#tHIS STUPID MEME IS EVERYTHING TO ME. AND IT IS THESE YIS.

[gensational]

Necessary mantras 🙏 😔

Collab with @doodledrawsthings

I drew DWBI Yi. They drew Innovator.

[duckprintspress]

My 2025 TBR

@hullosweetpea pinged me (on my personal account, @unforth) to do a "9 books I plan to read in 2025" meme, but I'd been meaning to do a post about the silly method I used to make my TBR anyway, so I'm gonna do that instead.

I've never been good about keeping track of books I've wanted to read, but in 2024 when I really started digging in to read a lot, I came up with a plan - I put together a TBR from recently published books (so, from 2023) plus a few books I'd had lying around for a long time - I had an "imminent" TBR on my nightstand and an older "oops didn't get to these yet" TBR that I'd shoved in a bedside cabinet. I grabbed all the old TBR, mixed them together with the imminent TBR, and treated that as my "real" TBR. I then put it in an order that I thought would help motivate me to read the things I was less enthusiastic about (but still wanted to read!) and set about making myself read them in order. I didn't actually manage that - things got shifted as new more exciting releases came out, and when something I was less enthusiastic about came to the top, I often bumped it until I felt up for reading it. But I actually think my flexibility in approach helped cause it meant I didn't stall, and by the end of 2024 I managed to read every single book that was in my TBR pile at the start of 2024.

Of course, I then had a completely new pile of books that I'd acquired, been handed by my wife after she read them cause she thought I'd like them, or borrowed from friends.

So, given that this method essentially worked, I of course, inevitably, decided to do it even more for 2025! Even though my TBR going into 2025 is already bigger than my pile was going into 2024, I nonetheless decided to go to the deep dark depths of cold storage - I went up to the attic (where our library is!) and dug out about a half-dozen books that I've been meaning to read; some I've had around for 20 years without getting to them. And I took my existing TBR, and these new books, and I made four piles:

(stupid long post about my TBR follows, behind a readmore)

Pile 1: The Books On The Top. These are the books that either I got most recently and I'm excited for, or that have been on my TBR longest, and I decided to leave them as-is. These are the books I'm either most excited to read or most determined to read.

This pile can basically be treated as my answer to the 9 books meme, even though there are only seven of them. It's also slightly out of date - I took this picture a few days ago, I'm now reading top book.

The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish by Xue Shan Fei Hu

The Fall of the House of Tatterly by Shanna Miles

The Missing Piece by Kun Yi Wei Lou

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin

You're Too OP by Yi Xiu Luo

Babel by R. F. Kuang

Dream of the Red Chamber by Tsao Hsueh Chin

Looking at this pile, I think it's pretty obvious which are the titles I bought and which are the ones my wife handed over to me after she read them, assuming you know anything about my usual reading habits (it's danmei. I read danmei, lmao). I yoinked the Chinese classic off my mom's bookshelves, I want to expand my familiarity with the roots of Chinese lit so that I understand more about what I'm reading now.

Piles 2, 3, and 4: The books I'm excited about (left), neutral about (middle), and the books I'm kinda meh about but still would like to read (right).

I took all the remaining books, both more recent and from the cold storage (literally cold storage, our attic doesn't have much heat lmao), and sorted them into these three piles. A lot of the books I'm actually most excited to read aren't out yet; those I'll add to the pile as I buy them, so the final pile will change. I collated these three piles - alternating things I was excited for, things I was neutral about, and things I was meh about - into a final complete TBR.

This is my TBR for the year - not everything I'll read, by any means, but I'll attempt, by the end of 2025, to have read all these books, plus anything else I come across, thus that by the end of 2025, I'll have once again ship-of-Theseus'd by TBR pile. This entire pile, plus sources:

The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish by Xue Shan Fei Hu (bought for myself)

The Fall of the House of Tatterly by Shanna Miles (passed over by my wife)

The Missing Piece by Kun Yi Wei Lou (bought for myself)

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (passed over by my wife - we also have the sequel, though she hasn't read it, and I expect if I like this one I'll probably read that soon after)

You're Too OP by Yi Xiu Luo (bought for myself)

Babel by R. F. Kuang (passed over by my wife)

Dream of the Red Chamber by Tsao Hsueh Chin (borrowed from my mom)

After the War by Stuart Sharp (bought for myself - this is an indie press title from the press I was vending next to at Readercon, it sounds really good!)

Where You Linger and Other Stories by Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam (another indie press Readercon acquisition, from Lethe Press)

The Fox and the Fallen Prince by Kate East (I traded a badly damaged copy of Aim For The Heart for this book at Flamecon, with a self-pub author who was vending across from me)

Slouch: Posture Panic in Modern America by Beth Linker (passed over by my wife)

Most Likely to Summon Nyhiloteph (another Readercon book, an anthology from Ghost Orchid Press)

The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi (passed over by my wife)

Black Cranes: Tales of Unquiet Women (this anthology was on the take a book-leave a book table at Readercon and looked interesting)

Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell (from cold storage, though I've not actually had it a long time; this is from a huge stash of queer books I stumbled upon at Goodwill one day and bought...all of.)

Devotion by Anna Denisch (got this self-pubbed title at the Book and Comic Expo at The Shirt Factory last fall)

The Bad Guys Won by Jeff Pearlman (passed over by my dad)

The Dragons of Heaven by Alyc Helms (from cold storage, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to it @alychelms I've had it on my TBR since it first came out, oops)

(this one I can't remember the title on and don't feel like going to check, but it's a freebie/teaser that the guy vending next to me at The Shirt Factory gave me)

The Gilded Chain by Dave Duncan (from cold storage)

War of the Oaks by Emma Bull (from cold storage)

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender (another Goodwill stash/cold storage book)

The Last Icon: Tom Seaver and His Times by Steven Travers (passed over by my dad; he passes me books about the Mets, in case that wasn't obvious yet, we both love baseball)

Fight Like a Girl edited by April Steenburgh & Christy Lennox (from cold storage; this was my first publication credit! but I've never actually read the whole anthology, oops)

The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson (another Goodwill stash/cold storage book)

Vicksburg: 1863 by Winston Groom (from cold storage; I am not only not-so-secretly a baseball fan, I'm also not-so-secretly a Civil War buff)

Sooo... that's 26 books, including some non-fiction that'll probably be slow going. But hopefully I can read it all this year!

But because that's enough... anyone who pays attention to my monthly reading posts or other posts about what I personally read has probably noticed I read a lot of graphic novels, so I can hear you going, "but unforth, there are no graphic novels on your TBR! where are the graphic novels?" and you are right. Because I maintain not one, but TWO other TBRs (three if you count my Libby account) specifically for graphic novel TBRs; I usually read them while reading other stuff.

Pile 1: physical library books and borrowed books.

I actually read Dungeon Critters last night; this is my current library pile, with the four on the bottom all books I borrowed from @tryslora.

Dungeon Critters by Sara Goetter and Natalie Riess

Galaxy: The Prettiest Star by Jadzia Axelrod and Jess Taylor

Hakumei & Mikochi: Tiny Little Life in the Woods vol. 1 by Takuto Kashiki

Silver Vessels by Steve Orlando

Ash's Cabin by Jen Wang

Yuri is My Job vols. 8 to 12 by Miman

Ask Me About Polyamory! by Tikva Wolf

Cannonball by Kelsey Wroten

The Flying Ship vol. 1 and 2 by Jem Milton

Signals vol. 1 and 2 by Nika

The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal by E. K. Weaver

How to Be a Werewolf vol. 1 by Shawn Lenore

That said, I'm going to the library tomorrow, so I'll presumably come back with more. I always do, lmao.

Pile 2: Libby

No photograph for this one, obviously, and I don't feel like grabbing appropriate screen captures, but. I have five libraries on Libby ( @queerliblib, the Japan Foundation of Los Angeles, my local library, the New York Public Library, and the Brooklyn Public Library - all these are free for me as a US and NYS citizen) and I'm mostly using them to read manga lmao.

