#the Spear makes it's first entrance into charlie's life

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

early chaggie days being a bit unsettling, but still pretty sweet

Vaggie: “Hey Charlie? I’m back.”

Charlie: “VAGGIE OHMYGOSH THERE YOU ARE!!!! I was worried sick! What were you doing wandering hell alone?? You’re still hurt! And new here!!”

Vaggie: “I’m fine, it’s not like I’m bleeding-”    

Charlie: “I was WORRIED! It’s been hours- your note just said ‘gone out’ it didn’t say if you’d be back!”

Vaggie: “Why would anyone leave you a note like that if they weren’t coming back?”

Charlie: “I DON’T KNOW THE NOTE DIDN’T SAY THAT EITHER!!!!”

Vaggie: “Right, sorry. I’ll make sure the next one does. I’m sorry.”

Charlie: “That’s! Not-!”

Vaggie: “I’m sorry Charlie.”

Charlie: “No no you don’t have to be sorry- going out whenever you want is fine! Dangerous, when you’ve just lost and EYE and a LOT OF BLOOD and your back is still FUCKED UP and you have a pretty face covered in bandages that I couldn’t change this morning because you left- which is fine, that’s fine it’s FINE-”

Vaggie: “You really don’t have to keep-”

Charlie: “-it’s just we NEED to get you a phone! No more ‘don’t wanna be trouble’ bullshit- this is serious! What if you’d needed help? How fuck was I supposed to even find you!?”

Vaggie: “Follow the trail of screaming people and blood?”

Charlie: “Wha- what blood?”

Vaggie: “Shit.”

Charlie: “Your blood?? Did your back- But it’s been burned shut since day one! Did someone-”

Vaggie: “Charlie-”

Charlie: “WHO-”

Vaggie: “No one did anything, okay? Look, no blood. See?”

Charlie: “….then why did you say that?”

Vaggie: “I might’ve… kinda sorta stabbed a few people who got too close. Uh. Nothing fatal. But there was some blood and screaming…”

Charlie: “They SCARED you.”

Vaggie: “No they really didn’t, it was just instinct.”

Charlie: “And this is hell, Vaggie- at least half of them were at least TRYING to scare you!”

Vaggie: “Well it worked. It was fucking scary how close I came to killing a few of them without even noticing.”

Charlie: “Vaggie…”

Vaggie: “I won’t go out again. I got what I needed, and I didn’t know you’d worry.”

Charlie: “Of course I worried…”

Vaggie: “You don’t have to. I’m just this month’s random dumbass sinner picked out of the rest of the trash and crashing on your couch, making you stress over dumb stuff. I’ll get out of your hair soon as the bandages come off.”

Charlie: “Don’t.”

Vaggie: “?”

Charlie: “Don’t, talk like that, about yourself. Please?”

Vaggie: “Like what?”

Charlie: “Like THAT.”

Vaggie: “I don’t even get what ‘that’ means. I only said what happened.”

Charlie: “I….. never mind.”

Vaggie: “Alright…”

Charlie: “…..”

Charlie: “….what did you go out for anyway?”

Vaggie: “Spear.”

Charlie: “Spear? Like, spearmint gum or- OH!!”

Vaggie: “Just uh, just a spear.”

Charlie: “But isn’t that an Exorcist’s!? Vaggie- be carful! That’s one of the ONLY things that can-”

Vaggie: “-kill a sinner permanently, yeah, I know. Or gouge out their eye. Permanently.”

Charlie: “Oh.”

Vaggie: “I’ve seen them in action, I mean.”

Charlie: “And it doesn’t upset you?”

Vaggie: “It’s, complicated. Mainly it’s just, it’s a little reassuring to hold onto, you know?”

Charlie: “My hand is- I mean, sure, yes. That makes sense. I think.”

Vaggie: “…you can lock it up somewhere if you want, while I’m here. I don’t mind. This is your home-”

Charlie: “And yours. As long as you need it.”

Vaggie: “That’s, nice but-”

Charlie: “And while you’re here you should feel safe, and if the spear helps you feel safe around me, then okay. Good. You um, you didn’t sell anything super important to get it, right?”

Vaggie: “No, I found it behind a dumpster-”

Charlie: “Wow those are really pulling through on the amazing finds lately!”

Vaggie: “Charlie- huh?”

Charlie: “Good find! At the dumpster!”

Vaggie: “Charlie, it’s not for you. The spear. I didn’t get the spear because of you.”

Charlie: “I mean hell princess and stuff, first hellborn monster in all creation- totally understandable!”

Vaggie: “If you’re a monster then creation needs more of them.”

Charlie: “The carpet is still smoldering from me going all demon flames at you five minutes ago.”

Vaggie: (chuckling) “Yeah, because you were worried.”

Charlie: “Still. Scary?”

Vaggie: “Adorable.”

Charlie: “….really?”

Vaggie: “You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, because you care, and you get angry when the rest of the world doesn’t care as much as you do. It’s really.” (pause) “It’s new. It’s really new, and I’m glad I got to see it.”

Charlie: “If you’re sure…”

Vaggie: “Yep. The horns and tail are cute, too.”

Charlie: “The- aww SHOOT! They’re still out? This whole time??”

Vaggie: “You didn’t notice grabbing my wrist with your tail?”

Charlie: “I WHAT??? IM SORRY OH FUCK OH SHIT IT- IT HAS A MIND OF IT’S OWN I SWEAR- FUCK WHY WON’t IT LET GO-”

Vaggie: “It’s fine. If it wants to cling then let it. I’d like to sit down though, so.”

Charlie: “Right! Sorry!”

Vaggie: “Charlie it’s fine.” (sigh) “Feels like we’ve used that word too much today.”

Charlie: “Ugh you’re right, sorry…”

Vaggie: “And that one too. Stop.”

Charlie: “Fine.”

Vaggie: “….”

Charlie: “….sorry?”

Vaggie: “….”

Vaggie: “…you’re lucky you’re cute.”

Charlie: “And YOU’RE lucky you’re tiny and fit on the couch. There’s an actual bed here! In case you forgot since the last time I told you! Now, sit kitchen?”

Vaggie: “Actually I was thinking sit couch and I’m not taking your bed.”

Charlie: “Did you remember to eat anything while out poking rude hell people with your new spear?”

Vaggie: “S- sure I, uh, I did. Do that.”

Charlie: “Uh-huh.”

Vaggie: “Yes.”

Charlie: “Mmhmm.”

Vaggie: “…I did do it.”

Charlie: “Bzzt, lies. To the snackies we go!”

Vaggie: “But-”

Charlie: “And I’m getting you in that bed eventually. It’s gonna happen. Couches can’t be good for your back, even when you’re so small! Especially when you’re hurt!”

Vaggie: “Charlie, if I was in your bed you’d never get any SLEEP.”

Charlie: “Why not? I like being around you!”

Vaggie: “I move around too much at night.”

Charlie: “Bad dreams?”

Vaggie: “…sure.”

Charlie: “Well maybe not being alone when you wake up would help? That’s what Razzle and Dazzle do for me sometimes- right guys?”

Razzle: “Baa!”

Dazzle: “Mreh.”

Vaggie: “Hi fellas… What… what happened to your kitchen.”

Charlie: “I asked them to get snacks ready!”

Vaggie: “It’s a warzone.”

Charlie: “It’s snack time?”

Vaggie: “There’s enough doughnuts here to feed a whole battalion after a battle.”

Charlie: “Well since you weren’t here to ASK I couldn’t TELL them what KIND of doughnut would be your FAVORITE.”

Razzle & Dazzle: “Ree!”

Charlie: “So we had to make all the kinds. But only this one time, okay guys?”

Razzle & Dazzle: “Grrr….”

Vaggie: (smiles) “Thought you said you weren’t even sure I’d be back.”

Charlie: “I wasn’t. You’re the first sinner who’s ever crashed on my couch, so I just, hoped.”

Vaggie: “…..”

Vaggie: “Thanks. For the hope.”

Charlie: “You’re welcome. Really, literally, you’re welcome. Couch or wherever.”

Vaggie: “……or buried under a mountain of pastries?”

Charlie: “Finding your favorite kind is IMPORTANT okay!”

Vaggie: “There’s dough splatters on the ceiling.”

Charlie: “You’re worth a few dough splatters and an artfully singed carpet. You’d also be worth some lost sleep. Now! Staring with the basic, a classic plain glaze….” (busily dives into doughnut infogump)

Vaggie: “….”

Dazzle: “Rrr?” (hands her a tissue)

Vaggie: “...huh? Oh.” (takes tissue) “Thanks….” (dabs at her eye while Charlie isn’t looking)

[anonymousewrites]

Nature of the Human Soul (Book 1) Chapter Four

Platonic! Hazbin Hotel x Teen! Reader

Father Figure! Alastor x Teen! Reader

Chapter Four: New Hotel Guest

Summary: An unusual demon decides to come to the Hotel.

            Charlie, having spent the afternoon trying to get people to come to the hotel, crashed onto the couch of the lobby. She literally couldn’t go on after such a disappointing experience.

            “So, how’d it go?” said Angel.

            Vaggie sighed. “Not a single new recruit.”

            “Yeah. Well, who would want to use their last days not fucking and fighting?” said Angel.

            Something banged on the front door, and everyone paused to glance at it. Vaggie approached and opened it. Sir Pentious stood outside with his hat in his hands and an awkward smile.

            “Why, hello, my dear—Wait, wait, wait!” Pentious backed up as Vaggie whipped out her spear to point at him. “I come in peace!”

            “What are you doing here?!” snapped Vaggie.

            “Vaggie, what’s the problem?” sighed Charlie, dragging herself to the door. She gasped as she saw Pentious. “Oh, hello again!”

            “I didn’t come looking for a fight!” said Pentious instantly. “I, uh, I heard that you’re helping people. People who want to be better?”

            “You heard right!” said Charlie excitedly. “Welcome to our home of healing. Our resort of restoration. Our—”

            “Are you fucking nuts?” Angel blocked the entrance of the hotel before Charlie could bring Pentious inside. “That chump was trying to kill us, like, literally six hours ago. And now you want to bring him in here to live with us?!”

            “Absolutely!” said Charlie. “This place is about second chances! And who deserves one more than this…slithery…slippery…special little man.”

            “Do you want to rephrase that and make him sound any less suspicious?” said (Y/N), narrowing their eyes as they looked at Pentious.

            “He’s fine,” said Charlie brightly.

            (Y/N) looked at Vaggie. “Can’t you throw him out or something? Protect the hotel?”

            Charlie gave Vaggie puppy-eyes before Vaggie could say no. She sighed. “I…guess he’s not much of a threat without the war machine. Or even with the war machine.”

            Pentious deflated at not being thought a threat.

            “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” said Charlie, hugging Vaggie. “Sir Pentious, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

            “Oh, no, darling, thank you!” said Pentious. “You won’t regret this.” He walked inside behind Charlie.

            Angel and (Y/N) narrowed his eyes.

