#sue me ʕ•̫͡•ʔ

[punchable-panda]

A quick doodle based off this screen shot~ ✨

[tskkisaurus]

★Dᴀʏ 6: Fᴀᴠᴏᴜʀɪᴛᴇ Vᴏʟʟᴇʏʙᴀʟʟ Pᴏsɪᴛɪᴏɴ

Sᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ

[inbrightshadows]

I'd love to hear more about big bro hawks, natural born nomu, or one crow short of a murder if you don't mind??? (actually a lot of your WIPs sound interesting but I don't wanna be weird or overwhelming haha ^^; )

*vibrates hard enough to clip through the floor* 

hello Tumblr? Tumblr, this has been sitting in my mailbox for two days why didn’t you tell me.

Ahhh i’ll @ you just in case so you don’t miss this, hope you don’t mind! @starculler

Anyway! Sorry for the late response! Tumblr is mean to me! Please feel free to ask about as many of my wips as you like it might motivate me to actually write them ʕ ; ･_･ʔ

Why yes I would love to talk about my aus how did you guess? Fair warning, this will be rambley because I can't contain myself, apparently.

Under a cut because whoo boy it’s long

Big bro hawks is essentially my very self indulgent au where I'm building a plot geared to having Hawks meet Izuku when he's young and adopt him as a little brother. They're chaotic gremlin children causing many people headaches. one of my notes for this au literally just reads [big bro hawks Izuku and Keigo cruising the sky, Hawks on his wings and Izuku riding one of Hawks's feathers like a skateboard. ] I've also got Izuku being very comfortable running around on rooftops before Hawks and Hawks decides this is reason to give Izuku a grappling hook and a jet pack and then teach Izuku to jump off roofs.

I'm a firm believer in getting creative in removing Inko from the plot. So I had Hisashi divorce Inko for his mistress, whom I creatively named Akuko (aka Evil Child and the closest I could get to calling her Evil Step Mom). Inko sues him for everything he has because she's a suddenly single mom with no job and she needs resources. But Hisashi gets pissed and pays a guy to give her a quirk induced breakdown to make her lose custody of Izuku. It works even better than planned when Inko hurts Izuku in the break down and is barred from seeing or contacting him for years. Hisashi is disinterested in Izuku as anything other than a symbol of his victory over his ex-wife. Akuko is horrible to Izuku and only gets worse when Hisashi gets bored of preening over his victory and having a new wife and takes a job in America. She's abusive and neglectful to Izuku but believes it's not possible for her to be abusive because she doesn't hit him. She's just insanely controlling and thinks "providing" for a child is giving him food money. Hawks comes into it because Akuko regularly gets sick of having Izuku "hanging around the house like a neet" and kicks him out, often locking him out as well. She often forgets to unlock the door for hours, sometimes even overnight. But she'll get mad if he's not in the apartment by morning. Even if she locked him out... Izuku gets good at climbing in through the windows. Of their roof level apartment. Hawks comes in because he sees this feral but well dressed kid roaming the street at all hours and is confused. I'm still a little shaky on how they meet- maybe at a villain fight Izuku gets a little too recklessly close to and has to be saved himself? Maybe he sees Izuku climbing through the window of an apartment on the top floor of a building? Not sure yet!

But however they meet it leads to Hawks, who has been deprived of human contact and bonds with other people all his life, getting attached. Izuku, who isn't much better off, gets attached as well. They slowly learn more about each other and develop a very brotherly bond. Hawks was raised either by the commission or by his emotionally manipulative mother who wanted the commissions money and was willing to all but sell Hawks to get it. So he doesn't quite get that Izuku's situation is wrong, at first. He starts out nodding along to the things Izuku tells him about Akuko doing, like yeah this is how people raise children. Everything seems normal to me. But as he grows more and more attached to Izuku he starts to grow more protective and things start to... sit wrong with him. But they can't be. Izuku can't be abused because if Izuku is abused what does that mean for Hawks?

Currently, as far as I've gotten with concrete plot ideas for Big Bro Hawks is Hawks eventually realizing Izuku is being abused and coming to terms with his own abuse. Through that he realizes he needs to remove Izuku from the situation but with Inko legally unable to resume care and Hisashi part of the problem that's tricky. So while he's figuring that out Izuku all but lives with Hawks, coming to him every time Akuko kicks him out and hanging out at Hawks's apartment at every opportunity. Hawks and Izuku are feral gremlin children looking out for each other, trying to take care of each other even though they barely know what that looks like. Eventually, through *shrug* plot, Hawks manages to get custody of Izuku. They're brothers in all but blood and cause a lot of chaos that's fun for them and a lot of trouble for others. Izuku does eventually get ofa and Hawks is going to /lose his mind/ when certain ofa developments happen.

Natural Born Nomu Not for the faint of heart! Lots of medical malpractice and human experimentation on a pregnant person!

short version: Izuku nomuified in the womb but he still looks human and thinks he's human. he's thought quirkless because he should be and all of his quirks are passive effects geared to keeping him alive and functioning. So the basic premise is that AFO marries Inko for the same reasons that Endeavor married Rei but with less investment. She thinks he loves her but really it's just a fun way to pass the time for him. AFO's fun little casual quirk genetics experiment runs into some issues when Inko is unable to carry a pregnancy to term. AFO and his doctor aren't sure why but theorize it has something to do with the dna of AFO's many quirks getting mixed up in the process and pretty much causing the pregnancy to rip itself apart trying to build one functional baby. Inko is devastated by the many miscarriages and is ready to stop trying. But AFO and the doctor see an opportunity and convince her to take part in a "fertility assistance program." Inko wants desperately to be a mom and feels horribly guilty about the losses because she knows how much "Hisashi" wanted to be a dad as well. (more lies. this poor woman) Inko lives in the hospital under 24/7 surveillance, believing medical science and quirks are working to help keep the newest pregnancy healthy. In actuality AFO, the doctor, and his assistants are using the pregnancy to build a nomu from the womb up. It's still technically Inko's baby in the sense that it comes from her dna (and afo's dna). the doctor and his assistants are rapidly altering the dna to keep it from unraveling like the other pregnancies. it takes several tries. It also takes a metric ton of gaslighting, drugs, and quirk effects to keep Inko "willing" to continue. After nearly two years Inko successfully carries a nomuified baby to term.

Directly after the birth the doctor claims that Izuku is too weak to leave the hospital and needs round the clock care to ensure he survives. Inko will do anything to ensure her "miracle" baby survives. What the doctor is really doing is making sure Izuku is stable and testing his capabilities. He finds that though the quirks are present all  they're doing is keeping Izuku from falling to pieces. Izuku is considered a successful prototype, nicknamed NBN for Natural Born Nomu. Things proceed along per canon timeline as Izuku grows up except that Izuku doesn't leave the hospital for his first month of life and after that is required to frequently visit. the frequency of the visits slowly decrease as he ages and the doctor grows more sure that Izuku is permanently stable. plans are made to fake a health emergency for Izuku and have him brought in to add quirks to him to see how he handles it. but they fall through when All Might wreaks AFO's shit and the doctor is forced to drop other projects, like project NBN, in favor of keeping AFO alive and a secret.

So Izuku gets to grow up as a happy normal child. Inko is very paranoid about Izuku's health and freaks out over every injury, no matter how small. After breaking down at the idea of Izuku going to kindergarten she realizes she needs help and seeks therapy, slowly growing better though she'll always remain nervous about Izuku getting hurt.

The canon timeline proceeds as normal up to the hospital raid arc, where things diverge in that they go better for the heroes. Izuku finds records of the NBN experiment in the rubble and learns what he is. Izuku has a severe crisis. All Might has a mini crisis. Aizawa is with Izuku when he finds out and thus also knows. he tells Nezu who, in an act of kinship and protectiveness, lock the information down. I don't know what happens after that but it's Angst for sure!

One crow short of a murder- Big bro dabi (feat Dabi is a todoroki) meets vigilante Izuku and Dabi. Izuku's vigilante name is Magpie and Touya's is Raven. Conceived back when [redacted] was just a fan theory! Both magpies and ravens are from the same family as crows. People know groups of crows can be called Murders but so can other birds from the corvid family! Such as magpies and ravens! Thus it should technically be called one corvid short of a murder but crow rolls of the tongue better. It's a group of three or more that's called a Murder. Touya and Izuku are only two people running around with Corvid aliases so they're one crow short of a murder *badum tis*. The plot is as follows [directly ripped from my notes] As a young teen a fairly freshly run away/presumed dead Touya becomes friends with the Midoriya family after he keeps a lost Izuku safe and helps him find Inko. Touya provides Izuku with a much needed big brother figure to give him confidence and support and playful sibling ribbing while Inko provides Touya with much needed motherly advice and support as Izuku provides Touya with a sense of purpose and stability. When an villain attack leaves Inko in a coma and CPS ignores every warning the boys attempt to give them Izuku is given over to the tender mercies of a father who all but abandoned their family years ago in the wake of Izuku's quirkless diagnosis. The first time Hisashi hits Izuku Izuku calls Touya. To protect his little brother in all but name, Touya secrets Izuku away until Inko can wake up and take control of the situation. But Inko doesn't wake up. It turns out that one of the villains who escaped had a quirk that is keeping Inko and all the other victims in a coma. None of them will wake until the villain is brought to justice. Now the boys must evade the law whose misguided attempts will only cause them both more harm while also tracking down the villain keeping Inko asleep.

[lee-em-dee]

another fun little tag game!

RULES: simply answer the following 22 q’s and then tag 22 (or however many) people you’d love to get to know more!

