#the legend kazoosandfannypacks

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

today i had a jar of jelly beans and i was giving the jelly beans to my awana kid but she didn't want to eat them right away and they kept rolling away so i set a jelly bean on the lid of the jar (the lid was a cork) and then i pointed at it and yelled across the table to my little brother and went "IT'S A LAYERED IDEA"

Oh my gosh that’s amazing

[everything-person]

Kazoos Advent Calendar

@kazoosandfannypacks day

⚠️WARNING ⚠️

Under cut is not to be shared with children!

Todays gift is a story of Emma trying to explain Santa to Killian.

“Swan?”

“Yeah babe?”

“How do we know Santa Claus?”

That caused Emma to stop she was doing and look up at her husband. He wore a genuine look of curiosity.

“Wh-” Emma paused giving thought to what exactly she wanted to ask.

Killian took this moment to speak up, “Earlier today you told Hope Santa Claus was coming. All day I tried to figure out who this person was and how we know them. My apologies love but I can’t remember them or their importance and I’d rather get this settled before their visit. When are they visiting?”

Emma couldn’t help the slow smile spread across her face and the small chuckle escape her lips.

“Swan I’m being serious.”

Emma waves her hands and shake her head. “No I know. I sometimes forget- Never mind. Um We don’t know Santa Claus personally.”

Killians eyebrows scrunch in further confusion. “Then why are they coming for a visit?”

“They aren’t.” Emma paused trying to think how best to explain this, “Santa Claus is a myth. We tell kids if they behave and are good kids. Santa Claus comes down the chimney on Christmas and leaves them gifts.”

As Emma is explaining she watches her husbands face morph from confusion to curiosity to horror to acceptance. “So we tell our daughter if she is good enough a strange man will break into our home and leave her a present.”

“He’s not a stranger. Everyone knows Santa. He lives at the North Pole and has elves to help him make all the toys. He rides a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer. He wears a red suit and hat with white fur trim, has a fluffy white beard, and is a jolly kind soul. He watches over kids and has a naughty and nice list. If you’re on the naughty list, you get coal. If you’re on the nice list you get presents.”

Killian nods, “So he’s a story.”

“Yes.”

“Like Peter Pan.”

“Yes. No. Kinda,” Emma stutters trying to find the best way to explain this, “Saint Nicholas was a real person. A kinda man who’s generosity gave way to the legend/myth of Santa Claus. Santa Claus now is a figure for the joy of giving. Anyone can be Santa we just all imagine him a a jolly old guy in a red suit. He’s one of the few pieces of magic we have in this realm.”

Killian hummed, “you sound like your mother lass.”

“Hey during Christmas that isn’t a bad thing.”

A couple of days go by and their conversation of Santa Claus all but forgot until one night.

Emma and Killian were curled up on the couch with Hope fast asleep on the floor in her nest of pillows and blankets and Henry drifting off in the arm chair. The family decided to have a double Christmas feature tonight. The credits of Santa Clause 2 began to roll on screen and Killian turned to his drowsy wife.

“Love were these based on the true story of Santa Claus?”

Emma let the giggle freely flow from her mouth, the word yes on the top of her tip but she bit down and said, “No I don’t think this is based on a true story. But in storybrooke you never know. I mean I am the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming and my husband is captain hook.”

“Yes well, in that case there’s no possible way these are true. Look what your realm did to my story.”

[accidental-spice]

Okay, my final thoughts on The Shuttle, below the cut

Bettina is SO COOL. I really want her level of common sense and ruthless sensibility. Plus, she handled that creep Sir Nigel like an utter LEGEND

Okay, but that CLIMAX. It was SO tense. All the while I was thinking, I REALLY wish that Mount Dunstan would show up, but he's sick and/or dead. AND THEN HE DID AND KICKED SIR NIGEL'S BUTT

Mount Dunstan my actual beloved. He's so GREAT. And like, he's not perfect, which makes me like him even MORE

Also. Those two. TOP tier ship. I mean, they had a PRINCESS CARRY. And a DANCE SCENE

