#sure bears might not attack you if you're not a moron

[barnbridges]

i fucking hate the bear man question, just say what you MEAN don't use meaningless metaphors about social behaviors and then get angry men don't get them. be fucking direct and tell them their friend has a rapey ass fucking face. tell them what you think and feel, not dance some elaborate metaphor johal sounding social experiment, it really doesn't get the point across as well as you think it does.

[homunculus-argument]

A neat trick for avoiding arguments: Get better at guessing what people mean through multiple hypothesis elimination!

If you find yourself in arguments a lot, particularly the types where someone says something, you tell them that they're completely wrong, and it turns out that they were talking about something completely different than what you thought that they were saying, you unfortunately cannot force everyone else on the planet to speak more clearly. But what you can do is get better at guessing what they're triyng to say!

Every time someone says something that sounds completely wrong, try this: Come up with three different interpretations of what they might be trying to say (and only one of the three is your first guess), and then look back to the earlier conversation for clues of which interpretation might be the the most correct one. Let's try an example sentence:

"Bears aren't the main threat you should be worrying about when hiking in Poland. You are statistically more likely to get killed by a dog attack than by a bear."

Now, let's come up with three different interpretations:

This person is saying that bears are more safe to keep as pets than dogs. You are always safe in the presence of a wild bear.

This person is claiming that there are turbo dangerous killer dogs roaming in the woods in Poland and they can and will kill you.

The odds of getting killed by a random dog are low, but never zero. This person is pointing out that the odds of getting killed by a random bear are even lower than that.

And once you have three different interpretations available, look at what the rest of the conversation has been about this far. Were they talking about what animals are the safest to keep as pets? No, they were talking about potential dangers in the wilderness. So that eliminates interpretation #1. So that leaves us with options two and three. And while I, personally, would opt to assume that the speaker is not a complete moron, and automatically assume that the most likely interpretation is the one that isn't idiotic.

But the neat thing is, if you aren't sure, you can always ask them! If you can, try to word it politely. Like this: "Do you mean that there are killer dogs in the woods in Poland, or did you choose dog attacks as a random statistical comparison, in order to highlight how unlikely bear attacks truly are?" The answer might surprise you! And if they did, in fact, mean the idiotic thing you thought they said, you're now free to shred them to bits with no further hesitation! Just remember:

Always ask before you attack.

[jamkookies]

° Bon Voyage °

• Part VII •

Galaxies

~

"You let out one yell and I'll cut her," you hear the voice behind you say.

It's a feminine one.

Your skin goes cold to the touch and your hands start shaking.

Jungkook is frozen to the spot, terror in his eyes like you've never seen before.

He looks as if he's contemplating on whether to make a move or not.

The cold object slides from the back of your neck to the spot between your shoulders, but not without leaving a little nick first.

You try not to let out a sound but your face makes a pained expression.

It's a knife.

Jungkook takes a step forward, obviously alarmed by the sudden change , but your captor locks your head in her elbow, the knife now right under you throat.

You swallow, the blade waving under the motion and steal a glance at the face next to yours.

Smooth, porcelain skin and red lipstick.

The girl had sure taken her time preparing for this.

She looked oddly familiar but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

"Don't you touch her," Jungkook growls.

"Oh, I'm not interested in her. You're the one I want."

You should've figured it out sooner.

The girl was a sasaeng, clearly part of the staff. This is why she looked familiar to you - you had seen her multiple times helping out on the backstage.

She was just using you to get to Jungkook.

You felt disgusted.

You had witnessed a lot of other extreme cases where fans would do anything just to be close to their favorites but this was over the top.

"Follow me," she says. "And no sudden movements."

Jungkook looks infuriated, hands shaking with the effort of not being able to do anything, but he still keeps calm.

The girl starts taking backward steps, pulling you along with her, knife still threatening to spill blood.

Jungkook slowly goes after you with his palms up, as if he's trying not to anger a wild animal.

You plead with your eyes to him, unspoken words between the two of you.

Run. Get away from here.

He doesn't.

Damn stubborn child.

