#the album cover being bi colors is so fucking real

[miwtual]

@lgbtqcreators creator challenge — color palette

“DISGUISE” MUSIC VIDEOS + the album cover’s color palette

[witchqueenofthemoon]

BODY AND SOUL Part 13 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: I know this keeps happening, but the sexiness of this part consumed my soul (fuck y’all, editing this, I was HOT AND BOTHERED) and shoved out everything else and other stuff that was originally going to be in the second half of this part got moved to 14. I’m not in any hurry to finish this fic and it keeps sort of expanding and becoming this greater thing than I originally intended and I’m continually astounded and moved by it. Writing it is just endless joy for me--spending this time with Duncan and Mackenzie honestly feels like a gift. Madeline’s nod to the song by the Carpenters is, of course, a nod to it being featured in Episode 1 of APOCALYPSE. I use coconut oil as a moisturizer and a lube, hence Kenzie using it for those things also, and if you don’t, I highly recommend trying it in lieu of other moisturizers/lubricants; it will change your fucking life. I listened to Maya Jane Coles’ album Take Flight a LOT for this part; that entire album is an absolute VIBE and has hard #Duckenzie energy, especially their more cosmic-y soulmate sex vibes, heavily featured in this chapter (Unholy and Weak especially, goddamnnnnn). Duncan doesn’t understand this yet, but as I mentioned before, they can hear bits of each other’s thoughts when their emotions are particularly heightened, so the things he isn’t sure if he’s imagining or not are indeed Kenzie’s thoughts. Here is what his Waterford tumblers look like. It was important to me that Duncan wanted to know about Kenzie’s past and share something important about his (I also think it makes perfect sense that Duncan fell in love with an older woman once, Cody clearly idolizes strong women and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear he’d had a similar relationship in the past), that they verbalized their bisexuality to each other (I’m not ruling out the possibility of Kenzie having a romantic rendezvous with a woman in the future, but it wouldn’t be for a long time--their relationship will be monogamous for the foreseeable future in my fic), and that Duncan is at a point where he can cry with Kenzie, his emotional walls coming down. Evan is an Eric AU, Cody’s real-life boyfriend. I used these photos of Billie a lot for inspiration regarding all the moments in this part where Duncan is staring at her, thinking about her (she has perfect Kenzie hair in those too). If it’s not clear already, Duncan and Kenzie’s dynamic in bed will continue to switch (cuz power-switch bi is the ultimate goal, y’all)--sometimes he’s in charge, sometimes she is, but he defaults looking to her for direction, her desires always at the front of his mind. When Kenzie makes Duncan come the second time, she’s channeling her magickal ability, her ultimate self, a divine being of immense power--her nature as a Supreme, as Mallory in that other timeline. Focusing on the romance of this story is very important to me, more important than anything else about it, and I’m glad I could focus on this chapter with the attention I think it deserved. I love how it turned out. By the way, I hate the terms “lovemaking” and “making love” and will never use them in this fic. I just can’t stand that turn of phrase, it’s just so fucking dated. You’re having sex or you’re fucking, y’all.

Duncan leaned over the table, his head hazy; he was four whiskies deep with Madeline Stone (he’d switched to a finger of bourbon on the rocks after the second Jack and Coke, but Madeline had kept on with them), and he felt the fizzy pressure of a burp hovering at the edge of his throat. Fuck, this woman can drink. I love her already. He clutched at Kenzie’s little hand under the table, tracing the outline of her fingers, nodding and smiling at Madeline, and he could feel Kenzie shift quietly every now and then, especially when he pulled the pad of his thumb down her palm; Duncan would glance at her continually to see her staring at him with her eyes shining with desire. The whiskey was making his skin feel flushed and needy, but he was desperately trying to maintain his composure; her mother was sitting across from him, after all, currently telling them the story (Kenzie had rolled her eyes when it began; no doubt having heard it countless times before) of the day she found out she’d won a Pulitzer.

“I was in bed with your father, literally having slept with him for the first time the night before,” Madeline laughed, the whiskey clearly having dissipated any hidden anxiety. “Should have been the last time, honestly, but I think winning made me drunk on power and convinced me he was good for me. Oh, except that you came of all of that, Kenzie Lou, so I suppose it was meant to be.”

“High praise indeed, Momby,” Kenzie replied, rolling her eyes again, and then she slid them onto Duncan, who gazed at her openly, the whiskey drifting through his veins. He squeezed her hand, marveling at the way his fingers enveloped hers; his thoughts flashed to his hand around her little neck, covering it entirely; holding her against his shower wall and fucking her roughly, his arms easily holding her little frame level to him, lifting her onto his countertop, the better to taste her skin, his lips pressed on her neck, his hands totally over her little hip-bones, lifting up to cover her little breasts in his palms...he bit his lip and watched her eyes flicker over him with a hungry glitter behind them, down from his hair and into his eyes for a moment and his mouth and to his adam’s apple and down the buttons of his shirt to his hand in hers and flitting over his crotch (look longer, baby, it’s all for you, every bit of me), her cheeks blushing suddenly, as though she could hear his loud, passionate thoughts.

“Hello, yoo-hoo...calling occupants of interplanetary craft,” Madeline said, her eyes dancing between them, smirking into her tumbler. “Tone it down with the eye-fucking, Kenzie, your mother’s still here.”

“Momby, ugh,” Kenzie pulled her hand out of Duncan’s, turning away from them. Duncan felt a flash of misplaced sadness at the loss of her touch. “Here’s your chance to tell him to cut and run, I’m going to the bathroom.” She stood, pulling down the hem of her little sweater dress, and Duncan couldn’t stop his eyes from falling down the incline of her bare thigh to her leg. “I can’t be bribed with money, so that’ll be futile,” he replied, eyes lifting up into hers again. Madeline laughed, delighted. “Stupidly handsome and funny,” she said, sipping her whiskey again. “You’re passing my Potential Son-in-Law Test with flying colors.”

Duncan watched Kenzie’s back retreat, admiring the way the waves of her sandy-chestnut hair bounced at her elbows, the dip of the back of her knees, her curvy hips and ass in the dress until she turned the corner. He turned back to Madeline, blushing at his inability to be more discreet; Madeline was giving him an appraising stare that made him feel as though he’d just reached the difficult part of a written exam.

“When Annette and I talked,” Madeline said, setting her drink down, her tone suddenly serious, “she told me that if Kenzie came between you and the current course of your career, she would see to it that the relationship ends. What do you think of that?”

“Nothing my mother does or says will make me leave Kenzie. Only Kenzie’s desire to end it would make that happen. You have my word on that too, Madeline.”

Madeline smiled; Duncan could see the glint of warmth and something else (pride? satisfaction?) behind her crimson glasses. As if she won a bet. Maybe one she made with my mother.

“I think you know this already,” Duncan went on, bringing his hands together in his lap, rubbing his fingers absently against his knuckles, his tone quieting conspiratorially, thankful the restaurant was busy and loud and the patrons who had been closest to them had left a few minutes before, so the table was now in a fortuitous pocket of discretion, “but my uncle has terminal cancer. He’s hellbent on pretending he’s invincible, but my mother will need a new business partner when he passes. The doctors say he has six months, maybe a little less.”

Duncan didn’t say anything else; he could see the understanding in Madeline’s gaze, and we’re still in a public place, no less. You understand me. Soon I’ll own 65% of Shepherd Unlimited shares. Madeline was quiet for a long moment, playing with one of the little gold rings she wore; women dressed in gold, high on Olympus, Duncan thought absently. The pantheon of power.

“Annette and I may not get along in any sense of the word, but I can tell you one thing, Duncan: she loves you, fiercely, like a lioness protecting her cub. She wants your happiness, too, even if she’s shit at communicating that. For all her blistering talk, I’m confident your joy is a priority to her. So take heart there. Do you share your mother’s ambitions for the company?”

“No.” Duncan couldn’t help it; the response fell out of him before he’d even really contemplated it; he trusted Madeline immediately, and completely. “I want to build a bridge between Claire and my mother; between Claire and the company. I have my own suspicions about Claire’s supposed “breakdown”; and I want to see if I can arrange a meeting with her, without Annette, to find the hooks to tether us in a deal that’s mutually beneficial. I’m thinking about the future in ways I hadn’t considered before...my desires for my career, and...my life...have recently changed.”

Madeline smiled again, lifting her glass. “Dare I venture a guess regarding the catalyst of this change?”

“I think you know without needing to guess, ma’am. She’s about 5’1” with long golden hair, hazel eyes that look green in certain light, she’s a fearless journalist, and she has a hell of mother.” Duncan lifted his, which was mostly empty now, and clinked it against Madeline’s. “In a few months’ time, I’d love to consult with you on a few matters regarding the future trajectory of Shepherd Unlimited.”

“Ugh, never call me ma’am. Madeline only to you, sweet pea.” Madeline went into her purse, pulling out a ballpoint pen, writing the digits of her phone number on the napkin in front of her, then handed it to Duncan with a languid reach. He grinned at her and grasped it, tucking it in the inside pocket of his blazer as Kenzie came back to the table, eyeing them curiously. She’d applied fresh rosy lipstick, and he was immediately overcome by the need to kiss her. As she sat, still giving him a quizzical look, he dipped a hand around her jaw and pulled her to him, lips brushing hers softly. Madeline was carefully looking down at her phone when he turned back, but he could see her eyes skirting towards them over the rim of her glasses.

“Well, I’ve had too many,” Madeline said, matter-of-factly. “Got carried away, lost in a pair of blue eyes.” Duncan blushed, reaching for Kenzie’s hand under the table again, and she took it, still giving him a curious expression. What were the two of you talking about. “I think I need to leave the Jeep here tonight and take a car home.”

“We’ll take you home,” Duncan said insistently. “Samuel would love to meet you.”

“Samuel is Duncan’s chauffeur,” Kenzie added, “and he is the most wonderful person ever, Momby.”

Madeline waved to the pink-haired waiter who was eyeing them from across the room. He bounced over, beaming. “Ready for another round?”

“The check, please,” Madeline replied, finishing off her drink--and Duncan slipped the man his Black AmEx, while Kenzie was leaning down to grab her satchel, not looking. Duncan could feel the man staring openly at him again; he was used to people recognizing him in public places, but didn’t always feel so clearly that a stranger recognized his personal preferences; could sense his bisexuality. He was getting a heavy hit off the waiter, and it made him think back on rendezvous’ he had had in the past, men and women flitting through his mind. He wondered absently, drunkenly, about Kenzie’s past; who she had been with, her relationships, her flings. He wondered if she’d ever been interested in a woman. He resolved to ask her later, in the quiet of his (their) bedroom. He found himself suddenly desperately curious about who she had loved before she loved him; Duncan watched her as she stood and went over to grasp her mother’s hand to help her up (Madeline was wobbling, tipsily) and he stood to grasp Madeline’s other arm, full of overwhelming affection for both of them. He thought back on the two times he had felt like he’d been in love; once with a woman (when he was 20 and just entering his third year as an undergrad at the Columbia Business School--she’d been older than him, more experienced, and later became a tenured professor there) and once with a man, when he was nearing the end of his 20’s (Evan had been younger, delicately beautiful, and had moved to LA to pursue a career as a model). Neither of Duncan’s relationships had ended badly; they had just ended, the endings feeling natural, and at a certain point, inevitable. He’d had countless sexual experiences in the interim, but the feeling of love had never entered again. Until now. And this feeling…this love...was far more potent than anything he’d felt in the arms of his other lovers. Nothing he’d ever felt towards anything, or anyone, could compare to the way his body seemed to sing when Kenzie came near. The Fates, weaving their obscure cloth for us, whispering the future into its threads, their hands, as ancient as time, pressing love and devotion into the folds. He shivered.

