#the way he has no inner monologue bc he's just 'him' right now

[thedevotionaltour]

even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!

[bokutoasavillain]

Hello! Could you recommend your favorite System fanfictions?

I have put this off for so long bc I have so many that I love and making a list that big seemed terrifying but I love sharing fanfics so here’s my best attempt <3

Bingqiu:

Tale Within A Tale

Rated T, It is so good!! The concept is so clever and it is such a satisfying read<33

it's you I find like a ghost in my mind

Rated M, a great identity reveal with a lot of dreamsharing

Treading Well-Worn Paths

Rated T, post-canon sqq turns into a kid and yqy and lbh look after him. I cannot tell you how I love this. The characterization, the dynamics, the identity reveal are all so perfect. Everything progresses so naturally and it is so good. The ending is a bit bittersweet and honestly it’s so fitting and just read this it’s perfect

We Are Not Wise

Rated T, in an au where cultivators draw their swords from their souls, sj takes in sy (a bit of blackmailing included). Sy and lbh are both disciples and soulmates. The focus is more on the relationship between sy and sj and it’s probably one of my favorite ways their relationship is portrayed. It is heavier on the angst and I was crying. It is so beautiful <33

The Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known

Rated T, such a sweet and lighthearted post-canon truth spell fic <33

side effects may include indefinite photosensitivity

This is a three part series taking place post-canon. It’s about relationship development and also character development bc these two are so so young and have so much time to still grow. It is so sweet and also has some genderqueer bingqiu (as a treat)

Also one of my favorite quotes ever that still makes me cry to this day:

“I think I am mourning something that never existed to begin with,” […]“I think I am the thing that never existed to begin with.” (It’s in the third fic)

lonely little heartbeat

Rated E, lbh reverse transmigrates at 15 (I don’t want to spoil it but it’s great)

colored bright green

Rated T, Binghe also transmigrates to pidw and finds out he’s not the only one! It’s a slow burn and so sweet

Now Entering Incognito Mode!

Rated E, sqq flees cqms while lbh is in the abyss and he meets a mysterious young lady, I don’t want to spoil this it is soooo good!!!

I'll make the world safe and sound for you

Rated M, babytrapping (kinda?) its sweet and beautiful

go with the flow

Rated T, no plot just sweet post-canon husbands

End Racism in the OTW -- Infinite First Dates

Rated M, set during the five years sqq is dead, a lot of dream sharing. It’s really fun and lovely and just perfect <33

Type Casting

Rated E, oh god this one is soooo good!! What if sqqs mushroom body was that of a woman? And what if he didn’t remember his death?? And what if he himself assigned himself the role of the female lead bc well she’s a woman now so she obviously has to marry lbh right? Right???

Also sqqs inner monologue is so perfect and so good!!!!

I love this one so much pleeeeaase read it!!

the adventure of tiny bing

Rated E, tiny bingbing!! They’re friends and husbands and silly your honor

Error 404: Shizun Not Found?

Rated M, such a unique concept done so well

Promise Me Your Heart

Rated T, such a sweet and so underrated fic! I love it so much it fills me with all the mushy sweet feelings and it’s so tender and romantic and just sooo sweet <33

We’ll Meet While Rain is Falling

Rated E, amnesia that gets fixed by you guessed it papapa!! (It’s really sweet and tender)

Size Empress

Rated E, genderqueer sqq has a dream and well it progresses really well

Benign Deviations

Rated M, Bingge and Bingmei switch places and it’s amazing

shallow water weather

Rated T, MERMAID BINGQIU!! It’s so good (also anything my nyoomerr is amazing so read them all)

continued

Rated T, this one is really hard to describe so just go and read it it’s so fun and hilarious

To Boil a Frog

Rated M, the narrator in this one is so good and fun and overall it’s great

a gentler lesson

Rated T, KISSES!! SOO MANY KISSES!!!!

I (immortal, M) think I might be developing feelings for my roommate (27M). Help!!!

Rated M, so stupid so good just what it says in the title

A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House

Rated T, I just really love this one! Definitely so worth reading (I might have read it twice)

open my lungs to let you in

Rated T, also one I’ve reread a few times

Can't we just skip to the end?

Rated E, time travel baby! This and the sequels are so good!!

night of yearning

Rated E, lbh gets selective amnesia, this absolutely destroyed my soul

As to Me, As to You

Rated T, such an amazing concept with so much potential for future shenanigans and overall so satisfying

right from the start, I gave you my heart

Rated T, sqq is under an obedience curse when the jinlan reunion happens what could possibly go wrong?

Cumplane:

slow dance with you

Rated T, Kissies<33

I've got $400 and a really bad idea

Rated T, fake dating hehehe

Cumplane Summary Archive

Rated T, Outsider pov and overall hilarious

huddle for warmth

Rated G, so sweet and funny

Bros before... well everything I guess

Rated T, theyre a family <33

Moshang:

The Pen is Mightier

Rated E, Mbj seducing his husband <33

speak your mind

Rated T, sweet and touch starved

technically our marriage is saved

Rated T, so fun

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Rated T, this is so good! It destroyed me emotionally and just ugh. My notes after reading it: „My chest hurt and oh my god this is perfect and painful and beautiful“

A Child Once

Rated T, post-canon sqh gets deaged and it’s really good

retrograde

Rated T, amnesia and misunderstandings work out

maine nazaron se tujhe chu liya

Rated M, soulmate marks and a bit of mystery (kinda)

If Not You

Rated E, fuck or die and it’s really good. I stayed up reading this until I could not see properly and I was dizzy

Ok this is it! I went through all my bookmarks for this and it took me the entire day. I hope you enjoy and if you ever need anything specific I can probably find it for you<3

[fyodoro]

CHAPTER 148?? THIS WAS CRAZY??? anyways spoilers below cut (just me sharing thought and opinions, all good) but heres a panel of endo bc even if i hate him, he’s still a little comedian sometimes

Sakura accepting that losing is okay was the main focus in this chapter, which I think is really nice. I also like that he makes it clear that there’s a difference between “not winning” and “losing,” because in a way, yeah, they are two different things. But here he comes to accept that both are okay. Yeah, he really wants to win, and he’s not okay with “losing,” but he’s okay with “not winning.” I give props to Satoru Nii here, he did a great job with this.

I know a lot of people want that rooftop fight, or at least a glimpse of it, but if I’m being honest… I’m kinda glad we aren’t seeing it. These little glimpses of Umemiya are enough, and they’re Nii’s way of telling us that Sakura and Umemiya are in the same headspace right now. I said it before but I don’t have a problem saying it again… I really do think Umemiya should be out of commission after this arc, even if it’s briefly.

It’s definitely a hot take, but Wind Breaker is at a point in its plot where a sacrifice needs to be made. I’m not saying kill the guy, but a coma might be probable. Maybe I’m just so used to mangas with dreadful deaths and sacrifices, but yeah, that’s my opinion on the hidden fight.

Lastly, Sakura’s sacrifice. Tbh this was perfect. I said before that Sakura going with Endo would be an amazing setup for the next arc, but I also said that if executed right, him taking Endo down would be amazing for his character. And… yeah, this was executed perfectly. We the audience knew that Sakura could not beat Endo, and so did he. These last few chapters built on his character growth with his inner-monologue and paid off in the end.

He made it clear that he was okay with sacrificing himself for Furin’s sake, that he’d go with Endo if he won. But no one actually wants that to happen besides Endo, and Sakura quite literally has to take him down. So what better way than knocking both of them out at once?

So yeah, 10/10 chapter. I’m really happy with the writing recently and I’m hoping that it only goes up from here. I appreciate Satoru Nii’s understanding of his own characters a lot and I’m so grateful for his care put into the story.

[candaru]

just gonna ramble about some Ultrakill/Portal crossover thoughts don't mind me

(considering The End of All Known Land canon for these thoughts, i.e. a world where Gabriel and V1 are the only ones to get out of Hell)

Chell hates robots with all her soul and would try to fucking annihilate V1 if she thought they posed even a sliver of a threat but V1 would be so fucking excited at the prospect of another human. like obviously if they were still in a situation where they needed blood, they'd kill her without a second thought, but now? they're just FASCINATED by the question of "how did a human SURVIVE" and they want to know everything

V1 inner monologue: oh boy a new sparring partner!!! wow they have a cool new kind of gun I've never seen before!! that would've been soooo helpful back in hell. I wonder if that's how they escaped? and they're quiet just like me! I wonder if their organic voicebox is broken? or do they just not have one? can humans not have one?

GLaDOS would fucking despise Gabriel because he's sooooo full of himself. She doesn't even need to hear him say anything robot-racist, She's already decided She hates him and wants him dead. an "angel?" yeah, right. sounds just like another human ripe for the picking. let's see how high-and-mighty you are when you're in my TESTING DOMAIN! DO MY PUZZLES, BOY!!!

Gabriel is like wow this robot is stuck up and has some serious issues but also I am uncomfortable with how much of myself I see reflected in her. hmmmm. yeah I'll try your puzzle, tell me more about your deep-seated hatred of organics and particularly this one that keeps ruining the facility you run and is the only one to ever beat you in a fight. mhm. yeah so quick question have you ever thought about trying to fuck—

(EXPLOSION AND GUNFIRE)

meanwhile if Chell ever met Gabriel on the surface it'd make for such a good tense encounter. bc she is hiding behind a tree in full fight-or-flight mode wondering "how did another human SURVIVE" and also second question "how did they get such sickass wings and where can I get a pair?"

and then Gabriel noticing her would ALSO send him into fight-or-flight mode but only for a moment because of the pure shock of, again, "HOW DID A HUMAN SURVIVE" before curiosity completely overtakes him and he tries to talk to her. trying to get her to talk and not attack or run is like trying to coax a wild injured animal out of a hiding spot. but he eventually manages to earn the barest, most minimal amount of trust by setting down all his weapons and leaving offerings of food in front of her.

