#the gimmicks being 1. child 2. bakes and 3. child again

[lnlywar-god]

Fairy Lights on Winter Nights

e-eh?! ms. garu! why are you wearing a santa outfit?! what?! a christmas menu?!?

lnlywar-god presents ...

FAIRY LIGHTS ON WINTER NIGHTS

a 100 followers special menu !!

── EVENT DESCRIPTION :

a special christmas menu has been prepared by ms. garu, where you can request drinks and treats via asks along with a genshin character! there are three different sets of menus to pick from. one for non-sagau, another for sagau, and the final one being for a christmas themed sagau!

available in tall, grande, and bente, and hot and cold for selected products.

this serves as ms. garu's thanks for all your support and getting her to 100 followers! please enjoy!

── EVENT NOTES :

thank you again for 100 followers, i’m sorry this took quite a bit to come out. you guys get a little surprise on the christmas sagau prompts because seriously, no more angst guys. it’s only fluff this christmas and that’s my present to all of you :P enjoy, and feel free to send in asks for any questions about this event! 

── EVENT RULES :

Tall - headcanons (500 words minimum, 1.5k maximum)

Grande - oneshot (1k minimum, 2k maximum)

Bente - mini fic (2k minimum, 3.5k maximum)

Hot - fluff

Cold - angst

**SIZES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE DEPENDING ON MS. GARU'S MOOD

1. Please be guided by my guidelines.

Please follow my given guidelines in a normal request. You can find them in my pinned post OR here.

2. One character per ask!

You may make multiple asks for one character, but please make sure they are of different prompts. All prompts will be sfw.

3. Be clear with your request.

Please state which drink/treat you want to request, if you want it hot or cold (depending on the drink) and what size do you want it as? If ever you do pick cold, please make sure to state how much comfort you want. Also include if it's platonic or romantic!

I'm also willing to take any specific requests to include in the prompt (Ex. "Please include *insert generic Christmas pick-up line*") , I'd love to have a go at them.

4. Please be patient!

I write at my own pace (whatever that is, depends on a matter of things). I'm a person of my word, so rest assured, even if it takes quite a while, I'll get to your request.

THIS SPECIAL MENU LASTS FROM DECEMBER 4, 12 a.m. TO JANUARY 6,5 p.m. GMT+8. Prompts will be under the cut. (ENDED) 

masterlist 

──────── PASTRIES

**AVAILABLE HOT AND COLD, ONLY IN GRANDE AND BENTE, NOT SAGAU

Chocolate Crepe Cake - "Secret Santa"

Purple Yummy Cake - "A Home Far Away"

Holiday Croissant Bun - "Around the Hearth"

Matcha Cherry Cheesecake - "Tiptoe Under the Mistletoe"

Ham and Cheese Pinwheel - "Christmas Sweetheart"

──────── DRINKS

**AVAILABLE HOT AND COLD, ALL SIZES, SAGAU

Toffee Nut Crunch Brew - "Sweet Divine Whispers" (confidant)

Cookie Butter Blend - "Like a Child Again" (leisure)

Merry Berry Choco Frappe - "Sugar and Everything Nice" (sweet gifts)

Caramel Brulee Latte - "Burning Sweet" (crackhead moments)

Toasted White Chocolate Mocha - "Warm Embrace" (comfort)

──────── HOLIDAY SPECIALS

**ONLY SERVED HOT, ALL SIZES, SAGAU

White Christmas Peppermint Latte - "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" (christmas preparations)

Confetti Cookie Latte - "Flavors of Christmas" (baking with them)

Santa Claus Frappuccino - "Out for a Sleigh Ride" (joy rides)

Gingerbread Latte - "Gingerbread Man with his Little Candy Cane"(christmas gimmicks)

Pumpkin Spice Latte - "Let it snow, Let it snow" (christmas inside the house with them)

Winter Dream Tea Latte - Walking in a Winter Wonderland (strolls in the snow)

Cinnamon Shortbread Cookie Latte - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (aftermath of all the celebrations)

[nautilusopus]

I wrote a whole fucking review for Pokemon Shield but google ate it so I'm putting it up here and making it longer.

Pokemon SwSh is bright and shiny, but has many small systemic problems that ultimately pile up into a larger Not Fun whole. I know the easy criticism is to bring up Dexit, which I'm not happy about for a variety of reasons, but I still think they could've made a fun game in spite of that. Instead I'm going to bring up other problems the game has in the hope of having some of the game's other issues actually recognised before fans and critics alike fall into the same trap that I did. Dexit is honestly just the tip of the iceberg.

First, the good:

Trainer customisation has improved, and I'm always a sucker for the little things. Clothes are affordable once more AND come in a variety of designs, something I felt was a problem with Gen 7, and the player character model actually has facial expressions. This makes the world just a bit more fun to interact with when you're no longer a blankly-staring robot child. I often find myself spinning/doing the Leon pose just for fun because it’s nice to watch your character do something quirky and expressive like that, in the same way people are endeared to Wind Waker or BOTW Link more than Twilight Princess or Majora’s Mask Link despite both of them ostensibly being blank slates.

The curry minigame is fun even if I don’t quite understand how fanning works yet (and also another opportunity to see said facial expressions). Just a tad heartbroken I can’t import my team from previous games to play with them in camp. 

Marnie's a neat concept for a rival, and one that I've personally wanted to see in the Pokemon series for a while. I'll avoid speaking about it too much for spoiler reasons, but I think most people will wind up liking her as well.

The game looks nice. Not like, astounding or anything, but the cities and towns have a lot of atmosphere baked into their design.

Lotta bangers in the soundtrack, and the presentation of gym battles as a World Cup-esque deal, complete with hyped up audience, brings a fresh, exciting take to the Pokemon League. I like the way the music changes as the battle progresses, and enjoy the little in-universe details, like the champion walking around with all his sponsors on his uniform. 

WOOLOO

MY BOY TOBY FOX OUT HERE DOING GOD’S WORK, THIS SHIT SLAPS BEST TRACK 10000/10

Now for the bad:

The game feels very small and unfinished. It constantly implies cool things are happening in the background, but you never get to participate yourself, or even see them. The closest you get is your rival showing up with a news article explaining that a fun thing happened and was resolved in the time it took you to walk 100 feet. It makes the main questline feel flat and tedious, and something tells me maybe we were supposed to get to participate in literally anything, but there just wasn't time and they had to get the game out for the holiday season.

