#the ending for phyrexians was really stupid

[inxblott]

Phyrexian Headcanon

Personal headcanon that the stupid "signal lost" thing that killed all the invading phyrexians all over the planes was only for the newer phyrexians, while the older ones that we hear about and see from new phyrexia and other places (malcator, and other named pholks specifically) were perfectly fine, possibly on other planes, or just doin their own thing still on phyrexia

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

New Phyrexia disturbed me - and not how it should have

This is going to be a VERY opinion-heavy post. Before I say anything, I want to make it abundantly clear that I am not condemning the entirety of the New Phyrexia arc, nor am I saying that the people who wrote these stories meant for them to be taken this way. This is just a post getting into why the New Phyrexia arc rubbed me the wrong way again and again, and why it's... kind of ruined my love for Magic, if I'm completely honest.

Also, yes, I understand that New Phyrexia was meant to horrify and unsettle people - but I feel like it unsettled me in ways that they kind of weren't going for. I expect horror to unsettle me and show me some fucked up shit, for lack of a better terminology - but I also was expecting, in the fantasy/scifi horror shit, I'd get some stuff that didn't feel like it hit so close to home.

More under the cut.

First of all, it has always felt as if Magic can never quite decide if Phyrexians are people or monsters. This is worsened in New Phyrexia, where time and time again, we are given reason to think that New Phyrexians are people that are simply heavily indoctrinated from birth. Yes, the glistening oil works in strange ways, and they have somewhat of shared knowledge amongst their entire network, but by and large, you see time and time again, that Phyrexians have individuality. This seems intentional - you are shown from the start that Elesh Norn is an egomaniac, a fool, and that her plans of grandeur are insane. But her insanity shapes this world.

In that way, everyone in this world are... mostly actually victims of her insanity. Ixhel and Urabrask on New Capenna stand out as examples of times where Phyrexians show that they are not the heartless monsters they are made out to be. In Urabrask's first cards, he claims that he wishes the Mirrans to be left alone.

Yet, in ONE, we see time and time again that red Phyrexians and Mirrans are fighting still, Urabrask doesn't seem to be paying that much attention to the Phyrexians, and... frankly, I don't know what the Halo subplot was supposed to be about (forgive me, if this was addressed in passing, I only skimmed the latter half of MOM to see what big things happened, because i was so upset with it at that point I didn't really WANT to read it anymore). Yes, I have read the creators saying time and time again that just because Urabrask doesn't say outright he wants the multiverse compleated, it doesn't mean it's not what he wants, deep down. However... this still harks back onto one idea.

Sapient creatures being born evil.

This is a trope that I LOATHE in fantasy/scifi to my core. I understand that Phyrexians, for all intents and purposes, are created in a monstrous fashion. They are not created in a similar way to people. However, in the end, they still ACT LIKE PEOPLE. They have individuality, free will (yes, even if it is limited by the strict theocratic control of Norn, they still have it - how did Ixhel create, otherwise? How did Sheoldred rebel? Why did Nahiri snap at Nissa to show the skyclaves? Why did Tamiyo freeze upon seeing children?), and whether you like it or not, this makes them people. They are extremely different people, and yes, their existence does present conflict - but they. are. still. people.

I understand how it may feel offensive to real people to call the (rightful) fear and concern towards Phyrexians to be racism, as I feel like that waters down the term. However... again, knowing that Phyrexians are largely a cult that has been severely indoctrinated by Elesh Norn... it becomes difficult not to feel bad for them, and as if they have all been written off simply because they have a terrible leader. It comes across, to me, as another case of fantasy racism; similar to orcs being portrayed as idiot, warmongering beasts in some settings, or goblins being portrayed as stupid people little better respected than animals (and full of antisemitic stereotypes), just with less baggage attached.

It comes across as them having wanted to create a sapient race of people that was okay to bash and throw under the bus, so to speak. And yes, they gave plenty of reasons for why these people needed to go... but ultimately, it still feels like people went out of their way to create a civilization of people and show us justification for exterminating them.

I'm not trying to water down the term racism, but like... maybe I don't know the right words, but you understand why that might be uncomfortable, right?

Furthermore, at the start, I thought the transformative nature of Phyrexians was cool. Hot, even, as plenty others here on Tumblr think. Yes, I always sort of knew it was meant to be horrifying, too... but I also thought that the creators also were making them semi-alluring on purpose. (Look at Elesh Norn in promotional art. Look at her in the ONE trailer!! Look at the email they sent out for Arena on Valentine's Day, for god's sake!) But as time goes on... I start to get this uncomfortable feeling that this borderline sensual, sexual tension the Phyrexians produce is supposed to be PART of the horror.

And that's where things start getting uncomfortable for me. I am a transgender man. I don't know if I like sexualized, different people that transform themselves... being treated as horrible monsters that can't be coexisted with. I know plenty of trans people felt otherwise about Phyrexians; I understand this likely wasn't even the intention. BUT it still felt that way to me, for someone living in a country where trans people are getting more and more hunted on the daily.

Suddenly, it wasn't so fun anymore, to look at Elesh Norn and see her as heehoo sexy dommy mommy everyone joked at her being. It felt, to me at least, like she was a caricature of what I was. Of what people like me are. Monstrous. Out to destroy the world. Egomaniacs who want to force others down our same "lifestyle."

This is not helped by how Strixhaven, despite being an obvious play on Hogwarts & Harry Potter, came back into importance in MOM. They made a new Planeswalker from that plane, even! I loathe Strixhaven, and I was not at all pleased to learn that they have made it more important. The stories from the original Strixhaven set make me uncomfortable, too; Lukka arrives at a tavern and is asking for food, as he is not doing so well, and people comment on how he dresses strange, and when he (not rudely!) tells them they wouldn't know where he's from even if he told them, they react by SHOOTING FIREBALLS AT HIM.

