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edge-lorde · 7 years

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I want to content create but I won’t have much time tomorrow probably so I think I’ll rate every Neanderthal based piece of popular media I remember consuming.

Parameters ARE: 1) believability. writers love to give Neanderthals special abilities that no real animals have ever ever had. These once-living creatures absolutely would not have had the ability being ascribed.

2) characterization. The Neanderthals are written as real characters and not like a monolith or like a one-dimensional movie monster.

3) hybrids. Neanderthal/modern human hybridization plays an important role in the story.

4) interspecies sex. Almost always linked to #3. a higher score in this category or #3 does not necessarily indicate a greater quality piece of media. in fact, i personally dont prefer a lot of sexual content in the media i consume. however, these concepts show up so often in neanderthal stuff, its basically part of the genre.

5) accuracy. The attempt to accurately portray how Neanderthals and modern humans are different, and the quality of it’s execution.

1st up: clan of the cave bear by Jean M. Auel.

Brief summary: a modern human girl is found and raised by neanderthals.

Believability: 5. Book was obviously well researched, but was published in the 60’s and a lot has changed since then. Also they can remember the their ancestors memories. they also have limited ability to learn new things and life in strictly hierarchical societies based around biological sex, and have a universal language they are all born knowing.

Characterization: 9. 99% of characters are Neanderthals.

Hybrids: 8. Birth of hybrid baby very important to story.

Interspecies sex: 2. warning, non-graphic description of rape. Modern human/modern human Sex plays huge role in second book in series, hybrids/ interspecies sex was discussed also but never happened. Did not read past second book because of the sheer quantity of porn, but very little of that was in the first book.

Accuracy: 6. Does good job of differentiating Neanderthals from modern humans but once again, the science has changed since the book was published.

Neanderthal by John darton

Brief summary: scientists find secret location where neanderthals have survived to the modern day, journey to the center of the earth style.

Believability: 2. They are psychic and can see through each other’s eyes. Characterization: 3. The Neanderthal characters don’t speak/ are more allegories for the progression of man or some shit.

Hybrids: 0. No mention or implication of hybrids.

Interspecies sex: 1. One iffy scene.

Accuracy: 4. Good differentiation between modern humans and Neanderthals. Good criptid vibe. But is it accurate? Hard to say.

Neanderthal parallax series by Robert j. Sawyer

Brief summary: neanderthal quantum physicist from an alternate universe where neanderthals survived and we did not falls through a portal to our world.

Believability: 4. They all supposedly see the most logical solution to a problem and just do it without making mistakes, because they just do. Also they're immune to the Pavlov’s dog learning test thing in psychology so they can all be atheists and it effects them in no other way. Come on now.

Characterization: 9. Many Neanderthal characters written as individual people.

Hybrids: 7. the conceiving of a hybrid child very important to last book.

Interspecies sex: 6. One sex scene in the second book, because there had to be one apparently. 4-6 more that are fade to black.

Accuracy: 4. You can tell the author did a lot of cursory googling, but large swaths of plot are based on incorrect assumptions. The author comes up with cool mechanics based on googleable theories, but the full implications of them are always half-baked.

The goblin reservation by Clifford d. Simak.

Brief summary: future college professor must solve mystery surrounding a dying alien planet in a sci-fi + fantasy setting. involves time travel.

Believability: 10. No fantastical powers ascribed.

Characterization: 10. There is one Neanderthal character in the book and he’s the best character in the book. Love him. Hybrids: 0. No mention or implication of hybrids.

Interspecies sex: 0. No mention or implication.

Accuracy: 5. The one Neanderthal character is treated as a character first and well written. However, it’s doubtful that the author put much effort into accuracy because the only differences between the Neanderthal and the other characters seem to be cultural. But the book was also published in the 60’s and he still holds up as a character, so maybe that’s a good thing. Could be accurate.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!! The secrets of the immortal Nicolas flamel series by Michael Scott

Brief summary: a set of teen twins get caught up in saving the world from ancient mythological gods and shit. there are immortal humans too. sorry i remember very little of the overarching plot, but damn that twist ending.

Believability: 10. There’s magic in this series but Neanderthals don’t have it by virtue of being Neanderthals.

Characterization: 10. It is revealed in the end of the last book that the main teen boy in the series was a Neanderthal the entire time. There was zero indication of this before hand, so he is written as well as any main character in a teen fantasy novel.

Hybrids: 1?. It’s implied that Neanderthals are as much human/were absorbed into the modern human population eventually, but it’s pretty irrelevant to the story.

Interspecies sex: 1. Implied the way hybrids are implied. I don’t think the kid ever even had a girlfriend throughout the series either.

Accuracy: 2. no indication the author even knew Neanderthals are supposed to look a little different. The kid ends up being immortal and legendary, all kinds of crazy time powers and shit, all of it having more to do with being human than homo neanderthalensis. Being a Neanderthal is inconsequential to his being a normal angsty teen, legendary hero, and literal god. i doubt any neanderthal research was done, or at least it was not taken into account when writing the character.

Hominids by Jordan kotzebue (webcomic).

Brief summary: all species of hominids live in a jungle together. maybe the doing of sci-fi stuff? :o

Believability: 9. Neanderthals don't seem to have any special abilities. We will see what the sci-fi genre has to offer once the comic is finished..

Characterization: 8. Many Neanderthal characters, but writing isn't as strong as it could be in general.

Hybrids: 8. Hybrid pregnancy. We will see how it pans out, once again the comic is ongoing.

Interspecies sex: 5. Definitely happens at least once, but not an explicit comic (no porn). we will see if its important to the plot later on.

Accuracy: 8. Major differences between Neanderthals and modern humans are cultural. Also Neanderthals are drawn with waists. Experts agree that they were shaped like little barrels. does go out of its way to include other types of hominids though, so its a little educational.

and last but not least Neander-chan by Lemniskate on deviantart

Brief summary: neanderthal girl falls in love with modern human boy and attempts to stop their clans from killing each other. looks like the whole thing stemmed from a simple pun.

Believability: 8. they arent ascribed any wild abilities that couldnt also be ascribed to modern humans in the story. i dont think a ton of research was done though.

Characterization: 9. many neanderthal characters with differing personalities.

Hybrids: 2. definitely implied/foreshadowed as a thing that COULD happen should the story continue, however the comic might be complete as-is.

Interspecies sex: 7. definitely happens and is important to the story, but the comic is never explicit.

Accuracy: 5. has a bit of modern humans killing off neanderthals narrative, but the story is not designed to educate. the neanderthals could be replaced with a rival group of modern humans and the story wouldnt change.

neanderthal media i am aware of but have yet to consume:

the kroods (film): gotta get in on that nic cage action.

The Ugly Little Boy: originally a short story by Isaac Asimov, later expanded with collaborator Robert Silverberg. time travellers take a neanderthal boy away from his family to the present but he has to stay in a specialized room by himself all the time i think. gotta get in on that shit but could not find at library.

if you are aware of any other neanderthal-based media not listed anywhere in the above text please contact me at http://edge-lorde.tumblr.com/ask

thank you

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