Diabetes
Summary: You join arsenal and move in with Beth and Viv, you're nervous how everything will go, but ultimately it was perfect
Warnings: Diabetes, Hypoglycaemia, Glucagon shot, let me know if anything else.
A/N: Just a bit of a cute fluffy fic, I tried to get everything right medically but IDK if it is perfect. I hope you like it. If I did get something wrong let me know. Also as always happy to do part 2s if requested but pls add some detail on what you want to see.
You were originally going to move in with Leah however the Medical Team said it would be best for you to live with two people, so you moved in with Beth and Viv, you were very nervous as to how they would perceive you, and whether they would be accommodating of your diabetes or not. You knew the medical team had discussions with them and that the club had forced them to do the emergency training for really bad lows and highs, what you didn't know was that they asked the club if they could find them some more training courses, they had done just about everyone single one, from how to use a Dexcom and an Omnipod as these were the devices you used, to how to live everyday life with diabetes.
So when you turned up to their house you were very surprised to see some snacks sitting out on the bench, each with a piece of paper next to them, with the amount of carbs in them. They had really gone out of their way to help you settle in and make your life easier.
“Um, we have something to show you.” Beth said, kind of hesitant, you followed them over to a cupboard, “Um, it might be a little silly but this is for you,” she said as she opened the cupboard. It was empty other than some shelves, and draws, some organisation baskets, a mini fridge and a basket full of lollies. “There are some juices in there, we didn’t know what flavour you liked so we bought a pack of each, if you don’t like a flavour that's okay, we also got you these, they are all 15g of Carbs each, um but we can buy anything else you want or prefer, and um we thought you could put all of your supplies in here so they are organised and there is even a label maker so we can label the draws and stuff if you want oh and this is for you I suppose.” She said as she picked up a phone, it was a brand new iPhone 15 “it's more for the club, they were originally going to by you a android but we told them you wouldn't use it so yeah, the idea is we connect it to you sensors as like an additional device, so that everyone has access to your levels, so like at night we will keep it beside our bed so if anything happens we are alerted and during games the medical staff will have it and during training I think Kelly is mainly going to have it.” you nodded knowing you couldn't speak, the kindness of both women, and seeing how much they more cared and were going to 100% help you caused you to become emotional you felt a single tear roll down your face, causing the pair to panic lightly “You could have a cupboard somewhere else if you wanted or we could show you, your bedroom, it's pretty bare but we had plans to take you shopping so you could decorate it and make it your own,” another tear roll down your face, “are you okay, did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” you shook your head “th-thank you” Beth pulled you in for a hug “it's nothing really” but it was something it was everything, it was perfect. You spent your day moving in.
You set up the cupboard first, you drew a plan of where everything was going to go, detailing it before everything started to get put into the cupboard. Your plan worked very well and the cupboard was very organised and practical. Viv thought it was quite cute, she was going to like this side of you very much. Once you had set up the cupboard you got to go shopping, first you went to the homemaker centre, buying some bedspreads, pillows, and decorations from multiple different shops, to make more room in the car you had to do a pit stop at home, chucking it sll through the front door, before heading back out for lunch, it was the first time Beth and Viv had experienced eating out with Diabetes, well even just eating and diabetes. You were very well practised at it, and helped Beth and Viv learn, showing them how you did everything, you taught them how to estimate carbs, but that differently needed practise on their end, you also showed how you can either your phone or your pod controller to set up the insulin delivery and you even pricked their fingers to test their levels for fun, you liked how they weren’t over cautious about it and how they weren’t treating you differently, and also the fact that they didn’t see it as annoying, really you just liked everything about them. You then went to IKEA to get a desk, a chest of drawers and some other items for your bedroom. Once you got home you set up your room, you were putting your clothes away when you were interrupted by Beth and Viv calling you down for dinner.
“Stuffed capsicums!” You yelled as you walked into the kitchen.
“Inside voice,” “Vivvy, it’s cute, your parents told us they were one of your favourites and we thought after the lunch we had today they would be a good choice, how many do you want?”
“Two please, thank you,” “you’re welcome, if you want we can sit on the couch and watch a movie.” you nodded your head before making your way over to the couch.
