#the thing is that martha and shelby have people closer to them so Fatin's not going to be there 100% of the time

[randomcanbian]

.

[thatsgay-writes]

Day 16

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"Here they are, the brave young women whose tale of struggle and survival has gripped the nation." The host says as she sends the camera a smile. "The unsinkable nine, as we have come to know them. Ladies, you must have dreamed of coming home for so long. Now that you're here, what do you wanna do most?" She questions as she turns towards you and your friends. "Honestly, smoke about a hundred cigs, you know? Like, really rip through a carton or two." Dot starts as she leans forwards on the couch. The host gives her a slightly awkward smile, "Okay. How about the rest of you?"

"I don't know; Maybe hit up the OG for a never-ending pasta bowl and just... I don't know... Get back to our real lives." Toni says next followed by Nora. "I'd like to read the Odyssey again, rather than, like, live it." She jokes awkwardly, causing some of the girls to laugh in response. "Leah, what about you?" "Oh, um, I just wanna reconnect with certain people... People who may have been worried and-or felt like we had unfinished business. And if that person is watching right now, I just wanna say that I did not not miss you every day." You cringe at Leah's little monologue, still not feeling 100% about her after her fight with Shelby.

"My turn, Brooke, and I've got a nice, straight answer for you. I'm going to fuck the rowdiest guy with the biggest dick as soon as I fucking can." Fatin says, causing everyone to pause the fantasy you all shared and look at Fatin. Fatin turned to look at you, since you were at the end of the couch, and you couldn't contain your laugh. "Holy shit!" You belt out as you roll onto your side, "I don't think you can say that." You tell her after you finally catch your breathe. Fatin rolls her eyes, "Okay, make it more media-friendly. I am going to fornicate with the healthiest penis I can find ASAP." You let out a laugh at her newly formed answer.

After that, Dot changed her answer and Fatin got on Leah for her "emo shit show" answer and how Romeo's would be in everyone's DM's, before they finally started cheering over the fact that there was a chance to return home. "We're going home, bitches!" Martha yells as she holds up the bottle of vodka, causing all the other girls to cheer. You go to celebrate with them but notice how Shelby stays silent and slowly pulls away from the group. You watch her go, debating if you should follow her, as Toni helps you stand. Her face holds a large smile that slowly falls as she notices how distracted you are and that Shelby was walking away.

Ever since kissing Shelby, Toni had been confused on her feelings between the both of you. She had loved you for years but Shelby just had something so attracting about her. Unknown to her, you were having the same thoughts. "I'll, um... I'll be right back." You say as you pat Toni's hands that were still holding your own after helping you up. Toni just nods her head as you hop away after Shelby.

---

"You don't seem very excited..." You try and joke as you hop around the rock Shelby was sitting on, closing your mouth as soon as you see how sad she looks. You fidget nervously for a few seconds as Shelby doesn't respond to your presence. You let out a deep breathe before sitting down next to Shelby on the rock. "Are you okay?" You ask as you slowly reach out your hand to grabs hers. You move slowly so she has enough time to pull away but she doesn't. When you tangle your fingers with Shelby's, she finally reacts some and turns her head to look at you. She opens and closes her mouth a few times wanting to say something, but ultimately ends up closing it and shaking her head. You let out a sigh but nod your head. You lean forwards and cup one of her cheeks, giving her a quick kiss on the other one. Your face gains a small smile as you notice Shelby blush, "I'll leave you to your thoughts... If you ever need someone to vent to or a shoulder to lean on I'll be here." You tell her as you slowly stand up and start hopping back towards to other girls, missing how Shelby stared after you longingly.

---

As you get closer to the other girls, you smile as you hear them all laughing and joking around. "Oh, Martha, you're gonna be trippin motherfucking balls dude." You hear Fatin say as you finally reach the group and collapse next to Toni. Hopping around was not fun and you were going to need to find a walking stick or something soon. "And she won't be alone." Rachel says as she holds her hand out towards Fatin. Taking what looks to be a bag of gummy bears? You nudge Toni with your shoulder and send her a questioning look. "Martha ate edibles." She whispered to you before turning back to the group and reaching for the bag. You covered your mouth in shock and laughed at the fact that Martha, sweet and innocent Martha, ate edibles. "You want one y/n?" Toni asks as she holds one out towards you. You think about it for a second. Your doctors back at home would probably advise you not to get high but you had been feeling fine the past few days. "Why not." You answer as you take the gummy bear from Toni and pop it into your mouth.

---

"Marcus!?" You hear Martha yell out for the 5th time as almost everyone laid on the beach, high out of their minds. The only ones not laying down were Fatin, who looked like she was meditating, Shelby, who still hadn't returned from the rock, and you, who had taken a seat on Toni's back and kept tracing out random letters and shapes on her back. "I'm so fucking blissed out. Not even from the gummies, just from the thought that in 48 hours I can have an orgasm." Was the first thing Fatin had said in an hour, causing you to giggle and almost fall off of Toni's back. Unlike Toni, who always got more relaxed when she was high, you got more giggly, enthusiastic, and talkative. You being high rivaled Shelby's whole "Who wants to play an ice breaker?" persona.

"Wait? You haven't like self-induced?" Leah asks, seriously but still with a playful tone. "No, I can't do it with my hands actually. I have this weird cello-vibrato PTSD. It's a whole thing." Fatin responds, breezing over the subject. "So your electric toothbrush hasn't seen any action?" Dot asks causing you to laugh more and add on, "I mean we all kind of assumed." You send a wink Fatin's way before turning your attention back to Toni's back, effectively spacing out on the conversation.

When you do focus back onto everyone, it's from Toni tapping your thigh to get you to get up. "Huh?" "C'mon we're gonna go play in the water." Instead of standing up and hopping your way towards the ocean, you just roll of Toni's back and lay on your back in the sand. "I'm good... I think I'm just gonna lie here." Toni gives you a questioning look but you just push her thigh towards the water. "I'll be fineeeee, go have funnnnn." Toni rolls her eyes as you purposefully draw out words and follows the rest of the girls into the water.

You could hear the girls from where you laid, all of them letting out screams and laughs of joy. You would have joined but hopping around on one leg isn't fun and tired you out pretty quickly. You rolled onto your side once the sun felt too hot on your face and you noticed that Shelby hadn't joined in on the fun either. You contemplated going up to her and trying to talk to her or give her more space, but went with the first choice. If she had rejoined the group than maybe she would want some company now.

---

"Not a fan of the water?" You ask as you let yourself collapse next to Shelby, taking note how she now had the bottle of vodka and it had a less in it than it did before. "I... Um..." Shelby stuttered out as she purposefully did not make eye contact with you. "It's fine." You say with a shrug and lay on your side. "No need to talk, just relax." You say as you suddenly get hype fixated on making shapes and letters on her back. Missing the way she tensed up before finally relaxing. You spaced out again from what was going on, a common thing that happened when you were high.

---

The rest of the day blew by as everyone did their own thing. Nora and Rachel went off talked somewhere, you noticed that Toni and Shelby got into a argument, and you just chilled around with Fatin, Dot, and Leah, while Martha decided to adventure into the woods. "Guys! Guys! Guess what I just saw!?" Martha yells as she runs over the hill and back towards the group. "I just saw Marcus and he's alive!" She yells out, out of breath, causing everyone to laugh at how ridiculous she sounded. "No, guys, I'm being serious!" Martha defends and grabs the nearest person to her, Dot, and starts dragging her along. "C'mon, he's in the woods." Dot turns to give the group and exasperated look but you all decide to follow along.

You had your arm wrapped around Toni as you all journeyed through the woods. You had tried to get out of going, but Martha wanted everyone to go with her. "You're just saying that he, like, fucking pinocchio'd?" Dot asks, having not stopped laughing or joking about the situation since you all headed into the woods. "Yes. That is exactly what I am saying." Martha says in relief, missing that fact that Dot was still making fun of her. "He turned into a real boy." She finishes as you and Toni see Marcus... Who is still as fake as he was the day he was found. "I don't know, he kinda looks the same to me." Toni says as you release her arm so she can pick up Marcus. "Hey! My leg!" You say excitedly as you notice it laying under Marcus. When Fatin goes to kiss Marcus, you kiss your leg. It was all fun and games until Leah had to mention the fact that Marcus and your leg had been swept away but suddenly ended up in the middle of the forest. You had thought the same thing but hoped to just ignore that fact. "Leah. We're mellow. We're leaving."

