#taidh cole

[faofinn]

13. Anxious Stomach

Kieran had been at university for all of six months before his life exploded and erupted around them. He'd settled in well, secretly glad Alfie had come with him even though they were on different courses. He found a girlfriend surprisingly quickly, Alfie teasing him as it moved faster. They were on the same course, so it made sense for them to study together, and they couldn't study on empty stomachs. 

If Kieran wasn't with Alfie, then he was with Kizzy, and it had become the most natural thing. She met the family, and they loved her. She brought Kieran out of his shell, made him happier than he'd ever been. Of course, it was early days, only months into their relationship, but Kieran couldn't help but dream. 

And then everything changed. 

They'd been careful, used protection, done everything right, but somehow there it was. 

Two lines.

Positive. 

She'd taken another, but it was the same. Positive. They'd gone to the doctors together, discussed their options, Kieran acting older than he was. Whatever happened, it was as much his responsibility as it was Kizzy's, and he'd accepted it. Somehow, she'd missed it, her body concealing it, acting as normal, and the doctor dropped the bombshell she was already at least twelve weeks. They decided against making any decisions until they'd had the scan, and then they heard the heartbeat. 

Neither wanted to admit it to their parents, so took the weekend to try and digest it themselves. Kieran couldn't stop looking at the scan, his mind reeling. That was a baby. His baby. 

He'd left the sonogram on his desk while he made a cup of tea, peppermint to settle his stomach, like his Uncle Fao always told them. Him and Alfie were going back for the week on Monday, and he'd been trying to build up the courage to tell his dads. The stress had kept him up, tossing and turning with butterflies in his stomach. He headed back to his room with his mug in hand, pushing open the dorm room and coming face to face with Alfie. Holding the sonogram. Shit.

"Uh, Kieran? Want to explain?"

He froze, mouth agape as he stared at his brother. He didn't know what to say, how to say it. He'd not had enough time to plan, to work out what he wanted to say. 

“You can’t be serious, Kieran. Say something.”

"We're gonna keep it." He managed. 

“It’s yours?!”

He nodded, sitting heavily on his bed. "We used protection. She didn't know. We just…we just found out. She's three months."

“What the fuck? I didn’t think it was yours, I thought it was a joke or someone’s sibling or something. Fucking hell.”

"Yeah." He finally looked at Alfie. "Yeah."

“You’re gonna keep it? We live in halls for fucks sake.” His mind was reeling. 

"We've got six months."

“What about uni?”

"I'll have to drop out, I guess. I'll have to find a job. I don't know."

He softened, sitting next to his brother and putting his arm around him. “You’ll work it out. Guess you’ve not told Dads yet.”

He gratefully leaned into him. "We found out on Tuesday, had the scan yesterday. Everything's just happening."

“Jeez, that is quick.” He sympathised. 

"She didn't even know. Everything was…happening normally." He shrugged. 

“At least you guys found out now.”

"I don't know how I'm meant to tell Dads."

“You just have to be honest.”

"They're gonna kill me."

“Nah, they love you.”

He groaned. "Oh, I feel sick."

“Hey, breathe.”

"How am I supposed to breathe? They're gonna kill me, oh, fuck. I can't do this."

“Kieran, look at me.” Alfie said softly. “They’re not gonna kill you. Why would they?”

He turned to look at his twin, his eyes wild. "Why wouldn't they? I got someone pregnant. I'm gonna be a dad."

“Dad’s made some shit choices in his life, you think he’s gonna judge you?”

"I just don't understand. We used protection! She takes a tablet. It's not meant to happen!"

Alfie shrugged. “Sometimes it just does.”

"I can't do this."

“You’ll have me, y’know? Even if Dads lose it, which they won’t, you’ll have me. And Eden, he doesn’t have a choice.”

"What about the rest of the family? Grandad Steve is gonna be so disappointed. And grandad Fred, I don’t even want to imagine what he’s gonna think."

“Kieran, Grandad Steve looked after Dad, he won’t care. And uncle Finn was young when he had Meelie.”

"Not this young."

“It’ll be okay.”

"Kiz hasn't told anyone either."

“Then you’re both at the same spot. It’ll be fine, I can be there with you when you tell Dads.”

"Thank you."

“I’ve got your back.”

He pulled Alfie in for a hug. "Thank you."

“You know I’d do anything for you.” He said, holding him tightly. 

When Monday rolled around, Alfie was true to his word. Kieran still hasn't worked up the courage to do it, but he knew he didn't have a choice. As much as he loved his little brother, he just wanted to tell his dads first. Thankfully, Alfie got the hint quickly, distracting Levi and taking him upstairs while their dads sat in the living room. Kieran felt sick, his stomach long passed feeling anxious. Even Tai had asked if he was alright, apparently looking that nauseous on the way home. He knew if he didn't just do it, he never would, so pushed the living room door open, closing it softly behind him. 