-
“Come in,” Viv said after you knocked on the door, her face dropped when you opened the door and she saw your red puffy eyes, and tear stained cheeks. You had been crying because you were so relieved and happy, and you wanted to thank them again.
“Kleintje, is everything okay?” Viv asked, causing Beth to pop her head out of the bathroom mid teeth brushing, the sight of you caused her to quickly move back to the bathroom rinsing out her mouth before pulling you in for a hug.
“T-thank you, for everything, it was perfect, you didn’t have to do any of it”
“Of course Kleintje,” Viv walked over to the two of you joining in the hug.
“We want you to feel welcomed and comfortable, it is now your house too. But please if you need us for anything at all you can come wake us up, our door is always open.”
“Figuratively, not literally” you giggled slightly at Viv’s comment.
“Let's all go to sleep. Hey. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow” Beth said.
_____
Your second day was a training day, you Beth and Viv arrived early, as you had a few meetings, the first one was with Jonas and Kelly, about everything but also your diabetes, then the medics and some other people, Beth and Viv came with you to all of them. As you sat in the tactical session, you sipped on your apple juice popper as you listened intently, trying to ignore Beth and Steph’s talking, you were one to think tactics were a major part of the game, something else Viv would come to like. You then had a short gym session and then it was lunch, everyone was wondering what it was going to be, you already knew but decided not to tell them, you had been given the menu for the week, to select some things that you would want, so that they could make up a plate for you, ensuring they could tell you the exact amount of carbs. You walked in to find your plate sitting on the bench next to all the other food, it was a chicken burger, on wholemeal bread rather than a burger bun, you also had some snacks. There was a piece of paper next to it that had your name on it and the amount of carbs in each item, including each item of the burger. You picked up your plate and walked over to Beth, who pointed to the table she usually sat at, so you sat down there, waiting for her and others to join you, Kelly soon walked in with your kit, which you accidentally forgot at the meeting, you took it from her gratefully and she told you what would be happening in training so you had some idea of how much you needed to adjust your insulin. You picked up your phone and checked to see what it said your sugars were at, your phone said your sugars were at 90 which was perfect considering your target range was between 80-100, you were unzipping your kit when some of the team came to sit down, Beth sat next to you, Steph, Katie, and Caitlin also sat down. You pulled out your lancing device and pricked your finger, using your metre to confirm your reading before putting the units you needed for the burger into your pod controller.
“Do you mind us asking?” Katie questioned what you were doing.
“Um, I have diabetes, I was diagnosed when I was two, but it means that I have to manually control my blood sugars. My body doesn't do it at all, so I have to calculate the insulin I need for when I eat," "Right,” she nodded her head.
____
You had a few hiccups with your diabetes since living with Beth and Viv, but nothing major, however that was going to change. It was the 60th minute and you felt your body start shaking, the medics hadn’t called a paused or called you over and even thought you felt funny at half time your levels were normal, if anything slightly high, but you knew you were low, not only was your body shaking, but your brain hurt and felt foggy, you were also struggling to not fall over. You knew you needed to get off the pitch soon, before you passed out. A corner gave you the perfect opportunity to tell Beth you were low, you walked up to her, she looked at you confused and concerned.
“L-Low” you managed to say to Beth before you collapsed forward on her, she lowered you to the ground and the ref immediately blew the whistle, the medical team was on the pitch immediately, players from both teams were starting to form a huddle around you, trying to protect you from the media.
-
They were checking your sugars, as Beth got a Glucagon shot ready, she was ready to go when she got the nod of approval from the medics. Beth injected the shot into you and you were immediately rolled onto your side by the medics, waking up just moments later, in a panicked state, sitting up.
“It’s okay, you passed out from being low, we had to give you a Glucagon, but it’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” Beth said as she rubbed your back.
“S-sta-stay?” you managed to get out eyes wide open with fear.
“Go with her, I’ll tell Jonas,” Beth nodded.
Viv met you and Beth in the medical room, she sat on a chair while Beth sat on the bed with you, you were given some gummy bears as well as an apple juice popper, to try and elevate your levels, you were still shaky and sweaty but your vision was completely clear and the medics and paramedics cleared you, which meant you didn't have to go to the hospital, but Beth and Viv had very strict instructions to take you to the hospital if certain things happened, such as seizures, loss of consciousness and others.
