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depressedhangrybitch · 1 year

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weird ascension of darius the great

have u ever heard of Darius the great. i mean people who are passionate in middle east’s history might or probably do know about this king since he was the first Persian ruler who actually unified the what is now known as persian empire and under his rule it went onto great heights. he kinda reminds me of Julius creaser since their story is pretty much the same :- great majestic prime then died tragically.

anyways back to the topic, what really makes me laugh about his case is not his empire and his rule but the hilarious chain of events that led to him becoming king.

never heard about this...buckle up since this is going to be a hell of a ride.

the story starts with Cyrus the great

yes that Cyrus the first to ever write a human rights tablet. great ruler. salute to this man. he was actually a distant relative of Darius.

one day he dreamed of Darius with wings behind his back one wing shadowing Europe the other Asia. Cyrus fearing that Darius might be plotting against him send him away. though Cyrus's story ends tragically i dont really feel bad for him. he died at the hands of queen Tamarius. badass lady seriously dont mess with her as Cyrus learned the hard way. she cut off Cyrus's head after he killed her son and dipped his head in the pool of his own blood. i think the exact words she said were i always keep my word and "Drink your fill of blood!. Badasssss i say with a capital B. well she had aright to be angry since Cyrus got her son slaughtered.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!!!!!

ANYWAY I ALWAYS GET A LITTLE TOO PASSIONATE IT SEEMS.

SO after Cyrus death, as the custom dictates his eldest son should inherit the throne the problem was Cyrus had 2 sons Cambyses and smerdis.

while Cambyses was the elder one he was also a short tempered spoiled and paranoid man who had a habit of going into fits of rage and doing things he later regretted. in my opinion he was also an idiot.

there is actually a story of how when a close comrade of him told hm that he drank too much. and he was like ,”ok if i drank too much then i wouldn't be good at shooting a bow and then he had the comrade’s son stand against the wall and used him as a target board. he said that if he drank too much then he will PROBABLY miss the shot and then proceeded to shoot the comrades son in the heart IN FRONT OF THE COMRADE.

WHAT. A. DICK.

kinda like Joffrey from got.

smerdis was....

his brother?? he is not the focus here and is irrelevant.

so... FFUUUUUCCCKKK OFFFF SMERDIS!!!!!

ANYWAYS, he also had a weird mind considering he sometimes had very crazy plans that always ended in disaster.

case in point in his new years of crowning himself he had this awesome (not) plan of invading Egypt by basically sending his army through Sahara desert. SENDING AN ARMY THROUGH SAHARA DESERT!!!! l

LIKE. DUDE. WTF. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU.?

even today i think people have not fully travelled through Sahara desert through foot or on horses and camels imagine in that time.

understandably this ended in disaster as i think we still haven't found the lost army of king Cambyses as people have named this mystery.

though he did end up conquering Egypt during the reign of pharaoh phastmik 2?? i think the name is. but the first attempt and its consequence still remain a mystery. (probably)

So when he visited Egypt he took his brother with him because he had a dream of smerdis on a throne and his form big enough to touch the heaven.

(i swear this family has weird dreams).

this nightmare made him fear that smerdis will usurp him in his absence so he ordered smerdis to come with him. now the most logical decision in these circumstances would be to go yourself and in order as to not have a power vacuum in your empire u leave a close family member to rule temporarily. but what this idiot dd? he took his brother with him and put a magician aka a complete stranger to rule in his absence.

i. am. done. with. this. guy.

soon his paranoia reached its limit and he had his brother assassinated. througha trusted confidant of his - perxasspes. after the deed was done prexasspes returned to egypt to give his master the good news.

also fun fact i dont know where this comes in the story but the guy who assassinated smerdis, perxasspes his name was i think, his son was actually killed by Cambyses.