These people saw a stranger. And decided the appropriate reaction was to shoot fireballs. (More on Lukka later, as I'm not done with him yet) but you understand how that might have also been deeply uncomfortable, right? Like yes, it did seem very intentional, to show how unkind the general populace of Arcavios can be... but there never seemed to be any point to that?? So it just came across as people hating a guy for dressing unconventionally for ""flavor"" to the very-obviously-based-on-TERF-school set. Which. WHY?

I also was not blind to how most of the compleated Planeswalkers were the nonhuman ones. Barring Lukka and Jace, every compleated Planeswalker was nonhuman, which I think... was done purposefully, because nonhumans are viewed as inherently more "monstrous" to our primal little monkey brains. (I don't think it was coincidence; there are PLENTY of human planeswalkers, to the point the majority could have easily not been human.) But this makes me uncomfortable too, because it feels like it, again, not only implies that Phyrexians are not people and are monsters (even though they had been given traits again and again that very firmly confirmed them as people), but that these nonhuman planeswalkers are inherently more monstrous, too.

Ajani - leonin. Tamiyo - moonfolk. Tibalt - (half) devil. Nissa - elf. Vraska - gorgon. Nahiri - kor.

And of the human Planeswalkers compleated, they chose Lukka and Jace. Jace, who has had a steep history of being viewed as less than human and little more than a tool (even sometimes by himself, as much as he hates it), and Lukka, who was also viewed as less than human by the society he came from, and was essentially labeled a sick dog to be shot on sight by his home city. (But more on him and why I particularly hate what was done with him later.)

And like... I'm not saying that corruption arcs or that transformation horror can't be done in a tasteful way!! It just started to feel like, as time went on, that this stuff was... malicious. I already was uncomfortable with how Phyrexians were seemingly being set up to be offed or taken out the picture completely (for there being no feasible way for them to coexist in the multiverse), so maybe I was looking for flaws, even where most wouldn't see them. But, I mean.. it just... Idk man. That part, too, gets under my skin.

And Lukka. LUKKA. I loathe what has been done to his character like none other. It is frequent fan interpretation that Lukka is stupid, Lukka deserves everything that has happened to him, and that it's a good thing he is gone. However, having read everything he has ever appeared in, I am so infuriated that even the creators THEMSELVES seemed to have bought into this idea.

For those that don't know, Lukka first appeared in Ikoria: Lair of Behemoths - Sundered Bond, a digital novella. He was born and raised in Drannith, a heavily militarized city, one of three so-called "sanctuaries" that have actually managed to stay around on Ikoria. Ikoria is a world of kaiju-esque mutated, crazy monster animals, and he was raised in propaganda by Drannith's military, the Coppercoats. He is 40+ years old when we meet him; he has served the Coppercoats for half of that, and then another 2 years or so as Captain of a Specials force team. You see, through him, that he's actually a very caring leader and a rather simple guy: he is betrothed to Jirina Kudro, the daughter of General Kudro, leader of the Coppercoats, and his concerns seem to only be getting his team back home in one piece and getting quality time with his wife. He's not perfect, he's rough around the edges, would probably be an asshole to hang out with in real life, but it FITS for the world he comes from.

And then, he accidentally bonds with a winged cat that slaughters 3/4 of his team in front of him, within minutes of each other. General Kudro has kept the bonding magic Lukka experienced a secret from Drannith populace. He believes it makes Lukka "sick." (Need I explain why a leader referring to a group of people as inherently 'sick' is bad??) Even Jirina, for as much as she apparently loves her father, so emphatically believes her father will kill Lukka for this that she helps him escape! the city!!!

To recap, Lukka has his entire world upended from beneath his feet in the course of like, a day. He becomes the public enemy of the city he has defended with his life for years. In his eyes, it is us (the humans of Ikoria) versus them (the monsters of the plane). This is how he has been raised and trained; he did not choose the bonding and is (rightfully!) upset and horrified at it (ONE was incorrect when it said he "always knew he was different;" lukka made no such acknowledgments in Sundered Bond, that was an invention of ONE). He later then meets Vivien, who tells him how her home plane was DESTROYED (um??? Vivien? Why would you tell a man whose life is going to shit about that??) which makes Lukka vow to himself that he will not lose his home.

Later in the story, Lukka learns of a presence in a particular crystal called the Ozolith, and he goes to it. There, for reasons that would take too long to explain, a three-way battle ensues, and an unknown Planeswalker reaches out to Lukka through the Ozolith. The Planeswalker shows Lukka one of the bonders he has met along the way getting killed by a skysail's bolt meant to kill monsters and it is only then that Lukka accepts the power of the Ozolith.

Anyway, saying all this to say... Lukka is a villain, yes. But contrary to popular belief, he is NOT stupid. He is just as smart as anyone would be in the situation he was put into, coming from the world he comes from. He wanted, again and again and again, nothing more than to just go home. He even tried to spin his bonding into a way that Drannith could defend itself, by telling Kudro they should use monsters instead of peoples' lives (but Kudro wasn't hearing it; and the kicker? Drannith would go on to use bonders & monsters to protect the city anyway, after Lukka had been run off the world).

Lukka had a SHIT deck of cards handed to him in Ikoria, and he - REASONABLY - lashed out. It was just that when he lashed out, he had the power of a Planeswalker manipulating him, whispering in his ear, and the power to actually make people listen. He believed his choices were come home and die like a good soldier, or force them to let him come home. Maybe other people fault him for that, but I don't fault him for choosing to live, even if doing so caused much violence and bloodshed.

