#the letter reads: “Link how DARE you go on another adventure without me? I swear when you get back I am going to [unintelligible ranting]”

[somelostlinks]

Soul just wanted to tag along like last time! Can you blame her?

Unrelated bonus doodle of Force:

[Archive]

[allisondraste]

Temperance 42/42

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Female, Non-HoF Cousland

Story Summary: Nathaniel and Elissa were childhood friends, but time and distance tore them apart. In the aftermath of the Fifth Blight, and Ferelden’s Civil War, both Elissa and Nathaniel must attempt reconstruct their tattered lives. As a series of events lead them to be reunited, both are reminded of so many years ago when things were much simpler.

Chapter Summary:   Epilogue!!

Author Note: Well, my friends. Here we are at the end of a journey that has lasted just over a year. When I started writing this story, I had no idea just exactly what it would mean to me. I had no clue that anyone would read it, let alone that I would have the amount of support and encouragement that I have ended up having. Temperance has seen me through some incredibly difficult times, and through some really good ones too. I am both sad that it is coming to an end, and thrilled at the confidence I've gained to start other projects.

I just want to start out by saying a humongous thank you to each and every one of my readers (whether you've left comments or just read and enjoyed silently). I appreciate you all immensely. You have made this journey all the more while.

I also want to thank all of the people who have supported me behind the scenes. Helping me plan, and plot, and taking a vested interest in my characters and my story, but also in me and my growth as a writer and a person. I don't have to name any names, you all know you are, and you rock. :D

This is by far the end of Nathaniel and Liss' story. It's just the beginning, and I have a lot of adventures planned for them going forward, but I'm also really excited to focus on some new things in the same worldstate.

I'm also excited to read more and support others as I've been supported.

Anyway, this is not the Oscars... but I couldn't close this chapter of my life without acknowledging the people who helped me get there.

<3

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

[AO3 LINK]

Dearest Baby Sister,

I hope this letter finds you well. I will be honest, I am more than a little upset that I had to learn about your choice to leave your position in Denerim and join the Grey Wardens from Queen Anora, and not you.  Why did you not write to me? Were you afraid that I would lecture you on how foolish it is? That I would disapprove because father never entertained the idea? None of that is true. We have been through so much hardship in the past year, I want you to do whatever you need to feel happy again.  If that means fighting darkspawn until you rot, then I pity the darkspawn who dare to cross you.

Anyway, enough of that.  I would much rather talk about Nathaniel.  If you’re with Wardens now, then you must have had ample time to talk with him. To tell him about that torch you still carry for him.  Or, you know, at least kick his arse for leaving you in the dark all those years. In all seriousness, I do hope that you two have had a real conversation about everything.  I love you both, and you care too damn much about each other to let it all slip away. I’ll stop lecturing you, but I eagerly await your reply.

And now to the real reason why I’ve written: I have a surprise for you— one that I cannot possibly keep secret a moment longer.  In fact, I am disappointed that I am not getting to tell you the news in person to see the look on your face, but you deserve to know.

I found Bear!

I didn’t tell you this before. Didn’t want to get your hopes up prematurely, but as soon as I returned to Highever, I put out a reward for his return.  As it turns out, the old boy was living with a young family just on the outskirts of the teyrnir. They told me they found him injured not long after Howe took control, noticed the laurels on his collar right away, but feared returning him to the castle for obvious reasons.  They nursed him back to health and let him get all fat and lazy, but they were excited to be able to send him home. I almost couldn’t get them to take the reward.

He’s watching me write this letter right now, actually.  It’s like he knows it’s you— I think the bloody hound can read! On his behalf, I implore you to come visit as soon as you’re able. He simply isn’t satisfied with my meager attempts at belly rubs, and I grow weary.  

I wouldn’t mind seeing you as well, Sis.  You’re welcome home any time. Your room will always be there for you.

Love,

Fergus (and Bear)

P.S. Bring Nate.  We have catching up to do.

Dear Fergus,

When I received your letter, I had to read it several times.  I couldn’t believe my own eyes. I truly thought Bear had died when he and I got separated during the ambush.  That you found him… Brother, I do not know that I could ever repay you for what it means to me. I suppose I shall have to forgive you for calling me “baby” sister.  I am not a baby, even if I am currently crying like one.

I am sorry that I did not write sooner.  I have been more than a little preoccupied.  Joining the Grey Wardens takes more than just some paperwork, though I am forbidden to say any more than that.  I am doing well, though. I feel better than I have in quite some time. The Wardens have given me a new purpose, a new place to belong that I didn’t feel in Anora’s council.  I was never exactly suited for the affairs of the court. I finally found my chance to get away. I think that I will fit in well here, with these Wardens of Amaranthine. They are a quirky lot, but they’re good people.