...this gets harder when she sees Gabriel and V1 together and registers that they're allies. she's unsure if they're plotting against her or if V1 is manipulating Gabriel. eventually she leans towards the latter and thinks her fears are confirmed when she witnesses them drawing Gabriel's blood while he's sleeping.

she tries to communicate this to him by drawing crude pictures on the ground and is VERY FRUSTRATED when he's like "omg can you not talk? that's ok!! V1 also can't talk but we make it work, they're really incredibly kind and patient and—"

Chell, internally: I AM GOING TO KILL THAT FUCKING ROBOT AND SAVE YOU

I think it would be funny for V1 to try and go urban exploring in Aperture. GLaDOS is initially all excited because a new testing robot literally fell right into Her clutches but then V1 proceeds to be the most stubborn, impudent, tenacious piece of shit and they remind her WAY TOO MUCH OF CHELL so now She's trying to kill them but they have ACTUAL FUCKING GUNS and Aperture is being destroyed in the wake of their battle

meanwhile V1 has decided they don't like this robot but also She makes fun tests. so they do puzzles until they get bored and then they blast holes through the wall and try to kill Her

something something Ultrakill is just Portal for NBs (everyone knows Portal is for women) and I'm so fascinated by the similar dynamics of the toxic yuri/toxic yaoi robot-and-human pairs. and I think they would mostly hate each other and I love that for them.

(also something something GLaDOS is too far gone, too corrupted in Her immortality, and too deep in denial for any possible healthy ending with Chell—it's just not possible. so seeing Gabriel and V1 in a healthy and loving relationship would make Her SO FUCKING MAD for reasons She can't articulate)

[quidfree]

i love the old married couple portion of your follow up to sober ii (melodrama)! outsider povs just tickle the brain, especially in tsh where the characters are so just disconnected from normal society. out of curiosity, have you thought any more about how students/peers/other people view francis and richard throughout that au?

i love that portion too i think the idea of them as this long established couple (for all intents and purposes, altho they may have deviated from certain aspects of a nuclear family monogamous relationship) is so funny & interesting. like sober ii already does so much legwork from canon and then the followup even further so by the time we hit middle age it’s a free country for what is allowed.

you’re right in that the tsh cast are deep weirdos to anyone normal interacting w them. i think they have naturally changed somewhat by the time we reach them in that portion bc for francis he’s now (gag) middle class and sort of domesticated / for richard he’s like.. in a long term relationship w a man (it’s funny they have reverse things to get used to) & plus yk there’s the whole thing where they’re both deeply troubled individuals with abusive childhood drama and bad relationship history so probably sticking it out together has done some healing / good down the line. so in some ways they’re a little more Normal mentally. but that said they are still weirdo murderers with terrible personalities who would both annoy and enable each other so not that normal.

talking abt how they go from sober ii to where we see them in their 40s is a separate post so in terms of outsider pov specifically i’d say they do kind of stick to themselves (codependent freaks) but like in the neighbourhood / on campus / in montreal classics circles they def have relationships and certain uhh reputations that go with them.

richard’s students are a fairly niche group so i think as a whole they tend to like him- if nothing else he’s genuine in his love of the material and he’s attractive and kind of reserved so he’s probably at his least annoying / cringe / questionable when teaching despite his inner monologue. he probs has bad timekeeping (cf his flop job at hampden) and pretentious grading but generally okay. we know he comes across much more sane and sound to people who don’t know him well (very tartt, we love). and then they don’t know francis at all apart from Maybe as f. abernathy the classics translator guy. so realistically to the students they’re actually quite a cool addition to the student rumour mill. i think over the years there have been random glimpses of them but never anything interesting until the fic incident, or similar ones that make it obvious professor papen has what seems to be a boyfriend. then everyone is ‘literally obsessed’. i don’t know if anyone ever IDs them as witnesses to the hampden murder-suicides on a true crime podcast and then gets excited about their tragic backstory and inspiring romance, but that would be fun.

professional peers see more of them obviously, but they do still keep to themselves a lot. richard’s colleagues’ opinions vary depending on how much interaction they’ve had with him and in what context, bc he definitely has beef with administration and some colleagues whose courses he doesn’t respect. he’s professionally respectable though. francis is a fairly lowkey presence in translation- he got initial buzz from the julian student clout but he only sporadically networks. he definitely has culture friends who gossip amongst themselves about him vanishing from boston so close to the wedding and no one hearing from him until his book got published. alex from NY wants to fuck both of them but finds them annoying as talents and good in small doses as friends. most of that author circle is at least a little jealous of them as a couple, maybe because they flourish when amongst people they can close ranks on.

in terms of other canon charas… some of that feels like its own post too. judy does not particularly get why richard is into francis but she thinks they’re a hot item and she overall likes them and their weird little bohemian* lifestyle (*misrepresented). she thinks they’re a good match. charles would not have very nice things to say. i think he’d think richard ‘fell for it’ with francis. his own complicated relationship with francis would predispose him to think they weren’t a genuine item. if he saw them down the line as an established couple he would probably just find it funny. and camilla… she’s sort of like “good for you crazy kids”. like it’s completely random to her but it tickles her nihilistic brain. later esp if she’s around them in person for some reason she’s just completely on board with it and has a strong fondness for their relationship bc it’s like, this one weird positive thing to have come out of the whole hampden disaster, AND it’s taken a lot of the strain out of richard’s relationship to her even though he never especially lets go of his camilla-shrine. richard’s naturally Very Embarrassed about being in any way datey with francis around her but it tapers off with age/habit despite his best efforts. francis on the other hand perversely enjoys making richard uncomfortable around camilla. guess which one she enables.

[ghostherlig]

chapter 11 endnotes!!

some end notes and things (as promised 😌) in chronological order!! (under the cut for spoilers!! go read chapter 11 first!!)

the word choices in the crossword puzzle were intentional!! it's kind of johnny and taka's perception of each other, or things they like about each other-

"Succinctly, John kept all of his emotions right in his chest, and one day, he would die." this IS a john mulaney reference-- and also very true, john has trouble expressing his emotions

also a lot of john's inner monologue in this chapter is him kind of keeping his emotions to himself and being unsure how to express himself or if he thinks he even should-

kenshi also telling john that the only way for him to know what john is thinking or feeling is if john tells him, as opposed to taka in the previous chapter going into his head (with permission) and looking freely at john's thoughts and feelings- just a thing that shows how their sense of others autonomy differs between them

johnny's love language is acts of service and gift giving can you tell. can you tell that he loves to cook for his partners and that food is a big part of him expressing his love??

john being in a sweater was a heavy note in this chapter- i dont often describe what they're wearing and kind of leave it vague unless i think it's fun or important to the scene- but them all being in very comfy dressed down clothing was an intentional note bc it isnt often that any of them are ever in very comfy clothing like that.. so john being warm and cozy in a comfy sweater and sweats is a sign that he's comfortable, physically but also mentally and emotionally bc he's surrounded by people he trusts

almost everything taka does is intentional. he spends a lot of time thinking over his words/actions and whether or not they're appropriate, which often means that he misses a lot of the more comfortable windows in conversation- but also means that he often comes out of the gate with an intensity that others arent ready for- like when he barges into the kitchen/dining area and immediately asks if they've already had a conversation without him- and also why he immediately gives john and kenshi space to talk alone/without him

john and taka have known each other a long time and it was only recently that taka kind of went missing… but the little story about john first trying roasted green tea is that he had discovered it was taka's favorite at this little cafe place they met at and asked if he could try; taka, of course, obliged, despite knowing that john would most likely not like it very much.. and he was right. john made a face and set taka's cup back down before swallowing and reaching for his own cup of coffee. they laughed about it. but later, when taka just.. disappeared for a few years, john needed something to fill the little void there, and so he started make cups of roasted green tea. at first for the smell, but then he tried it again. and again. and again, and kept trying it until he had developed a taste for it. then he started drinking it for comfort on days when he needed it. little sweethearts <33

taka's nickname for johnny, koinu, means 'little dog' (or puppy) in japanese- taka based this off of his nickname for john and just decided that johnny got to be the smaller version bc… well… he is.

john having that breakdown and quite literally collapsing under the weight of his own emotions was a lot of his grief for sonya but also a lot of grief for himself- for the fact that he never had the chance to grief her properly in the first place. part of him still thinks if he had been given that time, that he may be better for it now, and he regrets his past decisions when it comes to that

taka's nickname for john, inu, means 'dog' in japanese, and it's a nickname he gave john back when they were just starting to work together- it was bc john had a lot of dog-like mannerisms and characteristics and taka thought it was cute.

it was very common when john and taka were working together that taka would push him to do things that he normally wouldnt if it was just bc he was uncomfortable with it- john always knew he could back out if he needed to, but taka's forceful nature was always helpful to him that way

john finally remembering what it's like to be empty of the worst of his grief and sleep without the weight of sonya's thoughts on his new relationship AND in the same bed as his partners is what finally got him to sleep well…

taka is making five flavor soup!! it requires a whole duck, a whole fish, dashi stock packets, baby shrimp, and konbu (which make up the five flavors) plus he throws in all kinds of soup toppings/ingredients like the mushrooms he was chopping!! it's his secret recipe that literally only he knows. not even takeda knows. it's secret.

taka's nickname for kenshi, kōneko, means 'little cat' (or kitten) and that's bc taka's first impression of kenshi (that we see from kenshi's pov) is that he was small in comparison to himself, and that the little face he made at the time made him look like a kitten who had gotten in trouble for stealing smth…

taka is not outwardly very touchy or lovey, and he often doesnt even say it back, so little kisses and touches are huge for him- him leaning down to kiss john and hanging onto kenshi and johnny are his sort of genuine cues that he does really want to be their boyfriend...

anyway, i think that's everything i wanted to touch on this chapter... if this was interesting at all lmk and maybe it'll be a regular thing?? 🤷

[fragileizywriting]

watched a recap of a romance erotica book called twisted love and i'd never heard of it up until like yesterday when i watched the video bc i have no idea what's going on in the tik tok world as well as the book world because i'm very bad at doing my hobbies. anyway, jesus christ what a wreck of a book. i can fix this. i can make a better adaption. i can write this story but better.