---

"Oh Shelby, you love America so much. USA! USA!" Martha cheers, trying to get Shelby to join her but the other girl is completely zoned out. "Is she okay?" You and Toni ask at the same time. Both of you sharing an awkward look with each other, neither of you had told the other about your own kiss with Shelby. Luckily, Fatin isn't stuck in an unknown love triangle and walks over to Shelby. You all watch as Shelby starts to brush her hair, it seems to stay tangled no matter what she does. Until the brush gets stuck in her hair. Fatin attempts to help her but Shelby goes into full freak out mode. "It's all ruined." She says as she grabs the scissors out of Fatin's bag. Fatin attempts to stop her but Shelby was inconsolable.

"I don't' fucking want it! I don't want it!"

NEXT

[laurie-stark]

Bags

(not my gif)

Summary: After another duffle bag of supplies washes up on shore, the girls realize that they’re going to be stuck here for a while. Episode six rewrite. 3.0k words. 

Pairings: Toni Shalifoe x fem!reader 

Warnings: Swearing, throwing up

A/N: Okay listen I just wanted Toni fanfic but no one was writing it so here you go. Also I really tried too hard to get the bed sharing trope LEAVE ME ALONE I LIKE IT PSLFDLJ (this is your reminder to turn on Interactivefics xx) oh and also theres a bit in here thats heavily inspired by @ drewstarkeys Toni fic which you all should go read asap its amazing. 

This was weird. It was really fucking weird. It had only been four days since we found Jannette’s grave empty. Four days since we found a clean water source. The longer we stayed on this god forsaken island, the more it felt like we were never getting off. And now another round of duffle bags have shown up. You know, as crazy as I think she is sometimes, Leah’s starting to have a point. Something is way off about this place. 

Nora and Rachel were the ones who spotted the bags. They washed up on the rocky side of the beach, covered in weeds. Dot was hoping for some more food, maybe more medicine if we were lucky. But to all our confusion, all the bags contained were blankets and pillows. Ten pillows and five blankets, Dot so cheerfully announced. My first red flag was that the insides were completely dry. I didn’t want to say anything though. I was sure there was a reason for this.

“There’s enough shit here for us to double up,” Dot told us while Nora and I laid out the makeshift beds. “Except for one person who gets to sleep alone.” 

“Well that’s not fair, why does one person get a bed all to herself?” Rachel asked, standing up defensively. 

I rose to my feet as well. “Why don’t we rotate it?” I suggested, hoping to relieve some of the tension. “W-with our off days. That way whoever’s off can have an extra good night’s sleep before they have to work again?” The girls all nodded their heads and mumbled words of agreement. Rachel sat back down on her log. 

“Great idea y/n. So who’s bunking with who?” Dot asked. Rachel and Nora instinctively reached out for each other. Beside me, Toni looked to Martha. Martha gave Toni a weary look before reaching a hand out in the opposite direction. Towards Shelby. Even I had to stop myself from dropping my jaw. 

Fatin gleefully agreed to pair with her “new bestie for the restie,” Dot. That left myself, Toni and Leah. I glanced between them. Leah was avoiding my eye and Toni...Toni just looked mad. It’s not that I don’t like Leah, I just don’t know her. Not that I know Toni any better, but at least Toni hasn’t gone batshit crazy more than once. On the other hand though, I didn’t find Leah unbelievably beautiful the way I did with Toni. And Toni would never want to bunk with me anyway. I crossed my arms, not doing a very good job at hiding my uncomfortableness. I was about to open my mouth to ask Leah to share when Toni called my name. 

“Y/n,” I turned to face her, eyes wide. “You’re with me?” I nod and swallow hard. Fuck. 

The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky, just like our food supply. Rachel offered to go foraging for something meatier in the morning, so at least I could look forward to that.

I shuffled under the blanket Toni and I shared. “Sorry you got stuck with me,” I whispered. “I can go sleep with Shelby if you want, so you can be with Marty?” 

“Nah,” Toni shook her head. “I don’t mind. Besides, I don’t really think Marty wants anything to do with me right now.” I didn’t know what to say. I felt bad for her. A lifetime’s worth of friendship thrown out of the plane. Literally. 

I wondered if anyone else was awake. The light from the fire was enough to see everyone’s feet but that’s about it. I still wasn’t accustomed to how dark it got at night. I was limited to just my hearing after the sun went down. I would try not to listen though. The more you listen, the more you realized how we definitely were not alone out there. Focusing on Toni’s breathing beside me was enough to keep me sane.

Couldn’t say the same for Leah though. She sat straight up and I thought she got bit by a crab or something. 

“Does anyone else think that this is crazy?” She asked us.

Fatin groaned. “Leah, we got into a plane crash. Is that not enough crazy for you?” 

“No seriously Fatin, what the fuck is going on?”

“What are you talking about,” Dot sat up. 

“I mean these,” Leah held up a fist full of her blanket. “Where did they come from? Do none of you think that something’s up?” 

I pushed myself upright. “I’m starting to agree with Leah.”

“Oh God, not you too,” Dot flopped back down onto her back. 

“No, think about it,” I started. “A bag with medicine just happens to show up? And then we find Jannette’s grave empty!? And now these duffles appear with nine peoples worth of blankets and shit? Who brings that to a resort retreat? That’s weird. It’s really fucking weird.” Everyone was sitting up at this point, staring at me. “I didn’t say anything when we opened them, but these things were dry. Everything bone dry. Rachel and Nora found the bags on the shore, like they were washed up. They should have been soaking. Hell, they should have sunk!” I took a shaky breath in. “Every day we stay here the more it feels like we’re not leaving. It’s like someone wants us to stay here. I know I sound crazy but come on!”

“Y/n...” 

“We don’t even remember the crash!”

“We all blacked out.”

“That’s not how plane crashes work though!” I realized how loud I had gotten. I noticed how Nora was sitting, hugging her knees tight. Shelby’s face was pale, even in the orange glow from the fire. I closed my eyes. “This isn’t my first crash.” I kept my eyes shut. I didn’t need to see their faces while I told this story. “I got into another one like eight or nine years ago. The engines broke and we crashed in a forest somewhere near Chicago. And I remember it all. I remember the engines failing, and the plane falling and the back coming off when we hit the trees. I didn’t black out until I was on the ground. So yeah, I think something is fucking off. This isn’t right, none of this is right! We shouldn’t be here, we shouldn’t-” 

I started to choke on my own words. I think I was starting to throw myself into a frenzy. Something grabbed at my hand. It was Toni. She looked me in the eyes. There was something in her gaze that told me I was safe. Told me to calm down.

“Okay,” Dot said slowly. “I think we’re all starting to lose it a little bit Y/n. And no sleep isn’t gonna help. Let’s all try to get some shut eye, yeah?”

I nodded profusely and flipped onto my side, embarrassed now from that outburst. I guess I didn’t realize how far off the rails I’d been slipping. Silently, I started to cry.

I tried to stay as far away from Toni as possible. With my back to her, I figured that my crying could be somewhat camouflaged. I was very wrong.

“Hey,” Toni murmured. When I didn’t respond, she tugged on my shoulder to roll me over. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks. I couldn’t look at her directly. Her gaze softened. I realized then how close we were. Even in pitch darkness, I could still make out the outline of her face, her cheeks, her nose, her lips- I prayed she couldn’t hear how loud my heart was thumping. Toni reached a hand out and brushed another tear away. Had I started crying again? Jesus I was so far gone. “I know how you feel. I wanna get out of here too.’ I said nothing.

Toni moved to create some more space and put her arm out. I looked at her, questioning, though I doubt she could see my face. “Come here,” she said quietly. “I heard what you told us yesterday, about what your mom says? Sometimes you just need a hug.” I nearly started crying again right there. Slowly, I squirmed closer until my body was curled into hers. I smiled inwards. Besides the fact that my heart was trying to beat right out of my chest, I felt better. We both drifted off soon after.

 I woke up to the sun shining way too bright and the sound of…snickering? I opened my eyes and tried not to get totally blinded by the light. I looked up to see Nora, Fatin and Dot standing over me, all chuckling.

“What?” I mumbled. I must have woken Toni up because she started moving underneath me.

Oh.

That’s why they were laughing.

I had fallen asleep curled into Toni’s side and woken up completely entangled with her. It wasn’t a one-sided thing either, she was holding on to me for dear life. What. The. fuck. I jolted upright, maybe a little too fast because the three girls around us started to laugh more.

“Good morning love birds,” Fatin cooed.

“Shut up,” Toni said, using a hand to shield her eyes. “We were conserving heat.”

