#the life updates are mandatory ofc

[look-a-polar-bear]

covilhã, portugal. january 2024

some old-ish film i just relised i never shared. makes some sense tbh. most of this roll, including some of my favs, has people's faces in it sooo to the vault they go. still waiting on the february/march rolls too, so expect some of my best art in the next few weeks!

in other news: the summer senior trip through europe is in the works! i've ordered a new camera and it should arrive this month. i'll stay in portugal for uni. and all went well with all the projects i had in march! who cheered! it's been a blast, and although not without its hard days, 'tudo vale a pena se a alma não é pequena'. i've also started making moves to join a musical theater group next year, possibly starting with an audition for a very special something in my school. fingers crossed and stay tuned for more updates

[pedrito-friskito]

strawberry wine - joel miller x ofc!liv stone/fem!reader

after - part twenty-three

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

shit doesn't go as planned on your way out of the QZ.

a/n: the bridge between episode 1 and 2. part twenty-four will be up this week! thank you to all of those who commented on the last two parts, I'll be reblogging/replying to those plus any comments here in the next two days, and my askbox is always open 🤍 thanks for sticking with me bbys!!! I love you all!

word count: 7.3k

warnings: canon-typical violence, you know the drill. no filth here.

✨@friskito-library for updates on new parts/works✨

“Observe mandatory curfew to fight infection and insurrection.”

God, if you had a dollar for every time you’d heard that fucking sentence. Or a ration card. You’d be set for life. You and Joel could die well-fed. Tess, too.

The rain has let up some, but still, you pull your hood up, instruct Ellie to do the same. The bat is a soft press between your shoulders, hidden by your bag, but you feel acutely aware of the weapon. You feel acutely aware of everything. Not like this is your first rodeo — this is an old habit for you, at this point — but something feels different. It is different.

Before you even step foot out of the lobby, you grab Ellie, turning her to face you. She stares up at you with those dark eyes, so full of fear you almost feel bad. “I’m gonna keep this simple,” you say to her, removing your hand from her shoulder. “You stay in between me and Joel, not behind. Between. You follow close, you keep your mouth shut, and if shit goes south, you take the easiest path, follow whichever one of us gets away, and you don’t look back. Clear?”

She just stares at you for a moment, her bottom lip almost quivering. “What if none of you get away?”

“We will. Are we clear?” When she doesn’t reply, you prompt her further. “Ellie,” you say, your voice teetering on stern. “Say it.”

The kid swallows hard, nods. “Clear.”

“Good.” You tear your eyes from her innocent face, finding Joel’s dark gaze watching you. “Ready?”

He just nods.

It’s easy enough, getting from the apartment building to the opening at Lancaster. Tess scouts a few feet ahead, signals you to follow when it’s clear, and you take one of your old routes through the empty warehouses to get where you need to be.

Ellie keeps close to you as you move through the city, just as you’d asked. At one point, your boot slips on the curb, your ankle twisting sideways, and before you can so much as flinch, she grabs your hand, using her weight to push you back onto the sidewalk. You mouth thanks and she nods, but doesn’t let go of your hand.

Finally, the storm drain at Lancaster is in view, and Tess jogs ahead, waiting for the coast to clear before she waves you forward. She and Joel lift the drain, Tess slides down first, then Ellie, then you, then Joel. He turns once he’s in, grabs the drain cover and slides it back into place with some help from you.

It’s dark inside, the walls slimy and wet and it smells fucking awful. Tess doesn’t waste any time, heading towards the other end, and once you’re almost there, Joel pushes to the front, taking the few steps up to the asphalt barrier. With a grunt, he pushes his shoulder up and into it, pauses when you hear the sound of a helicopter overhead. Once it passes, he continues to slide the asphalt piece across, another quiet grunt falling out of him. 

Joel hauls himself up and out, kneeling in the dirt, and holds his hand towards you. You take it, holding your breath as he yanks you up, jutting his chin towards your foot, the ankle that had twisted. “You okay?” he whispers.

You just nod, kneeling beside him as Ellie clambers out of the hole. Her hands press into the dirt and you grab her by the handle of her backpack, helping her out, then offering your hand to Tess. As soon as you’re all out, crouched in the dirt, you and Joel grab hold of the asphalt, sliding the piece back into place.

Ellie straightens, awe in her expression as she takes in your new surroundings. “Holy shit, I’m actually outside!”

“Oh, for the love of—” You grit the words out, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket and yanking her back down hard.

“Oh, shit,” she half-whispers, ducking down behind the abandoned bus you’ve tucked yourself behind. The unimpressed expression on Joel’s face would make you laugh in any other circumstance. “Sorry.”

“Okay,” you whisper, ignoring her apology. “We’re gonna take the left edge around the buffer zone, you know what that is?” you ask, and she nods, her lips pressed together. “You stay close, like you have been, and you follow my lead. You got it?”

“Yeah,” she agrees, nodding more. “Of course. I got it.”

“Let’s go,” Tess hisses, and you wave her on, shooting Joel a glare as he shakes his head, nudging Ellie to follow Tess beneath the bus. He waits for you to slide beneath before following, and when you glance back, you see the FEDRA spotlights sweep across the space you’d just been occupying.

Tess takes the lead again, and Ellie pauses when you come out the other side of the bus, waiting for you to step ahead, taking her place between you and Joel. She looks at you with big eyes as you walk past her, almost like she’s waiting for your approval, and you offer it in the form of a slight nod, mouthing good call.

The rumble of a truck makes your every sense heighten, and Ellie grabs your hand. You grip it tight, pulling her to the side, ducking you both behind a car as the truck drives past. Tess looks at you wordlessly over the top of Ellie’s head, and you turn your neck to see Joel crouched behind an overturned car. You all pause, waiting for more noise, but only the thunder comes.

Your steps are a bit faster now, all of you pushed against the fractured concrete that shields you from the helicopters above. Tess keeps point, and you keep your grip on Ellie’s hand. A second truck rumbles past, and you all dive for cover. You don’t miss the hitch in the kid’s breath as she tries to catch it, and you squeeze her fingers.

“It’ll be okay, kid,” you tell her. “Just stay close. You’re doing great.”

Even without looking, you can feel Joel’s eyes shooting daggers into your back.

Another corner turned, and the gap in the fence comes into view. It’s almost comical, with the warning signs on either side of it, the chain link spread wide enough for you all to fit through. Ellie’s still holding your hand, and you make for the fence, squinting up as the rain starts to come harder, soaking your hair, making it stick to the back of your neck. Joel moves up beside you, his hand finding your side as you step forward and then—

“Hey!”

Fuck.

“Hey, don’t, don’t…don’t move!”

You all freeze as you see Sergeant Lee Evans standing against the concrete wall, re-zipping his pants, flashlight waving as he reaches for his gun. McCoy’s guy, the one who’d taken over his posts, the one you’ve been making deals with for a long time. The one who was meant to get you the truck to get to Wyoming, before you struck the deal with Marlene.

“Don’t move!”

Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles, illuminating the space you’re all standing in. Lee lifts his gun, points it at Joel, then you, then Ellie. Then he pauses, the gun swinging back to you, and lifts the visor on his helmet.

“You gotta be shittin’ me.”

“Okay, Lee, wait,” you start, lifting your hands, putting yourself slightly in front of Ellie, “let’s just talk this out, yeah?”

Joel takes a half-step, doing the same, his tone sliding into something persuasive. “Hold on—”

“Get on your fuckin’ knees!” Lee shouts, pointing at Joel, the gun lowering slightly. “Get on your fuckin’ knees!”

“Now, hold on—” Joel repeats, but Lee ignores him.

“What did I fuckin’ tell you, man? I said stay the fuck home. Now, get on your knees!”

“Lee—”

“Knees!”

Tess smacks your arm. “Just get on your knees,” she says, sinking to her own. “Just get on your knees.” On the ground, she turns back to Lee, trying to placate him. Meanwhile, you sink down beside her, tugging Ellie down, while Joel takes the empty space between Ellie and Tess. “You let us do this run,” Tess continues, her voice carrying through the space, “and we’ll split the cards with you.”

“Oh, will you?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so blessed,” Lee says sarcastically. “Hands on your head, eyes forward.”

You shoot a glance over your shoulder, and see the bio-scanner in his hand. Your stomach drops into your toes. Fuck. There’ve been a few run-ins, over the years, sure, but you’ve always managed to talk your way — or shoot your way — out of them.

“Hands on your head!” Lee spits.

Not talking your way out of this one.

You do as the soldier says, nudging Ellie to do the same. Joel shoots you a glance, meeting your eyes over the kid’s head, and you shake your head just slightly. What the fuck are you gonna do, what are you gonna—

“Really, man?” Tess protests as the machine buzzes at her neck.

“Yep,” Lee grits, unimpressed. “We’re doing this by the book.”

“Jesus Christ,” Tess mutters, glancing at you before looking back at Lee. “What about three-quarters?”

The screen on the bio-scanner goes green, clearing Tess, and you swallow around the lump that’s formed in your throat. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

“Unauthorized exit,” Lee spits, shooting you a glare. “They’ll hang you for that.”

“Fine!” Joel shouts as Lee moves along the line of you, shoving the scanner against Joel’s neck. “Everything off of this run.”

“And half off on all the pills,” you shout, trying to sweeten the deal.

Lee laughs at you. “Half off? All off. Risk my job for half off. Outta your fuckin’ minds.”

Beside you, Ellie’s breathing gets heavy. Something in you wants to reach for her, but you resist, lacing your hands at the back of your head. Lee steps towards her, and something tightens in your chest, making you—

Ellie screams as the scanner beeps at her neck, whirling around towards Lee. You didn’t notice the switchblade open in her hand, and it sinks into Lee’s leg.

“Ellie!” you shriek. Lee shoves her forward and you go after her instantly, putting yourself in front of her as Lee yanks the knife out. It clatters to the asphalt, and Tess slinks to the side, Joel standing in front of you and Ellie as Lee lifts his gun.

“Fucking bitch!” he shouts. “Get out of the fucking way!”

“Woah!” Joel shouts, lifting his hands again. “Woah!” He glances over his shoulder at you, standing in front of Ellie, your arm held out protectively. “We can fix this!”

The barrel of the gun shifts from Joel to you, the flashlight taped to it blinding you. You feel Ellie’s fingers curl in the fabric of your sleeve. “Move,” Lee spits, “or I kill your wife, and then the girl.”

For a moment, everything is eerily silent. Joel is completely still. Behind you, you can hear the hitch in Ellie’s breath, and this beast in your chest, this protective thing roars. If Lee pulls that trigger, you’ll—

“Move.”

Lee takes a step towards you, and Joel lunges forward with a yell. They both go crashing to the ground, the gun skittering to the side, but Joel has the upper hand in a moment. Over and over, his fist connects with Lee’s face, the flashes of lightning illuminating the blood on his skin, on Joel’s knuckles. Over and over and over and over.

“Joel,” you call, but it’s no use, he doesn’t so much as flinch. Ellie tries to step around you, and you try to stop her, try to shield her from the bloody scene before you, but she moves around you quickly, her dark eyes fixated on Joel’s cocked fist. “Joel!”

Finally, he stops, breathing heavily as he lifts his red-stained fist. His knuckles are probably split, maybe even broken, and your own heart is rioting in your chest. He straightens slightly, turning back to the three of you, and for a moment, he and Ellie just stare at each other. Lee lies unmoving on the ground.

Then Joel’s eyes slide to you. “Liv, I…” He trails off, but you just shake your head.

You step towards him, grip his arm and haul him sideways off of Lee’s too-still body. Bile crawls up the back of your throat. Not the first time, you know it won’t be the last. “We need to go.”

Behind you, Tess gasps. You turn to see her with Lee’s bio-scanner in her hand. The screen is red.

He’d scanned Ellie last.

“No!” the girl cries, panic making her voice climb. “No! No, I’m not sick!”

“Liv!” Tess shouts, holding the scanner towards you, the red screen too bright as it blinks at you. “Liv!”

“I am not sick,” Ellie says again, and your stomach ties itself into a knot. “I’m not sick! Look, look!” She tugs up her sleeve, offers her arm to Tess, and Joel pulls you back a step, trying to put himself in front of you. Like that matters. “This is three weeks old,” Ellie continues, her tone still dripping with panic. “Nobody lasts more than a day. Does this look a day old to you?!” Her head lifts, those dark eyes whipping in your direction. “I couldn’t tell you, you would’ve killed me!”

“We should fucking kill you!” Tess spits, and Joel puts his hand on your arm, but you shrug it off. Faintly, you can hear FEDRA sirens growing closer.

“They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run,” Ellie says, and her eyes are trained on you. Joel reaches out again, but you smack his hand away this time, crouching and grabbing Lee’s gun, shoving it against Joel’s chest. He catches it with his good hand, and you grab at his injured one, inspecting his split and bloody knuckles. He hisses when you spread his fingers, pulls his hand away.

As you drop his hand, something catches your eye. Ellie’s knife, smeared with blood, laying in the dirt. You crouch to grab it, switching the blade shut and jamming the thing into your pocket.

