drug (which you’re exposed to several times in the game) and either attacked or killed the people you spent the time in the game trying to save. Either way, each ending renders your actions completely and utterly meaningless.

Why did they do this? Well, partially because the Far Cry writers really love the “There is no objective good or evil, everything and everyone is equally terrible” cliche and they assume everyone else does too, but once again I have no doubt in my mind that the ‘good’ ending wasn’t the original ending and was in fact a last-minute change to appease angry racists in order to not alienate what Ubisoft thinks is their core demographic. What a bucket of cocks.

Final Thoughts

Now despite the endings being complete and utter hot garbage that renders all your actions meaningless, there’s still plenty of fun to be had in Far Cry 5. The combat is satisfying, base jumping and flying around never gets old, the characters are great, and despite chickening out on the themes introduced it’s still a plenty serviceable story. It won’t be winning any awards anytime soon, and if you’re looking for some post-2016 return of the Nazis catharsis then I’d go with Wolfenstein II: the New Colossus instead, but there’s still plenty fun to be had exploring the beautiful wilds of Northwest America while gunning down religious nutjobs, hunting dangerous game, and completing side-quests from uprooting doomsday prepper bunkers to making a bull testicle cook-off to raise morale possible.

B-

A solid B-

#Far Cry #Far Cry 5 #Ubisoft #review #Nick Rye #Jess Black #Cheeseburger #Joseph Seed #John Seed #Jacob Seed #Faith Seed #testy festy

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emionadventure-blog · 6 years

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South Korea’s Culture Capital

So, I know when I last left you, I was at orientation in Daegu, but we need to backtrack a little bit to talk about our field trip to Andong, a region an hour and half away from Daegu and a place etched indelibly on my mind.

Andong looks like what you would imagine quintessential rural, mountainous Korea would look. Lush green mountainscapes juxtaposed with green rice field valleys and tiny buildings dotted in between.

On the agenda for the day; visit a traditional paper factory and make paper, have lunch at a traditional restaurant, go to a mask museum and decorate mask keychains, and then spend the rest of the time wandering an ancient village frozen in time.

First came the paper factory. Korean traditional paper is known as hanji paper, made from the paper mulberry and, unlike other asian paper techniques, is unique in that the plant fibers are undiluted by other materials. The process remains mostly unchanged from the way Koreans have been doing it for thousands of years, with the exemption of metal presses and hot water dryers instead of stone and wood.

The paper is incredibly thin and light, and the people making are so quick you would think the paper would tear. We also got a chance to practice making our own, so make sure to check my Youtube video to see that in action! This place did not give me the impression that it was easy to find or visit by foreign tourists, which made the experience that much more special.

After the tour of the Hanji factory, we went to lunch at a traditional Korean restaurant. We all removed our shoes at the door and sat on the floor at low tables, and let me tell you...just thinking about the spread makes me salivate.

It was communal style, with everyone at the table sharing the dishes in the center but keeping their own bowl of rice. And the views that accompanied dinner were almost as delicious as the meal itself. Almost.

Next was the mask museum and keychain making, but honestly I was most anxious to walk around the village. Hahoe cultural village is a UNESCO world heritage sight whose residents have all agreed to continue living the traditional way in traditional homes, which, given Koreans’ love of high rise apartments and the fact that many of these kinds of villages were decimated during the Korean War, is an impressive fact.

We only got to spend one hour here, and I seriously feel robbed. The village is on the bank of a river with twisting, wandering pines separating the village proper from the park-like walk towards the water, Stone cliffs rise from the opposite side, providing an epic backdrop to small tiled homes surrounded by low walls.

It felt like a storybook almost, with cicadas singing in the heat and small paths meandering through rice fields. Flowers grew in unexpected places and blew in the summer breeze, and people were sitting out on their porches, lazily fanning away the heat and commenting in Korean about how many people had just descended on the village. Honestly even if my experience with EPIK is terrible (which I doubt will happen) it was still worth it, if just for this trip and the experiences I had during orientation and the friends from all over the world I made.

Until the next adventure,

Emi

#andong #south korea #hahoe cultural village #unesco #hanji paper #hanji #epik program #EPIK #travel life #travel blog

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vannidajoaneblog · 4 years

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Melbourne 2019

I’ve been to Sydney, Brisbane and now off to another popular place down under. Yes, I’ve been to Australia a lot! My latest trip was in Melbourne this time.

Sorry for the very late blog post. Fourteen days plus two more for a cancelled flight back home is not an easy trip to microblog. The best thing I can do is provide the most concise paragraph and just mesmerize you with the photos.

Anyways, here we go!

Tullamarine

Direct flight from Manila to Melbourne via Cebu Pacific (not highly recommended). I arrived in Tullamarine - aka Melbourne Airport (MEL). From there, I met my high school bestfriend Cindy is responsible for my trip.

Skybus

Off to the City Centre. The most convenient way to travel between the airport is by taking the SkyBus Express Airport Transfers. It is a double-decker bus that runs for 24 hours (varying frequencies throughout the day). The journey lasts 30-45 minutes. Riding this will give you a great view of Melbourne.

Travel Essentials

First thing’s first - get your transportation card. If Sydney has the Opal Card and Brisbane has Translink Go Card, Melbourne has Myki. It is your ticket to travel on trains, trams and buses in the City and many parts of regional Victoria. You can easily buy it at a station and top up at a huge range of shops (including all 7-Eleven stores), Myki machines and station ticket offices.

Southern Cross Station

From the airport via Skybus, we arrived at the Southern Cross Station. This is one of Australia’s most popular destinations - all sorts of enticing things you will see - cafes, restaurants, etc. I think it is a melting pot of people coming from every nation, speaking different languages.

It is actually the most preferred station for various distances and directions from the centre of Melbourne is just a straight-forward train ride away from here, providing perfect day trips for the savvy traveller.

MELBOURNE’S COUNTRYSIDE

Bird Feeding - Dandenong Ranges

From the City, down to the countryside - just like any other places in Australia, I started my trip by feeding them birdies. Melbourne also offers a variety of birdwatching niches to explore.

#BirdBite

Tesselaar Tulip Festival

Then off to somewhere I’ve never been before - Tesselaar Tulip Festival. This festival began in 1954. Held over four weeks. It offers various themed days and weekends including Turkish, Dutch, Food, Wine & Jazz and Irish along with eight days packed with school holiday fun.

When all the tulips are in bloom, there are nearly one million tulips on display. There are 130 varieties of tulips at the farm, so you could literally spend hours ogling and taking photos of them and their kaleidoscope of colours.

Orlinda Heritage Walk

Then we passed by the charming village of Olinda found at the highest part in the Dandenong Ranges. It has craft shops, antique stores, boutiques and cafés. It is renowned for its European influence and features a selection of German- and French-style restaurants and enjoy some of the region’s local produce.

St Paul’s Cathedral

Now off to the City the next day. First off is the St. Paul’s Cathedral. It is located at the opposite of the Federation Square, on Melbourne's busiest intersection.

This neo-Gothic St. Paul’s Cathedral is a Melbourne landmark, built between 1880 and 1931. Designed by William Butterfield, the cathedral’s architecture is described as Gothic transitional, combining Early English and Decorative Gothic styles. Highlights include the fine polychromatic brickwork, beautifully patterned floor tiles and mosaics, banded stonework, fine timbered roof and tiled dado walls.

Graffitti

Your city trip will not be complete without going through these alleyways where you will find awesome graffiti. Artists change it every now and then.

In these alleyways, just say “pssssst!” and they will turn around and look at your camera.. lol!

Footy Weekend

It doesn’t take long to see how much the locals love sport in Australia, especially in Melbourne. They would even consider it as a holiday.

Australians love a huge number of different sports, including cricket, soccer, rugby union, rugby league and basketball, but nothing quite matches their passion for Australian Rules Football. Originating in where else - Melbourne Victoria, it has spread around the country.