“Yeah, what she said,” I smiled. “Is it breakfast already?”

“Not quite,” Dot shrugged. “Martha and Shelby are still getting some berries and shit.”

“Oh well in that case I’m going back to bed,” Toni grunted, rolling over. Her and I were on water duty today, so technically we had no need to be up before breakfast anyway. Dot and the girls made their way back to the fire. I was half awake though. Might as well start the day early too. Except that Toni seemed to have other plans.

Before I had the chance to get up Toni was tugging at my arm, silently asking me to come lay down. I gave in immediately. “Come keep me warm,” she mumbled. And so I did. As I laid my head down onto her chest, I noticed Shelby looking at us. She turned away when she met my gaze, but there was something behind her eyes. Disgust. Great, just what we needed. Stranded in the middle of nowhere with a fucking homophobe.

“Do you think Shelby is homophobic,” I asked lowly.

“I dunno, maybe? Why?”

“No reason, I just….That would be pretty awkward if she was.”

“Yeah…”

 Nora woke me up a second time that day for breakfast. We ate in silence like we had done for the last few days. Food was running short and we were getting antsy. Toni and I broke away from the group after we ate with half of Fatin’s luggage bag. We trekked up and through the forest towards the waterfall. Neither of us said a word the whole trip. I was starting to overthink. Like, heavily overthink. In normal circumstances, overthinking might be appropriate. The night before was…not normal. But these were not ordinary circumstances. The middle of nowhere is probably the best place to have not normal and still be fine. Whatever. Right? Was it weird? Does she think I’m some weird crybaby now? Was that just a pity hug? Am I going absolutely crazy for no reason?

I’d gotten so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice we’d arrived back at camp. As Toni and I got to work, filling bottles to boil, Rachel was shouting from the top of a cliff. She was holding up a sack of something, I couldn’t quite make it out.

“Who’s ready to fucking feast?”

Mussels. Rachel found mussels. Now, I’d never been one for survival training but the one thing I knew was that seafood was a no.

“I really don’t mean to be a bubble burster, it’s just that seafood can be really dangerous,” I explained. Rachel looked like she wanted to take my head off. “And we do not have the vicinities to properly prepare these.”

“So what, you’re saying I’m trying to poison all of us?” Rachel challenged.

“No! No, no, not at all Rach. This was a great find, you did good.” I smiled wearily. “All I’m saying is that maybe someone should sit this one out, you know? Just in case. If we’re all sick then we’ve got no chance.”

“Great then who’s gonna be the starving one?”

“I don’t mind. I got berries.”

 Turns out Shelby wouldn’t eat either. An allergy, I think she said. It felt good to see everyone this happy. Leah was genuinely smiling, Dot seemed a little less stressed. For a second it felt like we were actually on the retreat we were supposed to be on. Toni started to make out with her mussels. Or…well you know, with them. We all found it hilarious. Except for Shelby...

“Fuck you.” And with that Toni was off, running down the beach. I myself was on the brink of tears. Some churches man…they’ll brainwash even the best of 'em. I stared at the sand, not sure where to go. I wanted to chase after Toni, I wanted to stay right here and hide in the sand. The rest of the girls had gone quiet too.

“What?” Shelby asked. “Am I not allowed to have my own beliefs?”

“Not those ones,” I spat. I pushed myself up and jogged around the bend.

I saw Toni near the shoreline. She had her feet in the water. Cautiously, I crept up behind her. I didn’t want to startle her. “You good?”

Toni turned and her stance signaled she was ready for a fight. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized it was just me. “Yeah. No. Whatever, I just need a break from barbie bitch.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” I chuckled. “Will you though? Be okay?”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.” She looked back out at the sea.

“G-good. Okay, I, uh…good, I’m glad,” I was muttering. I mutter when I’m nervous. Avoiding eye contact, all that fun stuff.

“Why are you so nervous?” Shit. So she did notice. “I mean you’re chill around everyone else but you get all twitchy around me. What’s with that?” She paused and her face fell a bit. “Do I scare you?”

“Oh god no,” I grasped her hand. “No I promise Toni, I’m not scared of you.”

“Then what?”

I look down at my toes. “I-I um…you-“ I swallow hard. “You’re pretty.”

She didn’t say anything and I was about ready to jump into the ocean and never come back. And then she laughed. She fucking laughed! Oh my god I was going to cry. I felt like I had just been publicly rejected in middle school all over again.

“That was cute,” Toni said, still chuckling a bit. I looked her dead in the eyes and she wasn’t kidding.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back now.” I turned on my heel and started walking back, very briskly might I add. I could not believe that just happened. 

“Yeah me too-“Toni cut herself off and started heaving. I looked back. Toni was throwing up her entire stomach and then some. I rushed to her side, brushing the hair from her face. In the distance, I could see Rachel throwing up too. Oh Jesus Christ.

Shelby and I spent the rest of the day running from girl to girl, holding hair and passing out water. It was one huge haze of running back and forth, trying to make sure no one died. I knew that the mussels were a bad idea. God, how could I be so stupid? This was all my fault. Once Dot resurfaced from the dead, she took charge. Leah was sent to go find the medical bag while Dot and I boiled more water. She had me look over Toni and Marty while she took after the twins.

Toni was not good. By the time I got back to her, she was practically lifeless. Fatin was trying to get her to drink some canned water but it wasn’t working. Matha, who was equally unwell sat by idly, crying into her can of water and trying not to throw up again. I pulled Toni off of Fatin and into my lap, trying to get her to drink the water from my bottle. She kept turning her head away or pushing my hand. I pulled her closer and upright with one arm and got Fatin to hold her face in one place.

“Drink,” I told her. She couldn’t even speak but she shook her head. “Toni, drink. Please. You need to rehydrate for me okay?” I got her to drink a little, but she just couldn’t swallow. Martha started crying at some point. Luckily, Leah made it back with the medicine. 

Trying to fight Toni into taking the pill was not working Especially not when everyone started crowding and screaming at myself and Dot. Shelby crouched to our level and took the pill from Dot. This only made things worse. No way in hell was Toni ever going to accept anything from Shelby. But blondie wasn’t going down without a fight. In one motion, she’d shoved me out of the way and climbed on top of Toni, dropping the pill into her mouth and forcing her to swallow. 

 Night fell and everyone was exhausted. Toni hadn’t woken up since Shelby drugged her and honestly I was getting a little worried she died in her sleep or something. Martha wasn’t looking too hot either. She’d broken into a sweat despite the cold of the night. Everyone else is tucked into their respective beds, dead silent. The cold night air made it easier to relax. After a day like today all i wanted to do was curl up next to Toni and never wake up. 

Beside me, Toni started to stir. The weight I’d been carrying finally lifted off my shoulders. “Toni?”, I chimed. “Are you alive?”

“No,” she grumbled as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. I didn’t give her a moment more to readjust to life before I tackled her in a hug.

“Oh my god, you’re okay.” She laughed at me again, but this time I didn’t mind. Cause she wasn’t dead. Or close to dying. I pulled her back down on top of me. She fell asleep again in my arms. I smiled down at her. Once again, there was a moment where I wasn’t in living hell. It was just me and Toni. Somewhere safe. And warm, preferably. Everything was going to be okay.

 And then Marty dropped dead.

[mediocre-writerr]

lonely heart [leah rilke]

pt.7 of bring us through

leah rilke x reader

requested #1: Part 6 of Bring us Through where we see more of just all the girls together as a group working together? Maybe more of the reader with like Dot, Fatin, Rachel, Martha and Nora?

requested #2: Omg the part 6 was absolutely amazing! It hit me right in the feels, I love angst. Would you maybe do a continuation of it?

*not my gif*

You didn’t know what it was. If it was a break or a breakup. Leah didn’t seem to be making an effort, but neither were you.

Of course your insomnia started coming back. Unable to sleep, but rather stared at the fire. This night wasn’t any different. Leah’s arms weren’t wrapped around you so you felt empty. The comfort you once found in her arms were long gone.

“You’re still up?” Toni asked, groggily. She got up from her spot next to Shelby placing herself next to you.

“Insomnia’s back...” you mumbled and she just nodded. Time went on as the two of you just sat in silence. The fire crackling and the oceans lapping were the only sounds you could hear, “Does it ever stop?”

“Does what stop?” Toni questioned, tilting her head to finally look at you.

“The hurting...I know about you and Regan. She was your first love and all.” you explained.

“Shelby told me you already experienced a first love. I didn’t know Leah was the one.” she said, more confused than anything else.

