#gwynriel angst

[azsluttyslut]

Priority

Azriel x Gwyn

Summary: I don’t want to be a choice, not to you, not to anyone. I want to be a priority and you can’t give me that

TW: Depression, nightmares, unrequited love (barely), mentions of SA.

Word Count: 3331

Gwyn POV

Looking at the ceiling has become an habit of the young priestess in the long hours of the night, her nightmares had become worse with each passing day, or was it just her nightmares? Maybe is the mating bond. How can someone be so attuned with another? That’s a question she ask herself every day. Gwyn has been infatuated with the shadowsinger after he rescued her, she never gave it to much thought, she wasn’t someone he would ever go for. So why the mother had to choose her for someone so powerful? She remembers the day it snapped as if was yesterday

-Flashback-

The day of Nesta and Cassian's mating ceremony was beautiful but laughable at the same time, laughable because knowing her sister she did want extravagant but not this extravagant, that has to be the High Lord's making as a thank you. Nesta told her and Emerie everything that happen when she left the blood rite. And since then the oldest Archeron haven’t had the trouble look she used to have.

She’s been more peaceful more relax, she still has the same fire she used to have, that haven’t changed at all. Gwyn is happy that her friend has found happiness after everything. And she knows that she will have her turn, but she’s not ready yet. She doesn’t trust males, well she does but just two the one who saved her and her friend’s mate. But there’s still so much work to do before she can be herself again for the outside world and not just for her sisters by choice.

Sisters.

She misses her sister all the time, and nobody would take her place ,ever, she sometimes wonder it Catrin would be proud of her? She will never know the answer to that, she wishes that she was stronger back then, that she could have saved her, but she wasn’t and she couldn’t, it still haunts her every now and then. More often than not. Before she can dwell in dark thoughts she looks up when Night Court music starts to play, announcing Nesta's entrance. She looks beautiful with a white dress, it fits her body like a glove, with silver accents that makes her look ethereal with a slit that goes from the side of her waist to the floor, adding at her sides a train skirt.

She’s so happy for Nesta, so proud of who his friend has become, scanning the guest to look for their reactions her eyes settle on the shadowsinger, who isn’t looking at Nesta at all, he’s looking at Elain the middle Archeron. With so much adoration, a look that she mirrors, one of his shadows swirl around his ear, as if whispering a secret, making his eyes snap to hers, all the while his walls shot up, masking himself in a cool calm manner. They look at each other for what feels like forever.

The eye contact made her nervous but the moment Gwyn was going to give him a small smile the bond snapped, making her eyes go wide looking at him, but just as quickly she managed to regain her composure, making Azriel shot her a puzzled look, to which she just waved her hand as nothing happened, giving him a tight smile while looking at the ceremony again, noticing that it only snapped to her.

-End of the Flashback-

When the bond snapped the priestess was terrified, with time it became an entity beside her altogether, she feels everything that he feels, specially the pain and panic at nighttime, making it feel like her own, but sometimes are her nightmares, and sometimes his. The first time she saw the nightmares that haunt him she throwed up what she ate dinner that night. She couldn't believe how someone could be so cruel to a child, children are gifts from the Mother. They should be protected, she was living proof of that, after all she let her sister died to protect them, she was punished for that too.

It’s been 6 months since it snapped, she has been avoiding her mate as much as she can, she hasn’t told anyone, she still goes training with the Valkyries, when the spymaster tries to talk to her she makes excuses about having a lot of work in the library which is not exactly a lie, but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on her, Merrill has been extra hard on her, saying she’s slacking and what kind of priestess she is if she could not do her job properly. Everything is starting to become too much as of late. The light peaking from the curtains of her room announce that its morning, adding to it another day without sleep.

Jumping out of bed with a sigh while going to her dresser to look for her leathers for training, the necklace hanging on one of the hooks on the wall caught her eye, the necklace Clotho gave her. She knows it’s from Azriel, the day he left the necklace to Clotho she was searching for her, and she saw the shadowsinger handing the necklace to the other priestess. When the priestess gave Gwyn the present she was happy, no body aside from other priestesses have gave her a gift, and the thoughtfulness of the spymaster made her smile, she never thanked him, because when it was given to her Clotho just said “it’s from a friend” but just like the hood and the evoking stone, she felt like she didn’t deserve to wear something so beautiful. She almost did wear it on Nesta's mating ceremony, but decided that it was better that she didn’t, later she realised that the gift given to her was a rejected gift from another.

The rose pedant scream Elain, the delicately pedant represents the female, Nesta mentioned that her sister loves flowers and spends most of her time tending her gardens, Gwyn should have realised it sooner, she feels stupid that she didn’t. With shaky hands she takes the necklace, she should give it back, no, she will give it back, even tho Azriel doesn’t know they are mates and is in love with Elain, she will not be a second choice and she will not be the one he has to settle for when he realised about the bond.

She was never one to believe that she would be lucky, to find her mate. But the Mother gave her one, she’s grateful for the generosity of the Mother, but before she bounds herself to a man forever, she wants to live first. Not with males, she’s not ready for that, but she doesn’t want to be the shell she becomes when she’s out of the comfort of either the library or the House of Wind when she’s with Nesta and Emerie. With that thought she goes earlier than the other to confront the Shadowsinger knowing that he’s going to be there early as always. But nothing would’ve prepared her for what she found.

Arziel POV

“You’ve been avoiding me?” The sweet voice of Elain drifts to his ears, his shadows alerted him from that fact before vanishing, they tend to do that in her presence, he didn’t understand why, he turns around to look at her, she’s beautiful, there’s no doubt about it. But he doesn’t feel the infatuation he used to had on her, maybe Rhys was right after all. He knows he has the tendency of pinning after unavailable female, and even tho Elain was a willing participant, he did it anyways knowing it was wrong.

“No, I haven’t” he lies smoothly, voice calm and collected as always “I've just been busy, with missions and training your sister, Emerie, Gwyn and the priestesses” he looks at her waiting for her reaction, it comes in a form of a frown and pursed lips.

“That never stopped you before for seeking me out” Elain huffs, getting annoyed at the indifference of the shadowsinger,or rather being on the receiving end of it, he has never seen her annoyed by anything, with Lucien it isn’t annoyance, is defiance against the Mother for not giving her a choice, and the thing is she chose someone that was just there, him, it’s funny he also defy the Mother after Solstice, when Rhysand had interrupted the almost kiss between them. But he realised that there’s no escaping fate, so he let go of Elain, he thought it was going to be hard, but it wasn’t, it has been one of the easiest things he have ever done actually.

Specially when he started to spend time with certain priestess, sometimes while helping her train, others when he used to go to the library looking for information for his mission, he made sure to always seek Gwyn, he likes her, likes the peacefulness it brings him when he’s with her, it feel like every sound, every insecurity, every thought goes out of the window as if it wasn’t there in the first place. His shadows love being surrounded by her too. At first he thought she bewitched her with her nymph heritage, but when he got to know her, he knew it wasn’t that, and that she wouldn’t do that either, it was just her. Everything about her is beautiful inside and out, their friendship had blossom after that same solstice, in the training room, that night he saw her and didn’t look away to anyone anymore. But she has been avoiding him, since his brother’s mating ceremony, for the last 6 months, but who’s counting, right? Not him for sure.

“As i told you I’ve been busy, I’m not trying be mean here Elain, but i have more important things to do than being with you, I have to go to mission to make sure everyone in this court is safe from harms way. That’s my duty as spymaster of this court” Azriel says oh so softly, trying to pacify her, and not upset her even further than she already is, if the redness of her face is any indication of it.