But yes, he was still a villain, and in Strixhaven, he was relegated to villain again, when people once again presume him to be an Oriq - which he doesn't even know what that is - and finally, he simply decides that if everyone keeps calling him one, he might as well be one. This comes after nearly starving to death and having his new bond, Mila, save his life. Had someone from Strixhaven maybe, I don't know, taken pity on this very clearly struggling guy.... I don't know! I feel like his role in Strixhaven really never would have happened. THE GUY LITERALLY JUST WANTED FOOD AND WATER. I cannot emphasize that enough

Anyway, saying this all to say, Lukka's arc felt like it was headed toward a redemption of some kind. He had been given a raw deal, reacted very humanly but very poorly, and now, the only way he had to go was up.

Instead, we got Vivien shooting him dead. Calling him "lukka-thing." We got Vivien saying nothing as she faces down the man she called a friend and seemingly felt bad for by the end of Sundered Bond and killing him.

As someone from a country that is VERY obviously careening toward more VERY conservative bullshit... THAT PLOT DID NOT SIT WELL WITH ME. It felt VERY MUCH like I was being told "if you are born into shit circumstances or bad things are done to you, and you don't sit there and take it, you will be punished for not simply taking it. And that punishment may very well be death."

I especially did not care for how Jirina seemed to be veering into her father's mindset in the story in MOM. And yes, she was called out for this, but the story also seemed to be trying to lean into this "survival, no matter the cost" vibe, which seemed like it was subtly justifying what she did, since it DID technically work in the end. Vivien's emo ass "but survival is the only law out here now" or w/e it was she said to herself as she killed Lukka definitely didn't help that feeling, either.

It upset me very much to see a character born into a shitty society, given raw deal after raw deal, and then be told that he deserved to die instead of get help. Or worse, that dying WAS getting help. It was "putting him out of his misery." He was "irreversibly changed," and "didn't know better anymore," he "couldn't be helped." That, combined with how compleation started to feel like a very negative allegory for transgender people after a point to me (see near the beginning of this), made Lukka's death feel like rapidfire punch after rapidfire punch to the gut.

AND NOT IN THE WAY THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN! I would have loved to see Vivien upset that she can't get to apologize. I would have loved to see Vivien agonizing over the decision to kill him. I would have loved her maybe showing some more REMORSE over having to do it, even if she did feel it was the only way forward. We have seen that New Phyrexians, especially compleated Planeswalkers, are still themselves, even while compleated, so the fact Lukka had nothing to say to her either felt hollow, too. He thought she was his friend and she turned on him; why didn't he have anything to say about that?

Urabrask being pulled apart at the limbs, then, felt like the final message to me: New Phyrexians are not people, they are monsters, end of discussion. They are not making it out of this. Stop asking/talking about it.

Suffice to say, by the time I got to the story of Elspeth becoming an archangel, everything felt hollow and gross for me. I've seen the promo art of Aftermath showing Nahiri and Nissa at least recovered; I get the feeling most of them, bar Tamiyo, Tibalt, and Lukka, probably have recovered or will recover.

But, frankly, I don't think I'm very invested anymore. New Phyrexia felt like it crossed a lot of lines, and not in the way that I would have appreciated horror to do so. It hit on a lot of sensitive subjects that made it rather difficult to enjoy as mere entertainment. Maybe I am just oversensitive, due to the day and age I am living in, due to the fact I am deeply unhappy with the fact I am forced to live closeted irl and feel hypervigilant of all slights, but it felt very gross to me.

Lukka's death in particular just... sealed the deal for me. I know he wasn't a big deal. Maybe he was always intended to just be a villain that gets killed off. But it's not even necessarily about him, in particular, it was about what his death represented. It was about how he was a product of propaganda and hatred, and how he was never given a chance to be better. it's about how I was told that death was the only way forward for him.

Maybe when I was 12 I would have liked that, but I'm over my obsession with the 'death is the only salvation.' SO MUCH MEDIA uses this trope, and frankly, I'm fucking sick of it.

I want to see people, even some of the most depraved fucking people you can imagine, getting better. I want to see that people can change and recognize the error in their ways. I'm tired of being told to look and see "us vs. them."

I'm not saying that you can't have conflict. But I am saying that if you're going to have conflict of this scale, I would prefer it to be solved in ways that don't essentially boil down to "kill/put away the Them."

Because that fucking blows.

If you've made it this far, I am grateful, but again, please keep in mind that this is the ramblings of a deeply mentally unwell ADHD-addled 22 year old (who is not on and cannot get Adderall right now). Emotional dysregulation IS a big problem I deal with, and the world I live in right now fucking sucks. If you're reading this going "oh my godd, let people enjoy things, you crybaby" then please just... move on? Because I'm not trying to tell people not to enjoy it, quite the contrary I WISH these things didn't bother me so much because I JUST got into Magic, and I would love to keep enjoying it! And Im happy for you if you have tolerance/could enjoy it through these things!

I'm just... sad. I'm very, very disappointed in this story. It was pretty, it was flashy, people clearly put in effort, but it felt like a low blow, all things considered, and worse, it touches literally all aspects of canon and cannot be safely disregarded. Much like War of the Spark, it affects almost everything, and will for a while yet.

