#the internet here is ass so im putting the date a few days ahead until its not so bad

[the-leg]

sent an ask to four when he asked idk if it went through so ill put it here too

the wedding will happen uhhhhhhh in a few days ig at malons back yard or on her roof and ill sneak my phone in my boot and liveblog some of it and if anyone else wants to give updates on what happens that works too

and then i want to use the engagement swords to fight something heehoo >:)

[in-paradox-space]

I scheduled a post for every day for 21 days.

I made them as a reminder for myself everything would get better, but I’m feeling better sooner than anticipated. I regret making the posts because they’re cringy but I’m sure nobody at all sees them. 

You’ll feel better too, whatever you’re going through. 

After some research I decided that’s how long it’d take for me feel alright again after a pretty heavy MDMA and other substance comedown.

I feel like the other substance might be cocaine or ketamine, i dont know. It hit me really quickly and my left arm was being controlled by my leg, when I tried to move my limbs a different part of my body would move.

It was extremely euphoric and terrifying but I just didn’t move for a while until I felt I could carefully attempt to move again.

So yeah the posts are like really emotional and dramatic but I felt fucking awful the week of the comedown.

You heard of brain zaps? They’re fucking awful.

I kept researching online in how the fuck to feel better and stop the brain zaps. Everywhere pointed to a thing called 5htp. It’s tryptophan. From my memory, I believe it’s a chemical which aids to production of serotonin. We get it naturally from food, and it helps our body to create and/or properly absorb serotonin. Something like that... it helps us feel serotonin anyway.

and the internet suggested the brain zaps were likely my brain trying to return back to it’s balance

and at that time i was really lovestruck by a girl. I feel okay knowing i likely wont ever be with her now. 

i dont mind if i see her again or not. I’d like to see her again but i think it’d just be cool to be friends. I think the chemical imbalance made me feel the need to be around someone. It’s all down to the chemicals in your mind at the end of the day. They control your perception of everything, your attitude to the world. 

well yeah, everywhere told me to buy 5htp. i knew it wouldnt arrive in time for me to use them but i ordered anyway, in case this shit happens again. they also sounded good

I tried my first one today, a 100mg pill. 

I felt kind of sick afterwards but I ate a sandwich and I was fine. 

Whether or not it’s a placebo, I felt great today.

Not a euphoric feeling, but I just feel good. 

I smile, type smiley faces and can say I’m good.

I’ve been really confident today. I arrived at college a little late, cracked jokes very naturally. Like it just happened, I just made jokes without thinking and everybody let off genuine, unstoppable laughter. 

I’m not extremely acquainted with my class. I know the names of my tutor and 5 students. We joked like we’d already spent the year together and I smiled. It was a sunny day and I got hella work done.

Work in illustrator. Photoshop is pretty simple but illustrator is just frustrating.

I did a whole art piece in illustrator and I’ve almost half-finished the annotation; I’ll have to type that up tomorrow. I wrote notes and keywords for when I type it up. 

I also have to design like 10 logos.The minimum is six, but I put a lot of planning and basically create multiple logo designs for every one logo.

So if I create six logos as meticulously as I do I should get a merit at least. I’ll have to annotate it well.

I have some work experience lined up. I don’t know where yet, we’re sort of trying the first choice, somewhere pretty prestigious but I don’t want to name it here.

Then if not, it’s some other places which will be pretty useful for my future.

but outside of college

I have some other work experience lined up 

like legit

you see an opportunity, you take it. You say yes. 

Tell yourself yes enough times every morning. 

you will say yes to others 

they say yes to you

Just bring the word into your vocabulary. 

So yeah, 5HTP. I don’t think it’s a placebo. I recommend it to anyone who even knows about this blog. Not suitable if you’re on SSRIs though, of course, because of the connections with serotonin.

I felt pretty good today.

I put out a lot of positive vibrations and recieved them. 

I shouldn’t let my guard down though. 

so yeah

someone posted an opportunity online

somebody sent it to me 

I decided I’d go for it, a lot of other people went for it

but what I had to offer was closest to what the client wanted and/or believed they wanted

and I think I got the place

they wont be disappointed.  

It was on facebook though, they was middle-aged and not exactly an internet dweller

my facebook is fucking FILLED with underground memes

very obscure and ironic to the point of not at all being understood by anyone just a little outside of it

and some accessible, wholesome shit 

but idk

if this person sees them they wont understand

im really surprised they even got to me about it

i think its because i was the only one who offered what they wanted.

My services for free. They won’t be disappointed but I’m sure they have doubts.

I won’t be surprised if they change their mind.

I don’t wanna change my whole facebook to look presentable though, the memers on that friends list were there throughout the whole shabang

the good, the bad and the ugly

they’re brothers and I’m not going to sell them out.

so i need to make a page, then eventually a website, to showcase my work and offer people my services.

tomorrow, I also need to filter through around 2000 HD photos and put the best ones into a folder

then filter those to the very best in another folder

and upload them all on imgur, in the meantime, I suppose

then create a quick Facebook page

haha fuck

creating pages is the hard part

maintaining them can be tricky

they either run themselves, or become a chore you eventually abandon 

If the thought of keeping your page up to date tires you, I recommend scheduling weeks and weeks ahead

and working your ass off for a few days every few weeks.

then u literally just have to read comments and check interactions every now and then.

hnnng

I hate having to filter through hundreds of photos, every time I go somewhere with my camera, to put them into the ‘good’ folders.

mainly because my pc is slow at loading them. 

 I wanted to get a new cpu but the one I wanted was out of stock. 

i think everything else is decent in there. i could use more, faster ram and i need to fix the codecs. 

but the hardware is fine, its just a shitty cpu i got from ebay.

also the tiny motherboard and ram came in a cheap bundle lmao

i dont want to change the motherboard though.

where am i going with this?

Yes! Tomorrow will be a big day.

Gonna take some 5htp in the morning to get through it. I wake up in 4 hours and go to the gym in 5. 

I have to finish my college annotation and spend a few hours doing logos.

Then pilfer through hundreds and hundreds of photos

choose the best ones

upload hundreds and hundreds of high res photos

smooth talk with some potential first clients

and i have to create a facebook page

aaaaa

and I have  to write all the details in there

do I have to watermark all the photos too?  

well

i just wanted to say the 5htp is good. 

im getting good opportunities

things are really starting to look good. 

i write this sentence to you with love!

I have hella work to do tomorrow

and the MDMA comedown isn’t a problem now.