PLOT TWIST!!!!.

when Cambyses was to return to his Syria after a successful conquest of Egypt he received very surprising news considering the circumstances - in his absence his throne has been taken by..... SMERDIS?? yeah smerdis.

or is it??

continue if u want this mystery solved. HEHEHEH......MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Cambyses at first was confused by this recent development until someone reminded him that this must be a power grab by an opportunistic usurper.

i. am. honestly. loving. this. whole. situation. really. so. far.

in his haste to reach his kingdom Cambyses accidentally stabbed his thigh with his sword while mounting his horse and died in Egypt. BUT BEFORE DYING HE INSTRUCTED HIS NOBLEMEN TO SEIZE HIS THRONE FROM THIS SMERDIS...

OR IS IT???

since he had no heirs the power vacuum that was created and the fuckup events following it are finally here so lets get STARTTTTEDDDD!!!!

the problem the Cambyses men faced was that this smerdis was an extremely popular king and majority of the population believed him to be real son of cyrus. yes this is fake smerdis. i really suck at keeping suspense *sigh*.

perxasspes the one who killed the real smerdis could have resolved this confusion but he kept his mouth shut most likely to keep himself innocent because no one is going to leave u alone if u admit that u killed a prince on his brothers orders. most likely this would have created a scandal. or because perxasses was sadist who enjoyed peoples suffering.

the smerdis on throne also kept himself in seclusion whenever possible and surrounded himself with people who never met the real smerdis so as to further protect his identity.

enter one nobleman named otanes, otanes had a sneaking suspicion as to who this imposter was. years ago during cyrus’s reign a man had his ears cut off. otanes believed that this man could be the imposter. but to find out if this was true was very difficult since the imposter king always had a turban on which hid his ears and thus he could not confirm if he had ears or lack there of. so otanes had his daughter who was part of imposter kings harem sneak up on him while he was asleep and and check if he had ears.

NOOOOOO EARSSSS!!!!!

OTANES HAD HIS SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED. THE MAN ON THE THRONE IS NOT IN FACT THE REAL SMERDIS BUT A MAN ALSO NAMED SMERDIS.

HISTORY TWISTTTTTT!!!!!!

it gets worse btw.

turns out i the magician who was tasked to keep an eye on the empire had a brother whose name was smerdis and he in the absence of cambyses and smerdis crowned his brother king. its awesome timing since the real smerdis had just been secretly murdered.

otanes now gathered a bunch of men to overthrow the false king and one of them happened to beeee.........

DARIUS!!!! our man is finally here.

it seems that darius had pieced the plot together himself and came to assist the noblemen in their rebellion.

meanwhile the fake smerdis and the magician were getting nervous because the rumors of their scheme were spreading and so to get control of their situation they enveloped perxasspes in their scheme to make a public formal announcement that the false smerdis is the real smerdis and that the real smerdis had not been killed but the weight of his lies and betrayals finally began to crumble upon the assassin. he decided that he will no longer follow the line filled with betrayals and falsehoods. he climbed on a tall building and openly denounced the false king and confessed in front of the astonished crowd that the smerdis sitting on the throne is indeed an imposter. he urged to those who were listening to him to rise up and destroy the false king and restore the true persian royal family line. then in a dramatic exit he jumped and fell to his death. he must have realized he was fucked any way so death seems like a better alternative.

back to otanes and his men, after storming the royal palace and killing the imposter and his magic bro. the noblemen took to the streets and explained the evil plot to their people and urged people to cut down any magi they see. by morning, almost every magi was slaughtered.

the people seem easily impressionable tbh.

after their successful rebellion the noblemen had to decide who will rule them. in order to decide who will be king they determined that they will mount their horse and whoevers neighs first on the sunrise will be the king.

well at least there wasnt another war. that is a very effective yet childish way to do it.

according to one version of the story darius turned to his horse master obareus for help who proceeded to help his master by rubbing his hand on one of darius horse’s favourite mare’s vulva and then just before sunrise bought it close to darius’s horse nose which caused the horse to immediately snort and whinny.

ughhhhh so disgusting!!!

and thats how my friends darius the great became the ruler of persian empire after a chain of hilarious clusterfuck of events.

well his intelligent reflects from his actions. piecing together a conspiracy theory from abroad which turned out to be accurate is pretty sherlock holmes stuff.

darius my pal hope u are proud of yourself. u really left a mark on history and ur legacy.

