#that i haven't been able to make an inch of real progress on since this semester started

[miodiodavinci]

oughgh

[aldbooks]

Finally came home from work not wanting to immediately crash into bed so worked on the Gwynriel Starfall drabble I mentioned the other day.

So here, have your pain. Be prepared for tears.

TW: discussions of grief, allusions to self harm/thoughts

---

A hush fell over the gathered crowd as the lights dimmed and everyone's gaze turned skyward. It was then Azriel noticed that Gwyn was no longer among the crowd.

Truth be told, he'd been somewhat surprised she'd accepted the invitation to the annual Starfall party Rhys- and now Nesta- hosted at the House of Wind. The Blood Rite the prior year had clearly shaken the priestess, which he did not fault her for in the slightest, but the result was that- according to her friends- some of the progress she'd made towards leaving the Library and the priestess hood behind had regressed. This party was meant to be a reintroduction of sorts to life outside, reacquainting Gwyn with what it feels like to socialize with new people.

She would be safe here, he knew that. Even with all the visiting guests from other courts, between himself, Cassian, Nesta, Emerie and even Rhys and Mor, someone would always be looking out for her should she find herself overwhelmed. Yet, when he looked around a moment before, he had see Nesta, and Emerie chatting with Cresseida, Cassian had been having a lively discussion with Helion, Rhys and Feyre were showing off their son to group of adoring admirers, and Mor and Amren were drinking and laughing in a corner with Vivianne. Everyone was accounted for- except Gwyn.

But he hadn't seen her leave.

He could sense his shadows urging him back inside and he allowed them to lead him as they propelled up through the House and up the stairs to the training ring. There, laying on one of the training mats that had been left out from the morning, with her dress fanned around her legs, was Gwyn.

She didn't make a sound as he approached, just lay there, arms splayed out at her sides, staring up at the night sky where the stars had begun to fall. She didn't even acknowledge him as he crouched to sit beside her but, as he got closer, he noticed a lone tear glittering on her cheek.

Instantly concerned, he reached out to gently swipe it away, growing evermore concerned as she continued to ignore his presence as though she were not aware of him.

"Gwyn," he asked softly. She did not look at him but he saw the slight flicker of her eyes that said she'd heard him. "Are you alright?"

Her lips parted but all that escaped was a choked breath. His shadows immediately slithered towards her, wrapping consolingly around her arm. Some unnamed feeling sparked in his chest at her obvious distress by he tamped it down. "May I join you?"

Carefully, he stretched out beside her, the tips of his fingers a bare inch from hers and for a long moment, neither of them spoke while they watched the sky.

After what felt like hours while his mind swirled with concern, wondering what had upset her so badly, she said-"It's been four years."

He blinked, momentarily nonplussed.

"I haven't watched Starfall properly in four years, since before-" She didn't finish the sentence, but she didn't have to.

Since before the attack on Sangravah. Since those brutes had abused her. Since she'd come to the library.

Since she'd lost her sister.

Somehow, he knew it was the last point that bothered her the most.

He said nothing, allowing her to speak her thoughts in her own time. Slowly but surely, she did.

"At first, it was because it had only just happened. I'd barely been in the Library a month. Time- or rather, the passing of it, I suppose, still didn't seem real. Nothing felt real."

There was a painful constriction in his chest as he listened to her and familiar guilt rose in him. She was yet another person he'd failed to save. Sure, she was alive and well now, but he hadn't been able to spare her the pain and indignity of what those bastards had done to her. Had not been able to spare her the horror of watching her twin die in front of her. Hadn't been able to save any of the many of other priestesses who'd lost their lives that terrible night.

"After that I- I stayed in my rooms, didn't even look out the window. It was a punishment of sorts, I think. Because I was here and she wasn't." Her voice became choked, and he knew she'd begun crying again. "She would never see these things again, why should I?"

Azriel felt a stab of pain at her words. Had that not been the exact thought he and Cass and Mor had had that first year without Rhys? Knowing he was locked under that mountain, unable to see the stars they all loved so much, why should they be allowed to enjoy it? Of course, Rhys had eventually come home... Gwyn's sister never would.