PINOY COMMUNITY

Sunday Church & Community Services

It was nice to be adopted by a Pinoy group for two weeks. They still carries Filipino culture and tradition even if they are in a foreign country.

Fratelli

But then we ate at an Italian restaurant :) Your trip will never be complete without a trip to an Italian restaurant here. Melbourne has a big Italian influence.

Frankston Pier

Frankston Pier has always been a popular fishing destination along Port Phillip Bay. The pier offers a good range of fishing species for anglers all year round. You just have to deal with the birds and the crows.

Lexie

Coming from Dubai is another best friend. This trip is sort of a reunion after the last one we had in Dubai. We just like meeting up in different parts of the world. Sleep over in her place is the first agenda :)

Grilld

Back to the city. Just along the Southern Cross station, you will find Grilld. It is a self-proclaimed 'gourmet burger' franchise Grill'd rolled into hipster laneways and streets across the country. If you want a change from the usual KFC, Hungry Jacks or Maccas, Grilld offers hand-crafted burgers made with high quality ingredients and interesting flavour combinations.

Grocery

Before sleeping over at Lexie’s, we did some grocers. Of course my fave Honey Soy Chicken Chips.

Just Chill Indoors

Taking a break from all the traveling and sightseeing. It is so nice to just have a chill day and have a movie marathon and do some laundry.

Deakin University

The main reason why we came to Melbourne - to witness my HS bestfriend walk on stage and graduate at Deakin University. Stage bestfriends. It was an experience witnessing a graduation in a foreign country. Best part is the post-ceremony function :)

Great Ocean Road Arch

Off to the Twelve Apostles. Our first stop was the Memorial Arch, which is located just past the city of Torquay. The arch is a symbolic monument as it represents the gateway to the Great Ocean Road. Not only that, but the Memorial Arch also represents a piece of history. It pays homage to the soldiers who survived World War I and built the Great Ocean Road. If you’re an avid history geek, there are actually a handful of plaques on-site which you can read up on.

Oorla Lodge Forrest

Because we arrived almost night time, we had to stop over at the Oorla-Lodge Forrest. It is situated at quiet residential street. Surrounding the area are cool waterfalls, lakes, dams and rivers. We just spent the night chilling at the lounge room over a wood fire and did movie marathon.

Platypi Chocolate Factory

The next day, in Victoria's Otway region, we visited was the Platypi Chocolate in Forrest. It is located on the township mountain bike and walking trailhead, Platypi Chocolate is a great place to break a trip, finish a walk or ride or start a leisurely day. You can sit amongst the trees and enjoy a hot chocolate that comes with a little theatre; sip a wine or an iced chocolate while listening to the birds sing; look for a real life echidna from the balcony while munching a honeycomb-filled chocolate variety.

Stevensons Falls Walk

There is a lot of bushwalking you can do in AU and one of them is walking towards Stevenson’s Falls. These falls are located at the end of a gravel road approx 6 kms from Barramunga. The valley has a campground available from the day picnic area. You can have the 500metre walk on a graded trail.

Port Campbell National Park

The Port Campbell National Park is a national park in the south-western district of Victoria, Australia. It features an array of sheer cliffs overlooking offshore islets, rock stacks, gorges, arches, and blow-holes. As part of the Shipwreck Coast, it hosts several tourist attractions; including The Twelve Apostles, the London Arch (formerly London Bridge), Loch Ard Gorge, the Gibson Steps, and The Grotto.

Twelve Apostles

The Twelve Apostles were formed by erosion. Their proximity to one another has made the site a popular tourist attraction. The harsh and extreme weather conditions from the Southern Ocean gradually eroded the soft limestone to form caves in the cliffs, which then become arches that eventually collapse, leaving rock stacks. These massive limestone structures tower 45 metres above the ocean and were formed some 20 million years ago as the sea gradually eroded the soft craggy limestone cliffs.

Though the view from the promontory by the Twelve Apostles never included twelve stacks. Seven of the original eight stacks remain standing at the Twelve Apostles viewpoint, after one collapsed in July 2005.

Loch Ard Gorge

Loch Ard Gorge is amazing and only a few minutes drive west of The Twelve Apostles. It was one of the most stunning beaches on the Great Ocean Road

Loch Ard Gorge is named after the ship Loch Ard, which ran aground on nearby Muttonbird Island at the end of a three-month journey from England to Melbourne.

Take the stairs down to the beach and sit in wonder. And there are three easy walks you can take to discover the area and getting viewpoints.

The London Arch (Bridge)

London Arch was formed by a gradual process of erosion, and originally was a complete double-span and was attached to the mainland.

The arch closer to the shoreline collapsed unexpectedly in 1990 leaving two tourists stranded on the outer part until they were rescued by a helicopter. Prior to the collapse, the arch was known as London Bridge because of its similarity to its namesake.

The Grotto

The Grotto is perhaps the most enchanting of all the rock formations in this part of Australia. Part-blowhole, part-archway, part-cave, it offers a peaceful place to enjoy the sea views and soak in the wonderful things nature is capable of.

Standing about halfway up the cliff from the sea level, the geological formation is reachable via a decked staircase that leads down from the viewing platform at the top. You can either view the wonder from above, or head down and explore it at eye-level.

Inside, the Grotto is filled with smooth boulders and serene rock pools that have been carved out of the limestone. For the best view, look into the Grotto from the lower viewing platform, where you can see the horizon, the pools, and the jutting rock formations in one go.

San Remo Coastal Circuit

San Remo is the gateway to Phillip Island, a lively seaside town where fishing and dining options abound and pelicans keep watch along the foreshore. Yes, it was my first time to see some Pelicans. The town of San Remo sits at the end of the bridge connecting Phillip Island to the mainland.

If you love yourself some good ol’ fish and chips, San Remo Fisherman’s Co-op serves up some of the best fish and chips in the area. We bought some before heading over to Phillip Island.

Phillip Island

Located a few hours from the city, Phillip Island is a weekend hot spot for locals looking to enjoy some beach time. The island is renowned for the nightly penguin parade (when thousands of penguins return from the sea to nest), its koala sanctuary, and the huge seal colony that lives offshore. The island can be visited as a day trip, but due to infrequent buses, I would recommend spending at least a night here!

Panny’s Chocolate Factory

Panny’s Amazing World of Chocolate is a series of experiences, each dedicated to another facet of the story of chocolate. Visitors embark on a self guided exploration of the wonders that come from the humble cocoa bean.

There are machines with buttons to push and levers to pull, games of skill, lots of chocolate exhibitions and attractions and a unique hands-on chocolate making device where you create your own chocolate masterpiece that travels along a conveyor belt and is delivered to you, ready to eat. You can learn everything about chocolate making from the bean to the bar and watch Panny’s creations being made by our chocolatiers.

On top of all this, you can produce your very own extraordinary chocolate bar with Panny’s Amazing Chocolate Machine and fill it with the weirdest and wackiest tastes you’re ever likely to find.

Philip Island Koala Conservation Sanctuary

A trip to the land down under can’t possibly be complete without seeing some koalas. Just a 15-minute drive away from Churchill Island is Phillip Island’s very own Koala Reserve. Here, you can get up close to and observe the koalas in their natural habitat, the Australian bushland. Along these boardwalks, you will have exceptional views and exclusive photo opportunities with the koalas. Not only that, but if you’re lucky, you might even get to spot some adorable wallabies and native birds!

The Noobies :)

The Nobbies is a must visit. Next to the Nobbies centre is a boardwalk. It is a short and easy walk with only a few steps and you are welcomed with some amazing views of Point Grant, Seal Rocks and Bass Straight… From the spectacular view of the boardwalk, you will see nesting penguins in the natural sea bird gardens.