❣️tagged by: @eatsnaek (thanks for the tag! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ)

name/nickname: lia/lee

zodiac sign: capricorn

height: 5′1

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

last thing i googled: the 100 6x09 description (I’m a hoe for bellarke, sue me)

favourite musician/s: hozier, Louis Armstrong/Etta James

last song i listened to: Cherry Wine (hozier)

song stuck in my head: In the Still of the Night (the Five Satins)

followers: a little over 100

following: around 200?

amount of sleep: nowadays 8-9, when I’m working around 5-6 due to acute procrastination

lucky number: I’ve always liked the numbers 4 and 7 for some obscure reason

what i’m wearing: a comfy shirt and jeans that I’m most definitely swapping for pajama bottoms

dream job: publishing, writing, and illustrating books

dream trip: Ireland/Scotland (<blame Outlander)

favourite food: pasta and BREAD

instruments: used to play the clarinet, fancied myself a Squidward

languages: English

favourite song/s: The Swan (Camille Saint-Saëns), Blue Bayou (Roy Orbison)

random fact(s): I can cook but I much prefer baking, I’m from California, I resonate with Chandler Bing on a deep spiritual level, I both hate and love being a perfectionist, Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas are indubitably the trifecta of holidays

Tagging: @bellamys11thfreckle @skrrtbitch @bellamyshope @geekyogicheese @mycaptainbellarke @natassakar @bellamy-is-a-cupcake-in-love @bellarke-is-my-oxygen @detectivebellamyblake @katkomskaikru @bellamyisdaddy @katersann @historybellamy @aainiouu

[true-autistic-tales]

hey, welcome back to me reviewing and rankin a show that i hold very close to my heart, ive left a link to my previous post if this your first time seeing this. but before we get into the latter half of season 6 i just wanted to note that my hyperfixation on this amazing show, has died, and im already moving on to a new different hyperfixation. this show still has such a special place in my heart, it, and especially it's characters, helped me through a lot of personal troubles, and i couldn't thank it even more. anyway, onto the second half of season 6 under the cut ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

and also since school is back, im going to have to post this every weekend instead of once every 3 or so days so uhhhhhhh

valentine's day 6

cindy wants brick to kiss her, devin doesn't want any for v-day, darrin has a huge valentine's scavenger hunt for sue. i love frankie and mike buying stuff for each other for valentine's, it's sweet. i love darrin, he's such a sweet dude who tries his best. if he went through all that trouble just to ask me that, i would say yes in less than a heartbeat. how can you say no to him? good episode, above thanksgiving 6.

"who schedules a kiss? you know what else is scheduled? executions."

the answer

sue tries to get out of what she go into last episode while axl tries to helps brick with his stims. i love how sue fucking bolts out of her and darrin's little place when his family mentions squeezing a living being out of a clitoris. i understand sue, there's so much to explore in life that getting married still as a teen would ruin it. especially since darrin wants that life now, he wants kids now. so even though this couple is perfect for each other, it's fully reasonable why they would break up. good episode, also really funny with mike wanting to end darrin after hearing he proposed to sue, above the sinkhole.

"oh, my god. her name is gonna be sue sue mcgrew."

steaming pile of guilt

the hecks forgot another birthday with brick's 13th while sue tries to get into the school book, and devin gets sick with axl being an asshole to ashley wyman and breaks up with him but then not really. devin tells axl why she dumped him i guess but she already had a legitimate reasonable answer, that axl treats ashley and a lot of other folk like actual trash so why should he treat devin differently? okay episode, below unbraceable you.

"hey, look, there's riley. i'd bet he'd be fun to flirt with, just kidding, im guessing, no reason."

flirting with disaster

frankie crushes on axl's new friend and it's fucking disgusting, oh my god, why did they ever think of this?? but aside from that, i really loved the nowhere convention side plot with sue and brick, it's just so unbelievable disappointing that those really nice scenes of sue warming up to the convention and having a nice moment with brick is alongside a kinda forgettable side plot of tag trying to drive and a disgusting main story of frankie flirting with axl's friend. bottom of the list.

"blind and gay? that's gotta be tough."

the waiting game

sue has to wait forever to get accepted into collage, brick and axl have a spat about their messy room, and also the hecks witness mike singing to more than a feeling in his car. i really like how when sue reads about the messages she got from the collages, the video quality worsens because it's framed to be the computer's point of view. nice episode, definitely better than the perverse one, above unbraceable you.

operation infiltration

FULTON APPEARS YAY! sue hangs out with axl and since devin likes how close family are, axl has do deal with her while brick hatches a plan to join a friend group, and rusty and mike clean out big mike's stuff and reminisce about their childhood together. i absolutely love rusty and mike, oh, and also their scenes too. i really enjoyed this one, above the sinkhole.

siblings and sombreros

brick somehow wins athlete of the month while axl and sue fight over a sombrero. i absolutely adore brad and sue trying to get their photo for the school book and the scenes afterwards, the drive with axl and sue, and mike teaching brick about basketball, it's really lovely. another nice episode below the collage tour.

food courting

axl's 21st birthday, brick goes through his teen mood swings, and sue is tempted to join a different food court place after a talk with one of the owners that looks like my old history teacher. okay episode, below the waiting game.

two of a kind

tag's brother and him hang out at the hecks for a bit while sue gets detention for the first time. both dutch and tink are very lovely, i like them. i really enjoyed tag's and dutch's song. good episode, weirdly funny, above food courting.

"he probably left him, like his wife."

"didn't his wife die?"

"yeah, that's how bad she wanted to leave."

while you were sleeping

mike and frankie tries to have a date night while sue "crushes" on this dude who should put a shirt on like, jesus, bro, it's cold, bro, and brick and axl start the heck brothers. decent, above steaming pile of guilt.

mother's day reservations

mike attempts to make a reservation for mother's day while the kids try to find the perfect gift for frankie. has a nice ending, above while you were sleeping.

the graduate

sue's name in the year book accidentally becomes "ana hajarajanaan", axl worries that devin might be seeing other people while they date, and brick is so super smart that he is allowed to go to high school earlier. amazing second half, so sweet and nice and lovely and ansdddd. great, above the sinkhole.

the rankz

maybe it's because im burnt out cuz of personal stuff but this season is kinda like the last, as in it's not really that great.

24. flirting with disaster

23. pam freakin' staggs

22. steaming pile of guilt

21. while you were sleeping

20. mother's day reservations

19. unbraceable you

18. food courting

17. two of a kind

16. the waiting game

15. thanksgiving 6

14. valentine's day 6

13. siblings and sombreros

12. the college tour

11. the sinkhole

10. the graduate

9. operation infiltration

8. the answer

7. hecks on a train

6. major anxiety

5. the table

4. a quarry story

3. halloween 5

2. the loneliest locker

1. the christmas wall

[definitionoffernweh]

This is a 18+ fandom blog where we will run into/discuss NSFW and problematic/taboo topics!

Keep In Mind:

𒆜 Real Life Political/Social Justice/etc stuff are allowed as long as we keep it on fandom/media/etc. FYI I'm an Intersectional Feminist, Queer & Fictospec.

𒆜 After some recent things I've seen that unfortunately exist, I cannot continue being civil with people who condone RL harassment over fiction so if you're a part of that or use the term "proshitter" unironically you will be blocked.

𒆜 I tend to disappear for long periods of time and then come back and blow everything up. I also switch Fandoms like crazy and only sometimes stick with one for a long period of time. I have a habit of mass reblogging/tagging, and am still sorting out the various untagged posts. I also mass follow blogs without looking at bios so I'm very willing to unfollow/block if asked in general (you do not need to have a reason!).

𒆜 I will try to tag everything so don’t worry too much about accidentally coming across something triggering/deeply upsetting. And if you're that worried about it, I usually stay in the realm of fluff, romance & familial relationships versus anything else.

ฅʕ•ᴥ•ʔฅ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔっ ʕ˵•ᴥ•˵ʔ

“Marrying the words fern, or distance, and wehe, an ache or sickness, the word can be roughly translated as 'distance sickening' or 'far woe' – a pain to see far-flung places beyond our doorstep.”

𝔸𝕆𝟛

ℙ𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥

ฅʕ•ᴥ•ʔฅ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔっ ʕ˵•ᴥ•˵ʔ

To Further Clarify My Own Opinions On These Things: 

Shipping is, inherently for a lot of reasons, romantic/sexual in nature. I don’t use the term “platonic shipping” for putting together two or more people in a sibling/parental/etc way because of that. If it’s platonic, it won’t be described as shipping. Also the “underage” tag is interesting to me because of what different countries and even different states would classify as legally underage, so I just boil it down to this: characters being shipped under 14 (especially if they’re under 10) and over 18 are a NO-GO. Large age gaps where both are 18+ or are around the same age in general (middle schooler x middle schooler/high schooler x high schooler, pairings like “17yr old x 19 yr old”) are completely fine. 

Yes, I’m into OC x Canon. I’m a huge fan of OCs, especially making them (though personally not that big on self-shipping), and since I’m also a huge fan of shipping they go hand-in-hand. I don’t do Anti-OC rhetoric, but I do agree that Mary/Gary-Sues are a thing (just not that every OC is one). This is one of the biggest reasons why I created this blog, so I can provide help to those trying to make a two-dimensional fully rounded character. Lastly, as a nice reminder to Anti-OC people: every character is an OC, deal with it. 

Concerning “Psuedo-Incest”, like Batcest (not between Bruce, Damian, Kate, Bette, Helena W.), MCU Thorki, etc; it will be in here but tagged so you don’t have to see it if you don’t want to. Psuedo-Incest doesn't bother me because it isn't actually incest and only works in AUs where the characters have never/will never see each other in a sibling/parental/etc way. Psuedo-Incest where step-family fall in love while looking at each other as “biological family” I classify as incest just because of how much of a reach creators are doing to make it truly incestuous while being unable to actually make it incestuous for some reason or another. And concerning ships like MCU Starker/Spideypool, etc; they will only show up if the canonically underage character has been aged-up or the canonically older character has been aged-down.

I don't do Real People shipping, for multiple reasons, but I'm chill with RPF (and even those non-serious compilations/edits) as long as the real people involved are okay with it. I personally believe if Real People shippers kept to their circles the shipping would never get toxic and have a lasting negative impact on the real world. I also don't do Loli/Shota type stuff or even zoophilia-esque shit; they're just not my thing.

In case you couldn't tell I'm a Pro-Shipper (aka anti-fanpol/anti-anti/profic/etc), so I'd prefer if you blocked/ignored me instead of starting shit. I also align myself with neushippers/neufic/peacefic/etc etc, but I'm very anti-radqueer. Anyway, I have a whole tag explaining my views on this cause there is too much for one paragraph so check it out if you're curious. To give a little summary about myself, in RL I truly don’t give a shit what anyone does as long as it is consensual and I'm completely against pedophilia/zoophilia/etc etc. But in fiction, I'm both quite picky about what I read and "morbidly curious" (and maybe slightly dumb in comprehension) so I'm not huge on problematic ships or scenarios but I have and will read them. At the end of the day, I believe you can consume whatever fiction you want (as long as it's fiction, it isn't made with the intention of doing harm aka propaganda and you fully understand that's it's fictional) but most if not all "problematic" stuff won't be posted/reblogged here. 