            “I’m going to kill him if he tries anything,” muttered (Y/N).

            “Charlie won’t like that.” Angel looked at them. “And can you even control your abilities?”

            “I don’t need magic. I’d be angry enough,” said (Y/N).

            “Fair enough,” said Angel. “I give him a week tops.”

            “So, this is the bar and the bartender,” said Charlie, bringing Pentious into the lobby. “This is the curtain, and this is the new wall after you break the last one, heh, and, oh, this, this is—”

            “Babe, you don’t have to show him every detail,” said Vaggie.

            “Sorry, I’m just so excited to have our first real guest!” said Charlie.

            “Uh, what the hell are (Y/N) and I then?” said Angel, crossing his arms.

            “Well, you’re an important part of our family here, Angel,” said Charlie, smiling. “But you, um, uh…”

            “Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?” suggested Vaggie.

            “I haven’t done any of that,” said (Y/N).

            “You don’t care about what you did in life,” said Vaggie, putting her hands on her hips.

            “Doesn’t mean I don’t support you,” said (Y/N).

            “And you just agreed to let Alastor teach you to use magic,” said Vaggie.

            “Personally, I think that’s a great idea for myself,” said (Y/N), smiling.

            Vaggie groaned.

            “What she means is, it’s just nice to have someone more actively interested for once,” said Charlie with a smile.

            Angel’s smile fell, and (Y/N) frowned. They hadn’t done anything bad since arriving in Hell. And, yes, they weren’t sure about how this experiment would work, but if anyone could do it, (Y/N) thought Charlie could help people. That had to count for something.

            …Alright, maybe (Y/N) could be doing more, but in their defense, (Y/N) never got to have any fun in life, so they were just trying to enjoy themself in death.

            “Over here we have our maid, Niffty,” said Charlie.

            “The bad boy is back!” said Niffty, running up to Pentious. She jumped onto him and grabbed the lapels of his shirt. “Never leave me again.”

            “We’re about eighty percent sure she’s harmless,” said Charlie, laughing nervously. “And over here we have—Oh, uh, Alastor!” The Radio Demon had come to the lobby. “—Our gracious Facility Manager.” Charlie cleared her throat. “You’ve met our newest guest, Sir Pentious…”

            “Ah, yes. You’re the one who ruined my coat.” Alastor’s grin sharpened. I definitely remember you now.”

            Charlie interceded before any violence could occur. “Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson.” She cleared her throat. “ ‘How to apologize.’ ” She smiled at Pentious. “The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong. Why don’t you give it a try?”

            This is gonna be good, thought (Y/N).

            “Yes, um…Mr. Um, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat…” Pentious smiled nervously and held up a small scrap of cloth. “Um, here.”

            Alastor took the scrap. “Oh-ho, not many people have been able to take even this much off me. It must have meant quite a lot to you.” Green flames ate up the cloth while everyone stared. Alastor grinned.

            Charlie decided to call a hotel meeting before anything else could go astray with the new addition to the guests.

            “Now, with a new resident, I think it’s important we all get to know each other, so we are going to play a little game,” said Charlie. “Everyone, follow me! My name is Charlie.” She clapped twice. “I like to sing.” Two claps. “And when we get to know each other, it’s the greatest thing.” Two claps. Charlie smiled and gestured to Pentious.

            “My name’s Sir Pentious,” said Pentious. He clapped awkwardly. “I like to build.” Two claps. “And despite my stupid Egg Bois, I think I’m very skilled.” He clapped.

            Charlie gestured at Angel, and he deadpanned. “This is stupid.”

            “This is not stupid, it’s just the game,” said Charlie, clapping and singing. “Sir Pentious did it well, so now please try to do the same.”

            “I am too sober for this,” said Angel.

            “I can’t make up a rhyme on the spot,” said (Y/N). They attempted a welcoming smile to make Charlie happy. “But I’m (Y/N).”

            In Charlie’s next attempt at bonding, she put together a skit for Angel and Pentious to perform. It was, of course, cheesy.

            “ ‘Oh, I’m a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs,’ ” said Angel. “ ‘Now, where’s an innocent kid I can sell crack to?’ Wow, who wrote this?”

            “It’s great, right?! Keep going,” said Charlie excitedly.

            “ ‘Hey, you!’ ” said Angel to Pentious, dressed as a stereotypical kid.

            “Who, me?” said Pentious, licking a lollipop.

            “ ‘Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some devil’s dandruff,’ ” said Angel, deadpan. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

            “Not me, I have to go home and study,” said Pentious proudly.

            “ ‘Come on, kid. It’ll make you cool like me. The crack head,’ ” said Angel.

            “The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs,” said Pentious. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage.”

            “Oh, bravo, bravo!” said Charlie, clapping. “Wow, Pentious, at this rate you’ll be redeemed in no time.”

            I don’t think we have this to a science, thought (Y/N).

            “I…I’m going to bed,” said Angel suddenly, walking away.

            “I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious,” said Charlie. “That was amazing!”

            “Thank you,” said Pentious.

            Angel’s face fell, and he took his leave before his disappointment grew. He wasn’t working as hard as Pentious, and while he was being redeemed, Charlie was leaving Angel behind.

            (Y/N) watched him go and frowned. Hopefully, he’d feel better soon.

            “(Y/N),” said Alastor.

            “Yeah?” said (Y/N).

            “I believe we should begin your training,” said Alastor. His grin widened. “This will be quite entertaining.”

            (Y/N) had a feeling that meant just for him, but, hey, they were willing to do what it took to get stronger. (Y/N) needed to be strong.

l

            “Focus,” said Alastor.

            (Y/N) narrowed their eyes on the roses growing in front of them. “It’s kind of hard with you interrupting me.”

            Alastor waved his staff, and recordings of various broadcasts played around him. “Hell is the land of interruptions and distractions. You must be able to work through everything if you are to have skill.”

            (Y/N) bit their lip and opted to focus on the plants. Alastor was right. They couldn’t argue with him; they needed to get stronger. Hell wasn’t going to be kind to them. It was up to them to grow strong enough to protect themself.

            Alastor watched their roses grow and the briars twist into thorny traps. He wasn’t ordinarily the type to teach or to help anyone, but this could prove useful. After seven years, times had changed in Hell. Alastor needed to ensure his power was recuperated and held onto, so if this young, naïve demon could prove powerful and teachable (manipulatable), then Alastor would “help” them. Then, they could help him.

l

            (Y/N) had crashed into their bed after training with Alastor. It had been exhausting, but (Y/N) had started to be able to summon their magic, which appeared to take the form of plants—roses and briars. No matter how tired they were, getting stronger was worth it.

            “You slippery little shit!”

            A shout from Angel woke (Y/N) up, and they rolled out of bed quickly. Moving into the hall, they saw Angel glaring at Pentious as he cowered nervously.

            “You’re working for the Vees?!” snapped Angel. “I fucking knew there was something shitty about you!”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” denied Pentious. “Whorebug!” He hissed out the word, and Angel tackled him in anger.

            “Whoa, Angel!” said (Y/N), reaching out a hand.

            Vines split the ground, grabbed Pentious and Angel, and dragged them apart before they could do any more damage to one another.

            “What’s going on?” said Charlie, yawning as she appeared behind them.

            “This little bitch is a traitor!” said Angel.

            “Preposterous!” said Pentious. “I would never betray you. You…are my best friends.”

            “Explain the camera you brought in,” hissed (Y/N), glaring and gesturing to Angel, who, equally pissed, picked up the tech in question.

            Charlie and Vaggie gasped, and Pentious flinched.

            “Ah! Abort, abort!” he cried, slithering towards the window. “SOS! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!” He looked at his wrist, revealing a watch with Vox’s face on it.

            “Pentious? Wait, you were caught?” said Vox. He laughed. “It hasn’t even been a day!”

            “Please, you’ve got to get me out of here,” said Pentious.

            “I can’t believe we thought you could handle even something this simple,” said Vox. “Do us a favor, if they don’t kill you, go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure.”

            Pentious stared at the watch, tears collecting in his eyes. “I…I…” He threw the watch to the ground and faced the group. “Just make it quicky, I guess.” He sniffled, stifling his sobs. “Not that I deserve it.” He curled up on the ground.

            “Gladly,” said Vaggie, hoisting her spear.

            “Wait.” Charlie pushed the spear back. “Pentious?” She extended a hand. Pentious looked at her questioningly.

(Charlie) “It starts with sorry.”

            She helped Pentious stand.

(Charlie) “That’s your foot, in the door. One simple sorry, Spoken straight from your core.”

            She touched his chest, and Pentious’s eyes widened.

(Charlie) “The path to forgiveness, Is a twisting trail of hearts, But sorry is where it starts.”

            Pentious stared at her, tears still in his eyes.

(Pentious) “Who could forgive a dirtbag like me, I don’t deserve your amnesty.” (Vaggie, Angel, (Y/N)) “Can’t we just kill him?! Shoot him and spill his blood?”

            Vaggie held her spear tightly, Angel pulled out guns, and (Y/N)’s vines reacted to their emotions.

(Charlie) “That’s an option you could choose.” (Vaggie, Angel, (Y/N)) “Works for us.” (Charlie) “But who hasn’t been in his shoes?”

            She smiled at Pentious, stepped past the group trying to attack, and extended a hand to him.

(Charlie) “It starts with sorry.”

            Pentious took her hand.

(Pentious) “Sorry.” (Charlie) “Dig down deeper and say, One sincere sorry.”

            Pentious looked at Angel, Vaggie, and (Y/N) earnestly.

(Pentious) “I’m so sorry!” (Charlie) “And your journey’s underway.” (Charlie, Pentious) “It’ll take time to cover. Your/my vast multitude of sins, But sorry is where it begins, It starts with sorry.”

            The song ended, and Charlie and Pentious smiled at each other. (Y/N) tilted their head. It actually seemed like Pentious was being honest. He was…changing.

            “I hated that song!” said Niffty, breaking the moment. “Why are you so lame?” She kicked Pentious’s tail. “Not a bad boy.”

            “Good first day,” said Charlie, still smiling gently. “Let’s get some rest.”

            She walked out of the room, Vaggie by her side. Angel gave a final glare at Pentious but walked out. (Y/N) followed but kept their eyes on Pentious.

            Can people actually change? (Y/N) hadn’t seen that in their life. But…maybe they just hadn’t seen the right people…

Taglist:

@kyalov

@pandaquick

@boredwithlifeatthispoint

@jaytheaceenby

@paastaboi

@bettybabys

@gxdoesstuff

@grippleback-galaxy

@just-here-reading

@dmitrytherat

@a-small-tyrant

@marxo5

@rory-cakes

@andsoigotabutterfly

@theblueslytherin

@romyoia

@ray-rook

@thereeallink

@pandaquick

@funkyexistence

@theyaremorethanjustfictional

@lanxianschoenheit

[jules-has-notes]

Will.of.Oz (Unexpected Musical) — PattyCake Productions music video

For the third offering in their Unexpected Musicals series, the PattyCake guys got even more ambitious. Combining the club jams of the Black Eyed Peas with the spectacle of The Wizard of Oz required a bigger cast and more locations than their first two videos. Not to mention all the costumes, props, set pieces, and visual effects. But they pulled all of it off with their own unique flair.