“You okay, baby?” Kenzie glanced up at him over her mother’s head, eyes puzzled.

“Yep, just had a few too many myself, I think.” He grinned at her and she shook her head, smiling softly, and he stared at the baby curls that fell between her ear and her cheek, the crown of her little head, imagining flowers threaded through the waves again. My Persephone. I love you, Kenzie, I love you more than my own life and I’m going to give you everything I have.

Madeline insisted on sitting up front with Samuel; the big man had grinned at her, turning up the volume on the Etta James he had pumping through the speakers (tell mama, all about it / tell mama whatcha need, tell mama whatcha want / and I’ll make everything alright). “I wanna see this ridiculous penthouse Kenzie says you live in,” Madeline insisted, “and then I want this wonderful man to drive me home.” Kenzie had looked exasperated, but Duncan had smiled, putting his hand on her little knee, reassuringly, whispering “it’s fine baby, it’s okay.” Samuel had nodded in turn. “I’d love to drive you home, Ms. Stone. You have raised a daughter who is enchanting in every way, but I’ve heard you are quite a legend in your own right.”

Madeline flicked a hand through her hair, mock-preening. “Honey, you can drive me anywhere.” Duncan carefully pressed the button for the partition that was in the middle panel of the backseat; it drifted up as Samuel and Madeline continued to chat amiably.

Before the edge of it had even closed, Kenzie had clutched his jaw and pulled his face down to her urgently, and Duncan opened his mouth to her, his body flooding with sensation and relief. “God, I’m dying for you,” he whispered into her, the whiskey making his words tumble out, “I want you so much, baby, I’ve just wanted to put my hands all over you for hours--” and Kenzie was moving against him, climbing onto his lap, her little legs stretching to rest against his thighs, the silky feeling of her panties pressing into his crotch through the tailored fabric of his pants (Duncan gripped her ass cheeks in his large hands, squeezing, needy), her head hovering above him, hair falling in the glittering night as she moved gently into him, their tongues pressing together, her breath shallow, his hitching into her, longing, trembling, anticipant. “Later, I’m gonna ride your cock so fucking hard, baby,” she whispered into him, and he moaned into her, feeling his sudden erection press harshly into his tight briefs, feeling her hands fall down his neck, one coming around to let her little fingers bury in his hair, pulling his head back to gaze at her; the other hand gripped onto his throat, tight enough to bring a shadow into the edges of his vision, thrilling him. “I’m gonna sit on it until you can’t see straight.”

“Fuck, Kenzie, fuck, baby--”

“I want you to tie me up again.” She was still gripping his hair, her whisper falling against his lips, forcing him to stare into her eyes, and Duncan was moving his hands up and down her little body, slipping one between her legs and pressing against the silkiness that covered the lips of her little cunt, his hand so large against her that his outer fingers fell against her inner thighs, curling up her skin there, the feeling of her overwhelming and exquisite, his body on fire with her pressed there into his lap, his head tingling where she gripped him, “I want you to tie me up and eat me and spank me and fuck me until I can’t move.”

“Holy fuck, Kenzie, angel, fuck--”

“You better do as I say.” Kenzie grinned at him, and his heart clenched, his throat still tight where she pressed her little fingers into his skin, bringing her thumb over his adam’s apple, sending a wave of coiled heat down his chest into his stomach and then to his groin.

“Yes, Kenzie, I will, I promise, I’ll do anything you want--I wish I could fuck you now, fuck, I want you so fucking bad, baby...”

“Be patient.” She pressed her mouth into him again, her tongue slipping between his teeth, hand still on his throat, and he moaned into her; he couldn’t help it. He loved it so much; loved the way she was commanding him, bringing him so close to the edge of his mad longing for her, bringing him up to a high heat of desire, telling him what she would do, what she wanted. She let go of his neck and Duncan immediately felt a wave of disappointment; keep your hand there, baby, I belong to you; she glanced away from him, out the window, and his gaze followed her, noticing as she did that they were pulling up to the high-rise. Kenzie climbed off his lap, and his heart fell back to his chest from where it had been slamming into his throat, not knowing her little hand had left the thin red outline of her fingers against the side of his neck. He reached for her, his hand going between her legs one more time, his mouth at her ear; she whispered “soon, baby, not yet,” and gently pushed him away from her, and he ached.

The partition floated down; Madeline was saying something to Samuel that made him laugh, his face delighted. Duncan felt flushed and too hot, willing his erection to fade; he pressed one large hand gently over his crotch to hide it, the other coming up to fiddle with his collar near where Kenzie had pressed her fingers into his neck, longing for her hand to return.

“So, lovebirds, let me see this penthouse, then I’ll get out of your hair, I promise. Also, I need to pee, and I need a glass of water,” Madeline said back to them, good-naturedly. Duncan could see the heat that had reached Kenzie’s cheeks; they were pink with the ardency of the words she’d whispered to him on his lap, and she was breathing with a heavy rhythm. She glanced at him, her eyes dark, and he imagined she said fuck baby, I want you, fuck me with that big cock till I can’t breathe and stare into my soul with those eyes like blue fire, put your big beautiful hands on me and fuck me up into a million pieces with them, god, imagined, or heard her thoughts, but that wasn’t possible, and he blushed at himself, wondering if he’d thought of all that himself and projected it onto her somehow, but that didn’t seem quite right; for a moment it had felt as though he’d seen his body, his hands, his cock, his height through her eyes, felt the hot desire she felt when she looked at him as a woman looking on a man who she wanted terribly, felt the pressure of his touch from the perspective of her body, and he felt dizzy and disoriented and confused in her emotions for a moment, then it passed. What was that? Kenzie seemed to recognize the confusion in his eyes, because she gave him a strange look; “Duncan, are you okay?” And he nodded, his stomach jostling a little. “Had a lot of whiskey, I think,” he replied, and heard a “you can say that again, honey,” from Madeline in the front seat.

-------

“Fuck, honey,” Madeline had murmured, moving through Duncan’s spotless kitchen into the living room, her eyes roving over the cool, quiet, spotless, gold-and-black sheen of it. “This is fucking ridiculous.” The resident housekeepers of the high-rise came and cleaned the penthouse for an hour every day between noon and 1 PM, except for on weekends, which Duncan realized he hadn’t mentioned to Kenzie yet, making a mental note to do so later--since she was going to be living here now, too. Kenzie is going to live here with me, he thought again, drunk with the thrill of the reality of it, watching her mother’s stunned expression as Madeline moved through the space, towards where the statues of Dike, Nike and Athena were clustered. She stopped in front of the Bouguereau prints on the wall against the entrance to his study admiringly, hand falling to her chin, her other arm tucked around her. “Momby, oh my god, you have to see, Duncan has a real Bouguereau in his study, come here--” and Kenzie, having kicked her boots off by the front door, ran barefoot to her mother, gripping her hand, dragging her through the doorway to ogle at The Youth of Bacchus. Duncan heard Madeline’s soft cry of amazement and their hushed voices close together; he couldn’t make out their words. He thought of Kenzie’s things, now neatly packed in a row of boxes sitting on the floor in the bedroom; her clothes carefully hung on a wheeled clothing rack; Duncan had insisted on lining them carefully on the rack himself, not wanting anyone else to touch them. We need to go get her other things tomorrow, he made another mental note, I’m going to clear my schedule, the episode can go up without me this time. Mom’s trying to take over our weekend, so I don’t want anyone to bother us tomorrow. Duncan went to his spotless steel sink, pulling a Waterford tumbler from the cabinet, going to the fridge and filling it with cold filtered water, and stepping carefully into the study with it, holding it out to Madeline.

“The water you requested, Madeline,” he said, smiling at her. “Oh, thank god,” Madeline replied, bringing it to her mouth, draining it in one go. “I was dying.” Kenzie smiled at him, sweetly, her cheeks still glowing as they had in the car, her hand resting on her mother’s shoulder, affectionately. “Where’s the bathroom? This glass looks expensive, here, take it back, I’m afraid it’s going to tell me to park its car,” Madeline said, handing it to Duncan; he took it, obediently, stifling a laugh. Kenzie took her mother’s hand again, leading her toward Duncan’s big bathroom, looking up at him as she passed, as if to give him a secret promise; soon, baby, so soon. His fingers clenched around the glass and he pressed a hand through his hair, breathing out quietly, willing himself to stay calm. We should get a mirror for the bedroom, he thought, lust clouding through his mind again. I wanna see her little face while I fuck her from behind. I wanna see our bodies pressed together, I want her to see it, I know she wants to see, I could hear her thoughts, or...something. How is that possible? But I think I did. His heart was back in his throat, pounding at his temples as he blushed at his thoughts, I don’t care, I want her, I love her. She wants me to tie her up again, fuck, I loved that, she loved it and it made me fucking crazy for her, her happiness and her pleasure are the best drug I’ve ever had--

Duncan set the glass on the side of his desk, absently, listening to Kenzie and Madeline’s voices coming back through the bedroom, Kenzie speaking audibly; “I’m just keeping a few things here,” (Duncan balked a little at the lie, but thought, sympathetically, that maybe it was better to break one thing at a time to Kenzie’s mother), “the paps have been waiting for me at work, Momby, and now they found out my address somehow--” “Are you getting a bodyguard like I mentioned?” Madeline cut her off. “Yes, Momby, yes, Duncan’s going to get me one tomorrow.” “Good, fine. Find one that looks like Andre the Giant and nobody will fuck with you.” He heard Kenzie laugh, the sound of it pressing into his heart, making him feel faint with its loveliness, stirring the whiskey in his blood. He moved out into the living room and Madeline gave him a satisfied look.

“Sweet pea, this is the most amazing space I’ve ever seen,” she said to him, and put her arms out. “Give me a hug, please.” Duncan gazed at her for a few seconds; a hug. He felt a strange stirring of overwhelmed emotion in the pit of his body. Annette rarely hugged him; she was not one for physical affection, and he distinctly remembered every time she had taken a moment to hold him--it happened less and less often as he’d grown up. He supposed it was part of the reason he felt so starved around Kenzie; so desperate to hold and be held by her, though the rest was that he felt peace in her arms he’d never felt at any other period or with any other person in his life. He was lost in these thoughts for a moment. Then, Duncan stepped to her, and folded himself into Madeline’s arms, closing his eyes. She smelled like clean sheets and red wine and sweet Coke and whiskey. Her embrace was achingly warm, and he felt tears come into the corners of his eyes. Madeline reached up and ran one of her hands along his shoulders for a moment, comfortingly; “So tall,” she said, “like I’m hugging a fucking tree.” Duncan laughed into her, blinking the tears away.

“Take care of my Kenzie Lou, sweet pea.” Madeline let go of him. “And let her take care of you, for that matter. It can’t be easy having Annette for a mother. But she loves you. I know that for certain. And my Kenzie does too.” She stepped back, pulled Kenzie to her, kissing her daughter’s little cheek (Kenzie’s eyes seemed shiny, looking into Duncan’s as her mother did this). “And now, for that big, beautiful chauffeur to drive me home.”

