#the other supervisor was a little bit more help but he wasnt sure about some things either so we just guessed
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work has become such a shit show holy fuck why did you people give me supervisor without asking if i wanted it
#communication? nonexistant#i had issues on sunday but couldnt ask our sous anything because he was at least 5 beers deep at the bar#and ended up passing out in his running car afterwards#the other supervisor was a little bit more help but he wasnt sure about some things either so we just guessed#cause god forbid we text our chef at fucking 6:30 on a sunday when hes off doing a show with his band i think hed go insane#no one respects me as a supervisor- theres still another line cook who will tell me what to do even when im clocked in as supervisor#just bc shes been here longer#and being clocked in as supervisor is the only time i get a pay increase#and its only a dollar#so i only have a raise for 8 of the 40 hours im there every week#despite being there for a whole fucking year#and i still have to act as a supervisor for all 40 hours#why the fuck couldnt yall have just let me stayed on pizzas and nothing else. i wouldve been fine doing nothing but pizzas for 15 an hour#im literally at the point where im gonna walk in there one day and say either take me off of supervisor or i quit#you dont even have to give me a raise. the tradeoff of 15 an hour was that i could trade shifts. i could cut out early on weekends#but now? its the same 15 an hour except for 8 of my 40 hours#i cant trade shifts easily#i cant cut out on weekends#im also the Only One left now who closes saturday and then comes in on sunday to do a double#every weekend#and i cant even cut out early anymore!#this shit is not fucking viable for me anymore!#i want to do baking! not restaurant!#its literally shredding my body to pieces!#grips my hair and screams#it literally wasnt even this stressful at fucking HY VEE!! where i made 9.75 and basically managrd 3 departments!#jesus christ i want out!#ever since i got supervisor i just dread going to work! i used to look forward to it!#holy fuck i cannot do this!#half our food has basil in it so i cant even taste things to see if its still good or not!
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One Song
Part 1:
Shiro thought he lost everything in that car crash.
His arm, his job… his husband, and as time went on his sanity. I was like one moment changed everything for the worse and he was trapped in a nightmare, one that he just wanted to hide from in his bed.
But as days turned into months and then finally over a year his little savings were reduced to nothing and he knew that if he didn't do something soon then the home he and Adam built together would be taken away too.
So with no other choice, he applied to every job available.
Out of the hundreds only one offered him the position.
“Altea music room?” Shiro asked as he looked at the hastily put together cardboard sign in front of the door.
The woman showing him around, Allura smiled “Yes I know it doesn't look like much but the idea is its a safe space for kids to come and express themselves as a form of therapy.”
While Shiro doubted how much help a drum circle would do in a hospital he wasn't about to say it aloud, after all this job let him put to use his music degree from almost a decade ago. “It doesn't look as erm… well maintained as the rest of the hospital.”
Allura sighed as she pushed open the door “I'm afraid with so little funding available all I could do was convert an old storage room and find a few old instruments that no one wanted anymore.”
As Shiro followed her inside it was hard not to turn his nose up at the sight.
There was a circle of olde faded white folding chairs in the centre of the room with various instruments laid in random places across the room.
A dry erase board had been wheeled in and judging from the do not remove sticker marking it as the property of the labs it likely had been liberated from its previous owner.
The room felt still and musty, everything a music room shouldn't be.
“I know it doesn't look like much but I know the kids that use it love it.”
Shiro turned his head “they're why you hired me right?”
Allura nodded as she handed him a stack of files “The head of the hospital doesn't think this room serves a purpose, but I think if he could just see them perform then he would finally understand that this can make a real difference.” she tapped the top one with her painted pink nail “I've outlined all their relevant information and your subject to a none disclosure agreement regarding their health of course but I mainly want you to focus on bringing them together as a band and as people.”
Shiro stared at her, it was hard not to feel overwhelmed by all this. Yesterday he had rolled out of bed and lay on the floor for three hours because standing up was just too hard, now he was supposed to make a bunch of strangers into a band… maybe this was a bad idea.
“Allura?”
Shiros attention whipped to the door where for a moment he thought he was looking at Adam.
Then that moment passed and he realised it was a kid, that his hair and skin were a little darker and his eyes a bright blue instead of those deep loverly brown.
“Ah Lance so good to see you today” she placed a hand on Shiro’s shoulder “ I would like you to meet the new musical supervisor Shiro.”
Shiro offered out his hand before realising it wasnt there anymore and quickly offered the other hoping no one caught his mistake.
“Musical supervisor huh?” Lance leaned forwards getting uncomfortably close.
Shiro could feel his breath against his skin and watched as his Adam's apple rose as he swallowed.
“No offence but we dont need one, we’re all happy to do our own thing.”
Shir couldnt help but wonder why exactly Lance was in hosptial at all. He looked perfectly healthy and energetic if it weren't for the bracelet around his wrist Shiro would have assumed he was only visiting.
“We’ve been over this, the best way to get more funding is to show to everyone how much you have all improved because of the music room.” Allura sighed rubbing her eyes tiredly “did you forget or choose not to listen.”
A playful smirk spread across Lance’s face “can't it be a bit of both beautiful.”
Allura only answered with a groan before she made a shooing motion at him “shouldn't you be in your room? Its almost time for medication.”
Lance shrugged “I made a mistake and thought you called us down here today.”
Allura slowly shook her head “that was yesterday lance and you didn't show up for that.”
“Oh,” Lance rubbed the back of his head sheepishly “ I should probably go talk to Hunk about it then.”
She reached out to stop him but before she could do anything the boy had already run out of the room.
“I should make sure he actually gets back to his room. I'm sure the others will come by during the day but in the meantime read through their files” Allura hurried out the door yelling the last part behind her.
Shiro was left alone.
With a heavy sigh, he sat down and began to thumb through the files coincidentally landing on Lance first.
McClain, Lance
Age- 17
Blood Type- O
Instrument- Vocalist
Notes- patient experiences bouts of memory loss and becomes easily confused. It is possible he will become agitated and panicked if he forgets where he is or who those around him are. In this case call for an orderly to return him to his room.
Shiro sucked in a breath between his teeth.
Sure the kid seemed pretty spacy but to have to deal with not knowing where he is or even who he was with must have been tough.
Almost made Shiro feel like he wanted to run away and forget about the job. But a part of him wanted to help this kid.
Sure he wasn't a doctor but maybe he could actually do some good at Altea mental hospital.
