#still better than the other option i had. the other prof attacks anything he possibly can just 2 show dominance

[stinkbeck]

my biggest issue is that idgaf if this dialogue sucks or not. like who cares. my thesis advisor isn't even gonna read it + my second reader gave an excessive amount of criticism 2 my friend last year whose writing was like legitimately flawless. he tore this thing to shreds when it had been snatched up by an agent before being completed. like how can i give a fuck.

[votederpycausemufins]

Welp, this fic i thought i wasn’t even going to continue is now longer at 17 chapters than War in Hermittown which was 26 chapters. And I’m not done here yet! (WiHT ended with 56,719 words. SF was at 55,597 last chapter, and this one is over 3k words, putting it to at least 58k total)

tagging time! @petrichormeraki and @helleborusangel are you guys proud of me?

Xannes and Tommy turned their weapons on Theseus. “How’d you find this place bitch?” The hels copy just rolled his eyes before gesturing over to Dream. “What, you were tracking him?”

“He’s an admin using a console. Find the console, find the admin.” Theseus replied, which confused Tommy. “Right, you wouldn’t know about that, would you.”

Tommy glanced back to Xannes. “Any clue what he’s talking about?”

“Yes. Before command blocks, datapacks, plugins and autofill commands, a lot of admins would default to consoles. These days most people tend to ignore them, but there are some benefits. Though the negatives usually make it seem like the worst option.”

“Why’s that?”

“Admins have better control over everything else. A console is more powerful and capable of much more, but it’s disconnected from the admin. It tends to be stationary in the world and needs to be hidden, and while there are ways to make them moveable, it’s usually not worth the hassle.”

Theseus smiled. “Oh look who’s not as much of an idiot as they seem. Another question then. Why are you still getting in the way? You want those scraps of metal? Take them. He’s the one I’m after.” And he pointed at Dream.

“You haven’t fucking told us why though.” Tommy crossed his arms.

“You didn’t really need to know.” Theseus said before sighing and taking off his mask. “But if that’s the only thing that’ll make you let me through, fine. Nightmare’s dead in my world. I killed him myself. Used up his three lives.”

“You guys still have the three lives system? I thought everything in hels was… y’know, worse?” Tommy asked.

“Oh it is. Exactly why I want Nightmare back.”

There was silence save for the continued sound of weapons banging off each other. “You… you want to what?”

Theseus shrugged. “The bitch never really got what was coming to him. Sure it’s the NSMP, and it’s technically named after him, but his name is based on a concept. He’s not the one in charge, he just made a place where nightmares can become reality. He just never got that chance because he’s dead. And with how hels works, he can’t come back. That is… unless I can bring Dream back with me.”

“That seems like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.” Xannes spoke up. “There’s no guarantee how that will work, especially since he was an admin. You’re setting yourself up for a disaster for both your world and this one.”

“And so what? I die? If I can’t do this right, why bother sticking around.”

“Then I might die too bitch!” Tommy yelled at his copy. “And I definitely don’t want to go out just like that.”

“Plus there are other people linked here.” Xannes spoke, pulling up commands. “Now, you’re going to want to stop, or I’m going to have to attack.”

“Oh please, what can you do?”

“My brother is known as the best admin of all time. Which meant I needed to be the best hacker.” Xannes smiled behind his mask. “And with Prof and NPG around, I haven’t gotten to try anything out in a while, so I’m going to really enjoy this.”

Tommy could almost feel the danger that was Xannes before he moved. He swung his sword once, and even though Theseus was more than ten blocks away, it was like the blade had hit him. He then pulled out a crossbow along with his sword, managing to duel wield the weapons. And then even though the second weapon kept being fired, it seemed to always be filled with ammo, not giving Theseus any rest from attacks, not to mention the fact that it was also multishot.

Tommy used that as a chance to run over to the bots. “Alright you two, I don’t care what the fuck’s been going on with you two, you need to fucking stop before you kill each other.”

“He deserves to die!” Jrum shouted, not looking away from his brother. 

“Jrum, I’ve told you about the guy that kinda isolated and manipulated me? The one Big G compared to Sam?”

“Yeah, and Grum’s just as bad!” Jrum said before attempting to attack again, instead just getting pulled back by Tommy.

“No! No he isn’t! That guy Grum’s been stuck with? That green bitch right there? That’s the fucker who was messing with me! And now he’s been doing it to Grum.”

“Yeah right.” Jrum crossed his arms, and Tommy slapped the back of his head, wincing as pain coursed through his body from damaging the vines. It caused the teen to flinch back, making the bottles in his inventory clank together.

Hearing the bottles made Tommy remember what he had on him. He had no clue how well the water worked, but right now it was better than nothing. He pulled them out and smashed them on top of Jrum’s head like a water balloon, the water covering Jrum and getting into his mechanics. It caused a short circuit and it seemed to fry the vines from within, but also Jrum. As the circuitry within him sparked, it damaged the vines, causing even more damage to Jrum, until it killed him.

“NO! JRUM!” Tommy yelled, freaking out about having just killed someone in his family. Beside him, Grum just stared at the place where Jrum had been standing a minute ago, the body having dissolved into smoke. 

Life Counter active. Entity Check Jrumbot. Death: canon. Life counter: 1 life remaining. Commence respawn. Respawn complete.

Teleport Requested. Assessing. Assessing. Allowing Teleport. Entity Jrumbot Teleported to Deathpoint coordinates.

Just like that, Jrumbot reappeared. He wasn’t completely covered with the vines, but he still retained the single vine around his antenna and his screen was still a red color. “Oh thank goodness, I thought you might have had a single life left.”

“Well now I do, no thanks to you!”

When Tommy had yelled, Xannes looked away from his fight. Theseus was able to finally close the distance and attack Xannes without the helsmit protecting himself, but he didn’t need to, the hacks keeping him from taking damage. “He’s using a console…”

Theseus tried attacking Xannes again. “Yeah, we covered that already. Why’s it soooo surprising now?”

“Because the console is Grum.”

That made Theseus scoff. “Wasn’t it obvious? It’s a computer that’s always near Dream. It’s essentially a console with fewer drawbacks. Even more powerful than a regular console too.”

When Theseus said that, Tommy turned his anger on Dream. “Ohhh, I can’t fucking believe you. I mean, that is an absolute child. At least with me, I was older, practically an adult, but he hasn’t even had a birthday and you decided to mess with him! As if you didn’t have a death wish already! I mean, guess that’s why you got everyone blocked. What if I just asked Grum to unblock everyone, what then?”

“And what? Just let Phil and Techno back in? What would that help with?”

“Oh please, you know their dad would be the first one in. Doesn’t that scare you?” Tommy asked with a smirk, though it fell in a few moments. “Wait do you actually not know who their dad is?”

“Just because he’s supposed to be another one of your brothers doesn’t mean anything. They’re hardly something I can’t deal with.”

“Can’t deal wi- Dream! Their dad is Grian! You know, the guy who literally has the name Dreamslayer? Like that’s part of his legal name at this point.” Tommy could tell when it got through to Dream, because he pressed back in his invisible prison just a bit and started looking for some possible way out.