“You can just used me and then toss me aside like I’m just some joke to you Azriel?” she raises her voice in outrage.

“I never used you Elain, you on the other hand did. I was just a form of rebellion you used against fate, so sorry if I don’t want to be that for you anymore” he knows he’s not being fair, but it’s better this way, he prefers she hates him than go back to whatever they were doing, plus he knows that he would never be someone as pure as the middle Archeron could handle be with. His darkness will consume her until she becomes a shell of herself trying to save him from something he cannot be safe. Yes, she has her traumas but his traumas go from his childhood to his everyday. He’s not proud what he do for living but it takes something off his brother’s back so he’s happy to help Rhys with whatever he needs, even if this soul gets fracture after every mission. Maybe that’s why the Mother hasn’t bless him with a Mate because she know he destroys everything he touches.

Giving him an accusatory glare the female says “It’s because of her right?” As if she saw this outcome before anyone, and maybe she probably did. She’s a seer after all.

“Who are you referring to?” He’s confused beyond belief.

“CAMILA”

“Gwyneth, the nymph priestess” the tone in her voice makes him boil, she speaks of her like the young priestess is dirt under her shoe. And he would not allow her to speak of Gwyn that way or anyone for that matter, because he know how it feels being on the receiving end of that degrading tone. He hears it in every mission, which makes him more furious. But his mask of cool calmness doesn’t crack, he mastered that mask along time ago, not even his brothers can read him most of the time, so he’s sure she will not be able to either.

“You do not speak about her or anyone in that way Elain, just because you were spoiled all your life, it doesn’t mean you can treat people however you like. Because trust me the mask of innocence you wear doesn’t look good on you, you have fool everyone around you, but from all the time we used to spend together showed me a lot of things about you, so you want to treat people like dirt under your shoe go somewhere else, because i will not let you treat people that way in this Court, understand?” He’s impressed with himself of how calm his voice sounded, because he’s raging inside, it feels like hot lava is travelling inside his veins.

Poking his chest with her index finger and a red face full of rage she spits “You’re such an as-” A throat clears behind cutting Elain off and causing them to advert their gazes, Azriel locks eyes with teal eyes, Gwyn eyes, they are breathtaking in every sense of the word beacause specially in that moment they did knocked the air out of his lungs when the bond snapped. The shasowsinger takes a step back as if he was punch on his gut. Staring at Gwyn with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, trying and failing to know what to say to her, he blames his shadows for his idiotic ways for not warning him about Gwyn’s presence, again.

Elain glares at Gwyn with a look can only be described as fury, making her mask of innocent, sweet Elain crack, he wonder what he saw in her? Not because he has a mate now, but because he saw the ugliness Elain has inside, the jealously, viciousness, the unadulterated rage and hate. He saw it crack multiple times, but even then he was there for her, because he knew she wasn’t meant to be for him, he can’t fix her traumas even if he wanted to, and its not his burden to fix, it never was, but he feels less like a monster when trying to save people.

“Am I interrupting something?” Gwyn says looking between Azriel and Elain, trying to decipher what is going on between the two.

“No”

“Yes, you are” they answer at the same time.

“No, Gwyn, you aren’t this conversation is over” adhering his eyes for his now mate to look at Elain “Elain hel, we’ve been over before we even began all those months ago, as i told you before, i will not be the shield you hide behind to avoid your mate, I’m tired of it, and for what i said before, you will respect this Court whether you like it or not. So please leave before Nesta and the other arrives, I don’t have time to explain why are you here in the first place” his voice is emotionless while at the same time is exasperated, he’s tired of repeating things as if talking to a toddler. Well, she’s most certainly acting like one.

With a scoff the middle Archeron storm out of the training room, knocking her shoulder with the young priestess one, maybe thinking Gwyn would stumble, but she doesn’t move an inch, just looking amused and confused, not knowing what to make about the situation in front of her.

“Sorry you had to be here to witness that” The Shadowsinger says to her softly as not trying to scare her away, knowing that they are mates, he wonders if she knows.

“Don’t worry Shadowsinger, I’m here early because I wanted to return something to you” her voice strong and confident, while reaching for her pocket and taking out a necklace, that he recognises immediately, making him freeze in spot. He told Clotho not say it was for him, and he’s pretty sure she didn’t.

Still frozen in place he ask “How do you know it was from me and why are you giving it back? I gave it away for a reason” Looking anywhere but her knowing exactly why he gave it away, and for the looks of it she does too, but he just want to be certain, to know how much he messed up.

“I was looking for Clotho that day, when I was about to round the corner i heard you saying to her to give it to me, I didn’t know what it was, but after I heard that i left” Taking a deep breath, before continuing, her expression a mixture of sadness and resignation “I’m giving it back because I know it wasn’t meant for me, I know you know we are mates Azriel, I felt your rush of emotions when it snapped to you, I came here to give you back something that was never mine, and now that you know, my only request is give me time, I’m not ready to be mated, and for the looks of it you aren’t either, I don’t want to be a choice, not to you, not to anyone. I want to be a priority and you can’t give me that” she finishes and deflates like there’s a world hanging from her shoulders, Azriel’s heart is pounding nonstop, blood rushing to his ears, sweat coating his shaky hands, not knowing what to say. He didn’t think his mate would be someone like Gwyn, she’s a fucking angel, who didn’t deserve what happened to her, but he can see why they are equals, both of them won the Blood Rite, both of them have trauma that haunts their dreams and both of them need to heal before they can start. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t pain him what she said, he shouldn’t have give her that forsaken necklace, but he did and now he has to live with it.

‘I’m sorry for giving you something meant to another, I don’t have any excuses, the only thing i can do is apologise, I’ll give you as much time and space as you need, but before that i have something to tell you, you were never an option, i gave you that necklace not just because it was rejected, but because you deserve something beautiful after what happened to you, that was my thought when i gave Clotho the necklace, and you are a priority, you haven’t realised it but after that night on solstice i tried to spend a lot of my time with you, I was consumed by you, by the peace you bring to me, I didn’t know why, but now i do, I’m not asking you to stay and make things work, all I’m asking is for you to come back to me when you are ready, because I’ll be waiting even if you decide that you don’t want me, I know I’m not worthy of you, hel I’m not worthy of anything good, but if you decide to give me a chance, give us a chance, I’ll try and be someone worthy” he vows to her, looking straight to her eyes and sending all his emotions through the bond, showing her how much he means every word out of his mouth.

The redhead female adverts her eyes, not able to look in those hazel eyes, knowing that if she looks her decision will change “You are worthy Azriel, how you see yourself just proves how you are not ready for this, the two of us have our own issues to heal before we can be anything, our perception of ourselves are not good, I’ll continue training, we will see each other often, but for the time being we have to go our separate ways.” With that the priestess turn around and left when the others start to fill the training room, leaving Azriel’s heart and soul a little more fractured, but he vows to start to be better, for her, and for him.

A/N: sorry lovers, I’ve been really busy with uni stuff, I had this in drafts for the last two weeks incomplete, and i just finished it now! Enjoy and as i said before I appreciate any constructive criticism and feedback. Oh and I’m not sure if there will be just a part two or more parts. Thank you 🫶🏼

[aldbooks]

Finally came home from work not wanting to immediately crash into bed so worked on the Gwynriel Starfall drabble I mentioned the other day.

So here, have your pain. Be prepared for tears.

