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iknownothingihearnothing · 6 years ago

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Game of Thrones 8.6 “The Iron Throne”

Well, our watch is over.

I don’t know how to feel, considering this entire season was very up and down and all over the place. Not to mention extremely whiplash-inducing. From Jaime’s whole show arc meaning zip to Daenerys’ roller coaster descent into the “Burn It All” Mad Queen to Cersei’s boring death, season 8 as a whole was NOT GREAT, BOB.

There were a few decent moments in the finale though. Sansa was crowned Queen in the North, so that was awesome. Drogon’s “but mama, wake up!” moment broke my damn heart. Ghost finally got his good boi snuggles.

But overall? Yeesh.

‘Kay, let’s try not to boo and hiss when the “Executive produced and written by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss” credit flashes across the screen.

Try.

As the finale opens, Tyrion is seen wandering through the desecrated streets of King’s Landing, dumbfounded that the Queen he (and many of us) believed in actually did this crap.

He separates from the others while Jon, Davos, and Co. locate Grey Worm about to commit some post-surrender slaughter of some Lannister army soldiers, in the name of the new Queen. Davos suggests he and Jon go speak with Dany while Grey Worm continues his slaughterin’.

If there is one thing you can say for Torgo Nudho, it’s that he’s fiercely loyal.

Tyrion meanders to the crumbling remains of the Red Keep, heads right for the basement, presumably with his fingers and toesies crossed, and realizes the escape to the beachhead where he’d stored his little dinghy is blocked by a rock wall. So he heads to one of the few piles of bricks on the floor and lo and behold--

Really, Cersei and Jaime look more like they are in the middle of a good nap. And there aren’t that many brick piles on the floor. Like they could’ve moved somewhere else in the basement and avoided dying but yanno, plot.

Arya’s picking through the fire-lined streets of King’s Queen’s Landing until she eventually comes to the town square...place. The Redkeepplatz? Der Rotenwohnturmplatz? Where she spies some jubilant Dothraki playing with their horsies. They won, they’re feeling (temporarily) awesome.

Of course, GoT is legally contracted to never go more than a scene or two without featuring the brooding face of Jon Snow, which it does, as he climbs up the stairs leading to Der Roten Wohnturm. Naturally, the gold and red lion banners of the Lannisters have been removed (and likely thrown into a corner somewhere for the Dothraki horses to poop on) and in their place is one big Targaryen one.

Rather reminiscent of a dog pissing on a fire hydrant, is it not?

So Brooding Jon and his wolfhead cane (I am still pissed that he didn’t beat off any errant Dead with it, I must say) climb up the steps under Grey Worm’s disapproving eye--remember, Jon has been kinda against slaughterin’ Lannister soldiers who already surrendered to which Grey Worm is all *Pikachu gasp face*--to meet his Queen/sort of girlfriend/aunt, who makes her grand entrance like this:

Fabulous, dahlink! Dany is like a catwalk walker at a high-high-fashion Milan event. In fact, if Versace or John Paul doesn’t hire Emilia Clarke to recreate just this moment for the next Fashion Week (yanno, the one at Milan or Paris or New York, not at, like, Tallahassee Fashion Week), I will not buy any more of their products. Not that I could before.

No, she didn’t paste dragon wings to her back. It’s just Drogon. But the shot sure looks cool!

Daenerys catwalks out to her adoring public--quite a lot of adoring public.

Srsly. I thought from the glimpse of trailer that all those soldiers were, idk, surrendered Lannister Army who’d sworn fealty or something. Weren’t most of her forces annihilated during the Battle of Winterfell? There were certainly not this many after Drogon Dracarysed the crap out of the K.L. gates and they burst into the city walls.

There is raucous cheering and whooping...from the Dothraki. The Unsullied just sort of stand there and bang their poles against the ground because they are boring.

Dany gives a rousing speech about the Dothraki being the blood of her blood, they kept all her promises to her, defeated her enemies, blah blah, and Drogon roars as if it is a football game.

She makes Grey Worm her Master of War, which he kinda was all this time, just now it’s official. I guess he gets better pay now.

