#the nuances of parasocial relationships lol

[gobackimhaunted]

Why hasnt Taylor said ANYTHING

I really don’t know :/ I’ve seen theories that she’s tied up legally or doesn’t want to risk Ticketmaster retaliating but I think it would mean a lot to the fans if she said anything at all..no acknowledgment when so many people are heartbroken feels shitty

[griem]

ijbol idk man releasing screenshots of very polarizing things said in a private discord server between friends in a public "callout" post is #the most #tumblrific thing ive ever seen LOL.

#opinion 😱 in tags

[reallyhardy]

Sorry what’s up w the Ethan slater stuff? I know him only from your posts / SpongeBob stuff

HI HELLO please buckle in

yep -- the same guy from the spongebob musical, and my posts abut the spongebob musical.

he blew up completely and now the general public knows him as 'ariana grande's new boyfriend' - their relationship seems to have started off the back of co-starring in the upcoming wicked musical film adaptation.

it's just been like. a monkey's paw curling sort of a way for him to get catapulted to fame, as i had always really enjoyed him as a performer (as spongebob, yes, but also in the other roles i'd seen him in,) and my biggest hope back around 2017 was that he would continue in and be really successful in theatre, get a lot of broadway roles, maybe take on some existing parts i thought he'd really suit, like seymour in little shop or ogie in waitress.......... but instead he booked the role of boq from wicked in a massive hollywood film production instead, where he met ariana grande. THE ariana grande.

and then yeah. at some point, he and grande broke up with their respective partners, (slater leaving both his wife AND newborn son) jumped into a new relationship, and now the whole wider internet knows who he is but certainly not for the right reasons.

there's been speculation regarding whether or not grande and slater had cheated on their previous partners before their relationship began with various sources coming out of the woodwork saying "yes they did" and others saying "no they didn't" -- humans are all perfectly capable of making stuff up, the media especially, so i simply don't know who to trust and i admit it had completely shattered my whole good impression of him - PLUS it gave the wider internet an absolutely awful first impression of him, resulting in, yeah, the (frankly, unflattering, sometimes downright cruel) memes of him popping up on twitter and, as i discovered yesterday, in non-theatre youtubers' videos who would literally never have heard of him if not for the slater-grande romance 🥲

FULL COVERAGE of the situation as it was happening can all be found on the lovely @notasimpleslater's blog under the tag 'ozgate' if you want to delve deeper!

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

[passiveagressivepoet]

reason number 992847326373 i love my current therapist is she helped me figure out a while ago that it’s not parasocialism (<- is that a word? that should be a word) i feel, celebrities and fan/internet culture are just one of my special interests

her phrasing it as “well you keep up with going ons like some people keep up with sports” really helped my brain figure itself out

[valeriianz]

For the fic writer asks:

4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES

5. Did you outline it?

7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?

25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share

omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!

4: Rambling about research!

do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?

man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.

there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.

once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."

(it means "get ahead.")

the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.

5: Did you outline the fic?

(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)

i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.

but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!

7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?

i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.

25: Share your favorite line

oh god, i have so many haha.

“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao

“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4

"His majesty is pleased." ch.5

“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7

“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11

“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11

“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14

26: Share your favorite detail

how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.

Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).

Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3

Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao

and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.

27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story

i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:

Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.

this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).

all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.

Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.

Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.

as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).

also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”

fic writer asks

[kanmom51]

Hi! I've been following your blog for a while. As a longtime ARMY and someone who (wants to) believe that jikook is real, your posts never fail to give me the flutters.

Did you get a chance to see Jimin's choreography practice sketch yet? (spoiler: jk shows up hehe)

Whenever I see jikook interacting (and especially in recent years), it always feels and looks like it should be something kept private. Idk. I'm parasocializing third-wheeling lmao. The way they can't stop smiling at each other. The way their hands reach for each other like second nature. The way jk speaks to jm; I know little about the nuances of korean informal/formal language, but even then their tones are what make the difference to me. Language barrier or not, it's hard to miss how jk speaks to jm, which is so different from how he speaks to the other members. And all this, out of a less than 1-min interaction between the two (maybe I'm also projecting lol)

Ever since jk's suchwita live, I've plunged neck deep in jikook feels. Jk didn't have to make a live centered around jm, but he did. He didn't have to watch 2 diff versions of set me free pt 2, nor watch the bts teasing jm compilation, all in front of us; but he did. He did, and it's been wreaking havoc on my heart ever since. That must mean something, because jk doesn't do this for the other members. It goes beyond fanservice because as you already mentioned, he wasn't paying much attention to ARMY during the live. We weren't the focus; jm was.