And Nate’s here.  He says hello.

I am pleased to report that we did, in fact, talk.  About everything, and at great length. We are not the same as we were when we were younger.  Things are different and more difficult now, but you’re right. We care too much about one another to give up on something just because it isn’t as easy as it would have been without…. everything that happened.  We’re together now, in case that wasn’t clear. It feels good to finally say that in writing, outloud. I wonder what Mama and Papa would think. I’m sure they would approve. They loved Nate, too.

Anyway, look at me, gibbering on like this is my journal or something.  Hey— at least it will save you the trouble of having to actually read my journal.

You could always visit us here, you know.  Delilah will be returning to Ferelden in Drakonis, and I believe there will be some sort of formal celebration to mark the transition of power.  You should come.

Love,

Liss.

P.S.  The reason Bear isn’t satisfied with your belly rubs is because he prefers scratches on his rear.  Tell him he’s a good boy for me, and that I’ll see him soon.

[The following note was found on a slip of parchment stuck in between the pages of a novel]

Liss— Finished reading your book.  I liked it, though the main protagonist was completely unbelievable.  Nobody likes cheese that much. Well, at least nobody I’ve ever met.

By the way, have I mentioned that I am glad you and Nathaniel got things sorted.  It would have been a damn shame if you had broken the eternally binding contract of a pinky swear.

[Scrawled at the bottom of the note was a tiny arrow, indicating that there was more written on the back.]

I got a letter from Bria.  She is doing well and told me to tell you hello.

— Alistair

Dear Ser Ben,

It is “Ser” now, is it not?  Unless of course you followed my poor example and left your training to pursue some sort of fruitless revenge, which is highly unlikely, so I am going to assume that you earned your knighthood.  Congratulations, my friend. I am proud of you.

I promised that I would write to you, so here I am, keeping that promise.  I know that you must be terribly surprised, considering my poor record for correspondence.  I apologize that it has taken this long to send word to you. I have been rather busy since I returned to Ferelden.  I spent months in hiding, plotting revenge against the Grey Wardens who destroyed my family, but when it was time to follow through with those plans I changed my mind.  A trespasser in my own home, I wanted nothing more than to retrieve some heirlooms and leave, fade away into obscurity for good. Unfortunately, I was captured, imprisoned for theft, and conscripted into the Wardens to spare me execution.  I’ve had my hands full with darkspawn and other duties ever since.  

As horrific as that all sounds, the Wardens have actually been my salvation, a chance to make my family name something to be proud of again.  The Warden-Commander is not the monster I had believed her to be. She is young and inexperienced, but thoughtful and wise beyond her years. My father, on the other hand, was twice the monster I thought he was.  All my life I knew he was a hateful, selfish man, but I did not realize the lengths to which he would go for power and wealth. To think that I ever defended him. Disgusting.

Do you remember Liss, the one you always called my “Fereldan lass?” I am certain that you do, considering how much you enjoyed teasing me about her. Anyway, her family and mine have been allies since the rebellion, and they were murdered in their own home upon my father’s command.  For months I believed Liss had died as well, but both she and her brother live, and now she is among the Grey Wardens here in Ferelden.

I finally confessed my feelings to her, apologized for everything.  She forgave me, and now we’re… together. It seems surreal to say, but I thought you would be pleased to know.

That is more than enough about me and my woes.  How have you been, my friend? I hope that you are staying out of trouble and also out of married womens’ beds. Remember what happened the last time? I’ve told Liss about you and some of your amorous adventures.  She is excited to meet you someday. I think that you two will be fast friends.

I miss you, Ben.  I hope that our paths will cross soon.

Take care,

Nathaniel

P.S. Have you been in contact with Erina? I know it isn’t any of my concern, but I hope she is all right.

Dear Nate,

Andraste’s knickers!  It’s really you. You really wrote to me.  I can hardly believe my eyes. I waited a bit, but after months of nothing, I thought for sure you’d forgotten me.  I’m glad to learn that you didn’t. Sorry about the other stuff though. It’s a damn shame what happened to your lass’ family, and what happened to yours.

Arrested? Nearly executed? Conscripted? And here I thought you were a model of lawful behavior.  I am kidding of course. I know it’s been a difficult time for you, and I’m sure your head hasn’t been screwed on properly since you learned about your old man.  It’s good you found your place, and something to give you a purpose. As much as I miss you, you were miserable here. It was obvious to anyone who talked to you for more than five minutes.

