#every time somebody wants to rape a baby

[extradimensionalsystem]

i hate how trauma is categorized as a mental illness whatever tf that actually means, so its all quantified into these textbook symptoms, but none of those symptoms describe what its like to live like this. at the end of the day i’m not sufferoing because im some kind of medical error, i suffer because im just a human being and my soul hurts from all the cruelty and sadism i experienced at my most innocent and vulnerable. it’s not even JUST the actuaL events of what they did to me, it’s the fact that they wanted to do it in the first place, were able to go thru with it with no qualms, and that they liked it.

before i understood speech i understood that others could genuinely enjoy and desire more of my pain. and thats the actual core of it imo, and that is the biggest spiritual wound, it’s a wound that went straight thru my tiny human self and wounded the fabric of the whole world too, and nobody could ever truly manage to pathologize that or neatly categorize it. i despise those who try.

thats why i think people dont wanna see severe trauma survuvors who live past childhood. because if they must see us, then they’ll see, right in the middle of us, the whole of reality all torn up and bleeding. you can’t see us and not feel anything, can’t continue to act in comfortable complicity. and a society as cruel as ours subsists almost solely on numbness and complicity.

[diagnosedpsychosis]

Protective Hotch

Description: There is a copycat the BAU are after, so Hotch and reader go to prison to talk to the original offender. The prisoner makes a few suggestive comments about the reader that Hotch doesn't like.

Made up, not a CM episode.

Word Count: 2.5k

______________________________________________________________

You had only ever stepped inside a prison a handful of times before. Literally. You could count every visit on one hand, all whilst being able to recount why you'd gone those 4 times in the first place; now 5.

The first 3 were all for the same thing, and the same person. A serial rapist and murderer you had helped catch years earlier was being interviewed, and not only did you have to supervise, but perform a psych eval on him as well.

The fourth time, you were in and out in record time. Another prisoner you'd put away had died and you were there purely to collect the few belongings in his cell. When the Warden of the Penitentiary had called you to inform you of the inmates passing, you offered to come down from Virginia. The Warden suggested not bothering, and that they'd just throw his belongings in the rubbish bin, which is exactly why you got on the earliest plane you possibly could. This particular inmate had victims he'd not told you about, and you just wanted to make sure with your own eyes he didn't name them in or on anything in his cell.

Today though, on your fifth time inside prison walls, you weren't alone. Your company came in the form of your long time workplace crush, Aaron Hotchner. The pressure of having not only your crush, but the BAU's Unit Chief with you put an immense weight on your shoulders.

Usually you weren't fazed by the cold glares and almost bored expressions. Aaron Hotchner exuded power and had subconsciously mastered the art of intimidation, but that wasn't what made the hairs on the back of your neck stand as he walked beside you, down prison halls.

It was how close beside you he walked. The outside of his arm brushed yours with each step and sway of his arms, and even though you could see, in the corner of your eye, his head facing forward, you could feel his eyes bouncing all over the place.

He stood close not because he wanted to, but because even if every cell door was closed, and every hall had 3 guards tending to it at all times, he didn't feel 100% safe, which meant he wasn't comfortable having you around. Because he knew, that if by some fluke chance the doors buzzed open, you would be every prisoners target.

He knew it. You knew it. The inmates knew it.

"Oh Hey Baby, how about taking a detour and stopping by my cell?" Somebody off to the side hollered, which lead to a loud array of crude comments made your way. You ignored them well, but Hotch seemed to take offence for you. You were almost at the end of the hall, but that didn't stop Hotch from protectively stepping even closer, almost tripping you up with how close he now was.

You both got to the door at the end of the hall, the guard standing beside it nodding at the two of you before letting you in. You walked in first, Hotch shutting the door behind himself as you stepped up to the one sided glass, looking at the man you both were about to question.

"Certainly not the kind of man I'd enjoy being alone with" You stated, Hotch stopped beside you and looking into the visitors room, his arm brushing yours again. Relatively old and greying, Martin Gould was NOT a sight for sore eyes. He wasn't attractive, which is what ended up being a factor of his killings. He'd ask a woman out, she'd reject him, he'd later stalk her, and then rape and mutilate her, in her own home.

"I wouldn't have brought you if I didn't need you. I'm not going to leave your side. I promise" Hotch told you. When you and the team had been going through victimology of the copycats and then compared them to the original killers, you'd all come to the same conclusion. You were his type, to the T.

That's why you were here. Not because your skills were valued and appreciated...but because you were this guys type, and you hated that. You hated feeling like you had to prove yourself more, in a team you'd been in for years. You worked 5 times as hard as everyone else, and yet still felt like you'd gotten nowhere at being seen as an asset to the team. Nobody had ever said it to your face, hell maybe they'd never even thought that way about you, but you were an avid overthinking pessimist.

"Everything is going to be fine" Hotch reassured you again when you didn't reply to his promise. You sighed, grabbing the door that separated you two from Martin Gould.

"Easy for you to say. He raped and mutilated 13 women" Before Hotch got time to process what you'd said and the weight of your words, you opened the door and stepped inside. Martin Gould immediately looked to you as you entered, paying little to no attention to Hotch as he followed behind, and took the seat beside you at the metal table.

"Wow. Just wow" Martin sighed, leaning forward and resting his chin on his open palm, as he stared at you like you were the brightest star in the sky. At least someone appreciated you.

"Martin, I'm SSA y/n y/l/n, and this is SSA Aaron-"

"Has anyone ever told you you've got the eyes of a rare jewel?" You ignored him, and continued on like he'd never interrupted you in the first place.

"-Hotchner. We're with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit-"

"No ring, I don't see how that's possible. You must have men down at your feet 24/7" Martin interrupted you again, shuffling forward in his seat slightly to get closer to you.

"We're here to investigate a string of serial rape and mutilations. Same signature as yours from 7 years ago" Hotch speaks for the first time, and you both notice Martin's jaw twitch at the sound of his voice. Martin takes a breath, ignoring Hotch before smiling back at you.

"Couldn't be me, Sweetheart" Martin tells you softly, lifting his hands and showing you the chains restricting his movement.

"It's a copycat, somebody who admires you. He's probably sent you hundreds of letters over the course of the last 7 years" Martin holds his smirk as he listens to you, enjoying the sound of your voice and the way your lips move with each word.

"They would've started with him confiding in you, expressing his share of troubles involving women rejecting him. Then they would've started becoming a little more aggressive" You state, Hotch straightening his posture, one of his tells that he's about to talk.

"Probably wrote 'What is wrong with me?' over and over again" Hotch adds, Martin's smile faltering as he speaks again.

"And then his most recent letters would've been him talking about women like we're a virus. Something nasty that could be caught and had to be terminated" Martin shook his head ever so lightly, his smile growing with every second you continued talking to him. He's a classic narcissist and thinks that the fact you're talking directly to him and looking him dead on, means you're flirting with him.

"As pretty as you are, you're just like them, aren't you?" He asked slowly making you frown.

"I'm sorry?" Martin leans forward a tiny bit more, the smile on his face long gone and replaced with a look of repulsion.

"A needy whore, asking for it-"

"That's enough" Hotch stated.

"Begging for it. You all lead us on with your smiles and your glances, but then you laugh in our faces and tell us to get lost" So that's why he thought these women deserved it. Because to him, an innocent smile and a half a second passing by glance meant flirting. So when he'd walk up and randomly ask a woman out and she'd say no, he'd see her as a tease, a deceiver, someone who needed to pay.

"You're nothing less, Agent y/n y/l/n. Just a whore with a bitching, lying mouth, and a pussy asking to be-" Hotch sliding back in his chair and abruptly standing up caught you off guard more than Martin Gould's random verbal attack.

"Y/n, out" Hotch demanded, leaving no room to argue against his direct order. But you did anyway.

"No, Hotch, I'm fine-"

"Y/l/n, out or you're suspended for a week" Your face contorts with shock. Never has Hotch ever been so forward and aggressive towards you in your life and you hated how being on the receiving end of his threat made you feel.

"What?" You stood and raised your voice, finding Hotch completely unreasonable in this moment. You were with a prisoner who know who the unsub was, you could easily get it out of him, and now here he was sending you out. He brought you all this way for a couple sentences?

"You're not being forceful enough, Agent. Bend her over and teach her a-" Martin's words became background noise as Hotch took your arm, backing you up to the door of the visiting room, before opening the door and practically shoving you out. He let go before you could rip your arm from his grasp, and shut the door in your face.

Not knowing what the hell just happened and why the hell Hotch reacted like that, you storm over to the one sided glass window, and slam your palm against the button under the window that allows you to hear what is being said inside the visiting room.

"I don't care who you are, or where we are. If you ever talk to my Agent like that, ever again, I'll make you sure I am the last thing you ever see" Hotch threatened, the look on his face sending a wave of goose bumps over every inch of your burning skin. He looked furious.

"Probably not the best place to threaten killing me, Agent Hotchner" Martin stated, trying to hold back his laughter. It quickly died down at the expression adorning Hotch's face. It was almost like he was being challenged.

"I don't need to kill you to take away your sight, Gould. All I need is a speculum and a pair of scissors" Hotch replied and you watched in shock as for the first time since talking with him, Martin looked anything but cocky. Hotch used Martin's current state to his advantage.

"His name" Martin hesitated, glancing at the one way window like he knew you were standing behind it.

"Dane Hansen" The second the name left his mouth, Hotch was turning around and exiting the visiting room, only to be met with an annoyed you, giving him the cold shoulder. His eyes stayed glued to yours as he shut the door behind himself.

"Don't give me that look."

"I was given about 10 seconds from the first time you told me to get out before you threatened to suspend me. If you want me gone just say it, Hotch" You knew you were probably being unreasonable but you were annoyed. What so quickly went from 'get out' turned to 'if you don't you're suspended'. It escalated in seconds and made you wonder how long they'd been sitting on the tip of Hotch's tongue.

"Was I the only one that heard the way he talked about you?" Hotch questioned, clearly annoyed by your assumption. You take a step toward him.

"Simply sending me out of the room doesn't stop me from hearing it, Hotch" You brought attention to your hand by tapping the button again, turning off the speaker. Hotch took a step forward.

"He was getting satisfaction out of you being in the room" My presence. My face. My body. Not my skills, and Hotch knew that. He only brought me to show me off.

"Be honest with me, Hotch. Do you bring me along for these things because you think I'm the worst profiler on the team, so I won't be needed as much back there with everyone?" Hotch frowns at me, turning his head to the right slightly.

"I have never once called you a bad profiler."

"You've never called me a good one either, Aaron. Believe it or not, but I'm one of those people that need to be told they're doing good to keep doing good. I need the validation, otherwise I lose energy and end up giving a half assed effort" You immediately realised the first name slip, but if Hotch noticed it he certainly didn't show it. Instead, he takes another step that makes him dangerously close. You can smell his musky cologne, and if either of you take another step your face would be buried in his chest.

"Y/n, you're not a good profiler, you're an amazing profiler. I didn't bring you along today to show you off as a piece of meat to Gould. You're his type, but so is Prentiss. I wanted you here. I wanted you on the plane, and I wanted you in the car. I like your company, I like your perspective and I like your brain" You suck in a shaky breath, embarrassingly overwhelmed so quickly by Hotch's compliment. Even though it's only a few things, it means so much because he's not the kind of guy to get even slightly sentimental about anything.

"You think I don't notice when the overthinking side of you takes over the reasonable side? You're an asset to our team, y/n. I didn't bring you along for the benefit of the case, I brought you along for myself" Tense silence consumes the room and the air the two of you breathe. For what feels like minutes, you two stand, almost toe to toe staring at each other.

