#talking to me instead like we're in middle school and i Doubt believing me when i tell them un actually shes good at her job.

[littlekingbergara]

i love coming back to work after two days off and seeing nothing has been done by the person who claims she's the only person who does anything and she's getting tired of it.

[archangeldyke-all]

feel free to ignore this if it makes you upset or uncomfortable!! I was watching this video by Caelan Conrad about how grooming is portrayed with lgbtq people and it really just broke me.

I’m a 18 year old lesbian from the south. I’ve come out to my immediate family (most are Christian) but most of them dismissed it as me being to young to know. I’m so fucking scared that if I even end up dating, that they’ll being to see me as a groomer or something. I have a little sister and it hurts so much when I distance myself from her but I just can’t handle the possibility of someone thinking that I would ever hurt her like that.

i know that a lot of lgbtq people find joy in life but it feels so unattainable with everything right now. Do you ever get over this daunting fear? Do you have it?

hi baby. i wish i could give you the biggest fucking hug in the world rn. i've never seen this video, but i do know a LOT about this fear and being dismissed. this is going to be a long post, lol

i came out at the age of 13 to my mom. it was a complete accident, i didn't mean to come out, but her intuition figured it out. she was certain i was too young to know, and i had my first ever panic attack right in the middle of the lunch rush at a local cafe! it was horrible. at school, i was the first queer kid out, and as a result i faced a lot of horrible, shitty, disgusting, perverted questions and comments and teases. i was raised incredibly catholic (like, church 2/3 times a week) but through my adolescence i lost my faith and... no one was sad to see me go.

all of this is to say: i'm very familiar with this feeling. i doubt you'll ever meet a lesbian that hasn't felt this way. we're made to feel so predatory and ashamed for feelings and attractions that are completely natural and normal. (there's plenty of sociological reasons for why queer people in general are always portrayed as predators, and there's even more reasons that lesbians are specifically targeted by the 'grooming'/'predator' comments so often that i'd be happy to talk about some other time.) it's depressing and discouraging, but i promise you every single one of us feels this way. you are not alone.

i also promise that it gets easier. it's so fucking corny and lame, but it's also true.

give it time. your family will become a smaller and smaller fraction of your world. this isn't to say they will matter any less, just that your world will expand beyond them. you'll find passion in your work or art or hobbies and gain more freedom as you get older. you will make queer friends, you will find queer spaces. they won't be where you expect, and it likely won't be glamorous, especially in the south, (hell, coming from a small town midswesterner here: some of my best memories come from loitering in the wal-mart parking lot and breaking into the public parks after closing) but you will find them. you'll also make straight friends who love you, and they'll prove to you that the world is changing for the better! you'll work with queer people, you'll love queer people, you'll beef with queer people, and each time you meet another person like you, you'll feel your world grow a little bigger.

most of your family will come around in time. if they don't-- don't worry about it. you can't control what they choose to believe about you, you can only control you. don't push away your sister-- you'll regret it when you get older. instead, show her how much you love her every single day, treat her with compassion and respect, and she'll treat you the same way, regardless of the shit she hears from your family.

also: anyone who accuses you of doing something horrible is just projecting. you are not the problem-- they are.

and finally: despite the fact that i've been out of the closet since i was a kid, and the fact that 'dyke' was my nickname in highschool-- i was scared to say the word 'lesbian' until i was 19 years old. i was consumed with the fear, discomfort, and disgust you're feeling right now. but as i grew up and my world got bigger, i realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me, there was just a whole lot of shit wrong with the world. and it took time to unlearn all the shit swirling in my head, but day after day, i got more confident with myself. what helped the most, though, was reading about, and meeting and interacting with other lesbians (old or young, annoying or mean or nice, butch or femme-- any lesbian) whenever i could. the more i learned about lesbians and lesbian history, the more compassion and respect i had for them-- and then for myself for being one of them.

and now look at me: i'm running a lesbian smut blog!!

joy is on the horizon for you, baby. it'll start small, but it'll grow and grow and grow. i really hope this helped you believe it <3 i love you so much, i'm sending you a million kisses, i'd you'd like them. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[parallel-selfs]

Ghost Bride

Followed Mewshi Q's playthrough.

"But you were rather do this than have Vil lecture you, right?"

Fighting ghosts with a broom.

They just grab her arms and throws her out. "Hey! What the hell?!"

"Time of year? This is a normal thing that happens yearly?"

Glares at Crowley.

"Crowley, we're in the middle of the training camp for the VDC, what was the point of it if we're staying at Pomefiore anyway?"

"Kidnapped?"

Idia just got jumped.

Fist fights ghosts.

Feels weird at Azul being concerned for her.

"Crowley, even if she had unrealistic standards, the fact a student can die if she sees him as her prince should have been enough of a reason to do something before it gotten to this point."

"Damn."

"Crowley, the news would be getting on your ass, not theirs considering you're the headmage. Why does your students have to save a classmate when it's your job to protect your students from situations like this?"

"Rook, what the heck..."

... How old are you?

"That's kinda messed up..."

Oh, honey.

"Floyd, stop bullying Riddle."

Winces at the yelling.

"Oh damn. I didn't expect a slap." "I mean, if you randomly start singing, I doubt anyone would join you."

"He got slapped because he doesn't have a dog. Damn."

"Say what?"

"You can totally rescue someone without a sword."

"He deserved that."

"Trey, come on..."

"He didn't stand a chance."

Sighs in disappointment.

Team tall?

"Now what?"

Alice thinks to herself. "You know what, I'm coming with. I'm curious about something."

"-if it slapped them in the face." [Charmer]

The boys are now pissed off for a different reason.

Huh, he looks nice. Though, why is he on a stand?

>:/ Idia, they were trying to help you.

Aw shit.

"Oh! The young woman can be my bridesmaid. She can help me get ready."

"Um, my apologies, Your Highness. I unfortunately have to meet up with companions of mine for private arrangements. But I will return before the wedding."

"Aw, okay, I promise to save a spot for you. Please remember to dress your very better before your arrival."

"Of course, Your Highness."

"Of course you're the only one on this campus can woo the ghost bride." -Ace

Waits under the tree as Crowley runs around the school for anyone who can rizz.

"Out of the question. You didn't even participate in the croquet tournament yesterday, Ace." -Riddle

Riddle played you, Ace.

"I doubt I can be any help, plus you have Rook so you don't need me." "Ortho, I'm not going to be any help." "Are you kidding me?" "Fine."

Crowley hands her the suit. "I believe this suitor suit will look perfect on you, Miss Winter. Go change in the backroom."

"What? Why am I changing clothes? I'm a woman, she wants a prince."

"Yeah, but you were the only one able to rizz the princess. Beside, you need to wear something nice as the bridesmaid or else you'll get slapped too." -Ace

"Fair enough."

"You look like Cater with your hair up like that."

"I wish you guys the better of luck."

"Good thinking, Epel. And Ace, she slapped Jack for not having a legendary sword, does any prince have a legendary sword?"

Do any of us need to be here? (At hearing Rook's proposal)

Damn, Rook.

Places a hand on Riddle's shoulder. "Riddle, calm down."

"Enough talk, we gotta fight our way through now."

"We have to go."

Rook, what is wrong with you?

"Come on, guys!"

"He can handle them."

"So you're going to let her kill a random guy just to fulfill a dream instead of actually finding a husband."

"She's forcing Idia to marry her."

Alice is dragging them instead of rolling them.

"Seriously?"

"How is everyone's cheek?"

Winces at yelling again.

Sneaks over the cake and takes a slice.

[topknotstrunk]

Review Everything 34 - Don't Look Under The Bed

I keep meaning to watch Halloween DCOMs. I was totally fixated on these things as a kid, not just the Halloween ones, but all of them. I loved watching the trailers leading up to them and sitting too close to our little TV, watching movies as they premiered and knowing other kids were watching all over the country at the same time as me. I liked the event as much as I liked the movies themselves. Disney Plus has a frankly embarrassing lack of content considering what the own, but they do have some of the DCOM stuff up in their Halloween section. I chose Don't Look Under the Bed since it didn't seem familiar. I don't think I've seen it before?

This is not one of those "Wow this is a DCOM?" Movies or a well loved and oft remembered movie like Halloween Town or Zenon, but it was cute.

Ty Hodges as Larry Houdini is amazing as a "big kid" type of character, just childish enough for it to make sense that he was the best friend to a little kid but not so much that he was ever annoying. Funny and charming this character is for sure the highlight of the movie.