[mirakurutaimu]

Opinion on Ral Zarek now being an Otter in both meanings of the word?

rant time i talked about this on Twitter a bit yesterday but it's so fucking stupid. like it's kinda cute that Bloomburrow has the kingdom hearts lion king world "if you go here you're an animal while you're here" thing, but also the only thing we were really told about Bloomburrow leading up to it was "there will be no humans on the plane". so we're all like oh shit, cool, sounds like it's gonna be its own unique thing without a bunch of Dudes You Know in it since there's no humans in it, right? we can finally escape the cycle of banal, tropey sets that are mostly just "Characters From Magic's History Dress Up In Costumes" (MKM, Cowpokez, NEO, Capenna) but nope. of course not. if you planeswalk/omenpath to bloomburrow, you turn into a furry! now watch them sell secret lair packs of fur-tfed planeswalkers, because of course every set needs to be a vehicle for a bunch of stupid gimmicky Products™️ they can sell to gamers with extremely loose wallets

oh, yeah, and alongside this announcement was that they're cutting off printing of portuguese cards. it's not the Biggest deal since I've heard firsthand in non-English speaking countries that they usually just end up using the English cards anyways (gee I wonder if this has anything to do with the globalization of American culture lol no problems there). but they only decided to cut off the printing of portuguese (and simplified chinese) cards because they're facing a 2% drop in profits this year... because of all the stupid royalty fees they're paying on their dumbass Universes Beyond crossover bullshit lol

i've loved Magic since i started playing in high school, but as of late that love has been waning a good bit. the game is so bogged down by corporate product shilling bullshit. every card needs 900 alternate arts. 900 alternate borders. every set needs a hideous alternate card treatment. every set needs 56 different kinds of booster packs. no more Block-format releases, no more core sets, just products, products, products, products.

i used to be a big fan of Commander/EDH, but ever since it really caught on and Wizards/Hasbro decided "well, this is the most popular gamemode, we now need to design the entire game around it" and it kinda completely ruined commander imo. what was once a gamemode about running weird, niche interactions and building something with a unique flavor or playstyle now boils down to "well, just pick one of the 92849634796782435678 legendary creatures they've been printing for the past few years and run all these extremely pushed commander staples they keep printing" and it just ain't fun anymore. gotta sit down at the table and look at entire Doctor Who decks and Transformers cards and Tomb Raider cards and etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. Commander tables are just fucking billboards now lmao

it's very clear WOTC/Hasbro has no idea what to do now that they did the Giant Multiverse-Ending Threat of the Phyrexians in All Will Be One. much like the marvel movie franchise which MTG has been so emulating for years now (AND HAS EVEN SIGNED A FUCKING CROSSOVER DEAL WITH AS OF LAST YEAR, SEE YOU IN 2025 THANOS COMMANDER DECK), we're at the period where they're just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks, twiddling their thumbs with these boring, tropey sets, all the while drowning players in a deluge of alternate arts, secret lairs, crossovers, etc. a common complaint among magic's playerbase is that nowadays they're literally selling too much shit. preview/teasers season for one set will immediately be followed by previews and teasers for another set. there's no time for anything to breathe it's just buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy.

anyways stop giving hasbro money, print proxies and play magic for free :)

[dude1818]

Saw the D&D movie this afternoon. First time I've been to the theater since Detective Pikachu, I think, which is somewhat appropriate (Justice Smith was again fantastic)

It was a pretty decent movie. The main plot (a heist, the core competency of the game) was solid, with a nice amount of twists and turns. The secret bad guy didn't get much development beyond evil for evil's sake, but the rest of the characters felt like they had good depth. There was a chance for them to turn the found family at the end into forced romantic pairings, and I'm glad they respected the characters' histories and didn't do that

Visually, it was hit or miss. I liked that they used practical effects for the "exotic" humanoid races, and they looked terrible in the best way. (The aarakocra looked like a guy in a chicken suit and I loved it.) The CGI for the spells and monsters sometimes worked and sometimes looked terrible. The displacer beast was incredible, though

Unfortunately the movie suffered from the Marvelification of modern cinema. It felt a lot like a knock-off Avengers movie. The characters spoke almost entirely in quips (but when they didn't, the dialogue was really good and could still be funny). A lot of the visual gags felt recycled from the MCU; Doric taking down the boss was shot-for-shot the Hulk vs Loki scene at the end of the Avengers. That was disappointing, but not surprising given what else WotC is doing. gestures broadly at the recent Phyrexian arc

People were expecting this movie to be terrible at first, and it's not that bad. It was legitimately cool recognizing aspects of the game during the story (the spells, the monsters, the stupid floor tile puzzle). I just wish it was a little more earnest and wasn't trying to ape Marvel so much

[planeswalker-umbral]

We may give WotC shit for some of their decisions here, but if the fans were in charge of the MTG Story, Timmy would have written a Compleated Bolas who is half Eldrazi merge with Yawgmoth to murder everyone cause of how awesome he is and alao he kills the Warhammer 40k Space Marines because he is that strong.

Like if I have to read ONE MORE PERSON SUGGESTING PHYREXIAN ELDRAZI I am going to scream.

Cthulhu is a scary world ending threat. The Borg is a scary world ending threat. Combining the two is just stupid and absurd. What are they going to do? Destroy the world twice as strong? To combine the phyrexians and the eldrazi misses the point and horror of either one. They are scary for different reasons.

The Eldrazi are scary because we do not and can not understand them (or at least they are supposed to be. Eldritch Moon is the only work that really played up on this and In The Teeth of Akoum and Battle For Zendikar Block kind of just treat them as vague bad guys who narratively could have been replaced with perturbed kittens and not changed much BUT THAT IS A DIFFERENT RANT). They are beings we cannot hope to understand. To the point the only apt comparison is to stuff like a hurricane, an earthquake, or other natural disaster as that is the only force we can compare it too; Large, destructive, can not be tricked or reasoned with.

The Phyrexians are scary because they are a disease and a twisted mockery of life. You can understand them. The obsession with perfecting something to the point that nothing is truly left of the original. The fact that YOU are deemed imperfect in their eyes and all of their sharp and jagged metal edges will ply you apart and rebuild you until you are like them. And even if you manage to survive fighting them, the smallest drop of their blood can spread their influence and ideology making escape seem impossible.

