busted (3tan) (m) | myg
title: bustedÂ
pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) , jungkook x reader(f)
series: masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongiâs interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call
rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; brotherâs best friend au, implied age gap au
summary: when things go a bit south at your house party, decisions between you and yoongi have to be made.
note: well. here we are, yâall. itâs been quite a long time, but we are back to regularly scheduled programming :â)) thank you to everyone that has supported and encouraged me throughout this whole process â and series, for that matter. i couldnât have done this without yâall and the next part is already in the works. also i cried a lot writing this lol have fun!
note 2: happy birthday, hedgehog! and to colourless and nicki and whoever else had birthdays recently, consider this my gift to yâall!
warnings: language, the amount of content itself fck iâm so sorry, parties, alcohol consumption, tense situations, shoving, abandonment mentions (parental), obligatory yoongi on the phone, ch*king, head/hair pulling, reader has a pain kink and it shows oops, angst, overthinking :((, penetrative s*x, chains but come on now, protective s*x, cowgirl, or*l (m/f rec), edg*ng a ha ha, thro*tf*cking, kissing :â))), kissing D:, did i say angst?, brođľâđŤ, but also brođ, jungkook gets a warning too, yoongiâs jeans are as ripped as he is heyo, hitting from the b b back, yoongi king of consent sheesh, multiple org*sms, spitting lmfao, sl*t/wh*re mentions, yoongi jfc lol, the aftercare yâall iâđ, the endingđ§Â
drop date: june 9th, 2023, 7:17pm estÂ
word count: 18.8k gdi
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Here goes nothing and everything.
It was fifteen years ago when you first met Jungkook. When the sidewalks in your neighborhood were fewer and the occupancy in your house was higher.Â
A tiny boy, he was immediately ready to stay by your side, despite the limited amount of time he got to hang around before his parents corralled his energy back inside their car.Â
Later on, he would tell you that had something to do with them not wanting him influenced by your brother and his group. But you didnât know that at the time.Â
Ever since the two of you met, you became the best of friends. And as you grew older, it was only natural that feelings bloomed with everything else.Â
In the midst of an ever changing garden, you found something that never wavered, vibrant in color and immovable at its root.Â
Which was strange. Youâd never compared people to flora before him.Â
But, because of Jungkook, you couldnât help but see everyone as suchâlilies, buttercups, the ones that trap to survive.Â
And he was the prettiest, strongest flower of them all.
There was rain. There were storms. But with them came hope, and a pair of cheap rings that the two of you bought nestled nicely in boxes, waiting to be unearthed when you were ready.
However.Â
What also came was a lesson. One that you would learn again when two of every seat remained unused in your household.Â
A lesson that people are more like seasons than flowers.
They change with or without you.Â
And they pass by.
âWe can go somewhere quieter if you want,â Jungkook offers. And you know heâs going to suggest your room before he even utters the words.
But of course he adds a small, âIf Iâm allowed in there anymore.â
When he laughs, your smile is as slow as your head shake, a few memories of old tasting bittersweet on your tongue. âWe can.â
âOkay.â
When you make your way to your room, you hear the thumps of music and rhythms of conversationâboth casual and loudâechoing throughout the house. Some people are sharing laughs, others are scooting just a bit closer, and a lucky one is cackling before demanding that everyone hand over their money.Â
All of them oblivious to the fact that youâre about to rip off a piece of your heart.
Well. That may not be the case. But based on the conversation that you had with Jungkook before your interview, this wasnât going to be an easy one in the slightestânot for him, nor for you.
But if heâs gonna keep pushing forward, this is a stop you need to put up regardless.
During a party isnât what you had in mind, though. Much less one in your own house.
You donât know if anyone sees you open your door for Jungkook to pass through, or if they notice the slump of your mood, but you figure no one will care anyways.Â
Until you see someone out of the corner of your peripheral.
And the skip of your heart tells you who it is.
Occupying one of the hallways a ways away, you can tell heâs very aware of you despite being in the middle of a chatty group.
But whatâs on his mind? Is he worried? Is he gonna ask what this is about?
Damn it. Youâre just gonna have to tell him later. You canât exactly do anything now.Â
A voice peeps from behind your tense shoulders,
âYou okay?â
Fuck.Â
Turning, you nod to the boy in your room before shutting your door, giving one more look to the man whose last text you couldnât read.
And the way he stares makes you wanna bolt from everyone entirely.
When your door clicks shut, you slowly swivel, only the bass of your brotherâs music pushing the walls in closer.Â
Jungkookâs doing exactly what you knew heâd do, wandering around your room and either leaning in to observe, or lightly touching things that he remembers.Â
The soft puff of a laugh snaps you into focus. âI canât believe you still have all his medals up.â
Ah. He even remembers the way you have all your brotherâs trophies and achievements displayedâall because you liked seeing them shine, and he didnât want them in his room.
Sweeping your gaze along two of your walls, you let out a tiny sound of amusement while agreeing, âI can. Too lazy to take them down.âÂ
âI can do it,â he immediately responds. âIf you need me to.â
If it had been five years ago, you wouldâve been enamored that he even offered.
But five years ago is when he shattered any hopes you had for the two of you, so you turn him down yet again. âItâs okay.âÂ
âYou sure?â
âWeâre here to talk, not decorate, Jungkook.â
He stares before nodding in dejection, eyes finding something other than you. âItâs still weird to hear you say my name.â
Itâs weird to say it.Â
But you canât let him know you agree, so the sound you make is half-cautious and weakly lighthearted. âYou think so?â
âAh, yeah.â He flashes a smile that still squeezes air from your lungs. âIâd gotten too used to all the names you had for me.â
âOh, god.â
âBut I guess someone else gets to hear them now.â
Goddamn it. Heâs not gonna give up, just like he said right before your interview.Â
âWho are you seeing?âÂ
âKookâŚâÂ
âI wanna know.âÂ
âWhy?â
He walks over to your nightstand, picking up a picture of you and your friends from years back.Â
And your heart pangs at how big his back has become.Â
Without turning, Jungkook lifts his head to stare at your ceiling. And if heâs wondering whether the glow stars he stuck all over it are still there or not, you donât know if youâd admit that you never took them down.Â
âSo that Iâd know if I still have a chance.âÂ
âYou already had yours,â you whisper. âRemember?â
And when you look up, heâs already staring at you with regret.Â
Memories start to come back, but you shove them away with force, trying to empty your sinking boat with a teaspoon.Â
Every time he had walked back from school with you, every time he would make you laugh when you felt alone, every time he stayed at your place when your brother had to be outâall of them competed with each other to punch you in the gut and push you to your knees.Â
âI do,â is all he says before softly placing the frame on your bed. âI fucked that up, didnât I.âÂ
The times he said heâd be there when you needed him, the times he said it was gonna be okay when you struggled with your seemingly deepest darkest secrets.Â
All the times you knew youâd have a long future with him.Â
âYou did.â
Everything leading up to the time he said you should break up before you left for university.
Right before you were going to tell him you loved him.
Your heart hasnât beat in awhile, but you donât notice until Jungkook starts walking towards your planted feet. Was he really so far away? How did he cover the distance between so fast?
With a sigh occupying your chest, you muse that he looks so different, but also not different at all.Â
And just like the time you saw him downtown, your brain doesnât know how to separate the Jungkook you knew from the one you see in front of you.Â
Because they are still the same.
You donât budge as he stands resolute, inches away but encasing you in his familiar presence. When his hand comes up to your face, he almost touchesâbut the slight hesitation has you holding your breath before he surrenders his hand at his side.Â
âI was an idiot,â he admits, throat seemingly small and making yours the same size. âI never shouldâve⌠I canât believe IâŚâÂ
You watch as he flips his head up, and you hate how you know exactly what heâs trying to hide.Â
But your soul still remembers the wound it was dealt. So while you donât want him feeling this way, youâre perfectly okay to fight back.Â
He doesnât get to cry when heâs the reason for all those tears.Â
âAnd yet you did,â you remind him, proud of how stable your voice leaves lips that used to seek his. âAnd you left me so fucking confused.âÂ
âI know.â
âDo you really?âÂ
He flickers regretful eyes your way, giving you all the room to talk.Â
And youâre going to.
âDo you actually know, Kook? How fucked up that made me feel right before going where I knew nobody. No one.âÂ
His nostrils flare while eyebrows flinch.Â
You expel a tough breath, everything that happened before bubbling up to the surface. The nights you spent wondering what happened, the days you spent feeling unwanted, the times you felt so fucking alone.
âIs it true that you even loved me?â
âYes,â he finally shatters, face contorting and eyes welling at their rims. âOf course I did.âÂ
Did.
âI still do.â
Liar.
âI thought I was the only one.â You search his eyes, hating how you would comfort him in an instant if this were any other circumstance. Hating, hating, loathing that this is how you find out your love wasnât unrequited. âWhy did you push me away?âÂ
âI didnâtâI didnât mean toâŚâ He turns, unable to handle the loud silence streaming from your bones. Voice shaken, he flounders, âI donât know. IâveââÂ
When he pauses, itâs to keep his lips from shaking. You just know it.Â
âIâve regretted it every day since.âÂ
âBullshit.âÂ
âI have!â
âReally. So all those texts you never sent were full of regret, too, huh?âÂ
âNo, Iââ
âAll those calls you never made.âÂ
âI wanted to call!â
âYou wanted nothing to do with me!â
âNo! Thatâs not trueââ
âLiar!â
He digs palms into the soaking divots of his face, tense at all angles and making you so, so angry that this is what the both of you have come to.Â
âIâm not lying!â
âYou are!â
You thought it would feel better seeing him cry.Â
But itâs not, itâs not, itâs not. You hate this.Â
Because Jungkook made sure your tears were short-lived. Made sure to chase them away every single timeâ
Thereâs a rapid twist of your locked doorknob before you hear a shout,
âWhat the hellâs going on in there!â
Shit, your brother. Were you both yelling?Â
âŚWere you both that loud?
âWeâre fine!â you shout back, embarrassed that your fight somehow managed to outperform the aux. âItâs okay.â
âOpen the door.â
âNo.â
âYou better be seriousââ
âPromise!â You look toward the shouts. âWeâre okay.âÂ
ââŚOkay.â
And then itâs completely silent.
But you know he hasnât left.Â
Fuck, he canât hear the rest of this. He shouldnât have heard any of it in the first place, and you can feel the heat of his questions coming later tonight.Â
Which, you are fine answering when itâs just the two of you. But you cannot have anyone hovering right now so you go to open the door and tell him off,Â
âDude, I said Iâmââ
Oh, fuck.
Yoongiâs right there with him.
And your heart fucking lurches.
Fuck fuck fuck they both see your tears and youâre getting moved aside before you know it now thereâsâ
âThe fuck are you doing making them cry?â
âWait, itâs not like thââ
âYou come into our house after yearsââ
âStop!â
âAnd pull some shit like this?â
Alarmed, you squeeze yourself between him and a very wide-eyed Jungkook, having to wrestle an angry wrist off a captured bicep. âSeriously, relax!â
You and your brother have a thousand differences.Â
But one thing you two have in common?Â
Heâs just as stubborn as you are.Â
A strong swipe moves you back so fast that your feet canât keep up, and you find yourself stumbling until firm hands and familiar cologne keep you upright, voices springing up all at once.
âIâm notââ
âHeyâ!â
âThe fuckââ
âWhatâs wrong with you?â you question, commanding attention and snagging both your brotherâs and Jungkookâs stares.
Barely even caring if they see where you are and whoâs holding you.Â
Because this is all stupid. Itâs not fucking high school and you arenât some kid that needs their useless, shitty, good-for-nothing parents to stand up for them.Â
Resisting Yoongiâs grip until he lets go, you stalk up to rip your brotherâs hand off your exâs arm, voice darkened and sharp, âGet out.â
Breath hard, the reply you get is directed more at Jungkook than your own pinched brows,Â
âWhy should I.â
âCus itâs fine,â you shoot out, sparing a glance at Yoongi and regretting it immediately.Â
Because heâs not looking at you. He probably wasnât ever looking at you.
No. Based on that look alone, heâs been eyeing Jungkook with an energy that sends chills straight through your veins.