I also really love the idea that imaginary friends turn into bogymen if they're dismissed too soon or their kid stops believing in them and they can't find a new friend. Boogyland looks suitably spooky and cool in that way that hits me, personally, right in the nostalgia.

I won't hammer these DCOMs too hard, they're made for TV movies and most of them were not at all memorable so I doubt they'll be super interesting to re-watch, but the pacing was weird here. Too much happening to Francis and her littlest brother's leukemia being a big deal seems to pop up randomly when her parents are talking to the guidance counselor. Instead of a best friend she still has from Middle school who's a grade behind her, I feel like you could have had her have no close friends [since that friend disappears after she thinks Francis lets her crush secret slip, other than a name drop near the end].

You could instead have Francis have her closest friend be her little brother, and then she meets this kid at school, and gee wow, no one pays any attention to him either. Isn't that strange? Then odd stuff starts to happen at the school and her new friend says they have to fight the boogey men. Francis scoffs and tells Larry that only little kids believe in boogy men. Heck, her little brother is seven and he doesn't even believe in them anymore. Larry sighs and then has to prove to Francis that he's an imaginary friend, not a loner like her. He tells her he's looking for the kid that lost him and then we're more bought in because Francis is already his friend and we have the excuse for him to become more and more silly as his powers as an imagery friend grow. Francis realizes that if Larry is good and capable of all this stuff, imagine what an evil version of an imaginary friend could do!

Also cut the random kiss at the end. These two had nothing but older sister kid brother energy the whole movie and the kiss feels weird.

The worldbuilding ideas here, and character bases, are pretty solid. I feel like you could easily make this a big budget movie that would be well beloved with a few re-writes and just a little polishing. There's also the end, where boogy persons are showing up in other places and the imaginary friends goes to help. I bet you could adapt this into a monster of the week cartoon that would be fun to watch, sort of like Quantum Leap, with the goal being the two of them finding new friends.

Interesting too, that Zoe doesn't want her monster form to be refereed to as a boogyman or boogywoman, but a boogyperson.

Also, naming the main character after Francis Bacon is pretty funny, but a weird reference considering that guy's philosophy. Boogie Wonderland being the closing song was the cherry on a cute cake.

In Summary: DCOM movies are fun and I don't expect them to be good. They're atmospheric side monitor movies, and the "spooky" ones are fun to have on around Halloween time.

Overall: 5/10

[yunkiwii]

—potions gone wrong—

☆ hogwarts au ☆

pairing: bsf!hyunjin x gn!reader | ft. jeongin and mentions of minho

supportive oc: angela, female

genre: sfw. comedic and chaotic, may be considered fluff by some people

wc: 2.4k

warnings: hints of jealousy, mentions of illegal (magical world wise) actions, potion-induced obsession

a/n: i'm pretty sure that in the harry potter series amortentia doesn't work the way i described here, but let's just ignore that shall we? ♡

summary: two boys decide to make a love potion to conquer the crush of one of them. unfortunately, something seems to have gone wrong and y/n needs to step in..

shout out to: ficscafe prompt dialogue event ♡

↳ "I'll give you 20 bucks if you kiss me."

↳ "I don't think that's legal, but we can work around it."

↳ "Shut up, this isn't a wattpad fanfic"

Completely imersed in the pile of books you gathered in the library in order to try and understand more about potions, you get startled when a boy throws himself into the chair next to you, a yellow stripped tie hitting your head in the process.

"I'll give you 20 bucks if you kiss me."

"What? No!", you give him a disgusted and confused look before digging your head into the old dusty pages again.

"Come on!! Angela keeps coming to me trying to snuggle and kiss me and-", as dramatic as he is, Hyunjin pretends he is going to be sick, exaggerating on the nasty sounds way too close to your ear.

"What? Why?", your bestfriend finally caught your full attention as you turn to face him, "Wait, Angela as in like, Angela your major crush perfect-Angela? Weren't you supposed to like, I don't know, enjoy the attention?" But then the face he makes, his cheeks turning shades of pink as his gaze drifts away from you and he sinks down in his chair in embarrassment, realization hits you, "No! No you did not! Are you like what, dumb?", you flick is head inducing a loud squeal to come out his mouth.

"It was Jeongin's idea!", his voice three pitches higher than before, "And I can't be that dumb if I managed to make that stupid love potion work. But that's beside the point, will you do it or not?"

"Do what? Kiss you? And how will that help you dimwit?", you went to flick his head again because, to be fair, he deserved it, but Hyunjin knew you too well and held your hand in time to stop you from hurting his pretty face, as he likes to state.

"To break the curse! Make her give up on me by making her think we're together or something!"

"What curse? There is no curse! And she isn't even thinking right now, she might just kill me out of jealousy!", at this point you're pratically yelling at each other and are forced to leave the library, resuming this odd conversation on your way to Ravenclaw's common room.

"I still can't believe you let yourself go with what Jeongin tells you. He's evil you know?"

"Should've guessed by the green scarf huh?", you slap his arm lightly, not very fond of the jokes made regarding the fact your other best friend is a Slytherin.

"So, how do I solve this?", he basically pleas at you as you sit down on the desk next to the fireplace, as far away as possible from your housemates. Every two in three students has made, or attempted to make, some sort of potion or spell to have something in their advantage. However, amortentia wasn't just "some potion", and if some were to find out that Hwang - head in space - Hyunjin succeded at his attempt they would never leave his poor ass alone, so for now your plan was to keep this subject as low-key as possible.

"Marry her." you say nonchalantly while, without his knowledge, already looking up all about amortentia, its possible side effects and how long it would take to wear off - if ever-, receiving a whine in return.

"It was really fun at first, you know? The flirting was cute, the smooches were great," and boy he put some emphasis on that adjective,"but now it's like she's obsessed with me! She's clingy and talks with that annoying voice and I can't seem to get rid of her!" Hyunjin throws himself face down into the old couch and whines again, words muffled by the pillow where he burried his face. "She's probably standing right outside the door just now!"

"Wait, what do you mean it was fun at first? How long has this been going on Hwang Hyunjin? And why am I only knowing of this now?", you turn around in your chair way too fast, hitting with your knee on the other chair next to you before facing the mop of brown hair all spread around the blue pillow.

"Well, I barely ever saw you all week!", the boy turns his head just the minimum amount to look at you, "You're either with your nose buried in those old books, or with your hands all over Lee Minho! Not my fault you no longer have time for your friends..."

"First of all," you pull out the pillow he's laying on, his face falling on the black cushion as a few curses leave his lips, "lower your tone! I did not spend the week with my hands all over Minho, I am tutoring him in potions!"

"Which you're not that good at, that's why you walk everywhere with those fat books..." Hyunjin rolls his eyes at you as he recovers the pillow from your hands again, "Don't deny it (y/n), you've got the hots for him!"

"Oh sweetie, I sense jealousy in your tone... is that why you gave Angela a poorly made potion?", you show him the page you've been reading between the backs and forths of your not so relevent argument, only for him to realize the potion should've worn off two days ago. Instead, it only got worse. "Perhaps you could use some reading too huh?"

The boy rips the book from your hands, grunting between his teeth sounds you doubted to be words as he makes his way out, only to shut the door as soon as he opens it, squealing loudly when his eyes meet the ones from the Gryffindor's brunette standing right in the middle of the hallway.

"I'm telling you (y/n), she won't leave me alone! It's like she's obsessed!", Hyunjin keeps his back against the door, afraid the girl could open it by some miracle driven by her potion induced feelings, hence she doesn't have the password.

"Well, you see Hyunjin... that's because she is! And it's your fault, you should simply face it..."

"Oh I'm going the kill Jeongin...", the boy grunts ignoring your words completely as the whines coming from the other side of the door overlapped them, "Can you go get him? Or get rid of her?"

You make your way to the door Hyunjin refuses to unblock and, when words and pushes didn't make the tall boy move, you had to resort to your wand, although the simple threat was more than enough for him to make way for you. He stayed hidden in the corner as you parted the door slightly to tell the girl her beloved had disapparated from there, and she should probably look at the quidditch court. The fact she believed you only proved how strongly she was affected by the potion, since everyone knew Hyunjin would never go to a sports court by his free will and disapparating into and out Hogwarts wasn't possible at all.

As soon as the path got clear you both made your way to the shrieking shack through the whomping willow everyone was so afraid of, but that was exactly why the three of you claimed it as your secret meeting place.

