#the impression that their shitty fucking app is just Too Functional for that to be a potential problem so you have to outright lie to

[prolibytherium]

Companies using """"""""AI"""""""" chatbots in place of customer service (usually with a veneer of pretending you are actually speaking to a real person, which might not be so immediately obvious to more tech illiterate people) pisses me off so bad because they are just SO fundamentally useless. The only information it can tell you is information more efficiently communicated with a FAQ page, and information that is Wrong because current chatbot technology is, in fact, not even slightly 'intelligent' and pretty damn bad at giving accurate answers to anything but the simplest questions.

Like there's no point to it besides hoping onto the flashy artificial 'intelligence' gimmick and paying for less customer service work hours, and so many companies will not only have this feature but make their actual customer service prohibitively difficult to find (and usually involving a labyrinth of automated phone menu systems that you have to navigate correctly in order to get to a person). Makes me want to kill.

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB Week 21!

Title: All These Kidnappings and Only You Quoted Star Wars Collaborator: cami-chats Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Arc Reactor Ship: Starker Rating: Mature Major Tags: Age Difference (but Peter is NOT underage) Summary: Tony's a superhero, but he likes getting rescued by someone other than himself every once in a while. And Spiderman was so funny about it that he wonders if the friendly neighborhood Spiderman was attached.  Word Count: 5366

------------------------------------------

Title: Just One Look Collaborator: cami-chats Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - Bold Ship: Gamora/Tony Stark Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: The Avengers meeting the Guardians of the Galaxy would've been felt more important if Tony and Gamora hadn't run off together after exchanging two words. Word Count: 532

------------------------------------------

Title: Your Dad Sucks Collaborator: cami-chats Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - Everett Ross Ship: Bruce/Tony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Mentions of Bad Fathers Summary: Sometimes a good date night means skipping out early and talking about how shitty your fathers were.  Word Count: 828

------------------------------------------

Title: Stank Industries Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Adopted - Tony Stank Ship: IronBros Rating: Gen Major Tags: Moodboard, Tony is a Rascal Summary: Rhodey has been wearing Stank Industries shirts for months.  Tony finally notices. Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

Title: Untitled Collaborator: chel Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R5 - AU: Supernatural Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: N/A Summary: Moodboard Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

Title: Untitled Collaborator: chel Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A5 - Tony Stark/Natasha Romanoff Ship: IronWidow Rating: Gen Major Tags: N/A Summary: Moodboard Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

Title: College Flame Collaborator: cami-chats Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - Doom Ship: Tony Stark/Sue Storm Rating: Teen Major Tags: Mentions of cheating, but no actual cheating takes place Summary: Sue and Tony broke up in college because their lives were headed in different directions. Years later, they reconnect at a party and decide to give their relationship a second chance.  Word Count: 2054

------------------------------------------

Title: Thinkin’ Nothing’s Wrong Collaborator: ceealaina Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - You Can’t Trademark That Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Meet Cute, Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting,  Summary: Jim Rhodes finally gets to meet his MIT roommate....As first meetings go, he's had better. Word Count: 1424

------------------------------------------

Title: Thread Work Collaborator: Juuls Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - Reverse Soulmates Ship: Stuckony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Reference to Disfiguring Torture Summary: 6963 Word Count: Tony’s wings ached so much sometimes that he forgot to hide it. He forgot to hide. To conceal himself.Sometimes he wondered if he needed to anymore, but one look at them and his resolve shored up all over again. He was content with what he had, content with who they were to each other; why be selfish and ask for more? He was already a billionaire, for Chrissakes.But all the money in the world couldn’t remove the pain from his wings. And each time he thought about their hands kneading the musculature of his wings buried beneath the mangled scars and metal, caring for him, chasing the ache away from his body like they did with the pain in his mind, he came one step closer to giving in.

------------------------------------------

Title: DUM-E Poetry Collection Collaborator: RoseRose Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - Life Happens Ship: Dum-E & Tony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Major Character Death (one chapter) Summary: A collection of poetry related to Tony Stark's bot, DUM-E. A couple have been posted previously on my Tumblr for the WinterIron Discord Server DUM-E Appreciation Hebdomad (this year and last year). Each poem is its own chapter Word Count: 436

------------------------------------------

Title: The Powers of Slime Collaborator: Red_Demon Link: AO3 Square Filled: T3 - Slime Ship: IronStrange Rating: Gen Major Tags: none   Summary: Peter hooks Tony up on slime… Word Count: 556

------------------------------------------

Title: Drabbles, Assemble! - Chapter 13: On Being Tony Stark's Friend Collaborator: LBibliophile Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A3 - free space Ship: Tony & Rhodey Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, non-codependent friendship Summary: To be Tony’s friend, Rhodey had to learn to step back. They must complement each other, not complete. Word Count: 100

------------------------------------------

Title: A Year of Election Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Dream Sharing Ship: Carol Danvers/Pepper Potts/James Rhodes/Tony Stark  Rating: Gen Major Tags: Polyship  Summary: It had been Rhodey’s dream to protect, to support. His best friend and long term boyfriend Tony Stark shares that dream and together with their girlfriends Rhodey gets into the one position that will guarantee he can fulfill it. He became President Word Count: 348

