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onenotsubtle-blog · 6 years

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And That’s Why I Need You Here (SL with @StalkYourDreams)-blog

Paisley: ~Every moment went through my head again. I had been thinking about this nonstop since the moment I had been sent back to the ranch. Every decision was questioned while I was alone. And I couldn’t come up with an answer. I mean, he couldn’t have been mad about the girl I killed. He had more blood on his hands from my family alone than any normal person should. And he killed them without blinking an eye. So it couldn’t have been because of the girl.

She made me see red. The way she bent over my husband. Her arms draped across his shoulders. Her breasts pressing into his back. The way she flung her blond hair over her shoulder after every sentence he spoke. It was all too much. And it was all stuff that would drive James insane. It was too predictable.

But it was the blue eyes that were shining with delight that threw me for a loop. I wasn’t expecting him to like it. Even when he had first started flirting with Riley, I could see the distaste in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to be flirting with her. But this was different. And I had to wonder if that was what he wanted. I drove him insane on a good day. But this was different.

This was someone coming into my relationship with the intention to take mine and make it hers. And it was the one thing I couldn’t risk. In my own way, I loved my husband. And in his way, he claimed to love me. But after seeing what I had seen, I wasn’t quite so sure.

It felt like a blink of an eye. James was in front of me, his blue eyes piercing me with rage. I had done something wrong. But I wasn’t entirely sure what it had been. And it was only the words that were being whispered to me to go back to the ranch. I wasn’t needed here anymore. I was more trouble than good now.

But I was still lost when I got back to the ranch. The place that I had fallen in love with. The ranch that had belonged to James’ grandmother. The place that we had gotten married. And it had been a few days since I had been back. But I was lost. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. And I wasn’t sure what I had done.~

James: -I couldn’t have told you what was running through Paisley’s head when she lashed out and murdered some random girl who’d been flirting with me at the bar we’d wound up in a few nights ago. It wasn’t my usual type of place, but I had a job to get done. One that required me to stake out a bar or two this guy was known to frequent, and there was no better source of information than the women who hung out in that type of place night after night. They were a good source of information because they knew everything and after a drink or two they were always ready to gossip. They were a tool of the trade. Nothing more or less. But I’d seen the way her eyes darkened when the dumb blonde back at the bar had leaned over me one too many times. It amused me. Maybe a little too much for her liking. But it wasn’t the same as her. I just didn’t know how to tell her that.

I didn’t care about people. It wasn’t in me. My sisters maybe. I cared about them enough to take care of them and their families, but they didn’t really need me. They took care of themselves. They always had ever since we were kids. Other people were just targets, useful to get what I needed or wanted, or in the way. Paisley was different. There was something about her that reminded me of myself, but there was more to it than that.

I wanted her. But it wasn’t just that either. I wanted her to be a part of my life. I wanted to show her what my world was all about as surreal and strange as it could be to the average person. She had it in her to handle it. It was love, the only way I could experience it. I wasn’t built for that lovey dovey shit that most people went in for. I couldn’t. But I kept her alive. In spite of my better judgement at the time. And I continued to keep her in my life. I wanted to teach her what I knew. That’s what I had to offer.

But doing stupid things like murdering a girl with the knife I’d given her on our wedding day and leaving it behind was the kind of thing that was going to end up with one or both of us in jail and nowhere near each other. I didn’t give a good god damn that she killed someone. I’d lost count of the number of bodies on my head. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t even that she’d done it so impulsively that she’d put us in danger of being caught. I had to be quick on my feet to figure out a place to hide a body around here without drawing too much attention in the alley behind a bar in the middle of nowhere. She was going to be missed. Too many people back in that place knew her name. At least there hadn’t been any witnesses I needed to take care of.

It was a quick matter of using the remote on the keys in her purse to find her car and wait until the lot was empty to stuff her into the trunk. The body and the car and her bag and every trace of her that was near the bar was going to have to disappear. Maybe someone would buy that a bar rat from the middle of nowhere Texas was going to get tired of her life and run away. It had happened before. I just needed no one to look for her til this body was long gone. Fortunately we were in east Texas and the Louisiana swamps extended pretty far into this part of the state. I could get her into a gator filled swamp quickly enough along with the car, and while they might find the metal body of the old Buick she’d been driving, they wouldn’t find anything else in a few days time.

The next part of this clean up, involved me walking back to the bar and catching a cab back to the place we’d been staying nearby. I could pretend my wife had left me there because I’d had too much to drink and flirted with someone I shouldn’t have. That was believable. And it made me forgettable. Someone the driver met every damned day in this part of the country. So many details she hadn’t thought of in her haste and jealousy. I was mad. Not just at her, but at myself for not teaching her faster. She had a lot to learn.

I waited a few days longer before I headed back to the ranch, keeping an ear out for gossip about one of the local women disappearing or a body turning up or anything like a witness saying they’d seen a gorgeous redhead stab someone in the parking lot of a bar in this tiny town. Fortunately, nothing turned up, and all I had to do was get my ass back to the ranch without anyone following me. That part was easy enough. I’d done it plenty of times before.

When I walked into the house she was there, just waiting and looking a little lost like she didn’t have any idea what she should be doing. I’d been a couple of days longer than she had getting back, at least, so I didn’t know how long she’d been sitting here waiting. Her knife was in my pocket, and I needed her to have it back for some reason I didn’t quite understand myself. I fished it out and placed it next to her hand- Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? We’re both lucky that no one caught either of us. I don’t know what I’d do if you were in jail.

-I guessed that I would have been adding jailbreaking to my resume if that had been the case. It wasn’t, but it was something I had to think about every time I took someone’s life. I needed her to think about it too. Avoiding the cops wasn’t that hard. It just took a little foresight and some planning ahead, not going off half-cocked.-

Paisley: ~I could only stare at the knife he placed next to my hand. So that had been the stupid thing that I had done. It wasn’t the fact that I killed the woman. I’d have called him on it if she had been the stupid thing I had done.

But to be fair, I didn’t like what she had done. I didn’t like the way she had draped herself around my husband. I knew better than to expect him to wear his wedding band when he was out on a job. It hindered him. Women wouldn’t open up to him as easily if they thought he was married. But I didn’t like the way women threw themselves at him.

I couldn’t deny the fact that James was handsome. He had those ice blue eyes that could freeze over when he was ready to kill. And they were looking at me that way. Because I left my knife.

I just shrugged my shoulders as he continued to stand there and watch me. I needed to get more from him. I needed him to attempt to feel something for me. Because it was very clear that I felt something for him.~ But you were there to clean up. So it doesn’t matter, right?

James: -I saw red when she started flippantly mouthing off about me being there to clean up. She was acting out. I knew it instinctively, but I couldn’t stop myself from reacting to what she had to say. My hand had been resting on the back of one of the chairs that had sat around that kitchen table since before I was born, but I found myself half slinging one across the room as I moved forward towards where she sat. My fist landed on the table, knocking the knife I’d just placed down near her aside a few inches before I stopped to hover over her.-

It fucking matters, Paisley. -I wasn’t yelling, but I was angry. That much showed clearly in the gravelly tone of my voice as I kept my face only a few inches from hers. My eyes were blazing as I looked into hers- You have to be able to take care of yourself, or I’m not going to be around to be able to clean up after you because I’m going to get myself killed making sure nothing happens to you. I’d rather be the one that ends up dead or in jail if it comes down to the two of us, but maybe if you gave a fuck you’d have noticed that.