ฅʕ•ᴥ•ʔฅ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔっ ʕ˵•ᴥ•˵ʔ

Tag Index

dof-mv is the fictional world I created after I realized how much I loved vast connected universes. It’s watched over by Quintessa, the mysterious narrator/storyteller. In-universe, it is referred to as the “Omniverse" (which you can look up). dof-ov is my stories/OCs separate and non-canon to my main universe, which are also separate from each other unless stated otherwise. 

guest-stars is other people's OC's "info boards" that I reblog while ocappreciation (this and ocapp are not my own tags, feel free to follow them) is general OC content. My own OCs might also show up here, not sure yet. writing-is-my-passion is advice/positivity/etc pertaining to Characters, Stories, Writing, etc etc. It can be by me or others. Feel free to ask if you want a specific topic, or if you want to submit your own. 

CONTENT-WARNING ("Trigger Warnings") is the usual (Gore, Porn, etc; includes "cursed fic/ships/etc"). shipname-au (ie starker-au) is for ships being made "appropriate" (ie aged-up/aged-down, un-family-related, etc etc). batcest/thorki will be used for anyone who has those blacklisted. ___ fic/art/hcs/comic/animation for specific things.

??? is for stuff like media literacy/discussion/etc. gay-nerds is for any mention of SJW-esque stuff (queer/feminism/etc etc) revolved around media. to-be-or-not-to-be is stuff I want to find later. you-are-the-entire-circus is funny stuff. fern-is-REDACTED is my posts. kim-people-are-dying is discourse (can be positive and negative).

ฅʕ•ᴥ•ʔฅ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔっ ʕ˵•ᴥ•˵ʔ

Fanfic Collections (not mine)

DC (+Subcollections)

BNHA

Riordanverse (+Subcollections)

DuckTales (2017) + DT87/DWD91

Marvel (+Subcollections)

The Secret/Celebrity Trio

TMNT

DBH

Audio Dramas (+Subcollections)

Internet Horror (+Subcollections)

[b2utifulight]

Trainee! Seo Sunghyuk Imagine

You have been a trainee for almost a year now

But you’re not in a rush to debut tbh

You have this mindset that you’ll eventually get what you want if you work hard enough

Given you’re also in a quite new and small company so they can’t really splurge on someone’s debut yet

When you auditioned it was the first audition the company had

If it wasn’t for your dancing skills you might have not even made it in to the company

At least that’s what you think

You’re not bad at singing just practicing a lot would stabilize your talent more

Like boo you could be the next Moon Jongup

Aka dancing king and dark horse vocals who slays meh life

Anyway on with the story

You are quite the hard worker and after school you go straight to the company to train

You also tend to lose track of time and stay late as one of the last people to leave the building

Today wasn’t an exception

Looking at the time it was already 1:27 AM (if anyone knows this reference let’s be friends)

You sighed looking at the time

You had to wake up early in the morning for school

Packing all your things and making sure everything is off and shut properly you started to leave the training room

Meeting a very dark hallway

It seems like you’re literally the last one in the building

So you decided to make a run for the stairs

Cause like elevators are way scarier at night time

And luckily the training rooms are just on the 2nd floor

So you started to run but halfway you braked almost falling

A light in the corner of your eye caught your attention

You would run further but you had to check if there was still someone in the building

And you low-key didn’t want to get scolded by someone the next day for leaving lights on as the last person

So you walked towards the training room and peeked through the small window

Someone was in there

That someone is Seo Sunghyuk

You know him because he is the kid who always worked hard like you do

And others always talk about a certain handsome guy with honey vocals

Yes I’m high-key promoting my boi still sue me

He´s also the kid who is a bit clumsy

Cue memory of his head banging on the table (still sobs for mi preciosa (╥﹏╥))

You’ve never really talked to him though

You are both good at focusing on your own and aren’t really in need for someone to talk to

Which is kind of weird also as there is just a small amount of trainees

And you are close with others but just not with Sunghyuk

You keep your focus on him

It seems like he’s practicing the dance you just learned today in class

His steps weren’t the sharpest but you could see that he was trying to perfect it going back to steps he had missed

But then he missteps and falls

You ran to him unconsciously

Right by his side you asked if he was okay

He just stared at you

Both having great ‘first’ impressions

You all sweaty but sweet to help him up

And he all sweaty but confused getting off the floor

Awkward introductions follow

But from that day on you started being friends

More like acquaintances

Saying hi in the hallways

And smiling at each other from across the room in classes

Laughing and giggling when one makes a cute mistake

You get closer when you both stay in late to practice

“Oh you’re also still here. Let’s leave together.”

Using a bigger training room for both of you instead of two individual ones

Him saying that his dancing is not that great

And you telling that your singing ain’t that great

So you helped each other from then on

Making sure moves are clean and notes become stable

This all results to doing a song together for the monthly evaluation

It’s not gon be troublemaker

That’s for another time

Wink face ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

Just a simple song where you can showcase your singing and dancing equally

It is not recommended to do the evaluation in duos as one could outshine the other

But both your efforts pay off really well

Your evaluation is seen as one of the best of the month

Or actually it was the best

Because you both were just that good

Getting that recognition from the company that you both grew in your talents

News spread all through the company and you are now known as the power duo in the company

Other trainees start looking up to you both

And some whispering that you might be dating too

Which you kind of ended up doing anyway

You’ve had a connection since the sweaty beginning and getting together together was just the next step

Totally natural progression

And by totally natural I mean legit natural

You both noticed your feelings for each other around the same time

And the official start would be something like this

You were practicing a dance together and you tried to stabilize his steps

But he being clumsy fell forward and took you down with him

And maybe he did that on purpose

Now you were under him and just staring at each other

But then he initiated the first kiss

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long”

“And I’ve been waiting for so long”

Your company totally not arguing about dating

Especially in house

Such a cool company tbh(if I legit had a company it would’ve been the best) 

They’re totally fine

Dating is not that different than before

But just with some more pda

Small kisses whenever the choreo provided you to be close enough

At practice off course not classes or evaluation

Though you tried in classes but got scolded

Lots of cuddling

Getting distracted a lot by each other

One time while practicing you decided that one should be punished if a mistake were made

The punishment was to fulfill a wish from the other

This resulting in a cute cuddly chaotic mess

That day ended with no progress whatsoever

Staying even later than before at the company

Ending up making the company your second dorm

They made resting rooms specially because of you but anyone can use it

But they do prohibit cohabitation in these resting rooms

But rules are meant to be broken

And legit it’s the best duo of the company

They know you won’t do anything weird

Or would you (・ω・)

It has also become a regular thing that you’ll do the evaluation together

And the company is deciding whether just to debut you as a duo

Because you guys are just aces

And it will be the best decision the company had ever made

Here is the end product! Well in time for his birthday! Honestly didn´t plan it, it really just happened like it. Happy Birthday to Seo Sunghyuk! And Yeo Hwanwoong!

AND AND AND RAINZ IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!! I CANT BE ANY HAPPIER THAN I AM NOW!!! We will see Sunghyuk on stage again ಥ_ಥ ＼(^o^)／

I hope you like this imagine! And I´m still planning on releasing more so until then~

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Review #5

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.

I’m Coffee and we’re still putting up with this trainwreck for some reason. Don’t ask me why. Ask Tea.

All the jokes can be made that and this fic is an abomination to the wonderful world that is Percy Jackson and the Olympians/ Heroes of Olympus. I’ve got a bone to pick with this fic. I’m Tea and I approve this message.

I want my refund. ʕಥᴥಥʔ

That wasn’t in the contract, Jager. You must waste your precious time sporking awful fics.

Then give me a bottle of Jack.

Done.

As usual, we will be offensive. Don’t take this personally.

Chapter 3

Awe no awful title to poke fun at ;╭╮;

The fact there are three chapters of this is the joke.

Get rekt son.

So Emily was sleeping over tonight. We did a bunch of things girls do when they sleep over, like paint our nails and talk about boys. Just kidding.

Oh Katherine. You still haven’t grown a sense of humor, I see.

Who needs humor? She assumes everyone likes her jokes.

We didn't talk about boys because then Emily would talk for a whole hour about Angel and I would die of boredom.

Me too, but I’ll still have to suffer through this tedious crap.

ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ All shall be fine soon Coffee.

I can imagine my gravestone. 'Katherine Adams You will be missed

You’re missing a “not” in there.

Cause of Death: Emily Evans' Yeah

…I love how you try to make yourself seem like you’re not a snob but you fail miserably.

‘Katherine Adams. Cause of death: Over Inflated ego.”

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve started digging your grave.

So me and Emily were watching Remember Me with Robert Pattison until my mom came. She looked worried. "Get changed girls, we're leaving."

You have quite the balls to start a sentence with “So” like that...

Not even going to attempt to set the scene? Just gonna jump right on in?

Emily and I, dumbass. ʕಠ益ಠʔ

We looked at her strangely and were about to ask her questions when she held up her hand and said, "I'll explain later."

Your attempts at making this urgent and not boring to read are failing.

I’m so enthralled by this plot. I feel as if these chapters get lazier and lazier each time. How many chapters are there?

You know, this wouldn’t be as bad if the writing didn’t suck horribly. You’d be surprised how things like thoughts and showing feelings greatly improve a story.

With that she left us to change. We did as she told us. I put on some jeans and a purple shirt with sequins and purple uggs. Emily wore a white tank top with white jeans and white flats.

We don’t care what they are wearing. We care about the plot, so get on with the plot (or lack thereof).

Tea, I doubt we’ll get any real plot that ISN’T some boring filler.

What do you mean? Of course listing off what these little shits clothed themselves with is crucial to the plot and to the sense of urgency the author is trying to convey!

What is it with her and white? But of course I shouldn't be talking since I'm obsessed with purple.

“Never mind the fact my mother is worried sick about something! I must take the time to question and internally berate my friend’s style choices!”

This is slow and boring to read. Why the hell should we care that the Sue is obsessed with purple? We’re not seeing the obsession, we are sitting here listening to her tell us that she is. It’s boring and lazy writing.

Why should we care about the Sue? She has no lovable qualities.

After we were dressed we went out of my room to see my mom and Angel waiting for us. "We need to leave. Now."

For being in a hurry you sure are slow.

About as slow as the Author is mentally.

“I’m going to stand here telling you we need to leave immediately, but first who’s up for watching this paint dry!”

After my mom says that we hear a screech. All the color drained from her face.

Chooooooooooppy. Seriously, a second grader can make more complex sentences.

Don’t insult the Second graders, Tea, least they work hard.

I, on the other hand, am totally down for whatever was coming to eat them. It just needs to HURRY THE HELL UP.

"Impossible. They couldn't have gotten it that quick." She looks scared. My mom's the bravest person I know and she doesn't get scared easily. Whatever is scaring her must be creepy.