TW: discussions of grief, allusions to self harm/thoughts

---

A hush fell over the gathered crowd as the lights dimmed and everyone's gaze turned skyward. It was then Azriel noticed that Gwyn was no longer among the crowd.

Truth be told, he'd been somewhat surprised she'd accepted the invitation to the annual Starfall party Rhys- and now Nesta- hosted at the House of Wind. The Blood Rite the prior year had clearly shaken the priestess, which he did not fault her for in the slightest, but the result was that- according to her friends- some of the progress she'd made towards leaving the Library and the priestess hood behind had regressed. This party was meant to be a reintroduction of sorts to life outside, reacquainting Gwyn with what it feels like to socialize with new people.

She would be safe here, he knew that. Even with all the visiting guests from other courts, between himself, Cassian, Nesta, Emerie and even Rhys and Mor, someone would always be looking out for her should she find herself overwhelmed. Yet, when he looked around a moment before, he had see Nesta, and Emerie chatting with Cresseida, Cassian had been having a lively discussion with Helion, Rhys and Feyre were showing off their son to group of adoring admirers, and Mor and Amren were drinking and laughing in a corner with Vivianne. Everyone was accounted for- except Gwyn.

But he hadn't seen her leave.

He could sense his shadows urging him back inside and he allowed them to lead him as they propelled up through the House and up the stairs to the training ring. There, laying on one of the training mats that had been left out from the morning, with her dress fanned around her legs, was Gwyn.

She didn't make a sound as he approached, just lay there, arms splayed out at her sides, staring up at the night sky where the stars had begun to fall. She didn't even acknowledge him as he crouched to sit beside her but, as he got closer, he noticed a lone tear glittering on her cheek.

Instantly concerned, he reached out to gently swipe it away, growing evermore concerned as she continued to ignore his presence as though she were not aware of him.

"Gwyn," he asked softly. She did not look at him but he saw the slight flicker of her eyes that said she'd heard him. "Are you alright?"

Her lips parted but all that escaped was a choked breath. His shadows immediately slithered towards her, wrapping consolingly around her arm. Some unnamed feeling sparked in his chest at her obvious distress by he tamped it down. "May I join you?"

Carefully, he stretched out beside her, the tips of his fingers a bare inch from hers and for a long moment, neither of them spoke while they watched the sky.

After what felt like hours while his mind swirled with concern, wondering what had upset her so badly, she said-"It's been four years."

He blinked, momentarily nonplussed.

"I haven't watched Starfall properly in four years, since before-" She didn't finish the sentence, but she didn't have to.

Since before the attack on Sangravah. Since those brutes had abused her. Since she'd come to the library.

Since she'd lost her sister.

Somehow, he knew it was the last point that bothered her the most.

He said nothing, allowing her to speak her thoughts in her own time. Slowly but surely, she did.

"At first, it was because it had only just happened. I'd barely been in the Library a month. Time- or rather, the passing of it, I suppose, still didn't seem real. Nothing felt real."

There was a painful constriction in his chest as he listened to her and familiar guilt rose in him. She was yet another person he'd failed to save. Sure, she was alive and well now, but he hadn't been able to spare her the pain and indignity of what those bastards had done to her. Had not been able to spare her the horror of watching her twin die in front of her. Hadn't been able to save any of the many of other priestesses who'd lost their lives that terrible night.

"After that I- I stayed in my rooms, didn't even look out the window. It was a punishment of sorts, I think. Because I was here and she wasn't." Her voice became choked, and he knew she'd begun crying again. "She would never see these things again, why should I?"

Azriel felt a stab of pain at her words. Had that not been the exact thought he and Cass and Mor had had that first year without Rhys? Knowing he was locked under that mountain, unable to see the stars they all loved so much, why should they be allowed to enjoy it? Of course, Rhys had eventually come home... Gwyn's sister never would.

"That first year was the hardest," she continued through her tears. "The holidays and celebrations were the worst I think. Catrin and I had always shared them together just like we shared everything. And then I was suddenly alone, and I felt- I felt so lost. Sometimes I hated her for it. For leaving me here with all these memories and all this pain- she left me alone-"

Her breath stuttered as she held back a sob and Azriel felt his throat grow tight.

"There were nights- dark nights- when I thought about- when I wanted to join her...."

Azriel's heart stilled, his body going cold all over as something roared inside of him, screaming in fury at the thought of never knowing this woman. Of not watching her grow and flourish into the warrior he now knew. But he couldn't say the feeling she described was foreign to him.

He may never have lost someone so precious to him that he felt compelled to join them in the beyond. Indeed, he often had to acknowledge how blessed he was that every single soul he cared about was still on this earth. But there had been times if he'd wondered if perhaps they might all be better if he were not there.

He said none of this out loud. He wasn't ready to acknowledge those thoughts, not now. But... one day... She understood, he realized, she would understand, she would not judge him. Perhaps one day, he'd tell her what he'd never told anyone else.

Her soft voice brought him back to the present.

"It wasn't until that first Solstice without her, when I was attending service and the priestess spoke about darkness giving birth to light, and the renewal of the Mother, that I realized I had found solace in those moments int he chapel. In song, in prayer, in reflection... And I realized, she would not have wanted this for me. For me to remain hidden away from the world. She would have wanted me to live..."

She sucked in a shaky breath and when she spoke again her voice was broken. "She would have been so disappointed in me-"

Azriel's heart ached unbearably. He inched his hand to the side, his fingers seeking hers, seeking permission to touch and she allowed it, wrapping her hand around his and squeezing tightly.

"I couldn't bear it- I was disappointed in myself as well. Disappointed that I wasn't ready, that I could barely stomach the thought of leaving this place that had become my haven- my safe port in a storm..."

"It wasn't until I met Nesta- and Emerie- and Cassian.... and you- that I started to feel like I didn't need that port anymore. I could be my own anchor. But I was- am, still scared..."

Azriel was incapable of speaking with the well of emotion in him, so he just squeezed her hand back, trying to convey without words that it was ok that she was still scared. That whenever she was ready, Nesta and Emerie, Cass and himself would all be there to catch her when she jumped.

He would always be there to catch her.

He'd thought his heart had broken as he listened to her describe her grief, but it was the stark regret in her next words that shattered him.

"What if I missed her?"

He didn't know what she meant at first, until he realized she wasn't just looking up at the stars that streaked by. She'd been scanning them, as though looking for something.

"When her soul passed through from this world, what if I missed her while I was hiding away in my room like a coward? I- I never got to say goodbye- what if I missed her?"

Azriel squeezed his eyes shut, unable to hold back his own tears any longer. After a moment, he managed to say. "So say it now. Say goodbye. I'm sure- wherever she is, she hears your heart. She knows." He turned his head to look at her and found her looking back at him with a fathomless expression that begged for absolution. "Goodbye isn't for her, Gwyn. It's for you. So say it now, if you're ready to."

Fresh tears filled her eyes, making them glisten in the starlight, almost like they were glowing. Her chin wobbling slightly, she turned back to the sky, squeezing her eyes shut as her lips moved in a silent prayer until sobs overtook her.

With a slight tug on her hand, she rolled into his side, pressing her face his shoulder as she sobbed and he held her quietly through tears of his own until the stars faded and they drifted into sleep together, still clinging tightly to one another.

[bookish-brainrot]

You know what I really need? I need Azriel’s shadows to be alllllll about Gwyn. So into Gwyn that they basically ditch Azriel the minute she enters the room.