There's an achingly intense energy floating around the two of you, and before looks go any further or before either of you can slice the tension in half, Hotch's phone rings, and you both rear back at the shriek.

Your shoulders sag in disappointment and you swear you see the same with Hotch's, but he's back in boss mode too fast for you to really catch a good look as he listens to somebody on the other end of the line.

"We're just heading out now. Yeah, we got a name; Dane Hansen" Hotch ends the phone call and his eyes meet yours again as he shoves his phone back in his pocket.

"We've got to go" You press your lips into a tight smile and nod. Walking past him, you go to grab the door that'll lead you back into the hall, but before you reach it a large, warm hand wraps around your wrist stopping you.

You turn back to Hotch, and again he's toe to toe with you. His grip on your arm is soft, and the look on his face mixed with his parted lips tells you all you need to know; he wants to say something.

You don't know what he's thinking, but you also don't want to force it out of him. You smile and slowly pull away from his grip before patting his arm.

"It's okay, Aaron. Come on, let's go."

______________________________________________________________

[milkygothgf]

Imagine somebody you know coming into your store, but they're wearing a sanitary mask, they change their hair, and they're wearing clothes you don't usually see them in, so you don't recognize them. Then they catch you in the bathroom next time you go in and clasp their hand over your mouth, saying, "I knew I'd find you here, baby."

You recognize the voice, and it stirs that panic into confusion and, to your shame, excitement. They pull your pants down and your shirt up, then bend you over the sink and make you look in the mirror while their arm wraps around your neck and their cock violates your desperate, leaky fucksleeve.

"It made me so sad that you didn't recognize, baby! I got so jealous at whatever else you were thinking about, I just had to take it out on you."

"No, shshshh, it's okay, it's just me! It's not rape if it's someone you love, silly! I'm not raping you! I'm just using you like all those times you said you wanted me to!"

"You weren't lying to me, were you? You think I'm beautiful, right?? You like my cock, don't you!?!?"

Their arm squeezes your neck and turns your face red.

"No, of course you weren't. You're not the kind of person who would do that. You're perfect!! I mean, just look at you!" They refer to the sight of your twisted, reddened face and bouncing tits in the mirror in front of you. "Nobody this gorgeous would ever be that cruel and selfish!"

You can swear you hear something in your neck pop, and you feel yourself getting sore and lightheaded while their cock rapidly pistons in and out of your perfect, tight rapehole, your mess cascading down your thighs and ruining your pants. "I don't hear you redlighting, or yellowlighting," and of course not, because their arm is close to crushing your windpipe, "so I won't stop!! I'll keep using you and using you and using you! I know all your favorite things, baby.. I can make you so, so happy, I can make you feel so, so good, and-and I will! N-no matter what!!"

Their movements become crazed, erratic, "Hhf, fuck, of course your pussy feels this good.. I'm going to get you good and pregnant, okay?? Even if you're on birth control, I'll fill you up so much that nothing can keep you from being bred, just like we talked about!! You're going to live your fantasy, baby!! Aren't you excited??? Oh, fuuck, I'm so close!! I love you!!! I love you so much and we're going to have sex every day whether you say yes or not!!! Just like we always fantasized about!!! Hahh!! Ahh!!!"

Then they stuff you full so completely, filling you to the brim, the only thing allowing you to finally breathe being that their orgasm makes their muscles weak enough to loosen their grip. You cough and gasp, collapsing against the bathroom sink. "Oh, are you okay, baby?? I guess I was squeezing a little tight. Poor thing. Let me take you home! Maybe being bred in your own bed will be better!! Hm? What do you mean you think you're done? Don't be silly, baby, you love it when I use you! Don't you want more of it?? Or were you lying to me about everything???? You wouldn't lie to me, so obviously you're just being silly - come on, I'll carry you."

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.... @drunk0nheat

[piss-panties-and-jeans-girl]

I am a girl from junior high school to high school. I asked the teacher one day to let me go to the bathroom. He said no. So after that, I just stood there and I pissed my panties in my jeans. I said I told you I had to go to the bathroom. he said you can wait I said I can’t. So I’m in the middle of history class and all of a sudden I couldn’t hold no more so I was peeing my panties in my jeans in the middle of class. He felt bad, but I didn’t care. I loved wet my panties in my jeans. My parents asked me why are you always wet? I said because I peed my panties and I peed my jeans. I won’t wear a diaper. They said OK just do what you want. After a few months, my sister, who is my twin started peeing her panties and jeans. It’s because of me but they didn’t argue about us girls pissing our panties and jeans. I was always so fucking wet because I wet my pants it was fun, I peed my pants and my panties in class all the time. I didn’t care anymore. I peed my panties in my jeans all day long for school. And my girlfriends and I are walking home from school and I had to stop because I had to go pee, so I peed my panties in my jeans in front of all my friends and they were like oh my God what are you doing. I have to go to the bathroom so I’m just peeing my pants. Girl you’re crazy. I said OK but you’re looking at me and I’m pissing my panties in my jeans and I really don’t give a shit. I pee my panties in my jeans in school every day. Yes we know that but we’re walking home from school. Well I had to go pee, so I just peed my panties in my jeans and it was OK. After that a couple of my girlfriends were like peeing their pants in their jeans. We would always get together. I always ended up going home with wet panties and jeans. My mom and my dad asked me why why are your clothes always so wet? I said because I’m peeing my panties in my jeans, and it feels so good. I will never wear a diaper and don’t even try to do anything. I love to wet myself. A year later, my sister that’s my twin to pee her pants and her panties. After that all we did was wet our pants and panties. It was the greatest feeling, and it felt so warm that we were addicted to pissing our pants. She was 15 when she started just pee. Her pants I was 12 years old. I was also  raped at 12 years old by somebody in the family. After that, I would fuck anyone any boy anywhere, and I didn’t give a fuck the feeling of being fucked by a boy with a hard cock  was great. After so many times I never took birth control and never dealt with any other things. But I fucked most of the boys in school and they all came in my pussy. I had been knocked up by a lot of boys when I was 16 years old. I would just take care of it. I’m not gonna deal with having a kid. I was a big slut and a whore in school. I didn’t care as long as I got what I wanted and that was boys to come in my pussy. Like I said, I’m a twin. And I was on the bad side of being a twin I didn’t care ever since I was raped and cock felt so good in my pussy I didn’t care. I wouldn’t let anybody not come in my pussy I want to come in me and if I was pregnant oh well, but I always took care of that. I also love sucking a lot of cock I suck so much dick in school, I can’t even explain how much I did. I would just suck a lot of cock and put his hard dick in my pussy and fuck him till he would come in. The boys in the neighborhood. them and I want them I would even hold them back to where they would come in my pussy. I was such a slut and a whore and all I wanted was a dick in my pussy and I just wanted his dick to come in my pussy. I love being knocked up for a while and I would take care of it I never use birth control. It was something that I didn’t want to deal with except I love to be pregnant. I would take care of things and that was the end of that my sister goes I’m pregnant. What do you wanna do I don’t wanna fucking baby. So we went and had her taken care of from being pregnant. My sister and I always wanted to do was have boys fuck us come in our pussy and knock us up. Kaylee and Mary.

[thickania]

"A husband waits outside

A crying child pushes a child into the night"

I want to talk a little about this line, because this is the beginning of this song and it was a punch in the gut. I grew up on a very poor area, and it was also a very christian area, and i was one of the only girls in my neighborhood that celebrated my 20th birthday without a baby, all of my highschool friends were teen moms, my neighbor is a 17 year old girl who has 4 kids, she had her first when she was 13, the baby-father at the time was 20, none of them finished their education, they couldn't, they need to take care of their kids, the fathers have 0 obligations with their child, a lot of them moved on and are now married to somebody else, they don't suffer the consequences, but the girls have to endure the pain, they have to drop everything to take care of someone else and have this responsibility that they don't understand it, a lot of them died during childbirth, they have no ambition, they receive no help, they don't have any opportunities, they don't finish their education, nothing, their life it's over before even starts. That's how it's like to live on a country where sex-ed it's not available, access to internet or any form of information is ver difficult,safe abortion is limited or forbidden and religion fanatics rule the country. It's having to see news about kids who are 10-15 years old birthing babies that only exist because of rape, it's watching girls losing every single chance of having a good life because they didn't get enough education or the proper help. It's hearing people saying to kids who were raped and end up being pregnant, that they have to wait a little, because God doesn't want for them to have a abortion because it's "sinful".

I'm begging people to actually listen to what Hozier is trying to say, it's okay to joke about him being this forest creature, but there is a time for that, please pay attention to what is happening in this world, pay attention to what and why people are fighting for, this song made me feel so fucking heavy and angry about everything. Just stop for a moment and actually listen to what he's saying.

[hikarry]

Favorite character you ever played? As an actor, that is. Not a video game

This 14 year old girl that gets raped by the guy she was in love with and gets pregnant. She ends up dying in child birth.

She was my first character and she just really marked me. She was so...complex.

Like, I had to lay on the stage, with the dude that was my crush back then (we are both gay in opposite ways, who would have thought) between my legs, moaning while my parents and my grandparents are in the front row and then give a 2 page long monologue while crying and that shit hit me in every rehearsal and so it did in all the performances. It was the highest point of the character and I milked it the most that I could. It was heartbreaking.

My director - that was a fucking bastard and yelled at us all the time. Fuck him, btw. I love you, sir, wherever you are, you fucking wanker - gave me a pat in the back and said I did a great job. That coming from him was the highest of praises

Also, the birthing scene: I had to scream for a whole minute. Scream of pain out of the top of my lungs so people could hear it outside the theatre. I had no voice the day after every rehearsal and performance. It was...intense. I had to scream. To cry. To yell for my "mother" and God and beg for help. That scene also messed with me and it took me a while to learn how to scream like the director wanted because it wasn't coming out right the first few weeks. Took weak, he would stay. "People outside need to think somebody is geting murdered here. If they don't call the police, you are not doing it right." - He was an asshole, I swear to you. But by fuck, was he the best director I ever had

Fun fact: the girl that played my mother and that was taking the child - a plastic baby doll - from between my legs would months later become my first girlfriend and one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Who would have thought I would have her between my legs before we even dated, eh?

Also, I died at like 90% of the play and had to stand still, laying on the floor, for the rest of the play (15 minutes or so). Listen, I've only learned how to meditate recently and the first few tries were a catastrophe because I can't stand still, I have too much anxiety. So, imagine back then? I had to focus all my might in keeping my breathing shallow and keeping my legs from twitching

It was an hard character, but I fucking loved her. And I miss her a lot.

After her I had other great characters. I loved all of them in a different way. There was none I didn't enjoy, but she lives in my heart.

She was my first step into the acting world and she teached me so much. It was with her that I learned how to breath. How to project my voice. How to get into the psychology of a character. How to study a character and become a different person. Become them. Stop being Spencer and become a 14 year old girl, a professor, a soda seller, an iranian immigrant, etc etc.

You have no idea how much I miss it. How much I miss the stage and step out of my skin for an hour or two and be someone else. Give someone else life. See through somebody else's eyes.

I was an actor for 5 years. I had to stop because of college, but I plan to go back when I finish my degree and start taking my masters. But I will forever be grateful for that little girl that held my hand through the first year of the rest of my life.