...IT’S A FUCKING MONSTER! It should be terrifying not “creepy”. Especially if you heard it screech. Be realistic.

Bill Cosby’s a human and he’s more creepy ʕಠᴥಠʔ

Guys, you are overestimating Katherine’s ability to emote. She’s too dumb to live.

" , what's going on and what was that?" Emily looks freaked out. I am too.

Coming from the twat who described a screech that shook up your mother creepy.

I'm pretty sure Angel is too, but he's doing a good job at hiding it. My mom ignored the question.

Who the hell starts a sentence that way?

She does. She also likes repeating parts of her sentences.

Holy shit, you thought about Angel? Is that emotion I sense? ʕ◕0◕ʔ

No, you’re just imagining things.

"We have to get out before they find us. Hurry up and follow me."

My mom led us to the closet in her room and she opened it. Inside it was empty. She traced her fingers along the wall and took off a piece. The piece covered a screen. My mom pressed her thumb to the screen and I heard a click.

Is this Percy Jackson or 007? I forgot.

It was a thumb scan.

I still don’t see how THIS is being in any kind of hurry. The monster could have killed you about ten times by now. Now that would be interesting.

I agree. But, I find it funny how she reacts to the thumb scan. “It was a thumb scan” No shit!  ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ

Thanks Captain Obvious!

My mom got out of the closet and headed to her bed. She stopped before she could reach it and lifted the mat in front of the bed. It covered a trapdoor. My mom opened them and it revealed stairs.

The secret escape is opened from the closet but is by the bed? That sounds like a B-horror movie nightmare.

There is such a thing as adding too many step-by-step sequences ya know.

This is the most boring way to describe secret doors. Ever.

"Come on, we don't have much time before they start searching this floor."

So you keep saying, but have made little effort to exit in an expeditious manner.

Yet you took all that time to open a trapdoor? If you were in a hurry you wouldn’t be moving at the pace of a burdened snail in August.

Nah, the snails would still be moving faster.

We quickly ran down the stairs until we came to a door.

Oh, so now you’re gonna hurry.

Because now we have plot… Right?

Hurry, my ass.

My mom opened it cautiously and we found ourselves in the library. Behind a bookshelf. I would recognize the cherry colored wood anywhere.

I like how she takes the time to mention the wood, but literally nothing else. No thoughts or feelings. Just “Oh, yeah. ‘Wood’ you look at that!”

We don’t care what the bookshelf looks like. Describe it earlier if you really feel like we ABSOLUTELY need to know.

All Knowing Sue, how I hate you so.

My mom pushed it and it moved forward.

Noooooo. It’s gonna swing backward.

And crush them all between the shelf and wall. THE END.

Yay mom for pushing things!

We all scampered out of the cramped space we were in and my mom didn't even let us take a break from all the running.

Good job team! Nice job doing nothing as usual!

You were standing around for like five minutes while she opened the door, you’re not that winded.

They were standing? I thought they were floating heads.

She ran out of the library and we followed her since she was the only one who knew what was going on.

“Hold on, dawgs. Gotta go to the kitchen to grab some snacks.”

We made it to the front door and she rushed out. She pulled out the garage controller from the pocket of her coat and pressed the button.

I thought the point was to not be detected? The garage door makes a lot of noise. Talk about inconsistency.

Can’t garages be accessed from in the house though? And even if the garage wasn’t attached, there still should have been a door, right?

-Loud, obnoxious, opening sounds- NOTICE US MONSTER-SENPAI!

WHAT WAS THAT? COULD YOU BE A LITTLE LOUDER?

The garage door lifted and my mom ran to the closest car in the garage, which happened to be her black hybrid.

Just say “which happened to be her car.”, We don’t need a vague description of what she drives.

Black hybrid could mean a number of cars…. Or maybe it’s some mythical creature cos its a Percy Jackson story.

Shouldn’t you be more worried about the monster?

"Shotgun." Angel yelled and opened the door.

Angel clearly has his priorities straightened out.

My mom glared at him and held a finger to her mouth.

There’s no point in being quiet now, you’ve already given yourselves away by opening the garage.

You’re expecting the ‘Satan Spawn’ to be quiet?

The monster comes barreling in and rips them apart. It tosses their entrails like confetti.

Have fun dying! Oh who am I kidding? We aren’t gonna get that lucky.

I’ve told Coffee this, we will never be saved.

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

Wow, my mom never glares at people.

Well, she has now.

So you’re mom has NEVER glared at you or Angel for doing something bad? Like using knives on your brother or fighting kids at school?

Turns out looks really do kill and Angel’s body is dumped on the side of the road. No one cares.

We all got in the car and my mom drove.

No shit, she’s the only one with a license.

Unless All Knowing Sue somehow knows how to drive too.

Guys, guys, guys. It was either her or Poseidomort.

She kept on driving until she was running out of gas-

This car must get some shit gas mileage.

They went a total of ONE mile.

No one ever heard from them again.

so she stopped at a gasoline station.

Nooooooo.

Not the Gas station!

Anything but the gas station... *strikes match*

When she got out of the car to fill the tank I noticed my mom pull out her phone and call someone. They talked for like a minute before she hung up.

Hot damn! Sue didn’t know who mother called, that’s a first.

Could it be that she’s no longer all knowing? 0-0

ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ That’ll be the day I quit drinking, Tea.

Ever considered AA meetings Jager?

Yes I have actually.

When my mom finished and got behind the wheel again and started driving, Emily broke the silence we maintained for at least 50 minutes.

Dammit, just had that replaced. You’re cleaning that up, Emily.

ʕ-ᴥ-ʔ We don’t care how long they were silent.

"Who were you talking to ?"

“I was calling Bullshit.”

"Your father, Emily.

Would you look at that...

I told him that we were attacked and I had to get you all to safety."

Attacked? When? Bring on the monster already!

Having this in script format is lazy writing.

At least add spacing like-

 -this, dammit all.

"Mom, what exactly was that screech?"

Me screaming at this story.

Horrid screams of agony.

"It was a," my mom lowered her voice as she kept driving, "a fury."

"What's a fury?" Angel asked, speaking for the first time.

"Don't repeat that name. Names shouldn't be said carelessly. They have power."

“Well you just said it and we’re not dead.”

It was said twice in five seconds. That fury’s gonna be furious.

Badum tss!

"You didn't answer my question."

She doesn’t have to. You’re probably not gonna like the answer anyway.

She should. Maybe that would speed the plot up.

"They are also known as kindly ones. And it was a monster from the underworld."

Where most monsters come from.

" , I know this is an inappropriate question but, are you high?" Angel snickered.

Why are you snickering, you ungrateful brat? Would you like your sorry ass left behind? I’d gladly oblige!

"Sadly, no."

I feel you, mom. I wish I was high to so I didn’t have to read this.

"Mom, you know there is no such thing as monsters. It's only exists in stories." I state firmly.

State firmly? I sincerely hope you said this with as much deadpan as the writing.

I like how the Sue is trying to be the reasonable one here, yet she sounds completely detached from reality and all emotion.

“I should know, because I’M the main character!”

My mom sighs tiredly.

Much like I’m going to curbstomp you enthusiastically.

"You'll believe me when you get there."

She’s probably tired of your constant questioning.

Mom is really sighing because she regrets having you.

 I regret ever reading this.

"Get where?"

“The hell out of my life.”

This is sounding suspiciously like how Percy ended up at the camp.

Well she IS his half-sister.

Still no excuse to use his “how I got here” story.

True, Author is just a lazy fucker. And that’s coming from the bear.

I don’t know what I expected.

"A special camp. For people like you. Don't you ever wonder why you all have ADHD and dyslexia?"

Never mind the fact that we haven’t seen anything that is suppose to imply they have either of these traits.

You’re explaining it like they’re going to a special needs camp and not explaining at all how this is safer or why there’s a monster chasing them. A+ parenting.

“MY MAMA SAYS I’M SPECIAL!”

"You mean a camp for people with ADHD and dyslexia? That's stupid."

Like this story.

Author expects us to know who’s talking just by they words they used.

Yep, we’re supposed to have telepathic powers.

"It's not stupid Angel. It's a place you will be able to call home and no monsters can get in. You will be safe there."

Still not explaining shit here momma.

Because who needs exposition!

Who needs that when we can talk about dumb teenage stuff?

" , stop the car." My mom and brother ignored Emily and kept argueing about this camp.

Well the best friend has been invisible thus far, so why would it change now?

Better give her a reason to still be here. She’s Punching Bag #2 remember?

Emily has been demoted from Punching Bag #2 to Who?

" , stop the car!" Then I realized my mom wasn't watching the road,

What were you so enamored with that you noticed next to nothing until your friend-not-friend pointed it out?

she was looking at Angel and in the middle of the road was what looked to be a very buff man.

Arnold? Is that really you? It IS you!

Terminator?

Yesssh.  ʕ◕0◕ʔ

Holy run on sentence, Batman!

When my mom looked at the road she stopped but she still ran over the guy.

How do you stop, but STILL run over someone? Is it raining that badly that you literally slide despite being stopped? Wait, is it even raining?

Evidently the car was going so fast that they couldn’t stop fast enough.

Yay for reckless driving!

But monster? The one whose chasing you? Y’know what? Never mind. Just forget I said anything.

"Holy shit."

No exclamation mark? No description of his reaction? Any KIND of EMOTION there? No? Okay.

I believe this is supposed to be a really lame attempt at conveying shock.

“Oh no, we hit someone... I’m hungry. Who wants burgers?”

"Angel, language."

This is hardly the time to tell your son to watch his cursing.

I thought we were in a hurry away from the monster. Not sitting here and waiting for it to get up.

They keep lollygagging like they weren’t just trying to outrun a monster.

"Oh my god! We just ran over a person!" Me and Emily were freaking out and Angel looked like he was going to through up.

What is this supposed to be? A delayed reaction?

Throw up. Through is what I’m going to do when I put you through the fucking wall!

I’m going to through up because of this writing…

My mom was the only one not worried.

She backed up and ran it over again. And again. And again.

I mean, technically she was the one that ran over the guy since she's driving. How can she not be freaked out?! He might be dead.

If you listened to the lack of words that came out of her mouth earlier. You’re being chased by a monster.

/╲/\╭  ʕಠᴥಠʔ╮/\╱\  Here’s a monster.

“Monster?! There was a monster?!”

And if he's dead we're all going to jail! Crap. I might go to jail.

Glad to see that you’re still looking after your own hide.

No, you’re too young for jail, dumbass, you’d go to juvie.