"That first year was the hardest," she continued through her tears. "The holidays and celebrations were the worst I think. Catrin and I had always shared them together just like we shared everything. And then I was suddenly alone, and I felt- I felt so lost. Sometimes I hated her for it. For leaving me here with all these memories and all this pain- she left me alone-"

Her breath stuttered as she held back a sob and Azriel felt his throat grow tight.

"There were nights- dark nights- when I thought about- when I wanted to join her...."

Azriel's heart stilled, his body going cold all over as something roared inside of him, screaming in fury at the thought of never knowing this woman. Of not watching her grow and flourish into the warrior he now knew. But he couldn't say the feeling she described was foreign to him.

He may never have lost someone so precious to him that he felt compelled to join them in the beyond. Indeed, he often had to acknowledge how blessed he was that every single soul he cared about was still on this earth. But there had been times if he'd wondered if perhaps they might all be better if he were not there.

He said none of this out loud. He wasn't ready to acknowledge those thoughts, not now. But... one day... She understood, he realized, she would understand, she would not judge him. Perhaps one day, he'd tell her what he'd never told anyone else.

Her soft voice brought him back to the present.

"It wasn't until that first Solstice without her, when I was attending service and the priestess spoke about darkness giving birth to light, and the renewal of the Mother, that I realized I had found solace in those moments int he chapel. In song, in prayer, in reflection... And I realized, she would not have wanted this for me. For me to remain hidden away from the world. She would have wanted me to live..."

She sucked in a shaky breath and when she spoke again her voice was broken. "She would have been so disappointed in me-"

Azriel's heart ached unbearably. He inched his hand to the side, his fingers seeking hers, seeking permission to touch and she allowed it, wrapping her hand around his and squeezing tightly.

"I couldn't bear it- I was disappointed in myself as well. Disappointed that I wasn't ready, that I could barely stomach the thought of leaving this place that had become my haven- my safe port in a storm..."

"It wasn't until I met Nesta- and Emerie- and Cassian.... and you- that I started to feel like I didn't need that port anymore. I could be my own anchor. But I was- am, still scared..."

Azriel was incapable of speaking with the well of emotion in him, so he just squeezed her hand back, trying to convey without words that it was ok that she was still scared. That whenever she was ready, Nesta and Emerie, Cass and himself would all be there to catch her when she jumped.

He would always be there to catch her.

He'd thought his heart had broken as he listened to her describe her grief, but it was the stark regret in her next words that shattered him.

"What if I missed her?"

He didn't know what she meant at first, until he realized she wasn't just looking up at the stars that streaked by. She'd been scanning them, as though looking for something.

"When her soul passed through from this world, what if I missed her while I was hiding away in my room like a coward? I- I never got to say goodbye- what if I missed her?"

Azriel squeezed his eyes shut, unable to hold back his own tears any longer. After a moment, he managed to say. "So say it now. Say goodbye. I'm sure- wherever she is, she hears your heart. She knows." He turned his head to look at her and found her looking back at him with a fathomless expression that begged for absolution. "Goodbye isn't for her, Gwyn. It's for you. So say it now, if you're ready to."

Fresh tears filled her eyes, making them glisten in the starlight, almost like they were glowing. Her chin wobbling slightly, she turned back to the sky, squeezing her eyes shut as her lips moved in a silent prayer until sobs overtook her.

With a slight tug on her hand, she rolled into his side, pressing her face his shoulder as she sobbed and he held her quietly through tears of his own until the stars faded and they drifted into sleep together, still clinging tightly to one another.

[growandrecover]

Idk if you're still active in this account but anyway. I was in quasi-recovery since Feb 2022 and I started real recovery and being committed in Feb/March 2023. I gained 3 pant sizes since then, and I stabilized in that weight months ago. I think I kinda plateaud. The thing is, I don't really trust continuing to eat what I want and as much as my body asks (the cravings and the extreme hunger have lowered a lot but I still feel like I'm eating too much and too many cravings for "bad food") I just feel like I'll keep gaining if I don't have any control over that. I also do moderate movement, like walking, dancing and some yoga/stretching when I feel like it and when I need a break for my mental health, but I don't do it everyday nor am I super consistent because burnout from a really stressful, busy and traumatic year leaves me tired and I just want to rest. I feel like I won't stop, like I haven't plateaud and I will continue to gain.