Dany switches tongues and addresses the Unsullied in High Valyrian. The Dothraki are there like “Dafuq is she talking about?” Just as the Unsullied were before. She calls them “liberators”.

Audience:

You should really stop using that word, Dany. English teachers would red-pen all over this essay.

Dany continues in her exuberant High Valyrian that they will not stop until every man, woman, and child in the world, from Winterfell to Dorne and Lannisport to Qarth, has experienced her flavor of “mercy”.

Arya’s in the back watching like--

Is it me or is this victory speech rather...”Hitler giving a rousing oration at a Nazi rally” esque?

Arya may not be loving this but the Unsullied, with their *tap tap* and the Dothraki excitedly raising their Arakhs and Scimitars in glee, sure do. Tho idk exactly what has the Dothraki so riled up. Dany’s still speaking High Valyrian; they have no idea what she’s saying.

Tyrion is not happy with Dany either. Probably because she killed his brother and burned a shitload of people. He walks up to her as she winds up her Hitlerish speech and she looks at him with some of that ice borrowed from the North. In English, she accuses him of committing treason for freeing Jaime. He in turn meets her gaze and throws away his Hand to the Queen pin.

Dany orders Tyrion taken away, presumably to be Dracarysed. And Jon is watching all this happening like this:

We’ve all done it, don’t lie. “I know he has a swastika tattoo on his face but he’s only a Nazi on the weekends!”

Dany meets his gaze silently telling him to “respect mah authoritah”--

--and she walks away with Unsullied flanking her. I am not sure where to. Half of the Red Keep is in ruins.

As Jon watches, Arya appears beside him like a ghost. He asks her what she is doing here and what happened and the audience goes in tandem--

What do you think happened, Jon?! Your girlfriend torched the city. Arya’s there in the city. You think she magically poofed there covered in dirt?

You still know nothing, Jon Snow.

Arya confesses that she came to kill Cersei, who of course died the most boring and undeserving death. Her presence right now is solely to remind Jon that Dany knows his true name and heritage and because of that he will always be a threat to her.

Jon goes to visit Tyrion in isolation--handing over his cane, which for a second I thought was an umbrella; I now think every Great House should have a House Umbrella--and the first thing he asks is thus:

Tyrion is disappoint but thanks Jon for coming to see him anyway. It is ironic, he pontificates. He is the one who told Dany of Varys’ treasonous acts and now he’s getting the Drac for the same thing. Well now Varys’ ashes can say “I told you so”. He then asks Jon if there is life after death. Cus, you know, Jon would know. But Jon does not remember any. Tyrion is relieved. Oblivion is all he can hope for after choking Shae, shooting Daddy Tywin with a crossbow, and betraying Dany.

And he is prettttttttyyyy sure the war ain’t over. Dany will go on “liberating” until everyone is “free”--and of course by “free” I mean either loyal or barbecued.

Jon is checked in at Justification Station:

Tyrion asks him if he would’ve done it. After all, he’d been on the dragon’s back before. Jon stutters that he doesn’t know but Tyrion, and all of us, know he would not have. Tyrion is probably speaking to the same portion of the audience who loves Dany when he bites out that “Everywhere she goes, evil men die and we cheer her for it” and that portion, of which I count myself, reply--

Why wouldn’t we? When she Dracarysed those assholes at Astapor, I fistpumped like Pauly D.

Jon slumps down on a nearby stool. “Love is the death of duty” Maester Aemon said long ago. But, Tyrion posits, maybe duty is the death of love. Jon always tried to do the right thing by the people. Who is the biggest threat to the people now?

Tyrion knows that he’s asking Jon to do a horrible thing, but it’s the right thing. After all, Jon is the most dangerous person in the world to her, being the rightful heir. Alas, Jon stutters that it’s Dany’s decision as Queen, I guess whether to kill him or not, tells Tyrion he’s sorry he’s gon’ be Dracarysed, and is about to leave when Tyrion tries one last ditch by bringing up Sansa and Arya. They’ll never be loyal to Dany, and Jon will have to choose.