You shook your head, “She’s not, but it hasn’t stopped hurting. Not from my first love, not after this fight with Leah. So does it stop hurting?”

Toni sent you a sad smile, shaking her head, “No, you just make room for it, as pessimistic as that sounds it’s the truth.” you let out a disappointed sigh, running your hands over your face, “But...whether happens, forgiving Leah or finding someone new, your heart will be ready. You’ll just have to listen.”

The next morning you were hanging out with Fatin. Shelby and Toni off on their weekly rendezvous, so you were left alone. You would usually spend this time with Leah, but obviously that was out of the question.

You and Fatin were trying to listen to the instructions that Dot was giving. The two of you stared at Dot like she had three heads and sighed before turning your head to look at each other. Fatin’s mouth slightly open. ‘Do you understand what she’s saying?’ Fatin mouthed with furrowed brows.

You shrugged your shoulders as you shook your head. Both of you stifiling a laugh to look at the girl in front of you. Leah’s eyes glanced between the two of you as her jaw clenched. She shouldn’t be feeling this way, she’s the one who picked a fight for the same reason she’s angry now.

But if there was a budding romance between you and Fatin it wasn’t alright with her. Leah has been trying to figure out ways to talk to you and apologize. But it seemed like all of the words in the world could not express how sorry she was.

“Shelby?” Leah called out as she followed her along the shoreline, after they got back from their alone time. You weren’t the only one who had stopped talking to her, “Shelby please!” she exclaimed pulling on her wrist to face her.

“What do you want?!” Shelby snapped as she looked her way.

The brunette seemed to shrink at her words, but nevertheless pushed on with the subject. “I just wanted to apologize...”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” she shot back. Anger gleaming throughout her eyes.

“I know, I know, but it’s more complicated than that.” Leah sighed as she looked down at her hands.

The blonde Texan rolled her eyes. “And what exactly is complicated about it? It’s not too hard to say ‘I’m sorry’.”

“But it is hard to say ‘I love you’ when I don’t even know if we’re still together,” Leah confessed, “Shelby, I know I fucked up. And I know I broke the one thing that I promised you, but I need to know how to get her back. We haven’t talked since and it’s killing me. I need her in my life.”

Shelby sighed as she looked at you. You were smiling, but your eyes didn’t have that sparkle they used to. In fact, you looked more tired again, like you haven’t been sleeping again. At least not since what happened with Leah, “Well you aren’t going to get any closer to getting back together by wallowing in your sorrows. Don’t make me regret giving you another chance Rilke.”

You sat along with Fatin, Dot, Martha, Rachel, and Nora around the campsite as Dot tried training all of you to keep watch on the fire. Your leg bounced up and down as you watched Dot’s makeshift Ted Talk on firewood.

“So make sure you get the driest pieces possible. One slightly wet wood will cause the fire to diminish.” Dot explained.

Fatin snorted, “Sounds familiar, like a lovely pe-“

You laughed along with the rest of the girls as Dot cut her off, “Alright, moving on! Y/N, you’re on inventory with Martha. Rachel, you’re with me. And Fatin and Nora.”

Martha’s suitcase washed up on the shore not too long ago. She unzipped it to reveal a froggy type poncho. “Yes! Froggy! I used to wear this thing whenever I was stressed and it would calm me down!”

She slipped it on, “Awe that looks so cute on you!”

“Thank you!” she said, doing a little twirl. There were a few little moments of silence before she finally spoke up, “So what happened between you and Leah? You guys are like dating right?”

You swallowed before answering, “Yeah? I don’t know...we just got into a really rough fight and I don’t know if we’re dating anymore.”

She noticed how sad you looked and smiled at you sympathetically. “Dinosaurs eating people,” she began singing the song you would sing to all of them when they were upset and your lips quirked upward, “Dinosaurs in love,”

“Dinosaurs having a party. They eat fruit and cucumber!” the two of you sing together.

“Wait! You guys are singing the song without me?!” Fatin screamed from where she was and her and Nora ran over.

Fatin pulled you up from off the ground and spun you around, “They fell in love. They say ‘thank you’.” Nora sings.

“A big bang came and they died!” Fatin sang, doing this weird lyrical dance. Your smile grew even wider as she danced all over the place.

“Dinosaurs dinosaurs fell in love! But they didn’t say goodbye!” the four of you sing as Fatin continued to dance.

“But they didn’t say good-BYE!” Rachel and Dot sing loudly coming out of nowhere.

All of you laughed with one another and for the first time since the fight, you felt okay. All of you sat back around the campfire, much to Dot’s disappointment of you and Martha not doing the one task she asked you to do.

You felt someone tap your arm from behind and you turned around to come face to face with Leah. Your heart skipped a beat as your breath hitched. The two of you hadn’t talked since and it’s been consuming you.

You took a deep breath, “What’s up Leah?”

“Um...I have to go scavenging for fire wood and uh you’re the one who got the infamous Dot’s Wood Ted Talk. I was wondering if you’d like to come with me?” you were silent for a beat before she started talking again, “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

You shook your head, “No it’s okay. I’ll go help you, strength in pairs you know?” you say.

A small smile formed on her face, “Yeah strength in pairs.”

You got up and wiped the sand off your butt, before falling into step with Leah towards the jungle. Toni gave Shelby a look as the two of you walked away, “Are you okay with this?”

“I’m giving her one last chance.” Shelby answered and Toni nodded, “Can I chew her ass out next time if she fucks up again?”

“Wait I want in on it!” Fatin exclaimed, interrupting the girls’ conversation.

“So do I!” Dot confessed looking at the couple.

Shelby just laughed, before nodding, “All of you could take part in it.”

You and Leah barely talked the entire time. Embarking in comfortable silence. The humid jungle making you grow tired by the second and Leah could notice.

“Hey did you wanna take a break? It’s getting pretty humid out here.” she suggested and you smiled at her before sitting along the trunk of a tree.

She sat down next to you, but maintained her distance. She didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.

You stifled yet another yawn, “Have you been getting sleep?”

You shrugged your shoulders and stared out into the forest, feeling somewhat embarrassed, “No.”

“Love, you haven’t?” she asked and her eyes went wide at the nickname she said, but you didn’t seem to mind. All you did was shake your head, “If you want you can rest here, I’ll keep watch and wake you up when I think it’s time to head back.”

You pondered this question for awhile, before ultimately nodding. Leah was about to give you room to sleep, but before she could you immediately rested your head in her shoulder as if on instinct. Leah tried to make you as comfortable as possible, placing her head softly on you.

Soft snores started emitting from your mouth, making Leah smile softly. This meant that you didn’t feel awkward around her. That meant that she might have a chance with you.

Leah sighed as she hung out with Fatin a couple nights after. The two of you would go on missions together like usual, talking more and joking around more, “So she didn’t seem awkward around you?” Fatin asked, trying to figure out what was going on between you two.

She shook her head, “No...I don’t know. It just seems like she’s not interested in me anymore.”

“You just gotta grow some balls and tell her how you feel, dude! That’s the only way to actually know.” Fatin put her hand on Leah’s shoulder.

The blue-eyed girl sighed, “But I just got back to being friends. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“I know this line has probably been told by everyone here, at some point or another, but look we’re on a stranded island. We don’t know what’s gonna happen to us, if we’re gonna get saved or not. You gotta take the leap of faith.”

Leah nodded and sighed, going back to stare at you and Shelby.

You laughed as Shelby was telling you her champagne problem with Toni “Can you believe Toni wouldn’t let me be the small spoon? Like you put on this big ol’ tough girl front, but you can’t be big spoon once?!”

“I think its fitting.” you teased as your gazed rested on Leah, who was already staring at you. The orange hue from the fire lit up her face, but you could still see a small blush forming on her cheeks. She smiled before looking down at her hands.

“You still love her?” Shelby asked.

You hesitantly nodded, “Yeah, I don’t know. I just-what if I get my heart broken again. Or everything falls apart...again. I can’t go through something like that again.”

Your best friend put her hands on your shoulders, shaking you lightly, “Love is terrifying. But if you’re constantly terrified about getting your heartbroken, you’ll be stripped of love your entire life.”

She looked at you dead in the eyes, all seriousness, no lightness, “I mean look at us Y/N, we were stripped of loving who we wanted our entire lives. Now is our chance to finally change that. And if Leah’s not the one and you get your heartbroken then we’ll get through it. Because if God brought us to it?”

“God will bring us through it.” you say with a smile on your face.

“Hey can we talk?” a voice calls out from behind you. You turned around to see Leah standing there with a nervous smile on her face.

