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garlichoisan · 10 months

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𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐑𝐮𝐬𝐡 [11]

[an ATEEZ social media au]

🍓 Characters/Pairing: San x reader, Wooyoung x reader + more in the future

🍩 Genre: fluff, angst, suggestive

🍰 AU info: social media au, university!au, named reader

💌 Word Count: 3.6k

⚠️ Warnings: sexual undertones, Wooyoung is still super toxic (at this point I’d have to start typing this in every chapter because he isn’t getting better soon 😭), a really mean WooSan conversation in the chat, love triangle, a lot of angst (again)

A/N: ATEEZ is finally back and so am I! What do you think about Crazy Form and the album itself? I personally really loved it 😩 our boys never disappoint

About the chapter: it’s a little long, but I believe it turned out the best way possible.

💟 if you wanna be added to the taglist, please just send an ask!

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[August 11, 3:13 PM]

When Hongjoong, San and Mingi arrived to the airport, they were surprised to see Wooyoung there, standing outside, smoking a cigarette, with his sunglasses on, looking as handsome as ever. He ran his free hand over his hair, smoothing it a little. When he saw his friends, he lightly scoffed and waved at them.

“Finally, I was thinking you wouldn’t show up,” he rolled his eyes which the others couldn’t see because of his sunglasses. “Let’s go.”

“You still decided to come?” Hongjoong questioned.

“Couldn’t miss a trip,” Wooyoung let out a fake laugh. “If you’re thinking about our summer fight, don’t worry, I forgive you.”

“You forgive us?” San asked disbelievingly, stressing the words ‘you’ and ‘us’ to make a point. It wasn’t Wooyoung who needed to forgive them, but the other way around.

“Yes, yes, I know I’m so kind-hearted and everything but if we don’t go now, we could miss our flight,” Wooyoung answered, throwing away the cigarette and entering the airport building, dragging his suitcase behind him.

His friends followed him quietly, deciding to drop the previously discussed topic in order not to ruin their trip and kill the mood. They all wanted to have a great time and they realized more fighting could only guarantee the opposite. They intended to at least pretend everything was okay; fake it till you make it, that’s what they were thinking. Besides, it was the first time they've seen Wooyoung in months since he was in his home town during summer break, actively avoiding all his friends. His last conversation was with San, the day after Mingi's birthday, through text messages, and it didn't go quite well. Even though Wooyoung was moody and immature, at least he was not avoiding them anymore. They finally had the chance to make things right and they weren't gonna blow it. None of them was even hoping to receive an apology from Wooyoung; he probably had no idea he has done anything wrong. That's why they intended to forgive and forget, even though they knew that way nothing was gonna change. But they needed at least a few days of simplicity and calmness; it would be great to forget about all their problems, go to the Halloween party and have fun. That's what they came for, after all.

Minutes before they take off, San took his phone out and texted Ara to let her know he was on the plane with his friends. She texted him to stay safe and he smiled, putting his phone away.

Since the flight was around 11 hours, San and the others had a lot of time until they reached their destination. Hongjoong decided to read a fashion magazine, then one about house furniture ideas; Mingi was playing games on his phone, Wooyoung was listening to music and San tried to take a nap but had trouble falling and staying asleep because of the excitement of finally meeting his crush.

When they arrived on the Los Angeles International airport, they passed all the passport checks, impatient to finally leave the airport and start the fun part of their trip. They took a taxi to the hotel they were going to stay at and they spent the evening chatting and having dinner together, acting as if nothing eventful has happened in the past months.

* * *

[October 31, 8:28 PM]

Ara and Chaewon were in their apartment, getting ready for the Halloween party. They were putting some make up on as they couldn’t help but compliment each other every chance they got.

“Are you nervous for tonight? You’re going to meet the guy you’ve been texting, after all,” Chaewon reminded Ara and she sighed nervously.

“Maybe a little bit. You know, he’s really handsome and cute and… I just don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him,” Ara admitted, while struggling with her eyeshadow.

“So you admit you may have a little crush on him?” Chaewon asked curiously with a playful tone, taking the brush from Ara’s hand and helping her put eyeshadow on.

Instead of momentarily denying, Ara stayed silent for a few seconds before answering.

“Even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. I doubt he’s interested in me.”

“Judging by the playful, yet caring tone he uses in his messages to you, it doesn’t look like he’s indifferent towards you.” Chaewon smiled and Ara rolled her eyes. Chaewon tapped the brush gently to her best friend’s eyelid, finishing up her make up, then taking a step back and admiring the final result. “Just think about it: he texted you out of nowhere, using the dumbest reason, he remembers who you are, even though he was never close to you and four years have passed since he last saw you. He also used his friend’s phone to talk to you and he keeps insisting he was drunk every time he ends up texting you something flirty.”

“That’s because he’s actually an alcoholic,” Ara nodded her head, seemingly trying to convince herself more than anyone else, since there was no way Chaewon believed that.

“Yes, and I’m an addict by this logic,” Ara couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, hearing how preposterous her friend sounded. “All jokes aside… He’s probably even more excited than you for tonight’s party.”

Ara seemed to actually think about the possibility, before she brushed it off.

“Nah, I can’t see it.”

“Believe what you want, but one thing’s for sure: you look way too hot right now and if he can’t notice that, then he probably doesn’t deserve you. Now let’s go, my beautiful friend!” Chaewon exclaimed, starting to jump around, not even trying to contain her excitement.

