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holidaywishes · 2 years ago

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Happy Halloween

Hate Sex Part 4

Requested: 🤷‍♀️

Summary: After a rather awkward date with Auston, the two of you decide it’s probably best to leave things alone; but Halloween brings you both back to bad habits.

Warning: smut, some fluff and a bit of angst

Author’s Note: Yes, I’m back. To be honest, I should be writing a sample for my ghostwriting thing but I can’t bring myself to sit down and do it. As you can tell, I started this all the way back in October and kept coming back to it but I never felt like it was finished. I feel like the voice is a little different in this one, maybe less snarky? I don't know, it's just different. I personally don't know how much more I can add to this story but if people keep requesting chapters, I can write some -- maybe just tell me where you want it to go lol. This one is long AF but hopefully, it fulfills everyone’s craving though.

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Auston’s P.O.V

Hearing (Y/N) say that there could be something more than sex between the two of you was almost like having air back in your lungs. But now where did you stand with her?

“Wait,” Morgan stuttered as he sat across from you, both waiting for your server to bring your meals to the table, “what exactly are you asking me to do?”

“Tell me I’m allowed to ask her out…” you awkwardly scoffed

“You’re both adults. You wanna ask her out? Ask her out. You don’t need my permission,” he said, allowing a smile to spread across your face, “but she’ll probably say no”

“Wow. Thanks”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Matts,” he started, leaning his elbows on the table, “she’s really not your biggest fan. Even if the two of you have been hooking up”

“Yeah but she said s—

“She didn’t say anything,” he interrupted and you furrowed your brow in return, “not about starting anything. I just don’t want you getting your hopes up…”

“So I’m just supposed to leave it, her, alone now?” you asked, hoping for a different answer

“Ask her out,” he said, “but if she says no, yeah. Let the situation end because if you keep going with the whole fuck buddies thing, one or both of you are going to get hurt.” You bit the inside of your cheek as you took in his words. You knew he was right, you were too emotionally invested already but you thought she was too and the idea of possibly cutting that off wasn’t something you were looking forward to.

You weren’t sure what to do now. Knowing that Auston had said he wanted more and that you had said you felt something as well had become all-consuming; not that you knew what any of it meant. The two of you hadn’t really talked since that night in the bathroom and now things were getting tense amongst your shared friend group.

“What would you do?” you asked your best friend during a lunch break, “if you were me?”

“What would you want to do?” she returned

“No no,” you scoffed, “don’t do that. I asked what you would do, I really wanna know”

“It seems pretty clear to me,” she added easily, a smirk quickly appearing on her face, “you both said you have feelings for each other, so it seems clear that you should go for it”

“That’s what you would do?”

“That’s what I know you would do,” she urged, “if it was anyone else”

“It’s just that things are so weird!” you said, exasperated, “I mean I legit hated him and I always thought he hated me, and he probably did, but now he’s saying he has feelings for me and I’m changing my mind? Is that really what’s happening?”

“Apparently”

“If anything happens, it would be a terrible idea”

“I think the terrible idea already happened,” she teased, “whatever happens now is probably a pretty normal thing.”

“I just don’t like making anyone uncomfortable,” you admitted, “Tessa is asking me questions because Morgan is asking her questions because Auston is asking him questions. Yet, we haven’t spoken since we had sex in the bathroom so…”

“Why did you have sex in the bathroom?” she asked and you shook your head once before shrugging, “I just mean, you always said public sex was a no, that it would never be the thing you did”

“And then I did it…” you added with a heavy sigh, “I don’t know. I mean, it really did just sorta happen and there was alcohol involved — I guess I just got caught up in it, in him, that I didn’t really think about where we were.” When she smiled at you with that terrible poker face she had, you furrowed your brow, “what?”

“You don’t think that your answer just now deserves a second look?” she asked before telling you that she needed to go back to work. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you”

“Love you” you said as you hugged her back and went your own way. As you drove back to your office, you thought about everything your best friend said, searching for more clarity on everything you’d talked about but only wound up more confused than you started.

