#that game is evil and I don’t hate Abby I could care less about her but DAMN

[aquariusdeanw]

It’s been years and I’m still mourning Joel Miller

[cloudenthusiast2]

To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 7 (Final)

You knew committing to a relationship with Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.

Previous: Part 6

Length: 4000 words

Trigger warnings: blood, mentions of loss

A. note: Scaramouche is my favourite character in the game and I really love him. But I couldn't help and feel awful when he said those words in Inazuma. Look, I don't think that Mihoyo is gonna let the huge opportunity slip and not make him playable (for which we need to have at least a tiny bit of friendship with him and well, right now mc straight up hates him) but in case that does happen, in case he doesn't get a redemption arc, I made one myself. I wrote this to redeem him in my own, and hopefully your eyes as well. I hope you enjoyed reading this story of that little bastard as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It was fair to say that Scaramouche was stunned by the sight of the local people.

Certainly not because he suddenly grew fond of them. It was rather because the way they appeared out of blue when little Yu gave them a sign. She let out three short whistles and the forest came to life in front of the harbinger.

Old men and woman, little children and whole families walked towards them. It was clear even for Scaramouche that they looked uneasy and hostile. They surely wouldn’t have appeared in front of the fatui if it wasn’t for Yu.

The sixth harbinger was astonished.

Because they would trust someone, especially a child so much.

Because there were so many of them.

He counted the people walking towards Yu. Way more than he’d thought there would be.

These people were injured, dirty and exhausted. But they were alive. And all because of one person.

‘Impressive’ he thought to himself.

Yu talked to them, explaining why the fatui was there and promising that they’re not in danger any more. The people seemed less at ease in his presence now but the harbinger still felt the piercing gazes. If looks could’ve killed he would have been dead in an instant.

He knew they all blamed him for the things that had happened. Maybe they even thought he was the one who made the abbys attack their village.

But Scaramouche got used to these types of glances during the years and he did not care about them any more. All that mattered was that they were able to help.

He stood behind little Yu who was still clinging onto her doll. Scaramouche stared at the bloodstains on the toy as she asked the people of Qingce to help find you.

The thought to promise them money crossed his mind but the instantly threw it away. He just somehow felt that it would be very wrong.

These people won’t help him because he can pay them. They won’t help because Yu asked them to either. They will help because you had been guarding them for years.

Mentioning your name caused them to stir up, to get loud and the all of a sudden the whole crowd was ready to go and search in the mountains.

It was obvious how much they loved and respected you. Maybe even more than Scaramouche used to, he realized.

Yu turned to him and nodded.

‘I think we can go now.’

‘How are you going to search everything?’ the harbinger asked as he crouched down to the child. It wasn’t needed since he wasn’t much taller than her but it felt like the right thing to do.

Yu’s eyes wandered to the hat. She reached out and gently touched it.

Scaramouche normally would’ve ended the person who messed with his hat but when the child did it, he somehow felt no urge to do so.

‘It’s because so many people are watching’ he explained to himself. But it still felt a bit weird not being annoyed.

He cleared his throat so Yu would focus on him again.

‘We know this place well’ she answered, letting her arms fall back to her side. ‘We will split up and warn each other if we find something.’

‘My people are out too.’

‘Then call them back.’

The harbinger glared at the child. She really was fearless, wasn’t she, huh. First touching his hat and now disrespecting the fatui.

‘You know…’ he crossed his brows as he began to speak but Yu quickly cut him off.

‘Everyone is afraid of them. And they’ll just be in the way. They don’t know the mountains, do they?’

Scaramouche clenched his teeth together. But he had to admit that the girl was right.

He stood up and walked towards the agents standing by a nearby bridge. They were there since the people appeared to make sure they don’t try to do anything to their harbinger.

He gestured to bring them closer then stood and crossed his arms.

‘First, I want to know how a big group of fatui agents were unable to find anyone when there was a whole village hiding in the forest’ he questioned them with a glare.

The agents were bowing already but now they bowed even deeper.

‘F-forgive us, our lord!’ a pyro agent answered. ‘They’re locals and we…’

‘Spare your apologies, I don’t care.’

Scaramouche closed his eyes for a moment and let out a sigh. He really didn’t care, he only snapped at them to let out a little frustration.

‘Call back everyone from the mountains. And let these people do what they want. Anyone who disturbs them in any way shall be punished.’

‘But my lord…’

‘Do as I say!’

Scaramouche turned his back to them and the agents hurried away. He watched as the people of Qingce split up and began their search in the forest, around the destroyed village.

He looked up to the mountains. Clouds hid the most of them, they were so huge, so high. And there were so many places you could be.

Was is it even possible that you were alive?

Scaramouche never lied to himself and this was the first time he wanted to. He simply just didn’t want to accept the small chances of finding you. He wanted to feel hope.

‘You better be alive, Y/n’ he muttered to himself. ‘For your own sake.’

For his sake.

*

‘Have you taken a look around in that cave too?’

‘I haven’t but I can go if…’

‘Stay.’

Scaramouche climbed to the cave and looked into the hole. It was smaller than it seemed from below and inside it there was absolutely nothing.

He quietly let himself down. He jumped on a bigger stone on the path under him, the bells violently jingling on his hat.

Little Yu asked nothing. It was obvious from the harbinger’s expression that he found nothing.

The air began to feel a little chilly in the mountains. The sun was getting ready to go down and let the moon take its place.

They’ve spent their whole day with searching. They’ve found absolutely nothing so far.

There were a lot of traces left behind the abbys order and the monsters. It was also clear that the fight continued outside of the village as well. Corpses of dead monsters bordered the narrow paths.

But your body was nowhere to be find.

Scaramouche looked up to the sky. The first star had already appeared. And with that, their last piece of hope started to slip away.

‘We haven’t looked there yet.’

The harbinger snapped out of his dark thoughts and glanced at the child in front of him. She pointed at a smaller mountain nearby.

‘That’s very far away from the village’ Scaramouche claimed. ‘We’d be just wasting our time.’

‘Then where do you want me to go?’ Yu asked.

The man let out a sigh. She was right, they’ve already looked through every bush and searched every rock on this mountain.

He started walking towards the other one without saying anything, and Yu silently followed him.

In the valley below them, lots of figures were moving and changing places. The locals still haven’t given up even though it was getting colder and darker with every passing moment.

A red dot appeared. Then another. They started lighting torches.

Scaramouche felt like choking. He touched his throat and fastened his steps.

He tried to banish the horrifying thoughts from his head but his desperate tries were unsuccessful.

You’re dead. They’re only going to find a cold body and not you. You’re dead and it is his fault.

He shook his head to quiet the voices and to get back into focusing on his search.

This made him realize that he hadn’t seen little Yu in a while. Scaramouche stopped and turned his head to check on the girl.

She was behind him a few meters away. Her movements were too slow to keep up with the harbinger’s.

‘Are you coming or not?’ The man growled at her. ‘Hurry up.’

‘Sorry…’ She was out of breath, quietly panting. ‘You can leave me behind. I know I’m just slowing you down.’

Scaramouche rose his brows at the young child who was not even tall enough to reach the ground from a bigger rock. Was she really that aware? What should he do now? Just leave her here? He was willing to do that, to be honest. The sun was about to completely disappear.

Yu grabbed the side of the rock. She let her feet down, trying to get down safely but she was too tired – the little girl stumbled and fell.

Scaramouche didn’t even realize he was reaching out – but a moment later he found himself holding the child in his own arms.

They stared at each other, the sixth Fatui Harbinger and the kid from Liyue. It was impossible to tell who was more surprised, the one holding or the one being held.

But it was the man who found his voice first.

‘Don’t think I’m gonna carry you like this to the other mountain.’

‘I didn’t think that’ she answered quietly.

Scaramouche cleared his throat and opened his lips. But before any other words could’ve come out of his mouth, a sharp whistle cut through the air.

They both jerked their heads up.

The sound was coming from below, south to the village.

The whistle was repeated – two short, two long ones.

‘They’ve found her’ Yu said.

*

Scaramouche had no memories of how he got down from the top of the mountain.

All he remembered was the crazy pace of his heartbeat. The darkness invading his head. That terrific feeling clenching his heart, incredible, deep fear he’s never experienced before.

There were many people standing in his way in front of a big cave. He pushed them away as he rushed to get closer.

It was dark. Everyone stood with a torch in their hands. He heard the whispers but the words were incomprehensiblenext to the loud beating of his own heart. There were figures but they were blurry, everything was blurry…

Until he saw you.

You were laying on the ground. Your body completely still, your chest not rising nor sinking. Your clothes torn, bloody.

There was so much blood.

He stumbled and fell on his knees in front of you. A local turned to him and spoke but he understood nothing. His hand was shaking as he reached out to touch you.

You were… cold.

He forgot how to breathe and just stared down at your body. Your messy hair hid your face and that just didn’t feel right.

Why was this happening?!

Everything was supposed to become alright after they’ve found you!

How dare you be dead, how dare you not wake up to his touch, to his wishes, to all wishes around you…!

‘Balladeer!’

He snapped out of the blurriness when someone grabbed his arm. An old lady with a serious look tried to pull him back.

‘Let go of me!’ he hissed, pushing her away. He groaned when the grip became stronger instead on his arm. Pain in his heart and body blinded him as he shouted. ‘I said, let go of me or else…’

‘Please stay out of the way of my people’ the lady asked in a calm tone. ‘She needs serious help.’

‘What help can you provide when she’s dead?!’ he screamed at her in a hoarse voice. ‘You stay away from her!’

‘Please calm down. Y/n is not dead… yet.’

Scaramouche slowly closed his eyes. The words echoed in his head.

She’s not dead. She’s not dead. She’s not dead. Yet.

He took a deep, shaking breath. The cold air in his lungs cooled him off a little.

You were alive. But also, only barely. He finally understood what that meant. But he couldn’t let himself feel any relief nor fear…

He was a harbinger, he was part of the Fatui under the rule of the almighty Tsaritsa. He was Scaramouche, the Balladeer who simply could not allow himself to show any vulnerability in front of mere mortals.

Even if it was about you.

Even if he wasn’t the same person any more.

‘Bring a healer’ he said in a lower tone.

‘We don’t have any vision bearers among us’ the lady answered. ‘But we’ll do everything to keep her alive.’

Scaramouche nodded and stood up. It took a lot of strength to tear his eyes from you but he forced himself to do it and turned around.

‘Alert my people and tell them to give you all that you need’ he told the locals as he fixed his hat. ‘Tents, medicine, food, everything.’

The people stood there in silence for a few seconds, not knowing whether to obey him. They only moved when the old lady from before thanked him. Then they finally set off towards the village.

Scaramouche wanted to turn back and take a glance at you one more time to make sure you’re really there and not just a hallucination. But suddenly little Yu appeared in his sight and that made him stay.

‘She’s alive’ the girl whispered. The mask she had worn so far finally broke and her expression was an expression of a little child. She seemed tired, sad and a little happy. ‘I’m so glad… Scara.’

The harbinger nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. His heart was still beating fast with fear but those heavy weights on his shoulders finally started getting lighter.

He felt something touching his hand and he opened his eyes to the sight of Yu holding onto him.

This type of physical connection was very far away from what Scaramouche would tolerate coming from a human but he felt way too tired to resist. He just let the little girl clench his pinkie and they both watched silently as some helpers grabbed your body and moved it to a safer place.