He ended up snapping his fingers at Grum. “Hey, get me out of here.” And then Grum processed the information and teleported Dream a couple blocks to his left, freeing him from the barrier blocks.

“Oh shit. Xannes! He got o-” Was all Tommy was able to say before he was pressed against a wall, feet no longer touching the ground and him left struggling for air.

“You know, I could kill you right here. It would be easy. But for all I know, you come back as a ghost. So I’ve got a better idea. Just to make sure that if you do come back, it hurts even more. Grumbot?” He looked over at the robot, who immediately made its way over to Dream’s side. He handed it a netherite axe with the word ‘Nightmare’ etched into the metal. 

“No, c-come on Grum. You c-can’t do th-this.” Tommy did his best to get the words out. “Pl-Please… c-can you l-let everyone in a-at least.”

“Oh come on. He’s loyal to me. Why would you think-”

“That command is protected and requires a password to access.”

For a moment, Tommy lost all hope, but in a moment of clarity, he realized that Dream didn’t know Grum would say anything. If that were the case, there wouldn’t be a password. Yeah, Tommy could be wrong, but there was still a chance. “M-Mumbo for Mayor…” He choked out, and immediately Grumbot started processing the password, then accepted it.

“Blacklist disabled.”

“Kill Tommy!” Dream yelled in anger. And then Tommy was hit by the axe. Once. Twice. And then a third and final time.

Life Counter active. Entity Check TommyInnit. Death: canon. Life counter: no lives remaining. No respawn applicable.

No. 

Commencing Respawn. Respawn complete.

Teleport Requested. Assessing. Assessing. Allowing Teleport. Entity Tommy Teleported to Coordinates X-3, Y-3, Z-3. Returning inventory contents.

Tommy was holding his chest, panting to catch his breath. He was so sure he was dead. But no. Here he was, away from Dream and still with all his gear. That had probably been Xannes saving him, and healing him as well based on his current level of health.

For a moment, Tommy wanted to rush back in there, but then he remembered. The blacklist had been disabled. People could get in. He pulled out the communicator and sent a message to Grian, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. Then he put it away and tried to go back over to the bots, but his legs were shaky, and in just trying to take one step, he fell to the floor.

Even though he wasn’t close to death, he could still feel himself fading while at the same time it felt like everything was happening at once. Every sound seemed louder, what little breeze there was felt like pins and needles. And he just felt tired. As his vision went in and out, he saw Jrum rush off. Then Theseus stopped fighting and went after Dream. Then the three of them were gone. Then he was up in the air, something picking him up.

Finally, he felt the buzz of his communicator, and everything went dark.

The moment Grian got the message from Tommy, Grian made a Watcher portal straight to the SMP. The others nearby were slightly surprised that it was to let them follow along, but they weren’t arguing. Tubbo was the first to go through, Phil and Techno following behind. Grian was about to be right behind them, but was stopped by a hand. “You’re not keeping me from going Mumbo.”

“I know that. I wasn’t going to.” The redstoner spoke before taking Grian’s hand. “You’re the one always jumping into things, and that’s mostly a good thing. But this is something I don’t want to be left out of, so whether you like it or not, I’m coming with.”

“What? Did you think I was going to leave you behind? I wasn’t going to close the portal behind me. I was hoping you would come too, I was just letting you decide.”

“Good. ...So, do we want to…?” Mumbo started to say before he was yanked towards the portal as Grian ran through it, dragging him along.

When they arrived on the other side, Phil was the only one nearby, sitting down next to the portal. “Hey. Before you ask, I volunteered to wait while the other two went off in their own directions. That was only a few minutes ago. Haven’t heard anything back from them.”

Grian nodded. “I’m going to try contacting Tommy. Mumbo, those coordinates Tommy forwarded to me before? Can you check them out?”

“Definitely.” Mumbo nodded, pulling out his own communicator and checking the coordinates and which was to go to reach them.

“I’ll see if I can find anyone who could give us information.” Phil offered before immediately leaving, leaving Grian alone.

Alright, if I were one of the kids or Tommy… where would I be?” Grian asked himself, looking around before spotting something red in the distance. “Oh hello there. What’s that?” He quickly got into the air, flying over instead of trying to cross the rough terrain. “Tommy did send something about Jrum and red plants, didn’t he?” Grian bent down to try and touch the stuff, but was surprised when it seemed to move away. 

A voice spoke and then Grian was left looking around, trying to spot who had spoken. “What do you mean don’t touch it? I’m trying to find my kid and the best lead I have right now are these things.” Then he was left looking around again. “Oh, if that’s the case, then why not ditch the invisibility potion and meet me face to face?” Another short bout of silence and then Grian growled slightly, clenching his fists. “Then maybe I will.” And he started following the moving plants, the vines moving to almost create a path as they parted near him.

They snaked into an underground room and then down a thin tunnel. Grian had a little trouble getting through with his wings, not wanting to shift them away in case he ended up needing them suddenly. When he finally reached the end, he was greeted by what was obviously two teams of people fighting. One group was all in purples meanwhile the other group had a mix of colors, but there were a lot of reds and whites.

When it didn’t look like anyone noticed him, Grian moved forward a bit, cleared his throat, and then shouted. “HEY!” Immediately everyone froze and looked over at him. “Excuse me, I’m sure you’re having a lovely war and all, but I’m looking for my kids. The two of them are about… these heights and are adorable little robots.”

“Are you saying you’re one of Jrum’s parents?” Someone in a black and white cloak said, and Grian nodded at them.

“Yeah. Is he here? Or do you at least know where he is?” Grian asked, before the person attempted to attack him. Immediately his wings moved to act as a quick shield. “I’m guessing that’s a yes, but you don’t want me around.” Grian pulled out his sword. “Eh, I was expecting an ambush anyway.”

But before another attack could happen, the voice from before spoke, seemingly to the cloaked person. “So what?! He abandoned his kid! If that were true he would have shown up!”

“Hey, I tried getting in. Your admin just found a way to keep me out until now. Now, are you going to listen to your friend and tell me where Jrum is, or are you going to fight?”

The incoming sword worked as the answer to Grian’s question and he blocked it with a shield before attacking back. The person tried moving behind some vines hanging from the ceiling, but Grian just sliced them to the ground, clearing the area. “Wait, how are you doing that?!” The person asked before Grian flew up to bash their head with the end of his shield and knock them to the ground. 

“Nooo! What are you doing!” A voice yelled out and Grian turned around to see a familiar robot running over.

“Jrum!” Grian landed, arms open for a hug, but he just pushed past his dad to run to the person now on the ground. “Wh-what?”

“Are you okay?”

“Nggh… yeah. Wait, now where have you been?”

“I got kidnapped and Grum was there and he attacked me! But now I’m fine!”

Grian looked between his son and the person he had been attacking. He had no clue why this was happening, so he looked over as some of the other people nearby, who weren’t sure how to answer him. “Oh come on, no one had any idea?” And then the invisible person spoke. “I mean I guess? He was built before the turf war, but he didn’t really take part in it. Why? Look, I just want to get my kid and leave. My resistance days are pretty much over.”