Auston’s P.O.V

You decided just to go for it. Ask out (Y/N) and see what happens. But things were different now. Aside from the fact that you hadn’t spoken to her in months, you were now starting to rethink whether or not she actually meant what she said — because, if she did, why hadn’t she reached out either? You shook your head at your own thought and forced yourself to pick up the phone anyway

“Hello” (Y/N)’s voice sang from the other end of the phone

“Hi” you said shyly

“Auston?”

“Yeah, uhm,” you replied, clearing your throat to waste time as you thought about what to say, “what are you doing?”

“What? You called me…” she giggled, a giggle that you could picture the perfect smile with, “how did you even get my number? I’m pretty sure I never gave it to you. For obvious reasons…”

“Mo gave it to me,” you said, “and I just meant what are you doing right now? Are you busy?”

“Depends…”

“On?”

“On what you want.” You smiled, rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly as you paced around your apartment

“I want— would you like to go on a date with me?”

“No” it was almost a whisper and you could tell she was caught off guard

“I mean a real date. In public. Sex completely off the table, not even a thought for either of us”

“Why?” she asked, “why now? After everything?”

“Because,” you answered, finally taking a seat, “I know how I feel but I want to be able to get to know each other. I’m really not as bad as you think I am”

“That sounds like something a narcissist would say”

“I promise,” you smirked, “I’m not a narcissist. I’d love for you to call me on all my bullshit but, to be fair, you’ll have to learn about me first”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah…” you scoffed. There was silence on the line for a while and you dropped your head as you awaited her polite refusal

“One date” she finally said and you tried your best to contain your surprise

“Really?”

“One date and if it doesn’t go well, then we stop,” she continued, “stop everything. No random calls out of nowhere. No second dates because you want another chance to change my mind. No hookups in bathrooms or hotel rooms. Nothing. It all ends”

“That’s no fun” you joked

“That’s the point,” she said sternly, “and that’s the deal.” You chuckled a bit at her seriousness but let your shoulders relax

“Okay,” you agreed, your smile now beaming, “so are you free tonight?”

The date was... awkward. It was as if Auston forgot how to interact with not only you but people in general and you couldn’t seem to make it any better. You honestly didn’t know how

“This is a nice place” you said to fill the empty space

“Thanks,” he replied, coughing on the sip of water he had taken, “I mean, it’s not mine obviously so I don’t mean ‘thanks,’ I just mean...” You raised your eyebrows as he stumbled over his words before taking a breath, “I’m glad you like it”

“I’m a little confused...” you whispered, leaning in so only the two of you could hear, “why are we here?”

“It’s a date..?” he replied hesitantly as if to say ‘did you not get that?’

“No, I know,” you scoffed, “but why here? I mean... it’s nice. It’s fancy but I don’t know, it doesn’t really seem like you”

“Aren’t I supposed to be this super arrogant jerk who likes only the best?” he chided and you grinned sarcastically

“Yes,” you quipped, “but this place isn’t even that. It’s... too fancy for me, yet, not fancy enough for the person you think you are”

“The person I think I am?”

“Exactly”

“What does that even mean? Either I’m arrogant or I’m not, you can’t decide it’s both”

“I’m not deciding it’s anything, I’m saying this is how it is. You have this image of yourself, an inflated ego that people gave you, and it comes across in everything you do.” Your explanation left his face contorted into what seemed like permanent confusion, “you are not a god, Auston, you’re just a hockey player. Everyone has just made you believe that you’re more than that because... they felt like it. So, you became what they wanted and now you have no idea who you are”

“You really can’t go an entire conversation without fighting with me can you?”

