#the latest rant about the months being wrong came about when a student jokingly said there's 13 months

[jupiterbyrd]

The other day I had the "the months on the calendar are wrong" conversation I have with my students every semester.

I like to point out this info

Sept means 7 but September is the 9th month

Oct means 8 but October is the 10th month

Nov means 9 but November is the 11th month

Dec means 10 but December is the 12th month

And yes even though I'm a math teacher and not a history teacher I did explain that it's because of July and August being named after Julius and Augustus Caesar, which messed up the months

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Obey Me! Characters x Horny GN!MC HC (NFSW)

This includes all brothers and undateables (Diavolo, Barbatos, Soloman, and Simeon) I think I got a little carried away with Barbatos’ but, hey, its still a good read haha

Warnings: Just straight up Not Safe For Work, a lot of mentions of rough sex, edging in Barbatos’ HC, references to open relationships in Asmo’s and Diavolo’s, Lucifer’s is a lil angsty.

~~~~~~

Lucifer:

More than happy to accomodate you at any time of the day, but you’ll have to hold off when he’s particularly busy at the end of the month when the bills need to be sorted.

(Maybe encourage Mammon to hold off a bit on the big spending so he isn’t too stressed)

And, if he does get overrun with work pushed on him by the student council or Diavolo, tease him but accidentally letting it slip you’ll just have to go to Mamo or Asmo to complain, seeing as he can’t pleasure you right now. 

He’ll definitely be invigorated to recover the pride he drastically lost even by the insinuation you’d go off spouting nonsense like that.

“I promise I’ve been good ~.”

“Their names wouldn’t even be on you mind if you were.”

You’ll be satisfied especially when he’s stressed, pounding all his frustrations into you, his demon strength pushing your head further and further into his pillows. That is if you make it to the bed. 

When he does have the time, however, and you’re particularly needy, he’ll tease you to no end, not touching you until he can’t hold himself back anymore. 

And, being overly sexual doesn’t mean rough all the live long day. 

He likes to take it slow most of the time, not just teasing you, but engraining your body into his mind. 

Because somewhere, deep in the self-sabatarging part of his brain, he remembers you’re mortal and he isn’t. 

He’s going to live longer than you are, he could already be your eldest ancestor, so that thought it always in the back of his head as his face is burrowed in you neck, taking you in every sense of the word. By smell, touch, taste, hearing your moans of his name, watching your face screw up in pleasure and resting next to him after a specifically sensual love making session.

Mammon:

Won’t notice that its sex that you want at first, taking you to shop with him countless time when you’ve said your bored and wanted to have a lil fun~.

When he does realise, however, good god how can you have some much blood at two end of your body? Rock hard and a blushing mess at you on your knees in your room, just home from RAD, pushing him on the bed and almost swallowing him whole right there. 

His face is bright red listening to Satan and Asmo tease him- you had ranted to them countless times that Mamo was completely oblivious and you were worried to spell it out for him. 

But now, he’s just as needy as you, if not more. He is the Avatar of Greed, after all.

Don’t worry though, even if he is clueless when it comes to you, he’s had his fair share of sexual payback deals, so he’s got thousands of years of experience. Witches have used his body like a piece of meat time and time again.

Well, now he’s not just greedy for money. You’ll be lucky to ever sleep in your own bed again.

Might roleplay a prostitute and pimp, stripper and client, secretary and CEO, whatever situation that would possibly allow one of you to hand the other money.

Both of you swap, but Mamo, being greedy, enjoys it more when you top, doing most of the work. Won’t admit that though. 

He relishes in the feeling of your thighs bouncing up and down on his hips, weight draped over his as you kiss him with so much pressure you might just be able to make diamonds. 

Leviathan:

Too busy playing games, watching anime and boasting about his collection to think that you came to his room for any other reason.

Gets the idea when you sit on his lap, though, mid-speech about Henry and the Lord of Shadow’s latest exploits, grinding against him and grinding his words to a halt.

Although momentarily caught off guard, blushing as he stammers out an apology for not noticing sooner, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into endless amounts of bliss.

The boy has a few tricks from harem games he’s played, lets not play ourselves.

He will ignore you when there’s a new release, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use him however you like. 