“Do you want to go home now Kleintje?” you nodded as you ate a gummy bear.
_____
You were very nervous for your first camp, for how the staff would handle your diabetes but more so the team. The last game you played for Arsenal was the one you passed out during. You visited your endo after that incident and he had recommended putting tape over your sensor and pod when you played. The sensor had slightly pulled out during your arsenal game and so it wasn't actually reading your blood sugar.
It was your first training session and Beth had helped you, with the supervision of the medical team, put tape around your arms covering your sensor and pod, it was so you could get used to the feeling of it before your first game. You weren't required to have tape over your sensor and pod during training as you had frequent breaks which you could be checked during.
-
As you warmed up with Lauren Esme and Niamh, Ella and Alessia walked over to you.
“Why do you have tape on your arms?” Ella asked. “Ella you can't just ask that” Mary said as she walked over with Beth, who had overhead the question, so she stood behind you placing her hands on your shoulders. “You don't have to tell them.” Beth whispered in your ear, you did want to tell them but you weren't sure you wanted to tell them right now.
“Oh um,” you were saved by Sarina calling the team over. While Sarina talked one of the medics came over to you, she handed you the phone and you saw your reading, being nodding and sticking your hand out to her, hoping that somehow in the non contact warm up the sensor had moved and that reading wasn't true, as if it was you most likely weren't going to get to do training this morning. You were handed a small container filled with 6 sour worms which told you the reading was true, you opened the container and started to eat them while Sarina kept talking.
“Why don’t we get sour worms?” Ella whined.
“Because you’re not special enough.” you inform her, causing everyone to break out into laughter.
“I like her,” Millie said as she high fived you. Sarina ignored all the commotion, she was obviously used to it and just continued talking. “Y/N could I just talk to you quickly?” she said as you and the girls started to disperse, you nodded and walked over to her.
“Sorry Sarina. I didn’t mean to-” “No, that's not what I wanted to speak about but I appreciate the apology. I wanted to talk to you about telling the girls, is it something you would like to do?”
“Um, yeah I think, I just don’t know how to tell them and like I don't want them to think of me differently”
“That's okay, I think sooner rather than later would be better, maybe today during dinner? During the announcements. Becky could help you, or even Beth or anyone you wanted, I could even just tell them and we wouldn't need to discuss it if you wanted.”
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Ceilings
Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader
Kylo loves you right? At least it's what you try to convince yourself of.
word count: 4,731 words
Warning(s) Heavy angst, Smut, Violence, Extra mean Kylo, Kylo's a dick in this one.
I don't own this Gif
You had convinced yourself that he needed you.
You had convinced yourself that he loved you.
You lay in your cold bed, as you watch him watch you. You pretend to not notice the look of anger on his face.
''You put my troops in danger'' His cold voice breaks the silence. You can't speak your voice raspy from the lack of dehydration. Funny, this is the first thing he tells you when you wake up.
''A thank you would be nice.'' You mutter quietly, you didn't want to anger him further. You don't flinch as he throws a vase against the wall.
''Thank you? I should kill you. You disobeyed my order, I told you to stay here, and now look at what you've done.'' You don't speak, you can't. You don't remember the last time you felt. warm.
''I saved your life Kylo, she would've killed you.'' This time you flinch, his grip on your face bruising. He forces you to look at him.
''Rey, has her own reasons. She's not as foolish as you.'' You fight the tears threatening to escape, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
''You're pathetic, you repulse me, the only thing you're good at is getting in my way.'' You shut your eyes, as Kylo stomps his way out of your shared room.
'shared.'
You were the only one whoever slept here.
It had been years since your marriage to Kylo, granted you had no choice. You never did.
His way of becoming supreme leader, was by murdering, conquering, and marrying into the dark side. Your parents were quick to hand you over, they feared for their lives.
Not yours.
You don't know what love is, you never experienced it. Not from your parents, you didn't have friends, and now you're stuck in a loveless marriage.
You'd agreed to marry him because you wanted to feel something, you wanted to feel loved.
You roll over wincing slightly as you roll on your back, the gash on your abdomen created by Rey. She had tried to hurt Kylo.
Her lightsaber pierced through you, while his words pierced through your heart.