Itâs so unmoving, so infernal that your throat dries, forcing you to swallow before laying more reassurance on three pairs of tense shoulders. âItâs alright, okay? Weâre just talking.â
ââŚSo itâs like that?â
Jungkook immediately replies to your sibling with a monotone, âOf course it is.â
To which he moves forward again before you stop him with a hand and a shout,Â
âThe fuck it isnâtââÂ
âIt is! Fucking hell, dude...âÂ
You force an exhale, hating how your room is overflowing while youâre still drowning in the conversation prior.Â
Because now one talk is gonna sprout into three, and you already dread what each one is going to look like when it develops.Â
You hope Jungkook understands that youâre done.Â
You hope your brother understands that youâre tired.Â
And, above all the others, you hope to any high power out there that Yoongi understands that you are anything but finished.Â
When the tension doesnât budge, you sigh and shift your weight.
âLook. Weâre just talking. But I need to speak to him alone.â You breathe with finality, eyeing your sibling and his ride or dieâhating and loving how ready they are to do whatever they need to, together.
But they donât have to do anything.Â
Except let you do this yourself.Â
âPlease.âÂ
After a moment, they both look over your shoulder before your brother watches your face again.Â
But Yoongi seems to have finally caught Jungkookâs attention, because his eyes havenât broken their lock until you say something,
âTrust me.â
Two weighty seconds pass before both men nod. And they leave without a word, emotions toppling on each other as soon as your door shuts.Â
When you walk up to lock it shut, you stare at the knob in silence.Â
While that was massively uncalled for, it couldâve gone much worse. You can already think of over a hundred outcomes, because thatâs a look youâve seen on your brother many times.Â
However. Thatâs not what has you lost in thought.
What keeps you frozen is the fact that you have never seen Yoongi like that.
It almost scared you, but somehow comforts you all the same. You can still feel the way he subtly squeezed you in assurance, pressing you into him when you really didnât fall that far. Thereâs a jittering in your chest that hasnât simmered, and it makes you feel like youâre halfway floating back to where Jungkook stands.
But youâre promptly grounded when you rejoin him, voice soft when you ask if heâs okay.Â
âHe hasnât changed,â is all he whispers.Â
And you look at the door with a sigh of disappointment. âHe has a little. Still uptight as ever, but. At least I can leave the house.âÂ
âYoongi was a surprise.â
Oxygen abandons your lungs before you quickly catch yourself. âTheyâre best friends.â
Jungkook glares at the floor in thought before exhaling, and his silence seems charged. Almost off.
âRight.â
âŚWell, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Is it because he saw when Yoongi caught you? Or the fact that he showed up at all?Â
âHey,â you whisper, hoping to rope him away from whatever scary things he could be pondering. When he flicks his attention to you, it takes a lot to not flinch at his watery eyes. âIgnore them. We arenât finished here.â
âI know. Iâm sorry,â he murmurs, and your conversation jumps right back to where it was. âFor everything.âÂ
âI know.â You close your eyes before sadness lowers your gaze. âBut itâs gonna hurt for awhile.âÂ
Even if you get this closure, it canât cover all the years he made you doubt yourself. Made you feel like everything you went through was a lie and that love was something you just didnât deserve. Confidence vaporized as a result, leaving nothing but issues and manufactured intimacy for years.Â
Maybe thatâs why everyone said you were a bad lay before. Because you actually were.Â
Through your thick haze, you hear a faint, broken,Â
âYou loved me?â
âIâŚâ Donât say it. Donât tell him. âI still do.â
âWhat?â
Fuck.Â
Itâs true. While he broke your heart first, he still cared for it more than anyone else after him hadâuntil recently. The only grief he gave you was the breakup, which was why it threw you for an absolute loop.Â
As you grew up, though, you started to rationalize that the split was a good decision. He was moving, and you were leaving for college. How would you both have fared with the long distance? It probably would have ended one way or the other anyways.Â
So while the resentment burned your heart, it didnât quite rid you of affection. What you feel as a result is similar to before, but so very, very different. Subdued. Faded. Like jeans you wore constantly but havenât touched in years.Â
In all honesty, what broke you the hardest was losing a dear friend.Â
âI do,â you finally admit, not looking at him because of your next words, âBut not the way you want me to.âÂ
Jungkook doesnât respond, letting the outside world bleed into the room like a bitter interlude.
When he still makes no sound, you lift weary eyes to check on him.
And your chest constricts at the way he looks utterly and totally lost.Â
When you call his name, his gaze doesnât leave the floor. When you whisper it again, the tear that falls makes you weak. âKook, whatâs wrong?â
He finally looks up, and you feel your eyes quickly reflect his. âI was so stupid,â he sniffles, wiping his nose. âI really didnât know. Honestly, I knew that was impossible.âÂ
For some reason, this makes you chuckle, and a new mood starts to paint the walls. âWhy?â
âBecause you were so cool.â His smile hasnât changed. And thatâs what cuts the deepest. âAnd I was just there because I always was.âÂ
âWhat?â You start to join him in bittersweet recollection, albeit from a different perspective. When you reach forward to point at his necklaceâbecause you will not touch the ringâyou softly laugh. âThen what were these for, silly?âÂ
When he sighs, you can feel the cracks in his curve. âIâve been told that Iâm clueless.âÂ
âYou are,â you say with a sagging grin. âExtremely.âÂ
He laughs again. So do you.Â
And the both of you break all at once.Â
Heâs crushing you in a hug and youâre crying into his clothes, hands gripping at his jacket and shoulder feeling the weight of his world.Â
While he repeats that heâs sorry, you choke out that you are, too. When he says it was never your fault, you cry even harder.Â
You fucking hate this. Now that you know the truth, it hurts that much worse. You hate, hate, hate that this is what everything came to. Everything that you both went through, destroyed by one mistake at the bitter end.Â
But you need to move on. You need to sacrifice the past for the future.Â
âI still love you,â he whispers, and you tense when he tightens his arms. âAnd Iâm still sorry.â
âYou idiot,â you cry into his chest, and you hear him hold back a sob before burying his head again.
And the two of you stay like that. One last embrace that you both needed.
Reminiscing over everything that doesnât matter anymore.
When you both calm, you feel like itâs been hours.Â
But you move to step away first, confused at the way he doesnât let you leave.Â
Whatâs he doing? Why is his mouth hovering over yours? You need to move. You need to move away.Â
But all you can do is plead, âI canât.â
Still, Jungkook moves in.Â
Leaning to kiss just next to your lips instead.
What once would have lit your soul on fire now feels like a tempered flame, the smallest light of a candle before it burns out. And youâre grateful that he respects you enough to not push in a time of weakness.Â
You move away again, and he lets you go this time. But not without last words, âPromise me this person is alright.â
âI promise.âÂ
âOnly alright? I have a chance then.â
âKook.â When you give him an empty glare, dying stars still linger in his eyes. âFriends?â
His lips give away his breaking heart before he nods. âIâm not leaving you again.â
Swallowing, you spread a thankful smile. âYou better not,â you sniffle. âI need to decorate.âÂ
He huffs, giving you one more teary stare. âIf they ever hurt you, let me know.âÂ
âIâll be okay.âÂ
After a noncommittal nod, he stands until you politely tell him you need a minute. When he leaves, you wait until the door shuts before wiping nothing from your cheek.
Wondering why this closure doesnât make you feel better in the slightest.
You donât know how long itâs been. Time doesnât exactly flow when youâre caught between the past and the present.Â
But when you open your door, Dom is watching you with pure, unadulterated focus.
And your face scrunches in pain before she ushers you back inside.
She doesnât say anything as you sit on your bed, offering her shoulder even though she doesnât prefer physical contact.
While youâre gratefulâso, so thankful for her presenceâintermittent sniffles are the only sound youâre capable of.Â
Until you stabilize and come up for air, fishing words from your river of grief, âRemember what I told you. When he broke up with me.â
Anger simmers in her reply as her shoulder moves under your chin. You assume by the movements that sheâs typing something on her phoneâor prepping for revenge, either one of the two. âI do.â
âHe said he still loves me.â
Your first thought is proven correct as a device plops onto your comforter. âBullshit.â
âDomâŚâ
âWhat? Like he loved you then, too?â She scoffs. âYou were the one that loved him and he cut you out. He needs to get over that.â
âHe said it was a mistake.âÂ
âIt sure as fuck was.âÂ
âI dunno. Something just doesnât sit right.â You swipe at your nose. âHe looked so.. I justâŚâÂ
âUh uh. Itâs too fresh.â She gently lifts your heavy cloud off her person, firm fingers squeezing out rain. âYou gotta get out of your own damn head right now.âÂ
âI know.â
âNow.â
You break into another sob, hiccuping before nodding. âIt just sucks, Dom. I dââ
âLook, I get that. But everything youâre thinking about already happened. Itâs done.â A glance is thrown behind her back before she swivels around. âFocus on what you have now.âÂ
In your moments of weakness, you ask the dumbest things,Â
âWhat do I have now.â
As always, Dominique is quick and to the point. âA man thatâs waiting outside your door.â
Huh?
Your eyes flash up to hers as she stands. âWait, what?â
What did she say? What does she mean? How does she know that whatâs going onâÂ
âOne minute,â she warns, far away and not to you. âThen youâre on your own.â
âK.â
Wait, what.
You donât even realize youâre vacating your bed as you see him walk in, nodding back at Dom closing the door before regarding your wreck of a face.Â
His name is molasses on your tongue.
What is he doing? Isnât the party still on? Why is he walking closer?Â
Heâs not supposed to be in here he canât be here and youâre telling him that but he pulls you in so tight that the rest of your tears rain down in sheets.Â
âFuck,â is all you can manage now, and he crushes you in even harder, as if he wants you pressed against all of him forever like a keepsake leaf on a journal page.
Your voice writes words into his clothes, silence his only reply but the only one you need.Â
Even if you only get a minute, this is enough. Itâs enough, not enough, enough.
When he holds you at armâs length, his question comes out a bit fast-paced, âWhat happened?âÂ
Damn it. As much as you should probably tell him, you use precious seconds to pause, not really knowing if you want to or not.Â
âDonât sweat it,â he quickly understands, kissing your forehead just as chaste. When he moves again, you catch the tension in his shoulders, notice the ruffles in his hair. âYou gonna be okay?â
âYes. No.â Fuck, he kinda looks as rattled as you feel. What is happening right now? âI just, umm. I need a minute.â
âYou donât have to go back out there, you know.â
âBut you do,â you counter. âAnd I just wanna see you.âÂ
Finally, Yoongi stops, and his whole upper body relaxes at once. A beautiful sound to your ears, amusement huffs out his nose before he mutters, âYou canât keep saying shit like that.âÂ
âBut itâs true.âÂ
His chuckle is light, and mischievous eyes find the ground before they lift to yours,
âMakes me wanna take you home.âÂ
Well. You swiftly realize why he doesnât want you to keep saying certain things. The zing of emotion through your body was definitely uncalled for.Â
Any other day, you would want this type of conversation to keep going. And maybe youâd be a little coy about it.Â
But right now, all you are is tired, and your barriers are crumbled enough for a truth to escape.Â
Resigned, you step closer to wrap his waist in your arms, not caring if he can feel the rapid beats of your heart. âI want you to do that,â you admit, breath warming your face on his already warmer shirt. âAll the time.âÂ
âTake you home?âÂ
âMmhmm.âÂ
Yoongi runs fingers along your arm. âYou know Iâd do it if I could, doll.âÂ
If you were someone else. If you didnât have to hide.Â
If you didnât have to wait.Â
At least you donât have to wait for much longer. Definitely canât say anything to your brother tonight, but you and Yoongi agreed on after this party. So things will be better from here on out.Â
But why does he seem soâ
Youâre spooked by a warning knock on your door, and you flicker eyes to see his filled with something you donât like.Â
And the air suddenly shifts to something alarming.
âListen.â
âHmm?â
âI know we said weâd say something.â
Oh. You shake your head, already on the same page and liking how in sync you are. âThereâs no way. At least, not tonight. Jungkookââ
âIt may need to be a bit longer than that.â
Huh.