Current Libby Borrows:

I Hear the Sunspot vol. 1 by Yuki Fumino

Yona of the Dawn vol. 5 by Mizuho Kusanagi

Chainsaw Man vol. 2 by Tatsuki Fujimoto

Too Close to Fall in Love by Akira Nakata

Haikyu!! vol. 18 by Haruichi Furudate

Jujutsu Kaisen vol. 1 by Gege Akutami

Kaiju No. 8 vol 5 by Naoya Matsumoto

Libby Holds (titles I'm waiting for - because they have strict due-dates, they'll jump the TBR line whenever the holds come through):

Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba vol. 4 by Koyoharu Gotouge

I Think Our Son is Gay vol. 5 by Okura

I Shall Never Fall in Love by Hari Conner

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Spy x Family vol. 3 by Tatsuya Endo

Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle

How to Be Ace by Rebecca Burgess

Gwen and Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher

FANGS vol. 1 by Billy Balibally

Pile 3: The Yaoi Stash + a couple other odds and ends

So early last year I got a text from my brother that he was at a thrift shop and they had a pile of books that "looked like my kind of thing" and a photograph of a bunch of book spines, and I told him to go ahead and buy them all at $1 US a pop and I'd sort through what they were. This is most of those; excluded are a couple that weren't yaoi and I wasn't interested in, and a few that are incomplete cause I don't want to get invested in something like that. I haven't yet read any of this yet, I figure if I ever am low on library books or am just in the mood for some yaoi porn, I'll dip into this pile then.

Footnotes from the World's Greatest Bookstores is obviously not yaoi, it's a passed-by-my-dad art book about bookstores. It is, however, a quick read, and I've already read about half of it, so I threw it on this pile too because it had to go somewhere lmao

(blank spine) is actually an art book of MXTX fanart I got at Flamecon

Hero Heel vol. 1 and 2 by Makoto Tateno

New Beginnings by Kotetsuko Yamamoto

A Love Song for the Miserable by Yukimura

Tomorrow's Ulterior Motives by Sakuya Fujii

Love Share by Aoi Kujyou

Love Control by Ai Hasukawa

Star by Keiko Konno

Once Upon a Glashma by Jumiko Sukeane

Passionate Theory by Ayumi Kano

Hot Limit by Akira Kanbe and Minori Shima

Candy by Satomi Suerts

Red by Sanae Rokuya

Anyway. The TL:DR of all of this is I'm anal but if it keeps me reading it's worth it, and that I've got waaaaaaay too much I want to read in 2025.

But anyway, that's the answer to my 9, er, 50-something books I want to read in 2025 lmao.

[mighteeone-manager-lee]

NO SPIN @ THE BVRN ALIVE EVENT

LIVE ON STAGE AT A CAMPFIRE NEAR YOU, STARTING NOW!

As of TONIGHT, the NO SPIN event is officially live! Summoned by forces uncertain to the survivors, the four (formerly) deceased members of k-pop sensation NO SPIN have arrived in the Fog. As they were headed to an interview anyways, they're ready to answer your questions and interact with fans while Yun-jin figures out what the hell is going on. She is, however, still available to take questions + roleplay in interactions related to and not related to the event!

The inbox is open for (from left to right on the final page) Sea [Park Seung-hyun), Kim Moon-soo, U-EON [Han Min-ho], and Ryu Yi-eun. And, for the love of everything, do not tell them about Ji-woon. Or do. Yun-jin would rather you didn’t.

|| OOC under the cut!

Beyond my eternal gratitude for everyone's support, love, and continued stream of interaction despite my needing a hiatus (you all are truly so wonderful), there are a few special thanks I have to give out. You know, like it's an award show. I was just so excited to start this event that I'm so overwhelmed with joy ;; Consider it my 2022 shoutouts as well to people who made my 2021 dear!

Beyond my eternal gratitude for everyone's support, love, and continued stream of interaction despite my needing a hiatus (you all are truly so wonderful), there are a few special thanks I have to give out. You know, like it's an award show. I was just so excited to start this event that I'm so overwhelmed with joy ;; Consider it my 2022 shoutouts as well to people who made my 2021 dear!

To V over at @idol-trickster: my dear affection and thanks for the friendship and crazy incredible all-kill conversations. Your direct and indirect motivation to work on this comic and keep my passion for the chapter and k-pop burning absolutely helped ensure that I finally posted this. V is such a behind-the-scenes staple of this blog and wonderful person that I cannot emphasize their contribution as an inspiration and companion enough. I hope you know how much I appreciate you, your muse, and having somebody as bonkers about these characters as I am to talk to ♡ thank you so much, hyungnim. love you loads!

To Quen at @adept-yui: THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STEAL YOUR YUI FOR THIS! and in general thank you for being literally the funniest person and most efficient meme-maker I have EVER met. You are crazy talented and HILARIOUS and EVIL and you love torturing my little men GIRL HELP!! this event really does go out to you perhaps more than anyone else because you have kept me focused on it like only a wonderful friend and force for villainy could. it is in fact about drive it's about power we stay h

but for real, I love you, amami. that stupid no spin lightstick edit and I knew was in this crazy ask blog friendship for (no spin's) life. thank you for everything, there are no words for how happy you make me.

And to Kasu and Birb from @peacock-trickster and @susiezfuckdestjamz: your continued, insanely positive support and humor... has actually made me melt. On twitter for Kasu and tumblr for Birb, you both have genuinely almost brought me to tears for consistently interacting and being so damn sweet. You all were part of that vc and are 100% part of MY no spin of people mentioned here, my group of beloveds, I would not be posting this without the pure euphoria your support and pure delightfulness has offered me when I was unsure. You have pieces of my heart and all of my thanks. ♡ Nothing has gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Stay talented and stay gold.

Here's to a wonderful 2022 from mun Grey and muse Yun-jin at the MOMLee blog! Stay gold and one last deep thank you for sticking around. This year, I promise I'll pay it all back to you.

[what-even-is-my-blog-anymore]

A listicle because I am *:･ﾟ✧upset*:･ﾟ✧:

It does not make sense for TVN to slip out their ending in a press release. Imagine working on this for months and a few days before the series end...lmao let's be chaotic and reveal the ending. *insert the evil kermit meme but make it stupider* Even if they afraid of the backlash: a) why b) why would you not be confident in your ability to justify the chosen ending and c) wouldn't revealing the ending damage your work and affect your viewership....what were you thinking TVN?

We've always seen the show subvert expectations in the best ways possible. I personally feared Yurim being interested in Yijin initially when their connection was first revealed, but they turned out to be more like siblings. We expected Yurim's father to be on the bad end of the accident but it was the opposite. The show has the ability to pleasantly subvert our expectations. I personally have never been disappointed by any episode. As much as I fear the ending, I believe as well as hope that the writers will be able to justify it.

The writers have left a let of clues for a Baekdo ending (like Heedo's picture in the photo album and them saying things like "In the end, you're always with me") as well as left a lot of plot devices for a non-Baekdo endgame like 'Kim' Min Chae and how she doesn't recognise Baek Yi Jin. In my personal opinion, a non-Baekdo ending seems more plausible as justifying a Baekdo endgame with all these obstacles would require massive explanations. With only two episodes left, I don't know how they will be able to tie in all the loose ends and give a satisfactory ending whatever it may be.

As much as I want a Baekdo endgame, I would be able to accept a non-Baekdo endgame as long as it seems in line with the character and their arcs. It is quite difficult to accept that individuals who fought for eachother, supported the other endlessly and authentically connected and communicated with one another (a rarity in kdramaland) - to not last.

We should, however, note that they worked beautifully as friends and platonic soulmates, but romantic love is another ballgame altogether. It could be possible that they find they are not meant to be romantic partners but then they should've given enough time for them (and us) to see that. One thing that is genuinely bothering me is that how they will be able to give us fluff, angst, breakup, moving on in just 2 episodes, if the article holds true.

Based on what we know of Heedo and Yijin and how they fuction and communicate, I personally find it difficult to imagine what could tear them apart. So I think they should've built that up a bit sooner. I doubt that it is the Yurim plot that drives them apart because the last scene of ep 14 and preview of ep 15 don't spell doom and gloom. If it is just them being busy in their careers, then that will be stupid because this is a couple that loves voice messages and one is a fencer and the other is a sports reporter. I mean, they'll make time for eachother.

Also I'm a little upset that they built one of the most well-written kdrama and romance, only for them to break up in less than a year. When they were "gonna do everything they can with each other" and people who "have the same destination" cause "in the end, you're always with me" to not end up together romantically is so cruel. I mean, I've seen more ??? characters with nothing going for them besides "fate" and many such tropes end up together. And here we have a relationship that is authentic and built on actual communication and experiences together - for them to not end up with each other is crueler than serving raisins as chocolate, especially for a kdrama.

We could be getting the breakup at 20 and getting together at 21 and 25, who knows?

I'm sorry, I don't know if it makes sense. I'm going through all stages of grief simultaneously as you can see.