Details:

title: Unexpected Musicals – Will.of.Oz

performers: Rachel Copeland (Dorothy); Alexander Browne (Scarecrow / coronor / Winkie guard); E. Michael Evans (Tin Man); Earl Elkins, Jr. (Cowardly Lion); Olivia Adkins (Glinda); Kathy Castellucci (Wicked Witch); Fletcher Wakim (Toto); Eli Jacobson (Lollipop Guild); Annesley Kolb, Kelsey Kolb, & Lilly Kolb (Lullaby League); Charlie Crook, Blanca Rosero, Savannah Simerly, Annabel Rosario, Danielle Peronto, Fred Ramos, Nick Perez, Britt Nicole, Richard Bianco, Polly Pocket, & Jonathan Shane Ferrell (munchkins)

original songs / performers: [0:20] "Let's Get It Started" by the Black Eyed Peas; [1:46] "Don't Phunk with My Heart" by the Black Eyed Peas; [2:10] "Don't Lie" by the Black Eyed Peas; [2:40] "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas; [3:10] "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas; [3:28] "Scream and Shout" by will.i.am, featuring Britney Spears; [3:54] "The Time (I've Had the Time of My Life)" by the Black Eyed Peas

written by: all songs by William "will.i.am" Adams in collaboration — "Let's Get It Started" with Allan "apl.de.ap" Pineda, Jaime "Taboo" Gomez, Terence Yoshiaki, Michael Fratantuno, & George Pajon, Jr.; "Don't Phunk with My Heart" with Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson, Priese "Printz" Board, George Pajon, Jr., Full Force, Kalyanji–Anandji, & Shyamalal Babu "Indeevar" Rai; "Don't Lie" with Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson, Jaime "Taboo" Gomez, Allan "apl.de.ap" Pineda, Chris Peters, Drew Peters, & Richard "Slick Rick" Walters; "I Gotta Feeling" with Allan "apl.de.ap" Pineda, Jaime "Taboo" Gomez, & Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson, David Guetta, & Frédéric Riesterer; "Boom Boom Pow" with Allan "apl.de.ap" Pineda, Jaime "Taboo" Gomez, & Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson; "Scream and Shout" with Jean Baptiste Kouame, Tula "Tulisa" Contostavlos, & Jef Martens; "The Time (I've Had the Time of My Life)" by John DeNicola, Donald Markowitz, & Franke Previte

arranged by: Tony Wakim & Layne Stein

release date: 5 December 2016

My favorite bits:

the munchkins' various entertaining entrances

Eli recreating the Lollipop Guild's expressions and herky-jerky dance moves

the Scarecrow saying ♫ "lose control of body and soul" ♫ as he's gangling about

the "Ding Dong" instrumental melody playing underneath Dorothy and the Scarecrow's exit

and "If I Only Had…" under the Tin Man's introduction

including the iconic "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" as a counterpoint to "Don't Phunk With My Heart"

Earl's fantastic lion growl and melodramatic wailing (and poor little Fletcher getting confused by it)

the lovely harmonized ♫ "no no no no" ♫ section in "Don't Lie"

the bombast of "Boom Boom Pow" being delivered by the illusory visage of Oz the Great and Powerful

Kathy's pitch-perfect Margaret Hamilton witch cackle

the layered melodies in the coda section

all those incredible costumes (Tony was busy!)

Trivia:

According to PattyCake's Instagram teasers, it took 68 yards of fabric to make Glinda's voluminous gown, 2500 hand-stiched sequins to cover each pair of ruby slippers, and 57 pounds of actual tin to make the Tin Man's armor.

The Lullabye League is portrayed by Layne's step-daughters.

Jonathan Shane Ferrell isn't just one of the munchins. He's also one of the artists from Makeup & Creative Arts who provided the incredible character prosthetics.

PattyCake released their first public blooper reel for this project, and it is very fun.

The team at Makeup & Creative Arts released a time lapse prosthetics demo video for their Oz collection a couple years later with Dan Varnum donning the Lion's mane, Kathy Castellucci reprising her Wicked Witch role, Geoff Castellucci going gray silver as the Tin Man, & Paul Kaleka getting stuffed into the Scarecrow's burlap.

Rachel slipped back into Dorothy's gingham dress the following year to play Judy Garland in PattyCake's "La La Land" video.

Tony had performed "Let's Get It Started" many, many times during his decade as Dracula in the "Beetlejuice Graveyard Revue" at Universal Studios.

"Let's Get It Started" was also part of the opening medley for VoicePlay's second episode of The Sing-Off, though not the section the guys were featured in.

Layne had previously created a remix of "I Gotta Feeling" back in 2010 through his studio, Rayne's Room.

[atrashcanoffandoms]

Hazbin Hotel Headcanons

(Idk why im doing this although I literally only have 5 followers)

Crymini is pan and cant handle flirting to save her life

People like husk and crymini who also died recently such as from 70′s - 2010′s cant control their animal like tendencies like how when cry and husk first met they HATED eachother and weren’t aloud near one another for a whole month

Husk is gay but denies it because gay repression makes good storytelling and it also makes sense based on the time period he was (probably) born in

Charlie does reveal her true demon form but, it’s only when she’s REALLY angry so if you ever see her in her true demon form, let alone her demon form we saw in inside of every demon is a rainbow, you know you fucked up real bad

There’s businesses in hell that make other weapons out of the exterminator weapons such as harpoon guns and knives

Sir Pentious was involved in multiple wars when he was alive

Husk and Nifty have a father/daughter relationship

Vaggie killed herself 

When you die the first thing you see is two diffrent entrances, one for heaven which is bright white and has two angels holding spears guarding it, and one for hell which glows a ominous red with lucifer’s white coat sticking out like a sore thumb

The first thing Vaggie did when she got into hell was cry because all she wanted to be was free and thought she didn’t deserve it

When people turn into animals, the process is slow and painful, especially if you have horns or wings or worse, both

most people when they fall, break bones or just straight up almost die

Most of the new arrivals find out about the overlords after either one, a run-in with one, or two, overhearing about them from other sinners

When Vaggie’s alone she dances to Christmas music, no matter what time of year (she only does that when she’s sad about not being able to see another Christmas)

One time when Vaggie and Charlie where having a date night, Angel barged in on them doing . . . 18+ things and all of them agreed to NEVER speak of it ever again

The only reason Husk is under Alastor’s control is because he lost a bet with him

Nifty isn’t actually under Alastor’s control, she just really likes being around him and husk

Crymini once tried to steal from Alastor and let’s just say that now if she ever even hears him coming down the hallway she immediatly runs for the hills

Crymini has fire powers but never uses them except when she wants to show off or scare someone into giving her something

(This is the last one I swear)

Everyone in the hotel treats crymini like a kid although she literaly is only like 3 years younger than charlie and that also means they underestimate her, so one day when she’s left alone at the hotel she plans an entire show to show off all her powers and ends up burning off the entire right wing of the hotel

Niffty wears 12in high heels because she’s short af

Crymini likes pretzels (especially the chocolate covered ones)

Vaggie and cry listen to mcr and panic together

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VIII: Episode 3 - Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

All right people - so some shit went down, and between Avengers: Endgame and this, I imagine the entire nerd populace of the world is going to be comatose this week. You have permission to take a break from twerking for a moment, because damn. But first, let’s unpack.

WARNING: SPOILERS for the latest episode. So if you don’t know who dies, who fucks who, and how to turn the brightness up on your TV high enough, turn back now.

So we start out like La La Land with like a long tracking shot checking in on a bunch of people. We’ve got Sam bopping around all -

Before he passes it off to P-Dinky, who’s like -

While Lady Sophia Grace is just like -

Except it’s all just like... morbidly depressing. And Bran is there.

So yeah Bran is off to the godswood where I’m sure he’s going to do something very very important, while everyone else is chilling on the battlements. We’ve got Sansa.

And Barack.

And Gendry.

Anyway, the horses are starting to get kinda impatient. And like oh wow Ghost is here!

When suddenly we start pulling in on the darkness opposite our heroes. And I’m like-

But we don’t get any zombies yet because first who should come clomp clomping in but Big Red herself, riding solo.

And people she’s got a real special pre-game ritual she wants to share when she goes full Oprah like, “YOU GET A FIRE SWORD! AND YOU GET A FIRE SWORD! AND YOU GET A FIRE SWORD!”

So Big Red is strutting into Winterfell all -

And Davos is like, “Um, can we talk about Baby Girl Dragonface?” And Big Red is just like -

And anyway there’s no time, because the Dothraki are charging. We’ve got Jorah, we’ve got fire catapults, we’ve got Ghost all -

And it’s really fucking fierce but they’re also running into the darkness and I’m like -

Well, it turns out they couldn’t see what the fuck they were headed toward either because all of a sudden they’re like -

And all the fires just go -

Everybody’s like -

Anyway, D-Baby and J-Snow are doing what they do best and being boring on a cliff somewhere. And J-Snow’s all, “Blah blah blah gotta wait for the Night Queen.” But D-Baby’s like, “Those are my boys.”

And like, thank God because the zombies. Are. Here. So they’re rushing our Unsullied bros all -

And people are just getting fucking mauled. Except like, Brienne. And Jaime. And Tormund. And Pod. And Gendry. And Sam. But like everyone who we don’t know? They’re getting mauled. Until Deus Ex D-Baby swoops in once again all -

And like, thank God her indiscriminate fire blasting doesn’t wind up killing any of our heroes, because like. That would be crazy. 

Joining the derby is J-Snow, who is suddenly a whiz at flying a dragon thanks to his Impromptu Booty Call Lesson. And he sees the Frosty Posse (copyright John Way) literally CHILLING at the edge of the woods and is like -

Until the Posse’s like -

Thereby creating worse whiteout conditions than when I was driving home from my grandma’s two Christmases ago. AND THAT SHIT WAS BAD! So like all the good guys and the zombies are like -

But the snow’s like -

And I’m like -

Except That One Night’s Watch Guy died. That was sad.

At this point, Sansa’s like, “I’ma go see how things are down in the crypt.” But she’s greeted by like the shadiest looks ever, to which she’s just like -

And GURL. Things are not going well upstairs, because everyone has quickly gone from this -

to this -

While D-Baby and J-Snow are flying around like Diana Ross in the blizzard scene from The Wiz. SIDEBAR: THERE IS NO GIF OF THAT BUT YOU TRULY MUST LOOK IT UP BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING BATSHIT AND ALSO A VERY APPROPRIATE COMPARISON FOR THIS SHIT.

So everybody’s charging back into Winterfell and Barack is trying to light some big trench thing. But it’s so fucking dark and blizzardy that D-Baby’s like -

And so our boys keep trying all these different non-dragon ways to light them but the zombies are just like -

So at this point I legit think Barack is gonna jump in like -

But then I remember WE GOT BIG RED! Who decides to take this opportunity to move. So. Fucking. Slowly.

