#thats actually the worst idea for a calculator design

[pinkcadillaccas]

Just saw someone define chatgpt as the "most refined calculator" and that's literally... Not true like not to be a fan of maths or anything but sure it works fine 9/10 for arithmetic (so I've heard, never actually used it) but you're telling me that it's better than complex calculus calculators (either online or regular) designed for mathematical input with a special keyboard and designed to show you the working process because it has the actual mathematical formulas programmed in???? That's just not true!

[zerguette]

*comes in and sits down politely on your floor* Would you be able to share with us anything about Jhostin and your mafia faction? Maybe even a couple of things about your Toppat OCs? I am very curious about this band of people you've got hehe, their designs are just amazing!

Okey dokie okie dokie okie dokie -explodes-

-sits politely - sit and prepare yourself for the rant

but first (and i apologize if some stuff is hard to understand, english is not the best thing with me so I STRUGGLE to explain my ideas in this language ough)

this thing is very loooong so yeah

To get to Jhostin lore, I'll start with the mafia guys. Lightpathers are an asian-american mafia, they also go by The SL(Sen-dero-Lumi-noso, i feel like addibg lines i don't want to trigger Tumblr's anger), which is a reference a te-rro-rist group that had a big impact in my country (Perú), which i would recommend reading about a bit! As It IS a just a reference to this group, this mafia is not a harsh as how this disgusting people were. They just are kind of a small confederance of guys that got high enough to want to set a new order in the world. Not entirely but thats how i joke about them.

The SL has a different distribution of power, there are actually 7 leaders, (Joaquín is not one! But is like the right hand of Arcturus and the one who calculates almost everything), and have been hidden years, the main head of 'Deleting the CCC and making this timeline ours and taming chaos and oh god im SO high' is Yuang Yang. AND!! A way to distinguish a SL member, is by something really special, they either wear a golden ring with a star of four points or an earring of the same star! (in case of one of the leaders, she wears earrings of many pearls but its because she wanted not to copy others)

(But after being traumatized dying and dying and nobody remembering past timelines, he ends using the CCC arsenal against the same last universe he's living on, because at the end, he is also a complete believer that stronger ones survive, and to erradicate CCC, there must be more sacrificing that he at first intended. CCC can't do nothing, because murdering people who doesnt cause chaos, is not actually something they can fix, but they are put at edge, because Yuang forces the CCC to see, the worst outcome of their actions [or what he considers the worst but it still works out]

i hc some sticks do only exist in certain timelines, this is why, Yuang has never existed in a succesful timeline. And also it's like universe is a big pc, where you have many back-ups but no way to restore these, as same as some sticks can only exist/live in certain timelines, is at same some sticks can not longer exist after their mother timeline is wiped off, and, mother timeline is and can't be considered an ending for these sticks, because it is stated they'll always live in this one (right? they will always live on this one, right?).

Yuang Yang, 70yo asian stick, he's an anomaly, because he's been able to keep his memories through the timelines and reached a conclusion (which i talked with Saisk before in a ramble), this is his final timeline and so of the other leaders. He founded the SL on all the past timelines we visit with Henry in the games, but he never succeded ar all (cuz he happened to just exist with the other leaders and The SL ONLY in the ones we fail, which are A LOT.) -> So what is an anomaly, is how I call Henry, and the sticks who are able to understand the time and reality (CCC are just built different), or have different powers (which is what rises chaos levels). Yuang has died and lived so many times to realize he's literally on the last rectangle of life, given being an anomaly gets you one simple symptomp -> The Weird Dreams, dreaming about stuff where you have options, places and things you can create. The reality here can be a bit Wicked and hard to understand, ;_;. But dreams are the symptomp of having more control(chaos) than you should have. This after Yuang spent his entire (last)youth investigating and getting to certain conclusions.

Yuang is a key character in my au, because he's the main reason why everything happens. He did admired how Henry, an anomaly like he, like Alexandrovna, like Carlo, Like Arcturus and other leaders, was able to control his power so completely (the fact Henry connects two timelines in FtC, given you have either calling Gov or Toppats but arent you in other timeline already?, he is able to manipulate reality at his own will), but he didnt like that even if everything goes on, for some reason Henry does always follow what he wants. Yuang is a character that has been and has been always there, never actually lived an Ending, which he knows exists, but he happens to die! For some reason something happens! For some reason each time you fail the Game it's like the world disssppears and the screams and the chaos! And you wake up again, breathing rapidly, but Yuang has always woken up from this nightmare in his youth (20yo), Henry events happens when he's like 70 years, so you get it. He had time, and he realized the CCC was always there (and has always been there) as the one entity that controls everything, because "You all not know how easy are we to wipe off! How easy is it for them to press a buttom and get rid of us! Because of some stupid inestability."

Yuang hates and despises CCC for this Main reason, and has always questioned the reasons and actions of Henry (he only admires the power), he has never talked to him, but he keeps wondering if Henry is aware that everytime he fails and starts again, he doesnt know The destruction this causes. He does wonder, hes just a guy who ended making a big high to heavens idea. And his plan is just getting rid of the CCC and 'doing correctly' what Henry couldnt. Saving this timeline, saving his comrades, saving this people.

Oksana Alexandrovna Karenina, 51 years old russian stick, even if old she has aged like wine. A powerful woman, who covers her scars because showing theses is like showing weakness, she is straight but supportive. And has been given mind control powers (in this one, the variant that kills, like she literally can stare at you and force you to shut down because you happened to annoy her) and here is where you won't longer like Yuang, Alexandrovna powers were helpful! She actually wanted to travel as a biologist, and got to be able to talk with animals thelepathically, she was a very happy woman until a strange man appeared in her journeys, and she was kind of brainwashed, Yuang would totally sometimes sent heists and this involves killing, Alexandrovna disliked the whole idea of killing another one, it was, terrifying for her. She loved life, and Yuang just, with his great way of talking and brainwashing with words, no need of power, told her she didnt have to wash her hands in blood, she could easily, you know, kill them by breaking their mind, and yeah, the young woman didnt want to, but Yuang would push and push this idea until she just did it, and ended going down into the hole. She then became a narcissist woman who can't acept her own errors, and deep inside her heart, she still just wants to be out in the nature and talk with animals, deep inside her cold heart, she never wanted this. But she also realized this was her last timeline, she can't afford thinking about the mass destruction, she might have ended killing innocents, but no, she's not into causing a huge massacre. And she has a crush on Carlo, since so time ago, since they met…sighs…pain.

So, leaders do have the dreams about selecting options and stuff, but not actually go and do it, its a dream they live, we call it dream bc is them living in this timeline, until it is shut off and they face utter destruction. Yuang has no power to make things, he knows he can see options, he can see diferent paths, but never actually get to do it, in fact, its like ghost pain, its like the leaders know they can select, but for some reason it feels this power and options are very away from them, which in comparison to Henry, he does have the abillity to choose. And has the abillity to everything.