[veliseraptor]

mmkay been struggling with feeling like my writing tanks are empty but sometimes this helps. if nothing else maybe it’ll help me fuckin’...finish something, eh

so it’s a 150 words meme! send me up to 3 numbers from the following list and I’ll write 150 words in that project. twelve fics and some stuff in here is even not yi city centric if you can believe it

1. “I’m gonna be gone,” Xue Yang said, “for a little while.” 

He was sprawled across Xiao Xingchen’s lap, shirt rucked up in a decidedly distracting way. What he said, though, jarred Xiao Xingchen’s thoughts away from thinking about that kissable strip of skin, and not very pleasantly. 

“What?” 

Xue Yang’s nose wrinkled. “I have to go out of town. Work stuff. This one client, stupid rich…he wants to meet me in person, apparently. He’s got some big job and…” He shrugged one shoulder. Xiao Xingchen’s stomach squirmed. 

“Is that…unusual?” 

“Yeah, sort of,” Xue Yang said. “I mean, I’ve done shit for this guy before, but I guess he didn’t care about the personal factor or whatever it is. Or maybe it’s something illegal and he doesn’t want a digital trail.” Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and Xue Yang laughed. “You’re so easy. It’s fine, Xingchen. I promise if he tries to lock me in his sex dungeon I’ll run for the hills.” (Redux)

2. You summoned the other corpses. 

“Just one isn’t very threatening,” Xue Yang said. “All weak, and I didn’t tell them to kill anyone–” 

You lied. You said there were no puppets left. 

“There weren’t,” Xue Yang said. “I made new ones.” 

It’s disrespectful, Song Lan snapped, frustrated. You’re desecrating the remains of innocent people–

“Yeah, yeah, it’s an abomination, if you’re looking for an excuse to finish what you started then stop talking and just fucking do it,” Xue Yang snarled, his muscles bunching tighter. “I could do anything and you’d find something wrong with it even when it’s helping you–” 

You aren’t helping me. Just yourself.

Xue Yang’s mouth set. To Song Lan’s surprise he didn’t immediately snap back, eyes suddenly gone flat black. “Yeah,” he said after a couple moments, his voice darker and uglier. “Right. So are you going to kill me or just keep telling me everything I did wrong this time?” (Walking Far From Home)

3. “Accept Christ,” Lymond said, “and my deformities shall disappear. Deny him, and I am cast out of the body public. Is that it?” 

Gabriel knelt, beginning to remove the dressings. “You cast out yourself,” he said mildly. “If you refer to your convalescence…I am given to understand it is exhaustion and overwork that brought on your collapse. You drive yourself hard, my dear.” 

“I do what I must,” said Lymond. “Should I let my opponent set the pace, instead?” 

“Your opponent,” Gabriel said, setting the soiled bandages aside. Lymond made no move to pull away, head turned just slightly to retain view of him as he examined the wound, livid and angry. “Your metaphors are all of war.” He paused, leveling a clear gaze at Lymond. “Is it any surprise there should be casualties, when such is your approach?” 

“You made it so,” Lymond said, suddenly blunt. Gabriel’s expression changed not at all. (et ipsi sunt jacula)

4. He slid his fingers into my hair then and pulled my head back until my neck hurt and then said, “do you know what I am going to do to you now, darling?”

I swallowed and shook my head. 

“It is an old piece of magic,” Malkar said, and his voice was like velvet, but velvet with a knife under it or something, and I’d’ve sworn I could feel it all the way down in my bones. “It is called the obligation d’sang. Do you know what that means?”

I shook my head again. 

“It is also known as the binding-by-blood,” Malkar said, still in that voice, and he let me go and stood up. “You are my student now, Felix. Do you know what that makes me?” 

“My master,” I whispered.

“Yes,” he said, and I could hear him smiling. Then he let go of my hair and moved away. I lay still and took shallow breaths and shivered, my heart pounding in my stomach.

Malkar knelt straddling me and I arched up against him without thinking but he shoved me back down, pinning me flat. “Hold still, darling,” he said. “This is delicate work. Don’t make me start over.” 

Then he cut into me, and I put together that binding-by-blood meant mine, and all at once remembered a hundred horrible stories about blood-witches like Vey Coruscant. “Wait,” I said, but he ignored me, and then the magic took hold and I couldn’t say anything at all. (Pygmalion)

5. After a moment Xue Yang added, “what if you could bring them back? Like Wei-qianbei did with his Ghost General. Did you ever think about trying?” 

“No,” Jiang Yanli said. “Never.”

Xue Yang made a sort of ‘huh’ noise. “Would you want to?” 

“It wouldn’t work,” was, awfully, the first thing Jiang Yanli said. “A-Cheng and Zixuan both had Soul-Calming Ceremonies.” And a-Xian…there had been, she knew, official attempts to summon his ghost in order to destroy it for good, with no result. “And…it would be wrong, besides.” 

Xue Yang made a dismissive sort of noise. “Right, wrong, what does it matter?” he said. “It’s not like it makes a difference. It’s not like people are going around rewarding the righteous and punishing the wicked. So why not do what you want if you can get away with it?” 

“It’s not what I want,” Jiang Yanli said, even if it wasn’t entirely true. Of course a part of her wanted it. Of course a part of her wished…

But she knew it wouldn’t be the same.

“Huh,” Xue Yang said. “Well, if you ever change your mind…I’d be up for trying again.” With that, apparently ignorant of how it made Jiag Yanli’s stomach jump and twist, Xue Yang rolled up to his feet and stretched. “Okay,” he said. “I should probably go, I guess. But I’ll see you later, right?” and just like that, he was gone.

She dreamed about it that night. Dreamed that she stood at Lotus Pier, looking out at the water, and she could feel her brothers at her sides – a-Xian on the left and a-Cheng on the right. But she didn’t want to turn her head and look. A-Xian took her hand with skeletal fingers, bone worn smooth. 

Welcome home, shijie, he said, in a voice like a terrible cold wind. But she wasn’t afraid. (this world is gonna break your heart)

6. “Does Wei Wuxian know?” Jin Ling asked quietly after a couple moments of silence. Jiang Cheng set the letter aside.

“About this specifically? No. I imagine he’s well aware of the fact that he still has enemies.” 

“Maybe,” Jin Ling said slowly, “you should mention it to him?”

Jiang Cheng managed to keep himself from giving his nephew an incredulous stare, not sure whether to start with that would require us speaking to each other or you want me to make the first thing I say to Wei Wuxian after eight months of silence to be ‘someone is writing me letters to convince me to kill you’? and not really inclined to say either aloud. Even less inclined to try to express how it felt to wonder, with an unpleasant twist, if Wei Wuxian would take it as a warning or a threat.  (through thistles and thorns)

7. “Where?” He asked the Seeker wearily. There was no point in refusing her; Seekers got what they wanted, and Cullen suspected this woman more than most. 

“The Gallows,” she said, turning toward the door, clearly with the expectation that he would follow. Cullen stood, and did. 

“Did I get your name?” He asked as they walked into the street. 

“Cassandra Pentaghast,” she said, her eyes straight ahead. Cullen couldn’t help turning to stare at her. 

“The Dragonslayer?” 

Oddly, she didn’t seem pleased. “I have been called that, yes.” 

He couldn’t decide if it was a good sign or a bad one that the Seekers had sent the Dragonslayer herself to talk to him. Considering the trend of his life so far, probably a bad one. But that was rank self-pity, and he shouldn’t indulge in it. (Salvage)

8. “I don’t usually do this,” Xiao Xingchen said breathlessly. Xue Yang pushed his hips up, squeezing the tops of his thighs where he was straddling him.

“Do what,” he said. “Go home with strange boys you meet in bars?” 

He meant it as a joke, but Xiao Xingchen looked serious when he nodded. “Not really,” he said. “But you’re…” He reached out, fingers brushing Xue Yang’s cheek with sudden and startling gentleness. “There’s something about you.”

Xue Yang stared at him, knocked off kilter by how fast Xiao Xingchen had veered off script. (spin me right round)

9. “Hello, Chengmei,” he said, calm and even. It was always better to at least act calm, dealing with Xue Yang. He treated fear like a wolf scenting blood. “How are you feeling?” 

Xue Yang let out a series of huffs that might have been laughter. “What’s it look like,” he said. “Should’ve…should’ve killed me better the first time, a-Yao. Wouldn’t be causing you trouble now then.” 