------------------------------------------

Title: who’s gonna tell you things aren’t so great? Collaborator: ceealaina Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Strawberries Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting Summary: Jim Rhodes isn't sure how he feels about having the Stark heir for his roommate, right up until he meets Tony and finds he's the very last thing he expected.  Word Count: 2340

------------------------------------------

Title: On Offer Collaborator: FestiveFerret Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Wearing Each Other’s Clothes Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Huddling for Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing Clothes Summary: "Is it supposed to do that?" Bucky asked.Tony looked down to see the comforting blue light of the arc reactor flickering intermittently. "Uh. No. Nope. That's - that's not normal functionality. In fact, that's very, very bad. The casing must have cracked in the crash and some water got into the core. Sh-sh-shit.""Can it wait or does it need fixing now?"Tony chewed his lip, trying to think through the fog of hypothermia. "If - If I don't fix it now, and it craps out completely, I'll pass out in a few minutes and you'll have about ten more to fix it yourself or I'm toast.""We'd better fix it now then." Word Count: 1648

------------------------------------------

Title: Sorry Collaborator: RoseRose Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - free space Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: Character Death, Grief, Poetry   Summary: The character death is past character death (Maria Stark) but I tagged because the poem is Tony dealing with being in a relationship with Bucky, and how that relates to Maria's death. Word Count: 300

------------------------------------------

Title: Zombie Collaborator: festiveferret Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R3 - zombie Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Domestic Fluff   Summary: Captain America is a zombie in the morning. Word Count: 594

------------------------------------------

Title: Saltwater Chaser Collaborator: MarvelousMenagerie (HiddenOne) Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - dragon Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Pern AU, telepathic dragons Summary: This is Tony Stark's first and only chance to Impress a dragon. Word Count: 1549

------------------------------------------

Title: From the Shell Collaborator: FestiveFerret Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - Waking Up Married Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: Mermaids, Accidental Marriage Summary: Bucky started to groan then cut himself off when the noise made his head pound. How much had he had last night? It wasn't like him to be this hungover. The soft bed under him definitely wasn't his own, but Bucky was too afraid of what the light he could feel on his eyelids would do to his headache if he opened them. He had vague memories of gorgeous brown eyes and gentle fingers, but his head was still too full of mush to shake out the details. He was dizzier than usual, too, feeling like the bed under him was wafting back and forth at pace with his pounding heartbeat. "Nuh," he tried. He rolled his face into the pillow and started to work his eyes open. The room was murky and dark but beams of sun cut through in places. There was a mess of brown hair in view when Bucky finally worked his eyes most of the way open. He smacked his mouth open and closed. It felt… weird. Word Count: 2717

------------------------------------------

Title: Rhodey Booty and College Anecdotes Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - no modesty Ship: Tony & Rhodey, minor Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: fluff and humor, college anecdotes, Avengers family   Summary: A sleep deprived Rhodey is all kinds of fun, and Tony celebrates a birthday with his family. Word Count: 2061

------------------------------------------

Title: The Shining moodboard Collaborator: sierranovembr Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Adopted -  AU: Horror Movie Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: horror movie AU, The Shining fusion, Ghosts/reincarnation, implied murder   Summary: Bucky is the caretaker of the Overlook Hotel.

------------------------------------------

Title: Don’t Fuck With Rhodey Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - Free Ship: Can be read as pre-IronHusbands Rating: Mature Major Tags: Birthday Party, Swearing, Racism, Tony to the rescue, James Rhodey Rhodes is angry, Doorman is an asshole, Slurs, Rhodey doesn't need help, Tony does it anyway, cheek kiss  Summary: Tony's brithday is celebrated big as every year.His best friend is a bit later than usual and some asshole delays it even more. (Please mind the tag racism!!! If that offsets you don't read.)  Word Count: 809

------------------------------------------

Title: Someone Who Should Know Better Collaborator: eachpeachpearplum Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - Dating App Ship: IronBros, background Pepperony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and humour, Tony is a good bro, Rhodey is so done with this shit  Summary: Rhodey is happy Tony's happy, but that doesn't mean he's okay with the persistent matchmaking. Word Count: 855

------------------------------------------

Title: Birthday Donut Collaborator: newnewyorker93 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S3 - Tony’s Poor Life Choices Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: Birthday, Legos, Iron Man 2 Summary: A birthday card for Tony, featuring a Lego recreation of the donut scene from Iron Man 2 Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

Title: Fanart for ‘From the Shell’ Collaborator: feignedsobriquet Link: Pillowfort Square Filled: A1 - Dragons Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: Dragons Summary: Pern AU Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

Title: Pleasant Dreams, Waking Nightmares Collaborator: G Link: Tumblr Square Filled: S4 - Amnesia Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Angst, Panic Attack, Post-Civil War, Vision Summary: Tony Stark wakes up in the hospital ready to confess his feelings. Why does everyone keep saying Steve won’t visit him? Word Count: 1935