Yuang's power is actually hiding himself or cloaking, in a way, he can temporarily erase his own presence during certain period and make other sticks do not see or remember he was/is there. But when time is over, he is there again and the other sticks are left confused, because ''Boss, weren't you here before?'', But more than that, Yuang is gifted with having the abillity of remembering his past lives, where he knows he always dies because either toppats become so powerful or for some reason everything glitches out and damn . (Also to understand how it feels getting erased and how it feels timelines died, i suggest reading Robot Dreams from Isaac Asimov! its a good book! good stories! but there is one specially which can get you to get the feeling of it) Back to powers and stuff. we got the other guys who are not yet developed completely, Yuang got most of the lore by now, but it'll write down everything about them.

Carlo Horner Hershell, 54 yo american liutenant, general, sargeant, okey idk, hes same rank as Galeforce, but most everyone got used to call him Lt Carlo/Horner. He was enlisted in the forces by his father, he has always been so tall for others, out of his prom he was the tallest (210cm). Thing here is, Yuang studied and was a professor temporarily in America, but lived his childhood and teenhood in Asia, so he met young Carlo, because this last one asked to be allowed to get studies on a normal university at the same time he studied in the forces and served them (like doing double career, double university), this was permitted (also he is same age as Galeforce and both met and were besties, mhm, besties, roomates, omg they were roomates). Carlo's power is more like his body is the one of a predator? He has a pretty much normal power, just his senses are highened, at first he was only able to distinguish smells, but oh, hey Galeforce i just had one my professors of physics replaced by this weird one, he smells like ciggarretes. Yet for some reason Carlo was so invested in what Yuang taught, his classes were few, he was always travelling, always here and there, so having a lecture by him, was something special, and boy he did have lot of students, yet Yuang always was interested in Carlo, eventually they shared more than just lectures. Again, Yuang is a mastermind of brainwashing and so did Harlo got brainwashed, he still was the same easy-going idiot, who loved doing pranks, but weirdly enough as years went by his sense were more highened than normal, he got called "Bloody Horner", because even for being such a happy guy, he is very strict with his actions and orders, and hes also much of a fist fighter, he doesnt thinks twice when it comes about his enemy. He is more gay than any honor, having a crush (what a story) with Galeforce but then just ending like besties, Carlo is an old man (he dyes his hair to look young, let him be) and yeah, he loves men (im still debating but he screams gayness in all his spirit) and keeps feeling bad when Alexandrovna does the obvious enamoured gaze at him, because he somehow feels its so aching to be never able to correspond that love. He works in the north part of America! but time to time gets transfered back to be with his ol pal Galeforce. I often see him teaching Rupert or the Bukowski twins when he has the opportunity, he likes to test their abillities. He uses a ring of the star! and has a tongue piercing.

Arcturus Gutierrez, or more like ''Sargento Arturito'', he got his face burnt when a granade was thrown at him, hes 67yo, and loves drinking a shot of whiskey before starting a mission. Hes born in Mexico and loves his homeland, but ended joining the forces because he was kind of interested in meeting the superstar soldier who can't be beaten (aka, Carlo), he then ended travelling mostly to America because of this. He never got too much into the countries conflicts, in fact, he just happened to meet Yuang when he was on a normal airplane, there was this man who started talking with him and about how hard is being a professor and also an "investigator". As the other leaders, brainwash because i would add more text to this answer than i intend to. Hes like an old man, looks older than Yuang and sometimes uses a staff to be able to stand or walk. He also uses not an earring or ring, instead his uniform belt has a star form in the center. He's your old man, would make you a coffee and give you some tacos, why not. He and Joaquín are besties, where he just treats Joaquín as his own child (given he happened to have no wife no kids, just loneliness), and well his entire division are his small children. He babysits young soldiers like a good grandpa. He's the leader who is most neutral towars Yuang's fucked up ideas,,

The other leaders are still on the way of being designed! But you can tell where there are going to be :D, Alexandrovna dictates the plans of Europe, Carlo, the ones of America and Arcturus the ones of Latinoamerica, while Yuang the ones of Asia, but he also leads hidden heists around the world. He took as much advantage of the toppats being the spot of the eye for some many years, like damn, he got all the time he needed in this last timeline. Everything takes place in the ending of Triple Threat au wah. A bit after. who knows. who knows.

And from the side of Alexandrovna, the SL have a deep connection with the Wall :) (the first idea was actually making the Wall a new mafia like Toppats but i didnt like much the idea, i prefered them being a connection to a more bigger mafia/clan)

Oh And Joaquín!, hes a lovely boy! :D, he's very good at managing number and stuff, of course each leader has their respective rhm (the army of rhms), Joaquín is Arcturus' right hand, hes a communications guy and liason among all the leaders, more like the top right hand in the mafia/clan. Don't trust his smile, he'll absolutely blast a bomb without knowing, hes a bit silly. Hes always present in the leader's meeting, and the only right hand that takes participations on the plans, the others are not allowed to join the meetings.

Okie dokie we go with the other right hand, that is Soveigna!, believe or not, shes prob one of the most important character for this au, she is another anomaly with powers similar to Alexandrovna (there is a reason why she is her right hand), she ended blind at young age and lived mostly on darkness until she was found and she was given biotechnological eyes, she is muted selectively but she does speaks if needed. She's very strange, very quiet, always looking around, she has the weird dreams but can't remember them completely, its more like she wakes up and has memories of weird stuff that has been affecting her integrity, she never uses her powers only if she needs aid, she's like a beacon. (I like to think about powers a lot, but yeah Yuang did totally go into looking only for anomalies to join him, like toppats, toppats united cant be defeated!) Soveigna and Jhostin are very much togueter, being sent on spy missions togueter, she pilots and knows how to do her job perfectly. When the chaos started (thanks Yuang you crazy ass) she ended stuck in America, trying to escape with Jhostin they ended leaving the place but Soveigna received the order of flying away, and she never breaks an order. Jhostin didnt want to leave the entire country because what about the otehr guys! Their clan! What is happening? and he won't get an answer.

Jhostin is a silly boy!!! I love him so muchhhh ough, he lost his parents thanks to the SL, he never knew about this, he was 8 years old and ended orphan inside a house, alone, Dmitri and Grigori were sent to said house to raise this kid by orders from above. Jhostin was born in europe in such a cold place,his parents lived in the village that was the nearest to the Wall, at first he didnt like Dmitri and Grigori and tbh, these two were not good at raising a child. They were mostly, confused and stressed out and instead made Jhostin train and train until he becomes such a good soldier because they didnt know how to deal with a kid. Even though, they have never failed to look after his health or his studies, so yeah, they tried but it never justifies how shit they were and they have acepted Jhostin will never forgive them because making a child learn how to use a knife, is something unforgiving. Anyways, during Jhostin adolescence he met who is called His Brother, Dear Zar, they never got along, they just hated each other and tahts the story. Jhostin has a tendency of hissing and hes very close minded about opening to others, Dmitri and Grigori never mentioned about the SL, lets say they did care a little bit, but ironically Jhostin leaves and ends joining The Sl, the ones who killed his parents. He might look very serious and dangerous, he is! but he is good, and always prefers him being the one who ends with blood on his hands than others, because somehow he looks at beginners, everyone of the clan as smaller siblings and he has always had this older brotherly personality. He is a spy because hes so hard to spot, his movements are so wise, not making a simple noise, like a snake that doesnt hiss, like a tiguer ready to get his prey, and his machete is his bestie, he also has learnt muay thai and boxing, he's master when it comes to these two fighting arts. He takes care of Soveigna like if she is his very own sister, he adores her and always listens to her when she wants to say something, she is one of his motivations to continue, and the why he is always sure all missions are successful, she has taken the best out of him.

and yeah the other right hands are also being designed, because i tend to put much effort into their descriptions, maybe too much.