“As necessary as it was at the time, I’m not unhappy to see you’re alive,” Jin Guangyao said, which brought back the expression of consternation. He knelt down and held out one hand. “Let me feel your pulse. Do you know what’s happening?” 

“Yeah,” said Xue Yang, after a pause in which Jin Guangyao thought he was considering lying. There was sweat beading visibly on his forehead, his expression tight with pain. Jin Guangyao had seen him shake off open, bleeding wounds as insignificant. Either that had always been pretense or what he was feeling now was worse. 

“If you tell me, I will be better able to help you,” Jin Guangyao said, when Xue Yang didn’t elaborate. “As it is…” 

“I’m fine,” Xue Yang interrupted. “I’m fine, everything’s fine, I didn’t mean to – I wasn’t supposed to–” Of all things, he glared over at Song Zichen.

“Of course,” Jin Guangyao said soothingly. “I know. When did Song Zichen-daozhang die?” 

Xue Yang’s expression did something strange again, somehow furtive and miserable at once. “A while. Doesn’t matter.” 

It very clearly did matter, but Jin Guangyao wasn’t going to push. Not on that, anyway. “Did you kill him?” 

“No,” Xue Yang said. “I mean. Sort of. I would’ve. But I didn’t. Not exactly.”

That clarified exactly nothing and raised a great many more questions. (these are our times (the end times))

10. There were the things about Jinlintai that Xue Yang expected to appreciate (good food, warm bed, consistent supply of sweets), and the annoying things that he might’ve predicted if he’d thought about them (the people, mostly). 

Then there was the shit that came as a surprise, like the performances that got put on sometimes. Plays of stories he sometimes knew and sometimes didn’t, some better and some worse and some just stupid as all fuck. 

“Was that supposed to be Liu Qiuyue?” Xue Yang asked Jin Guangyao, who paused, pulling his brush away from the letter he was writing, and looked at him. Xue Yang waved a hand. “Last night. The story. That’s what it was, right?” 

“I believe so,” Jin Guangyao said after another moment, setting the brush down. Xue Yang smothered a smile of triumph at the indication that he had his attention. “Why do you ask?” 

“Cause it was different than the version I’d heard,” Xue Yang said. “The story I knew she wasted away cause she wouldn’t eat after Prince what’s-his-name turned her down. But this one had her…” He wrinkled his nose. “Puking petals, or something. Unless that was supposed to be symbolic.” (xuexiao hanahaki au)

11. “I,” Anders said, “was thinking about the Hanged Man. I’d pay a lot of money right now for their piss-flavored beer. And that soup–”

Fenris raised his eyebrows. “The one with the chunks of unidentified meat in it?”

“Yeah, that one,” Anders said with a bit of a laugh. “I heard Merrill ask what was in it once and the barkeeper wouldn’t say. Hawke said one time she found a rat skull in her bowl but I’m pretty sure she was making it up.” 

An unwilling smile tugged at the corner of Fenris’s mouth. “Better than anything you’d find in Darktown.”

“Oh, well,” Anders said. “At least there they’d just give you the whole rat on a skewer. You knew what you were getting into.” 

Fenris’s laugh startled him. Anders grinned, looking pleased with himself, as wet and bedraggled as he was. It had been a while since the last time he’d laughed, Fenris realized. Probably since he’d left Hawke. 

That killed his laughter and he looked away from that grin, suddenly annoyed by its smugness. (the best all lack conviction)

12. The next morning Song Lan wasn’t certain he hadn’t dreamed the whole thing. But he wasn’t certain he hadn’t, either. It shouldn’t be possible - he’d been deliberately thorough disposing of Xue Yang’s corpse, and made heavy use of suppression arrays. There had been a part of him that thought let him lie like a dead dog in the street for his body to be desecrated as he did to so many but almost immediately he’d been ashamed, and the pragmatic part of him knew it was too great a risk. 

And some dim part of him, too, looked at Xue Yang’s empty eyes fixed on a piece of candy in one limp hand and felt a miserable sort of pity. Bitter and unwanted, but it lingered nonetheless. 

But the memory was so very clear. Xue Yang’s voice, precisely as he remembered it. The black feeling that had been plaguing him lately.

If anyone could somehow cling to the world of the living in spite of everything that said it should be impossible, it would be Xue Yang. (the poison in your bones)

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS FOR BOOK 3! LIKE MAJOR SPOILERS

-------------------------------------------------------

HOLY WHAT THE HECK, THE CHAPTER I BEGIN ON AND THE CHAPTER I ENDED ON WERE LIKE ON TWO DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM

Xie Lian's extremely overdramatic reaction to anything embarrassing is sooo on point! Like yes, I too would say "Die! Just die! If he can’t die, then just dig a hole somewhere and pretend to be dead!" if I embarrassed myself in front of my crush or smt lol

I- UGHHH DWDHOWFNL my heart literally feels so FULL whenever I read about some cute hualian moments, but you gotta understand, it's not the declarations of love or the acts of chivalry, it's the small, subtle stuff that just consume me, like the simple understanding...

Xie Lian wasn’t dumb. He knew that Hua Cheng was giving him an easy out, but he could only follow along and mumbled vaguely with his head bowed.

Omg the whole talk they have at the beach?!?! There's just so much in that convo nfqofnoqi and like it's incredible how much every sentence means when you just look at ALL that context behind it. Like when he's thinking about why the person Hua Cheng likes doesn't like him back yet (UGH THEY ARE SO STUPID I WILL SCREAM),

Maybe it was because he felt the other party didn’t have good taste, or maybe they were taking it all for granted.

and it's like, are you self-projecting? do you feel like you are taking Hua Cheng for granted? but also, after everything he went through, to have someone believe him or just care for him, despite being a scrap-collecting god, it was something he took as granted when he was at his height, and it's just...wow.

and this,

After a pause, he continued, “There was also a period of time in my life that wasn’t easy, and during that time, I’d constantly think: if someone should witness the version of me who rolled in dirt and couldn’t get up, but could still love me for who I was, it’d be great. Still, I don’t know if there’s anyone like that, and I daren’t show that part of my past to anyone, either.

Like I know it's a meme/quote but the one where it's like 'If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best' fits so well, and the reason why certain memes kick off so well is because of how much truth is in them, y'know?? and we see that reflected in this so well lejnfownfogn

and of course

OF COURSE

OF FREAKING COURSE

THIS GOLDEN LINE, THIS INCOMPARABLE LINE T-T

“To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is you, and not the state of you."

It just summarizes everything previously stated so beautifully.

ANd like, this part?

Hua Cheng didn’t say anything more, either, and laid down inside the coffin. Xie Lian entered too, and pulled the cover closed. As if a light was blown out, they sunk into darkness.

It just reflects their whole story so nicely? Like the whole world around them being a coffin; so dreadful, so constrained, painful, grieving, and yet in all that darkness, they had each other and it's all that mattered...

It's all that they needed to survive...

(But also lmaooo Xie Lian plzz calm your thoughts LOL)

I LOVE HOW BLUNT HE IS

Pei Ming pulled out his sword and said leisurely, “Yeah. There’s the coffin wood, but where’s the deceased?

Hua Cheng smiled, too. “If you’re so concerned with who’s dead, I suggest you go kill yourself.

OMg this part was legit straight out of horror movie level SO excellent

Xie Lian blurted out, “My Lords! I FOUND IT! LOOK…”

Just then, his pupils suddenly shrank. Something new was reflected within the Black Water Lake.

A shadowy figure had appeared soundlessly behind both him and Hua Cheng.

It's hurting me so much seeing Shi Qingxuan taking so much care of Ming Yi at every turn and the part where he went 'It's not fair Ming YI has to suffer so much when he has nothing to do with it' and Im like boiiii, OOHHH BOIIIII You have nooo idea

No idea at all...

(Unknowingly, he even took care of the actual earth master bones after they fell and I'm like EYYYYYHH)

Like it wasn't his fault the fates were switched but like inheritly, it was his fault and it's just...does he really deserve all that pain? Just for existing? Just for his predetermined fate?

UGh GOD HE'S SO CUTE HERE

Xie Lian knocked on the doors and called out brightly, “Pardon the intrusion! We have, by accident, offended bluntly. We deeply apologize.”

No one answered. Xie Lian steadied his mind and slowly pushed open the palace doors.

Based on Xie Lian’s years of experience, even if there was something inside, it wouldn’t come out and greet them the moment the doors opened. Yet he had to eat his own words. Upon the first look, there was something petrifying.

In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse.

Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.

He thought, “Did I maybe open the doors incorrectly? Something like that shouldn’t show itself so fast?”