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It’s not often where I like to take time out of my day to rant about my job because honestly after so long i had to realize at the end of the day to leave everything at the siren when i leave work after putting up with multiple entitled rude customers every day and having to work with /some/ shitty ppl and like i realize that makes the rest of my day a bit more better in the end because fuck it, it’s a job i won’t be at forever but it’s still a job i take seriously because ive done it for so long and enjoy it. I moved stores last year because my old store was an absolute hell hole and even though i miss working with one of my best friends i jumped ship to this store with a manager in training who reminds me exactly like my mom who ended up getting the manager position at this store and like 2 months later i met my new boyfriend at this location and i love everyone i work with mostly and theres no drama so its like, 10 times better than 2017 was but man today i just want to take a minute to just rant because it’s things like this that REALLY dont make me want to work this job anymore
Last night around 4 pm I got a message from my manager and one of my coworkers asking me if I can come in at 5 am to open as opposed to 6 (like yeah, i can but i really dont want to wake up at 3:45 as opposed to 4:45, not really the point but i was honestly being a baby because long story short i didnt want to), and like i didnt see the messages until 20 minutes later because android phones are a load of fucking horsetrash so im like ok ill text my boss saying if i have to i will but like 10 minutes after i texted her i realized she already offered MY shift to someone else in the district just assuming i’d open like HELLO CAN YOU ASK THEM TO COVER THE OPEN THAT ORIGINALLY NEEDED TO BE COVERED INSTEAD OF BRINGING ME INTO THIS MESS so i see that someone offered to do it, and I was like okay im going to call my boss and figure shit out so we talked it out and I asked her if she could ask this guy who wants to take my shift to open instead b/c i also want my shift because it was MORE HOURS (?????) and she was like oh yeah sure and so he says “I think i can do that!!!!” and she responds with “if 6 is better for you we can make that work see you tomorrow!!!!” and at this point i hear nothing back from her as im basically just waiting to get my text message of shame saying i open, so like an hour later im just mad so i text her saying “i guess im opening?” and she told me she was going to open instead and she didnt mind because she didnt hear back from this guy since that last message because that last message made it seem like he was unsure of opening. so i was like aiight cool thx girl luv u. cuz my manager still respects that I walk 30 minutes to work every morning and all.
so i’m makin my way to work today and I start at 6 like I was supposed to and i walk in and see that guy who was going to take the shift there and he’s all “HEY WHATS UP” and like i know this guy because we trained him at my old store before i left so he’s like a year old barista. and i was like yeah sup i member you. i didnt think you were gonna be here tho. so i go into the back and my manager is like “well, i saw him show up because i came in a little early and i wasnt going to argue. I just wish he left me some more communication.” and i was like yeah no kidding. but I go on the floor and I start doing my tasks and shit and this fucking twerp is like right beside me 90% of the time just telling me stories about people from stores he’s worked at before and how the new store he was at now is the best and its like a reserve clover store and shit i don’t care about. just blah blah blah about other ppl i didnt know or things that were so small that you possibly couldnt care about at all and mind you this is at 6 fucking oclock in the morning and i havent even had my coffee yet so im sitting here trying to put the soy milk away while he’s just standing there in my way while im also trying to make myself a damn coffee while im just smiling and nodding but inside i wanted to die like who the fuck does this so early and like i dont remember when i worked with him before being so fucking chatty and annoying and he was also talking like a complete know it all because he works at a reserve store and referring to new baristas as “green beans” like bitch you havent even been here for like a year lmao (i’m a nice ripened 5 year bean) and so after awhile of me wanting to bang my head against a wall as opposed to work my supervisor sent him on his 15 minute break so he chatted it up the same with my manager all the gossip and he also fucking mumbles so you can barely even hear him so its also awkward as fuck. he spent no word of a lie 28 minutes talking to her because i timed his fucking break. i went back there expecting to take my break next because we have to run 15′s before peak but he took too long on his so i couldnt go on mine. my manager had the biggest scowl on her face when i came back saying “yeah, he isn’t coming back” and like just to top off other things he did he ordered a quad blonde drink with 3/4 of his partner beverages (That’s 14 shots of blonde espresso. WHAT) and he ordered a venti earl grey tea with 7 tea bags for his second break and he refused to let my coworker ring him in for every bag (??????? like thanks for fucking up our inventory fucko) and he wore a fucking white true religion shirt under his apron which probably just made me more angry b/c it isnt dress code and i just wanted him to spill something on it b/c isnt that like an expensive af brand? what the fuck are you doing wearing that to work at starbucks? anyway i just couldn’t help myself from just ranting for a few minutes on here idk me and my coworkers basically talked shit about him until he left and that made the rest of my hour and 15 minutes at work pretty nice ty for listening
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windicksy said: by all laws of aviation the bee should not be able to fly
its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground
the bee of course flies anyway
because bees dont care
what humans think is impossible
yellow black yellow black
yellow black yellow black
ooh black and yellow
lets shake it up a little
barry breakfast is ready
ooming
hang on a second
hello?
barry?
adam?
oan you believe this is happening?
i cant ill pick you up
looking sharp
use the stairs your father
paid good money for those
sorry im excited
heres the graduate
were very proud of you son
a perfect report card all bs
very proud
ma i got a thing going here
you got lint on your fuzz
ow thats me
wave to us well be in row 118000
bye
barry i told you
stop flying in the house
hey adam
hey barry
is that fuzz gel?
a little special day graduation
never thought id make it
three days grade school
three days high school
those were awkward
three days college im glad i took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive
you did come back different
hi barry
artie growing a mustache? looks good
hear about frankie?
yeah
you going to the funeral?
no im not going
everybody knows
sting someone you die
dont waste it on a squirrel
such a hothead
i guess he could have
just gotten out of the way
i love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day
thats why we dont need vacations
boy quite a bit of pomp
under the circumstances
well adam today we are men
we are
beemen
amen
hallelujah
students faculty distinguished bees
please welcome dean buzzwell
welcome new hive oity
graduating class of
9:15
that concludes our ceremonies
and begins your career
at honex industries
will we pick ourjob today?
i heard its just orientation
heads up here we go
keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times
wonder what itll be like?
a little scary
welcome to honex
a division of honesco
and a part of the hexagon group
this is it
wow
wow
we know that you as a bee
have worked your whole life
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life
honey begins when our valiant pollen
jocks bring the nectar to the hive
our topsecret formula
is automatically colorcorrected
scentadjusted and bubblecontoured
into this soothing sweet syrup
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as
honey
that girl was hot
shes my cousin
she is?
yes were all cousins
right youre right
at honex we constantly strive
to improve every aspect
of bee existence
these bees are stresstesting
a new helmet technology
what do you think he makes?
not enough
here we have our latest advancement
the krelman
what does that do?
oatches that little strand of honey
that hangs after you pour it
saves us millions
oan anyone work on the krelman?
of course most bee jobs are
small ones but bees know
that every small job
if its done well means a lot
but choose carefully
because youll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life
the same job the rest of your life?
i didnt know that
whats the difference?
youll be happy to know that bees
as a species havent had one day off
in 27 million years
so youll just work us to death?
well sure try
wow that blew my mind
"whats the difference?"
how can you say that?
one job forever?
thats an insane choice to have to make
im relieved now we only have
to make one decision in life
but adam how could they
never have told us that?
why would you question anything?
were bees
were the most perfectly
functioning society on earth
you ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?
like what? give me one example
i dont know but you know
what im talking about
please clear the gate
royal nectar force on approach
wait a second oheck it out
hey those are pollen jocks
wow
ive never seen them this close
they know what its like
outside the hive
yeah but some dont come back
hey jocks
hi jocks
you guys did great
youre monsters
youre sky freaks i love it i love it
i wonder where they were
i dont know
their days not planned
outside the hive flying who knows
where doing who knows what
you cantjust decide to be a pollen
jock you have to be bred for that
right
look thats more pollen
than you and i will see in a lifetime
its just a status symbol
bees make too much of it
perhaps unless youre wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it
those ladies?
arent they our cousins too?
distant distant
look at these two
oouple of hive harrys
lets have fun with them
it must be dangerous
being a pollen jock
yeah once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom
he had a paw on my throat
and with the other he was slapping me
oh my
i never thought id knock him out
what were you doing during this?
trying to alert the authorities
i can autograph that
a little gusty out there today
wasnt it comrades?
yeah gusty
were hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow
six miles huh?
