#suspension of disbelief fails for unusual reasons

[degloved]

for all that i tend to dislike the parallels drawn between hannigram and hoffstrahm, they're not entirely unfounded. and for that, i think, they're all the more interesting to set side by side and pick apart (picture me here, if you will, clad in white and peering at the four of them through a microscope while they just sort of growl at each other like stray cats that have only just met.)

with that out of the way, let's look at those initial parallels everyone and their mother immediately saw—the explicitly expressed and implicitly implied "we're conjoined. i'm curious whether either of us can survive separation." the answer in both cases is a resounding NO, though here the similarities stop. if saw v had been brave enough to give us the ending both we and the characters deserved, they'd both have died in the glass coffin trap, full stop. no ifs or buts or anything else, they ought to have both died then and there (and if you share this opinion, perhaps you might enjoy @tranquilitybasehotelcasino's take this to your grave (i'll take it to mine) or my entre chien et loup.) however, perhaps due to the fact that this is not what we got, the theory is actually affirmed—strahm died, and hoffman went off the rails. it is a popular belief that strahm was hoffman's last remaining tie to some amount of sanity, and that's for a good reason; without strahm, the downward spiral was imminent and unavoidable. this remains unchanged if the roles were reversed; if strahm had been the one to live instead, he would find no peace or comfort in the death of jigsaw. he'd left too much of himself pressed between the pages of numerous case files and reports, the sinewy bits of hoffman still stuck between his teeth. it's all one big what if, but i think it's safe to say you would find him poring over the same files and evidence years later, tapp-like in his obsession of a case solved. (if he let himself live that long.)

similarly, hannigram are doomed to the same two choices; had they not lived through the fall (which had of course been implied that they had by bedelia's unfortunate fate), they must die on the rocks below. for only one to live would be a cruel and unusual punishment, which one might say would befit the likes of them, though in that case one would fail to understand that the other would end it all soon thereafter. if it had been will in that role, he would not hesitate—he had already passed his judgement atop that cliff, and would not have second thoughts about redoing that death sentence. if it had been hannibal, he would not go against will's very judgement; in those moments after dolarhyde, hannibal trusted will—and in this moment, he would continue trusting will.

however, hannigram did live—imo—and now, i invite you to engage your suspension of disbelief, as i'm basing this part off the idea that strahm never did get trash-compactor'ed and instead chose the life of a fugitive alongside hoffman, who also never did get saw-bathroom'ed either. and the similarities between the one pair and the other sort of dissolve here, once they find themselves doomed to a life on the lam. post-canon hannigram are both cannibals, hannibal being a very purposeful one and will being a situational one. if the meat is on the menu, will is eating it. meat is meat is meat is food and why should we waste food? he wouldn't go out of his way to eat people, and he'd never instigate a hunt of his own, but if hannibal needs a hand? if hannibal is cooking? why the hell would he complain. meat is meat is meat is food, and he knew what he got into when he ran away with hannibal. and he didn't "get into it" inasmuch as he leaped for the opportunity. hannibal will allow a dozen dogs in the house and their doggy hair on the couch, and will will allow human meat in his dinner. it is easy, because they're made of the same stuff, and will is for the first time at liberty to revel in this darkness that comprises the building blocks of them both.

meanwhile back at the ranch, strahm could not possibly get with hoffman's serial killing tendencies. he'd never stop being angry, he'd never stop seething. he's only here because the alternative is being alone and hoffmanless, and somehow that is worse than this predicament. and he's furious for that fact too, though most of all, he's furious with himself: for the first time in his life, he has acted completely selfishly. for the first time he has taken exactly what he wanted—and it might be, on the whole, one of the worst things anyone could want. it is hard, because they're made of the same stuff, and there's evidence of this in abundance right before his eyes. his only saving grace would be this anger that he is clinging to, because it's the only proof he has that he's not yet wholly rotten. irredeemable, yes, by the virtue of doing what he's done, but he's not that bad, he's not hoffman. and he doesn't want to be like hoffman. and you might ask, why does he stay, then? if he hates it so viscerally? unfortunately (for strahm), he is not exempt from the human condition, he is not exempt from the raw, unbearable desire to be seen and to be understood and, most of all, to be loved. the majority of behaviors and attitudes he's ever displayed to the world have been universally and unanimously deemed as repulsive and off-putting, the majority of the world saw him as 'that angry guy nobody really likes or talks to.' and then another guy came along who saw all of that—the rather tame stuff (his standoffishness and brusque manner) and the more eyebrow-raising stuff (the tendency to bring a gun into the interrogation room and point it at himself and the suspect and the people on the other side of the one-way mirror)—and instead of repelled, the other guy found himself smitten and in love. well i wouldn't know how to act either to be honest. between staying put and watching my one shot at love hit the road without me, and blindly following my one shot at love no matter what my deeply ingrained moral code told me to do... well. you know. WHO'S TO SAY! anyway.

in conclusion, and in the words of @tranquilitybasehotelcasino:

they love each other so much it's SICK, a bit because and a bit despite. hannigram have brought an open season to the poor mfs of cuba as their love manifests itself outwardly—in the overlapped hands on the handle of a knife twisted into somebody else's gut & the warm meal following thereafter; the people of alaska or maine or whatever quaint little westcoastian town hoffstrahm have relocated to remain suspiciously safe, simply for the fact that their love manifests itself inwardly—in the two pairs of hands wrapped around two throats & the promises of violence lovingly whispered in the dark. you know

[catboyebooks]

i have one more thing i wanna talk about re: 2-5. in a similar vein to the post i did about the third island, let’s talk about the fifth island, or The Final Island if you wanna be dramatic about it like hinata — and also since our time on “jabberwock island” has come to a close i guess it’s as good a time as any to discuss it as a whole.

i make fun of hinata a lot for constantly talking about The Ambience of places but there’s a narrative reason why he does this, beyond it just being a funny quirk of his. in dr1 there’s no need to talk extensively about the vibes in narration because junko was so committed to making sure everybody got what she was going for that she set up mood lighting and put a little sign outside the dorms that said “welcome to despair hotel,” also (like i’ve said before) being trapped inside your high school indefinitely is so obviously a nightmare scenario that it’s literally a common nightmare people have. also hope’s peak academy is the broader-picture villain of the entire series so it’s no wonder the place feels so sinister, that’s on purpose. 

jabberwock island, on the other hand, is a beautiful tropical resort that the cast gets to have all to themselves! they get to stay at a nice hotel where there are fresh meals prepared for them every day and sure, it’s weird that they never see any staff, but the food’s delicious so who cares? the weather’s lovely — in fact, it’s always lovely, cloudless sunny skies every day, isn’t that a bit unusual — so they can take full advantage of what this place has to offer, but where are all the other tourists? the residents? the workers? this place hasn’t been abandoned, nearly everything on the first two islands is well-maintained, clean, and functional, but the perfect emptiness of the place makes it feel eerie in a way that’s sort of bordering on liminal horror. 