It was BEAUTIFUL

Uuuuughhhhh, when we thought he was DEAD!!!! I couldn't bring myself to believe it

Not gonna lie, I loved that Rosalie figured out that Betty and Mount Dunstan were in love

Speaking of Rosalie, I LOVE the sweetheart

And UGHTRED

Okay, but my favorite character was OBVIOUSLY G. Selden. He was such a genuine, kind guy. Also, frankly, hilarious

I now want a steak with mushrooms and potatoes hashed brown, not gonna lie

I still am amused and mystified by the horse being named Childe Harold (I'm not technically still mystified, but I'm choosing to be)

Sir Nigel was the actual literal worst. But he got his

I highkey loved when Betty's dad saw that Sir Nigel got struck with paralysis, and was like, yeah, that tracks

The ball lives rent free in my head

So does the scene where Betty and Mount Dunstan get together

Salttina for the win

Penzance is me, to be honest

All this to say, @kazoosandfannypacks ,thank you SO much for introducing me to this book, I LOVED it!!!!!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"It Now Belongs To You" by kazoosandfannypacks

Chapter 8/10: The Game's Not Over 'til the Queens Go Wild Pairing: CaptainSwan Rating: T Word Count: (753/10.6K) Summary: When Emma and Killian receive a pair of magic beans as a wedding gift, they take a voyage on the Jolly Roger for their honeymoon- but a wrench is thrown into their romantic getaway when they run into a notorious pirate who's staked a claim on the Jolly Roger. Chapter Summary: The tail end of the fateful dice game. Tags: post-canon, canon compliant, fluff, no smut, suggestive themes, alcohol, gambling, self indulgent fluff with a sprinkling of angst Author's notes: If you know what game this chapter title is referencing, please know that I love you and would love to play a round with you if we lived closer! Taglist: @zahara @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jrob64 @tiganasummertree @anmylica @teamhook @undercaffinatednightmare @gingerchangeling @lonelyspectator @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @cs-rylie [if you'd like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!]

Also on Ao3!

 Blackbeard laughed- Hook's sudden wave of confidence in his lady love had faltered back down- and if there's one thing Blackbeard loved more than a broken foe, it was taking a foe who was already broken and breaking them even further.

 "It's funny." Blackbeard said. "When I found out you were back in town, that the dastardly Captain Hook had returned, I thought myself fortunate to take my ship back. And now I've taken The Jolly Roger, and a magic bean. And, in just a few moments, I'll be wenchin' his wife- and not even a week after their wedding!" 

 His crewmates cheered and laughed.

 "Oh, you know what they say, mate." Black Beard said. "A legend is only half as strong as the legend who defames him. Why, to bring such shame to the legendary Captain Hook…"

 "I'm pretty sure no one actually says that, mate." Hook snipped.

 "Give 'em about seven minutes." Blackbeard said.

 "The game's not over yet." The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Your call, captain."

 He had a one and a six. If he called one of them, and she had another, she could up the anté, then he'd be left the liar. But, if he called a number he didn't have and she did, she'd assume hers the second, up the anté, and he'd call her bluff. 

 "One five."

 She studied his face for a moment, then smiled at him.

 "Liar."

 She revealed a four, and the men fell silent, knowing their captain had been bested in this round. That in itself stung enough, especially after his preemptive victory speech, but her victory taunt rubbed salt in the wound.

 She picked up one of his dice in each hand, setting one on the other side of the table. "One less die for you, m'dear," she mocked, then held up the other die. "And look at that! One die away from this being the day you almost bested Captain Killian Jones."

 Killian had to admit, watching his wife gloat at Black Beard like that was endearing- but she was in no less dangerous a predicament then before- in fact, this time almost moreso, as she had the first bluff of two dice- meaning he'd give her nothing for her superpower to work off of.

 "There's still one round left, Jones." Black Beard said. "And I don't intend to lose this one."

 "Neither do I." Emma said.