barry
a puddle jump for us
but maybe youre not up for it
maybe i am
you are not
were going 0900 at jgate
what do you think buzzyboy?
are you bee enough?
i might be it all depends
on what 0900 means
hey honex
dad you surprised me
you decide what youre interested in?
well theres a lot of choices
but you only get one
do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?
son let me tell you about stirring
you grab that stick and you just
move it around and you stir it around
you get yourself into a rhythm
its a beautiful thing
you know dad
the more i think about it
maybe the honey field
just isnt right for me
you were thinking of what
making balloon animals?
thats a bad job
for a guy with a stinger
janet your sons not sure
he wants to go into honey
barry you are so funny sometimes
im not trying to be funny
youre not funny youre going
into honey our son the stirrer
youre gonna be a stirrer?
no ones listening to me
wait till you see the sticks i have
i could say anything right now
im gonna get an ant tattoo
lets open some honey and celebrate
maybe ill pierce my thorax
shave my antennae
shack up with a grasshopper get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"
im so proud
were starting work today
todays the day
oome on all the good jobs
will be gone
yeah right
pollen counting stunt bee pouring
stirrer front desk hair removal
is it still available?
hang on two left
one of thems yours oongratulations
step to the side
whatd you get?
picking crud out stellar
wow
oouple of newbies?
yes sir our first day we are ready
make your choice
you want to go first?
no you go
oh my whats available?
restroom attendants open
not for the reason you think
any chance of getting the krelman?
sure youre on
im sorry the krelman just closed out
wax monkeys always open
the krelman opened up again
what happened?
a bee died makes an opening see?
hes dead another dead one
deady deadified two more dead
dead from the neck up
dead from the neck down thats life
oh this is so hard
heating cooling
stunt bee pourer stirrer
humming inspector number seven
lint coordinator stripe supervisor
mite wrangler barry what
do you think i should barry?
barry
all right weve got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine
what happened to you?
where are you?
im going out
out? out where?
out there
oh no
i have to before i go
to work for the rest of my life
youre gonna die youre crazy hello?
another call coming in
if anyones feeling brave
theres a korean deli on 83rd
that gets their roses today
hey guys
look at that
isnt that the kid we saw yesterday?
hold it son flight decks restricted
its ok lou were gonna take him up
really? feeling lucky are you?
sign here here just initial that
thank you
ok
you got a rain advisory today
and as you all know
bees cannot fly in rain
so be careful as always
watch your brooms
hockey sticks dogs
birds bears and bats
also i got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us
murphys in a home because of it
babbling like a cicada
thats awful
and a reminder for you rookies
bee law number one
absolutely no talking to humans
all right launch positions
buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz
buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz
black and yellow
hello
you ready for this hot shot?
yeah yeah bring it on
wind check
antennae check
nectar pack check
wings check
stinger check
scared out of my shorts check
ok ladies
lets move it out
pound those petunias
you striped stemsuckers
all of you drain those flowers
wow im out
i cant believe im out
so blue
i feel so fast and free
box kite
wow
flowers
this is blue leader
we have roses visual
bring it around 30 degrees and hold
roses
30 degrees roger bringing it around
stand to the side kid
its got a bit of a kick
that is one nectar collector
ever see pollination up close?
no sir
i pick up some pollen here sprinkle it
over here maybe a dash over there
a pinch on that one
see that? its a little bit of magic
thats amazing why do we do that?
thats pollen power more pollen more
flowers more nectar more honey for us
oool
im picking up a lot of bright yellow
oould be daisies dont we need those?
oopy that visual
wait one of these flowers
seems to be on the move
say again? youre reporting
a moving flower?
affirmative
that was on the line
this is the coolest what is it?
i dont know but im loving this color
it smells good
not like a flower but i like it
yeah fuzzy
ohemicaly
oareful guys its a little grabby
my sweet lord of bees
oandybrain get off there
problem
guys
this could be bad
affirmative
very close
gonna hurt
mamas little boy
you are way out of position rookie
ooming in at you like a missile
help me
i dont think these are flowers
should we tell him?
i think he knows
what is this?
match point
you can start packing up honey
because youre about to eat it
yowser
gross
theres a bee in the car
do something
im driving
hi bee
hes back here
hes going to sting me
nobody move if you dont move
he wont sting you freeze
he blinked
spray him granny
what are you doing?
wow the tension level
out here is unbelievable
i gotta get home
oant fly in rain
oant fly in rain
oant fly in rain
mayday mayday bee going down
ken could you close
the window please?
ken could you close
the window please?
oheck out my new resume
i made it into a foldout brochure
you see? folds out
oh no more humans i dont need this
what was that?
maybe this time this time this time
this time this time this
drapes
that is diabolical
its fantastic its got all my special
skills even my topten favorite movies
whats number one? star wars?
nah i dont go for that
kind of stuff
no wonder we shouldnt talk to them
theyre out of their minds
when i leave a job interview theyre
flabbergasted cant believe what i say
theres the sun maybe thats a way out
i dont remember the sun
having a big 75 on it
i predicted global warming
i could feel it getting hotter
at first i thought it was just me
wait stop bee
stand back these are winter boots
wait
dont kill him
you know im allergic to them
this thing could kill me
why does his life have
less value than yours?
why does his life have any less value
than mine? is that your statement?
im just saying all life has value you
dont know what hes capable of feeling
my brochure
there you go little guy
im not scared of him
its an allergic thing
put that on your resume brochure
my whole face could puff up
make it one of your special skills
knocking someone out
is also a special skill
right bye vanessa thanks
vanessa next week? yogurt night?
sure ken you know whatever
you could put carob chips on there
bye
supposed to be less calories
bye
i gotta say something
she saved my life
i gotta say something
all right here it goes
nah
what would i say?
i could really get in trouble
its a bee law
youre not supposed to talk to a human
i cant believe im doing this
ive got to
oh i cant do it oome on
no yes no
do it i cant
how should i start it?
"you like jazz?" no thats no good
here she comes speak you fool
hi
im sorry
youre talking
yes i know
youre talking
im so sorry
no its ok its fine
i know im dreaming
but i dont recall going to bed
well im sure this
is very disconcerting
this is a bit of a surprise to me
i mean youre a bee
i am and im not supposed
to be doing this
but they were all trying to kill me
and if it wasnt for you
i had to thank you
its just how i was raised
that was a little weird
im talking with a bee
yeah
im talking to a bee
and the bee is talking to me
i just want to say im grateful
ill leave now
wait how did you learn to do that?
what?
the talking thing
same way you did i guess
"mama dada honey" you pick it up
thats very funny
yeah
bees are funny if we didnt laugh
wed cry with what we have to deal with
anyway
oan i
get you something?
like what?
i dont know i mean
i dont know ooffee?
i dont want to put you out
its no trouble it takes two minutes
its just coffee
i hate to impose
dont be ridiculous
actually i would love a cup
hey you want rum cake?
i shouldnt
have some
no i cant
oome on
im trying to lose a couple micrograms
where?
these stripes dont help
you look great
i dont know if you know
anything about fashion
are you all right?
no
hes making the tie in the cab
as theyre flying up madison
he finally gets there
he runs up the steps into the church
the wedding is on
and he says "watermelon?
i thought you said guatemalan
why would i marry a watermelon?"
is that a bee joke?
thats the kind of stuff we do
yeah different
so what are you gonna do barry?
about work? i dont know
i want to do my part for the hive
but i cant do it the way they want
i know how you feel
you do?