You nodded, “Yeah of course.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Shelby said as she got up from the spot next to you, bringing her voice to a whisper, “Don’t fuck this up.”

Leah bit her lip and sighed, “I still have feelings for you.” your breath hitched immediately, “I know that I fucked up and I’m so sorry. For all of the things I’ve said and just all of it. I guess I just self imploded because the only love I’ve ever felt was with someone I shouldn’t have been with in the first place. He took my heart that was fragile like glass and just dropped it.”

Her eyes started tearing up, “But you, when everyone thought I was insane you were there. You broke down my walls and you liked me for me. I think I’m in love with you Y/N and that terrifies me.”

You take a few steps forward, gently putting your hands on her shoulders and pulling her closer and pressing your lips against hers softly. Leah’s breath hitched against your lips before she shut her eyes and moved them against your lips slowly. You smiled against her lips and pulled away after a few moments. “I love you Rilke. So much.”

Her smile grew more and more, “If you want we can take things slower. We can figure everything out together.”

You leaned closer and gave her a chaste kiss, “I’d like that.”

///

tag list:

@yourssincerelyj @shalifoestilinski @greysky22 @hstoria

[iamkidfish]

Would you be at all interested in writing a prompt based off a quote? I've been reading On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous and got destroyed by the line "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined". I feel like it's a line that works for both Leah and Fatin, and I would love to read your interpretation of it!

have a little angst this morning

Read on ao3!

It shouldn’t be a big deal. 50 days on the island. 50 days of fighting for their lives against the elements, against each other, against themselves. 

It shouldn’t be a big deal, except it is. 

50 days pass for eight girls barely surviving on an island when there should be nine.

There’s a choked sob, like someone is trying to muffle the sound, and then another and Leah wakes to the sound of Fatin crying. It surprises her more than it should, Fatin crying. She hasn’t seen Fatin cry, not at school, not on the first day, not when Fatin held Leah in her arms on the beach, not even after Nora pulled Rachel’s unconscious body from the ocean, her bloodied arm looking like it got sent through a wood chipper.

She turns over, trying to look for Fatin’s body by the shine of the moonlight. As the weeks went by, they all started sleeping closer and closer together, kind of like a group of seals on a dock, so it’s impossible to discern Fatin from the others. Shelby’s blonde hair catches Leah’s eye and she focuses in, noticing how Shelby’s left hand is gently curled around the inside of Toni’s elbow. Leah smiles, in spite of herself.

Past Shelby, Martha and Dot are curled together, with Dot lying on her back, mouth open, and Martha tucked into her side. Near them, Nora and Rachel are wrapped up so tightly Leah can’t really determine who’s body is who’s. They’ve slept like that ever since the accident and every time Leah looks at Rachel her eyes can’t help but slide down her arm to what’s left of her wrist. It’s mostly a mangled stump, but considering the limited supplies, it looks at least stable. Rachel’s been highly medicated most everyday and every few hours Dot pours their quickly depleting supply of vodka on it. 

A noise behind her makes Leah turn around. She maneuvers around their campsite, the best she can in the dark, stepping over water bottles, pieces of driftwood, even Martha’s suitcase, before she reaches Fatin. 

She’s curled tightly, more like a ball than the fetal position, and away from Leah so she can’t see her face. It’s not particularly cold out, but Fatin’s shaking. 

Leah drops to her knees, hands hovering over Fatin’s side, unsure if she can touch, then switches direction to lie behind Fatin. She tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, the ones that have been there since around day 29, as they try to flutter awake. For a second, Leah pauses before wrapping her arms around Fatin. The other girl doesn’t protest at the contact, but she also doesn’t acknowledge or lean into it, just continues shivering.

It’s hard but she tries not to notice how well their bodies fit together. They’ve slept close together before (Fatin actually has been insistent about Leah sleeping near her ever since “Leah’s second Virginia Woolf moment” as Rachel dubbed it accordingly), but never this close, with her front pressed up against Fatin’s back. They’re basically spooning. 

As if she heard Leah’s thoughts, Fatin mumbles, “I’m the little spoon. God, how embarrassing.”

She lets out a pained laugh and Leah freezes. She wasn’t expecting for Fatin to react, let directly acknowledge what’s happening. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t spooned someone before, Rilke,” Fatin’s voice cracks but still manages to have her signature teasing lilt. 

“Of course I have,” Leah says into Fatin’s shoulder, her face heating up against her will. Thank God, Fatin isn’t looking at her.

“Well then you know you have to commit,” Fatin says, moving Leah’s arm so it’s curled against Fatin’s stomach. Leah counts to 100 by 7’s twice to resist the urge of flexing her fingers against Fatin’s skin. Not the time.

Her brain blurts out the first thing she thinks of, “Ironic, how you’re talking to me about commitment.”

(Smooth Leah, real smooth)

Fatin doesn’t respond to her stupid ass comment, doesn’t talk for a long time. She is not crying as much, at least not that Leah can hear, the tears could still be falling down her face silently, she reminds herself.

“You know, my dad didn’t let me say goodbye to my brothers,” Fatin finally says. “At the airport. Didn’t even let them come, they had to stay home with my mom. He said they had ‘too much homework’ which was bullshit. School was almost over by the end of May. I knew he just didn’t want me to see them and now…”

Fatin takes a shuddering breath and dissolves into fresh sobs.

“It’s been fifty days and...and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see them again,” she hiccups. 

“Fatin you don’t…” but the reassurance dies in Leah’s throat. After fifty days, dying on the island seems like a very real possibility, as real of a possibility when Leah was losing her mind over the realization and tried to run into the ocean a month ago, maybe even more so now, with their collective fear growing each day about how purposeful everything feels, how a group of (seemingly) random strangers arbitrarily came to be stuck on an island, depending on each other. The day they saw the plane fly over doesn’t even register in Leah’s mind as significant anymore, just another circumstance on her list proving that something is fucking wrong. 

It hits her, Leah’s bad at this. Being there for someone, let alone comforting them. It feels alien to her, as much as her cell phone or Ian, a thousand miles away, desperately insignificant to her, to what’s on this island. Honestly, she can’t remember the last time she’s touched someone like this before the island, especially someone she cares about. Leah was never a particularly touchy kid but after him, when she started to flinch at her mother’s touch or shunned away from her father’s hugs, her tolerance for physical contact plummeted, pretty much becoming nonexistent. 

The feeling rises from her chest into her throat like bile and Leah becomes acutely aware of how her body is positioned, how she’s holding Fatin, just like how he held her: from behind, chin tucked into shoulder, arms snaking around her waist. She always found it comforting but now, in the haze of the memory, she wonders if he did that to keep her in place, to hold her down. Leah stiffens, she can’t help it, as the pressing, suffocating feeling settles again over her body.

But Fatin isn’t him, and neither is she. Leah knows that, knows it in the way Fatin’s hair smells like pears and sand and salt, knows it in the spaces that she's hesitant and timid, Fatin is unselfishly bold, knows it by the way Fatin’s fingers never rest, even now tapping out a slow melody on her arm, knows it because Fatin’s been there for her since the plane crash (well, close enough), holding her and crying with her, and a tiny, persistent voice in the back of Leah’s head whispers loving— 

Still, Leah gently extracts her hands from around Fatin’s waist and tugs on her shoulders until Fatin is turning over to face her.

“You will. We will get back home, we have to.”

Maybe it’s the darkness that makes her bold, but Leah leans forward, just enough, to brush her lips against Fatin’s forehead. She tries to ignore the hitch in her chest or the memory of Fatin doing the same to her after she ran into the ocean, thinking Leah was still knocked out from the pills instead of just dozing.

“You probably just got sand in your mouth, dummy,” the weight of the insult is weakened by the way Fatin’s voice breaks.

“I don’t care,” and Leah doesn’t. She has more important things to think/worry about than a few grains of sand, like keeping everyone she knows alive, keeping herself mostly sane, and not screwing up and saying something incredibly stupid in front of this girl she’s holding in her arms.

Fatin sucks in a breath and maybe, just maybe, thanks to the light from the full moon above them, Leah sees Fatin’s lips quiver. It takes her a second to look back up at Fatin and the other girl is already looking at her, the air thick with tension, thick with an unspoken something. 

Leah’s nose tickles as Fatin nudges it ever so slightly with her own. It feels like an invitation and maybe in another life without deserted islands and broken girls Leah would understand and kiss Fatin until they’re both breathless, but she looks at Fatin again, still with tears on her face, and wonders if Fatin expects it because that’s all she’s ever known: people using her body for their own motivations. And it’s not that Leah doesn’t want to kiss her, because God, she does, but she wants to do it right, and wants it to last this time. 

