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ladyreapermc · 5 years

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Fic: Hatef---k (Johnny Utah x Fem! Reader)

Summary: Johnny is your partner and you hate him until a pencil skirt changes everything.

Pairing: Johnny x fem!reader

Author’s notes: requested by @caryled based on Spicy prompts. #7: “Keep beinding over and i might have to pound you till you cant walk straight” + #28: “You hate me so much, but you love it when I fuck you”. The title’s from a song by The Bravery

Wordcount: 1470

Warnings: Smut; handcuffs; some very bad language.

You never wore skirts for work because you didn’t want any of your coworkers to see you as anything other than an agent just like them. But after three weeks of double shifts chasing after a forger who had been conning people into buying his fake Van Gogh paintings, you found yourself without clean slacks to wear to work.

So, you had two choices, either put on some jeans or that pencil skirt your mom had bought you for Christmas. At least you’d look professional in the skirt, even if it was a little on the small side and hugged your curves like a second skin.

You regretted your decision however when you stepped out of the elevator and every eye of the bullpen seemed to be on you. But it was too late turn back so you held your chin up and made a beeline to your desk, which was right in front of Utah’s.

You two had been partners for a couple of months now. Utah was new to the white-collar unit and was still learning the ropes, but you could tell how disgruntled he was with this assignment. It sure wasn’t as exciting as bank robberies, but it had its good moments, or at least you thought so. Utah was only bored by it and had a tendency of making impulsive decisions and jumping the gun.

He almost ruined one of your cases on his first week in and you couldn’t stand him. But since he was the rookie and you were the chick, your unit chief stuck the two of you together and you didn’t have much say in it. Neither did Utah and you could tell he didn’t like you either.

After these months of working together, you reached a mutual agreement. You were gonna hate each other and annoy each other and tease each other because that was what partners did.

It shouldn’t have been so amusing the way he nearly choked on his coffee when he saw you, but it brought you so much glee.

Maybe this was a good way payback for all the times he made you flush pink in front of everyone by saying the most innocuous things on your ear with that low, throaty voice of his.

“Need a bib, Utah?” you asked in an overly sweet voice as he tried to clean the spilled liquid from his shirt, earning a glare.

It was deeply satisfying to do the teasing for once and you were going to take full advantage of it. Especially when you noticed how much the skirt really affected him.

The first time wasn’t on purpose. You had been distracted, reading the file you just picked up from the copy machine when you dropped your highlighter and bent down to pick it up. But after you heard Utah’s sharp intake of breath and saw the way he was flushing and keeping his eyes away from you, you made sure you did it as often as you could.

By the end of the day, you could see that Johnny was getting worked up by the way he kept glaring at his paperwork, cheeks flustered.

“So quiet today, Utah,” you commented, leaning your hip against his desk. Everyone else had called a day, so it was just the two you in the bullpen. “Something’s wrong?”

As you spoke, you toyed with the miniature football figurine on his desk, letting it slip through your fingers and fall to the floor.

“Ops,” you smirked at him as you bent down again, but this time, instead of giving him a view of your ass, you made sure he could see down your shirt, the curve of your breasts and the hint of lace of your bra.

He grabbed your wrist before you could reach the figurine, making you raise your gaze and met his eyes. They were watching you with such intensity you felt a shiver down your spine and had to look away.

"Keep bending over and I might have to pound you till you can’t walk straight,” he whispered, voice husky and you felt heat spreading through your body like a wildfire.

“Is that a promise?”

The words spilled from your lips almost against your will. Sure you had noticed the sexual tension that existed between the two of you, but you weren't supposed to address it, to admit it, to put out there.

As soon as you spoke, Utah got up from his seat, his motions so fast he made you jump back startled. Since he was still holding on your wrist, you didn’t manage to go very far. Instead, he used his grip to pull you forward, until your chest was pressed flush against his.

“So, is that what you want?” he asked against your ear. “Do you want me to bend you over my desk and fuck you?”

“Yes,” you gasped, goosebumps on your skin as his hot breath tickled your neck.

“All you had to do was ask,” he grinned devilishly as he spun you around and pushed you towards the table.

And how did this even happen? You had the upper hand three seconds ago, but now you were face-first on a pile of case reports, hands pulled behind your back as Utah stood somewhere behind you, out of your sight.

You waited on bated breath for his next move until you felt cold metal around your wrists and the click of the handcuffs. It made you breath pick up speed and wet arousal to spread between your legs.

Your heart raced in anticipation when you heard first his belt being undone, then the noise of his zipper and finally the rustling of fabric, before Utah pressed against you, blanketing your body with his, the tip of your fingers touching the hairs of his lower abs.

He rocked his hips against yours, pulling a low groan from your reluctant lips. You could feel his cock pressing against your ass, how big it was, how hard… and you were soaking your panties.

Utah hiked your skirt up to your waist, exposing your ass and panties to the cold office air as he ran his finger teasingly over the wet lace covering your cunt as clicked his tongue at you.

“Guess I wasn’t the only one being teased today, huh?”

Even if you couldn’t see his face, you knew the bastard was smirking.

“Are you just gonna talk all night…” The sudden press of his cock inside you made you cut off your sentence with a groan.

“What was that? Didn’t hear you,” he taunted, thrusting into you at a fast pace.

“Fuck you, Utah!” you said through clenched teeth as you tried to keep your moans in check. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“But I’m having so much fun fucking you,” he said, bending over to kiss your cheek, just as he reached over to swirl your clit in time with his thrusts. “You hate me so much, but you love it when I fuck you, don’t you?”

The worst thing was that you couldn’t exactly deny it, could you? Here you were, whining in need as Utah fulfilled his promise, pounding into you so hard he was rocking his desk forward, the metal feet scraping the ground like nails on a chalkboard.