Ara, on the other hand, was not so thrilled. She seriously considered rejecting Chaewon’s invitation to the party in the very last minute and explaining to her she suddenly had a change of heart, but then she realized her best friend could never let her do that so she had to face whatever life had in stock for her tonight. She really wanted to meet San, but she knew she was going to be awkward. It was so easy and natural for her to act sassy when they were texting, but in real life she didn’t have even half the confidence she showed in the chat. She hoped San would be okay with the fact that she was going to act very differently in person than in the chat. Tonight he would see a shy girl who definitely didn’t have a sassy remark already on the tip of her tongue. Even though she didn't believe anything would happen between San and her, she still didn’t want to make a fool out of herself in front of such a handsome guy. She was so nervous that she couldn’t even stay still.

She took a deep breath, then put her devil horns headband on her head, pulled her short black lacy dress down and tied her platform Converses. She was sure she could combine them with any outfit, since she hated how uncomfortable high heels were and how she couldn’t keep her balance, so sneakers were always her choice. When Ara heard Chaewon complaining that she was taking too long to get ready, she just took one last moment to look at her reflection in the mirror. She then went to Chaewon and the two girls went out of the apartment building, taking a taxi.

When they walked into the nightclub, they made their way through the people as they looked around and sat on the unoccupied bar stools they found. Ara almost instantly took her phone out of her bag to see if she had any new messages from San. Her eyes lit up with pure excitement as she saw he has texted her indeed.

Ara subconsciously smiled and Chaewon looked at her knowingly. When Ara noticed her friend’s eyes on her, she looked back at her questioningly.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Ara questioned, but Chaewon only chuckled.

“You’re so whipped for him,” Chaewon commented with a huge grin on her face.

“I’m not whipped for anyone!”

Ara just sighed, obviously lacking the arguments to prove her friend wrong. She suddenly heard her phone received another message on her phone. Thinking it was San who was texting her because he was already there, she enthusiastically took her phone from the table so quickly that she almost dropped it. When she unlocked it, though, she saw another name appearing on her screen.

Ara put her phone aside, sighing. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Wooyoung; she knew he was hot and everything, but if she had to be honest, guys like her actually scared her. Ara knew what they were usually after and she wasn’t looking for something like that at all. She needed someone who valued the emotional connection before the physical one. Even though she didn’t know Wooyoung that well, she could see he wasn’t the type of person who got emotionally attached to someone. He was like an open book: he was a popular guy so a lot was known about him. Ara didn’t seem to find him charming, though. She wasn’t even sure why she told him she was at the club, when she didn’t really want to meet him; on the contrary, she was still hoping he wouldn’t find her in this crowded club. Her priority for tonight should be San, finally meeting him and talking to him. She really hoped their conversation would flow as easily as the ones they had in the chat.

“Okay, you’re not fun, you only look at your phone,” Chaewon pouted. “I have to leave you alone, though, I have plans with a friend. If you’re still free, I might bring him over to introduce him to you.”

As Ara nodded, Chaewon got up from her place and went to look for Mingi in the crowded nightclub. When she found him, she excitedly ran to him, hugging him right away. He hugged her back with the same enthusiasm as he was glad Chaewon was as happy to see him as he was. When she pulled away with a wide smile on her face, she saw two more guys.

“These are my friends, Hongjoong and San,” Mingi said.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Hongjoong.” He shook Chaewon’s hand with a polite smile.

“My name is San,” San said, also taking Chaewon’s hand for a handshake.

“I have one more friend, but he went to buy cigarettes from the shop nearby,” Mingi explained and Chaewon nodded.

“If he isn’t dumping us for girls, he’s doing it to buy cigarettes. Looks like we’re never a priority for him at all,” San murmured and sighed.

Chaewon took a good look at him as she seemed lost in thought. She suddenly spoke, startling San who also seemed to have been in a similar situation, immersed in his own thoughts.

“Wait, did you say your name is San?!” Chaewon exclaimed with surprise. “Are you perhaps looking for a girl named Ara?”

“Wait, how did you know?”

“She’s my best friend! She told me she’s supposed to meet you tonight.”

“Oh, really?!” San couldn’t believe what was happening.

It turned out Mingi’s friend happened to also be Ara’s best friend and so they all met there. He instantly saw an opportunity to impress his crush: he thought that he should slowly try to get close to Chaewon and help her with whatever he could, so that she could share some advice on how to win her best friend’s heart. Besides, he knew Ara wouldn’t like someone who wasn’t treating her friends well, so he knew he had to pay special attention to that part. He wanted Chaewon herself to root for him, so that things would go smoothly.

“She’s sitting on the bar just ahead. You should see her if you walk just a little more,” Chaewon explained energetically and San nodded with a smile before waving his friends goodbye and walking away so that he could find Ara. His heart was beating fast as he was trying to contain the excitement of finally meeting his crush after so long and eventually having a whole conversation with her in person – something he never had the chance to do before.

It didn’t take long to find her, sitting on a bar stool alone, scrolling through her phone, looking more bored than ever, taking small sips of her Cosmopolitan cocktail. He approached her slowly, but also excitedly, because he was feeling so lucky to be having the opportunity to finally meet her and spend time with her.

“Hey,” he gently said, close enough to Ara’s ear so she could hear him over the loud music. He hoped she wouldn’t be startled by his actions, but as she saw her suddenly turn around, nearly falling off the bar stool, he realized he has failed to do that.

As soon as she saw him though, she smiled widely with excitement, standing up.

“San!”

“Can I hug you?” he asked shyly and Ara nodded with a small smile on her face.