There was quiet before Grian sighed and his wings shifted away. “Fine, I’ll play along, but you better hold up your end.” And when he opened his eyes, they weren’t their normal color, nor even just bright purple from using his watcher powers. Instead, his iris and pupils seemed to be missing, replaced by grayish-purple sclera.

“Well at the very least it was a house.” Xannes grumbled as he attempted to brush off the layer of dust on the bed sitting in the corner for him to then put Tommy on. It was tough with him having to carry the unconscious teen and only really about to use a leg as a duster, which was just spreading the dust around. “Can this be any harder?!”

A door opening behind him made the helsmit groan. “That’s wasn’t a fucking request! What the fuck do you-” He turned around and saw someone familiar and thankfully wearing a red tie. “Fine. This works. You take the kid.”

Mumbo was handed Tommy and Xannes finally was able to just pick the covers up off the bed and shake them off. It left Mumbo coughing and Xannes instantly regretting it as an alert on his screen warned him about his filters, but he put the blankets back down. The redstoner set Tommy down on the bed while Xannes worked on cleaning out the dust that was now in his helmet. “What happened to him?”

“He got killed, but respawn brought him back. It didn’t seem to be the best respawn because it hit hard. From what I can tell, he wasn’t supposed to. Is this a hardcore world?”

Mumbo shook his head. “Tommy said something about them having three lives, but they only counted if they were important.”

“So he essentially just got revived instead of normally respawning. That would explain it. You should have seen the three that got revived this season.”

“That’s right, you permakill someone if they don’t return for a season, don’t you.”

“Yeah. Of course they can still exist elsewhere, but it's a type of ban in a way.”

Mumbo nodded before finally looking away from Tommy and over to Xannes. “H-Have you seen either of the boys?”

“Yes, though they’re not doing so well. You know what a console is, right?”

“Yeah.” Mumbo nodded again. “I had to use one when I was first starting out so I didn’t break everything when working with redstone. Came in handy a few times, but I’m glad not using one anymore. Is there one being used here?”

“Yeah. The admin here decided to have fun with one since he found a way to make it mobile thanks to your redstone.”

“My red- wait!” Mumbo jumped up from kneeling on the floor next to the bed. “Are you telling me he’s using one of the boys?!”

“Yeah, Grumbot. He’s extremely out of it, but Tommy was able to get him to remove the blacklist and I’m pretty sure he’s the one who revived him, so it’s not a completely lost cause. Meanwhile the other one got infected with something like crimson nylium. I’m not sure how bad your land war went, but ours got out of hard fast.”

“We had a bit of trouble near the end, but the minigame battle near the end kept things from getting too far.”

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t end up like helscraft. Most of us ended up possessed by the different nyliums for a good portion of the war. And looks like Jrum is in the same situation.”

Alright, I’ll let the others know and hope Grian notices the message.”

“How many came along with the two of you?”

“Same group that we visited with. They came from here in the first place anyway, so they’ve got a better chance finding what we need.”

“Hello? Ranboo? Are you in here?” Tubbo asked, carefully stepping into the house. They had been planning to set up the second floor for Michael when he disappeared, so hopefully Ranboo would still be living there at least a little, unless he had taken the ziglin elsewhere. 

The place was dark, all the windows closed and no torches or lanterns there to light the place up. It left Tubbo fumbling around, trying to feel his way around and wishing he had brought something for light. He tripped on something and fell to the ground, rubbing his head and hoping he hadn’t damaged anything. Then suddenly, something lit up, and Tubbo froze.

He had looked behind him to try and see if he could tell what had tripped him. He could barely make out the outline of a foot. Following up, it led up to a glowing screen with a smiley face plastered on it. Just behind that, Tubbo could also see two glowing magenta eyes from an enderman standing behind the robot. 

Before Tubbo could ask any questions, a voice came from elsewhere in the dark room. “You know. As far as everyone knows, you're dead. How about we keep it that way?”

[autistic-poohbear]

Potential TWs: mentions of medical trauma, ableism, panic attacks/meltdowns

So yesterday I had kind of a... scare? I guess? Basically I had my (online) appointment with my autism coach and she insisted on talking about possible future treatments for me etc etc and basically

What she wanted to do is take me out to do things (like taking the bus) and then, if I were to have an anxiety attack/panic attack/meltdown she would “keep pushing me further” because allowing myself to quit before reaching a panic attack or whatsoever or even letting me quit while having a panic attack would be “giving into my anxiety” and the only way to work past my anxiety/panic disorder (prof. Dx) is to continually push myself into panic attacks (in public, mind you, in a town where everyone knows everyone and there’ll be a 100% chance of someone I know witnessing me having a proper breakdown in public which is really an embarrassing and horrifying idea to me)

I’ve been through therapists who tried this method with me. And it fucked me up and traumatised me to the point where I refused to seek help for my mental health for 2-3 years even though I desperately needed it because even just thinking about going through that again is enough to send me spiralling into panic attacks

So yeah my coach bringing this up like this sent me into a panic attack, and I told her that if she was going to do that I would instantly stop trusting her and stop treatment all together, which at least she listened to that and will try to come up with “different options” but all my trust in her and this organisation is gone right now and I doubt I will trust them enough to go out and learn to do things with them, which was the entire point of me going to them in the first place

I also told my parents about this (mostly because they could tell I had a panic attack and asked what was wrong and while starting to panic all over again I word vomited about the situation to them) but they agreed that this definitely is not okay and will not help me whatsoever and they’re going to make an appointment with my autism coach to sit her down and really make her realise how much this would fuck me up and that it’s definitely not happening

My dad said that he thinks instead of pushing me through situations that cause me to panic/meltdown is going to just make my mental health worse (which is very true) and instead we should find different ways for me to be able to do the Thing and then as an example he gave that he knows I’m terrified of our gas stove due to my massive phobia of fire and it’s keeping me from cooking so that way I can’t learn how to cook and instead of forcing me to cook with the gas stove him and my mom are looking into electric stoves and getting one so I can learn to cook without going through constant anxiety and stuff

And I was so relieved when he said that because that is the exact type of treatment I need and he’s been super ableist in the past (and still is at times) but the fact that he’s at least realising that this is the actual way to help me is such a relief, because that means that at least I won’t be forced or guilted into “help” that actually only makes things worse

I’m doing better again today but ngl this situation fucked me up. I genuinely can’t feel like I can trust this organisation anymore (or my coach, for that matter) and I’m going to have to deal with a new coach soon and I’m worried that I won’t be able to trust her either and I’ll have to give up on this and really just do it all on my own. And yeah this shows that the mental health field is fucked up. This is supposed to be an organisation specified to work with autistic people but they don’t seem to know what they’re doing, maybe that’s just me, because I seem to be way “slower” than their other clients and maybe they just don’t know how to deal with me specifically but Idk. I just don’t know how to feel about this all anymore

(Mind you, my mom and I both also kept telling my coach that we wouldn’t do anything big during February because it’s Not My Month for reasons that she knows about, she’s said multiple times that we wouldn’t really do anything during February but now she’s pulled this crap, and this is the second week in a row that she’s made me have panic attacks/meltdowns as well)

[sky-girls]

Driving Me Wild

I think this one is shorter than usual but it’s done and that’s what matters after all this time right? XDD Its also a little more serious than usual but well i had a rough week some feelings sneaked into this. Anyway i very very hope you guys enjoy this!