-I was pushing her buttons. I knew what I was doing, and I knew that it was probably a bad idea, but I was doing it anyway. I was close enough that she could grab that knife and drive it right between my ribs before I would be able to get it away from her or get myself away, but I trusted her. If she wanted to stab me, I was going to let her.-

Paisley: ~It was a reaction I didn’t bother to correct. The one thing James had taught me since I had been here was how to use a knife. Especially once he knew I was a pro at throwing it. But I didn’t think as I grabbed it and forced it into the table. It didn’t touch him in a way that would hurt him. Not that hand. His right hand was his dominant hand. The hand he used when shooting a gun. But I knew he felt the metal press against the skin when I stabbed the table. I was that close. But I had enough control to not hurt him.~

If I gave a fuck?! If I hadn’t of given a fuck, you’d be in a bedroom with that slut! Your cock buried deep in her skanky ass pussy! Do not presume I didn’t give a fuck, James Patrick! I gave enough of a fuck to take out a threat that was trying to take what was mine!

~In the years following the death of my family, I had steeled myself off from most things. But the one thing I was still insanely territorial over was things I perceived to be mine. And as long as I wore that black band around my finger, the asshole standing in front of me was mine. And nothing, or no one, was going to take what was mine away.~

My last name is Dansby. I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s just a goddamn cover. I am your fucking wife, and I will not be subjected to watching some dumbass blond bimbo try to take what is mine. Do you understand me?!

James: -My hand went straight for her throat, but it wasn’t to choke her. At least not in the way I would have normally choked someone. I wrapped my fingers around her neck, using the grip to pull her in closer to me, but not closing them tightly enough to cut off her air supply. She’d know they were there though. They would be cutting off some of the blood to her brain at this point.

I moved in closer, letting my lips brush across hers, but I paused to speak so that she could just barely hear me, each word blowing warm air that curled across her lips.- I could be balls deep in any damned one I wanted, but I’m here, so what does that tell you? I sent you back to my grandmother’s ranch because you and I are fucking endgame, Love. Just know that. I’d have killed you and left without batting an eye if I was just going to go around letting some slut in a bar catch my attention in any real way.

-I leaned in closer, brushing a kiss across her lips as I gently relaxed my grasp, but kept my fingers there. I had a real problem. I wasn’t going to admit out loud what a turn on it was when she was psychopathic, but it was. I liked it when she threw a knife at my head, and I enjoyed it more than I’d ever admit when one of us started a fight with the other. No one else could have gotten that reaction out of me. Most people would have been ignored at best, killed at worst. With her, it was different. It always had been-

Paisley: ~I could only back away from him. I knew we both had fire in our eyes. And I knew what he was doing. But the distraction wasn’t going to work. I was too fired up now to fall into that trap.

Plus, I didn’t want to climb right into bed with him. There was so much shit we needed to discuss. And I refused to jump under the sheets for sex before we talked about it. Because watching him on the job was making my insecurities go insane. And if I had to watch him flirt with another girl before all of this was out on the table, I was going to lose my goddamn mind.~

No! You don’t get to do that! You cannot use sex and affection to derail this train! You want to know what’s going on with me? Fine! I’m head over fucking heels in love with you. I could give a shit about the fact that you killed my entire family. For some fucking reason, you decided to keep me around.

~Taking a breath, I looked down at my hands. I couldn’t stop them from shaking, and I couldn’t stop what I had already started. He needed to know every goddamn thing that was on my mind.~

You brought me out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere Texas, and married me. And, at the time, you claimed to have loved me. Now, I have no fucking clue if you were playing along to give me the perfect wedding day, but fucking hell! One second you’re teaching me how to throw knives, and the next you’re screaming at me because I fucked up. It’s like you need the fight with me to get your dick hard.

~I felt my head shake from side to side as I tried to keep from losing my mind. This wasn’t easy. Things with him had never been easy. And I knew that it could absolutely get worse. But I needed to try and fix it before too much damage had been made.~

I have never held the fact that you killed my mom, dad, and sister against you. But if you were going to pull this shit, you should have left me alone for the rest of my fucking life. I fell in love with you. I married you! I gave you the perfect fucking cover for your murder games. I have never asked anything of you, but I’m about to. And you’re gonna fucking hate it. But I need the truth. All of it, James. And no lying. How the fuck do you feel about me?

James: -When she pulled away from me, I felt my heart sink in my chest, but I understood her reasoning. I had a hard time explaining myself on a good day as far as feelings were concerned. I didn’t experience fear or happiness or love like most people did. I wouldn’t have even gone so far as to say that I’d loved anyone or anything, including my family before Paisley came along. I’d gotten good at faking it with most people, especially those who didn’t really know who I was. I could pretend with the best of them, but with her I wasn’t pretending. It was what lead to the fact that I was cold one moment and worked into a frenzy the next. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the things that rushed through my system when she was around me, but I knew I needed to do the best job that I could explaining that to her.

I could have gone after her and moved myself closer, but I wasn’t sure that was what she wanted for the moment. I’d pushed her boundaries enough for one night, and it was my turn to be vulnerable. I decided to go back to the beginning-

The truth… Alright, I couldn’t have told you why I let you live that night. I saw something in your eyes that reminded me of myself. The fact that you thanked me for killing your family stopped me in my tracks. It made me pay attention to you, when I’d been focused on your sister before. I wouldn’t have even tried with you. You were too smart, and you’d have suspected me as soon as I started talking to you. I knew that without even spending more than a couple of hours watching you, but I didn’t realize that there was more to you until that moment I looked into your eyes.

And you can blame me all you want for leaving you alone for three years. I did that, but I had my reasons. I wanted you to live your life. I wanted you to have a chance to be anything but this. I’ve been alone and disconnected from my life for so long, I feel like I forgot how to have feelings. I didn’t want you to be stuck with me.

But here we are. I married you, and you might think it’s a cover, but it's a hell of a lot more than that. You wouldn’t be here at my grandmother’s ranch if you were just a cover. You’d never have seen this place when it’s as important to me as it is, and you wouldn’t have the ability to ruin my life the way that you do. I trust you, because I love you. I’m not just saying it to shut you up or pacify you. It’s the honest truth. It happened while I was watching you. I kept telling myself it was for both our good, but in reality it was selfish. If I’d been thinking about my own good, the two of us wouldn’t be here having this conversation. Most of the time, I’m logical, but with you, I feel anything but. It scares me a little, and I’m not certain how to process it, but it is what it is.

Paisley: ~This was what I needed from James. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen with us, though. It wasn’t just a personal thing. This was also going to have to adjust our personal lives. James was great at compartmentalizing. What happened on the job was not something that happened in our house.

But I couldn’t put that distance in my head. I didn’t know how to separate myself off the same way he had. And he hadn’t trained me to be in this life. He taught me how to use my weapon. That was something I was good at. But the fact that I was going to have to figure out how to watch my husband be flirted with was almost debilitating.

I took a breath as I thought about where to go from where we are. There was still something I needed to hear from James. But I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to push him on. I knew that what he had said had been a huge step. But it also wasn’t something I was sure I wanted the answer to. But I knew that this was going to be the part that showed him more of what was in head.~ How would you have reacted if you had to sit and watch me flirt with a guy at a bar? Knowing that he was enjoying it. And the look on my face saying that I was enjoying it. How would you have reacted?

