#the dude on the phone was literally just like ’’well try to survive until monday then’’

[aaami]

This flu might actually be an abscessed wisdom tooth and I tried calling an emergency hotline to get an ok to go the er to get it checked out urgently (despite being absolutely terrified of dentists, but this is serious with the fever and everything), but haha, there is no emergency dentist in this city during the weekends :))) I’d need to go to another city for it tomorrow, but man, it’s difficult to get there without a car and I don’t even have that kind of money for a taxi to there and back… I could take a train and bus there, but with this stupid ass fever it feels impossible.

”Funnily” the website of the local hospital says that they have emergency dentists available, so wtf??? No mention of there not being such service during the weekends??

Booking a private dentist appointment for tomorrow is an option, but then again… money…

I think I’m gonna cry some more and eat a banana and go back to sleep if I can.

[sirene312]

oh GOD guys…. You have no idea the crusade i had to went through just to be sitting here, with my dear computer working again, and enjoying the joy of 1.9 Mbps internet connection speed. First thing on the front page of my dash was three shitposts on a row, new niche memes, and good ‘ol fandom drama. god how I missed this hell site. 

In case anyone wants to know what happened, I will put behind a ‘read more’ the story of a missing computer part that quickly become a detective mission, that dragged me unwillingly into the wild ride I didn’t signed for when pressing ‘buy’ on an online store.

TL;DR at the end bc this is very long. English is not my first language so please bear with me! 

Okay, some of you may know a bit about me since apparently i don’t have a “dude shut up! Stop oversharing your woes!!!” button on me but hey here are some things to know about me in case you are curious: I live in Venezuela and not having internet is my personality trait, living in my country is very hard, hard like trying to play the Rainbow Road of Mario Kart but you have butter on your hands, your eyes are closed and you are running on the rain while there is a 8.0 earthquake happening. That hard. I work as a freelance graphic designer and make art commissions so me and my family can survive the economic crisis on my country, having internet and a working computer is a really big deal, like literally we eat thanks to it. Now you see how that would led me to spend a whole month chasing and stressing over a stupid part my computer needed.

Back in December, remember last season of “what’s troubling Sirene now?” where i spend almost a month without internet and then yay internet is back! for like two days? well, after Christmas there was a sudden power cut one night and i was on my computer working on a commission but since this is now a common occurrence i didn't think anything of it …until next day when i tried to switch my computer ON it didn't. I tried everything to revive it, grabbing anxiously my hair, walking on circles, and pressing continuously the power button, you know everything, but it was in vain. It’s dead, Jim. As you can imagine i had a breakdown when i realized i won’t be able to work anymore and needed to buy a new power supply since this one was toast…and was without internet friggin again. AGAIN. I survived till now using my crappy phone data but heavy apps hardly load, tumblr/ao3/twitter sometimes loaded if i refreshed them like a madman. 

My computer is a tiny model and has a power supply that apparently is made by beavers in Narnia, because is so uncommon that the only stores that sell them are on my Capital city two states away from where i live. Knowing this, there is not other alternative for me but to use a online store and shipping the package here, in theory sounds simple right? a reminder that this is a third world country, where everything is falling apart and barely holding it together with chewing gum and prayers, what are the odds of something going wrong hmm….

Okay, this happened in the week after Christmas and before New Year's Eve, so of course all stores in my country decided to go on vacation and return on January. I impatiently waited for two online stores to be back on business that have the power supply i need, they were physical stores too so i thought i would be safe. i liked one more than the other and, as i told my friends, i felt like a telenovela protagonist that was on a love triangle with two galanes but the hotter one was in coma and the other just had 3 episodes in, meaning that the better rated store was still offline and the other was online but only had like 3 products sold …not very reassuring but i desperately needed to start working again so i went with that one. Big mistake.

Everything started on Tuesday, January 14. 

Mercado Libre is a page where people sell things like Amazon, this is where the seller of the power supply was, after you click on buy, you can see the seller info and a chat to talk to them, i wrote but there was not immediate response so i called, i spoke to a woman and she told me to text her on WhatsApp, that should have been my first red flag, if the app had a perfect chat option there why text outside of it?? 

whatever, i went and text her, asked when would she send the package and she told me “tomorrow” the shipping company she was going to use is called “Zoom” (remember that name bc it will be mentioned a lot) when you send something they give the sender (the store) a tracking number the sender should give YOU in order for the shipping office (Zoom) in your city to give you the package. (this number is important)

this was my first time buying anything online so i didn’t know any of that just vaguely knew how it worked, so i asked her if she the next day would give me the tracking number or the shipping company would call me when my package was on the shipping center? and she told me “both, i will give you the number and they are going to call you” I said perfect, thank you very much and thought ‘hey that went well!’ 

