#thats too much gravity to comprehend for someone who HAS survived it

[extradimensionalsystem]

i hate how trauma is categorized as a mental illness whatever tf that actually means, so its all quantified into these textbook symptoms, but none of those symptoms describe what its like to live like this. at the end of the day i’m not sufferoing because im some kind of medical error, i suffer because im just a human being and my soul hurts from all the cruelty and sadism i experienced at my most innocent and vulnerable. it’s not even JUST the actuaL events of what they did to me, it’s the fact that they wanted to do it in the first place, were able to go thru with it with no qualms, and that they liked it.

before i understood speech i understood that others could genuinely enjoy and desire more of my pain. and thats the actual core of it imo, and that is the biggest spiritual wound, it’s a wound that went straight thru my tiny human self and wounded the fabric of the whole world too, and nobody could ever truly manage to pathologize that or neatly categorize it. i despise those who try.

thats why i think people dont wanna see severe trauma survuvors who live past childhood. because if they must see us, then they’ll see, right in the middle of us, the whole of reality all torn up and bleeding. you can’t see us and not feel anything, can’t continue to act in comfortable complicity. and a society as cruel as ours subsists almost solely on numbness and complicity.