“We need to go,” you say, and stride back to where Ellie’s standing. You all but yank her away from Tess, pushing the young girl toward the fence. “Tess, let’s go.”

You hold the fence open as Ellie scrambles through, keep it open for Tess as well. Joel is still standing beside Lee, staring down at the soldier.

“Joel!” you shout, and his head snaps up, dark eyes meeting yours. “We need to go.”

The sirens are getting closer, but you wait for him. He offers you his good hand as he gets closer, the gun now looped over his shoulder, and you take it, lacing your fingers together and heading through the fence. Ellie looks at you with big eyes as you clamber through, Tess holding the chain link open for you both. Gripping Joel’s hand tightly, you turn her around, push her forward as you all disappear into the night, the sounds of FEDRA’s patrols getting closer and closer to the scene you’ve left behind.

+

The rain doesn’t let up. It gets worse as you move through the city, puddles beneath your every step. Your socks are soaked inside your boots, your hair sticking to your scalp. Joel’s grip on your hand is tight, his knuckles pressed to yours.

You get a few feet from the fence before Ellie turns to you, panic embedded in her face, an apology on her lips. “Liv, please, I’m sorry, okay? I couldn’t tell you, Marlene said not to—”

“Shut up,” you hiss at her, forcing yourself to ignore the way she flinches at your tone. She stops in her tracks, and you pull away from Joel enough to grab her by the front of her jacket, spinning her around. “We’re not safe out here, whether or not you’re sick. Follow Tess, and keep your mouth shut.”

She does as you say.

You fall back into step with Joel, who’s now brandishing Lee’s gun, his good hand on the trigger. Thunder rumbles, and you reach for the bat, gripping the handle tightly. Being outside of the QZ is one thing, this close to the walls, but unarmed is another. Ahead of you, Tess picks her way through the rubble, heading for the closest building. It used to be a hair salon; you remember getting your hair done there, before. The memory feels strange to recall, fuzzy at the edges and almost more like a dream.

Joel nudges you with his shoulder, his voice low. “How are we gonna play this?”

Pulled out of your head, you turn toward him, your brows pulling down. “What?”

“Tess doesn’t know about you,” he whispers, his eyes searching yours. “And if this kid is—”

“Tess doesn’t know what about me?” you ask him, and you watch the realization settle on his face. There’s a loud creak, and you see Tess has pried the salon door open, waving you all in. “Can we just make it through the night, first? One thing at a goddamned time.”

You go to take a step away, but Joel catches your hand, wincing as his bruised hand closes around yours. “Liv, I…” He clears his throat, staring down at his boots. “I’m sorry, for what happened back there. He pointed that gun at you and the kid and I just…” After a beat, his eyes lift to yours. They’re so haunted, so full of emotion that your breath catches. “He pointed that gun at you, and I was right back to that night. In Austin, when Sarah…”

His voice breaks on her name. Something in your chest cracks. You honestly can’t remember the last time he said it out loud.

“Stop,” you say, moving close to him. You take his scruffy jaw in your hand, keep his eyes on yours. “You did what you had to. We had to get out of there. There was no other option. I know that, and you know that. Lee was a fucking asshole, anyway.” He huffs something like a laugh, and you press a soft kiss to his mouth. “We’re safe, okay? C’mon. Let’s go inside. I need to look at that hand.”

Stepping into the salon feels surreal, your brain wired to expect fluorescent lights and the secretary who truly couldn’t have given less of a fuck asking what time your appointment was at. You’ve walked past this place a million times on runs since the walls went up, but you’ve never once stepped back inside.

Ellie’s standing in the middle of the space, staring up at the ceiling. Nature has truly taken over, grass and moss erupting through the cracked tiles, dirt covering the rest of the floor. A lone chair stands upright off to the side, every mirror shattered to pieces. Ivy climbs along one wall, and as you walk inside, Tess shuts the door, muttering at Joel to help her move a big cabinet in front of the door.

“What the fuck was Marlene doing with an infected kid?” Tess hisses as the three of you stand near the door, stealing glances at the kid in the middle of the salon. “We oughta put a damn bullet in her head.”

“Then why didn’t Marlene do it?” you counter, and Tess’s shoulder sag. “Clearly she’s important. She said that bite is what, two weeks old? What—”

“Three weeks,” Ellie calls out conversationally, a rumble of thunder punctuating her words. You give her the most withering look you can manage.

You look back at Tess. “We’re tired. We’re scared. That wasn’t what any of us had anticipated, and the last thing we need to do is make an impulsive decision.” Joel nods slightly, his eyes glued to your face. “We sleep it off, and we talk it out in the morning.”

“I’ll take first watch,” Tess says, reaching out and taking Lee’s gun from Joel. “Tell her to pick a corner.” She looks at you. “I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

You nod, inclining your head towards an empty corner. Joel heads for it, and you walk towards Ellie.

Your steps are slow, the bat still held in your hand. She turns her head to look at you as you approach, and you look up a the ceiling, seeing the large hole giving way to the floor above, the cracked beams and what looks like a tree growing out of the second storey. Further up, you can see flashes of lightning, the rumble of thunder following close behind.

“So, is this the part where you kill me?” she asks, and you know she’s trying to be the tough guy, but her voice gives her away, that waver of panic still evident. “I really am sorry.”

“It’s late,” you say, shaking your head. “No one’s killing you. You should get some sleep, all right? We’re all rattled; we’ll figure this out in the morning.” When she doesn’t say anything, you say, “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You got a blanket or anything in that bag?”

She shakes her head. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay.”

Without another word, you turn on your heel, heading for the corner Joel is now occupying. He’s sat on the ground, his back propped against the wall, legs stretched ahead of him. You drop your bag next to his, tapping your boot against his. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replies, eyes shooting open. His bad hand lifts to rub over his face and he winces before he can complete the movement. “Fuck.”

“Let me see it,” you say, crouching in front of your bag, pulling out what little first aid supplies you have left. A single alcohol wipe, a mostly-clean rag you tore into strips for bandages. “You think it’s broken?”

“Maybe a hairline,” he grunts, sliding over as you move to sit beside him, holding your hand out for his. You tear the wipe open with your teeth, spit the wrapper to the side. “It’ll heal fast.”

“I’ve heard that one before,” you mutter, shaking your head as you lift his hand for closer inspection, swiping at the blood. He doesn’t flinch, but lets out a little groan, his other hand wrapping around your leg.

You clean as much of the blood away as you can. Two of his knuckles are split, but you’ve definitely seen worse on him. And if there’s anything you’ve learned about Joel over the years, it’s that he can take the pain.

You both can.

You finish wrapping his hand, tying the makeshift bandage off in the middle of his palm. It’s not ideal, but it’ll do. The ground is hard beneath you as you settle in, Joel bunching up his jacket as a pillow for you both to share, him lying with his back to the wall, good ear up. You fit yourself against his front, draping your coat over the both of you, tugging his arm around your waist beneath it. Whatever comfort you can get, you take. You revel in it.

Every time you try to close your eyes, something pops up to haunt you, chasing sleep away before you can grab it. 

Memories of the explosions all those years ago, of hiding in the bookstore and waiting to die.

The way you’d held out hope that Joel was still alive, that he’d make good on his promise and find you, across the country, no matter how much time had passed. 

The fear that had consumed you when you were bit, the hope Joel had offered when he told you about Anna, what had happened to her, what turned out to be the same for you.

The panic you felt when Nick took Deanna and the kids away, blackmailing you into silence. 

The frustration when Tommy stopped answering the goddamned radio, sending Joel into a spiral. 

The obvious hurt in Tess’s face after she and Robin had talked. 

That sinking feeling that’s been chasing you around with every day that’s passed where you haven’t heard from Bill and Frank, not a song on the radio or a crackling message to let you know they’re okay.

The feral violence Joel had rained down on Lee, to keep you safe. To keep Ellie safe.

The sheer fucking terror in Ellie’s face when the scanner turned red.

Sleep seems to come to Joel easily, his breathing evening out against your neck, his forehead tipped against the back of your head. His arm tightens around you, and you try to replace the haunted memories with good ones, happy ones. Led Zeppelin on the radio and walking down the aisle, all the stars in the sky and the bed of Joel’s truck, the deer at the lake and your honeymoon at the cabin.

It feels like sleep has just pulled you under when Tess is waking you for the next watch. “Liv,” she calls, her hand curled around your shoulder. “Liv.”

Your eyes blink open, and it takes you a minute to realize that there’s music playing.

I’m taking a ride with my best friend.

+

Tess kicks at Joel’s boot and he jolts out of dreamless sleep. You’re not where you were, pressed against him, and he bolts upright, panic twisting his stomach when he sees you a few feet from him, hunched over something. He rubs his hand across his face and his hand aches.

“What…?”

Never want to put my feet back down on the ground.

“I can’t check the fucking book, Tess, can I?” you spit, shoving your hand through your hair. It’s the radio, Joel realizes, that you’re bent over, the music filling the quiet space between you. He glances to the corner where Ellie had sprawled; she’s still asleep, curled on her side, facing away from all of you. “I swear to god, it was 1985.”

“Sure, when you were what, seven?” Tess hisses, straightening, putting her hands on her hips. The frustration is clear on her face. “How do we know it wasn’t the nineties? Depeche Mode was still around when the world fucking imploded, it could have been ‘92, ‘93?”

“Nineties doesn’t mean anything on the code, Tess,” you tell her, your tone completely flat until you say her name, and your voice snaps in two. “Something is wrong.” You go quiet for a moment, heaving a breath, and then launch the radio across the room. It hits the wall with a loud crack, splintering into pieces, and from the corner of his eye, Joel sees Ellie jump. “I was right. We should have left days ago, we shouldn’t have waited for this to fucking happen!”

You get to your feet, storming across the salon to where he’d propped the cabinet against the door. The metal rings as your fist connects, and Tess shoots him a look. “Liv,” he calls, getting to his feet, jogging toward you. He catches your wrist before you can swing again. “Baby, stop it. Don’t—” You try to yank your hand away from him, but he tightens his grip. “Hey.”

“They could be dead,” you murmur, the words halfway between speaking and sobbing. His heart aches at the sound. “They could…” You trail off, shaking your head, tears shining on your cheeks in the streaks of moonlight coming through the cracks in the windows and doors.

“C’mere,” Joel whispers, using your wrist as leverage, pulling you against him. You go willingly, collapsing into his chest. You bury your face in his neck, and he rubs his hand up and down your spine. “There’s nothin’ we can do right now, baby. It’s the middle of the night, you’re exhausted, we all are. The moment the sun comes up, we get the kid to the State House, we get the truck, and we haul ass to Lincoln, you understand me? Computer probably stopped working, and Bill couldn’t reset the radio.” He presses his lips to your temple, his next words muffled against your skin. “It’s gonna be fine. Everythin’ is gonna be fine.”

With a soft noise something like a whimper, you nod your head, your forehead brushing his chin as you do.

“Go back and lie down,” he tells you, reluctantly detaching you from his chest. “I’ll take the next watch.”

“But—”

“Go, Liv,” he says, a little more tersely. “I’ll wake you in a couple hours.”

You’re halfway across the room when Ellie pipes up. “1987.”

You stop dead in your tracks. Joel’s watching you go, Tess also watching from her spot against the wall. “What did you say?”

“The song. It’s from 1987,” the kid repeats, rubbing at her eyes. “I had the cassette tape.”

You say nothing in response, and for a moment, Joel feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. Your head is turned, he can just see your profile, streaks of moonlight in your hair. He’s never seen that expression on your face, as you stare at Ellie. He doesn’t have a name for it.

“Go back to sleep,” you say finally, and Joel inhales sharply. 

He waits until you’ve settled back in the space where you’d both been laying, your coat tugged over you like a blanket. Tess hands him the rifle, finding her own space to sprawl out, and Ellie watches before turning over herself, the room plunging back into silence.

As quietly as he can, Joel creeps across to where the radio had landed. It’s shattered, the plastic cracked, the metal antenna a few feet away from the rest of it. Sighing, Joel slides his boot across the ground, pushing the pieces closer to the wall.

+

Morning comes quick. The moment Tess and Joel wake, you’re anxious to get moving, but there’s still a conversation to be had. You barely slept, your mind racing too quickly for you to feel rested, and you know Joel stayed on watch longer than he should have. You can see it in the bags under his eyes, the groan he lets out as he peels himself up off the floor.

Joel found two more chairs, in the night, and Tess sinks into one of them while you take the other, facing Ellie’s still sleeping figure. Joel stands behind you, Lee’s rifle in his hand. “Keep it pointed at her,” Tess says, and when his eyes shift to you, you just nod.

The lying comes almost too easily, pretending you’re not the same as the girl still asleep on the floor. Three weeks post-bite versus fourteen years. You wonder, if Tess knew the truth, if she’d pull a gun on you. You wonder how deep your betrayal would cut her.

You force the thought from your mind as the building creaks above you. The rain is gone, replaced with sunlight that streams through the hole in the ceiling, lighting up the middle of the salon, the grass and moss bright green in the sun.

A loud creak echoes through the building, and Ellie rouses, rolling onto her stomach and pushing herself up off the ground. You all watch silently as she wakes, patting at her pockets. She curses under her breath, and you see fresh panic on her face as she grabs her bag and wrenches it open, digging through it.