------------------------------------------

Title: Silver Collaborator: peachy Link: AO3 Square Filled: R2 - Silver Haired Tony Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Old Married Couple, Birthday Summary: It's Tony's fiftieth birthday, and the tenth one they've celebrated together. Word Count: 689

------------------------------------------

Title: green-eyed monster Collaborator: peachy Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - Jealousy Ship: Stony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Jealous Steve Rogers, Fluff and Humor,  Domestic Fluff Summary: Steve of all people would never begrudge someone their best friend, least of all Tony.Or, Rhodey comes to visit and Steve's feelings are...complicated. Word Count: 1167

------------------------------------------

Title: Over My Shoulder (and out of my reach) Collaborator: PoliZ Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - Backrubs/Massages Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Rhodey POV, pining!Rhodey, awkward confessions, implied threesome Summary: Tony talks Jim into a spa day against his better judgement; in a moment of weakness, he discovers his feelings for his dearest friend might not be unrequited. Word Count: 983

------------------------------------------

Title: Stay Still Collaborator: thudworm Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Stay Still Ship: Stony Rating: Mature Major Tags: Facial Shaving, Lap Sitting, Injured Steve, First Kiss Summary: Steve is injured on a mission, and can’t get rid of the damn itchy beard he grew while stuck in the middle of nowhere. Tony offers his assistance. Word Count: 1179

------------------------------------------

Title: you are a defiant act of creation Collaborator: deathsweetqueen Link: AO3 Square Filled: Ship: Stony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Hybrid Tony Stark, Werewolf Steve Rogers, Female Tony Stark, Indian Tony Stark, Inspired by The Vampire Diaries, Violence, Misogyny, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse Summary: The boy looks up at her. He’s thin and short, sickly made, like a good breeze could knock him to his death, but he looks up at her like he’s willing to fight, willing to fight until the end. “You’re a werewolf,” Toni says, sceptically. The boy scowls up at her. He looks no older than twelve. If the boy had lived in her time, he would have died in the winter with all the weak animals, and they would not have mourned him at all. “Yeah, I am. What’s it to you?” the boy asks, defiantly. Toni tilts her head. It’s been a long time since anyone had the temerity to talk to her with such a tone, and she leans back on her heels, crouching low. She grips him by the jaw, and he tries to get out of his grasp, but a thousand-year-old hybrid is stronger than a barely pubescent werewolf, and he can only struggle so much. “I want to make you strong,” she says, her smile a soft, intimate thing. Word Count: 7138

------------------------------------------

Title: T4: AU/Historic Collaborator: omg-just-peachy Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T4: AU/Historic Ship: Steve & Tony Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: none Summary: Inspired by the movie The Nice Guys. Steve and Tony are both private investigators and have to work together on a case, so they meet for the first time for a drink. Word Count: ?

------------------------------------------

Title: Count Me In Collaborator: FestiveFerret Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K4 - Band AU Ship: WinterIron, Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Band AU, Flirting   Summary: Clint invites his brother to jam with the band. Word Count: 700

------------------------------------------

Title: Overheated Collaborator: FestiveFerret Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - Love or Lust Ship: Stony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: ABO, explicit sexual content, sex pollen Summary: Something's wrong with Tony. He's hiding in his room and won't let anyone in. But Steve barely has time to worry about him, because the heat crawling through his own veins is utterly all-consuming. Word Count: 8100

------------------------------------------

Title: N/A Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R4 - Gardening Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: art   Summary: [Fanart] Bucky and Tony planting some stuff.  

------------------------------------------

Title: Minoan Bull Leapers Collaborator: Aoife Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Adopted - AU: Ancient Civilization Ship: Starker Rating: Teen Major Tags: Moodboard  Summary: Tony is a renowned bull leaper who can’t helping the mixture of jealousy and admiration he feels for the new kid in the arena Word Count: N/A

------------------------------------------

[demonphannie]

7,500 Kilometers

read on ao3

summary: 7,500 kilometers is a pretty large distance to bridge but Dan and Phil are trying. Or rather their cell phone connection is. It’s 2013 and Dan’s in India.

words: 2.3k

warnings: swearing and a spider

a/n: uh i just banged this out in two hours because i hadn't read any fics based on this point in time so enjoy

Dan’s phone is pretty quiet most days. He doesn’t keep the notifications on for most of his apps because they cause too much clutter. Usually the only time his screen lights up is when a random family member or Phil is calling.

India is hot. And Dan says this every time (he really means it this time) but it’s hotter than any other time he’s visited. If he stares at the flora surrounding the hotel for long enough, he swears he can see them sweat. Maybe he’ll regret not joining his family on another adventure through another forest later, but right now his cotton bed sheets feel like they’re strangling him and it’s all he can think about. The open window is not providing the relief Dan considered to be it’s only function. It’s fucking hot. 

And his phone is still quiet. It’s around eight at night and the sun is making one last swan dive through the sky, starting to blaze a gaudy blood orange. Dan is twenty-two, undeniably of age to stop waiting by his phone and twirling his hair. But there he is, about 7,500 kilometers (7,544.6 if he trusted Google) away from home, longingly watching his screen.