*

You felt like something that had been sitting on your chest for a while finally moved. Something even bigger, a huge, scary type of darkness slowly left your body.

It left you with the first breath you were aware of taking in a long time.

You let out a small sigh. And opened your eyes.

There was a fabric cover above you.

You were in a tent, safe and sound. Alive.

The first thing you noticed was the temperature. It was warm, welcoming and comforting. Lot of soft blankets covered your body which hurt badly but the pain was dim.

You tried to look around but your head was too heavy. You could barely tip your head to the side.

But the sight was worth it.

Your breath was taken away one more time. You just stared in silence and you could feel your eyes widen in shock.

‘You’re awake.’

Scaramouche closed the book he was reading and looked at you with a straight face.

‘Finally.’

He put the book down with a slow movement.

Mixed emotions invaded you. You fell from relief to happiness to fright in a span of a few seconds. You were alive and Scaramouche was here with you, but – why did he seem so distant? Was he still angry at you even after everything that had happened?

You almost let fear overrun you. Almost.

But your gaze fell on his hands and he couldn’t hide his true feelings from you any more. His hands were visibly trembling as he still held onto his book.

Little did you know he could have not read a single word written in the last couple of hours. He just sat there and watched over your sleep, not dozing off for even a second himself.

The shaking of his hands became even more obvious and he couldn’t hold himself back any more.

He moved closer and placed his trembling palms next to the sides of your body. He looked down on you from above and as you stared back at him, you could clearly see something that wasn’t there before.

The usual cold, emotionless blur was nowhere to be found in his dark eyes. Instead, there was pain. And a lot of it.

‘How dare you do this to me?’

During the years of your relationship, he’s grown to be comfortable in your presence but he never ever showed any signs of vulnerability in front of you and you just accepted that it’s probably never going to happen.

It was shocking, almost scary seeing him like this.

The desperate expression on his face softened and he let his head plop on your shoulders.

‘Scara’ you whispered. Your voice was hoarse and dry but it was your voice. You were able to speak.

The realization of how unlikely your survival was suddenly hit you and your eyes teared up.

‘Scara, I… I really thought I was gonna die…’

‘Then you’re stupid’ he answered, speaking into the blankets covering your shoulder. ‘You should know that you can’t die without my permission.’

You laughed through your tears. They streamed down on your face, straight into your ears. But even that felt so good. Crying was a sign of being alive from the very beginning of life and you never understood that so much than at that time.

‘Don’t… leave me ever again.’

You didn’t event think, the words just left your mouth.

‘Don’t worry.’ Scaramouche finally got himself together enough to sit up and at least pretend that he was alright. ‘You have successfully proved you’re not capable of taking after yourself so now I’m definitely stuck babysitting you till the rest of our lives.’

His movements said otherwise though. The way he caressed your cheek to dry the tears up showed that he’s not just stuck. He wantsto stay.

Just what kind of thinks did he go through in the past days? – the question occurred to you.

To think about it… why did he even come back? How did he hear what happened? And your people?! Were they safe?

So many questions echoed in your head and you couldn’t even put most of them into words that made sense. So opened your mouth and quietly asked:

‘What happened?’

‘I want to know the same’ he said. ‘What happened? How did you get so far away from the village? How are you alive in the first place?’

You thought back to the night. Pain stabbed you instantly and you had to close your eyes for a moment to calm it.

‘I don’t remember much. But I think the abbys wanted to take me with them. Is that… possible?’

‘I heard all kinds of things about them’ Scaramouche nodded. ‘It is very possible. Continue.’

‘There isn’t much to say… Obviously I tried to resist but there were too many of them. They probably realized I would be just a burden. I remember a mage knocking me out. But they didn’t kill me…’

‘Well, given your injuries, they must’ve thought there’s not a lot of time left for you. It really is a miracle that you’re alive.’ Scara stated. ‘And you were in that wet cave for an entire day too. You were nearly dead when we found you.’

‘We?’

You stared at him and your heartbeat dropped.

‘You mean…’

‘Yes’ he sighed. ‘That people of yours.’

He went silent for a moment then rolled his eyes.

‘They helped me out… I guess.’

‘So they’re all alive and safe?’ you asked and couldn’t help but laugh in relief. ‘That is so amazing! Thank you, Scara!’

‘Thank yourself, idiot’ he snorted. ‘You were the one who kept a whole abbys army away from them after all.’

The harbinger shook his head.

‘I hate that you were so reckless to do that… but I have to say I’m impressed. We should spar again sometimes.’

‘Aren’t you afraid you’re getting your ass kicked?’ you grinned.

‘I compliment you one time and you get this cocky?’ he crossed his eyebrows. ‘I have to put you back into your place, I see.’

You laughed and as you were finally strong enough to move a little, you grabbed his hand. He had to oppress his smile with force.

‘And how did you know… we were going to be attacked?’

The question made his task much easier. The harbinger’s face turned back to being serious once again.

‘I have my connections’ he answered briefly. ‘But you don’t have to worry, the fatui had nothing to do with the attack.’

‘I would never think that’ you rushed to make your words clear. ‘I just… hope that my people feel the same.’

Scara shrugged. Then averted his eyes as he thought of someone.

‘I don’t know about the others but there’s one person who clearly does.’

‘Who?’

‘That girl… Yu or whatever her name is.’

You stared at him in surprise. You’d never thought the day would come where he mentions a child and doesn’t frown. And to think that it’s Yu as well! Yu who was normally wary of strangers and such a gentle child…

Just what happened to him? – you asked yourself again.

You searched for answers in his eyes but it seemed like there were things that even this new type of Scaramouche, this more vulnerable and open one wouldn’t tell.

But it was alright. Maybe you didn’t need to know. You were just happy to be there and experience it yourself.

‘How is Yu?’ you asked.

‘Alright’ Scara muttered.

‘Her mother?’

‘Oh, her… Well…’

He hesitated for a moment and that was enough. Every good and warm feeling was instantly replaced by cold ones and you found yourself sitting up in dread.

‘Please tell me… She’s not…’

‘Hey, don’t sit up! Lie back right now!’

When you didn’t obey, Scaramouche pushed you back with his own hands. He was right, your body started aching terribly from moving and the physical pain almost outgrew the pain in your heart.

‘Is she…’

‘Yu’s fine. Don’t worry.’

‘No! I need to talk to her!’

‘You won’t.’

You clenched your teeth together in despair and Scara flinched. He saw himself in you when you did that. Earlier this day his expression was still this full of pain.

‘Scaramouche!’ you said, calling him by his first name which he suddenly realized, he hated more than that stupid nickname. ‘I will go and talk to her and you can’t stop me!’

‘I…’

‘Just think about everything you felt while I was missing! I know you don’t want me to go away again but you need to understand.’

‘All I’m trying…’

‘Maybe I really am cocky to think that it was painful to you but if I’m not and it really was, then just imagine that Yu feels like that too right now. And on top of that, she has no hope whatsoever. She knows that her mother is dead and there’s no…’

‘Oh, to Celestia, can you shut up for a moment?’ Scara interrupted you harshly. Then he frowned and quickly continued. ‘What I was about to say is that under no circumstances should you get up with these injuries. But you can talk to Yu.’

‘I can…?’

‘Yes, idiot. I’ll call her over.’

You stared at him in silence.

‘You’d… do that?’

‘Yes.’

‘So… you won’t mind if she stays with us?’

‘I guess not?’

‘Not even for a long time?’

‘I said no, stop asking these stupid questions.’

You were speechless and just gazed at him without saying anything for a long time.

You had mixed feelings about the Scara you woke up to so far. But this had finally convinced you that he really has changed into something better.

A slow smile formed on your lips. It grew bigger and bigger and it completely lit your face up.

‘You’re grinning like an idiot’ Scara claimed but nothing, not even his salty remarks could take away your happiness any more.

‘Scara, I really love you.’

‘You better do.’

He stood up and turned away as quickly as he could to try and hide the blush on his face. He knew if you saw that, you’d be teasing him about it till the rest of your lives together.

You were still grinning “like an idiot” as he was rushing to leave the tent. But even though he was in hurry, before he’d stepped out, he made sure to turn back and say:

‘I’ll be back.’

[unstoppablezombie]

The Last of Us Part II thoughts and opinions

I finished my second playthrough last night. I think I’m ready to finally share what I thought was amazing, my issues with it, and the concerns I have for the future. This post will be lengthy, I understand if you won’t read all of it, but I’m going to try my best to break it up and organize it so if there’s a part you’d want to know if you’d relate to, you can jump to that. But I think it’ll be worth the read, and if you want to discuss how your thoughts are the same or if they differ, I’m open to have a civil discussion about it. These are all 100% my opinions. I highly recommend playing the game start to finish first to form your own opinions as well. There will be spoilers. This is your warning.

What I loved:

Ellie

She deserves her own category. Since the first game I loved her character and my love for her only grew in part II. She is the probably the best and most relatable female protagonist anyone could ask for. At least for me she is. I enjoyed every second I got to play as her. Especially during the birthday flashback and barn scene with Dina and JJ.

New characters

To be honest, the only new character I truly cared for was Dina. I wish we got to have her as a companion longer and got to know more about her. From what we picked up along the way, she was perfect match for Ellie. Lev was cool (or cold as he likes to say), but I didn’t grow attached to him like others.

Representation

Although I wish we saw more of them, I think Ellie and Dina’s relationship was absolutely beautiful and heartwarming (besides the ending, which I will talk about later). I truly think this is a step in the right direction for representation in video games for any LGBTQ relationships, and I truly hope there will be a part III or DLC to showcase Ellie and Dina more positive outcome (even though Neil Druckman went on record saying there’s no plans for DLC or a Part III, but I don’t believe him)

Gameplay

The combat and animation system was S tier. The “feel” of it is smooth and weapons feel powerful. Once I got the hang of dodge and going prone, I was obsessed with staying in stealth mode (I prefer Ellie’s stealth kill animation over Abby’s). There’s also this awesome new animation where if you hurt the last enemy but they’re not dead yet, you can slowly walk up to them and do this brutal melee finisher move. Felt like a badass everytime.

I also loved how the increase in creepy/dark/eerie areas. Stalkers are a lot scarier than the first game and the rat king boss fight was like it was out of a resident evil game.

The Little Things

I fell in love with the little details: the lighting in every scene, pull an arrow out of your shoulder, safe puzzles and weapon bench animations, how Ellie/Abby looks when opening a door, flashlight, THE MUSIC! The score and music choices along the way (future days and take me on)

What I didn’t like

Abby

Not going to lie to you folks, even after 2 playthroughs, I hated every second playing as Abby. The only scenes I didn’t mind was the “afraid of heights” segment with Lev and the rat king fight. Although ND attempted to have me sympathize with her as a character, it never stuck. I will be fair, I see the humanity in her, especially when she’s with Lev and the fact Lev basically told her to save Dina and Ellie, but without Lev, I don’t care for her.

Any of the characters that had to do with Abby’s story

I don’t think it’s possible for me to care anymore less for her relationship with Owen or any of her friends. Pretty much any time that was taken away from me playing as Ellie or anything to do with Ellie’s story line, I felt it was wasting time.