What does he mean byâ
âSo you probably wonât see me for awhile.â
You freeze.Â
So does time.Â
A minute is no longer enough.
âYoongi, pleaseââ
âCan you do that?â
Your heart slams against your ribcage, banging and banging and screaming that what heâs asking is not possible.
Because he isnât asking what you want to do. He isnât even asking how long you can wait.Â
Thereâs a reason why heâs risking all sorts of shit to say this in person. Why he seems so restless.Â
And youâre already missing him so hard it hurts.
Truthfully? You canât do this. Not now. Not when your heart is bleeding out on your own bedroom floor. There isnât even enough time to process Jungkookâs talk and now you need to deal with this?
âBabe?â
But despite what you feel, even if your throat is seizing and your chest is caving in, your answer will be what he needs.Â
Because seeing Yoongi look like thisâtorn and frayed at the edgesârenders you powerless and protective all at once. For fuckâs sake, he looks slightly panicked and this is the second new side of him youâve seen tonight.
And yet he found a way to be with you one last time.Â
Sacrificing seconds just to say goodbye.Â
So you give up something, too. Your wants and needs because you donât think you can do this, but it seems way too important to him to not try.Â
You get it. That whole confrontation probably snapped all sense back into him. He doesnât want to hurt his best friend. Or disrupt his work environment. Or both. Whatever whatever whatever. You shouldâve seen this coming.
If distance is what he wants, youâll give it. Instant karma because you just told someone else to give you some, too.
Of course you lose someone as soon as you gain back another.
âDoll, let me know becauseââ
âAnything,â you rush out, and yearning taints your voice on the descent. âIâll do it.â
He pans from one eye to the other, and you weakly reveal a crack in your resolve,
âAnything for you.â
That answer was a lot more than what you meant to say. And the next look he gives rips you into shreds. Shreds of the bigger truth you just told him with moments left of his time.
âFor us,â he corrects, swooping in to give you one more soul-shattering kiss.
And with that, he pulls away, turning to retreat into the real world that proves absurdly cruel.Â
You donât know when youâll get to be alone with him again. It could be a day. Or months. Or even longer.
But watching him go, you know you can get through this. You know you can do it.Â
Because this is nothing new. Just another person leaving. Youâve gone through it before and youâll go through it again and this time will be different, right? Right? Heâll come back. Of course he will.Â
And yet thereâs still a part of you that questions.
If people are like seasonsâŚÂ
Which one will Yoongi be?
Fuck.
Your body is moving before the rest of you does, and you propel forward to tug him in, flooding his lips with saltwater and longing and a deluge of reluctant trust.Â
And he responds in an instant, swallowing you in an embrace youâll cherish forever and willingly giving in to your desperate tugs on his jacket.
âYoongi, Iââ
You hear another insistent knock before he slings you into the nearest wall, and he grips the back of your head so hard you sob into his mouth.Â
âI know.â
His name rattles around your mouth.
âItâll be okay.â
You wanna believe him.
âOkay?â
But you only nod, eyes filled with oceans but gaze unwavering. Because you need to see him. Because you need to see him.Â
âFuck.âÂ
He smashes his lips on yours once more, capturing every soft plea for him to stay and holding you so tightly that your heart splinters. And while you know this is his way of telling you everything will be okay, you have a sinking suspicion that he is fighting to believe it himself.
Itâs not fair.
None of this is fucking fair.Â
If he was anyone else, if you were anyone else, if your brother wasnât the way he was, if Jungkook wasnât in the position heâs in now.Â
It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms.
And now youâll be farther apart than stars.Â
Yoongi finally pulls away right as Dom opens the door, and a myriad of emotions slosh into your brain when his eyes never leave you.Â
âI got us,â he vows, finger on your chin the sole thing keeping you afloat, and you suspend in disbelief that someone you know is witnessing his lips press your forehead in real time and no explosions or helicopters are crashing onto the scene.
Just a panicked âHurry up, for godâs sake!â to indicate your friend is not amused or phased.
Yoongi finally steps away, slowly backing up before slipping out, and the door closes with only you insideâhand clawing deep into your chest.Â
Because you know him well enough.
He was committing your every feature to memory.Â
And the desperation in his reddened eyes hunches you forward in pain.
The rest of the party goes on. Music booms, people laugh, conversations sparkle.
And you hear them all through your door.
Unmoved from the spot everyone left you in.
Idiotđ [1:34am]: Hey
Idiotđ [1:34am]: You up or nah?
You [1:40am]: yeah
Idiotđ [1:40am]: Help me clean up
You scoff at your phone, letting it fall from your hand before resting tired eyes between your knees.Â
When it buzzes again, you reluctantly read it with vision unreflecting.
Idiotđ [1:42am]: Left food for you, too
That you will leave your room for. You may have just cried out your weight in tears alone.
Youđ [1:46am]: ok
Idiotđ [1:46am]: đ
Cleaning is a quiet event, with you both doing the chores youâve defaulted to over the years. While he clears the floors and deals with the trash, you steadily get through the dishes, scrubbing them as well as you can before placing them in the washer to dry.
A plate. A bowl after that.Â
Two whisky glasses even though there were plenty of solo cups to use.
You needed this. Needed a way of going through the motions and letting your brain fly on autopilot. If you sniffle, the water drowns it out, and only the dishes get to see any lingering tears.
And unluckily for you, there are plenty of both.
âHey.â
You hum.
âDo I need to beat his ass?â
Well, that didnât take long.Â
Frustration tears its way up your throat on all fours, âI should kick yours for what you did back there.â
âAnd Iâd deserve it.âÂ
You pause.
âBut I still wanna know.âÂ
Sighing, you shake your head, knowing that neither of you are angry enough to fight anyways. âNo, okay? I was serious. We talked.âÂ
âI know you talked but he still hurt you.â
Your lip stings under your teeth.
âAnd I canât just let that go.â
When he stops, you place another dish on its rack. âLetâs just finish and Iâll tell you everything in a sec.âÂ
He sets down the last of his trash before retiring in the living room, the thump of weary weight squeezing a sigh out of the couch.
And you eventually join him, water cutting off with a squeak before you shuck off your gloves.Â
As you walk through the cleaned-enough rooms, you keep hearing afterimages of conversations, wondering how many revolved around your shouting match with Jungkook, or how many speculated who Yoongi is or isnât seeing.Â
All these pretend scenarios mock you from all sides.Â
But the conversation youâre about to have with your brother is gonna be real. And a long time coming, quite frankly.Â
You take a breath before crossing into a space thatâs seen and heard many things. While you take residence in your regular spot on the sofa, your brother doesnât deter his gaze from a television thatâs not on.
But as soon as you blurt out your confession, he slowly closes his eyes.Â
âHe broke up with me. Before I left for school.âÂ
â...Why didnât you tell me.â
Brows scrunched, you waste no time in pinning him with your response, âDid you see yourself back there? Imagine if you found out back then.â
Silence.Â
âBesides,â you continue, deflating back into the cushions, âHe was moving, remember? And you had enough going on. I didnât want you to worry.â
âI always worry.âÂ
âItâs whatever at this point. I didnât even know he was back until Yooâyou told me.â
Shit, that was close.Â
âI shouldnât have made it a surprise.âÂ
âNot your fault. Whatâs done is done.â When you observe the blank screen, you can see your brother aim a look your way. âJust made the whole uni thing miserable at first.âÂ
And the years after, too, but he doesnât need the same details that Yoongi got.Â
He sighs, hand scratching the side of his head before free-falling. When itâs quiet, you think heâs preparing for war. Prepping a vow to go after Jungkook and dealing with a problem thatâs not yours anymore.Â
But he doesnât do that. What he says catches you completely off guard.
An apology.
âIâm sorry Iâm always gone. Or not really here when Iâm back.âÂ
Where did that come from? Are you already done with a talk you dreaded for years?Â
This canât be it.Â
Blinking, your mouth slowly opens before you respond as level as possible. âItâs okay. I can pretty much fend for myself at this point.âÂ
âI know. But Iâll try to be better.âÂ
Heâs gonna what? âWhy?â
âCus I feel⌠Uhh.â He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. âI feel like we donât really talk anymore.âÂ
ââŚOh.â
Youâre thoroughly thrown. Because who the hell is this person youâre talking to right now? Whatâs up with him? He doesnât need to try anything better except calm the fuck down sometimes. And let you be an adult.
And frankly, you feel like you talk a normal amount anyway. At least, you didnât think anything was off about it.Â
What the hell happened after he left your room?
Suddenly, you see him laugh at the ground before asking it a question. âRemember when weâd go get our own food?âÂ
Alright, heâs definitely drunk or a clone.Â
But youâll take it. This switch in what you expected this conversation to be is a welcome one, and you softly entertain memories that arenât supposed to be this funny. âYeah. Weâd get told to come back with our parents.âÂ
âUntil they realized we kept going alone.âÂ
A memory makes you smirk. âYou even tried dressing like a grown up.âÂ
He chuckles again, elbows resting on his knees as he watches your coffee table. âI really thought I did it, too.âÂ
âYou did.â Thinking about all the shit you both went through, itâs truly a wonder how youâre both still here. Living and existing and doing big things.Â
A rueful chuckle leaves your lips, floating to the floor. âWeâre fucked up, huh.âÂ
âVery,â he agrees. âBut who isnât.âÂ
True. âIt could be worse, I think.âÂ
âHow?âÂ
You play with some of the frays on your sofa, wondering when this piece of furniture started to resemble thin lines of too-soft polyester at its edges.Â
Did it start to give up around the same time your parents did? Or had their patience worn thin way before the threads on this cushion began to fade?Â
Whichever truth remains, at least itâs still hereâwitnessing all the struggles and triumphs, the highs and lows, and all the times the two of you had sat in puffy-eyed silence.Â
Together.Â
âThey couldâve left us somewhere else.âÂ
âAh,â he nods, slowly shaking his head and twisting the watch on his wrist. âNah.âÂ
Silent, your eyes find his side profile in due time. âNo?â
And his glare burns the path ahead. Just like it always has. âI wouldnât have let them.âÂ
âOh, really.â
âI got them to leave us all this, didnât I?â
Wait, he did what now?
âŚYou didnât know that.Â
âHold on,â you breathe slow. âThatâs what happened?â
âWe had a deal.â He sighs before leaning all the way back, hands joined at the knuckles on his stomach. âIf I graduated with full marks and, uhh. Got a starting salary high enough, theyâd pay for your tuition.â
The pause he makes weighs a ton.Â
âAnd leave this to us when you came back.âÂ
So⌠HeâŚÂ
Holy shit.Â
You were just fucking relieved you didnât have to pay any loans. For once, you thought your parents really had your best interests in mind and did something out of kindness before peacing the fuck out.Â
But itâs all because your brother negotiated and pulled off the near impossible?Â
âŚIs he paying loans?Â
âI didnât know any of that,â you whisper, finding yourself on the verge of tears again.
He simply shrugs, looking down at his cherished piece that he rarely takes off. âYou didnât need to. You were just a kid.â
âSo were you.â
Your brother purses his lips, and you wonder what words he could be holding back. What thoughts he has that he wonât say out loud. If any of them are things he wants to say but canât.Â
âItâs whatever.â
He had to grow up fast so that you didnât have to.Â
And you donât have the heart to tell him that university fast tracked that anyways.Â
So, while grateful as hell and knowing youâll be thinking about this conversation for years, you switch the subject. Youâre already overwhelmed as is.Â
And you suddenly understand what Yoongi might be struggling with, too.Â
Because if he did all this for you, what lengths has he gone for his best friend?Â
Shoving that thought into a far corner of your brain, you rest your head to mirror your sibling, letting your tears slide back to where they came from. âI, umm. Was wondering why they left us the house. But I figured they just didnât wanna pay for it.âÂ
âIt was already paid off,â he explains, seemingly just as happy to talk about something else. âDonât ask me how I know this, but itâs how I was able to negotiate in the first place. They had four other properties, and a condo on some island.âÂ
âWhat.â
âThatâs why they were rarely here. Work trips, my ass.â He scoffs before bouncing a leg. âAnd they had us in this place.âÂ
âI like it here, though.â
âI do, too, butâŚâ You hear a shuffle of his feet before he stops. âI just. I dunno, itâs just us here. It feels...âÂ
âEmpty?âÂ
âMaybe. More like somethingâs missing? I dunno, thatâs probably lame.âÂ
You inhale before assuring him. âItâs not.âÂ
And with that, youâre both left to stare at the same ceiling, conversation stewing and simmering around the whole room.