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mximogoleadordelrealmadrid2023 · 6 months

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¿Cuáles son los mejores destinos turísticos en la Costa Brava?

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¿Cuáles son los mejores destinos turísticos en la Costa Brava?

Playas paradisíacas en la Costa Brava

La Costa Brava, situada en la región de Cataluña en España, es famosa por sus impresionantes playas paradisíacas que atraen a visitantes de todo el mundo. Con kilómetros de costa bañados por las aguas cristalinas del mar Mediterráneo, la Costa Brava es un destino perfecto para aquellos que buscan relajarse y disfrutar del sol y la playa.

Una de las playas más impresionantes de la Costa Brava es la playa de Aiguablava, con sus aguas turquesas y arena blanca. Rodeada de acantilados y vegetación exuberante, esta playa es un verdadero paraíso para los amantes de la naturaleza y la tranquilidad.

Otra playa destacada es la playa de Tamariu, un encantador rincón con un ambiente tranquilo y familiar. Con sus aguas poco profundas y su arena dorada, es ideal para familias con niños que quieran disfrutar de un día de playa sin preocupaciones.

Para aquellos que buscan un poco más de emoción, la playa de Sa Tuna es perfecta para la práctica de deportes acuáticos como el snorkel y el buceo. Con sus aguas cristalinas y su entorno natural impresionante, esta playa es ideal para explorar el fascinante mundo submarino de la Costa Brava.

En resumen, las playas paradisíacas de la Costa Brava ofrecen una experiencia inolvidable para aquellos que buscan relax, aventura y belleza natural en un entorno único en el mundo. ¡Ven y descubre la magia de la Costa Brava y sus playas paradisíacas!

Gastronomía mediterránea en la Costa Brava

La Costa Brava es un paraíso para los amantes de la gastronomía mediterránea. Esta fascinante región costera de Cataluña, en el noreste de España, ofrece una amplia variedad de delicias culinarias que reflejan la rica tradición gastronómica de la zona.

Los pueblos y ciudades de la Costa Brava cuentan con una amplia selección de restaurantes que ofrecen auténticos platos mediterráneos elaborados con ingredientes frescos y de alta calidad. Desde pescado y marisco recién capturado en el mar Mediterráneo hasta aceite de oliva virgen extra producido localmente, la gastronomía de la Costa Brava destaca por su sabor y frescura.

Uno de los platos más emblemáticos de la zona es la famosa paella, un arroz sabroso y con ingredientes variados que puede incluir desde pollo y conejo hasta mariscos frescos. Otros platos destacados de la Costa Brava incluyen la fideuà, una especie de fideuá con pescado y marisco, y la escalivada, una deliciosa mezcla de berenjenas, pimientos y cebollas asados.

Además de los platos principales, la Costa Brava también es conocida por sus postres tradicionales, como la crema catalana y el xuixo, un dulce relleno de crema pastelera. Para acompañar estas delicias, nada mejor que un buen vino de la región, como un refrescante vino blanco de la DO Empordà.

En definitiva, la gastronomía mediterránea en la Costa Brava es una experiencia culinaria única que combina tradición, sabor y calidad en un entorno incomparable junto al mar. Los visitantes de la Costa Brava no solo disfrutarán de hermosos paisajes, sino también de una deliciosa y auténtica cocina mediterránea que no dejará indiferente a nadie. ¡Bon profit!

Actividades acuáticas en la Costa Brava

La Costa Brava, en la región de Cataluña, España, es un destino que ofrece una amplia gama de actividades acuáticas para disfrutar del mar Mediterráneo en todo su esplendor. Con sus aguas cristalinas y paisajes impresionantes, este tramo de costa es el lugar perfecto para aventurarse en emocionantes experiencias acuáticas.

Una de las actividades más populares en la Costa Brava es el snorkel. Con una gran diversidad de vida marina, explorar los arrecifes y cuevas submarinas es una experiencia inolvidable. Además, muchos centros de buceo ofrecen excursiones guiadas para descubrir la riqueza submarina de la zona.