And I need others to notice and comment 🤭

But you know what else I need? I need Az and Gwyn to get into some trouble on a mission and Azriel chooses to have his shadows shield Gwyn because how delicious would that angst be?

[sunshinebingo]

The Angry Valkyrie

Gwyn is mad at Azriel. What did he do and how will he make up for it?

A Morning at the Berdara Household

Follow Gwyn, Azriel and their twins as they get ready for the day.

At Her Fingertips

Some dirty texts exchanged at the dinner table followed by smut, smut and more smut. - [smut]

Her Jealous Side

Ficlet where Azriel pushes Gwyn to admit that she is jealous.

Tell Me

Gwyn tells Azriel exactly what she wants him to do. - [smut]

Love is a losing game

What others thought was seven minutes in heaven for Azriel and Gwyn turned out to be seven minutes of confrontation about their breakup.

She is gone...

House of Wind gang/Gwynriel drabble - Cassian comes home to a sad Shadowsinger.

Cat and the Doggy

Fluffy ficlet of Gwyn and her daughter.

His Angel of Light

Ficlet of Gwyn and Azriel stargazing.

Good Girl

Gwyn experiences the pleasures of being blindfolded and bound by the Shadowsinger. [smut]

First Day

Gwyn and Azriel watch their twins take a new step in their lives.

Imagine...

Witnessing Love

Emerie watches Gwyn and Azriel, and thinks about her own (lack of) relationship.

Be home by midnight

Gwyn and Azriel stumble across Rhys as they leave for their date.

Two Idiots and a Bigger One

Cassian and Rhysand watch an interaction unfold between Azriel and Gwyn when the latter comes to see the shadowsinger while they are drinking together. Azriel has no idea what they find so funny about it. But they certainly find it hilarious.

✨Gwynriel Weeks 2023✨

Everything I posted for Gwynriel Weeks 2023. Some fics, a moodboard, and more Gwynriel fun stuff!

✨Gwynriel Weeks 2024✨

Everything I posted for Gwynriel Weeks 2024. Fanfiction, moodboards, and more Gwynriel content!

[bubybubsters]

babes, I saw that you said you had like, 10 wips.

Give us a little hint or sneak peek 😏😉

Come on Come on, don't be shy 😏

Hello anon! I’ve never done a sneak peak but… I can try

this is based off a past experience

*****

ever loved someone who your best friend also loves? loved someone who will never love you back because they’re with your best, best friend? the friend you are loyal to and has been through so much, and deserves the his love more then you do? Ever backed off from a possible relationship because of the feeling of guilt eating you alive? Because you know your friend loves him, wants him, has him? I have and I can tell you right now, it sucks and it hurts like hell.

******

I put on a smile as Gwyn came running in, books under her arm, a wide smile on her face.

“We kissed! We kissed!!”

I gasp and the painful ache in my heart expands as Gwyn sits down and talks on and on about her kiss with the spymaster.

I knew she deserves it, after all she’d been through, there was nothing she didn’t deserve. And I smile because I am happy for her. Even if my heart broke at the sight of them together, I would stay and support my friend. *****

“-see Azriel, what I’m trying to say is that, I like you, more then friendship, I love you.”

I awkwardly watch him as he stares at me. I wait, and I wait, and I wait.

But he turns around and leaves, not looking back once.

and I feel my heart break

*****

is that too much? It’s based off real life events that happened to me…. Very good inspiration

[sadiegirl2021]

I was aiming for lighthearted for my next chapter and now I'm sitting here crying!

Why does the angst just want to be written!?

[estellaluna]

I have this gwynriel angst idea where Az asking Gwyn

Azriel: Five years ago, did you really mean what you have said? Did you really fall out of love? Were my efforts not enough to make our relationship work?

Gwyn: Az-

Azriel: Would you stay if I did better?

Gwyn: Az, it wasn’t your fault. God! Your efforts were enough. It’s not like that.

Azriel: Then why did you do it? Why did you push me away?

Gwyn: Because I don’t want to be the person who will hold you back. You have a life waiting for you out there. Big opportunities and when Cassian told me that you didn’t accept the offer because you couldn’t afford to be away from me, that hurt me. I want you to have the best and if the reason for your decisions was just because of me…

Azriel: Fuck all those opportunities. What’s the point of all those things if I couldn’t celebrate it with you? With my only love? Did you know how hard I tried to be happy with everything without remembering how your eyes would shine, your smile? Everything is pointless. Everything reminds me of you. You know what I think whenever something good happens? “Gwyn would’ve been so proud, she would’ve been so happy.” There wasn’t a single time I didn’t about you. You still have my heart even though you chose to break it.

[lidiasloca]

hello there!

welcome to my masterlist; here you'll find acotar and the folk of the air fics (and headcanons). hopefully, i'll be writing for other fandoms soon.

feel free to send me requests for fics through my inbox, or simply ask me anything. if you want to be on any of my series’ taglist, pls comment it on the latest chapter. thank you.

tpwk and happy reading :)

A Court of Thorns and Roses

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

☆ azriel x reader

☆ cassian x reader

☆ rhysand x reader (soon?)

others:

☆ the light during nighttime (helion x reader)

(fluff - angst)

☆ love stories (gwynriel)

(fluff)

☆ flowery picnic (elucien)

(fluff)

The Folk of the Air

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

☆ the joker and the queen

(fluff)

☆ jude's birthday party

(fluff)

☆ valerian about jude's ruby pen

(meh, somewhat angsty)

☆ cardan prepares a wine tasting

(fluff)

☆ I have to tell her that I love her

(angst)

☆ makeup when drunk

(fluff)

☆ jealous high king cardan

(fluff, i reckon)

☆ family dinner

(i'm not sure, domestic fluff?)

☆ jurdan headcanons

[letstrytoohard]

She Calls Me Back

Oh hey, I've posted two more chapters. And one of them is a little bit spicy 👀

Ch. 9: Polar Plunge

Ch. 10: Indecision

Or go check it out on AO3 if you like Gwynriel and haven't had a chance to read it yet!

[going-through-shit]

i’m so confused, i’m only really ever in the “your tags” section of this app bc i’m here to read Az(or character) x reader fics, and i filter by all my Azriel x Reader tags. Now i’m a very anti-elriel person but that’s not what i’m getting into lately there have been so many elriel posts showing up in the my tags section, and this has never happened before and i’ve been doing it like this all year, one of the filtered tags is even anti elriel. i’m just ranting cause i’m frustrated tbh

[romanticatheartt]

I started reading acotar December 2022 and I remember my friend was also reading it. I found this ss from our conversation about Azriel's mate and we both were curious about who is his mate so we searched it and the first name that came up was fkn Eris😭💀

(this is beside the point I'm trying to make but omg we were in shock for 2 days lmao and I think I was done with Feyre's trilogy and was deciding if reading acosf was worth it or not lol)

And then I replied that "omg I thought his mate was that red hair girl, I see people draw him with!"

And now remembering how even back then my heart knew whose side I should choose... I'm proud of myself hehe

[the-darkestminds]

If anyone is interested, I posted my new Eris/lucien one-shot fic to my blog (and ao3). It features jesminda’s death, eris’s punishment for disobeying and Lucien’s escape from autumn + pain and suffering + Tamlin holding Lucien 🥺

Will be eternally grateful to anyone who reads it 🥹❤️

My other (very short) Eris POV fic is here!

[aldbooks]

Random little scene that popped in my head this morning…

—-

Gwyn sighed as she gave into the urge. The faint tugging around her heart that inevitably drew her towards to small chest that sat atop the corner of her dresser.