You did your best to meet his thrusts, clenching around him as much as you could just to hear him curse under his breath in that guttural tone of his, driving you crazy.

Sooner than you think it was possible, you felt the familiar coiled heat inside snap and spread like a crashing wave. You gasped out his name and arched your back towards him as you came, barely aware of the rumbling groan Utah let out as his hips faltered and he came, spilling inside you.

You laid on the table, catching your breath, feeling as he pulled out of you and you felt you cunt ache at the sudden emptiness.

“You look so hot like this,” he said with a teasing bite to your ass cheek. “With my cum coming out of you.”

That was one of the filthiest things someone ever said to you and it made you want Utah to fuck you all over at how hot it was. Especially in his voice.

Instead, you raised your wrists at him, silently asking him to undo the cuffs, which Utah did, before helping you stand up on shaky legs

“Still hate me?”

“Maybe ten percent less,” you replied with a smirk and Utah snorted.

“I guess I’m gonna have to keep fucking you until it’s a hundred percent,” he said, his lips curling upwards.

“Is that a promise?” you asked pushing your skirt down and your panties up without cleaning up.

“You better believe it.”

xxx

Permanent Taglist (give me a shout if you want to be added):

@poisonedjoinery @ringa-starr @curly-minnie @i-cant-remember-my-old-login @caryled @beyond-antares @kathorax @krazycags01

#keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves x reader #johnny utah x reader #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves imagine #johnny utah x you #point break #fanfic #spicy prompts #writing prompts #smut #snfw #one-shot #plot? what plot?

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cleaduvalls · 5 years

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i watched “spy kids” 4 times in 1 week and here are my thoughts

carmen your nightgown is like 200 years old, get a new one

you clearly know this story by heart, you’re saying parts of it. why are you questioning what “take him out” means

a double wig should be more obvious than that

we can see that that’s a glass elevator. people can see you changing, ingrid

nice hat

why did you kill the swan

is that paul rudd???????

how are jets ripping pages out of a book

heart shaped parachutes shouldn’t be working that well

why is there a guitar on your bed. how do you sleep

i think the kids would have seen the track in the floor at SOME point

why is there a jungle gym in their house. i know they’re spies but who has a jungle gym.... in their HOUSE

carmen you’re a frog

i think juni just legitimately try to kill carmen

why are both parents going to school. is that like, a Thing????

juni how do you do that

who puts a video screen in the front seat

hey look its floop. love that guy

they’re not picking on you for the bandages, it’s cuz you brought the toys OUTSIDE your backpack. always put them inside. trust me

did his mirror just.... zoom in?????

h*ck yeah beat him up greg

do all the other kids hate him too??????

dang that hurt

“chief” that’s so white

stupid kid. his dads a spy

that floop doll isn’t even close to accurate

hey look its floop again. love that dude

Big Willy Wonka Energy

oooh skipping numbers i see. love that

why do the subtitles have “mr. floop” as his name. its just floop, yall

“sometimes in order to think big you have to think small” pretty inspirational tbh

oh hes fidgeting!!!!!! love that

woah what are you doing this is rated pg ingrid

i wish my uncles would tell me im shrinking. they just make small talk abt school 😔

this gradenko lady looks like jan from the office

hey its floop again!!!!! love that dude

yes juni. its a fire drill in your own home

these dudes have a jungle gym AND a pool. what the h*ck

why did you pull off your mustache to prove you’re not related. if anything that makes you more related. greg does that too

why did he put the mustache back ON

where did those boats come from

carmen says manual weird. man-yull

right, cuz adrenaline causes warts

“don’t touch anything” *immediately touches everything*

basic boat ettiquette: don’t shit in the boat. those toilets can’t handle anything

is that globe..... punched in???????

floop!!!!!!! love that dude

feet on the desk????? i dunno seems pretty gay

since when did carmen get keys to that

i might be wrong but i dont think thats every country

what does pressure have to do with positioning a laser

this floor is the best mechanic in the whole movie. reminds me of a richie rich comic i had as a kids

why did they not run into the wall. i wanted to see that

is the slide there when floop films his show????

HEY ITS FLOOP!!!! love that dude

theres a bunch of normal food like.... sour worms. why did they pick the slime from charlie and the chocolate factory when johnny depp finds the oompa loompas

thats a sick coat. best one in the movie

that was a good snap. nice acoustics

God what a power move. something thanos would say

listen floop i love you but thats not how you say research

fELIX NO

and hes gone. cool

did she kick the camera?????

haha author unknown. cuz hes a spy

why did you take that one specifically????? plot convenience????

he can still be a spy, just not a good one. learn to read

is that supposed to be a question?????

FUN FACT if you listen closely when carmen says “like felix said” you can hear a weird cut in “said”, almost like its a new clip

theres no keyhole

i think juni can read. why are you spelling it

did you have the floop toys in your pocket????

OKAY THIS SCENE WHERE THEY PLAY IT BACKWARDS?????? THAT MESSED ME UP AS A KID

what do those things do?????

i can feel the pain from the fan blades

how did that break the chain????

why would you annouce that. they can hear you. just because they’re thumbs doesn’t mean they’re deaf

that’s a thing, not a place

FLOOP!!!!! ON A BILLBOARD!!!! love that dude

how are you slipping. shes holding YOU

YOU DROPPED HIM GENIUS

how do people not notice the jetpack dudes

DOES NO ONE CARE THAT CLOTHES WERE STOLEN

that’s a cute coat

why is the lady cool with carmen just... doing that

HEY I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! AND THAT DUDE!!!!!

ofc you can’t think “straight enough” you’re gay

why is mexico sepia tone

when do you think juni had time to change and learn a new language

IF IT HURTS TO HIT HIM, S T O P

i wanna be on that merry-go-round

HOW DO YOU K N O W THAT HIS CODE NAME. WHY “MUST” IT BE HOMBRE

i love how junis just like “we already got a fake uncle”

LOOK AT HOW FLOOP IS SITTING!!!!!!!! THATS GAY!!!!!!! HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!