Jeongin was already waiting as you sent him a message through your magic notepad when you got rid of Angela, and you had to secure Hyunjin to not throw the book at the Slytherin boy who only laughed in return. The laughter didn't last long though, because you only stopped Hyunjin so you would be the one scolding the younger one, flicking his head the same way you did to the lover boy earlier.

"Hey! What did you do that for?", the boy frowned at you rubbing his forehead.

"To bring you back to reality, so you can both fix the mess you made!"

"But what's the problem?" Jeongin looked at you with honest confusion on his face, "Is this about the potion? You know that thing wears off in like a week or so right?"

"Exactly... do the math now genius..." Hyunjin rolls his eyes before leaning his back against the spiderweb covered walls.

The three of you spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out what went wrong in the first place, you analyzing every single detail of the procedure, and the boys trying to recreate every step they took to reach the final product. But, after hours of research and theories nothing seemed to have gone wrong, well except for the exaggerated and long-lasting effect of the potion.

"We should just obliviate the poor girl..." suggested Jeongin at one point, head in his hands as a sing of withdrawal.

“I don’t think that’s legal, but we can work around it...” You agree with him closing the book you were now reading for the fifth time.

"Are you guys serious? Because that sounds great! Can we get away with it?" Hyunjin's eyes were sparkling in hope as he shifted in his seat to a more straight up position, ready to do whatever it took to get to walk in peace around the school, without being unexpectedly smooched in the cheek and squezeed into a hug every time the girl spotted him.

"No, it's a joke!" You both sigh at your friend's desperation before calling it a day, deciding to resume your research first thing in the morning.

As per usual, you met with the boys for breakfast at the dining hall, though this time they weren't alone and you couldn't help out a giggle when Angela, as glued to Hyunjin as possible while feeding him something funny looking with a spoon, winked at you as soon as you sat in front of her and next to Jeongin. The latter looked almost as horrified as the pampered boy, and you had to focus to try and keep yourself from bursting into laughter before the scene that was unfolding in front of you.

Hyunjin looked like an annoyed pouty baby slumped in his chair - as an attempt to go unnoticed -, while the smiley girl, - one that seemed to have way too much energy in the morning -, pulled some strands of the boy's hair behind his ear before kissing his cheek, "You're so pretty Hyunnie-jin, and I hate to leave you," the girl pouts as she pinches his cheeks rather aggressively, "but don't worry sugarplum, I'll be waiting for you in the astronomy tower when you leave class." This time the kiss is aimed at his lips, but Hyunjin antecipates her intentions and dodges his head with a slick move, just not fast enough to be fully free of her, ending up with her lips awkwardly attached half to his jaw, half to the corner of his lip.

"So you decided to give in?" You couldn't help the grin that was forming on your face, finding it hilarious how the universe always had a way to keep things balanced.

"Shut up. I had to if I didn't want to starve myself, it was one sacrafice I was willing to take." Hyunjin furiously rubs his face with a napkin, as if it would erase the memory of the previous demonstration of affection.

"I say it's the karma, you were basically playing and manipulating her the moment you gave her the potion, now you face the consequences."

"It's like she's taking revenge..." Jeongin mumbles more to himself than to his friends, but he was still heard, and had now two pairs of eyes locked on him waiting for a further explanation to what seemed to be a pretty plausable theory. "We already concluded we didn't do anything wrong, right?"

"Yes, it's still hard to believe though..." you take a sip of your pumpking juice with a raise eybrow, honestly still impressed at how they pulled that off.

"So what if she got aware that Hyunjin gave-"

"We, Jeongin, we!! This wasn't just me okay? I just got the, uh, benefits?"

"Ok, sure, whatever... What if she became aware that we," emphasis on the pronoun as he glanced at Hyunjin, "gave her a potion and now that it wore off she is pulling this act as a pay back? Because, according to our lover boy, if it was nice at first then why would she suddenly start acting all obsessively?"

Both you and Hyunjin took a moment to reflect on this new theory, one Jeongin was really proud of as showed by his smug grin when he crossed his arms and relaxed back in his chair.

"I hate to admit it, but that makes a lot of sense... and explains why she winked at me when I got here..."

"Okay yes, she is faking it... why else would she wink at (y/n) when I'm the one she's supposed to be focused on?", the boy threw his arms up with a questionting - and slightly offended - look.

"Time for confrontation!" you were already standing up with Hyunjin following the lead, but you held yourselves back when you realized Jeongin wasn't moving, looking between the both of you still grinning.

"I've got a better idea..."

It was a terrible idea, you thought, and wanted no part in it at all so you let the boys discuss the details while you just sat there judging their poor life decisions.

The plan was for Hyunjin, instead of confronting her and get it over with as you suggested, to play along as if he too was deeply in love with her, and see who would break out of character first. As much as you tried to explain how childish and stupid the plan was, the boys simply wouldn't listen to you, convinced this was the best idea they've ever had.

Hyunjin got oddly excited about this and ran to astronomy class, already antecipating the act he would pull off when he'd see the girl waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs when he'd get out, leaving you and Jeongin alone in the dining all. The contrast of your opinions on this was pretty clear in your faces, Jeongin laughing loudly, you furrowing your brows and shaking your head in disapproval.

Then, all of a sudden, the boy stops laughing and looks at you, "What if they actually end up falling in love after all this?"

He sounded seriously concerned yet amused at the same time, while you only rolled your eyes at him before collecting your books and leaving for class as well.

"Shut up, this isn't a wattpad fanfic."

networks: @ficscafe @k-library @k-dinernet @districtninewriters

taglist: @dreamwrld @su-lix @bobateastay @leihey @serialee @hyunsluvv

⇢ let me know if you want to be added to the taglist ♡

[bangtanreadingcorner]

rumor has it [1/2] • jung hoseok

plot — your best kept secret comes out and it becomes a hot topic around your university. it also brings you and hoseok closer.

words — 3.5K

You are going to lose it.

Seriously. The next person who asks you if the rumor is true, Lord help them, you are going to go bat-shit crazy on them.

You also swore off drinking indefinitely because if you hadn't been so inebriated, you would have taken another shot instead of telling the truth. Well, maybe not because it was because of drinking shots that you ended up in this mess in the first place.

So, yeah, drinking was out of the picture for the moment.

In all honesty, you weren't embarrassed about it. About still being a virgin. You made your choice a long time ago, and you choose to stick by it. You didn't want a perfect first time, or to wait until marriage, but you want to be comfortable with the person and you want it to feel right. You've never felt that with anyone before.

And if that made you a prude in the eyes of society, well then they can go fuck themselves for all you care. You'll wait until the time is right.

You looked up, to see where your feet had taken you and was it was in the Quad. It was just a large patch of grass with picnic tables place in it. For either eating or studying or just taking a break.

You sat down at a table, and barely twenty seconds after you sat down, three guys approached you. The one in the middle opened his mouth, "Hey! Y/N, is it true?"

You sincerely hoped it wasn't what you think it was, so you decided to give the idiot the benefit of the doubt. "Is what true?"

"That you're a virgin. I wanted to know if it's true, that's all." He said with a dirty smirk, making no secret of the fact that he was trying to check you out - the picnic table hid most of your body so it didn't work as well as he hoped.

"Yes, it's true." You snapped, voice harsh as the last of your patience swiftly ran out. "Rumor also has it you're an insensitive moron. So glad we could both confirm the running gossip. Now fuck off."

The guy scoffed, "Now wonder you're still a virgin. No one likes an uptight bitch."

"Now wonder you're still single. No one likes an stupid dick." You smirked up at him, watching in amusement as he stalked off with his two friends that looked a little embarrassed.

Ah, how you love using people's own words against them. Nothing makes a person angrier than that. It's really amusing too.

There was two more incidents - two girls that were curious, and one guy who offered his experience to you. Ugh.

Your stomach dropped when you saw the next person who approached you because you actually like this guy.

"Oh, not you, too, Hoseok." You groaned when you saw him, dropping your head down on your books.

"What?" Hoseok asked, bewildered, as he slid into the seat opposite you.

You peaked at him, cheek laying on your books, "Aren't you here to find out if the rumor is true and then mock me and judge me?"

"What rumor?" He asked, a little confused, as you sat upright. You just gave him a flat look and waited. You saw the dots connect in his mind. "Right. That rumor."

"Yeah." You gave him a humorless smile.

Hoseok shook his head, expression gentle as he looked at you. "Well, no. I'm not. One, it's none of my business. And two, it'd be hypocritical if I judged you."