I've always had wide hips, really big thighs and big arms so it's already kinda tricky finding some clothes in shops. I'm scared of not being able to fit in airplane sits, that I will just have a worse life due to gaining more weight, because no amount of self-acceptance denies that you're treated less like a human depending on how big you are. I feel way better since I started recovery but societal fatphobia and my fear of gaining weight make me anxious and scared. I also fear I will never find love. I'm learning to love myself and I don't base my self-worth on a romantic partner, but I still want to experience genuine love in which someone actually loves my body, and that my body won't be an impediment to have a partner (i'm bi). I'm also desperate everyday to know if I'll lose overshoot, I hope so but I fear it won't happen. I have made a lot of progress with food but I fear it will be hijacked due to these problems. I feel like my body works against me. I just want to be normal, and I feel like I'll never be if I gain more.

I know this is a lot but I'm desperate and I've had an extremely rough year, I really don't have anyone to talk about this. I hope you have some advice. Thanks for reading me ❤️

Hi, anon.

Let me start off by saying how proud I am of you. Not only for being in recovery, but for being aware enough of your body's tolerance levels and being able to limit your exercise. That's so amazing, I'm really happy for you.

About your weight gain, I'd say that since you've plateaued, you should be able to continue eating what you've been eating. If your body is craving certain things, it's probably trying to tell you that you're not getting enough of whatever it is. Craving "bad foods" (there's also no such thing as good and bad foods, they all nourish your body and keep you going, but I get your point) might mean that you're missing certain things like fats, salt, sugar, etc.

As for the clothing, lots of things in stores aren't designed for some body types. I've always had a hard time with jeans, even before my ed. My size would fit me in the thighs, but be too big everywhere else. It's really all dependent on the designer. If you can, try not to let that get you down. Maybe you could google some brands that work for other people with your body type, and try those out and see if they fit you better.

Gaining weight is a huge fear factor in the recovery process, and your fears are completely valid. Unfortunately, you're right. People do treat people differently based on how they look. But you know what? People that are worth your time, love, and attention won't care about what you look like, or what size you are (the sizing is all a joke anyways). I know that sometimes stuff like that is hard to take because your initial reaction may be, "Yeah, right. That does nothing for me.", but it's true. I've been lucky enough to have people in my life that don't judge me based on my body or appearance, but lots of people don't share that. You will find a partner who will love every single inch of your body, and won't care if it changes. I've felt the exact same way (and sometimes I still do), but I can guarantee you that the perfect person will come along and adore you for you.

Also, the people who go along with societal pressures, like judging others for who they are, and what they look like, are most likely insecure themselves. Seeing people be who they are, and not ashamed of themselves makes some people angry. You have no control over that. If some people don't accept you for your body, that's okay. Sometimes I think about all the people I've seen be body shamed online. People will dislike you for anything. They'll hate you for being too thin, too "average", or too big. There's quite literally no winning here. If you try to care a little bit less about how others perceive your body, you'll be much happier, I promise.

A big turning point for me was realizing that no matter what size I was, pre-ed, during my ed, and during the first part of recovery, I didn't like the way I looked. So I might as well pick the choice that let me live with as little food restrictions as possible, right?

You *have* made a lot of progress with food, and you should be proud of that. The things that you're doing aren't hijacking your accomplishments. Recovery isn't linear. You're going to have bad times with your body and food, but you've still made wonderful achievements. And you *are* normal. Your size doesn't determine who you are. It can feel like it, for sure. But as an outside party, you're normal. Your mind is telling you you're not, and society may be as well. But as another person with an ed, as another human, you're normal, and you're perfect just the way you are.

I really hope this helps, and best of luck to you in your recovery. You're doing beautifully.

If you need someone to talk to, you can message me if you'd like, anon. <3 Or if you'd rather stay anonymous, you can just send more asks if that works better for you!!