Offshore from The Nobbies are Seal Rocks, home to Australia’s largest Australian Fur Seal colony, so drop a coin into the viewing binoculars and see how many you can spot.

Watching the waves pound against the 50 million year old dark basalt rocks is simply mesmerising and a bold reminder of how formidable Mother Nature really is spectacular!

Melbourne CBD

Back to the City to see more of Melbourne’s Sights and Sounds. First, a drop by to the Post Office to deliver something and the rest.. Just walking around. Here’s more:

The City Circle Tram

More than just a means of free transportation, the City Circle Tram provides “hop-on, hop-off” service between Melbourne’s sightseeing attractions, including Federation Square, the Old Treasury Building, Parliament House, and the Princess Theater. There’s a running recorded commentary as you pass or stop at a place of historical, cultural, or architectural significance.

Flinders Street

Right along the route of the free City Circle train and across the street from Flinders Street Station lies Federation Square. This open square also serves up stellar people-watching. I like to take lunch here and just watch the city go by. Below the square on the river are also a number of restaurants and outdoor bars.

Brunetti

State Library of Victoria

Originally built in 1856, the State Library of Victoria is a historic institution that sees 8 million visitors a year. The library has grown into an event space that’s a source of pride for city residents. There is always a queue of people ready to pounce on the open desks. The famous central rotunda with its octagonal shape, original dark wood furniture, and book-lined walls is definitely something not to miss.

Just fixing my baggage

The highlight of my trip was when my flight was canceled. I had to stay in Melbourne for a couple of days more. It was stressful but I just tried to enjoy the free accommodation and food. Anyways, cant really rely on Cebu Pac when it comes to long haul flights, I decided to book Qantas Air on my way back to Manila.

Between all the various day trips and the plethora of activities in the city, you won’t find yourself short on things to do while you’re visiting Melbourne.

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wtfranjo · 6 years

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< Mini-sode 95.5.5.5.5.5

“Breathe it in, Stevie!” I shout once again upon seeing my landlord approach the Geen Rook Nie building, with Chappie plodding dutifully along beside him.

“What am I smelling this time?” He asks.

“The smell of change, my friend!” I cry triumphantly. “Change is in the air this Summer, believe you me. Starting with this.” I hand him a brand new Santos FC 2020/21 Home Shirt.

“Ah, cheers bru”, he says, looking impressed. “This the new one, yeah?” I nod, very pleased with myself. He looks at the back. “Couldn’t get me ‘Koala 1’ on the back, no?”

“Give it back”, I say immediately. “We had a deal, bru. I get you a shirt and match tickets, bru, and you memorise Joseph Ekwalla’s name, bru. And he’s obviously not number 1, he’s a pissing midfielder, bru!”

“You’re overusing bru, bru” he grins, putting the shirt on over his old bootleg one. “Very nice”, he says, looking down to admire his new jersey. “So what else has changed?”

Ah, what else indeed.

It won’t surprise you to learn that after all of my whinging about a lot of the Santos players last year, the very first thing on my agenda is clearing out all the dead wood. When Santos fans speak of this Summer in the future they’ll call it The Great Cull of 2020. I try to stay as cold and objective as possible, and promptly transfer list left back Aiden Jenniker, right back Moe, attacking midfielder Sullie and young centre back Lindani Ntombayithethi, along with striker Emil Sambou and centre back Issouf Paro. Taking out of the equation my desire to get those 2 fit again after their respective serious injuries and looking purely at what Emil and Issouf offered us before the Winter Break, they need to go. Neither of them are good enough for the Santos team I want us to be. They’re both on schedule to be fit in time for pre-season anyway so it is without guilt that I offer them around. After all, we’re only allowed 5 foreign players and I might need their spots. The last player I offer around is young number 10 Sakhile Maloka, who spent the second half of last season out on loan at Future Tigers. He’s OK, but to be honest we’ve got better young players coming through so a move will be best for everyone. Sparingly used right winger Saileg Richards will be released with some of the youth players once his contract expires, as I don’t see too much potential in him.

I spend the next few days, while I wait for the Chairman to let me know what kind of budget I’ll have to work with, negotiating offers for Jenniker, Moe and Paro, but all of the interested parties seem to want me to pay the majority of these players’ wages after their move, which makes the whole “move” part kind of pointless doesn’t it. If I wanted to pay their wages I’d bloody keep them wouldn’t I, SuperSport. In the end though I do accept a £32k bid from Maritzburg United for Moe and a £17k bid from Baroka FC for Paro.

It does seem that Moe is quite a popular figure in the dressing room though and within the week I’ve got the makings of a mini-mutiny on my hands with his allies demanding to know why I’m getting rid of him. “Because he’s shit” is my primary argument, but they start being all difficult and in the end I have to tell the rebels to get out and mind their own business.

Speaking of rebels, we have an unconventional contract rebel in my Assistant Manager, or Assistant to the Manager, Keith America. Keith feels that he’s outgrown this tinpot club and wants to move onto pastures new. To be fair, out of all my assistant managers he’s been the most forgettable. Even Roger was an idiot but at least I remember his name. Keith’s been largely irrelevant and I’ve already forgotten about him by the time he’s left the car park. His replacement will be Jakub Kalinkowski from Poland. As well as being the best man for the job, I also think that as a stalwart of Polish football he can teach me a thing or 2 to make me better equipped as a Manager… Like how to stay in Polish football for more than a year without crying yourself to sleep every night.

So what do we need? Taking the players that I’ve transfer listed out of the equation, these are the footballers I consider to be in my thoughts for the new season:

Goalkeepers: Komo, Dino Visser

Defenders: Nathan Gertse, Philani Cele, Gary Havenga, Juno, Siyabonga Zulu

Midfielders: Joseph Ekwalla, Marothi Diale, Sinbad, Gugu Gogotya, Ryan Moon, Karabo Noqazo, Sony Norde, Luke Fanteni, Frans Ndlovu, Sello Japhta, Manqoba Cele

Strikers: Carl Lark, Ernie, Thembinkosi Maluka

Because I’m not sure that I’ve mentioned them before, Karabo Noqazo is a versatile young anti-winger and Frans Ndlovu is a decent young playmaker, both from our academy. So all of the players in the above list are in my thoughts either because they proved themselves worthy last year of making the first team squad (eg Joseph Ekwalla/Carl Lark), they haven’t absolutely infuriated me with their attitude or their ability (Like Moe/Sullie have), or they are fairly happy to be decent backup (eg Dino Visser/Siyabonga Zulu). I like to have a spare player for each position, so by my calculations I need to go out and buy a right back, a left back, at least 1 centre back, preferably 1 or 2 versatile senior attacking players and also a solid second striker, as backup for our front 4 currently consists entirely of academy kids.

And then comes the news I’ve been waiting for. Goolam Allie drops by my office and tells me that our new wage and transfer budgets are £32k per week and £103k respectively. I actually find it quite difficult to see Goolam after that because of the £ signs in my eyes. I reckon I can make that budget work, especially once the fees from my unwanted players come through and their wages are off the books. He does take my feel-good atmosphere down a notch though by adding that he’s had to cancel improvements to the Youth Facilities as we’ve lost about £375k this year. To be fair though I’m not really listening to Goolam at this point. I’m already on my phone, trying to reignite a deal that I desperately tried to close in January – I’m ringing Isaac Sohna’s agent.

It’s a credit to my scouting network that nobody else has picked up Isaac in the last 6 months. His mind and physique could become that of a truly excellent defender, so in my eyes either the other clubs aren’t as familiar with the Cameroonian leagues as my scouts are, or they just don’t see past Isaac’s poor first touch and general technical weaknesses. Isaac accepts my contract as he did in January, but that’s only a tiny part of the battle. We’ll have to wait yet another long month to see whether he’ll get a work permit this time.