You were fine with the thought of you being taken but if anything happened to him, you would never forgive yourself for it.

You walk for a couple more minutes, feet stumbling every time the girl pulls you harshly.

The sound of an engine is heard and you scan the view ahead when she turns you around , eyes still on Jungkook.

"Get in the car and don't try anything. The driver has a gun," she says, gesturing at him with a flick of her head.

This girl was beyond sick.

You couldn't even believe what you had both gotten yourselves into.

Jungkook obeys, getting into the front seat silently.

You go next, still under the girl's clutches.

There's a young man driving.

You can only look at his brown eyes in the front mirror which constantly move from side to side, analyzing every corner of his sight. He points a gun at Jungkook and his other hand holds the wheel.

"You better stay still, boy or I'm gonna have to use this."

"Don't call him a boy," the girl cries."He's a man."

You almost throw up.

There was nothing more you wanted to do right now except for smash her pretty little head into the window.

The driver starts the car.

"We'll leave her a few miles ahead," says the girl. "We don't need her anymore."

You start to panic.

They were gonna kill you.

They were gonna kill you and take Jungkook as their slave and you couldn't let that happen.

You bite the girl's hand with all the force you can muster. She shrieks in pain, letting go of the knife and you punch her in the face.

The man whirls around, but that's all the distraction Jungkook needs. He slaps the gun out of his hand and pulls the wheel towards himself.

The car swerves to the right.

"Y/N, get out!" Jungkook shouts, slamming the man's head right on the wheel and reaches for the handle.

You try to do the same, but a hand grips your hair roughly, pulling you back.

"Were do you think you're going?" the girl sneers.

"Screw you," you snap, and jab your knee into her nose.

She lets go, wailing in agony.

You pull the handle and jump out of the car.

Hard concrete meets your body, the impact rattling your bones as you roll around like a bowling pin.

The world is still spinning when you struggle to get up.

Jungkook limps to you and pulls you on your feet.

"Come on, we've gotta go," he says, breathing hard.

He grabs you by the hand and starts running straight for the forest.

You can barely keep up, the aftereffect of the jump still lingering.

Then, you hear a shot.

Jungkook stops abruptly and crumples onto the ground.

No!

You scream the word at the top of your lungs but you can't hear yourself.

There's a constant buzzing on your ears and you shake all over. It's like everything around you has blurred into nothingness and there's only him.

Jungkook groans and squeezes his thigh.

"I'm alright. It's just a scratch," he says, breathing hard. "Hey, hey..I'm alright. Don't stop."

He taps your cheek with his palm, trying to make you to focus.

You nod, mouth still agape.

He's alright he's alright he's alright-

You sling his arm over your shoulder and carry some of his weight, limping together to the copse of trees a little bit further.

You hear more shots but you don't dare turn your head not even for a moment.

"Stop it, you moron. You'll kill him."

It's the girl.

Now they're gonna chase after you, no doubt.

You don't falter for a second.

Heaving Jungkook with all your might you pray not to get caught.

You get into the woods, thorns and branches pulling at your clothes and slashing your skin mercilessly.

You are aware of the running steps behind you getting closer and closer and you will your heart not to rip out of your chest.

Don't stop don't stop don't stop-

You scan the forest, looking desperately for somewhere to hide.

Jungkook hisses in pain every time he leans on his bad leg.

You pull him even tighter, bearing almost all of his weight with clenched teeth.

Just a little bit more...

"Come on, hyung. Don't bail on me."

The ground slides under your feet and you lose balance, tumbling down a steep. Your arms detach themselves from Jungkook and you can't stop falling, no matter how hard you try to claw at the weeds on the ground.

After almost throwing up your dinner, you roll to a stop, limbs splayed out awkwardly.

Jungkook lays face - down just a little further, not able to move a muscle.

You crawl to him and flip him on his back, which only makes him groan in pain.

Clamping his mouth shut, you force him not to make a sound.

I'm sorry, your eyes seem to say.

You scan your sorroundings.

There's gotta be somewhere you can hide.

Your eyes catch sight of a massive tree, its roots holding the dirt into place.

The space underneath is hollow as a result of erosion.

A shelter.

With a grunt,you drag Jungkook up to his feet, the weight of him even heavier than before.

"Just a little bit further, hyung, please," you plead with a low voice.

He obeys, gathering strength from God knows where and makes a couple more steps.

When he finally reaches the hollow, Jungkook slumps into the ground like a sack of potatoes.

You crouch low under it and pull him in with you.

His breaths come out short and fast.

You flatten against the hollow, as you try to catch your breath.

"Where the hell did they go?" you hear the man's voice up the steep, followed by the rustle of dried leaves.

"This is all your fault," the girl says, her voice echoed by the faint breeze.

"If you had been more attentive, none of this would have happened."

"If I remember correctly the girl bit you first," the man snaps at her.

"Shut up. Do you know the struggle I had to go through all this time? I had to work my ass off all day just so I could take a glimpse of him. And tonight I even had to sneak a knife from the kitchen in order to be unnoticed."

"Yeah well,I don't care. I better get my money after all of this."

"You'll get your money when I get Jungkookie."

You fight down the urge to empty your stomach.

The steps keep getting further and further till you can't hear them anymore.

Jungkook takes a deep breath, relieved, and you snap your head to him, suddenly reminded of the situation you were in.

"Are you okay?" you ask him, pupils shaking as you examine his condition.

He leans on the wall of the hollow and props his leg under his other one to keep it steady. The fabric of his jeans is ripped in a horizontal line, revealing a hint of red.

Oh God.

You lift your shaking hands towards his thigh and experimentally touch it, earning a pained hiss from him.

"There's no bullet, don't worry," he says between breaths. "It barely grazed me. They were both obviously amateurs - the man even forgot to lock the car doors after we got in."

"He still shot you."

"I'm alright," he says and smiles reassuringly.

This time you don't hesitate and rip the fabric apart, catching him off guard.

"Ow...hey!"

"You said you were alright, didn't you?"

Taking a quick look, you notice a deep gash on his muscular thigh. It's not as deep as you thought it would be, but that still doesn't stop the blood from flowing.

Despite of all the chaos, panic and exhaustion, a surprising calmness has taken over you, making you focus on the task at hand with deep concentration.

Using your teeth and your bare hands, you tear apart a chunk of your loose tank top.

"Hey, what are doing?" Jungkook says, alarmed by your sudden action.

"Making sure you won't bleed out for the rest of the night."

"Why didn't you rip my shirt off?"

"I can't afford for you to get hypothermia. The wound will make your body heat drop faster than my grades from high-school."

He chuckles upon hearing that.

"How do you know all of this?"

"I've seen a lot of movies."

"And by the way," you continue, " are you willing to undress in front of me?"

"Anything for the ladies," he winks.

You just tighten the strip of cloth around his exposed thigh, brows scrunched up in concentration.

"You're surprisingly calm for someone who suffers from panic attacks," he says.

Your hands freeze.

You lift your eyes to stare at him, eyeing you suspiciously.

"How did you know?"

"I know everything about you," he answers and sweeps a look at you from head to toe.

You can't help the slight blush blooming on your cheeks, and the corners of your lips twitch.

"Well, we have been living for five years together, after all," you offer.

"It's not just that."

He looks at you through heavy-lidded eyes.

He was being bold.

He was being bold and straight-forward and you didn't know what to do about it.

The tension between you was thick and you could feel it.

It was because of the unusual situation you were both in, you supposed.

It hade made you both daring and impulsive.

As you tend to his wound, your fingers linger on the skin and he extends his hand towards yours.

The touch sends bolts of electricity piercing through you and you can't hide the slight tremor in your fingers.

"Y/N..."

You retract your hand and clear your throat.

"We better spend the night here. They might still be wandering around the forest, looking for us."

He nods and lowers his palms by his sides.

There's a deafening silence hanging in the air, broken only by the sound of far away thunder.

* * *

It had been raining for about some time now, but the hollow had proved to be a worthy shelter. There wasn't even a speck of water on the ground beneath you and you were grateful for that.

You had been drifting in and out of sleep, the exhaustion threatening to take over, but you forced your eyes open every time it happened. You had to guard Jungkook in case he got worse or those filthy bastards came back.

You throw a glance at him, leaning on the wall just a little further and you notice his teeth chattering.

He seems to have shrunk in himself, curled over like a ball, for as much as his leg would allow.

You approach him and put a hand on his forehead.

It's hot to the touch but he keeps shivering like a leaf in the wind.

This can't be good.

"Are you cold?" you ask him.

He nods.

You peek at his wound and notice that it has stopped bleeding.

It was just that the rain had lowered the temperatures considerably and that only made Jungkook's condition even worse.

You wish you could do something, but your clothes aren't exactly helping.

You were only wearing shorts and a ripped tank top, for Heaven's sake.

Having no other choice, you wrap him in your arms making an effort to share some body heat.

He doesn't object but only leans into your touch as your rub his arms and shoulders.

After some time, his teeth stop chattering, his body going back to its normal temperature, but he still doesn't let go, clinging onto you like a baby.

You wish you could stay like this forever, with him cradled into your arms like a second skin.

You play with his hair, twirling it in your finger and he doesn't miss the chance to capture your hand with his, intertwining your fingers.

The sudden action made your heart do a flip.

You loved him so much.

Yes, you finally admitted it.

You loved him like hell and the fact that it had taken you five years to understand it still remained a mystery.

You had once read a passage from a book which said that, sometimes, someone you had known all your life became no longer familiar to you, but strange in a marvelous way,as if you had discovered a beach you had been visiting all your life was made not of sand, but of diamonds that blinded you with their beauty.

Jungkook takes your hand into his lips and kisses it.

It's like butterflies encase your whole arm.

"What have you done to me?" you faintly whisper.

"I would like to ask you the same thing," he answers, staring at you intently.

His doe-like eyes sparkle in the darkness.

"You know that henna tattoo I made? It was for you, you know," you say.

He scowls, not quite understanding.

"You have galaxies in your eyes, Jeon Jungkook. And I've fallen deeply into them."

The smile that appears on his face brightens your whole vision.

There is nothing else, no one else but him right now.

He adjusts himself till he's sitting up and no one can prepare you for the words that leave his mouth as he embraces you, pulling you into his chest.

"I love you, Y/N."

[squaredancing-weston]

text || Brobastian (Week 2)

Bas: How about a mirror? I mean, I did tell you - it's a kink. Besides, there's nothing hotter than watching myself getting fucked - I can only imagine it'd be even hotter to see the tease. It's not often that I get to see what I look like with someone grinding into me and marking me up - dragging all sorts of sinful noises from me. That being said, still not a fan of getting no relief from this scenario. Not even a hand? Come on. I can handle that, at least. Glad you admit it - I mean, I know my willpower is pretty damn impressive, but it's been /two weeks/. I just need someone to fuck me into the mattress at this point.

Bas:[unsent] Fuck - this is /not/ helping.

Bas: How about things that are /actually/ funny? Seriously, if I have to hold your hand during your "comedic" routine, it's a sign that you need to give it up entirely. Actually, I've been having a musical marathon - although I've yet to stay awake during a full movie, but I'm getting closer. What, you have? Seriously? Two weeks? I can't even remember the last time I went a week. What else do you do on a Friday night? Hey, I'd rather quality. If Blaine and Hunter want to volunteer, then they're more than welcome.

Bas: Maybe it'll give me that extra kick of adrenaline that I need, Brodes. I can't believe you won't help me out here. I'm sure Blaine has a few kinks of his own. It's always the innocent ones, right? Guy could probably pull out some tricks that would surprise you. Really, Brodes? Necrophilia? You're really grasping at straws now, aren't you?

Bas: I know what a good ass looks like. I have a mirror.

Bas: You jest - but you'll see. I'll be back soon - don't worry your pretty little head about it. Hey, if I need to play it up to get to stare at my supposedly hot sub's ass all day, then I might as well. If my class is getting exposed to Julia Roberts, then the IQ drop might be worse than I thought it'd be.

Brody: That is true-- but I mean, can you fuck against a mirror? I feel like it would get all smudgy with a body basically rammed up against it, and no matter which way you're facing, you want really be able to see much of yourself, you know? So then you have to find a way to back up to get a proper view, but then you're not pressed up against anything but a hardbody and his dick, basically rutting you from the side-- because he wouldn't want to stimulate anything //just// yet, you know? So I mean, ass grabbing, absolutely-- like digging his nails in your concave backside for sure, kind of stretching it to get that exposure that your body fucking /knows/ means it's coming-- I mean, to the point that you're basically trying to grind up to get //something// on there, but since he's not directly behind you, and his hand's just barely too high, no dice, you know? And it's not like his tongue's going to be any use at this point, because like we said-- he's just basically using your shoulders and neck like a chew toy. I mean, you're basically going to be spotted by the end of this. And no, Bas-- you //don't// get a hand, because your body can't handle the exertion. That's why you're on bedrest, even though the guy you're with apparently only respects that to the point that he's holding you up so you're not technically bearing much of your own weight really. So that means your cock is fucking stiff and hard and just aching because you can feel what you want is //so// close, and your hole is just clenched because it wants to bear down on fucking //anything//. But you still have to wait-- that's how the game works. Oh yeah-- I mean, I appreciate you making sacrifices for my frailty-- now I'm just doing the same, you know? Well, maybe when you've been cleared to get //off// of the mattress, someone will agree to fuck you //into// it. Well not that one-- I'd pick a mattress with clean sheets.

Brody: [unsent] this is fun. I mean-- hot-- but mostly fun. I mean, I know it should be unbelievably awkward for a shit load of reasons, and I know we're //never// having sex again, but man I missed this.

Brody: I think quite a few people would agree that mocking your sudden kharmic celibacy //is// pretty damn hilarious. But I did offer to tweak the material if you wanted-- you're the one that refused because you don't want to put any effort into thinking of something funny.

Brody: Oh yeah? That actually sounds pretty awesome. How many times have you watched the hyenas' Nazi march then? I'd offer to throw some diversity into your collection, but most of mine is Disney, which I'm guessing you have, Rogers and Hammerstein, which I'm guessing you don't want, or ballet, which I'm not sure how you feel about that in your current state, honestly. I'm guessing it'd probably get you asleep faster. Have I gone two weeks without sex? Of course I have-- I have standards. Also, when I first moved here, I was in a bit of a funk, so Newbie Brody was also Celibate Brody until he finally started making friends. I mean, I could get myself off, so I wasn't in as bad of shape as you are, but you get the idea. You realize that just because you go out doesn't mean you //have// to hook up, right? I've gone home alone and been okay with it. Well, for SB's sake, I'd suggest you wait until he's actually made his move with Hunter-- you kind of owe him that much. Then you can try to insert yourself in there.

Brody: You don't need adrenaline, moron-- that's why those moms who lift cars to save their kids die of like a heart attack five minutes later. You need rest. And under no circumstances am I having sex with a sick guy-- that is just weird, and I refuse to do it. I mean, seriously-- would you? How can Blaine have kinks-- the guy doesn't even have a favorite sex position. I mean, maybe he can //do// them, but he can't //have// them if he doesn't have a favorite. Hey, //you// said Mountain-- I could bring up how you're so sexually frustrated you want to be mercilessly ass-raped to death, but that makes me sad for you.

Brody: So Blaine's hanging around a lot then? I mean, are you purposely angling him so you can get a good look, or...?[txt] Hey no joke-- I hope I'm wrong. I hope Dr. McMediocre Face says you're good to go and sends you back. It's quiet around here sometimes, and there's no one to mock between classes. I'd just rather not mock a guy that looks like he's about to keel over-- that sounds mean. Hey, if you don't like it, you're more than welcome to send her my way as an aide. I will gladly find ways to have her do something that doesn't involve reminding me that she's dim as sum. Well, just think-- at least they're not learning the //wrong// information, so you won't have to scoop all that out and rewire them?