#tdis2018

[yourbayougirl]

Chaos & Madness

July 15, 2018

This week was the week of our Midterm check-ups. At first I didn’t consider them a big deal, just a routine visit to lay down what I’ve been doing so far and track my progress, which I was up to date on. However, after mid-term check ups were done everyone was on edge. Apparently the reviews for our cohort weren’t so hot. From what I could tell everyone was doing their work and their mentors were pleased from what Dr. Toldson told us before, however I suppose some complaints were made. We had our group meeting and everyone voiced their concerns. What we needed to work on and what needed to change. Personally, after the meeting I didn’t really even know what I needed to work on. I go to work from 10 am-6pm as usual and my mentor seems pleased with my work thus far. I’m even to the point where I’m writing my actual final report and working on my PowerPoint presentation, so I’m ahead of a lot of others work wise. The meeting was necessary, but afterwards instead of feeling aware and self-confident on what needed to take place, everyone left the meeting in a state of confusion. Apparently, all of their mentors had given them golden reviews to their faces, but left the unpleasant aspects for our program director to handle.

But nonetheless, I think it would be more helpful if our mentors would tell us face to face what their grievances were so we could be more aware of complaints they had instead of leaving it for us to ponder on what we may or may not be doing right. In general the week went ok, but the midterm check-up put a damper on our mood. Perhaps we needed a new strategy, new tactics on how to maneuver in this predominantly white space. As a wise person in our cohort said, “Just because they smiling in your face doesn’t mean they not taking ish behind your back”

Of course we’re all aware of the black tax, the fact that we’re judged as a whole rather than individually. That to them we’re just the minority children or the black interns. We aren’t people to them, just interchangeable black and brown faces that they can confuse for another despite any obvious differences we all have from one another. In others words, we knew we’d be judged differently from others. We’d have to work 3x as hard to get the same glowing reviews a regular white or white passing intern would. But tis’ the life of living in white patriarchal society.

Either way, I won’t let anyone get me down. Every person of color knows they have to overcome adversity in order to make it in this world, and in many cases we have to appeal to our white higher ups to get there unfortunately.But me, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. However, I’ll put more effort in making sure I’m doing everything my mentor suggests. I think I’ll make a to-do list.

Getting to work on time :✓

Doing my work:  ✓ 

Being awesome: ✓

Bringing black girl magic with me everywhere I go: ✓

[yourbayougirl]

Networking: Using that Southern Charm

June 17, 2018

Only 13 people.  That’s how many people I have connected with on my LinkedIn since creating it 2 weeks ago. Granted, it may seem like not a bad number to some, but for someone who needs to network and make connections as a black woman in STEM, only 13 people is disgraceful.  Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m stuck in my office all day and don’t really have time to interact with too many people at work, or maybe it’s that I’m usually worn out after the day and just want to go home and rest, or maybe I’m just getting lazy and was long overdue for a wake up call. The fact of the matter is, I need to get to networking.

 I typically feel more comfortable around people of color like myself, I gravitate to those who I know will understand me and who I feel will see me as an equal, which is most likely to be people of color and other women. Yet, in the field of engineering which is mostly a white male dominated field networking can be brutal. It’s a boys club to say the least. A white boys club. A lot of their events are at country clubs or golfing tournaments and it won’t be unusual to be the only black person in attendance, much less the only black woman. However, I can’t let that stop me from interacting with people who I need to make connections with to achieve my goals.

 Working at NSF has been a great experience, but I can’t help but notice that when I walk down the halls the only black women on my floor are the ones who work in the front desk as receptionist. There is one black man out of 50-60 people who is also a scientists and on my first day of work at NSF he kindly introduced himself and told me the game. “As a black woman I have to try much harder to succeed in this world”, he didn’t sugarcoat a thing. I enjoyed his talk and his bluntness and it was great having someone to confide in about the complexities of race and the workplace.

At the end of the day, racial equality is a long way from coming and till then we need to do our best to navigate this world and learn to survive in it. Looks like I’m going to have use some of my Southern charm and flash those pearly whites to make friends.  Networking. It’s not easy for some. It called netWORKING for a reason.