“I’m just being honest with you, Auston,” you scoffed, leaning back in your seat, “maybe I thought you’d respect that”

“Maybe it comes across as condescending” he added, his own scoff mimicking yours

“Maybe you’re just too sensitive”

“Maybe you’re meaner than you let people believe”

“And what if I am?” you sneered, arms crossed as you stared across the table at Auston, one eyebrow raised slightly

“Then you can’t really say I have no idea who I am when no one has any idea who you are” he replied. You scoffed in return before grabbing your purse and flagging down your server

“Hi, sorry,” you said politely, a shy smile appearing on your lips, “can I just pay for my meal”

“(Y/N)…” Auston sighed, “come on that’s ridiculous”

“When you have a chance, I’ll just grab my bill”

“So.. it’s separate?” the server asked and you nodded

“No” Auston countered

“Yes” you insisted, smiling at the server before sending him on his way

“Seriously?” Auston scoffed once more

“I don’t want to be indebted to you. This way I won’t owe you — for anything”

“I can’t tell if this is mature or petty”

“That sounds like a you problem.” The server came over with your bill just then and, luckily, he brought out the machine with him so you were able to tap your card and go. “Thank you,” you said to the young man who clearly thought this date was going better than it had, turning to dismiss yourself to Auston, “look, we gave it a try. But we made a deal — if the date didn’t go well, then that would be it. No more. So, thanks, I guess, for the terrible decisions I’ve made these last few years. It’s been a wild ride, but one I never should’ve gotten on”

“Okay the metaphors are a little much” he said, grabbing your arm as gently as he could to stop you from leaving

“Let go” you said gently

“Stay”

“Why?” you groaned, “to argue some more? To disagree over fundamental parts of each other's personalities? No, sorry, I don’t need that. It was… interesting knowing you Matthews. Catch you in another life.” You left the restaurant hastily, sighing to yourself at the idea of wasting your time before quickly smiling when you realized this meant you could get your life back to normal. Back to when Auston was just some over-hyped, narcissistic man-child who you never asked to have in your life in the first place.

Five months later

Morticia Addams was always a good choice. Last minute or first thought, alone or couples costume, it always garnered the right kind of attention. It was one of your favourite go-to costumes and you’d always worn it well; perfecting it over the years, of course.

“Morticia again?” your cousin, Martha, scoffed when you came out in your floor-length, tight black dress

“It’s a classic” you laughed before fitting your black wig onto your head

“If I had known that you were going to wear it this much, I never would’ve dressed you up all those years ago”

“You’re just mad that it works so well on me”

“Are you ready?” she sighed as she rolled her eyes

“Yeah,” you smirked, “just gotta put on some lipstick. Go meet me in the car.” Martha’s heels clacked on the hardwood floor as she made her way to the car and you paced around trying to make sure you had everything you needed before going to Tessa and Mo’s Halloween party. When your cousin pulled up in front of the house, you made sure everything on you was where it needed to be — no malfunctions tonight.

“So wait…” Martha started, “do you think Auston will be in there?”

“Probably,” you responded, moving your coat to the backseat, “he’s part of the team”

“Have you talked to him since that date?”

“Nope” you replied, popping the p as you fixed your lipstick and fell back in the seat

“So after five months, you’re gonna see him,” she said and you nodded to yourself before turning your body to face her, “what’s that gonna be like?”

“It’ll be fine. We both agreed to go our separate ways and there shouldn’t be an issue with both of us being there,” you admitted, “we’re just going back to how our lives were before all the bad decisions.” She smirked and shook her head, pushing the car door open and walked to your side of the car

“Alright,” Martha sighed as you got out of the car and headed toward the house. You spent the first hour grabbing a drink, talking with a few people you knew and meeting a few you didn’t before finally finding Mo

“Happy Halloween!” he greeted, stretching out his arms and his Dracula cape

“Happy Halloween!” you returned with a smile

“Morticia?” Tessa asked as she handed you another drink as she approached the group

“Yep!” you said happily before noticing her smirk at Morgan who shyly took a sip of his own drink, “what?”

“Nothing,” Tessa smirked, “you look great.” You weren’t sure what was going on but she wasn’t telling you something. You decided not to let it get to you in order to enjoy the rest of the party; that’s when you saw him.