HERES HOW WE CAN STILL WIN, (felinette version woohoo o/ !!)

marinette, our main character, is a college student going for fashion design in paris at the age of 25. she's bright and bubbly and cheery, who works very hard at school and part-times at her parents bakery. she has a boyfriend— well, had a boyfriend— adrien agreste, known socialite, who had spoken wax of poetry over and over and over about how much he loved her, telling her that as a graduation present he'd buy her a boutique, an apartment, a car...... he decides to ghost everyone in his life after a breakdown, seemingly moving out of the city, for reasons that i haven't figured out just yet. i just need him to kick himself out of this city.

marinette, of course, is heartbroken. this sucks. she's grieving so hard.

enter felix, adrien's identical twin brother who has nothing to do with this, barely existed in her life up until now, but is attempting to snatch his brother right back from whatever dumb, impulsive ridiculous thing he did— adrien had a girlfriend, a solid apartment, a solid life, adrien had mentioned that he was so close to asking marinette to marry him...— finally knocks on marinette's door one afternoon. identical twin yet marinette has barely talked to him; the man's busier than anyone should be reasonably allowed to be, and isn't much of a sunshine as adrien is. i will routinely mention in this book that the light in marinette's livingroom/dining room makes felix's hair look whispy and nearly white against adrien's sure-fire sun-like flare of hair. even though felix's eyes are green just like adrien's, they're somber, and almost bluish at times.

marinette, obviously, wants nothing to do with felix.

"please leave," she tells him, because she's tired and lonely and is craving yet another box of icecream she keeps in the freezer for— well, moments like these, really. apparently. she's going to cry herself asleep for the fourth week in a row. girlboss behavior. "i kind of don't want to deal with your entire family right now."

"i understand," felix says, and he doesn't look all that convincing, because the man is standing there, awkwardly, hands fisted at his sides trying to figure out how to speak to her in a way that implies more than 'i've only ever seen you for a few hours every christmas when adrien invites family over and i'm the only family he has because our parents are all levels of fucked up and we don't really need to talk about this in depth right now'. and then, as a garnish, 'i've always been really thankful that adrien miraculously turned out fine from the whole ordeal considering that i had to go to therapy for multiple years, decades, in fact, to deal with our family, and i always thought he was fine everytime i'd see him probably four times a year, but apparently not, at all, and now i'm stuck dealing with his grieving... ex? girlfriend? ex??? and i don't know how to deal with women at all because i am an introvert the size of the moon but i'm really trying, here'. "i just don't think it's best to leave you alone."

"i'm fine," she replies, completely ignorant to his inner monologue. "i can handle myself. i'm an adult, felix."

and yet felix has the audacity to look— kicked, really. "i'm aware."

"could you give me some space?"

"of course." and then, because felix just apparently is all sorts of weird tricks up his business sleeves, blurts out: "not as much as i've always given you, though. right?"

"what do you mean?"

"i don't feel comfortable just leaving you completely on your own." there is an attempt for marinette to refute, to open her mouth and mention that she's still twenty-five, she's an adult, she's not a baby, and felix refutes it with a hand up in the air. "you're grieving because of my brother and i don't like the idea of not doing something about it."

and so, through reasons that i cannot at all comprehend how i will get here but i have to if i want to match (somewhat) the plot ("plot") points of the original book i'm rewriting, felix ends up (temporarily) moving into an apartment next door, for no other reason other than to make marinette feel safer and comfortable. just stick with me. ideally, there would be a plan of some kind here. for now, since this is only a tumblr post, i can just handwave that away. that's not my problem just now.

some of the main fixes i would make sure to change immediately is to change felix from a "ruthless alpha-lone-wolf dog behavior" to "i'm adrien's older brother (they are still twins but felix will routinely mention he's still the oldest born) and i feel a psychological, traumatic need to take care of him because i can't let my younger brother have any trauma from our parents, i refuse, i refuse, and if that means keeping his life together for him while he's gone, i'll do my best" and that means making sure that marinette is, at the very least, fine and not dead. that's a good plan. but as he spends more and more time with marinette, the more he realizes his mistake; he likes her as a friend, likes her a lot more, is impressed at her skills and slowly starts falling in love with her which is honestly very useful.

at some point, i'd have to have them have a solid "i'm not using you to replace him," she cries. "i just— love you." conversation. it's an important one. and a segue to the back half of the book that is just sex.

another thing that i would change from the original story is the ridiculous b plot of dark secrets and betrayal and incidents, because that's not necessary. i could carry this book entirely on sex alone as well as mutual pining. and felix's sad, kittenlike eyes whenever he's upset.

okay i'm done for now i gotta go clean the kitchen. please enjoy this

[kithtaehyung]

Jett is good at a lot of things, but words isn‘t one of them, so don’t expect this long of a response from me ever again. But I have a lot of thoughts that I‘ve been holding onto since I started reading 3tan, and I was waiting for the proverbial "right time" to say them. I guess now feels right.

Fanfiction in and of itself is an unrealistic genre, but even so, I feel like a lot of writers lose themselves in the dramatic delusions and fantasy of the genre. I’ve been reading and writing fanfics avidly since I was maybe 10 years old (I‘m 22 now, so safe to say it’s been a while), and what I always despised about the things I’ve read is how unhinged and unrealistic it is. They painted a skewed image of what relationships should look like, what healthy friendships and intimacy should look like, and I know a lot of people who don’t have experience outside of fanfics adopt these views as their own.

Which brings me to my point of why I hold you, and three tangerines to such a high regard: it’s so real. It’s so blatantly obvious that you understand who Yoongi is at his core, and even though he still has a slightly altered personality for the sake of the AU, it’s still *him*. The fact that we can see his insecurities and his tumultuous inner monologue and he’s not just hot hunky perfect man for the sake of a fanfic is what I love, because it shows your understanding. That, and Y/N isn’t just a spiraling damsel in distress for the love interest to come and sweep all her problems away. She’s her own person, she has layers and a complex personality, she has friendships and a job outside of Yoongi, she‘s honestly the realest OC I’ve seen ever.

And then there’s their actual relationship. Their communication and lack thereof. It’s not perfect, and that’s beautiful, because it’s not supposed to be. What really caught my attention the most was how you write the sex scenes, because again, with fanfic it’s so easy to get carried away in the fantasy and making everything seem perfect, but you write in the teeth bumping into each other, the uncomfortable noises, the cleaning up afterwards, the awkward pause waiting for a condom to be put on, all these things that aren’t necessarily "perfect," but it makes it so much more real. I think it goes so far beyond making it more enjoyable for me, but I think you’re part of a bigger change to setting a healthy standard for what relationships and sex should actually look like. Before 3tan, I had never read anyone asking for consent in a fanfic. I never read about having to switch positions to be more comfortable. I never read about such an open line of communication right in the middle of sex, and it’s a shame I’m only seeing it now. I hope more people take notes from you, because you truly should be the standard that people strive to be.

Last thing, I love that despite the length of your chapters/parts, it’s not wordy. It’s not boring. It’s not long just for the sake of being long. Every word is purposeful. As a writer, that’s something I struggle with so much, so it’s really nice to see lengthy chapters done right.

You deserve the break. You deserve all the love. You deserve it all.

jett, you are wonderful, powerful, and so, so lovely. you are a writer and you certainly do have a way with words bc my god you made me BAWL when i read this the first time. i honestly don't know what to say to this. but i will try my best.

to start, i'll say this: thank you for touching on the aspect of three tangerines being real. because my point from the start was to make it as relatable and comforting as it is spicy, but of course a year later it has turned into more than that. more than i ever imagined and will continue to be part of my life no matter what.

i'm really happy you also like this yoongi. whether he's really like the real yoongi or not, i don't know for sure. but i do know that he brings me peace and comfort to write and there's a connection i feel whenever i work on this series. and i know he's not perfect, because i don't want him to be. none of my characters are flawless and i've set that point for my fics from the very beginning. everyone is just gonna be human, with all the good and bad that comes with it. same thing goes for reader. not perfect, just genuine. real. complex, like we are.

along with people, i know relationships aren't perfect, either. so that's what i wanted to also showcase here, too. but you're right: that's what makes this magical - the push and pull, the dancing, the tension, the imperfection. the sex, too. it's all about keeping this as real and organic and human as possible.