Sucking him off from under his desk as he struggles to concentrate on what’s going on onscreen, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as his friends’ voices echo through the headset. 

He will get a little annoyed, you did ruin his 20 Kill/Death ratio, but a sensual plea for his cock to bury deep inside you and he’ll be willing to forgive you. 

That is if you acquire this figurine he’s been looking into buying but can’t afford because Mammon borrowed money from him again. This time without asking.

Satan:

Some say makeup sex is the best kind of sex. Well, how about sprawled over ancient texts, forgetting to lock the libray door sex?

It can be hard to get him to put down the books and stop watching the dramas, especially when a PSA for an animal charity comes on, but, when you do... Honey.

There’s a lot of risk to being needy with Satan.

Sure, he’s happy to make you happy, but if you intend of fucking him out of his private time when he’s particularly engrossed in an book, please don’t push it. Unless you wanna get rammed from behind in the hallway outside the dining hall while he’s in demon form.

Sometimes, even with a pride that could rival Lucifer’s, Satan just can’t get off- which makes him a little pissy. Don’t worry, though, you can make him feel better by putting on a show, playing with yourself until your screaming his name. Then he’s harder than should be physically possible.

If there’s a sex scene on one of his detective shows, he’ll complain about how needless it is to the storyline, he has already realised who the killer is.

But, when he notices you haven’t said a word on the subject and are moving onto his lap, grinding on his thigh, blocking his view of the lewd, but short, scene, he couldn’t be happier about the character’s relationship development. 

He will be rewinding when you’re done, though. You missed about three episodes because of that scene.

Asmodeus:

If he isn’t the Avatar of Lust, you sure as hell might be.

Even before you got together, it was incredibly difficult to resist him. And not just because of his devilish powers.

The horny gremlin could hardly keep it in his pants before you dated, but now. Luv, get ready.

He likes to dress you in whatever sexy outfit there is. Whether its a full blown nurse outfit or the smallest lingerie going, you’re both happy to try anything.

You tried a nun’s outfit one time and, coincidentally, almost got caught by one of the angels. You had been experimenting in the library of Purgatory Hall, so it’s only you’re fault, but it was still a very, very close call.

He’ll never leave you hanging, you’ll definitely have more than five orgasms a round, but he’ll have twice as many.

He might ask if you want to include another person, and you might agree, depending on your openness to sexuality, but he’s not going to make you feel let out. 

You’ll feel like a royal, more important than Diavolo, ravished from all side, just by him. If you did include anyone else, they’d be lucky to even get their hands on you.

There will be times when, just so they could sleep, Lucifer will enforce a ban on how far you can go. You’re a screamer and he’s a moaner, and all the brother have had enough nightmares as it is. 

They’ll go as far as put a chastity belt on him, locking him in his room and sending you to stay with the angels for a couple days so they can have some peace and quiet during the night. 

But, when you come together again, Asmo’s cock still locked away, he’ll go full demon-mode, form and all, fingering and licking you like no other time before.

Jokingly asks if you defiled the angels without him, you joke that you did. You never thought Asmo would be so openly jealous, but that look then was almost as scary as Satan. If it didn’t turn you on so much, it would be.

Beelzebub:

He’s not dumb. 

Watching you jump on the counter, flirtatously crossing one leg over the other as he has his late late night snack, comments about how well he eats.

What that tongue do tho?!

It’s become customary for you two to meet up in the kitchen on his nightly visit, letting him eat all the food he wants before he buries his face in you right there and then.

Never have you been happier to have a gluttonous, demon boyfriend.

He’s just as horny as you are, eager to taste you at any given moment. 

And he’s not secretive about it.

At first, he would just walk up to you as you talked with his brothers or the angels, asking you if you wanted to use this whipped cream you introduced him to from a care package you got from home a month ago.

“It’s just whip cream, Beel. From the can.” You correct him before excitedly agreeing.

Because of this, Asmo’s asked to join in a few too many times for it to be a teasing joke anymore.

Now, after you tell him he might break Mamo if he asked you to ride his face because he was hungry as school again, he’ll whisper in your ear how much he wants you. It’s not much less obvious, but at least everyone doesn’t know the specifics of your sex lives anymore.

Belphegor:

Honey, he may be asleep half the time you are together, but fuck if he doesn’t know how to treat you well. 