ALSO MORE FLOOP!!!! say it with me, LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!

minion looks like barry from friends

wait i lied this coat is better

we DO have uncles like that!!!!!

if your inventions are so good why is your font so BORING

hey wait carmen said that. hmmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔

glowsticks dont help you see like at all

the map looks like gallifreyan but its not. spy kids is older than the doctor who reboot

they go ZOOM

THATS NOT HOW YOU SAY MANUAL!!!!!!!

great job carmen YOU wrecked the plane

WHATS A REGULATOR

oh its just a breathing thing

haha pee joke. funney

where are the brains coming from???? that factory is Not Correct

if i were juni i would look back over all the floop’s fooglies tapes and see what the agents were saying backwards. once the mission was done, ofc

it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what sknaht meant the first time

SEE THIS MECHANIC IS GOOD BC NOW THERES NO PLEXIGLASS

WHY DOES NO ONE RUN INTO THE WALL

F L O O P I S G O D

love that dude

you discussed with the spy parents that juni watched the show. he just told you that you took his parents. you KNOW this is juni, why are you surprised that he watches it????? you already know!!!!!!

tbh i kinda want some of those colorful chains. they’d look cool somewhere

haha voice crack

no wonder your shows not doing well. those are awful times

why is there a sexy thumb nurse. why did floop make the thumb nurse sexy

use her first name?????? you’re clearly dating

!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!! UNHEARD OF!!!!!!!

he cares so much about this show!!!!!! its so sweet!!!! love that dude

YEP THIS COAT IS BETTER, LOOKS A M A Z I N G IN A RUNNING SCENE

haha you killed carmen

ok this scene with the acid crayon is like my absolute favorite. something about using a crayon to escape and then floop (love that dude) opening the door a second later and then doing a double take. FAVE

wheres belize

ok so apparently its a country by mexico

no you CANT tell her you need to ESCAPE

we finally got a clean outside shot of the castle.... that place is wack

haha minion can’t sit in the hand chair correctly because hes STRAIGHT what a loser

hey juni HOW DO YOU DO THAT

minion you know what the robot costumes look like AND what juni looks like. dont be stupid

what..... what do you want carmen for, exactly, minion??????

floop is supportive of others’ art!!!!!!!!!!! love that dude

HE SAID “WHERE’S MOM AND DAD” LIKE THEY’RE HIS OWN PARENTS THAT’S SO C U T E

ALSO ANOTHER SCENE WITH THE GREAT RUNNING COAT

he says doppelganger beautifully

“its too late” that timing was BEAUTIFUL

you COULD take 500 brains out if you just TRIED HARDER. still love that dude

his control panel has buttons that spell “floop”

WHY CAN MINION TALK NORMAL

if its reversible why do you have it in later movies

carmen fights fake juni and juni fights fake carmen because they didnt have the fancy clone (?) technology

THREE TIMES!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL T H R E E T I M E S THIS HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!

nice censorship

HOW DID MACHETE SMASH ONLY THE CLEAR WINDOWS AND A L L THE CLEAR WINDOWS THERE ARE NO MORE CLEAR WINDOWS!!!!!! ANYWHERE!!!!!

wow nice 3 buttons thats totally how you hack

oh look they have all died

oh. guess not :((

machete you better rip off your mustache

HES GOING TO JUNIS LEVEL TO TALK TO HIM!!!!!!! HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR!!!!!!!!! HES GONNA MAKE A GREAT DAD!!!!!!!

wow no shit ingrid

did he leave his wart bandaid on the kitchen counter?????

ALAN CUMMING!!!! ON A CEREAL BOX!!!!

ok CLEARLY other people watch floop’s show, he’s rated number 2. kids at the school are gonna recognize juni and carmen. they better get popular

is that george clooney

well that’s not how it works in spy kids 2. or 3. or 4. or the tv show

#this took like 2 hours #spy kids #spy kids spoilers #spoilers #juni cortez #carmen cortez #ingrid cortez #gregorio cortez #minion #fegan floop #floops fooglies #sk1 #robert rodriguez

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eidoleane-g · 5 years

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HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 3... sort of review.

This is sort of my first ever review on anything at all on my tumblr blog, and i just have a lot of feelings to talk about How to Train Your Dragon 3.

So i watched HTTYD3 and I’ve got say, I had a lot of feelings about this movie. Some parts of the movie were my absolute favorite that i couldn't stop squealing in joy for because it was so amazing and lovely and the whole team made a great job of it.

Lets talk about what I found not so amazing in the movie. And i have spoilers, so those that haven't watched the movie yet. stop reading this now, because i will need to go into details about it. For warning that I have not read any of the HTTYD book series and I’m not sure if anything i comment here in my dislike might be canon in the series itself. But i’m happy for anyone to point me out on that.

When i first saw the trailer of HTTYD3, i was so excited. HTTYD2 was one of my absolute favorite animation movie of all time and I still think that they should have won the Oscars for Best Animated Feature and instead of Big Hero 6. It was everything and more than what the first movie gave and the bar that they set was so high in standards. There was romance (my absolute favorite), adventure, death and love lost and found and they paced it all so super well, that i was hoping the same for this. Alas, they didn’t quite reached what they had set out to do.