Either way, you've asked about the Jhostin, I shall give you Jhostin, I know you love him, He Appreaciates The Love.

Jhostin is 167cm tall, kinda small for a man, his eyes are big and evil, dangerous, his scars were a gift from Zar and from past missions were he failed to protect himself correctly. He has more scars on his torso and so, his favorite dessert is the strawberry cake, and he loves wearing skirts. His hair is very short given he feels this can interfere with his vision, he also doesnt like hair…and well, hes pretty much involved with Spike (Saisk' oc) because damn i love their dynamic. Jhostin has been raised with russian and asian language! That's why his english sometimes, sounds a bit weird (same with Soveigna and Zar), he has a tendency to sketch sometimes but is rarely seen, loves rock bands and yeah he's been everywhere i think. Inside the toppats, the gov, and later in the CCC. Hes also good at dancing (ballet!).

uhhhhhhhhhh and well about my toppats ocs, I have Orion and Alán, Orion is the younger brother of Zar. Who happened to go missing years before he was born, Orion is…the sweetest guy you'll ever meet, he's literally an angel, and has always tried to find options that don't lead to violence, he adores his brother even if they never met, loves his family, loves all the coworkers he's had. Still, he had the objective of finding his brother, he is pretty much good at using computers so hacking and learning about more mafias than just the Toppats was easy for him, he enlisted himself on the forces but when he knew being there wouldnt actually help him with getting to learn about this brother, he just step away from the gov, because he was stuck and making zero progress. Instead he joined the toppats, literally went over there, and presented himself, of course, he is an angel but he does mean things too, ended giving info the gov so he could be acepted, he's part of the communications team, so yeah he did meet Burt, but never shared a word. Orion is very neutral about everything, he just wants his brother back because one part of his family is lost, he's not happy about that. But when chaos starts he's left there with the toppats, and instead knows his brother is alive somewhere so he decides to protect the toppats for the great chaos.

Alán is bolivian, he learned english after travelling to Perú in his youth and spending years there, he finished his studies here and then decided to continue living, until he saw toppats and how they steal and boy he loves stealing so he instantly had to find a way to join them. His hair is afro, and hes literally a thin toppat kind of short, but always tries to smile even if his 24/7 face makes him look like hes º^º

and ough thanks for asking! i hope you enjoyed the ramble cuz i ramble hella lot,,,,,

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Ranks: Miraculous Ladybug Classmates

Thats Right! I am going to be ranking Marinette and Adrien's classmates from my Least Favorite to My favorite.

Rules:

I will be judging based on Bustier's Class. So No Zoe, Kagami, or Marc. Even if they hang out.

Marinette and Adrien will be Excluded from this list (Think of them as Honorary 1 and 2 if included)

I will be using all of the episodes that have come out as reference. And there will be potential spoilers up to Episode 20 of season 5.

This isnt about which classmates are the best or worst. Its about My personal like or dislike of a classmate.

Including Marinette and Adrien there are 15 students. So this will be out of 13.

____________________________________________________________

13th. Sabrina Raincomprix

(She doesnt deserve a gif.)

Yea... after the recent episodes I really cant bring any sort of desire to like you. Oh sure Chloé is cruel and Lila is a manipulator... Sabrina is just a spineless worm that lets others get hurt or even ASSISTS in it. There is a corrupt cop joke here but its too easy. Also even with that she has no personality outside of Chloé Lackey. Chloé wouldnt be able to pull off most of her evil schemes without someone doing the dirty work and sorry Sabrina, thats you.

12th. Chloé Bourgeois

A moment of silence for the wasted Character potential... Okay. So yea Chloé sucks. Granted the season 4 and 5 have gone so over the top with showing that season 2 and 3 were not actually important that it causes massive whiplash. I cant find myself hating her like I can with sabrina. I just pity this character. And that is even AFTER I saw what happened in Derision, though at this point I have no interest in seeing a redemption. The writers could have made her heel turn back to evil more believable IF they did it gradually with more effort. But its clear that there was no effort to do so.

11th. Lê Chiến Kim

This man went from top 4 on my list to BARELY missing the top 10. Just goes to show how much one episode can change one's view on a character. In some ways I actually would say I like him less than Chloé now... but Kim at least did apologize and did say he would make an effort to be better. But MAN, when I found out what he did I was watching Chat noir BEAT HIS ASS ON LOOP. You know I was about to give that boy THESE HANDS for that s***. Derision really shifted everyone's view on this once lovable himbo, now he is a dumbass.

10.Rose Lavillant

I just dont like her design that much. Her personality is the stereotypical bubbly girl. And while she does get some exploration on why that is... its never touched on again. Also I am a touch salty about Migration. Juleka was expecting to hear a confession but WE ALL GOT BAITED AND SWITCHED. Guess the show cant have any girl confessing to another girl unless that girl being confessed to is Marinette.

9. and 8. Ivan Bruel and Mylène Haprèle

So to me these two are basically interchangable in terms of ranking. Ivan is the gentle giant that is misunderstood. Mylene is the soft scarred cat that wants the world to be a better place. If I had to pick, i would say I prefer Myléne more, but thats because she gets more character development.

7. Lila Rossi

So Lila always struck me as a character with huge potential. The problem is the writers have no idea how to write a cruel, calculating and manipulative character without dumbing down everyone else to make her seem smart. Now in season 5 I have found myself starting to like her more. Is it because the writing got better? F*** no, its just been more fun with her in it. She is just clearly having more fun with it, and just seeing how the ridiculous plans somehow work almost makes it funny. Also its clear she is being set up as the next big bad, so I cant wait to see how convoluted the show makes her to make her WORSE than Gabriel. So unlike Chloé whose cartoonish evilness feels like a waste, with Lila it feels more fun to watch.

6. Max Kante

He built Markov. Plus after Gamer he has been a pretty solid character. I also do enjoy his support of his Idiot Friend Kim. Even if Kim doesnt deserve it. Also, he has the best transformation sequence. Boy goes WAY too hard for it. I also just think he is a charming character.

5. Nathanael Kurtzberg

Tomato son. While it took me some time to forgive him for Reverser. He is basically a shipper with Marc and its a fun time. I enjoy their plans and adorable antics. But part of me still misses season 1 Nathanael, wonder if he still had a crush on Marinette. Not much else to add, just that he is fun to have on screen and his english dub voice is still dope.

4. Juleka Couffaine

She has my favorite design of the Classmates. She does develop more as the show goes on, I would say she has the most consistant development of the classmates outside of the top 3 contenders. Juleka is now the lead of Kitty Section, and has some incredible Lyrics within her. She wants to stand out and wants to stop being a wall flower. I can respect her guts and attempts at growing and improving.

3. and 2. Alya Cesaire and Nino Lahiffe

The respective best friends of Adrien and Marinette. They are likely the most known about classmates of the Miracuclass. Well Alya is. Nino sadly doesnt get as much delved into. That being said, both are supportive friends and go to great lengths to help them. Nino is surprisingly the more chaotic of the two resulting in him thinking Chat noir was stealing his girl OR forming a resistance against Monarch. Alya learning her best friend's identity and being her emotional rock. Now I thought I would put Alya higher than Nino, but Nino's charm and antics make it hard to dismiss and so I have them both as a tie. Though they also had some moments (Thanks to bad writing) that make me cringe a bit.