"Why would it-" You cut yourself off as realisation set in, your eyes widened in disbelief as you inhaled sharply. "No way."

Hoseok laughed, his face lighting up and dimples on display, "It's true."

"I don't believe it." You laughed in disbelief. Hoseok had to be pulling your leg.

"Believe it." He nodded.

"You? Seriously?" You couldn't wrap your head around it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He frowned at you.

"I don't mean anything by it, it's just . . ." You paused for a moment, gathering your thoughts and then settled with your default setting: brutal honesty. "Well, to be perfectly honest, you're like a wet dream come to life and it's a little hard to believe."

Hoseok's cheeks flushed and a satisfied warmth stirred in your belly, "I, uh, I've never wanted to. I mean, I've had girlfriends before but never enough to want to take them to bed."

"Now that, I understand. I've had two boyfriends and both of them I dropped when they kept pressuring me for more and I didn't want too." You told Hoseok who nodded along with what you said.

"Yeah, I know right. I mean, one of my ex-girlfriends accused me of not loving her." Hoseok actually pouted a bit as he spoke. You giggled at the sight, endeared by him. "She was right thought, I didn't love her. I liked her a lot, but it wasn't love. I don't think I've ever been in love. Not really." He looked at you. "Have you ever been in love?"

"I don't know." You admitted. "I mean, how do you know when you love someone? It's not like you can measure it."

"That's a fair question. I mean, I guess it's something you just know. Like, when you listen to a song and you know you love it after listening to it once. Maybe it's like that." Hoseok said and then suddenly he looked down, seeming embarrassed. "Sorry, you probably think that's dumb."

"No, no, not at all. I think it kind of fits." You said hastily, not wanting him draw the wrong conclusions. "I actually understand what you said more than when someone tries to tells me about how sometimes love is fate or destiny or written in the stars." You pulled a face.

Hoseok laughs and it makes you laugh back.

"Did you want something?" You asked him, when you both calmed down, still smiling.

"Huh?" He asked, clearly a little confused. You thought he looks adorable.

"You came over here," You reminded him. "I assume it was to ask or tell me something."

"Oh yeah." Hoseok's cheeks flushed again as realisation lit in his eyes. "I just wanted you to know that Jae is adjusting nicely to the classes."

A smile automatically spread on your lips at the mention of your nine year old sister. She recently started hip-hop classes and that was actually how you met Hoseok, he's her teacher. One afternoon your mother asked you to pick her up after practice and you and Hoseok talked a bit, and you found out that you go to the same university but just different major's. His is dance and yours is business.

"I'm glad." You smiled wider at him. "You didn't have to come all the way over here to tell me that though."

Hoseok let out a nervous laugh, rubbing at the nape of his neck as he looked at you shyly. "I also wanted to know if I can buy you a coffee sometime, maybe? I wanted to ask you out the day we met, I didn't think it would be appropriate, 'cause I was at work and all."

Now it was your turn to blush, pleasantly surprised by his offer. You had found yourself liking your sister's dance teacher, too, but you didn't know if he would say yes. And he wasn't some random guy could ask out and just forget if he says no.

You smiled, cheeks on fire as you looked at him. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"How does Saturday sound?" Hoseok asked excitedly and your stomach dropped.

"I can't, sorry." You told him, watching as his face fell. "Not because I don't want too. It's just, I promised my mom I'd spend the whole Saturday with her and my sister because according to her she doesn't see me enough." You hurried to explain.

Hoseok smiled again and your heart lifted, "Okay, how about Sunday afternoon?"

You don't think you've ever nodded so fast in your life. "Yes, that's perfect."

***

That Saturday when you went home, your mom squinted at you as you hopped on the kitchen counter as she made breakfast. "What is going on with you?"

"Nothing." You smiled innocently at your mother. She's been giving you looks since you arrived.

"Am I suppose to believe that all this smiling and the happy sparkle in your eyes is from nothing?" She asked, raising a brow. You decided to tell her because you and your mom have always been close. And you've been wanting to tell someone who won't tease you about Hoseok. Your best friends Minji and Jamie does that enough. You also wanted to tell her before she finds out by herself. You would never live it down.

"I'll tell you, but I don't want you to make a big deal out of this, okay, mom?" You said, grinning excitedly.

Her curiousity effectively peaked, your mom nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes, I won't. Promise."

"Okay, so, there's this guy I really, really like and we're going out tomorrow." You gushed, barely holding in a squeal as your cheeks hurt from smiling so wide.

Your mother gasped, a smile of joy spreading on his lips. "Oh, oh! This is wonderful news. Who is this young man that's managed to capture your attention? Is he nice? I hope he's not a troublemaker like your second boyfriend. Why, I heard the other day that he got arrested from breaking into someone's home. Can you believe that?"

You winced at the reminder of your second boyfriend. Not one of your proudest moments but you had a lot of fun with him. Right up until he wanted to get into your pants. The relationship went downhill pretty quick after you said no.

"I can't say I'm surprised." You admitted, because he always liked to skirt at the edge of the law, it was only a matter of time before he broke it. Luckily you got away before it went that far.

"Enough about him, though. Tell me about this boy of yours." Your mom pushed with glittering eyes.

You cheeks flushed, "Well, he's not mine yet, mom. And it's just a coffee date."

"Tell me his name then." She prodded hopefully.

You gave her a sheepish smile, "I can't, sorry."

"Why not?" She frowned.

"Because you know him." Now you smirked at her, knowing she'll drive herself crazy, trying to figure out who he is.

***

You couldn't remember the last time you were this nervous.

Oh, no, wait. You could. It was right before you went to get your final results for high school. You didn't sleep that night and you barely slept Saturday night. Falling asleep early Sunday morning and sleeping until finally your alarm woke you up at 11:00AM.

You immediately started getting ready. You took a shower, used a hairdyer for the first time this year (air-drying is much easier and more fun) before taking a hair straightner to your unruly mop of curls. You picked a nice outfit but decided to forego make-up. That would be too over the top for you.

Your phone buzzed with a text a little after 03:00PM.

You smiled widely when you saw who it was. You and Hoseok had exchanged numbers after he asked you out and kept in touch over the last week.

Hoseok

See you in a bit.

You

Can't wait!

You walked to the cafe you two agreed to meet at, nervous but also excited. You entered the cafe and heard your name being called by a familiar voice.

A smile automatically spread on your lips as you walked to the table where Hoseok was waving from. You couldn't even find it in yourself to care about the people staring at you. He stands up when you arrive at the table and goes to pull out your chair but you wave him off with a smile.

"Hey, I'm not late, right?" You asked with a nervous smile.

Hoseok shakes his head, beaming at you. "Nope, I'm early."

You looked at the time on your phone and smiled. 03:24PM. You're both early then. Sure, only six minutes, but it's a good sign, right?

"How've you been?" You ask as you pushed your phone into the back pocket of your jeans.

"Good. I actually caught up on some overdue work, yesterday. You?"

"I'm fine. It was nice spending time with my mom and my sister."

The waitress comes up to your table with a notebook. "Are you ready to order?"

Hoseok's sunny grin dims a bit. "I forgot to give her the menu."

"It's okay." You laughed brightly. "I come here often, so I know what I want." You assured him, then looked at the waitress. "I'd like a bubblegum milkshake and a big chocolate muffin."

"Okay," The waitress nods, repeating your order as she writes and you confirm it. She turns at Hoseok, "And for you?"

"I'd like a hazelnut latte and a waffle with peppermint and chocolate ice cream." He orders. You both wait until the waitress leaves before resuming your conversation.

"Interesting choice. The hot with the cold." You grin at him.

"Mmn, I didn't take you for having a sweet tooth."

You froze for a bit because normally you don't have a sweet tooth, not really, but it's not like you could tell him you're having pre-period cravings.

"Depends on my mood." You said instead, and it was the truth. You ate whatever you were in the mood for in general, not just when you are on your period. But you also like salty food more than sweet, but whenever you crave something sweet, it's usually because of your monthly gift from Eve.

Hoseok nods, accepting the answer. He tilts his head at you, "How's your mom and sister?"

"Well, my sister is an adorable little pain in the ass like always and my mom is starting a list of all the guys she knows, but overall they're good." You told him, laughing a bit as you spoke.

"Do I want to know?" He looked at you, equal parts curious and wary.

"I don't know, do you?" You asked teasingly, smiling at him, wiggling your eyes brows.

He thought for a moment, "Yeah, I do."