This pairs very badly with the second thing, which is that there really isn't very much to do in Pokemon SwSh. Most of what you wind up doing is backtracking. The Wilds are a neat idea in theory, but in execution they're kind of the worst part of the game. They're also, unfortunately, the biggest. It feels like there's really only two areas in the entire game -- the empty cities/towns with nothing really in them, and the giant, open-world-esque Wilds. 

The Wilds themselves are nothing to write home about. Pokemon catching is gated off by level, but all areas of the wilds are available simultaneously. This means if you care about filling out the dex, you'll find yourself constantly walking back and forth between town and the same areas of the Wilds you've already been to, checking things off a list. There's less a sense of exploration, and more just a sense of wandering in circles occasionally checking the weather. And if you DON'T care about the dex, then there's literally no reason for you to constantly return to this gigantic, lovingly-modeled wasteland ever again, making the game feel even smaller as you hop from empty town to empty town, and there’s even less for you to do as a result.

The game is piss-easy, even for a Pokemon title. EXP share is always on because this game shares the same engine as Pokemon Let's Go, meaning you will be disgustingly overlevelled if you make the mistake of exploring the Wilds in between gyms the way I did, and remain that way for the entire game. I found myself throwing the fight against Opal a little bit just to hear all her dialogue. Otherwise you just oneshot everyone and everything, and all the fights start to feel samey very quickly. 

Also, barren postgame. Like 30 minutes tops.

Maybe I’m a fool for expecting writing from a Pokemon game, but after Lillie from Sumo/USUM I went and got my hopes up, and Hop absolutely does not deliver. I don’t hate him like some do (Hugh is still absolutely the most annoying rival and no one will ever unseat him), but he just feels like many many missed opportunities. He feels extra redundant given Marnie’s presence on top of that. 

Bad Pokemon designs. This one’s a personal gripe so it’s at the bottom of the list, but I feel like it’s still worth mentioning that I abandoned the shit out of my starter and am left with nothing to replace it with. Greedent is now my new least favourite Pokemon ever. Fuckin FNAF-ass lookin motherfucker.

As sort of a smoking gun exemplifying my point, I have 53 Revives just from wandering around in the Wilds forever. And I have 3 Hyper Potions in my entire bag and no other healing items, because the game has given me no reason to go back into town and buy anything because there’s nothing in the towns, and it’s never required me to heal because there’s really no significant battles to have either, in the story, or ones you would seek out for your own reasons. 

On a personal note, I’m 7 badges into this mess and I still haven’t finalised my team because I can’t even find 6 designs I like that also result in at least a somewhat decent type coverage (or at least flashy variety of colour). To those of you that know me and my True 100% Run, that’s fucking unheard of for me. 

Overall, disappointed. It's not terrible, but given how robust every other mainline title was, this is a big downgrade. Not worth $60. I've played more fleshed-out romhacks. This game reminds me more of Coliseum/XD than Gen 8's big debut. Mostly I just feel bad for the friend that bought me it. 

This would just be kind of a bummer on its own, but coupled with the fact that 1. half the damn Pokemon aren’t in it and Game Freak has openly stated they plan to keep doing this and 2. in spite of that the game still felt unfinished, making you wonder what the hell they spent all their time making (Gigantamax maybe? Why? You can’t even do it in-game for the most part. At least Mega Evolution was readily available. Not to mention it won’t even be available next game. Stop making up gimmicks just to discard them), it makes me seriously concerned for the future of the franchise. 

[syzygyzip]

His Cage pt. 2: Wheel of Fortune

This essay may be read on its own, but it is a follow-up to another essay which psychoanalyzes the figure of Holy Knight Hodrick, a character from Dark Souls 3. In this section, the method and purpose of Dark Souls analysis comes under investigation, catalyzed by other images from Hodrick’s environment.

Hodrick as meta-critique of Freudian psycho-interpretation

Dark Souls 3 is known for its skillful, self-reflexive commentary; this game is keenly aware of the subculture that surrounds it. That in mind, what are we to make of the relatively blatant symbolic suggestiveness of Hodrick and the Greatwood? Perhaps their on-the-nose imagery is a reaction to analysis of previous Dark Souls games: the castration narrative is often cited in symbolic interpretation of Dark Souls 1, and the birth canal-esque passage of Dark Souls 2’s tutorial area is a classic introduction for people that play around with interpreting Dark Souls psychologically. And surely those myths and images are semi-intentional, relevant, and illuminating, but they are by no means the place to stop. This lore video points out how the vertebrae shackles collected by Mound-Makers resemble inkblots, the old psychoanalytic tool etched into the cultural memory as an image of Freudianism. One “reads out” of the inkblot the contents of their own unconscious. The understanding of projection, and the compensatory nature of the unconscious was one of the most significant discoveries at the dawn of psychology. Dark Souls could symbolize the principle of this discovery in a number of ways, but it is very intentional with its images, so when it decides to show us an inkblot in particular, the historical context is helpful. It’s an old and simple technique, which traces only the broad strokes of the analysand’s complexes. Likewise, Hodrick, the Greatwood, and Mound-Makers provide the interpreter with the rudiments for symbolic exploration of Dark Soul environments. 

Though this area is introductory, it is – like any part of the unconscious – inexhaustible in its depth and generous in its mutability. Consider the amorality of the Mound-Makers. Are they good or evil? Vicious or tender? Sustainers of maya or karmic accelerationists? There is so much room for the player to read into this allegiance a preferred moral perspective, at least partially determined by the general attitude the player keeps in regards to the slaughter of enemies. For the totally “unimmersed,” Dark Souls is a game and a game only, to be played, poked, prodded, to be mastered and speedran, and in that case of course any covenant is merely functional, there to surround and present a mechanic. For that player, the Mound-Makers are truly amoral. But for those who roleplay, who make at least some of their choices based on the imagined ethics of their avatar (despite extremely scarce moral responses from the game itself!), the issue is a little more complicated. Those who are simply in the habit of asking themselves, “Do I want to ally myself with this person’s values?” will not find an easy answer. On the surface, the covenant is abhorrently nihilistic, but a seasoned player may come away with a different take. So in this way the Mound-Makers, like the inkblot, are a measure of a player(/-character)’s feeling-involvement, which is itself born out of the player’s interpretational attitude.