1. Alix Kubdel

The most consistently written character in the entire class. The Time travel hero, a character that in my opinion is slept on a lot more than she should be. While I am not crazy about time travel, I do enjoy Alix as a character. She is fun loving and ready to call people out on their BS, also she gets some great lines. She also shows how much of a supportive friend she is to nathanael, Marinette, Ladybug and Chat noir. Its sad she had to go into the time stream to hide from monarch, but it is still a fun way to send a character off for a time

[minor-solemnity]

Request:

Pairing: Tom x oc/reader

Summary:

Tom and oc go to the slug club yearly galla and oc is the loud Gryffindor 2nd in class and her and tom have been nemesis for long but the sexual tension is real and then tom sees her dancing with potter ..

Slughorn is like “ahh two of my favourite students” and he introduced them to a lot of people and a little girl spills something on tom and oc defends the girl and slughorn is like why dont you help him change oc ( as tom had some injury and was drenched and couldn’t change on his own ) and when they fight all the way to his dorm and she only agrees because slughorn tells her to and then when she helps him out of his shirt there is a lot of sexual tension and then kiss or maybe have sex in his dorm

And in the end she ends up sleeping on his bed and he like sees her face glisten in the moon light and is like fuck i like her even though he was trying to convince himself he didnt care abt her throughout the party ? And in the morning she is like well you slytherins have great beds you rich aristocrats or something and he just laughs and kisses her and malfoy is like well who would have thought the slytherin ice cold king and the Gryffindor lioness

I dont know feel free to change it up and if you donr want to then thats ok too it would mean a great deal to me if you write it no pressure tho..( going anon because i am shy )

~ red

Heyyy so I took a few liberties and this is gonna be a two parter because I have zero chill apparently but I hope you like this, Red! 

Next part will be up in a day or two :)

Never Gonna Give (You Up) Pt.1

You smile up at him as innocently as you can. You know you shouldn’t bait him. You know you’re being immature. You know that if this night descends into one of your usual verbal sparring matches you won’t be impressing anyone, let alone Christella Beaufort. But something about him brings out the worst in you. Makes you feel slightly wrong-footed which in turn makes you want to push and needle until he reacts.

You take a moment to marvel at the decorations for this year’s Saturnalia party. Every year, Slughorn seems to set himself an unofficial challenge to out-do himself with more elaborate designs. This year, the theme is clear: gold. Just lots and lots of gold. From the tablecloths to the chairs, to the golden snowflakes that melt into nothing a couple of feet above your head, to the floor which has been charmed so that whenever you take a step you leave a shimmering footprint in your wake. It’s bright and festive and you can’t help but smirk at the thought of Tom Riddle being stuck in a room full of Gryffindor colours. 

Speaking of the devil, you spy Riddle talking to Slughorn and one of the Ministry officials that often grace Slughorn’s get-togethers. You don’t particularly want to go over and talk to him, but you do want to make yourself known to Slughorn and find out if he managed to Christella Beaufort on the list this year. She’s the Head Curse-Breaker at Gringott’s, fiercely independent, highly intelligent, and so tenacious she had singlehandedly opened the door to witches wanting to go into the profession. In short, she’s your idol.

“Come on, Potter. We’ve got pleasantries to make and hands to grease.” You grab Fleamont’s hand who you’re attending the party with (as friends - you’ve made it very clear to him that you’re not interested in finding out whether his skills on a broom translate off the pitch). With that, you stride over to the drinks table where Slughorn and Riddle are chatting, Fleamont stumbling after you, his hand still locked in yours.

“Professor,” You greet Slughorn with a warm smile, “I have to say, you’ve outdone yourself once again. I’m particularly fond of the colour scheme this year.”

“Ahh, my dear girl, how lovely of you to join us!” Slughorn cries jovially. He pats your shoulder and you watch as his eyes slide to your hand, which is still clasped around Fleamonts. And (not that you care) you notice that Riddle’s eyes are also fixed on your intertwined hands. You let go of Fleamont’s hand and it has nothing to do with the frown that’s now marring Riddle’s brow.  He casts a fond (and slightly calculating, truth be told) eye over the three of you. “My three best students! First, second, and third.” Your smile turns strained and over Slughorn’s shoulder, Riddle’s charming smile turns smug.

Slughorn introduces you to the Ministry official - a boring looking man who you promptly forget the name of but who Fleamont seems entirely taken by. Before you know it, Potter has abandoned you to talk shop with Slughorn and Mr Ministry and you’re left with Riddle.

Lovely.

Just. Lovely.

At least there’s champagne. The other professors might disapprove but in all your years of Slug Club Saturnalias, Slughorn has never once skimped on the champagne. You reach for a glass and look at Riddle with a critical eye, searching for any imperfections. Frustratingly, you can’t find any. Riddle is, as per usual, the most handsome man in the room. Pale skin, impossibly dark eyes, refined features and cheekbones as sharp as his tongue. Metaphorically speaking. Though the idea of Riddle with a forked tongue is enough to make you snort into your champagne flute. 

Riddle’s attention snaps to you and he raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, impatient, annoyed with you already and making absolutely no attempt to hide it. “Did you find something amusing?” 

“Oh, no. I was just taking in your general appearance,” You say, waving a handle vaguely towards him. You smile up at him as innocently as you can. You know you shouldn’t bait him. You know you’re being immature. You know that if this night descends into one of your usual verbal sparring matches you won’t be impressing anyone, let alone Christella Beaufort. But something about him brings out the worst in you. Makes you feel slightly wrong-footed which in turn makes you want to push and needle until he reacts. It doesn’t help that the rivalry you’ve had with him since first year has only become more intense and heated as you’ve gotten older. 

His eyes narrow and he drags his gaze across your body. The moment stretches and your cheeks flame as his eyes follow the nip of your waist and the curve of your hips. Your mouth goes dry. Because this is another thing that you hate about Riddle: he never fails to make your stomach swoop. By the time he raises his eyes back to yours, his expression is one of ironic amusement. “Colour me impressed,” He murmurs, angling his body ever so slightly towards you and you have to force yourself not to take a step back. “You actually look… passable this evening.”

Prat.

You should walk away. You should find one of the fancy people that you’ve been desperate to meet since your invitation arrived a month ago. 

You don’t.

You stay and bicker with Riddle, throwing increasingly caustic taunts and jibes at each other whilst you sip champagne and pretend that you’d rather be anywhere else. You realise about twenty minutes into a debate about Minister for Magic Spencer-Moon’s policies (you rather like the pro-muggle legislature he’s attempting to pass and Riddle thinks you’re being horribly naive) that Riddle is still here. Which, well, obviously he’s still here; he’s talking to you right now in that same condescending tone he uses to tell students off for staying out past curfew. But he doesn’t have to be. Riddle is as ambitious as you are, more so, even. So why has he spent most of the evening with you and not sucking up to the many rich and talented witches and wizards in attendance tonight?