Usually, this is when you leave. Because you donât wanna talk about shit like this, or you simply feel like doing anything else.Â
But tonight, you want to stay. You didnât know these things about your brother and what he did, and itâs making you realize a lot of things.Â
And regret others.Â
A question rolls off your tongue before you can overthink it, âDo you ever wonder what we did wrong?âÂ
âAll the time.âÂ
âWhen I think about it, I always end up thinking the same thing.âÂ
âHmm.âÂ
You tilt your head his way. âWe werenât the adults. But neither were they.âÂ
And you both huff in tandem after he grins. âDamn.âÂ
You donât know how the two of you got here. But it was much better than talking about anything else, and you silently thank him for not making you more miserable than you already were.Â
Truthfully, you feel a little better instead.
He just needs to know for sure that you really are past the whole situation. Mostly. A healthy amount, at least.Â
So you tell him. âI mean it, thouââ
âIâm sorry.â
âHuh?â You look over to see regret fill his side of the couch.
âFor what I did. I was outta line.â
âOh.â You swallow, surprisingly emotional that heâs even owning up to it. You know it only happened because he was being protective, but hearing this from him is huge. That had to be hard. âThank you.â
âI just.. I love you, okay?â He turns to look at the ceiling again, and you quickly have to do the same because you know how that was even tougher to say. âYou and my brothers.. Youâre all Iâve got.âÂ
Liquid emotion runs down your cheek, never having been told that more than once in a single day.
Itâs a shame how foreign it sounds when you say it back.Â
But that doesnât make it any less true.
âLove you, too.â
An hour later, you find yourself in bed, clutching your phone while a single question loops through your brain. Â
âŚCalling should be okay, right?
Even if you canât see him, or really be in the same room, this should be okay. At least, in the dead of night when even birds are asleep. When no one is awake to judge you both for lying to the people you...Â
Your chest squeezes when you press down on your decision, the talk with your brother repeating in your ears.
Yoongi: Outgoing Call
Itâs ringing.
Still ringing.
âŚAnd you feel your chest cave when you hear it go to voicemail.
Fuck.Â
Maybe heâs sleeping already. Unforeseen circumstances like emotional turmoil tend to slow down your getting ready for bed process, so it took a lot longer than usual. Maybe he isnât actively avoiding your calls and is just face down in a pillow you miss using.
And maybe you need to get used to this god-awful feeling as quickly as you can.Â
This hollow, aching, painful feeliâ
Yoongi: Incoming Call
Your chest booms when you see his name, and you try your absolute hardest to answer normally even though instant tears blur the screen.
âHââ
âSorry, I was showering, fuck.â
His breath sounds so rushed, and you immediately wonder what he looks like if he didnât take that long to answer. Imagining him in only a towel or less, you let out a pained chuckle before whispering, âYou okay?â
âShouldnât I be the one asking that?â
Of course thatâs his answer. âIâm not. Just wondering if you were.â
âWhy would I be if you arenât? Ow.â
Body alert, you only focus on that last syllable. âWait, are you hurt?â
You hear a low grunt before he responds.Â
âJust hit my fucking knee getting out.âÂ
Ouch. How the hell did he do that? âIâm sorry. You got ice, though, right?âÂ
âItâs not that bad. Just stings.âÂ
âOkay.â Â
Thereâs some crunching sounds before you hear footsteps and hisses, and a thump before other noise crackles through.Â
âSpoke to Kook.âÂ
Shit.
âAnd the guys.â
Oh. About work. âWhatâs up?â
âWeâre gonna be busy as shit for the next month or two, so.. Guess that came at a good time.âÂ
Ah. No finish line in sight.
But he didnât hide that information from you, so you appreciate the honesty. Better than him leaving you in complete darkness.
âYeah, do your thing,â you support. âI need to prep for this interview anyway. And figure shit out if I end up getting the job.âÂ
âWhen you get it.â
You exhale, shy. âWhen I get it, yeah.â
âWhere is it again? That blue building, yeah?â
âMmhmm. But where Iâll be is like, third floor.â
âSee? Claiming shit already.â
You realize right as he says it, but you meant something completely different. Your laugh is soft. âI meant for the interview.âÂ
âMm. Well lemme know where you post up after they hire you.â
âYoongi.â
âFine.â
âDid you, umm. Did you and Kook talk about anything else?â
âJust work stuff.â
âOkay.â Your eyes lower. If heâs telling you everything, you gotta reciprocate.Â
Even the stuff you donât wanna mention. âHe tried to kiss me.â
âWhat.â
Swallowing at his tone, you whisper, âI told him I couldnât.âÂ
ââŚI see.â
Fuck. He does not sound okay with that in the slightest. Disappointed with yourself, you apologize, âIâm sorry.â
âHuh? Donât be.â
âYou sound mad.â
Thereâs another moment of silence, and you donât think you breathe until he responds,
âNot at you, doll.â
Well, shit. You donât wanna cause any friction between them, especially after the energy Jungkook gave off earlier. Itâs still bugging you to hell. âNothing happened, baby. But he felt really off after yâall left, so.. I dunno. Be careful.â
âI will. But that means I canât talk when heâs around.â
You bury your head, watching the hours that you get with Yoongi dwindle away. Knowing Jungkook, heâs gonna immerse himself in whatever keeps him distracted. So he will most likely be at the studio just as much. âAt least you were there today,â you whisper.Â
âMm.â
âHonestly, I didnât expect that.âÂ
Thereâs a breath on the line, and you can tell heâs hesitant just by the way he moves his phone. So when he finally speaks, your jaw goes slack.
âI was there first, doll.âÂ
He what?
âWait⌠You were?âÂ
He was at your door first? He has to know how that looked, right? Your brother clearly saw him if he was the one to shout, and yet there was no mention of it when the two of you spoke.Â
Maybe thatâs part of why Yoongi decided what he did. A decision to help you came with consequences he knew were coming. But he did it anyway.Â
Your breath is suddenly short. And your head is starting to spin with information overload.
âThe plan was to only check for a sec, but he had the same idea. Showed up right behind me.âÂ
âSo⌠You both heardââ
âNothing until the yelling.âÂ
They were there the whole time. Both of them. Yoongi first? Your brother joining him?Â
Nope. This is too much. All of this is way too much for one night and your head is bursting at the seams.Â
Just another reason why this separation could be a good thing. Other than the fact that Jungkook seems weird and you canât see Yoongi at all and him and your brother really are more than friends and you wedged yourself right in between everybodyâ
Information. Realizations. Guilt. Youâre spiraling.Â
Run.
âIâm, umm. Iâm gonna get off now.âÂ
âYou okay?â
Say yes. Say anything but âNo. Iâm⌠I donât know, I really donât knowâThis is a lot andââ
âWaitââÂ
âI get it and Iâll stay away for as long as you wantââ
âBabe, talk toââ
âBye, Yoongi.â
And you immediately hang up before your dam floods.
He doesnât need to hear your grief over the past, your regrets of the present, your fear of the future. He doesnât need to know how pained you really feel dealing with everything at once. How harsh his departure is because this is when you need him most.Â
Yoongi: Missed Call
All he needs to know is that youâll do this for him. Because he would do the same for you.Â
And heâs done enough for everyone other than himself.Â
But goddamn if this doesnât hurt like nothing else youâve experienced before.Â
And youâve been through hell.
Yoongi: Missed Call (2)
Why is he calling? Wonât this just make it harder?
Why does he keep trying if you need to stay away?
Yoongi: Incoming Call
With a heart so busted you donât know where all the pieces are, you finally reach up to acknowledge his effort.Â
And his greeting sends a pang through your chest.
âKnew youâd answer on the first try.âÂ
Sniffling, you say his name so, so softly. Â
âYou didnât let me say bye.â
When you donât respond, he trudges on.
âSo now, you get to hear the longest good night ever.â
Huh?Â
âAnd no hanging up this time.â
What the heck does he⌠meanâŚÂ
As soon as you hear the light strums of a guitar, your heart shows signs of life. And you let everything out while he gathers the scattered shards with every chord. Every note.Â
Every second he doesnât say goodbye.
A river flows into your pillow until it runs dry, and the Moon outside your blinds casts a silver blanket over your defeated shoulders.
And itâs only when you and your phone are dead to the world that the Sun steps in to peel it off with calm palms.
For the first time in a long time, you plan a sleepover at Taehyungâs.Â
And after getting a rundown of what happened, he completely agrees that you both need it.
Itâs been a minute since you slept over there, and rolling onto his driveway makes you remember the first time it happened.Â
Your brother was outright flabbergasted you even asked.Â
But after some arguments from you and very clear energy from Tae, your brother waved you off and just demanded no funny shit better happen.Â
And youâve spent so many nights over there since then that Taehyungâs one of the people he calls if heâs looking for you.Â
Being reminded of something else interesting, you think back to the first time you went to Yoongiâs, spending enough time there that he ended up on the list of people to call about your whereabouts.Â
As hot as he was picking up with a cheeky arm around you, it was surprising he was on that list in the first place.Â
Well, maybe not. Theyâre best friends. But why would heâ
âYou just gonna waste gas in my driveway or what?âÂ
Snapping your head up, you see Taehyung looking bored, hands on his hips and wearing the most comfortable clothes youâve ever seen.Â
Your glare in return is empty when you finally get out, circling around to grab your stuff and take-out from the passenger seat.Â
âYouâre lucky I like you,â you joke as he goes to grab the food. Locking your car, you follow his grumbles into the house with a laugh, feeling a little okay already.
âHowâs Jimin?â
âStill complicated, but thatâs not what weâre here to discuss.â
You sigh before you poke your noodles, knowing you have quite the catch-up to get through. If only your attempt at procrastination worked.
âEat,â Taehyung orders before taking a hearty slurp of his meal. âI donât care if youâre sad, this wasnât cheap.âÂ
âExcuse you.â Heâs lucky you resist the urge to fling saucy food all over his shorts. âAlso, I paid for it, the hell?âÂ
When your friend blows air through his nose, you scoff before silently doing as he says, pouting at the beginning credits onscreen.
âHow long has it been?â
Ah. Thatâs a good start.Â
As you peer down at your food, emotion and appetite abandon your palate,
âA month.â
â...Damn.âÂ
Taehyung already knows all about what happened. But even if he didnât, you think he wouldâve caught on to your increasingly depressing song choices. And the way you barely watched Yoongi during the last intramural game.Â
âHowâs the new job, though? Good distraction?âÂ
That you can talk about for hours. âThank fuck it is.âÂ
âThatâs good, at least.â
As your meal progresses, you continue to catch him up on everything, including the way night calls are the only thing keeping your hopes afloat.Â
Because Yoongi was right. Ever since the party, weekdays have been radio silent, and you soon got accustomed to looking forward to his late texts saying heâs home.
And youâve been okay with that. Landing the job and getting swamped with training has kept you busy, and your friends have been a wonderful salve for persisting wounds.
It just stings when you know the studio is close by. Because even though Yoongi extended invitations before, you avoid that area like the plague.
âBut enough about me,â you huff. âStill complicated with him, huh.âÂ
If Taehyung knows youâre too sad to keep talking, he doesnât show it. His response simply comes after a few chews. âYeah. Butââhe swallowsââNot in a way Iâm mad about.âÂ
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
Taehyung settles back into the sofa right as a ball of fluff hops on, and you watch the movie roll by while he gently orders him to get down. âHeâs not as flaky. We just havenât really labeled anything yet.âÂ
Thatâs surprising to hear. Tae doesnât strike you as the labeling type at all, so your question is genuine, âDo you need one?âÂ
A huff is what you get in return, and you can hear the smile in his tone. âHe seems to want one more than me. Which is why I donât get the hesitation.âÂ
âMm.âÂ
That makes more sense. Knowing what you know about Jimin, you arenât shocked he would be conflicted about something he really wants.Â
Why heâs skirting around the point is the question. Itâs clear to you that they would be so cute together. And sickly annoying in public.Â
âMaybe thatâs a good sign,â you blurt, roping your friendâs gaze and attention. Spotlight on you instead of the characters bustling about his television, you smile. âItâs like heâs scared because he cares about your feelings.âÂ
Not unlike whatâs happening between another pair of friends you know.