When analyzing an object in a video game, always take into account the method by which it is encountered! Though the route to all this Freudian material in the Undead Settlement is a little arcane, it needs to be. The cryptic riddle about “Nana”, the obscure side-streets: these are there to make the player feel as though they are uncovering something secret. The obscurity is baked-in to make obvious that this material is repressed.

Though the riddle is strange, it is spoken aloud to the player, which is actually quite a telegraph by Dark Souls standards. The handiness of this secret is also metaphorically descriptive of this level of interpretation. If one stops at the purely Freudian: the mother, the father, the phallus, then they will project that schematic onto every available target. They will see reality as nothing more than a circus of oral fixations and castration dramas. If this stage of psychoanalysis is not passed through, it is nothing more than another cage to be carried around. It is the most rudimentary place to get stuck in the engagement with the unconscious.

The Armory of Symbols

What are we to make of the fact that the treasure of this area is the transposing kiln? This round thing, this simple, Arthurian symbol of the Self? It is both representative of the totality, and a totally profane and reductive simplification. I’ll explain what I mean by that.

On the one hand it is a true grail, because it has the capacity to turn the game’s hardest challenges into new tools. This is a fantastic life lesson, fundamental and perennially true. It is the pure gift of interpretation. It is said that the Buddha, in his realization that there is nothing outside of Nirvana, thereby saw that even the most torturous experiences of life, and the most unforgiving realms of Hell, were not apart from Nirvana, and that seeing them in this way thereby rectified this subjective experience of being in Hell. Once it was rephrased as Nirvana, it was always Nirvana, because all the suffering was born out of false views. Anyway, that is a very lofty height of interpretation, but one can see the boundlessness of the tool. That when the true cosmic appropriateness of an instance of suffering is groked, it is changed. On the other hand, transposition is a cheap parlor trick. It changes the essence of a boss into a weapon. It really only does one thing. Some of these weapons are useful, and most are flashy. It is almost mandatory for these weapons and spells to have a unique gimmick. So most of the time they convey to the wielder some unique flavor, some specific characteristic to consider, but even collecting such interpretations as these is merely a “building a collection.” Pinning down butterflies into a glass case. It is really no different than stockpiling corpses as Hodrick does. This device encourages the player to keep fighting, collecting, stacking bodies, finding new and interesting ways to kill people.

And ultimately, the same is true of collecting symbolism. Stockpiling a collection of unused weapons is no more or less a perversion that keeping a catalogue of archetypes for its own sake. The psychological interpretation of Hodrick, the Greatwood, and their unsightly tableau is relatively simple and straight-forward because it is meant to provide the player-interpreter with an introduction to the technique. The “game” of symbolic analysis is pointless if you spend your time taking potshots.

Wheel of Fate

Understanding the symbolism of the Mother through the eyes of Hodrick may be relatively simple, but the Undead Settlement also provides us with a more complex and transpersonal variation of the birth motif, localized at the far edge of town, hidden in a valley below. There we find catacombs tunneled into the rock, reminding us of the community of villagers who labor all day burying their dead. The Great Mother is thereby invoked, in her role which deteriorates form, which composts. The bodies decay, return to the Earth, and nourish new life. We see the skeletons sprouting branches in this dank place.

Also in the catacombs there are the dual figures of Irina the saint and a statue of Velka, goddess of sin, both of whom sit abandoned. The juxtaposition of these two sacred feminine figures is symbolically dense and deserves its own essay, but I mention it here as an echo of Kristeva’s philosophy that we passed by earlier: that of the child’s necessary bifurcation of the Mother into sublime and abject.

Velka alone is highly useful here, amplifying the Great Mother motif to a vast and cosmic context. Velka is a notoriously elusive figure in Dark Souls: she is never seen, rarely spoken of, her motivations are unknown, her ontological status unconfirmed, her objects and attributes seem to contradict each other. Nevertheless she is a crucial if not essential force in the world, and her presence can be inferred for those with eyes to see.

The main Velkan element that should be addressed here is her association with Karma, which is perhaps her principle attribute. From the beginning of DS1, she is introduced as governess of ethics, law, and equity. She explicitly oversees sin, guilt, and retribution. What practices are promoted through this governance? Mechanically, there are primarily two: keeping track of invasion penalties (in DS1) and resetting the world. If you incur penalty as an invader, the Blades of the Dark Moon will find you and punish you. So Velka prolongs and complicates PvP dynamics.

Resetting the world is an effect Velka provides that suggests forgiveness. If you aggro an NPC, and wish to get on good terms with them again, Velka allows that condition. In this way too, Velka is prolonging interpersonal relationships, but it is the relief of debt rather than the accruing of debt. Velka keeps the cycle going, she is like a keeper of the wheel that turns the age. In Dark Souls 1 a statue associated with Velka turns with the cranking of a wheel, in a room full of bonewheel skeletons. In Dark Souls 3, a similar statue turns with the cranking of a wheel in a room full of flies. In both cases, the wheel is hidden in a wet chamber behind an illusory wall. This suggests that behind the façade of the world, there is a primal place from which time is manipulated (though in this case it is but a single “tick” of the clock, an off-to-on switch which causes a fixed rotation).

Does Karma cause the rise and fall of the great ages? Is the distribution of karma the grease that turns the wheel of the world? It does seem to be that desire is what sustains the age of fire. Consider the enemies in the place where the wheel turns: bonewheels, who cling to their instruments of torture, to their suffering; flies, who bury themselves in a mountain of rotted food, a symbol of greed.

The skeletons who throw themselves into combat, and the flies which gorge on their rotting piles: either is a handy metaphor for Hodrick. His lust for the battlefield is another way of keeping himself stuck on the wheel of Samsara, collecting those shackles, representing the Velkan attachments of karma. Velka’s totem, the Raven, is found in flocks on a ravaged cliff in the settlement, among a wealth of corpses to be looted. The Raven is “associated with the fall of Spirit into that which is impure and enjoys carnage […] To raven is to plunder. This is what the word means. To have a ravenous appetite suggests greed and lust and insatiable desires.”(Valborg) Ravens keep the circus of suffering going!