James: -I might have tried to steel my expression when she started asking me about how I’d have felt if the tables had been turned, but there was no point in it. It would have been a lie if I’d said it wouldn’t have affected me. It absolutely would have. I might have been better at hiding the way I felt about things than her, and I may have been less open about them. But I would have most likely plotted a way to kill the man who flirted with her openly too. I just would have been more careful about things, and maybe a little more sadistic -

I can’t say that I would have been fine with it. I won’t hide that from you or lie to you. And I won’t say it was fair of me to expect that of you. It wasn’t. But I’m also a creature of habit sometimes, Pais. I know the tools of this trade in one way, as an absolutely single man. It’s going to be some work to get used to doing things any differently.

Paisley: I’m not asking you to do things differently, James. I’m asking you to properly train me to do this with you. You threw me to the wolves with this. And yes, I fucked up. I was impulsive. And worse than impulsive, I blanked out and left my knife behind. Even worse, I used a knife that can absolutely be linked back to us because it’s the knife I got for our wedding.

~I let my hands curl into fists as I thought about everything that had happened since we had gotten married. I could work with James if I didn’t have to watch him with another woman. I could do the actual killing. I couldn’t sit back and watch it with him. And it brought up a few ideas in my head. But I knew there was no way he was going to let me go back out into the field for a while. Not until he was truly sure that I could do this. When I could reign in the blackout rage.~

I cannot watch you with women right now. I cannot watch you flirt with them. It’s not that I doubt how you feel about me. It’s that in those three years that I had to wait for you to come to me, I was lost. I didn’t know how to come to terms with the idea that you made me this way. I’m not placing the blame of my insecurities on your shoulders. I’m saying that in all of your attempts to make me live my life, I lost some of that spark that might have made you want me alive. I’m great at being this hardcore bitch, James. I can play that role until I fucking die. But I am fucking petrified that I am not enough for you. Nor will I ever be. Because there had to have been something wrong with me if it took you three years to come for me.

James: -I let myself frown and move in to run my fingers along the line of Paisley’s jawbone. I hadn’t realized that leaving her to live her life was going to have that effect on her. I’d wanted her to have a chance to go to college, and to lead a life without me. As much as I enjoyed my own life, I realized that it wasn’t ideal. It was solitary and strange, and living a life that consisted of taking other people’s wasn’t something that most people aspired to.

Some part of me had wanted to give her the chance to choose anything else if that was what she wanted. Not because she wasn’t good enough for me, but because I wasn’t good enough for her. -

There’s nothing wrong with you, but I’m pretty certain there’s something wrong with me, Pais. I wanted you to have a life without me if that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want to force myself into your world, but you made me. And I’m glad you did. I’ve never been happier about having something or someone in my life. I went through life for far too long with absolutely nothing to lose. It’s odd to think that I do have something to lose now.

-She had a point about me allowing her to do recon for me beforehand. As a woman, she could get into far more spaces inconspicuously than I could. She was beautiful, but that beauty was something that was going to make people trust her even more. It could work out beautifully.-

If you really want to learn this, then I’ll teach you. But I agree that it’s a good idea that you do recon work for me for now. It’s far less dangerous than the actual job, and you’re going to stand out less than I do, even with this hair. -I grinned and ran my fingers through her scarlet hair- No matter what you do, I need to talk to you about being careful, and covering your tracks. You have to be a ghost in the end of things for this to work out in your favor.

Paisley: Then you have to take the time to teach me properly, James. You cannot do what you did with this mission. It’s not about having your back. You did this well for however many years without me. You don’t need me to be there to watch every last thing that you do. I can get in and out before giving you the information you need to make the kill.

~I let my head tilt to the side to press against James’ hand. The two of us just talking like this was strange. Normally, it all just fell apart. We’d start screaming at each other. James would storm out or drag me to the bedroom. This was different. And it was a good different. We were getting everything in place to make us successful at what we did.

But, more importantly, we were learning how to be a married couple. There was no way that this was going to be easy. There were going to be things that set us off. But I was hoping that this conversation gave us both pause when those conversations came up.~ I want to learn from you, James. That is something I have never lied to you about. I want you to know that this doesn’t change my opinion about you as a husband. As a boss? Maybe a little bit. But you’re right. You’ve never had to worry about working with someone else before. So this is just as new for you as it is for me.

James: -For some reason, me being a boss was a hilarious idea to me. I’d always worked solo until Paisley had come along. It wasn’t that working with someone else was scary or ridiculous. It just wasn’t anything that I’d done much before. There were times when I wound up pairing off with someone else very temporarily to get a job done, but those moments were fleeting and never lasted more than a few days. Now, I was seriously thinking about teaching Paisley the ropes, and if I was going to do that then I was going to need to figure out better ways than to just expect her to pick it up as we went along. That was my first mistake. My second was not being ready to admit my own flaws right up front. She wasn’t a kid, and I knew that with some work she was going to be good at what she did. I just needed to find the patience to give it to her.

On top of that, she was my wife, and while we had moments in the past where we acted like that, they could be fleeting. Maybe it was time to make sure that part of my life was a priority.

I leaned in to steal a kiss from her lips, the first one since I’d sent her back to the ranch a few days ago and rested my forehead on hers, just taking a breath-

Then we do this together. You take your part, and I’ll take mine, and hopefully we don’t tear each other to shreds in the process.

-I chuckled and pulled her in closer, wrapping an arm around behind her waist-

I hope you know, I really do mean it when I say that I love you, Paisley. I’ve never said that lightly or to get on someone’s good side. Those words are never a lie…

-Whatever else happened between the two of us, that much was always going to be true. I loved her, in my own stupid, weird, clumsy, hot and cold manner. I always had. Love just hadn’t been an emotion that served me in the past, and it got cut out and left by the wayside. Maybe now it was time to bring it back.-

#AndThatsWhyINeedYouHere

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onenotsubtle-blog · 7 years

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I Do, But Do You? (SL with @StalkYourDreams and @PetersSugarTits)