We needed more heartwarming moments

We got the birthday flashback, the barn house scene, when you find out Joel tried to get into Ellie’s favorite comic book, and some other little moments in between. I truly believe the reason why a lot of us love TLOU is because of the love between Ellie and Joel, the things that made our hearts a bit warmer, and even the ending of the first game, we had something to hold in our hearts, we knew Joel and Ellie were together. In Part II, we end with Ellie walking away with her loss of everything. She lost Dina, JJ, and the ability to play guitar. Basically, everything she loved was lost. (I will circle back to this at the end).

The ending

This can go up for debate, but I think the ending was left way too much for interpretation. I think ND could’ve given some direction on where Ellie is headed. If she’s going to Jackson, going out on her own. I mean, especially since ND is being very abrasive about if there’s going to be another game or not. I think the ending was cruel, especially those of us (which I think is a lot, probably 90% of TLOU community) that holds Ellie in our hearts dearly and always will.

Post Edit: I forgot to mention that I don’t think it’s talked about enough that Ellie saved Abby. If Ellie never went back for her final attempt for revenge, Abby would’ve never made it.

My concerns for the future

Neil has gone on record multiple times there’s no plans on a DLC or a part III (he says the next best idea will be the one they go with, whether that’s a new IP or TLOU). However, the way they set up Part II, introducing new characters and the way the menu changes to Catalina island (indicating to us Abby and Lev made it). I’m afraid that IF there is a DLC or Part III, Ellie won’t be the main protagonist. Which, would 1000% break my heart if that’s the case, and honestly, I probably will not play it if Ellie isn’t apart of it.

In the recent Kinda Funny Games gamescast, Neil was oddly quiet when asked where Abby and Lev end up besides alluding that menu once completing the game is Catalina island. But when asking about where Ellie ends up, he openly says he doesn’t know and no one really has thought about it.

There are a lot of people saying they prefer Abby storyline over Ellie (I respect your opinion if you think that, but if that’s what you truly believe, I think you’re wrong and I don’t trust you) and I truly am concerned that this game is the last we will see from Ellie. That’s the last thing I want. I will feel a lot better if ND will publicly state if this was the end or not, but regardless, we deserve closure. Whether it be a better ending for Ellie or just telling the fans if there’s no hope.

I think at the very least, we should get a DLC, showing Ellie’s quest to find Dina or give her an ending that’s more justified for the fans that care about her.

Final thoughts

I think the game was beautifully crafted, it made me feel things I didn’t think was possible for a game to do. I think we can all agree that the game was gorgeous, the actors did a PHENOMENAL job (whether you love or hate their characters), and the story is one that will be talked about for a while. In the end, naughty dog made the game and it’s done. No matter how many of us share our opinions or thoughts, nothings going to change what was given to us.

There are people who are hating on the game without playing it and giving the models and actors grief and hate about the game. Which is dumb and counterproductive. Hate the character, not the model and/or actor. I plan on playing the game again to get the platinum trophy (just missing the artifacts and collectibles), after that, I plan on taking a break and clearing my head. Part II was a very heavy game. When I was done with the first clear, I had to not play it for a day or two cause I was feeling ill and anxious.

Some can say she lost everything because of vengeance and her ego for revenge, but I think a major point the game tried to point out is Ellie is at peace with her loss and she can move onto what will give her life meaning. In previous paragraph I mentioned how her and Joel love is one of the major reasons we adore TLOU, but I think even with Joel dead, I think love can still be the main incentive to keep moving forward. The words that keep coming back in my mind is what Joel says to her at the end of the first game “no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for” and I hope we will be able to experience her next motivation.

Overall, despite the issues I had, I still love the game. It’s still my favorite form of media. I still love the fact we have such a beautiful, badass, lesbian protagonist in a video game. I try to voice that to Neil and Naughty Dog whenever I can and I hope he can see the importance in keeping Ellie as a character for more iterations. I’m remaining cautiously optimistic we will see more of Ellie.

I’m sure there are other things that I forgot to include, but those are the major things that stuck out to me.

[kloxbian]

Watching the Shadows, Fraught with Desire

Sequel to Like a Devil in Disguise, which you can find here

Synopsis: 

“Clarke?”

“Hello, mother,” she spat, watching her face fall even more. “Lovely to see you again.” The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable.

Abby was stunned. “Clarke, where have you been? They said you weren’t with the hundred.”

“Oh, did they? Did they tell you what the hundred said about me?”

“Is there something they should have said about you?”

Clarke almost laughed aloud. Oh, she was going to have fun with this.

-

Or where the Ark crashes and Clarke goes to greet them

WARNING: This has murder, psychopathic Clarke, Clarke being a bit tyrannical, and a sprinkle of dom/sub (Lexa's a fucking sub you CANNOT change my mind)

Notes: Okay, maybe I do have Secret and Fire to work on, but I wanted to do this. I love this universe and will be adding many more snippets to it. Feel free to send in requests if you have any.

Trig translations:

Otaim Ai Kripa - Always my demon

Houdfou - Greedy

But anyway! I really enjoyed writing this. Wanheda Clarke Griffin is the BEST and I can't stay away from this AU. I feel like even in the show Abby's always held on to her past memories of who Clarke was and still isn't fully accepting of who she's become, and, really, if you found out your daughter was a murderous spirit, you probably wouldn't take it too well.

Not that I'm defending her or anything. I hate Abby.

But I've just realized I haven't delved into Lexa's powers as Heda yet! Lexa is definitely going to be getting her own one of these sometime soon because Heda deserves some love too. Maybe do something about the lore of the different spirits, go more in-depth about Grounder religion and their deities.

On with the show!

-

 It fell in a blaze of fire.

 Clarke watched side by side with her fleim from the safety of TonDC. She’d seen it before, last time amid battle, but it was still an impressive sight. The falling stars that brought with them the greedy devils of the world. She watched Alpha Station barreling toward the ground, disappearing behind the trees. She could imagine the splash of water that would follow, sending waves three times as tall as she to the shore. Mecha station crashed down even closer, the base for what would become Arkadia.

 She imagined what the other delinquents were seeing. They were probably watching with amazement, celebrating that they’d no longer be left without help. She doubted they cared about the adults on the ship, much less the council, but they’d care about the food it would provide, the safety from the elements.

 The safety from her.

 Clarke was well aware that they were terrified of her. They had good reason to be. And it wasn’t like she hated their terror. If they wanted to be scared of her, fine, let them be scared of her. She didn’t care. 

 Or perhaps she did care, just a bit. If only because she’d made an effort to keep them alive and safe. They repaid her with hatred. Hatred for murdering their comrades, all in the name of their safety.

 Okay, so maybe the Wanheda in her had enjoyed slipping the knife into their throats. What of it?

 She was interrupted from her thoughts by the sweet voice of her fleim. “Your people.”

 “Sha.”

 “What will you do about them?”

 Clarke considered. She’d been thinking about it for days now, how she would approach the Skaikru. She’d severed all connections to them a long time ago, after they had scorned her for the spirit that lay smoldering inside her. “What do you think should be done with them?”

 Lexa cocked her head. “Would they be useful to me?”

 “They’d probably cause more trouble than their worth, but whatever is decided, I want to be the ambassador that delivers it.”

 Lexa smirked. “You find pleasure in their fear.”

 Okay, so she did. “They were the ones who sent us to die. I have many vendettas against them.”

 “You may satisfy your monster, then,” Lexa said, leading them both back to her tent. “I’ll discuss with my generals. You may deliver the message tomorrow.”

 Clarke felt Wanheda squirm with glee at the prospect. A wide grin stretched over her face. “I look forward to it.”

 -

 Clarke arrives at the boundary of Arkadia at dusk.

 To her surprise, the people from Alpha station had already made it there, and part of a wall had already been set up. Granted, it had been a few days since they landed, but the efficiency was more than she’d expected. Though considering they’d shot any grounder they’d seen so far, that they’d rushed to mount the wall was no surprise. They expected hostility. It was probably the delinquents who convinced them.

 She’d convinced Lexa to hold off on delivering the message for a few days despite her earlier excitement. What she wanted was a confrontation, and she wouldn’t get it without the right people there. Namely, Alpha Station. 

 According to the scouts, they’d gotten in contact with the delinquents from the dropship, but few had migrated back to Arkadia. The people like Bellamy and Octavia, Raven, Monty, Jasper, anyone who didn’t have people at Arkadia for them, stayed at the dropship. With their people. Their kru. Their devotion was well-placed, but logistically, it wasn’t a sound decision.

 Not like she cared. Let them kill themselves. If it is their own stupidity, why should she feel anything about it?

 Clarke reined in her horse, the same dark, two-headed mare she’d been gifted only a couple weeks ago. She ushered a scout from the trees, handing him the reins. “Keep her for me. I’ll retrieve her when I’ve finished.”

 She ignored the quiet sha, Wanheda and began her walk to the gates.

 Someone shouted, and before long (still twice the time it would take a ranger) all guns were trained on her. Somebody yelled ‘Grounder!’ and a gunshot rang through the air.

 Clarke rolled her eyes, ignoring the sting in her bicep. Whoever the gunner was, they had terrible aim.

 She strode up to the gates with a confidence that had them all hesitating to move. “My name is Clarke Griffin!” She shouted. “Open the gates!”

 Mumbles pass through the crowd, talk of her outfit, her bleeding arm, talk of her. The gates opened and she stepped through, not paying any mind to the curious eyes that push in on all sides. She scanned the crowd, spotting someone pushing through. A couple guesses as to who that was.

 “Clarke!” Her mother burst out of the masses, staring at her in disbelief. “Clarke, oh my god!”

 She rushed to embrace her and Clarke stepped out of the way, holding back a sneer. Abby looked hurt. “Clarke?”

 “Hello, mother,” she spat, watching her face fall even more. “Lovely to see you again.” The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable.

 Abby was stunned. “Clarke, where have you been? They said you weren’t with the hundred.”

 “Oh, did they? Did they tell you what the hundred said about me?” She was curious as to whether or not the hundred would reveal her secrets.

 Abby looked torn. “Is there something they should have said about you?”

 “Oh, probably. After all, I was the one who negotiated peace with the clans.” At Abby’s stunned look, she guesses that no, she hadn’t been told. “Not that they remember me for that. They can’t see past what I did to get them that peace.”

 Abby stepped forward. “Clarke, listen to me, honey. I know you’ve had to do some bad things to stay alive. We all have. I forgive you. Whatever you’ve done, it can be forgiven. We can be a family again.”

 Clarke let out a barking laugh. “Family? After you murdered my father and sent me to what could be my death? I doubt you even had to think about it before you made the decision. Tell me, Abby - do you really love me?”

 Abby’s face only became more and more agonized. “Of course! I did it for our own good, Clarke. The good of everyone.”

 “I’ll believe that,” Clarke hissed. “But that isn’t what I’m here for. I’m here to talk politics. Where’s the Chancellor?”

 “I am, for now.” Abby tried to take Clarke’s hands but she was denied. “If this is about the hundred being cleared, it’s done. They have nothing to worry about. All criminal records have been erased.”

 “Oh, no, this has nothing to do with the hundred. They don’t want anything to do with me.” She grinned as Abby’s face turned into confusion, mimicking the faces of the crowd around them. She gestured to her clothes, the blue sash that adorned her shoulder. “I’m here as an ambassador. For the Trikru.”

 “The grounders? The people who’ve been attacking our scouts?” Abby shook her head. “You can’t be. They want us dead.”

 Clarke shrugged. “You invaded their territory. You’ve scared off the game, killed their scouts, and why? Because some kids told you that they’re evil?” She laughed harshly. “You’re more naïve than I thought.”