She really appreciated how considerate he was and how he was not forcing physical contact on her. As expected, he was proving himself to be a gentleman. Before she could do anything else, he had his arms wrapped around her body in a warm, comfortable embrace. He was especially careful that he didn’t touch her bare skin, but the parts her dress covered instead, in case she felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to ever let go of her, but he eventually had to, otherwise it would start to look suspicious in the sense that his feelings would eventually no longer remain hidden. He stayed like that for a couple of seconds more before he reluctantly pulled away and he sat on the barstool next to Ara.

San ordered a whiskey and returned his attention to Ara.

“Cool outfit, by the way. What are you dressed as?” San asked curiously, as he took a look at her black dress, trying to figure it out. He was also doing his best not to stare at Ara since the outfit was anything but modest. It wasn’t too provocative, but it worked really well for her body type and showed just enough skin to attract attention, yet leave some things to the imagination as well. It was sexy, but in a classy way; just as expected from Ara, San thought.

“I was supposed to be a devil because I lost a bet with my best friend, but I felt awkward wearing the horns so I just put the headband in my bag,” Ara admitted bashfully.

“I hope you don’t find my request weird, but could you put them on? I’m curious how they look on you.”

Ara just laughed softly before reaching to her bag and taking out the headband. She slightly fixed her hair with her fingers before putting the devil horns on her head.

San looked at her, contemplating on whether she could actually pass as a devil. She blushed as he felt his intense gaze on herself; this only made her costume look even more out of place.

“I think an angel outfit would have been a better choice,” San said, as he chuckled, remembering how he once called her an angel in the chat in order to tease her. He took a small sip of his whiskey, already feeling his flirty mood taking over. He only hoped Ara wouldn’t be uncomfortable with it.

“Come on, didn’t we decide to drop that nickname?” Ara laughed awkwardly, as she put a strand of her dark brown wavy hair behind her ear, thinking of this whole conversation as some kind of a friendly joke and not San actually attempting to flirt with her.

That’s why Chaewon kept teasing her for being totally oblivious when someone was interested in her. It was just so funny to her watching her best friend receive all those messages from San and her being totally confused and unintentionally friend-zoning him. Why would someone like San be romantically or even sexually interested in me, Ara kept asking herself. She still believed Chaewon was just imagining things that weren’t there. And it wasn’t because Ara was that insecure in her looks or personality; she thought she was just herself, not bad looking, kind but just too weird and chaotic (not in the quirky, conventionally attractive way) for someone as breathtaking as San to actually like her.

“You did, but I did not,” San said with a cheeky smile. He burst out laughing immediately after, as Ara followed.

“How was the flight yesterday?” Ara asked, changing the topic.

“Long and boring,” San said, taking another sip from his drink. “And how was school for you?”

“Tiring, I have so many assignments to do and zero motivation to actually start them. It’s kinda overwhelming honestly.”

“I understand that too well since I’m in a similar situation. And deciding to skip classes to go on a trip to place as far away as Los Angeles definitely isn’t helping,” San laughed, quickly fixing his hair.

“I’m sorry. I was the one who gave the idea to Mingi,” Ara pouted and San automatically smiled because of how cute she looked.

She was adorable in his eyes, even though her dark eyeshow and red lipstick as well as the short black lace dress definitely made her give off more sensual and mature vibes than she usually did. But he would have lied if he said he didn’t like this side of her too.

“Don’t apologize. I think it was totally worth it.”

It was worth it just for him to see her in that dress. Just for him to be able to sit next to her and talk to her the whole night as if they weren’t in a crowded nightclub right now, as if nobody else but them was even there at the moment. The eleven hour flight, the lack of sleep, the total negligence over his studies; for him it was all worth it just to be there with her for the first time ever. Yet it felt so natural, as if he has spent his whole life until now with her by his side.

Ara smiled softly, before feeling another presence near her, this time on the barstool on her left side. When she heard the deep voice, she suddenly remembered who it belonged to. Even though she hasn’t interacted much with him in the past, he was the university’s star back when he was studying in LA, so everyone knew so many things about him despite the fact he only stayed for an year.

“Hello, Ara,” his breath tickled her ear as she felt the smell of cigarettes mixed with mint candy which made her turn her head a little.

“Jung Wooyoung? H-hey,” Ara said absentmindedly, not really happy to see him, but trying to hide her true feelings out of courtesy.

“What the… Wooyoung?!” San asked, shock written all over his face, seeing his friend sitting next to his crush. In this moment, one could say he looked as if he had seen a ghost: totally terrified, but it was due to the fact he was finally beginning to put together the pieces of this messy puzzle that this whole situation was.

“You two know each other?” Ara looked really surprised that they definitely seemed to have some kind of relationship. She kept thinking how could they know each other, before remembering they both studied in her university for an year. Then she thought of another theory: what if Wooyoung was a part of San’s friend group? They don’t seem to like each other at all, though, Ara thought to herself as she observed the hostile looks the guys kept exchanging.

The two totally ignored her since they were just too focused on each other that they forgot that she was even there.

“What are you doing here?” Wooyoung asked almost monotonously as he was not any less surprised to find San right next to the girl he had his eye on, but he tried to mask his surprise with his usual cool attitude.

“I’m talking to Ara, but it seems as if you two already know each other?”

“We met while we were studying abroad,” Wooyoung explained, feeling a little nervous, an emotion he wasn’t familiar with, slowly realizing what situation he was in, but still not stepping back. “And now we’re here. To talk to each other. Because we’re friends,” he gave as many details as possible in order to make San insecure about his relationship with Ara, but he wasn’t going to give up so easily.