"I think it goes so far beyond making it more enjoyable for me, but I think you’re part of a bigger change to setting a healthy standard for what relationships and sex should actually look like. Before 3tan, I had never read anyone asking for consent in a fanfic. I never read about having to switch positions to be more comfortable. I never read about such an open line of communication right in the middle of sex, and it’s a shame I’m only seeing it now. I hope more people take notes from you, because you truly should be the standard that people strive to be."

i genuinely don't have words for this. you've rendered me speechless here and i feel.. idk, like i accomplished something above what i wanted to and just feel like crying. because this is meant to be a comfort series, since the beginning. that all of this is what you should look for. it's all normal and fine and okay.

thank you so much for all of this. i'm just sitting here not really knowing what to say and all of this response probably didn't make sense because i was typing with blurry vision but. yeah. thank you for telling me this. it's thoughtful as hell and i can only hope i keep this standard.

i shall make the most of my break, babe. my brain does need to rest and i will give it what it needs<3

[bananakarenina]

For the fanfic ask!

our hearts can speak our selves unseen + 3,4,5, and 6

oooooooohhhhhh thank you for asking about this one!!! i'm excited to talk about it bc it's my first collab with @where-you-go and it was unbelievable amounts of fun to write. all of these answers are from my POV obviously; if jay has something to say i'm sure she'll say it XD

our hearts can speak ourselves unseen

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

okay this was hard! it's always hard for me, i love the things i write (and the things that jay writes, lol) so much that it's difficult to choose. but i will try.

from chapter 3--i love this one because of "candle-flame green" honestly, it's so romantic and intense

Luke looked up at him, hoping Reg would approve of his first attempt at directness—and the breath caught in his chest. Reggie was staring right at him with the most serious look Luke had ever seen, eyes candle-flame green and just as heated.

from chapter 5 and i'm pretty sure this one was all jay because the inner monologue is hilarious, she's so good at that. i reread "damn, alex, good for you" just now and still laughed

Alex was standing in the middle of his living room glaring right back at Luke, which would have been more effective if he hadn’t looked so thoroughly ravished. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, his t-shirt was crumpled and askew, and he’d clearly only buttoned his jeans and forgotten the zipper—not that Luke was looking at that particular part of his friend’s anatomy no matter how, um, prominent it was right now.

Luke quickly averted his eyes only to find Alex’s—date? hookup? friend?—hot guy lounging on the couch, watching Luke with playful eyes and an amused smirk. Clearly, he was in less of a rush than Alex, because he hadn’t bothered to do more than tug his jeans up over his hips, and was still lying there shirtless, which—

Damn, Alex, good for you.

also from chapter 5 (these are all from luke chapters which is interesting but also this part has him drawing from reggie's advice and reggie's everything, which i love):

For a second, his mind grasped wildly for the right turn of phrase that he could use to tell Julie just how he was feeling about her, about Reggie—like every puzzle piece in his life had just fallen perfectly into place, all the circuits closing and sending a shower of sparks running through his every nerve ending, lighting up his heart like a million fireworks all going off at once.

And then, cutting through the noise of all his thoughts about imagery and poetry and songs he could write, he heard Reggie’s voice: not everything needs to be a metaphor, Luke.

He could see Reggie’s green eyes, bright and burning in the fading light of evening as he said I want to kiss you.

He wanted to kiss her so badly his chest ached with it.

Sometimes it’s that simple.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

this was incredibly difficult; it's always difficult for me to pick favorite dialogue mostly because that's what i'm trained in so i tend to love what i write, and also the dialogue in this whole fic is fire, like seriously, it's all so good. plus the texting!

i reread the whole damn thing and i still do love the entirety of chapter 2 for its dialogue--the back and forth between reggie & luke was something i had written before we officially started the collab, and the part involving reggie jackson was so silly but made me laugh so it stayed hahaha

also from chapter 2. i specifically love this because it says so much with so little. reggie is trying so hard to be Okay with luke having a crush who's not him, and luke turns it right around on him so casually. you're not allowed to meet her because she'll fall for you so fast, reg, and reg is so poleaxed by that! and it turns out luke was right hahahahahaha

“Bye! Say hi to your friend from work,” Reggie said, and threw Luke a wink.

“No way, man. You’re not allowed to meet her; I wouldn’t stand a chance.”

this is from chapter 5 and it is another jay special, i'm pretty sure. luke is so earnest about 'game respects game' and of course alex is like 'are you kidding'

Luke also had to laugh at that—it was pretty funny, after all, even if he’d never said it. “That sounds like something Reggie would say, that dork. He loves Dolly Parton, which I mean, she’s a pretty rad musician, even if it’s not really my personal style. Game respects game, you know.”

“Oh my god, Luke, your game is nowhere near Dolly Parton’s level of game, you moron,” Alex groaned, but Luke ignored him.

and i would be remiss if i didn't include a text portion; jay and i went back and forth about the formatting so many times to make sure it was readable (which is not going to translate directly here) and then trying to make text sound like texting and not like spoken dialogue--it's a similar thing to write but also completely different, you know? and people have different styles of texting. julie uses capital letters and decent enough grammar, while reggie uses emojis and lowercase all the time and interrupts himself more often with line breaks.

one of my favorite text chains is when luke (and alex and willie) are discovering the backlogged texts. i would copy/paste the entire thing here but this is already so long LMAO. but i love this section because again i love the layers here.

i remember going off of the thought that the recordings we have of the julie & the phantoms soundtrack are just Not It when it comes to bringing out the bassline which i feel is a huge oversight (stand tall especially stands out, like dude wtf who mixed that shit okay i'm turning into my husband help) and so i asked my audio engineer husband about the challenges of recording/mixing a bassline, hahaha. so i love this section because of the character layers and also author layers LOL

AND THEN the last part with the asterisk. that asterisk is extremely very purposeful. "i think i might be" is reggie almost confessing that he's in love at that moment and he swerves at the very last second because holy shit what is he doing he's known her for like a week

he covers but it's very very close lol

....okay clearly this section might be my real favorite, i just wrote a 5-paragraph essay about it:

/@ julie_woken_up: And you not being able to write it

@ julie_woken_up: It’s not that you’re a bad writer at all

@ julie_woken_up: Hm

@ julie_woken_up: It’s like—recording a bass line, right?

go on :eyes emoji:

@ julie_woken_up: lol how did I know you’d respond to a music metaphor

@ julie_woken_up: Okay

@ julie_woken_up: So recording a bass line is hard, right

@ julie_woken_up: Or...mixing one, I guess

@ julie_woken_up: Because the melody takes center stage

@ julie_woken_up: And the drums pierce through

@ julie_woken_up: But like

@ julie_woken_up: With the bassline

@ julie_woken_up: Lower pitches

@ julie_woken_up: You have to make sure you’re hearing it correctly

@ julie_woken_up: Some engineers and producers get lazy

@ julie_woken_up: They don’t pay attention

@ julie_woken_up: They’re too focused on the flashy stuff

@ julie_woken_up: But with bass

@ julie_woken_up: If the bass is off the whole song is off

@ julie_woken_up: So you have to get the mix just right

@ julie_woken_up: I think you’re the kind of person who is trying to get the mix just right

I think I might be*

you might be

too perfect to be real

5: What part was hardest to write?

hilariously enough, i think it was writing the resolution--like we knew julie and luke and reggie would end up together as a triad but we were like "wait, oh shit, of course julie would want an explanation, how do we make what reggie did worth forgiving?"

we touched on it a little bit with willie getting riled up about it in the previous chapter (your friend catfished my friend!) but luke (and alex, more importantly) were like no, that's not reggie, we think we know what happened but there has to be some explanation

and then we were like oh fuck we have to write that explanation

congratulationsyouplayedyourself.gif

in the end reggie explained and said there was no excuse and that he was sorry--the most direct route, which is what he was preaching the entire time hahaha

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

well, it was my first true collaboration, with another writer having Opinions and entire Scenes planned out, so learning both each other's writing styles/editing tendencies/comfort zones/favored phrases was part of writing as much as the actual writing was. like i did not have total control over this fic, you know? that's definitely a learning experience. a great one, because jay is amazing, but certainly something to get used to.

for example, just planning the fic itself, starting the fic was the first decision we had to make. the fic was the two of us discovering we had some overlap in terms of AU ideas--ie a cyrano retelling, though mine was canon-compliant or at least canon adjacent with ghosts still in play, and jay's was the alive!20s!AU you see in the finished fic. hers was way more fleshed out than mine so we started there and retooled my scenes to fit the universe, haha

WHEW okay that....was a lot drink some water kids

ask me things!

[taegularities]

hiiii, i’m new here so just a warning this is gonna be a long one 🙃 okay so i just wanted to say I FUCKING LOVE YOU RID!!!! I actually cannot stress it enough i have fallen in love with your writing, your art is so beautiful, and you know what makes it all a 100xs more enjoyable? your kind nature, YOU’RE SO KIND <33 i kinda scrolled through your account a bit after reading a few chapts of cmi and you’re the sweetest lil honey the way you take so much time to respond idk it’s so endearing to me mayn i’m in love w u 🙈.. i have fallen into a trap named rid and i fear you’ll never be rid of me (okah ahhh this is embarrassing, unfortunately my jokes don’t reach level kim seokjin butttt oh wells i tried :)

Anyways now that i’ve given you a lot of my attention (😅) let’s give some to cmi eh?! I’m currently on chapt 3? but first off CMI JK!!!!!! i’m sorry but he’s mine forever i adoreeee him. He’s a silly lil man but he knows when to be serious and he cares for her so much 🥺 right from the beginning girl chap 1 i’m telling you he’s her lovr boy from day 1 no one can change my mind.