Unknown to me, for the next 10 days i was going suffer a weird and painful skin reaction on both hands, and man…it was bad (tw graphic description of a skin condition ahead) the skin on the palm of my hands completely fell off, and it burned like i had scraped my hands on the sidewalk and someone was pouring lemon juice on them. Ouch. as you can imagine all my attention was on what was going on with my hands. I still don’t know what could have caused that severe reaction.

With difficulty texted the woman on Monday 20 i asked again for the tracking number but she said “i’m waiting for the bike delivery guy to give me the number but your package was sent” so she -the store seller- dont go personally to Zoom to send the packages and some else does, i tell the woman again to give me the number as soon as she has it, bc Zoom has an app you can check your package rute and status with that number, she said “okey amiga”.

That week, i could barely lift a fork i was suffering from whatever it was that happened to my hands until my mom found an Aloe Vera plant and i started to rub that gooey, viscose gel thingy on my hands and was slowly getting better, (seriously guys, Aloe Vera plants are a godsend keep one or 10 at home) by the time i suddenly remembered about the package it was Friday 24 the woman didn’t text me anything like she said would do and i didn’t receive any calls either all week, so friday i text her asking again for the tracking number and oh yes finally she has it! My happiness was short lived because……THE PACKAGE WAS RETURNED.

Something occurred and there was an error on the address or something (I triple checked all my personal info was in order before i gave it to her -thanks anxiety!- so i know it was not on me) i was so furious if only the woman had given me the friggin number sooner that week, i would have realized there was something wrong and would have gone to the Zoom on my city where the package was being held before it was returned to the capital. She told me she would send again my package that Friday BUT Zoom only works mon-fri not weekends. Now I need to wait till monday to receive my thing. great.

Monday 27 rolls in and that week i proceeded to text the woman EVERY SINGLE DAY asking if she had sent my package, i hated being a nuisance texting so much but it was necessary, money is getting short and we need food. 

On Wed 29 I even texted her a desperate plea, i told her please i need my power supply to start working again! and you know how she responded? BY LEAVING ME ON SEEN. i called her until she answered and she told me “oh i sent it today” she assured me, in the most unsure voice she could muster, that she totally did it.

So I went the next day to the Zoom office and surprise! it was a lie, she didn’t send anything, nada! again asked her for the new track.num. and she told me “amiga the thing is that …the package has not arrived here. is still in your State.“ [*record scratch*] hmm whAT?

I immediately called Zoom and asked them to tell me where my package is? Where is it!?, it’s still in my city or in the Capital?? So they gave me a number for the returned package to check on the app and…said it arrived at the Capital Fri. 24. Not only that but it was marked as "given to the client” aka the sender. 

Now I realize this woman has been lying to me. For a whole week. I text her screenshots of where the package was and she tells me that supposedly the package is not on Zoom there and insists it is here in my State. A friend knows someone that works on Zoom that checks their database and confirms that no, is not here anywhere and that definitely arrived in the Capital. even shows that a man named A. Rodriguez was the one that picked up the package. Who is this man?? what's going on?

here's a meme i sent my friends in the group chat while i was trying not to freak out about all this. 

This has become a "she-said, he-said" situation because the woman keeps insisting Zoom is the one at fault about the whereabouts of my missing package but Zoom says Hold it! And slaps continuous evidence that shows the places where the package has been at all times. 

Meanwhile I’m like “where the hell is my power supply??? All I want is to work. Why is this happening to me?” ;_;

So far what we know:

Package arrived in my city but was returned to the city of origin (the Capital) on Friday 24.

The following week the store seller lied to me and would everyday promise to send the package again to me. and never did.

On Thursday 30 the woman tells me that the package never arrived from my city and she’s waiting for it to “arrive” but the shipping office tells me the package was returned a week ago on Fri. 24 so it’s impossible that it has not arrived. not for nothing they are called ZOOM they deliver fast.

the app even says “given to the client”, and one thing I know for a fact, is that it is near impossible to pick up a package from there without the friggin tracking number, they won’t even give you info about it without it. so it’s very unlikely that a random person just walked away with it.

so we have two possibilities: 

1. Someone from Zoom stole it. Ok, feasible. Corrupt people working on this kind of service in my country steal things of value all the time. still i doubt this was the case, the company seemed really concerned and would try their best to help me find my package giving me all the info i requested, even the name of the person who took it. 