 Abby was about to retort before a man pushed past her, cocking his gun. “You’re one of them,” he growled. “They killed my brother when he went out those gates. We can’t trust you.”

 Abby put a hand on his shoulder. “Morganson, be sensible-”

 Bang!

 Clarke sighed, feeling the blood seeping through her stomach. “Really? Again?” She muttered, listening to the astonished gasps of the people around her. She began to advance toward the shooter, watching as his eyes widened in fear, shooting again out of reflex. The bullet tore through her shoulder, but she barely felt it. She grabbed the gun, wrenching it upwards. “It’s rude to shoot people, don’t you know?”

 She snatched his wrist, eyes glowing hellish blue. “I don’t appreciate getting shot!”

 His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed onto the ground.

 She turned, watching the people scamper back. “Anyone else?” Her eyes still aflame, illuminating in the twilight, the crowd dispersed. She nodded approvingly. “Good.”

 The expression on her mother’s face was one of absolute horror. She was the only person still within Clarke’s vicinity, but the look on her face was one of terror. She felt Wanheda tripping over herself in her excitement. Clarke waited a moment for Abby to speak, and when she didn’t, she frowned impatiently. “Willing to listen now?”

 She can hear the Skaikru still watching, completely silent, hovering in the shadows as if it will protect them. Whispers of demon, devil flow through them, and Clarke can’t help but feel satisfied with herself. She’d wanted terror, and she had it. She had it all.

 Abby backed away, looking around at her people desperately. “Kaplan? Muir?”

 A man stepped out of the shadows, never taking his eyes off Clarke. “No. Not at all. I’m not going anywhere near her.”

 Abby spun, desperately looking for help.

 No one came.

 Clarke signed in exasperation at the cowardice of these people. “Listen, all of you!” She shouted. “The commander is being generous. She’ll offer you a deal. You have a week to collect your people and head west, towards the land past the plains, or the commander will bring with her an army that will make the decision for you. And I don’t mean force you out. I mean she’ll storm this camp and slaughter anyone who resists. The choice is yours.”

 Clarke ignored the frightened exclamations from behind her and strode out the gates, her lips twerking up into a smirk as the guards scrambled out of her way. Footsteps chased after her and she knew immediately who the only person to follow her was.

 Abby seemed unshaken by her blatant disregard. “Clarke, please!” She cried. “I just want to understand! What’s going on? What’s happened to you? Where’s my baby girl?”

 She froze. Pivoted on her heel and stared Abby down. Stalking closer, her mouth contorted into a snarl. “Your baby girl died a long time ago,” she growled. “You look at me and you see a child. A helpless child who you need to protect. Well, hear this, mother - I’m not your daughter. Not anymore.” She got right up in her face, forcing Abby to step back. Clarke’s eyes began to glow. “Ai laik Wanheda. I am the commander of death and you would do well to treat me as such. I don’t know what sort of pitiful love you feel for me, but I have none of it. You would do well to remember that.”

 Abby was stunned into silence. Her whispers could barely be heard over the silence. “What turned you into this?”

 Clarke snorted. “I’d tell you, but you wouldn’t believe me. It doesn’t matter, though. You saw how easily I killed Morganson. Make no mistake, if it came down to it, I’d kill you without a thought. Though perhaps with you, I’d get the pleasure of hearing your screams.”

 She left Abby standing there and shouted for her horse. The young scout brought out her mare, head bowed, never looking Clarke in the face. She took the reins from the boy, giving him commands to retake his position and mounting her mare.

 Before she left, she looked at her mother one last time. “Perhaps if you’d actually been a loving mother I would hesitate before I kill you.”

 -

 Clarke returns to TonDC after midnight.

 There were no stablehands awake to help her, but a guard took the spot, someone always available to keep Wanheda satisfied. She returned to her tent, pleasantly surprised to find her fleim waiting for her.

 Lexa greeted her with a smile. “I felt your return. How did it go?”

 A grin worked its way onto her face. “Oh, it went wonderfully,” she said as she began to disrobe from all her heavy armor. “You should have seen their faces. Pure terror.”

 “Otaim ai kripa,” Lexa muttered affectionately, stepping in front of Clarke to help her undo the many buckles of her jacket. “Is Wanheda satisfied?”

 “Is she ever?”

 “I suppose that’s why I call you ai kripa. You’re insatiable.”

 Clarke’s eyes began to glow a dark blue. “Oh, I’m insatiable in more ways than that.”

 Lexa tilted her head back, a pleased smile on her face. “I know.”

 “Then why aren’t you fixing it?”

 “Let’s get you out of your clothes first, houdfou,” Lexa said, her words faltering as Clarke pressed an open-mouthed kiss onto her throat, a hand coming around to squeeze the back of her neck. “Then-then we’ll see about mine.”

 Clarke chuckled darkly against her skin. “I can undress later. I want you undressed now.”

 She couldn’t see it, but she could imagine Lexa’s eyes darkening from green to a blood-red, fingertips sparking orange in her excitement. The hand on Lexa’s neck tightened while the other began to unweave the ties that kept her nightdress up.

 Wanheda flooded her mind, ever-demanding, urging her to stake her claim, to show the world that the Heda was hers.

 She bit down on Lexa’s throat, listening to her gasp.

 Lexa was right: Wanheda was insatiable. And they both much preferred it that way.

[adamjamesglass]

The Last of Us Part II

The Last of Us Part II came out and it is getting review bombed by people because of a few reasons. I want to go over some of that.

Spoilers

1. They are homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, assholes that want to destroy the game. 

2. Some people genuinely don’t like how they handled the death of Joel, and the overall story.

3. Some don’t like how they handled the trans character, Lev.

I’ll start my way from the bottom up. 

A lot of the hate I hear from those that are transgendered is that they don’t like that Lev is referred to by their deadname. I think we have to remember that video games are an art form as well. They draw from life, like TV and books. In this post apocalyptic world we shouldn’t expect a progressive group of people. The outbreak happened around 2013. Gay marriage wasn’t legal until 2015.

When you write something you draw from things that have happened to those in the community, and the struggles they go through. If you are writing something dark, you want to show that darkness, that pain. What I think the writers for this game wanted to do was to show how Lev was treated by the religious cult. The cult isn’t full of good people. They are the bad guys. Do you expect bad people to respect someone who is different from them; to call them by the name and gender they wish to be referred to. If they did, I would not think of them as completely awful, just misguided. You also wouldn’t have the story arc of Lev and his sister. 

I also think it is understandable to have Lev want his mother to love him. Wanting to belong. We all want to belong. A lot of people who are different and come out to their parents want that parent to comfort them and accept them. When they don’t get it they don’t just say “screw you” many can’t. Many are children who can’t leave home. They have to conform to even survive. It is a terrible thing, and it is easy for outsiders to say they should just leave. But it isn’t easy. 

Even though it seems stupid that Lev tried to go back, it is understandable. The fact you have to look at is every single “good” person refers to Lev by his name, and gender. Even some of the bad guys that aren’t part of the cult. 

One of the characters calls Dina and Ellie a dyke. That’s a hurtful word, but it is to show what kind of character they are. This isn’t a feel good story, and even in feel good stories, there needs to be someone that the character overcomes and becomes better for it. That character becomes the hero. 

____

Moving on to those who genuinely didn’t care for the writing.

I will say the writing is basic. It feels like it wanted to do something but couldn’t really do it. This would have worked better, I think, for a TV show. I know they are producing one, so I hope that turns out well. 

They wanted us to feel for the people we killed and the animals too. They wanted a reaction. However, they should have given us an option to feel that way or not. We should have been able to not kill dogs or humans. If we were caught we should have been able to knock humans out. With how they are making ammo for guns, I think they could make tranquilizers for animals and humans as well. I think this would have helped the feeling that some had with your character killing so many people just to let Abby go in the end. 

Ellie has kill so many people along the way that it gives the ending less of an impact. She lets the one person who killed Joel go, while all those others had to die. Maybe their family members will get revenge now. The cycle continues even if she doesn’t kill Abby. 

Overall, I think it is a flimsy excuse for a story. I don’t fully understand why everyone was wanting revenge on Joel. I know that they were a part of the fireflies that Joel attacked, but they are in a new group now. It is weird that the leader would allow them to go after one man. I could understand Abby going herself, and maybe one other person. 

I can understand Joel letting his guard down after all these years and trusting these people. I can see Abby realizing it is him just by his name, because he was where he was supposed to be. I think maybe she should have asked “Joel Miller” first before shooting his leg, but maybe just hearing the name made her lose her mind. There could be another Joel, but not likely. 

The way Jesse died was anticlimactic. For a game I would have wanted more, but I think I can see what they are getting at with it. Wanting to make it so nonchalant about it adds annoyance. I’m not angry at the game, but I think they wanted to arouse anger in those who did play it. 

I thought that Abby still not killing Ellie after both Owen and Mel was not realistic. Even if she didn’t care for Owen that way, or liked Mel, it was still someone she was close with. To only throw up at the sight of them dead and then not want to kill any of them after Lev basically tells her not to is odd. 

After that Ellie tries to live her life. But is still haunted by the past. She gets a chance to go after Abby again. I can understand somewhat in finding her, maybe putting an end to it and talking. It could help the pain. But to have her go through all of that and then not do it because she flashed back to Joel was a little much. 

Again, all this death, and she can’t kill the one person responsible for her pain. Maybe if an image of JJ and Dina appeared in her head instead of Joel, I could have accepted it better. But I think Joel would have killed Abby. 

A part of me would have wanted to see a story of Ellie going down a path of hatred. Closing herself off from others instead of her forming a relationship with Dina. Still have Dina there, and try to stop Ellie, but Ellie can’t. Make Ellie into someone who basically sells their soul. Make her evil, and not caring who she kills along the way. Then when you get to Abby and Ellie is about to kill her, the game stops and then goes down Abby’s path. 

Then after playing as Abby up to the same point. It gives you an option as playing as either Abby still or switching to Ellie. Then at the climax you can either kill the other or let them go. That way it is your choice. Even if they decided to do a sequel to this one, they can just chose which one is canon. 

I felt the game was really disjointed with the flashbacks. I wouldn’t know how to fix it though. I almost feel they should have started off with Abby when she was with her father. Then the years after that. Have it be Abby first and then end with Ellie since it jumps around back to her anyways. I just didn’t like the jumps. Also time skips were confusing, and sometimes you think there was a time skip but there wasn’t. The end was all over the place in that regard.

___

For the very first reason in the list, I think I don’t have to go in that deep. These people see women as less than. They see LGBT as less than. They want to stop anything like it from becoming mainstream. They are sad and pathetic. They try to mask their hate for the game by saying it is because of Joel’s death. It’s not. They call Abby trans because she is muscular. (I will say that she is modeled after a real person, but in this world I think it would have been hard to form that muscle mass without a proper diet, but maybe they do make supplements.) However, that doesn’t make her trans. 

Because the game does have some problems with the story, it becomes hard to criticize it without looking like one of these idiots. Because people actually have some complaints, they latch onto it. 

___

In the end, it isn’t an awful game. I do think it needed more time with the story writing aspect. Maybe that’s why they were going to postpone it indefinitely. They wanted to change some things, but then it leaked and they were like “screw it.” I don’t know. The gameplay, graphics, all the tech stuff ran beautifully, so nothing was wrong on that side. They tried to say it was because of the virus, but I’m not sure. I just feel that they may have wanted to redo some things, and couldn’t because of social distancing so they couldn’t get the actors back in. 