You glance around the room, suddenly aware that it hadn’t even occurred to you to leave. You’ve been so wrapped up in your conversation that everything else had just sort of… faded away. For reasons you are unwilling to examine too closely, you feel yourself grow warm. Riddle is still talking, gesturing animatedly with his champagne flute, looking horrendously handsome and like… oh Merlin, he looks like he’s enjoying himself. And that is… Well, quite frankly, that’s enough to make your brain grind to halt from shock.

You’re saved from your inner turmoil by Fleamont who appears at your side and wraps a hand around your waist. Riddle’s expression shutters. He looks at Fleamont’s arm around your waist and sneers and, for reasons beyond your grasp, you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from explaining that Fleamont is just a friend. Fleamont, oblivious as always, grins and asks you to dance and you can’t bring yourself to look at Riddle as he leads you away to the dance floor. 

Fleamont is a good dancer. You suppose this is to be expected from the heir to one of the oldest pureblood families in Britain. You imagine that he learnt to waltz before he learnt to walk. You try to focus on the dance, on the way that Fleamont spins you around the room causing your dress robes to fan out around you in an elegant circle but out of the corner of your eye you can see Riddle watching you. He’s subtle about it, you’re fairly sure that no one else would notice, but even as he makes conversation with a wizard you vaguely recognise as Ensio Kiimamaa, widely regarded as the leading Potions Master in contemporary wizarding society, his eyes flicker to where you’re dancing with Fleamont. 

You’re really not sure what to make of it.

The dance ends, and Fleamont makes a show of bowing and offering you his arm, which you take with an exasperated laugh. “Let’s go talk to Kiimamaa, I hear he’s thinking about taking on apprentices next year.” As little as you want to go near Riddle for the rest of the night, you can’t think of a good reason to object, so you nod begrudgingly and walk over, trying to convince yourself that the trepidation you feel is a result of being introduced to Kiimamma and not because of the way Riddle’s looking at you.

You make your introductions and Kiimamma begins to explain his latest discovery: a highly acidic venom harvested from the Icelandic water-dwelling vatnaormar. He produces a vial of dark liquid, uncorks it and passes it around the three of you. “It’s highly dangerous to touch, but I’ve found that a sniff of it can induce heightened concentration and focus - I hope to find a way of incorporating it in a potion that’s safe to drink.” 

Riddle holds the uncorked venom delicately between his fingers, raising it up to the light to observe the venom and then time seems to speed up and slow down all at once as you watch in horror as two things happen almost simultaneously. 

First: A little girl, who you assume to be Kiimamma’s daughter, shakes free of Slughorn’s hold on her arm and bounds over, waving her arms excitedly before losing her balance and crashing into Riddle. Second: the uncorked vial slips from Riddle’s fingers and the venom arches in an elegant curve through the air before it splatters across Riddle’s chest.

The effect is immediate. The venom tears through Riddle’s dress robes in almost no time at all and his skin begins to burn, leaving awful red and pink welts on the pale skin of his chest. The little girl starts wailing and Slughorn and Kiimamma start flapping their hands.

Riddle’s eyes flash in pain and anger and embarrassment and he completely forgets his usual charm and grace as he rounds on the girl. Before he can start yelling at her as he so clearly intends to, you step forward and place your hand on the girl’s shoulder. “It was an accident, Riddle. She didn’t mean to.” You say and then add in a low tone so that only he can hear, “She’s his daughter. Don’t fucking yell at her.” His gaze snaps to yours and there’s a moment when you think he’s going to yell anyway before his jaw clenches and he gives you a single tight nod.

“Riddle, my poor boy, you must go to the hospital wing. Not to worry, I’m sure Madam Montague will be able to sort you out in a flash.” Later, you will be able to appreciate Slughorn’s ability to sound jolly in even the direst of circumstances. Right now, you just find it rather insensitive. Slughorn turns to you and with slightly pleading eyes asks you to escort Riddle. Try as you might, you can’t think of a good reason not to, so with a vaguely helpless glance to Fleamont, you grudgingly nod, scowling at the ground in annoyance.

You loop your arm through Riddle’s and he stiffens under your touch. You repress the urge to roll your eyes and begin to make your way out of the room, ignoring Riddle’s laboured breathing and the slight trembling of his shoulders. It’s only as you get to the door that you notice a tall, dark-haired witch with a jagged scar crossing the length of her face steps out of the floo. Christella Beaufort, the one person who you had wanted to meet tonight has arrived and you’re not going to get to even say hello.

(part 1) (part 2)

[justaghostingon]

Misunderstandings, Trauma, and How to Accidentally Fall in Love

Note: Giving this valentines Ros fic a shot

All things considered, Gyrus thought he was doing pretty well hiding his plans. He’d returned to the Room of Swords and played up the tramatised survivor, which wasn’t to hard considering it was mostly true. He told Don about the shadow kidnapping him and how he escaped, although he left out to arm and anything to do with his friends and what he has learned. Don had bought it hook line and sinker, noding his head in fake sympathy and reminding him how this was all the more reason to stay strong against the shadows. Gyrus had pretended to be greatful, nodding along like he didn’t know the man was just as bad.

He began to take more time for building inventions alone in his quarters. Using the excuse of needing solitude to work to justify locking his door and not reponding for hours. He hinted to Don his inventions were mostly defense related, in preparation for another abduction. But the truth was the moment he was alone he’d activate the arm and go check on Maria and Alistar in the base the three of them had built. There they spent their time searching for more allies and plotting how to deal with Don, the shadows, and the contract.

The others assumed his new found love of solitude was just an after effect of the captivity and didn’t push. Even Don seemed to think it was for the best to let him rest and recover. With Don’s encouragement the rest seemed to silently agree to let him work it out on his own. Everyone except for Kodya.

At first he didn’t think to much of it. Kodya was his friend and apprentice, and he’d been the last person to speak with him before he disappeared. It made sense that he harbored a bit more guilt and concern than the rest. Gyrus had tolerated his constant concerned looks and flimsy excuses to follow him around. He’d acted normal, turning down all offers of help with a grin on his lips and a lie on his tongue, confident Kodya would accept it like he always had.

Kodya didn’t push, but he also didn’t stop. If anything, he got worse. He would come up with every excuse he could think of to simply be around Gyrus, offering to train together, ‘accidentally’ running in to him in the halls, and perhaps the worst of all, always trying to convince Gyrus to let him help with Gyrus’s supposed inventions.

“I’m your apprentice,” he insisted. “I can help you.”

“Kodya I appreciate the offer, but you don’t know a thing about robotics,” Gyrus quirked an eyebrow, but kept his voice light.

“I’m a quick learner.” Kodya insisted, standing straight backed with his hands balled into fists. “You’ve said so yourself. Wouldn’t two make it easier?”

“Kodya, it’s fine,” Gyrus lightly elbowed him on the arm. “I’ve got it under control.”

“You’ve been holed up in your chambers for weeks and haven’t got anything done!” Kodya snapped, “You never take that long! You need help!”

Gyrus froze at Kodya’s sudden anger. He realized distantly that they had never fought before. One look at his face and Kodya had instantly whilted, apologizing over and over. Gyrus waved the apologies off, but worry curled in his stomach.

He waited a full hour before he next teleported out.