The Bold Way

“So what comes next, prof?” She asks him between a mouthful of pizza. She is on his house, eating his food and her dad is supposed to come pick her up soon. He has  been kind of avoiding the topic of teaching her how to flirt all weekend and she is curious to know what comes next. If anything comes next, maybe he is done with this whole situation already.  

She wouldn’t blame him she just needs to know what comes now, even if it’s nothing.

“Well we need to keep studying for your math test.” He says after swallowing his pizza bite, like the rich snob he is.

“I don’t mean that, you dork.” She tells him rolling her eyes. “Though it is important, yes.”

“Ah, you mean the other thing.” He says and he seems a little hesitant.

“Yes, the flirting thing.” She says slowly. “We don’t have to keep going if you don’t want, you know?”

“No, no, no.” He says shaking his head. “It’s okay, I just got distracted with our tests and homework and all.”

She just nods and starts picking at the crust of the homemade pizza he made them. Luna sighs. Matteo is always helping her and taking care of her in some way or another and it’s not like she is a bad friend or something but sometimes she wishes she could do the same for him, she is kind of a mess, she is not good at taking care of people and there’s not much she can actually help him with when he has almost everything in life figured out already. But something good she must be doing, there must be a reason he keeps her around, she just hopes this reason is good enough that maybe he could see her as something more than just friends.

“I guess what comes next is the bold way.” Luna jumps a little, startled. She hadn’t realized matteo was still thinking of this.

“And what is that?” She asks.

“It’s exactly what it sounds like.” He tells her. “You just make it very very clear you like this person.”

“How do you do that?” She asks perking up, this one she wants to know.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Pick up lines I guess, telling them they look good or hot or complimenting them a lot.”

She nods, this she can do, she is very bad at pick up lines so she will probs go for some funny ones but she hopes that it works too and telling Matteo how well he looks or how good he is at something is always at the tip of her tongue but he is so egocentric she keeps it all inside she will just have to let it out. And hope his ego doesn’t get too big to fit into his house.

“I can do that.” She mumbles and he chuckles.

“Yes, you can, of course.” He says.

“I don’t know if you are saying this sarcastically or not.” She announces sitting more straight. “But I am gonna do this greatly, spectacularly even, you will be amazed at how good I will be at this.”

“I can’t wait.” He says laughing, but there’s something weird on that laugh.

Day 1

She wouldn’t say she has low self esteem or anything like this but she is definitely not the most confident person on earth either, so just boldly approaching someone and telling how good looking they are to her or how hot she thinks they are how much she likes them is never an actual option. Luna, as most people in this world, is quiet afraid of rejection in emotional matters.

Which is why she rather take this whole thing, at least on the beginning, as something humorous, it’s easier to go with something funny and light than say something honest and see how he reacts, see how weird he might find it or hoe uncomfortable he might be with it.

So by monday morning she has armed herself with a bunch of pick up lines she found on google and is ready to use them.

She is almost giddy about this whole thing, she wants to see how Matteo reacts, this is the closest she thinks she will get to seeing how Matteo feels about them maybe being something other than friends, maybe he will feel flattered, maybe this will help him think of her as something else, she honestly has no idea what could happen but there’s excitement buzzing on her skin as she walks through the hallways of the school looking for Matteo.

She sees him talking to Ramiro exactly where he had texted her he was and a she takes a deep breath to not give in to her giggles.

“Hi.” She says normally and Matteo turns to her slowly but before he can talk she continues. “Are you wearing space pants?”

“Luna no.” He says when he realizes what she is doing but the the way his eye slight up and the corners of his lips lift contradict his horrified expression

“Cause your ass is out of this world.” She says as seriously as it’s possible and Matteo dissolves into loud laughter in a matter of seconds, his laugh fills the hallways and people look a them. Luna can’t help it and starts laughing herself loud and free, and proud too, to be honest.

“You two are the fucking weirdest.” Ramiro says before leaving with a wave. Probably not willing to deal with this so early. She can’t blame him.

“I can’t believe you.” Matteo says wheezing and struggling to breath.

“You told me to use pick up lines.” She defends herself through laughs.

“Not this kind Valente, please.” He tells her and she pretends to pout.

“The rest of the day is going to be very bad then.” She says sadly and Matteo looks at her surprised.

“Please, no.” He starts and Luna sighs.

“But I already learned them I can not use them.” She tells him with puppy eyes and he actually facepalms.

“Luna, no, for real this is the worst.” He tells her still laughing.

“Are you saying you don’t like my pick up lines?” She asks. “I think they are great.”

“You are lying and we both know it.”

“No, i do think they are great.” She says seriously. “Here, listen to this one.”

“I am going to class.” He says and starts walking, so Luna starts walking behind him.

“Are you a parking ticket?” She asks laughing already.

“No!” He exclaims and puts his hand over his ears knowing well that she will keep talking.

“Cause you've got fine written all over you.” She exclaims happily and he she can hear a muffled sound coming from him.

“Go to class!” He exclaims. “Leave me alone!”

“You know, Matteo?” She asks. “if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged”

“This is harassment.” He says  seriously as she turns around. “I’m gonna complain with the principal.”

“I can not believe you don’t like this.” She tries to pout but her smile doesn’t really let her.

“You need better pick up lines, delivery girl.” He tells her. “This are not working at all.”

“But they are pick up line.” She says with a shrug.

“Yes, but the other person will think you are taking this as a joke.” He tells and she sighs. “You gotta be more sincere or at least more original and personal.”

“Okay what about this?” She asks before taking a deep breath, he says nothing so she just goes on, looking straight into his eyes as serious as she can. “You know how they say the eyes are the mirror to the soul?  I think you have the most beautiful soul I have ever seen.”

He stays quiet looking at her and she has no idea why or how, she knows she has been silly , she know she has been weird and maybe he is just thinking how bad she is at this, how dumb she is and how this is a lost cause maybe he is trying to find the words to break it to her and not be mean in the process.

“Yeah, that’s better” He says clearing his soul. “But pick up lines are seriously not your thing, Luna.”

She nods and says nothing as they keep walking to class. He doesn’t say anything either until he says goodbye when leaves her on her classroom.

⭐

The rest of the day passes normally but every day she is questioning more and more what this really is. The thing is that even after all of this, even after Matteo is supposed to be teaching her how to flirt and showing her sometimes their relationship hasn’t changed that much and she has no idea what this means.  A little hopeful part of her tells her that maybe it is because in some way their relationship has always been like this in some way, always playful, always considered, always supportive and that this means something, that maybe it feels something for him too. Other, much bigger much more realistic part tells her that it’s because this is normal for him, that this is how he treats people and most girls even, he is a flirt by nature she knows that and as much as she wants to believe that he treats her in a special way it’s not true, he treats many more people like this and no matter if she is special to him or one of his closest friends this is not reflected in this very particular way.