First thing that i didn’t really feel real excitement was the introduction to the female night fury. WHAT WAS THAT???? oh my god. I just couldn't believe that the team behind it was like we gonna make a white night fury. WHAT? have they not realized why in doing that would defeat the purpose of naming it a Night Fury???? It is a dragon that preys in the NIGHT!!!!. That’s what makes it deadly and dangerous because no one has ever seen what one had looked like before Toothless. Why in the world would you make one in WHITE!!!!, when they can be so easily killed in the goddamn night. This would probably make more sense about why all the other night furies have gone extinct because all the female have been killed because they kept flying in the night where they are shot very easily because they are so WHITE. and now none of the male night furies can procreate and have babies and that is why they all have gone extinct except for Toothless. I didn't have a problem with a female night fury, it was fine. But it looked like an sickly albino dragon that it didn't really settle with me and i didn't like her one bit throughout the movie. It would have been incredible if they had made the female night fury the same color as Toothless, but in a lighter shade. that way we still tell apart the female night fury. they could have played around with the features of the female night fury to show how it distinguishes from the male. It was already so obvious in the movie that Toothless has green eyes and the female night Fury has blue eyes. It would have been enough to tell the two apart without completely altering the very essential design of the Night Fury.

I don't know why but I think that the writers might have made the original concept of the female night fury pink and they probably thought like we couldn't work with that because it’d be too obvious and decided to make it white instead that way the children could still see the female from the male, but not make it too obvious. They do realize that children are not that dumb right. I understand that it is in the premise of an animated film aimed at children, but they cant have thought that children are that dumb that they can’t even tell apart a male and female dragon. More than anything children pick this kind of things up really quickly because they are bright enough to understand. Children can tell them apart from the features alone. Already this is going on too long. Yeah i just didn’t really like the whole white albino night fury thing.

Next was the villain, i don’t know man. The villain just seem like a cardboard cut of like a stereotypical villain. the only reason he wants to kill dragons is because when he killed a Night Fury when he was a kid, everyone in his village sort of worshiped him as a God. Like his motivation to killing dragons are for self-gratifications? You’ve already established a good, complex, and well-developed villain in the second movie, why the need for the same thing in this one? If you are creating this movie as a sort of finale to the trilogy, they could’ve made it end in similar to how the first movie began. The first movie began with the issues of dragons and it could have ended with the issues concerning dragons again, there was no need for a villain at all in this movie. The first movie was really well developed in the conflict where Hiccup faced it in his father and the viking community. it showed how Hiccup believed in dragons being their equal and he wants to show that to his father who opposes that very union. It felt personal and amazing and made a great story. The second movie had a proper villain where the bad guy wants to eradicate dragons because of a personal history of something happening to him because of the dragons and fueled by the disgrace from the vikings themselves. His anger fueled his goals and we saw where it took him. He was almost a sociopath in that sense and the conflict that ensued between Hiccup and the villain was the climax of the movie and was made incredibly well. Because we understand his motivations and why he is doing the things he is doing, we understand where his coming from.

i just don’t understand the villain in this one. It was like he was just put in there so that they had something to progress the story or one even remotely resembling a plot. the villain’s motivation felt weak at best and i cant even remember what his goddamn name was. That is how much of an impact he made in the movie. It felt like a flimsy attempt at having to recycle the same plot and idea from the second movie except that instead of fighting for their place, this time they run away with the dragons just to keep them safe. the thing was that the story could have progressed even without the villain’s involvement. Honestly i would have enjoyed it far more had there not been a villain in this one but simply an issue that Hiccup faced with the dragon overpopulation at the village. That would have given a great story and made more sense.

the worst of the whole movie, that made really want to storm out of the cinema, was Toothless romance in this thing. i absolutely hated it. I HATED THIS!!!!!. Oh my god, it was so bad and i don’t know how much more i can emphasize that this was the one thing that completely ruined the whole movie for me. I already hated the whole albino night fur thing and this just made it worse by tenfold. The story about HTTYD has always been about Hiccup and Toothless relationship and how much they have grown to love and form a bond with each other. This movie had barely any sort of hint on that. There was a little bit of it here and there but honestly you don’t see any of it in this movie. Suddenly it had become a romantic comedy, where Toothless the hopeless romantic is trying to get the unattainable female Night Fury with the help Hiccup his ultimate wing-man. I was just speechless, i couldn't even began to understand what was the whole point in giving the dragon of all things a romantic interest. i just hated it straight out. Like completely. The whole middle chunk of the movie was just a blur to me and i just wanted it to end so badly.

And what really made me furious in this whole thing. Like this was the major i wanted to chuck the popcorn on the movie screen kind of furious. Was that in the end, Toothless left Hiccup to go start a goddamn married life with the fucking albino dragon. I was just so mad. it made me so furious. I couldn't even, I would have left the cinema if i had not payed the ticket to watch this nonsense. Are you telling me that Toothless who risked his life again and again to rescue the boy that the he truly loved and considers his best friend to start a new one with that goddamn albino thing. Like WHAT THE HECK???!!!!!. WHO WROTE THIS???!!! WHO LET THEM KEEP THIS STUPID STORY IN THE MOVIE????!!!! WHY WOULD YOU RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD MOVIE WITH THIS NONSENSE!!!!???? This movie is basically the Cursed Child of the Harry Potter Universe. People would like to forgot that this thing even existed. This movie is the the Cursed Child of How to Train Your Dragon saga. I would be far more happier thinking that this movie doesn’t exist at all. I’m happy to live with the first two movies instead of this rubbish.

I understand that the part of the theme of the movie was that Toothless was the mirror image of Hiccup. That they both grow up to be almost the same, one being a dragon and one being a viking. In the first movie, it was apparent that they were both fighting against their own kind to protect one another. Hiccup with his dad and the vikings, Toothless with the harmful dragons and that giant-ass queen dragon. This was shown again when Toothless lost a leg in the final fight with the queen dragon as how Toothless lost one of his tail glider (at least i think this was what it was) to Hiccup, a viking. It showed them both to be equal which was what the movie was about. In the second movie, it came about Hiccup taking over from his father as chief of the vikings. After the death of his father, Hiccup was suddenly thrown into it and had to step up to being chief. This was later mirrored into the fight between Toothless and the Alpha. Toothless became the Alpha once he defeated the previous one and they both became leaders of their kind. This was also a good parallel.