Taehyung blinks, and youâve always liked the way curiosity widens his eyes.Â
But heâs so quiet that you shift. âWhat?âÂ
He keeps staring before biting an incoming smile. Before you can question him again, something brightens his expression. âYouâve changed, you know that?âÂ
Huh. âMe? How?âÂ
Your friend just grins before resting his head on the top of his cushion. âIâve always known you were amazing. But now you look like you know that, too.âÂ
All thoughts fizzle out before your jaw dips. When you try to present arguments, none materialize, and Taehyung laughs at the way you physically buffer.Â
âNot even denying it. I like this.âÂ
âShut up,â you finally pout, embarrassed and shy when he laughs again.Â
The rest of the film continues with nothing else but your commentary, and Taehyung clicks out of the queue screen before another one can start.Â
âBreak? Or what do you feel like?âÂ
You feel Yeontanâs fluff at your feet. âWe can keep going.âÂ
âMmk.âÂ
Both of you contemplate which one to pick when you feel your phone vibrate a ton. And when you see the notification, your heart leaps before crashing back down to the ground.
Yoongi [5:02pm]: Just got booked for another week
Yoongi [5:03pm]: Canât talk now but
Yoongi [5:03pm]: Letting you know
Right.
You slowly let your hand drop with a sigh, and you can feel Taehyungâs pitied stare without moving.
âI know,â you whisper. âI shouldnât be upset.âÂ
âYou can definitely be upset.âÂ
You lift weary eyes to see that your assumption was very wrong. Thereâs no pity evident at all.Â
Only warmth. And understanding.Â
âCus knowing him? Heâs probably more frustrated than you are.âÂ
Thereâs a pinch in your chest, a sharp one that cuts your breath for a small second in time.Â
Him? Being more upset than you?
You only thought about that possibility once, but you quickly dismissed it. Thereâs no way.Â
But hearing Tae say it from a guyâs perspectiveâand someone that knows how Yoongi can beâgives you pause.Â
It just didnât make sense before because he sounds fine when you call, and he doesnât really talk much about his own shit unless you ask. Which is strange considering he was fine doing so after your huge breakthrough at his place. Granted, it was mostly about good things.
Does he only hold back when itâs about stuff that stresses him out? Thatâs not ideal. Youâve told him before to tell you whatâs bothering him, so if heâs still hesitant to let you inâŚ
Taehyungâs honeyed voice brings you into the present,Â
âWhat are you gonna say?âÂ
Blinking, you push your lips together in thought before looking at your phone again.Â
If Yoongi really is more upset than you are, then you should tell him something that you would wanna hear from him. Even if you arenât feeling so hot.Â
You [5:07pm]: howâs ur back feel from carrying everyone so hardđĽ´Â
You [5:07pm]: jk its ok<3 youâre getting recognized and itâs about timeÂ
When you send those, something strange happens to your shoulders.Â
Theyâre lighter.Â
How is that possible? Youâre still sad.Â
But your mind seems to clear some junk out, instead feeling a little okay about the whole thing.Â
Hopefully Yoongi receives them well. If he doesnât, youâll figure something else out.Â
Yoongi [5:09pm]: Lmaoo Iâm saying. They better run me my check and cover my hospital bills.
You laugh with teary eyes, soul feeling like itâll live despite plans being pushed back again.Â
The lingering sadness remains, but itâs dwindled for now. An afterthought to the slight happiness you feel from lifting him up instead of dragging him down.
Another message slides into the thread before you click your phone shut, so when Tae gets more food, you catch what it says.Â
Yoongi [5:11pm]: Fuck I miss you
And your heart beats extra loud, mouth slightly curved and wobbly because you agree but itâs okay, okay, okay. You can both do this.Â
You [5:12pm]: i miss you too.. but focus now and tell me all about it later
Of course you want to cry. Of course you want to curl up into a ball and sob.Â
Yoongi [5:15pm]: Thanks doll
But just like thereâs strength in being strong, thereâs just as much strength in being gentle.Â
Because as upset as you feel, itâs better if you donât show it. While you arenât completely resolute, you push forward in silence. Even if you canât see the finish line.
The lingering feeling of anxiousness remains; the what-ifâs batter your mind from the inside. But you choose to stay optimistic for him, and even you have to admit thatâs admirable.
But the yearning still packs a fucking punch.
Your shoulders must be slumping to hell because you feel a warm presence settle against you, slinging an arm around and holding you close.Â
The only sound you make is a quick sniffle, but you donât move as Taehyung reads the thread on your phone.Â
âYou see what I see, right,â is all he whispers.Â
And when you slightly shrug, he leans his head against yours.Â
âYou will.âÂ
Nodding, you feel more tears follow the paths of their predecessors, and you donât move to wipe them away. âYouâre a good person, Tae.âÂ
His chuckle sounds like a hearth, and you welcome Yeontanâs sniffs on your legs.
âJiminâs lucky youâre even giving him a chance.âÂ
âAh.â After squeezing your bicep, your friend reaches down to pick up his baby. âHeâs lucky I gave him more than one.âÂ
âOh? The luckiest then.âÂ
âYou can do this,â he murmurs. âHeâll be ready before you know it.âÂ
With heavy eyes, you glance down at your still unfinished food.Â
âMaybe youâre right.âÂ
One week turns into three.Â
Then two more pass.
And Taehyung might be less correct than you thought.Â
âFuck,â you groan, clutching under your stomach. âSorry, Iâm a mess.â
âItâs okay.â
âAt least you donât have to see me this gross.â
âSo?â
âYou better stop.â Another eruption of pain shoots through your lower body, and you exhale into your pillow. âThis is only making it worse.â
âYou got a heating pad?â
A what? How does he know aboutâÂ
Oh. Right.Â
âŚYou probably shouldnât tread waters you donât know the depths of.Â
âYeah. But itâs too far and Iâm lazy.â
He laughs in pity but doesnât show any in his words,
âGo get it, doll.â
Because being reminded of his last relationship also makes you wonder why it ended. And wonder if that also has anything to do with his decision.Â
Now hurt in multiple ways, you childishly retort, âYou get it.â
âI would if I was there. But Iâm not, so youâre gonna.â
âFine.â You huff into your pillowcase, knowing youâre gonna get up because his perfect mix of support and command is annoyingly attractive. âHow much longer?â
Yoongiâs too quiet for your tastes.Â
âIâll figure it out tomorrow.âÂ
Eyes closed, youâre silent for eons.Â
âOkay.â
To your confusion, you get a food delivery at your office the next day.Â
Inspecting the contents of the bag, youâre cautious until you notice a takeout box of mandu under some sweets and a few all too familiar fruits.
And at the note inside, you promptly proceed to the least used bathroom to compose yourself.
Soon.
Soon and Almost are somewhat similar.
Both can give people a bit of hope.Â
But they can also be the most dangerous words to play with.
Because soon is hilariously arbitrary, and you almost believed it meant something good.Â
âGoing to Yoongiâs.â
âK.â
âYou wanna go? Heâs having a few people over.â
You bite down so hard your jaw hurts. âNah, I already have plans tonight.â
âK. Have fun!â
When the door closes, you keep your eyes on the television.
Arms falling at your side because you know you arenât going anywhere.Â
On a random Tuesday, you finally get a package youâve been waiting on for what seems like months, and you rush to your room to check if itâs exactly what you wanted.
When it looks so beautiful, and feels smooth to the touch, you clutch the material in sorrow.
Itâs perfect.
And completely useless for the time being.
Calls have been the one thing getting you by.
But over time, even those have virtually stopped.
It canât be helped. Heâs working far too late into the night for you to stay awake, and is passed out by the time you need to wake up.Â
Spending time with friends helps distract from the drift, especially when one of them keeps snapping you into the present, but theyâre getting busy, too.Â
However. Despite all the obstacles, you keep waiting. A season has passed, yet you stay grounded.Â
Hoping, wishing, choosing to believe that Yoongiâs not gonna do the same.
You accidentally spill your drink.
And you sob.Â
One chilly night, you take more of Taehyungâs advice, going to Jiminâs determined to have a good time.Â
But despite the manufactured confidence you had while getting dressed up and the way you were totally fine walking in and conversing with people and the admittedly perfect vibes of the partyâŚ
Thereâs a hole in your chest that wonât decrease in size.Â
No matter what you feed itâfood, drinks, the compliments of othersâit refuses to budge, and this emptiness holds weight. Heavy. Melancholic.
Painful.
As you suddenly find yourself on Jiminâs windy balcony, one with a slightly different view than the one youâll remain on forever, dull eyes lower to your solo.Â
If you forget this one on the railing, tooâŚ
Will he finally show up to hand it back?Â
A sharp ache spreads as the hole expands, new tears too powerful to ignore. You know your vision swims, but you donât move to stay afloat at all.Â
Three months.Â
Ninety days.
Eight million seconds.Â
It only took sixty for you to miss him. And it only took sixty-one for you to feel something else.Â
How many more will you end up counting? How long until you get to count down instead of up?Â
You keep asking yourself that. When you know for damn sure that you donât want to know the answer.Â
A breeze wraps around your limbs as you sip, the chill cutting through your dress and making you teeter in your heels.Â
Because it seems like Yoongi doesnât know, either.Â
To the point where itâs starting to scare you.Â
Has he been perfect otherwise? Sickeningly.Â
But something in you keeps wondering why the wait keeps extending, anxious that he could be flat out stalling.Â
Prematurely saddened by the possibility that heâs reconsidering entirely.
It makes sense. At least, more sense than him actually wanting something with you. Maybe this time apart has given him the clarity to realize how rose-tinted this whole situation has been. How unrealistic and laughable.
But that night in his kitchenâŚÂ
Itâs getting harder and harder to stay positive.
On the verge of defeat, you hold out your phone, clicking around until your finger hovers over a certain Call button.
You canât.
Heâs working. Someone could see your name, if he has it saved as normal as you have his.
Your finger moves a bit closer.
What the fuck are you doing? Stop. Donât screw up everything youâve had to endure with one impulsive decision.
But your mind is fucking bad tonight and you have no clue why.
When the screen lights up with the call screen anyway, ice water rushes through because you totally didnât mean to call and you need to end it now.Â
Hold on, itâs an incoming call?
Oh fuck, itâs an incoming call.
Your throat sears as your eyes shut tight.Â
How the fuck did he know? How the fuck does he always know?Â
Tears burning, you try your hardest to calm the hell down before you answer, wondering why he dubs you his good luck charm when he puts guardian angels to shame.
You canât even say hello.
âHey.â
Fuck. Get it together. Gentle, silent, strong.Â
âHello?â
But you canât. Not this time. Just hearing his voice for the first time in weeks has you crumbling, and that damn hole in your chest is unquenchable.Â
As soon as your greeting is nothing but a weak sniffle, his change in tone seizes your soul and squeezes.
Because it plummets.
âWhere are you.â
Thereâs quick shuffling and a door opening.
âWhatâs wrong.âÂ
Damn it thereâs keys jangling and you canât help but sob even harder knowing exactly what heâs doing.Â
Goddamn it, Min Yoongi. He doesnât have to go home just because youâre what, sad? Pathetic.
You feel way too many things for this man and it fucking sucks that eight million seconds have gone by after you finally acknowledged them.
However many you get with him now, whenever that may be, youâre not taking a single one for granted.Â
âBabe, tell me. Now.âÂ
âJiminâs. Outside,â you choke out, sniffling and wiping both cheeks. âBut nothing happened, Yoongi, I justâIt justââÂ
âGimme twenty. Can you do that?âÂ
Lowering your head and expectations, you huff in sad amusement.Â
Of course you can. Twenty minutes is nothing to you now. You can wait until heâs free. âGuess so.âÂ
âK. Go back inside and grab a bag.âÂ
Huh? Knitted brows get aimed at your cup as you question him.