"It's nothing bad. I just told my mom about our date, and when she asked for your name, I told her that I can't tell her because she knows you."

Hoseok frowned ever so slightly, "Why didn't you want to tell her?"

"Because I don't want her to bombard you with personal questions until we figure out where we want this to go." You explained, gesturing between the two of you with your index finger.

Hoseok's eyes twinkled with mischief and laughter as he asked, "Ah, so she can ask me the personal questions after we start dating then?"

"Oh, yeah," You nodded, liking the idea of dating Hoseok all too much. "You'll have to prepare yourself to answer anything from what your first word was, to what brand and colour underwear you wear."

Hoseok burst out laughing and you smiled as you watch him. You like the way he laughs, unrestrained and so fully. It makes you feel warm inside.

You talk about this and that until your order arrives. Technically it was dessert, rather than food but eh, neither of you minded. And this was supposed to be a coffee date. It was already better than you two planned.

"Jung Hoseok." You called him seriously, after you finished eating your muffin, fiddling with the straw of your milkshake.

He sobered up, looking a little startled, "Yeah?"

"I adore you." You said, giving him a soft, slow smile.

His cheeks flushed and you realised you like making him blush.

Hoseok looked at you, eyes serious despite his red cheeks. "I really like you, Y/N."

Blood rushed to your cheeks and your heart picked up its pace. You looked down, sipping on your melting milkshake. When both of you were done eating and finished drinking, you ordered another milkshake and Hoseok ordered another latte.

Neither of you were ready to go home yet.

"So, why dance?" You asked him somewhere after your third milkshake, curious.

"I've always found it easier to express myself with my body rather than words." He shrugged, looking a little shy. "It's my greatest passion. When I'm dancing, I'm free."

"I'd like to watch you dance sometime. If you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure. I don't mind." Hoseok shook his head. "Why business?" He asked in return.

"Promise you won't laugh?" You asked first, looking at him seriously.

"I promise."

"And you can't tell anyone and I'll know if you have because I haven't told anyone. Not even my mom, but I think she suspects."

"I won't." Hoseok swore, sitting a little straighter.

"I want to start my own shoe store. Originally I wanted to study something in a fashion direction, I like designing shoes, but the industry is tough to get into. So, I figured I'll start smaller and work my way up." You looked down at the table, fiddling with a serviette.

"Wow. That's like . . .your whole future planned out." Hoseok said, looking at you with wide eyes.

You snorted, "Not really. It's just a dream. It's going to take hard work to make it into a reality."

"You can do it. I believe in you." He said, so sincere that you had no choice but to believe him.

When you finally went home, it was dark and Hoseok walked you back to your dorm room. Halfway there, he brushed his hand against yours and when he slid his palm against yours, you happily entwined you'd fingers.

You opened your door and turned to him, ready to say something but he beat you to it.

"I had a really great time today." He said with that ever present sunny smile that made your heart sing when he directed it at you.

"Me too. It was much better than I expected." You said, only realising after his smile dropped how that might have sounded to him. "Not that I expected it to be bad, just a little awkward because you make me nervous. Really nervous. But it wasn't awkward at all. I was comfortable from the beginning."

"Oh." Hoseok breathed softly, and you could heard the relief in that one syllable. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe we could do it again, sometime?"

"Oh, we better." You told him seriously.

"Well, I should get going. We have class tomorrow." He took a step back from you, clearly intent on leaving. You looked at him with raised brows.

"You're really not going to try for a goodnight kiss?" You laughed.

Hoseok let out an indignant huff, crossing his arms over his chest. "Hey, don't laugh at me. I'm trying to be a gentleman here."

You positively melted from his words, heart speeding up. You gave him a look full of adoration. "Hoseok, you are always a gentleman and I appreciate it," Your gaze turned a bit mischievous. "But you should know that I've been wondering what it would be like to kiss you since the day we met."

His eyebrows rose, jaw going slack as he looked at you in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, really." You nodded, amused. "So, whenever you're feeling like being ungentlemanly, just know I wouldn't be opposed to it."

"Okay." He nodded dumbly and you laughed.

"Good night, Hoseok." You told him fondly.

"Night." Hoseok echoed, taking another step back and then turning away from you. You waited until he reached the stair case before you closed your door, letting out a squeal of happiness.

You took of your shoes, haphazardly kicking them into the shoe rack, pulling off your baby pink sweater as you padded to your room, humming with a gigantic grin on your face.

It wasn't five minutes since you arrived home when a knock sounded on your door. You threw your sweater on the bed, heading to the door.

"Yeah, I'm coming." You called, and the incessant knocking ceased. Probably Minji or Jamie that wants to borrow a book or some paper to print a project. You opened the door, frowning slight when you saw who was on the other side, "Hoseok? Is everything okay?"

"I'm not feeling very gentlemanly right now." He declared before stepping closer, grabbing you by the neck and kissing you until you were breathless, your socked covered toes curling.

"Good night." He said when he pulled away, then added on, "For real this time."

You laughed a little, feeling so ridiculously happy. You wondered if you could combust from it.

"Text me when you get home." You blurted, still catching your breath.

"Promise." He nodded, licking his lips. You leaned forward to peck them one last time. For now.

You laughed again, practically vibrating with giddiness as you closed the door for a second and final time.

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE: !!this is not the end!! *pouts* Tumblr told me that I filled all of my 250 boxes, so I have to split it. It's like my fic duet all over again. *le sigh* Idek how people write 12K fics and still fit it in.

part two

[liibrii]

Chapter 1: Still the same

Ojiro Aran x fem!reader

Synopsis: In Aran's eyes you've always been someone he could lean onto. Before you lost touch after graduating that was. Now that you've found a way back into his life, cracking under the weight of the world, he's determined to be there for you as you were for him. It really is only the question of time before he falls in love with you again but he soon starts to realise he might not know you all that well to begin with...

Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, slow burn, friends to lovers

Warnings: timeskip spoilers, internalised guilt and shame, intrusive thoughts, self doubt, depression, anxiety, swearing, use of alcohol

wc: 3.1k

a/n: if you wanna be tagged lemme know. as always feedback is greatly appreciated!  a big thanks to @rosecaffelatte​ for the help with header and dividers!

“I dig the new look. But why just the beard, why not grow some nice moustache too? You could twirl them during matches. Like some super volleyball villain.“

Aran's coffee goes down the wrong pipe. “Is that how ya see me?” he asks during coughs.

Years later and your laughter still sounds the same. Warmth spreading through him is still the same. It's been a few months since you moved to Tokyo to finish your degree. “Better late than never, right?“ you told him the first time you got coffee together. An unfamiliar bitterness laced your voice then.

“Me? No. But the opponent might.“ You add some sugar to your cup before making a sip. Aran remembers seeing your favourite drink on the menu and wonders why you ordered something else. Maybe you just don't like it anymore. It has been some time since he last saw you.

Almost four years to be exact. Has it really been that long? He remembers the reunion as if it happened yesterday and graduation only a day before.

“We're graduating in a few days so I made you all a little something.“ You pulled neatly wrapped gifts from your bag. “Don't look so suspicious.“Seeing team's faces made you scrunch up your nose. “It's just a framed picture.“

You made one for everyone, even the first years who were merely bench warmers. It's the picture of the entire team taken after you returned from your last nationals. Aran remembers vividly how insistent you were on hanging team banner in the background. 'We don't need memories.' “But I sure do,“ you joked.

There's a hand written message on the back side. A different note for every single member.

“Take that 'Tsumu!“ shouted Osamu back then and pushed his frame under Atsumu's nose, “Look here, 'Don't tell 'Tsumu but yer my favourite twin!'“

Atsumu sneered at his brother: “What're ya talkin' about? 'Tsum-Tsum yer on the way of becomin' the best setter the world has ever known. And don't tell 'Samu but yer my favourite twin!' Take that ya pig!“

Aran laughed with the rest of the team. How typical that you would play twins against each other to create chaos. 'Aran,' his note read, 'don't forget to stretch properly after practice! And please, never sprain your ankle during matches. World doesn't have to know all your socks have holes in them.'

The first time he noticed your absence in his life was only months after graduating. The volleyball club manager who yelled at the cheering squad in front of the entire gymnasium for making a first year cry during a practice match. Fearless.