That’s just speculation though. 

Anyway, I’ve said what I think the problem is with the game. I just want an option to not kill people or dogs. It would have helped with the ending. Even have the ability to let Owen and Mel go. Not make Ellie a killer. It could have changed a lot and made the story better. Or just go for it like I said and make her even darker. 

[mshelenahandbag]

Best of ‘17 — TV

TV

This year’s best include a wide variety: historical recreations of Hollywood, a fantasy medieval world on the brink of all out war, two separate shows with drag queens, the secret lives of soccer moms, a revival 25 years in the making, a documentary about America’s greatest shame and an Emmy-winning adaptation of a book hitting a little too close to home.

Honorable Mention: Scandal (ABC)

Shonda Rhimes finally got her damn groove back. After watching The Catch and Still Star-Crossed fizzle out and a less-than-stellar third season of How To Get Away With Murder, Shonda’s flagship Scandal was back on track after two seasons of stagnant WTF-dom. Season six brought us back into the world of Olivia Pope with a bang when president-elect Frankie Vargas is assassinated. And it just gets crazy in the best way possible from there. We really get a glimpse again of the Olivia we all have loved since the first season and probably the best performances to date for Bellamy Young as Mellie Grant and Darby Stanchfield as Abby. And with Shonda announcing season seven will be the show’s last, this season could have served as its conclusion, but now we get to see Shonda’s gloves off for this final season with nothing held back, and a darker Olivia Pope with no white hat, now running B-613.

Outstanding Episode: “Trojan Horse” (Original airdate: 4/20/2017)

Mellie’s future to the White House is suddenly in doubt when Cyrus is pardoned for Frankie’s assassination and makes his pwn play for the White House, despite a massive campaign against him. Olivia wants to help Cyrus, even as her father warns her not to, for so many reasons, the biggest of which remains the shadow cabal who arranged for Frankie’s assassination and Mellie’s eventual win. The meat of this episode comes when Mellie meets her unexpected benefactors, Plus and Ruland, who she tries to threaten, only for Ruland to off her chief of staff, Elizabeth North (Portia de Rossi) via a golf club to the skull. Mellie is broken down and a total pawn for whatever they want to her to do. Elsewhere, Fitz breaks it off with his girlfriend, the FBI director, who pushes for Rowan’s arrest, which Fitz has already done, for his protection. Fitz and Olivia FINALLY get back together as everyone gets ready to take the shadowy organization down once and for all.

Honorable Mention: American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

I was not expecting to put this back on my best of list. Roanoke was disappointing in so many aspects. So when season seven was announced, and a theme element of the 2016 election announced, I was already ready to tune out. But something about this season is a brilliant commentary on our hive mind ideology of democrat vs republican, liberal v conservative, etc. It’s also just flat out scary. We see the lives of a lesbian couple Ally (Paulson) and Ivy (Alison Pill) as they adjust to the post-election realities, especially since Ally is damn near afraid of everything. We also meet the charismatic Kai Anderson (Evan Peters in his best AHS role to date) - a cult leader who seems to be able to read his followers and get exactly what he wants out of them. Unlike the prior six seasons, there’s nothing supernatural here, it’s all things that, could, can and have happened in the last year. What I love is that the show is not just skewed to show the evils of the alt-right, we see the exaggeration on both sides. And yet it’s still got its funny moments (“lesbians we’re under attack”) and true terror. I was ready to dismiss this season but it has truly become the show’s best since its inaugural season.

Outstanding Episode: “Drink the Kool-Aid” (Original airdate: 10/31/2017)

First off, props to Evan Peters. He played not only his role of Kai, but four additional roles in this one episode. In a massive flashback tapestry we see Peters’ Kai tell the stories of the Branch-Davidians (Peters playing David Koresh), Heaven’s Gate (Peters playing Marshall Applewhite) and finally the People’s Temple (Peters playing Jim Jones and later Jesus in a lie Kai tells his cult about Jones’s fate). Through these stories we see how Kai has managed to shape his own cult from the past and learn from what has worked and what hasn’t. Kai announces his intent to run for Senate but also forces his cult members to truly declare that they would do anything for him in the times to come. So he brings the men and women together and has them literally drink the kool-aid. The men do it willingly, the women at gunpoint, all nervous about sacrificing themselves only for Kai to reveal there was nothing in the drink. The sheer terror at so many of those involved in this scene truly sell its horror (special shoutout goes to Adina Porter’s Beverly Johnson for finally cracking amid her to-date strength). The other standout is the “B plot” as it seems all is well again with Ally and Ivy - as Ally explains that she has conquered her phobias by using her energy on getting revenge. So, yeah, Ally has poisoned her wife’s wine and pasta as revenge for institutionalizing her. And then she plays her next card deftly forging donor records that claim Kai is her son’s father. Sarah Paulson continues to be the show’s MVP every year because her range shows so many different sides every time. In this one episode Ally stops being a victim and starts to plot her way out of the cult, and taking Kai down with her.

10) Game of Thrones (HBO)

Winter has finally arrived in Westeros and shit just hits the fan from here on out. Even with a HUGE threat to the entire region from the White Walkers, we watch as Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) FINALLY lands on her home soil and proceeds to try and make her claim for the Iron Throne. Cersei (Lena Headey) allies with Euron Greyjoy to cement her hold on the Seven Kingdoms; in the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) tries to keep things together while Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) schemes. Basically we get a season’s worth of plot in seven episodes, and they all were so fantastic. Lots of action, but for the final season I want Benioff and Weiss to remember their prior six seasons had far better writings and less contrived coincidences. But the stage is set for a truly epic finale that will determine once and for all who will hold the Iron Throne…if the White Walkers don’t kill everyone first.

Outstanding Episode: The Queen’s Justice (Original airdate: 7/30/2017)

The long-awaited meeting between Dany and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is just one of the many highlights of this episode. We see Dany overtly trying to get Jon to “bend the knee”in fealty to her. Jon tries to convince Daenerys to abandon her quest for the Throne and aid their fight against the White Walkers. It’s a very frosty exchange between the two, and it looks like the alliance we all want may not actually be happening. Cersei enacts her revenge on Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) for murdering her daughter Myrcella. The scene excels with a beautiful monologue performed by Headey where you see Cersei’s pain and anger. You might hate her like I do, but there’s times like this, you can’t say you’d do the same for your child. Cersei kisses Ellaria’s daughter Tyene with the same poison they used on Myrcella, and forces the guards to keep her eyes open so she can watch her die. Tyrion, meanwhile, gives Dany an inside scope of where to attack to let Cersei know about their presence: the Lannister stronghold of Casterly Rock. The Unsullied take the castle with little resistance, only to learn that Lannister forces have marched on Highgarden and taken it, and with it, Targaryen ally Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg). Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Olenna have probably one of the most epic scenes in series history. Olenna takes her fate - death by poison - as she has everything in the series, with her trademark wit and devil may care attitude. She flat-out tells Jaime she arranged Joffrey’s death and that she wants Cersei to know it was her. Diana Rigg’s performance in the series and this final episode are just one of the many things I’ve loved about Olenna and was so heartbroken when her time was up.

9) Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

Ryan Murphy continues a streak on FX that translates into brilliance…as long as he isn't the sole writer. We’ve all known about this infamous feud between Hollywood legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford that exploded during the filming of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. This new series from Murphy really highlights the sexism of Hollywood, the way the two stars were baited against each other and the lasting effect it left on the two of them. This is just a star vehicle of excellence for both Jessica Lange’s Crawford - obsessive, scheming, paranoid but refined and Susan Sarandon’s Davis - witty, shrewd and blunt. The supporting players like Alfred Molina’s Robert Aldrich and Stanley Tucci’s Jack Warner all help support them (but special note given to Jackie Hoffman’s Mamacita, Crawford’s long suffering and lovely maid, and Judy Davis’s pitch-perfect portrayal of gossip columnist Hedda Hopper) but it’s just a tour-de-force from both leading ladies. You almost feel pulled in both directions on who to root for: Crawford or Davis, but the end result shows how Hollywood works. One day you’re the talk of the town, the next you can't even get arrested and make the papers. Brilliant work!

Outstanding Episode: And The Winner Is-The Oscars of 1963 (Original airdate: 4/2/2017)

After Joan is denied a nomination for her work on Baby Jane, she and Hedda set out to ensure that Bette’s nomination is not going to get her a win. Crawford makes the rounds with the other nominees, convincing Geraldine Page (Sarah Paulson in a brief cameo) and Anne Bancroft to not attend the ceremony and allow her (Crawford, that is) to accept the award on their behalf if they win. Hedda, meanwhile, buries Bette with the Academy and the press with stories from the set of Baby Jane, some true and some not. Oscar night comes and Jessica Lange’s Crawford is in a full tour-de-force of rubbing it in. She presents the Oscar she is slated to, then in a brilliant tracking shot, goes backstage and gets ready for the Best Actress category. When Anne Bancroft wins, seeing Sarandon portray Bette’s heartbreak as Lange’s Crawford struts past, victorious, is the high point of this beautiful series.

8) The Boulet Brothers’ DRAGULA: The Search for The Next Drag Supermonster (YouTube)

This series has upped its game in a big way for 2017. After a very cool and very punk season one (voted one of the best year by IMDB), season two took off like a rocket. Bigger budget, bigger guest judges, more intense extermination challenges and a cast that spans the country. The Boulet Brothers have definitely made their little-series-that-could into the little-series-that-IS. We’ve upped the game, and these queens want to truly show the world they’re the next supermonster, whether it’s fashionable yet fierce Abhorra, the completely wacky Disasterina or the cosplay-themed-yet-fierce Erika Klash. This cast brought it and made this show even better, and that’s before you factor in how bigger the show got in a year. With the Boulets saying that anyone can audition, we may have something to answer the call for those who don’t fit the mold for other drag TV competition series. And that’s a good thing!

Outstanding Episode: Episode Three (Original airdate: 11/14/2017)

My fav on season two was Biqtch Puddin, and I’m 100 percent biased because she’s my sister. And she had a rough start to her run on Dragula - a misunderstood outfit week one and a low performance week two that led her to face her first extermination challenge. Going into week three, the Boulets wanted to give Biqtch a challenge, so in announcing the rock band challenge, both Victoria Elizabeth Black (the winner of the challenge) and Biqtch (who had performed low beyond the Boulets’ expectations) were given the role of lead singer for the two groups’ rock bands. And BIQTCH. TURNED. IT. OUT. For one she was the only contestant to turn out big ‘80s rock hair, and her outfit was a loving tribute to Pete Burns, glam rock and more. Her performance as lead singer, along with her entire group’s synchronicity boosted them to the top and gave Biqtch a much needed win after two low weeks. She really did it and I was so happy to see that. In general this week was a great episode: fun challenge, lots of tributes to punk and grunge rock and you can really tell the girls enjoyed this one. We also got to hear a little bit about Dahli’s touring with Blood on the Dance Floor - and how she quit touring with the band because of an HIV diagnosis. I love that this show is able to play with soft and hard so beautifully. We can be talking about real issues one minute, and the next you see these beautiful super monsters taking their pain and using it to their benefit on the runway. Sadly for Kendra Onixx, her time was up after missing the mark in her runway, performance and not being able to grin and bear the extermination challenge of getting the most embarrassing/trashy tattoo. This series continues to just be all pleasure and no guilt, and I love every second of it.