But this movie was just fucking nonsense. I already knew this movie was going to be about Astrid and Hiccup talking about marriage or at least a conversation about it, This was fine. It was fine for the last 2 movie and it was fine in this one too. because we have already established this amazing relationship between Astrid and Hiccup. But why the heck would you want to have the same parallel of this thing with Toothless, a dragon? It’s a goddamn dragon, it doesn't need a fucking romance story. this was literally where it went downhill for me. The whole Toothless motivation was just motivated with him wanting to mate with the albino the whole way through. I’m not lying guys this was what took place for a good hour in the movie and i hated it. Completely hated it. There was barely anything of a hint of real emotion or love between Hiccup and Toothless. This movie was basically Hiccup trying to please Toothless by helping his get the female Night Fury because Toothless was throwing a fucking tantrum about it. That literally what it was about. He just gave in and said that it was okay for Toothless to leave him because of the fucking albino. I do not believe that you would make 2 whole movies establishing this great relationship between Hiccup and Toothless just to end up for Toothless getting laid and starting a family and Hiccup just letting that happen and doing the same. I do not believe that. I do not believe that any of this characters would be motivated or would have done the things that they done in this movie at all. This whole movie was just flimsy attempt at a story that was just barely developed. The entire motivation of the main characters and villains just seem flimsy at best or just downright wrong. It’s like a bad rendering of a fan-fiction.

The most ridiculous thing of the whole movie was the Hidden World. We don’t get anything more than a 5-minutes fly over of Hiccup and Astrid there. Like why would they even name the movie after this Hidden World if you are not even going to show us more than 5 minutes of it. What was even the point of having the Hidden World if you are not going to help us understand or even establish what it is about.? I wanted more, i wanted to learn its origins, what was there, how did it get hidden, how the dragons found the home there everything. I was really disappointed by this.

The whole movie could have gone in a very good direction because there was already a good story in it that no one even seemed to attempt to want to develop it and instead was so focused on this romantic nonsense between the dragons. The vikings and Hiccup were facing a problem of overpopulation of the dragons in their village, This was good. There is an issue. Hiccup could have been like, “ Uh, guys, the dragons are overcrowding our homes we don’t have any place to stay, we need to get a bigger village. This is good, OK we move one. One day, there was an attempted attack on the village, just some random person. There was no need for an established villain at all. Then Hiccup grows concern for the safety of both the dragons and the vikings. Living in this overcrowded place is proving to be impossible and it is creating a bigger target on the dragons. There was only a handful of them to actually protect the village and the dragons at the same time. Hence why they move, they move to find better home for the dragons and themselves, - the Hidden World - instead of them running away from the villain.

So far good. The one day, when they settle at some place, Hiccup and Toothless comes across another night fury, it didn't even need to be a female, just another night fury and it would have been fine.This would mean that Toothless wasn't the last of his kind and there is maybe more Night Furies here or maybe a family of them. See how the story could have progressed even without a female Night Fury. There didn't even need to be any fucking romance at all and it would have been a really good story. And we get to see that Toothless and Hiccup going in search for the other Night Fury and they come across a whole nest of them and Toothless is so happy and excited. This is the first time he is seeing another of his kind and there he feels like he finally belongs to a family. But the other Night Furies seeing Hiccup would have attacked him, and Toothless coming to his defense. The other dragons are confused as to why Toothless is protecting this human, when human and dragons are each others natural enemies. So in the end they leave the place, with a heavy heart and Toothless being sad. And Hiccup deciding that it was time that Toothless see the other dragons on his own and gives him the new tail that allows him the freedom to fly on his own without a rider.

This would have been a far better developed plot for the movie. It would have been the idea of granting Toothless his freedom. This would have tied the theme of the movie so brilliantly, which had always been freedom. Freedom to live, freedom to choose who you love, freedom to be who we are meant to be. And it would have also tied in to mythology of what it means to be a dragon. Dragons are these mighty beasts of the sky and what means more than anything to them is their freedom to be free and fly. Toothless discovering the family would have meant that he was finally granted the freedom to fly on his own. And more than anything he wants to be with his own kind. And here is where we could have shown the parallel image of how it ties back to the both of them again. Toothless wanting to be his own kind but also not wanting to leave Hiccup yet, and Hiccup, even though granting Toothless his freedom is still not ready to let him go yet. This would have been a brilliant way to show conflict and issue between the both and the love they have for each other. And this would have even brought the movie to a full circle to how it began, with vikings and dragons being two different people and the idea of how they were going to be together. This would have made a great emotional impact, the love between Toothless and Hiccup of how Toothless loves Hiccup but he craves to be with the family he just discovered and how Hiccup loves Toothless enough to grant him the freedom to choose where he wanted to be. See how good the movie could have been if they just never had the stupid romance at all.

This conflict could have been the highlight of the movie and how they were going to overcome these issues. Then also showing that when Toothless finding his family, he also finds the Hidden World, and we finally get to see the whole Hidden World from Toothless’s eyes and we get and understanding of the place. This would have been a brilliant way to give us the view of what the Hidden World was like. Once this is done, and we see Toothless being happy and excited to be with the rest of his kind, we get to the climax of the story. The same person who earlier attacked the village, could have followed Toothless to the Hidden World and have captured the dragons and Toothless tries to rescue them, but he couldn’t, so that he flies back to Hiccup and they together go back to rescue the dragons and they do eventually. The other Night Furies soon sees that Hiccup is not such a bad guys and they stop attacking him and here would be the big finale where they both have to make a decision. The Other Night Furies welcome Toothless to live with them in the Hidden World and to every other dragon from Berk that wants to.