Maybe he should grow up and --

The stupid picture Dan saved as Phil’s profile glows onto his face. It’s one that he took of Phil while he was sleeping, a private Edward Cullen moment. Phil’s mouth is slightly open and he frankly looks a little dopey with his box dye black hair falling in his face. Maybe it’s his contact picture because he looks dumb. More likely it’s because Dan misses Phil like this, quiet and all his. Dan doesn’t remember.

“Hey.” 

“Answered on the fourth ring. Strong resolve today, Howell.”

Phil can’t see Dan but they both know he blushes. Dan elects to ignore it. “You called late. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Nothing much to do here without you, if I’m honest.” Dan can hear Phil walking into the kitchen, the familiar creak of the glass door giving it away. He can picture the sipped wine bottles on the right hand counter and the Sugar Free Ribena next to the sink and the small cactus Phil probably hasn’t moved since Dan last complained about it and the bright socks on Phil’s feet padding the tile. Dan hasn’t spoken for a few seconds too long. 

“Grandma took the family out to another jungle trek or somewhere. Going to bring back dinner for me.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

“It’s fucking hot, mate.” Dan winces at his words but waits for Phil to continue after his bout of laughter. 

“Like me?” Phil’s voice warrants an eye roll. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, young man.”

“You can’t even see me, Phil.” It’s meant to be punchy but it falls a bit off the end. Dan’s sad if he’s being honest.

“But I know you and you’ve probably propped yourself on your bed all day, reading or something. Proper bookworm you are when you’re not on the internet. Lamp on all day even though it didn’t help much. That’s bad for the environment, you know. And it’s probably just hot because you haven’t moved in forever.” 

Phil’s voice has been crackling a little for the last minute and a paranoia has been slipping through Dan’s nervous system. “I’m gonna go out in the garden. Maybe the walls are --”

“Bad signal?”

“Yeah.” 

It’s a few minutes of shuffling down the stairs (they got rooms on the second floor) and probably some unattractive breathing from Dan (getting fit was really a resolution this year?). Knowing Phil, Dan’s probably on speaker. Too lazy to hold the phone to his ear, the fucker.

“Okay. Down in the garden. Can you talk so I can see if you’re more clear?”

“You can’t really see if my voice is clear. It’s more of a hearing thing.” Dan knows Phil’s doing a full smile.

“Shut up.”

“Is it more clear?”

“Yeah.”

They both give a sigh of relief. They won’t admit it to anyone but more than a few calls have been dropped due to shitty connections. It’s always more depressing than when they started talking when that happens. It already had on this particular trip and Dan was in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Dan still hasn’t switched to a plan with international texting and Dan’s family still hasn’t given into his groans about getting a hotel with a good wifi connection. Communication with Phil is a moot point with the Howells. Not that they didn’t like him but an unplugged holiday was an unplugged holiday.

“So what book have you been reading?”

“It’s kinda dumb but I’m reading the Maze Runner.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it must not be dumb.”

“It’s a total young adult novel.”

“And you say never to feed into stereotypes.”

“I’m a man of many layers, Phil Lester.”

“Yeah, okay.”

There’s a bit of a lull. Dan can hear all the bugs humming in their trees and the lights are starting to flicker on in other guests’ rooms. The sky’s being painted in broad strokes of violet and blue, sun fading with a scarlet blaze.

Dan’s still holding the phone close to his ear. He can hear a bit of noise, a bit tinny. Probably the TV. It’s midday for Phil. Probably bright white clouds hovering outside, typical weather. Those always gives Phil his headaches and Dan hopes he’s remembered to pull the shades down a bit. He usually doesn’t and it leaves him with Dan having to give him ibuprofen and the lights off for the rest of the day. 

“You watching the TV?”

“Reruns of Bake Off.”

“Lower the shades a bit?”

“Why?”

“It’s probably bright out. Don’t want you to get a headache.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

They don’t have to talk all the time. A lot of their time is spent in the quiet. Dan’s pretty sure talking to someone 24/7 would drive him up the wall, boyfriend be damned. But Dan doesn’t want there to be quiet between them along with the 7,500 kilometers. Sometimes he can’t fill it though.

Phil understands. 

“Tell me about the garden?”

Dan looks around contemplatively. If Phil were there he would make a show of it. Maybe put his hand on his chin and narrow his eyes. “The garden is big but it’s pretty. There’s a lot of trees. Probably with a lot of bugs in them.”

“Kind of plants?”

“You know I don’t know the names, you dork.” 

“Make them up.”

“Well.” Dan can’t get past his first word without giggling. If anyone’s watching him from their hotel room, he’s sure he looks like an idiot. “There’s… Plantus Redium? Of Asian origin. Spiky leaves or very hefty petals that are, you guessed it, red. And Phillus Treeus? It’s a tree, Phil.”

“Interesting… You’ll have to send me pictures.”

“You already have nudes from me, Phil.”

Phil splutters on the other end and Dan’s eyes crinkle.

“What if I had someone over, Dan? What would I say then?” 