[numetaljackdog]

WILT 1/8/2024

spotify//youtube

Limp Bizkit - Leech: trying to get some of my friends into lb and this is the song that sold it for at least one of them

Nirvana - Been A Son: may well be my favorite nirvana track. every single lyric is like. owwww

Daniel Johnston - Walking the Cow: i have been on my bullshit about this whole album for like a full month. trying to learn this one on the piano

Daniel Johnston - Keep Punching Joe: i like the slightly more upbeat, almost kind of bluesy feel he put into this one. it feels very character-driven and humorous while still being a... unique exploration of victimhood

Breaking Benjamin - Polyamorous: this seems like it would be soooo fun to sing live. i just love all of ben's little enunciations and syllables here, his unique voice is so dear to me bc of how long i've been listening to bb. also god forbid poly bitches do anything

Suicidal Tendencies - Suicidal Failure: have also been on my bullshit with this album. i don't really want to talk about this track though, i don't feel like getting too personal

Nirvana - Rape Me: this one also feels weird to talk about publicly. but i've been listening to a lot of in utero tracks, not necessarily the album front to back but just my favs and this is definitely up there. an infamously raw and real record at perhaps its rawest and realest

Gene Wilder - Pure Imagination: i saw the new wonka movie in theaters and was surprised to find i actually enjoyed it a good bit. that nice warm feeling led me to listen to some of the soundtrack of the original and remind myself of how much i love it. i could have easily put the scary boat song on here too

Suicidal Tendencies - Subliminal: i don't really care that much about the actual message of the song pertaining to subliminal messaging in media, i think there are other takes on that subject that have done it a lot better than mike's clumsy rambling. but i do identify immensely with just the feeling of sickening paranoia that the song captures. maybe it's not coming through the television but SOMEBODY is fucking with me. subliminally...

Daniel Johnston - I Am a Baby (In My Universe): okay i won't lie this one is kind of funny. like openly funny and ridiculous rather than the more layered playfulness of the rest of the album. oOoOoOoh i'm only 22........ i'll live forever ^_^ idk. it's still real as fuck though, i feel like a dipshit baby all the time

Kurt Cobain - Rehash: when you listen to home tapes like this, i feel like it really gives such greater dimensions to who kurt cobain was as an artist. in a way, it feels not dissimilar to something like the scrappy brilliant work of an indie pioneer like daniel johnston, which makes sense considering kurt was a fan of the guy's work. at the same time, this particular track is kind of silly and has him doing that voice that i hardly even recognize as his. i've been wanting to watch montage of heck, and this one is here as a marker of my love for the sounds of these home recordings more generally

Korn - Faget: there's a lot of discussion to be had around when it's okay for artists to use this word, but in general i tend to find that alternative artists who use it in a way that identifies with it is something i can't really be mad at. korn, and more specifically jonathan davis, is a freak show of alternative music that appealed to other freak shows. the fact that jd chose to identify himself with the word "faggot" in this song due to his experiences as an outcast and victim of bullying is at worst misguided, and i bet it made a lot of other outcasts and victims in 1994 feel seen, feel less alone. i think that's worthwhile. however it is also funny that a few years later korn would release "all in the family" which is like if someone decided to drag out the meager concept of a homophobic slur into a full album track

The Romantics - What I Like About You: was rewatching pat finnerty videos and got this stuck in my head from the bit where he talks about this song in the dani california video. not much to say except it's a tune! also goes in the file of songs that seem very fun to sing live

Metallica - Wherever I May Roam: oh yeah now we get into the rock adn roll babey 🎸🎵 i mentioned in an audio ask that i've been really indulging in the dumb rock music and 90s metallica is like the prototype for all meathead rock that followed. it's solid though, there's a reason why it got so popular. this is a good track, i really like the prechorus

Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry: possibly the dirtbaggiest of all the dirtbag rock. that's not true actually there's still shit like theory of a deadman and fuckin buckcherry and whatever, stuff that even i don't touch. but idk puddle of mudd just hits now and then with the scratchy yucky vocals and stupidass riffs and this is hands-down one of the best songs off the album. it's at least kind of about something. and ngl everything is pretty blurry nowadays

Tom Petty - Love Is A Long Road: shoutout tom. was listening to full moon fever again and realized how much of a tune this was. big chorus with the good good blend of new wave and americana rock that he always brought

Muscadine Bloodline - Me On You: with country being as big as it is right now and me trying to connect with that sort of honest and grounded feeling that rock and roll gives people, it seemed natural that i would make another attempt to properly get into country. i came across this one on a country rock playlist i was exploring and took to it because of the nice growl in the singer's voice and the rapidfire delivery of lines with some tasty internal rhymes. nothing special but it rips. i am a little wary of the "bloodline" part of these guys' band name but i looked them up and couldn't find anything that immediately sent me running? idk i hope they aren't shitheads

The Offspring - D.U.I.: the drunk driving fandom is dying, can't imagine why. discovered on the soundtrack for "i know what you did last summer" which i picked up on cd at a thrift store

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite: okay these guys actually do suck major shit. and so does this song actually. but it's on here bc i've heard it a million jillion times and have been listening to it a lot again, after watching the pat finnerty video about this. man i feel like i'm cheating on todd this month or something wtf. anyway i discovered not long ago that i've been mishearing the lyrics to this song my entire life in a pretty major way. honestly it's overdue for its own installment in my little series where i explain my misheard lyrics and the much better implications i derived from them. basically i always heard the chorus as "i'll keep you by my side, you're my superhero man/my aching kryptonite" which is WAY more words than are actually in the chorus. the singer just chews on the syllables so much that i always heard them as separate words. but i always thought it was a song about a kind of shitty guy who was trying to be better and act like a superhero for his partner who he viewed as his own super savior, as well as his weakness (kryptonite) because of how much he loved them. i thought it was a really sweet song. but it's just about a douchebag guy who acts like a douchebag to his partner who he doesn't seem to actually like very much. it's not a good song. but again, butt rock. sorry

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #10

Hey guys! As some of may know I do a weekly radioshow on Wednesdays and I thought why not put together a prompt list from some of the songs I’ve been playing. I thought it would bring some fresh prompts into our world!

Feel free to pop any of these prompts with a charcter I write for (You can find these on the pinned post on my blog) into my ASK box!

Also don't forget to put the entire prompt in and not just the number!

I wanna start this out and say I gotta get it off my chest

I touch the place Where I'd find your face

We were staying in Paris

It's a dangerous love affair

I know you'll always jump in

So dance alone to the beat of your heart

Your heart is the only place that I call home

Out on the terrace

In this world, he who stops, won't get anything he wants

 Don't let them change you

Hear the screams from everywhere

To save somebody's life and have it blow up in his face

I can barely breathe, when you're here loving me

If we go down, then we go down together

The pleasure's pain and fire

Oh the bond is deeper than skin

baby, this is getting serious

We were meant for one another

Found me just a taste of heaven,

Cause ain't nobody gonna save you

 it's a bad bet, certain death

 something in the night is dangerous

Could you please loosen up the handcuffs on my wrists?

Every kiss that you ever gave me still remains

I'm addicted to the thrill

And I can hear the sirens burning

There's two of us, we're certain with desire

Up against the wall on a Wednesday afternoon

You got me running all the lights

Some girls they made eyes at me, played me for a fool

Your words in my memory Are like music to me

By your sweet side, that's the place where I belong

Bet that you're beautiful inside

I break the rules so I don't care

Come on baby, just, party with me

nothing's holding back the two of us

Got no anger, got no malice Just a little bit of regret

I lay down on the cold ground and I pray that something picks me up

I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand

Looks like another unsolved mystery

Show the people what you are made of

Come take the wheel and drive

It's dangerous, to fall in love

No, you're not half the man you think

I don't know what you're thinking, sugar

Strike a match and I'll burn you to the ground

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars

Open up your heart Take control of who you are

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

I'm not afraid of God

doesn't it feel like our time is running out?

'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you

Getting drunk on the past we were livin' in

Another day, another tale of rape

Yeah, we can be bad as we can be good

And I had no warnin' About who you are

I tried to help you It just made you mad

has something deep inside of us come undone?

So grab somebody and get your ass on the dance floor

Murder was the case and they blamed me

Hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages

Got some real heat for ya this time

[nausikaaa]

it’s insane the kinds of things some men will say when they let their guard down. when they forget there are women around.

i work in a pub and as a service worker i’m basically invisible unless somebody is looking to get a pint or harass me, and men will regularly say with their whole chest things like “i don’t think women should be allowed to leave the house,” “women playing rugby? they’re taking over the world!” “whatever, she’s nearly sixteen so she’s basically legal,” and worst of all “i couldn’t date her because i wouldn’t be able to stop myself, i’d rape her every night.”

people of all ages say this kind of thing. old men with wives and families. men in their late twenties with a girlfriend and baby daughter. it’s disgusting that they see women this way even when they have women they claim to love in their own lives. i already dislike the trend of men who only start to care about women and realise how bad they have it when they have a daughter if their own, because i don’t think you should need to have your own flesh and blood experience sexism to believe it’s real and a problem. but at least they learn somehow! at least they don’t talk about assaulting women then go home to their wives and daughters! sometimes these people bring their partners round the pub and everyone will be so friendly to her face, and i just want to slip her a note of all the awful things they’ve said, but i can’t.

even the guys who don’t say these kinds of things themselves will still laugh it off or agree with their mates when they say it. the only times i’ve seen any pushback was over the 16 year old comment where the guy’s friends very lightly made fun of him for dating a teenager when he’s over 30, and at the rape comment his friend told him to shut up in a way that sounded very obvious it was more because he didn’t want them to be overheard than he properly disagreed with him. so don’t start commenting “not all men”, i know that, but most of them still let this happen.

you always think these kinds of things are only said behind closed doors by fucked up politicians or posted anonymously online by basement dwelling creeps, but it’s members of your community in a semi public space. it’s guys your dad hires to do odd jobs or who smile at you when you walk past them on the street. who ask how your family is and buy you a coke when they remember you’re there and to pull up the mask. they’re completely normal people until they think they’re in safe company, and that’s the even scarier part.

[solardick]

And they cut the power

Night of romance with myself. Minus all

The trash.

What i do to deserve this time?

Ive already served a life sentence how many more years do you want?

May i have the power back now. Im sivk of thinking about how lifr fucks me. Id rather think about a pretty girl and rabbits and puppies and rainbows and shit.

But apparently thats a bad thing. Being a ositivr functional citizen promote good vibes instea dof negative ones.

But its not my choice i dont get to decide. Im just here to be fucked with. Going on 40 years.

Power. I eant to go back to working as a team slaying evil. Instead.

I think they enjoy. Fucking into suicidal longing.

Me.

I just want to lay vack on the couch wirh somebody. No need to talk. Watch a movie or binge a series. And hold them close. Lay back on my lap, even, as i touch their hair. Quiet, peace, obvess of people harming me. And think about the futire.

Ive never experience a sense of tranquility ans security before. And i most likely never will.

The world is full of heroes and villains. Not much for heroes.

No their bussy brain raping me right now.

And they cut off my internet.

Ir they kulled my xbox. No proactive social behavior from you. Mr.

Maybe bot. False alatm of attack. Got it back.

How to live in a hostil world serrounded by enemies raping upur existance while playing nice?

Is there a self help book with that tittle?

Its pretty bad when your own health care system is your enemy. Like uour not paying for its services.

You just get taxed to be fucked with. Add in all the thousands of dallards give from cig tax.

The hundreds of dalloard ive given for child health care services.

Then tell that foreigner. That he has no byssiness working in a shop of get it down attitudes while be thta feminine. He should go to walmart and he’ll be able to talk about his jappenese boy band interests to all the girls that eork there.

Can i not have a place to mtself man. I do not like the people you keep

Pairing me eith.

And my rejectiin of wellfare support. Or u enplyement. Even when ive been out of eorl for months.

All that money is going to old people that dont need ears.

All those baby boomers that gave hard pluto aspects on me.