So as I did in January, I look for a South African option in case things don’t work out. I like Eliphas Thoahlane and think he was good for us during his loan spell, despite the odd error. I get on the phone to Platinum Stars Manager Danian Wareley and enquire about the availability of the player, whose contract in all fairness was only extended after I tried to nab him on a free 6 months ago. I hang up a few seconds later after Danian informs me that nothing short of £150k will prise Thoahlane away. I think even he knows how ridiculous a price tag that is, so after I calm down I call back and we agree on a year long loan, with the option for us to buy the centre back for £80k. Thoahlane re-signs.

The next thing I know, Moe and Issouf Paro are on their way out with Maritzburg and Baroka respectively. After they’re gone, I enthusiastically accept offers for Jenniker, Sullie and Ntombayithethi. The cull has begun.

I don’t give Sullie a second glance as I wave him a cheery goodbye. He moves to Steenburg United in the 2nd tier. A few days later, Ntombayithethi leaves for Cape Town City. He’s got a decent amount of promise, but I just don’t rate him. The next day though, Aidie Jenniker turns around and flat out refuses to move. He just refuses. This is frustrating news for me as I really want him gone so that I can free up more money for my eventual new signings, but it appears that because of me not wanting to pay most of Aiden’s bloody wage, other interested clubs can’t afford to tempt him away.

Over the next few days a new pitch is laid and bedded in at the Athlone, ready to host the new Santos FC. And also, Jenniker gets another chance to move and he once again refuses. Eventually, with a week of June to go, he does move, following Sullie to Steenburg. I had the bright idea of absolutely ripping them off with my asking price to offset the cost of just conceding and paying a chunk of Aidie’s wage, and it works like a charm.

The next man to be ejected from this great club is Khat. He’s being blasted off into the abyss like the tail section of a rocket, with the rocket in this simile being Santos and the tail section being the ageing Zimbabwean journeyman who’s constantly being played out of position. To be fair to Khat, he did say months ago that he was retiring, but I’m still counting him as cull victim #8.

Sohna’s work permit application is then rejected, which doesn’t entirely shock me, and I appeal the decision as per usual. The next day I’m informed that his work permit application has been rejected once again, and I sign him anyway because life’s too fucking short to be dealing with this every 6 months. Of course he won’t be able to play for us until we do manage to get him a permit, but I’ll loan him out to play a better standard of football than he’s used to (No offence to EPTA) and hopefully he’ll improve and maybe even earn a full call up to the Cameroonian squad, at which point I can probably bring him straight back and get him in my team.

As June ticks over into July and the transfer window opens, all of the players I’ve agreed to sell or release officially move on and Thoahlane and Sohna officially move in. I immediately spread the word that Sohna is available for loan and I’ve never been quite so inundated with phone calls. All in all, we receive loan bids from Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Colombia, Croatia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Finland, Hungary, Israel, Kazakhstan, Paraguay, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, Turkey and Ukraine. Taking into account playing time and the quality of the squad and the league itself, Israeli side Hapoel Ra’anana are the club I choose to take him.

I then take a punt on a couple of attackers that I’ve identified and whose contracts expire in a few months: Augustin Rostand and Ismaïla Diallo. Augustin is a 19 year old full Cameroonian International, having scored twice in 6 appearances for his country. He’s a pacy and strong striker who knows where the net is and is also a set piece specialist, and to top it off he’s got determination to spare. He’s in demand though, with Lierse, Lille, Stade Rennais and Toulouse all interested.

Ismaïla is also a full International with his native Senegal, having played 3 times at the age of 19. He reminds me a little of Isaac Sohna, as he’s not brilliant technically but he has brilliant mental and physical capabilities. Unlike Sohna though he’s an anti-winger who plays on the right. At 6’5″ he’s a handful for opposition full backs and he comes from the Dirk Kuyt school of winger-ing, with exceptional fitness levels, work rate and determination, so he’d certainly add something different on the right.

I’m catching transfer fever at this point, one of the symptoms of which will hopefully turn out to be having a fucking great new squad. I put in a £7k bid for Mandla Masango, a South African who’s spent a couple of weeks on trial with us from Supersport United, and it’s accepted instantly. Mandla’s requested a transfer after only making 8 appearances last season, starting just once, but I reckon he’ll have a place here. He’s exactly what I wanted – An extremely versatile attacker who can play anywhere across midfield or attacking midfield. He’s extremely lightweight and about as good in the air as an aviaphobic ostrich that recently died, but he’s determined and technically very good with some tricks, some pace and a bloody good attitude towards putting in a shift.

While we wait to see if he accepts though, I receive some unwelcome news – Bidvest Wits submit a derisory £115k bid for our star player Joseph Ekwalla. I’m a reasonable man, so instead of outright rejecting the offer I say that he’ll be sold if we receive £1m and half of his next transfer fee. Wits withdraw their offer. Cue the usual rap-rap-rapping on my office door though. Joe is incensed that I didn’t accept the ridiculous offer that Wits coughed up onto the table and he’s adamant that he wants to leave. This puts me in a tricky position as I’ve been hoping since January that he would at some point suddenly want to sign a new contract so that we wouldn’t lose him on a free next year. I think it’s fair to say that Wits’ bid has scuppered that particular dream though, so begrudgingly and with an extremely heavy heart I agree that I’ll sell Joe Ekwalla the next time a bid is made.

Sakhile Maloka is on his way out after I accept a £50k bid from Sundowns, plus the obligatory half of his next fee, and then I set about trying to find a replacement for that snake Ekwalla. I find someone, and if we can pull this off, we might even get an upgrade. Derrick Addo, the boy with the wonkiest afro in African football, is the player I want to bring in. He’s 19 and is a full Ghanaian international, having played 6 times. He’s more of an all round midfielder than Joe and he’s not quite as good a passer, but he’s 6’0″ and well balanced, a good rounded physical presence, a great decision maker and generally a really mature player. He too is out of contract in November, but in an effort to bring him in straight away I submit a £150k bid, which is accepted.

Before Derrick’s even had chance to skim my contract offer, which is extremely generous, his agent gets a phone call. From Genk. For fucks sake. He leaves to consider our offer but I’m not nearly as confident as I was a moment ago.

We need to press on though as we still need to bring in some players, including a right back. Enter Tlou Molekwane. Molekwane is a free agent after being released by Bloem Celtic a few days ago and he’s joined us on trial so that I can take a look at him. Although he’s not that quick at 31 and not that strong in the tackle, I offer him a contract. He’s a spirited hard worker and a decently rounded defender, and even if he isn’t my first choice he’ll be a good character to have in the changing room. Plus, he’s performed very well when called upon by Celtic this season.

The next bid I receive is upwards of £120k for Joseph Ekwalla from Orlando Pirates. After some tough and drawn out negotiations I get them up to £350k and 40% of the profit of Joe’s next sale. If he’s going to be as good as I think he is, that could be a huge windfall for Santos in the future.

Sadly, Ismaïla Diallo rejects our contract and plumps instead for Botoșani in Romania. He would’ve been a good option to have on the right, so I’m pretty disappointed.

We then receive another bid for Joe Ekwalla from those devious bastards at Bidvest Wits, who started this in the first place. They offer more money but with a lesser percentage of his future fee, and Goolam Allie steps in and accepts the bid. I let out a long sigh before launching into a shameful series of expletives, with the main point being that nothing gets my goat more than meddling Chairmen and all he’s doing is cheating himself and the club out of more money in the long run. Allie changes his mind and calls Wits himself to reject the bid. It’s a wise move.

And then finally it’s time to announce our first permanent new signing with a work permit to actually play for us. Tlou Molekwane has joined us for free on a 1 year deal.

But before we can pop the cork out of the champagne we’re brought crashing back down to Earth with the news that Augustin Rostand has rejected us in favour of FC Lorient. It’s fair enough I suppose, but that’s a particularly frustrating one. He’s a brilliant young striker and could’ve done well for us.