With lots to think about, Jon goes to confront Dany, who is prowling around the mess she made of the Red Keep. Drogon, as always, is faithfully standing guard beneath a pile of ash. Or is it snow? Is there snow in the capital? Questions.

Inside (I...guess?), Dany ventures into the once glorious throne room, which now looks like this:

Hope you have a good Master of Coin in mind, Dany.

The new Queen is stunned and delighted about finally coming face to face with the Iron Throne.

Yes. Hundreds of swords all melded together sounds fabulous for my back. Why does everyone want to sit in this thing so badly?

That is when Jon shows up. He begs Dany to spare the lives of the remaining Lannister prisoners. Tyrion from the impending doom of the dragon’s breath. Dany shakes her head. They cannot get by on “small mercies” when there is a whole world who needs...mercy. It will be a good world, she insists. She will make Jon see that it will be a good world.

He asks about everyone else. The people who “don’t know what’s good”. Dany’s reply: “They don’t get to choose.”

Dany wraps Jon in her arms and demands he be with her because they’re fated, they’ll break the wheel together, blah blah

And for a moment, just a moment, it almost appears to be working. They kiss passionately, there’s a glint of metal, Dany looks shocked. And then...

Yeah, I didn’t spoil myself, though the season eight plots were easily accessible on Reddit. Probably posted by an annoyed PA who is firmly in the “this season blew” camp. In fact, I am willing to bet it’s the same guy who left The Cup in 8.4. He did it on purpose.

But still, though I had a feeling Daenerys would not make it out of the finale alive, I was not prepared. It makes total sense for Jon to ultimately kill Dany, as he is the only one who could get close enough to her to do it aside from Grey Worm, who would never, and, of course, Drogon. There is a poetic irony to having the man who loves her ultimately be her end.

And yet...

Poor Jon. Two girlfriends, both dead.

As Jon cradles her, Drogon starts creepin’. His dragon senses tell him that something’s happened to his mommy. Jon lays his deceased lady love on the floor and Drogon creeps up behind him, scaring the pants off him. He pads over to Dany’s inert body, trying to wake her up.

All together now:

I literally aww’d out loud when I first watched this. Twice. On Twitter, people have likened this scene to Simba pawing at a deceased Mufasa after the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King. It’s pretty reminiscent. “Mom? Mom? Wake up, we got the Iron Throne now!”

Realizing that his mama really is dead, Drogon is not happy. He growls at Jon, rears up, and fire swirls at the back of his throat. Jon, for his part, remains stoic. I suppose he thinks he deserves this after becoming a Queenslayer.

But Drogon spares him, perhaps unable to harm a Targaryen? Instead, he takes his ire out on the ironically defenseless throne made of dead men’s swords.

He melts the fuck out of that throne until it’s nothing but molted metal. No one entirely knows why, but two theories are prevalent. One, that Drogon understood that it was really the Iron Throne that killed his mother in the end, her ambition to lead, and not Jon. Dragons are supposed to be incredibly intelligent. And two, as Leslie Jones put it, “If my mama can’t have it, ain’t nobody having it!”

Once the evil pointy chair is gone, Drogon cradles Dany’s body in his talons and flies away with her.

And I’m dead.

Oh, I’m so sad for Drogon. First the Night King took Viserion. Then, Captain Underpants shot down Rhaegal. Now his mom’s gone.

I want to hug him.

The next day, Grey Worm and Co. come for Tyrion, but instead of being Dracarysed, he’s led to the Dragonpit, where various heads of Great Houses are assembled to discuss What To Do Now--yanno, that Jon Snow killed the Queen. Yara wants him dead, as well as the Prince of Dorne. Arya threatens to cut her throat if she says that again. Davos, as usual, is the voice of reason. He tries to bribe Grey Worm with the Reach but the Unsullied do not want payment; they want justice.

Tyrion says it’s not for Grey Worm to decide, and Grey Worm is pissed. But it’s for their King or Queen to decide, and the powerful people before him must pick one.

Grey Worm’s like--

He is not all in on this idea but he’s gonna humor it.