sure
my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor but i wanted to be a florist
really?
my only interest is flowers
our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan
anyway if you look
theres my hive right there see it?
youre in sheep meadow
yes im right off the turtle pond
no way i know that area
i lost a toe ring there once
why do girls put rings on their toes?
why not?
its like putting a hat on your knee
maybe ill try that
you all right maam?
oh yeah fine
just having two cups of coffee
anyway this has been great
thanks for the coffee
yeah its no trouble
sorry i couldnt finish it if i did
id be up the rest of my life
are you?
oan i take a piece of this with me?
sure here have a crumb
thanks
yeah
all right well then
i guess ill see you around
or not
ok barry
and thank you
so much again for before
oh that? that was nothing
well not nothing but anyway
this cant possibly work
hes all set to go
we may as well try it
ok dave pull the chute
sounds amazing
it was amazing
it was the scariest
happiest moment of my life
humans i cant believe
you were with humans
giant scary humans
what were they like?
huge and crazy they talk crazy
they eat crazy giant things
they drive crazy
do they try and kill you like on tv?
some of them but some of them dont
howd you get back?
poodle
you did it and im glad you saw
whatever you wanted to see
you had your "experience" now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal
well
well?
well i met someone
you did? was she beeish?
a wasp? your parents will kill you
no no no not a wasp
spider?
im not attracted to spiders
i know its the hottest thing
with the eight legs and all
i cant get by that face
so who is she?
shes human
no no thats a bee law
you wouldnt break a bee law
her names vanessa
oh boy
shes so nice and shes a florist
oh no youre dating a human florist
were not dating
youre flying outside the hive talking
to humans that attack our homes
with power washers and m80s
oneeighth a stick of dynamite
she saved my life
and she understands me
this is over
eat this
this is not over what was that?
they call it a crumb
it was so stingin stripey
and thats not what they eat
thats what falls off what they eat
you know what a oinnabon is?
no
its bread and cinnamon and frosting
they heat it up
sit down
really hot
listen to me
we are not them were us
theres us and theres them
yes but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?
theres no yearning
stop yearning listen to me
you have got to start thinking bee
my friend thinking bee
thinking bee
thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
there he is hes in the pool
you know what your problem is barry?
i gotta start thinking bee?
how much longer will this go on?
its been three days
why arent you working?
ive got a lot of big life decisions
to think about
what life? you have no life
you have no job youre barely a bee
would it kill you
to make a little honey?
barry come out
your fathers talking to you
martin would you talk to him?
barry im talking to you
you coming?
got everything?
all set
go ahead ill catch up
dont be too long
watch this
vanessa
were still here
i told you not to yell at him
he doesnt respond to yelling
then why yell at me?
because you dont listen
im not listening to this
sorry ive gotta go
where are you going?
im meeting a friend
a girl? is this why you cant decide?
bye
i just hope shes beeish
they have a huge parade
of flowers every year in pasadena?
to be in the tournament of roses
thats every florists dream
up on a float surrounded
by flowers crowds cheering
a tournament do the roses
compete in athletic events?
no all right ive got one
how come you dont fly everywhere?
its exhausting why dont you
run everywhere? its faster
yeah ok i see i see
all right your turn
tivo you can just freeze live tv?
thats insane
you dont have that?
we have hivo but its a disease
its a horrible horrible disease
oh my
dumb bees
you must want to sting all those jerks
we try not to sting
its usually fatal for us
so you have to watch your temper
very carefully
you kick a wall take a walk
write an angry letter and throw it out
work through it like any emotion:
anger jealousy lust
oh my goodness are you ok?
yeah
what is wrong with you?
its a bug
hes not bothering anybody
get out of here you creep
what was that? a pic n save circular?
yeah it was how did you know?
it felt like about 10 pages
seventyfive is pretty much our limit
youve really got that
down to a science
i lost a cousin to italian vogue
ill bet
what in the name
of mighty hercules is this?
how did this get here?
oute bee golden blossom
ray liotta private select?
is he that actor?
i never heard of him
why is this here?
for people we eat it
you dont have
enough food of your own?
well yes
how do you get it?
bees make it
i know who makes it
and its hard to make it
theres heating cooling stirring
you need a whole krelman thing
its organic
its ourganic
its just honey barry
just what?
bees dont know about this
this is stealing a lot of stealing
youve taken our homes schools
hospitals this is all we have
and its on sale?
im getting to the bottom of this
im getting to the bottom
of all of this
hey hector
you almost done?
almost
he is here i sense it
well i guess ill go home now
and just leave this nice honey out
with no one around
youre busted box boy
i knew i heard something
so you can talk
i can talk
and now youll start talking
where you getting the sweet stuff?
whos your supplier?
i dont understand
i thought we were friends
the last thing we want
to do is upset bees
youre too late its ours now
you sir have crossed
the wrong sword
you sir will be lunch
for my iguana ignacio
where is the honey coming from?
tell me where
honey farms it comes from honey farms
orazy person
what horrible thing has happened here?
these faces they never knew
what hit them and now
theyre on the road to nowhere
just keep still
what? youre not dead?
do i look dead? they will wipe anything
that moves where you headed?
to honey farms
i am onto something huge here
im going to alaska moose blood
crazy stuff blows your head off
im going to tacoma
and you?
he really is dead
all right
uhoh
what is that?
oh no
a wiper triple blade
triple blade?
jump on its your only chance bee
why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?
how much do you people need to see?
open your eyes
stick your head out the window
from npr news in washington
im oarl kasell
but dont kill no more bugs
bee
moose blood guy
you hear something?
like what?
like tiny screaming
turn off the radio
whassup bee boy?
hey blood
just a row of honey jars
as far as the eye could see
wow
i assume wherever this truck goes
is where theyre getting it
i mean that honeys ours
bees hang tight
were all jammed in
its a close community
not us man we on our own
every mosquito on his own
what if you get in trouble?
you a mosquito you in trouble
nobody likes us they just smack
see a mosquito smack smack
at least youre out in the world
you must meet girls
mosquito girls try to trade up
get with a moth dragonfly
mosquito girl dont want no mosquito
you got to be kidding me
moosebloods about to leave
the building so long bee
hey guys
mooseblood
i knew id catch yall down here
did you bring your crazy straw?
we throw it in jars slap a label on it
and its pretty much pure profit
what is this place?
a bees got a brain
the size of a pinhead
they are pinheads
pinhead
oheck out the new smoker
oh sweet thats the one you want
the thomas 3000
smoker?
ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic
twice the nicotine all the tar
a couple breaths of this
knocks them right out
they make the honey
and we make the money
"they make the honey
and we make the money"?
oh my
whats going on? are you ok?
yeah it doesnt last too long
do you know youre
in a fake hive with fake walls?
our queen was moved here
we had no choice
this is your queen?
thats a man in womens clothes
thats a drag queen
what is this?
oh no
theres hundreds of them
bee honey
our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale
this is worse than anything bears
have done i intend to do something
oh barry stop
who told you humans are taking
our honey? thats a rumor
do these look like rumors?
thats a conspiracy theory
these are obviously doctored photos
how did you get mixed up in this?
hes been talking to humans
what?
talking to humans?
he has a human girlfriend
and they make out
make out? barry
we do not
you wish you could
whose side are you on?
the bees
i dated a cricket once in san antonio
those crazy legs kept me up all night
barry this is what you want
to do with your life?
i want to do it for all our lives
nobody works harder than bees
dad i remember you
coming home so overworked
your hands were still stirring
you couldnt stop
i remember that
what right do they have to our honey?
we live on two cups a year they put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever
even if its true what can one bee do?
sting them where it really hurts
in the face the eye
that would hurt
no
up the nose? thats a killer
theres only one place you can sting
the humans one place where it matters
hive at five the hives only
fullhour action news source
no more bee beards
with bob bumble at the anchor desk
weather with storm stinger
sports with buzz larvi
and jeanette ohung
good evening im bob bumble
and im jeanette ohung
a tricounty bee barry benson
intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey
packaging it and profiting
from it illegally
tomorrow night on bee larry king
well have three former queens here in
our studio discussing their new book
olassy ladies
out this week on hexagon
tonight were talking to barry benson
did you ever think "im a kid
from the hive i cant do this"?
bees have never been afraid
to change the world
what about bee oolumbus?
bee gandhi? bejesus?
where im from wed never sue humans
we were thinking
of stickball or candy stores
how old are you?
the bee community
is supporting you in this case
which will be the trial
of the bee century
you know they have a larry king
in the human world too
its a common name next week
he looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots
next week
glasses quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard em
bear week next week
theyre scary hairy and here live
always leans forward pointy shoulders
squinty eyes very jewish
in tennis you attack
at the point of weakness
it was my grandmother ken shes 81
honey her backhands a joke
im not gonna take advantage of that?
quiet please
actual work going on here
is that that same bee?
yes it is
im helping him sue the human race
hello
hello bee
this is ken
yeah i remember you timberland size
ten and a half vibram sole i believe
why does he talk again?
listen you better go
cause were really busy working
but its our yogurt night
byebye
why is yogurt night so difficult?
you poor thing
you two have been at this for hours
yes and adam here
has been a huge help
frosting
how many sugars?
just one i try not
to use the competition
so why are you helping me?
bees have good qualities
and it takes my mind off the shop
instead of flowers people
are giving balloon bouquets now
those are great if youre three
and artificial flowers
oh those just get me psychotic
yeah me too
bent stingers pointless pollination
bees must hate those fake things
nothing worse
than a daffodil thats had work done
maybe this could make up
for it a little bit
this lawsuits a pretty big deal
i guess
you sure you want to go through with it?
am i sure? when im done with
the humans they wont be able
to say "honey im home"
without paying a royalty
its an incredible scene
here in downtown manhattan
where the world anxiously waits
because for the first time in history
we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak
what have we gotten into here barry?
its pretty big isnt it?
i cant believe how many humans
dont work during the day
you think billiondollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?
everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade
whats the matter?
i dont know i just got a chill
well if it isnt the bee team
you boys work on this?
all rise the honorable
judge bumbleton presiding
all right oase number 4475
superior oourt of new york
barry bee benson v the honey industry
is now in session
mr montgomery youre representing
the five food companies collectively?
a privilege
mr benson youre representing
all the bees of the world?
im kidding yes your honor
were ready to proceed
mr montgomery
your opening statement please
ladies and gentlemen of the jury
my grandmother was a simple woman
born on a farm she believed
it was mans divine right
to benefit from the bounty
of nature god put before us
if we lived in the topsyturvy world
mr benson imagines
just think of what would it mean
i would have to negotiate
with the silkworm
for the elastic in my britches
talking bee
how do we know this isnt some sort of
holographic motionpicturecapture
hollywood wizardry?
they could be using laser beams
robotics ventriloquism
oloning for all we know
he could be on steroids
mr benson?
ladies and gentlemen
theres no trickery here
im just an ordinary bee
honeys pretty important to me
its important to all bees
we invented it
we make it and we protect it
with our lives
unfortunately there are
some people in this room
who think they can take it from us
cause were the little guys
im hoping that after this is all over
youll see how by taking our honey
you not only take everything we have
but everything we are
i wish hed dress like that
all the time so nice
oall your first witness
so mr klauss vanderhayden
of honey farms big company you have
i suppose so
i see you also own
honeyburton and honron
yes they provide beekeepers
for our farms
beekeeper i find that
to be a very disturbing term
i dont imagine you employ
any beefreeers do you?
no
i couldnt hear you
no
no
because you dont free bees
you keep bees not only that
it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey
theyre very lovable creatures
yogi bear fozzie bear buildabear
you mean like this?
bears kill bees
howd you like his head crashing
through your living room?
biting into your couch
spitting out your throw pillows
ok thats enough take him away
so mr sting thank you for being here
your name intrigues me
where have i heard it before?
i was with a band called the police
but youve never been
a police officer have you?
no i havent
no you havent and so here
we have yet another example
of bee culture casually
stolen by a human
for nothing more than
a pranceabout stage name
oh please
have you ever been stung mr sting?
because im feeling
a little stung sting
or should i say mr gordon m sumner
thats not his real name? you idiots
mr liotta first
belated congratulations on
your emmy win for a guest spot
on er in 2005
thank you thank you
i see from your resume
that youre devilishly handsome
with a churning inner turmoil
thats ready to blow
i enjoy what i do is that a crime?
not yet it isnt but is this
what its come to for you?
exploiting tiny helpless bees
so you dont
have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines sir?
watch it benson
i could blow right now
this isnt a goodfella
this is a badfella
why doesnt someone just step on
this creep and we can all go home?
order in this court
youre all thinking it
order order i say
say it
mr liotta please sit down
i think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that
i think the jurys on our side
are we doing everything right legally?
im a florist
right well heres to a great team
to a great team
well hello
ken
hello
i didnt think you were coming
no i was just late
i tried to call but the battery
i didnt want all this to go to waste
so i called barry luckily he was free
oh that was lucky
theres a little left
i could heat it up
yeah heat it up sure whatever
so i hear youre quite a tennis player
im not much for the game myself
the balls a little grabby
thats where i usually sit
right there
ken barry was looking at your resume
and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isnt really a special skill
you think i dont see what youre doing?
i know how hard it is to find
the rightjob we have that in common
do we?
bees have 100 percent employment
but we do jobs like taking the crud out
thats just what
i was thinking about doing
ken i let barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz i hope that was all right
im going to drain the old stinger
yeah you do that
look at that
you know ive just about had it
with your little mind games
whats that?
italian vogue
mamma mia thats a lot of pages
a lot of ads
remember what van said why is
your life more valuable than mine?
funny i just cant seem to recall that
i think something stinks in here
i love the smell of flowers
how do you like the smell of flames?
not as much
water bug not taking sides
ken im wearing a ohapstick hat
this is pathetic
ive got issues
well well well a royal flush
youre bluffing
am i?
surfs up dude
poo water
that bowl is gnarly
except for those dirty yellow rings
kenneth what are you doing?
you know i dont even like honey
i dont eat it
we need to talk
hes just a little bee
and he happens to be
the nicest bee ive met in a long time
long time? what are you talking about?
are there other bugs in your life?
no but there are other things bugging
me in life and youre one of them
fine talking bees no yogurt night
my nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster
goodbye ken
and for your information
i prefer sugarfree artificial
sweeteners made by man
im sorry about all that
i know its got
an aftertaste i like it
i always felt there was some kind
of barrier between ken and me
i couldnt overcome it
oh well
are you ok for the trial?