Toothless and Hiccup have a moment and Hiccup being Hiccup would have granted Toothless the freedom to go and live with his family, knowing that he might not ever see him again. And it breaks Hiccup’s heart to make this choice but he knows that this is the right thing to do. And so Toothless leaves Hiccup to go to the Hidden World with the rest of the Night Furies with the other dragons. Astrid is there to hold Hiccup when they say goodbye to the dragons. Then we get to the wedding scene and Hiccup and Astrid gets married and Hiccup seems to be sorely missing Toothless and they both look over to the horizon and there out of nowhere coming towards them is none other than Toothless. Hiccup doesn't understand why Toothless was back, wasn't he leaving to live with the other dragons, but no some of them do return to the vikings. This would have given me all the feels and it would have been such a perfect way of ending the movie. The idea that Toothless now knows that he is not the last of his kind, and that there is family out there for him and they will always be there for him to welcome him. But to Toothless, family had always been Hiccup and that is why he returned to his true family.

This could have been such an incredible movie. simple and good and not overly complicated. this would have been the perfect story for all of them. And just it would have been so lovely and bittersweet and just good. But instead what we got was a Cursed Child parody. And i am just really sad about this.

Yeah so basically i hated at least 75% of the movie.

But there were some things that i really liked. i really loved the concept art of the characters. Those dragon scaled armors were one of my favorite things in the entire movie. The characters looks were amazing. the visual concept and looks were amazing. The whole environment art and concept were great. What i really really loved about this movie was the relationship between Astrid and Hiccup. Their relationship was some of the best romance that had been portrayed in any kind of film that i have seen and really loved. From the 1st movie till the 3rd one, their relationship has been one of the strongest suit in the entire movie. The love that they portray in the film is such a kind love, very subtle but it speaks volume. Also, that they aren’t so completely in love with each other that everything else is blind to them. Instead they are each their own individual and they complement each other instead of being each other's half like it is portrayed in so many romances. They each have so much good personality within them that they don’t drown each other but lift each other up and that’s what makes the both of them such a strong couple. The most pleasure that i had in the entire movie is their wedding. Oh my god, i almost cried and it was amazing and perfect and everything i love and pictured for them.

i was alright with them having kids and all i wasn't really that excited about it, it would have been great to leave at the wedding itself, but it wasn't really something that needed to be there, but i really didn't think it was much of a complain. The one thing that i really made me sad about the movie was that, i don’t believe that Toothless would have left Hiccup for a goddamn albino dragon, he can do so such much better. but the fact that Hiccup’s children would grow up not knowing Toothless and or any of the great relationship between Hiccup and Toothless was what made me really sad about this whole. Because i truly believed that Toothless would not have behaved as he did in this movie and he would not have left Hiccup and Hiccup would not have just given in to Toothless’s tantrums as he did in this movie. It was really sad and disappointing.

But yeah, so that was my review on the movie and mostly me ranting about my feelings for this movie. I’m also assuming that someone might have reached all the way down here and have had a good read. to which i am entirely grateful to.

So cheers.

#review #how to train your dragon 3 #HTTYD3 #how to train your dragon 3 movie

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vitalmindandbody · 7 years

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How to get through chemotherapy: Decca Aitkenhead on cancer treatment

Before it happened to me, I never truly understood how terrible chemotherapy could be: no description can do it justice. But there are ways to ease its horrors that feature in none of the official advice, and I want everyone to know about them

If you were born after 1960, the odds that you will get cancer in your lifetime are now one in two. It is an extraordinary statistic. Even if you turn out to be one of the lucky ones, half of the people around your kitchen table this morning will at some point sit in a doctors surgery and be given the news that they have cancer. If the numbers continue in the same relentless direction, before long, it will be most of them.

Not all will have chemotherapy. The fortunate ones can be cured in other ways, while the truly unfortunate will have cancers chemo cannot treat. I met one of those unluckiest of souls only the other day. It hadnt occurred to me until then to feel very grateful for having been eligible for what was, without a doubt, the most unpleasant medical ordeal of my life.

Unpleasant is a word you hear a lot when people talk about chemo. It drove me to distraction when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer last summer, and was told I would undergo four months of chemotherapy. Like everyone else plunged into this frightening new world, I wanted to know what would happen. What would it be like?

Well, its doable, I read time and again, as I scanned online cancer forums for answers. Unpleasant but doable. It was maddening. Waiting to begin chemo is like being on medical death row; you know your body is about be attacked, but how it will feel is a sinister mystery, and unknowable dread only makes the waiting worse.

There is a reason for this inarticulacy. Human beings have had no historical need to evolve language applicable to the sensation of being systematically poisoned. Such a vocabulary has never before been necessary, so it does not exist. Chemotherapy patients are therefore obliged to deploy a limited repertoire of familiar but hopelessly inadequate substitutes; words that can only approximate to the experience, but fail to convey anything of its true essence. So we say that we are tired, and feel weak; that we have no energy, or feel somehow unrecognisably unlike ourselves. What we really mean and this doesnt capture it either, but its the best I can do is that we feel dead without having actually died. Chemotherapy strips away every last ounce of vitality or volition, until you are left only with the outward appearance of a living person. But you are a hollow husk, empty of all the essential constituents that make a person alive. It is a cruel irony that a drug designed to stop you dying makes you feel as if you have.

One of the many side-effects of chemotherapy of which Id been hitherto unaware is what it does to your brain. The medical profession was reluctant for many years to acknowledge a condition oncologists now call, with inelegant if commendable candour, chemo brain and like every other side-effect, it does not afflict everyone. But having witnessed the steady erosion of my own critical faculties, to the point where my IQ had sunk to marginally lower than my cats, I can testify that chemo makes some patients very, very stupid.