“The only people you would have over would be our friends. And not even them considering I’m not there.”

“You don’t know what I do when you’re not around.” Phil’s trying to come off as indignant but they both laugh a little anyways.

“There’s a few rocks in the garden, lining the flower beds. I’d like a garden.”

“We just moved.” Phil sounds exasperated but Dan knows it’s something they both want. 

“We moved over a year ago.”

“Still.”

“There’s some nice hanging plants as well. I know you’d like some of them.”

“Are there blue ones?”

“Blue flowers?”

“Yeah.” 

“I can’t tell from this distance. It’s getting a bit dark.”

“Maybe you should head in soon. Your family might be back.”

“I’d prefer not.”

“Okay.”

“So… Hottest Lad of 2013? Impressive.”

Dan knows Phil just scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah.”

“I hope you know I did put in some illegal votes.”

“Really?”

“No, but I’m sure others did.”

“Oh, so that’s how you won last year?”

“Shut up!”

“You’re cutting off a bit, Dan.”

“No… I don’t want to.” It’s a stupid answer but Dan’s a little desperate.

“Okay… moved a bit. You’re better now.”

“Good.” Not that Dan’s throat closed up or anything. It’s properly dark out now but Dan doesn’t want Phil to know so he doesn’t tell Dan to go back to his room. Dan’s heart is a little lonely, being by himself all day. A recharge is always needed but not texting Phil is a drain.

“Just in case… Uh, just in case the call drops maybe we should talk about the radio show a bit? I was editing some of the videos today.”

Dan can’t help but be a little disappointed at the change of pace. He stares at the wall opposite the tree he’s leaning against. The garden is all dark and green now, the only light filtering from surrounding rooms through thick curtains.

“Uh, yeah. Radio show.”

“I’m fixing up the Ariana and Conor videos.”

“Exciting.”

“Yeah, I was wondering if I should edit out or keep in your gigantic grin towards her.”

“A little jealous?”

“No. Trying to help you protect your cool facade. You look like an over-joyed puppy.”

“What? It’s a look.” 

“Sure.”

“She’s nice isn’t she?”

“Looking for a new girlfriend?”

“Maybe… I don’t know… My boyfriend’s long distance right now, it’s a bit difficult.” Dan’s dramatically fanning himself before he remembers Phil isn’t there to laugh at his little gestures.

“Is he now? Sounds rough.”

“Yes, especially rough with the phone calls. Terrible connection.”

There’s a pause. The air’s quite humid and Dan thinks about how Phil would like his hair like this. It’s incredibly curly and he tugs a strand at the nape of his neck for Phil. 

“So the Conor video --”

Dan’s not listening anymore because he’s pretty sure something’s on his back. Maybe being under a tree with a high probability of bugs was a bad idea. It’s sneaking down his back and he’s just about to shit his pants. He’s peering over his shoulder, and sure enough there’s a gigantic spider meandering along his shirt. 

The sound Dan makes is probably ungodly, maybe even enough for the hotel patrons to call the police. All of a sudden, he’s scrambling at his back, fighting off the spider like a knight in shining armor. Except he probably looks more like a jester doing some physical comedy.

Eventually, Dan can’t find the spider anymore and assumes he flung it off. Head back on his shoulders, Dan realizes his phone is decidedly not in his hand anymore.

A minute later, Dan’s on his knees when he finds his poor phone prostrate next to some of the garden rocks. He would give a pitiful moan in condolence if not for the scream he had made earlier and also the phone is still obviously working. In fact, the call is still running.

“-- something must have happened. So I guess since you’re not around I’ll just hang up. Call me when --”

“Phil! I’m here, don’t hang up.”

“Oh, Dan, are you okay?”

“Yeah… fine.”

“You’re not but what happened?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise.”

“Promise.”

“A spider was on my back.”

Dan knows he promised, so Phil’s holding back his laugh. There’s probably a smile rolling behind his eyes and that grin he can’t exactly pull off his face where his tongue pokes out. But to his credit, Phil doesn’t actually laugh. Dan can hear a tremor of one behind Phil’s, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Fucking gigantic, I’m telling you. Monstrous.”

“Sure it wasn’t just a way to get off the phone?”

Phil’s teasing but Dan can’t stop his quick, “No!”

“Can’t get enough of me, then, I suppose.”

“... Maybe.”

They go on like that for God knows how long. They talk until it’s been five minutes of silence between the two of them, just aligning their breaths to each other’s. They don’t have anything else to talk about. Over an hour has passed. He won’t tell Phil the phone bill. Dan misses home and the rainy London weather and days on the couch and Phil. He wants to align with Phil’s breath while he’s laying on his chest.

“How dark is it outside?”

“It’s been dark for a while.” 

It’s quiet again and Dan can hear the bugs humming louder than before. He’ll be spending Christmas without Phil again. They’ve never really spent it together before. The fourth Christmas they’ll not be seeing each other. Dan desperately wants to change that but he does not have the faintest idea how to bring it up.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” 

Dan is not going to get sappy and start a scuffle over who misses the other more but he’s pretty sure he has the prize. He’s homesick.