“Of fucking course” you whispered to yourself when you noticed Auston in his Gomez Addams costume

“You guys knew about this, didn’t you?” Martha asked Tessa and Mo with a small laugh

“Oh yeah” Mo replied

“I mean,” Tessa corrected, “we knew about his costume, not about hers. It really was all a happy coincidence.” Overhearing Tessa, Mo and Martha made you roll your eyes as Auston made his way to your group, finally stopping softly in front of you. He stood silently for a moment before outstretching his hand to you, grabbing yours to continue the coincidence; this was not a couples costume but he seemed to have everyone else fooled

“Cara Mia” he smirked before kissing the back of your hand

“Well isn’t this a… strange coincidence” you scoffed

“Or it’s fate” he teased, leading you to shake your head and walk away toward the kitchen. “Oh come on,” he groaned as he followed you inside, “why not just play along?”

“Because,” you replied as you poured yourself another drink, “we agreed to go back to normal life. Normal life didn’t include us playing along with anything.” When the music changed to a slowed-down version of the Addams family theme, courtesy of Martha and Tessa, the group around you and Auston began encouraging you two to dance.

“What’dya say?” Auston said softly, his palm open toward you and the chanting began to get louder, the peer pressure setting in; you groaned and took his hand with a glare. As he placed his palm flat on the small of your back, you corrected the train of your dress from where it had wrapped around your own legs.

“I’m doing this so I don’t get shunned,” you chided, “not because I want to”

“We’re back to that, are we?”

“We never really left it”

“Yeah, well...” he paused, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “you look stunning tonight”

“I know” you whispered back, hoping he didn’t hear the blush you were trying to hide. Your bodies moved together seamlessly and you forgot how terrible that date was for a second, only to be brought back to reality when he moved his hand just an inch down onto your ass and you pushed him away; promptly ending the dance. You walked quickly past him so you could get back to your cousin and enjoy the rest of the party, doing your best to ignore Auston... yet again.

Auston’s P.O.V

You were happy you decided to go as Gomez Addams tonight, if for no other reason than (Y/N) as Morticia. She looked beautiful and bringing her out into the middle of the room for a dance made you flashback to the moments that made you fall for her and when she walked away, you couldn’t help but follow her; even though you knew you shouldn’t.

“Stop” you whined as you ran after her, reaching out to grab her arm but not before she could run up the stairs

“Auston, go back downstairs,” she said, “back to the party. I’m just looking for a bathroom”

“You’re sure you’re not just ignoring me?”

“Can’t I do both?” she smiled sarcastically and you scoffed to yourself. Her pacing between closed doors to find a bathroom proved fruitless and she was soon brought back to you. “You can’t seriously still be trying to do something…” she scoffed, “it’s been five months and that date was a disaster”

“That’s very true. It was a disaster,” you admitted, moving one step closer to her, “and, yet, I haven’t stopped thinking about you once”

“That’s your problem, not mine. I told you that if the date didn’t go well, we’d go back to being nothing to each other”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Are you trying to coerce me into backtracking?” you took a step back in surprise at her words

“What? No, of course not”

“It sounds like you are”

“Well I’m not”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Jesus (Y/N)!” you groaned, exasperated, and threw up your hands, “why can’t you admit that you felt something during that dance?”

“Because it was just a dance!”

“Why can’t you admit that you had feelings for me?”

“I didn’t. I felt… something. But they weren’t feelings for you. It was all lust. Everything between us has been just sex and you know it”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Keep your voice down!” she yelled in a whisper as she pulled you into a nearby room, “my god, you’re so dramatic”

“You’re lying to yourself if you think it’s all been sex”

“Auston, we haven’t seen or talked to each other in five months! I think that makes it pretty clear”

“I don’t,” he said, “I wanted you to stay but you left so I gave you your space”

“Because you thought you were too good that I wouldn't just break and call you?” you groaned and rolled your eyes

“Because I knew there was something there, that we had something, but I wasn’t gonna force it.” You admitted and you hoped she could hear the softness in your tone, “and yeah, sure, I guess I thought you’d realize that too.” You could tell she was hesitant but, once again, the two of you moved together like magnets. You set your hands on her hips, staying there while she stared up at you, a look so intense that you gulped in return.