You pull the switchblade from your pocket. “Looking for this?”

She grimaces. “Morning. Can I have that back?” She gets to her feet, and Joel lifts the rifle. Guilt tugs at your stomach at the expression on her face. “Do I look like I’m infected?” 

You open your mouth to reply, but Joel beats you to it. “Show us your arm.”

With a loud sigh, Ellie tugs up her sleeve. Her bite looks similar to yours, in the middle of her forearm. The same spindly lines stretch outward from the bite that’s long healed over. Yours is just the same has been for years.

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it?” she says flatly.

Tess shoots you a look, and you inhale deeply, one brow lifting, the words silently communicated. She’s got a point.

“If we’re out in the open city, why aren’t we getting swarmed?” Ellie asks.

“Don’t worry about that,” Joel shoots back, and the kid almost rolls her eyes.

“Well, I’m gonna.”

Joel leans forward like he’s gonna say something more, but you put your hand out, your knuckles hitting his chest. “What was Marlene doing with an infected kid?” you ask, tilting your head to the side.

“I’m not infected,” she says quickly, and the three of you just stare back. Your brow lifts again, and she keeps going. “She found me after I was bitten.”

“And she didn’t just shoot you, right then and there?”

“Clearly not.” The kid’s gaze drops, tugging at a blade of grass at her feet. “She locked me up and had her guys test me every day to see if I was getting sick.”

“Test you how?” Tess asks, leaning closer to you.

“I have to pee,” Ellie quips, and Tess goes rigid beside you.

“Test you how?” you repeat.

“They’d make me count to ten and hold out my hand and keep it steady, but you know, I think what really impressed them was the fact that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster.” You have to stifle your laugh as the kid gets to her feet. “Now can I please?”

Joel rises as Ellie does, lifting the gun slightly. Her eyes go wide again, full of fear, and you grab the back of Joel’s jacket. “Fine,” you jut your chin toward the back of the salon. “Through that door. Pick a corner.”

“Here,” Tess calls as she walks away, grabbing a magazine at her feet and flinging it towards Ellie, who catches it easily. “Tear out a few pages.”

She turns on her heel, heading for the door you’d pointed to. “There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?” she asks.

“Just you,” Joel retorts, and you smack his chest.

“Oh, funny.”

You sigh collectively as she disappears through the door. Joel sinks into the chair you’d been sitting in, and you hold out your hand for his. “Let me see,” you say, and he lets the rifle sit in his lap, putting his bandaged palm in yours. He winces as you tug at the bandage, and you purse your lips; clearly it’s more tender than it’d been last night. “Should have brought something for the pain.”

“Didn’t think I’d be in pain,” Joel says, lifting his eyes to yours. He still has that haunted look in them, the one you’d seen when he’d told you what last night had done to him, that he’d felt like he was back there with Sarah. 

And then the way he’d held you, after the radio had gone off. This is what your lives have become, both of you cracked at the edges, the other just trying their best to keep you from shattering completely.

Over and over and over again.

You can feel Tess’s eyes on you, and when you’ve retied Joel’s bandage, your eyes slide to hers. “What?”

“What?” she repeats, shock on her face. “She made it through the fucking night, and that’s all you have to say?”

“Three weeks, Tess,” you say, flinging your hand in the direction Ellie had disappeared. “We might not like Marlene, but she’s not a fucking idiot. If the kid was going to turn, it would have happened already, and if it had, she’d be dead, and we’d already be in fucking Wyoming.”

“It could still happen,” Joel pipes in, and your gaze slides to his. His fingers twitch in your grip. This is for show. You hope. “We’re still close to the wall; we sneak her back in, we find another way to get the battery, then we go.”

“I won’t go back to the QZ,” Tess says, shaking her head. “Not now. I’m done with Boston. I can’t…” She keeps shaking her head. “I won’t. You two take her back, if that’s what you want, but I won’t—”

“What did Robin say to you?” you ask, leaning forward so you can catch her eyes. But she says nothing, and you heave a sigh. “We don’t have time. Besides, we take her back to the QZ, how long until someone notices her arm? They scan her, they kill her, and it’s just another fucking tally in FEDRA’s book.”

“We take her to the Fireflies, and what the fuck are they gonna do with her?” Tess counters.

“We take her to the Fireflies, and at least we get what we want.”

She goes silent again.

Ellie’s footsteps echo as she comes back into the main room, and Joel leans back in his chair, both hands around the rifle again. Ellie tosses the magazine back at Tess, and it skids across the floor, hitting her boots.

“We should eat something,” you say, reaching for your bag. You dig out some of the dried beef you’d collected yesterday, hand a piece to Joel as Tess takes her own out. “Ellie, are you hungry? You can share some of ours.”

“I’m good,” she replies, returning to her spot in the moss. “Marlene sent me with my own.”

Joel’s hand shakes as he tries to snap the beef into a smaller piece, and you take it from him, breaking it yourself and handing him half. His eyes flash to yours, and you squeeze his shoulder. You’re all silent for a moment, eating quietly, until something in the air makes your nose prickle.

“Is that…chicken?”

“Yeah,” Ellie says, swallowing a mouthful. “Marlene said they get it from smugglers. I guess not you guys.”

Slowly, you tilt your head to the side, tossing your piece of beef back onto the paper sitting atop your bag. “Why are you so important to Marlene, huh? That woman is stingy with her resources, but she’s pulled out all the stops for you.” You get to your feet, feeling Joel swipe at the back of your jacket as you step toward the kid. “And don’t lie to me, or we’ll take you back.”

“You take me back, and you don’t get what you want,” the kid says, a sly grin on her face.

You scoff. “Oh, you heard that? Then you must have heard the other part, too. We take you back to the QZ, and it’s only a matter of time before FEDRA gets their hands on you. And trust me, kid, they’re a hell of a lot meaner than we are.” You glance over your shoulder at Joel, his wrapped hand. “And that’s saying something. You wouldn’t last a day.”

Her throat bobs, and Joel calls your name, a warning.

You sink into a crouch in front of her, arms braced on your knees. “I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult, okay? The three of us? We aren’t good people, Ellie. We’re doing this for us, like you said, to get what we want. Apparently, you’re worth something, but we don’t know what you’re worth, other than the fact that you got bit three weeks ago, and like you said, you’re not a fucking monster. So answer my question: why are you so important to Marlene?”

She looks at you for a long moment before her eyes drop shut, and she covers her face with her hand. “She told me not to tell anyone,” she mumbles out, “and now I’m telling the first people that…”

You just stare at her, waiting.

Finally, with a sigh, she continues. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west, with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

You hear the screech of the chair across the ground, and Joel gets to his feet. “Mhm, we’ve heard this before.”

Ellie shoots a glare in his direction. “And whatever happened to me is the—”

“—key to finding the vaccine,” Joel finishes, and you can hear the anger creeping up into his voice. “That’s what this is? We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures, none of it works. Ever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Ellie spits, jumping to her feet. “I didn’t ask for this!”

“Yeah, you and me both!” he shouts back. “Running fuckin’ errands for Fireflies, some kind of goddamn joke.”

You know why he’s angry. It’s not the first time you’ve heard it, and if you’d stayed in Boston any longer, you know it wouldn’t have been the last. And every single time, Joel had bristled like a cornered animal. You saw the same look on his face that you had when he’d fought with Tommy, when his brother had mentioned giving you over to the Fireflies when he found out what you are. 

About five years back, some doctor in New York claimed to have created a cure using the blood of the infected. It even got to the point where people volunteered to be a part of the trial, they had so much faith in the dumb fuck. The hospital he was working out of was overrun within two days. A few months later, another doctor in another QZ had some other hair-brained scheme, on and on it went.

Hell, maybe they’re spouting the same shit in Wyoming. Only time will tell.

“All the more reason not to take her back,” you say, turning to face Joel. “We finish this. We get what we came for, and we get the fuck out of this state.” You reach out for his good hand, rub your thumb across his knuckles. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he grunts, pulling away from you. 

You gesture for Ellie to get her things, and as Joel picks up the rifle, her eyes cut to you. “Can I have a gun?”

“Pardon?” you sputter.

Joel cuts his hand through the air. “Absolutely not.”

Tess looks at you like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Fuck no”

“Okay, Jesus, fine,” Ellie nearly whines, “I’ll have to throw a fucking sandwich at them.”

That actually makes you laugh, and Tess shoots you a look. “What? It’s a good visual.”

Huffing, Joel moves towards the door, sliding the cabinet out of the way of the door. As it swings open, more sunlight pours in, the sounds of birds chirping making it almost inviting to step out. Joel leans out the door, looking left and right. “It’s clear.”

Tess brushes past you as she heads out the door, Joel holding it open for her. You turn back to Ellie, who stands hesitantly in the middle of the room, concern clear on her face. “C’mon, kid,” you say to her, tilting your head towards the door. “The sooner we get this over with, the better.”

Without a word, she follows you out of the salon and onto the open street. As soon as you’re through the door, however, she lets out a quiet holy shit.

“Looks different in the daylight, huh?”

You can’t help but grin a little at the awe on her face as she takes in the half-toppled buildings, crumbled structures and piles of rubble, overturned cars and signs of destruction, but then, amid the signs of the city that had once stood, further proof that nature is taking back what once belonged to it. More moss and leaves and overgrown trees in every corner of every piece of concrete, flocks of birds flying from one building to the next. Sunlight glints off the few intact panes of glass left on a building in the distance, and it makes you squint.

Joel busies himself finding a high point, stepping up on a large piece of concrete to take a look around. He doesn’t look any more concerned than usual, but he glances at Ellie before looking to you. “We should get movin’.

You nod, falling back a step so you can move to his right side. “Let’s go.”

PREV | NEXT

[psychelis-new]

Dreams' interpretation

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OPEN I plan to keep this always open. Please notice that if there are other readings/"games" open at that time or if I am busy or something, dreams interpretations may get momentarily paused (you can still send your dreams though!). Check the rules for further infos.

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If you'd like to join please notice: I don't usually do this for people I don't know because I think there's so much of real life and subconscious life of each single person (and their own specific emotional situation and ways of processing) to take into consideration to make a proper interpretation, but I'd still like to give it a try, may it be to just give you a hint or another way to look at your dream (ofc, for this reason, it may not resonate too much and that's okay: you know throught your intuition how to read it better than me, also cause I am still learning about this matter). Not sure I will pull cards/use other divination methods or simply interpret your dream as I see it, I will decide according on what I am called to do.

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PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY BEFORE SENDING or I won't be able to answer you

-> Send these things in one single ask or through dms: - description of your dream (as much as you remember or feel like sharing; remember symbols can be hidden anywhere: the more accurate you are, the more accurate I can be. location/mood/feelings/situation and main people/things/actions involved are fundamental). even if it's a recurring dream, just send one sample dream's description and then add all the other differences you want to point out: do NOT send them all mixed up - why you have decided to ask about this specific dream (eg. you're curious about it, you want to know if it really has a message for you or not, it's your most recent dream, it's the one you keep thinking about, you remembered about it suddenly, it's recurring...)

-> YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ME FOR WRITING A LOT, you're actually helping me understand better: I don't live inside your mind nor I am you. The only way I can get an idea of what is going on is through your words, emotions and description so the more, the merrier.

-> you can send more than one dream: if you think they are connected or you had them consequently in the same night, you can send them in the same ask; if you want to ask about different unrelated dreams, please send them in different asks

-> I'd rather have no Anons questions, if possible: you can ask for a private answer or send a dm if you don't want your dream to be published. Still, I can accept them but if you choose to use this way I might answer you lastly.

-> Please be kind and patient: I don't know if I will be able to answer immediately to everyone. It depends on my energy, my free time, how many asks I get and what else I will decide to do in the meantime. I will try my best to respond in the shortest amount of time and/or eventually send you a dm/ask updating you about your enquiry (especially if I won't be able to answer you too soon; generally speaking please give me 3-4 days from the day you sent your dream).

-> Feedback is appreciated but not mandatory. Still, it would help me grow and give more accurate interpretations in the future. As usual, if you ask for a private interpretation, I'll keep your feedback private as well (unless you send it on Anon ofc. It's up to you).

[use-your-telescope]

Writing Snippet/Preview

OKAY OKAY OKAY, so I’ve been toying with the idea of sharing some snippets from the very long (very, VERY LONG) LokixOFC fic that I’ve been working on for the over a year (The fic’s working title has been the Trickster, but it very well may change UPDATE - IT HAS AN OFFICIAL TITLE! It's called "When Everything's Made to be Broken") ...  And uh, well, I’ve officially caved. Snippet sharing time below the cut!  Context: This takes place in an AU where Loki survives the Thanos attack, joins the Avengers, and they defeat Thanos at the battle of Wakanda. No snap happens. The Avengers are both superheroes and public figures, almost like celebrities? Avengers tower still is a thing because, well, it’s convenient.  

This is from Chapter 3, which is based on the song “Some Nights” by Fun. This is when the Avengers first meet Theo (OFC), told from Loki’s perspective. This is only part of the chapter. Warnings... uh, snark. Lots of snark. Maybe some swearing? 