Maybe we’ll have more luck with a player that I’ve actually been keeping an eye on since January: Hicham Aidir. Hicham is a 19 year old Moroccan U20 striker currently plying his trade for COD Meknès in his home country, where he scored 13 goals in 19 games last season. He’s a great finisher and an excellent physical specimen, but what really drew my eye to his scouting report is his attitude. He’s very very determined, hard working, team oriented and he’s a bloody great leader. A £40k bid is duly made and a generous contract is offered. Unfortunately though, his agent demands a minimum fee release clause for foreign clubs of £250,000, but as we’d still be making a good profit for a good player I begrudgingly accept.

Orlando Pirates are back again. Not content with having pretty much landed Joseph Ekwalla, they also want young Sakhile Maloka. It’s one of those moments that gives me second thoughts as to whether I should be selling the lad if a club like Orlando want him, but after some thought I negotiate them up to £50k and half of his next fee and accept.

Hapoel Ra’anana have landed themselves a hell of a centre back for the season. Isaac Sohna’s off to Israel to earn himself an International call up and a work permit. Good luck, Isaac.

Next up, we sign Mandla Masango from SuperSport for a paltry £7k. The 30 year old versatile midfielder has excited the fans who see him as one of the best players at the club, so we might have grabbed ourselves a bargain.

Frustratingly though, with every silver lining comes a big black cloud to rain all over my parade. Derrick Addo has agreed to join Genk and I’m getting pretty fucking frustrated in my attempts to bring in young foreign talent.

Sakhile Maloka opts to join Sundowns in the end and I wish him well. He might become a decent player for them and might even earn us a few bob if and when he moves on. Good luck, Sakhile.

The 12th of July is a day that’ll live in infamy in Lansdowne. For me at least. “Fuck off, Joe” day will henceforth be a local holiday on which we remember Joseph Ekwalla, who refused to commit, who refused to honour his contract, and who snubbed the club that put him on the World stage. Sort of. Today he completes his move to Orlando Pirates, so fuck off, Joe. Marothi Diale will be under special instructions to sweep the leg next time we meet.

I just can’t win. I refused to sell Joseph at first and I heard a rap-rap-rapping on my office door. Now I’ve let him go and there’s a rap-rap-rapping on my bloody office door. Many of the squad, including pretty much all of our best players, are unhappy with my decision to let our best midfielder leave, which is probably fair enough. “Never fear” I tell them, smiling and tapping my nose as if I’ve got some sort of plan, “I’ll be replacing Joseph with an even better player”. The players seem excited by that promise, but now I’ve got to actually deliver on it, which as I’ve found out the hard way so far could be more difficult than it sounds. At least the board are happy with my decision to sell Ekwalla though – His sale covers pretty much all of our losses for last season and Goolam and co think that flogging him is a masterstroke.

Anyway, I’ve got a promise to deliver on so there’s no time to dwell on the loss of Ekwalla. I adjust my goggles and dive back into the transfer market, this time for Joël Soumahoro. To put it bluntly, Joël is not Joe. He’s not got the first touch, the passing, the technique, the creativity etc, but he’s still a bloody good young footballer. Primarily a number 10, the 20 year old Ivory Coast U20 International is more in my true mould: Aggressive, determined enough, a good decision maker and team player, and a hard worker. He’s dynamic. If Ekwalla was Pirlo, Soumahoro is Mark Noble. Less glamourous, yes, but can be just as effective in the right team. He’s out of contract at his current Ivorian club, Academie de Foot Amadou Diallo de Djékanou, so I offer him the chance to join a club whose name you can say without having to book a long weekend off work.

While we wait for Joël to make his mind up, the countdown begins on potential new striker Hicham Aidir. While I’m making comparisons, I reckon Hicham can be the Morrocan Alan Shearer and I hope against hope that he gets his work permit. In a month.

Another countdown, this time for the new season, begins when the fixture list is announced. The new look Santos side that I’m struggling to put together will be given a baptism of fire with a trip to our local rivals Ajax Cape Town on the 26th of August. I can’t wait.

A few days later, Soumahoro does agree to join us, which again is great news, but again is tinged by the nagging fear that he won’t be granted a work permit.

Before our trip across town to Ajax CT we’ll play 7 friendlies, starting with our U19’s and our reserves, before building up against lower league South African sides. I don’t manage to arrange any matches against big opposition like I usually like to do though, which is a shame.

Before any of these matches though, we still need players. We’ve brought Thoahlane and Sohna in at centre back, but ideally I’d still like an upgrade, so I launch a £6k bid for another youngster that I’ve had my eye on for a good few months: Mike Kakuba. Mike is my favourite kind of centre back: He’s an absolute wall. The 19 year old, contracted to URA from Uganda, is a full international, already having racked up 11 appearances for Uganda. He’s good defensively, very strong and aggressive, and has some reach in the air, helped by his 6’3″ frame. Also, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a player with such a fantastic mohawk. My offer is accepted and I offer a contract. I’d love to sign Mike to eventually form a partnership with Isaac Sohna, who could be the Koscielny to Kakuba’s Mertesacker.

It doesn’t take Mike long to agree to join the Santos revolution. Another month-long wait begins.

Bloem Celtics try an ambitious loan bid for last season’s PSL 3rd top scorer Carl Lark, which I laugh away, but it’s Maritzburg United’s £13k bid for Nathan Gertse that causes problems. I reject the bid as I consider Gertse one of my best, most consistent and adaptable defenders, so I think nothing of it really, but rap-rap-fucking-rap goes my office door and in he comes, demanding to be allowed to join the team that finished 1 place below us last season. Bemused, I tell him to fill his boots. I’ve never been in a big believer in keeping players against their will as I don’t really see the point. If they consider their time at a club over then it is; You’ll rarely see them play as well for your club as they have before after that decision’s made. I stick Nathan on the transfer list.

We now need another defender then, so let’s solve that problem immediately, shall we? A £7k bid is duly made for SuperSport United’s versatile South African defender Ayanda Nkili. In truth, there’s nothing too special about Ayanda, but he’s an extremely rounded, and extremely versatile defender to a decent standard, able to play anywhere across defence, as a holding man or a central midfielder. He’s pretty good physically, at 29 is experienced enough to offer us something and is mentally my kind of hard working player. I offer a contract, which I’ve done so many times so far this Summer that I think I’m in danger of giving myself an RSI.

The man that Ayanda is replacing, Nathan Gertse, might really be regretting his decision. 2nd tier side Steenburg United make a bid and I negotiate them up to £30k before accepting. Let this be a lesson to the rest of the squad – The grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is covered in dog shit and fire.

He’d better go though because Ayanda has officially arrived. Already with him and Molekwane we have a lot more quality, experience and mental fortitude in our back line. We just need another left back now.

Here’s a thought though… What if I don’t need to buy another left back? I know the whole Sello Japhta experiment didn’t go swimmingly last season, but I think I want to give him a proper try as a left wing back. If he can fill that gap then we’ll gain another dimension going forwards, but we’ll probably need another winger. It’s time for our friendlies, so he starts at full back against the Under 19’s. All in all it’s a decent first game back. I let most of the unused players play for the U19’s except for Phil Cele and Carl Lark who aren’t fit enough to start, and they give us a decent match that we win 3-1, thanks to goals from Ernie, an own goal and Ryan Moon. Young winger Karabo Noqazo gets the goal for the youngsters.

The clock’s really ticking now that the friendlies have begun. I still think we could use another attacking midfielder so I offer a contract to 19 year old Cameroon International Mouhamadou Ekedi. This deal’s a bit rushed as time’s running out for us to sign foreign players before the transfer window shuts in just over a month, so my scouts don’t know everything about the lad, but he looks like he’s worth rolling the dice for. He’s got a pretty good first touch and fits into my determined, hard working, good decision making mould, as well as being lightning fast and extremely physically fit.