Of course I remember your Fereldan lass, the love of your life and object of your undying affection.  How could I possibly forget? It’s like you had your own little personal rain cloud with her name all over it.  Is that gone? Now that you’ve got her, that is? I hope you can finally be happy. You deserve it.  

Glad to hear that she finds my amorous adventures entertaining.  Someone ought to. I personally did not enjoy getting my arse kicked by the cheese merchant. Twice.  It’s not my fault his wife told me he was dead! I’ve managed to avoid anything of the sort for almost a year now.  I thought my image needed a bit of a change once I was knighted. Figured it was about time I be respectable.

That, and Ri glares at me disapprovingly whenever she finds out I’ve done something unscrupulous.  She returned to Starkhaven when I did. Said she didn’t want to leave me unsupervised, but I know that’s not the truth.  She’s scared to be alone, and I don’t blame her. I’ve been watching her back, and she’s watching mine. She’s a good friend, and I think she’d be happy to know you asked about her.  I know you’ve got it in your head that she hates you, but she doesn’t. She cares about you, but the past is the past. Last time we talked about it, she said she met someone in Denerim and that they’re staying in touch. Some blacksmith or something.

Anyway, it’s really good to hear from you, Nate. Make sure you find me if your Warden duties ever bring you up to the Marches! I’ll buy you and that lass of yours a pint on the king’s tab.  Not really— but you get the sentiment.  

Don’t be a stranger!

Love,

Ben

Dear Nathaniel,

I am certain that you are already aware that I will be returning to Ferelden in Drakonis.  Albert and I planned on leaving just after we received Queen Anora’s letter, but the baby came much earlier than expected, and he was ill for weeks.  I had to recover as well. Now, we have a happy, healthy baby boy: Aidan Nathaniel Howe. Aidan, after Albert’s grandfather, his hero, and Nathaniel after mine (I know you’re scowling, and stop it.  It’s rude). We decided to give him the Howe name to make his status as the heir amply known.  

Ha! Heirs. Succession.  It seems so strange to be thinking about all of those things now doesn’t it?  I never thought that our family would have any claim to Amaranthine again, and now… it’s all in my hands.  Maker, I wish Thomas were still alive to see it. As much as he tormented me when we were younger, I miss him dearly.

Anyway, I just thought you would want to know about your nephew.

See you soon.

Love,

Delilah

Dear Delilah,

I am happy to hear that both you and the baby are doing well.  No, I am not scowling that you gave him my name. I do not believe I am worthy of such an honor as I have not exactly been the world’s most present older brother, but I accept it graciously nonetheless.  It means a lot to me, Sister. I am looking forward to meeting him.

So is Liss, which is an entirely different topic, isn’t it?

Weeks after I visited you in Amaranthine, and completely by coincidence, I rescued Fergus from some refugee bandits. He told me that Liss survived.  I know I should have written to you about it at that very moment. She is your friend too, after all. To no one’s surprise, I handled my emotions poorly, and I have been working to get everything sorted out ever since.  I hope the news of her survival will make you happy enough that you are not too cross with me about not telling you sooner.

See you soon.

Love,

Nathaniel

P.S. I miss Thomas, too.

Dear Thomas, How long do you intend to keep our sister in the dark about your survival?  I hope not indefinitely because I cannot stand lying to her about something so serious.  She loves you and deserves better.

There will be a formal celebration at the beginning of Drakonis.  If I were you, I would make certain that my arse was there.  

Love, Nathaniel

Vigil's Keep - Drakonis, 9:32 Dragon

Nathaniel stood at his mirror, adjusting his collar and making himself look presentable.  At first, he had loathed the notion of individually tailored Warden formal wear on principle, however, he could not argue that the blue dovetail overcoat— adorned with silver filigree patterns on the chest, collar, shoulders, and cuffs— suited him.  He could hardly remember owning anything so nice, even as a child when he was paraded about in front of his well-to-do Bryland grandmother like a tragic little doll. The designer was indeed remarkable at her craft.

The past few days had been eventful, to say the very least.  Two days prior, Fergus had shown up at the keep with a very large mabari in tow, who was overjoyed to be reunited with Liss, who appeared to return the sentiment.  She had greeted Bear, as she called him, before she ever said a word to Fergus. Nathaniel offered him an apology, but Fergus claimed to have expected as much from his sister.  They spent several hours catching up while Liss wrestled with the dog on the floor, chiming in to the conversation as she deemed fit. It felt almost like old times.

Then, just the day before,  Delilah and her family arrived safely from across the Waking Sea.  Her husband, Albert, was a tall, stout man with dark blonde hair and a full beard.  Despite his imposing appearance, he was soft spoken and genial, doting tenderly upon Aidan while Delilah talked to Liss.  He was the complete opposite of Father in every way. There was no question as to why Delilah adored him.