âChips, doll. Jimin has some in the pantry.âÂ
That doesnât answer anything, so you remain thoroughly confused. âIâll be okay,â you respond after a moment, simply assuming he wants you to replenish sodium. âIâm not hungry.â Â
âI am.â
You freeze.
So does time.
And the next three seconds are enough.
âBut you better bring the good shit or Iâm not letting you in the car.â
After camping in the only unoccupied bathroom, you finally get a text that heâs somewhere around the corner.Â
And your chest has never felt lighter.
Texting Tae, you let him know that youâre leaving and that you donât apologize to Jimin for raiding his kitchen. When he responds, thatâs when you slip out, your departure a mess of crinkling and racing heartbeats.Â
If anyone sees you walking out with chips, you pay them no mind. Because you only care what one person thinks.
And seven minutes later, when you see him doubling over at the bazillion noisy bags in your arms, you laugh along at the absurdity of it all.
Itâs almost enough to distract you from what heâs wearing.Â
But to your credit, you donât exactly see the damn rips in his jeans until he opens a back door for you to throw your haul in.
As if the black top wasnât already disrespectful enough. His hair has even gotten longer, and you really, really like the new length.
âFucking hustler.â
No second is wasted as you grab his shirt, positively melting at the way he doesnât resist or shy away at all.Â
In fact, he does the exact opposite, crushing you against his warm car so fast he has to brace himself. You welcome the way air leaves your lungs, because youâre giving it all to him with each pass of his lips over yours.Â
Both of you know youâre outside, in public, somewhere you can be seen. But, mirroring the last time you kissed under a starry sky, neither of you act like you give a shit.
Just like that, everything that has haunted you fades. The worries, the fears, the doubts. It doesnât matter how many days have passed, because it feels like he never left.Â
And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer.
Endless.Â
âGet in,â he rasps through a smirk. âThief.âÂ
With a grin spread so wide your cheeks hurt, you respond right as your foreheads meet,
âAnything for you.â
With nothing but the road ahead and him beside you, everything is right with the world.
âYou still have to gimme chips.âÂ
Maybe not quite everything.
Smile ruining your attempted pout, you reach behind your seat to pick a random bag, settling on the easiest one to grab. âYou really made me get these just for you, huh? Are you eating?â
âYes, my love. And I never said that.â
Well. That first sentence will never, ever, ever be unpacked.
As you shakily open the bag, you hope his music hides your shiver, âSuch a smartass.â
âYouâre the smartass.â
âDonât act like you arenât smart, too,â you laugh, tugging down your dress because he has his car pretty cold tonight. âI know you are.âÂ
When Yoongi reaches to grab some crisps, his blatant stare on your thighs makes you squirm. âWhy?âÂ
âI just⌠You read.âÂ
To your chagrin, he laughs in surprise, forcing you to look out the window.Â
Which makes you miss the way he turns down the fans. âIâm smart cus I read? How do you even know?â
âYou have books under your coffee table,â you answer without doubt as he digs for more chips. âAnd you donât have decor just to have it, soâŚâ
He cocks a brow before focusing on the road, licking his fingers and giving you grief. âI moved those, by the way.â
âEmââyou coughââEmbarrassed?â
âProactive.â
âHuh? For what?â
He can barely contain his spreading curve. âThe next time you decide to fuck up my place.âÂ
Your heartbeat skips as you gawk, and the current song is overshadowed by your playful shouts and tickle attempts. âOh, bullshit!â
âYou soakedâaishâmy whole apartment!â
âThat was you!â
âNo?â
âYes? I was nice and only got your head wet!â
Yoongi glances at you then, head tilted up in cockiness and wide smirk slicing through your every thought.
And you glitch when you realize why.
Settling back into your seat with arms guarding your shyness, you sniff upward. âUgh. Whatever⌠Iâm right.âÂ
He chuckles a bit before making a turn, and the scenery starts getting familiar.
Way too familiar.
Wait, heâs taking you back to your house?
No no no. Why is he taking you there?Â
You got into his car fully prepared to go back to his place, consequences and shit be damned. Everything else be damned. One night is all you want right now, and thereâs no way you arenât going without a fight.
All sense of the current mood dissipates when you grip his forearm. âNot there.âÂ
He flicks his gaze, rolling to a stop at an intersection thatâs frighteningly close. And his expression falls when he shifts into park with a sigh. âBabe⌠We canât.âÂ
âI donât care.â
âI was only gonna bring you back.â
âBaby, please.â
âHeâs homeââ
âDo you still miss me?âÂ
He freezes.Â
Which gives you a chance.Â
Eyes glossy, you use all the seconds you have to say everything youâve kept to yourself.
Almost everything.
âBecause I get it if you donât. I do. But I really⌠I really fucking miss you. And not just because of, whatever. But I consider you a friend and fun as hell to be around, and I havenâtââyou inhale, hating how it shakesââI havenât been this happy in weeks. And we arenât even doing anything.âÂ
Yoongi is completely silent. But thatâs okay because you arenât done.Â
âI know you said I wouldnât see you. But after getting to know you? The real you? âŚThat sucks.â You canât look at him when his hand slips from the wheel. âIâm not gonna make you change anything, just. Telling you whatâs on my mind. Like you said. Iâm gonna do that a lot more now.â
He doesnât say a word as a tear cuts one of your cheeks, and youâre brave enough to look his way again. âBut itâs been three months, Yoongi,â you whisper. âIs that still not enough for you?â
Time ticks as you hold your breath, oxygen depleting and lungs nearing collapse as you watch his eyes close.Â
You laid everything out on the table. Your words, your thoughts, your pain.
Whatever he decides, though? Youâll respect it. You said what you wanted to say and you wonât take any of it back. If he wants to prolong this, you wonât stop him. If he doesnât want this anymore⌠the home in your heart will need repairs, but youâll live. Somewhat. You donât know how but somehow. People are like seasons. Youâre used to it.
Yoongiâs still way too quiet.Â
So, giving up and getting the point, you reach up to open your door.
âStop.âÂ
You do.Â
And the way he flexes his jaw shoots magma through your veins before he wrenches the car into drive.Â
The universe spins as you burst into Yoongiâs apartment, running, bumping, slamming into furniture until you get thrown against his bedroom door.Â
Welcoming the pain, you devour his scorching lips, fingers digging into his hair with a desperation that frightens you. All you feel is him him him, barely recalling the manic drive over and the way he all but busted into his own place.Â
If there were any lingering doubts to your question, theyâre left out in the chill, not allowed to witness the way he hitches your leg up before pinning you firm with his pelvis.
âShouldnât be fucking doing thisââÂ
You moan at the way his jeans feel on your skin, shivers running rampant when you more than feel his hardness poke through. âPlease,â you pant, sticking to your word and ready to tell him what you want.Â
âPlease what.âÂ
Everything you want.Â
Tugging his head back, your admissions rub right against his mouth, âChoke me. Use me. I donât care, do it all.â
âHuh?â
A breath whooshes out when he yanks you forward with a growl, and you cannot seem to stop, âDonât be nice. Spit in my mouth. Make me beg like a fucking slut, I need it.â
All the other times, youâve seen Yoongi break in different ways.Â
But this is the first time youâve felt him legitimately snap.Â
âThe fuck.â
Lightning strikes the dark as he slams you backward, teeth clinking against yours when he smothers you with saliva and lust. When he shoves his door open, you stumble back, more unholy plans in mind than he imagines.Â
You donât know whatâs coming over you.Â
Even as you force him sideways to shove into his rolling chair, the piercing look he gives is no match for your inner storm.
âBabeââ
Impatient, you drop to your knees, the pain nothing to you as your fingers twitch over his zipper. As you tug his pants down with force, Yoongiâs outright shock is another first for you.
âAre you suââ
âLet me do this,â you plead upward, and you feel highly motivated when he doesnât do a thing except let out a low, gritty hum.Â
Grabbing at his cock, you already moan at the way it feels in your palmâŚ
Softly, oh so softly, a large hand closes over yours, and you hear your name in a whisper, haze temporarily receding.Â
Whatâs wrong? Does he want you to stop?
When you ask without a word, Yoongi leans forward to capture your lips, and this gives you a warm sort of deja vu. âYou drank tonight, yeah?âÂ
âYeahâŚ?â Oh. He totally tasted alcohol. And your frantic behavior. He thinksâOh.Â
Understanding what heâs getting at, you reach up and caress his cheek. âIâm not drunk, baby,â you chuckle. âI just missed you.âÂ
Again, he looks at your eyes, one after the other. When you say it once more for good measure, he kisses you in acceptance.Â
âSo are you gonna fuck my throat or nah?â
He falls back with a groan, raking his hair and legs spread wide. âWhat are you doing to me.â
âThis.â
Without prompt, you dive head first, leaning forward to take his tip and swirl your tongue all around. Commanding his every drop of attention, you donât let up as you tug your dress downward, breasts spilling out before you stand just enough to claim his lips.Â
He takes full advantage with a devilish curve, smacking your tits before ordering, âGet the fuck back down there.â
And you obey with a proud smirk of your own, hoping heâs liking this new side of you, too.Â
Back between his knees, you worship his length in earnest, swallowing him again and again and lathering him in saliva so your hands slide easily on him, too. When you feel his veins rub both your palms, you hear a symphony of lustful baritones.
âHoly fuck.âÂ
You quickly discover you canât get enough. Lapping, sucking, sheathing your head on his cock so far your brain smushes upward. He feels so familiar at this point that you realize you missed him even here, knocking the back of your throat and burdening your tongue with heavenly, sinful weight.Â
And you feel more familiar palms grip your head, eyes opening to see him staring down with reverence and something you canât quite decipher.Â
âSo fucking filthy...âÂ
You chuckle, the rumble making him hiss and throw his head back against his chair.Â
âDonât do that.âÂ
You gladly disobey, laughing even harder around him before releasing with an expert pop to suck on his balls.Â
âFuck!â
Thereâs a slight squeak before he grips you again, and you can tell heâs slipping by the way his moans devolve into breathy, short hisses.Â
Breaking, he pushes your head into his sack before slapping your cheek with his cock, and you hum as it slips back inside your grin.Â
Yes yes yes. You want him to enjoy this just as much as you do, steal this time together and run with it, need him to hang on the brink of mania where you currently reside. Because even though heâs saying things, you canât hear them over the wholly impure sounds slopping out of your esophagus.Â
âFucking hell, baby,â he praises, thrusting up slow as you keep him slathered. âMissed that fuckinâ mouth.â
You finally come up for air, gulping in air and letting him see you in all your panting glory. When you lock eyes, his lidded gaze is loaded, aimed only at your taunting stare.
Drool coats you in globs. Your chest, the floor, hanging from your lips as you stroke him with wet fingers before swallowing another time.Â
And you think you can do this until your jaw falls off.