“Hm? Interesting. I’m here to talk to her too because I’m also friends with her. Why don’t you go out for a smoke, huh?” San was trying to get Wooyoung to leave them alone, but that wasn’t an easy task at all.

“I already smoked. Why don’t you go, though? I wanna talk to my friend,” Wooyoung smiled with feigned innocence, which only made San more frustrated.

“Guys, can’t we just talk together, the three of us? I don’t understand, why does someone have to leave?” Ara looked really perplexed, not understanding the reason for their fight.

“Nope. I have nothing to say to him,” San took a big sip from his whiskey, looking Wooyoung angrily in the eyes, not breaking eye contact even for a second.

“Me neither,” Wooyoung confirmed that there was a problem as Ara continued looking at them with confusion before coming up with a solution.

“I think you should both go then.”

Both San and Wooyoung looked at Ara with disbelief.

“You clearly have a problem and you should discuss it. You can come back when everything’s okay.” Ara suggested, while Wooyoung and San were looking at each other so intensely that they were barely blinking.

“Let’s go,” Wooyoung said through his teeth, taking San by the arm, but he moved out of his grip.

“Do not touch me,” San responded through gritted teeth, as they both exited the club.

Realizing they both had a crush on the same girl made them wonder about what would happen to their friendship. They thought they could no longer be friends because they’ve already began seeing each other as rivals. Thoughts like that made them feel beyond frustrated and they had a lot of questions which were most likely to stay unanswered. This issue, added to their last unresolved fight made the current situation even worse and was definitely going to be a base for even more serious problems. They only knew one thing for sure: that none of them was going to back down.

╔═══════════ SUMMARY ═══════════╗

San was often told that he was everything a girl wanted to date: handsome, funny and smart. That was until they got to know him better. Then he was told he was too much, too overwhelming, had too many emotions and was too chaotic. Thus his experience with dating was not as good as one would have thought. The problem: he has the biggest crush on a girl he met whilst studying abroad. But every time he messages his crush, he seems to mess things up further and further. With the help of his hyperactive friends he tries to win Ara's heart but before that, he has to convince her he doesn't actually hate her.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

💟 taglist:

@violets-are-vladi @chocochannel @ateezcbk @turtledove824 @huachengsbestie01 @redflemmefoxy

networks: @cromernet

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aquagustd · 2 years

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i’m the anon that accidentally called fast forward as flash lol. so at the end of the drabble, jk left oc money for college. but she didn’t complete college right? so she used that money to raise junho? but what else happened that jk is criticizing her for? and when she says he didn’t want the child, i assumed that she contacted him while he was gone and he refused to come back rather than him trying to actually get rid of junho. i’m so curious about his pov, bc maybe his intention was to stay away and protect his family. but oc never saw it that way so when he did return and tried to make amends (yoongi’s wedding?), she rejected him out of hurt and since then, jk has been cruel to her? i really wish oc would tell jk what happened with those men and then he can finally come clean lmao. i think i just want jk to be a protective dilf for both junho AND oc. power couple <3 but it’s also not reasonable to have a drug lord raise a child lol. i do feel like taehyung’s past is tied in with oc and jk in some way rather than be completely separate. i was wary of criticizing oc before but she really does need to get it together and protect her child even if that means being strict with him at some point. kids always hate the parent that stays at some point but that’s bc they feel comfortable lashing out and junho obviously loves and respects his mother when jk isn’t interfering. i hope jk respects that too soon bc he always makes me unreasonably upset when there’s a scene where junho is acting out due to his dad’s influence lmaoo

flash anon 👁 sorry i just wanna name all my anons lmao it’s cool if you want another name

yeah !! it actually hasn’t been really confirmed yet about her not finishing college but i think i must’ve spoiled it somewhere so it’s okay lmao 🗿 i totally get it 🥲 we just want jk to be the supportive, protective dad that we expected him to be given his behavior in fast forward 😭 but — that’s where it all gets confusing. we don’t know why there’s so much hate between the two of them — why they can’t just sit down, put their pride aside & have a good ol chat.

same !! oc really needs to realize that she doesn’t always have to be on her kids good side. jk literaly needs to realize that he didn’t make the baby on his own ✋🏻 oc should remind him 👀 ehehehe i’m kidding

#i miss reading theories 🥲#it’s been what? a day #yeah i get weird attached to my characters #the love triangle will be coming into play soon 😩#fic: hie #squishies #hie: theories

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peachesandmilktea · 3 years

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Omg omg squid game requests?! May I request a scenario where reader partners up with bakugou or todoroki to play the marble game? they don't know whats gonna happen and then "thanks for playing with me." line then BANG 😩 I hope it's not to confusing feel free to ignore it

Thank you ❤

Why not both?

Slight spoilers for the 4th game! Proceed with caution!

Squid Game AU Masterlist

Squid Game AU - Playing the marble game with Shoto Todoroki

You will compete with your partner in a marble game of your choosing. The loser will be eliminated.

"The game is simple," Shoto says, his ten marbles simply lying in the palm of his open hand. They should be the promise of something fun, a nice afternoon spent playing games with friends, and yet, you know they'll be coated in blood soon enough.

Will it be his or yours?

"Here are the only two rules. Listen well."