While we wait once again to see whether Ekedi’s going to join, we play out another friendly with a slightly different lineup, but Sello Japhta still at wing back, where I’ve decided he’ll play every single minute he can this pre season to get him comfortable. Again we play a Santos B team and beat them 2-0, a task made easier after Siyabonga Zulu forgets the meaning of the word friendly and scythes down Ryan Moon 25 minutes in, earning himself a red. Moon gets the opening goal a few minutes later and is joined on the score sheet by King Carl a further few minutes on.

Nathan Gertse is substituted for the reserves in the 2nd half, which is the last we’ll see of him in a Santos shirt. It’s a shame really, but when a player’s ambition is to drop down a division for no apparent reason, he’s not a player that I want around. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out, Nathan.

Our next friendly pits us against Mother City, yet another Cape Town football club from the Western Cape Division 3. They’re named after Cape Town itself, thought to be known as The Mother City after the City was described as a Metropolis (Derived from the Greek words metros, meaning mother, and polis, meaning city) in the 30’s, a description that stuck in the public mind. Anyway my boys thump them 5-1, with 2 goals from King Carl added to by Manqoba Cele, Sony Norde and Ryan Moon.

After the match I’m greeted by the news that Ekedi has agreed to join us, which I’ll celebrate or not in exactly 1 month’s time. 2 players that have signed though are Komo and Ernie, whose contracts were due to run out at the end of the upcoming season. They both get 1 year extensions.

And while we’re talking about him, I’ve got a rather unusual bombshell to drop about our young goalkeeper. The time has come to choose my captain and vice captain for the new season, and although I’ve not yet finished bringing players in, I’m not comfortable with giving the armband to someone as soon as they walk through the door anyway and that leaves me with a shortage of proper options. “It may only be for a year”, I tell Komo after calling him into my office after training. “I need a captain that I know, that I trust, and who is going to be in my team every single week, and I don’t think that anyone in my squad wants this club to succeed as much as you do. You’re a local lad, you’re a leader and you’re my captain this season, OK?” Komo just stares at me, then at the armband in my hand, then back at me, and then nods. He takes the armband and goes to leave, but before he gets to the door I call after him “Make me proud, Captain Komo”. He looks back and grins, before heading back towards the changing room.

I drop Phil Cele to vice captain. I’ve decided to keep him around as backup this season but in terms of his captaincy duties last year he really didn’t do very well. Anyway, with Sello Japhta now retraining as a full back I need another left winger, prompting a £35k bid for Yanga Baliso. Yanga plays for 2nd tier side Baroka FC, who signed Issouf Paro at the start of the Summer and is a former South Africa U20 international. Now 23, he’s not yet earned a full International call up but I reckon he can do a job. He’s quick, mentally OK, and he can take a man on and either cross or shoot with some degree of accuracy. The fee is slightly more than I’d like to pay, but he’s the best South African option out there for us. Baroka FC accept and I offer the lad a contract.

I leave him to mull over my offer as we travel to our first away friendly of pre-season against affiliate club Vasco CT. Our centre backs get us the win. Well, both teams’ centre backs really, with Vasco’s Mongalo adding a late own goal to make it 3-1 after a Gary Havenga header and a Juno free kick put us ahead. Juno gets the player of the match award too as he also sets up Havenga’s goal.

After the match I get a call from Bloem Celtic manager Joey Antipas, who wants to take the newly demoted Phil Cele off my hands. I tell him that if he pays £50k he has a deal, so Joey pays £50k. Bang goes the theory about keeping Phil around, I suppose.

And another departure means another signing. As I’ve now got Molekwane and Nkili who are both best suited to playing at right back, I decide to bring in a centre back to join Juno, Thoahlane and Havenga. I make a £3k bid for Orlando Pirates’ experienced South African defender Roscoe Pietersen, which is duly accepted. Roscoe is a good solid centre back and I think would some much needed experience to our centre back ranks. The 3 that we have at the minute are all very young and if we do manage to bring in Mike Kakuba or eventually get a work permit for Isaac Sohna, they’re both very young too. Pietersen is solid defensively, OK on the ball with either foot and a good decision maker, and at 31 he’s certainly got that experience. He also played well for his club when needed last season.

And just like that, Cele leaves and Roscoe “Roscoe” Pietersen signs.

With Phil Cele gone I do need to replace him as vice captain though. As far as I know Komo will play every single match for Santos FC this season so I don’t really think there’s much need for a vice captain, but if he ever isn’t going to play due to injury or suspension it makes sense to have his replacement as his vice captain. Dino Visser takes the vice-armband.

I’m confident of landing left winger Yanga Baliso so I allow Manqoba Cele to be loaned out to affiliate club Zizwe United so that he can get some first team football, successfully and very coincidentally ridding my club of “Cele”s in one fell swoop.

And then comes the hammer blow. Of course. Striker Hicham Aidir’s work permit is rejected. This has been my worst fear all throughout the summer, especially for the last month where I’ve been working under the assumption that I’d sign all of these non South African players to fill up my allowed number of foreign players. I’ve been filling in my squad with South Africans on the assumption that these work permits would actually go through. I appeal against the decision of course, but unusually it’s going to take longer than a day for the big wigs to come up with a decision, which might be a positive thing? I’m really not sure. What I am sure about though is if we can’t get the players that we’re waiting for over the line I think we might find ourselves up a certain creek without a certain tool that could get us out of said creek.

I then get to distract myself though with the selection of our squad numbers, which takes a surprisingly long time, but then we have changed quite a bit already this summer. A personal highlight is Captain Komo’s transition to the big boy jersey – Number 1 for the number 1.

For our next friendly we host First Division side Real Kings at the Athlone and take a narrow 1-0 win, with Sony Norde’s free kick the only thing separating the 2 sides.

But straight after the match, WHAM! Another hammer blow. Attacking midfielder Joël Soumahoro’s work permit has been rejected too. I appeal once again but get the distinct impression that I’m pissing in the wind. Like with Aidir though, the powers that be are really going to drag this decision out, which is just peachy.

The silver lining is Yanga Baliso, the South African left winger who needs no such ridiculous waiting period and can join our beleaguered forward ranks without further ado. Yanga signs and the fans are quite pleased, although they might become less pleased if he turns out to be the last incoming transfer of the window.

Our penultimate friendly is a trip to Stellenbosch to face Stellenbosch FC. We’ve played them before and they always provide tricky opposition so we give a first appearance of the season to Project: Foxy Mk II, having used Project: Meatloaf for all of the other friendlies. We very nearly take the win on a horribly wet and windy day, after lone striker Ernie puts us ahead 10 minutes into the second half. Ayanda Nkili’s 87th minute own goal levels the scores, but to be fair he’d had a solid game up to that point and I’d rather he gets his mistakes out of the way before the Season properly begins. Pleasingly, Sello Japhta picks up the player of the match award for his performance at full back.

But hey, enough about Santos. I’ve been going on and on about Santos all Summer, but what we should really be talking about is ME. ME AND MY ACHIEVEMENTS. Namely, completing my National A Coaching License. It really says a lot about Santos that I’ve been able to complete my National coaching badges as the club’s solid financial footing is what’s made it possible and I really owe the club for that, which is why I should now stop talking about me and go back to talking about Santos, as time’s running out before our first league game and there’s still work to be done.

And then I get the call. The call that makes everything sort of OK, or at least gives us hope. Mike Kakuba’s work permit has gone through. The Ugandan International has the green light to sign for Santos FC and that’s exactly what he does.

And in time for our last friendly too! To finish our pre-season we face loanee Manqoba Cele and his Zizwe United side at the Athlone. As I’ve said, I usually like to finish pre-season with a bit more of a challenge, but it is what it is, and what it is is a 4-0 drubbing. Ryan Moon, Sony Norde and Sinbad all score to add to an own goal by Zizwe’s Dladla. Sinbad and Moon in particular are on fire, and Sony Norde, Roscoe and Mike bloody Kakuba all have brilliant games too.