But suddenly youâre hoisted upward before being thrown onto soft sheets, legs roughly shifted to one side as you paint the dark with your hoarse giggles. Before you know it, his lips attack your chest, and heâs setting butterflies wild as you arch in record time.Â
âTake this off,â he growls, tugging at your dress with sweaty fingers that you want lodged in multiple places. âNo more hiding.âÂ
You mewl, undressing as fast as youâre able, tearing the garment off and flinging it away. But your heels are still on, and whether heâs just as deft at removing those, too, youâll need to hit pause. âWhat about myââ
âDonât,â he grits with brows pinched, and his next vow is absolute, pure sin,
âIâm fucking you with them on.âÂ
âOh, fuck.â Your whine is high as you throw your head back, the next groan guttural as you feel a hand smack the side of your ass with force. Your jaw comes loose, soreness shooting through its curve as your legs are erotically parted to give Yoongi a view of everything.Â
You know your panties are soaked.Â
You know heâs gonna wreck your shit.Â
But seeing him eye the whole mess on display before lifting his hungry gaze your way? Youâre damn sure you arenât gonna survive the night.Â
Perfect.Â
âPlease fuck me, baby,â you let out with a tone so soft that you think he doesnât hear you.Â
He does. âIâm gonna do a lot more than that, doll.âÂ
You tilt your head, confused and wondering what he means.Â
But he ignores your wordless question, sliding fingers along your ankle before holding your leg to kiss that same spot.Â
The action alone is enough to rewire your brain, but itâs the way he looks so confident, so unbothered, so determined that has your insides churning with want.Â
He plants lips there again before shifting his hand down to your calf, yanking your leg back wide and pulling a tiny help out of your throat. When he shifts to grip your other leg, he growls under his breath,Â
âSo fucking perfect.âÂ
âNo, you,â you counter with a pout, and flinch what the fuck his slap to your cunt felt good. âHey!â
âNone of that,â Yoongi orders with finality. âNot after all that shit you said at the door.âÂ
âI dunno what happened there,â you admit, inevitably shy under his commanding presence. Your cheeks sizzle before your teeth grip your lip, temporarily brought back to normalcy at his confession,
âAlmost made me come.âÂ
âBe for real.âÂ
âDamn serious.âÂ
The cheshire cat would be jealous of your grin. âThen I should keep going?â
âUh huh.â He cups your whole cunt, and the possessive nature it exudes pushes a whine against your teeth. âTell me.âÂ
âFuck me like you missed me.âÂ
A groan rips through his room before he swoops down, lips bruising yours on the landing before he shoves his mouth against your neck.Â
Tingles erupt over your skin as he laps at your throat, so hard that your entire upper body slides across his rumpled sheets. When you feel his cock rub across your thong and his jeans grazing your skin, his name flies out of your chest. Moans, sighs, everything in between.Â
âCareful,â he warns low before another toe-curling lick. âYou wonât leave if I did that.â
âI donât want to,â you grit in return, reaching to sink claws in his hair and tug. âWanna stay.â
Strong arms wrap around you before you feel him spread liquid fire up your shoulder, and he reaches to nip at your ear before deft fingers flick a nipple.Â
His voice rasps against your cheek, but the words sound reluctant to even leave. âYou shouldnât even be here, babe.â
Fuck. You know thatâs true but your heart is rattling like a monster starved.Â
âJust tonight,â you plead your case. Because you donât want to be shooed away before itâs over, but if this is all you get, he needs to do something now. âBut if you really donât want this then please kick me out beforeââ
âFuck that.â After greedily tweaking your other nipple, he rolls his body against yours, making you fiend for the weighty cock wedged against you with only thin material between. âFuck all of that.âÂ
He rushes upward before nudging your leg over with a strong hand, and you fixate on the way his chains hit his chest. Just like always. âDonât move.â
You donât even get to breathe twice as he drops from sight, and you yelp to his roof as soon as you feel teeth nick your inner thigh. At your flinch, you feel him grip your leg with force, ordering you even harsher,
âI said. Donât move.âÂ
âButâYoongi!âÂ
You donât notice him yank your underwear sideways before flattening a hot tongue against your folds, sucking so good you have to back away from the stimulation. Immediately, both your legs are seized before he tugs you back to him.Â
âUh uh.â
And he keeps your legs apart before diving deep, and youâve never devolved into a quivering mess so fast in your goddamn life. The way he licks, sucks, kisses just where you needâeverything sends thunder through your chest, lightning across your cunt, rain into your eyes.Â
You can do nothing but squirm, squeals and whines and high moans leaving arrowheads in his ceiling.Â
Holy fuck, did you sound this loud when you worshipped him? Even now, spread wide and willing to give Yoongi the world, you find a moment to be embarrassed in the best way.
If the neighbors hear, you donât care. Theyâre gonna know how well heâs feasting on you, how gorgeously corrupt you feel. How youâre his and his alone and ready to scream it to the rooftops.Â
When you feel a finger alongside his tongue, the sound you make borders on inhuman. You think itâs his name, but even you arenât quite sure.Â
All you know is that youâre close. Your thighs are burning and your fingers swipe at his locks but he refuses to let you go. âYoongiâIâmââ
Suddenly.
He stops.Â
And every nice thing you have to say to him falls to the wayside. âNo no no! Please, fuckââ
The light tap to your cunt makes you quiver, and your chest heaves when he chuckles without pity,
âWhatâd you say?âÂ
âPleaâBaby!âÂ
âHuh?âÂ
Every fucking time you speak, he taps again. And every time he gets you close, he edges with aggravating control. Again. And again.Â
And again.
You exist between reality and fiction, somehow seeing yourself unwinding, winding, spiraling out of control. Words start to form abstract blobs of syllables, your mouth hanging open as he peppers lazy, unbothered kisses on your thighs. Â
In your foggy vision, you think you see him stand. And youâre pretty sure he grabs his cock before heâs rubbing his thick head between your folds oh fuckâ
âThis is what you wanted, huh.âÂ
Your breath hitches with a whine as you nod.
âYou gonna be a good little slut?âÂ
Oh, youâre gonna be whatever he fucking wants. So you nod again, not without a smile lopsided.Â
âThen fucking beg.âÂ
He smacks his cockhead against your cunt, springing your back in an arch and tugging strings of incoherent speech from your depths. You make hard lines of his sheets as you grip them in both palms, and you donât wanna know what youâre saying because the way Yoongiâs staring with a smirk has you blacking the fuck out.Â
To the point where youâre nothing but a quivering, shaking, restless mess on his bed.
You somehow closed your eyes at some point, because they fly open when you feel his lips on yours, and you tug at his stupidly attractive shirt that he didnât bother to pull off. âPlease,â you whisper, brain floating oceans away. âI need you.â
âNeed you, too.âÂ
He breaks away to grab a condom, and this is when you realize how intertwined you feel because even this distance is too much to bear. Youâre spilling nonsense and breathing harsh and you attribute that to the sole fact that you crave release. Itâs aching. Consuming.Â
Yoongiâs already naked and prepped by the time he positions himself between your sore legs, and you give in without resistance again when he descends on your lips.Â
When you whisper his name, he kisses it away, and you briefly wonder why his hands shake running up your sides.Â
Finally, finally, finally, he gives exactly what you want, the initial connection stretching you sore because itâs been way too long. And you feel emotional when you donât even doubt itâs been too long for him, too.Â
Because his eyes speak volumes.Â
They hold onto your every move, watch your every reaction, hesitate when you blow out air accommodating his size.Â
But you lock yours with him when you relax, weakly grasping his jewelry before sliding fingers up his shoulders. When you nod, he pushes in further, both of you sighing in tandem.Â
And as soon as you whisper youâre ready, all niceties fly out the window.Â
Youâre thrusted up his bed with a determined stroke before he sets a pace, and your head kicks back as soon as a hand captures your neck.Â
âLook at me,â he commands, and he gives you a light pat on the cheek before squeezing your jaw. âOpen up.â
When you do, spit flings from his mouth into yours, and you already sprint to the edge feeling the weight of your heels and the strength of his body. âFuck!â
You get pat againârougher this timeâbefore Yoongi goes to choke you a second time. âWhat do you say?â
âMe?â you pant, tearing the first thought from your throat when he grits it again. âThankââÂ
Fuck, his dick is hitting every spot you need it to. It takes you a second to repeat your garbled guess in full, knowing itâs something you wouldâve said anyway. âThank you.â
âNow swallow.âÂ
As soon as he shoves inside, your obedience is your undoing. The skies open to welcome you as your body locks, thighs squeezing his taut sides as he moans through your release. Waves tug you unbelievably far, and you almost lose yourself in the swell before you crash onto shore again.
âSuch a whore for me,â Yoongi praises, kicking you back to the very first night and making you melt. When you peel eyelids open, you notice his smile matches yours, and the shared, cherished memory smoothens your gravelly laugh.
âLove when you do that,â you admit, shaking your head at your own strange preferences. âDonât know why.âÂ
âMe neither.â He spears you again with a cheeky lip bite. âBut itâs so fucking hot.âÂ
Your grin canât be contained, and this is where you wanna be. Right here. Nowhere else in the fucking universe.Â
âIâm ready,â you pant, and he gives you a brief look of affectionâwhich you shatter with force. âFuck the shit out of me.âÂ
Yoongi twitches madly inside your core as he expels a pained, breathy laugh. âGoddamn, this isnât good for me.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âNothing.â He doesnât waste a second gathering your calves while you ponder what he says. âHold these pretty legs up for me. There you go.â
When you find the easiest way to do so, you marvel at how shaky and slippery your thighs are, wondering if the rest of you is faring any better.Â
Itâs not.Â
But you canât dwell on that now because Yoongi is holding on like heâll lose you, resuming a delicious pace and smacking your hips into his with the most indecent sounds.Â
Your whines soon join in, and his hums of satisfaction fuel your ever going flame. Heaven and earth could move and you would remain here, suspended in time as he fills you perfectly with every fast stroke.Â
âFeel so goodââ
When he leaves your cunt, you mewl before he grunts, âFuckingâGet up.âÂ
What is heâÂ
Youâre hoisted upward so quickly that you see starlight, not even registering the clanks and shifts of items before heâs spinning to pin you down on a solid surface. Your heels find purchase on the floor but your knees prove unbelievably weak.
Whatâsâ
Oh fuck, are you on his desk?
Your hands retreat until they find an edge to grab, and you moan outright when you feel his fingers slide up your cunt, shoving your thong farther over one side of your ass.Â
âYoongiââ
You feel full in an instant, jaw going slack as he shoves you backwards on his cock, praises washing down your back as he pushes down any arches you instinctively make.Â
âUh uh. Stay like that.âÂ
âI wannaââ Your words are cut off with a whine as you feel a sting on your ass. âFuck!â
âThere you go.âÂ
The rock of the desk is so strong that every bang against the wall booms loud, equipment sliding back and forth and making you briefly worry if anything will fall.
But this is the most turned on youâve ever, ever felt, and you have no fucking clue why.
You wonder if he feels the same right before his dark laugh consumes you.
âGoddamn.âÂ
Your hands are grabbed before he shoves you forward, letting more of your body lie on the surface so that he can pin sweaty arms at your back.Â
Oh, fuck!
Your moans glide across wood as he doesnât let up, and you donât even want to know how much drool will exist on his desk when youâre done. Maybe youâll never be done. Maybe he really will keep you here forever, and youâll soak his wholeâ
âCome here.âÂ
He gathers your wrists in one large palm before reaching to grip your chest, hauling you up and securing you against his body by the throat.Â
And you think your soul just left your earthly vessel.Â
Pressing you further into him, he grits in your ear,Â
âNever fucking kicking you out.â His tight stroke launches you across space. âDonât even think about saying that again.âÂ
When did youâ You saidâ Why donât you rememberâ
You go limp when he shoves into you again, but your heels wobble and you focus damn hard on staying upright.Â
But Yoongi doesnât give a shit. âYou hear me?â When you let out a breathy confirmation, he still isnât satisfied. A hand pats your cheek before he asks again, âSay it louder.âÂ
âYes!â
âGood.â
He drops all talk, pistoning in from behind while you take it and take it and love it. Mercifully, he lets your sore arms go to pin you down again, gritted words and curses dancing with your high-pitched sighs.Â
Fuck, his strokes are so deep that you see into the next universe, and you donât think your mouth has been shut ever since you made contact with his desk.Â
Maybe he was more frustrated than you were. Heâs using you as stress relief like you intended, and his roughness is a fantastic surprise.Â
Itâs just what you need. Which kicks you into a whole other level of want and the beast inside you transforms yet again.Â
When Yoongi yanks himself out, youâre quick to spin and shove him backward. As he flops onto the bed, he laughs like sin incarnate when you pounce, his hot hands grabbing at your hips and encouraging your behavior in the nastiest way.
âLetâs go then, pretty bitch.â
âYou already fucking know.â
âShow me what Iâve been missing.â
âDonât fall in love.âÂ
When you sink onto him, Yoongiâs already groaning. But when you start to swivel at a pace that will render you sore, he begins to lose it.Â
âFuck.â
His head kicks back, eyes shut and brows pinched to hell. After holding your waist, he has to slap his sheets to squeeze even tighter, chest marred with red under pretty silver.Â
You make sure every rotation is full, slowly rocking with each circle you make and gritting teeth at how fucking big he is.