She leans in because she can’t completely resist the hedonistic (self-destructive) pull in her stomach, the curiosity of how Fatin’s skin feels against her lips, and presses her lips into the corner of Fatin’s cheek, just close enough to her mouth to say I want this too, but not now. Leah knows she’s lingering, but the mix of perfume and salt is almost addictive and it just feels so fucking good to touch someone, knowing Fatin won’t break. (Is it because they’re both broken already, who knows?)

Leah pulls back and Fatin’s looking at her with more tears streaking silently down her cheeks, but Leah’s pretty sure she understands. 

She wipes a tear from the side of Fatin’s eye and maybe, she thinks for a moment Fatin is going to make a comment about messing up her mascara, but then thinks better of it, because this moment, where they’re both staring into each others eyes under the moonlight on an empty beach feels too heavy for any words.

Instead, Fatin just tucks her face into the crook in Leah’s collarbone and shudders and shakes with silently sobs, but Leah holds her, all through the night, even when she’s too exhausted to open her eyes anymore, and falls asleep too. 

Thankfully, when Dot finds them in the morning still curled into each other, she waits until they walk back to camp with the others before nodding and passing a water bottle to Fatin. 

[deadpoetsam]

ok sam do you have any theories as to what happened to injure shelby’s leg?? this has been on my mind since i saw her episode and there are so many possibilities, it’s the one thing i’m dying to have explained 😭

hi!! well, i have three theories :)

So you know how Leah and Shelby got closer right? well i think that after the shark attack, the people who Leah is most likely to trust are Fatin and Shelby. What if Leah shows Shelby the hole in the ground and she falls in? or what if a similar thing happens to Shelby as to Leah, where someone pushes her in to keep her "safe"

This one is a little dark, but i think that Martha definitely got injured somehow, and that's why she isn't interviewed. What if she and Shelby were together when it happened? What if something happened to the both of them? Maybe it was partly Shelby's fault, and it might be the reason for the shoni angst? much to think about... (toni is too calm for martha to be dead, but i still haven't figured out whether shoni is still together lmao)

it happens in the bunker. Young and Faber said that she showed dissociative tendencies, maybe she went crazy like Leah and got hurt?

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

it’s work in progress wednesday so here’s a little goodfoe one shot that i can’t decide if i like and is mostly just me exploring leah and shelby’s relationship. also there’s some religion in there that i’m sure i fucked up.

Shelby doesn’t remember the dream, but she wakes to Toni’s arm thrown over her, reaching for Shelby’s phone as she attempts to hit the snooze alarm.

She spends most of the morning feeling queasy, a little nauseous, as Toni spends most of the morning exchanging grunts with her and muddling through coffee. It’s half past nine when Toni is awake enough, presses her arms around Shelby, kisses her neck. Toni’s arms have always, instinctively, made Shelby relax, like her body knows it’s safe.

Her skin feels like its falling off in awful flakes and she can barely breathe when she pushes Toni away.

“Um—”

“Would you give me some space? Jesus Christ, I can’t have a minute to myself?”

“Uh—” Toni reaches out a hand and Shelby finds herself in a corner, rock and a hard place, burning up.

“Don’t touch me!”

Toni flinches, “I just—”

Shelby pushes past her, eight steps to the bathroom in this tiny damned apartment, and upchucks in the toilet.

“Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

She is only spitting up bile now, Toni is calling her name. The door is locked.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

She’s trapped, she’s trapped, she’s trapped. She made the wrong choice, everything is falling apart, her skin is flaking off.

"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

Shelby leans against the wall, closes her eyes as she feels her stomach gracefully settle, now empty. The bitter taste along her mouth lingers, and she doesn’t realize she’s praying.

“For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever.” And ever. And ever. And ever.

She is trapped here, and it’s ruined.

The pounding at the door has stopped, Shelby gets to her feet.

Toni almost falls through the door when Shelby opens it, her eyes are wide and red rimmed.

“I’m going out,” Shelby tells her. “Don’t follow me.”

“Shelby wait—”

The apartment is so small Toni doesn’t have time to finish her sentence before Shelby makes a jailbreak, she’s wearing house shoes, and it’s freezing outside but what should she expect it’s Minnesota?

God, what in the world is she doing in a tiny ass town in rural Minnesota?

Her skin is baked, she’s so hot, it’s flaking off, joining that mushy gray slush on the ground that Toni told her will stick around through March.

“Hey girl hey! You’re on speakerphone with Dot in the car, because I am driving because that is all you fuckin do in LA,” Fatin answered on the first ring.

“My skin is flaking off,” Shelby says. And then, to specify, “I can’t breathe and I’m dying and it’s too hot and I think my fingers are turning blue.”

“Hey, breathe with me okay, it’s going to be—”

Shelby hangs up.

The entire world is falling apart, she’s trapped and she’s nothing, and she’s going to die and die alone for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and

“Hey,” Leah picks up on the fifth ring.

“Leah,” Shelby sobs, the name a prayer, a lifeline. “It’s ruined, everything is ruined, I’m trapped and my skin is flaking off and I’m dying and I can’t breathe and—and—and—and—”

Someone sobbing interrupts her and she’s relieved to realize it’s not Leah.

“Are you around anything sharp?” Leah asks.

Shelby blinks, she looks around, “No.”

“What about a body of water?”

“No.”

“Any motor ways?”

“Maybe a five minute walk?”

“Okay, are you sitting?”

Shelby nods, realizes Leah can’t see that, “Yes.”

“You need to stand up,” Shelby stands. “Stand in the opposite direction of the road, and start walking.” Shelby starts walking. “Your skin isn’t falling off, you aren’t dying, you’re breathing, nothing is ruined, you aren’t trapped.”

“My skin isn’t falling off, I’m not dying, I’m breathing, nothing is ruined, I’m not trapped.”

“Stop running,” Leah tells her and Shelby hadn’t realized she had started. “Nothing is chasing you.”

“Nothing is chasing me.”

She doesn’t believe the words but she and Leah have played this game before, the only way to win is by playing the game again, some different day.

“Did I wake you up? The time difference—I always forget.”

“No,” Leah says. “I haven’t slept since I got the restraining order.”

Shelby nods. “I want that man in prison for you, Leah.”

“I know you do.” And every time someone says something like that to her it always sounds like Leah comes a little closer to believing the sentiment herself.

Shelby is still walking, she might walk until her feet hurt, or her bad ankle feels like it wants to fall off.

“Was it a nightmare?” Leah asks.

“You know I still pray,” Shelby says. “I prayed so often for so long it’s like—it’s instinct, it’s like my brain just goes there when I’m struggling like a reflex. Only sometimes I’ll be praying and repeating the words and I don’t even believe them. And I’m just sitting there in my prayer wondering where the hell I go from here. Maybe I do go to hell.”

Leah hums.

“I don’t think I’m okay, Leah,” Shelby confides. “I still felt safer than I ever have on that damn island.”

“I hate my therapist, I hate that it’s working, that I don’t obsess over things in the same way, that I can feel myself changing and I’m afraid of this new person. At least I knew who I was on the island.”

“That’s not who you are,” Shelby argues. “This is who you are. This person, who I’m talking to right now.”

Leah is quiet for a long time, she always is. She always plans her words a million years in advance, especially during these calls.

“Do you really feel trapped?”

Shelby wants to cry again, “No.”

“What do you feel?”

“Like I’m on the edge of a cliff and I don’t know which side is solid ground.”

“Was it a nightmare?” Leah asks again, because neither let the other get away with anything for very long.

“I think so.”

“You’re not gonna die if you fall off the cliff,” Leah tells her. Shelby swallows hard. “I’m telling the truth.”

“You promise?”

“Train wrecks unite,” Leah tells her. “Now call Toni.”

She hangs up, and Shelby opens her phone to a million missed calls from everyone. She blocks them all and calls Toni.

“Hey,” Her voice is breathless. “Where are you?”

Shelby looks around, “I don’t—” her voice breaks, she tries to muffle a sob, “Toni, I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, hey that’s okay. I’m coming. I’m coming.”

Toni keeps talking to her as Shelby hears her leave the apartment, start the pickup they bought from Martha’s mom for cheap, drive down that old highway with the potholes from the winter the city refuses to acknowledge. There’s some breaking of branches, before Toni is behind her. Toni comes up slow but Shelby falls into her, terrified.