These are two different horrors and written two very different ways. Combining these ideas of the known and unknowable just worsens the writing of both.

[hypexion]

A Pile of Fanwalkers (Part 2)

Part two of me posting a bunch of “OCs“, since actually working out a better way to organise and present is this information is clearly too much effort. Despite the fact I’m putting what could be charitably described as an amount of work into these posts.

The basic format for each planeswalker will be a Name/Colour Identity/Pre-Ignition Typeline/Homeplane blob of information, a quickish description of them and some “fun“ facts, and then some hits and misses for extra flavour. Also, I’m going to split this into three posts - “Heroic“, “Okay“ and “Villians“, for I believe I have the moral authority to judge my creations.

Also some of these are going to be from fanplanes, which will go undescribed beyond whatever tidbits come out the character flavour. Others will just have a ?, representing a lack of knowledge and/or sufficent worldbuilding. With that out of the way, let’s go!

Okay

Not everyone is actively Heroic, and that’s okay. Generally, this lot might not want to help you out, but they’re unlikely to ruin your day just for the sake of it. Of course, some might offer to help if their skills are a match for the situation, or if they stand to benefit. And some of them might be a little rude, but they generally won’t murder you.

Ferroxi - BGU, Faerie Artificer, ? - While other fae are luring you around in circles, trapping you in an eternal sleep, or stealing your name, Ferroxi is probably rummaging through your recycling looking for useful stuff. Born on a plane piled with interplanar scrap, she learned at a young age the value in taking things apart and occationally putting them back together again. Ferroxi sees the wastefulness of other planes as her gain, and is always on the look out for anything that can be fixed up, melted down or repurposed. This doesn’t stop at the physical, either. With a bit of work, she’s managed to keep a few Infinite Consortium cells spinning, as a way to provided access to resources she’d otherwise have trouble obtaining. Ultimately, Ferroxi brings her finds back to her clan, where she is considered a peerless salvager, able to seemingly conjure resources from nothing.

Ferroxi has hair she self-describes as “rust coloured“ and brown skin. Being a Faerie, she’s just over a foot tall. But don’t underestimate her. Just because her weapon of choice looks like a sewing needle, it doesn’t mean it can’t hurt you. Of course, she also has access to all the various fae tricks, so getting into a fight with her is generally going to end her favour. Just let Ferroxi have your old lightbulbs, okay? When she planeswalkers, she disappears into a puff of rust dust. Don’t breath that! (Generally you shouldn’t breath planeswalking auras, but the metal oxides to be especially avoided.)

Hits: Recycling, Izzet technology, Moxen, white and gold bordered cards. Misses: Izzet security, large animals, things that can’t be repaired or reused.

Mazamat - UB, Human Wizard, Akkyria - For Mazamat, death is merely a setback. After each defeat she rises again, a new body forged from mana in her ziggurat. As a mortal scholar, her fame was not enough to enjoy the immortality Akkyria offered it’s most renowned. So through careful research, she discovered an alternative, a way to tie her life force to the leylines that shaped her world. She divised a ritual, and performed it to perfection. And in seeking eternal life, she found something far greater. For Mazamat was born long before The Mending. Her ignition gave her powers beyond bound. Even with a fractional of her strength sequestered as an anchor for her soul, Mazamat was a force to be reckoned with. She mastered lifetimes of magics, slew gods, and accidentally created a few highly dangerous artifacts. Unfortunately, even without meeting Urza, Mazamat was affect by his ruinous influence. The Mending weakened her. Enough that it was now the majority of her strength that anchored her to Akkyria. This made planewalking fatal. But for Mazamat, death is merely a setback. No Lich forgets their Phylactery, and Mazamat did not forget the mechanics of her undeath. While the first sucessful test walk only worked because of the Interplanar Beacon, it provided Mazamat all she needed to write a new ritual, and continue her endless study.

Often, Mazamat isn’t hard to miss. It’s difficult to ignore the walking corpse with glowing purple eyes, even you’d prefer to. She could put more effort into looking presentable, given her wide magical knowledge, but generally considers it optional. When she does wish to tidy up her appearance, she tends to appear as she did in the middle of her mortal life. In this case, she has brown skin and grey-black hair, which she ties back into a bun to get it out of the way. She also dampens the eye-glow effect, although they still take on a purple hue. Mazamat tends to dress in the classical “Robed Wizard“ look, ardorned with various magical symbols. Mazamat’s planeswalking effet is a pulse of pale blue light, occationally leaving behind short-lived inscriptions on nearby surfaces.

Hits: Mastering skills, advising adventurers (who bring the appropriate tribute), a kind of savory cake served with honey and dried fruits. Misses: Dying (it’s still not fun, even if you come back), Nicol Bolas, Urza, whoever started the rumor that flying snakes could be found near her ziggurat, because now she can’t get rid of the things, being stuck on a plane.

Pyrolas - R, Dragon, Ithmorne - Many planeswalkers are subtle. Many are careful. Pyrolas is neither, because Pyrolas is a red dragon. When presented with a problem, they consider fire and fury to be an acceptable solution. As dragons go, Pyrolas is considered implusive and quick to act. This is good for the non-dragons living with their domain, as it means Pyrolas tends to deal with problems such as bandits within a week. Meaning you might actually have a home to go back to. Pyrolas is also less than interested in the ever-shifting politics of the Draconic Confedracy, prefering to get their excitement from visting other planes, or comissioning sweet new artworks. Like many dragons on their homeplane, Pyrolas graciously allows non-dragons to use the singular they when referring to them. This is nice, because in Ithmorne Draconic, pronouns are also honorifics, and using the wrong one can range from “slightly rude“ to “mortal insult“ (it’s also nice because some of them are very hard to pronounce if you aren’t a dragon).