He had wanted to try greeting again and start over, but Shi Wudu had already walked past him and pushed open the doors, humphing.

AND HERE TOO WBILBFILWBF

The group of them surrounded that haunting skeleton and started examining it. Xie Lian spoke up.

“First, it’s a man.”

“We see that,” the group said.

(Can't stop laughing cuz one of the best ways to identify a male skeleton is by looking at the pelvic region and I'm just imagining all these heavenly officials doing that and it's HILARIOUS)

I have strong, bad feeling Water master will not be passing his third heavenly calamity this time....

As for what the consequences of that would be, we are to find out...I think quite soon :/

I forgot about the Reverend of Empty Words there for a second lol

AND UGGHHHH WHY DO I KEEP LEAVING IT AT CLIFF HANGERS?!?! (ok I do it so I have something to anticipate and look forward too) BUT LIKE WHYYYYYYY

The one behind you, several hundreds of years ago, his original name was He Xuan. He cultivated into a Supreme, and changed his name to Black Water Demon Xuan. He devoured the Reverend of Empty Words and sent that creature to find you. He imprisoned and murdered the real Earth Master, and took on his name, assuming his position in the heavens!!!”

Just as the words left his lips, his entire person suddenly froze.

A hand had slapped onto his shoulder without warning

LIKE OMG THIS IS INSANE WBIFBWOFJOW THIS MAN IS ALL OF THEM BUT ALSO NONE OF THEM?? He's actually just He Xuan, like wow. And it's crazy that He Xuan was powerful enough to kill a heavenly official, but also kill the og demon dude, like wow that's insaneeee

I'm worried

[vegalocity]

Comforting Hugs and (platonic) kiss on the cheek. Min Yi falls and gets a boo boo so Huntsman has to Comfort her, much to his discomfort. Cause what you wrote with Uncle Goliath was adorable so now it's Uncle Huntsys turn. - Pixel Anon

Affection meme

4. Comforting hugs

8. Kisses on cheek

Whoops i tripped and it turned into feels how'd that happen

--

Huntsman had never wanted kids. He didn’t like kids, he didn’t trust kids, Kids always seemed to be more of a pain than they were worth.

Which was why he wasn’t particularly excited when everyone found out that Syntax had a kid. Some little wannabe detective whom was barely old enough for grade school yet somehow believed she was capable of solving any mystery handed to her but still needed to hold hands with a grownup while crossing the street.

Another thing he didn’t like about kids, they didn’t even have the skills to back up their egos.

The only positive thing he could scrounge together about Syntax's Daughter for a long time was that she seemed to be a rather tough kid. Always tripping and falling and scraping herself up in ways he was (pretty sure) a lesser child would have stopped everything to cry about, brushing the dirt off of her clothes and going back to whatever she was doing. At times Syntax or her aunt needed to pull her away and tell her to bandage up her injuries first and she’d protest over it.

So he’d give her that. She was tough.

That in no way meant he was alright with babysitting just because he was the only one without any plans tonight.

He’d be completely fair and say that he expected it tpo be a quiet night. The brat was in between ‘mysteries’ and was quietly working on one of her arts and crafts projects. He’d figured they’d have no real reason to interact until she’d tell him it was about dinner time and they’d… order in or something, he didn’t know what kids liked to eat.

But that didn’t mean he was okay with it just happening to him to be stuck with the brat all night until Syntax got home from whatever tech-related insanity the Monkie Kid and his ilk had pulled him into.

Though when he heard a yelp of surprise and pain, he’d assumed it was something like, the little gremlin tripping on her own socks or something and falling face first onto the floor or whatever. So he didn’t give it any mind as he continued to sharpen his lucky blade.

Though he didn’t hear any grumbles of annoyance as she continued on with what she was doing, or even laughter at her own clumsy actions. Then she was a little blur of black hair and pink jacket as she darted from the kitchen area to the bathroom, passing by as quickly and quietly as possible.

Now… That was… probably something….

The bathroom door shut with a thud, but he could pick up on sniffling and upset whimpering noises among the sounds of bottles clattering, every so often punctuated by more yelps of pain.

Then he smelled burning. It was coming from the kitchen and sure enough there was a skillet that had fallen to the ground, and a pair of eggs half sprayed along the stovetop, some parts very quickly turning to charcoal.

What had happened put itself together rather quickly and he cursed under his breath at the idiocy of children.

When he returned to the bathroom the whimpering had ended and was replaced entirely with the sniffling, and the rummaging of bottles was replaced with the running of the faucet.

“What are ya doing in there?”

“Nothing!”

“Bull. Open the door kid.”

“It’s okay! I’m okay!”

“Open the door before I break it. Minyi.” The child’s name felt weird on his tongue, but she had to know he was serious.

There was a pause, and then the door creaked open. The kid stood there, moving her hand from the doorknob to wipe at her eyes, the other hand held behind her back.

“You’re really gonna be a stupid kid and hide it from me?”

She rocked back and forth on her heels, her glasses were missing, probably dropped them when she ran in here, so she couldn’t hide her face like she usually did.

After another long pause where Huntsman debated what sort of threat he could make to a six year old without her father finding out about it and finalizing those vivisection plans he was sure he had squirreled away somewhere but constantly denied, the brat relented and held out her hidden hand, and sure enough the sleeve was rolled up to the elbow and the outer side of her hand front he base of her pinky all the way down to her wrist was an angry red.

“Dumb kid.”

She whimpered again and a fresh set of tears began to bubble out of her eyes and he rolled his. “Sit down. I’m not risking your Aunt’s wrath by not patching you up after you did something stupid.” The kid quietly did as instructed and sat on the edge of the bathtub as he opened the medicine cabinet. The burn cream was far too high up for her to have been able to reach.

She had started to cry properly now… Stupid kids crying their eyes out over dumb things.

“Please don’t tell Daddy or Auntie.” she squeaked out when he finally crouched in front of her, holding out a hand for when her own was placed in his.

“Why? You scared of admitting you burned yourself trying to make your own dinner instead of being the rational and smart kid they both keep saying you are?”

The brat kept crying as he finished wrapping up the wound until the entire area was covered over her left hand.

“I can’t cause any problems…” That… gave him pause.

Sure kids want to be good. They might be little shits but they rarely WANT to be bad kids. So if she’d said that she ‘wanted to be a good girl’ or whatever that would have made sense. But… ‘cause problems’?

“What are you on about?”

“Daddy and Auntie have enough problems, and I can’t be one too!” she looked up at him then, sniffing pathetically and hair falling in her face at her vehemence “I gotta be no problems at all! Cuz Cuz… I’m a trooper! And clever, and a delight to have in class!”

….damn here he thought obsessive perfectionism wouldn’t kick in until teen years.

“You’re six years old is what you are.” UGH… he knew what adults were SUPPOSED to do around crying children.

Didn’t mean he had to like it.

Huntsman offered his hand to the kid again, and she didn’t hesitate before sliding her uninjured one into his. He tugged her forward, and she stumbled until her little body collided with his. And to keep her from escaping he placed his other hand on her back. “Who ever told you you ain’t allowed to be a damn kid, huh?”

“Nobody…”

“Kids don’t just pick up ‘delight to have in class’ from nowhere, I'm guessing it was a teacher?”

“No!”

“Then who's messing with the development of clan young? It’s been decades since this clan has had any young, and if our only child in thirty years has had her development messed with…” the kid let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“...Nobody has to… people are always sayin' stuff about how scary it is that me an’ Auntie are the only humans in our family… that you an’ Uncle Goliath eat people… That Daddy used to be handsome but now he’s just….i forget the word… The teachers wanna keep an eye on me, they keep saying that ‘demon behavior’ might rub off on me. And it’s stupid!” She pulled away to look at him again and she’d stopped crying, her face pinched in a pout. “It’s stupid cuz you an Uncle Goliath are super cool! And Daddy is Daddy! But they’re all scared and they shouldn’t be. But…” she looked away again and Huntsman took the opportunity to lift her into the air to steadily walk them back out into the living room. “But if I start bein’ a problem then they’re gonna think its your guys fault. It’s not, but they'll think it. And they're gonna do bad things cuz they’ll think they gotta and It’ll be my fault because I made problems and I can’t make problems!”

….huh….

“Maybe I should show those grownups how right they are about how dangerous I can be, if it upsets you that much.” The kid looked back up at him and he made sure to bear his fangs properly. She’d probably get scared too and he could remind her how he and Goliath were actually in fact quite dangerous, and while her father would never dream of hurting her, those ladies probably had the right idea, too.