You were there when he needed someone to lean onto. With a snack and a sports drink, staying late just to make sure he didn't go overboard with practice. A light slap on his shoulders when he was wallowing in self doubt. On the days it got especially bad you pulled a pack of ritz crackers from your secret stash of snacks and bought him a drink on the way home. Sometimes you'd sit on the stone fence by the crossroad where your path home diverged, gossiping for hours about your classmates and teachers. Aran found it so easy to tell you all the trouble weighing on his mind. Be it about school or volleyball, you listened. Even when he knew he was talking nonsense, even when he knew his worries were just unfounded doubts you listened.

“Better to try and fail than to never try at all,“ you once told him.

Aran's lips curved into a small smile. “Where did ya read that? Some ancient philosopher?“

“No, it's a song.“ You pulled out your phone from the pocket and offered him a headphone. “Wanna listen to it?“

It really was no surprise he fell in love with you.

But he never spoke of how his breath caught in his throat, how his heart pounded whenever you were around. How could he when he had always known that look of pure love and adoration in your eyes would never be meant for him?

How could it be when you were so obviously in love with Kita?

No matter how much his heart ached for you he had to admit you and Kita were a match made in heaven. Years later and he still remembers the pictures in your room, you and Kita aged five or so holding hands, bruised knees and dirty cheeks, you and Kita on your first day of elementary school, you and Kita graduating Middle school. You and Kita joining volleyball club together. You and Kita locking pinkies on the way home. You and Kita. Always you and Kita.

He was so jealous back then. It drained so much of his energy trying to prevent the sneering beast from taking over. So much suppressed emotions trying to protect the friendship he to this day holds so dear. But no matter what he did he couldn't prevent his insides clenching every time you took Kita's hand. Well, why did he even expect you'd chose anyone but him? You've known him your entire life. Kita was your best friend from before either of you even knew what that meant. He understood you better than anyone. Why would you ever choose anyone but him?

For years you were happy and for years Aran believed he had moved on. Once in passing Kita even bashfully mentioned marriage. Aran congratulated his friend, even looked at engagement rings with him. That night he cam home and collapsed on the bed dazed from emotions erupting back to the surface. In his lonely, empty apartment he cried his eyes out. Never before had he been so angry at himself. He believed he was over you. And with one single sentence from Kita vines carrying your name sprouted thorns and pierced his heart.

He was a terrible friend, wasn't he? Perhaps this was his punishment for wishing you were in his arms instead. You are happy, right? So why can't that be enough? Even if it's with someone else, if he really loved you then knowing you are happy should be all that matters, right?

You were happy. Until you weren't. Aran was never glad to learn you and Kita broke up. But he wasn't sad either.

“I always thought ya and Shinsuke were gonna be it.“

Warm sunlight dances over your face. You stare out the window, the gaze of your eyes sorrowful. Aran doesn't remember ever seeing you sad. You've always been the happy one, the one capable of lifting others' spirits no matter how bad it was.

You stir your drink. “I thought so too.“ When you lean back your eyes still search for something in the street. “But that's how it goes you know, sooner or later you realise you've been wrong. One way or another.“

You're trying to sound carefree and Aran's heart cracks a little. Why are you trying so hard to conceal the pain? Don't you trust him?

You are still his friend. He's starting to think that maybe... Maybe he isn't yours anymore. He shouldn't have brought up Kita. Idiot.

“Our semi-final match is next week. Ya comin'?“

Before you answer a small voice chimes in. “Uhm, excuse me? Ojiro-san?“ The boy's eyes sparkle with excitement as he asks for an autograph and a picture and Aran's more than happy to oblige. Two other kids show up and then their parents and some of the guests who had been throwing glances at your table for some time. Aran takes his time taking pictures and exchanging pleasantries. Meeting fans is the one aspect of being a renown athlete he likes.

When he turns back at you there's a fond smile on your face. “Remember those times when you thought you had no future in volleyball because you didn't get invited to youth training camp?“ Your voice softens. “Look at you now. Ojiro Aran, outside hitter of Japan's National Team.“

The light trace of pride in your voice makes his face heat up. “I was lucky to have friends who believed in me.“

“True. I better get going, my shift stars in an hour.“ You stand up and collect your things. “Talk to you later!“

What little of time you spent together always seemed to fly past too rapidly. Aran watches through the window as you hurry down the street. His coffee has gotten cold.

His spike wins them the semi-finals. In the eruption of cheering he can't hear your voice but he does see you bouncing on your heels right beside his family. You're wearing his jersey. Not a replica, it's the same jersey he wore the last season. You jumped from happiness when you opened the present. One more for your small collection of former teammates' jerseys.

Aran beams and waves in your direction. If he could he'd run over to hug and spin you around just like he used to do back in high school but he's called away. By the time interviews are over you're long gone. A part of him really hoped you would wait for him. Just like you did back in high school. All there is is a message telling him he was amazing and you're proud of him. His heart swells and for the rest of the day nothing can wipe the wide grin off of his face.

At the after party alcohol runs in rivers. Since there's no practice scheduled for tomorrow his teammates go wild. Aran downs his fifth or sixth shot having lost count a while ago. He's warm and giddy, from the victory, the alcohol, the girl on his lap running her hands up and down his chest. What was her name again? She pulls him to the dance floor, her hair is the same colour as yours and her body feels so nice against his... She looks at him funny when he calls her your name. He gets lost in the blasting music and dim lights, the haze of all the drinks and the arm around his waist.

The sound of the alarm clock might as well be a sack of rocks someone dumped on his head. Even still half asleep the blunt throbbing in his head is becoming unbearable. He wraps himself tighter with the thin blanket. Futon beneath shifts as someone climbs over him.

Or perhaps he's just dreaming.

When the second alarm rings Aran's eyes begrudgingly flutter open. He struggles to pick up the phone trying to hit that snooze button. He rubs the sleep off his eyes. That's not his phone.

The alarm is still ringing. Oh, he's going to have one hell of a headache today. His fingers shake when he finally finds the 'stop' button. For a few moments he lies motionless though the pounding of his heart rings in his ears. Last night is a haze of disconnected voices and pictures. The futon beneath him is too small to be his and he doesn't recognise the pattern of the sheets either. He probably slept with some girl from the party. Better get up and get the awkward 'morning after' conversation over with.

Sitting up he discovers all his clothes are still on. The room doesn't look familiar, yet the smell... There's something homey and intoxicating about it.

Standing up is a feat on its own. He's dizzy from the sleep and the alcohol and has to grab the edge of the desk to steady himself. He closes his eyes and waits for dizziness to pass. In the weak morning sunlight sipping through the window he notices books and pencils strewn all over. There's a framed picture on the window ledge. It takes a moment for him to recognise it.

Last year of high school, the last trip to the beach you made together. Akagi is giving you a piggy-back ride, Omimi holds both of your popsicles with a fond look on his face. Aran stands beside him, carrying the inflatable ring you guys later accidentally popped on a rock, and on the edge of the group is Kita. His face is covered with a post-it note.

Sudden sickness twists his stomach and it's not just too much alcohol to blame. He slides open the door and looks around before walking down a short hallway to the kitchen. You're just packing your bag. “Look who woke up from his beauty sleep. Want some breakfast?“

“Bathroom,“ is all he manages to utter.

“Last door on the right.“

He finds it not a moment too early. How embarrassing, to be throwing up at your place. He feels your hands rub soothing circles on his back as he leans over the toilet. Once his stomach settles down you hand him a glass of water and some headache medicine. His head is spinning. When he finally collects himself enough to stand up on his own you hand him a new toothbrush. “I gotta go in a few minutes. Professor doesn't like us being late.“

“What happened?“ His voice is hoarse.

“You had a drink too much Mr. Lightweight,“ you say with a loop sided grin. “A girl form the party called me in the middle of the night asking for someone to pick you up. It's a good thing she did cause everyone was so drunk they couldn't stand straight. You guys really did take celebrating to a whole new level. I did take you to your place but when we got there your keys were gone. So might want to look into that. Also I'm pretty sure I strained a muscle dragging you up the stairs.“ You glimpse over to the clock on the wall. “Listen, I really have to go. My roommate'll be home all day so you can stay if you want. And when you get hungry just take something from the fridge. You gonna be alright?“

Aran nods. Fuck, even that hurts. “Need to sleep it off,“ he mumbles.

You give him one more pat on the back before you leave. He struggles for a while trying to unscrew the tube of toothpaste. Never before has brushing teeth posed such a challenge. He washes his face with ice cold water that does nothing to improve the headache or his mood.