2. the store seller lied again and the man who took the package is the same bike delivery guy that transported it there in the first place. That's how they were able to take it from there so easily. She denied knowing anyone named A. Rodriguez but she has lied before so i don’t trust her word. To me, this is the more likely scenario for what happened to the package. 

February comes and still I have no idea where is my package and the woman keeps making excuses as to why she “hasn’t found it” she again leaves me on seen after I asked for information, next day I called her non stop because now I’m pissed and i want answers, she finally text me that she will send another power supply since she “couldn’t find the first one” no further explanation whatsoever, and tells me will send it on Friday, but remember that Zoom don’t work on weekends so the new package will be staying on the Zoom office until Monday, my friend tells me that is not good what if the thief works there and steals it again? so I asked the woman to send it on Monday and she tells me that only Tuesdays they send all their stuff to be delivered….now she tells me the store have a specific delivery day? Now? 

I’m not happy about waiting for more days but there is nothing i can do about it so February 11 is here and I send the woman a text telling her to take a photo of the receipt with the tracking number so the story of the first package won’t repeat, and guess what? The woman left me on seen!! you don’t know how that blue seen mark got me shook. that stressed me so bad that finally I had enough, my friends encouraged me to cancel the order and ask for a refund, I stopped texting her on WhatsApp and left a ultimatum on the Mercado Libre chat, that way I had proof on that page of the fraud this woman was pulling on me and could get her banned there. I should have done that before but the need to repair my computer blinded me and was what kept me trying so hard to get my power supply. Desperation can drive you to make foolish decisions. 

After my ultimatum, the woman changed her tune and was very solicitous, and replied super fast, even said on the chat “let it be noted we are a serious company and always answered all your messages” yes, she said THAT, can you believe the audacity, the nerve? I immediately reply “since you didn’t answer any of my texts yesterday, can’t fault me for expressing here my concern about my purchase.”  Then I said very politely but with finality that if she did not send me the photo of the receipt with the tracking number the next day I would not hesitate bitch to ask for a refund. And what do you know? Worked like a charm. The next day the first thing in the morning on my phone was a photo of the receipt.

 SO yes this unnecessary long story has an anticlimactic but happy end after all! Next morning I happily went to the Zoom office and after a whole month of countless lies, unanswered texts, blood, sweat, and tears, I picked up mypower supply. Reunited at long last! This happened on February 14. Valentine’s Day. Love -and being persistent af- always wins! 

TL;DR I bought online a new power supply, the seller tried to scam me or something bc lied about how my purchase was “lost” saying the shipping company was the culprit. Sending me on a wild goose chase trying to find my package. i had to threaten her with a refund to get her to send me finally my power supply.

[sumergosuigeneris]

June 27,2019

I’m in a pretty good mood so far. Not really sure why I was before, but right now, I’m thrilled. I am cautiously optimistic that I won’t be supporting boss1 after Friday (Monday, to be more accurate, if I’m finishing things up for him). I should know Monday morning, when I meet with boss2. And I’m still providing value even today. But apparently, he is still a part of us? Until July 1? Um?????

Anyway.

Last night was weird. At work we had a going away party for someone moving to Germany. But I found out that it wasn’t exactly a decision that person chose. They asked our dept, dept1 I guess if I’m referring to boss1, to do their paperwork (b/c they’re international). And, apparently through incompetence, the paperwork wasn’t taken care of in time. a) While incompetence is very very valid, I have to wonder if it wasn’t done on purpose. I don’t know how great this person is or isn’t, but i) the paperwork is thousands of dollars, and ii) they could also possibly hire someone cheaper rather than give them a raise or whatever. b) I found out they also handled it terribly. They didn’t communicate with the person about it until it was too late for anything to be done. This person, with enough time, *could* have found another job with an organization willing to process the paperwork for them. Terrible. But I gotta be honest, I really do think this situation represents dept1.