“I’ll walk you down, Madeline,” Duncan said, holding his arm out to her.

“So fucking handsome,” Madeline murmured again, as if to herself, and slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow. “And you smell like cedar chips and sandalwood. Ridiculous. And that smile!” She shook her head as Duncan laughed again. “Angels singing a heavenly chorus. Take me to my carriage, Prince Duncan.”

He looked at Kenzie; Prince. She smiled at him, her face full of love and her eyes glittering: yes, baby, my Prince.

And I’m going to worship you soon, he thought, eyes roving up and down her, to her little bare feet, one pressed over the other for a moment, then sliding back out in a circle across the floor, her fingers bunched together. If I’m a Prince, you’re a goddess, and I will go to your temple to lay down all my sorrows and my sins and my fear, and all my devotion.

-----

Duncan came through the penthouse door, feeling as though he was vibrating again, his nerves on fire, his stomach jumping, all the whiskey he’d had starting to make him float along the hallway on the way back, float in the elevator, floating up to Olympus, to her. Madeline had given his cheek a little kiss as he helped her into the BMW, clutching his hand for a beat longer than he expected her to; she didn’t say anything, but the glint in her eyes sent warmth along his arms, twisting around his ribcage. You have my blessing. And again, he felt fortunate beyond words; blessed, fate smiling.

He was quiet, coming back; I’ll find her, he thought with a thrill. Kenzie wasn’t in the kitchen; he took his shoes off, discarding them by the door, noiselessly, pulling his blazer off, hanging it on one of the hooks that stretched along the wall beside the door; he imagined Kenzie’s coats and sweaters and scarves hanging there soon, and his heart resounded with an urgent longing, almost painfully. I can’t wait to look at her things every day, her little shoes and her dresses and her bags and jewels; and the smell of her lingering in the rooms and the soft sounds she makes in her sleep. Duncan moved into the living room, in his socks now (cashmere again; he had dozens of pairs), unbuckling his black Movado from his wrist, setting it gently on the long coffee table; the living room was dark, the city lights vaguely visible from this distance through the window, and he thought of her hands pressed against the glass last night, their reflection in it, the cloud of her little breath steaming against it, his hand wide on her neck, covering it, her cries, the wetness that had drenched over him as she came, the way she’d moaned against him when he’d pressed the leather belt into her wrists, his tongue into her clit.

Where are you, angel.

“Mackenzie.”

“In here, Prince Duncan.”

Duncan could see the incline of her arm, the fall of her bare thigh; Kenzie was sitting on his desk in the study, the way she had days ago when he put her there and pressed his mouth between her legs, after that dinner at Le Diplomate; after that dinner where he’d realized he would do whatever it took to be with her, to win her affection, her love, and her everlasting trust. Her hair fell down her shoulders and her back, glittering in the low light of the Tiffany lamp, the only light in the room. Kenzie was naked, and the light threw her shadow against the wall, shadows along her face; her thighs pressed into the mahogany, round and white, her hands stretched behind her, her legs parted just a little, just enough for him to see the bud of her clit between them. She stared at him as he walked to the doorway (dark green, so dark they looked almost black), and he felt himself lift his hand to his jaw, along his bottom lip, unable to stop his familiar tick; that telltale sign that he was nervous, thinking, distracted, desirous. He leaned into the doorframe; leaned his head against it, fingers falling against it, gripping it, his other hand falling down from his jaw to where she’d gripped his throat an hour before; he didn’t know it but the redness from her fingers had not yet totally faded, finger-shaped tattoos along his skin. I never want to stop looking at you, he thought, and he could feel the way his lips were parted in his hunger, could feel the press of his cock into his clothes, feel the tingling at the back of his skull; I’ll worship you as long as you want me to, as long as you’ll have me.

Kenzie didn’t speak. She stared at him, her head cocked just a little, just enough to make him shiver; just enough to make him unsure of her mood. She sat up, lifting her arms so they came around her flat belly, and then he saw that in one of her hands, she had a very long, thick, black velvet ribbon.

“Where did you get that,” he whispered, his voice quiet, his breath shallow, eyes widening in his approval, the lower half of his body beginning to ache. The room felt hot; and Kenzie’s body seemed flushed with warmth in the light; he longed to press his mouth against her, but tried, was determined to try, to hold off for as long as he could.

“The clothing of women hold many secrets, Mr. Shepherd. I have my ways.”

He walked toward her, hands falling to his sides, unable to resist being near her any longer; Duncan reached out with one long hand, and his fingers pressed into Kenzie’s knee, drifting up her leg with aching slowness; he kept his eyes in hers, watching the flickers of gold through them, watching her blink, her lashes seeming impossibly long in the low light, her lips parted, a shiver cascading down from the base of her skull, it seemed, to her shoulders and spine, her nipples growing visibly hard, and Duncan felt the tremble reach her thigh, where his fingers now rested. He brought his other hand up; brought it down over her little one, the one that held the ribbon, and staring at her, into her (green, gold, bronze), he pulled it slowly out of her hand, insistently.

“Do you want me to tie you up with this, angel,” he whispered.

“Yes.” Kenzie’s gaze did not move from him, despite her shivering; she kept her eyes in his, and he felt again that somehow, he could see her thoughts, her desires, indistinctly, but in flashes; could see her need for his hands against her, rough and needy, his cock hard and deep inside her, down her throat, buried between her legs, his hand roughly pressed against her neck, his fingers flush against her sex, his mouth (I love your mouth, she thought, how could he know what she thought, but he knew, your soft beautiful lips, I love the way you taste, your teeth biting into me, your tongue, your longing, the roughness of the stubble on your cheek against mine, the feeling of your breath on my neck) and he thought I love your mouth too, angel, you taste like the rain and the dawn I love the sweetness of your body, your beautiful little hands, your shoulders and your neck, the sighs you make when I touch you, the way your eyelashes fall when you look down, the curve of your hips and your thighs, your hair like a wave of gold in the sea, and you are the most wonderful thing I have ever been allowed to touch, to pleasure, to love--

“Yes, baby. Tie me up and fuck me over your desk and let me ride your cock while we stare at this, which is so beautiful it makes me want to die.” Kenzie nodded to The Youth of Bacchus, stretching behind him, mammoth and full of life and lust and terrible beauty, “...and fuck me with this...in my ass.”

Only then did Duncan notice the two other objects Kenzie placed on the desk beside them; one was a jar of coconut oil she’d added to the list of things from her apartment she’d given him that day (it had been in her bathroom cabinet, as she’d instructed on the paper, written in her tiny loopy handwriting, mixed in among dozens of other things), and the other she was now holding in the palm of her hand; a small silicone anal plug, its bulbous shape coming to a rounded point, black, with a circular white jewel set in the outward handle.

“Oh, fuck,” Duncan whispered. “Kenzie.” His eyes went wide; his head went hazy and red and wild with desire for her and he bit his lip so hard he wondered if he’d drawn blood. Her blush set his groin on fire; her eager smile cracked his composure into fragments; he was rock hard now, painfully hard, so hard he felt his vision blur; she pressed it into his hand (it was achingly smooth) and hooked a little finger around his belt, pulling him flush against her, her hand falling to the rise of his erection through the fabric, their mouths, almost level from where she sat elevated, coming together with a moonstruck, raw lust, tasting each other deeply, immediately, as if they’d been starved of each other for days when it had only been hours. Her little fingers were undoing the buckle of his belt supernaturally fast, and he tried to steel his mind, even it, to help himself last--he felt like he was about to come already, and that would not do.

“Slow down baby,” he gasped. “I want you so much already, slow down,” and she smiled into him, coyly, nodding a little. “Awwww, poor baby,” she whispered, and he grinned into her, full of frenzied joy, elated, ecstatic in her arms. “Poor, poor baby…”

She slipped off the desk, pulling his belt out with a snap, the button and fly of his pants already down before he could blink twice, and her little hand was inside his briefs, achingly small and delicate and warm around his cock; Kenzie pulled it out over the waistband of his (always) black briefs, and leaned her little head down, her tongue falling out and swirling around the head, her saliva dripping down the side, the moisture glittering in the low light. “Fuck me,” Duncan whispered, his head falling back. She was so little standing in front of him this way, he felt as though he could pick her up with one hand and lift her over his head; his hands he saw again through what had felt like her eyes, gigantic and encompassing on her little breasts and body, smooth, long-fingered, his veins stretching through them with sinewy strength, and he had to concentrate again; had to will himself to step back from the edge. In one hand he held the velvet ribbon, in the other, the plug she’d handed him; he put them down on the desk, anxious to hold her, and picked her up easily, cradling her thighs in his hands, lifting her above his hardness, into his torso, against him, his mouth on hers again, her hands coming around to cradle his face. Still tasting her, his arms snugly around her waist and hip, he carried her around the desk so he was facing the gargantuan painting that stretched along the wall now; he set her down there gently, so she was seated in the other direction, and Kenzie grasped the buttons of his shirt, undoing them quickly, as he pulled his pants and briefs away from his body, kicking them to the side.

“I use it on myself sometimes,” she breathed into him, and Duncan moaned into her. “Sometimes I wear it outside, just for a little while, my own little secret, pressing into me. I’ve never told anyone that.”

“Baby, holy fuck,” Duncan closed his eyes. “That’s so fucking hot. Holy fuck, god, you’re so fucking beautiful. You make me so fucking hard.”

“It’s my turn to make you come twice, baby,” Kenzie whispered into his ear, her hair falling around her shoulders, you look like Aphrodite, Duncan thought, the most beautiful woman in the world. “You’ve done it to me for days now, it’s my turn. I’m gonna make you come and then I’m gonna make you come again, I want you to fill me up with your need.”

“Fuck, okay, baby,” Duncan murmured into her mouth, now naked against her. “Yes, Kenzie.”

Kenzie reached over to the coconut oil, unscrewing the top (Duncan could see her hands shake just a little, out of nervousness or excitement or both; both is what I feel baby, I feel unhinged for you, he thought), sticking her index and middle finger into it and scooping some of the sweet-smelling oil out, setting the jar down and immediately sticking the fingers between her legs, carefully soothing it over her cunt and clit, which Duncan knew must be sore still from their endless fucking; she then reached her hand out and soothed some of it down his cock, making him moan into her again, his forehead pressed against the side of her hair.

“Feels good, doesn’t it, baby,” she whispered. “Yes, baby, yes, angel--” he replied, adamant, and she cut him off.

“Okay. Now. You put some on me. You put your fingers (those big dick fuck off beautiful fingers baby--flashes of her thoughts again) inside my ass and fuck me with them for a minute.”

“Yes, Kenzie.” His heart was slamming into the bones of his ribs, fluttering, darkness at the edges of his vision again.

She slid off the desk and immediately turned her back to him, leaning over it; Kenzie brought her arms around her back so her hands rested against her asscheeks, and she pressed her wrists together, trusting, opening to him.

“I’m gonna tie you up now, angel,” Duncan breathed, his cock straining, wet in the light with the oil Kenzie had slathered onto it.

Kenzie sighed; the sound was achingly beautiful to him, contented, and anticipatory. She turned her head to the side so her eyes gazed back at him, and she nodded.