Grist for the Mill

Velka is a bleak goddess, associated with “lifehunt”, the capacity to drain the essence of life, dreaded even by the gods. For this reason one of her attributes is the scythe, so she is something of a reaper figure. But we have seen she is also life-giver and sustainer, through her arbitrage of karma. This ambivalent nature is expressed by the Raven, which is a solar bird yet dyed deep black, who is cruel and enjoys carnage, yet in many myths is associated with the bringing of light and the creation of a new world.

The raven flies to and fro between the solar orb of eternal life and the dying eyes of man in time. He mercilessly pecks away at the delusions formed like veils over the cornea's shield until he penetrates to the darkness of the pupil's cavity and releases the invisible light within. (Valborg)

If the goal of Dark Souls is the realization of the Dark Soul -- the unique potential of the human being -- then perhaps Velka and her karmic processes are meant to midwife that birth as well. Could all the weight of karma, the pain of enduring a body, the cruelty of life’s entropic march … could it all be in service of birthing the Anthropos? It would explain why the Lords of Dark Souls are so antagonist to the Ashen One -- in Gnosticism and Buddhism the makers, the deities, are said to envy the actualized human being. And to be fair, the theme of surviving hardship and loss is central in Dark Souls’ reputation, and something to which countless players can attest, on practical or psychological levels (eg: “Dark Souls Helped Me Overcome Depression”).

Identity Riddles

I am the one who is disgraced and the great one. Give heed to my poverty and my wealth. Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon the earth, and you will find me in those that are to come. And do not look upon me on the dung-heap nor go and leave me cast out, and you will find me in the kingdoms. And do not look upon me when I am cast out among those who are disgraced and in the least places, nor laugh at me. And do not cast me out among those who are slain in violence.

But I, I am compassionate and I am cruel. Be on your guard!

Do not hate my obedience and do not love my self-control. In my weakness, do not forsake me, and do not be afraid of my power.

-- excerpt from The Thunder, Perfect Intellect ca. 100-230

The abject Mother sits at the edge of the symbolic order, in fact it is her abjection that positions the boundaries of that order, yet it itself does not accept boundary. “Abjection preserves what existed in the archaism of pre-objectal relationship, in the immemorial violence with which a body becomes separated from another body in order to be” (Kristeva 10), referring to birth and symbolized by the Hodrick and Greatwood scene, but beyond that it also refers to the Dark Souls creation myth: the archaism in that case being the undifferentiated fog of arch-trees and everlasting dragons in the Age of Ancients. For there to be matter and objects, psyche (dragons etc) must be born into time. Once psyche has materialized itself upon the wheel of time, it cannot exist in immediate, gestalt totality – it moves and changes, expressing its fullness over aeons through its becomings. But everything must be accounted for; Karma only brings what is due. The mystery of how psyche is refined by its extension into matter will likely stay with us until the “end” of time. But with common sense we can suppose that the condition of duration allows things to be taken apart and put back together, and that at least in our mundane lives that process frequently brings about some freshness in the object. But neither the meaning nor mechanics of the larger karmic process can be groked, just as Velka and the Mother are archetypes who inherently escape the fixidity of signification. The ultimate force of taking things apart, entropy – symbolized again by the raven and its desecration of corpses – is something that has been deeply culturally villainized, and it usually takes a second to stop and consider how the diffusion of matter engenders the condition for new forms to grow.

[Ravens] tell of the renewal of the world in terms of the past which is yet to be. The unwanted Truth is told and its insatiable desire to express itself may produce terror and loathing in one who is not prepared to give up all to its insistent glare.

This is keeping with Kristeva’s view of the abject as the eruption of the Real into consciousness. Aside from their role in pecking open an aperture of light, crows have another specific job in the renewal of the world, as described in a number of myths: measuring the size and extent of that world, flying in “progressively longer intervals in order to estimate and report on the increasing size of the emerging earth.” The extremes of incarnation, the edges beyond which dwells the abject, are scoped out in order to create the blueprint; the raven brings knowledge of the schematics.

Interpreting by Attention

And what about our own schematics? We’ve thrown away our tools – the colorful cast of characters transposed into weapons of interpretation – but perhaps it’s time to pick them up again. We cast them off because we didn’t want to fix the Dark Souls myth through explanation. Archetypes cannot be superimposed, prefab, onto a tableaux of psychological symbols. Interpretation is rather the act of elaboration: flying, as the raven does, around and around a widening and changing arena, reporting back continually new understandings of what is appropriate.

The meaning of a game is determined by what a player thinks and feels while they play it. What decisions they make, what their attention lingers on. The game is the inkblot. There are special times when the game insists upon a subject, like a film: for instance, when the crank is turned and the Velka statue rotates. But such a sequence has a different meaning in games than it does in film, because of its context: it anchors a player to a single necessary and unchanging action in the context of a world that is typically responding to their decisions with nigh-unrepeatable novelty. The fixedness of the cinematic exposes the malleability of the rest of the game. “Velka” is an approximation, an aggregate; she is not the same goddess in each playthrough, the scope and the flavor of her influence is always changing – but it is always reflecting the actions of the player.

So how then, can we arrive at a judgment regarding Hodrick? We can’t, because again, each player’s experience of him is different. Earlier I implied that Hodrick is clinging to the world, out of horror and alienation in regards to the Mother figure, and that his killing spree is only building his attachments, keeping him fixed to the wheel of incarnation. So what is the difference between his wild manslaughter, and Velka’s own penchant for carnage and lifedrain? Only the intent:

The transformation of relationship can come about through a genuine understanding of the difference between murder and sacrifice. Both kill or suppress energy, but the motives behind them are quite different. Murder is rooted in ego needs for power and domination. Sacrifice is rooted in the ego’s surrender to the guidance of the Self in order to transform destructive, although perhaps comfortable, energy patterns into the creative flow of life. (Woodman 33)

But see, it is only the inner experience of the act that has authority. In my view, Hodrick’s actions are clearly ego-driven, but another player with different exposure to this character could come away with a different impression. And the archetype speaks through the individual encounter itself, not through lore videos, essays, or any other metatext. This is a crucial function of video games that bears repeating and is rarely addressed. Games commonly use the act of killing as a metaphor for the transformation of relationship (the very notion of EXP hinges on that). The unconscious is receptive to these mutations regardless, but the nature of the effect is dependent on the conscious attitude of the player.