Do you really think the author cares for the specifics when it come to stuff like law? 

"I'm going to check to see if he's okay." I was about to open the door when it suddenly locked.

Yes, check to see if the OVERSIZED BUFFCAKE is okay.

They’re  just asking to get smashed into a bloody paste. They’re still sitting on top of the monster if you go by how this is written.

Let her go. It’s better that way. Too dumb to live, remember?

She’ll just come back like the cockroach she is.

"You are not going out there. He is fine.

What are you doing?! Throw it in reverse and run it over again!

And even if he did die, all that would be left is ashes." With that my mom started driving again.

Not ashes. It’s gold dust. Did you read the books or see the movies?

Actually the gold dust is just a movie thing. In the books they dissolved into a yellow sulfur dust.

Either way it’s yellow, not ash.

Just gonna pretend that never happened. Never mind if it get’s back up and chases us down.

Because death is what the mother wants right now.

As me and Emily looked out the back window we saw the man get up and turn to us. And then I realized he wasn't human.

You just now realized this?

Because no human can run after they were ran over by a car. And no human had horns and a furry face.

You have night vision now?

20 bucks says it’s the Minotaur.

My, we just love to state the obvious don’t we Katherine?

We love this totally original scene.

It looked like a monster.

No shit, Sherlock.

Naaah, it’s a giant bipedal buffcake bull. His name is Tom.

He just wanted a hug. :(

He’s big and scary on the outside, but a precious little cinnabun on the inside! (´;︵;`)

He’s real gentle we promise! He looked so cute at prom in his little tux. ʕಥᴥಥʔ So precious.

A monster that was running after us very fast.

Yes, and I hope it kills you.

Yes my pet, kill them.

FEAST MY PRETTY!

OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

If this guy is a human, he must have been a test subject.

You acknowledged that it wasn’t human three sentences ago, you dumb broad. 

How would you know the kind of testing that could do that?

Someone has been watching way too much sci fi.

I faced forward, suddenly realizing that what my mom said was true. There are things such as monsters.

You should have realized that about five minutes ago with the fury screaming and the big bull man that you just ran over.

So much for being all knowing, am I right guys?

You have consistently proven your lack of intelligence.

"So where is this camp?"

“IN HELL.”

“Up yer bum you smelly child.”

Oh so now you’re choosing to listen to your mom. *slow claps* Way to go main character.

They’re just going to ignore the monster chasing them down, aye? I’m down with that.

As long as it kills them yeah?

Least she didn’t lose her mom… Yet. I can already tell dear mom’s gonna die sometime soon.

I read ahead, and yes this does in fact happen.

FUCK.

So much for originality.

DEATH TO ORIGINALITY. DEATH TO CANON! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODS, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

I AM FEMALE PERCY JACKSON! MY REAL NAME IS PERCIE!

CONCLUSION

I have some complaints. One: This chapter copied near perfectly the way Percy got to camp, +1 for originality pal. Two: Hitting something as big as a Minotaur would not just stop a car, it would completely total that thing. Have you ever seen a DEER get hit by a car? They do a lot of fucking damage to the car, and a deer is waaaaay smaller than a Minotaur. I’m sorry but that Minotaur would’ve grabbed that car and flung it like a twig. Also, the slow pace of this chapter was, as Tea said before, like a burdened snail. The mother is the only character I can sympathize with currently. I cared less for how Katherine tried to be convince everyone monsters don’t exist, yet she had just heard a FUCKIGN FURY screech earlier, and it took RUNNING OVER A FUCKING MINOTAUR to get it through her thick skull. This ‘OC’ is so deep inside herself that she can’t open her eyes until the truth smacks her in the face. Jagerbomb is not please. ʕಠ╭╮ಠʔ. 1/10.

 The main issue I had with this story is that it was extremely contradictory, had little to no emotion when it came to character interactions and was very uninteresting to read. Although the author tried to make it interesting, it failed miserably. I care less for Emily and her friend (Main OC), I can’t empathize with either one. They both are flat and uninteresting and are unconvincing as people. The only ones I can even remotely empathize with is the mom and the brother, but even then they need some work.  

 As the story progresses, I care less and less about the OC and whatever ripoff adventure they embark on. I’ve never rooted for the death of a single character as much before. You can not convince me that these things are actual people with actual thoughts and feelings. Not with that writing anyhow. All I can see is that the author was making her character out to be all important, the reasonable likable hero. She either looks like an ass or an idiot. No in between, no redemption. It  just keeps getting worse. The author apparently thinks that if the characters take a really long time, it would add tension. It looks dumb, sounds dumb, and is unnecessary. These people should have been dead already instead of wasting my goddamn time. 1/10 At least your writing is consistent.

[coffeecupandteatime]

Jagerbomb’s Mini-Review #2

HELLOOOOOOO~ Jagerbomb here for ANOTHER mini-review ʕ◕0◕ʔ Exciting isn’t?

Anyway the rules of a normal review apply here as well. I wall be as offensive as possible, so please don’t be a bitch.

ʕಠᴥಠʔ So please, sit down, and crack open a cold one with the boys, and enjoy the sporking.

Very dark HarryxOC fic. It's not your average fic, I promise. Harry and crew are suffering the effects of Voldemort(Apostrophe)s regained power. Set in sixth year.

What in the living fuck. This is the actual SUMMARY to the story. 

1. Meetings

Let’s see here…. Shitty chapter title? Check.

A/N: BWAHAHAHAAAA!!! I finally wrote a fan fic (One word)! Maybe somebody will READ this one! All my poor originals have to be force fed to my friends

You sir are turning out to be a very rude Author already.

…. No one else even knows they're there I think… Oh well. All I ask for is reviews. ^_^V

Ohohohohoho! You’re getting a review alright! ʕಠᴥಠʔ▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一

Darkness rising

Why the hell is the story’s title AFTER the chapter’s???

Harry's summer had gone horribly. His books and broom were locked up, Hedwig was out for the night, and he'd been sent back to the cupboard under the stairs for pissing off Dudley.

Question: I thought Harry had a room upstairs now? I mean I can’t recall ever seeing him being sent back to the cupboard. Ever.

He'd had no word from Ron, Hermione, or Sirius, and he had no idea what was going on in the wizarding world. To top it off, it was August, and it was raining.

Nooooooo! Not the rain! Anything but the rain!

Harry couldn't stand it anymore. He was going out. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia hadn't and wouldn't object to him going out into the rain without telling them.

Tsk…. Harry you’re an idiot. You have magic but you’re still HUMAN, you’ll get sick.

Do it.

They could only pray he would get run over or die from pneumonia. He grabbed his jacket and walked silently out the door. Since he'd exchanged some of his wizarding money for muggle cash, he could afford to go get something to eat at least.

Why would he have wizard money on him outside of the Wizarding world anyway? Has has a bank account.

While walking down some random street, he found a lone hot dog stand open in the rain. Feeling sorry for the girl behind it, he decided it was hot dogs for dinner tonight.

“I’m already risking getting sick from this rain, might as well have a shitty hot dog.” Good job buddy.

He walked over to her and was about to order when a strange sensation came over him. This girl was a witch.

When the ever living fuck could Harry sense someone else was magical? ʕಠᴥಠʔ This is one of THOSE stories isn’t it?

"Um, can I have a chili dog please?" He asked, pondering whether or not to ask which wizarding school she went to.

Hey harry, have you ever had a vendor dog? Their pretty awful… Then again, it’d be the best meal you had! OOOOOOOOH!

Get it cos the Dursley’s rarely feed him enough  ʕ;-;ʔ Eh?

"Sure. That's um… 2.75 please." Harry handed her the money, noting her American accent.

2.75 in what? Dollars? Pounds? Yen? PESOS!?

"If you don't mind my asking, you aren't from around here are you?" She shook her head.

Oh my god…. Don’t tell me there’s a Mary Goddamn Sue already.

"No, I'm a California Girl. I'm here to meet my grandfather, I guess. You don't want to hear about me, though." She shook her head.

FUCKING DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!

Harry was caught for a moment, noticing just how pretty she looked. She had pretty brown hair with bleached streaks, and amber eyes with flecks of orange and brown in them. Harry had grown a lot over the summer, but she was still just a centimeter taller. He smiled for her.

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Fuck you. ʕಠᴥಠʔ╭∩╮

"It's not like I have something else to be doing. Why don't you tell me about it to save me from loss of sanity to boredom?" She chuckled softly.

“I’m just the Sue who’ll most likely be your love interest!”

He noticed how sad her eyes were. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter." He said, holding out his hand. She hesitantly took it.

Harry is being awfully nice to a complete stranger, for all he knew she could be faking it to steal his liver. Good thing mine’s dying! ʕಠᴥಠʔ Nice try bitch!

"Sandra Davis."

“Now fuck off you little bastard.”

Harry quickly learned that Sandra was fascinating. Besides the fact that she was gorgeous, she was smart, too. She was a muggle-

HOW IN THE HELL CAN SHE BE A FUCKING MUGGLE!?!

-(Which confused Harry to no end), and had stopped going to High School in preference of the City College level classes.

Aren’t you a special snowflake! Here’s a gold star!

She was apparently in England coming to visit her Grandfather, whom she'd never met. She apparently lived alone as well.

I’m say it it now, her grandfather is probably some powerful wizard.

"I'm a little worried though, I have to take the train in London to meet my Gramps, but have you ever heard of a platform Nine and Three- Quarters?" Harry was more than slightly surprised.

Oh no… Please don’t… I beg of you!

"Do you know what quidditch is?" He blurted out. She shook her head. "All right, sorry. Um, do you know what your grandfather does for a living?" Harry tried again.

Please don’t say magic, please don’t say magic, please don’t say magic.

"He's headmaster of some school here. Hogwarts,-

Oh you better be pulling my chain bub.

- I think. What a weird name, I mean really. Almost as weird as his, get a load of this, his name's Albus Dumbledore.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-Hahahahahahhahahahah! ʕಠᴥಠʔ -Shaking intensifies-

-Go figure, eh?" She laughed quietly. Harry was in shock. Albus Dumbledore's granddaughter was a muggle? He had a granddaughter? What in all hell was going on? She had magic, why wasn't she at Hogwarts?

I’m just as surprised as you Potter, just as surprised as you.

"That's my school." Harry said, for lack of anything else. "He's my headmaster."

-Deep inhale- This is top-notch interactions.

Sandra looked a little surprised, and looked around to make sure no one else was on the street. Then she leaned in and whispered-

Why the fuck do ya got a hyphen there?