And then the little shit laughed at him.

“You’re silly.” But just like that her mood was better. She leaned in and before he could tell her to buzz off or drop her she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks for bandaging me Uncle Huntsman. But I messed up the eggs still so I gotta make another dinner.”

“If you really don’t wanna cause problems-” he dropped her, she landed on the couch harmlessly. “-Just tell the grownup in the room that you’re getting hungry. Don’t just assume you know what you’re doing.”

She fingered the bandages on her hand again when she sat down properly in the seat. “Okay. Sorry Uncle Huntsman.”

“Just because you don’t want to cause problems doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. You’re literally a child.”

“Okay Uncle Huntsman.”

“Now out on one of your damn movies while I see if there’s anything edible left in this place.”

“Okay!”

More rebound than a beach ball apparently, that kid. Observant too, if she could connect probably idle chatter that… either teachers or parents of friends… would whisper about to not only her and hers, but also deduce the danger of her family being considered ‘scary’ and what she should do to combat it (whether it was a good idea or not)

He wondered how many of those scrapes she acted like she didn’t even notice were just her putting on a brave face because being seen as weak was suddenly something she thought she couldn’t afford to do.

… Minyi really was a tough kid, wasn’t she?

--

Send me stuff!

[yiling]

pass the time (Xue Yang & A-Qing kink meme fill)

squeaking this one in under the wire for the @mdzsnet Xue Yang birthday event. also kind of double-dipping because this is also a fill for an anon who wanted xy+aq friendship. 

read on the ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458970

-

A-Qing hates when Xiao-daozhang and the stranger go out on night hunts. They always come back covered in blood and slime and who knows what else, the stranger is always smug and annoying, and daozhang is always very tired. Sometimes, like today, he’s so tired that he sleeps all the way through the next morning, and that’s worst of all.

Xiao Xingchen had explained to her once that a cultivator’s golden core is like a muscle, and that if you use it too much it can get overworked. Then the cultivator needs to rest for a long time to build their strength back, so their qi doesn’t get all tangled. A-Qing understands this, she does, and she thinks the daozhang should get as much sleep as she needs, but she can’t help but hate it when he gets like this.

If daozhang is asleep, that means she has to be alone with the stranger.

They’re sitting together in the dusty dimness of the coffin home, waiting on Xiao-daozhang to wake up. The stranger is sitting at the table, cleaning his nails with one of his many knives, and A-Qing is sitting on top of a coffin near the one the daozhang sleeps in. She is mostly occupied with watching the two cultivators, while making sure the awake one doesn’t know she’s watching at all: when he looks at daozhang, she keeps her eyes on him, and when he looks away, she watches Xiao Xingchen’s gently rising and falling chest. While engaged in this, she keeps up a steady commentary with her bamboo stick – tap, tap-tap-tap. She thinks of it as a warning to the stranger, like the scolding of a blackbird – I’m still here! Don’t try anything!

The stranger complains about anything and everything she does, so she’s mildly surprised at how long she’s able to keep this up before he groans. “Fucking cut that out. It’s obnoxious, and you’re going to wake the daozhang up.”

“If I wake him up, it’s your fault for wearing him out fighting fierce corpses and whatever,” A-Qing retorts. “He never sleeps this late except after night hunts, it’s mid-morning already!”

“How do you know what time it is, Little Blind? You can’t see the sun,” the stranger says, laughing.

“Because I wake up the same time every day!” she replies indignantly. (This is a bald-faced lie, she can and will sleep til noon if she’s able, and she relishes it.) “Keep your creepy giggling down, you’re so noisy.”

“Ah, the shoe is on the other foot now,” he cackles. “You can complain about my laughing, but I can’t complain about you bobbing around your stupid little stick like a crazy old granny? That’s not very fair, what would daozhang say?”

“He should tell you to go throw yourself in the river,” A-Qing growls, clutching her staff protectively to her chest, “but he’s too nice, so I have to do it.”

“Pick better threats, if you’re gonna threaten,” the stranger says dismissively, flipping his knife over in his hand.  “And keep your damn voice down.”

“Why do you care if he sleeps, anyway?” A-Qing snaps. “You’re a bastard and you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“Because he’s supposed to do the laundry today and if he wakes up now he’ll be too tired later,” the stranger says glibly. “And I’m certainly not gonna do it for him, since I’m a bastard and all.”

“Well, I just think he should get to rest, is all,” A-Qing sniffs.

The stranger rolls his eyes, which is kind of funny since he thinks she can’t even see it. “It’s almost like we want the exact same thing.”

“Maybe,” A-Qing huffs.

There’s a moment of quiet.

“We could just go outside,” she suggests.

“Yeah, whatever.”

The stranger picks himself up, and A-Qing slides down off the coffin. He offers his arm to her with exaggerated graciousness, but she ignores him and picks her way outside on her own. She doesn’t step on his foot, since from the way he’s standing it would be too hard to make it look accidental, but she thinks about it very hard.

There’s a little open place with a fire pit out in front of their coffin home, where they sit in the evening and cook and tell stories. Neither daozhang nor the stranger are any good at stories, which puts a damper on things, but A-Qing considers it an acceptable price for a hot meal and some company. She’s paid worse.

The stranger hops up on one of the coffins they’ve dragged in to protect the fire pit from the wind, stretching out on his back like a sunning cat. She wishes she was strong enough to knock it and him over. Instead, she sits down with her back up against the coffin’s side, kicking her legs out.

The sunlight always seems weak and misty, here in Yi City, but a beam struggles through the fog to warm her face, and A-Qing is content enough with that. She reaches into a pocket she’s made with her sash, where she keeps important things like money and shiny rocks. Right now, there’s a hard candy in there, in its little twist of brown paper. Daozhang likes to give them candy in the morning, but he’d pressed this one into her hand last night, since he knew he’d sleep late. He’d smiled all soft like he was embarrassed, and she’d thrown her arms around his neck like that smile was something she could hold onto forever.

Now, she fishes out the candy and pops it into her mouth to savor. Sweet things taste better in the sunshine. The stranger must hear her sucking on it, because he bangs his foot on the top of the coffin like he’s annoyed; she doesn’t give him the satisfaction of jumping at it.

“Hey, you have candy down there, and you’re not even gonna share? Heartless little bitch.”

A-Qing would bet daozhang’s whole coin purse that he’s got candy too, and sure enough, when she listens she can hear him crunching on it. She raps her cane against the coffin in retaliation.

“I can hear you chewing on yours, asshole! You think I’m stupid or something?”

“I have a name now, you know,” the stranger says, voice all affected hurt. “You don’t have to call me by epithets.”

She knows he wants her to ask what an epithet is, so she doesn’t. Instead she sniffs. “Chengmei, you said. That’s too nice for someone like you, ‘asshole’ makes more sense.”

A couple nights ago, the stranger had apparently gotten tired of the daozhang calling him variants on “our guest”, and A-Qing calling him variants on “hey you”, and volunteered a name for himself.

(“Is it your actual name?” A-Qing had demanded.

The stranger had only smirked. “I dunno, Little Blind, what do you think?”)

A-Qing immediately disliked it. Daozhang didn’t seem to think it suited either, but in a way that made him laugh. Then he hadn’t been able to explain why because he was giggling so much – something about a proverb. Chengmei sounds flowery to A-Qing, two whole characters like the courtesy names rich people have. Xiao-daozhang’s first name is like that, but she likes it for him. Xingchen is pretty and noble-sounding, and while the daozhang is certainly not rich (his pocket was almost empty when she picked it) he’s good and kind like a hero in a story. He deserves a nice name. Chengmei-the-stranger is not good or kind or noble. He’s like A-Qing, and people like them don’t get courtesy names.

She glances cautiously up at him, careful to not meet his eyes. Apparently unimpressed by her insults, he’s loudly ignoring her and rebraiding a section of his hair. A-Qing is pretty sure the stranger is poor, or at least he had been. When they found him in a ditch, he was wearing fine, many-layered cultivator’s robes, and he had a big silver guan he’s since refused to sell. But he doesn’t act like the wealthy, thoughtless people that A-Qing has fleeced on city streets, and he doesn’t act like the daozhang either. He knows how to swear and he knows how to steal.

A-Qing keeps a wary eye on him. “Why Chengmei, anyway?”

He glances at her sidelong; she turns her head a little so it doesn’t look like she was looking at him. “Why Qing?”