He collapses back on your futon. So, this is your room then. It's nothing like the one he remembers from back home. The Vabo-chan plushie team gifted you for your birthday lies on the pillow. It still holds the ball Omimi made at the last moment, not that he was the one given this task in the first place. It was meant as a joke yet you brought it with you to Tokyo. Aran snuggles it, noticing how pale and worn out it's becoming. He drifts back to sleep, thinking he should tell the others you still have it. They'll be glad to hear it.

No matter how hard Aran tries to pay you back the money for the taxi ride from the party you refuse. The only payment you're prepared to accept is a trip to the seaside. The moment you see the endless blue water you run closer, discarding your shoes on the beach. Seeing you splash around in the shallow water makes him laugh.

He lays out the blanket and watches over you. It's good seeing the exhaustion on your face being washed away. Even if you didn't complain at all and said nothing he could tell balancing college and work is taking its toll. Despite smiling and appearing as carefree as always you seem tired. Aran is starting to fear you'll break under the weight of whatever it is you refuse to tell him.

He lays back on his bag, basking in the warm sun. Soon he dozes off. Once he wakes up you're laying beside him and scribbling in the margins of an article you have to read for an upcoming lecture. He lets you work and simply enjoys your presence. He missed hanging out with you, even if you don't do anything special he's just glad to have you around.  

As evening falls he draps his jacket on your shoulders. You always loved stealing – not stealing he corrects himself, borrowing- you always loved borrowing jackets and hoodies.

“Hey Aran? Can... Can I tell you something?“ You hide your face beneath the hood of his jacket.  

“'Course ya can.“

“Remember the old maple tree by the crossroad?“

Aran thinks for a moment. “Ya mean the one Suna dared ya to climb and ya fell down from?“

“That one yeah.“ A shadow of a smile flies over your lips at the memory.

“Everyone thought Oomi-sensei would throw ya outta the club. Shouldda seen the second year's faces when they thought we'll lose our precious manager.“

“A few months ago I walked past it. Thought about climbing it.“

“Lemme guess, ya couldn't? College life sucked all the strength from yer arms? Told ya ya should exercise more.“

“I was scared.“ You take a deep breath. “I climbed that tree a thousand times before. And now I'm too scared to even touch the lowest branch.“ You fidget with the hem of his jacket. “It scared me so much you know, not noticing how much I've changed.“

“Ya haven't changed that much.“

You look at him. “Haven't I?“

“No.“ Lies. A part of him knows it's lies. “Yer still the same. Our precious manager.“ He playfully pokes your shoulder. Yeah, you're still the same. You're still the you he remembers. “Yer my friend. Fearless. Always there to kick some sense into me.“ You're still the same girl he fell in love with all those years ago. “Yer one of my best friends. Nothin's gonna change that. Besides-“

“I hated you.“

Seagulls' calls. Waves crashing on the shore. People chatting in the distance. “Well, hate might be a bit too strong...“ You pull your knees to your chest and hug them, your eyes fixed on the waning light on the horizon. “I was so envious of you, you know? Of all of you... You, Akagi, Omiren,... You all knew what you wanted, you going pro, them going to college, and Shin... Even back in school I was the odd one out. I couldn't admit to myself that I envied you. Now I know it was wrong. So fucking childish. But that's how I felt.“ You can't bear to look him in the eye. “Sometimes I still feel like the one who has no idea what to do with her life...“

A lump forms in Aran's throat. He had no idea. Too blinded by your light, too engrossed in his own feelings to notice what was happening underneath your carefree facade.

“Knowing that tell me,“ you glance at him and tears in your eyes glimmer in the last beams of the setting sun, “can really nothing change our friendship?“

Ch. 2: Tattered

[lifeisadoozy]

sharing a short dousy video edit i made.

i don't know why but i really like this and thought i'd share it on here too.

should i rant about what goes in my head while making this video? no. will i? yes.

basically the song is beginning middle end by leah nobel from to all the boys i've loved before part 3. this song is basically about two people falling in love from the early years of their lives. since lara jean and peter met when they were kids. but then started (fake) dating in high school and their adventure together started right then and there. anyway, watch the movies if you haven't already. this song fits lara jean and peter so well (i don't know if it was written specifically for them or not).

but daisy and sousa didnt meet when they were kids because of one obvious reason: when daisy was a kid, sousa's dead; and when sousa was a kid, daisy hadn't been born yet. they weren't supposed to meet. so their journey started off separately.

daisy's beginning in shield was rocky, to say the least. but she found a home there with coulson, fitzsimmons and may (i'll get to ward) in season 1. they bonded quite quickly, mainly daisy skye and coulson. i think it shifts when she got shot by ian quinn. everyone in the team, especially ward was terrified and angry at the situation. now. she had a relationship with miles early on in the season, which was broken off. but within the context of the song, her beginning was ward. he was her s.o. she was falling for him when she uncovered that he's hydra. add that trauma to the ones she already had prior to shield. no wonder she has trust issues.

her middle was her powers. even though the story started early in the series, it's still the middle. because she struggled with her powers throughout seasons 2 - 5. the middle would always be the bulk of it all. it's where everything happens. it's the crux of a character, of a person. it's where daisy became daisy. now, in the middle of her middle (pun very much intended), was lincoln. the first inhuman who helped her and understood her. i'm sure they've got their own problems and everything, but it doesn't change the fact that he was someone who knew what she's going through. none of her found family could help her the way he could. this is where i think it gets interesting. seasons 2 - 5, where i said was her middle, and basically the peak/climax of daisy as a character, she was falling for and fell for lincoln. it was known that daisy was still in love with lincoln in season 5. possibly around 2 years after he died. but then we found out that she had moved on from lincoln in the beginning of season 6.

season 6 and 7 is the end of her journey with the team. they're still a family. just a family who occassionally see each other. now in season 6, like i mentioned previously, it was acknowledged that daisy had moved on. the past will always be with her, no doubt. the trauma would stick. hopefully just bits and pieces. but it would still be there until she either had alzheimer's, dementia, any other retrograde amnesia injuries or diseases, or the day she died. she would never forget lincoln or ward, heck even miles. she won't forget her past. unless it was taken away from her. so, back to the topic at hand, she wanted her own fitz. she had grown from the woman she was in the beginning, she had grown from the woman and superhero that she was in the middle. she knows who she is now. with the people she worked with. and the people she calls her family. and also with anyone. daisy's ending was perfect (to me at least). she wasn't looking for love right then and there. she was burnt one too many times. but she wanted that kind of love and support. the love and support that fitz and simmons have for each other. something that daisy lacked all her life. she ended up with someone who gave her what she wanted. and what she needed.

with sousa, it's a little different. because we didn't get to see much of his background and family life. we didn't get to know what his life was like during the war and before the war. we begin to see him in the ssr. we all knew, literally everyone knew, even the characters knew that sousa's practically in love with peggy. except for maybe peggy herself. but i'm sure she had an inkling. she definitely had an inkling. but then things go on and he became chief of the west coast office and he was in los angeles while peggy was in new york. he moved on (or so we thought). he started dating violet and was ready to marry her. he told her he loved her. and he did. it's just that he was also in love with peggy. still. and violet saw that. it's as clear as day. and they broke it off.

we didn't get to see much of sousa's middle. mainly because ac wasn't renewed for a third season. which was such a waste because it ended with so many things left unanswered. but we know that between 1947 - 1955, peggy and sousa broke up. we have no idea why. we don't know if steve was back. nada. all we know is that they broke up. when did they break up? again. no idea. but we know that peggy means a lot to sousa. she's like (sorta; i don't like making comparisons but anyway) sousa's lincoln in a way (i'm not saying that they're the exact replica. daisy/lincoln and peggy/sousa are quite different. but they do have similarities. those pairings are the kind where they want to be together forever but knew that it wouldn't work; my interpretation). she didn't die, we know that. but she's sort of the one that got away. my guess is that it's because shield and the world was more important than each other. which wasn't dissimilar to daisy and lincoln's situation. so, yes. peggy's sousa's middle. she influenced him a lot. and he found himself amidst ssr and shield (just like daisy did).

sousa's end was again, perfect. he went to the future. got to see what the organisation he helped build came to be. he went on an adventure to explore space. which he would geek out over. instead of dying, he got to live. with the love of his (new) life. he may be a man out of time, but with daisy and their ragtag family, he is right where he belongs.

daisy and sousa began with "who the hell are you" and ended with "it's beautiful" (just putting this here because i love that fact).