We still have Aidir, Soumahoro and Ekedi waiting to join us, but with Kakuba’s move fresh hope has been breathed into Santos FC. Hope that we can get the deals done and complete this ridiculous, magnificent Summer of change. They’ll have to wait though, because we’ve got an Old Cape Town Derby to play.

Mini-sode 96.5 >

The Great Cull (Franjo: A Journeyman Story – Ep96) < Mini-sode 95.5.5.5.5.5 “Breathe it in, Stevie!” I shout once again upon seeing my landlord approach the Geen Rook Nie building, with Chappie plodding dutifully along beside him.

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Rev. Paul Wilson fastens enough buttons on his jacket to stay warm on a chilly fall afternoon but still keep his clergy collar visible. He’s whipping up a crowd of demonstrators in downtown Richmond, Virginia, where they’re waiting to make a short march from Richmond’s Capitol Square Bell Tower to the nearby National Theatre. His eyes covered by sunglasses, and his head by a newsboy hat, Wilson speaks to the assembled about their Christian responsibility to protect the planet.

They’ve gathered for the Water Is Life Rally & Concert, an event to protest the proposed construction of the Atlantic Coast Pipeline. The development, a joint venture between several energy companies (including Richmond-based Dominion Energy), would carry natural gas 600 miles from West Virginia to North Carolina.

The pipeline’s proposed route runs directly between Union Hill and Union Grove Baptist churches, the two parishes where Wilson serves as a pastor in rural Buckingham County, 70 miles south of Richmond. The proposed site for the pipeline’s 54,000-horsepower, gas-fired compressor station is also set to be built right between them.

Wilson fears the station could put his congregation and the surrounding community at risk of a range of ailments, especially asthma, because those living near natural gas facilities often suffer from chronic respiratory problems.

“God gave man dominion over the earth, but not permission to destroy it,” Wilson later tells me as we discuss the pipeline over coffee at a diner in a suburb north of Richmond. Rev. Paul Wilson

Even though the Water Is Life Rally was held in the Bible Belt, Rev. Wilson was the only speaker who cited scripture and invoked Jesus Christ. Drums and tambourines reverberated in unison to chants of “No justice, no peace! No pipelines on our streets!”, and the event’s other speakers railed against the greed of Big Oil companies and U.S. imperialism.

At another rally focused on fossil fuels a year earlier in Richmond, religion was front and center.

In December 2016, gospel music stars descended on a local community center in Richmond’s East Highland Park neighborhood. Hundreds of residents from throughout the area had answered the call to attend a concert marketed as an opportunity for enlightenment, both spiritual and environmental.

As a sea of hands waved through the air as eyes closed in prayer, what many in the crowd didn’t know was that they were the target of a massive propaganda campaign. One of the event’s sponsors was a fossil-fuel advocacy group called Fueling U.S. Forward, an outfit supported by Koch Industries, the petrochemicals, paper, and wood product conglomerate founded by conservative billionaires Charles and David Koch.

The gospel program was designed to highlight the benefits of oil and natural gas production and its essential role in the American way of life. During a break in the music, a panel discussion unfolded about skyrocketing utility costs. The lobbyists and businesspeople on the panel presented a greater reliance on fossil fuels — billed as cheap, reliable energy sources — as the fix. Later, a surprise giveaway netted four lucky attendees the opportunity to have their power bills paid for them.

The event was one big bait and switch, according to environmental experts and local activists. Come for the gospel music, then listen to us praise the everlasting goodness of oil and gas. Supporting this sort of pro-oil-and-gas agenda sprinkled over the songs of praise, they say, would only worsen the pollution and coastal flooding that come with climate change, hazards that usually hit Virginia’s black residents the hardest.

“The tactic was tasteless and racist, plain and simple,” says Kendyl Crawford, the Sierra Club of Richmond’s conservation program coordinator. “It’s exploiting the ignorance many communities have about climate change.”

Rev. Wilson likens that gospel concert to the Biblical story of Judas accepting 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus. Like many African Americans in Virginia, he initially didn’t connect environmental policy with what he calls the “institutional racism” — think racial profiling, lack of economic opportunity, etc. — that can plague black communities nationwide. Now he considers “the sea level rising or the air quality in the cities” another existential threat.

So in response to the Koch Brothers’ attempt to sway their flocks, Wilson and others affiliated with black churches in Virginia have channeled their outrage into a new calling: climate advocacy. For Wilson, environmentalism has become a biblical mission.

“The climate is changing,” he says. “And it’s black folk in Virginia who will lose the most.”

Rev. Faith Harris remembers first hearing ads about the Fueling U.S. Forward gospel concert on urban radio stations back in 2016. A minister, teacher, and environmental activist at Virginia Union University, a Richmond-based historically black college, Harris was among many African Americans in the region angered by what she calls a “purposeful misinformation” campaign. She says it was surreal to hear a D.J. invite listeners to “learn the truth” about whether the country is using enough fossil fuels.

“I called the radio station to ask, ‘How could you do that?’” she recalls. “The debate isn’t whether there are enough fossil fuels, but about the health and environmental impact they have on the way we live on this planet.”

In the months after the gospel concert, the backlash bubbled slowly through neighborhoods, led mostly by community activists and clergy like Rev. Harris. It picked up steam following the Times article. Ultimately, Fueling U.S. Forward’s strategy of influencing one of the black community’s most sacred institutions — the church — would prove to be folly.

Within environmental advocacy circles, Harris says, there was an increased urgency to tell neighborhood leaders that the concert was part of a public relations campaign for oil and gas interests. The campaign had the unintended effect of rallying the Richmond black community against the Kochs and their goals.

Revs. Harris and Wilson now regularly tell their congregations how the fossil fuel industry harms low-income communities and people of color. Sea-level rise on Virginia’s coast has put low-lying cities in the Hampton Roads area, including Norfolk and Newport News — both of which are more than 40 percent black — at risk of extreme flooding. A hurricane during high tide could see entire neighborhoods populated primarily by African Americans and the poor swallowed up by the Chesapeake Bay.

“We in the church community have a moral responsibility to be out front on protecting our flock from climate change,” Harris says. “I call it an authentic pro-life agenda. The Christian church, for too long, has allowed ‘pro-life’ to be defined solely as conception when, in fact, life is much more complex. It includes our quality of life while we’re here.”

The state’s African-American residents already face high rates of respiratory problems related to the processing of fossil fuels, like those that would flow through the Atlantic Coast Pipeline. In Norfolk, clouds of dust from coal residue from nearby shipping yards and factories often cover parked vehicles. With such close proximity to toxic air pollution, nearly 11 percent of the state’s black population has asthma, higher than the national average of 7.6 percent.

Richmond remains one of the deadliest places in the U.S. for people suffering from asthma, according to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, a consequence of a high poverty rate and a large proportion of uninsured. The chronic respiratory condition is linked to living near industrial factories, as well as urban planning that drove interstate highways — and their accompanying diesel pollution — through many black neighborhoods.

“We have a coal factory right in the neighborhood,” says Antonio Branch, a community organizer with Richmond-based Virginia Civic Engagement Table, an organization aimed at educating vulnerable communities about risks to their health. “I’m asthmatic. My mother is asthmatic and she grew up in the same area. My son is asthmatic, and I have a baby boy who may soon be diagnosed.”

Branch considers the proposed Atlantic Coast Pipeline “part of a larger environmental attack” on minority communities in Virginia and neighboring North Carolina, two states on the planned pipeline route. Many of the region’s proposed oil and gas projects sit near poor and rural areas. In Virginia’s Buckingham County, home to Rev. Wilson’s churches, the community closest to that facility is 85 percent African American. By contrast, the state’s overall black population is 19 percent.

“This isn’t a coincidence,” Branch says.