Dragons on Ithmorne tend towards being more slender, and Pyrolas is no exception. However, unlike a certain dragon whose name has been misplaced, they all still look dragony. Pyrolas has red scales, except on the underside of their wings, where they are a more goldish colour. Since they’re a dragon, they don’t carry weapons. Rather, Pyrolas is the weapon, capable of spewing flame, clawing rocks to pieces and able to crush puny humanoids in their grasp. Thankfully, Pyrolas is a kind of “take it easy“ dragon, so you need to try pretty hard to provoke them. When they planeswalk, flames pour from their mouth and engulf them, followed by Pyrolas disappearing. This takes a little while, so they tend to do it while flying out of the way of danger.

Hits: Flying around, treasure, the fine arts, hosting tournements. Misses: Really cold places, dragon slayers, missing out on the chance to claw Bolas in his stupid dumb face, that time they went to Ixalan.

Tanzor - GUR, Shapeshifter, ? - Do you ever wonder how the multiverse fits together? Tanzor does, and they've embarked on the most ambitious planar cartography projection in the multiverse to work it out. Of course, along the way, they’ve picked up a number of other projects. These include subjects such as planar topology, monitoring aether currents, and tracking planes that have been inflicted by Phyrexians (thanks, Karn). Most recently, Tanzor has been investigating the aftershocks from the deaths of Kozilek and Ulamog, and the appearance of temporal anomalies around Tarkir. And with the possibility of more Planar Bridges being constructed, they could soon have a whole new set of issues on their hands. Or claws. Or tentacles. When you’re a changeling, it’s sometimes hard to keep track. When in doubt, check what the person you’re reflexively copying has. (When in a group of three or more people, Tanzor generally exerts concious control over their shapeshifting, as not to freak people out).

Describing Tanzor’s physical appearance is difficult, since as a changeling, it tends to shift around a lot. When changing form, it appears that their underlying changeling colour is dark blue, however. For simplicity, let’s just say they’re friend-shaped. When Tanzor planeswalkers, their form dissippates, and they appear to collapse into a single point.

Hits: Being able to be anything, wings/fins/toxins on demand, high vantage points, advanced eyeball techniques. Misses: Being asked why they can’t shapeshift into a form that isn’t injured, Phyrexians, whoever was the latest one to screw up the multiverse (currently: Bolas, previously: Gatewatch, Ugin/Sarkhan, and others).

Xand - BR, Human Rogue, Ravnica - Xand likes to introduce himself as a cultist of wealth and taste. Which is not entirely inaccurate. He’s a member of the Cult of Rakdos, he’s got money to burn, and he’s very concerned about food. But don’t mistake Xand for some regular glutton, looking to gorge on endless plates of substandard junk. Xand has standards. Out of a dozen recipes, even after days of refinement, only a few will make it to the menu of his bar - which is an unusually “classy“ environment for a Rakdos run business. Sure, you won’t find any Azorius, Selesnya or Ozhov patrons there, and higher ranked guild members tend to avoid the it, but it’s a decent place to grab a meal or a drink. And for the fancier members of Ravnican society, there’s always Café Xand, which features table cloths, a wine list and a krasis of the day. And with the countless flavours of the multiverse available to him, Xand is always looking to expand the menu.

Xand has pale brown skin and shoulder-length black hair. Like any self-respecting Rakdos cultist, he dresses in loud, colourful robes, often patched together from previous robes that didn’t survive whatever manic Rakdos event Xand was last at. He also has a surprisingly well kept set of chef’s clothing, as likes to ensure only the right ingredients get used when he’s cooking. For personal defense (and offense), Xand carries knives. Lots of knives. Too many knives, perhaps, even when you factor in his excuse that “you never know when you might need to cut a cake, or dice some vegetables”.  He’s also pretty good at using Rakdos “hype magic” to disorient his foes, since it turns out that feeling a bunch of conflicting emotions at once is really distracting. When he planewalks, Xand disappears in a burst of dark flame, which leaves a pleasant, yet unidentifiable scent.

Hits: Good food, fine wine, various parties, visiting Valor’s Reach. Misses: Canibbalism, bar fights in his bar, Orzhov insurance rates, not being able to get the right spices, people calling him Alexander.

Look at all these nice...ish people. None of them would be into Gatewatching, but they’re also not making things worse. Tanzor might be willing to help out if they’re in the right place, and if you can appeal to her self-interest, Mazamat might teach you something useful. But with the others, their self-interest is probably going to overcome their altruism most of the time. Of course, the multiverse also has some rather more... antagonistic planewalkers, but that’s for next time.

[bub-the-voidling]

Custom Card Competition wk 17: Madness

(This is a post about a private Card Brewing competition. Entries were not open to the public)

This week, we’ve all collectively lost our minds and constructed our own interpretations of that madness!

In case you didn’t understand that, we’re making madness cards this week :P Think [Basking Rootwalla], [Basking Rootwalla], or maybe even [Falkenrath Gorger]. Without further ado, I’m Sami, I like [Guild Summit] [Forbid] control and this is week 17 of the custom card competition!

This is just to keep you from peeping when I link the write up, I’ll come up with a better way to do this.

Anyway! Card time!

Starting off the competition we have a brave soul, someone who dares delving into the scariest and deepest depths of a mad mind. A horrifying little line of text included that makes everyone quiver in fear. “at random.” Funny how much we fear that.

So, what do I have to say about it? This is one of the rare occasions where it’s handled actually well. I will complain about the card in just a minute, but please understand how impressive that little feat is. Someone made a card that randomly sacrifices and discards cards and did it well. That is worthy of praise.