Sam starts to suggest democracy but everyone’s like LOL.

Edmure Tully, aka Tobias Menzies, aka Frank/Black Jack Randall on Outlander, who we haven’t seen since season six, rises and attempts to make a case for himself being named King. Sansa has no time for his antics.

Burn after reading, Edmure.

Honestly, I’d have preferred this side character we haven’t seen for two seasons over the guy they actually picked. Tyrion, who, I may remind, is the prisoner here, makes a case that the best man/woman (it’s a man) for the job is someone with “the best story”. Okay, cool, I can get behind that.

And then he says, “Who has a better story than Bran Stark?”

Uh...

Let’s see, of the remaining nobles, Sansa has overcome a shitload of adversity to become a really kickass, strong leader of her House, Arya was raised a spoiled little girl and could’ve lived off that but instead threw all those trappings aside to transform into a literal assassin, Brienne is now the first woman knight in all of Westeros, Tyrion went against his House to support a southern Queen and survived a false accusation of poisoning his nephew by his sister, Sam was sentenced to the Night’s Watch by his jackass of a father only to find love, family, and survive the Battle of Winterfell, Yara was kidnapped by her pirate uncle, lost her brother, and is now Queen of the Iron Islands, and Jon, well Jon, what didn’t Jon fucking do?

Bran was carried around by the poor dude whose head he fucked with for a few years and spent this season being an unemotional robot.

Tyrion asks Bran if he’s up to the role and Bran replies--

.....!

............!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENED TO “I CAN’T BE THE LORD OF WINTERFELL, I’M THE THREE-EYED RAVEN”?! Even Isaac Hempstead-Wright said when he originally got the script, he thought it was a joke.

We’re supposed to believe he is not up to the task of lording Winterfell but the Seven Kingdoms? No problem.

I’m sorry, the Six Kingdoms. Sansa will not agree to appoint Bran King unless he gives the North independence, which he does.

Six Kingdoms does not sound as good, y’all.

Bran’s a Six Chick now.

So everyone votes and the newfound oligarchy of Westeros toast to their new KingBot.

They call him Bran the Broken because every royal needs a nickname. It’s kind of insulting but I highly doubt Westeros was at all #woke.

I like my ideas better.

Bran makes Tyrion his Hand to make up for all his mistakes in the past, and Grey Worm bugs out because he’s a criminal and deserves justice. But Bran is now a KingBot and can do what he wants so there!

Tyrion, saved from execution, reports to a reckt-looking Jon that KingBot has decided to send him to the Night’s Watch, which still exists for some reason. He will take no wife, bore no children, etc, al., we’ve heard the spiel before.

Jon asks Tyrion if what they did was right because he feels like shit and Tyrion tells him to ask him again in ten years. So they don’t even know if killing Dany was a good thing or a bad thing.

As Jon ambles through the docks, he passes Grey Worm’s ship. One of the Unsullied lets him know in High Valyrian that all the men are on board and wistfully he nods his reply.

Naath, being of course, Missandei’s home. Grey Worm and the Unsullied are fulfilling a promise he made to Missandei before the Battle of Winterfell--that he would accompany her back home to protect her people from slavers. Now, sans Missandei, he is keeping that promise.

At the docks, Sansa asks Jon if he can forgive her. He is a better person than I because I would’ve been like--

Jon tells her the North has its independence because of her, they hug, and he moves onto Arya. She can’t visit him at the Night’s Watch because she is going on an adventure! She’s gonna start world-building. Arya the World-Builder!

She’s going west of Westeros. For the glory of the Starks and the North. Maybe start a colony there and push some indigenous people onto reservations.

Next, Jon goes down the line to bid goodbye to his new KingBot.

Seven Six Hells, it’s a good thing this is the finale because calling BranBot “Your Grace” and bending the knee to him will never not be super odd.

Jon tells him he’s sorry he wasn’t there when KingBot needed him and KingBot assures him he was exactly where he was supposed to be with that creepy blank face. Y’all may as well have installed HAL as King.