Aidan was a beautiful baby with dark eyes and a head full of raven hair.  He was not incredibly fond of meeting new people, however, fussing and crying when Nathaniel and Liss tried to hold him.  Liss had managed to console him, bouncing on her heels and humming. She was tearful, clearly thinking about her own nephew, but she managed to hold it together until later that evening.  Nathaniel held her while she cried, and promised her that envy did not make her a bad person.

Now, he was simply biding time until Delilah’s celebration began, attempting to ignore the ache in his chest and the years of painful memories he had come to associate with noble gatherings.  Rationally, he could tell himself that this was different, that father was no longer alive to torment him, and that it was going to be fun. However, there seemed to be no convincing himself of that emotionally.  Dread loomed over him, like a dark cloud foreboding a storm, but dissipated quickly when there was a knock at the door.

“Yes,” he asked as he pulled the door open, recoiling when it was not a uniformed guard as he expected, but rather an elf in dark armor with an unusual facial tattoo spanning his left temple and cheek bone, “Who are you?”

“The Warden-Commander told me you would be suspicious, and you did not disappoint.” The man let out a hearty laugh before continuing.  “I am Zevran Arainai, at your service. I met your father once. He hired me to kill dear Lucia, a mission I am pleased to have failed.”

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. “You’re an assassin?”

“ Was an assassin,” he corrected, “Now, I kill assassins.  A much better profession, no?”

“Can I help you?”

“Right, right,” Zevran said with another laugh, “Straight to the point.  There are two things. First, Lucia asked me to tell you she needs to speak with you before the festivities begin.  She is waiting up on the battlements.”

“She couldn’t have just sent a guard?” A smirk twitched on Nathaniel’s lips.

“Well, I had a delivery to make, and since I was coming to find you anyway…”

“A delivery?”

The elf grinned mischievously and glanced to his left, nodding at something or someone who stood next to him.  He stepped to the side and another figure took his place, face obscured by a dark hood. The figure reached up to pull back the hood, and Nathaniel’s breath caught in his throat as familiar blue eyes stared back at him.

“T-thomas,” he said reaching forward and placing his hands on his brother’s shoulders.

“The one and only,” Thomas answered, voice strained even as a smile stretched across his face.

“What are you doing here,” Nathaniel asked as he embraced his brother briefly, punctuating the hug with a pat on the back.

“Got your letter,” Thomas said, holding out a piece of parchment and sighing, “Despite the fact that I loathe being battered into submission by my own guilt, you were right to do so. It wasn’t fair to keep Delilah in the dark like that.”

“So she knows you’re here?”

“I held the baby and everything.  I’m a little wounded that she named him after you instead of memorializing her deceased brother.”

“She doesn’t have a deceased brother,” Nathaniel stated dryly.  

“She didn’t know that,” Thomas exclaimed, and in the background, the elf snickered. “Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and have a touching, brotherly moment before all of the festivities start.  I wouldn’t want to pry you away from Lady Elissa.”

“Have you talked to her?”

“Accidentally bumped into her in the hallway without my hood on a bit ago.  It was awkward. She cried, and you know how horrible I am when people cry.”

Nathaniel laughed and shook his head. “I am certain you handled it appropriately.”

“If you say so,” Thomas sighed.  He paused for a moment, glanced at Zevran and then brought his eyes back to Nathaniel. “You should probably go speak to your commander now.  Apparently, it’s important. I will catch up with you later.”

“You better.”

As soon as his brother and Zevran disappeared down the hallway, Nathaniel made his way outside and up the several flights of steps to the battlements.  It was nearing dusk, and the deep orange of sunset burned across the chilly evening sky. He saw Lucia immediately, her own formal blue coat and sparkling silver decoration standing out against the backdrop.  She leaned over the parapet and peered out over the courtyard. Nathaniel still had not determined whether she did that to observe the people below, or if it was simply a way for her to lose herself in her own thoughts.  Perhaps it was both.  

He approached her slowly and cleared his throat, hoping not to startle her.  She rose up off her elbows and turned to face him, smiling almost imperceptibly.  “I am glad you got my message.”

“What do you need of me?”

Lucia sighed heavily, posture drooping as she did so, more defeated than relaxed. “I received correspondence from the First Warden, and he is less than pleased with me.”

“Why,” Nathaniel inquired, “Is it because of Amaranthine?”

Laughing bitterly, she answered, “No.  He cited my ‘failure to act in accordance with Grey Warden protocol.’ I was a Grey Warden for less than a day when the Blight fell into my lap.  There was no protocol.”

“The First Warden can rot,” he remarked, only somewhat joking.