————————————

“I think Kodya’s on to me,” he said by way of greeting as he teleported into Maria and Ailstair’s base. Maria was the only one in the room, patching up the metal sides from a recent attack.

“Someone’s on to you?” Maria dropped the hammer she’d been using and hurried over. “How do you know?”

Ailstair popped his head around the corner. “What’s was that noise?” his eyes slid from Maria’s fallen hammer to Gyrus and lit up. “Oh Gyrus you’re back!”

“Someone’s on to Gyrus,” Maria turned her head to shout back at him. His expression grew grave as he too hurried over.

“I think you’d better start from the beginning,” he said, glancing up at Gyrus’s contract to ensure it hadn’t be altered.

So Gyrus told them everything: about how Kodya would following him around and keep an eye on him, and about the arguement where he’d realized Kodya knew he wasn’t really making technology in his room.

“Oh thats not so bad,” Maria sighed in relief as she lightly punched Gyrus, “you had me really worried!”

Gyrus winced and rubbed the spot she’d hit. “He knows I’m lying guys. If he mentions it to Don, even if its just out of concern, we are in serious trouble.”

Ailstair rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “you’re right, we really should have thought about what it would look like if you didn’t actually produce something. You should spend some time actually working on projects instead of always coming to us.”

“I do work on projects!” Gyrus objected, “just not very often.” He looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap. “I haven’t really been able to finish any.”

“Well, take a bit more time then,” said Maria. “We’ve got pretty used to this realm, we can handle it ourselves. Go and build something useless to show Don and Kodya and end this whole mess,” Maria rolled her eyes and picked up her hammer. Gyrus didn’t move and she waved it at him, “Go on! You’ve got a mess to fix.”

——————————-

At first it seemed to work. Gyrus spent nearly a week barely leaving his rooms to build the single most useless device he could think of: an automatic galaxy map - a tool his ship had used calculate distances between stars and spaceships - and presented it to Kodya.

He was predictably fascinated. Gyrus felt a sudden warmth rush through him at the unadulterated joy on Kodya’s face as he turned the object around and around in his hands, pushing buttons and testing it out.

“Try the middle one,” Gyrus grinned, and Kodya nodded, pressing the large red button with his finger. The whole room lit up as Gyrus’s creation began to levitate out of Kodya’s grasp, light poring out of every inch. Holographic stars flew from the device and took their places around the room, hanging suspended in mid air. Kodya gasped as the device hovering above his hands was now a little model spaceship, designed down to the smallest detail to match Iro’s. His eyes met Gyrus’s across the little galaxy, shining so brightly that for a second Gyrus mistook them for stars.

He’d had a whole speech lined up, about how he’d uploaded Scout’s memories of the stars from Iro’s missions. How with this they could compare realms to see if they could find out where they were and get off world for help. It was an idea he’d had a few years ago but dismissed when he realized just how alien the realms were. But somehow all his planned excuses didn’t seem to matter as he watched Kodya hesitantly reach up to touch the closest star.

This is amazing,” Kodya’s voice was barely a whisper, but Gyrus heard every word. ‘And,’ he thought as he took Kodya’s hand and gently showed him how to use the holographic controls to move the ship along its journey, ‘somehow that’s all that needs to be said.’

Needless to say, everyone else had been thrilled with the invention. Even if it was, as Gyrus already knew, quite useless for actually finding out where they were. Don even congratulated him on coming up with such a clever idea to escape and seemed genuinely sympathetic towards Gyrus for what he perceived as disappointment at its failure.

Gyrus was able to go about his secret meetings freely, safe from the assumption that he was losing his touch and needed help. He simply had to present an equally useless but clever seeming device every few weeks and everyone would simply except it.

Or rather that’s how it should have been. But it seemed Kodya was not so easily deterred. Sure, he was fascinated by the objects Gyrus produced. Gyrus even made sure to show them off to Kodya first as a way to reasure him that Gyrus really was doing fine on his own. But now Kodya took another angle with his doubts.

“When was the last time you ate?” Kodya interupted Gyrus’s rant over his latest invention: suction cups useful for sticking to the side of a spaceship in flight. Gyrus frowned, because he’d really thought his explanation of why these might be important for the Room of Swords was pretty good and he’d though Kodya would actually like it. “I don’t know?” He shrugged, “when was lunch?”

“You didn’t come to lunch,” Kodya’s eyes narrowed. “And you didn’t come to breakfast or yesterday’s dinner.”

“I have snacks in my room,” Gyrus waved it away.

“No,” Kodya’s voice rose a bit in barely contained frustration. “You had snacks in your room. You brought them in a week ago and since then you’ve missed so many meals Oli’s started to think he’s done something wrong. There’s no way you have any left.”

Now Gyrus had in fact eaten last night. Ailstar had managed to con an NPC out of a resturant and had invited him to try it out. But its not like he could tell Kodya that. And even as the flimsy excuse of, “I just got carried away and lost track of time!” rolled off his tongue he could tell by the unimpressed quirk of Kodya’s eyebrow that it did him more harm than good.

——————————

“And now he told me he’s gonna bang on my door every meal so I don’t forget again.” Gyrus complained as he took a bite of the fried corn Ailstair put in front of him. “Hey, this is actually pretty good!” He gulped down a few more bites before continuing, “so I have to make sure I’m in my room every six hours. I’m not going to be able to help fight shadows or conquer other realms unless its by night.”

“Considering how long it takes to conquer a realm, time was always going to be a problem,” Maria said as she absently tore off half of her potato on a stick. “We’ve improved a lot though. You don’t need to be there for the entire campaign.”

“But it will be three entire hours where I can’t do anything! If you guys are in serious trouble, or the shadow hour starts, I’m going to be trapped in the Room of Swords unable to do anything!” Gyrus stabbed his stick viciously into another fried corn.

“Any idea what got him so worried?” Maria absently used her stick to pick at her teeth.

Gyrus sighed, “I don’t know. I thought he was fine with it after the galaxy map.” He took another bite of the fried corn, but found it had lost all its flavor.

“When you held his hand surrounded by stars?” Ailstair called over as he bustled over to their spot at the bar, signalling one of his staff to take his place waiting on customers. Gyrus rolled his eyes which made Maria quirked an eyebrow, but he didn’t bother to argue, to used to Ailstair’s antics to correct him. “What’s the trouble in paradise?”

Gyrus explained again, absently twirling the fried corn as he did to avoid having to look at Ailstair when he told him he couldn’t help. But to his surprise Ailstair laughed. “Oh that’s nothing!” He said with a grin, “you just need to prove to your Kodya that he can trust you not to die of starvation in your room.”

“And how do I do that?” Gyrus glanced up at Ailstair, eyes wide.

“By building trust of course! Spend time with him one on one outside of introducing an invention. Enough time together and he’ll be able to trust you to miss a meal once or twice for a project without having to worry about you dying if he takes his eyes off you,” he ended this explination with a wink.

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy,” Gyrus frowned down at his half eaten fried corn.

“I hate to agree with Ailstair,” Maria pulled the stick out of her mouth and tossed it in the trash, “but he’s right. You’ve got more influence than you think. Just show him your fine and he’ll ease up on all the worrying.”

Gyrus looked between Maria and Ailstair. They rarely agreed on anything. If they both thought this was the best plan then it was probably worth a shot. “Ok, I’ll give it a try. Any idea where to start?”