Went to racing. We got out on the water, and were told to come in for a brief lightning storm. Which turned into a cancellation. But the lightning was gorgeous. And the sunset too. So naturally, we did what we do ( the org, not necessarily me) - drank. I had the opportunity to float the ideas behind my decision to drop out of school. My dude who’s a judge told me to go to law school lol. Obviously, it’s still a lie if I don’t tell people I already quit, but judgment, and my membership dues, are me justifying it. But yes, justifying doesn’t make it right.

So we moved our party to another boat, and I met a few new people. And here’s where the real weirdness set in. I admit that several of these people were well into their cups, but I don’t think they were drunk drunk. So, I was skimming my twat her re: the debates. I must have made some sort of comment. I put my phone away and this guy says I must really be into politics. And he asks me if I’m in politics, etc... I don’t see how scrolling my time line translates to ‘really into politics’ etc, so I thought and asked if he wasn’t into politics at all. Well, dude got defensive as fuck. He’s into politics but he’s also into a lot of other things. Since he asked me if I did politics (I told him chemistry since technically that’s what I spent the last x many years working on), I asked him what he did. Or did I ask him what he studied? Idk. Anyway, he says philosophy. So I’m excited and say so. A black man persevering in philosophy is kind of a bfd bc the field is so sexist, so white, so kinda sorta old. And I said something. And dude goes off. ‘He doesn’t define himself as a black man. I am defining him as a black man.’ etc etc... Then he starts spouting some philosophy bullshit (I say bullshit b/c it really didn’t have anything to do with anything). I tried telling him I was excited and giving respect b/c it’s such a white field, and he goes off b/c philosophy is not white. I’m like dude, I’m talking about academia. Faculty positions in academia. Not actual real-life philosophy. I mean, that would be the same thing as saying history is just Greece westward to the US. Although I suppose some people really do think that way. Idiots. And he’s just shutting me down going on like he’s some expert trying to prove how much smarter and elevated above me he is. And he gets this other dude involved. And they’re so fucking condescending talking about, literally, how much older, more experienced and wiser they are than me. I mean, it was all so extra and unnecessary. And while it sort of made me feel bad, it really made me feel confused. But then the two women who were there, that I know, started defending me saying the guys were underestimating me.

Phew.

I don’t even understand. This all happened b/c I was scrolling my social media to keep up with some of the debate. And because I told the dude I had respect for him for doing a field that can be tough to survive (philosophy has a lot in common with science, including the -isms). So me trying to compliment someone turned into someone putting me down. It was very unsettling. And I couldn’t figure out how it all happened, or why, and that made it ‘more.’

Anyway, I gave the one lady a one-pager of my resume. Maybe she’ll give me some connections to jobs where she works. And maybe not.

Also decided yesterday, after thought and calculations, to renew my lease for 7 months. We’ll see if that turns out to be a good decision or a poor one.

[lemonela]

Journal #4 - ANOTHER HARRY POTTER DREAM FEAT. STEVE JOBS AS DUMBLEDORE

*Cover photo courtesy of Unplash -- Megan Hodges* Folks! I've got ONE MORE FINAL tomorrow which wraps up my first year of University. Crazy how time flies. Anyways, I really need to study, but wanted to keep up my streak of posting every Monday.

I had an amazingly weird dream last night and I immediately wrote it down on my notes app on my phone while I was struggling to wake up. Maybe you'll see me differently after this. Maybe you won't. Either way, I don't often practice writing fictional stories (even though this is but isn't really fiction, since I dreamt it... I mean, it felt pretty real), so this is one way I use to help me describe the things that happen in my mind when I sleep. Enjoy!

Warning: You might not understand anything if you aren't a Potterhead, but I added little notes to try and make sense of maybe confusing concepts.

Setting: Hogwarts meets carnival.

I had another dream where I was Harry Potter and everyone was trying to kill me. I wasn't literally Harry, but I took his place and he was still part of his golden trio. I honestly don't know how he survived being the most wanted wizard, because it felt like very step I took, I had to look back to see if anyone was pointing their wand at me. It also sucked not knowing who to trust because there are so many people who would call upon the dark forces whilst making me feel like they're helping me. *cough cough Mr. Lovegood* (even though it was for Luna)

Anyways, of course, I had my own squad which included real life friends like Kyla and Lauren (who was wearing rectangle glasses and her hair was curled -- she was also significantly taller, or maybe I was just significantly shorter).