His free hand rises until softly stroking your shoulder, the gesture meant to be reassuring and yet bringing a cold shiver down your spine. It's one of the last times he's touching you, you know. It's one of the last times you can raise your eyes to his and gaze into his mismatched irises. It's one of the last times he gets to look at you lovingly, the promise of a future together stolen far too early by a stupid game of marbles.

"The rules are: you win, and I lose."

Your blood freezes in your veins. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. Shoto doesn't give you enough time to protest and instead grabs your wrist in his lean, icy cold fingers to slip every single one of his marbles in your palm.

You feel like you can't breathe.

You feel like you're going to die if he says another word.

You feel like you've already been shot and yet you're the one with a golden ticket to your future and not him.

The stupid, unwanted future he won't be a part of.

"Shoto, you can't-"

"Sir?" he calls the masked guy standing stiffly next to the two of you. "We're done here. I lost."

It all goes so fast you don't even see it coming, not while your whole world is crumbling right under you feet at the exact same speed the man in a triangle mask raises his weapon towards Shoto's forehead.

"Don't look," he says with a soft, rare, kind smile. And, then, he whispers, lower, with a tenderness that stabs you in the chest to leave you torn open, bleeding to death. "Love you."

You don't obey his last demand, don't fulfill his last wish.

You look, and blood splatters on your face, in your eyes, on your lips as the bullet goes through his head, as he falls down to his knees and then on the ground, his body now cold, lifeless as it rests next to the stupid marbles that have slipped from your trembling fingers.

They're coated in his blood, now.

Squid Game AU - Playing the marble game with Katsuki Bakugo

"You're fucking kidding me," Bakugo growls, and it's the kind of sound that means nothing good is going to happen now, not if he has a say in it. The kind of sound that means fury is running in his veins, rage burning its way through his chest and brain, hatred coating his heart wholly and fully and leaving nothing behind but a trail of blood in Bakugo's wake.

You're not even sure if he noticed, but he caught your hand in a firm and yet tender grip as soon as the voice pronounced the deadly words.

In this game, you will compete with your partner.

Meaning one of you will get shot in the head in less than 30 minutes. And there is no escape, no way out now that the game has started. One of you will get to walk away from this hell of a fake little town, leaving the other's corpse behind, lying in a pool of blood.

Bakugo lets go of your hand to catch the masked man standing next to you by the collar of his red outfit. You hear him gag a bit under the black metal covering his face, but there's no struggling against Bakugo of all people. He could break anyone's neck with a flick of his wrist if only his opponent wasn't carrying a rifle in his gloved hands.

"What the fuck does this mean?" he barks, and for the first time, there isn't only pure anger dripping from his tone. Raw despair pulls at his vocal chords too, just like it pulls at your thoughts, at your chest, at your heart.

"Katsuki," you call, voice wavering as the masked man raises his weapon to your boyfriend's chest.

Bakugo has no choice but to step back, teeth gritted and fury in his gaze.

28 minutes left.

"I'm not going to play with you," he says then. "Think I care about those stupid marbles?" In a gesture filled with angry violence, he snatches your little satchel from your fingers and opens it with a snarl to slip his marbles inside. "Here, take them all. 'm not going to play with your life over some dumb fucking toys."

You try to get the satchel back from him, but he pushes you away.

"Wait, Katsuki! You have to play with me, you have to!"

You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if he laid his life out for you, and of course, you know, neither could he. He eyes you with a frown, assessing the situation, the little light in his gaze telling you that he does understand that you can't let him go down with a fight, because after all, that's what he is.

A fighter.

"Let's have a game with a 50% chance of winning, right, Kats'? Let's say I put a marble in one of my hands, if you can find the empty one you get my marbles, if you can't then I get yours."

After a few seconds, he nods.

He trusts you.

He shouldn't, not when both of your hands are empty, not when he finds nothing in your palm when you uncurl your fingers to show him the one he chose, not when you give him an apologetic smile as despair creeps over his features, taking over every single emotion in his crimson eyes.

"You win," you tell him, sliding the satchel in the pocket of his sweats.

You think he curses you, calls you something filthy, maybe tells you that he loves you, every single word slipping from his lips with the strength of an anchor pulling at your heart until it sinks down in your chest, until it disappears into the abyssal depths of the love you bear for the man you just saved by forfeiting your life.

He hates you for that now, but it's alright.

"Love you," you whisper as the shot echoes around the room.

And you don't see it, but maybe he falls down to his knees next to your corpse, and maybe he cradles it while crying for you, blood staining his fingers as he pushes back the strands of your hair that have fallen in front of your closed eyes. And maybe he holds you so strongly that his knuckles have turned white, and maybe Kirishima and Izuku have to pull him from your lifeless body so he'll be out of the room by the end of the countdown because he just can't make himself leave you behind. And maybe he hates them too as they do so, and maybe he hates the whole world and the rest now that there's nothing, no one left for him there.

And maybe he'll see you again in his dreams and you'll play marbles then but this time, he'll simply kiss you better if you loose.

------

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Taglist: @doinmybesthere @tadpole-san @iworshipyelena @cuban-succubus @yandere-berry @maemilol

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erenoir · 3 years

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Can we get some toxic rockstar eren hc??😩

cry baby

"the prequel"

chapter 0 | next chapter | series masterlist

a story of an innocent love turned to dust, told through a series of rockstar!eren headcanons.