In the miraculously intact and debris-free Red Keep, the new Commander of the Kingsguard is searching through the Big Book of Westerosi Knights For Dummies--

--for Jaime’s entry, I guess to complete his story, and somehow she finds the wherewithal not to be catty.

There, Brienne. Fixed it for you.

At the small council table, Tyrion reverently sits in the seat of the Hand to the King while the rest of the council comes pouring in. Sam places a thick tome in front of Tyrion, and when he asks what it is, Sam proudly states that it’s A Song of Ice and Fire, a history of the wars following Robert’s Rebellion and death.

There isn’t much that takes me out of the experience more than mentioning the title of the show I’m watching. And although this is Game of Thrones, we all know it’s based on the ASoIaF book series.

By Archmaester Ebrose, eh? You sure it wasn’t, say, Archmaester Jyrge of House Martyn?

The in-universe AsoIaF doesn’t even mention Tyrion, which is hilarious.

Brienne and KingBot enter and everyone stands and calls him “Your Grace” and we snicker. At the table, the first thing KingBot does is ask about the missing Masters of Whisperers, Law, and War. And also where Drogon is. Sam says he is flying east but KingBot seems determined to find him.

What’s he gonna do, warg into Drogon? You leave that poor baby alone, KingBot! In a short time, he’s lost both his brothers and his mother. He’s totally alone. Don’t bother him no more!

#LeaveDrogonAlone!

Before Podrick, who is now Ser Podrick, takes him away, everyone stands to salute their KingBot.

Maybe I’m a broken record, but Bran being crowned King is like getting an A+ on the presentation when you spent the whole prep time playing Words With Friends on your phone.

When he leaves, the remaining small council members discuss rebuilding the armada and distributing wealth responsibly. Bronn has been named Lord of the Reach and is now Master of Coin. His first priority as such is--

Naturally.

Tyrion also comes to the conclusion that after extensive research into the sewers at Casterly Rock, clean water=healthy people.

No!

The camera slowly pulls out on our happy merry men (and woman) of the council so I guess that means that is the last time we will see them.

At Castle Black--

And so fast? Are all the builders in the North drinking Four Loko or what?

There, waiting, is Tormund, like he’s Leo at the end of Titanic. He knew Jon would be back. Because he’s “got the real North in him”.

In all corners of Westeros, the Starks are doin’ their thang. Arya is setting sail for places unknown, brandishing the Stark sigil.

Sansa is attending her coronation of Queen in the North after winning the Northern independence.

And Jon is among the wildlings at Castle Black. He seems to be searching for someone in particular amongst the throng.

And then, he finds him!

It’s Ghost! The goodest good boi in the wide world finally got his snuggles from his Daddy.

He deserves all the love and treats because he’s the best boi.

Yes, he is! Yes, he is!

The finale closes with Tormund and Jon leading the Free Folk into the woods. Hmm..

Is Jon destined to be the King Beyond the Wall now? We’ll never know for sure because the show is over. But there is always fanfiction.

I am reading one right now where Jon and Dany meet in Pentos before she is crowned Khaleesi. It’s good shit.

So, uh, pros: Sansa being crowned Queen in the North was awesome. She deserved it. I can see Arya as an explorer. Cons: KingBot. WHY?! I cannot see him being the “great king” the other characters think he will be. He has no emotion, which is why he is KingBot. The first thing he does upon calling to order his first small council meeting is wondering where the fuck Drogon is so he can kill him. And it’s not enough that he’s elsewhere in the east. KingBot has to warg into him or into something near him to get his exact location. Idkkk him being King is pretty absurd.

The finale was a week ago and I’m still in mourning for Dany. I’m in mourning for how fast the writers took her to Mad Queen status. I like the theory that Drogon is flying to Volantis to have Kinvara of the Red Priesthood revive her so that she can come back to Westeros and kick ass and take names.

In the meantime, and forevermore, the wheel keeps on spinning...

#game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones 8 #emilia clarke #Kit Harrington #maisie williams #Sophie Turner #isaac hempstead wright #peter dinklage #gwendoline christie

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