James: -The last few days had been a little crazy. Adjusting to things with someone else in my life had been strange enough without the odd dynamic that the two of us had somehow managed to settle into. It was clear that 90% of the time she hated me, though whether it was for killing her entire family or make her wait alone for me for all those years before I came for her was a toss up. I was terrible at reading her, though to be honest, I was terrible at reading anyone. I always had been, which was probably why I’d spent most of my life entirely alone. Paisley was a smart girl, however, and the plan that she’d come up with as a cover for both of us was brilliant, at least for me. If I married her it came with a world of protection and cover stories for the both of us. She was the only witness against me for those particular murders, and there was no way anyone was going to be able to make either of us testify against each other. It would make both of us more comfortable, not to mention the fact that I could hide my illegal money behind her trust fund. It would make my life a lot easier. No one was going to ask questions about why a trust fund baby and her husband were popping around the world. I could train her to do anything she wanted to do, to take part in this life as much or as little as she wanted. I wasn’t going to push her into it. I’d already pushed her into this as much as I was going to. Besides the practicality of the situation, I had to admit I was fond of her. She’d had a soft spot in my heart since the day I met her, and keeping tabs on her had only made it worse. It was set in place permanently and there wasn’t much of anything she was going to be able to do to dislodge it. I knew I was terrible at showing it. Partly because it scared me to even admit it to myself, and partly because I didn’t know how she was going to react to it. The most I could do was go through with the plan we had in place and hope things fell in line. We had plans in place for today to go to the justice of the peace back in the town I’d grown up in, to just sign the papers and get it done with as quickly as possible. There was a 3 day waiting period between applying for the papers and having them signed, so we’d been a few days before to take care of all the formalities and make an appointment for today. It was over and done with for the most part, just the final signatures needed to make it all official. I was sitting in the bed we’d been sharing since she got here, leaning back against the wall as I listened to her moving in the bathroom beyond, a glass in one hand. The soft sounds of the ice clinking against the sides of the tumbler distracted me enough for the moment. I didn’t want to admit that I wanted this for more reasons than the cover. I couldn’t say it to myself, much less to Paisley. I didn’t even know how she’d take it if I did tell her. Probably slap me squarely across the face. I probably deserved that. I knew she was walking into the room by the change in the sounds coming from the bathroom. Placing the glass down on the bedside table before I stood up, adjusting my sleeves and tie to walk into the next room and give her some space to get ready.- Paisley: ^There was a lot I wasn’t exactly ready for. Marriage was one of those things. But I had given him the idea to do it. And it was smart. I knew the man I was getting into this with. I was giving him protection. It was nowhere near the same kind of protection he had given me, but I knew there was something to be done. I guess, in my mind, I owed him. I had to give him this cover because he didn’t kill me. No one deserved to have the Ward last name. Not after the bullshit I went through with it. It was something I had grown to hate over the years. James was giving me the chance to shed that name. I wasn’t going to have to be a Ward anymore. I could just be Paisley. Of course, I was going to be tied to James. There were days I could tolerate that. I could tolerate him. But there were other days I couldn’t. Those were the days the violence got to be too much. I was having another one of those days. I was supposed to be getting ready for this wedding. But it wasn’t that fucking easy. No, nothing with James ever was. It was something I needed to get used to. But I wasn’t sure I could. I hated him. I wanted to, at least. I told myself I hated him. We had nothing in common. I was just the only person he had ever let live. I was the enigma. I wasn’t supposed to be around, but here I was. And I was getting him to change his ways. It wasn’t a huge thing. It was stupid things like keeping me close to him. Letting someone else be around. Granted, the only reason I got to be around was because I was giving him an alibi. I was giving him a front to hide his money. My trust fund was going to be good for a lot of things. It would get us through if we needed to run. But it was also going to invest in my future. When James and I weren’t naked or screaming at each other, we were briefly talking about my training. He wanted me to be able to handle myself. We both knew there were going to be times that he wasn’t around. I wasn’t going to be able to go on every job with him. So for those times, I needed to be able to defend myself if anything had happened. James was hell bent on teaching me to fire a gun. It was the quickest way to injure or kill someone. But I was weary. I didn’t handle gunshots well. Each time James tried to get me to pick up a gun, I froze. I guess part of it was from when he killed my family. I could still see the pools of blood as I walked through the house. I hadn’t heard anything, but the carnage was there. No, guns were never going to be the answer for me. I needed to find a different way. I let out another scream as I tried to shake myself out of this. I didn’t need to go back to when my family had been killed. I didn’t need to think of my parents. I didn’t need to think of Riley. I needed to focus on getting dressed. Walking to the spare room, I sat on the edge of the bed and glared at the white dress hanging against the door. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to give in to what my father would have wanted for me. And James was the type of man he would have approved of. Of course, that approval would only come if he was working for the Wards. But, again, it didn’t matter. The Wards no longer existed. James and I had both made sure of that. Today was the day the Ward family truly fell out of existence.~ Alright, Paisley. Man up. Become a Dansby. James: -I could hear the frustrated cry that came out of the next room. The walls in this place were thin, and there was nothing that went on here that we didn’t both know about. Getting married had been her idea, even if it had been half a joke from a frustrated girl who’d spent the day with maddeningly cryptic instructions about how to find the thing she’d been waiting years for. I didn’t blame her for flying off at the mouth. Paisley had trouble keeping her temper in check when she wasn’t exhausted and scared. I knew that much before she ever walked in the door of this apartment. She was gun-shy, but I couldn’t blame her. There were other tools to use, and she had time to learn them all, to try out each one until she found what was perfect for her. And something told me that the dagger in the box I’d hidden in my inside coat pocket with the amethysts embedded into the handle, the letters PAD engraved into the butt of the handle, might just be the thing she was looking for. Of course, I had no idea. I was good at being a bastard, and not much else. The rest of this was new to me. Living with someone else, sharing a bed with someone else for more than a night or two… That was all new territory as far as I was concerned. It was new for Paisley too. Which explained the way we alternated between screaming and sex like we were set on some sort of timer for it. Both of those were something we knew, and something we were both good at. This whole marriage thing was probably the craziest thing I’d ever done. It made sense on paper. It was a cover for both of us, a way to get the name of Ward out of her life forever, a way to cover up how exactly I came across my money and wound up travelling all over the place for no real reason, at least no reason that anyone with an office needed to know. In reality, I wanted it, even if I wasn’t going to admit it to her or anyone else just yet, and that scared me a little. I knew she felt forced into the whole thing, and there was nothing like a person who felt backed into a corner. They were unpredictable and erratic. But I had no idea how to make her feel better about it. This wasn’t my forte. Putting a bullet between someone’s eyes was easy. It was all about the aim and controlling your breathing, just focusing and concentration. This was different. Paisley was a living breathing person that I wanted to keep living and breathing. Someone that I wanted to be a part of my life even when I didn’t know how to carve a niche out for her. And I had no idea how to tell her that. I started to go into the room, took one step and froze, thought better of it before I faltered backwards and just focused on toying with the rings in my trousers pocket- Paisley: ~I could hear James just outside the door. He was making sure I was okay. The walls were thinner than I had ever had to deal with, but it was what it was. He had probably heard my scream and was glad I was struggling. The two of us were in a constant push and pull. We knew there was a balance somewhere, but we were both too stubborn to find it. Part of me was terrified of what we were about to do. This wasn’t something we were doing out of love. It was obligation. It was because we needed to protect the other person. I wasn’t stupid to think any of this was about love. There was no love involved. There was hate and sex. I couldn’t delude myself into thinking James could love me. I was special to him, though. He had let me live. He didn’t have to. He very well could have put a bullet between my eyes when I told him to. He could have killed me a number of times