 The dice clinked in the otherwise empty cups almost too loudly, almost too long, and were slammed onto the table at just the right offset times to be maddening. He couldn't help but look at the die Emma had in her tankard- and though he couldn't see the top face, he saw a two and a six on the sides, meaning the top number must be either a three or a four.

 Emma didn't have a lot of options here. If she said one of her own number and Black Beard had it, she'd lose, but if she said two of her number and he didn't have it, she'd still lose. And if she called a number that she didn't have, well- let's just say they didn't need to chance the fates.

 "One one." Emma said.

 "What the blazes is she doing?" Killian thought. The odds of her guessing Black Beard's top number was not a risk worth taking.

 Blackbeard smiled and laughed, and Killian clenched his fist, restraining himself for as long as he could, but knowing that if push came to shove, he wasn't just gonna stand by and let blackbeard take- or even just borrow- his wife.

 "Two ones!" Blackbeard said, and Killian looked at the table, confused. Emma had, apparently, chosen the one number Blackbeard did have, and he assumed that perhaps she had guessed it so confidently because it was hers.

 A familiar smile crept across Emma's face.

 "Liar." Emma said, revealing her four as he unveiled his one.

 "Impossible!" Blackbeard said.

 "And yet, it happened anyways, so I suppose you'll be losing this." She snatched his die off the table before he could take another look at it. "Oh, and these as well." She took the bean, the sliver of the mast, and the rigging piece as well and placed them into a pouch on her belt.

 "But how?" Blackbeard asked.

 "Guess someone here's the bigger legend." Emma said, and she stood up, Killian following suit. "And the infamous Black Beard just lost his ship to some wench."

 Emma left without another word, Killian following close behind.

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY TUMBLR BESTIE WHALEY!!!!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

DID YOU SEE THAT THE WICKED MOVIE AND SQUISHMALLOWS ARE DOING A COLLAB!!!

NO I DIDN’T SEE THAT OMG OFF TO GOOGLE BRB

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

YEAH CHRISTMAS BLOG THEME

HECK YEAH! I love yours too 💕 I still need to watch across the spider-verse though

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Hey everybody, @kazoosandfannypacks is having a bad day 😞

Let’s cheer her up by spamming her inbox with encouraging things and pictures of Star Wars related stuff or cute pictures of Killian Jones

Go!

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

*descends upon you with a plate of leftover snickerdoodles and a regifted pair of socks*

Hello, friend! This is your post-holiday check-in! Don't forget to breathe, grab something to eat or drink if you haven't in a while, and do That Thing you've been procrastinating! Also, tell me about one of the most lovely things that happened to you this week 💞💞💞

I love socks so I ain’t even mad about the regifting!

Tbh, since I work retail, this post-holiday week has been pretty stressful. But something happy is that there still lots of sweets leftover and every day when I was going into work I’d wear my new Tangled purse and wearing it makes me so happy because it’s very cute but also so much lighter than my other purse. It feels like I’m not carrying anything but it’s still got my essentials inside :)

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Happy birthday to my favorite pirate mutual with a love for OUAT!!!!!

@kazoosandfannypacks

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Watching Treasure Planet with my little brother (13) for the first time, and his commentary is adorable, but my favorite moment so far was when Dr. Doppler says "we're not a couple" and my little brother goes "But you should be!"

Ah yes, the child has learned of shipping. The fandom queens are pleased

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

*as you stand outside your house, the wind picks up. a flurry of multicolor leaves descends in front of you, carrying me along with them, and gently setting me down at your feet. I am holding two pumpkin spice lattes, and I hand one to you.*

Hello, friend! This is a reminder to drink some water, grab a bite to eat if you need to, and do a little stretch! Also, let me know one thing that's made you happy this week.

*i leave in another gust of wind. you find yourself wearing a flannel you were not previously wearing.*

Thank you Kazzy ☺️

I have had water today and I had a nice dinner of chili with ice cream for dessert, so I’ve eaten a good meal.