Lucia snorted and shook her head.  “I am doing the best I can with the resources available to me.  I think that he would have been satisfied with that answer had I not ‘let’ Anders run off.”

“You did not ‘let’ him do anything.  He did not exactly ask for permission.”

The mage had left Vigil’s Keep, possessed by Justice just a week or so prior.  There would have been no stopping him without killing him, and nobody wanted to do that.  He was their friend.

“He hasn’t ever asked for permission for as long as I’ve known him.” She frowned, a line forming between her brows. “I should have known.”

“You saved his life,” Nathaniel pointed out,  “If you had not conscripted him, who is to say the Templars would not have had him executed as soon as they returned to Kinloch Hold.”

“I know, but to him it was as if I slapped another set of shackles on his wrists. I understand.”  She smiled again, but this time, there was a sadness to it that had not been present before. “I did not ask you to come here so that I could complain about Anders for the fiftieth time.”

“Why did you send for me, then?”

“To appease the First Warden I am falling in line with as much of standard protocol as I can conscience.  I refuse to let people enter their Joinings unprepared, no matter how much he twists my arm.” She paused and took a step away from the parapet, turning to face Nathaniel “But they are correct in that it would serve me well to appoint a second-in-command.  If anything, recent events have proven that I need one.”

“So, Alistair, then?”

She shook her head.   “I asked him his thoughts on the matter, considering that he is technically the most senior Warden in the country and should, for all intents and purposes, outrank me.”

“Let me guess,” Nathaniel added, “He wanted nothing to do with it.”

“He thinks it should be you.”  She hesitated. “And I am inclined to agree with him.”

He flinched, words stunning him as if they’d been lobbed in his direction from across an empty room.  “You’re serious.”

“I typically am.” Lucia smirked, and then continued.  “Looking back over these past few months I see how I leaned on you for so many things, both related to the Wardens and otherwise.  You have never let me down, not once. You supported my most difficult decisions. You placed yourself in harm's way to save my life.”

“You would be comfortable with having a second-in-command who is an insubordinate arse?”  Nathaniel raised his eyebrows, grin twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“I was comfortable with having a Grey Warden who wanted me dead.  Insubordination is a non-issue,” she explained matter-of-factly, “Besides, I think that a good second-in-command would not be afraid to oppose and challenge me when necessary.”

He thought for a moment, considering the weight of such a position, and what it meant for his future.  He could not see himself refusing. The Wardens had given him a new life, a new purpose, and he was proud that Lucia considered him for the title.

“If you are certain,” he said, finally,” Then I gladly accept.”

“I am,” she assured him, looking down and pulling a small, silver brooch in the shape of an encircled griffon feather from her pocket.  She reached forward and began to pin it to the collar of his coat. “Here. A symbol of your new rank.”

“And what is my new rank?”  He watched as she finished securing the pin and pulled away.

“Warden-Constable,” she said, flashing a grin and patting him gently on the shoulder. “Thank you.  For everything.”

He bit back the sting of tears, and replied. “It has been my honor.”

“Yes, well.”  Lucia cleared her throat, uncomfortable with whatever emotion she currently felt, “I should probably go check on Alistair before the festivities begin.  He was not thrilled with the new outfit, claims armor would be more comfortable.”

Nathaniel chuckled quietly and nodded.  “I will see you downstairs.”

They parted ways, and Nathaniel made his way back inside and down to the corridor where the Wardens’ quarters lay.  With the visit from Thomas and meeting with Lucia, he was most certainly late, but he hoped that Liss had not gone ahead to the main hall without him.  Ridiculous as it was, he looked forward to escorting her. He approached her door and knocked.

“Come in,” Liss chirped without so much as asking who was there.  

Nathaniel twisted the knob and pushed open the door, entering the room slowly.  Liss stood on the far side, back to him as she looked into a mirror, pinning her hair back from her face.  She turned to face him, her smile illuminating the entire room and warming him to the core.

“Hey Nate,” she said, twirling around in her new attire, dark gray breeches and a long blue overcoat with slitted sleeves that ran the length of the coat.  The bust and collar were adorned with similar silver decorations as his own coat, but the neckline swooped down just below her collarbone. She stopped and glanced down before flicking her eyes back up to him. “What do you think?”

“I— you look…” Nathaniel attempted a sentence, grasping for any words that made sense.  He laughed, gathered himself, and continued. “Beautiful seems like an understatement.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She laughed and moved to straighten his collar, noticing the new griffon wing pinned there.  She ran her thumb over the surface and brought her eyes up to him, grinning uncontrollably. “Warden-Constable.”

He eyed her curiously. “How did you know?”