It had sat there since she first arrived at the library, a fine layer of dust covering its surface, mostly undisturbed but for a set of fingerprints on either side of lid from the handful of times she’d given in to that urge to break her own heart when she opened it and stared at the contents inside.

Taking a fortifying breath, she lifted the lid once more and stared down at the two objects inside: a small, velvet box, and a brilliant blue stone, still attached to the headpiece that had once adorned her beloved sister’s forehead. For over two years, the stone had been the sole occupant of the chest, until the box had been left for her anonymously last Solstice, with a small note in Clotho’s handwriting that simply said “from a friend.”

At first, she’d stared down at the tiny necklace nestled inside in bewilderment. A stained glass rose, delicate and beautiful, and she’d wondered who might have gotten her such a gift. To her knowledge, no one she knew had the means to purchase such an expensive gift. Also, anyone who knew her well, knew that she preferred lilies to roses…

Then she had lifted the thin chain from the box and watched in wonder as the small charm caught the light, reflecting a dazzling array of light and it became clear that someone had put a lot of thought into the gift and she’d been awed at the sheer beauty of it, even if she hadn’t quite been able to bring herself to wear it.

A little deductive reasoning, and perhaps a bit of wishful thinking, had brought her to the rather insane conclusion that the only person who could have possibly left the gift for her was the Shadowsinger, Azriel, with whom she’d had a rather- interesting interaction with the night before the gift had been delivered.

It seemed to make as much sense as any other theory, and yet, at the same time, seemed to make no sense at all. Why would he ever give her such a thing? Let alone put in the time, money, and effort to select such a gift for her? They had barely broached the surface of a friendship at the time, no matter how close they’d grown in the intervening months. A year ago, they’d been nothing more than teacher and apprentice. Strangers with a rather traumatic shared history neither had dared to acknowledge. Even now, after all the healing she done and the progress she had made, even with as far as their friendship had progressed, that night was perhaps the one subject they had not approached. Though it hung between them both during every interaction like a silent, unseen ghost.

She’d never worn the necklace, despite the handful of times she’d taken it out to admire it, staring at it for hours as she watched the light dance from the gently spinning pendant. It was too beautiful, too precious, and seemed to represent something so fragile, she’d been terrified to allow herself to imagine it real. Though her feelings certainly were.

She’d dreamt of the strange, fierce male who’d rescued her nearly every night since she’d first seen him. Had seen those haunted golden green eyes in her dreams. Could swear she still smelled his scent on the dark cloak that hung at the back of her closet, despite the fact that it had long faded. As absurd as it was, particularly given the circumstances of their meeting, she had felt an instant connection to him the moment their eyes locked and it had stayed with her ever since.

Then, he’d walked into the training ring that morning and she felt that phantom thread between them flare to life again and knew she hadn’t imagined it. Hadn’t imagined him.

The Shadowsinger had been a source of fascination for her from that moment on, even when he frustrated her to verge of tears with his cocky smiles and teasing. He pushed her to work harder, to be a better version of herself until she barely recognized the girl she’d once been. Timid and shy and blissfully ignorant of the horrors this world could offer to those without the means to protect themselves. He’d offered her safety and security and a shred of dignity she’d thought lost forever in those brief moments when they’d first encountered one another, and she was now determined to offer that same kindness to the other priestesses who deserved that peace of mind every bit as much as she.

She didn’t often let herself indulge in her fantasies of the darkly charming male who seemed to be a mystery to everyone but her, but sometimes she couldn’t quite help but allow that quiet flicker of hope to bloom just a little brighter.

Carefully avoiding the blue stone that tore open the fissure in her chest where her sister had once been every time she looked at it, Gwyn gently flipped open the little velvet box and lifted out the necklace, allowing it to dangle in front of her face. As she watched, the charm rotated, the flickering candlelight catching the on the colored panes of glass, sending shimmering spots of green and pink light dancing across her skin.

She’d never worn the thing, almost afraid of what it might mean if she did. What she might be accepting if he saw her wearing it. And in any case, she often managed to convince herself that it wasn’t actually from him, that perhaps it had been given to her by mistake. After all, why would he give her something so beautiful?

Surely not because he held any sort of tender feeling for her. At least not beyond the warm regards of friendship. They’d barely known each other when she’d received it, and no matter how many restless nights they’d shared on that rooftop, talking until the early fingers of dawning light touched the sky, there was nothing more between them than that. Even if she wished it otherwise.

Why would he want her? The quiet, damaged priestess who’d been too scared to leave the library (with the brief exception of attending her sisters mating ceremony) for three years? Why, when someone as handsome, and charming, and well respected as he was, could likely have any female he wanted, choose someone like her?

But he’d asked.

It still seemed unreal to her as she thought back over the conversation they’d just had a few moments ago, sitting in their usual spot on the roof, when he’d asked her to attend a small gathering with his family and friends at the High Lord and Lady’s residence in the city. She’d almost said no, reflexively, out of habit, and then she’d seen the hopeful look in his eye and found herself saying yes.

Surely she was reading more into it than was really there. It had been almost an entire year, to the day, since he’d given her that necklace- if in fact it had been him who’d given it- that he must have forgotten about it entirely by now.

Still, she carefully laid the necklace out on her dresser, intending to wear it the following evening as she moved to her closet and sorted through her meager possessions for a suitable dress.

—-

Azriel had in fact forgotten all about the damned necklace until Gwyn had removed her cloak when they’d arrived at Rhys and Feyre’s house and had seen it hanging around her throat.

Everything around him seem to come to a screeching halt as he laid eyes on it, the delicate charm lying against her pale skin, the colors matching well to the soft green dress she wore, one he’d been surprised to see she’d owned, having only ever seen her in her priestess robes or leathers before. After he’d given her the invitation to accompany him tonight, almost without thought, he’d had a brief moment of panic, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable around his well dressed friends and had almost asked Nesta if she might lend Gwyn one of her own gowns to wear before realizing the two females were of entirely different build. He knew enough about feminine fashions to know that would not work. But then, he’d decided he’d also rather not face the eldest Archeron’s scrutiny as she questioned why, in fact, her friend was in need of a dress and had said nothing.

Now, he stood frozen in the foyer as he watched Nesta hug her friend in delight, not even seeming to notice they had arrived together, as she led her into the living room with everyone else. Gwyn threw a nervous smile at him over her shoulder and, just like that, his feet were moving as he helplessly followed behind them.

It was a phenomenon he’d never quite been able to explain, the way he found himself constantly seeking out this female, drawn to her very presence like a moth to a flame. The times he’d found himself wandering halfmindedly into whatever room she was occupying, or even subconsciously seeking the gentle comfort she offered when he was feeling unsettled. Even if she was not aware of it herself.

He’d forgotten all about that necklace though, damn him and his foolish pride. Why hadn’t he just returned it to the shop? If he had, he might not now find himself in this situation, that felt like some kind of fever dream as he caught sight of Elain, who was sitting across the room, offering him a timid smile before doing a double take at her sister’s friend.

He saw the moment she registered the necklace Gwyn wore, recognized it as the one he’d given her- and she’d returned- a year ago. They had never spoken of that night. Had barely interacted at all since then, a stifling sort of awkwardness stretching between them whenever they were in the same room. The intense attraction and desire he’d once felt for her had faded into a faint flicker as he remembered his brother’s words and the disappointed look on Elain’s face as he said those four stupid words. “This was a mistake”

He knew they’d hurt her, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to take them back, not when every time he looked at her, he’d recalled Rhysand’s words, the anger and authority he so rarely displayed that Azriel had- after a fair bit of sulking- taken seriously. He’d not touched Elain since that night, had not even tried, and she’d kept her distance just as well. He’d thought maybe she’d moved on, even if she still did not offer her mate anything more than polite, distant smiles.