Isnt the pluto swiare pluto about killing the homoerotic bs? The fact it happens in the i fluence of ky mother. With staurn conjucnt pluto and urabus conjucet sun. After quitting her church seasions. ….. hmm

What you trying to kill my

Mother or something. Id rather you killed my father. My motjer deserves her hell. And my dather is too much the fool to even.

That fucktard did nothing but curse and swear profanities and sexual derogatorues every moment ive ever known him.

Well that phone call did clarify one thing. They are intentional giving me poor mental health.

Swearing allows me to bypass the intensity of my bluntness

After i trained that kid and helped him overcome his self sabotaging, to have the confidence to work better.

Not many people who shw any gratefulness.

With after an hour of being fucked with by GAP opperatives. Never called the pharmacy. And to force me to repeat myself literally 12 times and over. Then i made her repeat it again. Just to own it.

It be like me teying to constantly pair they all with a bunch of mormons that they had to obey or else. Suffer the mormon punishment. All smiles and sunshine now.

And everytime you get out of line ill dose you with spychotics. Oe the equalvwnt of sleep

Deprivarion. So then they can beat on you some more. Or some group of people your prejusdice too. God knows you got more than i do.

Hey lookmim talking to the fuckers flicking my power. Like a bunch of losers. Right in sync watching on their cameras.

Fuck are they fucken with me right now. With the lights and the power. Flick flick. Fucken losers man. Good for nothign wastign their time. They could be spending on something awesome bu the waste ruining my life.

Wonder what i did to deserve it this time. Ive asked myself this question for 25 years now. Going on 26. Maybe even more. Time gets blurry the farther away uou are.

Well

So much for ever growing uo i guess. Not allowedd to.

Guess they dont want me gaming anymore.

When may i fart?

Amazing that they turned a broken tootb into this while big giant debacle to stupid rapist bs.

Well you guys did wisper that she was my wife in my ear one morning. So it must be true. Perfectly safe and sound.

Just like the family relates. No one loves you go kill yourself. If you dont want to be a woman.

Ok fune they are never going to

Stop fucken with me until i go full queer. Theres no gay for me. Im just here to be manhandled and fucked.

But im going to need two boyfriends since the relationship will be based purely on sex. The. I could quit having a job and become a ful time house wife. Then i could get fucked up the ass everynight. While sucking off my boyfriend. And ill cease being anperson. And juat become a sex addict. Perma child.

Wasting my life away year after year as they maneuver to turn me into a queer. So many years already. You’ll see man. I’ll do

Some

Pretty sick twisted ahit.

I dint understand why wveryone has always hated me so much.

Well lets go

See what they’re going to

Do

To

Me next.

And theres no other explanination other then they are all wrong. But being a minority. Doesnt affect the other side.

Soend all thise years framing me into this.

Byt theyre stupid and do t get it neither do they care. So my life is forfeit anyway with out a trial.

No one has ever gotten me right. And this is no different. What they see isnt what is there.

Its permanent. So ill be a sexually active senior?

Well guess im no longer bi-

Well, thats a no. Just fucken around like everyone.

Stay quiet. Stay alive.

Look its snothrr movie about my life. Its a real terrible movie. Its like being in your bedroom.

Theres not much left of my mind anymore. All these years of abuse have eaten away at me.

Because you jnow intook my gf cat and through it a wall because i eas mad. Of course i did. Some one said. So. Even though every kittwn sent home to be taken care off, litteraly died by a “mysteriously broken neck” same with my pet rats.

If enoigh peiple gef together the can twiste and weave whatever fabrication fits whatever make beleabe story they want. My entore teality is a hod damneed lie made by other people.

God damned i want a cigarette. Made a quick noose today. Simce im being framed and taped into suicide.

It be like ripping that kids patch on his jacket in elementary school. Mother said he cant be friends with me no more. Because im dis it in purpose. What kind of kid rips their clothing when their are playing. Oh lord. I also suppose that that kid who dislocated his knee while playing dodge ball was my fault too. Coming from a guy whos rescues baby bords from fallen trees.

When you have an entire group of peoplw intentionally pissing you off passed the breaking point. They sying oh what i bad man.

Supposed i also tried burning fown the old oga in knowlton too uh. The building i was no where near that day. Like its my fault peoplw were coming jnto my appartment and putting speed

In my food.

Or messing with me on every avenue to illicit a neutotic episode and then saying go to therapy.

Or like i tentionally teying to thrn me inot a sissy faget whole telling me gay jokes. I have an attituse problem sometimes. Really. I cant i dersstnd why. Understanding is the enemy to action. Tellign that little girl to stop making gay jokes at my expense. Or i’ll do domething about it. Gave her fair warning. Ahe didnt listen, so i made an official complaint agaisnt her. She dosnt get fired or sen tfor

An investigation. Nope. But i tell i girl to stop flirting with me and its sexuel harrasment. Ok sure why not. Seem sto me i m being punisher for what othe rpeoplw

Do to me.

Still feel guilty and bad about that kitten. But i didn’t through it agaisnt a wall. I dont kill or harm animals. Liek the tabbiys you fucktard left layign around. To suffer to be eatne alive by crows.

Now excurs eme i gave to go

Get raped i to suicide for

The crime if beign born.

Oh the reason why i stair at dildos all thr tine is because i fabtasize anout sitting on them.

Just giveng a fish a bone.

Well ill be my ass isnt infoamed for the first time in over 4 months. Coukd it be they stoped dosing me with dicknin ass desease medication?

You gonna pretend to be another storm and flicke my lights sone more.

Guess the pills i didnt take are working.

Aint nonage of aquirius here. Got to make that happen.

I already know hoe this story ends. Ends with me being dead.

Why would i get a pet. Someones hust going to kill it.

But a paa re nyly im just a peice of shit. That needs anti-spychotics while being damaged and fucked with sp i dont have neutotic episodes and i cant take my beatens in silence.

A re you allergic to milk. While here have some icecream.

So whats next in the plan to belittlement and make me feel like a small piece of shit. Surrounded but all this boys wearing their bigboy pants?

Wonder what not being attcjed feels like. Or lock in a prison cell feels like. Oh well.

Know what ive never experiences before being oaired with someone who doesnt want to hurt me. Something o the bucket list before i die. But Ll i get paired are homos. Spychotivs or criminal. Or a mix of the three. And all they do is hurt me. I hate homos now. Well modt of them. All the ones you keep pairing me with. Who speak crow.

But i feel bad that the majority are all brainwashed, manipulated and encouraged to keep it flowing.

Well

Lets go back to being derrounded by wnemies. Messing with my exixtamce. Its all i know. Its all

Ive ever known.

So thos whole thing. Is on one of my tooths tgat the dentist sabotaged broke and needs to be pulled.

Are they even using the right ascendant?

What wver it is im guilty off. It must be true. Because other peiple say it is. And othe reiple are tight because. Its just me alone. What else you got ive been thrpugh worst. Im just full of shit and a liar. So. Don’t beleive me.

Theres nothing worst than being swallowed by darkness. First time i deserved it. The bext three tomes i diddn’t.

Something you guys will never understand. Cause youve never been there. And then while your serrounded by a bumch of assholes that beat on you every other day. Wanting desperatly to say something but you can’t. And year after year. You die a little more. And all those assholes continue to treat you like dog shit. And then on those moments where you did. And they tell you. They don’t care.

And then some asshole comes and says you going to suffer for the eest if your life. Because you didn’t say anything. Yup. Hell its whwre i was born. Serrounded ny assholes. Calling me an asshole. Blow me.

Too bad a quiet place 3 is too heavily queer conditioned.

Wow people sure like making lies about me.

Apparently i told that queer foreign kid to get the fuck out of the van. Corabwrated by the guy who has the gay whis speaks crow. No. I said no im not done yet get out.

If yoyr gonna hive me shit. At least make it for somethign im guilty of instead bs that isnt even true. Which is probabbly90% of the bs toyr all

Talk about my back abouy.

Listen to my x apparently i trhoigh a cat a wall caus ei was

Mad.

Meanwhileni got family members killing my pets.

Probably already being set up for the next hit.

Injust can’t help it. I like to make people smile.

Amd its either my mother or my elsest brother whis a pet killer. Drowned a brothers turtles. Snapped a kittem neck and killed my rats.

But apparently im a homophobe whis also an asshole. Go figure.

Singled out and alone in the family. Singgled out and alone in the school, singled out and alone at work. Singled out and alone in the cominity. Always a minority always being shat on. Even in my solitude. Minding my own business.

Call me a homophobe. I have it just as bad as they ever did. Always have been under attack. And i always will. Going on 40 years. Used to be a point of solidarity. But, not anymore.

Huess the greeks were wrong. Sont lift the hydra into the light. Soesnt do anything. Its caretakers will interfeer.

Unlike you. Ive never talen oleasure or joy in fucken with people.

But it was kind of funny. Being written up on a lie. Instead of what i actually did worng, again. And then justin fidgeted behind my back when i mentioned there being a while lot of people fucking with me. Based on false accusations.

They really wanted to give me a lift home. So i said sure why not krystal. Lets see what other bs you have for me. Nice touch on the bottle of pills in your purse. Not to mention the two times you laughed at me. Well sniggered. But no one cares.

And its fun being beaten i to suicide by other peoples delusions. But thats what happens when you too busy sucking off the devils cock. Like its fun to be you.

Dont forget to share your home videos of me. In the bathroom.

Wouldnt be the forst. Wont be the last.

I want to donate some blood. Get rid of some of my dead blood cells.

Hopefully i can get back to myself again. Instead being distracted by a bunch of imbeciles. Almost died 4 times in the last four years alone. Thry think its funny. What do you call someone like that. Gotta label them somehow.

My empire is still growing. Hiw doesnt know my name. My name has more power in it then all you out together. Comming at you from the inside.

You dont love me?! But, but i shaved my butt for you. And it never grew back. What am i supposed to do now?

Rogaine.

Wonder how much longer ill survive being fucked with by all these rapist. Before i die.

What? No mire church letters to teel me salvation is coming?

Cheers in never havign experienced ehat not being fucked with feels like.

There was one girl who stook up for me. In elementary while i was being yelled by thr teacher cuase she didnt like the colours i used in my mothers day card.

Oh im goig to be late for work. God forbid if a miss another day of being manipulated and raped. Dont want ot get in trouble for what everyone else dies everyday.

Mother and sister pull by. “Hi!” Turn my head. Who is this? Oh. “ hi” keep walking. I font know who you are. Spent 30 with her. Dont know a thing about her. Uou hinna smack me around some more if, i ask a questiin?

Sorry i have an army of assholes whi treat me like a wife beater. Youbhonna smack me around dome more right after being punched in thr face by a spychopath?

Im not even going to attend your funeral. Leave me alone. Ill probablt die before uou anyway.

…. “Die now, and curse in vain.”

But it looks like hey dosed me again. Jo work tomorow. Back to suicide.

Last tine ghey brought my mither and sister into rhe picture. They gave me a masdive fose tgat put me out for over a week. They fave me break after to faux storm of twitchibg my powerbof and on. I couple days off. Aftwrcs made a noose.

Eithe rthey ruened my alarm off today. Or i did in my sleep. Considering they moniter by sevit card purchases. Its not a far cry.

Since i dontbhave the base security. I cant leave or make any decision. So im stuck here. Its the security that develops in childhood through adolescense. I dibt have that. So its for ed to be through another crisis whete i get paired woth abusive asshole.

Guess its this for the res if my life until i gave someone to talk to. Who treats me like a human being and isnt apart of the rapist comunity.

I dont even gwt to have any genuine human contact.

Just people fucken with me until i tell them to go fuck themselves and get punished for it.

Wow human contact. Well i meant it in consistency. But the breif moment. Was nice. Dont knownif it was genuine. Though.