“Fuck,” you thought to yourself, before feeling his hands slowly climb your body until they cupped your face and, unintentionally, left you breathless. He leaned down with a smirk before kissing your forehead first as if to build the tension and your hands instinctively fell on his waist. When his lips finally met yours, you stepped into him and it wasn’t long until his hands were roaming your body, the kiss intensifying to the point of heavy breathing. “Wait,” you broke the kiss harshly and turned away from him, “we can’t keep doing this. This is dumb. This is bad. Toxic.”

“You’re toxic, I’m slipping under” he teasingly sang as walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist

“I’m serious” you whispered, feeling his hands move up your body until they cupped your breasts and pulled your body into him, earning a moan from you. His teeth grazed your neck as he placed kisses from your ear to your collarbone, his hands still firmly holding your breasts

“You look so fucking good right now,” he said breathlessly into your ear, your hands now finally raising to lay on top of his while your head dropped back onto his shoulder

“Fuck” you moaned, moving one hand to the back of his neck as he massaged your breasts. You finally turned back around, hastily removing his clothes with lips intertwined. Your dress wasn’t as easy to remove, being so tight, so Auston had to pull away from the kiss again to find the zipper on the side of your dress and let the fabric fall to the floor. He lifted you up and brought you to the bed, placing you on the edge so he could remove his pants. You pushed yourself back onto the pillows and Auston climbed on top of you shortly after, pulling him down to push your bodies together as his lips crashed into yours.

“Are you okay?” Auston asked suddenly, making you furrow your brow, “I just mean, should we keep going?”

“Yes,” you smiled, twirling your fingers in his hair as he kissed your neck. You hadn’t noticed his hand move down your body until he slid his fingers into your underwear, his calloused fingers moving up and down your folds. When Auston slid his long middle finger into you, you dug your nails into his shoulders and bit your lip to hold back the volume that would surely come out.

“The music’s loud,” he whispered, “you can be loud”

“Someone will still hear,” you said breathlessly, a small moan escaping your lips finally, “fuck”

“Come on,” he urged, planting kisses on the backs of your hands that clutches his shoulders, “be loud. You’re so wet, I wanna hear you scream my name.”

“You always do,” you breathed, “oh my god”

“Scream,” he said and you caught his smirk when you looked down, shaking your head before letting it fall back on the pillow. “Scream” he repeated

“You sound like a serial killer” you laughed, placing your hand on his cheek, bringing his face to yours and planting a kiss on his lips, his fingers working faster to bring you to your high. Your legs began to shake as he put a little bit of pressure on your clit, leading you to bite his lip in pleasure

“Cum, baby”

“Don’t call me baby”

“Cum” he repeated firmly. You continued the kiss, grabbing his hair so tight that you were sure you were going to tear a chunk out. He broke the kiss one last time, biting your collarbone and kissing the inside of your wrist before whispering one more time, “cum.” Something inside you unlocked and you moaned loudly as your body arched into him and your climax consumed you. “There she is” he smirked

“Shut up” you scoffed as Auston rolled onto his back, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and settling in. “What are you doing?” you asked

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t what this is” you sighed, adjusting your head on his arm before gesturing to where it lay behind you

“Just taking a break…” he scoffed, forcing you to look up at him and furrow your brow, “that okay with you?” You shook your head, deciding to climb on top of him

“Just… shh” you whispered, Auston’s thighs tightening under you while his arms stayed behind his head. His eyes boring into yours as you began to ride him slowly

“Fuck” he breathed, moving one hand from behind his head to explore your chest, fingers trailing from collarbone to breast to nipple. You moaned quietly, hands resting on his chest as you kept your movements slow, feeling Auston’s breathing increase as he took his other hand from behind his head and placed it on your waist; squeezing your side as you moved up and down his length. You began to pant as you rode him, slightly faster now, letting your head fall back as you took in the pleasure you were feeling.