Para aquellos que buscan más adrenalina, el surf y el windsurf son opciones emocionantes. Conocidas por sus condiciones ideales para la práctica de estos deportes, playas como la de Sant Pere Pescador o la de Palamós atraen a surfistas de todo el mundo.

Los amantes de la navegación también encontrarán su paraíso en la Costa Brava. Desde alquileres de embarcaciones hasta excursiones en velero, hay opciones para todos los niveles de experiencia. Navegar por la costa brindará vistas panorámicas únicas y la oportunidad de descubrir calas escondidas de difícil acceso por tierra.

Y para aquellos que prefieren relajarse, nada mejor que un día de kayak o paddle surf. Remar a lo largo de la costa permite explorar tranquilamente las calas y playas más recónditas, disfrutando de la serenidad del mar y la belleza natural de la región.

En resumen, las actividades acuáticas en la Costa Brava son infinitas y prometen experiencias inolvidables para todos los gustos y niveles de habilidad. Ya sea explorando el fondo marino, deslizándose sobre las olas o navegando en aguas tranquilas, este destino tiene algo especial para cada amante del mar.

Pueblos con encanto en la Costa Brava

La Costa Brava es conocida por sus impresionantes playas y paisajes costeros, pero también alberga pueblos con un encanto único que vale la pena descubrir. Estos pintorescos pueblos combinan la arquitectura tradicional con impresionantes vistas al mar, creando un ambiente mágico que atrae a turistas de todo el mundo.

Uno de los pueblos más destacados de la Costa Brava es Cadaqués, famoso por ser el lugar donde vivió el reconocido pintor Salvador Dalí. Sus calles empedradas, casas blancas y el mar Mediterráneo como telón de fondo lo convierten en un lugar imperdible para los amantes de la cultura y el arte.

Otro pueblo encantador es Tossa de Mar, con su imponente castillo medieval que domina la costa y sus estrechas callejuelas llenas de historia. Perderse por sus callejones empedrados es como viajar en el tiempo y sumergirse en la auténtica esencia de la Costa Brava.

No podemos dejar de mencionar Tamariu, un pequeño pueblo de pescadores que conserva su encanto tradicional y se ha convertido en un destino tranquilo y apacible para desconectar del bullicio de la ciudad. Sus playas de aguas cristalinas y su exquisita gastronomía lo convierten en un lugar idílico para pasar unas vacaciones inolvidables.

En resumen, la Costa Brava es mucho más que sol y playa, es también un lugar lleno de historia, cultura y pueblos con un encanto especial que conquistan el corazón de quienes los visitan. ¡Descubre la magia de estos lugares y déjate cautivar por la belleza de la Costa Brava!

Rutas de senderismo en la Costa Brava

La Costa Brava es un lugar ideal para los amantes del senderismo, ya que ofrece una gran variedad de rutas que combinan la belleza natural con impresionantes vistas al mar Mediterráneo. Si estás buscando aventura y contacto con la naturaleza, las rutas de senderismo de la Costa Brava son una excelente opción.

Una de las rutas más populares es la que recorre el Camino de Ronda, un antiguo sendero costero que conecta las diversas calas y playas de la zona. Este camino ofrece panorámicas únicas, acantilados impresionantes y calas de aguas cristalinas donde podrás darte un baño después de caminar.

Otra opción es adentrarse en el Parque Natural del Cap de Creus, donde encontrarás rutas que te llevarán a descubrir paisajes salvajes y una flora y fauna únicas. Podrás disfrutar de vistas panorámicas desde los acantilados y contemplar el majestuoso faro que corona la zona.

Para los más aventureros, la ruta que lleva al Puig de l'Àliga es una excelente opción. Este pico ofrece vistas panorámicas de toda la Costa Brava y es un lugar perfecto para admirar la puesta de sol.

En definitiva, las rutas de senderismo en la Costa Brava ofrecen una experiencia inolvidable para los amantes de la naturaleza y la aventura. No dudes en calzarte las botas y explorar los maravillosos paisajes que esta región tiene para ofrecer. ¡Anímate a descubrir la Costa Brava a pie!

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