Soon, his hisses devolve into groans, and he snaps his head back up to slap your breastsâone after the other before gripping your hips so hard you welcome the pain.Â
âFuck, I missed this pussy,â he confesses with husk, and you whine in response as you lower yourself to kiss him deep.Â
âIt missed you, too.â
Coming back up, you dig one of your hands in his mattress while bracing on him with the other, and you close your eyes in bliss as you arch your tits toward his hungry lips.Â
Just like you want, he chuckles in satisfaction as he suckles, lolling his tongue all around before giving your nipple a hard suck. His noises remind you of lollipops, and you briefly think of a few fun things you could do with those for next time.
But a hand juts up to seize the back of your neck, forcing you to arch in place as he starts thrusting hard.Â
âYoongi!â
âUh huh.â Â
Before you can talk again, his other hand joins in to choke you just enough, and you find yourself teetering on a precipice. Holy fuck, holy fuck, youâre close again.
âYou gonna come?â
A frantic nod.
âThen come.âÂ
As soon as you hear the words, you do exactly that, windpipe released just as you pulse around him incredibly hard. The waves prove tsunamis, and you dangle from their crests before plummeting and tumbling below. Your moan extends as he thrusts erratically through your quivers, encouraging you and digging rough fingers into your hips.Â
âAgain.âÂ
Somehow, thatâs enough to make your body obey, and you cry out as you flutter around his trembling cock, hearing him talk you through it but not quite understanding what heâs saying.Â
Maybe you also choose not to listen because of what you think you hear, and you donât want to be haunted if you realize later on what you thought you heard wasnât true.Â
The world rotates up as Yoongi sits up, and you sling arms around him as he leans back on his hands. Your breath hitches at the new angle heâs filling you at, and your eyes swirl when he coolly, confidently commands,Â
âAgain.âÂ
You canât you canât you canât but you can. Holy fuck apparently you can, and this time, it consumes you so hard your eyes roll back enough to see the past. Past you, insecure and meek and scared to say what they want.Â
Oh, if they could witness you now.Â
You shudder impossibly hard around him, coated with his deep chuckles and dashing, ego-ridden grin. Itâs all you see before you slump against his chest, heartbeat pounding against yours when you canât feel any bone in your body.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Two hearts.
One night is enough.
âSo fucking perfect.â
âFor you,â you wisp out, lost in galaxies. âOnly you.âÂ
He can only kiss the side of your head in response, gently lowering you both onto spent cotton and helping you straighten out your muscle-locked legs. When he asks if youâre okay, you can only nod, and he plants another kiss on your temple before sliding off his protection.Â
Both of you take time to calm down, breaths heavy from what felt like a marathon. But a much better marathon than the one youâve had to endure over the last three months.Â
When you lie against his chest, you silently thank him for giving you tonight. Itâs the riskiest thing youâve ever done with him, but you wonât worry about it. Not right now. Not when you feel more at home here than your own house.Â
Your brother is right. Something is definitely missing over there.Â
Itâs when your pants have relaxed into soft breaths that you nudge your head against Yoongiâs chest, eyes shut in peace as he lazily draws circles on your back.Â
And the first words he says in minutes inject sparkles into your eyes,
âI need to re-up this damn catâs food.âÂ
Oh, shit!
Your outright squeal is surely coming out too loud but you donât care. Donât care donât care donât care not when Yoongi just gave away so many different things.Â
This man leaned right into the whole thing.
âI knew it!â You proclaim in triumph, smacking his thigh while hearing a very elongated âshut upâ at your side. âTried to hide it from me all these months? Somebodyâs getting soft.â
âFirst off.â
âUh huh.â
God. If only you both could go on one of those late night shopping trips he talked about before. Maybe you couldâve gotten plenty of things. Like some little cat toys, or extra storage cabinets for your clothes.Â
Yeah. Stuff like that.Â
âIâm her favorite.âÂ
Your scoff is immediate as you hoist yourself up, leaning on your hand and regretting the burn in your arm. âOnly because you gatekeeped her.â
A soft disagreement precedes a more prominent, âWonât even matter.â
Yoongi looks so at peace when you stare, and your voice calms to match as it floats down, âYou took care of her.â
When he only smiles, you decide that this is how you want him to be all the time. Content and outright glowing, fireflies dancing in his eyes.Â
Does he feel at home, too?Â
âShe was gonna be your surprise,â he finally murmurs. âFor getting the gig.â
Heart and tear ducts full, you lower yourself to tenderly press lips to his. And, since it seems to work for you, his forehead is what you decide to kiss next.Â
Then you pull away.
Wondering why heâs not smiling anymore.Â
âCome here.â
You blink, lying back down to snuggle against his side. When his arm wraps around your shoulder, it's only then that youâre aware you still have shoes on. A clean person, you hope Yoongi doesnât mind them touching his sheets.Â
But maybe itâs a tad too late for that concern.Â
âHow are you gonna get home?â
Oh, right. You use his chest to scratch an itch in your nose before responding, âIâll call a ride in the morning. Heâll be out cold until noon at the earliest.âÂ
âK.âÂ
âDid I keep you from anything?â
A puff flies out his nostrils. âKinda late for that, huh.âÂ
âTrue,â you sigh, berating yourself for thinking a lot of things too late. âSorry.â Â
âBut no, we were finishing up when I called.âÂ
âOkay⌠Did I scare you?â You lift your eyes then, because you need to know for sure.Â
When he levels a look, you curse at his quiet confirmation. âIâm sorry. I donât know what came over me.âÂ
âSâok.âÂ
âI just⌠It hurt tonight.â Emotion washes over your face before you bury it. âReally hurt.âÂ
After a light squeeze, Yoongi gently rolls you over, resting his head exactly where your hand clutches your chest. When you move your fingers, he kisses that same spot, and your heart stops. âHow about now.âÂ
Feeling the deepest pain youâve ever felt in your life, you cradle his head with a whisper,Â
âMaybe try that one more time.â
And he does, not looking at your tears as he sits up to peer down the bed.Â
When he scoots down to the edge, your breath catches as he holds a heel in sure hands, his back beautiful even with the scars. While he works through leather straps, he starts to speak,Â
âI always do, babe.âÂ
Blinking, you ask what he means as he slips your shoe off with ease.
âMiss you.â
As he tenderly holds the other, you gulp in oxygen to quell the sear around your eyes. âI just⌠Wasnât sure,â you admit, voice wavering.Â
His hair falls forward when he sighs, and his palms feel way too relaxing to just be taking your heels off. Even now, it feels like heâs revering you. And you truly donât know how you deserve any of this.Â
âThatâs my fault.âÂ
Throat small, youâre swift to reassure him. âNo, no. I need to just suck it up. Iâm sorry.âÂ
After freeing your other foot, he rubs it without prompt, and you donât know how to deal with someone giving you this level of care.Â
âJust a little bit longer, doll,â he says, and you admire his profile when he turns. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âYou gave me tonight.âÂ
When he swallows, you reassure him with all the support you can give,Â
âA little longer is nothing.âÂ
A moment passes by before he finally moves, and you catch a hint of a smile right before he faces his disheveled to hell desk again.Â
Deciding that conversation has concluded, you crack the atmosphere with a joke, âYou liked whatever happened over there, huh.â
Immediately, Yoongiâs shoulders bob with a laugh before he admits, âFucking you on my desk? Iâve wanted to do that for months.âÂ
âReally?â
âYeah.â He leans forward. âThereâs a lot of shit Iâve wanted us to do for months.âÂ
Us.
Thoroughly giddy and full of life again, you egg him on. âOh? Like what?â
Finally, he looks over his shoulder with a grin, and you scoff in frustration at his answer,
âWhatâs the fun in telling you?â
âAss!â
While youâre getting ready to shower, he leans against the doorframe of his bathroom.
âWe have a game next week.âÂ
As you fetch a towel from his cabinet, you clarify, âThe championship, right?â
âMmhmm.âÂ
âIâll be there,â you confirm, walking away to slip the thick cloth over its rack. âI canât believe itâs still going.âÂ
âSame. But thereâve been a lot of delays, remember?â
âOh, yeah.â Your hand feels out the water, satisfied with its temperature. âI meant your win streak but whatever.âÂ
And you squeal when he rushes forward, shutting the glass with a wobbly thud before he can get to you. When you stick out a childish tongue, you laugh under the spray, curve slowly, curiously, softly fading when he simply keeps staring.
Whatâs he doing?
You donât move as he slowly slides the entrance open again, and you donât dare breathe as he leans inside to kiss your wet lips.
When you tenderly take one of his wrists and pull, he obliges without hesitation, and you take another shower with the man that sets fireworks off in your soul.Â
An hour later, filled with food and laughterâand slight disappointment when you couldnât find your surprise near his doorâyou occupy his bed with full bellies and fresh minds.Â
As he lies on your chest, you think this is better, because it gives you time to think about things. And tell him about others.Â
You finally tell him what all happened with Jungkook, to which he listens without a single word. When you canât seem to shut up about your job, he doesnât stop you, and you adore the way he cuddles you under faint moonlight cutting through his window.Â
âOh, wait,â you stop, feeling like youâve talked his head off by now. âWhat did you call about?â
âHuh? Tonight?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âWe finally have a confirmed date. For that album,â Yoongi rumbles against the shirt he let you borrow. âI was gonna invite you to the release party.â
Whoa, what the fuck? âMe?â
He chuckles soft, and you wonder if he can guess how shocked you look. âYes, you. All of yâall.âÂ
At least itâs everyone. But at the same time, you still hesitate. âThat wonât be weird?âÂ
âNah. You can bring anyone you want, so. I was assuming youâd bring your friends.âÂ
âAh, I see.â
You didnât mean to sound disappointed. You truly arenât. But Yoongi pushes up to comfort you anyway, planting kisses along your skin, your neck, and finally your lips.Â
âIt wonât be the only one,â he promises. âWe got time.â
âDuh,â you giggle. âAnd Iâll be at all of them. Whether you like it or not.âÂ
Yoongi regards you before laying his weight back on your chest. And you find it strange how familiar his body already feels. How youâre already attuned to every way his legs fit against your own, or how you would know itâs him solely based on how his chest molds with yours.Â
You start mindlessly caressing his hair, fingers weaving through a dark sea of strands before smoothing over its surface.Â
And you start to hum.
Itâs not really any song, just notes you start stringing together at random. You build up before you dip back down, staying in a comfortable middle range and dancing between similar tones.Â
You stop from time to time, trying to figure out what would sound best next and changing up the cadence. Always coming back to a central theme because itâs what you deem best.
And youâre so comfortable that you completely forgot heâs lying right under your chin.
âShit, was I too loud?â
He just shakes his head, arm pressing a bit more into your side.Â
âNot at all.âÂ
So you keep going, humming more familiar tunes and phrases, softly giggling when Yoongi huffs at the way you drum on his head.Â
And thatâs how the night goes on, with you at peace and him in your embrace.
Never noticing how the shirt you're wearing collects rain.
When dawn breaks, you part with one final, heavenly kiss.Â
Yoongi watches until you get in the ride he politely called for you, and you spend the whole drive with eyes filled with light.Â
You can do this. Just a little longer, he said.
For him, you can do anything.Â
But when you get home, your brother occupies the foyer as soon as you open the front door.
And you feel the world shatter and crash at your feet.
âI think,â he states, âThereâs something you wanna tell me.â Â
â
â
â
tbc. :)Â
â
a ha ha... what do we think/like! | wanna support with a đ?
A/N: iâm so swirly-eyed that i donât even know what to say here other than iâm sorry for throwing that ending at yâall! busted pt. 2 is gonna be its own huge part at this point so i had no choice but to end it here (originally it was gonna end before they went back to yoongiâs but i love yâall too much dlkfjdsklf)Â
A/N 2:Â gonna say this again: enormous thank you to everyone supporting this whole journey, whether thatâs liking/commenting/reblogging/messaging, recommending this series to people, telling me how it makes you feel or what it means to you, or even wanting a physical copy of the series likeđ thatâs surreal to me and makes me wanna keep working harder.Â
A/N 3: as far as feedback, i would absolutely love any type yâall wanna give. this chapter took all of my brainpower and the next one is gonna take just as much haahahahdksfks so any encouragement would be wonderful!Â
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feedback box:
⼠of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated!
⼠for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think!
⼠no emails collected, no need to put in a username. itâs literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as youâd like!
⼠here!
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