#suicudeawareness

[amiliving111]

HS | WHAT DO I DO NEXT ?

TW : CUTTING MENTION 

I'm a junior in high school and I don't know what I want to do with my life and I know that's common for people my age even people way older than me but it makes me so uneasy. I've always been this way nervous about everything not knowing what to do with myself and my life. Almost 3 years ago I dropped out of high school and I decided that I wanted to be homeschooled everyone always asked me why did I drop out and sometimes I cant answer because I don't really remember why I just wanted to feel like myself and when I went into school I felt like a completely different person like I was dead and when I was at school someone else was taking over me. when I was in school I just wanted to go to the bathroom and cut every single day I wanted to fade away and I knew it wasn't good for me so I stopped going. My family didn't take it well but honestly I didn't give a shit at that moment in my life I wanted to at least try to live and if I had to leave school and do it at home than that was my answer. Somedays I see my friends on social media posting in school and sometimes I think about going back and what it would be like but then in the back of my mind I think about how I felt in school years ago and it scares me. My parents want me to go back for senior year but I really don't think I can even when I got my first job I couldn't even work there for a week because I was having panic attacks everyday it was so hard for me I didn't tell anyone I just quit. I just don't know what I wanna do after school and how I'm going to live if I cant even have a conversation with someone for more than 5 minutes.... WHAT DO I DO NEXT ?

[6tray15]

#FOODFORTHOUGHT #SAVINGLIVES #SUICUDEAWARENESS #HELPISONTHEWAY #ITTAKESAVILLAGE "ASK AND YOU SHALL RECIEVE" IS WHAT THEY TELL ME.... WELL I MUST ADMIT I DIDNT ASK FOR HELP. WHEN I WAS DEEP IN MY NEGATIVE AND YES LIFE THREATENING THOUGHTS I WAS UNGRATEFUL OF MY LIFE... BUT ATLEAST JUST FOR TODAY I AM VERY GRATEFUL CHRCK IN WITH PEOPLE REALLY CHECK BECAUSE IT REALLY DOES MATTER I PROMISE YOU 💜💙 https://www.instagram.com/p/CiThzENLt0HgXehDkbJs4WEjk0-4OUHNEDOkaQ0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=