The lead up to the scene: Mysterious shadow beasts have been attacking Earth, and because Theo has experience with the creatures and magical powers, she is pestered by Nick Fury and Maria Hill to help the Avengers get rid of the creatures. In turn, they promise her that they will help her reunite with her family, who Theo had presumed were dead for years. Up until this point, she refused to join the Avengers and kept her magical abilities under wraps, instead working as an Emergency Medicine doctor. 

Disclaimers: No, I don’t own Marvel. Do not translate this fic or repost it on any websites/blogs/anywhere other than here; I have not posted this on AO3 since it’s not actually finished yet. 

be nice please I haven’t posted fan fiction in eleven years but I wanted to test the waters

I’m Still Not Sure What I Stand For

“Dr. Theolene Amaris,” Nick Fury’s voice rang out in the meeting room as a picture of a lithe woman appeared on screen. “ - also known as the Silver Shadow, the Celestial Phantom, and the Cursed Moon.”

It was only a few hours earlier that everyone was notified of the mandatory briefing, which was described as “urgent.” Moments before, Loki found himself pondering the nature of the briefing while everyone packed into a bright conference room. In front of each Avenger, a manila file folder sat prepared for them with information related to the subject in question.The faces of his team members shifted as they developed their first impressions on the subject of their briefing, her likeness blown up on the screen at the front of the room.

Despite exceeding the capacity of the space, Loki managed to secure his usual seat in the back, conveniently located near the door for an easy escape. It was a habit that lingered from his earlier days in the tower, but having an easy escape from what were normally tedious meetings was still a benefit that Loki took advantage of more often than not. Even better, there was an empty seat next to him, lessening the otherwise inevitable sense of claustrophobia that would have eventually reared its ugly head.

She really didn’t look like much. The only noteworthy feature in her appearance was the thick mane of silver hair that tumbled down her back, stopping just above her waist. Otherwise, she appeared to be like any other Midgardian: clad in all-black, a beanie atop her head with black sunglasses obscuring her features as she walked down the street. If Loki passed her in real life, there was no way he’d offer her a second glance, or even a first.

With that in mind, it was safe to assume that in this first image, she was practicing urban camouflage – blending in with her surroundings by altering her appearance and attire to mimic those around her. The less attention she drew to herself, the easier it would be to slip in and out unnoticed; it also created an additional challenge if anyone sought to locate her. As someone who’d had plenty of experience with stealth, Loki already had an idea of what her skill sets may include.

Stark studied the first image of her, brow furrowed as he spoke up. “Hell of a name, but she doesn’t look like much. What’s her doctorate in? Bad poetry? Sad music? Scaring parents?”

“Emergency Medicine.” Fury glared at Stark while Agent Hill changed the display to a second photograph. “Assuming she isn’t a serious threat is both the first and last mistake you’ll make about her.”

The second image must have been captured in combat. She crouched down as though she just landed from a maneuver, the hood of a cloak masking the top half of her face as she held a black longsword composed entirely of what appeared to be magic in one hand. Her other hand glowed black as it touched the ground, ready to launch some kind of spell. Some blood was smeared across her jawline, a scowl across her lips as a pair of corpses lay in the background. Unlike the first photo, now he could see a scar that ran down past the bottom of her lip, almost giving her the appearance of a permanently split lip. A second scar cut through the outside edge of her eyebrow, angling out towards her temple.

One detail piqued his interest: of all the realms that Loki had visited, he did not recognize where she was. He had to give it to Fury – this picture certainly made her appear far more intimidating.

“She specializes in shadow magic—“

The room erupted as all the Avengers fired off questions at the director.

“Shadow magic? Wait, is she the one behind those shadow beast-things we’ve been fighting lately?”

“What does she want?”

“Is she working for Dr. Doom?”

“Did HYDRA give her those powers?”

“What kind of villain studies emergency medicine?”

“Maybe this will help explain things.” Agent Hill tapped a screen as the image before them went to a video.

Loki had seen this video before - it was nearly impossible to miss, having been plastered all across the news for weeks. A Midgardian woman single-handedly eliminated an entire swarm of the shadowy monsters that had plagued New York City recently, all while in a subway car. Somehow, no one knew who she was or the methods used to exterminate the pests. It was obvious from the video that it was magic of some kind, though it was different from any magic Loki had ever encountered in his life and it did not resemble anything he had ever studied. Though he hadn’t admitted it to anyone, he was curious to meet this Midgardian and learn her abilities for himself.

Of course, that was assuming she was Midgardian. There were many species who appeared to be Midgardian, though biologically they were different. Usually, it was easy for Loki to sense if someone was Aesir, Midgardian, or otherwise; however, no indication that she was anything extraterrestrial revealed itself to him.

No, this woman must have been Midgardian.

“That’s her?” Romanoff inquired, arching a perfectly groomed brow at Hill.

“Wait wait wait, I thought she was the bad guy, but she’s killing the shadowy monsters here…” Wilson said, gawking at the screen. “Unless she’s really crazy and likes killing her own, this doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m telling you, if she’s the big bad and studied Emergency Medicine, she’s definitely got a screw loose,” Barnes said, “and that’s coming from the guy with a vibranium arm.”

“This incident was weeks ago - how is it that we are just now learning of her identity?” Rhodes interjected.

“She is not our enemy,” Agent Hill finally explained, raising her voice over the incessant chatter. “She has agreed to help the Avengers find the root cause of the shadow creature problem and exterminate the beasts.”

Stunned silence permeated the room. The ticking of the clock above Fury’s perpetual scowl only emphasized the blaring lack of sound.

Loki could count on one hand the number of times he had ever witnessed total silence from the group; to see the group go from so animated to so silent nearly gave him whiplash.

“She’s joining the Avengers?” Stark’s disbelief was painted all over his face. “Emo queen Rapunzel is joining the Avengers?”

“Not exactly,” Agent Carter said, “She is coming on board specifically to help with the shadow creatures.”

“If she’s so powerful, why isn’t she already a part of the Avengers?” Banner asked, leaning in as he met Fury’s glare.

“This is a temporary arrangement.” Fury crossed his arms. “We struck a deal with her.”

“So she comes in and helps with the shadow creatures, and then what - she just disappears?” Rogers pressed, “Don’t you think someone with expertise in shadow magic should be kept under close watch?”

“You’d be a fool to think she hasn’t been on SHIELD’s radar for a long time.” Fury crossed his arms and glowered at the group. “She turned down past offers to join the Avengers. Your mission is to convince her to stay.”

“Convince her to stay?” Romanoff shot Fury a wary glance, while others regarded the director as though he grew another head.

“Assuming all goes well, we want her to remain on the team after the shadow creatures are eliminated,” Agent Hill explained. “She is highly adept in both physical and magical combat, and she has expertise in stealth operations. She fills in some key areas of the team that have been lacking, while her versatility allows her to fit into a variety of smaller teams with ease. However, we need you to convince her to stay.”

“Dr. Amaris cut her teeth in a different realm,” Fury added. “She has trained with threats far more powerful than what we have encountered here on earth, and fought to survive in far worse scenarios. Her experiences and insight would be invaluable in our operations.”

“Okay, but if you had to strike a deal with her, that still raises some questions…” Banner hesitated, raising an eyebrow at Fury. “It makes it sound like she wasn’t exactly keen to help protect the world.”

“Her skills are far too valuable to be left unutilized.” Fury glared at Banner. “What I was going to say before someone interrupted my briefing is that she is also an incredibly powerful healer.“

“How do we know we can trust her?” Wilson asked. “I’m no wizard, but shadow magic sounds like trouble at best.”

Barton agreed. “Besides, Nat has us covered in stealth.”

“You know how to make a woman feel appreciated.” Romanoff coyly winked at Barton.

While Loki wasn’t one to regularly agree with Wilson, for once he made a good point: this was something Loki was unfamiliar with, and at the very least it sounded dubious.

“Because if I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead.”

Every head in the room snapped towards the entrance, eyes wider than dinner plates as they gawked at the source of the voice.

Leaning against the closed conference room door was the subject of their briefing.

In real life, Theolene Amaris was smaller than Loki expected - not short by any means, as she appeared to be slightly taller than Maximoff and Romanoff; she was probably the average height for a Midgardian woman. However, she was lanky, with elongated limbs and a slight figure. She carried her head high with relaxed posture, one leg crossed in front of the other as she leaned on the doorframe with hands loosely tucked in her pockets. She didn’t seem to be intimidated by the strong personalities in front of her, even as she crashed their briefing.

Dr. Amaris sauntered into the room, eyes scanning over each of the Avengers with a smirk on her face. When she reached Loki she paused, quirking her head to the side as the curl of her lips increased. “Looks like one of us might need to change.”

At first, Loki was perplexed by her remark. Upon a second glance, it became obvious. They both wore almost identical outfits: black button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, tucked into tailored black trousers that showed a bit of ankle, and black Oxford shoes.

He couldn’t help the snort that escaped him, a smile creeping across his own features as he allowed his shoulders to relax. It was unusual for someone to make him laugh, especially on a first encounter. And to shock the Avengers in such a way? Well, he certainly was intrigued.

“It seems we have similar tastes in apparel,” Loki commented coolly, wondering about the nature of her remark.

Just then, Theo pulled a hand out of her pocket and snapped her fingers, instantly changing her outfit into a pair of ripped black jeans, a faded gray vintage Queen shirt, and a pair of black sneakers.

Loki could feel the magic pouring off of her - while she was no god, it was apparent to him that Fury wasn’t kidding when he said she was much more powerful than she let on.

“There, that’s better.” She dropped into the seat beside Loki, leaning back and kicking her feet up onto the table before sticking out one hand. “You must be Loki?”

“Indeed, and you must be Dr. Amaris.” Loki offered a wry grin, shaking her hand with a firm grip. “A fellow sorcerer, I see.”

“You could say that,” She winked, returning the gesture with a firm grip. “Call me Theo. Dr. Amaris is what my residents call me.”

From the opposite side of Theo, Thor beamed at the sight of his brother being surprisingly friendly to the Avengers’ newest addition. It took every ounce of self-restraint for Loki to prevent himself from rolling his eyes at his older brother.

“Pleasure to meet you, Theo.”

“Don’t get any funny ideas with Rapunzel here, Reindeer Games.” Stark warned, clearly having already settled on a nickname for the newest team member.

Loki’s attention diverted to Stark, sending invisible daggers at the man. Even though they had come a long way from the distrust present when Loki first joined the team, there were certainly still moments where Stark got on his nerves.

This time it was Theo’s turn to snort.

“Rapunzel? That’s the best nickname you’ve got, Tin Man?” Theo cocked one eyebrow at the billionaire as she laughed, brushing a piece of hair over her shoulder. “I may have long hair, but good luck with trying to lock me up in this tower.”

“Watch out, or I might invent something so I can–”

“-- Then again, you named your AI system FRIDAY, so I shouldn’t be surprised,” She continued, unfazed by Stark’s threat. “Seriously, what the hell kind of name is that?”

“Says the person named Theolene...”

“First of all, I just told you - I go by Theo, not Theolene. Second, I can’t help it that my mother has terrible taste in names. Third, Loki’s helmet has horns, not reindeer antlers. For a genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist, you should know the difference.” Theo turned to the other Avengers. “And while I’m correcting people, I don’t specialize in shadow magic. I specialize in celestial magic, of which shadow magic is a subset. Dr. Doom is a joke, HYDRA wishes they gave me these powers, and my refusal to become an Avenger has nothing to do with a lack of desire to protect people, it’s because I don’t want to spend my time playing superhero when I can be more useful as a doctor. Although whichever one of you suggested I had a screw loose - Bucky, I believe - was probably right. At least, my cousin would agree with you. He’s pissed that I agreed to this.”

If there were two words that best described the collective response, “utter bewilderment” would be Loki’s choice.

“Wait a minute—“ Wilson blurted out, “How long have you been listening to our briefing? Have you been here this whole time?”

“Long enough to know you are just as skeptical of me as I am of you. It’s nothing personal, I know - I would be skeptical of me too! still, this has been enlightening.” Theo rose to her feet, gliding back to the entrance. She spun around, bowing with a dramatic flourish while flashing a cheshire grin at the crowd. “See you next Monday for your press conference!”

With a flick of her wrist, a series of black runes appeared all over her arms, flowing down her limbs like a stream of water. When they reached her fingertips, they rose into the air and evolved, surrounding her until she was obscured from view; in a flash of white, she disappeared, leaving nothing but a faint shimmer. The entire process took at most a few seconds, but the effect lingered far longer.

It was a finale to the encounter that was almost as dramatic as her introduction.

If Loki’s instincts were correct, she was just getting started.

[artemiseamoon]

Preview: Control pt 1

Verdin, Ofc

Control pt 2

Words: 1,680

Day 7 @narcosfandomdiscord | Prompt word: Blackout | prompt list

Warnings: This whole premise is a warning. But why was he sooooo - i mean he was - a sex club and a short light D/S scene, spanking.

A03

Months ago

As Solana signed the waiver, the fluttery feeling in her stomach intensified. Like the beat of the music just beyond the doors, her heart was pounding hard and fast. In the back of her mind, she imagined all the things that could happen tonight; the possibilities made her body tingle.