He’s surprisingly perceptive so, when you take him to the attic, mentioning how far away it is from all his brothers, meaning it’ll be harder for them to hear the two of you, he does chuckle at your not so indirect way of telling him you want him. 

Don’t get me wrong, he’s going to make you work for it. Although, not in a way similar to Lucifer.

He’ll finger you to the edge, give you oral until you just about to topple over, have you ride him and then rip you off his lap the second he feels that slight tightening around his cock, thoroughly enjoy that broken, teary-eyed expression everytime you cry his name in annoyance. 

But, if you can muster enough strength, and he hasn’t fucked it all out of you yet, you could wrap your legs around his waist, making him make you cum when you’ve reached your limit.

You’ll be severely punished, covered in delicious brusies, but it’ll all be worth it.

Diavolo:

At first, he jokes about your obvious, desperate advances. 

Like, seriously, how can a human have so much energy?

He finds it cute when you pout because he’s busy.

When he has to make diplomatic trips, his D.D.D is ringing every other hour.

“MC, I love you. With all my heart. But I don’t think God will appreciate me listening to you cum in our meetings.”

Not to mention the amount of times Lucifer and Barbatos have walked in on you going at it on the throne (which is your favourite place to do it, as of late).

You honestly couldn’t care less. Demons are allowed to be horny sex fiends, why can’t you?

Diavolo never thought he could meet his match, but you, this human that stole his heart, might just have worn him out. 

However, what gets him every single time? You whispering in his ear as he’s discussing important matters of Devildom with Lucifer, his smirk making the eldest brother blush because he knows, and can probably hear, the plans you’re nibbling into Diavolo’s ear. 

All the positions, all the memories you wanted to recreate, all the sweet cries of pleasure.

You might as well be humping his leg.

“Oh, and Luci, did you want to join?”

Barbatos:

Doesn’t react much in public. 

Or at all, really.

He does represent Diavolo in everything he does, so it’s not like he can go around with hickies covering his visible skin.

You do try to rein it in for him, you respect his dedicaion for the future king of Devildom, he shows you a fraction of that same dedication and you’re on cloud nine, but it does get in the way sometimes.

For example, you could be in the middle of getting dicked down, the first time all week and it was WEDNESDAY, and Barbatos stands up straight, pulling right out of you, leaving to attend to whatever need Diavolo might have without another thought to you.

This had happened a few times now and you were tired of being blue-balled.

You had to go to the source.

“Diavolo!” 

Eyes practically alight with rage, you stormed right into Lucifer’s office, where you knew the two would be. 

Mammon had seen you in all your radiant, disheveled desire turned furious and you demanded he tell you exactly where the prince was, even if he didn’t know in that minute. 

This fiasco was ending. 

Today.

Lucifer was angry with your casual referral to such a high-standing demon, but Diavolo brushed it off because you were you. You were the human he found so endearing, wanted to learn more about. And you were Barbatos’ partner.

“Stop calling Barbatos at night! Better yet, give him the weekend. I can’t do it anymore! I’m going crazy here with all this edging! I haven’t cum in a month!!!” 

The words slipped from your lips without you caring, Lucifer’s frown lifting into a smirk as he smelt and sensed the need for sex all over you. Diavolo laughed at how utterly needy you were, nodding when he noticed you glaring.

“I swear, on all of Devildom, Barbatos is all yours when the sun sets.”

That night, you pulled out all the stops.

Candles, blankets, boxes upon boxes of condoms, lube, his favourite food, and your sexiest lingerie. There was no way you weren’t getting laid tonight. You were going to make it that you couldn’t walk tomorrow, no. matter. what.

Barbatos enjoyed his dinner with you, which was unusually tame compared to how you normally were. You were still a little angry about last night, when you were a thrust away from finishing when, apparently, Diavolo needed help and Barbatos lifted you off him and redid his pant buttons like nothing had happened.

However, after all the delectable food, the show really began.

A strip tease. A blowjob. He even finished you off once with his fingers, but it wasn’t enough. You had been so close too many times. You were cumming on that dick if it was the last thing you ever did in Devildom.

“Oh, I think Dia-.”

“Don’t you fucking dare say that name.” 

You gritted your teeth, clamping your hand over his mouth to shush any attempt to leave you hanging here. Literally. 

He was standing, holding you up by the thighs as you bounced on his cock, sweat coating both of you and breathing mixing as you tried to kiss but couldn’t manage the absence of oxygen for less than a second.