It is partly because of that that I hesitated to write this. A cancer diagnosis pitches you into a disorientating fog of confusing, alarming and often contradictory advice, which would be hard enough to navigate at the best of times. Trying to work out whats loopy and what might save your life or at least your sanity when you cant even follow the Jeremy Kyle Show can be profoundly frightening. Everyone is, of course, only trying to help, but when the stakes are so high and you cant think straight, the cacophony of advice is often counter-productive. I am reluctant to add to it.

Nevertheless, it is also the case that before I began chemotherapy I stumbled, quite by chance, upon two pieces of advice so invaluable that without them I do not like to think how I would have got through it. What is mystifying is why neither featured in a single NHS leaflet or cancer website I read. One is not cheap, and the other not easy, but both were more than worth it. I picked up some other tips along the way, which also feel worth sharing. So when anyone now asks me what advice I would offer to someone preparing for chemo, this is what I say.

Fake hair, real help

When I was first told I would have chemo, all I could think about was my hair. I would be having a double mastectomy, but losing my breasts didnt frighten me anything like as much as losing my hair. I remember feeling embarrassed and surprised by my sense of priorities. But you do not need to spend long in oncology waiting rooms to discover that the chief preoccupation of many, if not most, patients is the horror of going bald.

Some varieties of chemo dont make your hair fall out. Unfortunately, the kind I needed did. There are patients who manage to retain some hair by wearing a helmet of ice called a cold cap during every infusion but this is excruciatingly arduous, often doesnt work, and even when it does, will probably leave you with patchy wisps. I briefly considered the headscarf/turban alternative, but the futility of the artifice felt tragic. You might as well stick a sign on your head that says: LOOK! IVE GOT CANCER. A wig therefore seemed the only tenable solution but even the most ingeniously convincing one would still have to come off every night. I did not want to have to see myself bald and I wouldnt be the only one that had to. My sons were only five and four, and I knew they would hate it.

Decca Aitkenhead wearing her hair replacement system. Photograph: Shakira Kleiner

When an oncology nurse handed me a leaflet for Jennifer Effies Hair Solutions, offering an option I had never heard of, I thought it sounded too good to be true. (Other providers, I should say, are available.) If it really existed, how come no one else had mentioned it? The leaflet claimed I could have replacement hair glued to my head, which I would sleep in, wash and blow dry as normal, even wear in a pony tail, exactly as if it were my own. I read it doubtfully, in the waiting room of a private clinic. I was only there for a one-off consultation in search of a second opinion, and suspected this magical fake hair was probably a Harley Street racket to rip off the gullible rich.

But I couldnt help wondering what if it actually worked? Two days later I went to see Jennifer. A warm, smiley south Londoner, she seemed more like a therapist or nurse than a Mayfair hair stylist, and certainly nothing like a con artist. She had made it her lifes work to help women who had lost their hair, she said, by providing not wigs, they are not wigs. They are hair-replacement systems. For Jennifer it didnt sound like a business so much as a vocation, and the intent tenderness of her compassion quite disarmed me. She took three separate strands from my head, which would be sent to Russia, where human hair matching the different shades of blonde would be purchased. Then she wrapped Sellotape around my head to make a mould for a lace cap, on to which each individual strand would be hand stitched. The roots would then be coloured darker to make the hair look highlighted, like mine. As soon as my own hair began to fall out, I was to come in, and Jennifer would shave it off and glue on the hair replacement system using a special adhesive. My own hairdresser would cut and style it as normal, and no one would ever guess it wasnt mine.

The curious thing about losing ones hair is that even though you know it is going to fall out, the first clump to come away in your hand is a horrifying shock. I stared at it, in disbelief, and wept. To be so stunned made no sense at all, but is, I have subsequently learned, what almost everyone feels. I got on the train that afternoon, and went to see Jennifer to have my system applied.

To care so much about ones hair when you have cancer might seem like vanity, but really it is just a longing for normality. And the hair-replacement system made me normal. Jennifer was right no one could tell. After a month or so I told my children it wasnt my hair, and they were incredulous. A close friend I saw most days had no idea for months, until I happened to mention it. My oncologist even congratulated me for braving the cold cap, and marvelled at its success until I explained. The only difference between my hair and the system was that the fake hair, as my sons called it, looked considerably better.

It had to be removed and washed every three or four weeks, and occasionally repaired with replacement strands. These visits to Jennifer were if this is not too peculiar a word in such a context the highlight of my chemotherapy experience. The Macmillan Cancer Centre at University College Hospital in London, where I was treated, is an NHS flagship of oncology, and all the staff there work heroically and tirelessly. But they do so under impossibly overstretched conditions that make the kind of emotional support they long to give out of the question. I found it in Jennifers salon instead.

The system cost around 1,600, which will be prohibitively expensive for some. I wish everyone could get it: it bought me something I couldnt put a price on. I always made sure to face the salon wall, never the mirror, while Jennifer removed and worked on the system. I must therefore be one of the few chemotherapy patients to have lost all her hair and never once seen herself bald. That is a mercy for which I will be eternally grateful.

I discovered how it would feel to have others see me when I had the system removed before I underwent surgery. All week in hospital, I took care not to look in a mirror. But as soon as I stepped on to the street wearing a cancer bandana, strangers registered my baldness beneath it and stared with faintly repulsed pity, or quickly edged away. It was rush hour on the train home, and standing room only, but no one took the empty seat beside me. The relief to have the system re-applied after a week was indescribable.