She was going to wait until she got back home, but the urge was too strong now. She almost went out yesterday, but another blackout hit the city, so she stayed inside. Once the power was back today, she had a decision to make. Stay in and be good or go out and be bad. By time 6 pm came around, she made her choice.

After stopping at coat check and the changing room, she made her way to the main floor.

All around people were dressed in their best leather and lace, adorned in collars with ropes and masks. Some opted for full exposure, while others were anonymous, covering their faces and any tell-tale tattoos on their bodies.

As Solana exchanged curious and flirty glances with sexy strangers, in various stages of undress and kink wear, her anticipation and arousal spiked. She decided to do a walkthrough of the old warehouse, exploring before deciding where she wanted to be. She even paid the extra fee for 3rd floor access, where masks were mandatory.

Solana wore a full masquerade mask, adorned with red and black feathers. It matched her blood red cat suit, black boots and the dog collar around her neck. As she sauntered through the room, she felt like a fucking goddess. At the same time, this was ever riskier to do here. She had to make sure her mask stayed on. Solana was cautious even with her wild urges, she never used her real name, ID or speaking voice.

This was her secret life, and it was never supposed to cross over into her real one…

A03 (you will need an account to read this)

My masterlist for this challenge

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A03

Pt 2 preview

Pt 3 preview

[racingliners]

Life In The Fast Lane Chapter 16 - R&R

Rating: Teen & Up

Warnings: None apply

Pairings: Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s); OFCs & OMCs

Work Tags: Re-write of a previous work; not beta read; dual/multiple pov; mentions of IRL current and past F1 figures; Eventual romance; friends to lovers; found family/work family; actual family; occasional swearing; racing drivers and their various shenanigans; how to handle pressure (and how not to); with a sprinkling of the power of friendship; tags will be updated as work progresses

Chapter 16/57 Word count: 4.1k Summary: The teams and drivers get some much needed time off over F1's summer break

Thursday 17th August – Zürich, Switzerland

Lake Zürich spanned for miles. The endless deep blue water was perfectly still as a gentle breeze blew across the surface, which was more than welcome considering how warm it was. The park Sophie and Vanessa decided to have lunch at was busy, but not massively crowded. They had stopped at a deli and bakery on the way over, and had enough room to lay out a large picnic blanket and lounge in the warm sunshine with their bikes set over to the side on the grass.

They were in the middle of a week-long training camp Vanessa had organised, during F1’s mandatory two week long summer shutdown. She had picked Switzerland both for the good terrain for mountain biking, altitude training, and for the scenery on their one day off – since it was her 25th birthday. Sophie and Vanessa had done some light cycling around town, going between museums and other places of tourist interest, before stopping for their lakeside picnic lunch.

“Has Nico heard anything about the Red Bull seat yet?” Vanessa asked as she brushed some sandwich crumbs off her hands. Speculation had been rife since Silverstone over who would get Mitchell’s seat at Red Bull, though Nico was the assumed choice by most of the paddock journalists since the only other Red Bull junior on the grid was his rookie team mate.

“Nope,” Sophie said with a small sigh. “Because Nico’s part of the Red Bull programme it’s all done internally so… He’ll find out when he finds out.” She shrugged. As much as Sophie wanted Nico to get the Red Bull seat, she deliberately hadn’t spoken to him about it much – not wanting to add any additional pressure he felt about the whole thing. All Sophie had said to him after the Silverstone press day was that Edward Morden would have been stupid not to sign Nico, and that she would be there for him no matter what happened.

“Huh,” Vanessa scoffed, and took off her sunglasses to peer at something over to the left. “Speaking of Red Bull drivers,” She gestured to a spot on the path at the edge of the park. Sophie followed Vanessa’s eye line and spotted two very familiar figures dressed in running shorts and t-shirts.

“Well Ben and Matt do live here.” Though Sophie had to admit it was a funny coincidence as Vanessa pulled out her phone, likely to send Matt a text instead of just yelling across the busy park. A few seconds later the two men stopped jogging as Matt took his phone out of his pocket, and spotted Sophie and Vanessa in a matter of seconds. He jogged over towards them with Benedikt in tow.

“Happy birthday!” Matt called out once he was close enough for Sophie and Vanessa to hear, and when he was within reach he gave his friend a massive hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Happy Birthday Vanessa.” Ben said with a warm smile once he’d joined them.

“Thank you,” Vanessa grinned, before her attention quickly turned to Matt looking as if he was going to help himself to a blueberry tart. “Oh absolutely not!” She swiped the pasty out of Matt’s grasp, and even took a bite out of it for good measure. Sophie couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the look on Matt’s face.

“You’re welcome to join us,” She said to Benedikt in-between giggles. “But uh… keep your distance from the cakes.”

“I’d love to but we still have 5k to run,” Ben smirked and scratched along his jaw. “So, I take it you have a reservation at one of the really nice restaurants for dinner?”

“I thought I did,” Sophie huffed. “But I rang ten minutes ago to double check and apparently there was no record of it.” She felt awful about it, for multiple reasons. It hadn’t been a surprise, because Vanessa hated surprise parties, but Sophie still felt disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to organise something for her friend’s birthday. Especially when they were celebrating away from home (although, as Vanessa had reminded her, she’d had an early birthday dinner with all her family last week).

“I wish I could invite you over, but we’re in the middle of getting our new kitchen installed.” Matt frowned and scratched the back of his head, while Benedikt looked deep in thought. He stared at a tuft of grass with a furrowed brow for all of two seconds.

“Why don’t we all have dinner at my place?” Ben asked, a slight twinge of nerves in his voice as he bounced up and down on his toes. “I promise I’m not a terrible cook.” He added with a shy laugh.

Sophie looked to Vanessa, who mulled over the offer for a few moments.

“That would be ridiculously nice of you Ben.” She said, flicking her long blonde ponytail off her shoulder. After Benedikt tried and failed to explain the directions to his place, Matt interjected and said he would be happy to give Sophie and Vanessa a lift over.

The two pairs parted ways with bright grins, more well wishes and jokes about what to wear. Vanessa asked if they really did have to dress up and wear something nice as her and Sophie walked alongside their bikes out of the park.

“Nah, Ben’s not like that.” Sophie said with a shake of the head. Whenever she had been him outside of the paddock had been on travel days. But with all the conversations they’d had, he didn’t seem like the kind of person who would set a dress code for a casual dinner with friends.

Matt picked Vanessa and Sophie up from their hotel just before quarter to six. His girlfriend Rachel sat in the front passenger seat, all of them were dressed in jeans and t-shirts or blouses, and she spent the whole time trading stories with Vanessa on the drive over to Benedikt’s house.

“…so that’s why you refuse to drink tequila.” Rachel looked at her boyfriend with a wide grin as Matt’s face turned bright pink. She turned round to grin at Vanessa, and lamented that they hadn’t met sooner.

Once they had turned off the motorway, Benedikt’s house was a further five minute drive down a single track road partially lined with trees. When it came into view both Sophie and Vanessa tried hard not to audibly gawk at it. It wasn’t the sprawling mansion Vanessa had joked about earlier in the day, but a large two storey building that looked like a hybrid of a chalet and a farmhouse.

The exterior was a mixture of pale grey bricks, white stonewash and honey coloured wood panelling, with deep grey tiles lining the gable roof that matched the dark window and doorframes. A balcony was also encased in the eaves on the left side, which Sophie assumed was attached to the main bedroom. As she stepped out of the car and collected the bottles of pear cider she’d brought with her, fine gravel crunched underneath her feet, and a warm breeze rustled through the leaves of some deciduous trees that guarded the house. A small 4x4, that Sophie assumed was Ben’s car, was parked near the front door.

Rachel collected a cakebox from the boot, and joked that the house was even nicer inside.

The front door opened to a large porch with more wood panelled walls that had hallways going to the left and right ends of the house, doors leading to other rooms and a wooden staircase that went up to the first floor. Everyone took off their shoes and placed them on a mostly empty shoe rack that prior to their arrival only had a few different pairs of trainers and one pair of hiking boots in a small, neat line. The light wooden floor felt slightly cool through the fabric of Sophie’s socks as her and Vanessa followed Matt into the living room, while Rachel took the cake and cider through to the kitchen.

“Oh my god I am never leaving,” Vanessa gawked when she saw the view of the rolling hills and distant mountains through the large windows, and a glass door that led out onto a furnished terrace.

The wooden floor had been swapped for a plush light grey carpet, but the wood panelling remained on the front wall, with the others painted a muted blue. There was a fireplace with a stone hearth that sat in front of a wood and glass coffee table and a very comfortable looking grey sofa and matching armchairs. A few book cases and pictures lined the walls, one of which was a beautiful watercolour painting that Sophie could not take her eyes away from. It was one of Benedikt’s Red Bulls in a deep blue surrounded by a grey sky and the even darker tarmac of a race track.

“One of my school friends did that,” Ben said appearing at Sophie’s side out of nowhere, giving her a small fright in the process. “She gave it to me yesterday actually, it’s from when I won in Germany.” Now that he’d said that, all the grey in the painting made perfect sense. Sophie felt that if she looked at the paining for long enough, she’d be back at a soaking wet Nürburgring. “And hi.” His smile quickly turned into a bright grin.

“Hi,” Sophie let out a shy laugh as she accepted a brief but warm hug from Benedikt. His hair was only styled to the point where it had been loosely gelled up out of his eyes, and he was dressed almost exactly as Sophie had expected – in dark jeans and a forest green shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the top two buttons undone. “Thanks so much for having us over.”

“Don’t mention it! Sit down, food won’t be that long,” He gestured to the sofa where Vanessa and Matt had already planted themselves, it was even more comfortable than it looked. “Rachel offered to bring through some water, can I get you anything else?”

Everyone said that water would be fine, and as Ben left to dive back into the kitchen Sophie found herself fixated on the view. With it being a summer evening, the sun wasn’t close to thinking about setting, which left the sky a brilliant blue and the surrounding hills and trees a deep, lush green dotted with small flowers in varying colours, and the distant mountains a pale grey. Sophie could see why Ben never left home to join the Monaco crowd. Like most of the views she’d seen over the past week, it took her breath away.

The dining room had even more windows showcasing the outdoor view, and was decorated in a similar colour scheme to the living room with a hardwood dining table in the centre. Fresh pale pink flowers sat in small glass vases set down the centre of the table, and Benedikt had even gone to the effort of making small place cards.

Sophie and Vanessa were sat on one side of the table, with Ben, Matt and Rachel on the other. As Vanessa poured herself a fresh glass of water Benedikt and Matt walked in carrying bowls of soup and a basket of bread rolls still warm from the oven.

“I have to confess to buying the bread from a bakery, but I promise the soup is handmade.” Ben said with a shy smile as he was the last to sit down. And credit where credit was due the carrot soup was delicious.

The whole dinner was spent with everyone exchanging university or junior formula stories, some had been told many times, and others were completely brand new. At some point Sophie noticed that Benedikt and Matt’s accents both sounded slightly thicker than normal as they spoke. As if being back home, or in Matt’s case close enough to his native Austria, made them both sound a little more like themselves.

“Wait, wait…” Ben leaned back in his chair as he took Sophie’s most recent words in complete and utter surprise. “You were offered a spot on the Red Bull junior programme… and you turned it down?!”

“Yep,” Sophie paused to finish the last of her cider, that someone had the foresight to chill in the fridge before serving. Everyone had long since finished the pea and ham risotto main course and were trading more tales over the last of the bakery bread. “Dad didn’t want to slight the few sponsors we had in case things didn’t work out, and he did not trust the guy who was running things at the time. Still, it all worked out in the end, thankfully.”

“And it’s a good thing too. Because if you had joined the Red Bull programme, you would likely be fighting it out with Nico to be Ben’s team mate next year.” Vanessa added, which caused both Sophie and Benedikt to grimace and share a slightly awkward glance across the table.

Matt had the good idea to quickly change the subject by making everyone teas and coffee while Rachel brought through the birthday cake. A Sachertorte, made by herself in the patisserie she worked at in Zürich.

Everyone sang Vanessa happy birthday, half in English and half in German, and she cut into the cake on the last note. Matt explained, entirely for Sophie’s benefit, that it was an Austrian cake that Vanessa had tried to bake for his birthday during their first year at university. It was also the same cake she had searched high and low for during the Austrian Grand Prix weekend – but had sadly been unsuccessful. It was made entirely of chocolate apart from the apricot jam that separated the two cake layers, and after only one forkful Vanessa said it was the best birthday cake she’d ever had.

The conversation turned to Sophie and Vanessa’s plans for their remaining two days in Switzerland, which ended up in more hiking and bike trail recommendations than they would have time for. Ben joked as he started to gather up the empty plates that Sophie and Vanessa would simply have to come back during the Winter to see them all.

“I’ll give you a hand.” Sophie collected the remaining crockery and followed Benedikt into the kitchen, and closed the door behind her with her foot. “Sorry, I just thought Matt and Vanessa could use the time to catch up just by themselves.”