She sighs, she hates this, she hates wondering and being unsure, she hates not knowing what she really means for one of the most important people of her life, she hates feeling on the fence, so incredibly important sometimes, so incredibly normal  some others. She hates thinking that one day she will see him find someone truly important and special, someone who will get him, who will understand him and little by little she will see how this person becomes something bigger than she is in his life, something better. She believes on him enough to know that no matter what they will always be friends, he will always be there for her. But this idea hurts her in ways she never thought it was possible to hurt before. It makes a heavy feeling fall and settle on her stomach making her feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

She takes her phone and opens instagram needing a distraction but of course as always instagram knows how to attack her and the first thing it does is show her that matteo has posted an story, it’s first of every other, the pink and orange circle around it almost burning her eyes. She hesitates but ends up tapping on it. What else can she do?

She finds something she was very not ready for. Matteo, probably in one of the many boring dinners his parents make him go to, making a very serious face in front of a very expensive looking and big mirror, the camera moves up and down his body, showing his black suit and how well it fits him and then back to his face with those intense serious eyes, it happens, once twice, thrice and with every move she can see how well it fits him, how tight it is on his arms and shoulders and how well he looks in dark colors. Heat pools on her lower stomach and courage takes over her, she quickly types an answer to his story.

“You look really hot in a tux.”

She blocks her phone with hands almost shaking and decides she should go to bed early today, she doesn’t look at her phone again that night.

Day 2

When she wakes up the next day she has no instagram notifications, there’s no texts either and she feels something heavy on her chest, she refuses to open the app knowing full well she would end on her chat with Matteo staring at those little letters telling her the exact time the text was seen and he decided that it wasn't worth an answer.

But it doesn’t matter, she won’t take it personally, she will go about her day normally no matter if this stings a little, or maybe a lot. She will do her best today to act normal and nice and do this flitting thing right.

She goes to school as always and the fact that Matteo texted her to ask if she was awake already eases her a little but not completely, him not answering to her comment and the many thoughts that refused to leave her mind last night have make her unsure and kind of anxious.

Which is probably why she jumps so high when someone sneaks behinds her and pokes her on the ribs. It’s probably why she lets out a little scream too.

“Sorry, sorry, I am so sorry.” She hears Matteo say and she can’t even turn around before he is throwing his arm around her shoulders and looking down at her with sparkling eyes. “You were just so distracted, I had to do it.”

“That was very mean, Matteo.” She tells him, her heart is still beating a little faster than usual and he squeezes her shoulders softly.

“I am sorry, really.” He says still smiling, he has an easy smile today, like he can’t keep it away no matter how much he tries so he has given up and lets it light up his whole face.

She likes seeing him like this, so light , so relaxed.

“You look happy today.” She comments.

“I had a good night yesterday.” He says simply and many ideas that make her stomach turn and twist pass through her mind, she ignores them.

“Well you look great like this.” She says simply and he pulls her closer as they start to walk.

“I do?” He asks and Luna nods.

“Yeah, you look cute.” She tells him and he nods after they meet their friends he lets go but soon enough he is holding her hands.

She doesn’t hear a thing anyone says, she is too busy focusing on the way he is playing with her fingers.

⭐

After the last class of her day is done Matteo is waiting for her, it’s not weird but it’s still strange enough that she is surprised to see him and runs to him, she had good news for him anyway so this just means she doesn’t have to save them until she meets in in the roller.

“Hiii.” She exclaims happy and he grins back at her, the easy and almost smug smile hasn’t left his face all day and she can admit that every time she sees him like this butterflies come alive inside of her fluttering pleasantly on her stomach.

“Well, hello, Cucciola.” He says and she rolls her eyes at the foreign nickname he uses sometimes for her. “You seem very excited.”

“I am very excited indeed, chico fresa. “She says. “And not just because you are here.”

His grin grows even bigger at this, his eyes turning soft, and kind, and happy in ways she doesn’t really know enough words to explain, she wishes he was always like this, she wishes she could always make him smile like this.

She wishes she could tell him how utterly beautiful he is right now, how happy his smile makes her and how it makes her skin buzz and his heart come alive in many different ways.

“Ta da.” She says instead putting a paper sheet in front of his eyes and his happy grin turns into a proud smile the moment that he sees what it is. “Perfect mark, in chem even. “

“I told you you could do it.” He tells her happily hugging her tight. She hugs him back taking this moment to relish on the smell of his perfume and how good it feels to be between his arms.

“I couldn’t have done it without the smartest, bestest personal tutor of all times.” She says when she pulls away, she always pull away first, afraid that he will feel something else on her hugs, find weird that she is holding on for too long.

“Don’t take credit off yourself.” He says his hand resting on her cheek softly. She freezes completely, she doesn’t move, she doesn’t want to do anything that might make him take it away, much less now that he is caressing her skin softly with his thumb. “You are super smart, Luna, don’t forget that.”

She can feel herself blushing as her mouth dries and her tongue fails to work so she can say something, anything. Matteo doesn’t seem to mind though and his eyes stay on hers, his hand stays on her cheek for what feels like eons.

Some other students passing by are noisy enough to distract them and as Matteo smiles at her and moves his hand slowly down her arm and into the small of her back to make then start walking, she needs to remind herself how to breath again.

Day 3

She doesn’t actually notice Daniel at first, she really doesn’t.

How could she when out of the sudden Matteo is sitting even closer to her than usual, his thigh pressed against hers, his breathing brushing her neck whenever he talks and tries to explain something to her. He is so so close and she need to put all her energy into being normal, into ignoring the heat that pools on her stomach and the images that flash behind her eyes whenever she blinks. She puts all her focus on fighting the impulse to kiss him.

He gets closer, so so close and she feels like she is a tiny little mouse, trapped by the hypnotic snake, being eaten doesn’t sound so awful now. Nothing does if he gets just tiny closer.

But of course none of this will happen he will just keep explaining boring math exercise in this low, low voice and she will keep trying to breath normally as she keep crossing her legs tighter.

And then he rests his hand on her knee, is such a casual touch, and he doesn’t seem any phased by it, like he had done it thousands of time before and like his touch is not sending electric signs through all skin, like the way he is moving his thumb right now is not awakening every nerve on her body, like this soft soft touch doesn’t her make her heart skip a beat, and her lower stomach pool with a heat so intense she is surprised, his hand goes higher, just tiniest and the brush of his palm, his course fingers against her bare smooth skin is enough to make her all dizzy, she has pictured this so many times in so many ways. But it won’t end up as her dreams always do, she knows this, because Matteo is completely normal.

She sneaks a look at him and he is still talking something about limits and numbers and he doesn’t seem affected at all while she feels like her whole world has been turned around in just a few seconds. He is just being normal, he has been more touchy since yesterday, he has been happier this is probably just a side effect of that.