“You watering your houseplants still?”

“Of course. Who do you think I am? A heathen?”

“You’d be surprised, babe.” 

They both know Dan’s too sleepy for this conversation if he’s started calling Phil ‘babe’ but they really don’t want to end the phone call. “You’ll have to go out into the garden more often. Good connection. No interruptions. Except that spider, what a cockblock.”

“After this phone call, I’m never gonna come back out here. No spiders please. I’ll just lean out my window.”

“Whatever suits you.” They’re really pulling for time now considering they’ve gotten to the point of discussing Dan’s future phone call locations.

“Well, I…”

“I know you’re tired, Dan. Go to sleep.” 

“Getting rid of me so soon?” The tease is flimsy at best.

They inevitably do say goodnight and the whole lot. Dan doesn’t even notice the dent in his phone from when he threw it until the next time Phil lights up his phone.

fin.

[melted-wax-wings]

1-100

there’s a ton of these so here’s a read more

Is a kiss considered cheating? - Yes

Have you ever faked orgasm? - Nah

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? -Telekinesis

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? -Probs not

Tell us some funny drunk story. - I just have high stories where i was being a memer.

Why are you no longer together with your ex? -Eh, personal reasons that i don’t feel like sharing tbh

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? - In my sleep bc i’m a big baby

What are your current goals? - I’d like to get started on a poetry book

Do you like someone? - I mean, I have a bf so

Who was the last person to disappoint you? - honestly myself lmfao

Do you like your body? - NAH SON

Can you keep a diet? - fuck no i love food too much

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? - “hey can we not be dicks to each other?”

Do you work? - nah but god i wish i was bc i need money

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? - ngl my basic ass would pick sushi

Would you get a tattoo? - Yeeee

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? - Pokemon games tbh

Can you drive? - Ye but not very well

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? - This morning

What was the last thing you cried for? - ngl i’ve been crying over everything the past few days

Do you keep a journal? - Nah, i’m not interesting enough to have one

Is life fun? - If I’m with others, yes

Is farting in front of people irrelevant? - I mean, it’s a bodily function but it’s not a very socially acceptable one. i personally don’t care

What’s your dream car? - VW bug bc i enjoy the thought of people hitting each other when i drive by

Are grades in school important? - it’s very dependent on the situation. i personally feel like grades should only be a very high priority in one’s major field of study/related studies. However, grades shouldn’t take priority over one’s physical, mental, and emotional health.

Describe your crush. - he’s got these gorgeous eyes that change color. he’s tall and gives amazing hugs. he’s a phenomenal writer and is incredibly intelligent about such a variety of topics from music to writing to just about anything. he’s patient, loving, and funny. honestly he’s amazing and i fall more in love with him every day.

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? - Alice in Wonderland. i hadn’t seen it prior to last week but just the animation and story-telling was just amazing to me

What was your last lie? - that the reason i didn’t want to go out was because of my stomach hurting

Dumbest lie you ever told? - not sure tbh

Is crying in front of people embarrassing? - not at all

Something you did and you are proud of? - Being recognized as a poet at my college’s poetry festival

What’s your favourite cocktail? - don’t really have one x.x

Something you are good at? - i like to think i’m okie at motivating others

Do you like small kids? - i’m okay with kids as long as they aren’t overly loud

How are you feeling right now? - a lil grumpy bc the ac isn’t on

What would you name your daughter/son? - Jason would be my son, Robin would be my daughter

What do you need to be happy? - Personal growth

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? - ME TBH

What was the last gift you received? - some books from my bb

What was the last gift you gave? - UHHHH I DUNNO

What was the last concert you went to? - Twenty One Pilots

Favourite place to shop at? - Hot Topic, can’t even lie

Who inspires you? - My bb, mostly because i want to be up at his level when doing things

How old were you when you first got drunk? - Haven’t really gotten drunk-drunk yet

How old were you when you first got high? - 19

How old were you when you first had sex? - 19

When was your first kiss? - Freshman year of highschool

Something you want to do until the end of this year? - i would like to build my confidence

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? - there is so much omg

Post a selfie. - UH I MAY NOT BC I’M GROSS AF RIGHT NOW

Who are you most comfortable around? - @thenerdyshadow and @shining-wonwoo

Name one thing that terrifies you. - BEING ALONE

What kind of books do you read? - mostly dystopian/adventure novels

What would you tell your 12 year old self? - “listen ya lil shit don’t complain about not being in a relationship”

What is your favourite flower? - Lilies

Any bad habits you have? - Cracking my knuckles holy shit

What kind of people are you attracted to? - Highly passionate, emotional people

What was the last thing you cried for? - MY LEAGUE RANKING NGL

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? - i don’t think of anything off the bat but i’m very sensitive to the textures/aesthetics of food

Are you in love? - Yeee

Something you find romantic? - I love little gestures that show that someone is thinking about me like mentioning that they saw something that reminded them of me or like a long message in the middle of the night to wake up to