I'm not delusional - at least, I don't want to be delusional. I've said this to myself many times since 2015. I enjoyed their dynamic together, but as time went on, the dynamic began to shift. Each year it became less funny and more real. Certain moments, like hickey gate and rosebowl, seemed straight out of fantasy. And even looking beyond them, the reactions of the other members are also very telling.

I don't remember why I wrote this anymore lol. I'm just glad I don't seem to be alone in thinking they're real. And thank you for your hardwork and content! I always enjoy reading your thoughts on our favourite black and white + sun and moon + 5813 + you-are-me-i-am-you couple💜🌙☀

@theblindjassassin I do apologize for taking such a long time to get back to you. But I didn't forget you.

Everything you wrote is just IT.

You are not delusional. We here, us, are not delusional.

Those parts of the fandom that love calling us that, they are either colour blind (can't see the rainbow), or delusional themselves wishing upon a non existent romantic relationship between either JK or JM and another member (never happened, ain't happening, and ain't ever going to happen).

I'm happy you did put your thoughts to paper, so to speak, because it's lovely to read these kind of posts every once in a while, helps us refocus, remember, reminiscence.

[suenitos]

There’s not a creator out there who tried to be more understanding and accepting of their community the way Dream did. AHHHHHHHHHH he’s held to such stupid standard in comparison to other ccs

I think dream is a lot more open minded to the fan side of content creation because he comes from such a unique place re: fan cultures, the time he blew up, his personal growth, etc. a lot of content creators don’t know how to even approach conversations on controversy or sharing vulnerability to viewers in the very honest and direct way dream has and I think it kinda threatens people in how dedicated his fanbase is to defending him while at the same time being a touch too hypercritical of every move he makes, to the point the fandom worries more about the anti response to what he does rather than if the thing he does is actually harmful. there’s a lot of conversations we could have on the ways stan culture works (or doesn’t work to put it another way lol) or healthy parasocial relationships because I think the dominant conversation on “parasocial relationships” hinges too heavily on how inherently harmful it is to be attached to people you don’t know irl on the internet and power relations between cc and audience that’s more focused on the audience side. I definitely agree that he’s held to such an insane standard than other ccs, even his friends, and a lot of that comes from a large place of misunderstanding and preconceived biases about the type of people dream and his fanbase are. however I think there’s a more nuanced conversation to be had about a lot of this including the ways fans have set him up either unintentionally or not. dream is a rare kind of guy and an even rarer type of content creator. I think him unfollowing stans specifically is a net positive even though I will miss my parasocial best friend who FaceTimes on the weekends 😿 and I will always love and respect the way he always tries to understand where we’re coming from no matter how weird or cringe it could be to some other cc. :’) his urge to actually understand and grow and change is what makes him different from a lot of people and I will always adore him for that CRIES

[raytorosaurus]

maybe this is a 'hot take' for which i apologize but. i feel like fanart is a big aspect of this too- how different even is it to make 'rpf' of gerards stage characters as opposed to fanart of it. it's essentially only a different medium. keeping it separate from gerard (Person In Reality Who Has A Life) outside of (character he made up to have fun with) can also easily be an invitation for fans to have fun with it too. which is why a healthy relationship with it can and does bring good things. in theory i mean. ive never seen an mcr fanfic i really liked but :p

yeah i see what you mean, it's one of the reasons that the step from tumblr (or twitter) fandom to the ao3 tag feels like. quite an arbitrary place to draw the line? as if the same thoughts and behaviours are fine right up into they're intentionally put to prose - but images or even comics are okay, textposts discussing their emotions and states of mind as extrapolated from live shows or song lyrics, putting research into constructing timelines of their lives or compiling facts about them as people - even writing (sometimes quite detailed) sexually explicit posts/tags about them is common around here. i do a lot of these things too - i'm not saying they're inherently wrong or bad - but i genuinely don't see how they're any less prone to being disrespectful or invasive or comically removed from reality than a writer putting them in a situation lol. they all involve some level of assumption, scrutiny, and interpretation.

there are definitely valid arguments to make against engaging with rpf in a fandom sense! i totally respect that, and it's something i felt kind of ashamed/guilty about when i first got into mcr, so i understand the reservations. it's just that...the way i see it, i truly think those arguments just as reasonably apply to so much of what happens in any fandom involving real people. behaviours that are extremely common and far from unique to the online fan spaces of today, to the point where avoiding them is a more conscious decision than engaging in them. i respect if people do make that choice, but...that isn't any of us who are running mcr fanblogs yk? haha.