in the past three years. He could have done it a number of times the past few weeks. It didn’t exactly matter. For some reason, he felt it was a good idea to let me live. And in letting me live, I was the only person that could nail his ass to a cross of doom. But I couldn’t. I owed him my life. I hated that I knew it, but I couldn’t just turn him in. I could run, though. But that was the end of my life. That wasn’t something I was ready for. I just wanted… No. That wasn’t something I could think about. I needed to stay focused on what today was. It was my wedding day. I was leaving behind the Ward name to become Mrs. James Dansby. There was still so much I didn’t know about him, but this was the reality of my situation. I was marrying a man I knew very little about. I had to come to terms with what I was doing, though. Sliding the white lace fabric over my body, I looked in the mirror. My makeup was simple. I didn’t care about looking beautiful. James was never going to notice it. I didn’t even know why I had a dress for him for tonight. It wasn’t ever going to matter. The only reason we were going to sleep together tonight would be to consummate the marriage. It would absolutely be violent and hate filled, but it would signify us as husband and wife in the church’s eyes. Not that the church mattered. None of this mattered. Pulling a brush through my hair, I slipped into a pair of black heels before pulling the door open. Of course he was still standing there. I could only roll my eyes as my arms folded across my chest.~ Are you ready for a wife, James? James: -I heard the door open, looking up from the glass in my hands with a soft noise. That hadn’t been exactly what I expected, seeing Paisley there in a white dress took my breath. She was beautiful; she always had been, but seeing her there in the doorway was a little unexpected. I took a drink to steady my nerves and left the glass behind on the countertop before stepping forward, trying to gain my composure again. - Don’t you look lovely? And yes, I’m ready for a wife if you’re ready for a husband. -I wanted to go and wrap my arm around her, just to pull her into my chest, but I didn’t know how she would respond to that. I could see something dangerous lurking just behind those brilliant green eyes of hers. It was always there, but today it was just below the surface, like a monster crouched and waiting to pounce. Her arms were folded defensively across her chest, like she was going to punch me if I tried anything. Today was weird for me, I’d never considered even marrying anyone. Forget the idea of a cover. It made sense at least in that respect, but there was more to it than that for me. No matter how hard we fought, how certain I was she was probably going to stab me in my sleep one of these days, I wanted her in my life. It wasn’t about keeping a witness quiet. I could do that with one bullet, even now. It wasn’t just about that or using her trust fund to cover up my money. I wanted her. It was purely selfish on my part. I was keeping her whether she wanted me to or not. The wedding was just another way to cement her into my life.- Paisley: ~I wasn’t entirely sure about this. But I knew that it was no longer an option. Turning away from this meant that I was going to die. There was no way James would let me out in the world without him. Not when I knew his secrets. Not when I knew of one place that he wanted to keep quiet. It was surreal, though. Most men couldn’t pull off a suit like James. The color of it alone could send most girls into a fright. The pale blue was almost gray, but it wasn’t. It was a subtle pale blue. Something that made the blue in his eyes pop out even more than I wanted to admit. I liked it more than I should. I couldn’t stop myself from taking the few steps forward. My arms were around his neck and my lips against his before I could tell myself to stop. This wasn’t what we were supposed to be doing. We were supposed to be at each other’s throats. I was supposed to hate him for killing my family. But in the moment, I wanted to be normal. I wanted to pretend that we were a couple that was in love. I had the entire story built up in my head. A fantasy I could easily believe. We met just before I left for college. The romance was completely forbidden. But we couldn’t stay away from each other. The one time we did, both of us nearly died. So we were running away with each other. We were putting our happiness ahead of everyone else. But the truth was that it was just a fantasy. This was nothing more than an arranged marriage. And if I had any common sense, I would hate James for pushing me into this, even if it had been my idea. For some reason, I wasn’t in the mood to hate him. Maybe it was because this was our wedding day. Nothing should be wrong on someone’s wedding day. Maybe it was because I was still treating this whole thing as a fantasy. My words were soft against his lips as I felt myself fall into the fantasy I had built myself. I wasn’t sure if he was going to go along with it, but the least I could do was ask. And he had to have known that it would be easier to give me what I want than to deny it. I could pout and throw tantrums with the best of them.~ Pretend that today is everything you could have ever wanted? That I’m the perfect woman for you, and that you can’t imagine your life without me? James: -When she leaned into me and I could feel the heat of her chest sink into mine, I couldn’t stop my hands from wending their way around the gentle curve of her waist and into the small of her back. The last thing I expected was for her lips to find mine. I’d have sooner expected the crack of a slap across my cheek. And the words that came out of her mouth had me pulling in a breath that caught in my throat. If I was perfectly honest, she was the perfect woman for me, even if I was pretty damn sure I was going going to wake up with a knife at my throat one of these nights. It would have been worth it. I couldn't imagine my life without her. But I also was rarely honest with anyone, including myself. Maybe it was time for some of that to change. My fingers dug gently into her back, kneading her spine as I leaned in closer, my words brushing across her lips in a slow exhale of warm air across her skin- Maybe I don't have to pretend. -pressing another kiss onto her lips before I draw away in a soft breath- I can't imagine living without you. -I knew she wasn't likely to believe me, but I meant it- Paisley: ~I wanted to believe him. I wanted to think that I was the only woman for him. But I wasn’t sure if he was just going along with what I wanted. James could be so fucking hard to read at times. And those were the times where he irritated me the most. This was absolutely one of those times. But I couldn’t pretend right now. I couldn’t ignore the fact that this was actually where I wanted to be. There was never any pressure from James. The only thing he ever wanted from me was for me to be who I was. I wasn’t Miss Ward. I wasn’t the heir to the Ward dynasty. And I think he saw that when he first walked into my life. Yes, he was absolutely meant to get close to Riley. And he was supposed to kill the entire Ward family. But I was different. I didn’t want any of it. I wanted to run as far away from it as possible. James made it so that I didn’t have to be that girl. I didn’t have to live that way. The only thing was that I owed James my life. And I knew he was going to come calling. But this was not what I had been expecting. I wasn’t expecting to be standing in front of him in a white dress while he stood in front of me in a blue suit. I was dropping the Ward name today. I was taking the Dansby name. And I still wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that. Maybe I had to take it one thing at a time. I needed to focus on what was going on in this minute. I needed to evaluate everything one step at a time. I was wrapped up in James’ arms. He was telling me that maybe this was exactly what he wanted. I wasn’t sure how to react. Could I openly admit that I wanted this with him? That I wanted what we would consider the perfect life? We weren’t normal. He was an assassin. And he wanted me to be trained. I still didn’t know what he was thinking, though. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to handle a gun. I knew there were other weapons, though. But I wasn’t sure if James was going to be able to teach me those skills. Our fights weren’t simple, either. They were fueled with passion and hatred. I resented him for leaving me alone for three years. I could only assume he second guessed himself with leaving me alive. But the times we weren’t fighting were amazing. Those were the times where I just wanted to be closer to him. The times where I wanted to get to know everything about him. Now things were different. I was in his arms about to become his wife. And we never let the other know that we could barely tolerate them. But the truth was, this was different.~ Then this isn’t pretend. This is the real deal. James: -I couldn’t stop my hand from moving to her face, my thumb lightly tracing the line between her cheek and jaw. I could tell she only half believed it. It was what she wanted to hear, but it was what I wanted to say as well. Things were never going to be normal between the two of us. I had no chance of normal ever being a part of my life. But I had a chance at Paisley being a part of my life. And that wasn’t something I was ever going to want to be able to give up, as selfish as that might be. - This is the real deal. I’m not faking this, Paisley. It’s not my style. Just know that. -Keeping one arm around her, I sent the other hand into my jacket pocket to pull the box that contained the knife free. I hadn’t been sure if I wanted to give it to her before or after the ceremony, but I thought this was probably the best time. At least it was the time I wanted her to have it, whether that was selfish or not. I pulled away just enough to draw the box between us and bring it into her line of vision.