“I’m sorry.”

She’s shaking in Toni’s arms and Toni just tightens up on her,

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done—

“Sometimes I feel like I’m the worst person on the planet,” Shelby whispers, “just for loving you. Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating God, just because I’m happy. Sometimes I feel like there is no God and I’ve been cheated, and whoever I am just crumbles into nothing. I don’t know if I am anyone anymore, I don’t know why you’re with me.”

—on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

“I feel like the whole world is spinning on one axis, and I’m spinning on the other,” Shelby finishes.

Toni finally pulls away, hands still on Shelby’s biceps, Shelby still shaking under them.

“I’m with you because I love you,” Toni says. “What else is there?”

And there’s nothing else, is there?

When it all was stripped away, their hygiene and the fluoride in their water supply, their history and their secrets and their family and their responsibilities to everything but basic survival—all that was left was love. Love for each other, and their lives back home, and for the dead, and the world, and a hundred other things they hadn’t loved since they were little. Like the way the sky looks just before sunset, or the way it smells after it rains, and chocolate chip cookies their mom made for them after they got home from school. Like old people struggling to carry their grocery bags, or the kids with cancer when those ads came on the TV to donate, or the homeless man that always smiled at them.

That was all that was left, that love. And the love for each other.

There is no intrinsic reason why Shelby should love Dot and Fatin, or Rachel or Leah. There is no reason why she should love Nora and Martha. There is no reason why she should love her parents, her siblings. There is no reason why she should love Becca Gilroy.

There is no reason why she should love Toni Shalifoe.

But there is a reason, isn’t there? She loves Toni because she loves her.

Maybe Leah was right, that falling off a cliff won’t kill her. That’s faith isn’t it? Trust, blindly, openly, love because you love.

“I can’t walk home,” Shelby says. “My ankle it—”

“I’ve got you,” Toni says.

She does.

[mediocre-writerr]

aftertaste [the wilds girls]

the wilds girls x reader

requested #1: Obviously I don’t mean right away because you just wrote it, but would you consider doing a part 2 to the x reader with all the girls?

requested #2: Would you be willing to write one for all the wild girls x reader like the other one you did when the reader ate a lot of muscles too like Toni so they’re trying to figure out who to give the meds to? I love your work

*not my gif*

“Mussels anyone?” Dot asked as we were about to have our picnic in the corridor.

The quarantine on all of us girls had been lifted. We’re still trying to plan our great escape, but we’re just happy to be able to be around one another.

“Oh God no. After what happened last time?” Toni asked.

You scrunched up your face in disgust, “Oh yeah no thanks. I think I’ll pass.”

“Ah the Mussel Catastrophe of 2020.” Fatin said and all of you shuddered at the harsh memory.

Rachel had just come back with a boatload of mussels and you were all in for it. You’ve always loved some good seafood, mussels being your favorite so you went all out.

“I don’t know whose devouring these things faster Toni or Y/N.” Rachel pointed out and you could see piles of mussels already empty between you and Toni.

“Well when you think of it as a nice wet-“ Toni’s about to go on when Shelby stops her, placing her hands over your ears.

Shelby smacked Toni’s arm lightly, “Stop! You’re gonna corrupt her even more!”

You give Toni a side-glance and she stifles a laugh. Once Shelby released your hands from off your ears, you and Nora yelled, “PUSSY!!”

Shelby placed her head in her hands, shaking them like a disappointed mom. You, Toni, and Nora all give each other high-fives, smiling at each other widely.

“Too late for that.” Leah mumbles in between slurps of her mussels.

As the rest of the day flew away, you could feel an unsettling feeling in your stomach.

A constant pain. Needles pierced through your stomach. Everyone, but Shelby started to look pale. A cool sweat settling over your entire body. Your stomach started doing flips in the body.

“Is anyone feeling a little-“ Fatin started, but her sentence couldn’t finish because of the vile that came up her throat.

And as if the world had a strange weird vendetta against all of you, a chorus of gags and throw up came spewing out of all of your mouths.

You couldn’t help but feel everything start to get hotter and hotter. The whole island feeling like it’s spinning on its axis, faster and faster and faster. Every time you thought the vile was done, it started back up again harsher than the last.

Toni didn’t look in the best shape either. She wasn’t too far away from you, so you decided to crawl towards her. Your muscles falling weak, so it was more of an army crawl than anything else.

“Are you...you okay?” Toni asked and you shook your head.

“I feel like I just drank expired milk.” you coughed out, falling limp next to her.

“Well we kinda did.” she fell onto the ground lying next to you. Both of you curled onto your sides, holding your stomach in pain.

Fatin and Martha ran over to the both of you. Her sickness seemed like it was fading away. The only people who still seemed super affected it by it were you and Toni. The two girls had water in their hands.

Fatin pulled you onto her lap, “It’s gonna be alright Y/N. I know it hurts, I know.”

She held the bottle to your lips, trying to keep you as hydrated as possible. The water felt nice against your lips and down your throat. Until it didnt...falling right back onto the sand along with a bunch of other vile.

“Fatin I don’t feel good. I don’t like throwing up.” you whined, tears pooling in your eyes.

She ran her fingers threw her hair, “I know. I know. It’s okay. Dot and Leah are gonna be back with medicine.”

Again seemingly like the world is against all of you, Dot and Leah come rushing back, “So we have a problem we only have one pill.”

Leah looked a bit guilty, but your vision was fuzzy so you didn’t know if that was actually what you were seeing.

“Question is, who needs it more?” Leah asked and both you and Toni pointed at each other.

“No. It’s Toni’s...look at her. She’s practically sweating her ass off.” you say, your breathing ragged.

“Damn it Y/N! Take the pill. You’re younger, you have this whole life ahead of you. I don’t matter!” she let out, her voice tired and heavy.

You shook your head, grabbing her hand, “You matter to me and all of the girls here. And you’re right, I’m younger, I’ll be fine.”

The girl shook her head and you squeezed her hand softly, “Stop being so stubborn, you’re a literal ass. Just take the pill.” she laughed, before falling limp into Martha’s arms.

Leah handed Toni the pill, but she was still being her stubborn self. So Shelby did what she did best, pushing her onto the ground and force feeding it to her.

Well...that was a load of sexual tension that I’ve only seen on movie screens.

“I’m gonna take a nap.” you mumbled, curled up into a ball in Fatin’s lap.

Fatin shook you softly, “No, no. Finish this first.” she guided the water back up to your lips as you sipped on it. Practically chugging it down.

“Can I nap now?” you mumbled, extremely tired from the sickness you just fell through.

“Of course.” she whispered and you felt your whole body start to breathe evenly.

Toni gestured for Fatin to bring her closer to her, “Let me help her.”

She laid down next to you, wrapping her arm around your waist. Toni placed her head on your shoulder as you slept peacefully on the soft sand.

“Thank you.” Toni mumbled, “You matter to me too.”

“That’s when I knew that Toni was just a porcupine. A hard exterior, but soft on the inside.” Shelby said, placing a kiss to her temple.

You pretended to gag at them kissing, “Ew can you no kiss in front of me? I’m trying to eat.”

Shelby took a fry from her chicken tenders before throwing it at you. You moved your head, catching the fry in your mouth successfully.

“HA! Nice try!” you exclaimed, mocking the girl.

Leah slapped the back of your head, “Knock it off.” she joked, but her eyes were serious like a mom’s gaze.

“And for one I am not a porcupine. I will not hesitate to throw piss at all of you.”

A chorus of “mhm’s” and “okay sure’s” rang throughout the corridor. Toni sent all of you a death glare.

You raised your hands in false fear, “Wow I’m so scared.” you said sarcastically.

“You should be.” she said, squinting her eyes to look at you.

And all of a sudden a thick liquid hit your cheek. It plopped onto your lap in satisfaction. You picked up the fry and plopped it into your mouth.

“Shelby! Toni’s being mean to me!” you exclaimed, mocking a little kid’s voice.

“She started it!” Toni fired back using the same voice.

Shelby shook her head, looking at Dot, “Dot care to help out with these rascals?”

“Why are you looking at me for? I’m the cool aunt!” Dot exclaimed, sipping at her second milkshake.

“The two of you shut up before I turn this car around!!” Fatin yelled.

You and Toni looked at each other before shrinking softly.

“Done and done.” Fatin said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder.

[thatsgay-writes]

Day 2

Song that goes with this chapter

PREVIOUS

"You know... day 2 wasn't that interesting. But it was also the day we realized that like, holy shit... We're stuck on an island together. Our plane actually crashed..."