anyway yeah. i agree with you anon, i reckon most people's definition of what does and doesn't entail rpf is just a lot narrower than the reality. there's a lot of extremely beautiful, highly-skilled emotive fanart out there, for which i'm so appreciative! i 100% don't mean it as an insult when i say those often a different kind of rpf. so are the emotive posts about how much this tour means to all the guys, how happy they are, how much they love each other and how they're all friends. i'm not saying these things are untrue, i'm just saying they absolutely don't paint an unbiased holistic picture of real human beings and their genuine emotional states hahaha. neither does fanfiction. and i just think it's impossible to not realise that if you're engaging with fanfic in any kind of thoughtful way, as opposed to reblogging textposts about them on tumblr that also project a lot onto them, yk?

and okay. i also think "the bible/succession/velvet goldmine etc etc is rpf too! shakespeare wrote rpf!" is equally as reductive as "rpf is when fangirls write about band members boning each other." as always, there's just so much more nuance there. what does and doesn't make rpf is a lot more about intent, and if you're parasocially attached to these people as deeply as we all are, most of us just share that same intent. and from what i've seen (though in fairness this is the first real person fandom i've been in, and i only really talk to other adults) it tends to be the people actively engaging with fanfic who are a better at accepting how much of fandom is pure projection and assumption based on very limited information. and that acceptance is a huge part of having a healthier relationship with celebrities/bands/bandom (along with the conscious acknowledgement that these people don't owe us anything at all besides the shows we bought tickets for - least of all insight into their personal lives or private thoughts.)

like genuinely? free your minds. we're all making shit up based on the little parts we see, i think it's healthier and more fun to openly accept that. who cares what's real when we can talk about things in terms of narratives and arcs and metaphors - none of which truly exist in real life, which is infinitely complex and individual and messy. or, more precisely, who cares what's real as long as you know what isn't! and keep that stuff far far away from the real human people involved in the band.

[banavalope]

Thanks for replying. Not trying to be confrontational, I asked because I cultivate my online presence very specifically and want to nip that shit in the bud whenever I see it. Don’t really have the patience to deal with the intricacies of that or whatever, again why I asked straight to the point. And I can’t really read your about from mobile, don’t have any way to see that beforehand.

Completely understandable; I actually hadn't considered the accessibility of my blog on mobile so that's good information. I need to revamp it anyway.

And yeah I get that! I don't know you, absolutely zero concept as to what your life is like or even your age, but regardless I feel that everyone should carefully curate their online experience. We live in a fucking hellscape where there are no safe spaces for specifically adults to be away from minors, and vice versa, so you're being left with no choice.

The issue I take with trying to put people into boxes like "proship" and "anti" is just that though, I feel like it puts all the responsibility on art and chooses to end the conversation there. The least of my concerns are the kind of art people draw or the ships they have, what I'm concerned about is if they're entering fandom spaces with the specific intent of preying on anyone - in this case minors, but it can be anybody. Some people will do that, some people even go the extra mile and weaponize the parasocial relationships they form with their fans. It's not a tried and true formula, though.

No one should have to doubt my intentions solely by art or interest - of which are all very banal and far separated from what online defines as being proship, I guess I should note that in here to ensure my words aren't misconstrued. I shouldn't have to explain that to anyone based on a single reblogged post; I shouldn't have to detail out my history working in child care, dealing with victims of child abuse, and that being the cause of my having to quit because it was starting to make me so angry and hateful that there was nothing I could do, just to ensure people KNOW despite everything that I'm not a secret stealth threat, but online spaces have been curated in such a way by capitalism and influencer culture, the exposure of so many beloved creators as having abused their child audiences, what else can you do? What else are we left to do? I would think more than we're currently doing, or we'll be running in circles.

But those nuances are my responsibility to think about, I'm 31 after all.

I appreciate you being cordial. You allowed room for a conversation on the matter at the very least, and I appreciate that.

To whoever the anon was in my inbox that called me a cunt tho, lol.

[fuchsiamae]

Glad to know you’re alive and writing!