7) American Gods (Starz)

Neil Gaiman’s best non angelic/devil story (which has its own series coming soon to Amazon) took off like a bandit this year with this show that made me actually watch Star for the first time ever. The combination of Bryan Fuller’s beautiful creative direction with Gaiman’s text and imagination result in the one of the most creative and innovative shows this year. Ricky Whittle gives a star making turn as our lead Shadow Moon, released from jail as his wife has died, and meets a mysterious stranger.  Ian McShane was the perfect choice for Mr. Wednesday, as we begin to get into the (literal) mythology, setting up the war to come between the Old Gods and the New. Gillian Anderson also must be praised for her seamless portrayals as Media in the forms of Lucille Ball, David Bowie, Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland. I love that we learn about the origins of so many gods coming to America, and setting up what’s to come for the second season and beyond!

Outstanding Episode: “Come to Jesus” (Original airdate: 6/18/17)

There were so many fantastic episodes in the first season, it was really hard to narrow down to what truly was the best. But seeing Shadow finally realize what world is was finally apart of is a thrill. Wednesday and Shadow make their way to a celebration thrown by Ostara (Kristin Chenoweth) for spring, just as Media, Mr. World and Tech Boy  **and** the same time as Shadow’s not-dead wife Laura (Emily Browning) and leprechaun Mad Sweeney (Pablo Schreiber). So shit gets real VERY quick as Shadow finally catches on he’s among gods. And this is where the most amazing things happen. We learn Wednesday was behind Laura’s death in a car accident and when Media tries to persuade Ostara to join the New Gods, let’s just say shit get biblical. Odin, that is Wednesday, unleashes his power, and encourages Ostara to do the same. We get to see Ostara make things bloom…and wither. From here, Odin and Ostara — and Shadow have drawn their line in the sand that will be the big focus of season two!

6) RuPaul’s Drag Race (VH1)

Hot off a fantastic year of season 8 AND All Stars 2, Drag Race had won its first Emmy for mama Ru’s hosting AND made the switch to VH1. Season 9 upped the game with Lady Gaga as the show’s first guest judge and brought us some of the series’ best contestants to date, whether it was the slaytastic Shea Coulee, artsy Sasha Velour or even the amazing tucking talents of Trinity Taylor. The judges were bigger and better (Kesha, The B-52s, Joan Smalls, Cheyenne Jackson!), the challenges upped the stakes and the eliminations got more and more WTF as the season went on. PLUS mama Ru had had enough half-assed lip-syncs and completely changed the format of the finale to make the finalists TRULY work for the crown.

Outstanding Episode: “Your Pilot’s On Fire” (Original air date: 5/19/2017)

Bitch if ever we were to surpass “what did Willam do” - I’m pretty sure we did with this episode. Ru tasks the final seven to come up their own pilots for network TV. Sasha and Shea, whose chemistry and partnership worked previously in the season, slayed with their spy-comedy Teets And Asky; Peppermint, Trinity Taylor and Alexis Michelle were good for all the wrong reasons (But Trinity’s Sister Mary Kuhnt was HILARIOUS!) due to a lot of infighting mostly from Alexis’s perfectionist tendencies and capacity to throw her other team members right in the path of any oncoming bus. And then there was Valentina and Nina Bo’nina Brown. Woefully underprepared with no script, their attempts to ad-lib don’t wow Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley. The runway theme, club kid, is a true standout among the nine seasons of the show, but big shock, Val and Nina are bottom two, and lip-syncing to Ariana Grande’s “Greedy.” Valentina’s mask stays on at the beginning, and we ALL noticed. And for the first time ever, RuPaul has to stop a lip-sync to ask Valentina to take her mask off. Valentina, to that point, had been portrayed as the sweetest girl in the cast. So when “I’d like to keep it on please” came out of her mouth, the fanbase was shook (we’d be even more shook at the Reunion by her behavior). Valentina throwing in the towel officially, to me, ties Willam’s elimination for the most shocking moment in the show’s history. It also happens in one of this season’s best episodes, and just truly shook up who I thought would make it to the finale.

5) The Vietnam War (PBS)

If you are my age, and you were in high school learning U.S. history - your teacher probably rushed through the 20th century in the span of two weeks or less. If that. Vietnam is usually a day, or two, maybe a week if you’re lucky. And we don’t know nearly enough, my generation that is, about one of the greatest embarrassments in our lifetime. Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s 10-part, 18 hour masterpiece truly encompasses every single facet of the Vietnam War - the U.S.’s involvement, the North and South Vietnamese armies and governments, the anti-war protests, the U.S.government. There’s so much to unpack and Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s interviews, research, set to the music of the ‘60s and ‘70s and guided by Peter Coyote’s steady narration. By the end of it all it feels like you’re gone through the war your self and you will most definitely ask what the fuck were we doing there as so many have over the years. Ken Burns may be known for his Civil War documentary but I truly believe because he was able to tell these stories from the sources, that this will be his masterpiece.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 6: Things Fall Apart” (Original air date: 9/24/2017)

Most episodes cover a few years of the 20+ year war but this part covers one event that would change so much of the war. The Tet Offensive from January to July 1968. Hearing the stories of American veterans who were stuck on hills for months while the Vietcong rained down on them, and hearing the same stories from the other side is just incredible. But I think the point that this episode drives home is the perception and appearance of the fake activities of the war. We see one of the most iconic images of the war - the execution of Nguyễn Văn Lém. It’s a photo we’ve all seen in our history books, but we learn the whole story about this execution from this episode. I didn’t know there was video of this - color video. We learn Lém was found near a mass grave of bodies and that a general executed him on his own decision. Despite my very desensitized nature, seeing the video put a giant pit in my stomach…and if I wasn’t already against the war from the first five parts, this convinced me so much that this war was being fought for the wrong reasons.

4) Big Little Lies (HBO)

Limited series are completely in vogue right now, and this is without a doubt one of the best ever. A whodunit murder in Monterrey, California, occurs at a trivia night and we backtrack to meet all the players and suspects. You have high-strung Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), perfectionist Celeste (Nicole Kidman) meeting new single mom Jane (Shaleine Woodley). Things seems off when Jane’s son Ziggy is accused of attacking the daughter of Renata Klein (Laura Dern in what more than easily netted her an Emmy in my opinion) and a series of misunderstandings and power plays occur. (You think corporate greed is bad and under-handed? You haven't seen Witherspoon’s Martha outdo Dern’s Renata on a birthday party Jane’s son wasn’t invited to!) I am always in love with shows that show the dark underside of those “perfect, ideal suburbs.” And this is no exception. Everyone here fires on all cylinders, but the cream of the crop here is Kidman’s Celeste, especially when you learn her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard) is beating her. The way Kidman’s confidence is put on and later crumbles is haunting. But I also must give props to Laura Dern is truly having the best year of her career ever (more on this later in the list, twice, no less) and Renata is just a juicy and perfect role for her. People want a second season of this, but I strongly disagree. The majesty and brilliance of this show is in its limited form, and as much as I’d love to see more from all involved, it’s way better and far more powerful as a standalone limited miniseries.

Outstanding Episode: Burning Love (Original airdate: 3/26/2017)

It’s so hard for me to pick one episode, because literally every single of these episodes were brilliant. But the setup right before the epic revelations in the finale was just too perfect. Jane’s search for her rapist (and Ziggy’s father) hits a dead-end, just as Renata draws up a petition to suspend Ziggy. Woodley and Dern going toe-to-toe is just absolutely epic and I couldn't take my eyes off their confrontation. Kidman also excels this hour as Perry’s beatings finally give her courage to look for an apartment, in the first step to leaving him. Martha is livid that her daughter is auctioning her virginity off online, AND her affair from years back is still obsessed with her. Witherspoon more than makes up for lost time the other ladies have gained with this one scene. It’s just once again a complete tour de force of shade and style and substance.

3) Twin Peaks (Showtime)

I’ve waited patiently for this - since I first started watching the original on Netflix three years ago. And it’s so hard to try and describe this without giving crucial plot points away…AND because David Lynch’s brilliant work is sometimes so hard to dissect. OK, so…after the ending of season two, NegaCoop/Evil Cooper/BOB is still in our world, Dale Cooper himself is still stuck in the Black Lodge. And some transference has to happen for Nega to go back and Dale to exit…but Nega has planned for this and created dimwitted Dougie Jones, whose body Dale switches places with. Does that make any sense? No…well it’s David Lynch so fuck it! Now CONFIDENTLY, I can say that Kyle MacLachlan delivers three fantastic performances, that we connect to the original two seasons wonderfully and Fire Walk With Me perfectly and the entire thing is shot to Lynchian perfection. Everyone involved with this, from Sherilyn Fenn’s return as Audrey, to Robert Forster as new Twin Peaks sheriff Frank Truman (Harry’s brother) fire on all cylinders, but my hat goes off to Laura Dern as the previously mentioned but never seen Diane for delivering a chic character with a LOT of panache. (Special mention also has to be given to the late Catherine Coulson’s Log Lady and Miguel Ferrer’s Albert Rosenfeld for giving their characters more depth and final performances that will continue to make their stars shine). This limited series was something I was looking forward to each Sunday and feel honestly honored to watch a true work of art play out every week. Even if the ending was beyond frustrating, it was all about the journey this summer and honestly one of the best summer TV journeys I’ve ever had.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 16” (Original airdate: 8/27/2017)

The first fifteen weeks were amazing Lynchian art, but the penultimate week had plot development for days. After Dougie stuck a fork in an outlet (it’s a very long story, just watch this brilliant season), he’s in a coma BUT wakes up as the Dale Cooper we’ve all loved. And he’s ready to head back to Twin Peaks. Meanwhile, NegaCoop (he’s called Mr. C in most press but it’s just more fun for me) takes wayward fuckup Richard Horne (Eamon Ferren), Audrey’s (and later revealed HIS) son with him to coordinates given to him. Richard dies by electrocution meant for NegaCoop and knows that one set of coordinates is false, and the other will lead him back to Twin Peaks and to a showdown with his doppelgänger. Meanwhile (see what I did there, Peaks fans?) in North Dakota, Diane Evans (Dern) is contacted by NegaCoop and seems to convulse. She meets with her FBI allies Gordon Cole (David Lynch), Albert (Ferrer) and Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) revealing what happened when she met “Cooper” years ago. In short, NegaCoop raped her, took her. And then Diane freaks, saying she’s in the sheriff’s station and pulls a gun on her company, only to be shot by Albert and Tammy. Diane then vanishes to the Red Room, where MIKE (Al Strobel) realizes she’s been manufactured. Meanwhile meanwhile, Audrey Horne (Sherilynn Fenn) after two episodes of will she/won't she FINALLY goes to the Roadhouse with her husband. After a performance by Eddie Vedder, it’s announced the band will play “Audrey’s Dance.” Audrey then recreates her iconic dance from the pilot episode only to be interrupted by a sparring match between two men. “Get me out of here” Audrey says to Charlie, only to awake in a white room somewhere in front a mirror, crackling with electricity. And we still don't know where THAT is! (Seriously, David Lynch, do what you want but why include Audrey only to leave us hanging?!)