“Alistair let it slip a few days ago. Made me swear that I wouldn’t tell you.”

“You are terrible at keeping secrets. I am not certain how you managed.”

“I wanted you to be surprised,” she explained, reaching up to pinch his cheek.  She giggled when he scowled. “Also, as it turns out, seeing that crooked, proud smile of yours when you walked in was entirely worth the wait.”

“Are you flirting with me, my lady,” he asked, bringing his hands to her waist.

“Maybe.” Liss eyes glittered with amusement as she pressed herself flush against him and tilted her head back, “What of it?”  

“Nothing,” he whispered, leaning forward to capture her lips. It was brief and gentle, just enough to make the air in the room feel heavier.  He moved to kiss her again, but was interrupted by a nudge at his legs and a loud bark. Liss pressed her lips together and huffed, looking down at the enormous dog beside them.

“Bear,” she scolded, “Jealousy is unbecoming for a hound of your pedigree.”

Bear hung his head and whimpered, tail slowing its wagging to a halt.  Liss knelt down and scratched roughly behind his ears, and he peeked up instantly.

“Besides,” she added, “I’ve got room enough in my heart for both of you.”

Bear barked cheerfully, appearing to be satisfied with her answer, and trotted away to lay on his bed in the corner of the room.  Liss rose to her feet and sighed. “Sorry, he’s just territorial. He’ll get over it, I’m sure.”

“I can’t blame him,” Nathaniel teased, leaning forward and kissing her cheek. “It is no doubt for the best that he interrupted us.  We’re already late enough as it is.”

“I suppose you’re right,” she said with feigned annoyance.  

“Shall we head downstairs, my lady,” he asked, offering her his arm.  

She smiled and accepted, hooking her arm through his.  “Lead the way, my love.”

Nathaniel froze, stunned by the innocent, yet incredibly powerful turn of phrase.  He had to remind himself to breathe, and when he looked at Liss, she bit her lip. Laughing and shaking his head, he led her down the hallway and toward the stairwell.

As they entered the hall, bustling with people, from nobility to Wardens, soldiers to servants, Nathaniel realized the dread he’d expected to loom over him the whole evening had not returned.  Instead, as he scanned the room that looked so different from its typical austerity, he saw his friends and family, people who cared for him and respected him. For so many years, his father’s opinion of him had rung so loudly in his ears, he could hear no one else.  He expected to spend his days miserable and his nights lonely, to matter to no one and amount to nothing. None of it was true, and it never had been.  

He turned his head to look at Liss, her presence at his side like sunlight to a wilted flower, constant and encouraging just as it alway was. He had never quite been able to come up with a definitive reason for why he fell in love with her so many years ago. He had never understood what it was that made her so different from any other beautiful, kind person he had known.  But now, he knew.

The way she looked at him now, standing at the highest point in his life so far, was completely indistinguishable from the way she looked at him when he was nothing more than a miserable, grumpy child. She had seen value in him when he was convinced he did not have any, and she had never given up her determination to show him just exactly what she saw.

She loved him when there was not much to love, and for that reason among many others, he would love her forever.

He had spent so many summers hidden away while everyone else celebrated, pretended he hated eating, drinking, and merry-making so that it felt like staying in his room was a choice.  He had wasted so many chances to have fun, to drink a bit too much, to make friends, to kiss his dearest friend until their lips were numb. He was not certain now how he had so much restraint as a child and adolescent.  He knew without question he could not manage it now.

He was tired of temperance.

Tonight, surrounded by friends and loved ones, at a get-together so much like those of his youth, he had a chance to finally live.

[lafayetteslattes-blog]

Domestic jeffmads/lams au: Chapter One

Credits: @hxxtile Lucy is their character, I just decided to make a story.

Word Count: 2000

Warning: Swearing

Plot: Lucy Jefferson starts Junior high with Philip Hamilton (who she hates) and is pretty sure she has her life figured out, until she meets Theodosia Burr Jr. (that’s it, it’s basically Lucy just figuring out her sexuality and who she is and having her dads be there every step of the way)

A/N: I hope you enjoy ??? maybe ???

      "First day of junior high! Are you nervous?" Thomas handed Lucy a plate with toast, scrambled eggs and sausage links. "It's totally fine if you are, you don't have to go if you're not ready! We can call the office and tell them you're sick or something." He was rambling now. Lucy looked up at her dad and took a bite of her sausage. This was a thing that he did every time she hit some big 'milestone' in her life.

     "Of course my daughter isn't nervous, she's a Jefferson! Isn't that right, Lucy?" James came into the dining room, still in his maroon bathrobe, and ruffled her hair. When he tried to pull his hand out, it got stuck. "Jesus, do you ever brush this head of yours?" He asked once he had finally released himself from her hair.