Finally she gets to the trench and she’s all -

And the trench is like -

Meanwhile, down in the crypts, Varys is like, “At least we’re already in a crypt.” And I’m like - IN THIS SITUATION THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING! Like, in the “Game Revealed” doc on this episode, Peter Dinklage literally says, “We’re fighting a guy who can bring the dead back to life and we’ve put the women and children in the crypt. Tyrion’s smart, but I guess not that smart...”

Anyway, back to Bran.

who suddenly is all -

And it’s kinda like, “Fine, Bran, you’re real shitty company anyway.” So he like Vision Quests into the ravens, who fly around for no other purpose other than to give the Night Queen her grand Season 8 entrance.

So she’s here, she’s fierce, her head is her crown, get used to it. And what better way to kick things off than waving her little hand and making all the zombies go -

right into the fire. So now we gotta defend the wall. Except they’re all like -

While the Night Queen finds J-Snow and is like -

Anyway, there’s a lot more fighting.

And in the middle of it all, the Hound is in full meltdown mode.

Luckily Arya’s here all -

And then something crazy happens. So like Lady Sophia Grace is back.

When suddenly, the Zombie Version of the Giant Who Doesn’t Like People Looking At Him crashes the party like -

And ohmigod he is so fucking rude he just like BITCHSLAPS Lady Sophia Grace to the ground.

And then Lady Sophia screams like the fucking fierce bitch she is and charges him, only to get squeezed like a mother. fucking. bug. And the Giant is like totally gonna fucking eat her.

But she’s still like -

And she stabs him in the fucking eye. 

She still dies though. RIP Lady Sophia.

Okay, so somewhere in the middle of all this, THIS happens to Arya -

So she’s running around the castle with like a minor concussion all -

until she stumbles into the Library Section of the Haunted Mansion, where the more literate zombies are browsing.

So she distracts them with a diversion.

Yes, Legolas, that’s what I just fucking said. And then she’s outta there. But not before accidentally kabobbing Sharon Needles, who was just on her way to pick up a nice periodical, causing Sharon to relive her best runway -

Like, thanks Arya for making her even more fierce.

Anyway, she finally gets out of there and she’s all -

But then the zombies are like -

and then it’s just like -

Until she runs into the Hound and Eyepatch Dude, who totally bites it in a fierce-ass Jesus pose to save her.

RIP Eyepatch Dude.  Okay, at this point Arya and the Hound happen to find the one room with a door the zombies can’t Koolaid-Man through, and who should be chilling in there but BIG RED! And she’s all, “What do we say to the God of Death?” And Arya’s like -

Meanwhile, the Night Queen’s starting to blow shit up when J-Snow’s dragon attacks hers and totally Mike Tysons it.

So the Night Queen’s all -

and J-Snow’s dragon is all -

Meanwhile, D-Baby finds the Night Queen and is all -

But Ms. Queen is just like -

and heads off into the castle with the biggest shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen in your life. So J-Snow’s after him all -

And Ms. Queen turns.

Before deciding to recreate her greatest hit - 

J-Snow’s like -

But it’s too late, because everyone is all -

And Ms. Queen just turns around like -

Okay, so meanwhile down in the crypt, everyone is totally shook that the dead are coming back to life and I’m just like -

While upstairs, D-Baby is too busy staring at J-Snow to realize the zombies are mauling her dragon for autographs! So the dragon is like -

But winds up knocking D-Baby off!!! So she’s like totally gone-zo when who should come to her rescue but Jorah!

Anyway, J-Snow’s trying to get to Bran, because like - God forbid he get interrupted on his raven joyride. And he sees Sam, who seems to be spending this entire episode all -

But J-Snow’s like -

So anyway, shit’s really hitting the fan now, and P-Dinky and Sansa are looking at each other all -

When the music decides to bring things down a bit.

And it’s just like zombie dragon flipping out, people dying, Jorah going all -

And meanwhile Theon and the Ironborn have decided that the best way to protect Bran is just to use arrows? But like now Theon has a spear? Anyway, Ms. Queen and the Frosty Posse are strutting into the godswood all -

And Bran has had enough fucking around with the ravens, so he comes back to earth long enough to tell Theon -

Which I guess translates to, “Go charge the Magic Ice Man For Me Even Though He’s Def Gonna Kill You, Charlie Brown.” Anyway, Theon? He dead, and so Ms. Queen can truck on to Bran like -

Until finally he’s there. And Ms. Queen is all -

And Bran is like -

And truly truly truly I thought it was gonna end here. Or like, Ms. Queen would take Bran and that’d be that. But never in a million years, and I mean a MILLION YEARS did I think Arya was gonna come flying in like -

‘Cause she goes -

And he goes -

And then everything’s just like -

At this point everyone ON the show, WATCHING the show, or in any way affiliated with the show is just like -

Except for Bran. ‘Cause like. Of course.

So now all that’s left is for Big Red to walk off into the sunset all -

Sleep, Big Red. You done good.

BOOB COUNT: NONE! BODY COUNT: Bitch, I’m not counting. But RIP Dolorous Edd, Lady Sophia Grace, Beric Dondarrion, Theon Greyjoy, Zombie Viserion, The Night Queen, Jorah Mormont, Melisandre EPISODE GRADE: B+

THE SER POUNCE MEMORIAL FOR STRAY THOUGHTS

First off, a very sincere hats off to director Miguel Sapochnik (of “Hardhome,” “Battle of the Bastards,” and “The Winds of Winter”) and the entire cast and crew for pulling this off. Thrones spoils us, but the fact of the matter is that no other show is giving this level of production on television, and the technical virtuosity on display is out of this world. Check out “The Game Revealed” for this week for a 40-minute deep dive into the 55-night shoot that was this episode - it’s good stuff. Now, let’s pick it apart a little.

Okay, so very cool, we have the Dothraki with the flaming arakhs charging and then the flames going out, but like - what was the plan here? Because everybody knows you gotta burn these zombies to really end them, and they didn’t know Melisandre was coming. So essentially, they were just gonna charge their best fighters at the zombies and like… see what happened?

The sequence after the fires went out and some horses and Dothraki and Jorah came running back was haunting. But I did think it was foreboding something other than just like “We’re running away from zombies.”

Jon’s first line of the episode and seemingly the only thing he says anymore, “The Night King is coming.” In fact, because he’s said this so fucking much, I’d forgotten that Daenerys and he were charged primarily with taking out the Night King. This could’ve been established a little better. Like yes they talked about it last episode, but I could’ve used being re-oriented insofar as “Okay, these two are with the dragons over here literally waiting till the Night King shows himself” because I found myself often wondering why the fuck they weren’t just roasting zombies.

There was obviously an unprecedented scope to this battle, and seeing grand moments like the Unsullied defending the gate was a really cool payoff for an army we’ve been with for 6 seasons now.

That said, something I thought was highly unsuccessful about this episode was how detached it felt from last week’s, which reinvested me in pretty much all these characters. The wider and chaotic look at this battle made it hard to focus on those characters, and while I appreciated the immersion of the sequence, it grew tiring for me.

A nice zoom-in moment is with Grey Worm at the gate, trying to figure out what to do. But the geography of where Melisandre was and when the idea came to him to use her for the trench was confusing.

“Maybe we should have stayed married.” “You were the best of them.” “What a terrifying thought.”

Ramin Djawadi started this awesome White Walker cue back on “Hardhome” that sounds like a clock ticking and I love it every time he uses it. Also his cue “The Night King” is perfection.

Great use of color in this episode to delineate the stages of the battle. And I know we’re all giving it shit for being hard to see, but I’d imagine the blizzardy chaos and the hellfire that dominates the trench section helped them stretch their budget by obscuring most of the backgrounds.

Love, love, loved the library scene.

Let’s not pretend they didn’t crib Helm’s Deep pretty hard here. Melisandre’s arrival was the Elves, the crypts were the glittering caves. We had wall climbing and very similar all is lost moments. It’s a good thing to steal from, but let’s not pretend.

Beautiful work from Sophie Turner and Peter Dinklage in the crypts.

I was very satisfied by all the major deaths this week, in particular Theon’s, but the idea that Bran had to rubber stamp that Theon was “a good man” irritated me a little. The whole thing of Thrones has been that these people are complicated, and Theon is one of the most complicated. So to just sweep it all under the rug and come down hard on one side of it felt reductive. Anyway, RIP Alfie Allen, one of my favorite actors on the show.

RIP also to Iain Glen, our Jorah 5EVER.

Alas, Bran is still with us, and he was another hugely unsuccessful element of the episode. Using him as the Macguffin was a good idea, but D&D never succeeded at explaining what it was that was so important about him to the Night King. Likewise, when he went into the ravens and people were protecting him, wouldn’t it have been stronger if he was actually doing something of use? Something that if it was interrupted would ruin everything? Rather than just joy-riding?

I’ve seen a lot of people wish more characters had died, and I hear that. But it’s a tricky thing at this point on the show. As much as Thrones has been unafraid of killing its characters, it’s never done it in a random way. Ned died as a consequence for his actions, as do pretty much all the major characters on the show. To just randomly start killing them sounds like something that would happen in a battle, sure, but would be largely unsatisfying. And we know these characters so well now that moments need to be made of their demises. I thought the show did an excellent job of dispatching a fairly substantial crew of major characters in a satisfying way, but too much of this and it’s gonna get tiring.

Speaking of which, the Night King. Okay, so Arya killing him was obviously outstanding, made even more satisfying by the fact that it made complete sense with her arc and that Sapochnik was so successful in setting it up so clearly in the episode and then making us completely forget about it. When she stabbed him and he exploded, I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. One of the most satisfying crowd-pleaser moments I’ve ever seen.

That said, the thing that stinks up this episode for me is not that it was hard to see or that not enough people died, but that the White Walkers ultimately amounted to nothing. I love love love the device of killing them with three episodes left to go and refocusing the show on the political, but the Night King was such an amazing villain because of his mystery and the promise that one day we’d find out what his M.O. was. I worried last week that when the characters perfunctorily said he wants to destroy history, that was all we’d get in the way of that but sadly, it seems it may be. We should’ve known they wouldn’t handle this very well when they swept the White Walker origin story under the rug in Season 6, but it’s very disappointing to see that ultimately he was just a bad dude. The way it ended was epic, but we deserved to know more about motivations and the stakes of the situation before it was all over. To sum it up, D&D are very lucky that their fairly mid-level writing is in the hands of a master like Sapochnik and a dynamite cast and crew.

NEXT WEEK: Cersei’s back.