2) Stranger Things (Netflix)

One of the best surprises of last year has rightfully become a pop culture phenomenon and become one of the best made, best acted and just most fun shows on any medium right now. Set a year after the Vanishing of Will Byers, we rejoin the gang in Hawkins as Lucas and Dustin (Caleb McLaughlin, Gaten Matarazzzo) vie for the attention of new girl Max (Sadie Sink) who just might be able to hang with the gang, Mike (Finn Wolfhard) still coping with the loss of Eleven (Millie Bobbie Brown), Joyce (Winona Ryder) has a new beau (Sean Astin in a role that is just awkward HIL. AR. ITY.) oh and Will (Noah Schnapp) is having episodes (flashes of the Upside Down) on the regular. Things all begin coming to a head as something new from the Upside Down is coming, and it’s not going to stop with Will, it wants Hawkins, it wants the world. And it provides some of the best TV this year. This show’s word-of-mouth in season one is what contributed to its success, and I think the Duffer Brothers were able to build on that and make this season a standout, a great companion to the first and reset everything for its next two seasons.

Outstanding Episode: Chapter Two-Trick or Treat, Freak (Original airdate: 10/27/2017)

After we find out that not only is Eleven alive, but out of the Upside Down AND LIVING WITH HOPPER - you know I clicked NEXT EPISODE and FAST! We learn how El escaped, setting up a great set of small flashbacks for the rest of the season. But the main event here is Halloween with our heroes, taking full splendor of 1984 with Ghostbusters. (And being the only kids in Hawkins to wear their costumes to school - didn’t you hate when this happened to you?) I really enjoyed seeing the gang begin to try and let Max (Sadie Sink) into their ranks. But our focus this episode is two fold. We first get to see the boys trick-or-treating and we see Will being bullied as “zombie boy” and other nicknames (kids are the worst and its even driven home more later when Joyce, knocked back into the Upside Down. But this time with a video camera that will prove to be very crucial later. We also are privy to the high school’s Halloween party as Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Steve (Joe Keery) begin to have issues. Nancy, especially, still wracked by guilt over the death and disappearance of her best friend Barb. It’s weird to see the dynamics shift of Steve being the responsible one and Nancy spiraling out of control. We’re still setting a lot of things up here, but the binge continues as Halloween winds down as Dustin finds something in his trashcan that changes the course of the entire season.

1) The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)

Even if the election of 2016 hadn’t essentially made this work of fiction a bit more real, I would still have given this the #1 slot. Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel has been a favorite of mine for years and the world of Gilead has needed an onscreen revival after its entertaining but bare ‘90s adaptation. Enter creator and show runner Bruce Miller who took the novel and made a series that is equal parts terrifying, inspiring and breathtaking. The world of Gilead is expanded, lived in, and utterly terrifying in a post-11/8 “45” presidency. But it’s the best show on any platform right now. This is Elisabeth Moss’s show, because she absolutely vanishes into the role of Offred. We get to see how Gilead came to be, through Offred’s eyes and it’s one of the many strengths Miller has made for the series. A first person narrative is amazing, but can only go so far. The series goes beyond only what Offred sees in the novel - we see WAY more here and it sets a lot up. And it’s not just Moss, the entire cast is just fantastic, whether it’s Yvonne Strahovski’s cold and calculating performance as Serena Joy, Samira Wiley’s inspiring Moira - a Handmaid that has escaped, or the Emmy-winning talents of Ann Dowd as the cruel Aunt Lydia. Atwood’s novel is seen during season one and I’m curious what season two is gonna bring us with things never seen in the novel. This is the best 2017 gave us and I knew on its first day of release. The series is a warning, it’s a rally cry, and it is also an inspiring message to never give in, even when things are absolutely horrid. As was written by a Handmaid, and found by Offred: nolite te bastardes carborundum.

Outstanding Episode: “Late” (Original airdate: 4/26/2017)

This isn’t even Elisabeth Moss’ best episode. The reason this episode is the best of the year is because of Alexis Bledel’s Emmy winning performance. AND DOESNT EVEN SAY A WORD DURING THE WHOLE HOUR. We focus on Offred adjusting to the new Ofglen that has replaced Bledel’s. Aunt Lydia interrogates her and Serena assumes Offred is pregnant and defends her against her treatment. (She’s not.) Later when Serena finds this out, Strahovski’s anger and malice play beautifully as she forcibly drags Offred upstairs to confine her to her room. But that’s not the highlight and not why this is the best episode of TV this year. For this we must go back to Ofglen/Emily and Alexis Bledel. She’s been removed from her assigned residence for being a lesbian, a gender traitor and a crime in Gilead, especially the fact that she’s had a secret relationship. She and the Martha (another class of female servants) are sentenced - the Martha hanged (in a tracking shot as a van pulls Bledel away to her own punishment and sentence. We don’t see that until the episode’s end when Dowd’s pious Aunt Lydia comes in to tell Emily she won't want for what she can’t have. We then look down to see she has under gone genital mutilation. Bledel’s silence is finally broken as she screams, and it’s a chilling end to a brilliantly tragic hour of TV.

[iswearonmarcuskane]

Kickin’ & Screamin’ // Chapter 6

Title: Kickin’ & Screamin’ Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Kabby Tag/Warnings: Modern AU Setting, Kicking and Screaming AU, Kid!Delinquents Chapter(s): 6/22 Read earlier chapters on: AO3

Chapter Summary: Time to meet the bad guys and for shit show 2.0

Chapter 6: You are not defeated when you lose, you are defeated when you quit

Well, today is the day.

Either the Delinquents were going to pull off a miracle or they were going to live up to everyone’s expectations; especially, those of the Wallace boys.

Abby had just pulled into the complex’s parking lot when she first saw him. The infamous Cage Wallace.

He was standing by his car, hands in his dress pants’ pockets. He wore a matching suit jacket, the middle button being the only one done. His hair was swooshed back into his signature quiff. His eyes were trained on her car.

That’s one thing that bugged her about him. He dressed up to every game. He was always in a suit, a different color for each. He never repeated a color in a single season. It gave off the message she’s sure he wanted to send- that he was better than everyone else.

She’s also remembers how upset he was when Abby “accidentally” splashed mud all over his white suit when her car got “stuck” in mud after their game. She had asked him for help and when he gladly accepted to push her car, she floored the gas pedal. The end result was him looking like a marshmallow dipped in chocolate. He was wearing that same suit now.

She climbed out of her car as Clarke also got out. Abby looked up to see Cage walking to her car as she opened the back end. She told Clarke, “I’ll meet you over there.”

Clarke nodded and ran off to be with Raven who was waiting on the sidewalk. Abby smiled as she watched her daughter reach her and begin to walk to their bench. Her smiled immediately dropped when she turned around and Cage was standing there, leaning against her car.

It was her lucky day, wasn’t it?

He was wearing his big smile, the smile she hated. She hated it more than Marcus’, which she thought was impossible. If you could clone Marcus twenty times into one person, the product would be Cage Wallace.

The smile meant he knew he was winning something. It didn’t matter what it was, hell, he might not even know sometimes, but he was winning and he knew it. So, he wanted to make sure you and everyone else knew.

The problem was Abby knew why he was smiling.

“Good morning, Coach,” he told her, fingers drumming on her car.

Her eyes were watching his fingers and she slowly dragged them to his face. “Cage.”

“Ouch,” he feigned hurt, placing his free hand over his heart, “No greeting? Why so cold? It’s a great day for soccer, don’t you think?”

She wanted to say, “It’s a nice day to run you over with my car,” but she doubted that would be appropriate to say around little kids. So instead she settled for, “Every day is a great day for soccer.”

She pulled her equipment bag from her back end. No way in hell was she letting those poor kids wear those “pennies” again. If Marcus gave her any grief about using hers instead, she may have to hit him with her car too.

“I’m not going to argue that,” he responded. She thought maybe that would be the end of the discussion and he would waltz off to his bench, but she forgot, today was her lucky day. Cage stayed put as she checked the bag quickly.

“Can I help you?” She asked, annoyed as she looked up abruptly. She knew he was watching her and he knew it would rile her up.

He smiled again, that fucking smile. He shook his head slightly. “Nope,” he said, “You’re doing fine.”

She really wish she could hit him with her car right now. Just buckle up and slam her foot on the gas pedal and send him flying all the way to Jupiter. That would wipe the smile off his face.

So, instead, she settled for leaning closer to him, whispering, “If you don’t leave me alone, I am going to fucking ki-”

“Abby.”

Him calling her name caught them both off guard. The two looked behind her to where Marcus stood, arms crossed. He raised an eyebrow at her, saying, “When you two are done, I’d really like to start warm up for the game.”

Abby was very grateful for Marcus in that moment. Sure, she’d never tell him that, but she was. She would rather spend ten hours locked in a room with Marcus then one minute in public with Cage. Both sounded terrible, but she’d settle for the lesser evil.

“We were done a long time ago,” Abby gladly announced and zipped the bag up. She gave Cage a tight lipped smile and also snuck him a middle finger before she shut the back end of her car.

Abby walked over to Marcus and past him, signaling him to follow. Marcus watched Cage for a few seconds longer before finally turning and following her. From behind them, Cage called out, “Hope you’re ready for a long season. I know losing every game can be tiring.”

Abby immediately stopped in her tracks. Marcus stumbled a bit so he wouldn’t run into her. “Abby?” He asked, confused, and if she was mistaken, a little worry in his voice.

Cage laughed a little, adding on later, “Actually, I wouldn’t know.” Her hand on the equipment bag tightened slightly. Her teeth clenched ever so slightly. The rage began to boil in her.

She knew her team was bad. She accepted it a long time ago. She knew they lost every game, no one had to remind her. But they were still her team and she would be damned if anyone talked less about them.

She quickly spun on her heel to glare at him. And would you believe it? He was wearing that same damn smile. The fire in her raged more as she took a small step towards him.

A hand landed on her elbow, slowly and tightly gripping her arm. She looked to hand and followed the arm up to make eye contact with Marcus. He shook his head, telling her, “He wants a reaction out of you.”

“He just insulted my team,” she snapped back, “Our team. Doesn’t that make you mad?”

“Of course it does,” he whispered back, eyes flickering to where Cage stood. He looked back to her, lowering his voice more, “But he’s just saying it to spite you. Don’t fall for his tricks.”

Abby opened her mouth to argue but then closed it again. She repeated the same gesture as she watched Marcus. She finally looked to Cage, his smile never fading.

She smiled sweetly at him, telling him, “After the game, make sure to check both ways before crossing the parking lot.”

His smile never faltered. If anyone could rival the wall Marcus built up to her insults, it would be Cage. He tilted his head to the side, asking, “Are you threatening me?”

“I would never,” she replied. “I’m just giving you friendly advice.”

He laughed as he finally stood up off her car. He began walking towards the fields and towards his bench. He shouted over to Abby, “Better be careful with your words, Coach. Wouldn’t want you to get a red card the first game of the season, would we?”

She didn’t dignify that with a response. Cage looked over his shoulder to her, winking. “Wouldn’t be the first time though, would it?” Abby thought if he kept talking, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten a bloody nose due to her either. “Red looks good on you, though.”

And how Abby thought how good his body would look laying on the pavement in the parking lot. Abby heard Marcus snort from next to her and she looked up him. He muttered, “He obviously doesn’t remember that dress you wore up to the wrap up party last year.”

Abby’s mouth fell open. She ripped her arm from his grasp. They looked to each other, Abby glaring and Marcus giving her another raised eyebrow. “Are you serious?” She asked him.

