#talkin to my sister was so odd cause idk it felt like talkin to the girls in hs i enjoyed talkin with but felt super disconnected from

[pcktknife]

anyways it's fucked up how u can be age 13-16 and just not have been an emo/edgy/cringy kid like why tf are you so normal

[hazelbaum]

Rant: Proceed with Caution

It’s been a long fucking week and frankly, I’m fucking exhausted.

I was like a zombie, deadass sick and missed school, all expect one class Monday. Ugh, there was just no way I was gonna be able to make the drive Wednesday. I’m just glad my profs were pretty chill about it. 

The fever is gone and now I’m just all congested, so fuck that shit. I missed therapy yesterday because I was too tired to deal and now I just wanna write all weekend. I gotta work tomorrow and prolly go to the Chi-town to visit my sisters, I mean, I love them and all, but it’s an ALL. DAY. excursion after I get out of work, so there goes my Saturday. Then there’s Sunday, where I like to do nothing in my pjs all day. So fuck my creative time. 

And I’m gonna go off on a tangent because it’s been buggin’ me for a while now.

Fuck this white-passing bullshit I gotta deal w. I’m so sick of that shit. Constantly having to say,

 “Why yes, José, I do in fact speake español.”

 “REALLY!? I thought you were a güera! You don’t look Mexican/Latinx at all!”     *George Lopez voice*

-_______________-

Seriously. Just why do ppl think that’s cool to do or say?

It’s just one of those things that I hadn’t realized was a problem until it was too late. Like in school and growing up, I had no friends that were Mexican and/or Latinx because ppl thought I was white, therefore they didn’t approach me or see me as “one of them.” Do ppl not see how wrong that is??? Also apparently, I came off as stuck up or something, like no, resting bitch face over here.

And even now, I want friends from all sorts of backgrounds and cultures, because I think it’s super important to learn from other ppl, but no one knows that I’m not white, so they still don’t approach me. Like whhhhy!? Pa-leeease, talk to meeee! Tell me about your ppl! I wanna know! Can you show me!? I wanna know about these strangers like me! (yes, I went there and you know you sang along.)

Just ugh, I feel like I was really deprived growing up because I never had that connection with anyone, outside of my family. Like I never got to bond with anyone, I was always the minority in my group of “friends.” I would go home and eat tacos, arroz, y frijoles for dinner, and my friends would eat like potatoes and roast, er some shit (Shepard’s pie?? I don’t fucking know). They were always like, “Omg! I wish I could eat tacos every night for dinner!” First off bitch, I promise yo ass it’s not the tacos you’re thinkin’.

I just always felt like the circus show and what I ate or traditions I would partake in were odd and everyone else was “normal.” Sometimes, even to the point where they were likely making fun of me. idk, I used to shrug it off, because I didn’t know any different. But it’s fucking ridiculous. It’s not like my hometown is 98% white or some shit, ‘cause it’s fucking not! We gots plenty of other Mexicans and Blacks and very little of anything else. I just don’t understand.

So, I dunno, moral of my rant, don’t fuckin’ judge based on what someone looks like. Go talk to them. Find out about their history. Tell them you wanna know about their ppl. You wanna know what kinda bombass food their gramma makes. like seriously, I’m genuinely curious. I would absolutely love to share my culture with ppl outside, as well as inside (because we all do things a little differently). I really do wanna know. quid pro quo, ppl. quid fuckin’ pro quo. 

Eh, this ended kinda happy, but I’m still super pissed about this shit. Like do I have to stamp a nopal on my forehead so ppl will see me? de veras güey?

Meehh, I always say it’s my kink when I hear ppl talkin’ smack in Spanish (esp about me) and I just stand there listenin’ and then at the end I say something, and they’re all like “oh shit, she understood what we just said,” and I’m over there smirking like a motherfucker, “Oh yas bitches, I knew exactly what y’all were talkin’ about.” 

Like seriously, I prolly do get off on that feeling. 

Okay, I think imma stop now because I just got pissed all over again. 

But fo’real. Tell me about you and I’ll tell you about me. 

Also, please feed me! I wanna try your food!!!! that’s like one of the main reasons I wanna make friends from different cultures. 

Ignore that, heh heh. Nope, don’t. I’ll make you Mexican food in exchange!!

I’m still fucking pissed. White passing bs. I’m not fucking white!!!!