Fasting to feel better

After nine months of cancer treatment, I still have not met one patient or medic who had heard of a hair-replacement system. Why my second piece of advice is not common knowledge either seems, if anything, even more surprising. I would never have come across it had a good friend not suffered from a chronic auto-immune condition, which the NHS treated with a drug for 20 years before deciding it could no longer afford it. An urgent search for alternative treatment strategies led my friend to an American-based Italian professor of gerontology called Dr Valter Longo, who specialises in the medical benefits of fasting. Astonished by his findings, she began to experiment with fasting for herself, and very soon felt better than she had for 20 years. Had I not witnessed this with my own eyes, I might not have paid attention when she told me to read Longos research into the benefits of fasting for chemotherapy patients.

The findings were certainly arresting. They fall into two categories. His early studies conducted on mice found that periods of severe fasting significantly increased the efficacy of chemotherapy. For example, among mice with a highly aggressive type of cancer, 20% of those in which the cancer had fully spread, and 40% with a more limited spread, were completely cured after fasting in conjunction with chemotherapy. In neither case did a single mouse treated with chemotherapy alone survive.

Further studies are ongoing, and human trials are under way. As I am completely unqualified to take a view, it would be absurd of me to wade into the scientific debate. But if I cant give a clinical recommendation, I can at least report my own experience regarding Longos second claim. His trials on humans found that fasting dramatically reduced the side effects of chemotherapy. Starvation conditions, I read, protected the bodys normal cells but not cancer cells from the toxicity. Again, further trials are under way in the US, but when I consulted oncologists at UCH, only one had heard about it. The evidence does look very interesting, she agreed. Until we can be sure it actually works, though, I dont want to tell patients to starve themselves on top of everything else theyre having to endure. But if you want to give it a go, go ahead.

The process Longo recommended sounded daunting, but fairly straightforward; you eat nothing for 72 hours prior to chemo, and for 24 hours afterwards. It doesnt have to be quite that brutal; small quantities of miso soup or steamed green vegetables are permissible. But I suspected that being tantalised by morsels of sustenance might make it harder, so opted for the nothing-but-water approach. I decided to try the first round of chemo without fasting, to find out how bad it would be, and then follow his advice for the second to see if it made any difference. If the whole business turned out to be utter quackery, at worst, all it meant was that I would have spent a few days feeling pointlessly hungry.

Had round one turned out not to be too bad, I probably wouldnt have tried fasting for the second. And for 24 hours following the first infusion, I wondered what all the fuss was about. If anything, I felt a bit of a fraud. There I was in the spare room of a friend, who had packed her family off for the weekend in order to look after me, and I was in no worse shape than she was. On day two, I suggested she might as well go to the gym, while I went for a walk.

Its a good job I followed a bus route. Twenty minutes later I hobbled back on a No 9, and it was a week before I emerged from her spare room to face the world again. What began as a recognisable sensation, like a very bad hangover, soon had me staring lifelessly at the ceiling, slack-jawed and vegetative, wondering how I would ever make it to the bathroom, which was less than six feet from the bed. This made the decision to try eating nothing for 96 hours the next time very easy.

People who fast regularly always say it gets easier after the first 24 hours. Id always assumed they were lying, but it turns out to be true. By the afternoon of day two I began to feel slightly light-headed, but was no longer hungry. The much-fabled starvation high kicked in on day three, and although by day four I was getting excited about the prospect of eating again, if Id had to go another day I would have felt surprisingly sanguine.

By then I was back in my friends spare room, braced for the toxic onslaught. I had come prepared with audio books this time, and went to bed that night assuming it would be days before I left the house again. I waited. And waited. And nothing happened. It was like lying down on the tracks for a train that never came. Eventually I got up, went out shopping, bought some trainers, and caught the train home.

What fasting could not do was spare me the cumulative devastation of chemo. Week by week, as the cycles wore on, I found myself sinking helplessly into a torpor of inertia. Each round stole more of my soul, until by the end and for months afterwards all I could do was watch Jeremy Kyle. But to have been spared the toxic intensity of the immediate aftermath of each round was miraculous, and going without food a tiny price to pay for such an astonishing dividend. I wasnt even tempted to eat. Friends assumed it must have been hellishly hard to live on water for four days, but nothing could have induced me to break each fast. To feel merely dead, as opposed to hideously ill and dead, felt like a lottery win.

Horsepower and tattoos

When chemotherapy ends, it takes at least a month before most patients even begin to feel better, and many more before you feel anything like your old self. There are, however, things you can do to hurry up the return of your old appearance.

Hair usually begins to grow back after about six weeks, but the process is painfully slow. If you want to accelerate it, my advice would be to ignore the ruinously expensive shampoos a Google search will recommend, and buy a brand called ManenTail. As the name suggests, it is actually designed for horses, but it is perfectly safe for human use, and the only product I have found that dramatically increases the pace and quality of regrowth.

For some reason, eyelashes and eyebrows grow back even more slowly. The eyebrow problem can be solved by taking pre-emptive action before they fall out, and having them tattooed. The process is surprisingly painless, and remarkably convincing; like the hair-replacement system, tattooed eyebrows were a happy improvement on my own. One important word of advice: do not wait until yours have fallen out before having them done. The tattooist wont know where your eyebrows normally lie, so you run the risk of ending up with two sets when yours grow back.

To speed up the return of eyelashes, the only product I would recommend is something called Revitalash, which you paint on to the rims of your eyelids once a day, and works. When your eyelashes are a few millimetres long, it is tempting to consider having semi-permanent extensions applied, but this is a bad idea. When they fall out they are in danger of taking your own with them, leaving you back to square one. A safer option are fibre eyelash extensions, made by a company called Cherry Blooms. The application process is just like mascara, if a trifle fiddlier, takes only two minutes, and transforms stumps into normal-looking lashes.

To any reader lucky enough to have never had cancer, none of this advice may sound terribly important. It was only when I got cancer myself that I realised how little I had understood of what friends whod had chemo had been through. When it isnt your own body that has to endure the agonies and indignities, all that really seems to matter is keeping it alive. When it is your own body, you discover how much more there is to care about.