[reminder-to-breathe]

8/21/23 5:43pm

Dear mom,

I don’t think you’ll ever know how bad you’ve hurt me in this lifetime.

And maybe not even the next lifetime.

For let me just compose it all into one word: you SHATTERED me at the youngest possible age.

And it’s worse because, you never stopped.

When I was a kid all I remember you saying is “a man will never love you and want to be with you if you don’t _____” and “nobody will ever find you attractive if you don’t _____.”

Kind of messed up that that’s what I remember, but it was said so many times it’s all I can really recall. You never built me up, you just made it clear that me being me was never going to be enough, and that me being me wasn’t enough and I needed a man anyways.

Now I’m an adult and you don’t pay my bills, I don’t live with you, I have somebody who loves me and I have my own children but you still don’t know how to build me up. Instead all I see is “Well I guess you’re going to be a waitress for your entire life” “How sad”

And god, how I wish that was the only bit of what you’ve said, if I were to sit here and retype every nasty thing you’ve ever said to me, every sideways remark you’ve made to others, every savage text you’ve sent to others to make me seem like … what? Like what? Like what exactly ? Really? Let’s be honest - why do you text your friends and family and talk negatively about me? Why you do so prominently spit hate on your own daughter but to my face you love me and try to make me happy?

Why do you wonder why I was so depressed and tried to end my own life at 14 years old?

Why do you think I screamed at you and dad that I fucking hated you and wanted you dead? You slept in fear for your life for months and kept the door locked, afraid I would do something.

It wasn’t because I was raped but that’s all you seem to think changed me, but let’s be real - you broke me down so far enough at such a young age that I didn’t ever think I could be someone. Didn’t think I’d ever amount to anything.

I stopped wanting to live at the age of 14.

Do you see the problem?

Now I’m 27 and I still don’t want to live,

I’ve experienced the most detrimental losses you can in the past 2 years of my life, and all you’ve done is beaten me down more.

Why do you think I fell for toxic abusive men in my life? Why did I let men use me for sex?

I just always wanted to be enough, for someone, for anyone.

But I’m not enough, and now I’m not even enough for myself and I’m so detrimentally unhappy that medication can’t fix me, I’ve tried every brand and every dosage, psychologists won’t work with me because I’m too complicated of a case, therapists fire me because I can’t accept the help, and my partner does everything in his power to try to make me happy and feels defeated knowing that it just isn’t a plausible task.

When I need your love the most, you aren’t ever there. When we’re around other people you just say “Well, she was never a hugger and always an independent person even since a baby”…

But I really wasn’t mom, I really wasn’t, you MADE me distant, you made me reject affection, you made me feel like I had to earn a hug

You fucked me up and I don’t think you’ll ever know it. Or maybe you do know it, and you’ll never accept it, or never acknowledge it, or fuck it, I don’t even know.

[thingstrumperssay]

TW: I talk about rape, what it is and why it’s a lot more common than you probably think

I’m not going to hide the examples of rape that too many people don’t think is rape. I would hide specific stories under a “read more” but those don’t work if there’s an “expand” option.

Lately I’ve been reading people saying that “rape is very rare so why should we allow people who had consensual sex “murder their babies“ (get a safe abortion) just because a few people get raped?“ Which is disgusting in itself that they think that a victim should carry their rapist’s child to term just because it’s “rare” but it’s also not actually that fucking rare. Most of the time it’s just not obvious.

First though I want to give some advice: if you’re at a bar, go to the bathroom right away and look for fliers advertising a shot that’s actually a secret code to the bartender that you need help getting away from somebody.

Scenario 1 pressuring a stranger: (Probably the most common scenario when it’s a stranger doing the rape) A lot of non-consensual sex occurs because people can’t pick up on social cues (or they pretend not to) and they get pushy because in the best scenario they don’t realize that the person is just not into it.

Social cues (for women at least. I’m not necessarily sure for men though I imagine they’re similar) that they’re not interested includes: Fake smiles, giving little to no answers to questions, looking at their phone, turning their body away and sometimes hugging themselves or fiddling with a piece of jewelry if they have any.

Scenario 1 (continuation): The person pursuing sex (who I’ll refer to as “P” for now on) will try to convince the person they’re trying to have sex with (Who I’ll call “Ui” for “uninterested) to drink or to drink more. If that doesn’t work they’ll try to imply that Ui is rude if Ui won’t give P a chance. In the worst case scenario, P will push Ui to go over to their place. This usually makes people think that a person agreeing to go to their place automatically means consent.

When people are uncomfortable they’ll try to laugh nervously which will be used as an excuse against them. When Ui strongly implies that they don’t want sex (pushing you away, turning away, fucking telling P that they don’t) and P ignores that, Ui will take that as a sign that P is a dangerous person who doesn’t care about consent and will do whatever they can to keep themselves alive. Because at that point P doesn’t actually care about consent, so it’s safe to assume that P will get violent if Ui makes it more clear than they don’t consent.

TL;DR: Pressuring a stranger into sex is rape.

Scenario 2 Marital/partner rape: Marital rape didn’t become illegal in all 50 states until 1993, and even then it’s hard to be taken seriously and again in most cases it’s the spouse pressuring and guilt-tripping their partner into it. “We’re married, so don’t you want to?” “Don’t you want to make me happy?” “I take care of you, and this is the thanks I get?“ et cetera. Some people believe that marriage automatically means consent every time they want to have sex.

In both scenario 1 and 2 a lot of the times Ui will convince themselves that it was consensual or that they won’t be taken seriously because they gave in in the end and they won’t report it to the police. I can’t imagine how many rape cases went unreported. (I don’t want to imagine.)

Scenario 3 taking away the ability for them to say “no”: This is a lot similar to scenario one, except the situation is specifically when P pressures Ui to get drunk enough that they can’t clearly say “no” and P accepts this as consent.

Scenario 4 “women can’t rape men”: There’s this misconception that women can’t sexually harass or rape men because it’s very rarely talked about. In health class (if sex ed is allowed) they’ll talk about all the ways women should protect themselves but rarely about how men are also raped sometimes so there’s another misconception that leads to women thinking that just the fact that they’re men is consent enough because they “always want sex.” And because of these misconceptions men will think that they’ll get laughed at if they report it because “aren’t you supposed to like it?”

Scenario 5 consensual turning to non-consensual situations:

A. Consent can be taken away at any time for any reason. No, I don’t think it’s rape if you (actually) consented to sex, changed your mind and your partner respected that. (”Actually” as in you said “yes” and you made it very clear that you consented.) However, I do think it is rape when you take away your consent and the person ignores you. (Because it is.)

B. Getting somebody to consent to P if P uses protection, but P sneak the protection out (like a condom, or spermicide) or lie about getting a vasectomy or knowingly having an STD is rape because you’re purposely not doing the thing that Ui wouldn’t consent to if you didn’t. (The condom scenario unfortunately didn’t get legally classified as rape until very recently and that’s only in California.)

C. Ignoring a safe word is rape. (Basically the same scenario as A.)

“Reported rapes aren’t that common so-” is a lie and we have the statistic to prove that.

I want to give some examples of some of these actually happening or almost happening because I think anecdotal evidence makes these situations clearer in some cases. (The first one is just a personal example of how clueless some people can be, but the others are seriously trigger warning territory and made me really angry.)

Personal “take the hint” story: My husband (then fiance) and I used to go to a bar/bowling alley twice a week with friends (and his brother.) One time there was this man who was wasted who tried hitting on me. I’d give short but polite answers and walk away while making my engagement ring visible to him (like when he asked “are you from around here?” I’d just go “yeah”) He didn’t get the hint so for some reason my instincts told me to sit on my husband’s lap and start kissing and hugging him in front of this dude.

He would still try hitting on me whenever it was either mine or my husband’s turn to bowl or when my husband went to the bathroom (even though I’d be in the middle of my friends) and after probably an hour of him being persistent he finally connected the dots and asked “are you going out with him?”

If for whatever reason my husband wasn’t around and I felt like this creep really wouldn’t respect my boundaries I would’ve just go to my veteran brother-in-law (who at that point just came back from Iraq and would never drink in public) and point the guy out. I just sometimes wonder what I’d do if that happened to me and I was alone?

My first instinct would probably be to asked the bartenders for a pen and paper so  I could write a note to them. (At the time I didn’t know about “code word shots.” I don’t think.) but like... I don’t know this guy. It took him forever to realize that I was engaged and there with my fiance when I was hugging, straddling and kissing him. He could’ve been violent, and with the way he persisted he probably would’ve been.

r/LegalAdvice post from a rapist: For scenario A I kept thinking about this one Reddit post on r/LegalAdvice that I read recently that just made me angrier the more I read.

Basically this guy ignored all obvious social cues that his date wasn’t interested, took her home knowing that reception is bad in his apartment (he doesn’t describe how that happened but it’s implied that he pressured her into agreeing,) ignored her “no” when he tried making out with her, took her phone that she was trying to send texts with away from her and “sex happens.” When he’s in the shower she takes the opportunity to run to his neighbor to call the police using their WiFi connection and he gets arrested. This is his perspective of what happened.

The advice he was looking for was “what do I do if I was falsely accused of rape?” when people called him a rapist he’d be like “she didn’t say “no“ (even though she did) and she was laughing and joking around!” and the fact that he would admit to everything he admitted to doing really tells me that he actually thought that the sex was consensual.

Sienna Mae: For scenario 4 I kept on thinking about this video that I watched yesterday where proof that “E-Celebrity” Sienna Mae started making out with an unconscious man in front of his friends. (Which only stopped because of said friends pulling her off.) That video that they recorded is included in the video I watched. She didn’t specifically try to use the “I’m a girl so it’s not rape” excuse (in the video at least. Unless she did and I somehow missed that) but because I was listening to it recently I was thinking about it when writing scenario 4,

[bluenctsmut]

➪ 𝑯𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒙.

Mark X female reader

➪ Warning: smut! (18+) pet names, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, swearing, unprotected sex, choking, thigh riding and church sex.

➪ 1.3k words.

He was so sinful, so against the rules of the book. Every word that came from his mouth, every groan sounded like heaven, even when he belonged in hell.

Even though I craved for more of him and his touch i still screamed "Mark! Get off me!"

He listened and pulled away slamming his hands on either side of my body. Lips millimetres apart "You say that,  yet i know you went me, come on y/n spread those pretty legs of yours and let me do my absolute worst to you"

"Not here, not now, there's a church service going on downstairs as we speak" we felt each others breath every time we both spoke.

"When has that stopped as before, I've bent you over more than once in this place" he spoke so seductively.

He croked me, as he brought us over to another place in the room, kissing me, forcing his tongue in my mouth. Everything he's doing is so damn attractive, there's no stopping him now.

We crashed into another wall before mark mumbled "strip, take your dress off" knowing damn well what we were doing was wrong.

I raise my dress above my head, doing as he said. "Mar-" he covered my mouth, " shhh, baby girl,  its daddy, not mark. Is that clear" I gulped, wow, he's never done this before, but I like it.

"Yes daddy" I say, sounding too innocent. He

groaned "God, you're so good" he growled sounding like the devil in vein.

He places his finger between my lips and whispers "you're too beautiful, honestly, what should I do with you"

I squirmed before saying "how about you fuck me" he smirked.

"Oh, I'm doing that either way, how about you strip take off your bra, then I'll make up my mind" Not having much of an option, I completely obey him.

He picked me up, raping my legs around him. He nailed me against a couch that happened to be in the room we were in. We looked in each other's eyes for a moment, Just admiring the view we had of each other.

He's gone full dominant, like a wild animal. It's sexy, yet it's thrilling being around him when he's in this state.