       Lucy was about to respond when Thomas scoffed, handing his husband his plate, "You never seem to complain when you're pulling on mine." He raised a brow. James blushed. Lucy gagged and threw a wadded up napkin at him. Thomas gave her a challenging look and threw it back. Lucy stuck her tongue out and her father copied before they both began laughing.

       "God, you guys are basically the same person." James took a seat next to Lucy and Thomas sat on her other side. They began eating while their daughter, on the other hand, was halfway finished.

      "Philip should be here in about half an hour, have you picked out what you're going to wear?" James asked. Lucy looked down at her current outfit which was an oversized pink hoodie that almost covered her purple skirt. Her matching purple flats awaited at the door. She looked back up at James as he looked over her outfit. "Lucy, it's your first stay of school! Don't you think what you're wearing is..." He looked over at his husband for help.

        "Absolutely adorable!" Thomas gushed. Lucy smiled at her dad. "Don't listen to your dad! You look just fine, you're going to be the most popular sixth grader there I can see it now!" Thomas looked at Lucy with hearts in his eyes. He felt so proud, it was like he was staring at a younger, smaller, female version of himself.

       "Thanks, Papa,” Her voice was small and smooth but strong at the same time. Thomas fell apart at the large smile she offered him. “Also, I don’t see why junior high is such a big deal?” She turned to James, “From what I’ve heard, it’s the same as elementary. High school is where the real juicy stuff happens. Dances, sports, dating…”

       James choked on his orange juice, “Dating?” He asked, looking down at the eleven year old. She nodded eagerly.

      “Yeah, papa! Dad said the two of you met in high school, right?” Thomas nodded and sipped on his coffee, “He told me that you guys met at a party that aunt Angelica threw! Apparently you were playing truth or dare and Alexander dared Papa to…”

        “Mr. Jeffersons!!!” Philip’s squeaky voice was heard from the other side of the front door, “The doors unlocked but mom told me it’s impolite to walk into people’s houses unannounced so this is me announcing myself!” Thomas sighed in relief. He never thought he’d be so happy to hear a Hamilton’s voice.

       He stood up gave James an apologetic smile. Lucy stood as well and gave James a kiss on the cheek. “Wish me luck, dad!” She gave him a toothy grin. James smiled gave her a thumbs up. She ran over to Thomas who was holding her Powerpuff Girls backpack and a twenty dollar bill.

      “Make sure no bully tries to steal your lunch money,” Thomas whispers, “And by bully I mean Phillip.” He handed her the backpack and cash and kissed her forehead. Lucy nodded and saluted Thomas before closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and opening the door.

       “Dramatic much?” Philip asked when Lucy let the breath out. She opened her eyes and looked Philip up and down. He wore a plain blue short-sleeved shirt, with a turtle pin on his chest. His hands were in the pockets of his cargo shorts and he wore sky blue vans to match his shirt. He wore his curly hair in a bun, but a few strands fell out of it and into his face. He also had a turtle shell backpack. “You ready to go?”  When Lucy walked past him without a word he shrugged and turned to the door where James and Thomas stood, watching their interactions. “Bye, Mr. Jeffersons! I’ll make sure your daughter won’t get bullied!”

      James waved and closed the door, turning to Thomas, “Why do I feel like it’s going to be Lucy protecting Philip?”

       Thomas shrugged, “It probably will.”

        “Okay, first things first! Stay away from the back of the bus.” Lucy gave Phillip a confused look, “That’s where the eighth graders sit. The very front is for the fifth graders, who only come to the junior high for band. Then there’s us, the sixth graders, then seventh. And then the back four seats. Basically thrones.”

     “You know this how?” Lucy asked as they approached the bus stop.

     “I’m in band, duh! I left my violin at mom’s house though so she’s dropping it off later today.”

      “Nerd.” Lucy giggled under her breath. Phillip glared at her but she only continued to laugh, which made him even angrier. He balled his hands into fists and stomped ahead to the bus stop. He doesn’t even know why he bothers with her. Lucy caught up to him, still laughing, and looked around, “Hey, braces, how come we’re the only ones here? This stop used to be filled with kids.”

       “That was for elementary, idiot. We’re like, the only sixth graders in this part of the neighborhood. We’re also the first stop, so we get good seats. Don’t sit next to me though, I have friends.”

        “That’s a lie,” Lucy laughed and turned when she heard the bus coming down the road. ‘Here we go’ she thought to herself. The bus pulled up in front of them and the doors opened to reveal an old, fat, white man who was a few years away from losing his teeth. Lucy could tell, because when he smiled down at them, his mouth was a mess of brown and yellow.