A muffled sound of confusion came from him as his grip on your ass loosened, but you wrapped your legs tighter around him so there was no way he could escape.

“I need to cum with you, Barbatos. I can’t take it anymore. I need you.”

Your voice croaked, tears of desperation filling your eyes, and that was all it took to send him into hyperdrive. 

You were pushed against the walls with a heavy thud, hitting your head at the force, and it would have hurt it you weren’t suffering from such mind-blowing pleasure.

It’s safe to say, you were never going to be edged like that ever again.

Solomon:

It doesn’t take magic to see the hints you’re throwing at him.

Bending over in the halloween costume you ordered off of Akuzon, making sure it was way too small before you hit checkout. You got a Pigwart’s uniform, saying that you must have accidentally bought the kids version, but there is no way in Devildom a skimpy cropped shirt and the shortest, most curve-hugging shorts would be a kids costume.

You don’t make it to that year’s RAD Halloween party, but Soloman promises to bring you back to Devildom for next year’s.

That is if you can make it in the sexy witch costume you were already planning.

Your relationship had first developed when he gave you tips on how to survive as a human in a world of angels and demons, but now he’s giving you tips on how to give him head better.

Not that you need it, he just likes to order you around.

Simeon:

He knows, but he doesn’t act on your overly sexual nature.

It breaks him to watch you beg, so the second you’re making advances, he swallows his embarrassment to pleasure you, reminding himself to pray extra, extra hard that same night.

You’re the one to initiate most of your encounters, running your hands up his arms, poking your fingers under his shirt through the shoulder cuts.

There’s this one song you’ve been listening to lately. A very sexy song. One recommended to you by Asmodeus. You can’t help dancing around whenever its on, feeling yourself like you are that bitch. 

One time you get out of the shower, think fuck it, drop your towel and start the routine you’ve basically got planned out by now. Rolling around on the floor, sticking your ass up, flipping your hair and shaking your thighs so you butt jiggles. 

You were so wrapped up in yourself you don’t notice Simeon sitting at the small desk you usually use for school work, mouth open agape as you give him to most sinful show he’s every seen. 

He had come to help you study, but...

Since when have humans been able to move so elegantly?

He thought you looked like an angel, but the way your sex is reveal to him as you part your legs at one point, there is no God that could approve of what thoughts were running through his head. 

Even though you had fun, you were panting by the end of it, laying on your fluffly carpet and snuggling your face against the comfort as you laugh at yourself. 

That is until you feel the pressure over you as your wrists are pinned above your head. 

“I’m going to hell for this.”

“Love, you’re already here.”

[childrenwilldie]

My Father Sucks 12.10.19

I know going into this I’m basically just talking to myself, but I see this as a good place to rant. (Hindsight: this is very fucking long and this isn’t the). I just caught myself thinking about how nice it was for there to be no fighting, no screaming, no belittling, and overall no bullshit the last 4 nights. But I find it sad that I catch myself counting the days between this shit. And a lot of times it happens a few days in a row and I don’t have the chance to catch a break those days, I just live in agony about what the next screaming match is going to be about... but I know it’s just going to be the same bullshit as it always has been for years. I hate living in fear of these fights in my own house, I hate having to run away and hide in my own home, I hate feeling like I’m being controlled by this fear when I’m here, and I hate that the person who causes this just plays ignorant to it all. He just causes more fights over me staying in my room all day when I do it because of him. 

I hate that I’m going to be 23 in a month and I’m scared about never doing enough, never making people proud, and that I myself am not good enough even when I know all 3 of these statements are not true. All he does is try to get me to leave college to work, that I don’t do enough around the house even though I’m a full time college student, a part time employee, have homework, have to take care of myself, and have a life, still all while worrying about my sick grandparents and other family and friends having their issues I can help with. He’s lucky enough that he gets to work 40 hours a week and then sit on his ass at the local bar everyday (even when he doesn’t work, the big ‘A’ word is prominent with him) and then come home to sit on his ass some more in front of the tv all while complaining about the latest bullshit at work. And all while complaining a ton about me, especially that I sleep in too late even though I don’t go to sleep until 4 or 5 in the morning (when he gets up for work), but when I have class, my ass is still up at 9:30 am to get ready and go no matter how little sleep I got. I’ve gone to school with 2 hours only and by the end of the day I was shaking because the adrenaline was the only thing keeping me awake.