"So that means you're the Harry Potter? The one who defeated this Voldemort guy?" Harry nodded, once more caught completely off guard.

“Nah, I’m the Harry Potter from Chicago. Ya know what they say about our sausage?” ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

"Oh good! My Gramps told me to go find you, and you'd make sure I got to Hogwarts all right." She looked immensely relieved. Harry had to stare at her for a minute.

OFFUCKINGCOURSE!

"I'm sorry, but you've confused the hell out of me." She smiled, but Harry had to notice again how it never reached her eyes.

Oh if only Coffee were here, she’d be having a blast tearing this a new anus. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

"She told him the whole story then. It turned out she was half and half (MUDBLOOD). She'd always known her mother was a witch, but the whole family had gone with Sandra's father to live as muggles, even though he was outnumbered.

What the hell? How did it come to that? He didn’t ask you that. -Head slamming gif-

Her parents had both died in a "car crash" when she was five. In reality, a pair of rouge (Rogue, did Kiryu get in here??) Death Eaters had gotten them.

Aren’t Death Eaters already rogues…?

Dumbledore hadn't taken her in because her parents had strictly told him she was to be left to grow up as a muggle.

Of course they did sweetie.  ʕ◡ᴥ◡✿ʔ You’re a snowflake. ʕʘᴥʘ✿ʔ I must melt you.

Now though, it was too dangerous to leave her on her own, and he was bringing her where he could keep an eye on her.

So who was watching her prior to this? I’m having a hard time understanding that part.

""I'm a little angry with my parents, actually." She said with a blank look on her face as she looked out into the rain. "They should've let me make my own decision, instead of leaving me helpless like this." Harry sighed.

I’m with you on this Potter. I suggest we run very far from the Sue.

"They probably thought I'd killed Voldemort properly, they didn't know I'd end up brining (BRINGING) him back." She looked at him for a moment.

Who thought you’d killed Moldybutt properly? Who is talking right now?

"I heard about that. It wasn't your fault, Harry."

“You’re just the final horcrux, so it’s only your fault if you live, no big deal.”

"I should've known what was going to happen the minute my name came out of the Goblet of Fire, I'm-"

Where in the timeline is this taking place exactly? Explain shit Author! GAH! 

ʕಠ益ಠʔ

"-Perfectly within the rights of being human." Sandra cut him off. "No one can think of everything."

Yet you most likely will, Sue.

Harry felt strangely comforted.

Correction: He felt strangely awkward.

"You're not a bad guy, Harry. I'm glad I met you." Sandra gave him a rare heartfelt smile.

Sandra is a broken girl I see. Oh boy.

Harry couldn't help but smile back.

No don’t empower her Potter!

***

The fuck is THAT!

Hedwig came back that night, carrying four letters at once. One each from Ron, Hermione Sirius, and Dumbledore.

Bet cha Dumbledore’s is about Sandra. What’s the plot again? Why does it need her?

Harry opened the one from Dumbledore first, hoping it might have a few more answers for him.

HA! That old bastard have answers? Yeah right!

Dear Harry,

“Regret to inform you that there is a Sue amongst us.”

I trust Sandra has come safely to you by now. I also trust you have plenty of questions for me. The first of which I can answer easily. Yes, I have a granddaughter. Surprised? The rest of the staff will be too. I want you to take Sandra to the Leaky Cauldron Inn as soon as possible. I'm having the Weasleys pick you both up. Mrs. Weasley was insisting you two could stay with them, but I had to deny. They will be spread apart as well, so they'll be harder to target. Ron and Hermione will be staying with you at the Leaky Cauldron. I want you three to stay together! I cannot stress this enough! Sirius will be at the inn when you get there.

Do take care Harry,

Albus Dumbledore

I feel as if this letter is supposed to be important, yet I can’t help but feel bored by it.  

P.S. Do try and be delicate with Hermione when you see her.

The fuck? Why is ALBUS telling Harry to be delicate with Hermione?And for what? Did they date before in this story and you refuse to tell us, Author?

Harry was less that settled by this.

I would be to if an old guy told me to be delicate with a girl.

He carefully put the letter down and moved on to Hermione's letter, wondering why he should need to be 'delicate' with her. His stomach dropped when he read the letter.

Well then, I wonder what’s so bad about her letter.

Dear Harry,

Please forgive my lack of correspondence this summer, I was a bit, preoccupied with a few affairs of mine. Death Eaters got to my father, Harry. He's dead. I can't stand it. I'm so scared, I just don't know what to do. I've been reading the Daily Prophet, and, Harry, it's terrible. Horrible. Absolutely terrifying. He's everywhere. Everywhere. And it's only the beginning.

Hermione Granger

-______________________- Am I supposed to feel bad for her? What good does killing her father have to the plot… If any.

Poor Hermione!

Not really.

Harry shuddered at what this letter was telling him about the condition of the wizarding world. Things were bad, and they could only get worse.

There’s nothing in this story that could get worse then the idea of it.

Dear Harry,

God, Harry, this is horrible. Hermione's a wreak. She came last night saying she just couldn't stay at home. I can't stand seeing her like this. And now Dumbledore's splitting up my whole family. To tell you the truth, I don't think I'd want to be at Hogwarts this year.

Come soon, Harry, please, come soon!

Ron

Why the hell are you writing this? Honestly, this story makes me a very angry drunk.

I enjoy my drinking time dammit!

Dear Harry, I'm cleared. We got Fudge to believe me about Pettigrew using Snape and Lupin as witnesses. I'll be coming to the Leaky Cauldron to keep an eye on you.

Sirius

LET’S JUST ALL COME TO THE INN EVERYONE! I’M SURE THERE’S ENOUGH ROOM!

Harry felt the largest headache he'd had in his life coming on. 

Trust me Potter, till you’ve gotten drunk to the point of wearing twelve hats on your head and walking down two sets of stairs, without dropping any, and then waking up with a hangover the size of Kurotsuchi's ego… You won’t know what a large headache is.

His friends were in danger, Voldemort was everywhere,

Moldybutt, Posidemort, Voldemort, whatever his name is.

he had to protect them, and now Sandra too. This was too much. For the first time in his life,

For the first time in my life I can’t drink this shit way. FUCK!

Harry wished he was just a muggle. Blissfully ignorant, not a care in the world.

Muggles have many cares in the world. We also have wars, dumbass, and if Voldemort threatens the Wizarding world, he threatens the Muggle world…. They ARE on the same planet.

CONCLUSION.

I was not awake enough for this shit.

The plot, well, I hardly see a plot right now. This whole chapter is pretty much the introduction for a poorly done OC, with bonus letters at the end about useless nonsense. Why does Hermione’s dad need to be dead? Why does Dumbledore need a granddaughter? Why is she even in this story?

The story is poorly written and to fast paced for it to work well.

The insertion of a generally useless and unoriginal OC. Seriously, both parents are dead, was raised as a muggle, related to a super important character. Not original in the slightest.

The actual interaction was bland at best.

1.5/10.

Now the fuck outta my office.

ʕಠᴥಠʔノ彡 Shoo!

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Review #6

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.

Ahhhhh, it’s that time of the year again, when the summer air is crisp, and we’re all stuck inside reading reviews on awful fanfics. ʕಠᴥಠʔ My mother always said I had no life.

I haven’t had a life since I found the internet.

Yes we know that Coffee.

None of us have had lives since the internet. Let’s just put that out there now.

You make a compelling point sir. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Now shall we begin the shitstorm?

Shit parade is a better description.

As usual, we will be offensive. Don’t take this personally.

Hey … I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever. I kind of helped my sister have a party at our house and it went really wild.

Suuuuuure you did pal. Ya sure you weren’t just thinking of quitting? Cos I’m sure many people would love that. ʕ° ͟ل͜ ͡°ʔ

My parents came home the next morning and we got grounded for having alcohol at the party. At the party, some stupid kids broke some of my mom's porcelain dolls and the vase that contained my grandmother's ashes was also broken. So not only did my sister get grounded for a year, but I, who wasn't even at the party got grounded as well.

OBJECTION! That’s a contradiction! You just stated “it went really wild”, implying you were there! *slams hands on desk* Isn’t that right?!

What the fuck? Who gets mad over porcelain dolls breaking? Those things are creepy as hell.  Also she HELPED her sister have the party so there’s that too.

Avid collectors get mad and not to mention her grandma’s ashes were spilled all over the floor.  

I’d be a little mad if someone busted the vase with grandma’s ashes.

I understand that part, just not the dolls.

And that's why I haven't updated. No laptop, TV, Ipod, phone, DS, and no Hot Cheetos or Starbucks!

You sound oh so very stereotypically white right now.

“OH NO! Things I can totally live without but depend on!”

Ouch. Right in the entitlements…

I’m sure none of those things wanted to be associated with you.

My mom also signed me up for ballet. So guess what I spent my time doing after school and during the summer.

Come on kid, ballet isn’t bad, it’s fun once you get past the clumsiness.

Anyway, now I have some of my freedom back. Before I quit ballet, I stuck the finger to the evil teacher and walked out of there like a boss! Yeah... no.

That would get you another month of grounding if you were my child.

Much worse would happen to her if that were my spawn.

I’m not having kids if they're always like this brat.

That would be extremely rude.

You say as if you cared.

I’m sure she does Coff.

Yeah, no she doesn’t.

And another reason I haven't updated was because Katherine's story takes place after the whole war with the giants and I didn't know if the camps were going to come together and change the name or something like that.

Oh, good. Then I take back my previous comment. She’s still a special-snowflake (bitch) daughter of Poseidon, but at least she’s not fucking up the prophecy. She’s just gonna fuck everything else up.

The daughter of Poseidemort who ran over a MINOTAUR and uses the knife game to punish her brother.

Special snowflakes galore.

MY MAMA SAYS I’M SPECIAL!

So when the book came out, I read it but I couldn't start writing a chapter. Well, here's the fourth chapter. Oh wait, remember how in the first chapter it say winter? Well I'm changing it to the summer

‘Scuse me? You’re just gonna… change the a fairly major element of the story with an author’s note? Instead of, y’know, editing???

And why not just keep it going and be lazy and call it an ‘AU’? Anyone can do that.

That would be too much effort, that’s why.

I sighed. It had been a week since we left the house. So many of those… things had come after us.

What things? You mean monsters?

What monsters? We never saw anything except the Minotaur which was run over and never heard from again.

Clearly we’re running from he must not be named.

Poseidemort

That old lady that had grown wings,

WHAT OLD LADY? Is there something happening off-screen we don’t know about??

All we ever got about the FURY was a SINGLE screech.