"Mark, what if somebody walks in?" I mumble as i watch him looking over my exposed body.

"Let them walk in, they'll see my face buried in your sweet pussy, it's okay" he whispers.

He sticks to his word, kissing lower and lower than my month. I'm truly terrified of anyone walking in, yet he goes beyond my lower stomach this time. Removing my very last item of clothing, my panties. He kisses my inner thighs, and I squirm beneath his touch.

He places his tongue right in between my legs, moving it slowing with all the lust in the world. He moves in deeper, spreading my legs further apart. He's tasting everything, he was drinking it like water.

"You taste just like candy" he stops and mutters.

He licks it again for the last time, ending his taste tester. He runs his hands up my body, stopping at my boobs and  Our faces meet again.

"Baby, I would continue, but unfortunately my dick is so danm hard it hurts" unsure what to say I just look at him as if he never said anything at all.

"Well, baby girl since when are you so quiet, come on speak up"

I Said nothing, I simply pulled myself from beneath him and straddled him. He smirked and grabbed my neck in a choke.

"Make my pants wet, ride my thighs, like you own them"

Mark growled, there's nothing like hearing that sound, not a feeling in the world. My life is boring without this man.

"Come on, say yes daddy"

"Yes daddy" I continued to fully let him dominate me.

I began rocking back and forth doing as he said listening to him growl and moan. He let go of my neck and placed his hand on my hips to help me move quicker.

"Mmmh, you're too good baby girl"

As i continued to move across his thighs, there was doubtless a wet spot forming beneath me.

I watched Mark look down to see what I had done. He pushed me down to the other side of the couch behind me.

He straddled my thighs, now I watched as he took off his shirt and undone his belt which quickly let to him taking off his pants plus his boxers. He placed his thumb on my lower lip, he whispered "your drug to me, baby girl your body has an effect on me like nothing else, remember that"

He lightly choked me, as he thrust himself inside of me. We both through our head back at the feeling of our bodies connecting. He didn't stop moving his hips as his hand moved from my neck to boob, aggressively squeezing it. His other hand was keeping a strong grip on my hip.

"Baby girl, I would tell you to scream my name, but they'd hear us and we don't want to get caught, do we? Hmm" he growled.

He took his hand from my boob and placed his thumb on my bottom lip resting his hand on my jaw, as I was on the verge of screaming his name because of him and his sex.

"Suck my fingers, baby girl" he mumbles while moaning and granting.

I know exactly what he wants me to say "yes daddy" I mumble also moaning and granting.

He hears what I let out, he instantly Jerked my body towards him with his other hand as his he set two fingers in my mouth. I proceeded to suck his fingers, entirely obeying him. 

"You're such a god danm slut for me" he whispers, saying the Lord's name in vain in a place he simply knows not too.

His rhythm is so intense, he's moving so forcefully. He moved his head down to my neck and collarbone sucking the skin there maintaining that same rhythm, moving his fingers out of my mouth back to my neck. The pleasure is insane, I wrapped my legs around his waist wanting more, I dug my fingers along his back.

"You want to ride my dick?" He whispers directly in my ear, making me shiver.

"Yess... Daddy" I confess struggling to talk from the pleasure.

He sits up leaning on the back of the couch the second those words come from my mouth, I straddled his thighs before sinking down on his dicking. I watched his head fall back as I listen to him growl and hisses. He hands went to my hips and ass. I began bouncing on him.

"Thats it baby girl, use my dick like own it" he utters.

Mark starts thrusting up clenching my hips helping him thrusting upwards. Him doing this adds on to the pleasure that they're both feeling, it's still insane and intense. We kissed again sloppy and wet. He thrusts hard, stopping me moaning was his tongue halfway down my throat.

He pulls away and begins marking my collarbone. I began to feel his dick twitch, he's coming soon.

Moments later pulls off my skin where he was sucking and marking and mumbles "baby girl, I'm coming move that fine ass of yours faster" he slaps my ass, violently, probably leaving a mark. I moved faster on his dick and he again thrust hard and kept thrusting hard.

He pinned down again he pulled out, he jerked himself a few times and came all over my lower stomach. We came face to face, we kissed again this time with more passion and less aggression.

"Your pussy is too good, baby girl...yet this dick didn't make you came" he points out.

"Well, are you going to something about it daddy?" I replied. He smirks and unexpectedly

Pushes three fingers inside, my legs spread wider for him. He moves his fingers fast as his thumb rubbed circles on my clit.

"I'm com-" before I could finish my sentence bucked my hips up and came, and Mark didn't have to try that hard.

He sucked his fingers tasting the contents on them and growling. I sat there catching my breath.

"baby girl, go get dressed I'll meet you downstairs" he whispered.

[fandom-girl-99]

Share a biography paragraph of an OC! :)

Wow! I'm too excited for this! :)

Um...okay....ah...MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR MENTIONS OF MOLESTATION, RAPE, WARS, TERRORIST ATTACKS AND GENOCIDE!

My OC that took me 4 years to create is named Nansia Petrova and is part of The Vampire Diaries universe along with The 100 and Teen Wolf later expends into the MCU and Arrowverse and Outlander in later books, part of the Be Somebody Series.

Nansia Petrova was born on Saturday 15th of May 1999 in Nothern Ireland under the name Vasiliki Athanasia Andoniadou-O'Connell (later named Skorpiti after her step-dad adopts her), twin sister of Thomas Michael Adoniadou-O'Connell, older half-sister of Nicollete Kalina Andoniadou-Skorpiti, and younger half-sister of Declan O'Connell, firstborn daughter of Maria Andoniadou and Colin O'Connell and step-daughter of Dimitri Skorpiti. Nansia is of Greek and Irish descent, her Greek side is separated in parts she's 1/2 Peloponnesian Greek from a small town called Aigio in the region of Achaea in West Greece, 1/2 Eastern Thracian Greek (Eastern Thrace is nowadays European Turkey), her maternal grandfather's family are survivors of the Greek genocide of the 1910s when they were living in their small village called Eksmil in the peninsula of Gallipoli in Eastern Thrace, the village was destroyed completely during the Balkan Wars and World War 1. Nowadays Eksmil is a NATO Army base. Her grandfather's family arrived in Giannitsa, Pella, Central Macedonia, Greece in the 1930s after two decades of being nomads after the destruction of Eksmil. Nansia's mum, Maria, was born in Stockholm, Sweden in 1973 after her parents immigrate first to Holland then to Belgium and then to Sweden trying to get away from the Greek Civil War that was raging and later the dictatorship that tore Maria's mum's family apart for decades to come.

Nansia's parents will meet at a Metallica concern in 1999 in Ireland where Colin will cheat on his wife, Crystal O'Connell (nee O'Reiley) with Maria causing the births of Nansia and Thomas. Maria never wanted to be a mother and since she was forced into the role by both Colin and her family, she hoped for a son but when the doctors lied to her and told her that her son died and only her daughter survived the difficult birth, she started resenting her daughter. That resentment would go on for years in form of physical and emotional abuse and neglect from Maria's side to Nansia. Maria would marry Dimitri Skorpiti in 2003 giving birth to another daughter, Nicollete in 2004. During her marriage to Dimitri, his job in the Army made them live the life of a nomad every 3 to 5 years moving to a new city/town or island. Maria didn't like that life at all so she had many affairs whenever Dimitri would spend the 48-hours shifts in the Army base as it was mandatory at least three times a month or he was gone for a long period of time in Army exercises. These men Maria had affairs with would freely abuse and molest little Nansia and Maria wouldn't mind at all.

Throughout Nansia life when Dimitri became her step-dad he would carry on his family's tradition of training the women of his family in martial arts since they were 4 years old up to 14 years old, at 16 gifting them their first multipurpose knife/gadget and at 18 gifting them their first military-grade Swiss knife. Things that Nansia would use to survive later in life.

When Nansia turns 8 her mum would get sick with Lupus and would need seven surgeries to fix the issues in her legs causing Maria severe immobility later in life. Nansia was left to take care of her sick mum, her baby sister, the household, and everything for the next fifteen years.

When Nansia was 12 years old at school she was almost raped by a bully of hers but everything her step-father taught her saved her life.

In 2016 Nansia is at school during art class and she's listening to the radio where the normal program is cut to deliver emergency news about the Belgium terrorist attack to which Nansia loses her Internet best friend Vasia Nerou and injuries severely a family friend's family. That loss shocks Nansia to the core causing her to have a mental breakdown at the school's bathroom activating her so long dormant witch powers making her time jump to 2149.

There she would spend her life from 16 (a few months shying away from her 17th birthday) to 28 years old fighting in a post-apocalyptic world (See The 100 series plot) choosing to go by Nansia Skorpiti and spend 122 years in cryogenic sleep as a 28-year-old after the earth's destruction only to time jump back once she was awakened back to her 15 years old self's body reliving the same day over again without time jumping.

Having to go through her teenage years with memories of how her world will turn out made her fall into a deep depression and have several other mental anguishes. The radiation she was exposed to during 2149 caused her autoimmune issues making her sick with Hashimoto Thyroiditis and Osteoarthritis Chondopathy at the tender age of 17 years old. No, doctor could figure out how out of the blue she developed such health issues but Nansia pieced the puzzle together very quickly.

At the age of 19 the second time around, Nansia has a PTSD induce panic attack after a childish fight with her friends causing her dimensionally time jump with her not-so dormant witch powers to end up at the Salvatore Academy (enters The Vampire Diaries universe)

During her stay there she comes to learn that she is a tribrid, three species in one body, her mum's paternal side of the family has had a huge secret for decades! Nansia's grandfather's family weren't of the same dimension where Nansia's and her mum's generation were born into, they were from this dimension Nansia was currently misplaced in. Hailing from the Petrova witch bloodline who after Klaus Mikaelson almost killed them all in retaliation to Katherine Pierce running away from him and not completing the Sun and the Moon sacrifice to unlock his hybrid nature, decided to marry into a nearby werewolf pack the Makedon Arkadia one near where the Petrova family were residing. Causing the great-grandchildren of Katherine Pierce aka the grandchildren of Nadia Petrova, to be hybrids of werewolf-witch type. Nadia's youngest daughter Thalia Andonov and her youngest son Dimitri Andonov managed to escape Klaus after he found them once more and slaughter them being saved by Finn Mikaelson who has been keeping a protective eye on them for centuries with his beloved Sage.

Thalia in an attempt to get away opens a portal with her magic and ends up in a different dimension from the year 1555 to the year 1910 in Eksmil, Gallipoli, Eastern Thrace. There Thalia hides in the woods while raising her surviving son. Dimitri, Thalia's son, would become Nansia's great-grandfather.

Nansia learns that there is a family in this dimension the faces of Jeremy Gilbert and Elena Gilbert and her family, she gets adopted by them in hopes of giving her a semi-normal existence as she tries to figure out more about her witch and werewolf sides while going to school at the Salvatore Academy. Throughout her stay she uncovers more family secrets from her paternal side of the family and the jolting realization that Hope Mikaelson wasn't the first tribrid in existence as previously thought, that Nansia and her presumed dead twin brother were the first ones. Making them part Witch, part Werewolf and part Watcher, Watchers were like guardians of the supernatural world and of time and space continuum (I created the species of Watchers).

As she and her newfound friends search for answers both for her and for their Malivore problems (See the summary of Legacies) Nansia renames herself to Nansia Gilbert and finds a sense of belonging as she learns more about family secrets and finds love in places she never thought she would. She embraces her witch and werewolf ancestry changing her name once more to Nansia Petrova in honor of Thalia's family and Thalia herself. As she and Lizzie Saltzman search for her biological dad Colin O'Connell they come into contact with Watchers and find out that her twin brother is alive and living a semi-normal life in a different dimension. And that they had met once before during 2149 because her mental breakdown plus her magic outburst triggered their twin connection triggering his magic making him to dimensional displace himself alongside Nansia.