Or she thinks so until she realizes that he is sending looks to something, to someone, it’s subtle but his eyes keep being pulled into that direction, she doesn’t notice at first that it is a particular place and not just movement calling his attention.

She looks to the table to where he is looking. Daniel is there. She frowns but Daniel catches her eyes, he seems annoyed about something but he still smiles when their eyes meet. She smiles back, of course.  And suddenly Matteo’s arm is around her shoulders pulling her almost into his lap with how close they end up, she looks at him confused but he keeps acting like nothing is happening. She sends another look at Daniel who rolls his eyes before looking down at his notebook. She pouts and looks back at Matteo.

“Are you okay?” She asks and he just hums. He looks towards Daniel and he smiles, looking somehow smug but why would he?

“I am perfect, Cucciola.” He says casually, his hand now goes from her thigh to her hands playing softly with her fingers as he keeps writing with his free hand and making sure she got her exercises right.

“You are acting weird.” She says softly and he looks at her raising an eyebrow.

“Am I?” He asks and he is daring her to explain more, he is daring her to say what he is doing that is weird,he is daring her to say how this makes her feel, how this affects her, why this doesn’t feel normal to her. His eyes are firm, steady, but still she feels this small hint of mischief and challenge, she looks away, she can’t win this, she wishes she could, she wishes she had the courage to just say it but she doesn’t. So she looks away.

“You are a weirdo.” She says shaking her head, her eyes sneak to Daniel again he seems very unhappy about something. Matteo tickles her softly and she squeals.

“I am not a weirdo.” He says firmly with a small grin growing on his lips.

“Yes, you are.” She says and then softly pokes his nose. “But you are my weirdo.”

The grin takes over his face completely and the way his eyes are sparkling makes her heart beat just a little faster, just a little happier.

He keeps her close through all the studying session and she doesn’t pull away either.

Day 4  

She hadn’t planned on having a nap, not that she usually does it, naps just tend to take her away from the world by surprise and quickly, one moment she is on her phone and the other she is deep in dreamland. But today she was definitely not planning to nap. She was supposed to get home and change clothes and tidy her room and maybe help her mom in the kitchen and she waited for Matteo to come and help her study.

What ends up happening though, is that she falls asleep and when she wakes up her mom is softly shaking her and telling her that Matteo is here already.

She sits up so fast she almost hits her head with her mom’s and her heart is beating fast in that uncomfortable way that it does when you are woken up from a too deep nap. Sleep is lingering on her, on her eyes, on her brain and as her mother laughs hse struggles to put on some shoes and and gather her chemistry books and and somehow finds herself going to Matteo, even if she almost falls down the stairs at least once as she goes.

She rushes and finds him sitting on her kitchen table nibbling on her mom’s brownies, he is still blurry to her. So she blinks once, twice and it’s probably weird because Matteo is staring back at her almost confused.

“Good afternoon, delivery girl.” He says when she doesn’t talk after a while  and she shakes her head trying to get the fog out of her brain.

Her mom seems very amused as she is is putting away the clean plates and glasses and Luna sighs as she sits next to him.

“You seem refreshed.” He says sarcastic and she hears her mom snort as she leaves the room.

“I am sorry.” She mumbles and rubs her eyes. “I just kinda fell asleep so I am just waking up from a nap so I am lostest.”

“I can see that.” He says softly with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry.” She says with a sigh before laughing softly. “I probably look like such a mess.”

“Yes you do.” He says laughing and she pouts. “But messy suits you.”

She doesn’t know what to answer to this, she just blushes softly and looks down with a small smile opening her chem book. He does the same.

“Messy looks hot you.”He adds after a few short seconds and Luna knows that there’s nothing that hits her chest and takes out all the air of her lungs. But it feels like this.

She freezes, she hopes it’s not obvious but she freezes, her sleepy brain can’t really process what just happened, she is too slow, too groggy and to add to the fog of sleep the  the heat that raises to her face and chest fills her mind with what feels like steam.

She can’t think, she can’t do anything. She is rendered a complete and utter mess with just four words of him and she has no idea if he knows, if he knows the full effect he has on her.

If he knows how the smallest, tiniest gesture from him can take her mind and body into overdrive, if he knows how easy is for him to leave her speechless and lost, if he knows that with one look he makes her feel in ways she had never felt before, if he knows that she has felt so much more than she has ever thought possible because of him.

“So have you done any of the exercises yet?” He asks casually and Luna sighs.

He has no idea at all.

Day 5

“I’m almost sad it’s friday.” Matteo comments as they leave the Blake and Luna sends him a look. How can he be sad it’s friday? What normal human being is sad that it’s friday? Especially him, who goes out with Ramiro and has plans and does stuff besides sleeping, not that there is anything wrong with sleeping mind you, sleeping in friday is great. Fridays are fantastic no matter what.

“Why?” She demands, just completely confused. “Do you want to go to school seven days a week now, Matteo? Is this waking up early torture not enough for you?”

“I don’t wake up that late on weekends either, you little lazy lady.” He says bumping her shoulder with his and making her stumble. She sends him a dirty look and he smiles and moves his eyelashes innocently, his stupid very long eyelashes. He is so pretty, she hates it sometimes.

“You are not a human being, Matteo Balsano.” She says shaking her head dramatically, trying to seem disgusted.

“No, I know.” He says with a heavy sigh. “I’m a god.”

The laugh is not intentional and not exaggerated at all, it's just pure sincere laugh and she needs to stop walking to laugh properly. Matteo stops with her of course a pout on his lips and Luna quickly shakes away the urge to bite that lower lip. The way he has been this week is giving her issues.

“You do kinda look like one.” She says through laugh, it comes out almost sarcastic but now quite and he is obviously very confused over the fact if she means it or not. Exactly as she intended to.

“Okay but for real this is what I’ll miss.” He says rolling his eyes and pulling one of her curls softly to annoy her.

“What?” She says battling his hands away from her hair, once he starts no one can’t stop him and he ends up playing with her hair for hours and making it a mess, or even more of one than usual.

“You saying so many nice things about me.” He shrugs. “Giving me so many compliments.”

She stays quiet looking at him confused.

“I didn’t even know you thought so many good things about me.” He says casually.

She looks at him shocked, she didn’t expect this from him and he is kinda joking but also not really and she doesn’t like it. She thinks for a second that it’s an ego thing but no matter how much he tries to hide it Matteo is insecure or he can be, very, very insecure, sometimes he is so unsure of himself, one would never guess it, seeing how he carries himself around, how he talks, how he moves, and a lot of times that bravado that confidence is true but so many others is just a facade, a mask he puts on to make sure people stay at a certain distance. Luna has learned how to look through, she has learned to, not break down his walls exactly, he doesn’t always have them high and indestructible, he lets people in, but she has managed to slip through that door unnoticed by him. And yes maybe this is just an ego thing, maybe he just really loves hearing how amazing and great and talented he is. That would be very Matteo too, there’s no doubt but she is not sure right now and she doesn’t want him thinking for a moment that she doesn’t think the world and more of him.