Kristeva, Julia. Powers of Horror. Columbia University Press, 1980.

Layton, Bentley, ed. The Gnostic Scriptures. Yale University Press, 1995.

Valborg, Helen. The Raven. Theosophy Trust, 2013.

Woodman, Marion. The Ravaged Bridegroom: Masculinity in Women. Inner City Books, 1990.

[twoguystrybbq-blog]

Arthur Bryant’s Barbeque

Ben:

I feel like I should be embarrassed that I hadn’t yet tried Arthur Bryant’s. It is, after all, what I’d consider one of the few major heavyweights of Kansas City barbecue. Along with Arthur Bryant’s, we’ve got Joe’s, Gates, Jack Stack… and that’s about it. As we’re seeing, there’s no shortage of world class barbecue outside of those few, but they remain the titans of the scene -- the most well known and long-respected barbecue joints.

And I had never been to Arthur Bryant’s. Hell, I don’t even think I had tried the sauce, which is ubiquitous at all Kansas City Price Choppers (“P-Chops,” if you’re cool). But to be honest, I think I subconsciously always had my reasons. The logo reminds me of Famous Dave’s -- a barbecue chain I’d loosely consider the Chili’s of barbecue. The aesthetic of Arthur Bryant’s is simple; they’re not making an effort to attract me as a customer. There’s no cool gimmick about the location (compared to, say, Joe’s at a gas station). There’s only a couple of locations in Kansas City (compared to Gates, which has six). For whatever, reason, Arthur Bryant’s had always avoided my radar.

Until now. This would be our first stop at a heavyweight of Kansas City barbecue.

We had decided earlier in the week to hit up Arthur Bryant’s, and Leo told me “go hungry.” Per custom, that’s never a problem. What am I going to do, pack in a country breakfast before eating world class barbecue? Of course not; this isn’t my first rodeo and thankfully isn’t even close to my last.

We visited Arthur Bryant’s for a late lunch on a Saturday after, you guessed it, a night of over-serving ourselves the night before. But, in our defense, I offer two credible reasons for our drinking. 1) Hungover hungry barbecue is absolutely the best barbecue; and 2) it would be irresponsible to not purchase three-dollar shots.

In any event, I skipped breakfast, and by the time Leo arrived at my apartment around 2:00 pm, the hunger was something fierce. I left Gracie a fresh bone to occupy her time and we were off into the rainy Kansas City afternoon.

My first impression of Arthur Bryant’s is everything I’d expect: in an old but large building and a line out the door. The line is, of course, a good and bad sign. The good: the food is so good people are willing to wait. The bad: I was starving. I peeked inside to survey the line and was pleasantly surprised it wasn’t too tightly packed and, like any good barbecue joint, customers are moving through quickly.

Once our spot in line moved inside, we had plenty of opportunity to admire Arthur Bryant’s wall of accomplishments -- articles, awards, plaques, thank you notes from celebrities, and the restaurant’s most recent claim to fame, the Obama visit (next to a less prominently featured photo of John McCain and Sarah Palin sharing a plate of brisket). This place clearly has some history and is a true destination for barbecue.

I loved ordering at Arthur Bryant’s. The counter set up is one of my favorites unique to barbecue joints: you speak to one employee who completes your entire order by cutting the meat right in front of you. It’s like an old-fashioned ice cream parlour, but better, because it’s meat.

After some discussion, Leo and I decided to eat our barbecue family style; we’d split brisket, ribs, burnt ends, baked beans, and fries. A feast was in order.

By the time we had both ordered our respective halves of the meal, grabbed the necessary utensils, and seated ourselves, I was frantic with hunger, ready to plunge into our magnificent bounty. Like asking a child on Christmas morning to hold off on opening his gifts, I had Leo hold off for a few precious seconds so I could snap a handful of photos of meat piles in front of us.

I can’t recall what item I tried first, but what I do recall is this: every single bite of Arthur Bryant’s was superb. Elite barbecue. If I had to pick my favorite, I’d go with the brisket. It was thin sliced, Kansas City style. Not greasy, but incredibly moist. It’s the type of brisket that really allows the flavor of the meat to shine; I could eat a pound of this brisket without sauce or bread. It’s like a fine steak… only better.

And the sauce. Remember, I had never even tried Arthur Bryant’s famous sauce. Each table has three sauce options: Original, Rich and Spicy, or Sweet Heat. The original here is actually pretty unique. It’s not thick or sweet, but rather super tangy, and pairs perfectly with everything (my personal favorite was to drizzle the sauce over a heap of brisket on top of a slice of bread, allowing the bread to sop up all that goodness). The Sweet Heat was more akin to what I expect from a traditional Kansas City sauce -- thicker and sweeter. But the original, man. The original sauce is a “must try” in the pantheon of Kansas City sauces.

Simply put, my entire meal at Arthur Bryant’s was one of the best barbecue experiences I’ve ever had. The ribs, like the brisket, were moist but not greasy, with the meat sliding right off the bone. The burnt ends fall apart on the plate, leaving you a mess of meaty goodness with bursts of charred flavor. The beans were just the right amount of sweetness. And to pack it all in, we had a mountain fries; fries that could be dipped in barbecue sauce, juices from the burnt ends, or some magical mixture of both.

In the religion of barbecue, Arthur Bryant’s is the Vatican. It’s Mecca. It’s the Bodhi Tree. You owe it to yourself to make the pilgrimage.

After about fifteen minutes of gorging myself, I was approaching my breaking point -- fullness was nigh. I didn’t want to stop. One more fry. One more slice of brisket. Maybe pick at the rib a bit more. Arthur Bryant’s is so good that even when I’m full to the point of pain, I keep pushing forward, onward toward meat sweats and an inevitable meat nap.