For context you were kind of my first online parasocial relationship, I posted cringe in your anon asks as a tween (I honestly hope you don’t remember me from that time lol), and your posts helped me develop an understanding of nuance and critical consumption of media at a young age before I could fall in with anti-nuance crowds one way or the other which I will forever be grateful for. Anyway now I’m 20 and trans and even though Portal is no longer my special interest I’ve been occasionally wondering what happened to you

I'm so glad the Kids are Alright

sending love from android hell

and @ every internet friend and acquaintance I've ever lost touch with over the last 10+ years (jesus christ time should be illegal), I still think about you guys and I hope you're doing ok. I'm doing ok!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

HI? oh my god, i can't believe you're back. I was so sad when you left back in march and i used to check from time to time to see if you decided to return which you did and i didn't notice until now because i took a break from social media and i deleted the tumblr app from my phone which leads me to the point of this whole rambling/ask i'm sending; so i was going through some of the questions you answered and i was surprised with your experience with the fandon while you were away because i had the same exact experience a month ago....everything you mentioned resonates a lot with me because i felt the exact same things, the hating it and hating how attached i became and how much it affected my emotions. It's so insane because i did the same thing as you, except i, not only unfollowed the fandom related accounts but deactivated my whole twitter account, then deleted twitter from my phone and tumblr too, because the discourse was too much for me and then i decided that i wanted to go back to my old hobbies, to other things, i needed something different because it was too much.

Anyways, this is me just rambling and i wanted to share because i'm going through the same thing. As you can see i came back because same as you, i can't find a balance to it all or a solution yet and maybe there's not point of telling you this because i have not find an answer yet and all of this is to say that i share your sentiment? and i wonder if more people go through the same thing and maybe it's more normal than we think.

It feels so stupid when you put it into perspective but at the same time it affects me and my feelings? i don't know, it's so weird but it's a real addiction, i'm really trying to get better at it and trying to handle my emotions and not react to discourse. Trying to enjoy the fun parts and ignore all the negative stuff.

I hope you can get the solutions and get there in a more healthy way faster than me!! lol, i'm SO glad you're back!!! i really love reading your opinions about everything.

Hey anon, sorry it took me a bit longer to answer your ask.

I'm glad you wanted to share your experience. I do think it's important to talk about having this love/hate, hot and cold relationship with the fandom and how complicated it can get. It's a form of emotional attachment that can take many shapes or becomes the focus of something really specific. In my case, I know it gets to me when I read really mean spirited things about Jimin. Or when I see active attempts at dismissing everything that JM and JK do together. As much as I'm aware that they are ridiculous, I'm not indifferent. And those are usually the times in which I tend to run away from it, take a break. I didn't deactivate twitter like you, but my tendency was to log out of tumblr, I felt that was the place I was usually coming back to.

I don't think there's some magic solution to this. As much as there are factual bad things happening and legitimate reasons to get angry or frustrated, these sort of reactions and having a parasocial relationship (which is quite nuanced) is most likely a symptom. Of what? Things from our own life and unresolved issues. Perhaps emotional distress. There's plenty of reasons. Being involved in a fandom or just reading tweets and blog posts and looking up videos on yt is a nice form of escapism. It's not wrong to have that. We all find things to entertain or distract us. For some it can be a fandom. But it doesn't mean it shouldn't be investigated or at least not questioned. For our own sake. Talking about it is fine. It doesn't matter how uncool it is. It's so much harder to admit that there is a problem, instead of acting like we're all very stable and completely regular folks and everything we talk about here and the content we consume has no emotional bearing on us. I find that hard to believe.

[gaypiratebrainrot]

I love reading the discussions around water flowing underground. While I don’t have a problem with rpf in general, it’s not my cup of tea. I usually actively distance myself from actors, I don’t like watching interviews and feel uncomfortable with the hero worship and weird relationship fans develop with the actors (coming up in the SPN fandom will do that to you). Plus I’m just not in the headspace right now for stories without happy endings. All of which is to say, I know I’m not going to read this story right now, but I’m fascinated by the conversation and meta around it. The way people are receiving and engaging with it is really interesting to read, and I’m learning so much about others’ relationships to rpf, ideas about meta-commentary, and more. So thanks for sparking this conversation!

hi! thank you so much for this message!! it's great to hear that the fic has a wider reach than its readership--it does appear to have also contributed to at least a bit of a tone shift on ofmd twitter, which is wild. my condolences for your time in the SPN fandom, i came up in sherlock, so we are superwholock breathern in uncomfortably parasocial fandoms.

i have no interest in interacting with the actors in any way (unless taika wants to hire me to write lol hmu) but i am a very, very obsessive person with a lifelong habit of making imaginary friends out of both fictional characters and real people, imaginary friends who become VERY REAL to me. so, like, i get the impulse to be much, much weirder about these dudes than i am? i have also had an excessive amount of therapy lmao.