- And I know that you’re not a fan of the guns, but I thought you might like a little something else. -I wasn’t certain how she was going to feel about the knife, just like I wasn’t sure about how she felt about all of this. I didn’t want her to feel like I was forcing into this, but there wasn’t much I could do about the situation. And there weren’t many other choices she was going to be able to make. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and stealing a kiss before I handed her the box. I knew we were in for quite a day, but she deserved as normal as we could manage at least for once.- Paisley: ~I felt my entire body stop as he handed me the box. The comment about not liking guns was almost a surprise. It wasn’t something that I had hidden, but I wasn’t sure what he was going on about. Slipping off the top of the box, I felt my breath leave in a gasp. Sitting on a bed of satin was a perfectly polished knife. The hilt appeared to be solid amethyst. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was, but it was absolutely gorgeous. Setting the box down on the tiny table next to us, I let my fingers dance along the silver blade. There was no doubt in my mind that it would do damage. James wouldn’t give me a weapon if he didn’t intend for me to know how to use it. Picking it up, I let my eyes study every inch of it. At the bottom of the hilt, just on the butt of the knife, the initials PAD were engraved. Paisley Anne Dansby. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted this. He had planned this for me. He planned far enough in advance that he had this ready for me. I didn’t hesitate as I pulled the knife from the box and gently drape it across my finger. It was absolutely perfect. It was weighted to perfection with the end of the blade sitting across my finger. I didn’t give myself a chance to think before I was hurling it at the wall where James stood. He didn’t even blink as the knife embedded itself into the wall. All I could do was stare at the spot.~ James: -I couldn’t help the soft chuckle that left my lips when the knife buried itself into the wall about a foot from my head. Her natural aim wasn’t bad, and the form was spot on. I would have been hard-pressed to believe no one had taught her if I hadn’t known better, if I hadn’t been watching her for years and known that there was no way she could have had anyone show her anything. I had to start trusting my instincts more often. The knife had been a choice I’d made on impulse alone. I didn’t know if she’d be any more open to something like that than the gun. The gun had its advantages. Range and deadliness to name a few, but the knife had it’s own as well. It was easy to conceal, easy to get close to someone, easy to take them out at close range. And for a woman… it was perfect. A woman could get closer to someone than a man could without raising suspicion. The gears were turning. I knew what I was going to work on teaching her for at least the next little while, though I pushed it out of my mind. I had to admit I was impressed. Reaching behind me and pulling the knife out of the drywall in one smooth motion, the plaster that flaked away falling to the floor in a tiny cloud of white dust as I ran my thumb across the blade, cleaning it before I moved to hand it back to woman I was going to marry in less time than seemed possible.- So, I see that suited you. -grinning lightly when she took it from my hand- Well, Miss Ward, shall we take the last steps to make those initials really and truly yours. -moving to tuck a stray strand of the red hair that sat in such a stark contrast to her pale skin behind one ear.- And believe me when I say I want you to be my wife for so many more reasons than I can say. I’m not good at any of this. I never have been, and I’m far too good at lying for you to explicitly trust me. But we’re going to work on that. Now, Paisley… Will you marry me? Paisley: ~There was a lot I wanted to tell him. He was right about the lying thing. He was amazing at it. But even if the short time I had been around him, lying to me wasn’t ever a thing. I wasn’t sure if it was because I knew more about his lifestyle than anyone else, or if it was because he didn’t feel the need to lie to me. I was in this. One way or another, I was going to be a part of his life. Before he handed me my knife, I knew he had a million and one ideas about how I fit into his lifestyle. His words were everything I needed to hear, though. I trusted him with my life. I always had. I think that was why I was so very willing to die when he pointed a gun at my head. James may have been paid to kill my family, but there was something in his eyes from the moment we met. Yes, Riley was his in. But for the first time in my life, someone didn’t want her. He used her the same way she had used a million other guys. But it just lead to her death. It wasn’t something I had ever asked him about. I didn’t know why he decided I was worth it. I could only imagine it was because I wanted nothing from the Ward dynasty. The ease and relief that had been written over my face as he pointed a gun at my head told the entire story of my life. It was something that I wanted to ask. But was now the time? I couldn’t go there, could I? Clearing my throat, I knew the words that were about to tumble from my lips. I wasn’t sure if he was ready for them, but he needed to know the truth.~ You were supposed to kill me. I was the only one left after you pointed a gun to everyone’s head and pulled the trigger. I was willing to die. I was fine with it. You were doing me a favor by ending my life. I didn’t have to be a Ward. I didn’t have to go through the motions. I didn’t have to be the perfect youngest child. You decided, for whatever reason, that I needed to stay alive. And if you think that didn’t have an impact on me, you’re out of your mind. ~I could feel myself getting emotional. But it wasn’t because I was thinking of James as a monster. He had never been a monster to me. He was a savior. He would never go for hearing those words fall from my lips, though.~ Every detail of our relationship should point to me hating you. You brutally killed my family. You put a nine millimeter gun to their heads with a silencer attached to it and pulled the trigger. Without a second though. You threatened my life when you spared me. You vowed that you’d come looking for me eventually. You pulled me out of college. You took me from everything I knew, and we’re here. The middle of fucking nowhere Texas about to get married. Will I marry you? It’s a question that people are asked every day. But I’m not sure how many people accept it in my situation without it being coercion. But it’s not. I don’t have to be standing in front of you. I didn’t have to come to Texas. I could have ignored your text telling me to come. I could have turned you into the police. I could have told them the entire story. You see me in a way that no one else has ever seen me, James. Where everyone else saw a girl that was spoiled and got everything she wanted, you saw that I was struggling to exist in a family that didn’t care about what I wanted. You gave me the opportunity to be who I was supposed to be. You ask me if I’m willing to marry you. The better question is why wouldn’t I marry you? You’re the only person in the world who has ever kept their word to me, James. So yes. Of course, I will marry you. James: -the grin that melted across my face as I pulled a ring out of my pocket and slipped it onto her left ring finger was genuine. There was no way for me to fake that. I’d had the ring since shortly after she brought up getting married, but I hadn’t found the testicular fortitude to give it to her. The black metal set off the blood red stones embedded in it to perfection, and it looked right against her pale skin- Good because there’s no one else I’d ever have asked to do this with me. I can’t explain what happened. I don’t know what I saw, but I know that I have to trust my instincts. And my instincts always told me you had a bigger part to play in my life than just another victim, just another body curled up on the floor. So, I left you. I gave you a chance to prove me wrong, and you never did. You didn’t go run off to the police. You didn’t do anything except wait, even if you waited rather impatiently. -running my fingers along the length of her arm from wrist to shoulder- I can’t say I blame you there. I did wait rather a long time, but I needed to know. I’ve never let anyone into this world with me, not anyone who survived, anyhow. Not even my sisters know what I do. I kept it from them on purpose, but there’s a reason I brought you back to the town I grew up in for all of this, even if I didn’t tell you that’s where we were. This is going back down to the core of who I am, and it’s only fitting that it happens in the town where everything began. -I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. It was nothing like the kisses we usually exchanged that cut off curses strangled in one throat or the other or the ones that began with me catching the fist she swung at an arc straight for my jaw. This was different. I needed her to know that today wasn’t about the two of us not sure if we wanted to murder each other or tear each other’s clothes off.- Paisley: ~The ring was perfect. It was very much how we were. It was dark, but the blood red was more than just the red of the blood he had spilled. It was passion. It was everything that we were together. It was like we knew there were only a handful of ways for us. Especially violent, or especially passionate. We yelled, we cursed, I threw punches at him without fear. He hit walls. But I was denying everything that I felt for this man. I didn’t know why he had chosen to come back here. Hearing that it was where he grew up changed everything. He had slowly been giving me glimpses into his life without revealing what they were. He was giving me information as he thought I needed it. And it was a smart move. I couldn’t reveal his secrets if I didn’t understand them. But he was slowly opening up to me. It was about all I could take. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.