[noliereyes]

requiem | flashback 006

or; the story of how magnolia jane reyes loses everything | flashback during the 72nd Games. (tw: death, tw: grief, tw: blood)

Nolie’s job, granted to her by the rest of the pack, is keeping watch. She does so from her spot laying on the top of the Cornucopia, the lightest and smallest and most agile one of the group making it easy for her to climb up. Nolie’s sitting on top of the Cornucopia when she sees the tributes coming. “Guys-guys-guys,” she hisses, sliding from the top of the rustically-themed structure and slipping back inside of it. “There’s somebody coming. And fast.”

“There’s other people in here, sweetie,” Elliana says, absentmindedly admiring her bow.

“No, like… she’s coming-coming.” Nolie explains. She flicks the butterfly knife in and out of its sheath. “Two of them. Headed right for us.”

“Did they see you?” Miles asks, grabbing his sword.

“Not sure,” she admits. “I laid low, but they could just be coming here for the stuff. If they think there’s supplies left.”

“If they’re doing that, they can’t be that smart,” Garnet reasons.

“Outliers are fucking idiots anyways,” Gill says, twirling the trident. “Let’s ambush, yeah?”

The six Careers crouch at the edges of the tin Cornucopia, waiting for the footsteps to grow closer. It’s Elliana who steps out first, smiles brightly.

“Hi, sweetheart!” she coos, before shooting an arrow directly into the girl from Ten’s eye socket.

The boy gets away, just barely, with one of Elliana’s arrows in his thigh. As the pair from Four bicker over who should’ve gotten the kill (Garnet thinks they’re both idiots, and Carina just simply doesn’t care about killing anyone), Nolie snuggles up to Miles and squeezes his hand. And then it’s back to her post, crawling back up the Cornucopia to continue keeping watch. She spins the butterfly knife in and out as the hovercraft comes for the girl’s body. She can’t hear what’s happening in the horn below them.

“We have to kill her, Garnet!” Elliana whines.

“We can’t. We kill her, Reyes kills us.” Garnet says, as he tucks a sleeping bag around Carina.

Gill rolls his eyes. “He won’t know, he’s sleeping.”

“I’ll know, and I’ll fucking end all of you,” Miles says, eyes still closed.

                                                             ***

Charlie finds Nolie the next morning.

The pack goes hunting, and Nolie’s job remains the same, checking things out, keeping an eye on the terrain. It’s no surprise that she is the one that sees Charlie, then, and has to stop herself from squealing. He’s a small dinosaur, about two feet tall, with little clawed and webbed hands and feet and a horn on his head.

“Miles, lookit!” she says softly, crouching beside the dinosaur. He chirped a couple times, nuzzled her cheek. “He’s friendly!”

“Mutts aren’t friendly.” Elliana lines up her bow again, and Nolie steps in front of the tiny creature protectively. Miles joins her.

“Look, if it attacks, then we kill it,” Miles reasons. “But let it stay. It might be helpful.”

“He’s a he, Miles, not an it.” she pauses. “His name is Charlie!”

Miles shoots Nolie a look that says watch it, but she’s not paying attention.

The rest of the second day passes without much fanfare. They only find the injured partner of the girl from Ten, who Gill easily takes out with his machete. The Arena has to be big, Nolie knows. The fewer people they can find, the bigger the Arena, the longer the Games. The harder the work. Enobaria’s games were long this way, and Nolie knew what her mentor had to go through to get out of them. Charlie follows them back to camp and Nolie curls up against him while they sleep. It’s nice to have another friend.

                                                                           ***

It’s the third day when they go hunting again, and Nolie and Charlie take up the rear of the group together. As they’re walking, Nolie hears something and skids to a halt, and Charlie bumps into her with a little oof. “Shh,” she whispers, a hand out to touch Miles in front of her. 

It’s footsteps. And they hear it too.

“Four or so people,” Garnet whispers.

“Coming this way.” Carina confirms.

“Fast,” Nolie adds.

“Weapons out, back to back, Nolie in the middle,” Miles snaps.

“Hell no, Tiny can fight for herself.” Gill says.

The group does so, Nolie taking a defensive stance with her tiny knife despite her vulnerable state. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, she thinks to herself. The footsteps soon reveal themselves to be not mutts, but tributes: four of them, covered in scratches and with feathers stuck in their hair. “Fucking birds!” One of them snaps.

“Aww, cute!” Elliana coos again, and fires an arrow into his stomach.

Hell breaks loose.

There’s ten tributes in total, in a horrifying, bloody showdown. It’s the two from Seven and the two from Nine that they run into. It’s a shock when the boy from Seven has a knife, and plunges it into Elliana’s stomach as she gets in another arrow to his chest, both tributes slumping to the ground. The boy from Nine goes for Nolie, and gets a cut in on her side. She retaliates with a screech and a leap, stabbing him in the side of the head with her butterfly knife as her legs wrapped around his waist. In another life, in another pack, Nolie would then become an unsung hero.

But instead, Nolie turns around and watches the girl from Nine stab Miles through the stomach with a spear.

Nolie screams.

The girl from Nine looks at her dead partner, at the raging teenager, at the rest of the Careers, and sprints off into the jungle as Garnet slits the girl from Seven’s throat.

Nolie drops to her knees beside Miles, her heartbeat roaring in her ears, and somewhere that sounds far away she hears Gill’s voice shout “Go, go, go!” and footsteps running away.

“Please, no!” Nolie screams, dropping to her knees beside her brother. Everything feels like a fog, as though it’s playing in slow motion. Blood pools into Miles’ khaki uniform, and Nolie scrambles to try and find something, anything. But she has no supplies. It was all in the packs worn by Garnet and Gill. Of course they would: if they needed to lose Nolie on a hunt, they didn’t want to lose their things with her.

They had it all, and played Nolie like a fiddle.

“Nols,” Miles says, slowly, choking the words out. “You’re so brave,”

“I’m so stupid-”

“No,” Miles says firmly. “Brave.”

“No, I’m stupid, this is all my fault, and I didn’t want you to die over this, o-over… over me,” she lets out a loud sob, presses her face into his chest, leaves tear stains against his shirt.

“Listen, Nols,” he says. He coughs a couple times, blood on his lips. “You have to get home. Get somewhere safe, they’ll send you stuff, just hole up and let them hurt each other. Heal up... and stay safe. Please.”

“I will,” she promises, carefully wiping some of the blood trying to escape Miles’ lips.

“I love you, kid.” Miles reaches up weakly, tries to tousle Nolie’s hair, but he can’t get there and touches her arm instead. But she knows the sentiment.

“I love you,” she cries. He coughs again, once, twice, and then he falls still.

A cannon fires.

A scream echoes through the jungle, a heart-wrenching wail heard by anyone nearby. Some may have believed it was one of the dinosaurs letting out a roar, but it was merely a small girl, terrified and alone.

The Gamemakers queued up a meteor shower, and as if he knew (he did, but Nolie didn’t know that), Charlie began to push and nudge Nolie away from Miles’ body and through the woods. She clung to him at first, refusing to leave her brother, but Charlie’s relentless chirping and the sound of crashing rocks in the distance allowed Nolie to leave Miles’ body and find safety.

Charlie found her a small cave, one with a twisting entrance and a dark tunnel, and Nolie collapsed in it, holding her shallow wound, screaming, screaming as if the world had ended. The meteors echoed off the cave, and Nolie’s screams echo back at her from the darkness, so utterly, so painfully, alone.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Back Like a Recurrent UTI

In response to a comment from a reader, which is frankly one comment more than I ever thought I’d get, I’m dropping the interline punctuation. Be aware I may be switching to Comic Sans next week though.

Transmission date: Monday 5/Tuesday 6 June 2017.

Coming at you off the back of Medium-Strength Rules, this is THURSDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

so yeah, extreme rules was kind of crap like, i don't need it to be all barbed wire rope exploding table deathmatches, but that was honestly tamer than a lot of episodes of raw it's like waiting a fortnight for a jalfrezi and getting a shitty mushroom dopiaza or something (that's the subtitle of the dvd release, btw) (Extreme Rules 2017: The Shitty Mushroom Dopiaza of Wrestling) kkb took the belts, though, so that's good at least in any case, i should probably stop using this blog to bitch about ppvs that we're not watching and actually watch the show just kidding, it's my blog, i can do whatever the fuck i want NEXT UP: THE HIGHLY EFFECTIVE HABITS OF SUCCESSFUL LEAFCUTTER ANTS (2017, 7hrs 41mins) *daniel starts raw* dang ah well we'll get back to that particular gem we kick off with a dramatic slideshow of an entirely undramatic two-chilli rules main event if you haven't been keeping up with the results, joe won by stealing a pin opportunity and choking finn to death i have genuinely no clue how they're going to build a joe/brock feud without turning one of them, which would make no sense and be bullshit were the hardyz in the title sequence before? i am very unobservant, so it's possible jesus fuck, guys, you don't need to keep weaponising the pyro to see what i say we're back in the mohegan sun later, joe talks about life but now, here comes a bray to chop off your head or possibly declaim some eschatological craziness could be both who knows i'm wearing a SanItY shirt, i don't give a shit aww, apparently he's here to fight roman disappointing can he chop roman's head off? booker's still on announce, which is weird given that otunga was around to be on the pico de gallo rules preshow panel ok, bray's got a mic so at least we get some preaching before roman gets here apparently sunday was the beginning of the end, because bray will not be there to slay the beast because he was stabbed through the eye with his own sword of salvation but he's fine, because he's still a god (i'm not even paraphrasing) he's here to pass judgment on the guilty which includes basically everybody who isn't him he mentions roman, the arena roof levitates on the cloud of boos he's vowed to personally punish everyone, starting with roman now oh, and here he is personally, i would not enter a room with a man who had just levelled that particular bit of demagoguery at me but hey, i'm not roman reigns loving the guy on hardcam with the I CAME TO BOO ROMAN sign so did everyone else, it seems apocalyptic cult leader and self-proclaimed god vs big taciturn punch man which way is the heel/face divide even meant to go in this situation enormous boos, roman takes bray's mic, boos redouble apparently this kind of public hate is why roman is the guy sure, why not better than proclaiming yourself the BIG FIGHT man cannot tweet roman coldcocks bray, start the match bray nearly lands sister abigail within about six seconds that would have been fucking hilarious although it kind of feels like maybe bray should have a new finisher to fit this whole bringing judgment upon the guilty thing or maybe that's just my overly-narrative booking instincts who can say (that is definitely what it is) fuck off, daniel i'll rescind your fruit bowl privileges bray avoids a samoan drop through the incredibly advanced tactic of punching roman in the head repeatedly that's the kind of tactical nous you only get by anointing yourself with the burnt grave earth of your diabolic mistress as the saying goes did we really need to cut to that enormously wide shot where the camera's on the other side of a lighting rig several astronomical units away from the ring? like, we get that the mohegan sun's big no need to prove this at the expense of beign able to see shit if i wanted to watch insects wrestle while i shine a torch into one of my eyes, i could do that at home i'm going off on tangents a lot here because this match is slow as fuck roman is still creeped out to the point of a nearfall by bray's spiderwalk goes for a pin off an uranage, then takes roman to the top rope we could be here a while he does a few punches, roman headbutts him for longer than would seem necessary before turning it into a powerbomb roman cocks his hand, takes a couple tries to hit bray what happens if he cocks his hand and doesn't do anything with it? does he have to punch something to get rid of it before it goes off accidentally? or can he rack his forearm to eject a loaded fist? enquiring minds want to know anyway, while that muse was visiting me, bray heard roman going oooooooo and rolled out, took a driveby but punched roman's head off so it seems my earlier proposal was correct huh i can call murders better than matches bray goes for sister abigail, roman reverses into a superman punch and a really slow spear for the pin so yeah that happened meanwhile, someone in the crowd has leveraged all their crafting skills to make a sign informing us that BROCK LESNAR IS TICKLISH corey invents the adjective 'slaughterous' yeah, ok bray deserves new words end segment later on, we have joe doing a thing but next, we talk about the shitshow that was the 'extreme' women's title match "But can Bayley get EXTREEEEEME?" "No." but now, we have charly interviewing enzo and cass enzo's conscious, which is a change charly asks enzo about their match tonight with enzo and cass, he responds by creeping on charly and insulting corey's hair cass is insulted by the rumours that he was attacking his bro, promises to watch his back at all times and then they leave, and enzo returns to creep on charly alone good backwatching, colin what if charly was the mystery assailant it makes so much sense anyway, now we have a dull slideshow of the dull women's title match and photos of the one welt on bayley's back, which has made her take the night off somebody send jericho to talk to her in his curtain room/office, kurt is confused by his phone and here is alexa to present terms she wants a celebration of her entire life tonight because the this is your life segment went down so well outstanding kurt immediately comes back like fuck no that's an awful idea this is your life was dreadful and anyway you owe nia a title shot tonight alexa is none too pleased and slightly shellshocked but here's dean, aka 33% of the best bit of semi-notable rules and now, here's a very large man on a stool dressed entirely in scarves and fragments of scarves, with a song he wrote after seeing a leaf fall on the side of the highway