Our feast at Arthur Bryant’s was the only meal I had that day. And, to be honest, I’d have no problem with making that my only meal every single Saturday. On the drive home, Leo and I couldn’t stop talking about just how damn satisfying the meal was, how it’s incomparable. Each week I struggle to find new ways to describe the unique experience of eating world-class barbecue, and this was no different. For lack of a better word, I’ll leave Arthur Bryant’s at “incomparable.”

Leo:

The best yet.

Thunder cracked, lightning flashed, and rain poured down as I rushed out to my car.  “Whew,” I thought, “what a great day for a rain!”  Prior to the storm, it had been about 95 degrees outside, but now it was down in the 70’s.  I didn’t even need the air conditioning!  The night before, I had bested Ben 3-out-of-five Bocce ball and my “reward” was a shot of Fireball.  Due, at least in part, to this “reward,” I was feeling it and had been struggling with a headache all morning.  The abatement of the heat was much welcome and I felt my headache start to slip away.

While Ben and I could have met at Arthur Bryant’s, I volunteered to drive because I wanted to see his new dog Gracie.  Gracie is awesome!  But the last time I went over to Ben’s, she barked a bit and growled at me for a few minutes before she warmed up to me.  I hoped this time would be different.  I knocked at the door: “Baaaark,”said Gracie.  “shhhhh, it’s just Leo,” said Ben.  The door opened and Gracie barked again and growled a bit.  I held out my hand for her to smell me and this time, instead of retreating away, she smelt me and became a big ol’ cuddlebug.  “Great!” I thought, “she remembers me.”

I petted Gracie for a bit until Ben said that he hadn’t eaten all day (it was about 2:00 pm) and I got the signal that it was time to go.  We said goodbye to Gracie and walked out of Ben’s apartment.  It had stopped raining, but it was still cool and it was nice to ride to Arthur Bryant’s with the windows down.  And, as it turns out, Arthur Bryant’s is only a six-minute drive away from Ben’s apartment.  Because it was well past lunch time, I figured that we wouldn’t have much of a wait, which was good because I was getting hungry, too.

We pulled up and I found a parking spot right on the street.  We also noticed a group of people standing in front of Arthur Bryant’s.  “Surely, that’s not the line,” I thought, “it has got to be some kind of group that is leaving or is waiting to go in.”  But it was the line, all the way from the cash register to outside the front door. 

 We stood in line and talked about the Handmaid’s Tale (which is excellent, by-the-by) and looked at all the pictures and news articles on the walls.  Arthur Bryant’s clearly had a history of being a well-respected barbeque restaurant!  We saw pictures of Hollywood stars (Danny Glover and Steven Spielberg) and President Obama and Senator John McCain.  

Then, we saw the menu.  I’d eaten at Arthur Bryant’s once before with my roommates and we ordered several pounds of meat and two or three sides to share.  I mentioned that this might be a good way to get a taste of different meats instead of getting a sandwich and Ben agreed.  At first, we were going to get two pounds of meat, a half-rack of ribs and two sides.  Did I mention we were hungry?  Luckily the line was long enough for us to think about this decision and we decided to get a pound and a half of meat instead of two pounds.  We ordered a pound of brisket, a half-pound of burnt ends (yes, a pound of burnt ends costs the same as a pound of any other meat!), a half-rack of ribs, an order of fries, and a side of beans.  

The food was ready very quickly and then we were sitting at a table with a feast before us.  Where to start?  I decided to try out the sauces with a couple fries to see which the best was (by-the-by an order of fries is a tray of fries, so, so many fries).  There were Original, Rich & Spicy, and Sweet Heat, each with its own consistency and color.  The Original was a tangy delight and I could immediately taste why Arthur Bryant’s had won so many awards.  The Rich & Spicy added a kick of heat to make things interesting.  But the Sweet Heat was my favorite.  It was the thickest of the three sauces and was the perfect blend of sweet, the Original’s tang, and just enough heat to keep your mouth constantly watering.  Enough fries! On to the meat!

I grabbed a rib and slathered it in Sweet Heat.  Oh my God.  It was the best rib that I’d had in memory.  It was smoky and delicious.  The meat was just the right amount of tender.  

Then, I got some of the burnt ends.  I can’t explain how good these burnt ends were!  They gave me a whole new category of good barbeque.  While other burnt ends were good because they were buttery, fall-apart-in-your-mouth good, Arthur Bryant’s burnt ends were tender and so rich.  Little squares of heaven.  I had a couple that were charred and these were the best because you could taste the years of flavor that had built up in the smoker.

Lastly, I got to the brisket.  I piled a heaping helping onto my tray and covered it in Original, Rich & Spicy, and Sweet Heat.  Again, it was tender without being fatty.  It was smoky without overpowering the taste of the meat.  It was a beautiful combination of the meat, the rub, and the sauce, all of which came through to my taste buds.  As quick as I could, I was through with the first pile of brisket and I got some more and some more burnt ends.

This whole time, Ben and I were mostly silent except to comment on how good the meal was.  I think a comment arose that “all other BBQ only tastes good because I’d forgotten how good Arthur Bryant’s is.”  That comment sums up our experience nicely.  

We had so much food.  I can eat a lot and was stuffed before the end of the meal.  We made it all the way through the meat and then divvied up the remaining fries and beans (which made a nice snack later!).  We walked back out to the car in stunned silence.  I couldn’t believe it was over!  I wanted to go back and get more barbeque, despite my stuffedness.  Whew, it was good!  All we could talk about on the way home was how great Arthur Bryant’s was and that it was the best so far.  Other places have one or two items that you must try, but everything at Arthur Bryant’s was amazing.  If you can only go to one barbeque joint in KC, it has got to be Arthur Bryant’s.  But we’ve only been to six restaurants so far, so maybe I’ll have to revise this opinion in time.

Well, I hope that you are hungry!  If you don’t have lunch plans today, you should go to Arthur Bryant’s!!!  

[thecakewolfuniverse]

Layered Cake: Friday the 13th Ranked

written by Jason Kreiger

Jason Voorhees is one of the most powerful horror icons. He’s my favorite. The Friday franchise is like the fast food of horror. They have all the staples you crave in a convenient package with none of the unnecessary fluff. It’s campy horror in it’s rawest form. Admittedly, not all Friday movies are masterpieces of horror. Some should be outright avoided. In the spirit of generosity, I’ve baked this Layer Cake, for my friends and guests of Cake Wolf, ranking the Worst to the Best. 