But now, he could see the way she flinched and quickly turned away from the sight of that cursed necklace on another female’s neck. He knew how it would look to her. A clear transference of his affections to another, even if it were not true.

Isn’t it? His shadows whispered. You care for the pretty Valkyrie.

That is not the same, he responded as he glanced around, grateful no one had noticed Elain’s change in mood. Gwyn is-

Just then, he turned back to the Valkyrie in question. She was engaged in conversation with Nesta and Feyre, though her gaze kept darting across the room… towards Elain. As he looked closer, he saw the faint tinge of red along her cheeks and the tips of her ears. The slight sheen in her eyes and the tightness of her smile.

And he saw her reach up to touch the necklace hanging from her neck.

Azriel’s heart fell to the floor.

—-

… sorry not sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

[lunainfortuna]

gwyn was laughing when she heard a whisper. as a matter of fact, whispers. lots of them, all saying the same thing: her name. over and over again. feeling immediately distressed, she let her laughter die and looked at her sisters.

“did you hear that?”

nesta and emerie were laughing too. therefore, they didn't understand what she was asking exactly.

“what?”, emerie smirked.

gwyn. gwyn. gwyn. gwyn.

hurry.

she stood, almost tripping on her feet. “that!”, her heart clenched. “are you hearing these voices?”

nesta's smile dropped. emerie's too. they both stood and looked around.

but gwyn heard the voices whispering to her to hurry again. and as if the house was reading her thoughts, it opened the door and started to make all sorts of noises. gwyn ran. she didn't think twice - she just ran. and the house kept opening the right doors for her.

azriel.

there was something wrong with azriel.

she didn't know how she of all people knew it but she did.

it couldn't be. he had promised he would be back. he had made a promise.

desperate, she ran even more.

and when she arrived at the training area, she felt nauseous. first, cuz she could smell so much blood. second, cuz it was really her friend - lying face down on the ground. gwyn sobbed and threw herself on him, trying to stop the bleeding.

he wasn't breathing. or at least she couldn't find his breath and... around her, people were moving. nesta said something. cassian tried to get her away from azriel. but gwyn screamed. no. no. let me. the shadows were disappearing and although she couldn't hear them anymore she could feel their pain.

so she screamed again.

[sunshinebingo]

The Things Autumn Did To Me

Merry Christmas @thelov3lybookworm!!! 🎁 It has been so nice to meet you through @acotargiftexchange and I had a great time secretly interacting with you. I had a lot of fun experimenting with your gift too (you and I have a lot in common btw 😌). I really hope that you will enjoy the slight mess that is this fic 🤭

***

Synopsis: Two months into their convenient marriage and Gwyneth and Azriel still have very strong feelings for each other. Is it really the hate that they claim it to be, or something else? Not even they can tell.

However, another chance at tackling the failed mission that has led them to where they are will make the two spies face something that they have both been afraid of. After all, the line separating hate from desire can be very thin.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warning: None for this chapter

Find the Masterlist here

Read Chapter 1 on Ao3 or below the cut

“Wife,” he sneered.

“Husband,” she sneered back.

Azriel walked to end of the table and sat down, carefully adjusting his wings behind him.

“Glad to see that you are still alive,” he said, pulling the plate that his wife had already filled for him closer.

“Glad to know that I am still the funny one,” Gwyn replied without looking up from her own plate.

Morning greeting, checked. Daily verification that his partner was still breathing, checked. What was left to do before breakfast? Ah right... Check the food for poison. His shadows made a sweep around the table, ensuring that nothing would lead to him dropping sick or dead.

When he finally raised his cup of tea to his lips after their quick inspection, his eyes landed on a pair of teal ones across the table. Azriel internally shuddered at Gwyn’s piercing gaze and at how her lips turned into a feline smirk.

“It will happen when you least expect it,” she said, then dug a knife into her pancakes.

Azriel snorted. As if she could sneak past his trusty shadows. They might have an odd affection for her – unlike their master – but they were still loyal to him. Many believed that, being a Shadowsinger, Azriel had full control over his shadows. He refrained from letting others know that they also tended to have a mind of their own. Like the little wisp which was currently ignoring him and was slowly making its way between the bowl of fruit and the teapot to reach her.

Gwyn’s eyes followed the movement of the shadow until it reached her hand and started swirling around her fingers, especially the one adorned with a silver band – a perfect match to the one on his own ring finger – that glinted against her pale, freckled skin. Her smile softened for the shadow in a way it never did for him.

While she watched the shadow, Azriel watched her. The rich copper hair that was put up in a very messy bun atop her head with random strands that escaped and which fell around her face, her pointed ears where she wore several simple studs, her nose and cheeks across which lay a scattering of freckles, as if someone had tossed them with a careless hand, her plump lips, her eyes. Those bright eyes that had unsettled him from the very first time he had looked into them. A depthless teal ocean that often seemed like they could see straight through him. Gwyn was a creature of cruel beauty and Azriel hated her more for it.

When she looked up from the shadow playing with her hand, Azriel lowered his eyes to his food before she could see the thoughts that he always tried his hardest to hide in her presence.

“Is there something on my face?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied, stirring his tea despite having added nothing to it.

“Well,” she went on, unable to stay quiet for long, as always. “What is it?”

“You look...” the shadows whispered an assortment of words though none that he was willing to use. Instead, he responded with, “...like you slept in a tree.”

Gwyn let out a snicker. “That would certainly be better than trying to sleep while listening to your pacing all night.”

It took him a few seconds to understand and none more to feel stupid about it. The endless pacing had nothing to do with the work he did at this hour and everything to do with him trying to focus while also attempting to block out the sound of her thumping heart and that of her mumblings while she slept. His office was right above her bedroom on the third level and he had selfishly never stopped to think that she might hear him walking around on the wooden floor when he could hear her too. He had tried to work in other rooms instead but the pestering of his shadows and their insistence to be close to her was even more annoying. At least in his office they shut up and contended themselves with spreading on the floor while listening to her.

It was the first time in the whole two months since they had been living together that she was mentioning it. Surprising of her since she often found something to complain about him. He did the same but, unlike hers, his complaints about her were at least justified.

“Some Spymaster you are,” she mumbled around a mouthful, “Not even able to walk without raising the dead.”

Azriel looked up at her and smirked. “I do it on purpose to piss you off.”

Gwyn swallowed her food. Her face remained impassive when she spoke again. “You do that well enough by just existing.”

He did not respond. He only held her gaze, risking getting lost in her ocean eyes, until footsteps were heard entering the dining room and someone cleared their throat.

“A letter arrived from the Prince of Autumn,” Roslin, their maid and one of the very few persons aware of the truth behind their union, announced and handed an envelope to Gwyn. Roslin had been Gwyn’s trusted maid when she lived in the Forest House. She was also a spy and had helped Gwyn with maintaining her second identity in the Autumn Court by covering up her secret activities. She offered Roslin her thanks with a usual friendly smile before the maid left the dining room.

“What is it?” Azriel asked, eyes narrowed on the folded paper that Gwyn took out of the envelope.

“Hopefully something that will get me as far away from you as possible.”