Ailstair’s eyes lit up. He opened his mouth but Maria lunged sideways and tackled him, shoving her hand over his mouth. “I’m sure it will come to you, you know him best after all,” she smiled in a way that was likely meant to be reassuring, but fell kind of flat from her position on the floor pinning Ailstair down.

“Mumufff,” Ailstair added from underneath her. Maria suddenly yelped and let go of his mouth as he shouted, “don’t forget to hold him in your big strong arms!”

“You licked me!” Maria shrieked. And Gyrus figured it was time to head out.

———————

The next time Kodya came to remind him of a meal, Gyrus made sure he got there first. Kodya stood with one fist raised in surprise as Gyrus opened the door. He smiled up at Kodya, who hastily dropped his fist, “Shall we go?”

Kodya nodded and the headed down the hallway together. Gyrus kept the conversation light, asking how he’d slept and what his plans for the day were. Kodya happily replied, talking about training and chores and how he was hoping to go on the next mission.

“Speaking of training,” Gyrus cut in casually as they approached the kitchen. “Would you like to do some sparing with me?”

Kodya stopped dead. “You want to train?”

Gyrus raised an eyebrow as he turned to face him, “Well yes. I know its been a while, but you are still my apprentice.” Kodya continued to stare, mouth slightly open. Gyrus began to feel he’d said something wrong. Glancing away he added, “if you’ve got other plans...”

“No!” Kodya shouted, surprised Gyrus glanced up to meet Kodya’s eyes. Kodya held his gaze firmly. “I absolutely want to train with you,” he said.

Gyrus smiled, “We’ll spar in the rock realm. does after lunch work for you?”

————————

The rock realm, as it was affectionately called, was home to a lot of rocks and little else. But it was a rock that Gyrus was looking for, so it did the trick. He found a good one eventually. It towered over the others, top smooth and flat like something large had come through and cut it in two. But most important of all, it was wide enough for two people to use it to spar.

He and Kodya climbed up and stood on opposite sides. “Ready?” Gyrus asked.

“Ready,” Kodya grinned. And the game was on.

Kodya, Gyrus noticed as he ducked under a blow, was doing really well. He’d obviously put a lot of time into training during Gyrus’s capture. ‘He’s good,’ Gyrus thought as Kodya managed to land a punch, ‘but not good enough.’ Gyrus rolled with the punch and kicked his leg out, knocking Kodya off balance and onto the ground.

“Sorry to sweep you off your feet,” Gyrus smirked down at Kodya. Kodya started, face going red. Then he scowled at the twinkle in Gyrus’s eye.

“Your not as funny as you think you are,” he said. Gyrus chuckled in disagreement and extended a hand. Kodya took it, than yanked hard, sending Gyrus tumbling down beside him.

Kodya rolled to his feet and summoned his sword. He smirked as he pointed the tip at Gyrus’s throat. “Now whose the one swept of their feet?”

Gyrus blinked, brain taking half a second to catch up with to what had just happened. The black sun was behind Kodya, causing him to appear radiant. The sword glistened and reflected the light between them, making it hard to focus. He squinted, and noticed Kodya’s face was framed in a halo of light. One eyebrow quirked up as his lips slid into a smirk. He looked so incredibly proud of his dirty trick.

Gyrus tipped back his head and laughed. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t funny, not at all. But for some reason he couldn’t help himself. Kodya lowered his sword to stare at him in confusion, before throwing back his head and laughing along.

———————

The end of their sparring session had them both lying on the rock, panting with exhaustion. A faint breeze ran over Gyrus, causing him to sigh with relief. He gazed up at the sky, absently watching the clouds above.

To his left he heard Kodya give a dry huff of laughter. “What is it?” he turned his head to look at him.

“Its nothing, just something Neph and I would do.” Kodya glanced away.

“Ohh?” Gyrus rolled on his side, expectant.

Kodya blushed and gestured to the sky. “That cloud...it looks like Don.”

Gyrus lay back down and followed his line of sight, “I’d say it looks more like a wheelchair.”

“No, no!” Kodya shook his head and pointed to the left, “not that one. That one! See his guitar?”

Gyrus frowned up at the cloud above. It did look a bit like it was holding a guitar. “His beard is coming back in.”

“Don had a beard?” Kodya glanced over at Gyrus.

“Oh yeah. Back when I first came to the Room of Swords, he had a huge one. It made him look like a wild man.”

Kodya chuckled softly and Gyrus smiled. Don had looked ridiculous when they’d first met, but Gyrus had been so relieved he hadn’t though to point it out. The smile slipped off of Gyrus’s face. He wondered how much of that friendly relief had been an act. Probably all of it.

“You ok?” Kodya’s voice cut through his thoughts. He rolled toward Gyrus, face creased with concern.

“Yeah! Yeah. I’m fine,” Gyrus glanced up at the black sun. “It’s getting late. We should head back before people start asking where we are.” He pulled himself up to his feet, and offered a hand to Kodya.

Kodya took the hand, but kept glancing at Gyrus with worry in his eyes the whole way back.

———————

Gyrus wandered down the hallways absently. Ainju and Oli had ambushed him after dinner with a whole list of broken objects that needed fixing. Oli had been to scared to bother Gyrus with it for the last month due to his slow recovery, and he’s missed too many meals and events for Ainju to ambush him. Most of them had been fairly easy to fix, but a few needed a lot more time and attention and would take more than one evening to fix. He’d left the kitchen with an apology and a promise to return tomorrow and do better at maintence from then on.

He half regreted leaving it for tomorrow, figuring a late night trapped in the kitchen would be better than wandering aimlessly through the halls. He’d promised Maria and Ailstair to spend more time in the Room of Swords to avoid suspicion, but now he was here he didn’t know what to do. He tried to remember what he’d done before, but it seemed like a lifetime ago. Probably stayed in his rooms, fighting his inner demons.

He wondered what Kodya was up to. Maybe he wasn’t busy and wouldn’t mind company. Or maybe he was hanging out with Nephthys and didn’t want to be bothered.

“...Gyrus,” his name caused him to draw up short. He glanced to the side and saw he was at the med bay. The door was open a crack, and he could hear voices coming through. He hesitated, then slipped soundlessly closer, keeping out of the line of sight of anyone inside.

“...I don’t know Neph, I really don’t.” Gyrus’s ears pricked up, that was Kodya’s voice. “It started good, really. We spared, and he kicked me to the ground a few times, and I knocked him down once too! Well, I tricked him and dragged him to the ground. But he laughed! He actually laughed! I haven’t heard him laugh once since he got back.”

A high pitched squeal came from the direction of the room, and a voice Gyrus recognized as Nephthys said, “You got him to laugh! That’s adorable! Good job Kody!”

“Yeah it kinda was,” Kodya’s voice sounded fond. Gyrus blinked. He hadn’t thought adorable would be the go to word for recovering trauma. Kodya went on, “but that’s not the point! It was great ok? But then I messed up.” He sounded almost angry.

“What happened?” Nephthys’s voice was sympathetic.

“I don’t know.” Kodya sounded frustrated. “We’d finished sparing and we were both just lying on the ground...and you know that cloud game?...The one you taught me?...I made some stupid comment about the cloud looking like Don.”