“Fuck” you moaned through heavy breaths and Auston rose up, bringing his chest to yours, halting your breath in your chest as your breasts were pressed against his body; hands gripping your sides intensely. The only thing going through your mind, when something could get past how close you were to your climax again, was how wrong this was. Knowing how terrible the two of you would be as a couple after that date, how he could so easily use someone to make you jealous, the way neither of you tried to make anything healthier if you really wanted to make something work. Because, damn, the sex was good. You brought his lips close to yours, planning on muffling your moans with a kiss when Auston grabbed your hips and kept himself deep inside of you, leaving you nearly shaking at the sensation.

“Don't” he breathed against your lips, making you furrow your brow in confusion as you rocked desperately against his hips; was he seriously telling you not to cum? “Don't say this is the last time”

“What?”

“You always say that this is the last time,” he sighed, hands still on your hips, keeping you in place, “that we can't keep doing this, but then we always end up here. Like this. Doing this...” he kissed your collarbone as you rode him slowly

“You know it's true”

“That doesn't matter”

“Yes it does” you scoffed

“Why do we keep ending up like this then? Naked and moaning in a dark room together?” With one strong thrust, you let out a small whimper and your legs went limp; you slid off his lap to lay on your back as you caught your breath

“Everyone makes a string of bad decisions in their 20s. I'm getting it out of my system”

“Oh is that what this is? Why didn't you say so?” he scoffed, jumping out of the bed to start getting dressed again, “I never would've taken you on that awful date if I knew that's all this was”

“Don't be a baby” you groaned

“You're stringing me along”

“What?!”

“You agr--”

“Do. Not!” you growled as you interrupted him, finally getting out of bed, and taking the top sheet with you to wrap around your body, “I never said that we should be something. I said that this was always a bad idea but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself from doing it”

“And then you said that you were feeling something!”

“Because I thought I was!” you yelled, dropping your head to your hands, “I was wrong. It was the post-sex high I guess. We're not the people who end up together. We fight, we fuck and we go our separate ways. That's it”

“It doesn't have to be...” he practically whined, “I mean if we just tried”

“What is it you like about me?” you asked before leaning down to grab your clothes from where they were strewn on the floor, “tell me honestly because I'm genuinely curious”

“You're smart,” he started, “you're... passionate, fiery, and infuriating but beautiful in spite of it”

“In spite of it?” you scoffed, hastily pulling up your underwear under the sheet and turning your back to him to put on your bra as the fabric fell to the ground, leaving you feeling more exposed than you thought it would. “Real charming,” you finally said, an eye-roll pairing with the harsh tone of voice you gave, “that's really what I would want my partner to think of me. That I'm beautiful in spite of everything else about me. As if that mattered the most”

“That's not what I said” he scoffed right back at you

“Oh but it is”

“No it's not!” he raised his voice slightly, putting on the last bit of his costume before approaching you once more, “I said you can be infuriating because you can be, just like you are now, but that I don't care because-”

“Because I'm beautiful” you sarcastically smiled, arms crossed over your still nearly naked body

“Fine, yeah, that's what I said,” he conceded, “but what's wrong with me thinking you're beautiful? And did you miss that I said you're smart and passionate?”

“No,” you said, stance firm in disobedience, “but it doesn't mean anything. Not once you mentioned how I looked”

“Why?” he asked and you could tell he was honestly curious. As if he was a student learning something new for the first time; like he'd never known that there could be something wrong with complimenting a girl on her appearance. You furrowed your brow, softly, as you thought about your words

“Because it negates everything that you said before it. I can be beautiful to you, sure, that's great. Thank you,” you explained, as politely as you could muster, “but if it's following that I'm smart and I'm passionate and I'm strong and I'm brave, for me, it's as if you're saying it's amazing that someone who is all those things is also beautiful. Like they're mutually exclusive. One or the other.”