After many things that I will not say so I won't spoiler the entire plot Nansia and her friends end up in Thomas' dimension. (Now entering Teen Wolf fandom) Only to realize that Thomas is in fact Stiles Stilinski!

After her reunion with her twin brother she and Thomas decide to visit Colin together but their search leads them to New Orleans of Nansia's new home dimension where they meet their older half-brother Declan and the former boyfriend of Hope's mum. Meeting Declan makes them travel to Ireland where they see a dying Colin and meet the rest of the family.

After that, Nansia returns to Mystic Falls while Thomas returns to Beacon Hills and they finish High School and start college/FBI training for Thomas. Five years time-jump Nansia is living with her boyfriend Ryan Clake in Vancouver where she's doing her teaching residency when they learn that they're expecting their first child.

This news causes Nansia to re-think her entire life in that dimension and the fact she left her little sister behind with their abusive mother. That propels her into trying to return back and use her magic to collect evidence and take her mother on trial and to seek justice against everything Maria put her and her sister through. She wins thanks to the family she has created.

After the trial, she tells Nicollete of their ancestry welcoming her little sister into the world of supernatural beings and she learns that Nicolette had already triggered both her magic and werewolf gene making her a hybrid thanks to their mother's DNA. And Nicolette spent a decade thinking her sister was missing and that she was the only one. Nansia and Nicolette bond more as Nicollete is introduced her Thomas and Declan and the rest of the family. Nansia, gives birth to her first child a daughter names her after her little sister, Nicolette.

Nansia and Ryan would later get married and have three more kids, Dimitri after her step-father, Thanasia after her grandfather, and Thalia after Thalia Andonov. Nansia and Ryan would recollect to Mystic Falls from Vancouver when Nicolette will become six years old so she can attend Salvatore Academy and Nansia to also work as a history teacher there.

The end...ish I'm still writing! Hope you enjoy reading and so sorry for the long one! I tried to summarize it!

[peakascum]

Somebody’s Baby

Shelby Sister & Fluff.

Y/N opened the door and quietly stepped inside by walking on her toes. She basked in the warmth of the house as she locked the old, rusty door and set her purse on the hook, making sure to count the shoes at the entrance. It was a habit she picked out from a young age, to count her sibling’s shoes when she got home. She can't recall when exactly she picked out the habit but it was a way to make sure that each and everyone of them were safe in their home, even as adults. 

As she finished counting the shoes she finally let out a content breath. Her eyes closed as she leaned into the wall and a smile slapped itself across her face.

Thomas Shelby was still awake when he heard the front door shut. It was late but the tapping sound on his newly torn window couldn't let him sleep. The man slept through bullet showers in France but lost sleep over the sounds his windows made. Even so, his sister was out and he liked to remain alert just to be sure she got home safely. A sigh escaped him as he watched her count the shoes that littered the entrance, turning into an amused smirk. She turned right back around, leaned with her head against the wall and welcomed in a smile that soon turned into a childish giggle. She quickly placed her fingers on her lips, delicately brushing over them, something truly out of a scene from those romantic films.

“I take it you're smitten over him?” Tommy laughed, watching her jump slightly startled. “When have you ever said the word smitten?” You said, head remaining pressed against the wall. “Since Ada dragged me to see that bloody awful film.” You both laughed quietly at that. She had the worst taste in pictures. 

“Oh I see,” she said pushing herself off the wall, “and here I was wondering what had you tipping your cap at women on the streets.” He laughed at that, “No, no. I’ve always done that, Y/N-“ her laugh cut him off, “Yes, of course! Ever the gentleman, Mr. Shelby.” She bowed her head in mockery and his eyes twinkled at her.

She was the youngest Shelby and by far the most loved.

She sat down as he poured her some whisky, “Are you gonna tell me his name?” She shook her head and stared at the drink intently. “You'll just scare him away,” she looked up at his big eyes, so much like their mother’s. 

“You know I wouldn't do that to you.”

“I know, I just-” she sighed and rested her head on her free hand, “I just don’t want to get my hopes up.” Tommy stared at her hoping that his eyes communicated all the things he wanted her to know. “A name is not needed. A name’s a name.” She referred to her own, of course. Whenever anyone heard the Shelby name they immediately assumed the worst. Said her brothers were scum, her father a deadbeat, and all just tooth, rotting criminals. If they could only see through her eyes how unbelievably wrong they were. No matter the amount of dirt they dragged in the house, or the amount of times they trotted through the door soaked in blood, Y/N saw her brothers as good people trying to deal the cards they were given. Always turning a blind eye to every ilegal bidding, but never entirely naïve of their ways.

Tommy worried for his sister and often joked that she had to have been raised by another family. She loved to read and was practically self taught after befriending the book store owner. She got lost in the yellowing pages of books she found and then rambled on for days about the character’s antics. Unfortunately, this made her an easy target at school. They mocked and kicked her, leaving the young girl friendless and lonely, so she befriended the adults. An “old soul” Polly had called her. So when he heard of her date the evening he promised to not get in the way, just content in seeing his baby sister building a life for herself. 

“Is he at least a good man?” He asked.

“He treats me well.” She smiled.

He huffed, “Well is not good enough.” Her eyes crinkled at her brother and tilted her head to the side, “He respects me and buys me flowers. Those pretty ones I like from the market.” Her tired eyes twinkled for the first time in her life making her look younger, a look Tommy wished he could see more. 

Arthur came trodding down the stairs in a tired manner, arms swinging to his sides, only to stop at the bottom and stare at his two siblings. “Oi!” He raised both arms in disbelief, “nobody tells me fuckin’ anything, eh?” They chuckled at him. Y/N shushed him and extended her hand for him to take. “Oh hush Arthur, this was improvised.”

“Yeah I bet, improvised, yeah.” He kissed the top of her head and sat down beside her as Tommy poured him a glass. “You had a date tonight, didn’t ya’?” She nodded. 

“Apparently he treats her well and buys her flowers.” Tommy said in sarcastic tone making Arthur raise his brows. “Flowers, eh? He buys ya’ flowers.” 

“He does and he’s good and that’s all you need to know.” She said definitively making him chuckle.

“You know I bought flowers for this girl once,” he started, making his sister face him completely, “she was a pretty, little thing so I bought her flowers.” Tommy let out a laugh, “Oh fuck I remember this.”

“Anyway, I’m walking over to her house, really excited and all cause y’know how could she not like flowers? I tripped on the fuckin’ sidewalk, landed on horse shit, scraped my bloody, fuckin’ knees,” she let out a squeal at her brother’s misery, “The flowers were already battered and ruined, but I pushed through.” He took a long pause and she stared at him, gesturing with her hands for him to continue the story. “And well that’s that. Turns out she was allergic to them flowers. Head grew two sizes and I had to pay for the hospital bill. Her mum still flips me off every time she sees me.” Tommy and Y/N laughed. He had the worst fucking luck. 

He chuckled at her laughter, always said it was the most joyous thing he’d ever heard. Arthur also had immense respect for her and often thought that he was forever indebted to her.

He would never forget one specific incident, which he never brings up, but it still plagues him every time he sees her. One night after a couple of rounds at the Garrison, Arthur stumbled into the house knocking everything in his path. He entered the living room and quickly plopped down on the couch beside her sulking figure. He rambled on drunkenly about a woman he had met and how Tommy had managed to seduce her. He rambled as his little sister took him to the bath and helped him in his drunken state. She fed him, stroked his hair, and tucked him in as if he were a kid. But Arthur failed to see the look in her eyes, the tears that raised down her youthful cheeks, and the way her hands trembled as she laced her fingers through his hair. He failed to notice the red sheets and how she could barely walk while dragging him from room to room. He failed to notice the way she selflessly helped him after having been raped on the alley just beside their house. As quickly as the thought came into his mind it went, leaving a ghostly smile on his rugged face.

And in came Finn through the door with an excited smile seeing his siblings at the table. “Oh! And where have you been?” She asked as he kissed her cheek and taking the whisky from her hands. “Been around. Might have dropped by the pictures.” He had a tantalising smile on his face as his sister widened her eyes at him. “Might have eavesdropped on your date.”

“Okay, okay! Spill Finn-boy.” Arthur said excitedly as her gathered more glasses to fill with whisky. 

“Finn stop! You did not-“

“I did too. Interesting choice my dear sister.” She narrowed your eyes at him as the newly poured whisky touched her tongue. “Not as interesting as your choice in ladies Finn. Multiple, might I add.”

The room roared in every direction, a symphony of Shelbys asking questions and laughing. Something so rarely seen because, really, it was only reserved for late nights like these. And their smiles all reserved for you and you only. Finn was the only one who truly knew where his sister was and with whom. After all, he was good friends with he man who dared to ask her out.

Little did her eldest brothers know but just as little Y/N Shelby closed the door and leaned against the wall, Isiah Jesus had done just the same as he watched her enter the Shelby household. His head had rested against the door, cheeks flushed and eyes full of life. He had adored the girl ever since he could remember, becoming completely helpless at the sight of her youthful cheeks and kind eyes. 

As the teasing conversation continued, Polly peaked her head through the kitchen door. She had been awoken by laughter, which was a relief to the countless nights she had woken to the sounds of bullets and screams. Her tired eyes crinkled at the four siblings. Hand making its way towards her heart and sighing a little prayer up to John and their late mother. Oh, if they could only witness this precious moment. If they could only see how protected and loved the youngest one was. 

[monipoka]

Addressing Content Warning Concerns

I am writing in response to points that were brought up concerning my recent post. If you haven’t read that post, you can find it here.

Be warned that this is a very long post (2.8k words). It deals with the topics of pedophilia and rape. Opinions expressed are my own; however, I do offer some resources for you to better educate yourself on this post’s content.

I will not provide a link to the user that responded as she had no ill intentions. Disclaimer if the said user reads this post, I write with peace and love at 4:00 A.M. There are a couple of places where I may sound aggressive or petty, but it is analytical and not meant to invalidate you or your opinions.

Red = user’s response with minimal changes (adjusted for grammar and clarification)

Black = my response

Part 1: Age Regression and Infantilization

To learn more about age regression, here are two lovely articles describing what age regression means medically and socially.

“Age regression [agere] is a form of coping meant to eliminate stress in potentially triggering situations. Agere is not a part of sexual play and never should be. I believe [Moni] is confusing agere for age play.”

This completely misses the mark. I understand that age regressors enter a younger psychological state often as a coping mechanism. There is nothing inherently wrong with age regression as therapy. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING age regression. As stated in my post, age regressors enter the mindset of a child commonly called a “little space.” These individuals are to be treated like children as it helps them feel safe and loved.

In my experience on Tumblr, writers commonly misinterpret Daddy Dominant, Little Girl (DDLG) or Age Play (the larger, umbrella term) for age regression. For the purposes of explanation, I am going to be using DDLG and she/her pronouns. DDLG is a type of BDSM relationship where the dominant partner (male) takes on the role of a care-giver while the submissive partner (female) takes on the role of a child. This dynamic is pretend and intended for sexual interactions. Keyword here: pretend. While the submissive portrays childish behavior, she still has an adult mindset; therefore, she can give meaningful consent. Once writers describe the submissive slipping into “little space,” her mindset is corrupt as she has age regressed; therefore, she cannot give meaningful consent making the interaction non-consensual as she embodies a child.

“Infantilization is treating somebody as if they’re a child. For example, ‘babying’ someone is the best explanation for it. This, in my opinion, is not pedophilia because it’s not inherently sexual. If it IS sexual, I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as pedophilic, but it is questionable.”