How long was your longest relationship? - 3 years 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? - that there’s something inherently wrong with liking stereotypically feminine things, that we are seemingly always in competition over something, that cattiness is almost expected??? like damn why can’t we be nice to each other 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?  - balls on the outside of the body are just not anatomically smart, fragile masculinity, the attack on boys who decide to deviate from the norm

What are you saving money for? - i have no money pls help me

How would you describe your bad side? - i get moody and tend to snap at people when i really don’t mean to. i will sometimes do things just to spite people/escalate a situation tho

Are you actually a good person? Why? - i personally don’t see myself as a good person because i’ve done plenty of shitty things that i knew that i shouldn’t have done

What are you living for? - The hope for a better future

Have you ever done anything illegal? - Yee

Do you like your body? - Not particularly

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? - I have, mostly because the person was toxic

Ever sent nudes? -Ye

Have you ever cheated on someone? - i prefer not to answer this one

Favourite candy? - i love 3 musketeers

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! - uhhh mostly my friends blogs but i can’t really tag all atm

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? - Online games i enjoy are Overwatch and League of Legends. I also enjoy Stardew Valley on PC.

Favourite TV series? - don’t really watch tv

Are you religious? Does God exist? - i’m personally not that religious, but i respect that people do have beliefs in high powers but should not infringe on others rights to not believe

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? - i can’t even tell you what i read fully bc it’s honestly been that long

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? - i commend others who are capable of making that lifestyle choice bc i know i could never do so. i’m fine with it so long as it isn’t shoved into my face

How long have you been on Tumblr? - probs 6-7 years? idk

Do you like Chineese food? - i am a slut for chinese food

McDonalds or Subway? Mcdonalds

Vodka or whiskey? Vodka (haven’t tried whiskey)

Alcohol or drugs? drugs (weed bc i haven’t done anything else)

Ever been out of your province/state/country? - I’ve only left my state. i’d love to leave the country one day

Meaning behind your blog name? - shitty Overwatch/Wonderwall pun

What are you scared of? - being abandoned by the people i love and being forced to live alone :^)

Last time you were insulted? - YESTERdAY

Most traumatic experience ? - my mother being a revolving door in my life and giving me severe abandonment issues 

Perfect date idea? - i love the idea of just a nice day together inside but going out at night to dinner and just exploring the world around us

Favourite app on your phone? - tumblr bc i can’t get away from this hellsite

What colour are the walls in your room? - they’re kind of white/brown/gray? it’s hard to explain tbh

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? - i do! i watch mostly league youtubers though. i’ve been on a hardcore BunnyFuFu kick as of the last few days

Share your favourite quote. “I’m dying squirtle”

What is the meaning of life? - To be happy

Do you like horror movies? - I enjoy them in concept, but i’m bad at watching them ;-;

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? - NAH FAM SHE MAdE ME CRY

Do you feel lucky or special in a way? - i guess but i don’t think i really deserve to

Can you keep a secret? - ye

[kendrixtermina]

I had another dream with my father in it

I haven’t had one in MONTHS WTF I thought I was over it

So thing I is I used to get these dreams where my father humiliates me, be it by yelling or by telling lies to my family members. Like I always had these various dreams where he would just turn everybody against me.

There were a few times in my teens where I got home & everyone acted angry with me for no reason & then turns out he’d accused me of some exxagerated or made-up offense, everything I did or said would be twisted into a personal insult he was donald trump levels of a petty toddler I tell ya. I’d be sad & angry because of his constant insults (and just don’t have a socially perceptive personality like, fuck you this is my normal face!) & then he’d be deathly insulted that I didn’t smile at or greet him & throw a big tantrum that affected the whole family.

He was the sort who would explode at us children to get back at my mom, & would be cruel to my mom & siblings when he was angry at me. 

ARGH I was supposed to see my councellor yesterday but he had to bail (presumably got sick or something) & now I really wish I could talk to him

The sad thing is it wasn’t even most of the dream and the rest of it was actually pretty cool. 

 I was driving home in a videogameih formular one car that also flew & there were also some flying boats and it was surprisingly fun like I’d hit a pedal and fly. I don’t remember the event I was driving home from but it was evidently cool as I remember texting my family about how cool it was  but it was not the usual whatsApp it had a purple background & a different system of colorful nametags with ‘@’s.. pretty much functionally whats App though.Possibly a concert I just knew I traveled far.

On the way, I stopped near a church/castle being and looked down a cliff, and there was this mountain with church like carvings & I wasn’t sure which side is up but you could see this wall or ground full of buildings & carvings all in gothic style like some really cool trippy stuff /“Giant Building” thing like my bes dreams sometimes have and I basically looked at it & was impressed.

On the way home, I considered contining to watch this show I’d been watching with my BF or doing so the next day (I actually may do that tomorrow, great idea dream self) and there were some themed mythical-ish visuals related & then I reached our bed (somehow a mix of our current bed and my old one at my mom’s attic) So far the dream was emotionally neutral or even fun/cool. 