initially it seems most of the group is willing to look past the weirdness of the situation for the sake of getting to have fun at the beach (at least, until it becomes apparent that they’re not going to get to have fun at the beach), but hinata can’t get past it when something bothers him, and jabberwock island bothers him from the very beginning. since the player is ultimately intended to figure out the VR twist before the surviving cast does (something i’ll probably talk about more when we get the actual reveal in-game), it’s important that jabberwock island immediately fails hinata’s vibe check so that we as the audience know that this place is meant to feel strange, and is meant to strain our suspension of disbelief, even though we’re playing a wacky visual novel. furthermore, it’s important that hinata is the sort of guy who mentally assesses the vibes every time he encounters a new location, because every chapter he encounters a new location and said new location then inevitably becomes the focal point for the events of that chapter. anyway.

when talking about the third island earlier i mentioned how it’s notably different from the previous two, in that it looks to have been actually abandoned some time ago and has fallen into disrepair. the third island is also not geared towards tourists and looks to be where full-time residents would have lived, which makes the state of the place all the more concerning. this is, like i said earlier, in service of the tone shift that happens in chapter 3. island four feels more in line with what you’d expect from a tourist destination, though there’s something particularly unsettling about an empty amusement park, not to mention how most of the attractions are non-operational &/or inaccessible. but then we get island five. island five is Very Different. island five is not plausible as something that would be part of a tropical resort, but it tracks as a location that would exist in a killing game. in fact, it seemingly offers up explanations for some of what’s been going on — the helicopter used in hanamura’s execution is here, there’s what appears to be a super high-tech robotics lab here that could have been used to create the monobeasts and nidai’s robot body, there are more apocalyptic logs indicating that something Very Bad has happened to the world at large. monokuma lampshades this himself pointing out that they’d need to see something like this in order to continue suspending their disbelief. 

i don’t think that’s what it’s primarily about, though. the final island is a show of power. everything about this place is an intimidation tactic. previous islands have shown signs of monokuma’s influence but still largely retain the idyllic beach resort feel — this island has been entirely taken over. whatever it once was has been replaced with this bleak, dystopian futuristic cityscape, all completely empty, yet seemingly fully operational despite this. the factories here are running on their own. even the stalls in the street market are selling hot food in the absence of any actual vendors. it’s almost as though the location itself is alive. even the weather here is different; in stark contrast to the beautiful sunny weather everywhere else, island five is perpetually gloomy, the sky here thick with storm clouds. this place is a combination military base / sinister high-tech robotics lab / sinister plushie factory (we’re gonna talk more about the plushie factory). the general vibes are threatening, the confirmation that the mastermind has access to military equipment and super high-tech robotics is not exactly reassuring either, but the most troubling part is the sheer amount of control the mastermind has over this place. everything here must be of their creation since nothing here could plausibly have been part of a tropical resort, apparently no staff are required to maintain this place and keep it running, there’s an entire factory devoted to producing more monokumas that’s shaped like monokuma’s head, and the mastermind can control the weather here. it speaks to a downright godlike level of influence over their environment, and, yeah, that makes sense when you realize it’s a simulation, but it certainly makes that reveal a whole lot less reassuring than it might otherwise be. i mean, finding out that none of the “deaths” in this game really happened might otherwise be great news, but the mastermind having such a large amount of control over the VR program kinda puts a damper on things. at least in real life the mastermind would be limited by their resources, and by what is and isn’t physically possible. no such restrictions apply here.

regarding the monokuma factory. as the player, when you first see this, your tendency is to assume that this is where monokuma makes more copies of himself, as we know that in dr1 he did have physical backup copies. hinata also assumes this, and nanami (whom he explores this area with) seems wary about the place, but when they go inside the sight they’re greeted with doesn’t really make sense; the production line is taking whole coconut trees and turning them into monokuma replicas somehow, which makes the initial impression more baffling than alarming. then monokuma explains that he’s making merchandise of himself and it goes into a whole fourth-wall-leaning joke about danganronpa merch, and hinata picks up one of the monokuma copies and confirms it’s just a regular stuffed animal. apparently it’s a fakeout, but the whole thing still feels plenty suspicious and the overall bad vibes of the location aren’t helped when komaeda decides to pull his getting-himself-murdered stunt in the factory warehouse. but then, during the trial, monokuma claims that any one of the plushies could be “brought to life” as another copy of himself, meaning he has an insanely high number of backup copies and is continuously making more. generally this sort of threat would sound like nonsense (at least, in a non-fantasy setting like this) but monomi takes it seriously, and to be honest even if you as the player have not yet figured out the VR twist by this point it’s certainly been made clear that the normal laws of the universe aren’t going to stop monokuma from doing whatever the fuck he wants. it’s no less absurd than despair fever or nidai turning into a robot or the existence of the final island in general or any of the executions.

i guess to close i just want to say how much i enjoy the setting of this game. the overtly sinister, wacky horror atmosphere of the first game is fun, and i really enjoy how hope’s peak feels like an actively malevolent location, but the quiet discomfort and liminality of an empty tropical resort gets under my skin a lot more, and i like how the place gradually begins feeling more and more wrong until we wind up in cyberpunk hell by the end of it. the cast is completely and utterly cut off from the rest of the world here (for all they talk about trying to escape via boat etc., honestly they’d be just as screwed even if they weren’t in VR and if there was a boat; no one here is an shsl sailor), the place seems to operate on dream logic, and there’s a persistent and entirely justified sense of unreality here. it very much fits with how this game’s sense of horror is more psychological/existential than the first. 

that’s gonna actually be it for 2-5 closing thoughts because i’ve decided enough is enough. like, i’m sure there is more i could think of to say, i think i’ve demonstrated i have entirely too much to say, but we need to actually finish this video game. so let’s continue

[alexanderlightweight]

pleasure before business

warnings: alcohol, magically binding contracts 

@fictober-event day 4: ‘I know you didn’t ask for this’

shadowhunters: magnus bane/alec lightwood

ao3 link

“You come here without an appointment, demand my services and are unable to offer any form of payment?”  Magnus asked the Shadowhunters before him, his tone dangerously low and magic sparking from his fingers as he stared at the Shadowhunters before him.  

“You stole Clary’s memories!”  The brash, blond Shadowhunter said and the redhead next to him gave a firm nod and glared. “You owe her them back!”

“Clarissa Fray’s memories were taken from her at the request of her mother.”  At this rate, Magnus felt like an old record stuck in a loop, it was not a flattering experience whatsoever.  

“But they’re my memories.”  Clarissa interrupted and Magnus sighed and took a languid sip of his drink.  Shadowhunters, bratty demanding children the entire lot of them.

“And yet, at the time your mother was your legal guardian and I rendered a service as she was within her legal rights, albeit perhaps not moral ones, to make that choice.”

That stumped them both and finally the blond one stepped forward, “what do you want? In return for the memories, we brought the necklace.”