You stare at your ceiling.
This time you do cry.
You cry for yourself.
'Ceilings, plaster. Can't you just make it move faster?'
You don't see much of Kylo after that, it didn't surprise you. The only times you did see him, were times you managed to somehow 'mess' up. Every time he'd come to you, it was to berate you, remind you how pathetic you were, he's never touched you. Not even once.
You'd convince yourself that it was his way of showing he cared.
At least a bit..
You wince slightly as you make your way off the command shuttle.
The overgrown grass grazes your legs as you walk through the field, you knew this place like the palm of your hand.
You had dreams of marrying here as a child. There wasn't much you remembered from your childhood, sometimes you'd create scenarios in your head.
Your eyes flutter shut involuntarily as you feel the cool breeze prick your face. The sharp contrast between the quiet you felt here, and the eerie buzz of machines on the ship soothing.
It was rare for you to receive permission off the ship. Your wound was still fresh, you refused treatment.
You didn't want to risk bumping into him. Especially vulnerable, he would never see that side of you.
After sll you're pretty sure he would never care. Not when she existed.
You were too into your head you failed to notice the figure looming over you.
''I ordered you back on the ship 5 minutes ago. Why are you still here.''
You did not need to look back, you knew that voice all too well. His voice always held conviction, he lacked empathy that you were very much aware.
Even knowing, your heart always manages to sink.
''Dinner will be served at 0:17, you are to join me no excuses.''
You don't nod, it wasn't a suggestion. It was a command, an order.
You sigh, regretting it immediately the sharp pain on your abdomen still present. You carefully rise from your seated position. You slowly follow him back onto the shuttle.
An impending feeling of dread fill the deepest depths of your gut.
Turns out the 'dinner' was 100% a faculty meeting. One you were forced to sit and participate in.
You sit next to Kylo, your hands on your lap as you mindlessly listen to the General. Hux' you're not sure though, you were never properly introduced.
You've shared formalities once, just a nod while passing nothing else.
Dinner was served much after, by that time your appetite was certainly gone.
The food Infront of you was barren and cold, like the occupants in here.
''Eat. Your wound needs the strength to heal.'' The hall is flushed in quite. The hush hung heavy in the air. Your heart beats.
''What?'' You're unsure of weather he was speaking to you or...
You stare into the dark abyss of his helmet. Your reflection clear, you watch yourself nod as you force a mouthful. The food was tasteless, goosebumps rose on your skin.
You felt the eyes of everyone on you. You wanted to shrink.
Kylo only did this to exort control. Power.
He wants others to know you were off limits. Funny, because that was made obvious. The the black band that rested on your finger was proof.
Behind closed doors, you were nothing to him.
To seal the deal Kylo interlocks your hands and rest them on the table. His grip tight.
The meeting stretched longer than you anticipated. Conversations of how to overcome and finally destroy the 'Rebellion.' Kylo's grip tightened at the mention of the Jedi.
You ignore the way your gut lurches, at the mention of her name.
The room suddenly grew impossibly hot.
Your discomfort however was noticed by the general.
''Is everything ok?'' You nod faintly, before rising from your seat. The metal screeching as it scratched the floor. You pull your hand from Kylo.
''I would like to excuse myself, I'm not feeling well.''
''Very well. You're dismissed.''
You don't wait for his approval. You don't look back, as you take slow and tentive steps out of the dining hall.
Once you're out of sight, you bolt . A wave of nausea greeting the pit of your stomach. You ignore the sharp pain shooting across your body as you rush into your room.
You burst into the bathroom before reaching to close the door, it doesn't.
A gloved hand prevents it from shutting.
Your eyes widen as you watch Kylo crowd the space.
''I'm sorry I-''
You words were cut off by a yelp. Your arm is forcefully grabbed as you're forced out of the bathroom.
''Kylo, stop you're hurting me.'' You protest fell on deaf ears as you're dragged out.
You scratch and pull at your arm in his grasp.
Once you manage to pull your arm free, you're frame sharply connects with a wall. The blow excruciating as you cry out.
''You expect me to keep you around? How are you supposed to Rule beside me, when you're constantly embarrassing yourself.'' Your body is fueled with rage at his words.
You couldn't believe this man.