💿 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚒 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎 𝚋𝚢 𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚛

❥ genre: rockstar!eren, childhood friends to toxic lovers, love triangles, drama, grimy angst, nsfw

❥ warnings: 18+ dark content, angst, toxic!eren, cheating!eren, drug use (cocaine,) unprotected sex, suggested dubcon, cursing, MDNI

❥ featuring: s4!eren jaeger x f!reader

❥ series summary: you used to be the muse to his lyrics, the reason he sang, but give a sick man enough money and soon you’re a pawn in his addictive cycle of love and destruction. everyone loves cry baby, but eren loved you most. he loved you as much as he fucking hated you.

when you two met in high school...

eren had hidden his desires of becoming a musician from everyone in fear of rejection. he didn’t get the best grades and his teachers never hesitated to speak down to him, he knew they would laugh in his face if he ever spoke of his honest hopes and dreams.

“eren, you’d be better off going to one of your safe schools, maybe pursue business? the job pool is rather wide and not too difficult to break into.”

eren had worn himself down to the point where he stopped writing songs and playing guitar completely, truly believing that he wasn’t good enough for anything. showing up to school with a smile plastered on his face, giving high fives to his friends in the hallways, everyday he faked happy for friends that weren’t even true.

that all changed when he met you.

you sat behind him everyday in mrs. brown’s class, though he never took notice of your quiet presence. mrs. brown probably hated eren the most of all his teachers, admittedly he did slack off, he just couldn’t give less of a crap about world history, what’s there to love about this place anyway?

his heart dropped when he realized he had forgotten a pencil again, and he knew mrs. brown wouldn’t loan him one for the fourth time this week. frantically searching around the room, hoping someone would come to his rescue, his eyes landed on you. your face was buried in your textbook, cramming minutes before the exam, eren felt his stomach flutter when he noticed you biting your lip and furrowing your eyebrows in concentration. for once, he found himself nervous to talk to a girl.

“hey… you gotta pencil i could use for the test? mrs. brown’s gonna be tight with me if she finds out i forgot one again…”

he couldn’t help but smirk as you nervously shuffled through your backpack to find something for him to write with. you were so fucking cute, and the lyrics to his next song came flooding to him in such a short span of time as you handed him a pencil, your hand lingering in his long enough for you two to feel a spark.

he had found it, the reason he would start writing music again.

rockstar!eren who loved when you two were laying in his bed, he gently played with your fingers while the smiths played on his old stereo. you rested your head on his chest and felt it vibrate against your ear as he hummed you into a soft sleep.

rockstar!eren who’d make mixtapes for you. “this song reminds me of you babe,” he blushed as his hands tapped on the steering wheel of his old car. it was a hand-me-down from his older brother and it reeked of weed, but he felt cool as hell driving his girl around in it. he always said the car was, hella hardcore, because of how beat up it was. eren kept a pair of headphones in the glove compartment just in case the radio ever went out— it did that a lot. whenever it happened he would pull over, no matter where you were, and hand you the left earbud while he took the right. you two listened to music in the solace of each other’s company while you slurped gas station slushies.

rockstar!eren who gushed about the song he wrote last night to you. “this ones really gonna be it babe! i know this ones gonna get my name out there,” his eyes sparkled while they feverishly skimmed the pages of his old journal, licking his finger every so often to turn the page. “wanna hear it?” he asks as you nod eagerly, you put his headphones in and tell him to start the song. eren goes quiet as you listen to his voice sing about you, too bashful to look you in the eyes. when the song is over eren stares at you pleadingly, “so?” he asks nervously. you grab his face and kiss him tenderly, “it was about me huh?”

rockstar!eren who wakes you up at 3 am and holds his phone to his computer as he plays you another song he quickly recorded. you smile softly as your boyfriend’s voice sings you to sleep through your cellphone. “babe? babe did you like it? babe? you fell back asleep… okay, i’ll text you in the morning? hm, i hope you liked it… it was about you again. anyways, goodnight.”

rockstar!eren who dragged you out of school in the middle of the day and into his car as you two drove into the city. “eren where are you taking me?!” you laughed. his hands were giddy, tapping away on his steering wheel pretending they were a set of drums. “you’re never gonna believe this babe… a fucking agent from a record label called me! he asked me when i could meet him at this studio in the city and i said, shit! i can be there right now!” he sputtered enthusiastically. you sat in the passenger’s seat in pure shock, “eren… you’re being fucking serious? that’s so… amazing!” you hesitated, eren was too pumped with adrenaline to notice.

rockstar!eren who wrapped you in his arms and kissed you passionately in front of the whole room as he signed the papers to his first record deal. “this is it baby, the first day to the rest of our lives! i’m happy i get to do it with you,” he whispered into your lips. you were eren’s muse, the thing that kept him going, inspired him to write even when it felt like the odds were stacked against him. you kissed him with tears in your eyes, happy tears because you were finally watching your sweetheart’s dreams come true, you watched him work so fucking hard for this. but the tears that fell also shared a hint of sadness, because a part of you couldn’t help but worry that you would get lost in the background as eren entered a world of fame and fortune. would you still be good enough?

rockstar!eren who flipped off his teachers as he walked off the stage at your high school graduation. he told you that it would be, “completely fucking badass,” if he did it, even though you told him his mom would be pissed if she couldn’t get a nice picture. you two threw your caps into the air and shared one last kiss as high school sweethearts, you’d be off to college and eren would be off to— well, the world. “we’re fucking unstoppable babe,” he whispered as he pressed his lips against the side of your head.