all of which is to say, i'm glad to be wrestling with all this in the open, and promoting discussion about the more uncomfortable parts of the relationship between fandom and celebrity. and i'm so psyched it's been so honest and nuanced!!! on here. not on twitter. good lord, not on twitter. ahahahaa. <3

[im-suchanicegirl]

for sure cause i didnt know that there are levels of parasocial relationships before that lesson

there's entertainment-social which is where the general population sit, you keep up with them for entertainment purposes so that's like you said with the listening to the music, going to gigs etc, like that's the parasocial relationship EVERYONE experiences and no one realises that's what it is bc it's just normal media consumption

Intense-personal is where you start to have a more personal attachment to them, you relate to them more, learn more about their personality and mimic some of their behaviour etc, it's basically most fan spaces, you think about it, share information, idolise them etc lol

Borderline pathological is the one most commonly pictured and associated with the term parasocial relationships! It includes attention seeking behaviour like stalking and other illegal things, big gestures like idk getting their face tattooed, spending insane amounts on things associated with them and they often believe if they meet, their adoration will be reciprocated/appreciated.

So yeah, everyone has parasocial relationships, yall don't need to worry until your thoughts start becoming obsessive 😭 (and by obsessive I don't mean frequent, I mean every second of every day, like you can't physically think of anything else even your normal stuff like eating)

This is so interesting, I love it!!

My only issue is that it doesn’t seem to take into consideration nuances. Like for example i believe im in the ‘intense personal’ category, but I do find some of my actions in the borderline pathological. Traveling to see show is a very expensive hobby that is fun, but am I borderline pathological for it? That’s the danger with the armchair diagnosis you see in fanbases sometimes. The lack of nuances.

It’s so complicated and so many details, now i wanna go back to university and get into my psychosocial intervention degree😅 i miss school!

[nerdepic]

i stopped saying shit like ‘all mutuals r my friends!’ type shit bc if im honest i can be mutuals w sm1 and not even know. plus idk anything abt my moots and if weve never interacted past hitting follow back then they dont know shit abt me either.

i went from being in the SU community to hlvrai so gained a couple of mutuals who r literal children and im Not friends w minors. they r my acquaintances and it doesnt go beyond that. maybe we’ll exchange the occasional message and im never a jerk but i wouldnt consider them friends.

i feel like a lot of adults online need to kinda adopt a similar attitude. if ur an adult in a comm full of weans and u actively try to befriend and moot all of em and be a ‘guide’ for them, ur weird as hell lol. get some pals ur own age. 

[yeetlegay]

Hii. I just want to ask you a question as I like your answers and a welcome blog. How do you keep the differentiation between loving Kinn Porsche on screen and not going there hoping they're together in real life as their chemistry is amazing? I think we'd be too lucky if they were together in real life unfortunately :/

Glad to have you!

As to your question, to put it bluntly anon, I mind my business lol. Actors are professionals and deserve to be treated as such. I love that Mile and Apo seem to be close and enjoy each other’s company, but I don’t follow their personal lives at all beyond the occasional funny anecdotes I see, like how loaded Mile is lol.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to do that at all. I guess having spent a fair chunk of my undergrad years studying parasocial relationships and the commodification of celebrity bodies, I have a healthy fear of engaging in actors outside of their work. I don’t even follow them on social media for the most part, and I’ve only sat down and properly watched maybe two interviews in full with the Kinnporsche cast. Mostly I just see little clips here and there, and sometimes I get asks or DMs about specific interviews or behind the scenes and I’ll go check them out.

So for me it’s pretty easy to just, like, not step into that shippy territory. Again, I’m not saying it’s an inherently bad thing to do. Having written a fair amount about this in an academic setting (although it’s been years now lol), I know how nuanced this is and why people do get invested in celebrity relationships, especially when they’re “queer” (as in shipping two men, two women, etc). To an extent, it’s a natural response to very intentional marketing strategies and the inherent ways in which capitalism makes products of public figures. There’s no way, in almost any present-day society, to make art without being seen as part of it, an extension of it.

Would it be super cool to find out two actors from a show/movie you loved were dating? I mean, yeah! I think the sheer volume of fanfic with this trope speaks for itself lol. And it’s not like it doesn’t happen. Tons of celebrity couples started off as co-stars and fell in love on set. It makes for a good story.

That said, there’s boundaries here, and it’s always a good and healthy thing to analyze how you engage with celebrities and fandom to make sure you’re not contributing to harmful fan behavior or making the actors/singers/whoever uncomfortable. They’re people before they’re anything else, and they deserve respect and privacy just like anyone else does. 💖