And mccccc i acc love herrr, she has the vibes where she’s like ‘ugh i hate you🙄’ whilst her insides are totally squealing overwhelmed with butterflies, pls she’s so me in that sense. My lifestyle isn’t in anyway like hers but somehow someway i manage to relate to her she’s such a comfort to me i can’t explain it :( her inner monologue it’s like she just gets me, the over-thinker in us 🤧 so thanks for bringing her character to life :))

Also, i’d say i’m v good at reading characters, predicting stuff here and there but for the life of me Rid, i cannot read jk. he’s impossible. One minute i think oh he knows he’s in love the next i’m like ??? are his thoughts just as jumbled as hers? He’s just so ?:?/?/?/? Either way they break my heart and manage to piece it all back together in one.

and YOUR SMUT???? oh your smut is oh so delicious! like the ‘jk knitting his brows together and aggressively hmm-ing’ kind of delicious. YES. YES. YES. however.. i’m hoping for dom mc to come out. she was teased the teeniest tiniest bit in chap 3? and now i’m just a tad curious.

Also them talking about percy jackson and me currently reading percy jackson 🤭

AND all the star talk has me WEAK. i LOVE STARS, i love the sky, they’re such romantics, he’s such a romantic, a dreamer, he’s perfect god i’m such a sap

also really random but we have the same mbti Rid :) and then i got curious about who’s your bias bcs i have this thing where i believe you bias who reflects your personality most and we literally have the same biases and bias wrecker 😭taegikook will be the death of me 🙄😩

(okay so bcs i’m anon i stil want you to remember who it is everytime i post feedback so it’s Riaaaa. maybe i’ll add an emoji? 🐈‍⬛? yeah i’ll go with the 🐈‍⬛)

thank you for writing i’m excited to read the rest of the chapters i’ll be back with an update hehe and hopefully a better review and less waffling. love yaaa 🫂

- Ria🐈‍⬛

WELCOME THERE, RIA! please, i love your energy already, it's nice that you weren't too shy to reach out <3 and with a seokjin joke right away? cmon, that's so sweet 😭 i'm so happy you have been enjoying my blog, me AND my stories, like, what more do i want 🥺

YES YES, cmi!jk has my entire heart. i don't think i've ever felt so close to a character i wrote, so he just means a whole lot to me (and hopefully, to cmi readers as well) – he's silly, and he'll get sillier. reading him won't get easier either, and as you'll see, oc is gonna have a hard time doing so, too hahaha buuuut he's adorable and i love him :( same with our overthinking baby, oc :(((

AH YOU LIKE THE SMUT? lmfao i've been having a hard time with it, so it's good go know i'm not entirely failing and you're enjoying it :'D sub jk, yes? we'll see 😌

ahh yes, the star talk. you said you're new here so you're not used to it yet, but i love my stars and the sky (a little too much), so you'll find talk about it every now and then, in most of my fics 😭 honestly, i even tried to lessen that bit in cmi and replace it with flower stuff... there's a lot worse out there in my masterlist :')

your name and the 🐈‍⬛ emoji are so cute, babe !! drop by anytime 🥺 and i'll be waiting patiently hehehe i'm so happy they're comforting to you, and super excited to hear what you think of the rest 👁 enjoy it and welcome again, lovely 💕

[moonknightly]

Hi!! I was so honoured that my little ask got you opening google docs, hope it's okay that I'm back to gush about your writing some more!!!

"It sticks out to him because he’s seen undernourished children die from a common cold because their little bodies just couldn’t handle it." This detail is so genius to me. Like you did such a great job providing medical details about why someone who had been kidnapped and abused for that long would be in a very weakened and vulnerable state, but this part also tied it into Santi's past in a way that elevated everything even more!! The pacing, the characterisation, the heartbreak and pain of it all is just so, so moving. Doesn't matter how many times I reread it, this part always makes me so emotional.

"He hates having her out of his sight, he hates thinking about the possibility of her opening her eyes and he’s not standing right there" I WILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS SENTENCE. One detail about the story that I absolutely adoooore is how after he missed her for so long, he didn't immediately start touching her, that it was actually very difficult for him to get himself to a point where he felt like he could (and the detail about the nurses slowly getting him acclimated to touching her again? MY HEART) but with sentences like this you show how much he still cares and it makes the internal conflicts he is having so rich. If it hasn't been clear already I am obsessed with everything you write but this series has such a special place in my heart.

OH OH OH ALSO the conversation where she says that she doesn't want to keep him from the life he built without her and he says there was no life without her.... I think about that bit CONSTANTLY. Like I can imagine her internal monologue, how she must wonder if he found someone else, if he feels the same way about her still, the total uncertainty of what her life will look like now bc overnight everything she had was ripped from her. And it is so heartbreaking to think about the fact that she doesn't know Santi's inner monologue, bc even if you're married and you know someone really well, that doubt and insecurity of whether you still have a place in someone's life can haunt you. To have Santi in a single sentence basically throw that doubt out the window???? I don't want to work I want to religiously reread every word of this story and cry over how much I love it

currently crying in the middle of a volkswagen dealership while i wait for service to give me my car back wtf i

i mean it when i say this, i've literally had no interest in writing recently because i've felt like no one enjoys my shit anymore but your asks have brought back my inspiration and desire and ugh ugh ugh i've literally been sitting here editing and you keep me holding on bc spoiler, one day i might try to turn it into an original piece...hehehe

i'm so glad that there are so many different parts to this story that stick out for you, i always find it so interesting to see!! for me, one thing i constantly think about are months seven through ten like why did i do this to myself ugh ugh ugh

[minastras]

also BARE WITH ME hjdskahsdjak im finally here to leave my thoughts on a match made in heaven jake sim's brain and MINA!!!!

the way jake has been trying to match yn FOR THE LONGEST and been telling heeseung about yn too T_T where is my best friend jake to do that for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for jayhoon tbh? LOL

About him being “your dream man”, which made you mime throwing up every time Jake said it.

the way i wanted to punch jake myself dhsjakdhsajk he is so funny!!!

The fridge door abruptly slammed shut. “Jin, they said no,” the fridge guy said firmly, subtly positioning himself between you and Hyeongjin.

THIS RIGHT HERE! S T A N D A R D tyvm and the way i cackled at "fridge guy" HAHAHAHAHA

“Oh, in that case, hi. I’m Heeseung. You must be Y/N.”

the way they met and fridge guy is heeseung :3 PRECIOUS

and then heeseung understanding how yn was uncomfortable from the party after that hyeongjin smh AND THEY WERE A MATCH MADE BY JAKE ANYWAYS, went out for a ride and to the diner T_T

and then jake calling later "I LOVE YN" duuuuuude hahahaha the way i can see him panic irl like that and run through the entire house looking yn.

“I barely know what they look like because you show me the shittiest pictures of them. How am I supposed to help you?” Heeseung countered. So it wasn’t just you, then. 

THE PETTINESS HEESEUNG DID HAHAHA I LAUGHED SO HARD LIKE WELL DESERVED, JAKE LMFAO

And the rest of where they continued hanging out T_T heeseung being a gentleman he is, apologizing each time he mentioned the overshares jake did LOL too cute like <3 we love that jake just love his two favorites and wants them together. i cry!!!

He looked up at you with a boyish grin. “Stargazing. Come join me.”

the way i screamed because stargazing A+

“Hello,” he said playfully.

You giggled. “Hi.”

SO. FUCKING. CUTE. Again, i melted.

you're so good at making a situation cute, silly, a bit worrisome for jake lol BUT still good and cute and i T_T i cant wait to read more!

AHHHH TY TY TY FOR WRITING ALL OF THIS !!! this was the first time i posted my writing publicly and your words mean sm to me <333

\i will let u in on a lil secret .. i have a sunghoon + best friend heeseung fic AND a jake + best friend sunghoon fic in the works. can u tell i have a problem (i didn't even realise it until now LMAO but i'm gonna give jay his own fic probably)

FRIDGE GUY YES bc this is exactly the way my inner monologue labels ppl when idk their names

jake is so well-meaning and earnest but let's be fr men do not know how to choose good pictures!!!! also like bro u're so close to both hee and y/n just bring one of them along with u for lunch one day or sth why must they meet at a PARTY !

in my mind y/n knows some embarrassing stuff abt hee too but they're a bit more self-aware than he is aalsjdnalj

AGAIN tysm for your kind words my heart is rly so full rn !!!

[willowser]

look. i just. want to talk about bakugou after your first big fight. bc i think he eventually becomes the type of person that knows when he's being too mean but he still can't stop. like you say one thing in defense to him and he takes it a step too far and immediately thinks, why the fuck did i say that—and then you get angrier and so he gets angrier and his inner monologue is just like shut up shut up shut up shut up before you say something you don't mean literally stop.

and so maybe he leaves, just to cool off.

not in the middle of the fight, but it's not resolved either. there's a lull between the little back and forth quips, all the "well i'm not saying that you—" and the "no, you're fuckin' saying—", the "don't cuss at me, katsuki—" and the "then don't talk to me like 'm—" and then it's silent. he's got more to say and so do you—but at the same time, he's just. over it. whatever started the argument in the first place has been left behind, anger moreso stemming from what's happened since the first shot was taken (by him, of fucking course), and he doesn't want to fight with you of all people. not you.

and the longer he's gone, the more it just spins around and around in his head. everything he said and the way he said it and why he said it, why the fuck did he say it. bakugou is—he's too used to fighting, too good at it bc that's all anyone has ever done with him. that's all anyone has ever shown him, that irritation, that push-back, that quick judgement and eventual avoidance. fed up with it. with him.

by the time he comes home—if he can call it that anymore—he knows it's over. he knows this is the part with the "i just don't think it's working out—" and the "really can't handle this right now—", the "you're an asshole—" and the—

and the worst of all is just the abandonment. the worst of all is when he'll come back to that apartment and you'll just be gone. you'll come and get your things over time, stuffing it all into cardboard until there aren't any traces left. until all that's there is the walls and the carpet and the frame and just. bakugou. alone. again.

but he walks through the door and you're just—there. washing some dishes, folding the laundry, poking at your phone because you can't sit still. and you frown at him with a little crease between your eyebrows, bc you're still mad and he knows this is it, this is when you look him in the eye and you tell him—

"i can't find the tv remote."