Duncan reached for the ribbon, gripping it carefully, bringing it around the back of Kenzie’s wrists, his hands brushing the sensitive skin of her lower back; he heard her moan, tiny and overwhelmed, and he closed his eyes again, back from the edge, step back. He wrapped it one more time around her wrists and then tied it carefully; a double-knot, and then he thought back to that night he saw her first on the balcony, with her sandals tied in double-knots, thought of untying them and kissing her ankles, and he longed for her, for all of her. He checked the knot, pulling gently at the fabric around her wrists, making sure it was snug. Then he pulled the ends together in one of his hands, twisting it tight around his palm and knuckles, making a fist. Kenzie’s hands pulled back towards him, enough to make her gasp a little, enough for him to see the little strain in her arms; that’s enough for now, he thought. Back from the edge, not yet.

With his right hand, Duncan reached to where Kenzie had left the open jar of oil on the edge of his desk, dipping two fingers inside; he made sure there was a decent lather around them before he pulled them out, and then, slowly, carefully,his other hand still gripping the ribbon around his fist tightly, he trailed them down the small part of Kenzie’s back; she let out a little moaning cry that made him shut his eyes again, desperate to hold on; his fingers continued their trail down between her asscheeks, to the tight pucker of her asshole, and then he slipped one of his long fingers inside her, gently, but insistently. She moaned; Kenzie’s moan reverberated in his skull like the ache of a wet dream, his body beginning to prickle with energy, like a current rested just under his skin, snapping into motion; then he slipped the other finger in, and worked them in and out of her, his cock hovering near the entrance of her cunt, but not penetrating her; not yet.

“Do you like that, baby,” he whispered to her, feeling the frenzy rising under his blood, the hum of the lust building between his temples, in the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck yes, Duncan, yes,” Kenzie’s little voice rang out toward him, insistent, needy. “Put it inside me, I’m ready, fuck me hard like I know you want to, baby, I’m yours, I want you inside me so much, babyyy…”

Duncan couldn’t resist any longer; he pulled his fingers out of Kenzie’s tight little asshole, reaching over her for the plug, dipping it into the oil, carefully using his thumb and his palm to swirl it around the soft, rounded point. Then, he dragged it, softly, down her backside again; Kenzie writhed a little, making mewling, aching sounds that made him bite into his lip to quell the rising tide in his groin, and then he pushed the plug into her ass, demandingly; Kenzie bucked up, crying out, the desire in her voice making him pull the tight ribbon back harder, so she lifted up from the edge of his desk, into him, and at the same time, Duncan pressed his cock into Kenzie’s little cunt, his mouth falling down to her ear, crying into her in turn. She was soaking wet; his cock slid into her with terrible ease as he gasped into her neck, her head turned up, her golden hair tossed against him, her arms pulled back across his waist, his arm behind his back with the tightness with which he grasped her bound wrists, her eyes staring up at The Youth of Bacchus, glassy and full of gold, her mouth open wide with her moaning, and he saw starbursts behind his eyes as he tried to gather the fragments of himself to fuck her; he managed a few hard thrusts before he could no longer hold the gathering threads of his climax, and he came into her, all thought dissolving into whiteness, so hard that a scream tinged his voice, and he pulled his head down away from her ear so the sound wouldn’t hurt her, down her back, into her hair, worshipping the soft waves on his cheek, his nose, his eyelids, his lips.  

“Duncan, fuck, fuuuuck, baby, fuck yes--” Kenzie moaned, her eyes fluttering open and closed; he pulled her neck softly back, his lips falling down on hers, his cock still buried, pulsing, dripping, deep inside her, his fist easing to let the ribbon down, his fingers coming around the harshness of the fabric pressed into her wrists, thumb gliding over her skin to soothe where it had chafed her. His hand went down from her neck, around her breasts, down her stomach, around her hip to where the plug was nestled tightly inside her; he pressed it gently, and she moaned again, her mouth open to him; “Sit on my cock now, baby, with this inside you, sit on my cock with my come inside you, tied up, pressed into me, staring at me and at it--”

“Yes,” Kenzie whispered, “yes. Yes, baby.” He leaned his mouth down to her again, and she sighed into him, her body shaking and flushed with warmth against him and so small in his hands and so soft and she smelled like flowering buds and nectar and low, sweet sweat in his arms. He pulled out of her, come falling down his thigh, trickling down the back of her leg in the low light, his hands at her wrists, rubbing them gently in their trappings, then pulled her carefully around the desk by the crooks of her elbows, smoothly so she wouldn’t fall, and he kneeled down in front of her, his back to the huge painting, her facing it, looking up at it with glittering eyes again, and his hands fell down her hips and on his knees, he pressed his face between the folds at the crux of her legs, his tongue probing into her clit, one of his hands coming around to her waist, the other around to where the plug was still snugly inside her ass, and he grasped the jeweled end and twisted it, easing it back and forth so she shuddered and moaned into him, her legs opening a little onto his face, her thighs trembling, her eyes flicking between him (he looked up at her, into her face) and the painting in its Bacchanalian bliss. Then, Duncan eased himself back, pulling his mouth away from her, gripping her hips, easing her down on top of him as he laid straight, back against the Persian rug on the floor of his study, her little knees on either side of his hip bones, her hands still tied behind her, a dazed look in her hazel eyes, her mouth open to him; he lifted a thumb between her lips, against her teeth, and she sucked at it, gently, then greedily, her little tongue swirling around the pad of his thumbprint, and he felt himself growing hard again, hard with the hungry look behind her gaze, hungry at the feeling of her mouth around his finger, the come dripping down her thigh. His other hand came up to press against her clit, wet from his mouth and her arousal and his come and the coconut oil; his dragged his fingers up and down the bundle of nerves there, down around the wetness of her cunt, to the plug in her tight little asshole, twisting it again, then back, and he felt his cock jump up against her backside, against the plug, and she shuddered and whimpered into his thumb. Duncan lifted the other hand back again, let it hover over her ass for a moment, then brought it down with a light slap; Kenzie let out a little half-gasp, half-giggle of glee, her eyes fluttering open and closed. “Do that again, more, baby,” she demanded. Duncan lifted his hand again, his palm and fingers flat, and brought it down again on the blush of her ass with pointed force; a sharp snap reverberated off her skin, and she gasped, more sharply this time, the glee gone out of her voice, replaced with urgency and want.

“I’m hard again, baby,” he whispered, his voice aching, his eyes watering involuntarily, his hands trembling against her impossibly soft skin, rubbing against her ass where he’d slapped her. “I want you.”

“I want you too, baby, I’m gonna ride you until you come again,” she replied, and she lifted her hips so her cunt met the head of his cock, and she lowered herself down onto him until he was buried in her, until he could feel the pressure of the plug in her ass rubbing achingly against his balls; Kenzie crying out piteously as it did, her hips bucking forward, sending white bolts of lighting through his body, into the dark space behind his eyes. She was so soft and so wet and so smooth against him that Duncan was moaning before he even realized; the sounds coming from him involuntary and desperate to have her, all of her. He brought his hand around her arms, gripping tightly around the ends of the ribbon again with his fist, forcing her roughly down onto him, grinding his hips up into her, and his fingers toyed with the plug so she keened and tossed her hair back, her neck bare and glowing in the low light, her nipples hard and her breasts checkered with goosebumps.

“You are more beautiful than any painting, Kenzie,” he whispered. “You’re more beautiful than any art ever created by any person in all human time, you’re more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen, more beautiful to me than the stars, and I love you, I love you, I’d do anything for you--”

“I love you, Duncan, I love you too, baby--” Her hips were moving harshly into him, and he had to stop speaking, had to stop his frenzied admonitions of passion, his eyes rolling back into his head, his mouth opening at the sensation of her grinding down onto him this way, her head thrown back, her eyes heavy-lidded with her lust, her body gyrating mercilessly onto his cock, grinding him down into nothing, into a shell of himself, her need overwhelming, like an energy field made of the fragments of stars blown to the corners of the universe in their cosmic dust, and he felt as though her hands, or the secret hands of her soul, of her spirit, were reaching down into him and pulling him apart, pulling his soul into languid pieces that she was devouring, her power over him overwhelming in this moment, and he was happy to be devoured, being devoured by her this way was the only thing he had ever truly wanted, he felt, she was the goddess he wanted to be beholden to, the goddess he would lay his passions down at the altar of, until the end of time.

And then Kenzie looked down into his eyes; he could see the power coiled inside them, gold like stars in far-flung cosmic radiance, and she said “come for me, beloved,” and he did, up into the sweetness between her hips, the void of the space inside her, came so hard he left himself behind again for a moment, knowing nothing, unto death, but that she was here with him, and he belonged to her, and he knew with certainty in that moment that she belonged to him, too, as two pieces of the same soul belong always to each other and cannot be kept asunder, and she shuddered as she came, too, down onto him, her cunt gripping his length with a strength that shook every drop of his release out of him, her lips twisting into yes, yes, yes, my love, and there was nothing else.

------

Duncan tenderly untied the ribbon around Kenzie’s wrists, soothing her arms around to him, bringing his mouth against the redness where they’d chafed her, his heart aching at the marks they’d left. “Are you okay, baby, are you okay?” He held the redness against his cheek, up to his face, as if he could soothe the marks away with his skin, with his breath. “I’m fine, baby, it’s okay, I wanted you to do it, it was perfect, it was just what I wanted, you made me feel so fucking good, baby,” she whispered up to him, her fingers falling along his bottom lip. “You did so fucking good, baby,” she said, and he smiled into her, his eyes falling over her, his love for her overwhelming him like a wave crashing onto a vast shore.

“Let’s take a shower, baby,” he murmured into her hand, and she nodded. When they were in the quiet of the immaculate bathroom, Kenzie grasped his hand gently, leaning over the sink, lifting her backside to him, bringing it to the jeweled handle of the plug still inside her--he knew innately to gently pull as she pushed it out of her, and he set it in the bowl of the sink, turning the faucet on over it, using hot water, almost scalding, to rinse it, her hands coming around him, squeezing soap onto her palms and bringing them around his hands, caressing them and the plug gently with the suds until it was clean of all residue and oil.

“Baby...Kenzie. Did you love someone before me?”

The question had slipped out of him before he realized it; her little arms were still around him, reaching up to turn the faucet off, setting the plug gently on the side of the sink, her little wet hands slipping back around him so she moved beside him now, looking up at him, curious, her eyes bright with the residue of her orgasm, sweat at the baby hairs around her forehead, her hair hanging down her shoulders, tossed and tangled in their passion. He could see the glitter of his come, now drying, on the inside of her thigh, under the rise of her round ass, pink from his attentions. She reached out for his hand; Duncan grasped it, and Kenzie didn’t say anything, only continued to look at him as he gently pulled her into the shower, twisting the silver knob, hot water falling down his back and against her thighs as she continued to stare at him with that brightness boring into him.