Now, why if I like this card so much is it the first card and obviously not the winner? Because this is a madness competition, and while I agree that randomness is a mad thing what this does with madness is sadly lacking. It continues the card’s theme of making everyone sacrifice some sort of permanent but it kind of feels like it randomly chose planeswalkers and artifacts while adding an unfitting increased price.

What would I do then to improve this card? Actually, I have quite a bit of suggestions, the first one is that I would make the hard casting slightly weaker since it just seems better to hard cast it, it does a little bit of everything for cheaper. Land destruction, creature destruction, and the best kind of non-targeted discard. Maybe move one of them to the second part, like maybe the land destruction. You could also swap out the discard for the artifact, because no one wants to really pay extra to get to destroy someone’s artifacts. Second suggestion, keep the randomness for the madness cost. It’s a bit weird of a change at first, but maybe the card could be just the hard cast part, but once you madness it people lose the ability to choose. Third suggestion in case you don’t want to change the card because of the card identity is that you could simply reduce the cost of the madness part, because honestly it kind of stings paying 6 mana after discarding a card for just sacrifice one of everything.

Also making it just sac opponent’s stuff for madness could be another option, but hopefully you get my point. I really like it, but it’s not quite there.

7/10, someone get the oddly specific dice for our lands…

What’s with you guys and submitting things a week late? >:/ This isn’t equipment week!

Joking aside this is an interesting card. It’s a [Hellbent], or [Heckbent] as it now is madness support card. That’s also an equipment. Now this is one heck of a card, so what does it do? It makes YOU discard cards when your creature deals damage. Now I can’t remember who told me this, but the card really makes me think about the saying “Every downside has some upside.” I’m fairly certain it wasn’t worded that way, but the point is that we’re using this obvious disadvantage in our favor since we’re playing a [madness] deck.

Interesting to note is that it’s not combat damage it triggers on, it triggers on any damage. So, if we equip this on [some] sort of [pinger]. We have a discard on demand, but if you would equip it on one of those two examples they would be effectively turned off until you want to discard cards. Which you usually do since this is a discard card for a discard deck, but you don’t always want to discard. Even if you have cheap spells such as [Fiery Temper] or [Asylum Visitor] you sometimes run out of mana or have to spend said mana on other things.

So, what’s my take on this madness support card? Although I can’t help but to love the weird equipment with its strong downside that tells you, it doesn’t ask it tells you to build around it. As much as I admire that I sadly must admit that this might be over some line in “This is too weak.” I love weakness, I honestly think people usually try to make things too strong without appreciating that it’s okay if a card doesn’t do everything. It’s better that cards have weaknesses than just being all upside. [Technically] [these] [have] [weaknesses], [but] [really]? So why am I saying all of this? Why do I think this is too weak? Wasn’t weakness a good thing thirty seconds ago? Yes, but if the downside is too great you end up with a [Tibalt] instead of a [supreme card that is the pinnacle of card design].

What do I want from the card? Simple, some way to reward you for using the card. Now that might sound really stupid since you’re supposed to use the card to discard other cards, that’s the whole reason to use it! I mean yes, but there has to be some carrot to this stick. Otherwise I would much rather use [Key to the City] to discard for free at will and then get the chance to draw it back again. Or maybe [some] [discards] for 2 mana that literally gives you back new cards. Hell, if you want to go blue [Forbid] is pretty darn cool. The last example might not be too tempting since it costs a lot but hopefully you get my point. You are supposed to get something in return for discarding cards, otherwise you will not use this in favor of something that doesn’t turn off your creatures and gives you some sort of upside.

What can be changed for it? Now, if you’re still reading this just know that I might just be talking out of my ass and that everything you just read might’ve been bullshit. But I believe that to turn this into something great the reward could be something like giving stats once heck/hellbent. But talking with the creator they had a worry that the text would simply be too much, so I have a second suggestion. Remove this little bit “you control.” Now what the hecko does that do? Well, if you discard the mask and pay for it… You can equip an opponent’s creature. Remember the comment about turning off a creature? Oh what I would do to turn off the opponent’s creature~ It’s a minor tweak that has large ramifications. Now the card can be used as an offensive tool that makes the opponent ask “Is it worth blocking or attacking? I’ll discard these if I do…” and so on. That’s at least my take on it.

6/10, lovely idea, just not quite there. (Holy moly that was a wall of text.)

Originally, I wanted to have this card just before the winner because I like the card, but I wanted to talk more about it. But the last two are so ridiculously close that I don’t even know yet who will win. Well as I’m writing this, now that you’re reading this I’ve made up my mind.

Anyways! This seems like a simple card, no? A changed version of [Obsessive Search] which is good since just making better versions of cards is usually not too great. Unless we’re talking about a [Untamed Wilds] into [Rampant Growth] scenario. It’s not strictly better since you can’t cast it at all until you discard it (sorcery doesn’t mean anything). Although I like the idea of non-existent mana cards, the madness cost being absolutely free… It gnaws at me. Probably [breaks] [dredge] but I’m not too sure, dredge is a weird fellow xD But the problem with being a free discard is that it can go into any discard deck you want. If there’s enough [discard] then you can sure as hell just slam this one in to get some extra value, thin your deck or whatever you want. It’s free after all!

I’m going to break the pacing a little bit and throw over one of the ineligible cards here since it’s from the same person.

If you didn’t run away because you saw Phyrexian mana, twice. Let tell you why I think this card is slightly better designed. It’s [well] [known] that a redraw is worth 2 life. A card could just be printed at a blue Phyrexian mana and only say “Draw a card.” at instant speed and be balanced. It would even almost be objectively worse than [Street Wraith] since wraith can be a creature for 5 mana. Something is always better than nothing. That also goes for drawbacks, something is always better than nothing, paying 2 life (or 1 blue mana) to draw the madness card is more balanced than just getting the redraw for free. It kind of goes along the lines of why we don’t play Street Wraith in all our decks. We all know that having smaller decks (IE 56 instead of 60) is better, so having a draw that only costs life should be essentially free. But it’s not, because life matters, even if it’s a constant resource like Energy, in that it doesn’t go away after each phase. That 8 life or even just 2 life simply is not worth it. And same would kind of go for this card, you wouldn’t just slam it into any discard deck because you wanted a free redraw and free discard. You would have to put some thought into it. Even though I’d speculate this would still be really popular because of the madness tag on it.