''Then why do you?! It has been made very clear of my disturbance. You do not need to keep me around.'' The room grew deathly quiet.
The hiss of Kylo's helmet, is the only warning you receive before its flung hard against the wall.
''You have no right to speak to me as such. I am your ruler, you obey me.''
You laugh un-amusement dripping from your voice as you stare into his lifeless eyes.
''I'll tell you what you ar-'' The sharp sting causes the air to escape your lungs. Tears well up in your eyes, as you watch his gloved hand curl as he uses the force against you.
''You take pride in being a burden. I should've killed you when I had the chance.''
This time your tears do fall. You shut your eyes as agony fills your body. The pain of your wound no match for the pain of your heart.
''You take pride in being something you're not. I see right through your stupid helmet, your stupid mask.'' You gasp out, you should stop talking but you're so angry.
You're so angry... you're so hurt.
''You fail to see what everyone thinks of you. Rey-''
''You shut your mouth!''
''You give her your hand, and she rejects you. You come back to me. You hate her because she rejected you. So here I am.' You don't kill me because you fucking can't!''
Your words hang heavy in the air.
Kylo's glare deep in your bones, as you struggle to stay coherent. The force finally taking its toll on your body. You almost think you're wrong. And this is his way of proving it to you.
'He's actually killing you.'
The force is ripped off, as you gasp for air.
An expression of pure hatred etched onto his skin as you watch him leave.
'This felt like the start of a movie you've seen before.'
Weeks, and maybe months pass before you ever see Kylo again. The scarring of his words forever etched into your head.
You selfishly, wish your own words stick with him too.
The past few days passed by in a blur. The first order was finally gaining onto the Rebellion. Victory was finally. promised.
The door to your room opens with a woosh.
Kylo stands sickly still. You pretend to be asleep, your heart beats as your eyes squint open.
''I know you're awake. Get up and follow me.'' You watch as he marches back out.
''Keep your mouth shut, don't speak unless addressed, and stay close.'' You nod as you walk closely behind him. You had never been here, the place was eerily quiet, shivers racked your spine as you made your way to stars knows where.
''The mighty Kylo Ren, When I found you, I saw what all masters lived to see. Raw Untamed power, and something truly special... the potential of your blood line.'' You freeze as you here Snoke utter those words.
You feel Kylo also freeze, the steps of the Supreme Leader loud as he makes his way over.
''Within your bloodline, a new Vader will rise, I was mistaken.'' You watch as Kylo lifts his head.
''I've given everything I have to you... To the dark side'' His helmet disorients his voice.
''Take that ridiculous thing off.'' You watch as Kylo hesitates to remove his helmet. A big nasty gash paints the side of Kylo's face, your eyes widen as you take in the wound.
''You have too much of your father's heart in you.''
''I killed him, when the moment came, I didn't hesitate.'' Yiu shut your eyes, as you take in his words. He was capable of killing his own father.
''And look at you the deed spread your spirit to the bone...You were unbalanced bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber...you failed.''
You watch as your husband gets up and is blasted with snokes force.
''Don't you touch him!'' You feel your heart pound as you stand over Kylo. You hold your head high, as Snoke marches his way towards you.
''Silly girl, you fool.'' Your lips curls in disgust as he gives you a once over.
You flinch as he passes a hand through your hair, he chuckles sinisterly.
''You've managed to get yourself a good one, she will do just fine.'' You stop breathing entirely.
''The seed of the Jedi order lives, as long as it does hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Unless you're no Vader, You're just a child in a mask.''
The elevator ride back to your room was tense.
The tiny space felt crowded. You stood behind Kylo as he vibrated in anger.
Seconds felt like hours.
You watch in horror as he drives his helmet, through the wall repeatedly. Sparks of the destroyed fuses, burning as they caught on your skin. ''Kylo stop! You're hurting yourself.'' You don't know why you try reasoning with him.
His relentless beating to the wall doesn't deter, or slow. You were left with no choice. You roughly pull his head into your grasp, as you pull him into a hug.
Kylo tenses in your hold, and you half expect him to pull you off, and kill you for the stunt. But he stills completely before wrapping his large arms around your body.
You stand holding each other for a while, the feeling entirely new.
This was the first time he ever held you tenderly.