•••••

"Who's gonna wake her up?" Dot asked as she looked over at your sleeping form. Everyone had kind of slept close together, except for you. You set your self up maybe 15 steps away from everyone else. "You go do it Dot not like you've had a problem with waking me up." Fatin says with an eye roll. Dot gives Fatin a look before walking over to you. Toni and Martha shared a concern look, it wasn't like you to separate yourself from people like that especially since you were in and unknown place. The first time you spent the night at Martha's house, you clung to Toni like a koala because it was a new environment and you didn't feel safe yet.

Dot stood over you, "y/n... y/n... y/n!" Dot yelled trying to wake you up. "You gotta shake her awake, she's a heavy sleeper!" Toni yelled from the group. Dot groaned before leaning down over you and grabbing your bicep. Almost immediately you sit up fast and punch Dot straight in the face. "Yo what the fuck was that!?" Dot yelled as she leaned back, the other girls had stood up to when they saw you throw a fist at Dot. Dot doesn't really hear a response and looks down to see you panicking. "I'm not there, I'm not there... Sand, sand... I'm on an island I'm not there, I'm safe." You keep mumbling over and over again as you grab at the front of your shirt trying to catch you breath. You were trying so hard to stop the panic attack that you could feel coming.

"Uhh, y/n?" Dot asked carefully, not making any movements that could set you off. The girls could see you were struggling to catch your breathe but they had no idea what to do. Toni felt a light push on her back and turned around to see Martha looking at her with a begging look. Martha didn't know the exact details of your falling out but she knew Toni still held feelings for you, even if she tried to deny it. Toni nodded her head at Martha before walking over to you. Everyone held there breathe as they watched her walk up to you, it was made very obvious on the plane that you and Toni had some type of history.

Toni gets on her knees on the other side of you, across from Dot, and reaches out slowly to put her hand on your knee. "Y/n, I need you to look at me and take deep breathes." Toni says as her hand connects with your knee. As soon as it does, you stop grabbing your shirt and start to latch onto Toni's, hoping she can bring you back down to earth like an anchor. Toni wraps her arms around you and pulls you onto her lap. "I got you, I got you... Just breathe for me please." Toni whispers into your hair as she holds you. It feels weird, having you back in her arms. Toni missed you a lot more than she was willing to admit. It was also weird to feel where your leg ended. She could feel one leg lay across hers and the other one just stopped. You were finally able to catch your breath and sunk deeper into Toni's embrace feeling completely worn out. "Sleep some more." Toni says as she feels the tiredness radiate off you. "I'll be here when you wake up." You nod your head and close your eyes. Toni looks up to see the rest of the girls looking at her with a questioning look and Toni just waved them off.

When you finally come to, you realize you had moved from the last place you fell asleep. You feel something soft but hard under you and arms around your waist. Your about to freak out and rip the jacket that was laid over you, it was blocking the sun from your face, before you heard the familiar heartbeat against your ear. You pretended to be asleep a little longer as you enjoyed being in Toni's arms. She had broken your heart a long time ago but you still loved her... and missed her... as a friend of course, as a friend. You felt Toni cup the back of your head through the jacket and give you a kiss on the head before rubbing your head. It gave you a flashback to the nights you had spent together and how she would do it often.

You let out a sigh before sitting up, letting the jacket fall off your head. "Well, well. Looks like sleeping beauty finally woke up." Toni says with a smirk as you look up at her. You roll your eyes at her before snuggling deeper into her chest, hearing her heart beat pick up. "How long have I been asleep?" You ask as you notice some people are missing. "A while. Shelby, Rachel, Leah, and Nora went to the top of mountain hill thing. Dot and Fatin are doing inventory and Martha is chilling." You nod your head and sit up. "Thank you... For earlier. I..." You choke up a little as tears gather in your eyes. "I missed you Toni..." You say as you look down. Toni wrapped her arms around you and gave you a kiss on the head causing your heart beat to speed up. "I missed you too."

*Time Skip*

"Alright time for bed guys." Dot says standing up and clapping her hands together. Everyone silently agreed and walked to their claimed "beds". You had moved your bed a little closer to the rest of the girls but only like 5 steps. You laid in bed for what felt like hours unable to fall asleep. "Anyone else awake?" You hear Martha ask from across the camp. A bunch of yes's and hands are raised. Martha sits up and looks your way. "Y/n?" "Yeah?" "Can you sing a song? I always used to fall asleep when you sang." You got nervous as everyone looked your way. "I... I don't know Martha... I don't even have my guitar." You say as you wring your hands together. "Please y/n." Martha says giving you a pout. You let out a sigh, you always crumble at Martha's pout. "Alright... Which song?" You ask as you stand up and walk over to Martha. "I don't know which ever one." You nod your head before thinking before you start singing.

"There was a time when I was alone No where to go and no place to call home My only friend was the man in the moon And even sometimes he would go away too Then one night, as I closed my eyes I saw a shadow flying high He came to me with the sweetest smile Told me he wanted to talk for a while He said Peter Pan that's what they call me I promise that you'll never be lonely And ever since that day"

You start singing and watch as the girls, except for Toni and Martha who both give you a small smile, look shocked at your voice.

"I am a Lost Boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the Woods Always on the run from Captain Hook Run run Lost Boy, they say to me Away from all of reality Neverland is home to lost boys like me And lost boys like me are free Neverland is home to lost boys like me And lost boys like me are free He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believeBelieve in him and believe in me Together we will fly away in a cloud of green To your beautiful destiny As we soared above the town that never loved me I realized I finally had a family Soon enough we reached Neverland Peacefully my feet hit the sand and ever since that day..."

You smiled down at Martha as you watched her struggle to keep her eyes open. You slowly stroked her head as she slowly but surely fell asleep.

"I am a Lost Boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the Woods Always on the run from Captain Hook Run run Lost Boy, they say to me Away from all of reality Neverland is home to lost boys like me And Lost Boys like me are free Neverland is home to lost boys like me And Lost Boys like me are free Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Wendy darlin Even Captain Hook you are my perfect story book Neverland I love you so, you are now my home sweet home Forever a lost boy at last Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Wendy darlin Even Captain Hook you are my perfect story book Neverland I love you so, you are now my home sweet home Forever a Lost Boy at last And for always I will say I am a Lost Boy from Neverland Usually hanging out with Peter Pan And when we're bored we play in the Woods Always on the run from Captain Hook Run run Lost Boy, they say to me Away from all of reality Neverland is home to Lost Boys like me And Lost Boys like me are free Neverland is home to Lost Boys like me And Lost Boys like me are free"

As you sing the song, you hop around to all the  girls and make sure they are asleep. You walk up to Toni last and lean down. You take a second to look over her features. You had missed her a lot since your falling out and maybe this was the perfect opportunity to rekindle whatever you had before. You place a hand on her cheek and watch with a blush as she snuggles into in subconsciously. You don't realize that Shelby was still awake and looking at the small interaction with some disgust.

*Time Skip*

You wake up with a start and immediately feel the rain slam against your face. You immediately go to stand up, grabbing your stick, but the wind is too harsh that it knocks you over immediately and you lose your stick as it gets covered by sand. "Y/n?!" You hear someone yell. "Toni?!" You yell back as you see her walking over with a jacket over her head. Toni crouches down and gets close to you so she can hold the jacket over you as well. "Can you stand?!" She asks yelling over the the sounds of thunder and rain. "No I lost my stick!" You respond. Toni nods her head before letting the jacket fall to the side as she wraps one of your arms around her shoulders and helps you stand.

"Everyone under here!" Dot yells as she pulls the deflated escape slide over. Toni helps you maneuver under it as you both take a spot in the middle between the others. You all sit there for a few minutes, completely silent. "You know..." You say, only meaning to get Toni's attention but get everyone's attention as well. "This reminds me of my brother's funeral..." You let out a watery laugh. "Of course my parents..." You say with so much venom in your face, it shocks the girls. You were honesty one of the more happier people of the group, the nice one. "They didn't give a flying fuck when the funeral happened as long as it was done and over fast." You shake your head and squeeze your fist together trying to calm yourself down.

"You know... I was there..." Toni admits. You look at her in shock. "I... I stood in the back. I wanted so many times to go up there and I don't know... I don't know..." Toni says as she looks down. You reached your hand over after relaxing it and grabbed Toni's hand. She looks up at you and you both share a somewhat knowing smile before releasing hands and looking back out into the storm. "Why the fuck am I so itchy?"

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