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Previously you said that you didn't think Nina delivered a very strong performances of Katherine/Elena, and since I've seen other people comment about that too, it would be interesting if you could dive deeper into that? I haven't watched the finale, except from the SE scene (who I personally think was just as good as all scenes between Paul and Nina / Stefan and Elena) and Stefan and Lexi's scene, so I can't really make a stand point on the matter

To be honest, it’s difficult to distinguish between the performance being poor and the writing being poor, because I do feel like Katherine and Elena didn’t have enough adequate screen time for us as viewers to be able to reconnect with them. Bringing them both back for just one final episode seemed so rushed and I think that partly plays into the reason why the performances felt so poor. I mean, I’m pretty sure Katherine only got three scenes and Elena a few more than that, but still barely any real screentime or dialogue. Her main scene was basically the final scene where we had her voice over as she wrote in her diary, but to be honest, after the direction the show headed in after Elena was gone it felt kinda wrong to have her finishing the show, even though she was the one that opened it and was always the main character.  But to delve deeper into this I’ll analyse Katherine and Elena separately, because it’s just easier that way. I also won’t really discuss how the writing affected it, because I’ve already explained that I do feel the poor writing contributed to it, but you asked specifically about Nina’s performance, so that’s what I’ll focus on. 

Katherine: Her portrayal of Katherine was so much worse than her portrayal of Elena. I’m assuming it’s because Katherine is more of a challenge to play because she’s so different than Nina, which Nina herself has even said in the past. It didn’t even remotely feel like the same Katherine to me. I have to admit, that the small details did affect my perception of her being Katherine and by that I mean her appearance. I understand that Nina is a real person off-screen that has changed and aged since she last played Katherine in season 5, but she just looked completely alien to me. Firstly, what was that hideous wig!? I’m still in shock at how bad it was. Her hair line was like 10 inches further forward than it was supposed to be and apparently there’s hairdressers in hell, cos her hair was a damn lot shorter than it was when she died. Even her make-up didn’t look right. I know Katherine’s signature look is the dark eyeliner and red lipstick, but it just looked so trashy. Then there’s the issue of Nina’s body language. The walk, the hand gestures, the posture, it was all wrong and none of it felt like Katherine. Katherine stands up right, when she walks she struts in an almost seductive and arrogant manner but there was none of that. The exaggerated facial expressions are one of the main things that have always separated Katherine from Elena. Usually I can tell just from seeing a gif whether it’s Elena or Katherine based on the way Nina is moving her lips when she speaks, because with Katherine it’s much more pronounced and dramatic. Nina did try and do that, but she didn’t go far enough. Her face looked stiff a lot of the time and the expressions were just lacking. Katherine has always been a character that communicated a lot physically, so through her expressions, her gestures etc. and all of that was stripped back completely. Then there’s the eyes and the smile. That vindictive and cunning smile Katherine had was no where to be seen and the glint in her eye to go along with it was also gone. Basically, Nina put on a deeper voice and did a more pouty face than she would as Elena and that was it. But everything that we know Katherine Pierce to be was gone in that finale and I wish they would’ve just left her alone instead of resurrecting her for absolutely no purpose. 

Elena: Again, the first issue I’m obviously going to mention is the same as Katherine - her appearance. The wig was atrocious and that alone was enough to make her look nothing like Elena to me. Nina’s strongest performance throughout the entire finale was by far the scene she had with Paul. There was real emotion in that scene that felt genuine. Other than that, I can’t really criticise her performance of Elena much more than that, because she didn’t particularly do anything wrong, it just didn’t really feel like Elena to me and I do put that down to the writing and time. 