“That doesn’t seem so bad,” Nephthys said. On the otherside of the door Gyrus nodded. It really hadn’t been.

“It wasn’t a first,” Kodya replied. “He went along with it, even told me about how Don used to have a beard. But then he got really quiet. I asked what was wrong but he wouldn’t say and insisted we leave.”

“Oh Kody,” Nephthys sounded sad. Gyrus’s gut twisted. He hadn’t intended to upset Kodya.

Nephthys spoke up again, voice tentative, “I know its been hard, and he’s been really withdrawn since the kidnapping...But Kodya,” Her voice became more firm. “He’s been reaching out to you. That means something. He asked you to spar right?”

Kodya grunted in agreement.

“So he wanted to spend time with you. Not me, not Don, you.”

“But...”Kodya protested.

“No buts! Who did he show the galaxy map to first?”

“Me but...”

“And who has he shown every other invention to first? Who is it he lets drag him to meals?”

“Me...”

“That’s right! You,” Nephthys’s voice turned soft. “I know its hard when someone whose been hurt starts to withdraw, especially on loved ones. I’ve seen it before with the wounded soldiers who passed through my temple. But all you can do is be there for them Kody. It’s not gonna be overnight, he’s still gonna have relapses. But he’s trying.”

“Is that one of your feelings?” Kodya asked.

“Its a fact,” Nephthys’s voice was firm. Then in a lighter tone she added, “My feelings tell me you should just confess already!”

“Nephthys!” Kodya snapped.

“What? I’ve a feeling it will work out!” Nephthys giggled.

“We just had an entire conversation about him being traumatized! I don’t wanna give him something else to worry about!”

“Oh come on!...” Nephthys kept talking but Gyrus wasn’t listening. The conversation playing over and over in his head instead as he began to process the meaning behind the words. Guilt curdled in his gut as he slipped quietly away.

———————

“I think I messed up,” Gyrus admitted to Maria and Ailstair as he pushed his food around his plate. Ailstair and Maria exchanged a look.

“Something happen with Kodya?” Maria asked, taking out the stick she’d been chewing on.

“Yes! No? I overheard something, and it put into perspective how awful I’m being,” he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“It can’t be that bad...” Ailstair started to say.

“Kodya’s in love with me,” Gyrus said, his voice flat. He waited for Maria and Ailstair to react, to realize what a big deal this was. But they only looked confused.

“Well yeah,” Maria raised an eyebrow. “It’s kinda obvious.”

“You knew?! All this time and...” Gyrus cut himself off, to full of emotion. He took a deep breath and continued, “He loves me, and he’s been so worried about how I’m isolating myself...and how my trauma’s affecting my health...and I’ve been leading him on! I’m letting him think I was getting better, when I’ve really just been lying to direct his attention away from what I’ve really been doing.”

Maria and Ailstair exchanged a look. Ailstair raised his hand with a sigh, “You’re oversimplifying. You did just find out someone you trusted had lied to you and everyone you knew.”

“That has nothing to do...”

“You’ve been traumatized,” Ailstair plowed on. “And you’re stuggling with opening back up to people. That isn’t a lie. Spending time with us doesn’t mean you aren’t isolating yourself from the people in the Room of Swords. He’s not worrying over nothing.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m not honest with him about why I’m spending time with him!” Gyrus snapped.

“Do you love him?” Maria asked as she leaned forward to look Gyrus directly in the eye.

Gyrus sputtered, looking anywhere but at Maria and Ailstair. “I...I” he struggled to come up with an answer, whole face burning. His first instinct was to deny it. Love wasn’t his thing, never really had been. But he though of training with Kodya, of how well they got along, of Kodya’s face when he saw the holographic stars, and of his laughter loud and joyous under the sun.

Gyrus slumped forward, forehead pressing against the cool of the bar counter. “Yes,” he whispered.

“There you go then,” Maria leaned back.

“That doesn’t change anything!” Gyrus’s head snapped up. Maria only raised an eyebrow.

“Sure it does,” Ailstair jumped in. “You spent time with him because you wanted to spend time with him.”

“And to mislead him!”

“So?” Ailstair shrugged. “Most people do things for multiple reasons. Doesn’t make any of those reasons less valid.”

“Look, Gyrus,” Maria sighed. “We aren’t saying you have to do anything with this knowledge. We’re just saying you being a couple with Kodya doesn’t get in the way of the plan. Ailstair can run a resturant, you can have a boyfriend. We’ll still defeat Don and the shadows.”

“I...” Gyrus looked between Maria and Ailstair, “I have to think about this.”

“Of course,” Maria said. Ailstair nodded in agreement.

Feeling like he was half in a dream, Gyrus teleported himself back to his room and collapsed on his bed.

He didn’t get any sleep that night.

———————

The knock on his door startled Gyrus, even though he was wide awake. His heart felt like it had tsken up gymnastics. He dragged himself to the door, each footstep echoing in his ear drums. He’d been up all night going back and forth over what to do, and he still couldn’t deside. A part of him wanted to go to Kodya and confess anything, the other wanted to push him away for fear of what Don or the shadows might do.

With no decision reached, he opened the door.

Kodya stood on the other end, and wow he looked good, had he always looked good? He probably had, Gyrus begrudgingly admitted to himself.

“You look terrible,” Kodya’s voice broke Gyrus out of his thoughts. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Ahhaha,” Gyrus ran his hand through his hair, “Not really? I just...had a lot on my mind.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Kodya offered.

Gyrus twisted his hands, “I don’t no...Suppose... suppose you had to a revelation but you didn’t know if you should act on it or not?” He stared at his boots.

Kodya was quiet for a bit. Eventually he said, “Would it make you happy?”

Gyrus hadn’t thought of that. How hadn’t he thought of that? “I think so, yeah,” he peaked up at Kodya through his bangs.

“Then do what makes you happy,” Kodya nodded, “You can sort the rest out later.”

Relief flooded through Gyrus at his words. Of course. He didn’t need to have all the answers. These things took time. It didn’t need to get figured out today.

“Hey,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “you wanna do something today? Just the two of us?”

“Like training?” Gyrus felt dissected under Kodya’s gaze.

“If you want too, or we could do anything else. Its completely up to you,” Gyrus finally met Kodya’s eyes.

Kodya smiled.

—————

Epilogue

Building inventions not what Gyrus expected Kodya to ask for. But he had promised him anything.

“Am I doing this right?” Kodya held up a half mangled circuit board.

“Not exactly, Gyrus eyed the half broken remains, but he gave Kodya a smile. “Here, let me see what we can do.” It probably wasn’t salvagable, but Kodya didn’t need to know that.

“I’m sorry,” Kodya gave him a sheepish smile, “I’m not very good at this.”

“Don’t worry about it! Its pretty complicated stuff,” Gyrus laughed as he took the circuit board from him. “Let me walk you through it one more time.”

Another explication was not going to suddenly make Kodya understand basic engineering. But Gyrus couldn’t bring himself to care. He loved talking about circuitry. And from the way Kodya looked at him, head propped on his hand and a fond smile on his lips, he like listening to it just as much as Gyrus liked talking about it.

As he launched into another lecture, Gyrus realized he finally felt happy.

[chipsanddespair]

Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3