“What?” He asked.

She hit his chest. “That comment you just made!”

He moved back from her hit and repeated himself, “What? The dress was horrible, Abby. Even you know that.”

“Cece’s grandmother picked it out for me!”

“And bless you for not breaking the old lady’s heart,” he told her, shaking his head.

He looked at the bag in her hand, asking, “Are these the pennies?” Abby just nodded in response, still a little taken back from the last conversation. “Perfect,” he replied, taking it from her, “I’ll get the kids into possession.”

And with that, he walked off.

Abby didn’t know what left her more dumbfounded: that Abby was starting to realize how ugly the dress really was or the fact that Marcus remembered the dress she wore almost a year ago.

“Ready for the season, Coach Griffin?”

The voice broke her out of her dumbfounded state and she turned to see Dante Wallace walking up. She gave him the same tight lipped smile she had given his son. “What better way to start it off versing you guys?” She asked.

He laughed as he walked by. He looked over his shoulder to her. “I couldn’t agree more,” he replied and kept walking.

The line sent her into another rage. She resisted the urge to flip him off behind his back. There were kids around. Abby didn’t need that red card yet.

She wanted nothing more than for Marcus to experience her last place shame but right now, she was praying for some miracle to happen that would let the Delinquents crush Mount Weather.

It was her lucky day, wasn’t it?

+

It wasn’t her lucky day.

At least not for good karma, that is.

It’s barely ten minutes into the game and it’s already a shit show. It was like their first practice chaos but on steroids. And if there was anyone to blame, it was Marcus.

Because who chooses a 3-2-2 (three defenders, two midfielders, and two forwards)? It gave them no depth in the width of the field. That in turn made it crowded up front because the two forwards had no outlets on the sides.

He told her it would be fine, to trust him. She didn’t believe either but she kept her mouth shut because he wasn’t going to give up. And would you look at that, she was right. It was terrible.

The back three consisted of Miller and Raven on the outside with Murphy in the middle of the two. It was a solid backline if they could stop repeating fatal mistakes. Raven kept diving in, getting burned by each forward that challenged her. In turn, Miller would get angry and stop tracking his mark back, leaving them wide open on the far side. Murphy would get upset at both of them and take it out on the poor forward, either resulting in a foul or being easily beaten with a simple touch around him.

Wells was doing well up until his sixth shot of the game (yes sixth already). It looked like he had lost confidence in himself. You could see it draining away after every shot. While Marcus and Abby tried to cheer him up, Murphy was beating him down. The father of the two boys, Jaha, did nothing to try and stop it. He wasn’t even paying attention when the events occurred. He only saw Wells give up three goals and Murphy get burned.

The two who started in the middle were Harper and Monty. Abby understood why they started, they were the two best midfielders on the team. The problem was they had never played with each other before. With how nice Harper was to Monty and how shy he was, they weren’t getting progress anywhere. She wouldn’t criticize his mistakes, she would let them fly over her head. In result, Monty kept making the same mistakes over and over.

“God, the kid made the same mistake for the fifth time. You think he’d learn that what he’s doing isn’t working,” Abby had heard Roan say from the sideline. Wait for it…

“And what has your little princess done? Nothing important as far as I remember,” Cece shot back, seated a few chairs down from him. There it was.

“I know one thing she isn’t doing,” he immediately snapped back, “turning the ball over every time she touches it.” And so it begins.

Abby zoned them out, seeing Sinclair trying to calm Cece down and David Miller do the same for Roan. She expected that to happen at least five more times before the half was over. She was just hoping the chair throwing would be saved for after the game. And, yes, Cece has thrown a chair at Roan before.

Next was Clarke and Bellamy up top. They weren’t working together at all. It was like they were working on two different levels: head and heart.

Clarke kept trying to direct him to make a run for a pass but he would make another which he thought was the right choice. Clarke would think out a move, pass, or run before executing it. She wanted to survey the field and pick the best possible solution to benefit them all.

Bellamy went with his heart’s decision, what his first gut extinct was. If he believed he could take on the three defenders to get one goal, he would do it. He believed they needed to react to the game quickly, that in their position, there was no time for stopping and thinking. One extra touch on the ball and the whole game already changed.

This miscommunication caused them to miss a lot of opportunities to get the ball up field and maybe score.

Jasper was subbed in for Monty and the two coaches heard Roan say, “Bout damn time they took him out.”

“What did you say?” Cece shouted at him.

He looked to her, unfazed and replied, “You heard me,” and went back to watching the game.

Jasper was a disaster on two legs. The kid didn’t know how to hold his position. He ended up all the way by Wells at one point, then somehow ended up by Clarke. Him being out of position resulted in open space for Mount Weather to attack 2v1 on Harper.

Octavia was then subbed in for Harper. She seemed nervous and like she really didn’t want to be out there. When Miller passed her the ball, she froze. A kid from Mount Weather easily stole it from her. That earned a yell from Miller who didn’t try to stop the kid who flew by him that had stolen it from him. Poor Wells didn’t stand a chance at that point.

And that’s how the game turned into a shit show with only ten minutes into the game. It was 0-4 to Mount Weather already. Abby saw Cage smiling over to her from across the field as the fourth goal went in. It took every ounce of her to behave and not flip him off. Or hit him with her car.

“I think this a record on how fast a game can go to shit for us,” Jaha commented. Abby and Marcus looked back to him for the comment as he looked from his phone to them. “Congratulations,” he added.

Just one punch, just one. That’s all she needed to get her frustration out. All the frustration from the stupid idea of merging their teams, Marcus himself, the Wallace boys, the parents, and the kids. Just one punch would absolve it all…

“You okay?” Jackson suddenly appeared by Abby’s side, worry written across his face.

Abby looked out to the field where Raven had once again dived for the ball. Marcus screamed, pulling at his hair, “How many times do I have tell you, Raven! Don’t dive! Be patient!”

The only comforting thing in this whole situation was seeing how riled up Marcus got. He was feeling the frustration she sure he felt normally but ramped up. Welcome to her world, she thought.

She looked back to Jackson, telling him, “We’ll see.”

It didn’t ease the man’s worries.

By the time Jackson had walked away back to his chair, Mount Weather had scored again. Marcus hid his hands in his face, shaking his head as he walked away to the bench. Abby looked over to where Cage stood, him smiling big.

Abby flipped him off as she turned to face Marcus. She heard Cage laughing behind her and she curled her hands into fists. She stormed over to Marcus, snatching his marker board from him. He looked up in surprise.

She looked at the lineup he had written on the board. She looked to where Monty and Harper were sitting on the bench. She looked to the field where Bellamy once again tried to take on too many players and lost the ball.

The Mount Weather player stormed up the field and into the space Jasper was supposed to be in. Instead he was all the way besides Clarke again. Octavia was stuck all alone in the middle and she looked like she had no idea what to do. The two Mount Weather players easily did a give-and-go around her.

Murphy stepped up to apply pressure to the kid but he quickly passed it Emerson. He stepped over the ball, making it seem like he was going to drag the ball to his left, but he quickly averted his foot and tapped it to the outside, his right side. Raven fell for it easily, lunging in. Emerson sprinted around her.

Miller was on the back post, not doing much to help Wells in the box. Murphy was trying his best to muscle the other Mount Weather player away from the goal. Emerson sent in a cross across the box.

Murphy lost the battle and the Mount Weather player was able to jump up and head the ball. Miller’s mark was standing in front of Wells, obstructing his view. He dove for the ball but it was too late, the ball went in the net. Mount Weather scored again.

“Damn it!” Abby screamed as she threw Marcus’ marker board at the ground.

“Hey!” Marcus shouted as it collided with the ground. It snapped in half, the marker flying towards the field.

Abby wished she had cared she broke it. It resembled how she felt inside after every game. Just because she accepted that fact they lose every game didn’t mean she was okay with it.

Sure, she may want to see Marcus suffer like she has that’s because she wants him to know this feeling. Every time he bragged about that one win, the one win she never got, it hurt. All she wanted was to win one, just one game. Mainly and most importantly, for the kids.

She only ever wants them to have fun and be happy. She knows winning isn’t everything and that they have fun and are happy regardless, but she knows they would love to win a game. Just to see their dream come true would bring them more happiness. If they ever only won one game and lost the rest for their rest of the soccer careers, Abby would be fine with that. She knows they would be too.

So no, to answer Jackson’s question, she was not okay. There was a sliver of hope (that she would never admit to anyone) that maybe, maybe, she could now win that game for the kids with Marcus’ help. He knew the feeling of winning and experienced it, she didn’t. She didn’t know how to give that to a team. She just would hope they’d get a lucky break.

At the thought, she looked over to Marcus who was picking up the two halves of his board. She had her arms crossed now and he looked up to meet her eyes. If she believed he might actually be a human being with compassion, she would’ve registered the emotion in his eyes as concern.

It freaked her out, so she joked to him, “Maybe if you didn’t spend all your money on hair care products, maybe you could buy a quality marker board.”

It was silent, he didn’t respond. It made her uncomfortable. He was supposed to respond and make a snarky comment on how she’s more concerned with his hair than the game. So, why didn’t he?

Don’t kid yourself, it didn’t escape her attention that his hair was slicked back again and somehow he shaved. She had thrown his razor out in his trash at the team party. She’d deal with that later.

He resembled Marcus, but he wasn’t acting like Marcus.

He still hadn’t responded. She was starting to panic. Why wasn’t he being Marcus?

How ironic right? Every day she prayed to God that He would shut Marcus up and make him stop being Marcus. Now, He’s granted that prayer and she doesn’t want it all. Why?

Finally, saving her from entering cardiac arrest, he responded, “I’ll think about next time I’m in the hair care aisle.”

It wasn’t as Marcus as she thought it would be, but it was something. She hesitated a bit, nodding and responded, “Good.” It was awkward, goddamn it, why did she have to be awkward? She’s had outbursts before, why did this one matter all the sudden?

They held each other’s gaze for a few more seconds before they saw the familiar figure in a yellow uniform walk up to them. They looked to see the referee, Alie, shaking her head. She had her booklet out. Abby knew what that meant.

Alie pulled a yellow card out, showing her it. Abby nodded and stepped off the line a bit. Alie told her, “It’s the first game and I heard about this situation,” she pointed between the two, “so I’ll leave you with a warning. Don’t let it happen again, Abby.”

“It won’t,” She told her, smiling as best as she could.

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,” Marcus suddenly said beside her.

The two looked to him and he was wearing his smirk, his eyes trained on Abby. She felt the fire suddenly begin to ignite back, pushing back the scared and upset emotions she had suddenly felt. She crossed her arms, tilting her head, and said, “You’d be surprised.”

Alie added in as she wrote in her booklet, “That would make two of us.” She then walked off and blew the whistle for the half to continue.

Abby and Marcus kept looking at each other, forgetting the game, the score, the kids, the parents, and the unexplainable hate between them. The noise silenced out and everything blurred together except each other.

His hair was slicked back like she noticed earlier. Not a single strand was out of place. His jaw freshly shaven, not a cut or stubble in sight. His eyes were taunting, the warm brown color swimming with their usual mischief. And there it was: the infamous smirk. The smirk that drove Abby up a wall, made her want to rip her hair out, hit him with a car, or anything. Whatever it was, it got a reaction out of her. Every. Time.

But it felt right. It felt normal. And she was okay with that.