Just gonna dump her in here apparently.

the man/animal that had horns and was unbelievably strong,

Which was never shown, because they flattened it with a car.

Correction, attempted to flatten it with a car. It didn’t die and didn’t try to kill them although they sat on top of it for like 5 minutes.

What man/animal with horns? You know how many monsters fit that description? ʕಠ益ಠʔ

and that weird big hairless dog.

Please stop acting like we actually saw any of this.

I thought hellhounds had fur tho.

They do but she clearly doesn’t know her Greek monsters.

ʕಠ益ಠʔ That makes me angry.

It’s fine! Because we never saw this at all in context with the story.

My mom had names for them. That old lady with the wings was a fury, the man/animal thing with horns was a minotaur And the big dog thing is a hellhound.

A hellhound isn’t hairless you fop.  

This could have been put into the previous sentence but instead you continue to waste my time with your unneeded prose.

That’d be too easy.

My mom had always wanted us to get into the whole Greek and Roman myths about the gods. Never really sparked my interest. But my mom did make me take Latin. I hated it but I put up with it for her.

I’m sorry, WHAT?!? You’re a Greek demi-twit, you should be learning, guess what, GREEK!

Latin is not Greek.

Plot twist: MC isn’t a Demigod, she was adopted and Angel’s the true Demigod.

The only twist I would gladly accept.

So anyway, we have traveled from Beverly Hills to New York in a week in a would have been here earlier but we spent a whole day shopping for clothes.

“We’re being chased by monsters, but that’s okay! We can spend an entire day shopping without incident! Hooray, materialism!”

Lord forbid shopping gets compromised. ʕಠ益ಠʔ

Shoes, pants, a backpack for each of us, lady things, shirts, sweaters and jackets, underwear, tank tops, socks etc.

Yet you wasted time to compile a shortlist of the shit you bought. You could just say you bought the essentials.  

We’re off to a good start…

Lady things, yet you have underwear separately. ʕಠᴥಠʔ╭∩╮cool.

Um, do I have to explain what lady things are Jager?

Well if MC can try to get her brother and friend to basically fuck, ‘lady things’ shouldn’t be that bad. Just saying.

I’m surprised you don’t know already.

We stopped by hotels every morning to shower. That's why we took so long.

In the previous sentence you mentioned wasting an entire day shopping. I’m pretty confident that it contributed.

Tea, the author has no concept of time.

But now we're here. Sitting in a Starbucks. Sipping our frappuccinos as my mom babbles on and on about this camp.

I’m starting to sense a pattern with you....

Is urgency lost on you? Whatever is chasing you, I hope it smashes you into bloody paste leaving Angel alive to arrive at camp so we don’t have to deal with your drivel.

Apparently it is. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

Camp Half-Blood or something.

Good to know you’re paying attention to this crucial information concerning your safety and well-being.

I’m surprised she hasn’t tried getting Emily to hook up with the monsters to distract them.

She probably would if she thought it would let them live.

Gonna get that big ol’ Minotaur horn if ya know what I mean C;

I don’t.

Ahh, innocent Coffee. You’ll figure it out when you’re older.

This is about as old as I’m gonna get.

It's dark as we leave the cozy coffee shop. I instantly miss the smell of caffeine.

How the hell can you smell caffeine?

ʕ.ᴥ.ʔ Welp. The power of being a Sue lets you smell the impossible.

I don’t have enough caffeine in my system to deal with this shit.

That’s like saying I can smell yeast before it ferments.

As we make our way to the car, I notice a huge black cloud in the sky. I can see light flash inside it. Lightning.

Thanks Captain Obvious!

You act like you’ve never seen a storm before. Oh and we are once again copying Percy’s how-I-got-here story.

She probably hasn’t since her life was so ‘perfect’ before.

I open my mouth to-

Spout more idiotic bullshit? Bitch about Angel?

tell them about the cloud when Emily looks up at me. I know she noticed it. She's probably gonna end up clutching my side halfway through our ride to this camp. She's always been afraid of lightning.

Oh no. So scary. Much terrified.

Show that she’s afraid of it, don’t state it to the audience.

All Knowing Sue strikes again.

She feels that it will kill her.

SMITE HER ZEUS!

DAMMIT COFFEE! NOTHING WILL SAVE US! NOT EVEN THE PAN!

And she doesn't like airplanes or anything that involves lightning or being above the ground. She's never been on a swing since she doesn't like her feet not touching the ground or something that is touching the ground.

Show not tell, show not tell, shOW NOT TELL.

You’re gonna flip shit when you read who her mom is. Anyway, it’s apparently supposed to “contribute” to her fear of Zeus.

If it’s not Aphrodite I’ll be very disappointed.

Her only exception is the ocean since that's where we feel at home

I get why a child of Poseidon feels safe, but why Emily? We don’t know her. Nor do we care anymore.

I have a bad feeling about her god-parent…

Don’t got many choices.

I’m going to bet that her mother is a goddess who can’t/won’t have mortal children.

, so she feels safe with us. We get in the car and my mom starts driving. I hear thunder and I feel someone clutching my arm really hard.

So much so that she renders flesh from bone.

Coffee. What did I say.

I WILL DO ANYTHING TO SEE HER DIE.

IT WON’T SAVE US! THEN EMILY WILL TAKE OVER!

I MUST TRY! NO MATTER HOW FUTILE!

" Emily, that hurts." I say annoyed.

“Ow, pain. I fractured my ability to emote.”

Please kill her.

She could emote in the first place?

" Sorry." She loosens her grip. My arm can breath again.

I wasn’t aware your arm had breathing capabilities.

Does it have nostrils that we don’t see?

The arm has the most character development in this story.

" Emily, sweetie, nothing is going to happen to you. Besides, your mom will protect you.

“Ah, yes. My mother that I know nothing about and who has practically abandoned me. That’s comforting.”

“Bah you’ll get used to it.”

She would never let anything happen to you. Just like Angel and Kat's father would never let anything happen to I'm here."

If Poseidon never let anything happen to his demi-spawn this entire story would not exist.

Exactly. Thank you Coffee.

Emily just nodded when my looked at her through the rear mirror. Anyone could see that Emily didn't believe her and she was still afraid.

I can’t see anything with your lousy writing.

So much for those classes am I right guys?

" How about some music? That always soothes you." Angel put on the radio.

Why are we suddenly being formal in speech?

You know what would soothe me?

These fuckers dying?

In a fiery car crash.

Noooooooooo, why a fucking song. Why do you have to write out the song!

Cause raisins.

" If I die young, bury me in satin

I’ll bury you all right, but it will sure as hell not be in satin.

Maybe in an inferno.

That might work. Though someone might dig her up.

Lay me down on a bed of roses

If you don’t mind the napalm under it.

A good old fashioned bonfire.

That’d be to easy. Slowly lower her onto a bed of rusty nails.

Sink me in a river at dawn

Hon, even if you didn’t die I’d still drown you in a river.

She can breathe in water though.

FUCK.

AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! Can she breath in acid?

Send me away with the words of a love song

With the lyrics describing your imminent demise.

Nobody loves you.

Not even the knives.

Uh oh, uh oh

That’s how I feel about this entire fic.

That’s me everyday of my life.

Lord make me a rainbow,

Lord, please don’t.

I second that.

I'll shine down on my mother

With a death ray.

DEATH FROM ABOVE!

Preparing weapon: 80%.

She'll know I'm safe

Now that you’re no longer a nuisance.

Now a thorn in God’s side.

Poor God.

with you when she stands under my colors,

I bet your colors are about the same as your emotional spectrum.

A dull gray, slightly darker dull grey and and an even darker dull grey.

Don‘t insult grey.

Oh yeah. And purple.

You leave purple out of this.

oh,

“I finally realized this whole story was a mistake.”

Nah, I doubt Author ever thought that.

And life ain't always what you think it ought to be,

Like this story.

Clearly. I thought this was supposed to be a story.

I thought I was sober.

No

Is what I said when I was told we were going to continue reading.

Yeah, I’m never sober.

Ain't even grey,

Oh, look! Your emotional spectrum!

Huzaaaaaah!

but she buries her baby

Finally putting that whiny brat in the ground!

Yaaaaaay!

The sharp knife of a short life,

*hides knife* I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Quick protect Angel!

oh well

That’s what the author said before publishing this trash parade.

That’s what I said while looking at the last bottle.

I've had just enou-"

I’ve had enough of this shit too.

-Promptly swings door open and leaves-

Fuck this shit, I’m out!

Mom turned it off.

SWEET FREEDOM!

“Now that we’re done with those ominous implications…”

" Maybe we should do something else instead of listen to the radio. How about I tell you kids more about Camp Halfblood?"

“Obviously, no one was listening to me about it before.”

“Listen here you little shits! You’re going to camp!”

I feel like the author is now trying really hard to make mom explain things.

" Your father always wanted you to go to this camp since you were babies. He kept visiting me, telling me how it wasn't safe for you anywhere but the camp. I told him off, saying that nothing bad would ever happen to you as long as I was alive.

“Of course, I, a mortal woman, would know more about this sort of thing than a Greek god.”

Totally not Percy’s story.

Percy’s mother was worried and knew she would only be able to protect him so much and Sally knew her limits. She’s making her sound like “I can protect my kids by myself. I won’t get killed with a simple flick of the wrist.”. That’s fucking foolish.

And your father, Emily, he promised your mother he would guard you with his life.

“I can’t imagine why he would do that. It’s not like Greek gods avoid their children.”

“Mom, was dad just a one nighter?”

Her mom just left a note though, how the hell would he promise that? The gods don’t normally tell the mortal partner that they’re a god.

I don't think he ever told you this but one night, when you were about 10, he found your mother standing over your bed, crying quietly. He told me that she told him that all she could think about was you.

And he told you this, but not his daughter..? I see where Katherine’s omniscience comes from.

Damn genetics. Fuckers.

You guys may think that the parent that left you didn't care, but they did.

Except they don’t, because they are gods.

They don’t care cos they can literally have kids with damn near anyone.

Correction, they care for their kids but they normally have VERY limited contact with them. They make a point to stay out of their lives, to not interfere, it would piss off the Fates.

It hurt us as much as it did them. And by 'us' I mean Emily's dad and me."

That’s unusually specific.

Me thinks Moma and Emily’s dad had a fling.

" Mom, who is our dad and Emily's mom?"

My mom smiled softly. It was a sad smile. " Well, that's something you'll have to find out at camp, isn't it?" No one said anything.

“It’s more fun that way. Nothing bad ever comes from withholding this kind of information.”