rockstar!eren who holds you tightly as your parents pack the last of your things into the back of the truck, you were officially moving away to school. eren’s hands squeeze your shoulder blades as your body shakes in his arms, tears streaming down your face. eren remained as stoic as possible for you, a few tears of his own threatened to leave his eyes. eren would be leaving shortly after you to do a small tour around the country to perform songs off of his latest ep. “it’s gonna be okay baby, we’re gonna call every night remember? no matter where i am or what the time zone is… i’m gonna call,” he consoled you as he kissed the top of your head. “p-promise? you won’t forget about me?” your body racked with tears. to eren it was a spontaneous question that you had just asked in the heat of the moment, but to you the question had been lingering on your mind ever since eren signed his record deal. you truly hoped he wouldn’t forget about you. “don’t be ridiculous baby, i could never forget to call you,” eren said through a small laugh. yeah, but will you forget about me? you thought.

rockstar!eren who slowly drifts from you in your first year apart. you had declared a major, guess what it was? fucking business. c’mon, it was an open field and not too hard to break into! eren had grown exponentially in popularity, the music industry hadn’t seen an artist top the charts so quickly in years. his instagram was flooded with pictures of red carpets, world tours, and other celebrities, while the pictures of his hometown, you, and his best friends quickly moved to the bottom of his page. you and eren were still together— well, it was complicated. you were still together physically, but the romance between you two was fizzling. it’s not like you two didn’t fight hard to stay alive because you did. eren still showered you with gifts on valentine’s day while you still attended a majority of his shows. you were the one healthy thing that he hung onto, and it looked good for the press, eren’s pr manager would say.

rockstar!eren who showed up to your childhood bedroom on a random wednesday night a year later. you were visiting home from school and eren wanted to surprise you, to you know, keep the relationship spontaneous. you were clad in nothing but your sleep shirt, which was actually eren’s old rolling stones t-shirt, as he pushed past your bedroom door and laid on your bed like it wasn’t weird at all. the two of you hadn’t been in either of your childhood bedrooms together in nearly two years now. “god it hasn’t fucking changed a bit has it?” eren said matter-of-factly. you looked around, your boy band posters were still on the walls that were painted hot pink. “no i guess it hasn’t… eren, what are you doing here?” he looked at you questioningly, “what? i can’t visit my girlfriend?” he scoffed. your heart tinged at the name he called you, “you haven’t called me that in a while ‘ren…” he hummed as he flipped through an old issue of j-14 magazine, “and you haven’t called me ‘ren in a while… guess we’re both trying to hang onto something that’s slipping away,” his sentence faded off into a whisper. you climbed under the covers with him, you didn’t know what he was planning on doing with you tonight, and truthfully neither did eren. but what he did know was that he wanted to hold you, just to see if you two still felt that spark that was there when you handed him that pencil years ago. so eren reached over your body and turned off your bedside lamp as he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling your back into his chest. you inhaled sharply as a tear rolled down your cheek, in no way were you ready to reignite old feelings for your first love.

rockstar!eren who fucked you into your neon floral bedsheets an hour later, your fingers gripping at the tacky cotton, forgetting why he was even with you in your childhood bedroom in the first place. his hand covered your mouth while he thrusted into you, silencing your rowdy moans. your hands were laced through his hair as you pulled him into you, you couldn’t even care about getting off, you just wanted to feel close to him again. his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat as he filled you up for the first time in a while, his head tucked into your neck. eren held your hips down while his moved faster, desperately drilling into your tight walls, feeling himself getting close. he didn’t even notice that you were silently crying underneath him, god, you just missed him so much. how many girls has he fucked around the world while his memories of you fled his mind completely? eren used to write songs about you, now you felt like a figment of his imagination. you were desperate to please him, to show him how good you could be for him, to bring him back to you. you laid in your twin-sized bed limp, letting him take what he needed from you. am i doing good for you baby? you thought. your tears puddled around where his hand met your mouth while you quietly gasped and sniffled, squeezing your eyes shut to try to blink them away. “ah-ah-ah fuck! i’m gonna cum baby, i’m gonna cum,” eren frantically moved in and out of you, his tip just reaching your cervix as you squealed into his hand at the slight pain. he pulled himself out of you and fervently jerked himself off, white ropes of his cum lacing across your stomach. eren collapsed beside you, quickly returning to your previous position of him spooning you with his arm wrapped around your waist. you felt his deep breaths against your neck as he kissed it softly. no, the sparks weren’t there. “did you cum?” he asked lazily, immediately dozing off into a light snore. you stared straight ahead into the darkness of your room as a single tear rolled down your cheek, “yes eren, i came,” you whispered though you knew he was far too deep into sleep to even hear you. you didn’t cum, the only thing you received was confirmation that what you and eren had wasn’t the same as what it used to be.