One of the tasks Hermione, Harry, and I had to conquer was to get up to these doors at the top of this steel cylindrical container. It started filling up with water really fast, assuming that its purpose was for us to drown, so we had to swim our way up. It wasn't too hard, though Harry was struggling. Eventually, we made it out of the container and through a door.

My heart rose because I literally thought I was going to die. Beforehand, I was with Ron and Hermione (yes, the characters changed for the next dream sequence), looking for a place to hide. We heard Lucius Malfoy talking outside of this tiny room we found. I signaled to them shhh, but to my surprise, he got them and I was left alone. Trying to look for a place to hide or people on the resistance (like I could even tell...), all of a sudden, another real life friend, Nicole, and some dude who's face I couldn't tell, found me and told me to play this carnival game. I had to turn this substance that was in a cup which would then transport me to the game, but I think the games attendant knew I was being hunted for and disabled it to work for me because the substance just disappeared. That's why I went into the girls washroom; so that I could not mix it outside where I'm so visible (refer to first paragraph -- being scared for your life as you're the most wanted wizard). Someone must have told the dark side that I was in there, meaning I was betrayed again. Next thing you know, I'm freaking dueling Lucius Malfoy in a girls washroom. Snape was peering from the corner, watching me duel, as if he was ready to protect me if I was failing. Malfoy was all like "HAH. What else do you know other than Stupefy?" and the only strong spell that first came to mind was EXPECTO PATRONUM, so I created a patronus, which was somehow taking him out until I lost concentration (Note: This wouldn't even work on him since he's a human). Next, I used Wingardium Leviosa to lift him up and started moving him around until Dumbledore came. (Note: This also wouldn't work, because that charm is only for objects... when I woke up, I thought of the Levicorpus jinx which would have achieved what I wanted) Guess who Dumbledore was? STEVE JOBS. He wasn't even wearing Dumbledore's robes, nor did he have his white beard. He was wearing his signature black turtleneck and small oval glasses. He was looking at me and had the exact facial expression pictured in the photo below (minus the hand placement) and was standing in the archway of the bathroom door with light illuminating behind, and then and there, I just knew... that he was Dumbledore.

I woke up after that revelation, weird and cool as it was. That was one of the best dreams ever. I beat the bad guy in the end and Dumbledore/Steve Jobs came to save the day.

All was well.  

-- RIP Steve Jobs. You are an amazing & inspiring human being and made a great Dumbledore in my dream! His photo is provided by the CC License, and courtesy of @segagman on flickr, no changes were made to the image. --

[torreygazette]

as for me and my house: reflections on year 30

Hi, Danielle here. Yes, still single.

The edge has worn off a little as I careen towards 30. 

My brother's getting married in June. [This is a wonderful thing!] My worst case scenario throughout my early 20s was contemplating attending his wedding without a date. We're up on it, and I'm okay with it. All those years spent dreading this were wasted!

[cough don't let that stop you from stepping up, gentlemen friends, cough]

 I had vowed to myself that whichever came first, 30 or my brother's wedding, I would finally give online dating another try. 

Backstory: a friend once signed me up for eHarmony. I was 21, it was horrific, I had 5 matches in the ENTIRE United States, and I quit within 24 hours. Wasn't ready then. Also, we're no longer friends.

 Earlier in 2016, thinking I really needed to make an effort to meet more people, I tried. I sat on the couch with my stomach in knots (I HATE meeting people and I HATE spending money even more!) and I located the optimal coupon code combination, did my research to make sure I could get my money back, and clicked the order button. 

American Express, in its infinite wisdom, decided this was a fraudulent charge. 

My conscience is already giving me heck (this FEELS WRONG) and now my phone is buzzing with emails, texts, and calls, as my home phone rings, first American Express and then Mom, because my old home phone is still linked to my credit card. Mom says "has someone been shopping with your card?" and I'm thinking "oh PLEASE don't let them have said who the charge was from".....

 So when my heart stopped pounding, I consulted my matches and found that, while the system has improved, I still hate it. I hate being forced to evaluate people based on their stupid, stupid bios and a couple of photos. Oh really? You've read the Bible and Moby Dick? You love dogs and want kids someday? Great! So do TENS OF THOUSANDS OF OTHER DUDES. Everyone is shiny and happy and completely devoid of personality.

 I rely so strongly on the sense I get from people in person, it's borderline impossible to make connections in a setting like online dating. I felt no inclination to reach out to anyone, and once I realized that if this WORKED, I'd have to go on MULTIPLE DATES, I canceled as fast as I could. It was a weekend so I couldn't cancel until Monday. When I called and they asked for a cancellation reason, I said "this is hell and it makes me feel sick and I'd rather be alone forever", or something to that effect.