“Ah,” Ben paused as he set the dirty dishes down on the worktop. “I guess with all the time they take to run after us on race weekends…”

“…they don’t have much time to see each other.” Sophie added, and the two drivers shared a knowing smile.

“Another tea?”

“That’d be lovely, thanks” Sophie watched as Benedikt set the kettle to boil before busying himself with putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

The kitchen was large, with both counters and an island in the middle of the room. Décor wise it was almost all stone and tiles – though the blue and grey theme remained with the navy cupboards and granite worktops. At the side of the room sat a small wooden breakfast table near the back door that lead out into a large garden.

“I hope you didn’t mind me bringing alcohol-free cider, I wasn’t sure if you drank much or not. Plus Matt was driving.” Sophie said instead of asking more about the house. While it dwarfed her London flat in more ways than one, she didn’t feel intimidated by it. If anything, she felt that it matched Benedikt perfectly, it was almost impossible to tell that Zürich was his actual hometown with how comfortable he looked in the countryside.

“It’s fine, I don’t really! Wine I don’t mind if it’s light, but I can’t stand beer… that’s probably down to my Swiss genes.” He chuckled with a bright grin.

Sophie had always wondered if Ben found it hard racing under one flag despite having dual citizenship. After hearing the story of how he’d tossed a coin to decide which racing licence to compete under because of how much the decision had been weighing on him, she didn’t want to grill him too much about it.

“There’s a small greenhouse and some raised beds at the bottom of the garden. My parents look after them, I just try and remember to water things when they tell me to. And I guess it gives them an excuse to visit.” Ben explained, as he caught Sophie’s gaze drifting out of one of the windows.

The kettle boiled, cutting off the conversation as Benedikt went to busy himself with making drinks.

“One sugar?” He asked, and gave a small self-assuring nod when Sophie said yes. “I thought so, I just wanted to double check.”

Benedikt gestured for Sophie to sit down at the kitchen island as he brought over their steaming mugs of tea, and he gently set them down on the granite surface.

“I’m afraid I can’t take any credit for the décor, that was all my ex-girlfriend.” Ben said with an awkward laugh as he blew over the top of his mug. “I’m alright at helmet designs, but not much else.”

“I’m terrible at both,” Sophie huffed. “I’m pretty sure my brother has all the creative genes in the family.”

“How is he?”

“Good! He’s been spending a lot of time at Knockhill before he goes back to uni to start his second year. He managed to get a work placement there in the Spring. How’s yours?”

“Nick? He’s fine, he started his final year of high school this week,” Sophie was surprised to learn that her and Ben’s brothers were only a couple of years apart in age, and that Benedikt had correctly remembered that Will was studying photography. Their conversation paused as loud laughter filtered through the wall separating them from the dining room.

“It was really nice of you to go to so much effort.”

“Ack, well… twenty five is a big birthday, plus I don’t get to have people round like this very often. Normally I’m the one going to friends’ houses so…” He trailed off with a small shrug.

“Well, I owe you one.” Sophie huffed. Despite the restaurant booking being a minor disaster, she was glad in the end about how the day had unfolded. And that her and Ben were friends.

“Speaking of us owing each other things…” Ben paused as he got up from his seat, and walked over to a jacket that was slung over one of the chairs at the breakfast table. He pulled a leather wallet out from one of the pockets. “I believe this is yours.” He took out a crisp ten pound note that had to have been fresh from a bureau de change, and held it out to a slightly confused Sophie.

“A tenner? For what?”

“That silly bet we made in Silverstone, about which one of us would do better in Hungary.” Benedikt blushed as he turned to put his wallet away. “And, well, you did win.”

“Oh that!” Sophie exclaimed as she looked at the bank note in bewilderment. “Honestly I thought you were joking.”

“Well, we shook hands on it. I like to be a man of my word.” Ben said as he sat back down, and slid the note across the worktop.

Sophie looked into Ben’s eyes, a dusty cobalt blue encased in a ring of navy and small speckles of silver that she noticed for the first time, and saw a familiar look of sincerity.

“You’re going to insist aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.” The two drivers laughed as Sophie pocketed the money and shook her head. “Us racing drivers really are stubborn.”

“That’s why we’re so good at our jobs!” Benedikt grinned, and took another long sip of his tea.

They talked more about their families – Ben’s father Roger still worked as a physics teacher at Ben’s old high school while his mother Anna worked part-time at a florist (which was where the flowers on the dining table had come from); and then there was Julian who was doing well in his rookie F2 season, and Mark who was being kept busy with work at his garage.

“And you Mum works at Edinburgh Airport, right?” Ben asked as he took their now empty mugs over to the sink.

"Yes, she’s the Senior Operations Manager for British Airways." Sophie said with a small but proud smile.

"Wait so...she runs the whole airport?!"

"No, she oversees everything BA do basically. Makes sure everyone’s schedules are in order, flights are running on time, if there’s any major problems that needs dealt with and so on."

"Ah,” Benedikt paused as he leaned against the counter. “So the Knightsbridge women are all quite fearless then?" He asked with a small smile.

Sophie blushed, and briefly looked down at her hands. "Something like that.”

It was almost nine o’clock by the time Matt said they had to head back to Zürich. Sophie and Vanessa couldn’t thank Ben enough for the wonderful evening they’d had, and both gave him a proper hug goodbye. He wished Sophie and Vanessa a safe flight home on Sunday morning, and that he looked forward to seeing them both in Istanbul for the next race.

“We should run into each other more often, this was really nice.” Ben said as he walked with Sophie over to Matt’s car.

“Yeah, it was.” With a small sigh Sophie took one last look at Benedikt’s house. “Let me know if you’re ever in or near London, it would be nice to have you over.”

“I’d like that a lot,” He paused and shook his head. “I still can’t believe how we’re almost the same age and yet I never raced against you once or met you before now.”

“Better late than never.” Sophie grinned. Ben went to say something else when Matt interjected from the drivers’ seat that he would like to get home before 10pm. So Sophie and Benedikt said goodnight one last time before Sophie hopped into the rear of the car, and clipped in her seatbelt as Matt started the long drive back to the city.

“Does Ben always go to so much effort?” Vanessa asked, after joking that she could tick off having dinner at a millionaire’s house off her bucket list.

“For friends? Absolutely.” Matt said as he broke for the junction that led back onto the main road.

For whatever reason, Sophie looked out of the rear window, even though it was now night time and Ben’s house was already far from view. She’d had such a nice evening, that a part of her would have been more than happy to see Benedikt again outside of a racetrack.

Sunday 20th August – Monte Carlo, Monaco

James tilted his head back as he sat on his small apartment balcony to get the full warmth of the morning sun on his face. His first cup of tea of the day sat steaming in a plain white mug on the small glass coffee table he’d measured three times before buying to make absolutely sure it would fit in the tiny outdoor space. While the balcony was never going to serve much more than a place for a solitary early morning or late night drink, the view of the sea almost always made up for it.

It was the last day of the summer break, and James planned on making the most of it by doing almost nothing since he was on one of the early morning flights to the UK to start prep for the next race in Turkey in a week’s time.

The down time had as always been good for James to clear his head of any and all niggles he’d carried during the first half of the season. He’d accepted that the second half probably wasn’t going to be much better than the first in terms of car performance, and that it was going to be a case of getting through the races with gritted teeth in the hope that all the development work now going into next year’s car was going to pay off.

And then, there was his team mate. Whom James was equal parts looking forward to and almost dreading to see again. It wasn’t that he’d suddenly resented Sophie over the break, James was concerned that he had no choice but to keep his feelings in check from now until November. Far too many things were reliant on their personal and professional relationships staying just as they were.

Slowly, James sipped away at his tea as he watched the sails of small boats drift across the Med, before he stood up and decided that his most pressing concern of the day was going to be deciding what he would have for breakfast.

[cinnaminsvga]

Ate ghorl when's the update for fox rain?? I love it so much it hurts. My ass is simping hard on RA Yoongles and shy Guk. 🤧🤤 Also, why is the story called "fox rain"?

sorry ate girl but rha and i are kinda dying from acads and work rn so please excuse our slow updates lol esp rha because her living situation rn is kinda 😔

if you want to support her and try to help make her life a little easier (and subsequently allow her to write more frequently and with a healthier mentality), please subscribe to her patreon!! ofc it’s not mandatory but it would really help her a lot if you could.

FELLOW @jincherie SIMPS, ASSEMBLE!!!!!!! HELP MY BEST FRIEND OUT JUICE AYO 🥺👉👈

(as for why it’s called fox rain, we can’t really explain why without spoiling the ending unfortunately. if you read up on fox rain/sunshower in mythology, then you might understand why it’s related to the fic!! that’s the only hint i’m giving for now~)

[ambcrheart-a]

[[ • Not-so-small life update: I won’t go into further detail unless asked privately, but the retail that I work in is going out of business. I’ve known this since about late November but the weight of it is starting to hit — not to mention the flood of folks coming in because liquidation sales. 👀💦

      Iiiiit’s kinda put a damper on my writing energy as of late, esp with looking for new work and the fact that my location still doesn’t have a closing date (tho hopefully, it should be late Feb/early March, maybe later since we’re still getting freight). Not a exactly soft hiatus, just letting y’all know that I’m going to have to prioritize my current work/eventual job-hunting a bit more so I’m going to be slower than usual.

      Also! I'll be moving out of my current place once it closes and after that, I’ll be sharing rent with an older sibling. That’ll factor in later but I’m pretty excited about that! Now if only I knew when my last day of work is going to be. :I

      And of course, the mandatory under-the-cut disco.rd drop for plotting/shenans if we’re following each other. Just remember to let me know who you are ofc! ^^

donald casting zettaflare hours#1051

[mascaracoffee]

A Baby Changes Everything ~Rafael Barba Imagine~

Summary: Rafael Barba had always been a stoic, career man who had stared into the face of many evil without so much as a quiver. It seemed the only thing he feared was this small raven haired baby with eyes like her mother and his last name. 

Attacked

Author’s Note: Someone had asked me about covering how Rafael would act/change when his child was born so I tied this into my story Attacked (this takes place before the events of Attacked). Also, I had originally had the idea for my Rafael Barba/ OFC (Kelly) as a chapter story but I am terrible at keeping those updated. So I’ve decided that only If people are interested (which means you have to comment/ message me!! ;) ) I will post snapshots of the story. For instance write events that pertain to the couple’s life that outlines their story without necessarily following a specific timeline or having filler chapters etc. Example: Kelly’s father interrupting Gabby’s baby shower, Kelly and Rafael’s first meeting, Kelly’s birthday, Kelly and Rafael’s first fight, Rafael proposing etc. Please let me know! I have a few weeks off from nursing school where I could work on them and I’m excited about some of the ideas!

“Objection, your honor! Relevance?”

“He called my witness’ character into question and suggested she was a part of a terrorist organization.” My five foot stature retorted back sharply as my brunette curls flew around me at the speed. My voice rising slightly to highlight the importance before turning slightly toward the defense and gesturing to him “He opened this door your honor and I intend to close it.”

A small smirk pulled at the older judge’s face.  The reputation of Kelly Barba’s was favored gossip in the judges’ chambers. They joked how for a woman of such small stature I could rule a courtroom with one expression, a force to be reckoned with especially in the court of law.

“Overruled”

I turned my attention back to my witness, Rafael chuckle slightly under his breath. Rafael had insisted he be my co-council despite how minute this case seemed. This was to be my last trial before the DA was placing me on mandatory maternity leave, an agreement we had reached much to my dismay. If I had it my way, I would be in court and have this baby right here on the marble tile while still receiving a conviction. I focused back on the task at hand and opened my mouth to inquire the next question whe-

There it was again.

An ache that started off dull before gaining momentum into a strong forceful cramp that kicked through my abdomen into my lower back. My entire body tensed at the feeling, eyes clenched shut and I took a sharp intake of breath my hand ghosting over the bump. Even with my back to my husband I could feel his intense green gaze leave his court notes and bore into me.

“Mrs. Barba” the judge called concerned “Are you alright?”

I nodded counting off the last twenty seconds in my head before the feeling slowly faded; I glanced at my watch to mentally record the time. After shuddering out a breath I straightened my spine and continued the questioning as I began to pace to work out the sore muscles in my abdomen. The questions continued along smoothly for the next fifteen minutes and then, like clockwork, the pain hit again.

“No more questions your honor” I bit out, grunting softly. “However, I would like to call for a recess.”

“A recess?” The judge asked with a humorous laugh “Mrs. Barba, it’s barely 10:30.”

“I realize the time your honor” I groaned softly as the wave of pain hit its peak and I reached behind me for support against the prosecution desk “But I don’t think my baby cares and if I’m right” I gasped again. “a recess would be greatly appreciated unless one of the jury members would like to catch this baby.”

I felt a hand ease around my waist as Rafi’s face appeared beside me. The concern etched in his face aged him by at least ten years, seeming to deepen the worry lines across his face. He gripped my hand which I squeezed tightly as the pain seemed to last longer. A horror stricken judge banged her gavel before declaring a recess until the prosecution could provide a new ADA.

“Your honor come on” the defense cried out as he stood, throwing his pen to the desk angrily “this is obviously a ruse by the prosecution for more time seeing as they have no case against my client.”