~ I love you. ~I just froze after they slipped out. I didn’t know what I was going to hear back, but I wasn’t entirely sure this was the thing I needed to be saying. I shouldn’t have said it. We were making strides in our relationship, but it didn’t need this. It didn’t need me telling him that I was in love with him. He didn’t know that I was either stupid or psychopathic for always being in love with him~ James: -I could feel her body tense as the words I was fairly certain she hadn’t meant to say escaped her lips, but the last thing I wanted was for her to freeze up on me now because of a slip of the tongue. My arms moved around her, tightening their embrace to draw her closer and catch her lips in a kiss. It wasn’t slow and deliberate, but it wasn’t hasty and unthought out either. Something in the middle, and just what I thought both of us needed in the moment. I let it linger just as long as I could before pulling away and looking down into her eyes- I love you too, Paisley. And it’s probably ridiculous, but I don’t care. -keeping my eyes on hers as I kept her chest pinned to mine- Now, shall we take advantage of these clothes and go ahead and get married? Because either way, I’m keeping you. Paisley: ~Looking down at the white dress I was wearing, I had to stop and take a second to think. If I said yes, and we did this, by the end of the day, I was going to be a Dansby. I could truly leave behind the Ward name. I could leave behind all the pain that came along with being a Ward. But taking his last name meant that I had to let go of any kind of resentment I held towards James. I needed to let go of the fact that it took him three years to call me back to him. I had to give him the chance to be more than a guy that killed my family. I had to let go of any anger I felt. I knew for a fact the only thing he had to give me was his word. It was the only thing I could trust. If he couldn’t give me anything else, he could always give me his word. And it was the one thing he would never fall back on. I just needed to let go of the walls I had. The walls that kept me mad at him when I had no reason to be. The violence that kept him at arm’s length. Well, apparently none of that was working. Even without speaking to him, James knew me better than anyone else in the world. He knew my secrets, and understood them in a way I wasn’t sure I understood. I knew the truth, though. The reason he knew me so well was because of his research on the family. That was why he knew that Riley had been the easy target. It was why he knew I was going to be the only person who could survive all of this. It was time to be honest with myself. James was far from a hero. It was something I could never call him. But he was my savior. It didn’t matter that he was going to train me to kill right beside him. What mattered is that he saved me from the Ward hamster wheel. He was my special brand of hero. For that, I owed him everything. I didn’t know how to respond to him telling me he loved me, though. Neither one of us had been good at showing our emotions over the past few weeks. When even a small amount of it started to come through, the walls were thrown back up. We went back to what we knew. Cold and callous or violent and passionate. There was never an in between. In fact, this was the most civil we had been since I came to Texas. But again, I could chalk it all up to it being our wedding day. It could have been James just giving me everything I was asking for. But I knew the truth. He didn’t just say things to make me feel better. He never had. It was the one think I trusted about him. He didn’t care if what he said didn’t work for me. If it was the truth, he was going to say it.~ We’re getting married. And it’s for a legitimate reason. Do not let me down, James. Let’s just make it happen. James: -I reached over and took her hand, and it was probably the first time I’d ever grabbed her hand out of love like that. I’d taken her by the wrist and pulled her into the bedroom before, pushed her up against a wall and pinned her hands above her head, grabbed her hand to stop her from slapping me or landing a punch against my cheek. She had a hell of a right hook, but I’d never had the chance to just hold her hand. We knew what we knew. I’d spent most of my life on my own, as an assassin, and suddenly there was this other person in my life, and in my space. She’d spent most of her life alienating herself from everything there was around her. In essence, we were a lot alike, and we resorted to what we knew best when things got to be too much. For today, I was determined we were going to push past that and into something like what a wedding day should be- You’ve got my word, Paisley. -I gave her fingers a squeeze, running my finger around the engagement ring I’d placed on her finger, the black metal smooth under my touch and couldn’t help the smile as I leaned in to steal another kiss, this one soft and sincere instead of heated and hungry.- Paisley: ~The moment he gave me his word, I knew the truth. He was going to do this for me. Every word he had said previously hadn’t been a lie. I could trust him. I had always trusted him, but this time was different. It wasn’t about us arguing. It wasn’t about him making me see his side of a fight. It was that he wanted to love me. He wanted this to be perfect for me. Even if the circumstances surrounding it were anything but. I felt myself relax as he pressed his lips to mine. This wasn’t something I had ever expected from him. I wasn’t used to this soft, tender side of him. He didn’t outright show that he cared about me. I knew he was attracted to me. I knew we were a huge ball of fire. But things were different now. This kiss was almost a promise of what was to come. Pulling away from the kiss, I look up into the blue eyes that I knew were seeing me in a different way. The bright blue focusing to take in every detail of my face as if he was trying to memorize me in this moment. I wanted to hold it for a while longer. I wanted to bask in this feeling. It was a new look for him. Most of the time, those eyes were as sharp as ice. The blue cold and hard as he pegged me with a stare. All of this was different. I could feel myself struggling for a breath as I felt James places his forehead against mine. We were both opening ourselves up to something new. Something we weren’t ever sure about.~ Get me out of here before I tear that suit off of you, James. Because if you keep looking at me that way, I’m going to explode. James: -chuckling lowly as I pulled away, keeping her hand in mine to guide her towards the door. She was right. If the two of us didn’t get out the door we weren’t going to be able to. I needed her to be mine formally anyhow. She was for all intents and purposes, but some part of me needed to have the paperwork signed and all the dotted i’s and crossed t’s in place. And I knew exactly who I intended to do it. It didn’t take long to get Paisley downstairs and into the car I had waiting outside the building. My grandmother’s farm wasn’t a long drive from here. It was, in essence, where I had grown up, where my sisters and I had lived after our parents died. I technically owned a piece of it, and Char didn’t live there anymore. She and Cort had moved when she married Peter over a year ago. I shot off one quick text to my little sister, letting her know to meet us there before I put the car into gear and pulled out onto the highway. The town gave way to fence posts and fields, open flat land where you could see for miles. One turn down a dirt road had me closing the distance fast between us and the old house. It needed painting, and the tin roof was starting to rust in a couple of places, but it was still sound. Even my grandmother’s rocking chairs were still in their place on the front porch. I pulled into the side of the yard and put the car in gear, glancing over at Paisley* Ready? Paisley: ~Stepping out into the yard, I could only stare in wonder. I knew where I was supposed to be. And it was supposed to be here. I could feel the question on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t entirely sure I should ask it. Instead, I just stood there for a second and took a breath. This was where I was supposed to be. With this man. I could feel the sun sinking into my skin, and all I could do was smile. Pressing my body against his, I felt myself relax slightly. Was I ready to be married? Of course, I was. But the question was loaded. Because after the wedding, everything was going to change. And I knew he was asking me if I was ready for that as well.~ I’m ready for every adventure we’re going to take, James. And we’re coming back to this house. I don’t care if you train me here or if we just come back to relax after something. We’re coming back. James: -laughing softly as I watch her eyes take in the house in front of us. I had an idea what she might think of the place, but her reaction was a little stronger than I’d expected- It was my Grandmother’s and, since I own part of it, we can come back any time you want. My younger sister used to live here with her son, but she moved about a year ago. She’s supposed to be here any second. -eyes trailing down the dirt road to find a trail of dust coming down the road we’d just pulled off of. I could only assume that was Char, and she was right on time.- -It was a perfect day. I couldn’t have asked for better. Sometimes during this time of year it could be scorching one minute and freezing the next, everything ranging from snow to thunderstorms, but the sun was shining today and the air was warm but not humid. I didn’t know if I believed in good omens or fate, but if it was possible, it seemed like today was the day that was meant for this to happen.