actual quote

it's a song about how dean sucks, basically

with a subtext about how elias deserves a title shot

dean's music interrupts it

it's an elias segment, so corey is SO ANGRY

dean does his hey dude hold on a second i just want to PUNCH thing

hits him until he goes away, and demands a title rematch but here's miz on the tron, like fuck no he's wearing a bow tie for the kickoff celebration of the ic title comeback tour and elias blindsides dean into his swinging neckbreaker and shouts at him, because sometimes you just gotta but up next, samoa joe the mohegan sun fans need something to cheer, or they're going to riot but first, dean storms backstage runs into kurt, asks for a ref in miz's dressing room kurt's like no, we've got a party planned and i'm scared of maryse, please go away no dean, don't go to miz's dressing room so kurt ejects him from the building it is just heel city so far oh hey, it's joe funny, that because the prevailing heel archetype at the moment is apparently 'large samoan man named joe' first shot of the match card graphics for great balls of fire, and it looks like shit if you're making a title graphic, maybe don't put a flashy effect around the word BALLS in the centre joe thinks brock ain't shit and wants to take everything he owns including his cushy non-wrestling schedule i think we all want brock's ability to draw a salary and have fans without doing shit joe also wants paul heyman, just for giggles oh hey, paul didn't see you there (largely because you were backstage and i don't have camera control) paul does his usual spiel, and still needs to check the definition of 'defending' does his usual thing of hi joe aren't you awesome can i come into your ring sir please don't hurt me but btw my client also thinks you yourself ain't shit does a soliloquy about worrying for a living, turns it into a jew joke sigh addresses the fact that brock/finn would have been a great story, while brock/joe is just going to be two large angry men trying to shoot kill each other paul does his usual great job of hyping both people in this match you're great, but my client's better paul shakes hands with joe, tries to leave, joe grabs him again and has an earnest face-to-face conversation he's so well-spoken he's like hey paul i understand you're just a legal representative but jsyk i'm about to choke the life out of you and this is exactly what it's going to feel like and then he does calm joe is the most intimidating joe refs get involved, but not until paul goes limp the crowd are unsure how to react to this assault joe shouts at the crowd some more, then leaves and we cut to ads on the sight of paul on the floor and we come back backstage, with kurt like THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO at joe who's like i don't know would you like me to demonstrate loooooooom but here comes seth to shout at joe and intervene also he has a new merch vest to show off kurt's like hey this sounds like a good match this booking shit is easy joe sidles off with a dark look, end thing but now we have slater and rhyno facing the kkb with the former's entrance being helpfully played under the announce team talking earnestly about joe the announcers and graphics team need to decide whether they're sheamus and cesaro or cesaro and sheamus dramatic slideshow of the cage match, making it make even less sense lovely closeup of jeff's post-dive 'holy fuck why do i still do this to myself' face bell rings, instead of getting out of the ring, cesaro creates an novel distraction by running across the ring and sliding out in the opponents' corner while sheamus commences to beating the piss out of heath slater knocks them both down, goes for a hot tag, cesaro pulls rhyno off the apron, brogue for the pin so that was a thing i'll be honest, i just love seeing them with the belts and they get mic spots awesome sheamus is like hey guys look like we know how to do this wrestling thing who knew are you all happy the hardyz came back well then you're all twats you know who isn't happy they came back? the hardyz, who basically ain't shit they reiterate their claim to be the bar, cue music and celebration but here's tjp backstage runs into neville oh so coincidentally like congrats, but where the fuck is my title shot neville does his usual patience, young one thing, tjp will no longer take this shit neville is a man of his word, and he'll give tj his shot if he takes care of mustafa next cut for ads, and here's that match tj's straight in with the slightly excessive aggression, tries to crush ali's face across the corner with his foot and then a bunch of cool spots happen faster than i can type about them but that should go without saying, really thanks for slowing things down with that really long rest headlock, tj mustafa does his lovely top rope twist torndo ddt, tries for the inverted 450, tj reverses into a detonation kick for the pin again with the really short matches mustafa deserves better tj swaggers up the ring, neville's crazy pyro hits, he basically shits himself, it's hilarious he's like i'm sorry my apprentice, i talked to kurt but we can't have a match tonight i tried tj shouts at him, storms off, so he blindsides him and beats the shit out of him on the stage and then says he can have his shot tomorrow on 205 i say 'says', more 'northernly rants' cut for ads, and we come back with another shattered dreams production goldust's like excuse you did you steal my format and my chair it is ON motherfucker promises to bring the whole movie industry into his coming golden age how this will interact with bray's prophesied apocalypse is unclear but now, in the women's locker room, mickie and dana congratulate sasha on her dance moves alexa comes in, sasha nopes out of the room and alexa's like hey girls what do you think about nia cutting in line for the title what a bitch right dana and mickie are like lol no we'll be at ringside laughing at you announce spot, and kurt appears to call corey away for urgent business involving gesturing at his phone and looking annoyed i have no clue what all this is building to if there's been foreshadowing, i've missed it cole tries to ask him what that's all about, corey's like OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT kalisto's here he's lost the aggressively sculpted dragon mask, back to more of an nxt-era lucha dragons thing back in mexican colours and everything whatever happened to el local ...okay, i totally did not know he was ricardo rodriguez i wouldn't have known who that was back when i started watching nxt, to be fair thanks, internet huh anyway, back on the show, ...mike? ambushes kurt backstage to ask what the fuck's going on with those emails or w/e he uses slightly more professional language, because he's talking to his boss while i'm screaming semi-informed obscenities into the formless void of the internet kurt's like nope, anonymous dude, this is private and walks out of the arena and dean sneaks in the door just before it closes dean ambrose: back like a recurrent uti (his disappointing third album) and as we watch him come in, the revival just happen to be in the back of the shot caught it that time i pay attention sometimes but now it's kalisto/titus or actually titus knocking kaliso down and then shouting at apollo also tozawa is watching because titus wants him on the brand kalisto gets a rollup holding titus' trunks, apollo's like welp guess you asked for that one boss does some light motivational slapping, end segment but here are miz and maryse, even more dapper than usual and pan over to big cass, collapsed under a bunch of girders and shit enzo comes running in like whoa what happened way to stay together, guys cass presents enzo with a tacky chain that he presumably took off his attacker, enzo hugs his bro as we cut to ads and we come back on enzo being like okay well this is clearly a frame job and btw we have a match so can cass wrestle or what the answer is no but now we're back in the ring, with carpet and champagne and balloons and maryse and a guy in a teddy bear suit with a sign says CONGRATULATIONS who is totally not dean ambrose no sir but seriously, miz must fucking love balloons this ring is at imminent risk of lifting off and here is the man himself and a dramatic slideshow of the actually-great match complete with the nicest ref ever but yes, miz and maryse both look fucking great tonight just saying surprising number of you deserve it chants miz is immediately like fuck off you chant that for everyone just reminding us he's still a heel and all but yes, i do deserve it and here's a speech about how i'm redeeming the ic belt a toast to me "Ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass...or, if you're in this arena, a styrofoam cup..." delivered perfectly miz thanks maryse for all this stuff, mentions the bear, she's like um i thought you ordered the bear then who's flying the plane so miz attacks the bear on principle and finales him welp, that bear's dead dramatically unmasks him, revealing...some dude he's like ...um, well at least you had a brush with celebrity, get out of here *whips him out of the ring* and now here comes a big present down the ramp miz is like well isn't this nice what could this be grabs a chair, beats the shit out of the present while maryse shouts at him to stop and it's a very dead grandfather clock and a very sad maryse tells mike he ruined the party, throws the mic at him, storms off and we are left with a very dejected miz, blaming dean for all his problems and having a paranoid breakdown at the crowd and the steadicam guy who's been following miz throughout takes his headset and hat off and hits miz with dirty deeds lovely slow realisation as the camera feed went up on the tron dean swigs some champagne, takes the bottle and leaves okay, that was really well done but now, we see enzo wandering dejectedly backstage looking for a partner and now we see the family who have good seats because of pizza including the wonderfully-named Enzo Shirtz but yes gallows and anderson are in the ring and here comes enzo all on his onesie does his intro, but it's not the same without a large man gesticulating behind him does his 4G well-connected joke again get new material, dude but he's found himself a new seven-foot man it's a biiiiiig shooooooooow although it would have been amazing if it was braun big show stands in the middle of the ring like what is this tiny rodent enzo tries to give him a pep talk with some semi-coherent jokes mixed in show has progressed from 'bemused' to 'angered' this is the most awkward thing, and i could not do it justice without rubbing a buttered weasel on the keyboard and...now show is doing a joisey-accented monologue with an extended ice age reference before spelling it out for them? what the fuck is in this drink well, the match has started, so i guess the talking can stop bell rings, anderson kicks enzo's soul out of his body standard swift hot tag to show, who...does all the normal show stuff chokeslam to anderson, into badaboomshakalaka except in the form of show military pressing enzo and then just rhowing him straight at anderson well, that was a thing that happened? lasted about 90 seconds anyway next up, women's title match but here are zo and show backstage run into cass, who's like hey funny how show disappears for weeks and then he's back when you need a partner casts suspicion about show being the culprit, enzo wants to give him a ride, but cass takes him away and now let's have a terrible blaxploitation segment full of film references yup but now mike? interviews alexa in the curtain room he asks if she regrets giving nia this shot, she's like i regret this show fuck off faceless dude and back to the arena, here's nia