“Okay...” he started, scrunching his eyebrows together in clear confusion as he sat down at the foot of the bed, “but if I don't say you're beautiful then you'll be offended. There's no winning!”

“Relax,” you teased, “look, maybe there's a girl who feels differently than I do. Maybe she wants to be told she's beautiful and maybe that's all that matters to her. But I would much rather hear someone say 'You're beautiful but I care more about your mind and your heart than your body.'” Your voice was softer now, you felt a sudden need to nurture this man who'd pretended to be so macho this whole time. You moved toward him until you were standing in front of him, placing the palm of your hand on his cheek, “I've spent too much of my life worrying about how people think of me based on how they look at me. I'm tired of being pretty or not pretty enough to someone and I don't want to be with someone who is still caught up in 'appearances matter.' Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” he said clearly, deep brown eyes piercing right through to your soul and you could feel yourself being pulled in again, “I'm sorry. I just... I want you to know how amazing I think you are and how amazing we could be if we decided to give us a shot”

“Auston...” you sighed, finally sitting down next to him, “Passion, desire, comes from a lot of different places but ours came from hate. It made the sex great, amazing even, but it's not like that means we're on track to start a relationship. I mean you don't really believe that, do you?”

“I mean, I could,” he admitted and you tilted your head, “I've grown legit- legitimate feelings for you,” he corrected his abbreviated word in what you considered to be his way of sounding more mature. “You can't argue with me on that because you're not me”

“You can see how this wouldn't work though, can't you?” you tried, hoping to somehow, someway, get through to him. Knowing that the two of you could easily end up in the same place another five months from now but that you would always leave feeling the same way -- like you were purposely running toward red flags because it meant you didn't have to commit to anything real.

“Maybe,” he sighed, rubbing his face harshly before dropping his elbows on his knees and looking straight ahead at the door, “but I also know what I'm feeling and I think we'd be stupid to ignore that you're feeling something too.” You took a deep breath, annoyed at the loop you'd found yourself in, and stood up to find your black dress strewn on the floor. Stepping in and shimmying into it slowly so as to not rip the zipper - a very real fear at this point in the night.

“Help me with this, won't you?” you asked, referring to the zipper that you could clearly do up on your own but you knew it would force you to feel his breath on your skin. Auston finished zipping your dress and placed his hands on your hips for a moment before kissing your temple

“I've never met anyone like you before,” he whispered and you turned your head slightly toward him, “I don't want to lose you.” You stood there for a minute, facing forward, Auston's hands on your hips, his chest against your back and his breath cascading down your neck. You took a minute to embrace the moment and appreciate how solid he felt behind you, scanning your mind desperately to find the same... hope he seemed to have about you with him. You fell back against his chest, a motion you'd done before when you needed to feel reassured; his steady heartbeat let the once chaotic mood in the room settle almost instantly.

“I wish I knew what to say here...” you admitted, finally turning to face him, your eyes slowly scanning his body up until his caught yours

“Say that you don’t wanna lose me either” he leaned down a little, fingers grazing your arms slowly

“I want…” you hesitated, turning away from his kiss at the last minute, “something normal. Something easy, uncomplicated,” you said simply, looking away from his eyes only long enough to watch your palms flatten on his chest. “I don’t think that’s with you.” His eyes searched yours and all you could do was give him a look of sympathy, knowing that’s not what he wanted to hear

“So I guess that’s it…” he huffed, backing away and you nodded, “or just until next time? Yet again?” You took a step toward him, feeling the train of your dress drag on the floor before you stopped in front of him, holding his hand in yours as you kissed his cheek. Whether it was the end or not, you couldn’t be sure, time had proven that you weren’t as strong as you thought you were, but right now, at this moment, you knew it had to be goodbye. You let go of his hand and turned to walk toward the door, looking back at him once you stood in the open frame, his stillness telling everything you needed to know.

You weren’t used to seeing him this vulnerable, even in times when you wished he would be, and you hated that you knew how much this was going to hurt him.