rockstar!eren who inhales sharply, a line of cocaine disappearing up his nose. he set another one up with his credit card, his numb fingers fumbling with the piece of shitty plastic. he tapped the card lightly on the mock marble countertops of your bathroom. “e-eren?” you called out to him as you leaned through the doorway, a hand coming up to rub at your sleepy eyes. “shit,” he mumbles, he thought he had locked the door. your body rustled out of its slumber when you had heard eren coughing, seeing the sliver of yellow light peak from under your bathroom door. when you opened it what you saw broke you completely. “eren? what the fuck is that?” eren quickly wiped all of his crap off the counter and searched his pockets to flush the last baggie of coke down the toilet. “it’s fucking nothing, god, do you fucking knock?” he seethed through slow lips. “n-no, don’t you fucking dare—“ you cut him off, plunging your hand into the toilet bowl before he could flush the evidence away. you scoffed at what you held in your hand, “so this is it huh? you become a big, bad rockstar and now you’re doing fucking crack?” your voice shook, tears pricking at your eyes for the umpteenth time. “you— you go, you leave me… everyone that cares about you… and this is the kind of shit you’re choosing over the people that fucking love you?!” you forced your screams to come out in a whisper, not wanting to wake your parents. “over me… i love you… loved you eren, i loved you,” you quickly corrected yourself, not prepared to get your heart broken for the third time that night. “i’m sorry, are you my fucking mother? you have no respect for my privacy,” eren spat at you with his eyes glazed over and pupils dilated. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing as you pushed into eren, his back crashing into the tiled wall. “your privacy? eren… you showed up at my bedroom in the middle of the fucking night… fucked me… and now you’re doing lines of coke in my fucking bathroom… so please, shut the fuck up!” you broke, finally screaming at eren while you took the thing closest to you, a bottle of shampoo, and chucked it at his head in a fit of blind rage. eren lost his balance and held onto the sink for support, his body one line away from no longer being autonomous. hysteria is what you felt in that moment, the walls of the bathroom were closing in on you as your vision blurred with ravenous tears, “what the fuck happened to you?” you cried, stumbling into his chest and punching into it repeatedly. “what. the fuck. happened. to you?!” you screamed again in between punches, eren grabbed your wrists and held them tightly against his chest as you fell to your knees below him. “please calm down,” he muttered emotionless and cold, “i can’t deal with this right now.”

rockstar!eren who didn’t call or text you for 4 months since that night. he walked down the steps of your house and to your front door, completely ignoring your parents that were sat wide awake in the living room, eavesdropping on the commotion upstairs, eren opened the door and you never saw him again. eren was embarrassed, much too high to give a fuck, but embarrassed nonetheless. for 4 months you called him, for 4 months you texted him.

sent january 21st

—eren i don’t give a fuck if you’re mad at me, just tell me that you’re okay.

sent february 24th

—eren please, just a yes or no and then i’ll never bother you again. are you okay?

sent march 15th

—i don’t even know what to say, i didn’t think i was asking for a lot. but if you really can’t answer then i’ll stop. no use in being another unimportant notification.

sent april 6th

—but i’m sorry, i don’t know what i’m apologizing for… caring about you?

—and you know what, i do love you eren.

…

—i still fucking love you, you did crack on the same countertop we drew on with permanent markers when we were five, and i still love you. do you realize that? i hope you’re doing better, with someone better.

sent april 12th

—i’m sorry. come to my show tomorrow.

—i’ll send a car to your house.

—please just come.

rockstar!eren who showers you in luxuries one last time. he sends a limo to your house and gets you a room at his hotel with a view that overlooked all of los angeles. eren, who told you he couldn’t wait to see you tonight. eren, who came to your room with a diamond necklace and a handwritten apology to you. “wear this tonight,” he said. he always had a way with words, but he was also an incredible fucking liar. eren, who told you he loved you in false confidence. you, stupid you. stupid… stupid you. you let yourself believe him, not because you actually did, but because you ached for things to work out so badly. you wanted to brush the last four months, the last two years, under the rug, and just be with eren again the way it used to be. so you kissed him, and then you wrapped your arms around him, and then you let him carry you to the king-sized bed, and then you let him fuck you in the diamond necklace he bought you as the los angeles skyline watched. he rammed inside of you mercilessly, your poor cunt aching against his cold, hardened thrusts. you held his face in your hands, looking at the beautiful face that loved to break you so badly. you wondered if he knew how much he hurt you. you cried again, this time eren saw you, and he promised he’d be good to you. “it won’t happen again baby, i’ll be good… ah— fuck i’m cumming!” eren released inside of you, hands groping at your breasts as he took the necklace between his teeth and kissed you, the gold hardware tucked in the middle of your connected lips. “did you-did you cum baby?” he kissed you aggressively and sloppily. “yes eren, i came,” you deadpanned him, not an ounce of emotion in your face. eren heaved on top of you, sweat adorning his collarbones. “i’ll see you tonight yeah? i’ll have security save you a spot in the front row.”

rockstar!eren who fucked another girl just an hour later. you only wanted to wish him luck before his show, after all it was the first one that you’d be seeing in nearly a year. you knocked on the door to eren’s dressing room, though you knew you two were pushing it, you still did yourself up nice. you put on a pretty red lipstick, and donned a sweet white slip dress, a perfect angel to eren’s devil. you made sure the necklace sat right on your neck, adjusting it as your fingers nimbly played with the metal. you hear people stumbling on the other side of the door, a series of shit’s, and you gotta leave’s, coming from your boyfriends mouth. you nervously shuffled around in your spot, your head telling you to get the fuck out of that hallway and not let him humiliate you anymore, while your heart told you to stay, maybe you were just fabricating things out of anxiety. you felt a slew of tears coming in as you heard a woman’s voice come from inside the room. leave, your head said, just see what happens, said your heart. this was really fucking happening. you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep this fantasy up forever, but for barely an hour? your tears grew livid when you heard heard eren usher the girl out through another exit, your ear now pressed against the door, balling your hand up into a fist as the rubber band inside of you snapped, slamming on the cold mahogany with no patience. you were at your wit’s end after years of walking on eggshells and being an accessory to this new eren, corrupted by a life of money and luxury. you couldn’t be more tired as you screamed with everything that you had left, hear me eren, i’m so tired of this, your thoughts festered.

“eren!”

“eren open this goddamn door!”

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