cut to ads, and...now a weird bit where every version of this i can find appears to have overwritten the entire women's match with the elias segment from earlier the fuck, internet apparently it was pretty much what you might have thought - nia stomped all over alexa, dana and mickie pointed and laughed, and then alexa went and started a fight with those two for a dq win i would have liked to watch that, but guess that's not happening back to the actual show just in time for a graphic for the cruiserweight title match thank fuck i didn't miss that and apparently brock will be here next week i repeat, the champion will be on the show he supposedly leads novel idea so yes, here's everyone's favourite towel-sporting middle-aged-man-strangler and also seth, who didn't try to murder a doughy guy in a suit today bell rings, joe just gets down to punching seth's face in before even taking off his towel seth goes for a suicide dive, joe roundhouse kicks him as he comes out of the ropes, because he is way more flexible than he really should be this match is 10% seth doing cool cruiserweighty shit and 90% joe's hundred flavours of NOPE seth does a sling blade into a suicide dive, and it actually works this time and into a blockbuster because why stop at one signature and as i type that, there goes another suicide dive and then into a falcon arrow, as seth goes fuck you i can do strength spots seth goes up to the top rope, wyatt cut because fuck you lights go back up, seth looks around for a bray who is very much not here, joe blindsides him and coquina clutch until death and we fade on seth bleeding, joe strutting, WOMP WOMPing, and an entirely unnecessary reminder that brock'll be here next week do you have to ruin everything, wwe (don't answer that) smackdown will probably follow tomorrow, after i've gone and been an instrument of democracy but in the meantime, let me tell you about these ants -------------------- And if you enjoyed that, we hope you'll be back next week for our seminar on Following Pheromone Trails In An Increasingly Odoriferous World. right, now that that's done, it's probably time for some FRIDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN! (i apologise in advance for any political jokes that slip through) (it's been a tough few days) and we open on a dramatic retelling of the women's five-way last week so yeah, women's mitb is probably going to be the big story this week i've had some of this show spoiled, but i honestly can't remember what, so that's sorted itself out and we're back in the present, and here come the shaney and also the five contenders are in the ring already and one of them's brought their creeper charlotte is looking ridiculously overdressed in her black sequin robe seven words in, shane gets a cheap pop in shane starts introducing them all, calls tamina "a two-time superstar" the fuck does that even mean the crowd love charlotte, but they love becky more apparently we're having a six-woman tag match later because why not have the entire division in the ring *again* drumroll as shane reveals the case it's basically the same, except silver and with some extra detailing on the logo no pink, thank fuck shane has a monologue about how dangerous the mitb match is, like he totally does with the men claims whoever has won this in the past has become champion somewhere, damien sandow is crying ellsworth calls shane out for mansplaining the mitb match, carmella gets a monologue until charlotte shouts her down leans on the genetic superiority thing, offers the other four a chance at brushing against greatness somehow a face? nattie calls her out for ripping off her father, proceeds to do the same to her uncle becky calls her on this, promises to rip off everybody's arms should be worth watching tamina gets to say words, which is novel but here comes naomi gets to do her whole entrance, because fuck this argument i'm the champ hypes the match like dang i wish i was allowed to be in this INTERRUPTING TRASH SAX lana is actually here in person (why do i like this music what is wrong with me) struts down the ramp, everyone in the ring just standing there like um fuck the what shane's like um hi? btw i was trying to do a thing, why are you in my ring shit, she's still russian and weirdly propositioning shane while also asking for a spot in the mitb match naomi just bursts out laughing like do you even go here why do you get to be in this match when you've had like none ever lana claims she can beat naomi, i smell a match for later shane's like seriously this is not how this show works lana has a tantrum in russian, flounces off up the ramp a+ flounce the crowd are loving her shane's like RIGHT back to the actual show that i run let's have this tag match Pun Murderer, FluoroTwerk and Queen Bitch vs Wrestling Mom, Thug Girl (and Douchey), and Obligatory Samoan lots of spots happened while i was working that out, but the gist is it's pretty even so far currently becky is alligator rolling carmella around the ring with her legs there's my thing i haven't seen before for the week apparently carmella taking the briefcase would be "like moving from HD televisions back to nanotubes" i'm going to go out on a limb and say jbl doesn't understand how science works interference by nattie and ellsworth lets tamina hot tag in and grind becky to pulp nattie tags in so she can walk over becky and taunt her teammates she'd be a much more effective wrestler with more wrestling naomi and carmella both hot tag in, the champ commences to cleaning house including three short-arm leg lariats to tamina because hey, if you can manage those, why not throw a bunch in nattie and tamina both come in to interfere, and here's lana to loom on the ramp and knock naomi off the apron, letting tamina superkick her for the pin stands at ringside looking smug like yes i did do that the fuck you gonna do and we go backstage, where shane runs into the andre the giant trophy mid-phone call like the fuck is this horrible public art and here's mojo to address the fact that he won that match and then nothing else fucking ever and be like should i maybe have been in the mitb match being the only person that's beaten jinder on smackdown and all shane offhandedly mentions luke harper, the crowd go wild shane's giving mojo a match against jinder to qualify for the ladder match because as ever, shane books this shit about twenty seconds in advance later we have owens/nakamura but next, styles/ziggler again and weirdly, by 'next', we don't mean 'after someone from the last segment has an encounter backstage' for once here is aj now they still don't want none although by the sound of the crowd, rochester, NY don't not want none dolph enters, recap video of dolph going over aj last week which i had totally forgotten looking more closely at the men's briefcase, the logo detailing's the same so yeah, it's just the colour that's different bell rings, we start going old-school mat wrestling turns out dolph has amateur technical skills that aren't just assaults to the crotch and also, he can dropkick you in the face dolph goes for the most blatant dirty pin, gets caught just before 3 and then a famouser actually connects for a nearfall i tend to rag on them repeating matches, but hey, this is a good match slow superplex setup actually resolves in an interesting way dolph counters a phenomenal forearm into another dirty pin attempt, aj reverses into a styles clash with like no setup, gets the pin because we're actually respecting finishers for the moment and from that to more fashion files noir tyler has a gritty monologue about the connections between prison and the catwalk and narrates himself looking at their clue board fandango returns from taking the cologne to the boys in the lab, only to find out that there's no boys and no lab, so he just tasted it himself as you do

and then this leads into the two of them repeatedly saying a mixture of 'cologne', 'colón' and 'clone' at each other with an increasing sense of incredulity this is like a fucking two ronnies sketch and i love it tyler finally gets it or not nor does fandango, which obviously means they must be close tyler offers a hopeful "Colóse?" and we cut to the new day and their ice cream cart what is life but still with the noir saxophone soundtrack they've come to the fashion police office and are bemused by how they turn black and white as they enter the new day have a case for them, the police say they'll take it, except the new day can't hear them because they're still speaking in their shared noir internal monologue and i am falling apart here big e is uncomfortable with how they're just staring at him but he's got them both rompers carried in his singlet, obviously fandango is not impressed "Listen, Big E, if that's even your real initial..." line of the night right there fandango is offended because they don't take bribes pan over to tyler, who is already wearing his like hey they're fashionable screw you the new day want intel on the usos for mitb breezango hand them five file boxes pull out a hoodie, ask the new day what they know about day one and why it is h xavier is trying so hard not to corpse the fashion police take the case, sax sting, they freeze frame until the new day are like ummmmmmm we'll just go while their noir monologue starts a 'new case rocks' chant that was amazing and you have no idea how many times i had to pause it to type but back in normality...oh wait, it's mojo i still can't hear his music without my brain adding zack's parts and here's a video to tell us that cena's coming back on july 4th, because of course he fucking is i thought jinder's music was different to usual but it's the singhs doing ring announce for jinder in english and punjabi and there's the music i was expecting i really like the ramp graphics they do for his entrance and he remains jacked as fuck somewhere in america, heath slater is watching smackdown and nxt and developing an inferiority complex it's just occurred to me that jinder's and aj's entrances have basically the same beat and structure somebody make me that mashup maybe this entrance is just they don't want none in punjabi that would be amazing i love how they've given jinder a properly long entrance with some gravitas and just generally how seriously they're taking him as a champion mojo is getting the upper hand with the power of HYPE (always upper case) every time jinder rolls out of the ring, the singhs are like omg boss are you ok can i get you a drink and they just have long arguments in punjabi and don't even try and let the average american in on it a singh distracts mojo and lets jinder just jump on his head a bunch doesn't take, because that's never where mojo keeps his brain flurry of offence later, jinder gets an eye rake in and khalass for the pin decent match by two underrated performers jinder's veins seem to have calmed down a bit too, which is reassuring jinder has a mic, the population of rochester is not pleased oh, fuck off your usa chants promises to kill randy and crush his dreams at mitb, leans on the hometown angle again proclaims himself the antidote to randy orton, and by extension america and then does a promo in punjabi, pissing off americans because america another hype bit for owens/nakamura and a video about how cool shinsuke is and somebody painting a protrait of him this video is basically all showmanship, but that's totally appropriate he's great in the ring, but that's not why people love him but next, the new day actually fight and they keep saying it's owens/nakamura 'for the first time ever' i have gifs that disagree but now, randy is backstage renee comes in to ask what he thinks about jinder's promo apparently he's been getting calls from ric flair, harley race and his dad, telling him to let jinder talk and then fuck him up so that's what he's going to do sure, that's compelling interview work but actually now, it's the new day v the colóns they're still throwing boxes of cereal into the crowd and pouring them on fans, because fuck your health and safety it's xavier/e, because this isn't a serious match so naturally, jbl goes off on a tangent about operation overlord this is 90% the colóns taking all the new day spots you know and love xavier and e do the ab stretch/spank thing at the same time, xavier somehow gets francesca ii turbo despite having a match to wrestle in a side note, primo's gone and shaved, so now i have no clue which colón is which xavier does a huge missile dropkick on epico, double hot tag and big e proceeds to annihilate primo xavier does a casual tope con giro, primo tries for a pin from the distraction, fails because fuck you we're the new day, blind tag into midnight hour for the pin their post-match celebration is interrupted by the usos' aggressive music they're here to talk trash at the new day and do their prison thing, astonishingly and they have shitty misogynistic jokes about the new day and jimmy's paranoia monologue i do like that they're doing all this mic work, but can we maybe not be offensive to marginalised groups shot of kevin taping his wrists backstage, but here's dasha in the curtain room with sami asking how he's preparing for mitb he's been watching lots of matches, basically and he has no idea how to get a handle on shinsuke slippery bastard sami tries to do some of shinsuke's moves, it doesn't go well so he's going to be on announce for owens/nakamura for research purposes baron looms into the room, coldcocks sami then hits him with a ladder like stop thinking about shinsuke don't you love me and then pushes him into a convenient pile of ladders and says he's taking the announce spot cut to shane on the phone like i am literally watching the show what the shit was that why do i keep that enormous douchebag around man spends a lot of time in expository phone calls (says the woman narrating the entire show on the internet) but here's naomi to ask for a match with lana at mitb shane's like seriously you have no clue how busy i am right now naomi lobbies harder, puts the title on the line after saying lana doesn't deserve a title shot because she hasn't earned it? does the bald-snatching line, end segment and now main event time here's kevin good sweeping shot of the ring apron and floor, wrong steadicam guy #smackdownediting ad for talking smack, with aj, mojo, and lana and tjp telling us to watch 205 becuse he's awesome [citation needed] claims you can't stab someone in the back if they're standing in front of you tjp has clearly never heard of the concept of elbows baron's on announce great the two facts they put on shinsuke's sidebar are literally 'from kyoto' and 'former nxt superstar' fascinating but what do i care, i'm busy watching him in his studded tabard that everybody will be wearing in the future bell rings, shinsuke does his oh did you want a tieup i'm just going to kick you in the knees baron talks about his storied history of fucking sami up nobody cares, you balding twat kevin has briefly tried to take shinsuke on at the kicking game, failed, and returned to mastering headlocks shinsuke's kicked off a comeback with a lovely single leg dropkick nearfall off his knees to the corner baron acknowledges that shinsuke is dangerous, my no shit alarm is destroying my eardrums (daniel, can you please take the batteries out of that) baron's still trying to talk smack about kevin, but his particular brand of smack is just shite meanwhile, reverse exploder to kinshasa for the win a lightly underwhelming main event, tbh, but shinsuke's clearly been holding back on the in-ring stuff since moving up which makes perfect sense shinsuke does his poses, corbin runs in to end of days him so hard his stupid hat comes off crowd are not best pleased i'm mostly just concerned as to why he's dressed like the second-rate pot dealer at every college (baron, that is) (i would love it if people at my college dressed like shinsuke) and we fade on baron awkwardly posing at the top of the ramp and having no idea what do with his arms halfhearted shimmy as the show ends and now i'm off to watch talking smack and make shitty political jokes you can't stop me you're not my real dad (one of you reading this is my real dad and can stop me) (also possibly daniel's uncle, if he actually reads this) (memo to self: stop antagonising authority figures for literally no reason)