Rafael glared at the man and I could see an insult lying on his lips but I squeezed his hand to defuse his anger. We didn’t have time for this. Liv, Sonny, Finn and Amanda had stayed for the trial and were now standing, Finn keys in hand as the rest of the courtroom began to empty. As Rafael grabbed the briefcases I felt a ‘pop’ before a warm wetness coated my legs and dribbled down past my skirt onto the floor.

My eyes rose to meet the bewildered eyes of the defense attorney.

“In case you were wondering I don’t have a broken water bottle up there.”

Rafael stifled a laugh at my snark, shoving papers into the case, snapping it closed. before he and Sonny guided me to a squad car, believing it would be faster than waiting on an ambulance. Thanks to the blaring police sirens the crowds of Manhattan seemed to part like the red sea. I whimpered softly grabbing at Rafael’s hand.

“You’re doing so good Carino” he whispered kissing my hair. “Just breathe.”

Suddenly, the car lurched to a halt as Finn cursed mine and Rafi’s bodies jostling forward at the force.

“Traffic jam” Finn grumbled eyes peaking up through the review mirror before glancing around at the standstill traffic.

“Can you get to 32nd?” Liv asked from the passenger seat an edge to her voice as she took began to look around her mind pondering the next quickest route to the hospital.

“Cant’ bridge is been out for weeks” Finn replied back coolly.

“What? Is my wife supposed to give birth in the back of a squad car?” Rafael barked, sarcastic humor lacing his words.

“What do you want me to do councilor jump the curb onto the sidewalk?” Finn shot back locking eyes with Rafael through the rearview mirror.

“Well actually” Rafael challenged shrugging his shoulders as if it was an obvious answer.

Finn narrowed his dark eyes at Rafi. “Hold on councilors.”

I yelped as Finn indeed pulled the unmarked squad car onto the curb, bystanders crying out as they jumped out of the way of the moving vehicle bypassing the stagnant traffic. I clenched my eyes and cried out as another contraction hit, a new wave of dampness slicking my thighs. My brows furrowed and I pulled my skirt up slightly.  I whimpered at vibrant blood that coated my fingers.

“Rafi”

“What is-“ Rafael stopped mid-sentence as his eyes took in my frightened expression and the blood on my fingers. His face blanched.

Liv turned around in her seat and took in the scene. “Finn step on it.”

Within another 5 minutes of curbside driving and 4 of siren filled road speeding. We arrived at the hospital. Finally, I was placed in a bed, dressed in a mint green cotton gown a nurse on either side of me as they set up IV access and hooked up the monitors of the fetal heart monitor. Rafi stood in the corner of the room keeping an eye on me as he talked in feverish Spanish to his mother. He had removed his suit jacket and had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, keeping his fingers carded in his usually perfectly styled hair. Dr. Purdy entered the room scrubbing her hands together to distribute the hand sanitizer as she monitored the baby’s heart rate on the monitor before turning to me as she pressed along my stomach.

“Ok Kelly we’re keeping a close eye on the baby right now but the bleeding is a concern.” This piqued mine and Rafael’s concern as he ended the call with his mother and replaced the nurse who was at my side gripping my hand. “We believe your placenta is obstructing your cervix so every time you have a contraction its squeezing the placenta which is making you bleed. Now, right now everything’s ok with both you and the baby but if the bleeding doesn’t stop within the next half hour we’re looking at a C-section.”

“Surgery?” I whispered in a small voice causing Rafael to grip my hand tighter. “But she’s early!”

“I know it wasn’t part of your birth plan” the doctor tried to soothe. “And yes she is early but only by a couple weeks. Her chances are very good.”

 I looked up at Rafael feeling tears prick my eyes. My husband studied my face, taking into consideration every doctor’s visit and every late night talk the two had every shared concerning their unborn daughter.

“A C-section would be the best option for the baby?” Rafael asked, a business like tone in his voice.

“At this point yes” Dr. Purdy nodded “I would prefer to wait the half hour just to see if things improve, right now things are stable, but I don’t want to wait too long and risk putting your wife and your baby in danger.”

Rafael nodded “I understand.”

The team of medical professionals left the room as I blinked up at Rafael clinging to his hand my eyes boring into his. Surgery wasn’t part of my plan at all. There were so many ifs, so many things that could go wrong! What if something went wrong and I bled out or worse what if something happened to the baby!

“I’m scared Rafi” I whimpered softly resting my head on the pillow tears wetting my eyelashes and blurring my vision. “I’m so scared. What if-”

“Shh” he cooed pushing my hair back softly with his free hand “I know you are, I’m scared too mi amor.”

“Wh-what if something happens to the baby?” I stuttered as my eyes flooded with more tears, causing them to pool down my face.

“You can’t think like that Kel” Rafael whispered pushing his forehead to mine and gently wiping my tears away “You know how we are damn good lawyers.” I smiled a soft, watery smile as I chuckled slightly causing Rafael to grin. “Yeah, you know what I mean. My wife stubborn as hell. In full blown labor yet still finishes her questioning.” Rafael grinned proudly “Well we have the damn good doctors for our baby. We have to trust them.”

“If she has your brains and snark do you realize how much trouble we’re gonna be in?” I chuckled wiping at my tears as my breathing began to even out. I placed my free hand over my bulging belly. A whimper fell past my lips as another contraction spiked through my body and I griped onto Rafi’s hand.

“She’s gonna be as gorgeous as her mother and I’m gonna have to make up bullshit charges on any boy that comes near her, have them spend time in the tombs.” Rafi smiled pressing his lips to my hand in an attempt to distract me from the pain.

“You’re gonna be such a good Papi” I smiled cupping his jaw. His lips pressed into a thin line and a flash of doubt and worry wavered through his green eyes. An internal battle had been waging inside Rafael since I broke the news to him I was expecting. Yes, he was thrilled at the thought of me carrying his child, however, he was weary of the thought of himself becoming a father. He didn’t have a good father figure to rely on growing up and was damned if he left the same impression on his own child.

The half hour seemed to pass by agonizingly slow and fast at the same time, during that time I had received an epidural to help with the contractions and was pleasently relieved from the pain despite feeling totally numb. My bleeding had not stopped and Dr. Purdy proceeded to book the OR. I giggled behind my hand as Rafael emerged from the adjoining bathroom in the hospital issued blue scrubs a far cry from his normal designer, tailored suits.

“Did they not have the Versace scrubs in stock?”

Rafi scowled playfully as he adjusted the stiff material across his midsection. He crossed the room and placed his precisely folded three piece suit into the hospital bag Sonny and Amanda had brought from home.  A sharp knock echoed through the room before a face appeared. Lucia’s wine colored lips spread into a smile as she entered the room carrying a steaming Styrofoam cup.

“How are you bebe?” she asked pressing a soft kiss to my cheek as she straightened the blankets of the bed in a motherly manner.

“I’m ok. Excited to finally meet this little girl.” I admitted caressing my stomach lovingly.

“You and me both.” She winked as she turned to Rafael and handed him the coffee. He thanked his mother with a kiss on the cheek before taking a large gulp.

“I’ll be a lot better when I can drink my coffee again” I pouted as I eyed Rafael’s cup. The smell of the freshly brewed Cuban coffee was torture. The moment I found out I was pregnant I gave up caffeine and anything else that could potentially harm or complicate the pregnancy. It had been a long few months without my beloved Iced caramel coffees with extra shots of espressos.

 “Rafi offered to quit with me until the baby was born but I’ve seen him go without caffeine for a few hours and that was bad enough I couldn’t imagine 9 months.” Rafael smirked at my comment before finishing the coffee and tossing the empty cup into the trash.

“Angelita, you give me my little princesa and I will buy that coffee for you by the gallons.” Lucia chuckled as she leaned over to give my hand an encouraging squeeze. The three of us continued to talk as the nurses ventured in and out preparing me for the procedure.

“Ya know Kelly” Lucia began from her seat beside the bed, the latest issue of People magazine in her lap. “Rafi in those scrubs reminds me of those boys in that show.. Oh! What do they call him? McDouble?”

I threw my head back in laughter “Do you mean McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy?”

“Yes!” Lucia exclaimed clapping her hands together “That’s who he looks like!”

“Well I don’t know about McDreamy” a voice interrupted as Dr.Purdy entered with a kind smile “But he is about to become a McDaddy.” She smiled before looking at me. “Are we ready?”

Suddenly, my stomach filled my nervous gitters before I nodded. Lucia jumped up and kissed my cheek whispering a short prayer into my hair before releasing me as she tried to wipe away the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

“I’ll wait for your parents in the lobby, huh?” she smiled at me. I thanked her before she turned to Rafi grasping his cheek and kissing the other, she whispered words to him that I couldn’t hear. Rafael lowered his gaze and nodded before kissing his mother’s cheek.

“Alright” Dr. Purdy clapped her hands with a gleaming smile “Let’s have a baby!”

Delivery was a whirlwind of anxiety and jumbled nerves, scrubs and sterile fields. As the curtain separated Rafael and I from where the procedure was taking place, I began to chew my bottom lip nervously, there was a reason I went into law instead of the medical field. Rafael grabbed my hand and began retelling the story of how we first met, a useful distraction to the medical conversation happening just beyond the sterile sheet. Chuckling Rafael, reiterated how annoyed he was with the DA for assigning me to him feeling he was paid to babysit instead of prosecute. Yet, overtime he began to appreciate the knowledge I possessed and better yet the full nights of sleep he began to acquire thanks to my help.

Thankfully, Rafael’s story took my mind back in time to those events, halfheartedly distracting me from the tugging and pressure I felt at my belly, a sensation that caused my throat to tighten in a gag as I imagined the doctors moving my organs around. I kept my eyes locked on Rafael’s green ones that peered over the surgical mask so lovingly at me.  Suddenly, I felt the pressure release and a strangled cry fill the room as Dr. Purdy held a plump, raven haired little girl over the sheet declaring she was indeed a girl. I felt tears prick my eyes as my daughter was quickly wiped clean and placed on my bare chest. Her wails softly ebbed away to tender whimpers as her skin came in contact with mine. Her soft hair tickled my jaw and cheek as her chubby hand made a clutching motion, her fingertips gently tracing my opposite cheek.

The local anesthetic had already made me emotional but at the sight of my daughter tears were rolling down my cheeks a smile on my quivering lips as I glanced up at Rafael as he pulled his mask down. His lips were in an awe struck slightly parted state and his green eyes were glossy, locked on his daughter. He slowly, cautiously came closer kneeling to be more level with us.

“We have a daughter” I chuckled choking on my tears as I looked up at my husband in almost a stunned voice “we have our little girl Rafi”

Rafi’s eyes met with mine as a single tear slipped down his cheek he pushed my hair back, pressing his lips to my forehead repeatedly as he so gently pressed a hand to our daughters small back who was still spurting out small whimpers as her eyes dodged here and there taking in all the excitement. Rafael’s  hand showing just how small she was in comparison, he soothingly rubbed his thumb across the length of her shoulder blades.

“Thank you, thank you so much mi amor” Rafi whispered into my hair choking back more tears.

After what seemed like eternity, we finally had our daughter out in the world with us. We finally saw that she had Rafael’s dark ebony locks with had a slight curl she inherited from me, her eyes were a startling light blue that mirrored mine, a petite button nose nestled round rosy cheeks and Rafael’s expressive mouth. Our Gabriella Lucia Barba, named after both her grandmothers.

It was early into the next morning, nearing 3 am. Lucia and my mother had left only a half hour earlier, my father unsurprisingly absent from this beautiful milestone much like many others in my life. Gabby slept soundly in the plastic crib beside me, the affection from her grandmothers having worn her out. Rafael stood just outside the door talking with Liv and Sonny, who had been thoughtful enough to bring by Rafi and I something to eat other than hospital food. Sonny especially excited to present our daughter with dozens of pink balloons and flowers. I smiled softly as I rested on the plush pillows behind me watching the beautiful little life I created breath soundly. I felt my heavy eyes flutter shut.

I groaned as I opened my eyes, the room was still dark except for the warm light the bed side lamp provided. Rafael sat beside the crib, his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasping together under his chin as stared at Gabby in the crib. An old Harvard sweatshirt and jeans replacing the scrubs he once wore. Gabby softly began to whimper quickly becoming more upset. I stiffly sat up, my stomach burning at the exertion.

“You can pick her up Raf” I said softly as I attempted to get comfortable once more. Rafael jumped at my voice, his eyes jumping from me to squirming Gabby.

“I-uh”

“I know you haven’t held her yet.”

Rafael looked to the ground sheepishly. Having spent so much time with Rafael, both personally and professionally I could read some of his best poker faces. He was afraid that much was obvious. His foot twitched, as he bounced his knee. He stood toe to toe in court with some of the most vile, cruel beings to walk this planet without batting a lash yet, his body was jittered with nerves over a small 6 pound baby girl.

“I don’t want to hurt her” Rafi admitted softly. “She’s so small and..”