[yourbayougirl]

New Horizons: A Bayou Girl in the Nations Capital

June 1, 2018

As I kissed my family goodbye and entered the airport on my way to my internship in a city I had never once set foot in, I could only wonder what lay ahead.  My emotions were a tangled mess of fear, excitement, anxiousness, but overall hopefulness.  I wanted to make an impact in my incoming internship. I wanted to make friends and connections, and most of all I wanted to learn. Washington D.C was new territory for me. I went from my usual relaxed streetcars to the hustle and bustle of the subways in a fast paced metro.

D.C is very different from New Orleans.  The care-free fun loving place I’d grown up in was known for letting les bon temps roulez and its jovial atmosphere of music, dancing and culture. Here in DC, the people are cordial , but they won’t say hello to you on the street as you carry on with your day.  It’s as if everyone is in a hurry to get from one destination to the next and will literally run you over if you get in his or her way. I presume I’m getting a taste of the real world, and no one ever said it would be sweet.  

During my first week at the QEM I made lots of friends and I can honestly say I’m excited for what’s to come. My roommates are all smart, beautiful young women with so much talent and drive that I can say that I’m excited for what their futures hold. As for me, I have my worries, but I know I can push through. Just yesterday my peers and I went to the National African American Museum and ventured through all of the floors. Witnessing the history our ancestors went through and the sacrifices made so that people like me could stand here today and prosper; it was overwhelming to say the least.  

I know I can’t let their hard work go in vein. There is still so much work to do and they lay the framework, but its time for us to keep building for our future generations.  Through various organizations like Black Lives Matter, NSBE, SHPE, and QEM black and brown leaders of today are working and building so that our children and their children will have a better tomorrow.

And I won’t let them down.

[yourbayougirl]

The Long Haul

July 22, 2018

This week was pleasant and went quite smoothly. A nice transition from last week. It started off at the NIST, which stands for the National Institute of Standards and Technology. We had a nice time and saw some very cool equipment. The people took pride in being a nerd like me so it was very easy to relate to them getting excited about the various equipment they got to use everyday. There’s nothing better then waking up and going to a job you love. That’s truly why it’s important to choose a profession you actually have interest in. If not, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of headaches and misery. But alas, the people at NIST were very much in love with their jobs and work environment and I only hope I can be so lucky.

That Wednesday my cohort and I got to tour the White House and honestly I was a bit underwhelmed. We only got to see a small section of the building and in my opinion the decoration was very old and not in a timeless antique way. I think I read reports that melania and a Trump didn’t want to live there because the decoration was so bad in their opinion. I do believe that it’s historic value is reason enough to visit so I am happy on that end I guess I was just expecting some better decoration. But who am I to bash the White House interior decorators.

Once we got outside, there were so many protesters protesting everything under the Sun. Abortion, women’s rights, and for some reason Croatia too. Overall,the one that stood out to me the most was a man who only wanted to bring awareness to helping children in Haiti. My parents are from Haiti and I’m aware that it’s still one of the poorest countries in the world. The long tumultuous history of the country doesn’t usurp the fact that Haiti is poor because of slavery, colonialism, and because of European and American greed. After media attention dried up after the devastating 2010 earthquake it was nice to see that one man hadn’t forgotten them and was standing out in the blistering heat to bring awareness. One thing that pushes me to do better as a child of immigrants is to know that they sacrificed everything for me and my siblings to have a better life. I hope that I make them proud.

[yourbayougirl]

Fireworks & A Beach Day

July 8, 2018

This week was perhaps the busiest of them all so far. Monday we had a Capital Tour and July 4th came in the middle of the week and basically threw everyone’s schedule off, but it was a fun event. The July 4th cookout at my bosses house was wonderful. Seeing so many African Americans in upper class housing with degrees and who were successful really motivated me. I met and networked and I think maybe made a few job opportunities, plus great food and one of the best views of the fireworks for all DMV area.  It was just a fun night with friends and professionals but it didn’t feel like an office party. Everyone was very casual and my boss didn’t actually seem like my boss.  He was laid back and non-formal. The cookout really just enforced in me that a group of black people anywhere can  bond over who can and can’t play spades, is Kanye really lost or have the Kardashians just threw in the sunken place, or is Big Freedia actually a New Orleans bounce icon? Inquiring minds will never know, but best believe at any cookout the topics will be brought up at least once.  