I swear he has a personal hatred against me for absolutely no reason no matter how much he tells me he loves me, which is rare. At this point it sounds like a horrible lover gone wrong and I wish it was, they are easier to leave, but you can’t easily leave blood behind. This man is my “father” and at this point I have been long ready to get the fuck out of my house, but I know if I leave, my mother will get the treatment I get and although neither of us deserve it, she is having a far harder time in life right now than I am, so I can deal with it as long as she doesn’t. He is a manipulator, a narcissist, an asshole, a fuck face, and as many other shitty words I can think of to describe him.

I am a proud person in what I do. I can gladly say that I am graduating college after a 5 year journey with high marks. But then I’m taking a year to work before moving on to my 2-3 year graduate program for my masters. That decision was hard because I know all of the bullshit he will pull, and I have already gone through bullshit he has tried pulling over this. Saying I’m taking a year off from being a “kid”... yet I highly doubt taking 5 psychology/anthropology classes a semester, doing all of that homework, working part time, and everything else that comes along with life can be categorized as “living like a child”. I do not party, I do not have a partner, I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not do drugs, yet somehow I feel like a disappointment in his eyes even though my parents have said I’m the best child they could every ask for, and my mom still says this.

The other night when he came home, I was going to stay in the kitchen talking with my mom and not give in for once, but as he went for the door handle, the surge of fear that overtook my entire body was too much to stay. So I ran. Ran right to my room with my mom calling after me jokingly calling me a “chicken shit��. I didn’t care. Hiding is better than feeling that fear again. And all the while he “didn’t know” why I ran away after catching my moms chicken shit comment, which my mother then told him why. I will never get an “I’m sorry”, I rarely get an “I’m proud of you” or “I love you”. But I always get “your killing yourself how your living”, “you’re going to live off of me for the rest of your life”, “you will never amount to anything”, and “you have given up on everything and yourself” and the worst is “you’re wrong” even when talking about what I learned in class that day (including scientifically proven studies) and what I have educated my self on through my own research online. I look up to some of my teachers and he has the audacity to call them Liberal Hippie Brain Washing Assholes.

I try not to let this get to me, but I have not been comfortable in my own body and my own life in a long time even though I’m comfortable being a plus size woman and I’m proud of what I have done and who I have become, it’s everything else that makes me feel uncomfortable. I have never felt like I’m doing enough since I started working at 17. With my first job came his nagging of more hours and a second job even though I was a senior in high school still and could barely handle that one because of my anxiety. With the beginning of college came his constant nagging about how I don’t need a college degree for art; and then when I switched to Psychology I still got the same bullshit even though I need a masters AT LEAST to work the field I want to. He tries to force his life down my throat, that everything he did is what I should be doing and every opinion he has is what I should believe, and if I don’t, I’m waisting my time, failing at life, and I’m wrong. I may be his child, but he does not treat me as such. I’m not supposed to take my own path in life, I’m supposed to be the mini him.

I still wonder what would happen if I wasn’t an only child. Would my siblings go through this? Would he be proud of them and harsher on me because of that? Would one of my siblings take the role I’m in now instead of me? Or would he not be like this at all..... but what am I thinking, that last one is likely impossible.

My words to anyone going through bullshit like this with ANYONE in their family, maybe even with friends and partners you’re going through problems with, you may be bound to them by blood, promises, or love, but at the end of the day, you have the choice of who you DO and DO NOT have in your life. So fuck them, if they are toxic, kick them to the god damned curb already, they do not deserve another second of your time. You are worth more than what others may make you feel and you deserve good, amazing people in your life.