Her comment suddenly made him want to spend his entire day being as close to her as he could. Not because he liked her company whatsoever. Their shared mission already ensured that they spent a ridiculous amount of time together. Including sharing a house and attempting to look like an oh so happy couple in public.

“I’m afraid, dear wife, that no one can get rid of me so easily. Least of all you.”

Azriel had learned a great deal since they sealed their marriage two months ago. He obviously learned a lot about Gwyn. And, surprisingly, a lot about himself too, especially his patience and tolerance of her.

Gwyn placed the empty envelope on the table, picked up a little spoon and brandished it at Azriel as though it was a dagger. “I could kill you with this,” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“I’m trembling,” he deadpanned. The shadows snickered around him.

He had always taken pride in his infinite patience. That was one of the qualities that made him the best at his job. But somehow, the female sitting across from him, reading her letter as if she wasn’t the bane of his existence, had found ways to challenge almost all of his skills, including his ability to remain calm under any circumstance, and also his ability to charm any female and male alike. That last skill would not be of much use anymore anyway since, to the rest of the world, all of it was now supposed to be reserved for Gwyn only. His wife. The one who made him lose his godsdamned mind in every possible way.

It was not as though he had ever seduced anyone in hope of anything more but a few hours of pleasure. His family thought that he refused to commit to a serious relationship, much less marriage, because his job was too dangerous to rope a potential partner in such things. Being the Spymaster and non-official torturer of his court made Azriel do things that most would cower to do and put him in dangers few were willing to face.

The reality was that Azriel did not want anyone to feel shackled to him. Although he had witnessed many successful relationships in his life, including the couples in his found family, his childhood had left more scars on him than those on his burned hands. He had witnessed what a monster his sire had been to his mother. For so long Azriel had feared that his resemblance to the cruel male might be more than physical. He feared that the beast he became when he tortured for the protection of his court might scare away a partner, or even worse, hurt them. So, instead of taking the risk, he preferred to block out the possibility of finding out altogether.

His several centuries as a spy might have made him an expert in the art of seduction, but he was empty handed when it came to true romantic feelings. Azriel doubted anyone with a bit of common sense would willingly stay with him if they knew how little he knew about love. Save for his family, the one with which he was related in every way except for blood, he had never let anyone close enough to his heart to feel such things. That was why he had been more than a little nervous when Rhysand and Eris had suggested this marriage, despite being aware that it was one of convenience. Imposed was a better word than suggested. Though even if Rhysand was his High Lord, Azriel could have still been opposed to his brother’s orders. But he did see the necessity of the situation, especially for Gwyn.

Since she was herself a spy, he knew that Gwyn had also seen her fair share of danger and blood. He knew what she also had to do to protect her court. Being from the Autumn Court and secretly acting with Eris against her High Lord for the greater good of Prythian, Azriel knew that her position had been more precarious than his. For Gwyn, this marriage was not just to keep plotting against Beron to put Eris on the throne. It was also to save her life. If the High Lord of Autumn found out that the lady who had lived in his home her whole life was a spy trying to bring him down, death would prove to be a small mercy for her.

For most, it might seem like their paths had crossed at one of the High Lord and Ladies’ meeting in Autumn, which also involved important members of all the seven courts and had fallen so deeply in love that they had been married in the same week. 

The truth was that they had met several times before that to exchange information about what Beron was up to behind closed doors. Gwyn was the one who Eris trusted to pass on information about his father’s secret plans. She had been like a beam in the night on their first meeting in a wood bordering her court. She had looked like she had been crafted by the capable hands of the Mother herself.

Gwyn had also looked like she was not happy at all with the new secret alliance between the Night Court and the Autumn Prince. Azriel had not been either. Even now, he was still suspicious of Eris’ true intentions when it came to this alliance. Azriel despised the arrogant Prince. He despised Autumn Court and anything that had to do with it. He had never wanted to work alongside one of them, but fate had apparently decided otherwise.

“I bet you would read that thing faster if it was smut,” he complained when she remained silent while her eyes kept going back and forth on the letter.

Gwyn looked up at him with another scowl. “Shut up and quit distracting me.”

With a flicker of her hand, she summoned a small golden flame that she then ran across the ivory page. She read the hidden message that Eris had left there for her before burning the entire letter along with the envelope.

“It’s an invitation from Eris,” she finally explained. “Autumn Solstice is being held at the Forest House in a week.”

Azriel cursed. As a former member, it was natural for the redhead to be invited to celebrate with the rest of her home court. But looking at Gwyn, he saw what she was not saying. This event would be their second, possibly last chance to get a hand on Beron’s plans and avoid a possible war, or at least prepare for an eventual one. Something else also shone in his wife’s eyes. A determination that this time, they would not fail. They should not. This marriage had been a last resort to hide Gwyn’s secret identity. It had been the only plan that Eris could come up with to get his cousin out of reach of his father before this one could start questioning her presence so close to his private quarters and start to suspect her.

“Well, my broody bat.”

Azriel rolled his eyes. Gwyn picked a bunch of grapes from the bowl and observed one carefully before popping it into her mouth. “I hope you’re ready to have some fun.”

“We’re going there on a mission Berdara. Not to party.”

Gwyn shrugged. “Who says one has to exclude the other.”

The two of them had different approaches to spying. Azriel preferred to keep to the dark. His shadows allowed him to remain unseen and unheard even in plain sight. He had always been the quiet kind of person, picking up clues by silently observing while his shadows searched for what was out of his reach. Gwyn, on the other, was the complete opposite. While she could also hide in plain sight, her talent was that of deception. She could have been a shape shifter with how easily she could adapt to and blend into any situation.

“How do you propose we do that?” he asked.

She pushed her empty plate aside and propped her elbows on the table.

“Well your shadows could signal us when the time is right.” She lifted the hand where a shadow was once again twirling in between her fingers and down her wrist.

“We’ll then pretend to sneak away to do what we were doing last time.”

Azriel’s fork stopped midway to his mouth. His shadows circled him excitedly, chanting their glee at Gwyn’s plan.

On the evening that had led to their current situation, Gwyn and Azriel were on a common mission to infiltrate Beron’s quarters to try and retrieve some incriminating documents about the High Lord of Autumn. These would have been the perfect proof to put Beron on trial for his actions against peace in Prythian. Unfortunately, a few wrong moves had led to them being caught where no one should have been. The only thing that had saved them then had been to act as if they had been a second away from having sex.

Azriel still remembered every single detail of it, from the very first second that Gwyn had grabbed his shirt and had pulled him down against her. He remembered how it had felt to have her in his arms, how her lips had moved fervently against his as if her life depended on it, which it did. If he closed his eyes, he could recall how her hands had felt as she had glided them across his chest, his arms, on his neck and the way she had tugged at the roots of his hair. How urgent those same hands had been when she had pull him closer by hooking a finger at the seam of his pants. The sounds she had made when his tongue had tangled with hers had been louder than the approaching footsteps of the guards. Perhaps it was in that exact moment, where his mission had shifted from those documents to her, that his shadows had started to become obsessed with her. More so than they had been since they started meeting for a few brief minutes to exchange information.

Everyone knew that Autumn Court faeries had fire in their veins. But only then had Azriel learned what the rumours were truly about. If a kiss that was devoid of feelings and which was only meant to fool the guards was like that, then Azriel did not even want to think about what a real kiss from her would be like. He refused to imagine it. The fake one had burned a big enough hole in him. Glancing at the Autumn female across the table, Azriel cursed her for having ruined every kiss he ever had before and certainly all others that he could have had if he was not bound to her.