so. they started pretty quickly, didn't they? 4 episodes in and sousa fell in love with daisy. 7 episodes in and daisy fell in love with sousa. though i doubt that they thought they're in love. but they're falling. or walking towards it. 7x03 was when they met. it's where it all began. in area 51 of all places (foreshadow much?). but what's even more interesting is that technically, they began twice. from daisy's perspective, they met in 6x13 (which plenty of people had pointed out; but @agents-of-fangirling was the most recent). even though they didn't actually meet because sousa was wearing that blue (seriously his colour really is blue) hazmat suit and daisy was disoriented (may dying and all that jazz). but from sousa's perspective, they met in 7x03. where they actually made eye contact and conversed. how many couples can say that the when of their first encounter was debatable?

now. their middle, in the video edit, i used the scene from 7x10. because i think that's a pretty good middle. they had their first first kiss. sousa had no idea that happened. yet, there he was, wanting to help. just like his time-loop self. he extended a hand and she accepted. she accepted help. do you know how much of a development that was??? because i think that it's a huge character development (i still haven't rewatched so don't take my word for it). i think that's a good depiction of their middle. oh yeah. before i forgot. they also had two first kisses. and again, i say, how many couples can say that they had two first kiss? figured i'd choose the scene in the middle of those first kisses (pun intended lmao).

sidenote: did y'all see the devastation in her eyes when sousa volunteered to stay in the 80s? or how her eyes went wide and she started to panic when he was injected in the time loops? sousa's a man of action. and when he says something, he means it. so, his constant concern over daisy and him wanting to help in any way he can, it's his love language.

and then we have their ending. the perfect end to an imperfect couple (because nobody's perfect *cue hannah montana*). daisy got sousa a typewriter. because he's from the 50s. since when did daisy buy gifts for her boyfriends/partners/lovers? and they watched e.t. together? that's normal couple things. even though they are far from normal. but they get to experience it all together. daisy didn't get to in the past. none that we know of anyway. and now she does. also, that smile when she talks about him. that fond smile that grazed her lips at the thought of him. i've never seen her smile like that before (none that i remember; and if she did, well then i'm so so happy for her). she looks happy. serene. and her saying "he's a dork" twice in the season just makes my heart burst with happiness for them.

sidenote: my headcannon is that "he's a dork" is code for "i love him too much to explain it in words."

i'd like to believe that even though it has ended, their story has just begun. they're going through their middle right now. and i hope that they won't end. in other words, their end was not an ending. it was a beginning of a new life.

as daisy said, "we're loving the journey together." keyword: journey. it's a long road up ahead. with countless of challenges and obstacles in the way. but in the end, all that matters is that they face it together.

that's it. thanks for coming to my ted talk (for those who actually read it all the way through, i love you).

[tsuchann]

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬.

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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝖻𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖽𝖾𝗇𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; 𝗒/𝗇 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝗌

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿

𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬; 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗆𝗎𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅 𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖿𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗍𝗒

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brown eyes were just brown eyes until bill denbrough met y/n l/n.

bill's eyes were a painstakingly noticeable shade of dull green with slight flecks of gold that he had always been proud of. despite his predicament, he never did stutter his thanks when random passerby's went up to him. “you have pretty eyes,” they would say, and he loved it. maybe not just the attention for once but that he had something to define him other than his stutter that he hated so much.

but you had always been insecure of her chocolate brown, almost black eyes. because it was so easy to hate in a world where everyone was too busy comparing blue eyes to pretty summer skies and rolling beach waves and rare greens to fields of emeralds, brown eyes were lost (almost quite literally), trampled in the mud.

you wished people would romanticize brown eyes as much as the next color.

then you met bill denbrough.

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it was considerably cold for a day in march, when derry went through daily mood swings and you would go to school with it hot outside and walk home chilly because the temperature had dropped at least a few degrees and you hadn't brought a jacket.

you ran into beverly first, the redhead from 4th period with those envious freckles. up until that moment, you didn't dare consider her as a friend, worried she would find it weird. you were merely acquaintances, but ms. wheeler loved projects and so you two had chosen to be partners more times than you could count on your fingers, so maybe you gave yourself too little credit.

“hey, y/n!” she called you over to where she sat against the brick wall of her apartment building, staring at the sky. she smiled so warmly you couldn't help but walk over with a hesitant smile of your own.

beverly was outgoing and kind and you didn't believe in rumors. “i was wondering,” she took a drag from her cigarette, “since we're basically friends, if you wanted to maybe come over?”

you stumbled over your words, never being asked to a sleepover before (she told you later what it was,) and agreed with a wider smile than before while hoping she didn't notice how clammy your hands were, because they were definitely clammy.

it was inescapable. you two had become closer friends over two weeks than you ever had with anybody in the span of 3 years since you've moved to the town.

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“oh, come on, y/n!” said beverly, a little exasperated. “they'll love you!”

     pink dusted your cheeks as you struggled to form a sentence. beverly has managed to convince you to meet her other friends. you hadn't seen them too much but knew of them, of course you did.

you met bill last, and you suddenly realized why people said “best for last.” the first thing you noticed, however, was his eyes; a beautiful shade of green that you loved. you never quite found anything like it.

on another hand, you loved bill's stutter and thought it was adorable. “n-nice to m-m-meet you, y-y/n,” he said shyly, sticking his hand out for you to shake. you couldn't explain it, but it was like sparks flew. like ben franklin with a key and a kite.

     you loved his eyes, suddenly feeling much more insecure of your own.

     since then, you hung out with the loser's club more often than you'd care to admit but always seemed to stray too far for bill's liking. you were shy, but seemed so open with the others that bill wondered if he was the problem.

he was the problem- but in a different way than he imagined. the problem was you were entirely in love with bill denbrough with the cute stutter and pretty green eyes that were your new and improved favorite color.

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green eyes were never just green eyes to y/n l/n, especially after she met bill denbrough.

she had always admired green eyes but after meeting bill denbrough, all she could see was him and his own unique kind of green. and you saw it everywhere.

in the trees outside your window, the green of your least favorite shirt that you began to like more for an unexplainable reason, and even in the green apple gum that you always adored.

her stomach fluttered at the glimpse of any green, instantly reminding her of the cause of her affections, and her palms clammed up with nervous sweating. she stuttered almost as badly as him if she ever had to talk to him. it was embarrassing, to say the least so she opted it would be better to avoid him.

bill didn't seem to like that.

at a sleepover to his house, you weren't sure how bev had managed to convince your parents; but whatever she said, it worked, you were more nervous than ever. quieter than when the losers had first met you, there was no doubt they were a little suspicious.

you remembered bill, in his mint pajama set that reminded you of green, and only reminded you of him.

seemingly fed up with your silence, in the middle of the latest movie in the star wars series, he, with a painted expression of determination and a smidge of annoyance, grabbed your elbow as you stood to get a drink. he half-dragged, half-led you to the kitchen and you wondered what you had done to piss him off, clutching the hem of your cardigan nervously.

instead, he almost seemed desperate. “w-what did i-i do to yuh-you, y/n?”

your face fell. oh. oh. bill thought you hated him, probably. or didn't like him, at least.

“what do you mean?” you tried to keep your voice steady, staring anywhere but his mesmerizing eyes.

“y-you know what i m-mean,” he said, almost disappointed, “are you m-m-mad at m-me? or d-do you just n-not l-like me?”

you felt bad. so bad. “no!” you said a little too loudly, “of course not!” you tried to be quieter, “no- it's just,” you hesitated, unable to say it.

bill looked hurt. “oh,” he mumbled, you really do hate me. he didn't say it out loud but you knew what he was thinking.

as he was turning to leave, your eyes widened in slight panic before you grabbed his wrist and brought him impossibly closer, your cheeks as red as beverly's hair and his own expression shocked. you still couldn't look at his eyes.

“y-y/n-“ he didn't get to finish, because your lips had smashed against his in a rough manner, shocking you more than him. and he began to kiss you back, almost shyly.

you pulled apart breathlessly.

“i'm sorry,” you whispered, almost ashamed, at the ground. “i- i was just flustered, and i-“

bill brought his hand to your chin and turned your face to look at his. “look at me,” he said almost sternly, not an ounce of stutter in him. “i-i love your eyes...” he mumbled.

it hit you like a train at full force. your eyes widened. no fucking way. no one had ever called your eyes pretty or stopped to stare at the chocolate almost black void of your pupils that you had always been insecure of. but, bill, sweet, shy bill with the stutter and leadership tendencies had looked into your almost black, void-ish eyes and found the stars hiding under the surface.

you knew almost immediately that you were in deep when he caught your lips with his own again softly, this time.