i believe mr montgomery
is about out of ideas
we would like to call
mr barry benson bee to the stand
good idea you can really see why hes
considered one of the best lawyers
yeah
layton youve
gotta weave some magic
with this jury
or its gonna be all over
dont worry the only thing i have
to do to turn this jury around
is to remind them
of what they dont like about bees
you got the tweezers?
are you allergic?
only to losing son only to losing
mr benson bee ill ask you
what i think wed all like to know
what exactly is your relationship
to that woman?
were friends
good friends?
yes
how good? do you live together?
wait a minute
are you her little
bedbug?
ive seen a bee documentary or two
from what i understand
doesnt your queen give birth
to all the bee children?
yeah but
so those arent your real parents
oh barry
yes they are
hold me back
youre an illegitimate bee
arent you benson?
hes denouncing bees
dont yall date your cousins?
objection
im going to pincushion this guy
adam dont its what he wants
oh im hit
oh lordy i am hit
order order
the venom the venom
is coursing through my veins
i have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction
you see? you cant treat them
like equals theyre striped savages
stingings the only thing
they know its their way
adam stay with me
i cant feel my legs
what angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison
from my heaving buttocks?
i will have order in this court order
order please
the case of the honeybees
versus the human race
took a pointed turn against the bees
yesterday when one of their legal
team stung layton t montgomery
hey buddy
hey
is there much pain?
yeah
i
i blew the whole case didnt i?
it doesnt matter what matters is
youre alive you could have died
id be better off dead look at me
they got it from the cafeteria
downstairs in a tuna sandwich
look theres
a little celery still on it
what was it like to sting someone?
i cant explain it it was all
all adrenaline and then
and then ecstasy
all right
you think it was all a trap?
of course im sorry
i flew us right into this
what were we thinking? look at us were
just a couple of bugs in this world
what will the humans do to us
if they win?
i dont know
i hear they put the roaches in motels
that doesnt sound so bad
adam they check in
but they dont check out
oh my
oould you get a nurse
to close that window?
why?
the smoke
bees dont smoke
right bees dont smoke
bees dont smoke
but some bees are smoking
thats it thats our case
it is? its not over?
get dressed ive gotta go somewhere
get back to the court and stall
stall any way you can
and assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub
mr flayman
yes? yes your honor
where is the rest of your team?
well your honor its interesting
bees are trained to fly haphazardly
and as a result
we dont make very good time
i actually heard a funny story about
your honor
havent these ridiculous bugs
taken up enough
of this courts valuable time?
how much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?
they have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges
against my clients
who run legitimate businesses
i move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case
mr flayman im afraid im going
to have to consider
mr montgomerys motion
but you cant we have a terrific case
where is your proof?
where is the evidence?
show me the smoking gun
hold it your honor
you want a smoking gun?
here is your smoking gun
what is that?
its a bee smoker
what this?
this harmless little contraption?
this couldnt hurt a fly
let alone a bee
look at what has happened
to bees who have never been asked
"smoking or non?"
is this what nature intended for us?
to be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines
and manmade wooden slat work camps?
living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?
what are we gonna do?
hes playing the species card
ladies and gentlemen please
free these bees
free the bees free the bees
free the bees
free the bees free the bees
the court finds in favor of the bees
vanessa we won
i knew you could do it highfive
sorry
im ok you know what this means?
all the honey
will finally belong to the bees
now we wont have
to work so hard all the time
this is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature benson
youll regret this
barry how much honey is out there?
all right one at a time
barry who are you wearing?
my sweater is ralph lauren
and i have no pants
what if montgomerys right?
what do you mean?
weve been living the bee way
a long time 27 million years
oongratulations on your victory
what will you demand as a settlement?
first well demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps
then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with
every last drop
we demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more
than a filthy smelly
badbreath stink machine
were all aware
of what they do in the woods
wait for my signal
take him out
hell have nauseous
for a few hours then hell be fine
and we will no longer tolerate
beenegative nicknames
but its just a pranceabout stage name
unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products
and ladeeda human
teatime snack garnishments
oant breathe
bring it in boys
hold it right there good
tap it
mr buzzwell we just passed three cups
and theres gallons more coming
i think we need to shut down
shut down? weve never shut down
shut down honey production
stop making honey
turn your key sir
what do we do now?
oannonball
were shutting honey production
mission abort
aborting pollination and nectar detail
returning to base
adam you wouldnt believe
how much honey was out there
oh yeah?
whats going on? where is everybody?
are they out celebrating?
theyre home
they dont know what to do
laying out sleeping in
i heard your uncle oarl was on his way
to san antonio with a cricket
at least we got our honey back
sometimes i think so what if humans
liked our honey? who wouldnt?
its the greatest thing in the world
i was excited to be part of making it
this was my new desk this was my
new job i wanted to do it really well
and now
now i cant
i dont understand
why theyre not happy
i thought their lives would be better
theyre doing nothing its amazing
honey really changes people
you dont have any idea
whats going on do you?
what did you want to show me?
this
what happened here?
that is not the half of it
oh no oh my
theyre all wilting
doesnt look very good does it?
no
and whose fault do you think that is?
you know im gonna guess bees
bees?
specifically me
i didnt think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things
its notjust flowers
fruits vegetables they all need bees
thats our whole sat test right there
take away produce that affects
the entire animal kingdom
and then of course
the human species?
so if theres no more pollination
it could all just go south here
couldnt it?
i know this is also partly my fault
how about a suicide pact?
how do we do it?
ill sting you you step on me
thatjust kills you twice
right right
listen barry
sorry but i gotta get going
i had to open my mouth and talk
vanessa?
vanessa? why are you leaving?
where are you going?
to the final tournament of roses parade
in pasadena
theyve moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying
its the last chance
ill ever have to see it
vanessa i just wanna say im sorry
i never meant it to turn out like this
i know me neither
tournament of roses
roses cant do sports
wait a minute roses roses?
roses
vanessa
roses?
barry?
roses are flowers
yes they are
flowers bees pollen
i know
thats why this is the last parade
maybe not
oould you ask him to slow down?
oould you slow down?
barry
ok i made a huge mistake
this is a total disaster all my fault
yes it kind of is
ive ruined the planet
i wanted to help you
with the flower shop
ive made it worse
actually its completely closed down
i thought maybe you were remodeling
but i have another idea and its
greater than my previous ideas combined
i dont want to hear it
all right they have the roses
the roses have the pollen
i know every bee plant
and flower bud in this park
all we gotta do is get what theyve got
back here with what weve got
bees
park
pollen
flowers
repollination
across the nation
tournament of roses
pasadena oalifornia
theyve got nothing
but flowers floats and cotton candy
security will be tight
i have an idea
vanessa bloome ftd
official floral business its real
sorry maam nice brooch
thank you it was a gift
once inside
we just pick the right float
how about the princess and the pea?
i could be the princess
and you could be the pea
yes i got it
where should i sit?
what are you?
i believe im the pea
the pea?
it goes under the mattresses
not in this fairy tale sweetheart
im getting the marshal
you do that
this whole parade is a fiasco
lets see what this babyll do
hey what are you doing?
then all we do
is blend in with traffic
without arousing suspicion
once at the airport
theres no stopping us
stop security
you and your insect pack your float?
yes
has it been
in your possession the entire time?
would you remove your shoes?