I know I said I wouldn’t talk about the writing, but I can’t help myself haha. I understand the writers wanted to bring Nina back for the finale since she was a part of the show for so long and played two of the most important characters, but in a way it didn’t fit for Elena and Katherine to come back. In regards to Elena’s character, she was already up in the air anyway, because she’d been pretty poorly written since she became a vampire. It’s like the writers got confused between vampire and human Elena and she lost her personality and identity because of it. She was one person in season 4 when she first transitioned, another in season 5 and another in season 6, then in the last 2 episodes they made her human and did a complete 180 on her character by trying to make her the exact same Elena she was in season 1. Then she slipped into a coma and suddenly woke up in the finale, so we had all of 5 minutes to try and get to know who she was again and it just didn’t work. To be honest, Nina did ruin the show by leaving in season 6 and we all know it. The ending we would’ve gotten if she would’ve stuck around until the end would’ve been a million times better for certain. The writers have basically just winged it for these last two seasons to squeeze the final bit of money and life they could out of it before bringing it to an end. But Nina should’ve never left and this finale just proved why. 

As for Katherine, her character’s story ended a long time ago. They already unnecessarily dragged it out by making her a passenger in Elena’s body, which really served no purpose but to bring her back again for that pitiful finale was just wasteful and pointless. Katherine’s story had already had closure and although bringing her back could’ve been epic if it would’ve been done correctly, it really sucked. 

In the end, I basically think Nina’s return ruined the finale. I could write a million alternative endings I’d prefer to see, but this is just one of them: 

A villain (not Katherine) threatens Mystic Falls for who knows what reason (the writers always find some pathetic, small reason and turn it into a big one). Stefan, Damon, Caroline, Bonnie, Matt and Alaric all work together to defeat the evil. 

The person that dies is Elena. 

Right after they’ve defeated the villian everyone comes to the realisation that Elena is really gone and they’re all grieving for Elena 

We get a sweet Defan moment where they confess their love and cry over Elena being gone, but we can clearly see their relationship is finally on track and stronger than ever

At the same time we get a sweet Baroline moment where the girls grieve for Elena too 

After that, Stefan and Caroline come together and just sit together in front of the fireplace taking comfort in each other

In the meantime we cut to a Bamon scene, they’re maybe watching Steroline from a distance and Damon comments on how lucky they are to have each other. They basically chat about losing Enzo and Elena and their shared grief of simulatenously losing their partners and best friends. 

Some time after, maybe a week or two, we see Steroline go on honeymoon to distract themselves and just get a break 

Bamon decide they should go on a roadtrip to deal with their grief and just rediscover themselves. We see them driving off in Damon’s camaro. 

We jump forward 10 years or so and get a similar montage to what we got in the actual finale, of Matt being sheriff with Vicki and Tyler watching over him, Bonnie is with Ric and Caroline and they’ve set up a school for magical kids because of the girls and because Bonnie is inspired to use her magic for the purpose of teaching other witches. Damon arrives in his camaro with Stefan, who is dressed in a doctor/paramedic uniform. Damon goes right up to Bonnie, slips his hand around her waist and kisses her, whilst Stefan goes to Caroline and does the same. 

Like honestly, I would much rather have seen that than what we actually got. I just feel like despite all the constant Elena mentions, the show actually outgrew Elena in those two seasons that she was gone and the characters that stayed until the end deserved to be the ones that got the happy ending and were there to see it out. It kinda felt cheap that the characters that essentially carried the show for the last two seasons were completely cast aside and Elena who had been back for all of two seconds stole the show and took front and center stage. The show basically reinvented itself during seasons 7 and 8 and I do completely understand why the writers wanted to go back to the roots and try to recapture the essence of season 1. I thought I’d want to see that myself, but I can’t shake the feeling of how wrong and out of place it all felt. With how things developed and progressed, to go back to Elena at the end felt like taking a thousand steps back. Watching the finale really hammered home to me that it wasn’t about Elena like I first thought. It wasn’t even about Stefan either. It was about all of the characters that were left, the ones that had been on the show since the beginning and been on the complete journey. Elena wasn’t one of those people. 

And I’m aware that I’ve gone off on so much of a tangent, so I’m going to end it there. But my main point is that Nina’s performances were so terrible because the writing was terrible and the writing was terrible because there was just no room for Elena (or Katherine) in the finale and the writers forced it. How could Nina perform to the best of her ability when she hadn’t played those characters in years, the material she had to work with was so bizarre and OOC and when she was basically stepping into a completely different world of TVD than what it was when she was on it way back in season 6?