“That’s just what I’ve been called, as long as I remember.” She gestures with her staff. “Maybe because of this.” It’s a qing that means bamboo, or so she was told once. A-Qing can’t read.

“An old friend of mine picked Chengmei out for me,” the stranger says. A-Qing’s brain trips a little over the idea of him having friends, but he continues. “So that I could sound respectable, you know.”

“I knew it!” A-Qing yells, jumping to her feet. “I knew it was too fancy to be your real name!”

The stranger actually laughs at that. “Yeah, I don’t really like it either. I don’t like flowery cultivator names much. The big sects get all jumped up on politeness and formality, like they think they’re so much better just cause they happen to have golden cores and money. Don’t even get me started on titles.” He turns his head and spits in the dirt.

A-Qing folds her arms and looks at him, bamboo tucked in the crook of her elbow. The daozhang hasn’t been especially positive about the sects either, when she’s asked him for stories, but the stranger – Chengmei – almost sounds insulted by them. Like it makes him angry that they have so much he doesn’t. A-Qing has felt that. She felt it on the day she met Xiao-daozhang, sneaking around people in fine clothes with fat purses.

She re-crosses her arms, irritated at this similarity. “What’s this about titles?”

Chengmei has folded his hands behind his head and shut his eyes, but he slits one back open to look at her. “Cultivators like to call each other stupid things so they can sound more impressive, like Red Blade Master or what the fuck ever. Didn’t you know? They used to call our daozhang ‘the bright moon and gentle breeze.’” He snorts. “Gentle, sure, like the idiot he is, but anyone who calls him ‘bright’ has never seen him try to haggle.”

A-Qing taps her stick anxiously on the ground. She really wants to disagree with him and defend the daozhang, but the problem is that Chengmei is not…wrong. Xiao-daozhang sometimes doesn’t seem to know how the world works. He gave her his purse when she stole from him, reasoning that she needed it more than he did. He’s unfailingly polite and kind, and when people take advantage of him for it, he doesn’t seem stop doing it. Sometimes he makes no sense to her; sometimes he makes her angry. How is it fair, that he can do these things without being afraid of the consequences? How is it fair, that he can be ignorant enough to be good?

“Well, neither of us call him that, so it doesn’t matter,” she decides, and walks around the other side of the coffin, hitching herself up on it to sit. “How come you don’t have a fancy title, then? You’re a cultivator too.”

“None of them like me,” Chengmei says, and sounds delighted by it. He stretches out his wiry limbs, nudging her with his shin. “They don’t like my attitude, they don’t like that I can outsmart them, and they especially don’t like that I got so far without a clan name or a famous teacher like our daozhang.”

He suddenly sits up to look at her, eyes dark and keen. “People don’t like it when you come up from the bottom, Qingqing. When you’ve had nothing all your life and then get strong enough to take what you want? People hate that.”

The seriousness in his voice makes A-Qing shiver. It’s not a threat, it’s almost earnest. For once he’s not trying to scare her. But she’s scared anyway, because she understands.  

She’s known for a long time that she and the stranger are the same kind of person. He never talks about his past with any clarity, aside from the story of the boy who wanted sweets. But since then, he’s spoken offhand about beatings and hunger and cold and wandering, all things A-Qing knows in her bones. Daozhang always seems sad about it, like he would fix it all himself if he could, but A-Qing just feels angry. Sometimes no one is there to help. Sometimes the only way to get what you want is to fight for it.

She ignores the itch under her skin, the part that sees herself in him. Instead, she drums her heels on the coffin and stretches. “To take what you want? What’s that even mean? All you care about is candy.”

Chengmei has gone back to sprawling  lazily on the coffin lid. He laughs. “I care about plenty of things, I just care about candy the most. And daozhang brings me sweets whenever I want now, so I don’t worry about taking them.”

“You’re spoiled!” A-Qing says. “You just want to mooch off daozhang and eat candy and be annoying, like a spoiled little sister. We should call you Meimei instead of Chengmei!”

A-Qing regrets it as soon as it leaves her mouth. She immediately starts wondering which knife the stranger is going to kill her with and how long it’ll take daozhang to find the body, so when Chengmei laughs, she startles so badly she almost slides off the coffin.

“Gotta admit, spoiled is a new one. Whatever, you’re even younger and more annoying, so you should be Meimei.”

A-Qing stares at him with open shock, entirely forgetting her rule of not looking at him directly. He blinks back.

“What’s your problem?”

“I thought you’d get mad at me for calling you a girl,” A-Qing mumbles, dropping her eyes.

“Why would I do that?” He seems genuinely confused.

“Men get mad about it sometimes, I don’t know!” She gestures vaguely with her stick, frustrated. “People always act like a girl is a bad thing to be, like you’re stupider or weaker. They treat you worse.”

“Well whenever people say that shit it’s cause they’re morons,” Chengmei says. “Women are just as vicious as men when it comes down to it.”

A-Qing tilts her head at him. This is a novel perspective. “Really?”

“Hell yeah. Listen, if some pig ever treats you bad for being a girl, chop his cock off and stuff it down his throat. Let’s hear him make fun of you then.”

A-Qing would like to believe she’s worldly enough that nothing shocks her, but her reply still comes out in an incredulous squeak. “I can’t do that!”

“Nah, I guess you can’t. You’re too soft, daozhang’s been a bad influence on you” He looks at her thoughtfully. “Tell you what. If you’re good and don’t annoy me too much, I’ll tell you stories about female cultivators I knew. Some of those bitches could fight.”

A-Qing finds herself smiling at him, which is incredibly strange. Fortunately, before things can get any weirder, a warm, familiar voice cuts through the mist.

“A-Qing! Chengmei!”

“DAOZHANG!” A-Qing launches herself off the coffin, whips around, and runs out to launch herself into Xiao Xingchen’s arms. “You slept forever.”

Xiao-daozhang lets out an “oof” like she staggered him, but he’s as steady as ever. “Sorry, A-Qing, I know I left you two alone.” He scruffs a gentle hand over her hair “Were you and Chengmei getting along?”

A-Qing turns around to keep his sleeve from getting in her face and sticks her tongue out in Chengmei’s general direction. He snickers. “Something like that.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” the daozhang answers in the sweet, sincere way he has. He reaches out to put a hand on Chengmei’s shoulder, and for once A-Qing tolerates the sight of it. Surely, daozhang has so much kindness he can afford to spend it on them both.

A-Qing grins, hiding it in Xiao Xingchen’s chest. This, the three of them, is what she wants. She’s going to hold onto this forever.

[ivyuns]

it’s you ❆

lee felix

genre: angst

word count: 2.2k

warnings: bad language + not proofread bc i was real tired from staying up

A/N: mentions of itzy but i know my baddies would never do this ok it’s just a replacement for names and this is really bad i apologize !!

masterlist

you invited all 7 of your bestest friends for a sleepover; yuna, julia, yeji, ryujin, chaeryeong, jooyoung, and felix. you and your 7 friends has been together since middle school and now you guys are in your first year of college. but felix, you two have been childhood best friends. it started as you playing at the neighborhood playground.

your mom and aunt were talking while watching you play on the bench. you went on the slide and fell down. you cried out for your mom’s name but she didn’t hear clear enough. you cried and cried til a boy bent down and asked what was wrong. you look up and saw a boy around your age. you told him your situation and he got a first aid kit from his mom and bandaged you. “thank you” you softly said. “don’t worry! i hope your knee gets better! i’m felix by the way.” ah, so that was his name. “i’m y/n!” you exclaimed. you two started playing with each other since then, even to college days.

you were cut off by your thoughts when you heard your doorbell ring. you looked on your phone to see who was here by the camera on your doorbell and saw your 5 bad bitches. “hey gurlie!” “hi” “omg i missed you so much!” was all what the girls mouth came out from. you hugged everyone and welcomed them into your home. “so tonight, i also brought jooyoung and felix and were all sleeping in the living room!” chaeryeong gasped as she heard the name “jooyoung”. she had a big fat crush on him as the other girls ooed you two, knowing both of your crushes will be coming.

you guys keep talking and gossiping til you heard a doorbell, again. opening the RING app, you saw felix. you threw your phone and ran to your front door. the girls laughed and continued talking. you opened the door and saw felix with his messy hair and stuff. “hey pretty lady” he winked. you blushed and hugged him. “thank you for coming lix” you smiled and brought him to the living room where the rest of the people would be. the 5 girls talked and talked while you and felix were at your kitchen island. you two kept teasing each other and recreating funny tiktok memes you both saw on felix’s phone. the girls behind you two started eyeing you guys.