Again, this misses the mark. In a non-sexual context, infantilization is completely okay. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING the infantilization of characters. I used this term as an alternative language to age regression because I have encountered both on this site.

“Age Play, in my opinion, is pedophilic due to how the 'older’ of the partners is benefitting from it. So if [Moni] and I are thinking the same thing, but not really using the same terminology, then I agree.”

Age Play is a kink in the BDSM community between two consenting and level-headed adults.

Age Regression is characterized by regressing back to a younger headspace.

Sexualizing age regression is pedophilic because age regressors feel, act, and exhibit childlike qualities; they genuinely believe that they are a child.

If age play includes “little space,” then it is pedophilic because the submissive has age regressed.

“None of these is what I would consider illegal due to the fact that both parties are consenting adults. But age play definitely is pedophilic. But, obviously, if both people are adults, it can’t be considered illegal.”

I called pedophilia (and rape) illegal. In the eyes of the law, sexualizing age play--given that the individual is of age--is legal. This point used the transitive property of equality (Trans POE) to point out the hypocrisy in condemning pedophilia but supporting the fetishization of age regression. To clarify, it may not be illegal, but it is morally wrong.

“Infantilization and age regression aren’t inherently pedophilic because they revolve around the idea of a mindset and not physicality.”

This is contradictory to your previous point and only half true. Age regressors largely rely on physical objects (ie. clothes, stuffed animals, pacifiers) to feel safe. While the root of age regression involves a change in psyche, it is reflected in their appearance and environment.

Part 2: Dubious Consent and Non-consensual

To learn more about rape, here is a wonderful article on non-consensual sex.

“Secondly, I’m quite confused on what she [Moni] is saying regarding calling dubcon [dubious consent] and noncon [non-consentual] rape instead of dubcon and noncon.

They are rape, or at least some form of sexual assault, but I don’t think anyone’s trying to mask them from being as such.”

I whole-heartedly disagree. It is apparent by the staggering number of dubcon and noncon posts that people use these terms to try and justify writing rape because they consider it a “fetish.” The reason I am against these terms is that writers never specifically condemn them. Oftentimes, writers mix the content of the fic into their warning section. So, by writing ‘blowjob’ next to ‘dubcon’ it underscores the severity of the situation.

“Categorizing both of the two as 'rape’ could potentially end up being very damaging. Rape is a very triggering and harsh word for some people, which is why I believe a lot of people use non-consensual sex as a term to avoid potentially triggering people.”

Again, I believe that people use dubcon and noncon to try and justify their rape “fetish.” However, if using the term “rape” is triggering to some individuals and the terms “dubcon” and “noncon” are used as a substitution, why aren’t these writers coming out and explicitly saying that they do not support these types of interactions? Furthermore, why are they writing and sharing this content in the first place if they acknowledge it as rape?

“Also, I think it’s important to clarify whether the 'sexual assault’ in fiction is dubious or non-consensual. There’s a big difference between both parties being drunk in a fic (dubcon) and hard rape, and it’s important to distinguish the two in warning columns.”

Drunk people can’t consent. Both situations are rape. The “level” of rape that you refer to, being how consensual it is, is more damaging in my opinion. Because they were drunk, it means less than if they were sober. This perpetuates victim shaming. She was asking for it. She shouldn’t have drunk so much. Rape is rape. It is never okay. And one rape is never better than another.

“Dubcon is also very important to clarify in fics due to the fact that dubcon is only a fictional concept. It helps indicate the level of consent given in the fiction because someone could be not triggered by sex under intoxication but can be triggered by hard noncon.”

I’m going to use a quote I cited from this source because I feel that the writer describes dubcon more eloquently than I can: “What bothers me the most about this situation, and what I think you are partly getting at here, is when people say that their fic isn't "noncon" or they say it is "dubcon" or "noncon depending on your point of view." Come on! Have the guts to admit that what they're writing is rape. Dubious consent bothers me as a qualifier because if you aren't sure whether someone is consenting, you don't do it or it's rape. No excuses. So, I think that people should just bite the bullet and say, this is a rape fic.... If people want to write rape fic, go for it, and I will probably read it, but let's step up and acknowledge what it is we are writing. I take issue with these qualifiers because I think that it is far more insidious than out and out rape porn. At least when we say it is rape, then we can move on to the next step: saying it's wrong, just a fantasy, etc. But avoiding the label perpetuates the rape myths that have had such a damaging effect on victims and justice: did she enjoy it, she didn't really say no, she was a tease, they've done it before. None of those things matter, and when a person labels their fic, they need to stop pretending they do.”

Essentially, the writer is reiterating what I explained in my previous comment that rape is rape. Another statement that I found describes how damaging fiction can be in real life. While most readers understand that what occurred didn’t really happen, there are real-life consequences attributed to it: “...However, not everyone in fandom uses those terms in those ways. And I think that's a problem that we need to fix. Because, especially when situations that exist in real life and that would be called rape in real life are labeled "dubcon," I think it does real harm to us all.....We currently live in a culture where not fighting back - because, for example, the rapist has threatened to kill you, or someone else, or your pet, if you don't go along with it - will very often get a rape case overturned in court. Where judges and juries and god knows the popular media will pick out and analyze every detail of a person's life to determine whether they were asking for it, whether they secretly wanted it, whether they could have conceivably fought back more than they did, why they didn't scream, why they didn't report the blackmail that was used to control them, whether or not their "consent" might've been implicitly given by winks or nods or secret handshakes or a general miasma of sexual invitation. In other words, we live in a world in which rape culture, a thing we all unwittingly participate in at one time or another, works very very hard to label things dubcon when they're really noncon.”

“Most people 'romanticizing’ non-consensual sex are victims who are trying to gain some sort of control over their trauma, so they have every right to do so. If a victim of rape should have the ability to choose whether or not they want to read/write a noncon fic and if they don’t want to use the word rape because it makes them uncomfortable, they don’t have to and shouldn’t be forced to.

As a victim of rape and sexual assault, I find peace in having the control and ability to write about my trauma. It's a way for me to gain back control that I lost and the word rape does make me uncomfortable, it makes many victims uncomfortable, and if I prefer not to use that word then I should not have to if people know synonymous terms.”

Romanticize: deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

If you are writing/reading smut, you are trying to get off. If you are writing/reading dubcon/noncon smut, you are getting off to rape. Instead of writing/reading about how heinous rape is and how disgusting rape culture is, you write/read fics romanticizing rape since as a reader you enjoy the content to some extent: it is with your favorite character, it takes place in a cool universe, it got you horny, you felt good after reading it. Romanticizing rape is damaging to society as it subconsciously makes rape appealing. I doubt that is the intention, but you can’t deny that these underlying connections exist.

There is a difference between writing to cope and writing to entertain. My intention has never been to victim shame. But writing non-consensual sex between anime characters and a reader-insert is a form of entertainment. Remember the purposes of writing we learned about in elementary school? Yeah, I have a hard time believing that this is therapeutic. Journal therapy uses reflective writing to work through trauma and mental health issues. In sexual assault cases specifically, victims often write about their experience and/or letters to their perpetrator(s). However, if this is your way to cope, that’s fine. But writing rape fics is not the same as sharing rape fics.

“People know the severity of noncon and dubcon, which is what I think [Moni] is missing. No one is trying to not make noncon rape because it is rape. People know that it is. Most people just chose to say 'noncon’ to avoid unnecessarily triggering others.”

Do they? I think to my previous comments in this section, people use these terms to downplay the seriousness of rape.

“And there are far more 'consensual’ fics out there than noncon/dubcon fics, so I don’t exactly understand what [Moni] means by 'romanticize’ or 'normalize it.’”

Two comments up I describe what romanticization is and how it is being done in the community. I’m going to ignore the number part of this statement because I feel that there is no relevance; If there is a platform for rape fics and people are engaging with them, numbers don’t matter relative to another type of fic. I call that authors romanticize consensual sex because it is oftentimes not explicitly stated, and I think it should be. The character(s) and reader are in a relationship and sex is a byproduct of that (I do not consider this dubcon). Personally, I have found very few fics where explicit consent is written in. People sometimes think that asking for consent interrupts the flow and ruins a moment. Works of fiction have an impact on real life, and writing/reading about consent serves to reinforce healthy practices.

“Going off of that, I don’t understand what [Moni] means by 'fairly young’ audiences. I'm hoping that most 18+ consumers are, you know, eighteen or older (obviously that's not the case in all situations), and eighteen is a legal adult. Most people over the age of eighteen are very aware of what these terms mean, and they know right from wrong. So, there should be no need to clarify what 'noncon’ is for them.”

My point is that this community is relatively young. I have not encountered many writers or readers who are over the age of 25 (if you are, kudos). At this age, you lack experience. Many of these readers have never had sex or been in a relationship before. While you might know the difference between rape and consensual sex on paper, some of these things are more subtle--especially in person. You referenced drunk sex as something that you’d classify as dubcon although intoxicated individuals can’t consent. I recently read a fic where the reader was drunk and picked up at the bar by a character. He asked the reader if they consented to sex and they agreed. This is still rape as you cannot consent while intoxicated since alcohol impairs judgment. Regardless of enjoyment, which the reader experienced, this is still sexual assault. Can you see the confusion by labeling that dubcon? What is a young adult to think when they’ve been manipulated into sex but told they consented? It’s confusing, so these terms should be clarified.

Part 3: Fiction

To learn more about how fiction affects reality, here is this interesting TED-Ed animation that summarizes fiction’s impact. Also, I read this article that cites more examples.

“Also, our writing shouldn’t have to equate 'good practices,’ because a healthy-minded individual knows how to separate fiction and reality. Give people the freedom to write about whatever they want, whether it’s in private or not, that's what fiction is for.”

You claim that you don’t want to use the word rape to trigger people, so you acknowledge that not all readers are health-minded as they could be suffering from trauma or mental illness. Likewise, some individuals can’t discern fiction from reality.

More importantly, there is a connection between fiction and reality.

“Finally, I don't think we should be so open with connecting real-life issues with fictional ones. No one is going to become a rapist or want to be raped because they read fiction on it unless they’re truly a rapist or have been raped. Equating fictional works to real-life problems is a little insulting, whether [Moni] intended it to be or not.”

Watch the video and read the article. Fiction directly impacts culture and society. It may be insulting, but it’s factual.

“Because in the end, in rape fiction, no one actually got raped. In pedophilic fiction (I don’t support it don’t get me wrong), no one was actually a victim of pedophilia. Because they’re all fictional.”

That doesn’t make it okay. Again, my problem is that writers ROMANTICIZE these topics which reflect poorly on society.

“If someone is concerned about pedophilia and rape fiction, I believe it would be best to work towards real-life solutions to those real-life problems compared to criticizing fiction authors.”

If you’re concerned about pedophilia and rape FICTION, I’d hope you’d criticize FICTION authors. Honestly, this seems to be a diversion tactic to avoid accountability.

Part 4: “No Offense, but You’re Wrong About Everything”

“Overall, I think [Moni] had good intentions, but it was poorly worded.

You pose a counter argument to each of my points and make it sound like I did not educate myself beforehand. You then deflect to talking about rape and pedophilia in real-world context to downplay the severity of pedophilia and rape in fiction.

I sound petty here, and I do not mean for my words to hurt. I wish that there was some communication beforehand since it seems that there was confusion. If my original post was unclear, I hope my comments help.

Conclusion

This is for everyone:

Please check out the resources I provided and do your own research to understand the situation before forming your own opinion.

No hate to the writer of the response. I just wish you would have reached out directly for clarification before taking my words out of context and assuming their meaning.