[surveysonfleek]

401.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 12

1101. Continued…Let's see if I'm psychic. You wrote three yes or no questions. Now I will answer them. 1 yes 2 no 3 no Did I get any right? not really since they’re all questions about the future. 1102. You wrote one question that can be answered with a color (example: what color is my car). I say.... White. Is it true? no, my hair is not white. 1103. You thought of a number between 1 and 100 and typed it down. Was it 14? nope. 1104. You wrote one more question, anything you wanted. The answer is yes, 42, orange, Matt, Josh, Kim, Nicole, whatever or your mom. Does that answer your question? no. 1105. Do you think that Britney Spears would make a good Bond Girl? not anymore.

1106. Have you read anything by C.S. Lewis? nope. 1107. What is your favorite movie with Bill Murray? charlie’s angels. 1108. What is your favorite movie with Jack Nicholson? i only know of one. 1109. What is your favorite movie with Christopher Walkin? no idea. 1110. What is your favorite movie with Johnny Depp? what’s eating gilbert’s grape. 1111. What is your favorite movie with Orlando Bloom? elizabethtown. 1112. What rhymes with 'orange'? nothing. 1113. Why do guys have nipples if they will never need to feed a baby? no idea. 1114. Some people think that couples should be screened before they are allowed to reproduce (so that people who cannot afford to support a child don’t have one, or so that a child won’t be born into a dysfunction family or to unfit parents). What do you think about this? it’s kinda bullshit. a lot of people could fake these sorts of tests, parents who might not be able to afford a lot of things could also be way better parents than rich folk. 1115. Have you ever swallowed an object by accident? nope. 1116. Did you get it back? - 1117. Do you prefer He-Man or She-Ra? - 1118. Are you proud of yourself? not yet. 1119. Who should go to hell? anyone that supports terrorism. 1120. Is your eyesight 20/20? hell no. 1121. Have you ever had insomnia? yes. 1122. Does it bother you when people touch you? it depends who and where. 1123. Is it better to get too much or too little sleep? too much lol. 1124. Have you ever given away something you made? What? idk probably arts and crafts stuff we’ve made at school. 1125. Is it better to have kids when you are in your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or older? 20s or 30s. but it also depends if you’re ready. 1126. What gets your adrenaline pumping? risky decisions. 1127. Is hell all fire and brimstone or is it personal for everyone like in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey? Or does it not exist? idk. 1128. Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person? no. 1129. What's your favorite radio station? What kind of music do they play? i hate the radio tbh. 1130. What did you think of these movies: Election? Gone With the Wind? Fight Club? Spider Man? good i guess. The Virgin Suicides? i remember liking this but i already forgot how it went. Resident Evil? Signs? everyone at school used to talk about this. Muppets from Space? Pearl Harbor? Halloween Resurrection? The Dark Crystal? 1131. Is everyone special? sure. 1132. Are your toes: Painted (what color)? Manicured? Sparkly? Soft? Wearing a toe ring? Do you have hobbit-feet? no to all. 1133. Do you believe there is anyplace still undiscovered in all the world? haha most definitely. 1134. Whose picture would you like to paint a target on and throw darts at? idk. trump. 1135. Is love all you need? not always. 1136. Ever caught a fish? yes! 1137. Are you adventurous? not really. 1138. Are you afraid of mediocrity? nope. 1139. Would you rather die tomorrow or have all your friends die? i’d rather die tomorrow. 1140. What are 3 things you don't understand? 1 why are people rude 2 why does my laptop seem to get worse every time i update it 3 why is it so hard to get a job when i’m over qualified 1141. I would do anything for love but I won't do 'that'. What is 'that'? idk. 1142. Has your diary ever been rated? i don’t think so? 1143. Do you do more than kiss on the first date? i personally haven’t. 1144. Are you very liberal or conservative? liberal. 1145. What do you like about your neighbors? most of them are quiet and keep to themselves. 1146. I read that by 2010 they expect to market a gene therapy procedure that will increase the life spans of adult human beings by double or triple. If this happened would you have it done? eh, probably not. 1147. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Did you clap? no. 1148. Was this year a good year for you? somewhat. 1149. What are you looking forward to next year? idk yet. i haven’t made plans. 1150. Are you a Jim Henson fan? not really. 1151. What do you think of these diarist names? ToxicToast: Solitary Music: gemini_wish_star: juneberry: haha idc. 1152. Do you read the Diary Master’s diary? no. 1153. Have you ever made an enemy on OD? no. 1154. Have you ever (or do you know anyone who’s) been deleted from OD? idk what that is. 1155. Were you ever in the first row of a concert? no. someday! 1156. Did you ever meet a celebrity? Who? most recently niall horan. 1157. Do you have any autographs? yes. 1158. Can you visualize whirled peas? yes. 1159. Are there some situations where love just isn't enough to keep 2 people together? When does that happen? if someone has to move away. 1160. Do you have no attention span? i do but it’s short. 1161. What do you think of these entry titles? me. back. home: steak and butter: yum. The Smurfs Go Communist: The controversial Athens: 1162. Have you ever been wrongly accused? yes. 1163. When you wash your hair do you blow dry it or let it dry naturally? i do both. 1164. Where does your family go on vacation? usually to the philippines. 1165. Have you ever been to: Newport, Rhode Island? driven past it. Dutch Wonderland? no. Salem, MA? also drove past it. Niagara Falls? yes. 1166. Have you ever given money to OD cares? no. 1167. Have you ever created an OD interest? If yes, what interests did you create? no. 1168. What do you think of these entry names? DEAR SOUL FRIEND 57 Loss: I had a good title but i forgot it: Left Alone: yeah yeah...he kissed her: cool. 1169. If you have aol what is your 'you've got mail' sound? lol i don’t. 1170. What will you never have enough of? food. 1171. Who can you only handle in small doses? my boyfriend’s family. 1172. You are at a magic auction where you can bid on impossible things but you only brought enough money to buy one thing. Out of these..which would you buy? entrance into whatever afterlife you believe in a guarantee that you will have at least 3 books published in your life a new car, house and boat each year unending creative inspiration ultimate compassion and acceptance of others a trip into outer space perfect health for the rest of your life 1173. In the above question if finding perfect love was a choice would you change your answer? umm probably not. 1174. What food is so fattening or unhealthy that you would NEVER touch it? i’d try everything once tbh. 1175. Which do you love more, your country or your planet? country. 1176. What do you think of: Abba? nothing really. iconic songs i guess. Brian Adams? he had some bops back in the 90s. No Doubt? they were ok. 1177. Are you more logical or emotional? logical. 1178. Do you think that tattoos and piercing are overrated? no, i just don’t care for them. 1179. What do you think of these diary titles? The Seamless Garment: Your eyes can be so cruel: What was, is no more: shock me sane: omg i don’t care about these. 1180. Do you believe that Michael Jackson molests children? i have no idea. i feel like he was just a child trapped in an adult’s body and found comfort in hanging out and making children happy. we’ll never really know. 1181. Hypothetically, let’s say that he did molest them. Who would you feel should be held MORE accountable, Michael Jackson or the parents that allowed their children to go to Never Land Ranch unsupervised for sleepovers? idk. both. 1182. Have you ever been to: Manhattan? yes. Disney? yes. Paris? yes. Anywhere cooler? they’re all cool. 1183. What 3 music videos should everyone download? none lol. just stream it. 1184. If someone bet you ten dollars that you couldn’t sing the whole Gummy Bears theme song, would you be able to do it and win? no. 1185. Do you like Bjork? no. 1186. How about the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club? no. 1187. What do you think of Moby? boring tbh lol. 1188. What do you think of Alien Ant Farm? one hit wonders tbh. 1189. What do you think of the Flaming Sideburns? idk them. 1190. Do you believe that imps, trolls, giants, dragons, unicorns, etc. were real but became extinct? nah. 1191. What sucks? life. 1192. What do you think of these diary titles? Geologist to the Stars: The Hussy Chronicles: Gravy: Napping in the Broom Closet: again, idc. 1193. Do you ever think about suicide? no. 1194. Do you believe that Jesus Christ was a real person? How about Noah? yes, it was already proven he actually existed. idk about noah. 1195. What is one luxury you refuse to live without? my phone. or a hot shower. 1196. What is one luxury you feel you could live without? a car. 1197. Do you feel that you are high, medium, or low maintenance in a relationship? medium. 1198. What do you think of these diarist names? N.Y.S: Collapsibleman: *})|({*: black dove: omg bye. 1199. Do vegetables taste better from the store or from your garden? idk i’ve never had any veggies from my garden. 1200. How long have you spent on this survey so far? idk haha.