“I was just...thinking. Today. About the people I’d known before you. And I wondered if you had loved someone before. And how it felt. And how, for me...this feels different.” Duncan gently moved his hands down her frame, soothing the hot water against it, cocking his head just a little, his eyes roving over her face (I want to memorize every detail of it, the little curves of her lips, the dips of her cheeks, the way her nose turns up just a little, defiant, the exact arrangements of the flecks of color in her eyes), hungry for words from her, hungry for those strange flashes of her thoughts he imagined he could hear sometimes. Kenzie turned so her back was to him, to the water, a tiny moan escaping from her throat as the heat seeped down her neck and back and ass, soothing the soreness and the stings of their fucking, washing away the come and the sweat and the oil. Still, she didn’t speak. Duncan pressed his face into the wetness of her hair, hands on her arms now, bringing his mouth down to her ear. She moved back, into him, turning her head towards him over her shoulder, her eyes closed, her hands around her arms, fingers threading through his.

“I did, once.” Kenzie finally spoke, so soft it was almost inaudible, and Duncan held her, quietly, lost in the smell and feeling of her, heart swollen with the intensity of the love he felt for her in this moment, listening to her little voice and the fall of the water and the soft swirl of it around the drain. “Just once. When I was still at college. His name was Tyler. He was going to be a pediatrician. We were together for three years. And--and it didn’t feel like this at all. It was...quieter. So much quieter. It was like...a little stream in a forest. And this is like the ocean. Endless and so deep and so far and so much...and so immediate. So much that it scares me. So much...”

The One, he thought. She didn’t need to say it. My other half. Soulmates. The One. You are the universe, the beginning, and the end. The only One.

Kenzie turned to face him again, looking up into his eyes, to his mouth, down his sex, now limp from post-coitus, to his feet and the shower floor, her hands coming up to press her little fingertips into his belly, softly. “And you? Tell me. Who you loved before.” He loved the little crown of her head, wet and glittering with water, loved the pressure of the little pads of her fingertips, loved her little feet, one pressing against the other for a moment, her little tick, like a ballerina.

“There were two. One while I was at Columbia. Misha. She was a TA. It just...happened. She was older than me and seemed to understand so much more about life. She’s a professor there now. And...Evan. He lives in LA now. Neither really ended badly...they just...faded.”

Kenzie nodded at him. “I had a feeling you...had been with a man before. With men. I...I wanted to tell you, I’ve never been with a woman, but...I think I would have. If I’d met the right one. You know? I just...wanted to tell you that.”

“I understand, baby. If you still want that--”

Kenzie shook her head. “Duncan, I only want you. Because this…”

“This is our destiny.” He pressed his hands up against the sides of her cheeks, pressing his nose against hers, the steam rising around them now, as if to shield them from the eyes of the world. “This is Fate. To have found you, Mackenzie, is a miracle. But it...feels like it was meant to happen.”

“Yes,” and he could hear the tears in her voice, see the trembling of her bottom lip. “Yes.”

He kissed her again, his thumbs coming to the corners of her eyes (hot tears or the water, it doesn’t matter, I want to cry, too, just for a little while), the relief of having found her in a world of billions shaking him to the core again, her little arms cradling into him, and then he pulled her little face into that space under his arm, against his skin, and he felt the hot tears course down his cheek as they held each other, he could feel the soft beating of her heart against his stomach, could feel the hot tears falling from her eyes down his arm, and they stood under the water that way for a long time, only able to hold each other, and to cry, tears mingling and washing away down the drain, melding to the water, down and out to the sea.

[rgr-pop]

I need an ENTIRE afternoon wall of noise. 4/3 music library on shuffle until I hit a killdozer song.

the thermals - “god and country” reset - "double cross" nirvana - "polly" (1986-88 home recording) nirvana - "radio friendly unit shifter" (2013 mix) peterbuilt - "sateliteyes" the dickies - "got it at the store" apocalypse hoboken - "box of pills" fiona apple - "slow like honey" tex & the horseheads - "big boss man" everclear - "the drama king" anti-flag - "america got it right" neil young - "tonight's the night, pt. ii" everclear - "brown-eyed girl" noooooooooo oh my god no please millencolin - “israelites" listen you know that i'm p tolerant when it comes to this subject but why specifically did you boys do this. specifically you useless id - "note" never accuse me of pop punk nationalism again! that's three of global pop punk the selecter - "selling out your future" built to spill - "some things last a long time" holidays - "proof" let's wrestle - "bad mammaries" radhos - "one breath" ween - "boing" bracket - "g-vibe" local h - "'cha!' said the kitty" sublime - "40oz to freedom" failure - "saturday saviour" blink-182 - "don't leave me" (tmtts live take) why did they make this live album, they were so bad live shrimp boat - "melon song" interpol - "not even jail" the ataris - "angry nerd rock" 50 million - "superhero" skankin pickle - "violent love" the breeders - "put on a side" all - "honey peeps" the commandos (suicide commandos) - "weekend warrior" suicide machines - "friends are hard to find" the eclectics - "laura" good ska block! love this band pansy division - "jack u off" rocket from the tombs - "ain't it fun" dynamite boy - "devoted" young pioneers - "downtown tragedy" the breeders - "so sad about us" fenix tx - "jean claude trans am" fuck i love this song nofx - "bob" hickey - "happily ever after" bob dylan - "tangled up in blue" (bootlegs vol. 2) gas huffer - "king of hubcaps" tullycraft - "crush this town" atom and his package - "goalie" faith no more - "the real thing" carly rae jepsen - "tell me" bis - "listen up" one direction - "still the one" mtx - "she's no rocket scientist" eugene chadbourne - "roger miller medley" grouvie ghoulies - "carly simon" white town - "thursday at the blue note" gas huffer - "moon mission" rx bandits - "sleepy tyme" everclear - "rocket for the girl" failure - "kindred" blood on the saddle - "johnny's at the fair" the distillers - "red carpet and rebellion" cruiserweight - "dearest drew" stp - "plush" everclear - "wonderful" (live, from the closure ep) (don't hate it) new found glory - "sonny" everclear - "otis redding" (impure white evil demo) (BEST song) stp - "adhesive" incubus - "have you ever" cub - "tell me now" everclear - "short blonde hair" i simply do not hate it letters to cleo - "happy ever after" amazing transparent man - “the ocean is a fuck of a long way to swim” nerf herder - “(stand by your) manatee” kitty kitty - “ab tokeless” osker - “the mistakes you made” perfume genius - “hood” radhos - “shut up & deal” (welcome to the jungle take) osker - “the body”  gas huffer - “the sin of sloth” the fall - “bombast” excuse 17 - “code red” mad season - “lifeless dead” unwritten law - “differences” hanson - “two tears” the eyeliners - “anywhere but here” moby grape - “lazy me” brian wilson - “wonderful” 88 fingers louie - “something i don’t know” sicko - “wisdom tooth weekend” the replacements - “love you till friday” suicide machines - “green world” midtown - “another boy” hickey - “cool kids attacked by flying monkeys” the roman invasion suite - “carnations” the beat - “tears of a clown” local h - “24 hour break up session” okay i’m awake i want to end this now toots & the maytals - “funky kingston” local h - “strict-9″ his name is alive - “her eyes were huge things” nirvana - “frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle” slapstick - “almost punk enough” urge overkill - “bionic revolution” janet jackson - “you want this” piebald - “long nights” small brown bike - “now i’m a shadow” the story so far - “left unsaid” crj - “more than a memory” tracy + the plastics - “my friends end parties” liz phair - “6′1″“ fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ this mix is feminist now swindle - “one track” shockabilly - “burma shave” temple of the dog - “say hello to heaven” amazing transparent man - “shove” cool soul asylum cover from dekalb illinois :)) the vindictives “eating me alive” midwests only!! the judys - “radiation squirm” gulfs only!! frogpond - “sleep” flipp - “rock-n-roll star” throwing muses - “red shoes” everclear - “santa monica” throwing muses on summerland??? mekons - “atone & forsaken” holidays - “take me home country roads” this is a good tone to lead up to killdozer... true believers - “all mixed up again” prince - “adore” beulah - “queen of the populists” eveclear - “rocky mountain high” (99x live acoustic--I don’t have a date for this actually) of montreal - “dustin hoffman thinks about eating the soap” heatmiser - “stray” rickie lee jones - “woody and dutch on the slow train to peking” tar - “viaduct removal” common rider - “carry on” the frogs - “u bastards” mudhoney - “this gift” hammerbox - “outside” fuck my mom would have loved this song if it had gotten the airplay it deserved in 1993... hammerbox on summerland!!!! letters to cleo - “little rosa” kay hanley on summerland!! nine pound hammer “wrongside of the road” hanson - “with you in your dreams” (3cg demo) hamson on summerland!!! fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ again... fastbacks on summerland!!! face to face - “sensible” soul asylum - “happy” soul asylum on summerland!!!! television - “see no evil” pinq - “careful not to mention the obvious” the dickies - “nights in white satin” tar - “mel’s” truly - “chlorine” babes in toyland - “deep song” hole - “berry” hellbender - “half driven” hammerhead  - “new york? ...alone?” everclear - “malevolent” guzzard - “last”  archers of loaf - “tatyana” hum - “stars” hum on summerland die kreuzen - “don’t say please” this is not fair joanna newsom - “sadie” down by law - “peace, love and understanding” nirvana - “aneurysm” (1990 demo) hovercraft - “endoradiosonde” modest mouse - “cowboy dan” rage against the machine - “born of a broken man” skatalites - “scandal ska” pylon - “driving school” the vindictives - “babysitter” jimmy eat world - “ten” the get up kids - “lowercase west thomas” oh we’re doing this now? hot rod circuit - “knees” fine triple fast action - “the rescue” FINE  full disclosure i do skip emo diaries tracks at my discretion the amps - “bragging party” everclear - “am radio” this is not fair mxpx - “middlename” MXPX ON SUMMERLAND chokebore - “your let down” bob dylan - “you’re a big girl now” helmet - “primitive” pond - “filterless” blink-182 - “all the small things” local h - “ralph” tar - “over and out” pearl jam - “black” the gits - “sniveling little rat faced git” local h - “eddie vedder” >:) tar - “flow plow” i always misremember this as a subpop single so i’m like “i’m not amphetamine reptile biased?” but it was an a/r release, lol. brad wood produced it. lake michigan as hell  unicorns - “jellybones” this song makes me sad ever since i didn’t get to adopt the jellybones cat oblivion - “clark” desmond dekker - “jeserene” veruca salt - “one last time” veruca salt on summerland!!!! dead moon - “dead moon night” extremely dead moon on summerland fishbone - “i like to hide behind my glasses” dead moon - “on my own” paw - “sleeping bag” tar - “goethe” doc dart - “casket with flowers” smashing pumpkins - “zero” i don’t want billy corgan on summerland and i am sorry for that kicking giant - “&” kicking giant on summerland lmao shockabilly - “pile up all architecture” ween - “sorry charlie” sublime - “april 29, 1992 (miami)” heatmiser - “blackout” the clash - “pressure drop” hellbender - “pissant’s retrospective” the queers - “i won’t be” the vindictives - “circles” the beat farmers - “selfish heart” screaming trees - “end of the universe” 7 year bitch - “second hand” bourgeois filth - “above” nirvana - “scoff” the breeders - “cannonball” saturday looks good to me - “save my life” cara beth satalino - “good ones” communique - “dagger version” soul asylum - “sometime to return” sublime - “jailhouse” tullycraft - “twee” nuns - “wild” beyonce - “countdown” the replacements - “sixteen blue” living colour - “what’s your favorite color” britney - “why should i be sad” mdc - “church and state” alice in chains - “junkhead” rage against the machine - “mic check” everclear - “nervous and weird” soundgarden - “fresh tendrils” helmet - “army of me” the gits - “it all dies anyway” pansy division - “smells like queer spirit” mtx - “i’d do anything for you” 5 year sentence - “just a punk” pennywise - “nothing” mudhoney - “thirteenth floor opening” yesterday’s kids - “eighteen” mxpx - “punk rawk show” small brown bike - “zerosum” incubus - “trouble in 421″ hanson - “speechless” incubus - “circles” dead moon - “my time has come” (!!!!) first of all is this killdozer blink-182 - “here’s your letter” everclear - “electra made me blind” (nervous & weird take) saves the day - “through being cool” groovie ghoulies - “don’t go out into the rain (you’re gonna melt)” babes in toyland - “never” husker du - “target” guzzard - “biro” fairweather - “next day flight” mcr - “house of wolves” broadcast - “until then” liz phair - “never said” the dicks - “rich daddy” quasi - “the iron worm” mustard plug - “not again” janitor joe - “boyfriend” snapcase - “new academy” neil young - “someday” blindsided - “spaceman” placebo - “without you i’m nothing” the creeps - “lakeside cabin” solomon grundy - “time is not your own” the clash - “the card cheat” silversun pickups - “common reactor” lagwagon - “leave the light on” denali - “where i landed” system of a down - “highway song” sprinkler - “personality doll” the vindictives - “structure and function” unplugged” the queers - “ursula finally has tits” we’re entering no repeats territory  buffalo springfield - “expecting to fly” hit squad - “pictures of matchstick men” cows - “almost a god” hop along - “young and happy” pixies - “i’ve been tired” the fall - “spoilt victorian child” camper van chadbourne - “knock on the door” queens of the stone age - “tension head” choking victim - “war story” cool that we have gotten to drop by the greatest song ever recorded :) guttermount - “happy loving couples” audio karate - “nintendo 89″ tad - “pork chop” the kelley deal 6000 - “where did the home team go” colorfinger - “hateful” :} man or astroman - “evil plans of planet spectra” pere ubu - “arabian nights” accepting repeats for  new found glory - “my friends over you” cool moving on american steel - “optimist” tom petty & the heartbreakers - “even the losers” meat puppets - “another moon” black cat music - “wine in a box” wallside - “ready” crucifucks - “pig in a blanket” the bananas - “my charmed life”

KILLDOZER - “EARL SCHEIB,” UNCOMPROMISING WAR ON ART UNDER THE DICTATORSHIP OF THE PROLETARIAT, 1994. KILLDOZER ON SUMMERLAND

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Thank you so much for 500 followers everybody!!!!!

A

@aberrati0n, @abitsstranger, @admittedlymaddy, @afairlyfine, @akilahthegreat, @alecdoesnotmakepie, @aleisyee, @allisonwonderland87, @alyssa-is-screaming, @amazingkatieisnotonfire2, @amethystsmoonstone, @ancient-hero, @angeltheghostfox,  @aquaducks, @aquamaster101, @aquariumhowell, @articulate-mess, @asleepyzoe, @astonishowell, @awesomelissawho, @awkward-atmosphere, @awkwardbird, @awkwardspacekid, @axeelotl

B

@b-l-o-g-s, @baileythefab, @beelzeblake, @bellarose1999, @bellascooby24, @bi-sky, @bigbodylittlesoul, @bilacs, @bithewayimhereandqueer, @bl00dspells @blaisezabinj, @bleachedhair, @blissfulgod, @books-tears-and-chocolate, @breeisnotonfire7, @brightphil, @brightsidedan, @brit--knee, @btspjmn, @budoodly

C

@caffeine-howell, @canadaprince, @candelabra14, @carlielou, @chaidan, @charcoalvoid, @charlotteroo12, @cheekyphansecks, @cherry-bombs-and-gasoline, @chlori, @cloverphan, @constaelation, @coolranchdoritos, @creepybutclassy, @crow-machine, @curlybf, @cuterbf, @cyxical

D

@danbirb, @dancurlz, @dandelionlester, @danielcringe, @danielsexistentialcrisis, @danisaur1324, @danjeldreamx, @dannylwster, @danieloddle, @danshine, @dansscream, @dawhson, @dead-nightingale, @deadbutalivebecausefood, @deadlester, @deadpan-trashcan, @deathkilljoy, @definitelynotronnie, @demigodofthesun, @demondannie, @derektheamazingdimple, @desisnotonfire, @doctorwhotheheckareyou, @domesticphil, @dorky-hufflepuff, @douceurs @dreamdilddy, @dimplesandglasses, @dunsure

E

@eatsquip, @elizas-arts, @ellieshambles, @emftmagic, @emodotcom

F

@fallout-chemical-disco, @fan-goddess, @fandomoniumpandemonium, @fandomsoversleepp, @favethebatgirl, @featherquillandink, @flowersandflamingos, @fluffylesters, @fondan, @forgetsanity-forgetsalary, @fortsocialanxiety, @frickingdan, @frankierno, @funnybeforeitwascool

G

@glasseskitten, @gaybirdsandbees, @gayphanandpokestan, @gerardmilkyway69, @glitterfacehowell, @glitterrlesterr, @glitteryloser, @gloomynebulae, @gods-not-on-a-flatbread, @goldenpaints, @goldurple, @grandnp, @gravityphil, @greyskiesandcats, @guiltripiero, @gymclassieros

H

@happlouis, @happyhappyphan, @hesitantfrnk, @hetalianightmare, @hijikana, @holla42036, @hopelessly-romantically-confused, @horizontalshift, @howlterxtrash, @huhpotatoes

I

@iamjustme1324, @idauniverseblog, @idreamofdankmemes, @ifeelspecial, @ifyoucouldnotthatwouldbegreat, @ilikelongwordsalot, @illuminati-dan, @ilyena-rose, @im-not-s, @imagining-phantastic-ships, @imaydetest, @imonthedunandgo, @in-todeep, @ineffablepheels @inexxr, @infidany, @insomniacphil, @internetfathers, @intraclouded, @ipsalo

J

@jack-the-lantern, @jasminmat, @jazzyjaade, @jd-fucks-slushies, @jewelsa651, @jimmytheinternetperson, @jl0223, @jobanana7, @justanothernervouskid, @justasmolgrape, @justaweirdowithspooks

K

@kamkrissy, @keighleyclarky, @kendellisnotonfire, @killingstalking21, @kinkymemes, @kitties-and-castles, @krazy-kiwi

L

@latenightdork, @latte-howell, @lesters-incandescence, @lewdlester, @liabilitylester, @little-sardonic-bibliophile, @littlemissanglerfish, @loistrash, @lolita-howell, @look-alive-sunshine, @lostinallthisfandoms, @louxise, @lovelylilaclester, @lozorhowlter, @lyinghowell

M

@mae-your-genderless-bae, @magic-madness-heaven @malaistrash, @marianathehypertiredgirl, @mazinhazin, @mcr-fobpatd, @me-and-phil, @meghanluvsdestiel, @memephantrash, @memory--ghost, @menapples, @meowzerzer, @merciporlevenin, @michaelphillester, @mightypatrick, @miike-dirnt, @mikohowlter, @milevenlovechild, @milkteasophie, @misspandasticface, @moderatrie, @moonshine-lester, @more-espresso-less-depresso, @moveimgayy, @my-own-fatal-flaw, @mybrotherstolemyquesadilla, @myclassylove @mydogknowswhatyoudidinthedark, @mymagnificentself@mymomthinksimpoppunk, @mynyann

N

@naeuta, @nancyelsnerlovesgiraffes, @natewantstohaveagoodtimr, @nearlydodie, @neonunicorns, @nonconformingnat, @nonaestheticphan

O

@obsessedmuch, @oddtoeven, @okaydans, @olivethehobbit, @optocus, @originstory

P

@pan-potato, @panboydan, @panicwheresthedisco, @path3tic-a3sth3tics, @periwinklephillip, @pessimisticpunks, @petalsofivory, @phan-obsessed-amd, @phandana, @phandomnerd417, @phangirltrash12, @phantasticallytrashy, @phantasticalpacalypse, @philisadinosaur, @philoquence, @philtrashnumber3, @pickinglester, @piercethegingerr, @pikkuinen, @pixthebean, @planetaryzayn, @pmlclouds, @pocketcow, @popcornforcats, @prettylittle-pysch0, @prettythings-andshinyrings, @psycho-suiteheart

Q

@queenemmery, @queeravidan

R

@rainaway2, @rainbowliguori, @rainbowrayndrops, @read-between-the-covers, @regionaldan, @rekt-without-a-heck, @rhinestone-ass, @rose-bitches, @rosecoloredsboy @rosegoldodie, @rosy-phil, @rosyconstellations, @rotato-potato, @rubiksconfused. @ryanroross

S

@salvia-d, @shappic-julia, @satsumaa, @saturnln, @saturnsuniverse, @seapancakephan, @septifire, @serelinda, @sezzaisnotonfire, @sftbbyx, @shadowhowlter, @sherlockian-demigod-potterhead, @shhiwillspeakforyou, @skyylovely, @sleepyphanfics, @smolphaniel, @smoltheatrekid, @sneepthesheep, @sociallyawkwardsunshine, @softbroski, @softcharizard, @softdnp, @someawesomeangie, @someonestolemyyoutubechannelname, @somerandompersonwholikesbands, @sonyathefairy, @spacedusthowlter, @starcrossed-phan, @stargazingphan, @starlightlesster, @starryskylester, @starryspacesky, @staring-off-in-space, @stars-and-anxiety, @stars-and-skys-things, @strawberrrr, @sumrandomfangirl, @super-phan-universe, @superpanicphan

T

@teaminternet10, @teatowelhowell, @thatcrazyblonde15, @the-cass-meow, @the-emo-potato-queen, @theabacross, @theamazingbanana1002, @thean0nym0usmusician, @thebookofmads, @theexfrenchie, @theirforeverhome, @theleviathannextdoor, @thesilveralec, @theycallme-misterpig, @tinysuzy, @tommarvaloriddlemethis, @toocoolforyou--jkimmaloser @toogayfordick, @totalelasticity, @totallyphantastic, @transwithaloveofpans, @trying--my--best

V

@vampirekilljoy, @vesselphil, @vgetables, @vooma-is-gay

W

@waveofphasehaze, @we-hate-being-sane, @westcoastrohman, @whatacrapdonnie, @whendodie, @whiteroselester, @wholewheathowell, @wolvesofash, @wonderlustdan, @wqve, @wrotted, @wwi-flying-ace

X

@xloonaticbloodx, @xxrawrrxxxdxxblackveilbridesxx

Y

@yabra, @yaminrivera, @yeahimsarcastic, @yolkoii, @ysabelmystic

Z

@zlolis

I know I put up some dead blogs and some people didn’t get tagged but yeah

Also I know my header is shitty but I love it

Let me know if you think I missed you!!

So for this I’m going to be doing a few things, similar to my 300 follower post:

Moodboards

Send an ask telling me theme

Aesthetics (collage not lyric)

Send an ask telling me theme/color scheme

Will be posted on my sideblog @astronauticalstarsailor

Playlists!

Send me an ask with theme or something

Blog Rates!

Similar to last time but not exact cause I can’t find my posts with it so rip

Format below cut

Before that I just want to thank everyone for their dedication to me and this blog. Wishing you all well. 

Fairy Tail Guild

Fairy Tail | Blue Pegasus | Lamia Scale | Cait Shelter | Mermaid Heel | Oracion Seis | Grimoire Heart

Ice Cream Flavor

Chocolate | Coffee | Vanilla | Strawberry | Mint | Cotton Candy | S’mores | Oreo | Cookies and Cream

Location

Forest | City | Farm | Castle | Ocean | Mountains | Rain forest | Alaska | Desert

D&D Alignment

Lawful Good | Lawful Neutral | Lawful Evil | Neutral Good | Neutral | Neutral Evil | Chaotic Good | Chaotic Neutral | Chaotic Evil

Ag Class

Natural Resources | Animal Science | Vet Science | Plant Science | Mechanics | Sustainable Ag and other random junk

Time of Day

Dawn | True Sunrise | Morning | Noon | Afternoon | Dusk | Evening | Night | The Bewitching Hour

Weather

Sunny | Partially Cloudy | Cloudy | Rainy | Storming | Tornado | Hurricane | Tsunami | Blizzard

Emo Trinity Album

I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love | Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge | The Black Parade | Danger Days | Conventional Weapons | Take This To Your Grave | From Under The Cork Tree | Infinity On High | Folie A Duex | Save Rock And Roll | American Beauty/ American Psycho | M A  N   I    A | A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out | Pretty. Odd. | Vices And Virtues | Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die | Death Of A Bachelor

Post Punk Band (of the ones I listen to or know of well)

Memphis May Fire | Twenty One Pilots | Black Veiled Brides | Pierce The Veil | Sleeping With Sirens | Crown The Empire | Dance Gavin Dance | All Time Low | Falling In Reverse 

Dan and Phil Channels (hypothetical and real)

Daniel Howell | AmazingPhil | DanAndPhilGames | DanAndPhilCrafts | DanAndPhilBaking | DanAndPhilCryptids 

Dan and Phil Eras

2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017

Super Popular YouTube Channels

Markilpier | Jacksepticeye | Daniel Howell | AmazingPhil | Dodie Clark

[schpiedehl]

Reasons I hate the Hamilton fandom

Disclaimer: I’m a mod of one Hamilton fb group, an admin of another much smaller group, have seen the show twice, and a huge fan of many of the actors and creatives, not just the original cast. I am entrenched in the Hamilton fandom and have been for nearly 2 years so all of this comes from personal experiences with the fandom. I do not hate the actual musical and having talked to many folks and made friends through this fandom, I can confirm that it has had a positive effect on many people, especially aspiring actors of color. I had criticisms of the actual musical (reductive view of American history, perpetrates American exceptionalism, bootstraps narrative, not as feminist as fans insist, etc) but I’m mostly just addressing the issues within the fandom not within the media. The problems with the fandom is nebulous and manifold so I’m gonna try to be as thorough as possible here: - for those that don’t know, Hamilton is a show made by POC creatives for actors of color. The casting is not “color blind” it is racially conscious. All leads always, aside from the silly, villainous King George, are intended to be played by actors of color and the much of the fandom absolutely REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS. It ranges from the benign-seeing assertions that Hamilton is colorblind and therefore race of the actor doesn’t matter as much as talent (false, with the underlying belief that a white actor will somehow be better suited/more talented in a role that is literally not written for them) to petulant assertions that one white fan or another will be the first white actor to play x role, to erasing the racial identities of light-skinned black, latinx, and asian actors to fit the manufactured narrative that white actors can and have played principal roles and the show is therefore colorblind. Fans are quick to point out the ambiguous wording of “America then told by America now,” intended to subtly indicate POC, as meaning white folk, despite the continuous assertions by the creatives that this is simply not the case. - whitewashing in fan art. Hand in hand with the refusal by many white fans to acknowledge the fact that Hamilton the Musical is intended for POC, white fan artist almost universally draw the actors-as-characters with lighter skin, lighter eyes, and more typically European features. Lin, who played Hamilton in the original cast, is a Latino man of mixed race heritage with tan skin, black hair, and dark eyes yet fan art of him as Hamilton is nearly always pale, red haired, and sometimes even blue-eyed. Artists will defend this as interpretation and some will even indicate that Hamilton was white irl so this is more accurate but Hamilton irl and Lin were nothing alike and he presence of a goatee in Hamilton Fan art is an indisputable sign that the artist is drawing Lin, not the real life, baby faced Hamilton. Dark skinned actors like Okieriete Onaodowan (Hercules Mulligan in the original cast) are rarely drawn and when they are they tend to be heavily lightened. - characters deemed queer by the fandom - notably John Laurens who was thought to be gay or bi in real life by many historians - is often heavily feminized in fan art, despite the fact neither the character nor the actual figure are ever noted as being particularly effeminate. This is of course fetishization symptomatic of applying heteronormativity to gay relationships. - fans often reject and demonize female characters. This is not universal but many fans have negative reactions to Hamilton’s wife, Eliza (and ignore and/or demonize her in regards to the gay ship of Hamilton/Laurens, despite Laurens having died shortly after Hamilton married Eliza. Hamilton fans believe almost universally that Hamilton was bi irl, which is supported by historical consensus, but the notion of him actually being with a woman repulses much of the fandom. - basically standard biphobia). Fans are also extremely gross about Maria Reynolds. - a separate part of the fandom refuses to acknowledge both the historical consensus of the Hamilton/Laurens relationship and the fact that that musical contains several intentional references to it. I’ve been told many times to keep that “gay shit” out of the fandom. - shipping wars of course. - blind worship of the characters either without regard to their historical counterparts or including their historical counterparts. - slavery apologism. Comparing slaves to modern consumer items and/or farm animals to demonstrate the ubiquity of slavery and/or people’s mindset regarding it. While it is true that people are the product of their time, “everyone owned slaves” and “you cannot judge them by the Norms of our culture” are common silencing/apologist techniques which both lack nuance and perpetuate racist ideals. It also erases the fact that abolitionism and moral opposition to slavery existed not only in post-revolution society but also within the very people who owned slaves. Thomas Jefferson wrote that slavery was the worst evil while simultaneously owning and raping slaves. - I’ve encountered at least one person with a bona fide slavery fetish. That’s not the fandom as a whole but it is worth noting. - abhorrent beliefs are common re: Thomas Jefferson’s relationship with Sally Hemings. - this has basically been covered above but rampant racism is not uncommon in this fandom. You get the distinct feeling that a sizeable portion has never once interacted with a person of color before, based on the ways they claim ownership over the actors, portray the characters, talk about racial issues, etc - speaking of the actors: fans are very gross toward the actors in a variety of different ways. - fans fetishize the fuck out of Daveed Diggs, who played Jefferson in the original cast. Diggs, for reference is a biracial black Jewish man, a rapper, actor, and activist best known outside of Hamilton for his work with clipping., which includes an extremely politically charged afrofuturist space rap opera. Fans tend to do a couple things in regards to Diggs. One, they conflate him with irl Jefferson leading so some really and truly bizarre headcanons and fan interpretations. Diggs himself has no love for irl Jefferson and has - along with the rest of the cast - cautioned fans against romanticizing the real figures, apparently to limited success. More heinously, however, I have seen people claiming ownership of Digg’s body and hair (claiming they would be upset if his cut it, or would stop being his fan even), made comments about keeping him as a sex slave, fetishizing his ethnic features, or even denying his blackness in favor of fetishizing his white, Jewish heritage. I’ve even seen a white woman comment that she wanted to kill diggs’ black girlfriend, skin her, and wear her as a suit to attract Diggs. No fucking joke. Diggs work as a musician is loved by many fans but others reject it as “scary black music.” - this happens with other actors tho not as much as Diggs. Fans have made plenty of comments about Okieriete Onaodowan’s “big black spy on the inside,” for instance, showing further capacity to fetishize black bodies. - for many fans, the original cast can do no wrong. They will go out of their way to justify and forgive anything that can be seen as problematic rather than acknowledging that they can still like a person that has problematic aspects. - or conversely, they gang up on actors on twitter, or tag them in hate/undeservedly negative critique. - replacements and non-OBC casts are largely ignored and several of the actors have been trolled or sent hate simply because they are not the originals. There is also the mindset that no one could ever be better than the original and the show is not worth seeing without the originals which is extremely disrespectful toward the replacement actors. - a large portion of the fandom claims that Hamilton is the only rap they like, or that they don’t like hip hop at all. When the Hamilton mixtape - and album featuring inspired-bys and covers of Hamilton songs by contemporary singers and rappers, was released fans HATED IT, many pointed out that they hated the hip hop sound and the “bastardization” of the music. Many of the songs on the Mixtape were by artists which inspired Hamilton in the first place. - a lot of the fans are just plain cringey. Bad head canons which become more ubiquitous than the actual canon portrayals, extremely forceful when it comes to trying to “convert” people, extremely adverse to any kind of criticism of the musical, history, or the actors, obnoxious at cons, etc. - art theft is rampant - extreme classism re: bootlegs especially - older fans have a tendency to be extremely abusive toward younger fans. Not all young fans are bad but bad memes and stupid references are met with extreme, quick, and unwarranted vitriol.

[loving-jack-kelly]

Newsies Boyband AU!

Now first of all I would call them the Newsboys but like...that’s a real band that exists so idk what their name would be

But anyway! Boybands! Fun and cute and lots of wiggle room!

Crutchie

lead singer

beloved by his bandmates and by most fans but every once in awhile there’s that one fan

Idk I just think Charlie is overrated....he can’t sing that well, Jack has a nicer voice, and I think he only gets to sing lead because of his leg :/ I’m not ableist or anything, I just don’t like him

Mostly Crutchie ignores things like that but once in awhile he wonders if they’re true

Jack

lead guitar/harmonies

very much the Hot Onetm but people tend to overlook his talents

designed the logo and does all of the shirts and album covers but doesn’t make that public knowledge

the Crutchie Bashers usually use Jack as an excuse and Jack is having none of it he’s a master vague tweeter

I love all my bandmates and everyone is perfectly suited to what they do, from lights to vocals!

I feel like people forget Crutch and I have been best friends since fifth grade and I have videos like this cause if they didn’t they’d ask for more [video of Crutchie singing The Wizard and I at a middle school talent show]

he loves singing harmony, and only sings lead if somebody makes him. two songs in their repertoire include him on melody

Race

the drummer

(haha guess who still likes EYDW with all his heart?)

he’s the Wild Onetm but everyone adores him because he’s cute and funny

Racetrack Higgins Highlights:

“So I was like, fuck it-wait shit I can’t swear in interviews-fuck! Dammit, sorry, I-” “Race just stop talking”

he broke a snare during a concert once and put it on his head like a hat

pictures of him kissing everyone in the band, on crew, and even fans on the cheek but it’s because that’s what he does. In Italy. That’s how you greet people. and it just carried over

always wears a necklace with a shark tooth. gazes into the distance when asked where it was from and responds with, “I’ll never forget her.” Actually bought it Wings on a day off in North Carolina

changes hair colors every other week. fans go to two concerts in two days. first one he has bright red hair. next day it’s bright blue.

slowly acquiring more piercing until one day they’re all gone.