But first, we need our drink...

We’ll start with the worst of the worst...

12 - Jason X (2001)

Holy hell this movie hurt to watch. It felt like I was watching a crappy sci-fi made for tv movie. I enjoy stupid moronic plot points and humor sometimes like in Jason Goes to Hell… but this… This movie just felt like a cash grab with a sloppily written plot, empty characters, and a stupid gimmick to get kids in the theater. It felt it utterly insulting to any fan of the series. Perhaps some people will be able to embrace the stupid nature of the film but I could not.

11 - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

This movies is so freaking boring it hurts. It plods away scene after scene, painstakingly showing how Jason eventually is led to Manhattan. It takes for freaking ever for him to get there by the way. And there are no creative death scenes or character development to ease the transition. There is only one good scene in this film where a karate kid fights Jason on a rooftop and Jason punches his head clean off and into a dumpster. That’s what I’d like to do to this film.

10 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

I hate this movie... Moreso because it had potential, with some memorable semi-developed characters to boot. Also, there are actually some goofily charming moments sprinkled throughout. Unfortunately the rest of the film is as dull as his fake machete. I cannot name one single good creative kill in the entire movie. it is also cursed with an awful who-dunit style script. Really who the hell would of thought to create a mystery killer plot for the fifth in a series of movies revolving around an established killer. The end of this movie is such a let down. Everything about it is stupid, dumb and contrived.

9 - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

This movie is memorable but only because of the ridiculous addition of a telekinetic teen and her psychic powers. All the weird psychic supernatural junk feels pretty out of place in a Friday the 13th film. There are some good parts in this film but there is an equal amount of boring scenes. Not a fan.

8 - Friday the 13th (2009)

A remake with nice production value, some creepy kills, and hot babes. They try to take a new spin on Jason Voorhees, portraying him as a survivalist who has been living off the land ever since he was almost drowned as a child. Still has the mommy complex and seeking revenge on hapless teenagers. What they missed however is the camp in camp blood. There’s not much character here and not a strong enough plot to make up for the lack of character or humor.

7 - Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

I’ll admit this is more of a Freddy film than a Jason one but it still fits the bill for me. I like the setup and the dynamic between Freddy and Jason. Freddy pretty much tries to use Jason as a weapon, slaughtering teens and creating fear so Freddy can regain his power.  It’s a little on the ridiculous side and about what you’d expect from a horror icon mashup movie but it’s enjoyable nonetheless.

6 - Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

This movie is a wildcard. It starts off with an amazing beginning showing Jason being blown apart in a military grade sting operation. Then his “heart” is passed around from body to body throughout the film like an alien host. It is so ridiculous and off the wall I would call it a cartoon. They really don’t hide the fact that this movie is absolutely moronic. The dialogue is utterly insane and the plot is nonsensical. Whether you like this film or not depends upon whether you can embrace it’s lunacy.

5- Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

This is your run of the mill Friday the 13th film. Nothing too special. It has some memorable characters and some iconic deaths like the harpoon kill. Even though this is the film that created the Jason Voorhees iconic look, I feel like other films in the series just did everything better. Also you cannot get around the fact that this movie was created shot for shot to cater to the 3D glasses gimmick in the original theatrical release.

4 - Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Part 2 builds upon the foundation of the first movie and develops the foundation of every Friday the 13th to come after it. Lots of cool death scenes and LOTS of hotties in this one. This one takes the cake for eye candy. Enough said.

3 - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

This movie is just straight up fun. It doesn’t take itself too seriously which is refreshing. There is a lot of tongue in cheek humor in here. I mean they raise Jason from the dead with a bolt of lightning. He’s now officially undead and unstoppable. This is exactly what the franchise needed to stay fresh. There is so much going right with movie. I also love the ending. It’s completely iconic of the series. It’s unfortunate that the movies to follow it didn’t keep up with the creative spirit of this film. This film proved that even after six movies it was possible make Friday the 13th fun again, not only for horror fans but for general audiences.

2 - Friday the 13th (1980)

The original yet most unique film of the series. If you’ve seen other Friday movies and haven’t seen this one, it will throw you for a loop. I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it but it’s definitely a must watch classic. There is also some great actors in here as well. Alice the “final girl”, played by Adrienne King, is one of my favorites.

1 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

This has everything I could want from a Friday movie:  creative gory deaths, half naked girls, and excellent pacing . This movie also has some amazing actors in it and actually has some decent character development so when characters actually die you feel for them a bit. Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover have some amazing performances. Top notch.

[fire-fira]

Tim Drake, Cassie Sandsmark, Eddie Bloomberg and Hunk Garrett for the character ask? o3o

Tim Drake

Sexuality Headcanon: Gaaaaayyyyy. This boy is SO gay. He may have tried having girlfriends, but it’ll never work out. Give him a boyfriend though, and he’s found his partner for life.

Gender Headcanon: Man. Not much to say beyond that.

A ship I have with said character: TimKon. TimKon for LIFE. Tim could be 180 and Kon would still be with him.

A BROTP I have with said character: It’s kind of between Tim and Bart (because of the ‘90s comics), Tim and Cassie, and Tim and Jaime. Actually may as well say Tim and his whole team, because the guy has a talent for getting really close to his friends to the point where his friendships are unbreakable.

A NOTP I have with said character: Tim/Cassie and Tim/Steph. Neither Cassie or Steph have ever really fit with him in my opinion, and it always felt kind of shoehorned.

A random headcanon: Tim is a giant gaming nerd and when he can get away with it he’ll play his video games on the computer in the cave because of the giant screen. Also, he’s a fan of the old manga series Banana Fish and was introduced to it by Jason (Jason has the full series and loaned it to him), and the two of them will gladly spend hours nerding out about the series or debating fine points of it and who they would consider for fancasts.

General Opinion over said character: lol I love this kid. He needs to sleep more and not work himself so hard, but he’s a good kid. Also, I think the League under his leadership when he gets old enough would end up REALLY tight-knit and would be even more of a force to be reckoned with.

Cassie Sandsmark

Sexuality Headcanon: Biiiiii. Said it once, I’ll say it again: she is WonderBi. She is one of the bi-est bis to have ever bi’d. The only way she could get more bi is if she had her costume redesigned to incorporate the bi flag.