You so badly want this moment to last, you so badly wish time would stop.
The sudden ding of the elevator snaps Kylo out of whatever trance he was in. Soon he's rushing out of the metal encapsule barking out commands, as you stand staring at his destroyed helmet.
This was the Kylo you never knew could exist.
'And I would say all of this. But I don't wanna ruin the moment'
You're much more careful around Kylo, he seems to be in better moods.
He no longer yelled or ordered you around.
You found yourself suspicious. Every encounter behind closed doors was 'decent.'
You stare at the ceiling in your room. You replay and overthink the constant movies playing in your head. You were grateful, to improve on your skills of blocking him. out
He had no means, or way into getting into your head.
Your eyebrow ticks as you sit up. 'He had thanked you for walking alongside him.'
Granted you really had no choice but... still
Your seated beside him again as you partake in another faculty meeting. This time the topic surrounded and revolved around 'destroying' the Jedi.
Your eyebrow ticks once again.
'Is he allowing this to happen?'
You highly doubt it, especially when he almost practically split you in half for even mentioning her.
''We have some matters to discuss after this.'' He had mentioned discussing matters, ever so often.
''From now on, you are to attend any meeting alongside me. You are to stand beside me. Walk beside me, breathe and eat beside me. I will expect no less. Am I clear?''
Your head nods. His beady eyes stare into your soul.
''Use your words.''
''Yes,''
''Good girl''
For the third time today, your eyebrow again ticks.
You really should've taken his words into consideration. You find yourself next to him every second, every minute, of everyday. You walked beside him as soon as you land on the Death Star.
This is where the latest appearance of the 'Resistance' was made.
Your hands grow clammy, you've witnessed what they could do.
You've witnessed what he could do. You've been on the receiving end of his wrath; you can't even bring yourself to imagine what could occur.
The telltale singe of his lightsaber coming to life, sickening...
A gnawing feeling of dread filled the pit of your stomach.
Your eyes frantically look for Kylo. He had disappeared.
The sky began to cry. Rain fell hard as it drenched your entire being.
You dashed holding onto the bottom of your dress.
Your heart pounded. You dashed as fast as you could. Your body taking heavy blows from the ground as you slipped. Your speed never falttered.
The feeling of your heart getting heavy, your motivation.
The scene displayed in front of you; heart wrenching.
You watched as Rey stood over Kylo; her hand outstretched in an offering.
The violent crashes of the waves cold.
You feel your body move before your mind. The sight of Rey picking up his saber flashing.
The burn of the lightsaber, nothing like the burn in your chest.
'You'd fooled yourself.'
Your mind was failing to catch up, your once Chartreuse colored dress. Red from the blood leaving you.
You stare in panic, as she stands over you. Ironic.
She's always won.
She had the one thing you've dreamt of having..
His love.
''This is what you stand for? You stand for madness. Chaos''
You heave.
This is the woman he wanted to rule alongside with.
This is the woman he deemed, fit for your role.
You've saved his life twice now...
Your vision blurred, as rain crashed over you. The red oozed out of you and washed away with the waves.
You stare as she is flung to the side, by an invisible force. Her body colliding with the side of the ship as she lands hard on the ground.
Your limp body dragged onto a lap.
Your energy was draining, it was hard to keep your eyes open.
''Keep them open, stay with me.''
His hair damp from the rain, you want to speak. You want to say how stupid you feel.
You want to tell him how much you hate him.
You want to tell him how much you love him.
'You're kinda cute, but it's Raining harder. My shoes are now full of water, Lovely to be rained on with you'
''I hate how stupid you make me feel.''
Breathing is getting harder, this wasn't like the first time. No.
This time Kylo holds you, forcing you into a hug. He pushes the damp hair laying across your face, before he plants a shaky kiss onto your lips.
You feel your mouth stretch into a smile.
You feel warm.
His dark eyes the last thing you see before you're pulled into an abyss.
'But it's not real, And you don't exist, And I can't recall the last time I was kissed.'
You feel cold. And everything hurts. Your eyes slowly open, you squint as you try to adjust to the florescent lights. You try to sit up, the movement impossible.
''You're awake.''
You turn your head to the side, Kylo sat beside your bed. His large form barely fitting into the sofa chair.