".......y'always lose the—the freakin' thing. did you check under the couch?"

"that's the first place i looked."

and you stand up to prove you're not sitting on it and he shakes out the throw blanket you were using and sticks his hand between the couch cushions and he finds a bunch of coins, a sock, that pair of underwear he took off of you the last time he had a night off—and the f—reakin' tv remote.

and you rest your forehead on his chest and you're pouting and you mumble out a, "thanks," even though you probably don't want to. you probably do a lot of things you don't want to do, with him. because of him. things you probably don't want to do anymore because you're fed up. and this is it. this is it.

"i love you, jerk."

when you wrap your arms limply around him, he doesn't say anything. because he can't. he can't shut up when he wants to, and he can't speak up when he wants to, and it's something you're probably tired of, maybe, he's not actually sure, but you let him bury his face into your hair and you pretend you don't notice that he's trembling just a little and that you can feel his racing heartbeat through his back.

bakugou doesn't say anything, because he can't, so you just lean into him a little more and you say,

"still love you."

and you pretend not to hear the deep inhale that he takes or the little groan he lets out, and you pretend not to feel the clench of his jaw or the barely-there wobble of his chin. and you say,

"still gonna choose to love you."

because you don't love him by accident. even with his irritation and his push-back, his smart-ass quips and his angry language. you see it all and you see him and you still say,

"always gonna love you."

and that's how bakugou knows where his home is. what it is. that's how he knows it's you, of all people.

[animeomegas]

Been thinking a lot about sasuke and his alpha going on a vacation by themselves and just doing very domestic things like washing his hair, maybe pairing his nails after a lot of begging bc yknow how he is, watching a movie and soft rubbing his tummy and he’s just so relaxed he falls asleep tucked into ur neck😔😩 Spain without the S, monarch 😩

Yesss, I love this idea so much, I got a little carried away haha. That’s why it took me so long to write this <3 Sasuke deserves to be spoiled as much as possible, canon did him dirty, but I am here to fix that!!!  I hope you enjoy ~~

Sasuke is almost a different person when he’s on holiday.

Being away from Konoha takes away so much stress from his shoulders, stress that he didn’t even know he had. He’s in a place where no one knows him, a place that’s never done anything to him, a place where nothing has to mean anything he doesn’t want it to. He’s free in a lot of ways.

He smiles more. He laughs more too. It’s such as big difference that I would say that trips out of Konoha are a pretty crucial part of taking care of Sasuke’s mental health.

He’s finds it easier to accept affection outside of Konoha, when he’s alone with his alpha. There’s no one there to judge him, or to pick him apart to use his weaknesses against him, he doesn’t feel like he’s constantly being watched in the way he often feels when at home. He has fewer nightmares too.

Sasuke would never leave Konoha permanently at this point, I don’t think, but honestly, his alpha is probably tempted just to wrap him up and run away together because of how much happier and healthier he is in small, unaffiliated towns or tourist countries.

You picked a cute, little rental cottage in the woods on the edge of a rural town in Tea Country.

You get there in the evening, throw down your luggage and decide for a quick bath and then bed, committing to activities tomorrow when you’re less tired from traveling.

You go to start running the bath while Sasuke familiarises himself with the room, but before you do, you pull him in for a cuddle, scenting him and nuzzling him, just so happy to be getting some alone time with him. And he does it back. Without thinking, without hesitation, without complaining. He makes a little comment about you trying to drown him in your scent but the little smile on his face says he’s only teasing. And as you try to pull away, he pulls your face into a kiss. You can feel him smiling against your lips and you can’t help but smile in return, breaking the kiss with a breathy laugh.

“I need to run the bath,” you whisper, breathless already.

“One more,” he demands coyly, pulling you back in.

When the bath is eventually run, you sit back and allow Sasuke to slip in front, his back against your chest. There are no words shared at first, but the silence isn’t awkward, it’s content, both of you simply lost in thought.

You offer to wash his hair for him, and he hands you the bottle with a “you’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

You laugh and tell him probably not.

He allows it with a sigh, but as soon as you start massaging the shampoo into his hair, the sighs change in tone. He pushes back into your ministrations and a couple of quiet purrs escape him, seeming louder than normal as the sound bounces off all the porcelain.

Before it’s time to wash it off, you use the foam to spike his hair up, laughing as he tries to elbow you away. He ends up turning around and grabbing you by the wrists, but now that you can see him face on, the laughter only gets stronger. His hair looks ridiculous.

Sasuke huffs and flattens it down before grabbing your face for a ‘shut up’ kiss, a personal favourite of his. You both get a little carried away with kissing in the tepid water, just basking in each other’s company until there’s a ‘shampoo in eye’ mishap that forces you apart.

The water is cold by the time you both get out.

 You both slip into pyjamas but before bed, you have one final request.

“Can I paint your nails, Sasuke? I brought some new nail varnish and everything!”

“Absolutely not. And why on earth do you have nail varnish?”

“I brought it specially for you~”  you whined, holding the container up to show him the deep purple colour.

Sasuke hit you with an unimpressed stare.

“That’s too bad, you should learn to make purchases more carefully next time.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“…Fine, but only my toenails.”

It’s relaxing in a way, having his nails painted, not that he’s going to say that out loud. It’s repetitive and quiet and… kind of pleasant. He catches himself more than a few times smiling at your concentrated face as well, amused that your taking this so seriously.

“There,” you interrupt his inner monologue. “The purple’s on! Doesn’t it look nice?”

Sasuke makes a non-committal ‘hnn’ noise in response, wiggling his toes a little.

“So, I just have to wait for this to dry then I can go to sleep right?”

“Nope! I still need to add the topcoat, I got a glitter one just for you!”

“If you put glitter on my toenails, I’m divorcing you.”

…

(The next morning a vendor at the market comments on how much she likes Sasuke’s glittery, purple nails.)

  “I’m exhausted,” you mutter into Sasuke’s neck, leaving a few kisses for good measure.

“It’s entirely your fault that it took this long to get to bed, so I have no sympathy,” he replies from his position as little spoon.

You huff a little but settle down, tightening your arms around his just a little for good measure.

 This was one of the most relaxed states you had ever seen Sasuke in. He was warm and comfortable, he felt safe and sleepy. He was even letting out little content noises as you rubbed a hand in circles over his stomach, pushing up his pyjama shirt ever so slightly. His skin was smooth and warm under you hand.

You could feel yourself succumbing to sleep, and so you placed a few kisses on his mating mark as a way to say goodnight and allowed your eyes to close.

And in the morning, you awoke, not to an empty bed as you so often did at home, but with your arms still wrapped around a sleeping Sasuke, completely relaxed and still dead to the world.

[youwontlikethisblog]

The After Math Of Their First Time.

Now in the after math we have an even more confused Armando. While Betty has had yet another dream of hers become a reality.

As I mentioned in my previous post regarding this night(Forgive Me Post) when Armando goes to drop off Betty he brings up the fact that it wasn't Betty's first time(he wasn't her first) he asks her: Beatriz , who were you with before[me]? when she stays silent and worries her mouth Armando's demeanor changes.

"There was another man in your life, right?" She stopped making eye contact with him before he asked this question and nods while swallowing hard, briefly makes eye contact and tells him:

"Yes Sir. There was someone. I had a relationship before[you]."

"Nicolas Mora?" Armando says not missing a beat nor a second. His lips sit in a tight line while he examines Betty.

"No." She says in a low voice, swallows hard and shakes her head. Since her behavior and mannerisms all go in hand with what she's saying; Armando who is a man who is good at manipulating people based on body language(not as good as Mario though) believes her. He stops staring at her, turns to look in front of him and looks to take a breath of relief. "It was somebody else but I don't like talking about that." He turns to stare at her.

"No, I don't want to make you uncomfortable either." He seems more relaxed here than he did seconds ago "Let's not talk about it anymore."

I briefly touched on the subject in the last post that Armando was jealous in this scene, however, what type of jealousy? I would like to expand on this here.

(If you haven't yet; read post Nicolas Mora Is Better Than You before you continue reading this post.)

Jealousy is a bunch of feelings summed into one: Insecurity, inadequacy, resentment, hopelessness, and/or disgust.

While Armando does feel possessive of Betty as an object, harbors feelings of animosity against Nicolas he also is jealous of not only Betty(and her "relationship" w Nic) but Nicolas. He is extremely jealous of him and not only because he is a threat in an economic level or even a romantic level but because he is a threat in all aspects.

To really understand this lets ignore what I said in the previous post about how Armando isn't the one that is actively in Betty's personal life and how he only gets glimpse of it or how Don Hermes approves of Nicolas.