Then, I hear the door open, assuming it’s my BF buz it’s actually my parents, with my mom feebly trying to get him not to rage & he’s his usually angry redfaced gorilla self. He just barges in as if it’s my teenage room jut the same casual disregard four boundaries or privacy as ever just flauntingly invading my space with a loud slam of the door, & when I ask what he’s doing here he shoves a phone into my face and going “How dare you text everybody except me!”, like one of his usual petty things where he’d contruct lack of overt enthusiasm into me “insulting/snubbing” him & throw a toddler tantrum over it / told exaggerated lies to my folks, & he was just yelling & raging & insulting & shaming me like he usually does... and that was enough of a shock to wake me up like I realize it doesn’t sound like much but in the dream it was somewhat chilling. 

Like when you look at it with a sober waking mind its really silly,  man coming into my & my boyfriends’s flat to complain at me, it’s not objectively scary, but it threw me or a loop like, when some setback happens I guess I sometimes get this thought where I wonder if I’ve really improved at all or if I wouln’t have been better off staying in my mother’s attick where I can’t screw anything up.... I mean even now I can tell how I don’t even think like that anymore in day to day life. 

Maybe it’s for a harmless reason, like Church/Old Castles reminding me of Hospitals (He’s a surgeon) & then I got the thought that someone was gonna see him & tell me where I was. Maybe my consciousness just stumbled into an old unrenovated brain loop & now I feel like I might fall back into doubting everything again

Or maybe because my bae and I were discussing a shitty manipulative friend of his that gor herself in trouble & we were discussing how to damage control without being caught up in the falout & her behaviors were like ugh... & she said some things that were brazenly arrogant maybe that reminded me of my father. He’s very aware that shes got a bad character but being a good & conscientious person he wants to help her, but I kinda feel she’s not really interested in changing & just taking advantage of his sense of responsibility...

UGH. I need to do my meditation, that’s what I need. I took this nap because I tried earlier & was too tired & now this happened. Like it’s not like im seriously upset but its just enough of a little spiky pebble in my mood. Why is that bastard still lurking in my subconscious or whatever I want him out of there. It’s like he’s lurking there like some bizarre anti-policeman,  “no hapiness allowed, don’t you dare be happy or else if there’s any unauthorized happiness in your life I will hurt you & take away everything you like”. Like he literally said many times that I was ruining his lie & not allowed to have anything I like. Like, it hurts. Its hurts damnit, and I haven’t even spoken to the bastard in years... 

I don’t know what this is trying to tell me. I have indeed never texted him or otherwise communicated with him & its been great like, without him to triangulate everything I get much more enjoyment out of my mom & siblings like we actually get along better since I moved out. Dear subconscious f you have any guilt about that you better stop because it doesn’t remotely logic. I deserve good things as much as the next person thank you very much! UGH stay out of my naps bastard. 

UGH now that the shit is vented lets consult some relaxing youtube music to purge it, how about 20 minutes of  “ultimate chillout”? 

[instabangreview]

Places I Avoid When Going On Dates

There are certain places the I almost always avoid for any type of dates 99% of the time. I do make exceptions but for the most part, this is something that I simply cannot let slide. Whether you are trying to meet someone locally to bang or if you’re looking for something more steady, I would do your best to take my advice and avoid these places.

Date Places I Always Avoid

This is a short list of places I refuse to take dates for one reason or another. You’ll likely agree with me once you take a look at the list. If you have anything to add, feel free to email me suggestions.

McDonald’s and Burger King

I 100% refuse to meet any date at either of these fast food restaurants. If a girl asks me to meet them at one of these places, I’m calling the date off for sure. Chances are they are out of shape and just want a free shitty meal. No way am I contributing to your weight gain and sloth-ness whatsoever!

Ex Gfs Favorite Restaurant

One of the other places I never go is my ex-girlfriends favorite restaurant. Honestly, I’m not trying to impress anyone or be seen with a random girl. Instead, I’d rather meet some new chick, fuck her and call it a day! All without the drama of running into an ex of some sort.

Church

Okay, I’m not very religious, but I’m not taking any woman to a church function. I just don’t feel right doing so if my intentions aren’t to marry her. It’s a personal weird gut feeling that I get, what can I say. I’m able to use dating apps to bang women but I won’t meet them at a church.

Her Family Outing

There’s absolutely no way that I’m going to meet someone at their family outing for the first time. I’m not there to meet and fuck the family, I just want to bang her. First-time family meet ups are for those willing to stick it out longer than one night.

My Favorite Bar

I never take girls to my regular bar spot. Reason being, if it goes south, I don’t need her coming back and spending all her time stalking me at my comfortable bar spot. She could easily blow up my spot any day of the week and I’m not having any of that. If I want to get drunk and hang with the guys, she might even fuck all that up for me. It’s not worth it at all!

Any of the date plans or places listed above are completely out of the question. I’ll avoid them at all costs and I think you should too. It will not help you get laid any quicker.

The post Places I Avoid When Going On Dates appeared first on Instabang.org.

from Instabang.org http://www.instabang.org/places-i-avoid-when-going-on-dates/ via IFTTT