''How long?''
Your voice was dry and raspy. He hushes you before placing a cup to your lips. You drink the liquid graciously. Your nerves tick. 'Why was he here?'
''You never seem to follow simple orders.''
The lack of conviction in his voice surprised you.
''I wasn't going to let you die-''
''And so, you'd rather die?!''
You shut your eyes. You didn't want to do this today. You were way over fighting with him. You had learned how stubborn Kylo was. A silent nod was the only response you gave him. He scoffs.
''You are supposed to rule beside me, not below.''
''I was never meant to rule beside you.''
You were tired. Too tired. Exhaustion filled your voice. There was no need to feign interest, there was no need to feign concern, and there was certainly no need to feign care.
''Kylo, I think we should stop here-''
''Don't you even dare finish that sentence. There is no ending. You are to get better. No excuses. Or so help me stars-''
''Rey, is she okay?''
You don't know why you asked, maybe reassurance. Maybe you just wanted him to rip the band aid off. Who knows. You hold your breath though. You want to be sure, you want to get closure. You want him to be happy, even if it wasn't with you. Even if he destroyed you.
''She should be dead for what she did to you! She hurt you.''
You notice the way his voice softens.
''Let me in...''
Your handshakes as you trace the scar adorning the side of his face. Kylo's eyes clench shut. He grabs your wrist before placing a delicate kiss onto the inside of your palm.
''I can't... I'm scared.''
Kylo doesn't argue he just nods. His cape flutters behind him before he goes to leave.
''I will bring the medic.''
With that the door wooshes shut.
Once again you find yourself staring at the ceiling.
'And it kinda comes out, As I get up to go.'
Days bled into nights since the incident. Kylo loomed over you like a hawk. You were never out of his sight. He was your shadow. You've began to grow used to his overbearing behavior; you find yourself looking forward to seeing him.
His anger was still an issue. Just not for you.
For once his wrath was not directed towards you.
Today was no different. News of the 'Resistance' Successful escape quickly filled the empty halls of the ship.
Chaos ensued.
Bodies plagued the floor, some lay still others out cold.
''Kylo.''
Your voice interrupted whatever was going on in the control room. The thud of the body, being choke by Kylo's force, loud.
Kylo turned at the sound of your voice, his black helmet now decorated with red. Due to your handiwork. You both stand staring at eachother, before you turn and walk out.
You smile at the sound of his pounding feet coming after you.
You walk in silence; you lure him into your shared room. You lean on a wall, arms crossed as you stare at him. You're unsure when this confidence of being within each others prescence formed.
''They can't get away with this... She can't get away with what she did.''
You hum in acknowledgement. You stare into his helmet.
''Take it off''
You hear his intake of breath before the hissing of his mask fills the quiet.
You walk slowly to where he sits on the bed. Your feet come in between his spread legs. You move his hair out of his face, before tracing the scar adorning his face delicately. He shuts his eyes as he releases a sigh. His large arms wrap around your stomach, he rests his head there; you caress his head.
The tension immediately leaving his body.
''Please let me in..''
Your heart thuds in your chest. Vulnerability coats his words. You slowly let the walls down. You cringe as a sharp singing of pressure rushes into your head.
Your thoughts were bare.
Kylo's arms clench around your midsection as he infiltrates your thoughts. Your soothing hand does not stop it's motions.
'Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos.'
I want you to bear my children.
The cough released from your chest loud in the room.
Kylo stares an amused expression taking over his face.
''I'm- I'm sorry?''
''I need to begin forging my bloodline... We need to begin forging our bloodline.''
Your eyes are wide. You'd been taking things slow. The past few months beyond enjoyable. You fell into a silent comfort. You were there, and he was here.
''I, I don't know what to say.''
''Don't say much...whenever you're ready.''
That night you laid wide awake. he laid beside you. You've walked beside him, did everything with him...You haven't shared a kiss after the first one.
Too scared to rush into it.
The sound of rustling sheets grabs your attention as you look to the side.
''You're thinking too loud.''
''Sorry...Were you being serious?''
''Hm''
''You want me to forge your bloodline?''
''No, I want you to forge our bloodline.''