Also, with this version sorcery actually matters and is fitting.

Anyway, the card you submitted, I like it. But I honestly wish you’d keep your original submission.

7/10 the Phyrexian version is like half a point better, and since math is math it would be 8/10.

The first entry I had this week, also one of the best, if not the best. Now what’s so special about this? Does it interact with madness in a new and interesting way? Does the madness trigger change how you play the game or even build a new deck around it? Kind of and not really. It does kind of interact with madness in a new way. But instead of making the madness on itself important, it applies it to all other madness cards.

So it’s a madness support card, and for the record I would’ve allowed it even if it didn’t have the madness tag for 3 mana. But now it can be cast earlier than T5 if you madness it. And the support it gives is exactly what you’d want in a fair madness deck. A reliable way to consistently get madness triggers. Yes it’s only at your upkeep, but worst case you get to loot deeper into your deck. Which your opponent also gets, not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, once you do cast a card for its madness cost the madness never ends and you draw another card and discard a card, hopefully continuing the chain of madness. Now this can probably get broken somehow if you’re comfortable with playing a 3-mana enchantment to chain this madness combo. But what you could also do is play [Madness Creatures] or a vampire tribal thanks to [Falkenrath Gorger] and just fairly cast 2-3 or more creatures at the beginning of your upkeep with the madness chains. And that’s what I really wish from this card, that idea is making me love the card. I have this thought that this is like [Experimental Frenzy] in limited. Strong and fair, but honestly it might be broken somehow. Maybe with storms.

10/10, really great entry. Only thing I didn’t like was that it made the opponent draw and discard as well. Might be faulty judgement on my part, but that’s honestly how I feel.

Fun little tidbit, the person who made this was originally not going to enter before they had drawn the artwork for the card, but they didn’t have time to finish it so I kind of forced them to enter without art. Sorry not sorry, this card is great.

This is exactly what I was hoping and looking forward to in this competition. A card that interacts with madness more than just being cast for madness, and this does it in a great way. Hard casting it, you have a worse [Merfolk Looter] as it has no power. And if you discard it and pay the flavorful red mana you might get it out for cheap, but its ability is swapped from looting to [Rummaging], the red version of going through your deck.

Seems well balanced as there’s some tradeoff for the discard effect rather than just making it a 1/1.

I don’t have a lot to say as this is exactly what I would ask from a looter/rummager with madness, even the cost is swapped for red as it should be as rummaging is a red ability, also a [mad ability].

I can’t even come up with anything I’d change, maybe the madness cost to 1R, but that’s probably not even needed. Unsurprisingly, this card is our winner 😊

10/10, we have a winner and he has protection from protection! Congratulations to Ape of Justice for winning this week’s custom card challenge!

I want to do a little update, but first let’s real quick show the ineligible entries this week.

First off we have the person who made the prompt’s card! And… wow, this is interesting. Madness X on a creature (plus BR). This is… quite awesome, if you want the creature and not go minus in cards you’re going to have to pay 4 mana for it and get a 4/3 plus looting 2. But then the other options are really interesting, 2 mana for a 4/3 haste flier where you also discard 2 cards, it could in the [dream] [scenario] work out quite well for you or maybe even be what you intend to do later on in the game to madness some more. But really late game you can even use this as some weird ass card draw spell. Like a [Braingeyser] but with a creature on top of it.

But sadly, the card is a bit too pushed with one little thing. The 1/1 creatures. I honestly think having the 1/1 makes the card do a bit too much, I’m not too big of a fan when cards do everything. You can’t have a reasonable creature, card draw, a large army with relevant creature types, and haste them all. It’s the reverse problem of the helmet card from before.

8/10, teach me the meaning of that word you- Oh wait you can read this. <//-//<

And last off this week we have…

A card you already know what I think of as I used it to compare one entry.

8/10, you know this already.

But this card brings up the point I was talking about earlier. Personally, I’m a slightly conflicted about the scoring system I’m currently using. I’m trying to get it as accurate as I perceive the cards but having flat numbers is kind of limiting. For example, the Tides of Insanity would’ve been 9.5 and the card above I would’ve given a 7.5, but because math works as it works it’s rounded up to 8. And if I would be allowed to go even wilder, I might’ve given it a 7.4 which would translate to a 7 in the current system. I know this all sounds like humbugs and you might not even really care. And that’s fine, in that case just go to the next prompt and good luck ^^ But if you’re still reading this, I want to hear your opinion. I want to know how you want my scoring system to continue, bellow this will be two links to two different polls, and I would like to ask you to please ask you to click ‘em and vote in them. Or just reach out to me and chat about the scoring system. It would help me out a lot.

[Poll 1]

[Poll 2]

Thanks for reading that little wall of text and thank you for being patient with this write up taking so long. Hopefully you guys and girls were enjoying the prerelease as well ^^ But without further ado, here’s the prompt that you already know!

Investor gadget! (Fuck you Ape, I’m keeping it.) We're flipflopping from being mad lads and lassies into being investigators! Make a card that revolves around the investigation mechanic. Examples of this are the one and only [Inspector Gadget!], [Tireless Tracker], [Confirm Suspicions], and since someone's going to ask, yes [Erdwal Illuminator].

Good luck everyone and have a wonderful week <3