"Dads?" His voice wavered, his hands trembling in his pocket as he tried to breathe. 

Tai looked up at his son, frowning. “What’s wrong, Kit?”

"I need to tell you something." He sat on the sofa opposite, staring hard at the floor.

"You know you can tell us anything." Harrison said softly. 

“Anything.” Tai echoed. “It’s alright.”

"You know Kizzy?"

“Yeah, of course.” Tai said with a smile.

He took a shaky breath. "We were careful and I don't know what happened but she's pregnant and she's three months and we want to keep it and I know you're gonna hate me and be mad at me, but we were careful and I was careful and I'm sorry."

“Hey, hey. Slow down.” Tai said, leaning forwards. “She’s pregnant?”

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

Tai was quiet for a moment, glancing at his husband. “That’s… that’s big, Kit.” He said softly. “What are you going to do?”

"She wants - we want to keep it."

“How far along?”

"Three months." His voice wavered again. "We only found out on Tuesday."

“Oh, Kit.”

Harrison had been silent throughout, his mind reeling. Tai looked to him, but he couldn't say anything. He stood, quickly leaving and heading outside. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. After everything Steve had done for him, he'd still ended up doing what he'd feared; he'd ruined the kids' lives. They wanted to keep the kid, he couldn't blame him for that, so they'd support him, of course they would. He dropped his head to his hands, feeling like a scared kid again. Tai was busy inside (apparently handling it a lot better than he was), but he needed to talk to someone, anyone. He fumbled for his phone, quickly pressing Dad.

Steve picked up quickly, as he so often did when his son rang him out of the blue. 

“Harrison?”

"Kieran's pregnant."

“That’s, uh, not what I was expecting to hear.”

"What do I do?"

“What have you said to him?”

"I haven't."

“What do you mean you haven’t?”

"I couldn't. I didn't know what to say."

“You didn’t say anything?! Harrison.”

He groaned. "I know, I know. I didn't want to say the wrong thing."

“So you said nothing?!” 

"Yeah."

“Fucking hell, Harrison.”

"What am I supposed to do?"

“Say something, anything? Tell him you love him, for Christ’s sake!”

"He knows that."

“Not right now he doesn’t.”

He made a pained noise. "He does."

“He’s just dropped a huge piece of news on you and you’ve walked out. He’s probably shitting himself.”

"Oh, fuck. I've fucked up."

“Go back, tell him you love him, and that you’ll support him.”

"He knows we would." He said. "Doesn't he?"

“He doesn’t, not now.”

The pain was obvious in his words. "I've fucked up. I've fucked up so much."

“Go and tell him you love him, Hars. The rest will work itself out.”

"It will?"

“It always does.”

"Thanks, dad."

“You know I love you too, right?”

"Even though I've fucked all this up?"

“It was a silly mistake you made in shock.” Steve reassured. “I’ll always love you, no matter what. I’m your dad.”

He gave a shaky laugh. "That's what I should have said to him."

“Go on, go and tell him that now. And tell him if his idiot Dad does that again, he’s more than welcome at mine.”

"Thanks, dad. I'll call you later, yeah?"

“Yeah, let me know how it goes.”

"Will do." He murmured, hanging up. He took a moment to build his confidence before heading back in. The living room door was shut, and he knocked quietly before entering. 

Tai shot Harrison a less than impressed look as he walked in, Kieran now sat next to him on the sofa. He looked wide eyed and worried as his dad entered, afraid of what he might say. 

“See, I told you he’d come back, didn’t I?” Tai tried to reassure, though he was fully prepared to take Kieran’s side if things went south. 

Harrison cleared his throat, a blush across his cheeks. "Kit? C'mere."

Kieran glanced at Tai for reassurance before he stood, padding closer to his dad. He couldn’t look at him, eyes fixed on the floor. “‘M sorry.”

"No." Harrison bundled him in for a hug, squeezing him tightly. "God, no. You're not supposed to be sorry. I'm sorry. I panicked, and I didn't want to say the wrong thing and hurt you. I fucked that up, didn't I? I love you, Kit. Whatever happens, whatever you need, I'll be right there. I love you."

Against his Dad’s chest, Kieran dissolved into tears, the stress from the past week and more just overwhelming him. “I… I th-thought you were r-really mad…”

Harrison found himself crying too, refusing to let his son go. "God, no. I'm not mad, I promise you. I'm so sorry I made you think that."

He sniffed. “You’re not mad?”

"I'm not mad." He promised, pulling back to look at him. "I'm proud of you, I am. And I'm really ? that you could tell us. I'm just sorry I panicked a bit."

“Shouldn’t be proud.”

Hands on Kieran's shoulders, Harrison swallowed thickly. "I'm always going to be proud."

He sniffed again. “‘M sorry.”

He pulled him back in for a hug. "Please don't be sorry."

“I am, though.”

"I know, I know."