Your heart skipped a beat. You turn to look at him. Kylo was already staring at you. Your eyes were like magnets, connecting every time. Your attraction for one another grew. You could feel it. Feel him.
''If this is about what Snoke-''
''Snoke no longer influences me.''
He had killed him. Set himself free. You nod, unable to use your words. Your thoughts were going haywire. The feeling of his hand caressing your face comforting. He had reclused any form of affection behind walls.
That night he kissed you.
He'd kissed you soft and slow. His mouth relayed everything he couldn't bring himself to say. Your hands grasped onto his shoulder. You looked for grounding.
If this was a dream you did not want to wakeup.
Your once soft kisses quickly became passionate. Your unspoken words a cacophony of something beautiful. Tears welled in your eyes.
'Finally'
His hands cup your face gently, as he breaks the kiss. He plants soft kisses onto your neck, his lips graze over your most sensitive parts.
Your grip on his shoulders, tightening.
You feel him slide, down, down until he's looking up. Your eyes meet as you nod. You gulp at the anxiety rapidly bubbling in your stomach.
Your panties are pulled off from beneath your nightgown, the air of the night Cold.
You arch your back of the bed, as Kylo blows a puff of air.
''So beautiful.''
He wastes no time as he dives in. His nose
bumping into your pearl, sends your eyes rolling back. His sharp tongue once uses to bring you to tears, now brings you to pieces.
The groan he releases cause a moan to escape from between your lips. His pace doesn't change. You find yourself gripping onto his hair, as you buck your hips onto his face. He chuckles the vibrations sending you into overload.
''Please-''
''Patience''
He's hushing you.
Your words slurred, as his thick digit teased your hole. You gasp as he shoves it inside, rocking it back and forth before he introduces a second one. Your groan in ecstasy, as he scissors you.
''Oh stars-''
'Bedsheets, no clothes. Touch me like nobody else does.'
You try to quiet your moans. his hands slap at your thigh. The impact sending tingles to your already sensitive body.
''Let me here how good I make you feel.''
Your body is coated in a light sheen of sweat. He looked so good between your legs. You throw your head back and clench your highs against his face, as his fingers quicken.
His tongue curls just around your clit, and you burst. The wire snapping, as you gush. Kylo never stops, even after you bordered sensitivity his laps never let up.
''Please, I can't-''
''Give me one more baby, give me. one more.''
Your body withered as he forced another orgasm out of you, you laid limp. Kylo crawled over you, you force his mouth onto yours. He moans as you lick yourself off his lips.
You loved the taste of you on his mouth. Your night gown is slipped off of you, as you undress him.
He kneels between your spread legs, his arms holding onto your ankles. Kylo places a delicate kiss on the inner side of your ankle.
''Are you sure?''
You nod your head.
''Use your words-''
''Yes''
''That's my girl'' He chuckles at your desperation.
Your eyes stay connected as he you feel him rub his cock over your lips. Your mouth gapes, as he nudges over your clit. Kylo coats himself in your slick.
Before you moan at the pop of him finally entering. The intrusion, borderline painful. He shushed you as you cried. His thumb going between your bodies, to rub at your clit.
''Tell me to stop and I will.''
You frantically shake your head. You beg him to move, do something to relieve the burning pressure growing between your legs.
Kylo's pace started off slow, he took his time in kissing you allover, marking you. Claiming you.
Your hands tangled into his hair, as he thrusted deeper.
Your lips never sepertaed.
Kylo was painting your sky with stars. Hanging the moon for you.
''Please.''
This time his pace quickens, your moans grow as the headboard of your shared bed slams against the wall.
''Take it.''
''You're doing so good.''
''Fuck, you feel so good.''
Kylo's praises in your ear, bring you to other levels. You find, yourself begging for him. You want him inside and out.
''You're mine...''
''I'm going to put a baby in you.''
''You're going to be nice a round with my baby, you want that?''
You nod frantically words slurring into Yes's.
''You're my queen, you're going to rule beside me forever. Not even death will keep us apart.
Your eyes well up with tears. Kylo wipes at the them, his pace never faltering not even as he makes you come over and over again.
Not even when he paints you full of him.
Not even when he tells you how much he loves you.
Tonight, you don't stare at your ceiling, you finally stare at him..
'And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before, Before.'
___________________________________________
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