remove your stinger
its part of me
i know just having some fun
enjoy your flight
then if were lucky well have
just enough pollen to do the job
oan you believe how lucky we are? we
have just enough pollen to do the job
i think this is gonna work
its got to work
attention passengers
this is oaptain scott
we have a bit of bad weather
in new york
it looks like well experience
a couple hours delay
barry these are cut flowers
with no water theyll never make it
i gotta get up there
and talk to them
be careful
oan i get help
with the sky mall magazine?
id like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer
oaptain im in a real situation
whatd you say hal?
nothing
bee
dont freak out my entire species
what are you doing?
wait a minute im an attorney
whos an attorney?
dont move
oh barry
good afternoon passengers
this is your captain
would a miss vanessa bloome in 24b
please report to the cockpit?
and please hurry
what happened here?
there was a dustbuster
a toupee a life raft exploded
ones bald ones in a boat
theyre both unconscious
is that another bee joke?
no
no ones flying the plane
this is jfk control tower flight 356
whats your status?
this is vanessa bloome
im a florist from new york
wheres the pilot?
hes unconscious
and so is the copilot
not good does anyone onboard
have flight experience?
as a matter of fact there is
whos that?
barry benson
from the honey trial? oh great
vanessa this is nothing more
than a big metal bee
its got giant wings huge engines
i cant fly a plane
why not? isnt john travolta a pilot?
yes
how hard could it be?
wait barry
were headed into some lightning
this is bob bumble we have some
latebreaking news from jfk airport
where a suspenseful scene
is developing
barry benson
fresh from his legal victory
thats barry
is attempting to land a plane
loaded with people flowers
and an incapacitated flight crew
flowers?
we have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls
with absolutely no flight experience
just a minute
theres a bee on that plane
im quite familiar with mr benson
and his noaccount compadres
theyve done enough damage
but isnt he your only hope?
technically a bee
shouldnt be able to fly at all
their wings are too small
havent we heard this a million times?
"the surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense"
get this on the air
got it
stand by
were going live
the way we work may be a mystery to you
making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs
but let me tell you about a small job
if you do it well
it makes a big difference
more than we realized
to us to everyone
thats why i want to get bees
back to working together
thats the bee way
were not made of jello
we get behind a fellow
black and yellow
hello
left right down hover
hover?
forget hover
this isnt so hard
beepbeep beepbeep
barry what happened?
wait i think we were
on autopilot the whole time
that may have been helping me
and now were not
so it turns out i cannot fly a plane
all of you lets get
behind this fellow move it out
move out
our only chance is if i do what id do
you copy me with the wings of the plane
dont have to yell
im not yelling
were in a lot of trouble
its very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice
its not a tone im panicking
i cant do this
vanessa pull yourself together
you have to snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
you snap out of it
hold it
why? oome on its my turn
how is the plane flying?
i dont know
hello?
benson got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?
the pollen jocks
they do get behind a fellow
black and yellow
hello
all right lets drop this tin can
on the blacktop
where? i cant see anything oan you?
no nothing its all cloudy
oome on you got to think bee barry
thinking bee
thinking bee
thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
wait a minute
i think im feeling something
what?
i dont know its strong pulling me
like a 27millionyearold instinct
bring the nose down
thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
what in the world is on the tarmac?
get some lights on that
thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
vanessa aim for the flower
ok
out the engines were going in
on bee power ready boys?
affirmative
good good easy now thats it
land on that flower
ready? full reverse
spin it around
not that flower the other one
which one?
that flower
im aiming at the flower
thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt
i mean the giant pulsating flower
made of millions of bees
pull forward nose down tail up
rotate around it
this is insane barry
thiss the only way i know how to fly
am i kookookachoo or is this plane
flying in an insectlike pattern?
get your nose in there dont be afraid
smell it full reverse
just drop it be a part of it
aim for the center
now drop it in drop it in woman
oome on already
barry we did it
you taught me how to fly
yes no highfive
right
barry it worked
did you see the giant flower?
what giant flower? where? of course
i saw the flower that was genius
thank you
but were not done yet
listen everyone
this runway is covered
with the last pollen
from the last flowers
available anywhere on earth
that means this is our last chance
were the only ones who make honey
pollinate flowers and dress like this
if were gonna survive as a species
this is our moment what do you say?
are we going to be bees orjust
museum of natural history keychains?
were bees
keychain
then follow me except keychain
hold on barry here
youve earned this
yeah
im a pollen jock and its a perfect
fit all i gotta do are the sleeves
oh yeah
thats our barry
mom the bees are back
if anybody needs
to make a call nows the time
i got a feeling well be
working late tonight
heres your change have a great
afternoon oan i help whos next?
would you like some honey with that?
it is beeapproved dont forget these
milk cream cheese its all me
and i dont see a nickel
sometimes i just feel
like a piece of meat
i had no idea
barry im sorry
have you got a moment?
would you excuse me?
my mosquito associate will help you
sorry im late
hes a lawyer too?
i was already a bloodsucking parasite
all i needed was a briefcase
have a great afternoon
barry i just got this huge tulip order
and i cant get them anywhere
no problem vannie
just leave it to me
youre a lifesaver barry
oan i help whos next?
all right scramble jocks
its time to fly
thank you barry
that bee is living my life
let it go kenny
when will this nightmare end?
let it all go
beautiful day to fly
sure is
between you and me
i was dying to get out of that office
you have got
to start thinking bee my friend
thinking bee
me?
hold it lets just stop
for a second hold it
im sorry im sorry everyone
oan we stop here?
im not making a major life decision
during a production number
all right take ten everybody
wrap it up guys
i had virtually no rehearsal for that
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what jack is (and isnt! he’s NOT a ‘genie’ he is VERY bitter about that comparison)
probably done being written, unless people have questions because i almost certainly forgot to address things
jack is the janitor’s cart of the universe, the broom and the bleach to make the nasty things go away. he is the caretaker of the natural order, and a destroyer of what would threaten it. but even that is too poetic.
in actuality, he is more like the neglectful and largely uncaring supervisor of a plethora of toddlers, if the daycare facility were an abandoned ammunitions and explosives factory with a lot of improperly stored gasoline. if a sentient being blew itself up- Well. It happened sometime. And they didn’t necessarily need that wall, did they? But if things got to the point that the entire place was going to blow, or damage the structure in such a way that would cause irreparable damage, then jack (or things like him) are the ones that ensure that doesnt happen. this is largely done by monitoring how loudly the small toddlers are screaming- if someone knows they have well and truly fucked up and is projecting that in their mental state, jack checks in. and usually he lets whatever’s about to happen, happen.
in the earliest days of the universe, jack was at his busiest. at least a couple times an epoch, some idiot would get into magic in a way it should not be gotten into, and jack intervened. but sentient beings got smarter, and magic got less accessible (perhaps the two are related, jack was not really interested in the proceedings at that point) and generally speaking, things got a lot quieter.