Gender Headcanon: Woman. I haven’t put too much thought into it, so I usually see her as a cis woman, but I wouldn’t be bothered by seeing her as a trans or intersex woman either. Cassie would still be Cassie regardless.

A ship I have with said character: Whoo boy… This is a tough one, mainly because most of the time I haven’t seen character interactions between her and another character that feels like it’d just fit. That, and personality types of most of the others just don’t feel like they’d fit with her.

I guess if I was going to go with her being with anyone regardless of sense the possibilities would be Cassie/Raquel (ish, pretty sure Raquel would want someone more willing to step up to be a parent to her son though), Cassie/Zatanna (maybe), Cassie/M’gann (if in the YJ-verse M’gann matured some and made an active attempt to get past her abusive tendencies), Cassie/Raven (which could actually be pretty cute), or– and this one is really off-the-wall– Cassie/Simon. (For those of you who don’t know who Simon is, he showed up toward the end of the pre-N52 Superboy comics and the writers were starting to set him up to be Kon’s equivalent to Jimmy Olsen in Smallville.)

A BROTP I have with said character: Definitely Cassie and Raquel. I love the idea of the two of them bouncing off each other and getting into trouble.

A NOTP I have with said character: Cassie/Tim or Cassie/Kon. I just don’t like her with either of them. Every time I’ve seen either situation it has felt incredibly shoehorned, and she deserves an organically-formed relationship over being a plot device.

A random headcanon: 1) Whenever she says “I’ve got this” things are about to go wrong, either hilariously or disastrously. 2) One time when she said “I’ve got this” she was in the kitchen trying to help prepare for a party. It ended in the contents of the blender exploding to coat the ceiling, one cake catching fire so that it was a cake with a giant ball of flames on top, the faucet for the sink breaking off so there was water streaming through the air like a firehose, half-a-dozen raw eggs dropped and smashed on the floor, and a bag of flour exploding due to being pulled open with too much force so most of the kitchen had a coating of wet flour sludge by the end of it. 3) She was temporarily banned from baking for a month-and-a-half as a result.

General Opinion over said character: She’s a riot and deserves so much more attention and good writing. I used to be kind of ‘meh’ about her, but as time has gone by I’m really starting to warm up to her. I’m really hoping she gets some better treatment with Young Justice season 3.

Eddie Bloomberg

Sexuality Headcanon: Bi? Pan? He doesn’t really care, he likes what he likes and he’s not going to stress over it (though he will wreck anyone who tries to give him that ‘So you’re basically straight/gay’ BS).

Gender Headcanon: Before today I would have said ‘man’ hands-down, but after talking with @weirdnonsensefandomstuff I’m kind of leaning toward demi-boy. Part of it is that thanks to his shifting he technically falls outside all cis/trans/intersex categorization (because he could pretty much shift to have whatever he wants), and the other part is that weirdnonsense brought up the fact that it might lead him to question and investigate his gender (a point that makes a lot of sense to me). She put it pretty well when she said “90% guy, 10% unholy fires from hell,” and when it comes to Eddie that actually makes a ton of sense. So: demi-boy. (Though to make things easy he might just go with saying he’s just a guy most of the time.)

A ship I have with said character: DEVILFISH. I love Eddie being with La’gaan more than I can put into words.

A BROTP I have with said character: It’s between Eddie and Jaime (because Bugbutt and Sizzleshorts) and Eddie and Jason (because I can imagine all sorts shenanigans the two of them would get into, including blasting music from the Batmobile– no Bruce was not pleased when he found out).

A NOTP I have with said character: Eddie/Rose (I don’t like the way she tends to use people) and Eddie/M’gann (just no thank you).

A random headcanon: Eddie actually really likes how he looks with the red skin, horns, white hair, and tail. While he didn’t actually look bad before his shift, he’s convinced that he looked absolutely horrendous and secretly (or not so secretly) doesn’t want to go back to it. He’s also really glad to have the tail because he’s got a bad habit of getting into situations where he needs three hands and his tail helps immensely (and he’s not opposed to wearing jewelry on it if he’s going to do something like dancing for La’gaan, because the boy knows how to dance– yes, up to and including belly-dancing– and he’s not opposed to accentuating certain details while he’s at it).

General Opinion over said character: Like Jaime, he is the sweetest cinnamon roll to have ever cinnamon-rolled, he is my child, and I will defend him with everything I have. He doesn’t get anywhere near enough attention and deserves more love.

Hunk Garrett

Sexuality Headcanon: Tbh I have no idea. I just know that whoever he’d be with he’d be one of the sweetest boyfriends ever to them.

Gender Headcanon: Man. Haven’t delved too far beyond that, so he could be cis, he could be trans, idk.

A ship I have with said character: It might be pretty random, but Hunk/Rax. Hunk/Shay is pretty cute too.

A BROTP I have with said character: Hunk and Pidge all the way. I love the idea of the two of them hitting their stride and working in tandem on a problem, and being an absolute nightmare for others to go up against– particularly with their combined tech skills.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hunk/Pidge or Hunk/Shiro are the main ones I can think of. Hunk/Pidge because more often than not I see Pidge being written as a girl in those cases and I’m so set on NB Pidge that most of the time I cringe or avoid fics when I see girl Pidge. Hunk/Shiro because I am firmly of the opinion that Shiro should not be in a relationship with any of the other paladins because they’re too freaking young for him period.

A random headcanon: Hunk is Hawaiian, is fluent in the language, and nothing can incite a rant from him faster than someone acting like his culture is a gimmick for tourists. He’s a pretty laid-back guy, but after about the 5,000,000th time of having to see or hear about fake-y luaus or how his home is a ‘great vacation destination’, it pretty much destroyed his patience for that BS.

General Opinion over said character: He’s a great kid who deserves more love than he seems to be getting for the time being. He seems to be written off a lot as the one who’s ‘all about food’ just because he’s the big guy, nevermind the fact that he’s intelligent, resourceful as hell, and amazingly strong (in one episode the guy had his heavy-as-hell bayard in his hands while Coran was on his shoulders and he was still able to fire his bayard without it affecting his aim in the slightest). He just deserves better tbh.

Send me a character!