“As that necklace was mine to begin with, I'll consider it’s rightful return to me a significant enough gesture that I’ll overlook you barging into my club without permission and wasting my time.  It will not however, count as payment for the arduous task of returning memories, here Magnus gave a little smirk. “That will cost you something else.”

“We want Clary’s memories back, I’ll pay any price for it.” 

Magnus raised a brow and smirked, these young reckless Shadowhunters never did learn.  “I have a few spells I’m interested in perfecting, I’ve always wanted to trial run them but never had a willing subject.”

“What kind of spells?”  

“Mostly healing, some glamour and tracking to name a few.  Nothing overtly dangerous.”

“And you need someone to test them on?”

“A winged nephilim specifically,” Magnus let that settle, saw the slight panic cross the blond’s face and the confusion on Clarissa’s. “They’d have to stay with me a bit.”  And that made him smirk because a nephilim, especially one of their precious winged soldiers staying with a warlock was more than blasphemous.  

“Done.”  The blond said and nodded as if his agreement were enough.

“I will not be invaded by nephilim,” Magnus added mildly, “so expect to say your goodbyes to miss Fray for a short time.  I’ll take a blood oath as well.”

“I can’t leave Clary! I have to protect her.”

“The choice is yours, you know what I want.”  Magnus was also more than willing to negotiate down to some historical texts that he’d been itching to get his hands on.  Bartering was a lengthy game and while his demanded price was unusually outrageous he wanted to see this arrogant Shadowhunter panic a bit. Wanted him to understand how futile his demands were, that Magnus wasn’t cowed by his self-importance.

He offered a contract with a flourish of his hand and waited for the counter offer.  Depending on how decent it was, he might not even leave them in too much suspense before suggesting the books as payment.

Instead of arguing, the blond took a look at the contract, barely reading the first few lines and then with a pained but brashly determined look, nicked his finger on one of his angelic blades and before Magnus could overcome his disbelief and stop him, let his blood drip down on the paper.

Magnus blinked, glamour flickering and then scowled.  There was absolutely no way he was putting up with this Shadowhunter in his home. 

“Just like that?”  He asked dryly while considering how to incinerate the contract, “what happened to being the only one who could protect Miss Fairchild.”

“I have a parabatai,” it was spoken with pride and also an edge of guilt.  Although Magnus supposed that if the blond would trust anyone to look after Clarissa it would be his parabatai.  “He’ll go with you.”  

Magnus blinked, and noted that Clarissa looked relieved.  “You didn’t ask his consent.”

“He’s my parabatai.”

“Than I truly pity him,” Magnus muttered and deliberately refrained from pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Fine. 

He would consider this a reminder that Shadowhunters were just as idiotic as ever and use it as a dramatic way to teach them a short, but important lesson.  He’d meet this parabatai, intimidate him a bit and impart the importance of not making decisions - like bonding ones soul with another - while still an adolescent.  Then he would renegotiate, destroy the contract and send them all on their merry way, memories intact and with the books firmly in his possession.

-

A knock sounded on Magnus’ door and he stopped in front of the mirror, pausing to check that his outfit was sufficiently dramatic enough.  Between his makeup, the silver strands through his hair, the jewelry and his shirt open to his naval, he had a feeling that whatever nephilim had been sent to him would be properly scandalized.  With a snap of his fingers the lights dimmed ominously, candles flickering in the breeze from the open balcony doors and the cauldron of shampoo in his apothecary bubbling over, filling the room with the slightest of scented mists.  

There.  Surely that would do.

Magnus let his glamour drop as he opened the door and stopped, staring in shock at the man in front of him.  Angelic was too simply a word to describe him and suddenly, Magnus felt like he’d severely miscalculated how this was going to go.

-

Alec had been all set to immediately stand his ground, make his stance clear and set the boundaries that Jace had failed to.  At first, Alec had been furious at whatever warlock had trapped Jace into such a contract. Until Clary had accidentally let it slip that not only had Jace promised anything, he hadn’t even tried to negotiate and then had offered Alec up like some sort of bartered good.

That had changed Alec’s perspective and his tone.  Technically, despite Jace’s proclamations otherwise, he couldn’t actually exchange Alec in return for services rendered.  Since that didn’t seem to be clear to him, Alec was going to make it clear.  To both the warlock and his parabatai.  

He’d decided that for once, Jace was going to actually face the consequences of his actions.  Alec wasn’t going to bail Jace out of this mess and take the brunt of it on himself and he was going to make that very clear to everyone involved in this fiasco.  

Such a declaration was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said as he knocked on the penthouse door. At least it was, until the door opened and he got his first look of the warlock that Clary claimed had tricked them and oh, what a stunning look it was.  Alec had never seen someone so beautiful in his entire life and he was fairly certain that he never would again, he swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

“I’m Magnus,” the man said after a moment of shared silence and his lips curled into a delightful smile, his voice smoother than honey and Alec was suddenly hungry to hear it again.  “As we haven’t been formally introduced, in fact. I don’t even know your name.” He offered his hand and Alec took it unthinkingly, let himself be pulled into the room and he couldn’t help how his own lips echoed that sweet smile.

“Alec,” he said and then turned to take in the warlock’s lair and his heart stuttered.  

The lights were dim and comforting, a stark relief from the harsh lights of the Operational rooms that Alec suffered through daily.  Instead of smelling harsh and clean and sterile, there was a seductive scent in the air and he inhaled a little deeper, drinking more of it in.  A breeze blew through the room, ruffling his hair and cooling his heated cheeks and Alec was filled with the sudden and overwhelmingly wish that this was a date. 

“Something to drink?”  Magnus said and with a flourish of magic he held two glasses and offered one, flickering with blue fire to Alec.  “I think we should discuss this, just the two of us. After all, I know you didn’t ask for this and I have opinions about that.”

“Right, the contract.”  Alec mumbled and he took a sip of his drink to distract himself, unable to help how his face scrunched in distaste at the sudden burn.  

“I tell you what.  I destroy this,” Magnus twirled his fingers and summoned the contract to his hand, “you stay for dinner and a few drinks and we can discuss proper terms and payment for returning memories, as reasonable people do.”

Alec almost said yes and then paused, taking another sip of his drink.  His hope that Magnus hadn't witnessed his distaste at the drink was burst as this second sip filled his mouth with a new flavor, fresh and sweet and less harsh.  He couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed however and then he shook his head.

“No,” he said and when Magnus frowned he hurried to correct himself, “I mean yes.  But don’t destroy the contract. What Jace did was stupid and irresponsible and I need him to understand that.  We should talk, have dinner,” his voice stuttered over the word, “but what he signed can’t actually bind me. That’s not how parabatai bonds work, he should have known that.”  

“Oh, well then.”  Magnus let the contract fade and Alec watched the graceful turn of his hands and the blue wisps that accompanied the movement, “so you’re here of your own free will?  No pesky magical bindings or fears of consequences?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I do hate to talk business on an empty stomach,” Magnus said and once again Alec took his offered hand, sparks shooting through him at the touch.  “After all, pleasure before business ensures everyone has a good time.”  

Alec couldn’t help letting out a small, relieved chuckle and he felt that maybe this wouldn’t end in disaster after all.  

[beatriceeagle]

Where do you think teen wolf jumped the shark? Also, non-specific, but do you have a favourite (and least favourite) TV finale? Thanks!

I heard a TV writer once discuss shark-jumping in terms of suspension of disbelief. “You get one buy,” is how he put it. On Psych, we’ll buy into the idea that Shawn does wacky hijinks in pursuit of convincing the police that he’s a psychic, because that is the show’s central premise. But if you try to add one more unbelievable thing on top of that (say, werewolves) the high-wire act fails. You’ve asked the audience to believe too many things, and now their faith in the show has collapsed.

But as even that writer acknowledged, it doesn’t usually work that cleanly. Shows rarely jump the shark all at once. Even seemingly obvious cases like, I don’t know, Bones, usually show some cracks in their foundations before they do whatever massive thing it is that completely fucks over their show. And often, it’s not a case of so much doing something that breaks the suspension of disbelief as it is breaking your contract with the audience. We agreed, implicitly, that we were going to be this kind of show—but now we’re this kind of show, instead.

The weird thing about that is that, in theory, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The Good Place broke its contract with its audience at the end of season one in a pretty major way: A lot of the twist of the first season of that show only works if you assume that it’s the kind of show that doesn’t have twists. (And despite it being one of the best first seasons of a comedy in years and years, I know people who felt betrayed by that twist!) Agents of SHIELD, as I wrote about earlier today, broke its contract with its audience massively at the end of its first season—it spent 18 episodes establishing a world, and character dynamics, and operating procedures, and then not gradually, but all at once, said, “Okay, none of that is what we’re doing anymore”—and became a much better show for it. Sometimes, you just have to say, “Screw the old world order,” and let people come along or not.

So anyway, when I ask, “When did Teen Wolf jump the shark?” I’m asking both, “When did it stop being the show it agreed to be at the outset?” and also, a little bit, “When did it get bad?” And there are two assumptions built into those questions: 1) That Teen Wolf at some point stopped being the show that viewers first signed on for, and 2) That Teen Wolf was ever good.

And, okay, I don’t think that Teen Wolf was a bad show, clearly, because I have watched seasons one through three… a lot. There is something compulsively watchable and fitfully well-observed, about that show. The scenes between Scott and his mom, or Stiles and his dad, or of just Allison, alone, are often shockingly well-observed on a human level. There is some great, almost melodic dialogue, performed by really good actors.

But also, I mean, it’s really silly. The first season is paced atrociously. There are all of these over-the-top cinematic sequences of lacrosse. The mythology is incoherent, even before they start piling stuff onto it. And it doesn’t seem to have a central theme until well into its third season, at which point its central theme is extremely ethically questionable.

But I think the thing is, that’s the show that viewers signed on for! They signed on for this silly, heartfelt, overly cinematic, occasionally weirdly insightful, sometimes very funny werewolf show, that couldn’t pace a 12-episode story arc to save its life. And there was no one moment where that show transitioned into being a different thing. It would be really easy to point to Allison’s death, but honestly, I think her death was fairly in keeping with the kind of show Teen Wolf had been up to that point; one thing that the show had always handled pretty well was teenage heartbreak, and although the ramifications of Allison’s death were handled weirdly, when they did pop up, they tended to be some of the better bits of late-season Teen Wolf.

I will say that season 3B was a huge tonal shift from previous seasons. It’s significantly darker than anything that came before it—not just at the end, but all the way through. It’s not really goofy the way that previous seasons were. On the other hand, 3B is a really good season of Teen Wolf. In many ways it’s the show firing at all cylinders. They’ve got their formula down. (Teen Wolf at its best is a villain + a secondary villain who’s hunting the main villain and making trouble for the good guys in the process + a handful of emotional throughlines.) They’ve got a genuine atmosphere going. They’ve got a tremendous central performance from Dylan O’Brien. And the plot completely tracks!

The problem is that 3B leads into season 4, which maintains the tonal shift—it is literally, physically darker, as all of the ensuing seasons are—but is also bad. There are moments of season 4 that I like, but it’s also the point in time when Teen Wolf gives up on the “two villains” model in favor of the “five hundred villains” model, and also introduces a bunch of new characters, which it is absolutely not capable of dealing with. Also, at around this point, Teen Wolf stopped plotting logically and started plotting thematically. What I mean is that, for instance, in season four, suddenly Lydia, Stiles, and Scott all have massive, encroaching financial issues. Of these, Stiles’ are the only ones that are connected to any previous plot point on the show itself. Lydia’s are, if I’m remembering correctly, introduced mid-season for like two episodes. But more to the point: These financial issues don’t go anywhere. There’s like a running bit with a duffel bag of money from the Hale vault, or whatever, but it’s ultimately meaningless, because the financial issues are not there to either move the plot forward or elucidate character. They’re supposed to be a thematic counterpoint to the hired assassins who have shown up in Beacon Hills.

That kind of theme-based plotting is a) not Teen Wolf, and b) completely outside of Teen Wolf’s skill set, and as soon as the show started working that way, it immediately became an incomprehensible mess. I reviewed every episode of season 5A, and I still could not tell you what the fuck was happening in that season.

But that can all be walked back. I’ve watched shows that got bad—sometimes in ways that made them feel completely unfamiliar to themselves—and then got good again. (For example, Community‘s season four finale is a shark-jumping moment if I’ve ever seen one, and season five, though it had Harmon back at the helm, still didn’t feel like Community in some vital way—but season six is my second-favorite season of the show, and keeps trying to sneak its way into being my favorite.) The moment that I think of as being the point of no return, for Teen Wolf, is when they wrote Kira off. When Allison died, at least it felt meaningful, and like it was part of the natural progression of the show saying something. When Derek and Isaac left, it was due to the actors understandably moving on, and came about in ways that felt like natural exit points for the characters. But Kira’s exit was just Teen Wolf flailing, getting rid of characters who felt like likeable, old-style Teen Wolf (and who the show had put three seasons of development into) while filling up the cast with a bunch of mostly bland next-generation people. After a season with no Danny and no Coach, writing Kira out was really Teen Wolf just intentionally burning its bridges.

And actually, if you go back, it all starts even earlier than 3B. I think the cracks in Teen Wolf’s foundation start in 3A (a season I’m generally fond of!) with the introduction of the capital-M Mythology: the True Alpha stuff, which ended up really fucking with its ethics and the way that Scott functioned on the show long-term; and also Lydia’s banshee stuff and the Nemeton stuff, which ended up just being incredibly confusing. Season 3B is remarkable, in hindsight, for how comparably well it deals with those elements, when they all ended up being a huge drag on the show, in the long run.

So my short answer is that Teen Wolf jumped the shark in season 4, but my longer answer is that it was a process, starting in season 3A, and not really ending until season 5.

My favorite TV finale is, I think, the Lost finale, although the Community finale is certainly high up there. (Controversial, I know, but I will stand by this opinion til the end of time.) My least favorite, though I know it’s practically a cliche, is the How I Met Your Mother finale. When my sister was helping me brainstorm to figure out my answer to this question, she noted that a unifying factor among many terrible series finales is that they undo major aspects of the show that preceded them, and she is completely correct. This is the same reason that, even though it’s unusual for people to stay with their high school sweethearts, Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione had to be together in the Harry Potter epilogue; if you want to make that point, you had a whole series to make it. Trying to be clever and pull a fast one with the ending is just irritating.

Send me meta prompts to distract me from my migraine! 

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hi there! I've got a question, what is Tony's threat level according to other intelligence agencies after all the snafu of TWIFFON? Like does CBI and FBI' opinion differ from Interpol or MI6? And what about SI legal? Do they have specific lawyers on threat watch and Pepper too? At this point I'm even wondering what does Bill Gates and other competitors think of SI legal? Are they crying in opposition? What was president' reaction over SHIELD' fall and Tony? What about FoxTV and Twitter?

Disclaimer: TWiFFON was created with accidental world domination as an end goal long before I posted the first chapter, as a spitefic in response to the fandom’s reaction to Civil War, and Tony’s treatment in particular. I am a very broke student who’s doing this for fun, as stress relief between classes and whenever I have the time. I am not a political science major, or economics, or business. I have absolutely no clue as to how a corporation’s run, or international law, this is just me derping around in the MCU and keeping my fingers crossed that comic book science covers for whatever I’ve missed and hoping for the best. [So if I screwed something up on the legal side, you’ll know why.]

Okay, now that that’s taken care of: the gist of what you’re asking can be found in a post I did a while back, on power dynamics behind the scenes. 

[more under the cut, because you guys know how I roll and RIP whoever’s on mobile otherwise. Because this turned into surprise SI meta.]

To sum up from that post: 

Tony and Co. are pretty damn formidable, but PR’s mostly on top of things to make them seem like they’re harmless. Whether or not it works depends a lot on a myriad of factors, including economics, political leanings, and location, and as I’ve said before the US has a different view on Tony than the rest of the world does. I’m not going to delve into specifics [this was supposed to be crack, dammit!], because of the above, but given that in real life the heavy pull that corporations have, I’d like to think that in terms of suspension of disbelief I’m not doing too badly. 

I mean, sure, there’s always going to be opposition, but a) Stark Industries used to be in the weapons manufacturing business, so they’re used to cutthroat politics even if they changed tracks a while back [and we’ve seen it happen, and will continue to do so in the fic], and b) I haven’t even touched on how comic book science influences things, like how Wakanda’s existence throws a wrench into International politics or Howard Stark’s infamous legacy [which is a story for another post].

I mean, in real life, the US really did a number on Latin America in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Now imagine what could’ve happened if SHIELD was also out there fucking shit up.

Or how Vietnam must’ve been like, because guess who probably got some of the contracts for supplying the military with munitions? Or just what might’ve led to a different sociopolitical landscape, because how would have Captain America’s image have influenced the Red Scare? Would Howard’s influence [via SHIELD, or otherwise] led to a different way of dealing with Iran? He was known to have participated in the Manhattan Project, so that’s already one change felt: how else did he make it into the history books?

Just…I could go on. I haven’t watched any of the tv shows, but…well. You get the idea. How influential was Howard, even before Tony was born? Bits and pieces’ll show up in TWiFFON, and some other things I write, but…well. You get the idea. 

Also: I have no clue how economics work in real life [again, broke student here, statistics’re more my speed at the moment], but…if NAFTA and the TPP can exist, in real life, and royally fuck up international economies because profits, then a fictional company that’s been kicking since before World War II and is currently headed by some of the sharpest minds in their generation is, again, not too far out in terms of suspension of disbelief. 

After all, Stark Industries is a family company. [Well…kinda.]

Sure, at the time it was also for weapons manufacturing, but still: Tony grew up knowing he’d inherit it someday. I cover this a bit in the PR interlude, and I think you guys might be able to see hints of it in the Legal interlude as well, but Tony grew up with Obadiah being a larger presence in his life than Howard was, and I forget if it got cut or not but in one draft the PR representative was also a known face. 

So, Stark Industries’ presence has been a constant in Tony’s life. Stemming from childhood, even, and we can see its influence early on, too: remember how he was 17 when he worked with PR to keep stock prices from plunging and thus avoid layoffs? 

Tony’s very possessive of what he has, when it comes to people. Add in a dash of spite and his issues, and you get a company that hasn’t changed its stance on vacation time in decades, or health insurance coverage for its employees since before the Reagan administration, and offered roughly a month of paternity leave shortly after Tony took over the company. [Daddy issues for the win.]

Sure, it cut into profits a little, but iit wasn’t like he was hurting for money. And Tony always had a patent or two ready to shut up the board whenever anyone tried to complain and the ‘hey our productivity’s way higher than the competition’ wasn’t enough of a reason to keep things as they were. 

Plus, remember how I said it part of it was out of spite? Tony’s mentally flipping his father off the whole time, but he’s also very smug about it because ha, that that, Hammer and your stupid budget cuts! 

And all the while, Forbes and the Wall Street Journal are all but gushing about how SI’s employee satisfaction rates are off the charts. Tony tries to make it background noise, because really, it should not be unusual to offer that much maternity leave, seriously, what is wrong with you people…and in doing, so kinda misses out on some things.

Like, for instance, just how diehard loyal Stark Industries is. 

There’s a reason everyone in SI’s so rabid about corporate espionage, and maybe money can’t buy everything but overtime pay sure goes a long way sometimes and turns out that on-site daycare is a smash hit, who knew? It’s not just the pay, really; it’s the company picnics with a line-item for property damage, it’s the rivalry Legal and R&D have that has the rest of the company eating popcorn, it’s in the top-of-the-line coffeemakers in the break rooms and free entertainment whenever Hammer Industries tries to do a thing and fails epically. 

Add in the way SI’s got some very strict policies on stuff like sexual harassment [because Tony may act like a playboy for the cameras but he respects women and won’t stand for it], and JARVIS’ assistance, plus Pepper being Pepper, and you’ve got a company full of highly motivated, hypercompetent people all united under the same banner and an employee satisfaction rate that makes the competition go equal parts ‘that sounds fake but okay’ and ‘just what the hell do these people even eat?!’ and that’s why, in the legal sense at least, Tony’s all but untouchable. Business-wise, SI’s feared and envied because Legal’s Seen Some Shit and PR’s handled two generations of Starks and good fucking luck getting a spy in. when JARVIS is in charge of background checks and all fellow coworkers are willing to go the extra mile if it means showing up Hammer. [And I haven’t even mentioned SWORD yet.] Again, SI used to be a weapons company. Sure, they’re doing more civilian-friendly stuff now, but that kind of legacy is really hard to erase even if you tried. You don’t get to the top by being kind, in that industry […I think; again, broke student here], and we’ll see that aspect crop up more as we go along in the fic, too.

Just…where other companies took a colder turn, went more for profits and took advantage of the tax cuts, Stark Industries didn’t change a thing. Jobs didn’t move offshore, and the international branches were chugging along well before NAFTA was put into effect. After all, unlike other sectors, they can afford to do so, because Tony takes pride in churning out top-of-the-line stuff [be it bomb, pre-Afghanistan, or the latest tablet or nanoprocessor], and, again, his genius means he can increase revenue without having to do it at the expense of SI’s employees if push ever came to shove.

Plus, I reiterate: this is meant to be self-indulgent stress relief. Suspension of disbelief’s a thing, this is the same universe where we have cryogenically-preserved supersoldiers running around and magic exists. 

To sum up: okay, now what you’ve got is a company of hypercompetent employees who’re diehard loyal and who knows how many resources at their disposal. So when things snowball…well. Really, it was a tiny bit of miscommunication, could’ve happened to anyone!

It’s just. Umm. Just a tiny case of world domination. 

[not going too much into specifics because guess what the fallout-from-AoU/buildup-to-CW arc’s even about, and I kinda went overboard with the meta enough as is.]

[caffeineandbookshelves]

Lots of (unusual) things that annoy me when reading. Fanfic edition.

1. Using a big word, randomly and repetitively for no reason whatsoever when a simple word will work. I know it’s your vocab word and you want to sound smart. It’s pretentious and annoying. Stop.

2. Really bad grammar. Like unreadably bad. Find a beta reader. Do five minutes of editing. If people who don’t speak English as a first language can get it right most of the time, so can you.

3. Pointless and weird dialogue. The character (in cannon) doesn’t speak like that. No one speaks like that. Does it sound natural, if no, don’t use it. Also, if characters are supposed to be adults, why do they have a speech pattern of a five year old. This is mainly aimed at introductions. God, those annoy me. “I’m (insert character) this is my role in the story.” fuck off. You have now broken my suspension of disbelief, thanks.

4. A fantastic plot line, that fails entirely on the delivery. Stop having the main character tell other characters what they were up to so you don’t have to actually write the scene properly. Just write the damn scene then move on. Also, repetitively telling EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER something that happened. Is their reaction important? If no, it can happen off screen, if yes, skip the details of what happened and get to the reaction. SHOW, DONT TELL.

5. 200k+ words, 50+ chapters, and absolutely nothing happens. Now, I enjoy a good longfic. Most people occasionally do. But for the love of gad, something worth reading has to happen before you end the story.

6. Telling me a cut time. I don’t need to you “flashback” lead into it. Also, stop jumping all around in the plot line. If your story is linear, keep it moving, don’t jump to a future scene that will happen in a few chapter. I don’t need to know now.

7. Wtf even is this formatting? Good plot, good grammar, things are even happening. But the formatting is so hard to read through, it’s not worth it, and then I’m sad.

8. Did you even even see the source material? Like for real. Who are these characters? What is this setting? If it’s ooc, just say ooc.

Basically, have you ever even read an actual book, a well written fic or attended an English grammar class? Because you should know better, and I’m disappointed in you.

That’s not a dig at all fic writers. I’ve read fics that are better than published books, and books that should have never seen the light of day. Or a dig at young writers still figuring it out, and non-native English speakers. But the rest of you...get it together and give me well written fics that are readable. Thank you.

[madelynhimegami]

Wrote a bit of a ramble comparing Ike and Michaiah a few days ago, but it was in someone else’s reblog so I’m putting it on its own post. Spoilers for FE9 and 10.

I’ve said this before, but if you think Michaiah’s a Mary Sue, you’re probably a misogynist. If you think that but don’t think there’s anything wrong with Ike, you’re almost certainly a misogynist.

I think Ike is a great character, don’t get me wrong. But the narrative treats him like he can do no wrong. Look at all the times in FE9 Ike sticks his foot in his mouth. When he first meets Ranulf he calls him “subhuman” despite already knowing the term “laguz.” Later, he shoots his mouth off at the person with the most political power on the continent several times. That’s just off the top of my head. Both times he just gets a slap on the wrist, because everything he says and does in both games is apparently the right thing to say and do at the time, because he never fails.

The only character that doesn’t think Ike’s the greatest thing since sliced bread after talking to him is Shinon, whose characterization is “gigantic asshole.” Even the bosses that aren’t rock stupid think he’s someone to be loved, feared, respected, or a combination of the three. Speaking of bosses, you literally have to have Ike land the killing blow on FE10′s final boss. Why? No reason or justification for it, but it’s absolutely gotta be Ike.

Yes, Ike is flawed, but it’s all those kinds of flaws that conveniently never actually creates conflict or adversity. He’s not very smart, but that’s OK because he’s got Soren (and when he can’t be around he suddenly knows what he needs to know anyway). He’s very un-subtle and lacks etiquette, but that’s OK because he never needs either of them, even when in places where such things are paramount.

Ike, in short, is a male power fantasy.

Then there’s Michaiah.

Michaiah starts off with the short end of the stick by being forced into a position where she’s compared to Golden Boy Ike, both by the player and by the major powers on Telius. And this was done by design, both in- and out of game:

Naturally, since Ike has the advantage of being, well, Ike, this doesn’t reflect very well on Michaiah.

This is made worse by her powers, because to be perfectly honest precognition and being empathetic to the point of reading minds tends to strain suspension of disbelief more than being able to hit people with a giant fucking sword. Both of these powers have justification, of course: the former power comes with the territory of having a direct line to one’s deity, and the latter is an ability herons were established as having about halfway through FE9.

The problem, of course, is that the two games kinda botched on adequately foreshadowing Michaiah being Sanaki’s older sister and the two of them being descendants of herons (something else I’ve rambled about), so the player has no way of guessing it without taking several leaps of blind faith until the end of FE10. The result is you got like 90-95% of the longest game in the franchise not having any clue why Michaiah has these powers, making it easy to conclude them as being inexplicable.

Her arc in Part Three with the Blood Pact is unusual for the Fire Emblem series in that not only is it not a case of black-and-white morality, it’s honestly quite bleak. Fight a war that you’re in no shape to partake on the wrong side, or let civilians die indiscriminately until nobody’s left. It’s actually quite an interesting dilema and ultimately I think the writer’s handled it well (abrupt resolution notwithstanding), but Michaiah has the audacity to angst about a very anxiety-inducing situation, and that makes her whiny. Ike is never put in a situation even remotely like Michaiah’s, who faces a direct challenge to her character. He only ever had to angst over his father getting killed (a very stock conflict, to be blunt), and it didn’t last long.

On top of this, Michaiah has a speed growth that’s below 40 and starts off disliking Ike (for sacking her home country and leaving it in the hands of a corrupt empire), so that’s a couple more reasons to dislike her for the sake of disliking her.

It’s 2 AM and it’s getting harder and harder to keep my thoughts focused so I don’t have a neat conclusion to tie everything up, but my point is this: Ike has everything in FE9 and 10′s narrative all but handed to him; Michaiah has the deck stacked against her, but is ultimately a more dynamic and multifaceted character, but because she’s a girl and not an overpowered hotshot, she faces a lot of heavy dislike from obnoxious dudebros and goons.

[spicynbachili1]

Review: Red Dead Redemption 2

Into the sundown, fellers

Getting misplaced in one other world is a wonderfully great way for some folks to deal with issues in actuality.

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind acquired me by means of some actually robust occasions: it doesn’t matter what occurred, on the finish of the day I might loosen up and lose myself in Vvardenfell till I dozed off. That was all the best way again in 2002.

Open world video games have significantly advanced since then. Rockstar is proof of that.

Purple Useless Redemption 2 (PS4 [reviewed on a PS4 Pro], Xbox One) Developer: Rockstar Studios Writer: Rockstar Video games Launched: October 26, 2018 MSRP: $59.99

Purple Useless Redemption 2 makes the ballsy and presumably complicated transfer of pivoting itself as a sequel in identify and a prequel within the grand timeline of the Purple Useless world. Whisking us away to America’s frontier in 1899, this iteration really precedes John Marston’s journey by 12 years, permitting for a decidedly totally different snapshot of the previous west.

The late 19th century is not precisely a interval that is explored all that always because it’s after the extra common Reconstruction and California Gold Rush eras. Below President William McKinley the mythos of the “wild west” is starting to fade amid rising assist for the temperance and progressive actions: in all, an enchanting glimpse into US historical past. Enter the outlaw Arthur Morgan, our “hero” and proponent of the well-known Van der Linde crew, led by the unstable and typically well-meaning Dutch.

As Dutch’s right-hand man on the top of the gang’s notoriety, you are type of a giant deal from the get-go. Though we in the end know what occurs to the lads in Dutch’s crew by the use of Purple Useless Redemption, what we get here’s a master-crafted character research not not like the one Vince Gilligan is presently giving us with Higher Name Saul within the wake of Breaking Unhealthy. Arthur is not fairly as fascinating as former protagonist Marston out of the gate. He is much less bombastic, extra calculating in his thought course of. In that approach, he is a greater conduit for the participant and extra of a gradual burn.

The world round him is equally grounded. Two of the cardinal sins of contemporary open world video games are bloat and excessive gaminess, each of which steadily take you out of the fantasy. Ubisoft is usually responsible of the previous, filling maps to the brim with pins and compelled factors of curiosity to increase playtime. The latter is a transgression that many studios are responsible of in a misguided try to steadiness simulation and arcade fundamentals. Purple Useless Redemption 2 by no means actually falls into both of these traps. Now there are 144 cigarette card collectibles and loads of small issues to rummage round for if that is your factor (in addition to stamina and well being “core” meters to handle), however bloat is not the focus.

Comparably there are invisible or in any other case delicate meters that dictate something from “honor” (how folks react to you) to bonuses like extra loot, however they are not apparent. Purple Useless Redemption 2 goes for the real endeavor of the facilitation of bromances with the camp system (which has flashes of Closing Fantasy XV or the droves of relationship-centric JRPGs in current reminiscence) and backs up these relationships with sturdy mission design. As a rule you are going to be saddling up with mates or new acquaintances, combating, or working alongside them.

You may be combating quite a bit, which is arguably one of the best bit the sport has to supply. Useless Eye (learn: tremendous slo-mo imaginative and prescient) returns and though the idea is as previous as mud (17 years faraway from Rockstar-published Max Payne), it permits for the additional beautification of a number of the extra hectic confrontations (as does the first-person viewpoint). It additionally is aware of when to figuratively decelerate. There is a bunch of role-playing (RP) sort issues that may maintain folks busy for nicely over 100 hours. Fishing, poker, beauty alterations, that sort of stuff. It is by no means in-your-face, merely there if you’d like it.

Rockstar threw an insane amount of cash on the manufacturing of Purple Useless Redemption 2 and it exhibits. There are scores of musical tracks helmed by the proficient Woody Jackson, a few of which are actually tuned to particular missions. Hell, it has roughly 200 various kinds of wildlife and every had distinctive sounds recorded for them. (I’d be remiss to not a minimum of point out the crunch controversy and Rockstar’s response with the intention to make up your individual choices, even when it did not straight affect this evaluation.)

So are all of those stats bullshit? Nicely in my effort to completely dig by means of the large 92GB file dimension (on PS4), they’re principally justified. The important thing factor to recollect is that Purple Useless Redemption 2 is not simply comprised of open ranges and fields. Every particular person metropolis feels lively and the go-go nature of the story permits us to move into locations like torched villages and snowy mountaintops. Amid all of these grand gestures, the smaller particulars matter too. There’s spectacular penmanship on show inside the pages of in-game journals when Rockstar might have gone with the better route of a conventional typeface. Vendor menus seem like an actual Sears, Roebuck and Firm catalogs.

All of that does come at a small price, like a several-minute load firstly and roughly 15-second restarts after failures/deaths. It feels like no time in any respect, but it surely’s extra concerning the parameters concerned: you will principally encounter the previous situation as your paper-thin allies are killed, glitch right into a bottomless pit, or get snagged by an invisible rock and fall off their horse, immediately failing a mission. Then there’s the everyday open world snags like unusual animations and odd physics that may trigger on the spot deaths.

The gear-swapping radial wheel will be finicky and never work precisely the way you need it to. There’s additionally some foolish moments that require suspension of disbelief; like when your crew robs somebody sporting the identical garments they all the time put on, whereas calling you by your actual identify, and anticipating to not be caught as a result of they’ve small bandannas over their mouths. These are all minor complaints and in contrast to another open world video games, do not dominate or considerably break Purple Useless Redemption 2.

As I discovered myself wandering aimlessly for the umpteenth time, coping with a few of these random annoyances, it hit me why I used to be so related to this world: Rockstar is not afraid to throw fixed conflicts your approach as a result of they know the minute-to-minute gameplay can assist it. Gunplay is improbable (Rockstar has just about all the time nailed it), horse fundamentals are slick, random occasions/skirmishes maintain issues thrilling, and the serene but complicated environments are the spine for all of it. 

Purple Useless Redemption 2 is the epitome of ambition and like most issues Rockstar, will meet the expectations related to it. With the entire developments for the reason that final Purple Useless and the whole lot they’ve realized from Grand Theft Auto V below their belt, the collection is in a greater place, in a position to present a extra pure and fewer gamey world to discover.

[This review is based on a retail build of the game provided by the publisher. The online component is coming later this month and is not part of this assessment.]

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      Purple Useless Redemption 2 reviewed by Chris Carter

9.5

SUPERB

An indicator of excellence. There could also be flaws, however they’re negligible and will not trigger large injury. How we rating:  The destructoid critiques information

        from SpicyNBAChili.com http://spicymoviechili.spicynbachili.com/review-red-dead-redemption-2/

[atamascolily]

The Eye of Kratos

In which Sinbad rescues his ex-girlfriend, Maeve is not impressed, the crew infiltrates a corrupt temple in search of a holy relic, there is a lot of rope swinging, and spiders don’t really work like that.

Oh, and there’s an ELEPHANT. For... reasons.

(All photos courtesy of Far Far Away.)

Arriving in the fictional kingdom of Lintopia, whose inhabitants appear spooked and oppressed by the “Day of Punishment”, Sinbad spots an old friend in the crowd by following the shouting:

It’s the pirate queen Talia, aka “The Black Rose of Oman,” about to be executed by a firing squad group of archers for stealing a map showing the way to “The Eye of Kratos”. She is sassy and causes a surprising amount of damage even with her hands tied to a stake. Sinbad just smiles. “She hasn’t changed.”

Of course, Sinbad and crew intervene and a battle ensues. In the aftermath, Talia is delighted to see Sinbad and Doubar, intrigued by Rongar and Firouz and curious about Maeve. Oh, and she’s sure to thank Sinbad for his efforts:

Maeve is not impressed. Sad, poignant Maeve theme music here as we cut to credits. 

Cut to the local tavern. Talia is charming everyone except Maeve - even Dermott, to Maeve’s dismay - with her extrovert personality and sex appeal. We get some backstory here - she sailed with Sinbad and Doubar back in the day and they had tons of adventures.  Chronologically, this was before Firouz sailed with Sinbad, because Firouz doesn’t know her, and well before Sinbad and Doubar were separated in the storm two years before the pilot episode. Probably after Dim-dim raised Sinbad like a father in Baghdad, though. So... early twenties, probably. (I assume Sinbad is 30-35 in the show.)

It’s not directly stated here that she and Sinbad were lovers (that’s in the episode summaries I’ve sen), but judging by the chemistry between them, that probably happened and Sinbad was the one who broke it off.

Talia does have this mysterious map tucked away in her bosom, and she wants Sinbad and company to use it to help her destroy the Eye of Kratos, a mysterious object owned by the creepy cult that is dominating the kingdom. Everyone agrees except Maeve. Sinbad gives her his best puppy dog expression and she caves. I mean, wouldn’t you?

If you want to infiltrate a cult, you have to dress like cultists, so they do. For some reason, this involves an elephant.

Maeve is riding the elephant - probably because she is Friend to All Most Living Things, and can talk to it, although this is not shown.

Haha, the tribute is the same gold and jewels from Episode 14! Hahaha! ... Moving on.

Anyway, birds are not allowed in creepy cult temples, unless they are service birds, so Dermott has to stay outside.

Inside the temple, there is a man in a cage over a pit of sharpened spikes who was caught trying to steal the Eye of Kratos. He is eaten by a giant tarantula, who was last seen in Episode 8 in an entirely different context.

You know as well as I do that at least one of the crew is going to end up in that cage in the next twenty minutes and have to fight the spider because Things Go Wrong. Do I even have to explain that? 

Anyway, they go back the next day to see the Eye of Kratos in the morning sunrise service.  A Vestal Virgin opens the doorway and they circumambulate a statue holding a giant glowing orb. Firouz use SCIENCE! to determine it’s actually a giant diamond catching the light. Meanwhile, Talia sneaks away to try to steal some jewels and gets caught by a booby trap.

Sinbad rescues her, but they both get caught by the temple guards and end up in the cage. WHAT DID I TELL YOU.

Happily, Dermott is watching everything, somehow having snuck into the temple on his own, because Dermott does not believe in rules. Dermott is too cool for your stupid cult rules. Sinbad gives Dermott Talia’s map of the temple to give to Maeve so the crew can rescue them.

Maeve is sad at the thought of Sinbad and Talia alone together, but she needn’t have worried. Talia tries to hit on Sinbad, and he gently turns her down. Sinbad is very good at turning people down gently and gets a LOT of practice over the course of the season.

Meanwhile, Firouz uses the map plus SCIENCE! to get the crew past the temple booby traps despite an inconvenient incense allergy. They get to the cage just as the giant tarantula begins descending for maximum drama.

Y’all know tarantulas are harmless ground dwellers, right, and don’t slide down rope like this? But the way Firouz whispers “Aim true, Rongar,” as Rongar throws up the rope to the cage for Sinbad to catch makes me really surprised there isn’t Firouz/Rongar slashfic on the Internet.

Anyway, so Sinbad and Talia slide to safety just in the nick of time. Maeve lobs a fireball at the rope, which earns a respectful look from Talia.

The bad CGI spider is squished on the spikes. Ouch. No one mourns.

Meanwhile, the temple guards sound the alarm there are intruders, finally. We learn the Vestal Virgin’s sleeping with the head priest, who puts on a lot of makeup, and the whole religion is a scam to extort treasure from the populace, just like Talia claimed.

Firouz manages to open the secret door to the chamber with the Eye and everyone rushes in without stopping to congratulate him. Happily, Firouz has learned to cope with rejection by this point in the series. Sinbad has to swing from another rope to snag the Eye while not being blinded by the glare, while guards attack.

There is a battle as the crew flees for the exit. On the steps of the temple, Talia demands that Sinbad hand over the Eye. Sinbad is stoically resigned, probably aware from the beginning that Talia was up to no good, but hoping he could take her at her word anyway.

But the temple guards attack and in the scuffle, Sinbad looks over to see Talia, the head priest, and the Vestal Virgin wrestling with the stone.

It goes flying and... shatters into a million pieces on the ground. Everyone is stunned, especially Talia and the Vestal Virgin, who slaps the priest for leading her on about a “wedding present”. Sinbad yells out, “Does anyone feel like dying over this?” and everyone sheepishly agrees that they don’t.

Talia claims to be repentant, and tries to get Sinbad to come with her to keep her honest, but Sinbad points to his crew, who is posing like they’re at the New York Public Library or something and his answer is clear. Talia shrugs, and mutters something about borrowing a boat. She steals a horse while the crew watches and vanishes towards the coast.

Everything’s chill until Sinbad puts the dots together and realizes she’s about to steal his boat. Panic ensues. Cut to end credits.

NOTES:

1) Talia asks if Sinbad is still on the Nomad in the bar scene. This might be the first mention of the boat’s name in the show. But this particular boat was given to Sinbad by the Caliph of Baghdad in the pilot... so plot hole there. You could retcon it by saying that Sinbad names all his boats the Nomad, but it still wouldn’t explain why Doubar says they “still do”. Did theyfix up the wrecked original Nomad instead? WHY WILL NO ONE EXPLAIN THESE THINGS TO ME? WHY CAN’T WE BE CLEAR ABOUT CONTINUITY IN THIS SHOW?

2) How much do you think the elephant cost? More or less than reusing the CGI spider?

3) It’s great to see more hints of Sinbad’s earlier life. And my Maeve x Sinbad shipper heart gets some serious twinges here.

4) Has Sinbad figured out what Dermott really is, yet? I still can’t tell here.