Lets completely ignore that Nicolas is in Terra Moda, Betty is the owner of Eco Moda and working for Armando.

Let's pretend that Betty and Armando met one day and they established a friendship of sorts. Maybe they shopped at the same grocery store, maybe Armando and her interacted when she worked at the banks(bc she never got fired) and from there formed a friendship of sorts.

Though things were always impersonal, Betty had a small crush on Armando who went to the bank on a regular biases where they talked about money blah blah blah and Armando slowly started to wonder about Betty and her personal life and one day Armando finds out Betty has a boyfriend.

He finds out when he goes to the bank by overhearing Betty talking with a work friend about it(in this scenario we'll also be forgetting that he is extremely obsessed with perfection) and he asks her about it once their meeting is over and she tells him she doesn't have one but he ponders about this on his own and becomes paranoid about his feelings and investigates who Nicolas is by asking said work friend of Betty's about Nicolas.

He finds out Nicolas is a man desired my many women, who is relatively economically comfortable, is extremely smart and that Betty's dad, who hates everyone, approves of him and that they see each other mostly every single day and that he's always around and that she's stupidly in love with him and that Nicolas, even though he's a good looking man and who has women fawning and crazy about him is also interested in Betty so he isn't a superficial man and cares about the substance of people which means Betty is really exquisite, but that they aren't actually dating because he hasn't made a move on Betty(I combined what Mario, Bertha, and Mariana said).

What Armando knows of his feelings is that he looks forward to seeing Betty when he goes to the bank because she's always so kind and accommodating to him and communicative as well and that she's always personally helping him so they are constantly communicating and he looks forward to it. He knows that Betty is a smart woman and that she also has really wonderful qualities that he likes and because she's also so unconditional with him he thought maybe Betty liked him, that it made sense she'd be like that towards him and that it made him feel special but now he finds out that somebody else has Betty's heart.

So he decides to ask her out and they embark into this affair of sorts(We're also ignoring the sinister plan). However while he is still curious and wondering about how Betty's personal life is and how her inner world is, Betty hasn't welcomed him into it yet. Better yet Betty keeps him at arms length and though he has been somewhat honest and invited her into his personal life he still stands on the outside meanwhile Nicolas remains on the inside and he isn't leaving any time soon.

Armando begins to resent that Betty isn't letting him in while he has let her in, he begins to resent Nicolas for taking Betty away from him one way or another. He feels that he isn't as important or as special as he thought he was and this makes him insecure as a person. He begins to feel inadequate, for the first time in his life, in the romantic front.

So this night after Betty and him have finally taken their relationship to the next step he angrily asks her if Nicolas was her first.

Why do I bring this make believe up?

We're so clouded by the past actions and who Armando is in the core of it all and his complexities that I'm neglecting this important fact. Armando doesn't just view Nicolas as competition, he feels inadequate next to Nicolas and as he told Betty, he imagined and thought he'd be her first(it most likely is also that he thought no man would have slept with Betty up until he did).

It's why he repeatedly told Mario that he couldn't do that to her. He wasn't talking about not being able to physically make himself have sex with her because she's "ugly". He was talking about the morality of it. That he couldn't take something so valuable from Betty with deception, that he couldn't be the man that she gave her first experience to when he didn't love her because he knew how it would impact her, how it would hurt her when he ended the relationship and he couldn't bring himself to do that to her(however like I already pointed out, while Betty was being vulnerable Armando began to fall in love and that's what made him want to sleep with her).

So when they finally do sleep together Armando is disappointed that he isn't her first time and when he asks her about it and she confirms it, he now fears that Nicolas was her first time. He fears that Betty gave herself, her first experience to him because it means that Nicolas managed to figure his feelings out before him, that Nicolas was better than him both morally and as a man.

He wants to be part of Betty's personal life. He desires to be in her inner circle. We see this when he hears Don Hermes express himself about Nicolas. When he knows that Nicolas has dinner with her family, that he spends time inside her house. He knows what Don Hermes thinks of him[Armando] because he heard him say he'd fight him the night he hid behind their couch(Brutas! La Policía! post). It isn't just that Nicolas could be better than him now, it's Nicolas could be the one to possess something so intimate of Betty's now.

So when Betty explains that Nicolas wasn't her first time all of a sudden the resentment leaves him and he agrees to not talk about it. However Betty's behavior leaves him a lot more curious. Now this confession of Betty's leaves him picado. I imagine that he probably ponders about her first time wonders why she was so off by it, why she doesn't like talking about it. He wonders about the relationship she had before him and who that man was and how it ended. He probably wonders if Nicolas knows about it and again how Nicolas manages to hold something he desperately wants: her trust.

He respects her desire to not want to speak about it and they say goodnight.

I already talked about the argument Marcela and Armando have when he gets to the apartment in the last post but since that post was so rushed and I was like twelve hours in writing that post I just half-baked it so I'll try to briefly, but in-depth, break it down.

As Armando enters his apartment, like a guilt-free man, he plays with his dog(I'mma call this lost soldier GBNF (Gone But Not Forgotten)) and pets him, we hear Betty's monologue.

I've touched on this in previous post, specifically the Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True, the way that scene and this scene are presented is to show us that what we hear Betty saying is what Armando is thinking, I explained it in detail in that post so if you haven't read it, I recommend you do :)

While Betty says "He told me that he loved me but he also proved it to me with actions." we see Armando pondering over this as he stops interacting with GBNF probably telling himself 'I told her I loved her and this time seggs was different, I was different... could I love her? Nah it's probably not that.' except that instead of being able to go into his room to mediate on the night and its events he finds Marcela on his bed.

[I talked about the parallels in my rant post and the Forgive Me post]

While Marcela is mad and Armando is pretending to care that she is and trying to defend himself he behaves towards her very differently here. The day Betty tried a new look Armando told Mario that the only thing that keeps him with Marcela, at least the only good thing about their relationship, was the seggs and that he was satisfied with it, it's why he always gave into her manipulation because even if he wasn't in the mood, even if he told her no, even when he did so out of guilt and responsibility he still got off and at least that was worth it(that's like actually really sad. He needs a therapist for another reason now, bb get you some support and help). As we know this time he plain out rejects her and doesn't allow for her to manipulate him and when she tries to he turns her down.

Marcela throws it in his face that she had been calling him but he hadn't answered the phone since they last spoke and Armando goes on to angrily explain that next time they won't agree to speak until the next day and that he'll constantly call her and report himself so she can control him like a little kid, that every five minutes he can remind her who he is and he looks so pissed and done, like emotionally just frustrated with this argument.

Yes we know Marcela has a reason to not trust him but she feeds the cycle of her own as well. It would be so easy for her to remove herself from the situation/relationship but the problem here isn't that Armando cheats and gaslights her, the problem here is that Marcela doesn't want to let go of him. She feels entitled to him and because of this entitlement she completes the circle of hell. Again I'm not saying that Armando is innocent, he's not, he's a cheating scumbag, but she knew this before they got engaged, like she knew what she was getting herself into and she still wanted in and when they got engaged she felt entitled to all of him(I talk about this in like mostly every post, for once I'd like to write something good about her lol).

Marcela then stops arguing, you can tell she feels guilty for it and reaches out to him, placing her hands on his shoulders but he moves and pulls her hands from him and steps away from her and lays on his bed while Marcela gets on her knees, beside his bed and explains that she was only worried about him, that she thought something bad had happened to him.

Unlike with Betty, who asked him if he felt ill because of the drinks, who had her arms around him(though sometimes he looked like he wanted to take them off of him) when she asked him this and he said he was fine or maybe the drinks were affecting him, Betty told him she'd make him feel better, he asked her how, she said with her kisses and bam consenting make-out town.

The parallel of this is Marcela expressing "worry" about Armando, who tells her he's fine.

"I just want to go to the bathroom wash up, get in my pijamas, and go to bed."

"No, I can't wait that long." She says and starts to kiss him and undress him but he tells her:

"Marcela, Please." he pleas.

"It doesn't matter , you're fine as you are, please." She begs him in a I guess seductive way?

However Armando has barely touched her, when she neared him he kept his hands up in the air, only has one hand on her back as if trying to pull her from him. He then stares at her, with a cold stare of rejection(I think he's thinking to himself 'did she not hear me? I said no. I said no!') and Marcela reacts offended.

"What's your problem? Do you not want to be with me? Do you want me to leave?" She asks with an angry tone and arms folded in front of her. Armando now stares at her with fear.

Which is different from when Betty asked him if he wanted to no longer be with her and go to Marcela's apartment. When she asked him if he was feeling bad, and if he wanted to drop her off home. Armando explained to her it wasn't that but it was just getting late, however at the club he not only accepted her advances but he also encouraged them(Forgive Me Post). Not only that when Armando rejected her advance inside the hotel room, Betty respected his no.

"I'm tired." He says after trying to find an excuse. His tone of voice shows fear as he talks as if he were out of breath and though he has told her this excuse before, he hadn't given her this stare of determination. He wasn't even going to give her wiggle room and when she notices this she stands up and tells him that that had never stopped him before(yeah cause you manipulated him and pushed his boundaries).

Armando doesn't allow her questioning of his manhood to keep him from staying faithful to Betty. Instead, unlike before when he just basically gave up and let Marcela convince him otherwise, he tells her that tonight it would be an impediment for him but this whole time he looks fearful and nervous.

Now the next day Betty arrived to Eco Moda with contentment and excited to see Armando(dude Wilson is always so sweet to Betty(lets ignore the first couple of ep)).