“You won’t hurt her Rafi” I reached into the crib and pulled Gabby to my chest soothing her before looking at my husband. “Now come here”

I moved to the far side of the bed allowing room for Rafi to squeeze in beside me. I assumed he would prefer holding Gabby on the bed than standing up. Rafael was stiff as I gently placed our daughter in his arms, helping him place his hands appropriately. Gabby squirmed in Rafi’s rigid arms, her face reddening and contorting in discontent as she began to wail, Rafael’s face turning pale at the reaction.

“Just relax” I whispered pressing soft kiss to his shoulder, his body relaxing slightly. “She can sense you’re uncomfortable. Talk to her.”

Rafael chuckled condescendingly “ I don’t even know what to say.”

“well that’s a first” I chuckled “you’ve been talking to her for the past nine months. You even practiced your testimonies and arguments with her in the womb!”

Rafael rolled his eyes playfully as he seemed to slowly relax. He began to rock her slightly, the movement calming the newborn. Gabby’s blue eyes studied her father intently as he moved to gently wipe the crocodile tears away from her cherub cheeks.

“You’re gonna give your papi a hard time with those eyes aren’t you?” he began, offering an awe struck smile at his daughter. “Yeah, I know you will. Your mami gives me that same look and she always wins me over.”

I felt my chest fill with warmth watching Rafael interact with Gabby, he was slowly emerging from his shell. Putting any doubts he had about his fathering skills to rest. Slowly, Rafi stood from the bed rocking Gabby gently in his arms as he began to pace the room. I felt my eyes start to become heavy again, probably from the pain medicine.

“Your papi can get you into Harvard with one phone call”  he whispered “Yeah, one of papi’s friends from law school is a Dean there, but you won’t need papi huh? You’ll be so smart. My little Gabriella will be a legacy! But you don’t have to go to law school mi princesa. You can be whatever you want to be. That’s right! You can be a lawyer or a doctor maybe a teacher like your abuelita, whatever your little heart desires….Papi will love you regardless”

I felt my eyes flutter shut, Rafael’s words painting a permanent smile on my face as his words lulled me to sleep.

“You’re my greatest gift mi princesa. I don’t deserve you or your mami. I love you both so much.”

                                          Gabby’s First Night Home

A groan passed my lips, my hand venturing out toward the opposite side of the bed in search of Rafael’s warm body to cuddle into. My hand met cool sheets causing me to pry my eyes open.  Rafael’s side of the bed was wrinkled but empty. I pushed myself up my hand bracing my incision. I glanced at the clock on the bedside.

4:23

‘He’s probably working in his office’ I thought.

My bare feet hit the chilly hardwood floor, sparking a shiver up my spine. I tied my robe around my waist and softly walked toward Gabby’s door to check on her. Her door was slightly ajar and I pushed it further open with my palm.  I was surprised to see a sleeping form on the futon across from Gabby’s crib. I tiptoed toward the center of the room. I peeked into the crib to see Gabby’s chest rising and falling steadily. Turning to my husband, I knelt down to his level. Rafael slept deeply, stretched out on his stomach, one arm hanging off the side of the futon that was across from Gabby’s crib. I smiled softly and caressed my fingers through his dark locks.

“Rafi” I whispered, continuing to run my fingers through his hair. He moaned softly leaning into my touch. He slowly opened his eyes to meet mine.

“Hm?” he groaned.

“Let’s go back to bed” I whispered.

Rafael groaned sitting upright running his hand over his face roughly.

“She alright?” he questioned nodding toward the crib as he fought a yawn.

I nodded “She’s fine.” I rubbed his arm softly “Let’s get you to bed”

Rafael stared past my shoulder toward the crib “She’ll be so far away..” He trailed off. “What if she needs us?”

“Rafi” I smiled “She’ll let us know. Have you forgotten she has a set of Barba lungs on her.” I chuckled softly “In the unlikeliness anything should happen, Sonny bought us that contraption that monitors her breathing and everything and besides we have the video monitor you can watch her on your phone in bed.”

Rafael’s eyebrows flew up, disappearing into his messy hair as he looked at me. “It can do that?”

I giggled and nodded. “We have to learn to sleep when she sleeps and your back needs memory foam not a futon especially since you sit hunched over a desk most of the time.”

“I know it’s just” he sighed heavily running his hands roughly over his face again “I can’t explain it”

I moved to sit beside him, wrapping my arms around his left bicep and intertwining our fingers, resting my cheek on his strong shoulder.

“You’re a daddy now” I whispered “You’re just worried about your little girl.”

“I worry about both my girls” he whispered pressing his lips to my hair.

“Well, since you’ve taken care of that little girl. Why don’t you come spend some time with this one?” I whispered softly biting at his neck playfully. Rafael cut his eyes over his shoulder at me smirking.

“I can repay you for all those massages you gave me…”

Between Rafael doubling his already stressful workload in order to have a less stressful time off with Gabby’s birth and my own work load intimacy of any kind had become difficult, even cuddling had become a burden finding it a hassle to find a comfortable position with a large watermelon in your stomach that liked to roundhouse kick your ribs at the slightest inconvenience. To say the least I strongly missed my husband’s affection.

I leaned forward pressing my lips to his. Rafi tilted his head deepening the kiss I moaned softly into his mouth as he pressed his left hand to my check, the coolness of his wedding band a stark contrast to my flushed cheeks.

“Mmm” Rafael sighed contently “Ok you’ve twisted my arm carino I’m coming.”

I smiled in triumph, standing up and approaching Gabby’s crib to check on her once again, she was still sleeping soundly completely undisturbed. I heard Rafael groan as he stood, stretching. I stood by the door and smirked shaking my head. Rafi had stalled, stopping to gaze over into Gabby’s crib his hands shoved in the pocket of his sleep pants, a far off dream-like look on his face.

Despite whatever he might think of himself as a papi, fatherhood looked good on Rafael.

                                                 Gabby - 3 Weeks Old

“And you have all of the numbers for the doctor? The pediatrician? Mami? Sonny, Liv? Carmen if you need me and I’m in court right? What about Ms. Christmann next door?” Rafeal rattled off as he stood cradling Gabby in his arms dressed in his suit as he prepared to go back to his first day back at work. He held her close, her bum resting on his forearm as he cradeled her head softly. A far more comfortable posture and position than when he has first held her, now that he was more comfortable he would barely put her down.

“Yes Rafi I have everything” I sighed exasperated as I prepared his thermos of coffee. I appreciated his concern yet he had gone over this list of phone numbers 4 times since waking up this morning not to mention the 6 other times last night as he formed an emergency plan in case one was needed. I was a little anxious staying home by myself with Gabby it was just comforting having someone else there to help especially when tending to a newborn was still a new, daunting task.

Rafael looked at me with a small smirk and a curved eye eyebrow. “What’s Carmen’s number?”

I dropped the spoon I had used to stir my own coffee allowing it to fall on the counter with a clank “I don’t have it memorized I have it written down. What the hell?”

Rafael chuckled kissing Gabby’s head. “Papi will come see his little princessa for lunch, would she like that, huh?”

“Momma will” I smiled walking around the counter to place Rafi’s full thermos next to his suitcase.

“Mmm” Rafael mumbled against my lips as I hugged myself to his side. “God I hate to leave.” He sighed looking down at Gabby and leaning his head against mine.

“Its only for a couple hours babe” I reasoned snuggling into his side inhaling his expensive designer cologne and the smell of coffee that always seemed to cling to his frame.

“I know but what will I miss in those couple hours?” Rafael argued, almost whining. Nuzzling his nose into Gabby’s dark hair and peppering her soft skin with kisses.

“Mmm a few dirty diapers, four or five naps, maybe a bath depending on much milk she decides to wear instead of eat” I giggled stroking Gabby’s round cheek.

“Much more entertaining than going over case files” Rafael smiled.

“Rafi if you don’t leave you’re gonna be late mi amor” I spoke softly, hating to break this intimate moment.

“I know, I know” Rafael sighed in aggravation before almost cringing. “Do it quick, like a band aid.”

Swiftly, Rafi placed Gabby in my arms and slipped his arms through his coat, grabbing his briefcase and coffee. The small girl seemed disgruntled before realizing the swap and becoming fussy. Rafael looked torn and utterly heartbroken as Gabby began to twist and turn in my arms whines and cries falling from her lips.

Raf came forward cradling my head and pressing his lips to mine before kissing Gabby on the head.

“Ill text when I get to the office.” He said still looking torn and helpless “I love you and I love you my princessa”

“love you too daddy” I winked as he blew one last kiss and left for the day and I focused my attention to my spoiled daddy’s girl.

The day had gone by smoothly. I was able to catch up on a lot of the housework and laundry as well as finishing the last of the thank you cards from Gabby’s shower. Rafael came by and had a quick lunch before being called in for a case by Liv. I was able to spend the afternoon playing with Gabby before she decided it was time to nap a notion I agreed upon. After a restful sleep I began to prepare dinner and for Rafael to arrive home.

I had fajitas cooking on the stove while Gabby slept in her bouncer that I had positioned on the counter so I could keep an eye on her.  The jingle of keys and the door closing made me smile as I lowered the heat on the chicken and veggies.

“Are we ready to see Daddy?” I smiled unbuckling Gabby and placing her to my chest. I walked to the front hall and frowned when I saw it empty. I turned to his office and found him already hunched over scribbling over an open case file.

“Dinner will be ready in five” I said softly walking into the room that was lined with numerous volumes of law books. A few phots of our relationship lined Rafi’s desk. As I rounded the corner Rafael still hadn’t answered.

“Rafi” I said softly, touching a hand to his shoulder.

Rafael jerked in my direction. “Sorry carino Im gonna be busy tonight”  he sighed waving to his desk.

“Oh ok” I said solemnly. “Do you need anything?”

“No gracias carino”  he didn’t even look up from his papers.

I sighed closing his office door before turning back to the kitchen. I quietly ate and fed Gabby before cleaning her up and preparing her for bed. With still no sign of Rafael I curled up on the couch with a book that I had been using as a distraction from hard cases while I was pregnant.  After rereading the same sentence thrice I slammed the book shut and rubbed at my eyes angrily.

I had been disappointed in Rafael’s first day back at work. Since we met, he has always been work focused and at the time so was I. But now with Gabby, I had hoped he would carve out time for her once he got home, not hide in his office when she had only seen him for a fleeting moment that morning and her time with him was cut short at lunch. I stood up and walked to his office.

The anger that had bubbled inside began to fizzle away as I took in his appearance. In the short hours since I left him, Rafael had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and his hair was a disshevled mess worry lines etched deep into his tan skin.

I kneeled beside him placing my hand on his knee.

“Rafi” I said softly “what’s going on?”

He sighed heavily throwing his pen down on the stacks of papers and files and leaning back, roughly scrubbing his face with his hands.

“This damn case” he hissed. “Sex trafficking with the usual side charges of rape, sexual assault, kidnapping the list goes on..” he took a deep breath. “The pictures..” he shook his head and I noticed his green orbs were red and glassy “every time I saw one of those kids.” He choked on his words “I saw Gabriella.”

I felt my heartbreak as I watched the few tears slip past Rafi’s dark lashes, he quickly wiped them away.

“Its crazy, huh?” he sniffed wiping at his eyes “Before I could handle these cases and now I’m a blubbering mess.”

“Rafeal” I cooed softly standing to my feet, I pushed his chair away from the desk and straddled his lap hugging him close, his arms wrapped around my torso resting low on my back as he rested he cheek on my chest. I carded my fingers through is hair allowing my nails to lightly scratch his scalp.

“It makes me want to work even harder” he chocked “for her and for you. I want to keep you two safe.”

“Mi amor”  I whispered running my fingers through his hair “You know I appreciate everything you do for me and now for our family and Gabby, she knows her Papi will take care of her.” I kissed under his ear and felt him shiver beneath my fingertips.  “I think your fatherly side will only make you an even better lawyer, make you want to fight even harder. Just…” I bit my lip debating if I should continue with my sentence.

“Just what carino?” Rafael implored.

I locked my eyes with his “Just promise me you won’t lose yourself to your work. Yes, these cases require a lot of you but don’t let it take all of you. Gabby deserves that much.”

Rafael nodded a look on his face that implied he was lost in thought. I pressed my lips to his softly desperate to break him out of the dark places of his mind, the dark places were bad cases were locked away in. Rafael responded pulling me closer, relaxing back into his seat as he cradled my cheek swiping his tongue over my lips.

Suddenly, a high pitched crying was heard and we pulled apart. I rested my forehead on Rafi’s and breathed out heavily amused.

“That would be your daughter sensing someone is getting your love and affection besides her.” I giggled.

Rafael smiled, a true genuine smile. “Well I best not leave my princesa waiting.”

He stood and began walking to the door of his office while I took a seat back down in his chair and began looking over the case file and Rafi’s notes. Moments later Rafi appeared back at the office door cradeling Gabby, a look of pure joy on his face as he softly bounced the little girl. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked at me.

“What are you doing carino?”

I smiled up at him. Seeing him with our daughter was a sigt I would never get tired of.

“I figured I would be nice and have a second set of eyes look over this stuff for you so you can spend some more time with Gabby.”

“Kel you don’t have to do that”

I shrugged “I want to.”

Rafael smirked “What would I do without you carino?”