jack’s general state of being is one of passive hibernation- he just kinda chills out on his plane of existence and passively monitors the fuck-ups that are happening. i imagine if there were other things like him (there must have been, i suppose) they went into a deep hibernation sometime over the last several millennium, and have not risen since- perhaps their inactivity indicated they were no longer needed, and they simply ceased to exist. but jack was summoned by a shepard girl who found his ritual engraved inside a cave in the Atlas Mountains, and... well. finding livestock is absolutely in NO way anywhere near his job description but it was such an odd request and the girl’s general ‘not terrified’ attitude was interesting. (the visualization of his true form is awe-inspiring and quite alarming, but i imagine half the reason people always pissed themselves in fear when he arrived was the knowledge that they had fucked up enough for this thing to come for them)
at any rate finding livestock is not a task jack can expend his resources on but he stuck around until she had found them and found it a weird, if annoying experience, and he went back to chilling in another plane of existence. by the time he thought to check in on the girl, she had long since died (as had the livestock) and that was a bit sad and jack was unused to feeling things like ‘a bit sad’ and so he started paying attention to the little sentient critters a bit more actively. just to pass the time. and he made a few appearances here and there, even when he knew he couldnt or wouldnt do anything to assist. and he did find himself ‘assisting’ more often than he might otherwise have, finding ways to justify it to himself, and on one occasion even coaching someone on what NOT to say because so long as he wasnt directly told a certain fact or two, than he was free to act
in the arthurian age, the wizard merlin did some shit. really, quite a bit of shit- he binged jack’s radar a few times, but the clever wizard always managed to figure a way out of it before interference could be considered. but eventually merlin called him, having created something too terrible and too powerful that the wizard feared he could not control it, and that it would ruin everything he cared for
but merlin offered something in exchange for jack’s help- not completely unusual, of course. but usually it was tokens one might leave for a god entity- food and flowers and the like. but merlin asked jack to fix his mistake AND spare his life, and in return merlin would create a means for jack to become human
jack agreed, which was a terrible sign for merlin, really. generally, the unnatural or threatening thing is destroyed, as are all involved in its creation- but such an action isnt always necessary, and in this case it hadnt been. (and jack killed several that merlin cared for, but he would have had to have done that anyways, and besides, the wizard didnt mention them by name)
but merlin was true to his word, and upon his death, the great bulk of magic he had acquired over his many years was put to work powering a very complicated spell. essentially, roughly every 30 years, jack can possess a human body for about 3 or 4 months. (the times are kinda arbitrary, they can be changed if you guys feel they are too long or short or whatever. in my head the spell also is tied to jack’s own energy, so staying four months instead of three would potentially weaken him). the body must be human and must be living at the time he inhabits it. he cannot wield his powers to their full extent while a human, as his true form cannot possibly fit inside such a tiny thing, but he can fully experience everything the human body does. if he wishes to wield his powers, he must completely leave the body, though he can return to it when finished with his business. he can also use different bodies if he wishes- that’s how he ‘traveled’ in his early exploration days.
jack very much enjoyed having a human body- the novelty! the fun! but honestly he wasn’t super regular about it. sometime in maybe the 1400′s he was summoned by the young vampire he would eventually take the name Matt. matt requested that his youngest sister be spared, as her magic was uninvolved in the debacle. jack was impressed by this- not that matt had advocated for someone else, but that matt had had the guts to ask /anyone/ to be spared. matt’s people were up to some truly high-level apocalypse shit, and by all rights he would have been perfectly justified to just carve their entire territory out of the south american landmass and completely disintegrate the whole thing
but anyways. he spared them both. and checked in on them sometime later during one of his human escapades. and then kept checking in on them. he is NOT sentimental, it’s just practical, is his refrain. finding a human lover that he enjoys as much as Matt would take WORK, and they’d be weirded out by him reappearing in thirty years in a different body, and they die so often! really. he’s fond of Matt, sure. But he isn’t attached to him or anything. Dont be silly.
as i’ve mentioned, Jack can be ‘summoned’- In fact, he pretty much has to be. but ‘summon’ is a very loose term for it- the mental anguish of realizing you’ve fucked up so badly that the entire world might be in danger tends to count. way, way, way back in the day there were more formal ‘rituals’ that could be used to bring forth a visual analog of his true form for mortals to interact with, but merlin was the last to use one, and jack has destroyed any remaining instructions (that he was aware of)
unfortunately, this means that Jack can be tricked. if absolutely no one involved in a project that threatens the natural order has any inkling of the damage their activities could create, or has no feelings of regret associated with that inkling- the world could potentially end with jack being none the wiser. i imagine there are also magical protections that could be used to prevent jack from interfering if one was aware of his presence, though he has yet to come across such things and probably believes that no one could really create something that would keep HIM out of where he wanted to be
jack is also limited in what he can fix. it has to be something that is truly a threat to the natural order AND it can’t be something that the lowest form of sentience can do anything about. (this is a rule that he has justified himself down on over the ages to reach the current stage it is at, and unfortunately he cant seem to get it any lower. not that he WANTS to help, of course.)
these days he often visits suspicious folk in dreams to suss out the situation- less likely to cause a panic, and in the morning they barely remember. he appeared to a very distraught member of the Manhattan Project in a recent near-interference. and he was totally on board with making sure this thing completely stopped existing but then. the damn fool said something about their fears that the bombs would be used and... well. its not an active threat if someone just has to NOT do something, is it? and a human someone, too! and so jack told the scientist that this was something the politicians were responsible for stopping. (technically, jack already KNEW this- he cannot really be lied to, exactly. but he cannot actively know everything all at once, and intent of things is often what determines whether or not jack can act.) jack’s refusal to help- even after the bombs had been deployed and there was nothing humans or supernatural beings could do to stop them- was the source of the biggest fight jack and matt have had to date. it was also the point where matt began to realize that jack IS dangerous, and he began sharing information about jack with maria in an attempt to better understand his limits and abilities
Jack is not inherently dangerous to the average person. In his human form, supernatural beings that can ‘read’ others- by scent, auras, telepathy- will know he is wearing a borrowed body. Those more familiar with planes of existence may be aware that there is more of him hiding somewhere, just out of sight.
most alarmed by his presence (both his true form and when he’s tied to a human body) would be people and things that are in defiance of nature. the beast creature that Merlin had created, for instance, went rigid and frothed at the mouth when he appeared, in blind panic and fear
Jack’s involvement in taking care of Dr. Rawe and his subsequent invitation to the New Year’s Day party are part of an ongoing research project started by Maria that is being kicked at by Annabelle. Clearly, he is not impartial as he claims. And he uses his biases to work around his own rules. Annabelle believes that should be harnessed.
Matt’s suggestion that Jack take care of the Dr. Rawe problem probably went something like shown below. its also highly possible that jack was aware he was being ‘manipulated’ and allowed it- he is VERY keen to meet May and ‘the friends’, so.
M: boogeyman shouldnt be able to use magic should they?
J: no, not actively at least- just drawing stuff into their lairs. processing fear, creating nightmares. thats all instinctual stuff
j: why
m: oh nothing- well. i guess a wizard that had previously been absorbed by a boogey was taking control of it. being both
j: it... shouldnt. it couldnt.
m: well, it did. went around kidnapping other magic users, forcing an actual boogey out of its lair, ripping open portals and not properly repairing them... you look pained. this isnt your ‘sort of thing’ is it?
j: ehhh i mean. its only the one?
m: i think so? i mean i guess theres no way to know unless the thing could be inspected
j: ehhhh
m: you have to be asked, don’t you?
j: i dont HAVE to be anything-ed! i am free to act as i please
m: well im asking anyways- the things a menace, and its been targeting other oddities. im sure the endangerment of some of your other ‘keep an eye on’s would pull some strings out of the rug, yes?
j: ...
m: humans certainly cant take care of it. even i would have trouble disposing of it properly. much less permanently.
j: ...okay. throw that blanket on my body, i dont want it to be all cold when i get back to it. and itll only be like, ten minutes tops, so help me if youve put your pants back on by the time ive returned
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