         “Well, hello there, Pip! Who is this?” He asked.

         “Mornin’, Bill! This is Lucy, I’m supposed to be showing her the ropes!” Lucy rolled her eyes behind Philip who was smiling proudly.

        “Oh! And I see you got a little upgrade over the summer?” Philip was confused at first, “Your braces, kid. You didn’t have them last year if I recall. When’d you get those?”

      “A few weeks ago,” Philip began to talk about the experience, but Lucy was honestly trying to get to school.

       She cleared her throat, “Excuse me, Bill? Don’t you have other stops to get to?” Philip rolled his eyes and mouthed something to the old man, which got him laughing hysterically. Lucy crossed her arms and glared at the two.

        “I’m sorry, ma’am, won’t happen again.” Bill said through laughter, he high fived Philip before the curly haired boy began walking down the aisle. Lucy sighed and followed. She took a seat two seats in front of Philip and on the other side of the aisle, not wanting to sit next to him. When the bus started moving she smiled and looked out the window and at the passing houses.

          After three stops, the bus was almost filled with kids talking about their summer and new outfits and whatnot. Philip’s friends were even on the bus as well. Everyone knew everyone. Except Lucy. She mentally cursed her dads for making her go to a private school, but also thanked them, because a majority of the kids on this bus were in desperate need of a shower.

       At the fourth stop, though, the boredom was knocked right out of Lucy. After a few eighth and seventh graders, a sixth grade girl walked onto the bus, looking down at her phone with furrowed brows. She had her dreadlocks pulled back into a high pony-tail and wore a pink shirt that read “#Vote4Burr!” in blue lettering. She wore dark blue denim shorts, black flats and a stitch backpack that was covered in pins from shows such as Bob’s Burgers, Adventure Time, she even had a few Melanie Martinez ones. “This is the bus to WJHS, right?” She had asked. A few kids in the back laughed but she seemed to either ignore them, or not care. Lucy liked that.

      When Bill nodded, she smiled anxiously and began typing vigorously into her phone, walking down the aisle. Lucy wanted to say something when she passed her and walked to the eighth grade section, but she was too late. The whole bus had gone quiet as well and watched her.

        “Hey, you, what grade are you in?” An eighth grader, who Philip had referred to as Mia, asked, the bus began moving, causing the girl to stumble a bit.

       She looked up from her phone and stuck it in her back pocket, “Sixth, why?” She asked. Lucy thought that the girl was genuinely confused, but Mia took it as sass.

      “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but I’m gonna need you to lose the attitude.” Mia replied coldly. Lucy was getting mad now.

      “Hey, leave her alone! She was just confused, you douche!” Lucy stood and turned around to glare at Mia from the front of the bus. A chorus of Ooh’s was heard from the bus, Mia’s face began to turn red and she stood up from her seat.

       Another eight grader, who had their ear buds in, heard the commotion and took them out. They took one look at Mia and the confused girl and sighed, standing up as well. “Mia, sit the fuck down. It’s obviously this kid’s first day, don’t make it as hard for them as it already is.” The person’s voice was calm yet stern as they spoke to Mia who crossed her arms and sat down and pulled out her phone with a huff, but it turned soft and sympathetic when they turned to the still confused and honestly bewildered girl, “I don’t know if you know this, but the back seats are taken for eighth graders, you can sit up front, though.” They smiled down at the girl.

        “Thank you,” She breathed out and turned around to walk back down the aisle. All the seats were taken except for (conveniently) the one next to Lucy. “Can I sit here?” She asked hopefully. Lucy felt her face grow hot and she nodded. Her first new friend, wow. “Thanks for defending me by the way.” She smiled after taking a seat.

        Lucy nodded back with a nervous grin and couldn’t help but peek over at the girl as she pulled her phone back out. Lucy wasn’t allowed to have a phone (Thomas disagrees but James thinks she too young) so she was nothing short of surprised to see that the girl had an IPhone 7 in her small hands. The lock screen was a selfie taken of her and a man (bald) laughing at how they looked with the snapchat dog filter. When she unlocked the phone (with her thumb print, which also amazed Lucy) the home screen was her and the same man with the flower crown filter, smiling whole heartedly. Lucy smiled, guessing that man was her father and turned back to look out the window silently.

       “I’m Theodosia Burr Jr., but you can just call me Theo.” The girl spoke as the bus finally left their neighborhood. Lucy looked over at the girl, who was smiling and holding her hand out.

       “I’m Lucy Jefferson, nice to meet you, Theo.” She smiled back and took her hand.

       “Nice to meet you, Lucy.”