“Not like this information is important to the plot.”

Get on with the plot please. This suspense shit is getting old fast.

5 minutes later

You don’t need a fucking transition for five fucking minutes!

Calm down Coffee.

PISS OFF

NAH!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN

" Are we there yet?"

“No, the end of the chapter is about another two pages of nothing happening.”

Guess I can get another case of rum. I have the time.

" Almost. Patience Angel."

Oh, so that’s who’s talking. For a second, I thought it was another hallucination. Wait a minute, who’s talking now? A ghost? It’s a ghost, isn’t it?

I think you need to lay off the shrooms.

" So how long are we going to stay at this camp?"

OH SHIT, A FLOATING HEAD GHOST!

Fuck, what’s the name of that Naruto story we did? Dammit, TEA! HELP!

When Wind meets earth, I believe and yes, that is how the author wrote it.

" For the rest of Winter break."

Didn’t you change it to summer in your author’s note?

.-. I’m greatly confused and annoyed at the same time, what do you call that?

Confoyed? I dunno.

Angel groaned. I groaned. Emily squealed.

And I unloaded a shotgun into everyone mentioned.

-Takes the shotgun back- Hey, this is for emergencies only.

*takes shotgun* With how fast this is going downhill, this counts.

-Takes it back- I’M the one who brought this thing, stop wasting ammo on this shit show, wait for My Inner Life.

This joke is overkill.

" We're gonna have so much fun! We'll meet new people. And there might be some cut boys." She winked at me. " And cute girls for you Angel,"

“And we’re probably going to die!”

I long for the sweet release of death. I refuse to go to AA.

Turns out Angel and Emily just weren't meant to be. She said that she felt no spark when they had a make-out session in her room on the boat. And he said that it felt weird kissing her. Like he was kissing his mom.

That is just gross.

And thus, that entire chapter was a big waste of everyone’s time, because the author decided on a whim to abort that story arc.

What the fuck…? Oooooooh wait till I do my thoughts at the end, ooooh you just wait.

So they've decided to just stay friends. But hey, I'm not complaining.

I am! That chapter never needed to happen if it was going to end like that.

Goddamitgoddamitgoddamit. GODDAMIT!

" Oh. And you'll love your cabins. Maybe Artemis and her hunters will be there. But don't join them. Just 5 more miles."

Why is she talking like she’s been there before? She’s mortal, mortals can’t enter the camp.

Omniscient protagonist powers go!

Rather Katherine joined them or not, she’ll never lose her V-card :^)

My mom kept smiling and shed a few more tears.

“So close to freedom from this awful story!”

“So close to losing these little shits!”

When we were about 3 miles away my mom suddenly stopped the car. " No. That's impossible. We should have had more time." She whispered this to herself. She was looking through the rearview mirror.

This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t spent an entire day shopping!

YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME DAMMIT!

We are definitely copying Percy’s story but trying to make it seem original.

" Get out! Everybody get out!" Her voice was panicked. We got out as quickly as we could.

Which was at a snail’s pace, like everything else in this goddamn story.

Yet now we decide we want to live. Why can’t you just die Sue???

Except the second chapter, that happened quicker and I’m glad.

She started rummaging through the trunk. She handed us the luggages filled with our belongings. Then she pulled out a long thin sword. " Now, we're going to run.

Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to run with swords?!

Wanna know what else is long and thin?

The spear of which I’ll impale you with if you continue that joke.

-Leans in closer- ʕ°ᴥ°ʔ My dick.

SCROTAL PUNCH!

TEA GIVE ME THE SHOTGUN!

You had fair warning, there is nothing I can do to help you.

To the top of the hill. The monsters have caught up with us.

I still don’t see any monsters.

It would be nice if you put effort into the scene. For now we see floating blobs.

I see a heaping pile of shit called “How it all began”.

We have a few minutes before they reach us.

Why doesn’t the All-Seeing protagonist see them then?

Cause raisins.

Cos I scooped her eyes out with a grapefruit spoon.

Give me your hands." We all held out a hand.

She proceeded to chop off their hands with the sword.

“My tummy was making the rumblies...that only hands could satisfy.”

“Caaaaaaaaaaaaarl!”

" Give me your pocket knife Angel."

“So I may kill you quicker.”

Quick, castrate him so we don’t more Stus and Sues.

" I don't know what you're talking about." She glared at him. He handed it to her. She grabbed his hand and cut the palm.

Which she really could have done with the sword…

Me too buddy, me too. -Pats Coffee’s back.-

He pulled back his hand but it was too late. The damage was already done.

She rolled a nat 20 and hit him with critical damage. He lost his last 2 HP and had to go recover in the local tavern.

He rolled a nat 1 dexterity roll, he slipped, fell and broke his neck on the way to the tavern.

Jagerbomb rolled a nat 20 and won the last case of rum.

She grabbed a white towel from the hand and pressed his wound to it. The blood stained part of it red.

No shit, it’s a WHITE towel. Blood is red, thus it stains towel.

What are you talking about? Blood is pink. It’s always been that color.

No, blood is blue.

" I'm sorry. THis will throw them off our trail for a bit."

I like to think she was a bit enthusiastic for a second, but then realized the story she was in.

-Takes a sip from a beer can- Eyup.

She did the same to us. It stang but no as much as I thought as it would.

The word is stung, not stang. A stang is a Mustang,  which you can’t drive.

Or ride. Cos Mustangs are too damn majestic for you.

Or as in Roy Mustang, but that’s not a good idea unless you like the idea of female officers in tiny miniskirts…

ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ Females? Miniskirts? Where do I sign up?

Down boy.

She threw the blood stained towel in the back car seat. Then we ran.

From what? I still don’t see the threat!

Their running from their emotions, Coffee.

What emotions?

The ones they left behind years ago.

We jumped over fallen trees and prickly bushes ripped our clothes as we brushed past them while running away from the monsters.

You keep saying that, but I still don’t see anything nor is there a threat. Maybe if I believe in it enough the monsters will appear and eat them.

Coffee. We’re not going to be saved, stop it. -Flicks nose-

We heard a roar back where the car was. That made us run faster. We finally believed my mother.

Took you long enough!

Let’s play the guessing game on what monster it is! GODZILLA!

The gods are real. We're demigods. And monsters are after us so they can spill our blood.

She didn’t explain this shit at all to you. Also you’re being overly formal again.

Well, you’ve been doing a bang up job avoiding them so far.

So why fucking worry!?

Then we found it. The entry to this camp.

These sentences. Are. Insanely choppy.

It hurts. My. Brain.

At first I couldn't read what it said, then my dyslexia reformed the words.

This is the first time we’ve seen of you ever having dyslexia.

She’s stating things again, would it kill you to either put it in earlier or better yet show this stuff happening.

She can magically give herself different disabilities.

Camp Half-Blood. We passed under the sign and a barrier appeared as we did. It didn't stop us from going in. It was as if showing that not just anyone could enter.

Wow, so exactly what a barrier does!

If your mother already explained everything to you then you should already know what the barrier does.

:O Holy shit! Something that actually does it’s job!

My mom looked at us longingly. I gestured for her to come with us. She shook her head sadly. I understood.

“Even though I’ve never been here before and I know nothing about the camp.”

All Knowing Sue strikes back!

The barrier sensed her and reminded her that she couldn't enter.

Reminded her? I think you mean stopped her completely.

“Oh sorry ma’am but you can’t come in here.”

" Ms. Adams. Come on."

ARGHH! FLOATING HEAD GHOST!

KILL IT WITH FIR-SHIT IT’S A GHOST!

" Yeah Mom." " She can't. The barrier won't let her. She's human."

I think the author gave up on writing.

I mean, technically, Demigods are human too since they're not, ya know… Gods.

They’re part god, that’s what allows them to get through.

" Kat's right. This is where you guys go ahead without me." A roar startled us. It was close by.

This looks suspiciously familiar.

Yep, we’re definitely copying Percy’s story.

Plus 1 for originality, Suethor.

" I have to go. If I stay any longer, they'll catch me." She blew us a kiss before disappearing into the trees. We watched as the monsters finally reached us and started banging on the barrier.

There they are! A little late on the chase scene there.

Give them a break, they’re Union monsters.

They couldn't get in either. I smirked and stuck out my tongue.

I’d like to see you do that outside the barrier.

“Let me stick my tongue out and be a brat while I watch my mom is probably being chased by monsters.”

We taunted them for a while longer. We had to make sure Mom had enough time to get away.

You’re copying Percy’s story and trying to be original, so if anything mom is probably going to die.

I doubt the monsters give a damn about kids taunting them. Your mother is probably already dead if they are tolerating you.

I mean, that forest is probably crawling with monsters, and not just Greek ones too, probably a damn Wendigo out there too. -Shivers-

When they finally realized they weren't going to get in anytime soon, they angrily left.

*stomps feet* “It’s not fair!”

“I wanted to tear the blondie’s spine out!”

We turned around and walked into this camp. I smiled at the feeling I felt as I walked, looking for an adult in this quiet place. It felt peaceful. Safe. Like home.

“We’ve only been here for twenty seconds.”

“Katherine, wake up, it was all a dream, you’ve been in a coma for two years.” -sighs- I wish...

PLOT TWIST!

CONCLUSION

Well, what can I say? After four chapters of the same shit different day, this isn’t surprising. How is one supposed to rate a chapter where nothing happens?

I can guarantee that it gets so much worse. You’ll have a lot to scream about later.

Well, I sure as fuck can say something! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE US SIT THROUGH TWO CHAPTERS (1 and 2) ABOUT HOW MUCH ANGEL AND EMILY LOVE EACH OTHER ONLY FOR ANGEL AND EMILY TO STAY FRIENDS!? LIKE SERIOUSLY! CHAPTER TWO WAS LITERALLY JUST KATHARINE TRYING TO GET EMILY TO FUCK HER BROTHER! AND WHAT DO WE GET FOR SITTING THROUGH THAT HELL? NOTHING! JUST THE ‘Let’s be friends’ BULLSHIT! And I have to agree with Coffee, all these chapters are the fucking same! Just unnecessary FILLER! Still no emotions, descriptions, and Katherine is the WORST character in this shit show. Fuck you anD YOUR GOAT!

I heard that yelling your name followed by “I’m fine” actually helps most cases of stress.

I have a bottle of jack and a shotgun. I’m fine. -Casual muscle spasm.-

I was thinking something more like, “I’M COFFEE AND I’M FINE!”

I AM FINE DAMMIT!

There you go~!

-Rapidly pumps shotgun to stay calm-

-Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb