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faghubby · 1 month

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Camp Happy part1

"Just go" Stephanie said frustrated

"I don't want to go and leave this unresolved" I told her

"Well I don't want to talk about this anymore right now. And if you don't leave you will miss your train" she pointed out.

"I don't have to go" I told her.

"No, you are going my mother spent a lot of money on that trip for you" Stephanie reminded me.

"I love you now go" Stephanie kissed me on the cheek. I opened the door I looked at my watch grabbed my bag and rushed to catch my train. I turned to watch Stephanie drive away. It was a 4 hour uneventful train ride. I reflected on what to do aboutStephanie's insisting on letting her mother move in with us. When i arrived I was met by two men that looked like they spent all thier free time in the gym.

"Paul Drover?" One asked

"Yes" was all I said. The other grabbed my bag and showed me to a big pink bus. There was another man already on the bus. I stared at him. It was a man but he had bright pink hair and large earrings. I decided to sit in the front seat to avoid him. Another man got on after me. He was a chubby man that didn't look at anyone in the face just kept his eyes down. We waited a few minutes when another man got on. He seemed quite normal. I was surprised by the group. I understood this was a survival camp thing. I figured my mother law had gotten it thinking it would toughen me up alittle. She had never been impressed by me. Always thinking Stephanie could of done better.

It was a long drive out into the woods. It was getting late when we arrived. We got off the bus.

"We will take care of your luggage" one of the men told us directing us to a cabin that had an sign that simple said check-in. The man with pink hair led the way. Like he had been here before.

"We need to sign in" he told us in a soft voice. We all signed in and waited a woman's voice called us one at a time from down the hall. Once called no one returned. We sat quietly. I was called and headed down the hall.

"Paul?" A beautiful woman asked looking up from her desk.

"Yes" I said and went to shake her hand. She just looked up at me with a smile.

"Please sit" she said firmly

"Now it seems Francis sent you to us" she stated

"Yes, my mother in law bought the ticket for my birthday" I stated

"How nice of her" She said staring straight into my soul it seemed.

"And your wife is Stephanie?" She asked I had not even caught this woman's name.

"Sorry I didn't catch your name?" I said

"Ms Kelly" she informed me.

"Kelly I didn't get much info about the activities here" I said

"Ms Kelly" she corrected me.

"And it's quite simple, we help men become better husband's. We evaluate there weaknesses and strengths and help them discover what they truelly want and need out of their marriages" Ms Kelly stated.

"I thought this was a survival camp?" I said confused

"It is we will teach you how to ,are your marriage survive" Ms Kelly told me.

"Now I need you to go with John" she stated as another large man appeared in the doorway. "I need you to fill out all of these forms and survey" she handed me a binder with my name on the front of it. I got up and John led me to another building that I could only call a library. Although it was rustic like all the other buildings. He showed me to a seat for from anyone else. Several other men where there filling out paperwork as well.

I read the first page of instructions. It was important that I filled out everything as openly and honestly as I could. It also explained it was completely confidential and would not even be shared with Stephanie. At first it was normal. Health questions. Then it seemed to be moral questions, not all where direct mostly like if you found money would you return it. Then there where personal questions. How often do you have sex.? Have you ever kissed a man? There where hundreds of questions.

It took two hours at least to finish. I was bought dinner of grilled trout and rice. I ate then finished the forms. John took it loomed thru it making sure i didn't skil any questions. He put it down and pointed to a question I had not filled in.

It asked how big my penis was hard, and soft. I had skipped ot thinking it irrelevant.

"Every question" he told me. I frowned and filled it in not letting him see. Then handing him back the binder. He them led me to a bunk house. I had my own room but it was small simple a cot, and small wardrobe. I was tired and fell asleep as soon as my head it the pillow.

I woke to a trumpet being blasted thru loud speakers. I found a toiletries bag and a robe. My bag still wasn't in my room. But I went to shower and brush my teeth. The showers where gang type like in high-school. There where a dozen guys showering as I went to get in the shower a black man in a staff uniform stopped me. He handed me a pink razor.

"Your wife showed an interest in having you shave" he stated. I felt very vulnerable being naked in front of this man.

"Excuse me" I whispered

"Stephanie wants you to shave everywhere" he stated. He knew Stephanie's name? I just stepped in the shower. Others got out. There was another man shaving his legs. I looked over at the large black man. He was not going to let this go I thought. I saw a small bench I went to it and saw woman's shaving cream and more razors. I shaved lathered my legs and shaved them I kept glancing over at the large black man.

"I can help if you" a meek voice said behind me. I looked uo to see one of the guys from the bus holding a pink razor as well. I just nodded as we helped each other shave our backs even our asses.

"You can't leave any" he told me as he spread my cheeks. "They check" I was completely humiliated. By the time we where dome. I returned to my little room almost in tears. My dirty clothes where gone as well I noticed. I had no choice but to wear the pink sweats even the underwear was pink, socks and shoes where pink.

A knock on the door before I could answer in walked a woman of maybe 50.

"Paulie, good your dressed. I evaluated your file" she stated. "Francis seem to believe you don't deserve her daughter, because you are unmotivated and weak mentally and physically. Stephanie believes you need to learn to trust her judgment and help out more. She also rates you unsatisfactory in the sex department." This woman said as matter of factly.

"I don't understand" i started

"May I finish?" She said annoyed. I just lowered my head and fell silent.

"Now since you arrived you have been nothing but passive and submissive to everyone. And your own evaluation shows you to be not only submissive but seeking someone to control you." She looked uo at me but I couldn't look her in the eyes.

"While here we are going to help you learn to harness your nature. You will obey all staff. No matter how odd or outrageous you feel their request is. Any defiance will be punished. Do you understand?" She asked. I nodded.

"Correct response is yes Ms or Sir" she told me.

"Yes Ms" I said clearly. She opened the door.

"This is Mr Terry" she introduced a black man. She turned and left.

"I will be your counselor, mentor and whatever else you need." He stated.

"Pleasure to meet you Mr Terry" I said

"Good quick learner" he led me to the dinning hall where he explained he was to serve me. He plainly told me what he wanted and I went and retrieved his breakfast. I was then sent to get my own. Where Terry got bacon and eggs coffee. I was given a bowl of oatmeal, half a grapefruit and juice. I sat next to Terry he towered over me. He explained my duties. I was to clean, cook, do his laundry. Not to worry every step would be taught and explained.

After breakfast he took me to a class on giving a massage. I practiced on Terry. The woman teaching about 6 of us how to give a proper massage and types of massages. Stopped us only long enough to explain differences when giving a massage to a woman instead. It was impressed how much our wives or girlfriends would love this treatment. At one point Terry removed the towel covering his crotch. Exposing his thick big cock. It was soft and still way bigger then me if I was hard. He spread his legs having me massage his inner thigh. I just did as I was told. After we walked down to the lake.

"Paulie, do you realize you didn't even hesitate when I told you to basicly stroke my cock? " Mr Terry asked me.

"Was I suppose to, you know touch you?" I stuttered thinking I had done something wrong.

"Did you want to?" Mr Terry asked. I shook my head and starred at the ground. He laughed and led me down to the lake. We just sat and talked as I looked around I saw men in speedos but also in pink bikinis serving men and woman.

"Some of our guests want to be girls, some want to be little boys, some just want to watch" Mr Terry said as I watched.

"What do you think?" He asked. I just blushed. I was never left alone Mr Terry even went to the bathroom with me. He explained curfews and off limit areas. But also punishments some where severe. Including a spanking which I thought really wierd but not after I thought about what he said about some being little boys.

Mr Terry introduced me to several members of staff. He had reminded me to be proper and polite. I had another class after lunch where again I served Mr Terry. I was feed a simple salad and smooth.

Terry did not stay for the next class. I was given headphones as I watched a instructional video on properly pleasing a woman orally. I was even given a rubber/ plastic model of a virgina so I could follow along when the video ended I was extremely turned on. The instructor a Ms Diane came over.

"Would you like to watch this one as well" she showed me the cover it was labeled how to suck cock.

"No" I started then stopped

"No thank you Ms Diane" I replied she smiled. And hit a few keys and another video started. It went into great detail about other places on a woman she might get pleasure from and how to explore them. It covered eating her ass, sucking and kissing her breasts to nibbling on her ear. At the end I looked up to see the man across from me sucking on a pink dildo. Ms Diane approached again. She touched my thigh.

"You seem excited" she giggled. I blushed. "Take this you can practice tonight when you're alone" she smiled handing me a box with the plastic model of a pussy in it.

Mr Terry was waiting he led me to the medical building.

"They are going to place you in a chastity device" he explained

"Both you and your wife commented on how often you masterbate. This is key that you learn to control your impulse to do so" Terry stayed with me as I was told do disrobe by Doctor James. He took out a ruler and measured my dick. He shook his head.

"You where told it was important to be honest " the Doctor replied.

"I was" I stuttered.

"You are barely 4 inches" he stated. I had stated 5

"I measured from" I tried to explain but fell silent as I saw Terry shake his head. It is also quite thin he pointed out. He fiddled with the cage as he held an pack against my balls.

"Almost the smallest one we have" the doctor laughed. "Would you like to see if you fit in the smallest?" He laughed holding out a device that fit in his palm.

"No sir, thank you" I said scared. Terry hushed me out. I felt so vulnerable this was all to much. I wanted to go home. Terry grabbed my hand as we walked. I looked down then up at him his eyes looked back with concern. As we continued I subconsciously walked closer to him, we stopped and sat on a bench no one seemed to be around.

I burst into tears and leaned against his chest.

"its okay let it out" he said softly holding me tight. I don't know how long I cried.

"Let's go get you something to eat" he told me. We didn't go to the dining hall instead he had dinner bought to his cabin. He had a gorgeous cabin with a little kitchen huge king size bed. A big screen TV.

The meal was simple but good. We shared. But I let him have the bigger portion. He watched sportscaster as we ate. He sat very close to me. Or I sat close to him. He then walked me back to my room before curfew.

In the morning fresh clothes were left for me but this time my underwear was replaced by frilly pink panties.

There was a note from Mr Terry. These will help support the little cage better. I wanted to throw them away but put them on. They felt soft on my smooth ass. I met Mr Terry at the dining hall. The routine didn't change much but my first class was on fetishes. I learned and thought of things I had never even heard about. After I was taken to a room with a phone so I could call Stephanie.

"Hello sweety, how is it going" Stephanie sang over the phone.

"It's un different" I replied.

"Mr Terry says you are doing wonderful" she informed me.

"He did?" I asked

"Of course I get constantupdates. I cant wait to get one of these wonderful massages." We continued on for several minutes she knew everything. She had even recieved pictures of the cage. And loved how I looked with no hair.

"I love you Paulie" she ended the call. I was renewed and excited as I went to my next class. This was about fitness and personal care I was given a personal care plan, that had been decided on by Stephanie and several camp staff.

"Steph wants you to be more soft" Mr Terry told me. I looked at him as I sat in a salon chair.

"Soft, what does that mean sir" I asked

A woman wrapped a cape around me. As Terry tried to explain.

"Did you cover femination in your fetish class?" He asked they did I started to panic.

"Shh it's okay she doesn't want you to be a woman. She wants you to soften your features so you don't look so manly". He explained.

"We are going to dye your hair blond. Thin your eyebrows. Cut your hair a little differently. Give you a mani/pedi

Ms Tina my stylist explained every step of the way. I panicked a little when she painted my nails pink.

"It's not permanent" she assured me. She showed me my hair when she finished and I looked amazing so when she asked if she could use alittle makeup to lift my cheekbones look I agreed. Even allowing her to apply pink lipstick.

"You look beautiful " Mr Terry told me I blushed. He held my hand and led me to the lake. He handed me a pink bikini. I don't even know where he got it from. I didn't hesitate as I put it on Mr Terry helped me tie the back of the top. Before he had me lay down on a chair. He applied suntan lotion All over. I tried to get hard in the cage it hurt as I tried to get hard. He then had me apply lotion all over him. As I laid there I thought about Terry. Was I gay. I wanted to please him. We spent a few hours before we had to rush. I had another class.

This class was boring all about laundry care. Fabrics , stains and such. Then another class on cleaning, dusting, how to clean a window properly. I did try and pay attention I knew Stephanie wanted me to help out around the house. The week went on I had another massage class, further cleaning, I had classes on how to style my own hair or paint nails not only my own. Advanced pleasure classes again on pleasing a woman. But when asked if I wanted to learn how to please a man. I thought of Terry and said yes. I spent an hour trying to suck a dildo.

On Friday it was family visit day. Stephanie made the long trip. She was given a cabin. She loved how I looked and couldn't stop smiling despite being tired. I gave her a massage so she could relax she fell asleep. I was not allowed to stay in her cabin and rushed back to my room. The next morning I served her and Terry. I noticed how they whispered and laughed quietly to each other. I still had classes but Terry took Stephanie on a tour. I found them reading my binder as they sat close on a bench. Mr Terry had been so good to me, and Stephanie deserved more. I thought about Terry fucking Stephanie would she like that. Me and Stephanie had alone time after lunch.

"Terry says you had classes in pleasing a woman" she teased.

"Yes, Ms Stephanie" I didn't even realize it was now a habit to say Ms or Sir to people. "But I am not allowed to until I leave camp" I told her.

"Because of this" she grabbed my cage thru my pants. She pulled them down a little and saw my panties as well. I blushed but she just kissed my cheek.

"Ms Stephanie do you find Mr Terry attractive?" I asked.

"Well that's not exactly appropriate question" Stephanie replied.

"Sorry Ms Stephanie its just that he has been so good to me" I told her.

"Yes , he is very sexy" she told me her hand rubbing my inner thigh.

"I, welll, just um nevermind" I was flustered.

"Are you asking me if I would like to have sex with him? " her hand cupped my balls. "Would it make you happy if I did??" She asked

"I want to thank Mr Terry and I know you have been frustrated Ms Stephanie" I said at a whisper. Stephanie opened my binder to a pic of me sucking on the dildo.

"Are you sure you don't want to thank him yourself" she asked she had me stand and pulled down my pants right out in the open. There where people walking by. Her hand. Rubbed my ass.

"Only if you want me too" I moaned. As I stood in my tiny pink panties.

"Maybe as a graduation present for you, but you will have to work even harder at your classes." She pulled me down to my knees "and that includes deep throating this" she pointed again at the picture. She continued to tease me as she spent the day at camp. Even sitting in on class where I practiced giving her a pedicure. As a reward she had me kiss her feet. After dinner she took me back to her cabin. She stripped naked.

"Show me what you learned in oral stimulation class" she ordered me. I dropped and buried my face between her legs. I was tireless as I sucked and licked her to two orgasms before she pushed me away. Again I rushed back to my room before curfew.

I saw Stephanie at breakfast. But then not again till lunch.

"I had some interesting meetings this morning" Ms Stephanie told me as I ate a simple salad and smoothie for lunch.

"You haven't asked even once about getting out of that cage, they seem to think you like being frustrated." Stephanie told me.

"I also made some personal changes to your classes" Stephanie smiled. Mr Terry just smiled. Terry was leaving after lunch I was allowed to walk her to the bus.

"Keep practicing that tounge baby, I am going to want more of that. and i talked to the administration about you wanting me to sleep with terry. They suggested you have a cuckold fetish. Thay are going to help you realize that" Stephanie told me. She stepped behind me pulling my hair pulled my head back. She ran her hands over my body. Her hand slid down my cheek I opened my mouth and moaned. Stephanie pushed two fingers in my mouth. She moved them in and out as I sucked on them.

"Yes suck them bitch" she said in my ear. "This is much more then I had ever thought. My very own little sissy bitch husband" she said removing g her fingers. She giggled I had leaked leaving a wet spot on my pants.

To be continued

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khazadspoon · 3 months

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Well the Rawhide discord server inspired me to write Joe and Jim getting married so here we go they just deserve the best things I LOVE THEM.

——

“So, how about it?”

Jim asked him almost nervously, fingers twisting rope into knots. He didn’t look up, the brim of his hat covering his eyes and Joe wanted to knock it back so he could see.

Instead, he kicked out his legs and slowly settled a hand on his partner’s knee. “Sure. Might be nice, y’know, being married. I ain’t never had a wife before…”

Jim laughed, a bright bark of a sound that never failed to light Joe’s heart up with affection. “You ain’t getting one now.”

“Nah,” Joe bumped their shoulders together and grinned to himself, “I’m getting you.”

—

Wishbone fussed worse than ever getting things set up. They were staying put for a few days, the herd fattening up before a hard stretch ahead, and even Mister Favor had jumped at the chance to let off a little steam with a celebration. Wishbone shouted at Mushy as he cooked as usual, the two of them bustling about like ants as they prepared various things. Mister Favor gave orders to the drovers to fetch boxes and logs, set up makeshift tables, and Joe watched it all happen with a strange kind of detached confusion.

It was just Joe and Jim, not some fancy couple from New York or Washington. They didn’t need some big party or special ceremony. Whatever they were, they knew what it meant. But Jim wanted to do something special and that was what mattered to Joe.

By the time night fell, Joe began to feel nervous. He didn’t know why, after all he and Jim had been steady presences in each other’s lives for at least twenty years now. But his palms were sweaty. He kept stealing glances across the camp to where Jim would ride in when he got back from watching the herd.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe they should have just taken a day or two off and slip into town-

Jim rode in. His eyes found Joe’s and a grin stretched over his face. He looked excited and happy and perfect and Joe found himself grinning back.

Not a mistake at all. Just… a formal declaration of sorts.

Mister Favor gathered the outfit together. He’d cleaned up a bit, dusted himself down as best as anyone could, and cleared his throat. He glanced at Jim and Joe then looked out over the drovers.

“Now I ain’t a preacher, and I don’t do so well with words, but… we’re here to recognise something special. We all know Joe and Jim, we’ve all ridden with them for years, and we all know they’re about as tightly bound as two people can be.” He smiled at them, and Joe found himself needing to wipe his eyes. “Two better drovers I ain’t never met. Two people more suited to each other, neither. So,” he clapped his hands together and set his features into a stern expression.

“Jim Quince, Joe Scarlet; do you take each other, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”

Jim looked up at him, hat held in one hand as he reached for Joe’s with the other. Their fingers laced together. Jim’s smile was watery as tears gathered in his eyes. “You’re damn right I do.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Jim snorted a laugh, Joe heard a few other laughs from the other men, and Mister Favor smiled at them.

“Then, by whatever power I have, I pronounce you Jim’n’Joe.”

They turned to one another. Jim craned up, lifting onto his tiptoes to press their lips together in a soft, slow kiss. The crowd whooped and hollered, breaking out in rapturous applause, and if Rowdy hadn’t taken their guns Joe was sure he’d have heard gunfire. But that would have spooked the herd, and no one wanted to deal with a stampede during a wedding.

Joe wrapped his arms around his partner and squeezed. “Guess that makes us married,” he murmured against his lips.

“Sure does, Joe. It sure does.”

“D’you think Wish baked us a cake?”

#rawhide #Joe scarlet #Jim quince #they’re married your honour

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foxlady3 · 6 months

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WIP Wednesday

I was going to take a little break from this story, give my mind something different to work on, take a breather, etc.

But instead, my muse said, "Hey, here's a cool scene!"

And so here's a snippet from the next chapter of The Scribe's Tale:

Crowley's hand landed on Aziraphale's shoulder, stopping him short. “Aziraphale, wait. Do not get involved.”

Aziraphale gasped. “I can't simply do nothing.”

“The friar has already painted Newt as her creature. He'll be subject to the same questioning,” Crowley said through gritted teeth. “If you interfere, you'll be accused as well, tarred with the same brush.”

It didn't help that Crowley was right. Aziraphale shook his head, panic swelling. This couldn't be happening.

Crowley squeezed his shoulder. “Look, your best bet is to appeal to the abbot. I'll go to the monastery and...”

“No!” Aziraphale shook his head again vigorously. “The abbot might get Newt out of this mess, as a matter of his authority and pride, if nothing else, but he won't care what happens to Anathema.”

The quarrelling had taken on a sharper note, as Anathema's uncle came trotting across the yard, having just arrived from picking up a load of charcoal. His son, Anathema's cousin, put down the handles of the cart he'd been helping push and followed more warily, eyeing the muttering drovers.

Friar Rufus was almost unbearably smug as he informed the tavernkeeper of his niece's wickedness.

Had someone gone off to look for the sheriff yet? Aziraphale couldn't tell.

“An entire family of evildoers, I shouldn't be surprised to find out,” Friar Rufus said, and as he straightened to his full height, he seemed to grow in stature as he drew the cloak of churchly authority around him. “I well remember, man, how you threatened me last year. And your good wife, I've heard the talk. Visions and portents. Straight from the devil's mouth.”

The tavernkeeper began to look frightened, a flicker of dread in his eyes. The drovers muttered among themselves, glancing about warily as if they wondered if they'd fallen into some kind of witch's den. A few of them crossed themselves.

"A witch, I say," Friar Rufus said, pointing at Anathema again. "She doesn't even deny it."

"Would that actually help?" Anathema said drily, arching an eyebrow. Newt swayed on his feet and closed his eyes.

Anathema's aunt Agnes stood in the doorway, wiping her hands on a cloth, watching with a mild manner.

Aziraphale didn't know how she could be so calm. And why was she nodding at him?

She nodded again, looking a trifle exasperated with him this time, nodding her chin at Crowley.

Aziraphale stared, stood frozen still for half a moment, as a flicker of hope started up within him, then he clutched at Crowley's arm. “You can help them.”

“What?”

“You can! I know you can. You don't understand how wicked the friar is, how corrupt. He was bothering Anathema so dreadfully last summer, until her uncle threatened him, and now you see how Friar Rufus is taking his revenge. He's accusing the entire family. Please, Crowley, you can help them, it's just like in Nottingham.”

“Aziraphale, this isn't some poxy little shire lawman whose nose I can snub! That friar's got the whole of the bloody church behind him. What do you expect me to do, scoop up Newt and Anathema and gallop off with them? The baron'll force me to turn them in before the day's out.”

Aziraphale knew he was asking too much, but he couldn't bear the thought of his dear friends getting dragged off in chains, taken away to be interrogated. Tortured.

He turned pleading eyes on his knight. “Please,” he whispered. “For me. There must be something you can do."

#my writing #good omens #the scribe's tale #good omens fanfiction

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logarithmicpanda · 2 years

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Smoke and Mirrors - part 1

In which I rewrite scenes from the Kingkiller Chronicle but from Denna’s POV. Haters, keep walking, nothing to see here.

I had come to Drover’s Lot in the hope of finding a caravan to Anilin – or at least one that would take me further north. Tarbean felt like a beast ready to swallow me, with its endless limbs and overpowering smells, and I was ready to run as far from it as I could. I had only been there a span, but it was more than enough to realize I wouldn’t find whatever I was looking for, not here.

North, then.

I looked at the rows of wagons again, and finally spotted what was looking for: A Caledish man travelling with his wife. That meant safety enough from wandering hands and insistent looks, or so I hoped. I inched closer to her, and asked if per chance they were headed north, and would have a space for one more traveler. The woman’s mouth, which had been drawn in a thin, displeased line a moment earlier, seemed to melt when her eyes reached mine. She gave me a warm smile, and my anticipation rose – she seemed too perfect, she would tell me in a minute that they were headed south, or ask for more money than I could offer for the trip.

But no. When she spoke, it was to gently tell me that indeed, they were headed not just north but all the way to Anilin, by way of Imre. I relaxed, and we started chatting about the details, but my attention drifted from the conversation. Now that I knew I would join this caravan, I paid closer attention to the crew. My eyes reached her husband, and stopped there. The large, imposing man was talking to a boy with flaming red hair, the likes of which I had never seen. He looked young at first, a couple years less than me, maybe, but then he moved to avoid a passing waggoneer and I caught sight of his face. His eyes were the languid green of a quiet pond, but what arrested me was the lines on his face. They didn’t have the firmness of age, but the deep set of worry and exhaustion I had only seen in men twice his age. As if the world had run him ragged already. Something about that look tugged at my heart.

A sense of kinship, maybe.

His head turned in my direction, and I looked away before out eyes could cross. I did my best to focus on Reta – the woman I had been talking to – and laughed at her jokes enough that I did not notice when the boy left. You would think it is hard to lose track of someone with such remarkable hair, but you would be wrong. Just like a flame, he had vanished without a trace – not even leaving a whisp of smoke behind him.

A couple hours later he came back wrapped in a cloak and with a bag slung over a shoulder. Again, I did not notice precisely the moment he arrived – he simply appeared where I could have sworn there was nothing just a moment ago. Part of me worried about the attention I was paying him.

It was simply that he was the only other passenger of the caravan, I decided. I was more aware of his presence because he was not blending with the bustling efficiency of the preparations wrapping up around us. When we finally left, I was able to cast him off my mind with no difficulty. Walking felt too good to focus on anything else. With each step, I felt the tentacles of Tarbean release their grip on me. With each breath, I took in my freedom.

Eventually, my legs grew weary, and Reta invited me to sit next to her on the wagon with a knowing smile. We talked more, about idle things that might have seemed bland to others, but felt like a balm of normalcy on my wary mind. I relaxed almost entirely, but still, I noticed eyes on me. I could always tell when someone was watching me – it’s something you learn fast, when you’re a woman travelling alone, or your life is miserable and short. It felt like a tickle on the base of my neck.

I turned. It was the boy, watching me intently. He was fiddling mindlessly with something in his lap, and clearly had not expected me to notice him watching. Still, it was not an unpleasant look – he seemed mildly confused, as if he couldn’t quite decide what to make of me. I brushed a strand of hair off my eyes, and asked:

“Penny for your thought?”

He startled, but replied fast enough.

“I was wondering what you’re doing here.”

He had been almost fast enough to convince me he was telling the truth. Almost.

“Liar,” I said, softening the word with a smile.

His eyes were truly a strange color. They had felt dimmer in the morning, but now shone as fresh-cut grass. We held eyes a long moment, but he didn’t blush like I would have expected a boy his age to do under my stare. Instead, he shrugged and returned his attention to his lap – a willow stick he busied himself peeling. I waited a moment longer, but when it was clear he intended to say nothing more, I returned to my conversation with Reta.

It took me until dinner was cooking to realize that the soft pain that had settled on my stomach wasn’t hunger, but disappointment. I had expected more of a conversation, more than seven meager words – and yet they had rung true in their own way, despite being an obvious lie.

I looked around and found him, inspecting knots on a wagon. It was unsettling, the intensity with which he was watching them – it was the same way he had focused on his willow stick earlier, and, I realized, the same way he had been watching me. Before I quite decided to move, I found myself walking towards him. I stropped a dozen feet from him, and for a second, I thought he hadn’t noticed me, but he did turn and looked at me steadily.

I wanted to shake a bit of that steadfastness.

“Have you figured it out yet?” I asked.

He blinked twice in quick succession.

“Excuse me?”

“Why I’m here.”

I couldn’t help smiling at my small victory.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing for most my life, you see. I thought if you had any ideas..”

Somewhere along the way, I lost the control I had over my words, and found myself genuinely curious. Maybe he was steady because he knew why he was here. Maybe he could share the secret to feeling like you belong someplace.

He shook his head with an uncertain look.

“All I’ve been able to guess is that you’re going somewhere,” he said earnestly.

I nodded. “That’s as much as I’ve guessed too.”

The wind caught my hair, and I looked at the horizon, almost as if I could see where it was trying to take me.

“Do you happen to know where I’m going?”

A smile slowly crept on his face, easing some of the lines there, finally making him look his age.

“Don’t you know?” he asked.

“I have suspicions. Right now, I’m thinking Anilin.”

I rocked onto the edges of my feet, feeling the tingling want to keep moving, and added:

“But I’ve been wrong before.”

He didn’t reply. I started playing with the ring on my finger, twisting it around, before catching myself at it and dropping my hands to my sides. I looked at the boy again, determined not to let that conversation die just yet.

“Where are you going?”

“The University.”

I arched an eyebrow. Wasn’t that a place for nobles and dark forces better left alone?

“So certain,” I said instead, smiling with a tinge of envy. “How does it feel to know where you are going?”

He hesitated, but before he could formulate a reply, Reta called us for supper. When we walked back towards the campfire, though, it didn’t feel like we were just two people walking in the same direction, but like we were walking together. I smiled.

I succeeded at pulling him out of his shell, little by little. He told me his name – Kvothe – and from the next day onwards, seemed to work very hard at finding perfectly good reasons to talk to me. I welcomed the company, and found him to be a fascinating interlocutor, when he contrived to speak more than a handful of words in a row. We traded stories and jokes. He started telling me about clouds, and how to foretell the weather, and for the first time I could glimpse why a boy like him would want to go to the University. He felt to me like a flower that had been left in the dark for too long, and sorely needed water. I told him of the shapes the clouds held, and he seemed to bloom just a little.

By the evening, we were so comfortable around each other than when we drew the first two watch shifts, we shared the four hours of it together without discussing it. We talked in soft voices, and were lucky there was nothing to actually watch for, because we were too focused on each other to notice much of anything.

The third day, we talked less, but we shared the silence the way only old friends ordinarily could, only breaching it to point out interesting scenery or discuss something that had crossed our minds. That night we stopped at a wayside inn. The food was good – bacon and potato soup, with fresh bread and butter – but the common room reeked of smoke, sweat, and spilled beer. It reminded me of Tarbean, and I could almost feel its arms reaching for me. I found Kvothe and asked if he wanted to take a walk, barely waiting for his answer before heading out. The crisp air and smell of the trees helped me relax. I was going away from Tarbean, away for good. Kvothe was walking without paying attention to where he was and I followed, trying to focus on the conversation. After a while we came to a wide clearing circling a pond.

A pair of waystones sat on the edge of the water, and their presence finished to ground me in the moment. I was okay. I was safe. The road ahead was clear for me to thread as I desired.

One of the stones laid flat, extending into the water like a short stone pier, and we sat there, watching the way the undisturbed surface of the water reflected the stars above. It was like swimming in a sea of stars.

We spoke late into the night. There were topics we both avoided – our pasts, our families – but we had plenty to occupy ourselves with. We looked to the future, sharing wild imaginings, slivers of impossible dreams that still held comfort for us, for they had the shine of hope. I pointed to the sky, telling him all the stories I knew, and some I made up on the spot. He told me about the names of the constellations.

It felt as if we were sharing a sweet dream. For a moment, I let myself imagine how his arm would feel around my shoulders, how his skin would feel under my lips if I were to close the space between us and kiss his cheek. Then I remembered how fast men could turn, when they felt they were given less than they assumed themselves to be entitled to, and the night felt colder around me. I hugged my knees to my chest.

I did not think Kvothe would be that kind of man – or boy, for with his eyes shining green as emeralds, it was hard to see him as hold enough to be a man – but I had been wrong about these things before. Maybe he only saw a friend in me, a kindred soul, and would feel the same discomfort as I so often did when unwanted attentions were laid on me. I hugged myself closer. It would be a new way to be wrong, at the very least.

Still, both these thoughts were enough to still any impulse I had to touch him. And after all, he knew where he was going. What could I offer him? A wandering path that might lead nowhere? Uncertainty where he was happily sure of his way? No, he deserved better than being dragged into my messes. I would be grateful for the time we shared, for the bit of light he shed on my road, and when it was time to brave the darkness again, I would go alone. I was used to it, by now.

The next morning, I felt as if I hadn’t slept at all. Kvothe was nowhere to be seen, but I was distracted by the darker turn of my thoughts by the arrival of a new passenger. He introduced himself as Josn, and told me with a self-deprecating smile that Roent – the caravan master – had told him I was travelling to Anilin as well, and had warned him not to cause me trouble on the way.

I smiled but sighed in my secret heart. Roent had meant well to warn the young man off, but he had disclosed my destination against his better judgement. It was almost enough to make me change my mind, decide to go elsewhere – maybe even stop at the University with Kvothe, at least for a while – but Josn displayed such good humor that I was soon mollified. He was joking about having left seven wives at home and being in a mind to get an eighth one when Kvothe finally appeared. To my surprise, he barely glanced our way before settling down a couple wagons back.

Josn noticed, and I shrugged with a helpless smile and a murmur of someone not getting enough sleep last night, and our conversation moved on. My thoughts, however, where going back to the previous night. It had felt dreamlike and perfect to me, but maybe I had offended Kvothe somehow. Maybe he had assumed I would give him more of myself, and now felt slighted. Maybe the potato soup had upset his stomach, or maybe he was too shy to talk with Josn – after all, it had taken him some time to warm up to me. I repeated this to myself enough times that I almost convinced myself it wasn’t somehow my fault.

It was harder to stay optimistic the longer the day went on without Kvothe saying a word, however. That night, after dinner, I planned to confront him – better to know, one way or the other, than being left in agonizing wonder – but Josn brought back a large case from one of the wagons, and everyone’s attention shifted to him. He produced a lute out of the case and started singing, his voice high and clear, the notes coming together in a slow ballad.

I had not heard decent music in a long time, and it felt like a spell woven around me. Song after song, I cared less and less about my problems, and when Tinker Tanner came, I joined in on the chorus, along with most people around the campfire. Only then did I notice Kvothe’s rigid expression – he looked as if someone had stabbed him straight through the chest but was trying very hard not to make a sound.

The song came to an end, and Roent called for everyone to go to sleep now, for we would be off early the next morning. Kvothe moved faster than I had seen him before, crossing the camp to us before Josn could put the lute away. His face was a decent mask of normalcy, and when he asked “Could I see that for a second?” his tone was even enough that Josn didn’t notice the desperation underneath.

He stiffened slightly at the question, but accepted with the too jovial tone of someone trying to make a friend. I stopped paying attention to their conversation, looking at Kvothe’s face instead. His dark were almost black in the firelight, his body high-strung as a string about to snap. He fiddled with the pegs and Josn protested, quickly losing his countenance, but Kvothe started playing and everything else fell away.

It was no song I had ever heard. Nothing I could think of came even close. It had no lyrics, but the emotions of it were so clear and sharp that they cut right through the center of me. It felt as if I had been in love and had lost that person, only to see them again hand in hand with a stranger. But it was more than that, too. It was the sound of the world crashing down around me over and over, the sound of the loneliness that sat at my core. My entire soul vibrated with the music, and I had no idea how long Kvothe played, but the moment he stopped, I came unravelled. My heart broke in all the places it had ever broken before, every fault line coming lose at once.

I lowered my face into my hands, hiding from the world.

Knowing that in the silence, everyone could hear my hopeless sobs.

The weather held fair, and we reached Imre just as the sun was setting. I had spent the day with Josn again, and while Kvothe had remained away from us once more, he had been at the center of our conversation. Josn told me he had never heard anyone played like that, and that he was both heartbroken to realize how much he had to learn and elated to have a new goal to strive for. I smiled and encouraged him, not sharing my thoughts, not even quite sure of what I was feeling.

When the wagons stopped, I helped Reta with some errand, then feared I had missed Kvothe’s departure. Surely he wouldn’t just vanish without a word? My heart twisted painfully in my chest, and I looked around frantically, until I finally spotted him. His back was to me, and he seemed to be looking for someone – that brought a smile to my face, yet when he turned towards me, I grew suddenly self-conscious.

“You’re still going?” I blurted out, before I could lose my resolve.

He nodded without a word, back deep into his shell. I refused to let things end that way, without even hearing his voice one last time. Not letting myself think better of it, I said:

“You could come to Anilin with us. They say the streets are paved with gold there,” I added, as if it was the reason I wanted him to come. “You could teach Josn to play that lute he carries around. I’ve asked him, and he’s said he wouldn’t mind.”

Maybe the perspective of playing would entice him more than gold or my company.

His expression grew pained.

I was doing it. I was taking him away from his perfect certainty and dragging him into my world of doubts and regrets.

“Don’t look like that,” I chided with a smile, pretending I hadn’t been that serious about the whole idea. “I’ll be there for a while, if things don’t work out for you here…”

I trailed off. That was okay, right? Just offering him an option, should his fail. That was not interfering with his path.

His frown deepened, as if he had not considered things could go wrong here. In that moment he looked so young – unbroken, untouched by the way the world saw one’s plans, and laughed before tearing them to shreds. I envied him.

I smiled reassuringly.

“I guess I’ll just have to come looking for you, then.”

I had said too much already.

I looked nervously behind me, pretending I heard someone call for me.

“I had better go. Watch for me.”

I gave him one last smile and turned away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears starting to sting my eyes. He still hadn’t said a word.

I was already some way away when he called after me:

“I will. I’ll see you where the roads meet.”

I turned back, hope blooming in my chest. I almost took a step back, almost changed my mind about Anilin – but no. I couldn’t impose myself on him like that. Maybe he would find me. Maybe we would meet again at a turn of the road. But I would not impose myself on him.

I waved, and before my determination could waver, ran off into the early evening twilight.

#smoke and mirrors #the kingkiller chronicle #my writing #fanfic

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