I know of several wonderful couples that met through online dating. It works. But it makes me feel physically ill, so I think I'm done. I just can't do it. I am 100% in or 100% out when it comes to liking people. Trying to have be interested in or open-minded about multiple people at the same time - even in the most above-board of ways - feels like cheating, thanks to my INFJ conscience.

 Later in 2016: I get offered a book to review called "Finding God in My Loneliness". Sigh -  I read the book. It makes some fair points about not being selfish, about sacrificing, pouring yourself out in the service of the church and the saints, building strong friendships, being aware that God is with you always, regardless of relationship status or how we feel about stuff.

All is well and good until [RECORD SCRATCH] there's an entire paragraph about how one of the perks of singleness is that you can buy a rotisserie chicken, and because you won't have to cook for 4 nights, you can spend all that lonely time in prayer & Scripture reading. 

This is a strong argument for singleness in the same way that "putting on duvet covers by yourself is hard" is a strong argument for marriage. Which is to say, NOT AT ALL.

Anyway, after much diligent research, I located the verse which backs up this theory: 1st Corinthians 7:8 NRCT (New Rotisserie Chicken Translation). "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I, for verily, the whole of the rotisserie chicken shall be thine, and thou shalt eat upon it for four days and four nights."

 This rankled me on more than one level: alone time is good. It's good for all of us, and it's life-giving for introverts. But I actually need to be prodded to spend more time with people, not less. Getting to know people, in the conventional sense, is a SACRIFICE for me. Not so much the hospitality end of things - my home is really conducive to it, which is a blessing, but being willing to go out for coffee or a meal (have I mentioned I hate spending money?) or spending time with someone when I'd rather be at home... these things are hard for me to do. Opening up my home to people I don't already know and love? Hard! Sad! 

Yet I have felt so convicted about this recently - the importance of building relationships with the saints around you, bonding over food, drink, talk. The conviction has driven me far out of my comfort zone, but when it's important, you step up. 

 The book was making a valid point before it derailed running over that rotisserie chicken: you can't run from loneliness. You have to lean in. That has been a huge lesson in the last few years. Sometimes busy-ness and distractions are legitimate, and sometimes they can become an issue (although, unlike the author of this infamous book, I don't think Netflix is inherently idolatrous). But for Pete's sake. Rotisserie chicken is not a real singleness survival/coping tactic... is it? Would it not be as beneficial to listen to Scripture on tape while you cook a real dinner you can share with someone else? Would it not be as beneficial to meet a friend for coffee and discussion of spiritual things? #pietism!

 A couple of weeks ago: it's time to update the church directory. We contract with a big professional outfit to take the photos. They send around brochures advertising their services. ALL the verbiage refers to families. "Per family", "bring your family", "the whole family should wear", "plan on 1 hour per family". Out of 33 photos in a brochure, 4 show single people. In an age where many families are no longer nuclear, and in a church where there are many widows and widowers, and a handful of never-marrieds, this rings hollow.

 I go and get my picture taken. I am incredibly stressed out but finally get through it, and the salesman attempts to show me how my picture will look in a frame bearing the "as for me and my house" portion of Joshua 24:15 on it. I am momentarily amused (because I love taking things literally) as I imagine a picture of me embracing my literal house. 

No, the salesman probably won't find that funny, so I don't tell him, and I decline to purchase a disc of 12 photos for $250 (?!!! What am I going to do? Hand out wallet-size photos to prospective gentlemen callers? Wait. Damn. That might have been a good idea. Print my dating resume on the back and see what happens...) 

 Anyway, for better or worse, I'm ready to turn 30. I am more and more thankful for the "alone time" that has elapsed in my life - it has been invaluable in teaching me to value my family, friends, and church, it has taught me what I can and cannot live with in a prospective spouse, it has driven me into the arms of a merciful and just God. I cannot "make it happen" (which is what the world tells you), I cannot "stop thinking about it and then it happens" (which is what the Christians tell you). Aaron Everingham's poem "Adventu" comes to my mind. 

"while in the now and not yet we, the drowned, are succored by the breath of the Lord the Lord"

  I may be single forever, but screw the rotisserie chicken, I'm getting PIZZA. Who's with me?