#teba i would like custody of your child

[arandomocto]

MY SON

hi heres a version without the streaks from the summons

i would die for this little guy

[sarsaparillia]

could i request some legend of zelda thoughts in honor of the 35th anniversary? just...any thoughts in general? i have zelda brainrot and i’m so interested to hear your thoughts on your favorite game or zelda lore

oh man. fuck. there is SO MUCH. i’m gonna toss this under a readmore, because it’s just. it’s a LOT.

so the first thing you need to understand is that i have loved the legend of zelda since i was a VERY TINY CHILD and this intense love has not waned yet. i was eight years old when my parents bought my brother and i an N64, and we got Ocarina of Time, and that was IT for me, okay, i was DONE. i think i played that game.... i don’t even know. a hundred times? it was a LOT. minimum four times a year for a decade and a half.  this confused and enraged my very-neurotypical brother, because he COULD NOT understand why i could play the same damn game so many times. the answer, obviously, is hyperfixation, but what is ADHD, anyway

so do i have Thoughts about Legend of Zelda?

you’re fucking RIGHT i do!!!!

my favourite game is probably Twilight Princess. i love Ocarina of Time because it was my childhood, but Twilight Princess taught me a lot about atmospheric story-telling, and about character story-telling, and specifically, about LOCATION-as-character. it was just so PRETTY to look at! midna made me laugh and then she made me swoon, which should surprise absolutely fucking no one! Twilight Princess was also the first Legend of Zelda game that inspired me to fic about it, so make of that what you will. i ALSO loved Windwaker. do you know how much time i spent making snacks while i just sent link off sailing the ocean? so much. SO much. tetra also is the best incarnation of zelda, and you can fucking fight me about it.

Breath of the Wild is beautiful and heartbreaking and i just need link and zelda to hug. don’t want them to smooch, because i personally really am revolted by the knight/princess trope? don’t ask me why. i Cannot get behind link/zelda, have NEVER been able to get behind link/zelda, and probably will never be able to get behind it! and like, you know what, that’s just the way i am, i’ve made my peace with it.

but you know what? i’m actually currently replaying BOTW, so let me tell you my feelings about Revali.

so here’s the problem of Revali: he could, quite literally, have survived Windblight. i dunno if anyone else has thought about this, but Revali is Rito. he legit could have just. fucked right off? flown away! gone back to the aerie to FUCKING REGROUP, and then WOULD HAVE SURVIVED. and yeah, i am aware that the Champions are more fun all dead, because it hurts more

BUT

CAN YOU IMAGINE

link, a hundred years later, rolling up to rito village, carrying two twigs and a lollipop, going “ya i’m gonna fight it” and this ancient, wizened rito going “what the FUCK you are a CHILD what HAPPENED TO YOU weren’t you OLDER than this?!?!?!?”

which leads me to my favourite au, which i have spoken with @persephonesnow at length about, DAD!REVALI. which is literally just an au where revali, badly injured, decides to take custody of the singular brain cell that he and link share because link’s dead in a ditch lmao he doesn’t need it, and gets the fuck off of Medoh before Windblight rips his head off and cooks his ass for dinner. gets home to the aerie, where everyone is just. so glad he’s not dead? jesus. thank hylia you’re not dead. but Revali, being Revali and kind of a shithead for it, mostly grumps and gripes and dramatically blames himself. his wing was badly-injured enough that he probably won’t be able to fly free and easily again---he made it back to the village on adrenaline alone---but he’s still a pretty baller shot.

and a lot of the rito don’t come back from the war. a lot, a LOT of the rito don’t come back from the war.

revali’s nest-sister, for one. her mate, for another. they left a white, chirpy little chick named teba behind. the kid’s a puffed-up fuzzball of down and baby-beak and like, ZERO coordination? useless, entirely. he won’t last a night on his own.

and revali is like “fuck my whole life, i guess i have a kid now”

so he’s got this kid, and a whole bunch of other kids, actually, because so many of the people he’d grown up with haven’t come home and aren’t going to and oh man do i have Thoughts about rito sky burial, and the world is like, weird and quiet, and NO ONE is going near the castle, and link’s probably dead, and mipha and the other champions are DEFINITELY dead, so he’s like “...fuck it? i guess we’re gonna do this, whatever, i can be a single gay dad to twelve children, it’s fine”

anyway fast forward a hundred years, he ends up yelling at teba and link both and his blood pressure is definitely through the roof but it’s FINE, DAD, WE’RE FINE, and revali, holding his grandchild, just SCREECHING “IT IS NOT FINE YOU MORONS”

so yeah, there you go

i can go on about legend of zelda forever i’m so sorry but like LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE LIFE EXPECTANCIES OF THE DIFFERENT SPECIES HEY NO COME BACK HERE IM NOT FINISHED---