“Lmao you though those were real? I cried when I got a single ear piercing.”

then people think his tattoo is fake and it isn’t but it’s ridiculous. like literally the word “THOT” on the back of his neck. Spot dared him to.

so people love him even though he’s wild

Spot

designs sound for recordings and live shows

most fans only know him as the one goading Race on

but once in a while somebody recognizes him in the sound booth and is like “ahh, that’s who he is”

also secretly write lyrics sometimes but asks to be credited as “Sam Carlson” so his poetic writing doesn’t ruin his tough guy image

which makes people think of all these crazy theories as to who Sam Carlson is and why he writes songs randomly for the band

is the only reason Race hasn’t gotten lost on tour in a gas station

is the one who set up the Walkie Talkie system that keeps everyone organized

the star of Jack’s snapchat story half the time but never caught doing anything strange? people just know he’s awesome and says funny things

is the one who adopted the cat and resulted in him being named Asshole but it was an accident

Katherine and Sarah

managers and lighting designers

really cool and really gay

every time they’re doing a show around a Pride parade time or during Pride month there are rainbows and other flags everywhere

Sarah is also in charge of PR after the Incident of Race accidentally DMing a fan who’s username included Jack’s name something along the lines of “sup fuckface where are you everyone else is here and you’re the one who said he was bringing the good stuff”

by good stuff he’d simply meant the Purple Doritos but the fan didn’t know that and it took a while for people to let that go

People think Jack and Kat are dating for a long time because they’re always together

it literally took like fifty pictures of Kat and Saz kissing before people stopped denying how gay she was

Davey

plays bass but also violin and other related string instruments

sometimes sings a third part but not usually

people don’t give him much credit until there’s a new song

which starts out really slow and is only Jack singing and Davey playing cello but mid song it picks up and Dave changes instruments really fast like in the space of one beat to violin and goes really hard and the song tops the charts for weeks because it’s like crazy good

“yeah I’m a classically trained violinist, I just usually have more fun on bass” “...” “but i like that song a lot, most times I’m on violin it’s slow and boring”

that song is also when most of the Crutchie Bashing started because it was the first really popular one that featured Jack on melody since only Jack sang

Their shows are legendary for being good like the vocals the instrumentals everything is always good

they got their start in college where Crutchie got them into one of the theatres and it was just for fun

but Race, the wild one even in the very beginning, realized that they were actually really good and signed them up for some show like America’s Got Talent or something like that

and while they didn’t win overall, they did get enough attention to get a record deal

and then they just EXPLODED and became the new big thing

which kind of freaked all of them out a little bit because what has started as fun music with friends was suddenly paparazzi and crazy fans and people wanting to know “when is it what is it where is it how are you will you” about their songs

but they mostly acclimated pretty fast

Crutchie had the hardest time because while he’s friendly he’s also a but of an introvert and needs his privacy which was suddenly a lot harder to find

like most boybands, instantly there were Those Fans who shipped people

the most common one became Jack and Race because they seemed like the ones most likely to like each other

really though it was Spot and Race, who balanced each other out, and Jack and Crutchie, who’d been in love for years and only figure it out when people started trying to ship Jack and Race which made Crutchie really jealous, and the people who nobody knew as well like Specs and Romeo, Kat and Saz (at first they became better known later), etc

they get a really good rep with people because they’re always willing to take a selfie or like fanart as long as it isn’t creepy, or answer questions

Jack hosts monthly Q&A sessions on his snapchat and each time it’s somebody new

so like the first one is Crutchie, then Davey, then Race, then Katherine, then Sarah, the Romeo, etc

They don’t come out for a long time but one day they’re performing in a town where there's this big news story about a gay kid getting harassed at school and they know the kid is there because it was the only positive thing they found on his twitter, so they all come out together like the entire band and crew

“So we’ve heard about some of the stuff that’s been going on here, and we want everyone to know that we don’t agree with it, at all. In fact, things like that effect us, too. I’m not the most eloquent speaker, but if you’re hurting today because of who you are, of how you’re born, know that you’ll always have support with us.”

And Jack kisses Crutchie in public for the first time which leads to Race stealing Crutchie’s mic and yelling something about “get up here asshat we can’t let him show us up!” and then suddenly every single couple involved in the band is on stage being proud of who they are

the kid who was getting bullied cried and then they invited him backstage and he cried more and it was really sweet and they stayed in touch

After that the Discoursetm is horrible around them for like, months

“reminder that Jack is dating Crutchie and shipping him with Race is not cool”

“reminder that we can ship whoever we want with whoever we want and it doesn’t cause harm”

“stop calling Jack bi when he’s gay, don’t erase his identity” (jack retweets it with the added caption “I’m bi as heck actually everyone is pretty and it’s not fair :)”

“they’re just faking it for attention!!!1!!1″

after a few years they announce it’s their last tour and people are like “oh no, what happened, did people start fighting?”

and their answer is “no but we’re like twenty eight now and honestly just want to get married and settle down”

except for Spot and Race who plan on going around the world in eighty days and then getting a dog and doing it again with the dog

or at least, that Race’s plan, Spot just honestly wants to stop moving around and settle down a bit, but maybe not get married yet

So the band breaks up and people are kinda sad but every time they’re all in one place, which is pretty often since they’re all best friends, somebody snapchat/instagram/twitter/youtube gets a new video of them messing around

Jack and Davey out out a solo album and it’s really good

Crutchie gets coerced into releasing a Christmas album and it’s funny

and Davey makes a Hanukkah album that’s him playing and singing traditional songs that he sang growing up and it’s gorgeous

Bonus: Red Carpet Tidbits

because I have a lot of feelings about Crutchie’s style

Crutchie gets known for never wearing a normal tux like it’s always custom done and never just black or navy

also his makeup is always On Point like crazy good and people are like “tell us your secrets” and he’s like “lol cvs and years of practice and makeup tutorials from YouTube”

Jack wears normal suites but there’s always a twist

the first was the time he actually just spilled paint on himself in the suit bc he’s an idiot but there wasn’t time for a new one so they ended up just going with it and it looked pretty okay

and after that he get’s suites from like Macy’s modified to look better on him and to add cool things

also his hat game is pretty terrific

he’s also a total hipster and people know it

Davey wears totally normal red carpet men’s attire but lets Crutchie do his makeup and look absolutely gorgeous

Race wears crazy stuff

like you know the Great Comet ensemble costume design? probably things like that. formal wear turned into punk style things and he pulls it off and lets Crutchie do his makeup too

the best picture of the band is from like, the Grammys or some award show like that where Crutchie is in a purple suit, Jack is wearing a beanie and a jackson pollock styled color splashed suit, dave is looking fine in a perfectly normal suit and SUPER Extra but good makeup, and Race is like barely clothed but still obviously supposed to be wearing a suit like thing and like a foot shorter than everyone

[jayckent]

Review - Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator

    “Scum Fuck Flower Boy” (SFFB) is California based rapper Tyler, The Creator’s fourth studio album. Tyler has grown up surrounded by music, and founded the controversial and mega-popular hip hop collective that was Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, commonly shortened to Odd Future or OFWGKTA, in 2008. Odd Future included members such as Frank Ocean, Earl Sweatshirt, and Tyler himself, putting out four records together before disbanding in 2015. Despite the group’s falling out, Tyler found success in his solo mix-tapes as well as his fashion line, Golf Wang, which Tyler founded in 2011, which sports a wide array of colorful clothing and skateboards that Tyler designs himself.

Tyler, The Creator in Golf Wang’s 2017 fall/winter look book

     Tyler is known for his aggressive rap style, and was the focus of huge amounts of controversy for using extremely homophobic, misogynistic, and overtly shocking lines in his past projects, which managed to earn Tyler a ban from entering New Zealand, Australia, and the UK entirely. But these same projects showed a lot of potential in Tyler, as his production and wordplay was promising when he wasn’t going for shock value, and the amount of disturbing lyrics was dropping exponentially between each project.

“Rape a pregnant bitch, tell my friends I had a threesome”

- Tyler, The Creator on “Tron Cat,” from his debut studio album “Goblin”

    SFFB, on the other hand, can come as a bit of a surprise to those more used to Tyler’s bombastic delivery and jarring production. Tyler appears to have fully left his signature shock-value lines in the past, opting for more singing, more simplistic beats, and very few solo tracks. There are only two tracks on the album that feature lyrics solely from Tyler, one of those being “Glitter,” in which Tyler’s voice is pitch shifted to the point of unfamiliarity.

“Scum Fuck Flower Boy”

    That’s not to say ‘Old Tyler’ has been entirely abandoned on SFFB. Tracks like “Who Dat Boy,” featuring rapper A$AP Rocky, and “I Ain’t Got Time!” the other solo Tyler song on the album, both feature Tyler’s classic deep-voiced, braggadocious lyrics, partnered with eclectic, aggressive beats.

A$AP Rocky and Tyler, The Creator on the lyric sheet for “Who Dat Boy”

    This duality is very intentional and reflected in the title of the album, “Scum Fuck Flower Boy.” “Scum Fuck” representing his aggressive and grungy tone we’ve heard so much of in his past projects, and “Flower Boy” representing his more colorful and creative side seen heavily on this album, his clothing line, and given peeks of in past albums.

    Tyler’s personality absolutely shines on SFFB, one example being his adoration of cars. Not only is there a car on the album cover, but on the previously mentioned “Who Dat Boy” Tyler ends his final verse by speeding away in a McLaren, and just as the song is ending we can hear the car hitting a pothole and Tyler quietly swearing “Oh! Fuck.” This is immediately followed by the track “Pothole,” featuring Jaden Smith. This example is accompanied by a plethora of car references scattered throughout the entirety of the album.

“Crashed the McLaren, bought me a Tesla

I know you sick of me talkin' 'bout cars

But what the fuck else do you want from me?

That is the only thing keepin' me company”

- Tyler, The Creator on “911 / Mr. Lonely”

       SFFB is also easily Tyler’s most introspective album, as Tyler spends most of the album working through his desires, worries, and sexuality out loud. Tyler’s longings pour from his subconscious into his music on SFFB; whether it’s a crush Tyler’s scared of calling or a simple sense of loneliness, Tyler’s opening up about it on the album. Tyler opens up even further by including several lines and tracks that seem to hint at Tyler’s apparently closeted gay or bi-sexual orientation. Songs like “See You Again” and “I Ain’t Got Time!” hold single lines that suggest this, but the track “Garden Shed” appears to be his full-on confession.

“Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed, garden shed

For the garden

That is where I was hidin'

That was real love I was in”

- Tyler, The Creator on “Garden Shed”

    Tyler’s introspection is the core quality that pushes this album into excellence, giving each song it’s own sense of importance and meaning. Tyler’s mood is heavily visible on each track, as the beautiful, simplistic production gives his lyrics their own room to breathe while still supporting them. The album closes with a simple instrumental track in “Enjoy Right Now, Today,” that ties up the project smoothly, but can be unsatisfying as a concluding track. For all of these reasons, I’d rate Tyler, The Creator’s “Scum Fuck Flower Boy” a 9.5/10, and I’d call it my early album of the year for 2017.

Favorite Tracks: Where This Flower Blooms, Sometimes, See You Again, I Ain’t Got Time, 911 / Mr. Lonely, Droppin’ Seeds, Glitter

Least Favorite Tracks: November, Enjoy Right Now, Today