“You know that I think you are amazing, right?” She asks and he is obviously startled by the shift of the conversation from playful to serious.

“Yes, yes.” He hurries to say, a little uncomfortable. “I was just joking.”

“But still.” She says firmly. “You gotta know that I think you are one of the greatest persons I have ever met, that I am so grateful that you are in my life, that I think you are so talented and smart and amazing and you are just such a beautiful person and sometimes I don’t know how I would manage things without you here in Argentina, you have been one of my main supports and you are always helping me so much, you are always saving me, you do so much for me,I wished I could do just a small amount of that for you and I must be such a sucky friend here if you don’t even realize any of this.”

“Luna.” He calls to make her stop and she does, slightly surprised by the words that rushed out of her mouth. She didn’t expect this level of intensity from herself. “You do so much for me.”

“What?” She asks with a frown. “No, I don-”

“Yes, you do.” He says firmly, resting his hands on her shoulders. “You might not help me with my homework or make sure I don’t get injured daily but it’s obvious for everyone how much I have changed since you came here, you have made me lighter, you have taken a weight of my shoulders, you brighten each one of my days, you have helped me grow into myself more than anyone else, you have taught me how to laugh and be carefree in many ways I didn’t know before, you just make everything better and so much easier and I just know that whenever I need it you will be there for me, that you will always be there by my side cheering on me and supporting me. You help me so, so much just by being you.”

He stops talking and she nods, she has no idea what else is she supposed to do, she feels like she is overcomed with every emotion possible in this very moment, she doesn’t think human beings are allowed to feel as much as she does when Matteo looks at her with those deep, serious, intense brown eyes. She is overwhelmed. She is so overwhelmed.

“So no more saying you are a bad friend.” He says firmly. “You are one of the best friends possible for me and for everyone and I can not let you think otherwise, okay?”

“Okay.” She manages to mumble and Matteo hugs her tightly. She hugs him back on autopilot. Her brain still hasn’t caught up to what he said and her heart is divided.

He said so many great things about her, but the word friend echoes in her chest. It should sting. But it does so much.

She decides to focus on the positive side and tightens her arms around him.

If he loves her like this, does it really matter in what way it is?

[symplegades]

i’m gonna do one of those old facebook note quiz things from 2010

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard? ya How old is the last person you kissed on the lips? 27 Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? my best friend from undergrad What were you doing at 12 am last night? getting into bed/falling asleep Does the person you like, like you back? um i hope so!!!!!!! we share a bed????? Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? unclear. maybe but i think i’d be too squeamish to do that, i’d just stand there and cry Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? nah i always have to talk it out either with them or someone else, and both options usually end in me getting over it/getting closure and going back to normal Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep When you say you don't care do you mean it? i don’t say i don’t care very much, so i guess when i say it i do mean it? i’ll have to pay attention next time Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yep Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? nah i kissed mike while he was still covered in shaving cream it was yikes Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? oh absolutely, like 100% of the time What's your favourite color? cool colors. <-- what i wrote in 2010 but still true What color is your shirt? grey with purple lettering What do you hear? netflix, i’m watching this movie ~out of the dark~ Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? actually my friend kevin from grad school! i just ran into him at work Are you sitting or standing? sitting. <-- also written in 2010, also still true Are you keeping a secret from anyone? um probably Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? ya Have you kissed someone with braces? yes. <-- i don’t remember that but apparently yes Are you short? ok in 2010 i wrote yes but i think i’m actually pretty average or even taller than average. maybe i was shorter in 10th grade What would your last name be if you were married to the last person you texted? ok i just texted like 3 people at once. i guess velez Last picture comment was from? did this mean, like, on myspace or facebook? idk who was the last person to comment on my fb photos. oh actually you know what a friend of a friend went through all my public posts including photos and commented on all of it and it was rly offputting, so that’s who How was your day overall? p good, i applied to 2 jobs and got called back for a second interview for another job (FINALLY) Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? probably SOMEONE in the world. maybe my ma Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them? ok mike tried to kiss me after our first date but i was like no that is creepy. and looking back i’m like aw so sweet we shoulda kissed! but no it was still uncomfy that he was trying to kiss me a very short time after we first met Are you anyone's first love? pls. sure i guess, people in high school. Could you handle living together with the last person who texted you? lol maybe? i’ve never considered it. prolly we could find agreements/common ground So, the person you like, their name starts with a B, doesn't it? it does not. <-- still true Is the person you last texted single? negative. <-- also still true Do you think age matters in relationships? i mean it’s totally dependent on context. we talking about 16 and 18 year olds or 16 and 32 year olds? i guess it always MATTERS it just depends on how it matters, like being similar ages kinda matters bc you’ve had similar life experiences at similar points in history and being very different ages matters bc you gotta wonder what’s going on. but once you’re over like, 25 i feel like bigger age gaps are more acceptable depending on what’s going on in folks lives. idk. How is your hair right now? it’s okay, up in a pony. actually i thought it was in a bun but i just touched it and it is a pony, usually it’s a bun when i’m home Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? nah he’s cool, although sometimes i have trouble following his thought process Where was your default picture taken? my prof pic on fb was taken at columbia Who's the last person you took a picture with? yikes, ahhhh... probably mike. Are you waiting for something? a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you get your last bruise? who knows. <-- still true. i’m not sure i currently have any bruises? Do you believe in love? yes. <-- still true What are your plans for the summer? ikea with sami tomorrow, permit on monday, kate's birthday party monday night, possibly beach with em sara hayley + meg on tuesday, dermatologist on wednesday, california with sami from friday to tuesday, one week home, to maine for 2 weeks, one week home to schedule driving time and finish summer reading and find a job. wooo!

^^^^^sorry i just wanna preserve that 2010 message bc it’s so wholesome and high school-ish and carefree.