“Or,” he proposed to prevent himself from spiralling deeper into their backstory and what it was doing to him. “We can just pretend to leave.”

Gwyn looked at him like he had said the stupidest thing ever. The last time he followed her lead had resulted in them getting married. What would happen this time? Would Eris find a random child that they would be forced to raise together to keep up their disguise? Azriel’s thoughts quieted when a shadow rushed from where it was hovering beside his left wing to remind him of what had prompted her to kiss him and he reluctantly agreed to the reasoning behind it.

He went on explaining the paths that they could take around the Forest House to avoid running into anyone if they followed his plan and how his shadows would help in the process.

“Well?”

He waited for her opinion when he finished.

“Huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

Azriel closed his eyes and sighed. Fucking Autumn courts and their fucking hard heads. Fucking wife and her fucking stubbornness.

“You come up with something then, smart-ass.”

She started to open her mouth but Azriel cut her off. “Something that does not involve fucking in Beron’s quarters.”

Gwyn huffed. Her cheeks started to turn pink, probably from the fire coursing through her and which seemed to run hotter at every outburst. “I wasn’t about to say that, you dimwit.”

Azriel gave her another roll of his eyes before returning to his food. Gwyn said nothing more. Yet by looking at her face, the emotions that he was still learning to read there, Azriel could see the gears of her mind working. She remained like this for the whole time that he finished his breakfast.

When he was done, he rose from his chair and walked to her. He grabbed her chin between his thumb and index and lifted her head until she looked at him.

“We have a week to come up with a solid plan. There’s no need to fry up your head over this right away.”

He suspected that she was worried about going back while there were still talks about her. Leaving the Forest House was not so simply done without a proper reason after all, especially for someone who had been raised there. Several rumours had already rose about the lady who had so hastily left her home to settle in the Night Court with the infamous Shadowsinger. His reputation in Rhys’ inner circle alone had fuelled the suspicions of more than one person, including Beron.

Azriel dragged his thumb along the seam of her lips, right where a trace of the syrup from her pancakes was still glistening.

“You’ll need that brain of yours to come up with more creative insults for me. The ones you currently have are terrible,” he added.

Gwyn brought a hand to the one that held her face. She slowly wrapped her long fingers around his wrist without looking away from his face. More pink spread across her cheeks and made her freckles stood out. Azriel badly wanted to know what she was truly hiding behind those eyes in this moment.

“Can you please do something for me, my dear husband?” her voice came out like a soft breeze singing in the night. Azriel had the reflex to stop his wings from twitching.

“What is it?”

He convinced himself that his breathlessness had nothing to do with that voice which was sweeter than the sticky syrup on his finger. Her hand tightened around his wrist.

“Throw yourself off a cliff,” she gritted out and forcefully yanked his hand away. Gone was the sweet, melodic voice. Her chair made a loud screeching sound as she pushed it back and stood.

Azriel held in a chuckle when she raised her chin and stomped off of the living room. “See you later, my annoying husband.”

He followed her as he made his way to his room. “Sure, my petulant wife.”

They went up the stairs and reached the door to her room first. Gwyn paused with a hand on the handle. “Don’t miss me too much, my haughty husband.” She opened the door and walked inside.

Azriel stood at the threshold of her bedroom with his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips. “You wish, my Autumn witch.”

Gwyn’s returning smile was as wicked as a witch’s. “I know you will.” And she slammed the door in his face.

To Be Continued...

[hlizr50]

An Invitation

It's been awhile since I've posted a drabble for my 600 follower celebration!

This one comes from the lovely @vikingmagic33, who requested:

“Get back down here, we’re not done yet.” Gwyn to Az after an argument about him not thinking she was ready for some advanced training or something similar, idiots to lovers, not established relationship

Fandom: ACOTAR

Ship: Gwynriel

Word Count: 807

Read on AO3

He knew she was angry, but her expectation had been more than unreasonable. It had been downright foolish for Gwyn to ask it of him, and in response the shadowsinger had done what he did best.

He’d been a colossal ass.

Azriel had thought his guilt had reached its peak, first because he hadn’t made it to Sangravah in time to spare the enchanting priestess from the beasts that had hurt her. Then, because he had been so careless when they had sparred the previous week, and she had been triggered when he had pinned her between his strong thighs. Knowing that he had put that wild desperation in those eyes that usually glittered with mirth and affection - it was something from which he thought he might never recover. But at least that hadn’t been purposeful. He hadn’t sought to intentionally harm her or scare her.

But tonight he’d lashed out with the sole intention of striking her down. Insisting she wasn’t ready, that her extremely well-researched concept of what could be called exposure therapy was one of the most idiotic ideas that had ever fallen from her lips. When he’d snarled that she wasn’t prepared for this kind of thing, that he couldn’t believe she would even ask it of him, the hurt that had darkened her gaze made his chest feel hollow, as if he might cave in upon himself. The way she had flinched and lowered her eyes, the flush that had painted her freckled cheeks. Azriel had always found himself enamored with the way she blushed, under praise or triumph or in the heat of battle, but this was something wholly different. Wrong. The way her face reddened like that of a scolded child, rosy shame that he had made her feel. And then he’d grumbled that she should get to bed, and practically ran up the stairs to the House proper.

Like a fucking coward.

The last thing the Spymaster had expected was for his own bedroom door to burst open, his shadows flaring and twisting against the fury that was Gwyneth Berdara at his threshold. The pain in her stare was lightning, joined by the rumbling thunder of ire in its wake. The copper constellations on her cheeks were ruddy with tears, the tip of her nose red. Under any other circumstance he might have allowed himself to appreciate how striking she was.

“We’re not finished yet,” she seethed. The wetness that flooded her eyes was not present in her voice, but Azriel wasn’t particularly surprised. She was an immensely talented speaker, eloquent and practiced through years of education, discipleship, and service to the most demanding priestess to ever pad through the library corridors.

The Illyrian felt the callous words upon his tongue before he could stop him, hating himself for the automatic reaction. “I believe I made myself quite clear, Gwyneth–”

“Oh you surely did, Azriel. Make no mistake.” His attention jerked to her face, their eyes catching, and she held on. Cauldron, he could not possibly look away, not even as she strode right to him, her leathers brushing against his own. “But let me be perfectly clear. Nobody, not even the great Spymaster of the Night Court, gets to decide when I am prepared to try to take control of my body, of my fear. You do not get to decide the when or the why or the how.”

Azriel worked on a swallow, knowing that she had more to say. More that he deserved to hear.

“I asked you because I trust you,” she whispered, taking a step back. Her eye contact didn’t falter, although her body seemed to curve inward. As if she’d used all of her courage to confront him, and now had nothing left. “I trust you more than anyone else, but if I have to find someone else to help me I will.” It was a quiet statement, but the threat roared between his ears. His wings flared of their own accord, as if driven by a possessiveness that he hadn’t dared to acknowledge. Without waiting for a response, the copper-haired valkyrie turned on her heel and made her way to the door. When she reached the threshold she paused, glancing over her shoulder. It wasn’t the withering, irreverent thing that she’d tossed to him in the past. It wasn’t a challenge or a flirtation.

No, this was a meek, anxious thing, and the wrongness of it seeped deep into Azriel’s very bones.

“I’ll be in the training ring tomorrow evening at midnight.” And then she disappeared down the hall.

It was an invitation, of sorts, but not an expectation. Whatever he chose, she would have her answer. And Azriel was left to ponder if he could be ready to let her go any more than he might be prepared to help her.

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