The following day after we returned from the festivities; most us had hangovers, but we continued the work day as usual. If that’s not dedication I don’t know what is.  But nonetheless the week started to feel like the weekend. Like we shouldn’t have actually even been there because it was a Saturday or a Sunday. Even most of our mentors stayed home or teleworked. It seems the July 4th hump threw everyone for a loop. But then the weekend finally did come and we all had varying plans. Some of us went to the casino and some of us went out clubbing every night to shake and dance the stress of the week away, while some us went to catch some sun and much needed vitamin D.  The beach here is one of prettiest. People sailing and children lining up to go on the Ferris wheel; it felt like a carnival coming to town, but it’s always been there open everyday. The water was a cool blue and serene and the sun was high and shining with not a cloud in sight. It was the perfect day to go out and adventure with friends. A perfect day to end the week.  

[yourbayougirl]

The Story of the Night

July 1, 2018

Nighttime in D.C is a lot more  chill than during the day. Interns and professionals all turn to their pubs of choice to down a beverage and release some of the stress of the day. There’s more laughter when it’s nighttime. Less of a hurry and more a slight stroll in the way people walk down the moon lit streets, but still even in their smiles there’s still that sense of anxiousness. Perhaps the knowing that the night only last so long and tomorrow is another day of hustle and bustle. But even then the locals here love to unwind when the time comes; even if it’s just for just a few minutes.

I suppose that’s what we were meant to do, just unwind and be carefree. Maybe that was the secret purpose behind Open Mic Night that our cohort was required to do; besides just practicing our hidden fears of public speaking. We were all nervous when our program manager told us about the event. To recite a poem in front a whole room full of strangers. On a stage with all eyes on you.

It sounded nerve wrecking, but we had to do it. I wrote a poem that meant something to me and something that I knew would mean something to other black women. It was really just a love letter to them and to the women who had stuck by me my whole life.

And finally, the night came to for me to recite my poem and I was happy and everyone in the room was happy for me. It was a room full of black people and other people of color with sprinkles of white admirers just telling their stories through intricate ways. Some sang, some joked, some shouted, some went on drunken rants, and some wallowed in their pain. Through Open Mic Night, many people of color let out the stress that comes from just living in America. They pour out their souls for others to see. They want to be heard in a country that for many refuses to listen to their pleas and cries for help. In their own way, it’s how they survive. They’re just trying to find ways to survive and get through the day in this world. Others do it through harmful ways such as careless drinking and drugs, but them they just want to be heard, and Open Mic Night allows them that.

I might go again one day on my own volition because I really enjoyed it. I probably won’t recite another poem, but I want to hear what others have to say. I want to hear what truths their hearts need to speak. One thing about being an intern is that stress can make your job unbearable, but this place of love and  camaraderie takes all the stress away. For me at least ;)

[yourbayougirl]

The Sweet Taste of Summer

June 24, 2018

Summer has officially begun and the heat in DC is no joke. I suppose I assumed nowhere could be as humid and muggy as New Orleans, but D.C most certainly gives it a run for it’s money.  Although, it beats being ravaged by typical down South mosquitoes, which is a plus. Summers in DC seem just as fast paced as every other month. Sure the kids are out of school and it should be vacation time for most people, but no one here ever slows down.  It’s almost as if regardless of the season, rain or shine, in the freezing cold or sweltering heat; the people in this region never  seem to take a breather or dare I say it even believe in taking a break besides the occasional brunch.

 I suppose I need this type of drive and willpower; especially to make it in a place like Washington D.C. I have been working harder and making a lot more connections with many other professionals in STEM.  Just yesterday I went a NSBE Brunch and Build seminar. I had a fantastic time! I made so many quick friendships and gained a lot of insight into how to succeed as a black woman in engineering. It was inspiring seeing so many young black men and women working together and finding innovative ways to succeed as well as giving out tips on what worked for them. The mentors there were very knowledgeable and experienced, I gained so much new insight and just speaking to them for a few minutes really changed a lot of my views on certain topics. All in all, it was a great time.

 Whether it be snow, sleet, rain or shine. I need to keep pushing and do better for myself and my community. If that requires walking miles in heels every day while navigating and pushing my way through the metro, then so be it.  But occasionally on my off days, the New Orleans girl in me needs a breather, and I like to go marvel at one of the many museums that Washington DC has to offer. Weekdays may be business suits and dealing with packed metro trains, but for me; summer weekends are all shorts, shades, and sundaes.