“are you sure they’re not dating?”

julia whispered. everyone else shook they’re head as a no. everyone were pretty sure you two belonged with each other, no matter what, you two were always together.

a doorbell caught everyone’s attention, even chaeryeong. chaeryeong ran to the front door, ready to greet jooyoung. everyone laughed, even felix since he knows about the whole chaeryeong liking jooyoung thing. she opened the door and stood in admiration. she stood there, looking at him for a whole minute til ryujin yelled at her. “yah chaeryeong! stop!” chaeryeong was back in reality and immediately apologized. “it’s no big deal silly” jooyoung reassured her, ruffling her hair and walking to felix. chaeryeong felt like she was in heaven, walking behind him as everyone laughed.

“ay wassup man!” jooyoung fists bumped with felix. “hey y/n! hey yeji, julia, ryujin and yuna!” he hugged everyone. chaeryeong bumped into a pillar while being focus on jooyoung. yeji turned around and saw chaeryeong on the floor.

“chaeryeong! wake up!”

yeji yelled and everyone’s attention was on yeji and chaeryeong. jooyoung ran to chaeryeong, making sure nothing badly injured her since he was in nursing school. “okay so nothing bad happened, just a small bruise will be on her forehead for a week but other than that, she’s all good!” yeji exhaled heavily, thankful for what jooyoung said. jooyoung picked up chaeryeong from the floor bridal style and laid her on the couch as everyone started chatting again,

30 minutes later.

chaeryeong was still passed out on the couch with her favorite blanket of hers on her. ryujin, yeji, jooyoung and felix started yawning and went to bed. meanwhile you, julia, and yuna remained in the dinning room, not too close from the living room. yuna started confessing how she was in love with this boy and pointed out his futures. i listened carefully and made me feel like she was in love with felix. i mean yuna is pretty. prettier than me. her long blonde hair, skinny waist, and natural glowing skin. wait no i shouldn’t be like this. yuna checked the time and read [2:09AM] on her phone. “oh guys, i should head to bed. goodnight see you later!” and went to the living room with the tv only lighting up the room.

“yeah, i should go too. night y/n!” julia yawned a goodnight to you. “goodnight julia! sweet dreams” you smiled. now it was just you awake. you scrolled through instagram and snapchat, looking at your other friends; prettier than you. of course they’re better looking at you. you had acne scars on your face and you seem darker than others, though you were only korean/chinese. a tear left you eye as you quickly wiped it. you turned off your phone and left the dinning chair to head to bed couch. you looked up from staring at your foot to see yuna and cuddling. tch. no wonder she’s been quiet since he came.

you gasp and ran away, making your phone fall from your grip which resulted felix waking up. felix saw you running under the tv’s light and quickly got up, accidentally kicking yuna in the process. you ran to your garden and suprisingly it was raining. you found a spot and sobbed in a corner. felix managed to find you, due to your sobs and went to go hug you.

“i’m sorry y/n. it’s not what you think.”

“then what was it!?”

felix only sighed after you yelled at him. he kept hugging you while you lightly punched him, waiting for you to calm down to explain everything.

“i didn’t do anything. i thought it was you because you have almost the same futures as yuna. but i’m sorry, i should’ve made sure it was you instead of her. i love you y/n.” felix explained.

oh how could you not forgive your crush. you smiled and a stray tear left your eye again. felix wiped your tear and kissed your forehead. he ended up leading you to your mattress in the living room, not caring one bit of being wet from the rain.

everyone but you and felix woke up. yuna was confused as to why felix was sleeping with you, but everyone took pictures for memory since they knew you had a big crush on felix. yuna only smirked, trying to find her way to have felix her own.

next night.

you swear you saw the same thing. but this time, they were kissing. you couldn’t believe your eyes so you quickly ran out. ran outside to the neighborhood and hid behind a tree. you’re neighbors who were practically your other best friends, yi-seo and minho saw you and quickly approached you. they saw tears streaming down your face and asked what was wrong. you explained everything, even the part of how you fell in love with your best friend. they hugged you and told you it was ok and everything will stop. stop?

few weeks later.

you were laying in bed, trying hard to get rid of that image out. stupid y/n why did you have to fall for a guy like him. you got distracted from a notification from your phone and went to open it.

lix <3: hey wanna go to the mall? we haven’t hanged out in awhile (:

y/n!: yea let’s go!

you smacked your head after replying too fast. god we’re you such a clown for him.

-

you two arrived at the mall and decided to go for a escape room. you guys were so close on escaping til you told felix, “lix can i tell you something?” he looked at the timer to see you guys have 20 minutes left and nodded. you held your breathe for a minute, finally telling him how you feel.

“i-i like you. wait no i actually love you. you might not feel the same but these feelings had to be out of my chest somehow. i love how you would pick me up after class, how your sweet words would turn my bad day to a better day. how you would protect me as if i was a little girl who was about to get hurt. how you would care and support me. how you would forgive me for the dumbest shit i ever did. how you would suddenly turn into a bad boy for me. how you would make me smile and laugh like nobody had made me do. because of you, it’s you. it’s always you. how shown me my actual self. and because of you, i don’t think nobody would ever compare to you.”

you closed your eyes as you felt relieved. but also felt tears. felix only scoffs and and chuckles. “you really think i like you back? no way in hell would i love you. yeah you maybe my childhood best friend but not all endings are like those fanfics. i see you as a little sister, not something more than a best friend. i’m sorry but you can get this through your own way.”

with that, felix left you alone in the cold room. you cried and cried til you passed out in the cold. the mall closed and the owner of the store was making sure everything was ready for the next group to come by tomorrow til he saw a lifeless body on the floor. they tried to wake you up by shaking you til they felt your pulse, it was nothing. they called 911 and took you to the emergency room.

-

felix’s pov.

“hello? are you somehow miss y/n’s friend?” a voice rang through the call. “yes. did anything happen?” i asked, tears streaming down my cheeks. “something did happen. can you please come to levanter hospital?” with that, i hung up and called the group and hesitated to call changbin. i ran to the hospital they told me. oh my god what have i done.

-

as i entered the hospital, only to see julia, yeji and changbin sitting with tears down their face. i slowly approached them and changbin noticed. “you fucking jerk! do you not know how much you meant to y/n and you fucking left her to die!? you kid. why did i let you close to my sister anyways.” he yelled at me and threw punches. i deserve this.

yeji and julia stood up to stop changbin punching me. i look in the mirror in front of me and damn, i fucked up bad. the doctor came out and asked for a family member of y/n. changbin stood up and gave me a stare. “if she’s dead you’re fucked up kid.” and left to go to the room.

changbin’s pov.

i entered the room and sat in front of the doctor. “how are you related to miss y/n sir?” he asked. “i am seo changbin, her brother.” i introduced myself. “ah ok changbin. i hate to say but your little sister had blood poisoned where her body wasn’t functioning well. the test came positive where she was slacking nutrients in her body and stayed dehydrated. since she was in the room for so long, she has a very low chance on surviving.” wait what? did he just- i widen my eyes and yelled at him. “please do your best to save her! she’s the only thing i have please!” i held his shoulders and cried. no, i can’t let y/n go just how mom and dad left. stay strong y/n. please.

3rd pov.

“you know, she gave big hints for you felix.” yeji spoke after changbin was asked to go to the room. “yea, she was head over heels for you. til you had to ruin her fun with yuna” julia joined in. felix didn’t know what to do. he just ruined his best friends life and he doesn’t know if she’ll be alive or not.

the doctor came out with a changbin, crying behind him and told the three the news. julia and yeji held each other and cried in each other’s arms. felix, he only clenched his fist, making his nuckles white and crying even more harder.

-

the surgery was unsuccessful. chaeryeong, ryujin and jooyoung got a call which resulted chaeryeong in a big mess of tears. she couldn’t believe it. her best friend just died with a snap. she went up to felix and grabbed his shoulders. “you fucking dick how could you!? how can you not realized what you done!?” she screamed into felix’s face til jooyoung had to hold her back and hugged her, telling her it’s okay. (yes they end up getting together)

felix didn’t know what to do anymore. he finally has those feelings for you. the feelings of what you told felix. he feels a pang in his heart after looking and reminiscing the memories of you two. he knows there won’t be another you. he knows that it was only you who was his sunshine. it was you all the time. it’s you who made him happier than he was.

—

(he ended up cutting ties with yuna omg this is so bad)