- Char: -When James had called and told me that he wanted me to perform his wedding ceremony, I figured he was just drunk so I just agreed, it wasn’t until he texted me a website link a few days later that I realized he was serious. I logged right on to themonastery.org. I joined the ranks of Lady Gaga, Stephen Colbert, and Richard Branson and got myself ordained. I was a Universal Life Church minister. Peter spent a full day calling me “The Right Reverend Charlotte Dansby Whitlock.” I’d written the ceremony out on note cards so that I didn’t screw this up. I personally thought this was a little odd, but it was James and he’d always done things however he wanted. I pulled the truck down Nana’s driveway and waved at James and Paisley as I parked. Nana’s yard looked great. The warm weather had ensured that all the early blooming flowers were out. I walked over to where James and Paisley stood and with my note cards in hand, I started reading.- Today we’re here to join you two in marriage and to share in the joy of this momentous occasion, which should be one of the most memorable and happy days of your life. On this day, the day of your marriage, you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings. You stand within the charmed circle of your love; and this is exactly how it should be. But, love is not meant to be the possession of two people alone rather it should serve as a source of common energy, as a form in which you find the strength to live your lives with courage. From now on, you must come closer together than ever before, you must love each other in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, but at the same time your love should give you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contributions to the the world which is always both a part of us and more than us. Being assured that y’all are both aware of the meaning and significance of this ceremony and its importance in each of your lives from now on, I will now ask you to repeat the marriage vows. James, do you take Paisley to be your lawful, wedded wife, to love honor and cherish her through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part? James: -Char didn’t miss a beat as she strolled across the yard, note cards in hand. I knew she thought I was probably crazy, but she’d logged onto the site and sent me a screenshot of the confirmation that she was ordained as a minister already. I knew she was going to help me here. I couldn’t imagine asking anyone else, and my sister was going to keep this under her hat as long as I asked her to. She might have been the one I teased mercilessly and landed in some less than reputable situations when we were kids, but she was always there for me when I needed her, just like I was always there for her. She started reading the ceremony with a grin, throwing in y’all in the place of you in all the right places, just enough to sound exactly like our grandmother had when I’d lived here with her. It fit perfectly. It didn’t take her long to get to the I Do’s. This ceremony wasn’t going to be long and drawn out, or overly elaborate. It was going to get the job done, which was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be married to Paisley, and I wanted my sister to be a part of it. I didn’t have a lot of family left in the world, but I was about to add one person to it. With a simple nod, I threaded my fingers between Paisley’s and pulled her closer, holding her hand as I turned to face her for my reply with a genuine grin.- I do. Charlotte: Paisley, do you take James to be your lawful wedded husband, to love honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part? Paisley: ~I was nervous for some reason. I hadn’t had the time to consider everything, but the truth was that I was terrified. As soon as I said the words, I was going to be in a spot I could never get out of. But did I really want to get out of it? I never had. Not since the moment James had walked into my life. Not since he walked up and introduced himself to Riley. Not after I let him get away knowing I owed him my life. I went as far as to turn into Riley to get his attention. I was the reason all of this had happened. I was the reason we were standing here about to say I Do not even three hours after saying I love you for the first time. But it wasn’t something I wanted to change. At all. It was something I was incredibly happy with. This was what I wanted for the rest of my life. There was an unpredictability with James that I needed. He was the ultimate thrill ride, and I wanted this. He may have a job in a very violent profession, but I knew he was anything but that with the people he cared about. He could be warm and loving. He could be the guy that held you no matter what. I didn’t hesitate longer than a second as I took a breath.~ I do. Charlotte: Now, y’all join hands with the knowledge that by the act of joining hands you take to yourself the relation of husband and wife, and solemnly promise to love, honor, comfort, and cherish each other so long as you both shall live. Therefore, in accordance with the law of the State of Texas and by the virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Texas and The Universal Life Church, I pronounce you husband and wife. -It was taking all of my willpower to not mention all of the nieces and nephews I hoped these two would be giving me and Anne. They looked happy and in love and I was happy that I’d been able to be a part of this.- Y’all came here as two separate and single people and y’all leave here as a married couple, united to each other by the binding contract you’ve just entered. Everything-your cares, worries, pleasures, joys, and disappointments-you now must share with each other. I love the both of you and wish nothing but the best for the both of you. James, you may now kiss the bride. James: -I knew the circumstances were odd. I knew there was nothing normal about this relationship. We’d said our first I love you’s not long ago, I was responsible for her basically being an orphan. I’d taken her out of everything she knew more than once, shaken her world up to the point where nothing was the same. And here I was doing it again. And without apology. She could have easily said no. I don’t. I wouldn’t have blamed her for a moment, and contrary to what she believed, it wouldn’t have been the end of of her. It would have changed some plans. But what kind of assassin would I have been if I hadn’t been able to roll with a few changes. She didn’t, though. She’d said I do, and I believed with everything I had in me that she meant it. My arms wound around her waist to pull her into my chest, pressing my lips to hers in the customary kiss. It was different than the usual kisses we exchanged between bouts of yelling at each other or throwing things, even different than the one we’d shared this morning getting ready for all of this. It was the first kiss we shared as Mr. and Mrs. Dansby. She was mine, even more so than she had been before, and whether or not she understood it I was hers. I had been since the day I left her dripping wet, but alive in the bathroom of her parents’ penthouse. I’d stayed away as far as she knew, but I’d always been there, always been watching. I saw how she handled everything, how different she had been from the family she’d never fit into. And it drew me in closer, got my attention and kept it. I knew all about her. I saw everything, even the stupid decisions she made just to pull me back in to her, though she didn’t know I’d never gone far. I had a lot to make up for, and it was foreign territory for me to have someone I cared about enough to feel as if I owed them anything. I knew that I owed her. I owed her this and a whole hell of a lot more. It was impossible to put all of that into a kiss, but I could try. - Paisley: ~Officially, I was Mrs. Dansby. And with my lips against James’, I was slightly comforted. This was about James loving me. This wasn’t about me being alive because he saved me. This was him telling me that this was exactly what he wanted for the rest of our lives. Well, for the time being. The only thing I could do was melt into his embrace. I wanted to believe that this was for all the right reasons instead of all the wrong reasons. I had to pretend that this wasn’t about a cover or anything else. I needed this to be about me. About how he couldn’t survive without me. The years between him killing my family and returning for me were torture. There was so much anger and passion and resentment in those years. And even in the time that we had been together now. But this was different. I could feel it in the way he held me. I could feel it in the way his lips molded against mine. We weren’t yelling and screaming. We just were. It was something we hadn’t done much of together. But this was right. I couldn’t help the soft giggle that slid through my lips as my arms wound around James’ neck. Our life wasn’t perfect. Not by a long shot, but I knew that this was where I wanted to spend every night. I wanted to be wrapped up in this man’s arms. I wanted everything to be okay simply for that reason. And as much as he didn’t seem like the type, he would spoil me with everything he had simply because it could bring a smile to my face. I couldn’t stop from whispering the words against his lips again for the second time that day.~ I love you, Mr. Dansby. James: -I heard her whisper, though it was soft enough for even me to miss. I couldn’t miss the way her lips brushed against mine in the kiss or how her arms twined around my neck. She was laughing, and I loved the sound of it more than I could say. I didn’t know what this was going to bring, or how my life was going to change after today. But I knew that I was ready for whatever it brought. It was time for a change, and Paisley was the perfect reason for it. Maybe we just had this day to be something like normal before things went into the crazy sweep of life that was inevitable around me, before we got back into our pattern of love and hate, fight and fuck. I was selfish enough to take it, and make it last as long as I could. My fingers ran gently through her hair, arms tightening around her waist while I got lost to the point where I almost forgot Char was there. I let the grin on my face broaden as I pulled away enough to murmur- I love you too, Mrs. Dansby. #IDoButDoYou

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