my actual summer plans are just intense job hunting and getting a job. then maybe planning a trip home or to maine, then planning a china trip but probably won’t happen this summer. What was your first thought this morning? wa wa why is my alarm going off Have you kissed anyone this month? ya Could you date someone taller than you? sure Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again? uhhh. yeah i’m sure there are things i didn’t do great. idk? Have you ever gotten butterflies from someone? oh yes. <-- lol wtf? “oh yes”? ya sure idk Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts? sometimes. i think when i was younger it was more exciting but now i’m kinda relieved when i wake up and don’t have notifications. Ever had braces? nope. <-- still true Do you enjoy Taco Bell or McDonalds? i haven’t eaten either in ages even tho i want to but i know i’ll just get diarrhea. but i’d probably get mcdonalds given the choice Have you ever walked on the beach at night? oh yes. <-- oh yes?? anyway the most prominent “walking on the beach at night” story was when i was on spring break with my friends in ghana (or maybe we were in togo?) and we got stuck in this beach house like a mile down this deserted beach and it was like 2am and we’re walking and all super scared bc we’re a bunch of american girls in a foreign land and then 2 random dudes come out of nowhere and we’re all like NO LEAVE US ALONE and they somehow follow us to our house? and like try to come in? and we’re all f r e a k i n g out bc we’re afraid they’re gonna attack us but then my friend who is naive and trusting opens the door and we’re all screaming like DON’T OPEN THE DOOR but then i guess he just asked if we like... needed matches or something. anyway it was a lot What were you doing at 2AM this morning? sleeping.  <-- still true Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex? nope it was mike’s mom Has a girl sat on your bed before? yes although actually i don’t think that has happened in this apartment? no one ever really goes in the bedroom except mike and me. but maybe in the old apartment girls had sat on my bed before. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? chatting with my friend and getting my thread organized Ever kissed anyone 18 or older? lol ya Math or English? womp. english? i’m poop at math now i haven’t taken it since i was a freshman in undergrad Do you have any twins in your family? i don’t think so, which is surprising bc it’s a pretty big family Are you shy? depends on the setting and how comfy i am feeling Are you close with your siblings ? meh depends on the day. i think sometimes my middle sister mom’s me too much/nags me/treats me like a baby. You'd say "Fuck you" to your ex, ain't I right? which ex? i mean probably not, what’s the point? How you feeling? kinda hungry Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your families? lol nooooooooo What do you think of boyfriends/girlfriends calling each other by food names? i think it is hilar and i wish mike and i did it If you're single, then why don't you get a boyfriend/girlfriend ? not single but also this question unnecessarily adheres to the gender binary also even if i was single i don’t need a partner heck! When was the last time you were craving to get drunk? wah not in a while, i can’t hold my alcohol and mike doesn’t drink so it’s not very fun I don't know about you, but I like saying "fuck" a lot. Do you? not like a LOT. when appropriate Do you think you'll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future? eep i hope not? does anyone consider themselves “one of those people”? Who did you last hug? my best friend from undergrad Have you ever done something that was really bad for yourself? dur Is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? i mean... crying is crying. it’s not a question of worth it or not. if you wanna cry then cry Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? ya but we’d need to do a lot of emotional repair Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? oh absolutely i was trying to pretend that i wasn’t running horribly late but i was and i made her stand around for so long and she was pissed Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? probably Are you wearing pants? shorts. does that count? <-- same Would you date someone twenty years older than you? womp not right now i’d feel a bit yikes. maybe if i was like 60 and they were 80 or something. it feels better to me if we’re both old lol Is your birthday in less than 6 months? nah Would you ever quit a bad habit for someone? i did actually! i was still smoking a bit when mike and i got together and he really hated it/asked me to stop Have you ever felt guilty about something you didn’t do? oh absolutely lol i feel lots of emotions about everything Do looks matter the most to you? nah Are you looking forward to tomorrow? meh Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yeah! What are you doing after this? probably gonna make french fries Is something bothering you? unemployment ;( Three days from now, will you be in a relationship? i don't even know if i'm in a relationship NOW. <-- o shit 2010 alicia??? wyd?? you good???

anyway ya i hope so Has someone ever made a promise with you and broke it? i’m sure Will your next kiss be a mistake? hope not! Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? we goin on 3 years here so Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? mommy. <-- still true!! we literally talk every day if not multiple times a day. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? nope! What are you doing tomorrow? sigh probably clean... apply for another job. cross stitch lol What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? he still likes me (: <-- i’m so sad for 2010 me. what is going on? i’m so sad.

and i have no clue what my last thought was, i think i was wondering if mike wanted me to stop leaning on his arm Do you get along more with girls or guys? girls are beautiful and perfect and guys are yikes until proven otherwise next Do you remember who you liked on New Years? lol ya this same guy Have you ever intentionally pissed someone off? probably? Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? nah The person you fell hardest for calls, what do you say? hey!!! how's phoenix?! why are you talking to me and not your arizona brethren? <-- ooooooooooh it’s when i dated this white missionary boy who i loved so much but he def did not love me but i was like, just totally infatuated. my best friend from high school refers to this boy as my renaissance bc i after dating him i started dating much cuter people lol

um anyway it’s hard to quantify who i fell hARDEST for i guess? i mean i’m currently in the process of marrying mike so i think he wins. if he called i would ask how bar night was and when the transformers movie is starting bc he got free tix from work Do you think someone has feelings for you? lol he better Have you done anything sneaky lately? hm hm. i don’t think sneaky. Do you find smoking unattractive? sigh i shouldn’t but i do think it makes ppl look sooooo COOL Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? ya we like live together How many cigarettes have you smoked today? zero. <-- still true! Kissed someone who's name started with an N? hmmmmm. when i studied abroad i kissed a LOT of people so i’m sure one of their names started with N When was the last time something bothered you? lol what? constantly? Was last night terrible? nah it was good just a quick turnaround of getting home and going to bed. i ate a lot of watermelon which was gr8 What does your hair look like right now? pony-ish First person to speak to you in '09? lmfao damn i’m dating myself. idfk. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? i mean, i’m not worried about losing them, but yes i’d be afraid or upset if i lost them Are you basically a happy person? i hope so! Do you wish you could take things back? meh. no regerts and all that Have you ever wondered what life would be like without your best friends? omg what?? no?? it would be terrible?? Last person to make you seriously mad? prolly bigots Be honest, are you starting to gain feelings towards anyone? i’m like 3 years in so Do you think relationships are even worth it? well fuck i hope so lol Does anyone completely understand you? i mean no one will ever ~~completely~~ understand me but ya i have lots of people i am close to and whom i trust a lot Did you hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep! Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? lol yes smh Where do you see your ex in 5 years? sigh i have a lot of ex’s don’t put me on blast like this. a few of them are already married so. idk. employed? Your ex runs into you and hugs you, what do you do? which. one. actually it doesn’t rly matter bc if any of them did that i’d be like wat Who was your last missed call from? my dad, we were playing phone tag on father’s day Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? yeah one from my best friend from high school saying “wtf” bc i told him about how rats can eat snakes if you’re not paying attention when you feed your snek When you and your friends are out and about do you usually get dirty looks? wut? i mean no but probably when i was a teen or preteen we were annoying and did get dirty looks Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films? i lOOOve these films but if it’s about like home invasions i get scared, or like things that live in your house Favorite fruit? god i love fruit. raspberries, applies, cherries (but i’m allergic now :(((((((( ), melon, oranges, the whole shebang. When someone says "we need to talk," what runs through your mind? yikes.com What are your chances of getting with your crush? smh i think they’re pretty good Who did you talk to on the phone last, and why? mom bc i was walking home and wanted to chat with her Do you always answer your phone? yes always Ever worn something of the opposite sex's clothing? dur Which do you enjoy more, to eat or sleep? lmao ahhhhhh i guess eat. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? i mean, yes i have a partner who is a man who i love dearly but he’s not like ALWAYS on my mind, like rn i’m not rly thinking about him but i do care for him a lot and think of him often/want to share most things with him Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? who??... is my latest ex...... either that aaron guy from okcupid or -- omg CONNOR sigh omg poor boy i hope he’s okay. i hope he doesn’t think about me omg Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? mike Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? i mean what’s EVERYTHING... like within reason yeah Your best friend tells you, you have a drug problem, you say? ah i love you and we will get through this lets research our options together