The billionaire Koch brothers are one of the driving forces behind right-wing campaigns throughout the country. One of their primary activities is promoting fossil fuel production. According to Virginia environmental groups, that involves efforts to deny the existence of climate change and stifle renewable energy policies.

In struggling cities and towns, Big Oil bills itself as a savior, raising the hope that new plants and pipelines, like the Atlantic Coast project, will bring jobs and tax revenue. With an extensive network of advocacy groups throughout the country, the Koch Brothers can spread that message anywhere, outsourcing efforts to sway public opinion without people realizing they’re pulling the strings.

Fueling U.S. Forward, until recently, was one of those campaigns. When HuffPost first reported on its existence in early 2016, the group had an annual budget of roughly $10 million and was run by Charles Drevna, a former petroleum industry lobbyist, and James Mahoney, a board member and former executive for Koch Industries. Later that summer, Drevna spoke at the Red State Gathering in Denver, telling the right-wing activist conference — in a speech where he referred to EPA employees as “clowns” — that the fossil fuel industry was losing ground because it was failing to connect with the public, especially minority communities, on a cultural, emotional, and personal level.

“We’ve done a terrible job in working with individual communities, working with the minority communities on how important energy is to them,” he said in a Facebook Live chat during the gathering with Fueling U.S. Forward’s communications director at the time, Alex Fitzsimmons. “And who gets hit the hardest when there’s a spike in energy costs? They get hit the most, and they get hit the hardest.”

A year ago, The New York Times reported that the nonprofit had started making inroads among African Americans. The group had helped sponsor the National Black Political Convention in 2016 where delegates added language to their platform characterizing policies that subsidize electric cars and residential solar as benefiting the rich at the expense of African Americans.

At the Richmond gospel concert, Fueling U.S. Forward sought to link energy production to the everyday issues that it said stymie economic mobility for African Americans — such as prices at the gas pump, heating, and electric bills. That message was delivered in part through discussions featuring prominent African-American business leaders.

“It was a deliberate strategy to manipulate black Virginians into supporting fossil fuels,” the Sierra Club’s Crawford says.

One of the participants was Derrick Hollie, a career marketing consultant who is also the founder of Reaching America, a nonprofit that describes itself as “focused on innovative solutions for African Americans not based on right or left wing views but what makes sense for a more united America.” Reaching America cosponsored the Fueling U.S. Forward gospel concert along with Radio One, an entertainment network targeting African Americans now known as Urban One. The corporation once employed Hollie as a national sales manager.

Despite Reaching America’s nonpartisan claims, Hollie has been associated with the black conservative network Project 21 and identified as a right-winger on TV news shows. And much of Hollie’s environmental advocacy has been in line with the Koch brothers’ priorities. His arguments focus on what he calls “energy poverty” — when low-income households spend large portions of their disposable income to keep the lights on and fill up their gas tanks. He’s invoked the phrase while speaking in support of fracking in Maryland, Rick Perry’s appointment to lead the Department of Energy, and most recently, the Trump administration’s planned withdrawal from the Paris accord. Hollie did not respond to requests for an interview.

While Hollie has remained visible since the Richmond event — launching a Reaching America podcast series and palling around with Perry and other Cabinet secretaries — Fueling U.S. Forward has gone dark. Calls and emails to Fueling U.S. Forward and its president Charles Drevna to comment for this story were not returned.

Fitzsimmons, the group’s communications director, has moved to Perry’s Department of Energy, where he’s the chief policy advisor in the Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy. The organization’s website appears to have been shut down last fall, all videos from its YouTube page have been removed, and its social media platforms haven’t been updated in more than a year.

But Fueling U.S. Forward’s message lives on. Scott Pruitt, head of the Environmental Protection Agency, employs talking points that echo those Drevna used while promoting the organization in conservative circles, complaining that the EPA’s regulations pick “winners and losers” in the energy space.

While gospel provided the soundtrack to the Fueling U.S. Forward event in Richmond, it was bluegrass and folk that pumped through the loudspeakers at December’s Water Is Life Rally. Rev. Wilson was one of a dozen or so African Americans taking part in the event. Most of those assembled to protest the Atlantic Coast Pipeline were white millennials and baby boomers who donned anti-establishment paraphernalia and waved “No Pipeline” signs to the honking cars that passed by.

Kiquanda Baker, the Hampton Roads organizer for the Chesapeake Climate Action Network, helped put together the Water Is Life Rally. She sees African-American leadership as an essential part of changing the narrative surrounding climate change. But she admits that while the community is becoming more engaged in green issues, it hasn’t quite begun to break down the archetype of the white environmentalist.

Adding environmentalism to the fight for social justice that’s part of the African-American experience, she says, is the most critical aspect of swaying communities of color to fight global warming.

“Our role as community leaders is to show that all of these issues are connected,” Baker says. “The more aware we are of environmental injustices, the less likely our communities can be tricked into rallies by the Koch brothers.”

Baker says outreach efforts are slowly making progress throughout the state, even if community members aren’t yet the most vocal activists. But she’s encouraged that African-American residents are increasingly active where it counts most: the voting booth.

“A few folks I talk with, they may not be at the point where they’re ready to canvas or march,” she says. “But they are better informed about who they’re voting for and which corporations and interests would also be getting their vote.”

Virginia’s black community is also becoming more active in pressing elected officials on the environment and climate change. Two months after the gospel concert, clergy members joined the Virginia Conservation Network — a coalition of organizations and community members that advocates for clean energy and environmental justice — for a panel discussion on how to inoculate themselves from Fueling U.S. Forward–type message. Freshman Democratic Congressman A. Donald McEachin, who’d recently been elected to represent Virginia’s 4th District — which runs from the southwestern suburbs of Richmond to the southeast corner of the state — joined the discussion. He has since joined with two other freshman representatives to form the United for Climate and Environmental Justice Congressional Task Force.

After Harris and other activists spent months petitioning the state government, Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe established an Advisory Council on Environmental Justice in October. Its role is to provide the governor with independent recommendations on combating “disproportionately high or adverse effects from pollution” that fall on low-income residents and communities of color. Harris is one of the advisors, and she sees her participation as part of a larger theological crusade.

“In black communities, the clergy has always been the leading voice of the oppressed,” she says. “So when it comes to making sure our flock has a planet to call home, it’s a fight we have to be in front of.”

Rev. Wilson has also been preparing for the battle ahead. He’s already been arrested for protesting the Atlantic Coast Pipeline at the Virginia Governor’s Mansion. (He was sentenced to community service.) But as he made the trek back to Buckingham County after the Water is Life Rally, he was worried about what the future holds, both for the pipeline he’s battling and his community.

The Atlantic Coast Pipeline is already a year behind schedule, and last November’s statewide elections could signal that momentum is swinging back in environmentalists’ favor. Democrats picked up seats in the House of Delegates, which could alter the timeline of the pipeline’s development. Several bills are currently up for a vote that would require pipeline operators to obtain more permits before construction could begin.

When he’s not tending to his two churches, Wilson is a fifth-generation owner of a funeral home. He expects his daughter to take over the family business in the coming years, and his grandson has already chosen to study mortuary science, making it likely he’ll be the seventh generation to oversee the funeral home. Wilson hopes that by the time his grandson is running things, the environmental threats to his family and church members won’t have business booming at the funeral home for all the wrong reasons.

“God didn’t put me on this earth to pimp death for profit,” Wilson says. “That’s what the Kochs and these energy folks are doing to my people now. It’s up to us in the church to stop it.”

The Koch Brothers Vs God

Rev. Paul Wilson fastens enough buttons on his jacket to stay warm on a chilly fall afternoon but still keep his clergy collar visible.

The Koch Brothers Vs God Rev. Paul Wilson fastens enough buttons on his jacket to stay warm on a chilly fall afternoon but still keep his clergy collar visible.

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