#the paranoia tht everyone hates me and tht im an awful person tht doesn’t deserve to be here
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do u ever just find continuous signs tht ur not meant to be here
#i hate feeling this way#the loneliness#the paranoia tht everyone hates me and tht im an awful person tht doesn’t deserve to be here#the emptiness yet filled w so many uncomfortable emotions#the desire to kill myself to run away from this turmoil#the memories of trauma and the memories of the way i was dealing w it#it all feels so heavy#I’m so lost within myself and surroundings#constantly getting high to not think or deal w emotion#to block out the thoughts#i feel haunted#i feel like im waiting for death#it’s the only thing i have in my control#i don’t want to do it but i just don’t think there’s another way for me#it’s been too many years surviving trying to breathe and have a life#i don’t want to hurt my family or friends but i really can’t stand being here#i dont ever think i was meant to live a full life#journal
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