Yesterday was my day off and I spent it with Tumnus, which is always a good time. We went for a walk and he was enjoying it but he did stop briefly so he could play in a pile of leaves that someone had raked. He loves leaves, even though they get stuck in his ears lol. I also managed to watch two movies yesterday that I’d been trying to watch for ages (Shrek 2 and Oz the Great and Powerful). I was having a really rough time finding them anywhere for some reason but I ventured into my brother’s cave (the basement where he basically lives) and found the Shrek 2 dvd. As for OtGaP, that just so happened to come on tv and I recorded it, so yay! So I had a simple day of movies and Tumnus time which so far has been the highlight of my week.

But I can’t forget the past weekend! My dad was given an award at his work for achieving 25 consecutive years of safe driving. He is a semi truck driver so driving safely with no accidents for 25 straight years is nothing to sneeze at. He was given a leather jacket and a glass statue and some other stuff. He was honored at a banquet along with the other recipients and their wives got to come too. My mom bought a new dress and matching shoes and she kept gushing about how beautiful it made her feel, and my dad really liked it too.

In addition, my sister had these tickets for a citywide beauty and the beast themed scavenger hunt so she, her boyfriend, her bf’s friend, and I all went and had a lot of fun exploring the city. She and her boyfriend dressed up as Belle and the Beast and they looked adorable together. So it was a good weekend! I’m hoping for a good week as well. Today was a rough day at work though so getting this ask was nice. 💕

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

wait the first rugrats movie made you cry as a kid? because i rewatched that recently as an adult and yeah. me too. 😭

Yeah there’s just something about all the perils the babies face and Tommy feeling ignored as the big brother that just really upset teeny tiny kid me. Not to mention Spike the dog’s fake out death! Like he was fine but any movie where a dog seemingly dies is automatically sad

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Bundled Intricate Joking Rain Yule and Zeal!

Bundled- describe your ideal date. Wooooow we’re really getting into things, huh? Well I’ve never been on a date before 🙃 maybe a trip to the aquarium and then we get dinner and ice cream after :)

Intricate- what’s a subject you have random knowledge about? Well, obviously the ocean. I know a lot about that lol. Disney trivia is something I know a lot about too. And just really random stuff with no category, like how the plastic pink lawn flamingo was invented in 1957

Joking- favorite silly joke? I’m suddenly blanking on all jokes. For some reason the only one I can think of is

Person 1: What’s up?

Person 2: it’s a movie about a man who ties balloons to his house

Rain- favorite type of weather? Sunny, blue skies, mid 70s to low 80s, mild ocean waves. Shorts and flip flops type weather :)

Yule- what’s one wish you have for this holiday? Preferably to find work in my field. Or a car

Zeal- what’s something you go all out for? Christmas, Disney anything, ocean anything, surprise parties

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

2 (even though i probably already know the answer,) 4, 9, 23? <3

2- if you guessed “Finding Nemo”, then you’re absolutely right. It’s my favorite movie ever and I’ve been known to put it on if I’m feeling sad and need a pick me up

4- my favorite flower is called chicory but if you pick it, it turns white and dies quickly. So if you could pick it and it stayed the pretty lavender blue color it is, I’d want to be given that. But if not, then white roses or those cream roses that are kinda pink on the tips

9- praying calms me down, also listening to music that I like, or strangely enough listening to long winded educational YouTube videos where someone just talks for a long time, like Film Theory for example. Or just watching some bright, cheerful show

23- I have these beautiful silver wedge heels that are just covered in clear, sparkly rhinestones that I got for graduation. They are stunning, especially in the sunlight. I absolutely love to wear them even if the rest of the outfit doesn’t quite match

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Unfortunately, there is not a character in Once Upon a Time named Bagelfire. HOWEVER there is a character named Baelfire, and when you type that in, especially in the early days of the fandom, it would often auto-correct to "Bagel fire," and since a lot of people dislike the character (not me, but a lot of people) they often refer to him by nicknames instead, like "Bagelfire" or "Person." This is probably due to the significance that names hold in the OUaT universe, especially for Bagelfire's father, Rumplestiltskin, who can be summoned just by saying his name.

Bagelfire is a much better name than Baelfire anyway