Betty saw Marcela and Armando arriving together, which we know what that implies to Betty.

So once inside of Eco Moda, after Armando told her they needed to talk, as Betty is going towards their office she sees the personification of her guilty conscious in the shape of Marcela.

What Marcela is saying to her is what Betty is telling herself, while she also tries to justify what they did. When Marcela says that last night when he was done with her she went and made love to her[Marcela] and that it could be that he is playing Betty or her but maybe them both but that she[Marcela] is the one that Armando is going to end up with.

This speaks on Betty's fears.

When she enters their office Armando is waiting for her. He starts off explaining that he knew he had told her that he'd go to his apartment and spent the night by himself but Betty interrupts him by saying: "Nonono Sir. I told you I respect that relationship, I get it." (She sure do have a funny way of showing "respect" for that relationship.

Armando then goes on to clarify that nothing happened, basically that he was truthfully only with her and that he stayed faithful to her.

But Betty tells him that he doesn't need to explain things. Armando then begs her to allow him to explain things to her. Why does he beg her?

In a past post I explained how to Armando it was so important to be able to trust Betty and to know that she didn't lie to him(Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 post.) but ever since the night that he fought Roman and Co. things have begun to change. Armando has become a bit more attentive and in tune with Betty's needs, desires, and feelings and after last night, it is more evident here that he needs her to know that he was impecable, that he didn't lie to her or hurt her. He needed her to know that he was truthfully only with her and that he wouldn't touch Marcela or another woman after being with her because she was special to him and their first time meant a lot to him as well. He needs her trust him and believe in him.

So he begins to explain things to her, being honest and albeit dramatic(he always is when he's retelling events).

Now for the last scene of this post lets make a deep dive to Mario and Armando's conversation/ Aura Maria and Betty's conversation.

I won't really breakdown the dialogue here, instead I'll breakdown the tone and behavior from Armando and Mario.

After Mario begs him to tell him about the night Armando calls him a vieja chismosa (A woman who likes gossip) and they go off to the meeting room.

A reluctant Armando tells him he did sleep with Betty. He is stiff the entire time as he talks to Mario, showing that he is uncomfortable sharing this with him and that he doesn't, on a very different level, want to share the intimacy he shared with Betty, but he'll only share a bit of it to get him off his back and to also be able to process what happened and how he feels about it.

As Mario says that he can imagine the concentration and imagination that Armando had to have had to be able to sleep with Betty, Armando, sitting still holding his hands(showing he is trying to comfort himself or is angry, looking at the context clues the serious expression, his tone of voice and how he seems to be refraining himself it is anger what he is feeling.) grits his teeth and clenches his jaw.

He isn't only uncomfortable talking to Mario about this but he is angry at him for what he is saying and insinuating. He tries to end the conversation when Mario jokes, telling him that he answered his question, however Mario asks him how it affected him and Armando tries to explain why it affected him to begin with.

In short words Armando tells him that Betty isn't just another woman he slept(one of his models or occasional friend) with but that she is an important woman to him and because of that reason last night was important to him.

"I made love with a woman who is in love, who is truthfully in love." He says this with a tender tone, something that holds importance to him, that makes him happy, that sweetens his life. In other words something that makes him soft but also the realization of Betty's love for him and how true it is. "This doesn't welcome any jokes." He says and angrily tells Mario "So don't expect for me to act like nothing happened. Of course it affects me, my skin isn't made of iron." In another post(Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True and La Arrogancia De La Niña) I explained how Armando doesn't feel comfortable when the subject revolves around Betty as a person so when Mario makes jokes and Armando tries to defend why he feels the way he does and explain himself, as well as try to understand how he feels he stops being so reluctant in the conversation but as soon as Mario starts making jokes again he stops, gets angry and shuts off.

"Okay, one second, you're telling me that you're feeling something for Betty?" Armando looks at him with furrowed eyebrows and concerned eyes and he swallows hard. One could simply assume that he is confused or even simply worried but it goes more than that. This is the exact same expression he had when Marcela was reading that poem(Don't Yell At Her! Don't You Yell At Her! post) he is anguished to tell this to Mario, to be that vulnerable with him but also, that he is worried that he has feelings for her and the implications of said feelings.

Lets rewind a few steps and look at the journey of Armando's feelings so far.

1: He begins to take notice of Betty as a loyal employee

2: He begins to blur the lines of impersonal to personal.

3: He starts to change towards the way he treats her as her boss because he cares about how Betty feels working for him(Which he didn't care about that with the rest).

4: he makes her his confidant in all aspects of his life.

5: he entrust her with his entire livelihood(trust her like no other)

6: he begins to get curious about her personal life.

7: he is forced to face the reality of why he is so "special" to her. AKA the revelation that Betty "has" a boyfriend.

8: He drunkenly confesses his feelings to Betty.

9: he soberly confesses his feelings to Betty.

10: he lives under denial of said feelings but his subconscious is stronger than he is.

11: each night he spends with Betty his emotional attraction grows until it becomes physical attraction(Which he denies).

12: He has had to learn to notice and place Betty's needs, desires, and feelings before his own and enjoys doing so.

13: he is forced to once again face his feelings of attraction towards Betty the night before.

So again, Armando does what he does best, deny.

Due to his obsession with perfection, need to control everything, and his own personal conversations that he has within himself(Why couldn't we get those? I gotta be connecting the dots here a lot) this new revelation is a hard one to swallow. Armando has never been in love and he always thought he'd fall in love with a woman that looks like Marcela, Adriana Arboleda, etc. However now it is possible that he's in love, for the first time ever or at least beginning to fall in love, with Betty, the "ugly" assistant he has, who he knows his best friend would crucify if he found out about his true feelings so Armando, pained by this, denies it and it does pain him to deny these feelings from himself which is why we get this reaction.

To throw Mario off his scent he tells him he feels remorse, and that's it(Have y'all seen that John Mulaney special where he says that when he was a kid this police officer told him to throw his wallet across the street to make robbers run the other direction to throw them off his scent so he could escape? Basically same here).

Next Aura Maria and Betty start to talk. Betty expresses her happiness and how she would have never imagined that it would be like that(she really sticking to her five star review on yelp).

In the room over Armando is telling Mario the retelling of the events the previous night. He tells him that he wasn't capable of physically having sex with Betty when she came out of the bathroom and that of course, she picked up on it and told him she understood, that she knew no man could desire her.

So did Armando sleep with Betty out of pity? Out of compassion?

When we look at the context of previous scenes the short answer is no.

The long answer is this so sit tight. That night Armando did something he'd never done before, be intimate with a woman. Betty was extremely vulnerable with him this night. She gave more of herself to him than in the physical sense. She let him in, she welcomed him into her inner dilema and fears. She moved him, deeply moved him. She gave him something he desired more than sex. She gave him her intimacy.

When he is retelling what happened, especially when it gets to the physicality, he looks up, as if reliving the moment visually in his memory. His expression is of peace and joy. He is not disgusted with the mental image he has, in fact he is pleased with it.

Mario is staring at him the entire time with eyebrows raised, wide eyes and a slight frown. Since Armando isn't staring at him(he's savoring his memory) he doesn't notice this but as soon as he stares at him Mario stops and convers his mouth. He then congratulates him and tells him that so far things sounded like they went well and he asks for more.

In the post Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True I explained the comfort Mario has at asking these sorts of questions implying that both Mario and Armando don't hold back in being explicit when they talk about their conquests and one night stands so here he expects nothing less. He expects for Armando to tell him everything about Betty and what they did. He expects a word for word replay of the night but like the times before when it comes to subjects such as these, Armando shuts it down(finally a gentleman).

Mario pesters, asking who he used as a mental image, who he imagined instead of Betty.

"No inspiration used. Last night I made love to Beatriz Pinzon Solano." Armando says starting at Mario, who looks away from him, closes his eyes and convers his mouth. Armando looks down at his hand , which he's been fidgeting with, with a frown on his lips.

Armando is lying to Mario, not about who he slept with the previous night, but about his feelings and it upsets him that he can't talk this through or talk to his best friend about his feelings because he knows that Mario will just make fun of him for it. This is where we begin to see this change in Armando take shape, while before it was blurry and almost unnoticeable now it is becoming focused and recognizable.

Armando does want to talk about his feelings and he does want to understand them to some degree. Almost like there's this yearning and screaming inside of him to understand what he feels for Betty, especially after the confession he made to Betty and not only how he felt about the whole experience but because he knows, he freaking knows he treated Betty differently than any other woman before her and the fact that he didn't even desire nor want to be touched by Marcela as well disturbes him but he has no safe space or place to be able to talk about said feelings so the best thing he can do is run away from them but unlike before, this upsets him.

It's like denying himself from something he needs.

When Mario once more tries to pry any details of Betty's body Armando gets upset and tells him he doesn't understand how he managed to do that, that it was just something that came out of nowhere. Mario then asks if what is disturbing him is that fact or what it could be he feels something, but Armando tells him that he just feels guilty for it all and his conscious is killing him.

While yes this is true, he doesn't like deceiving Betty, deep down he is actually aware now that he does care for Betty and that he was both emotionally and physically satisfied with Betty. Armando is actually welcoming the understanding of his feelings while before he lived in denial of them and avoiding them, now he wants to understand them but he knows he can't do that with his best friend so he once more, like before, shuts down and gets mad at Mario.

While Betty tells Aura Maria that her boyfriend told her he loved her for the first time, Aura Maria tells her that saying it and proving it are two different things but an overjoyed Betty tells her that he not only told her he loved her but that showed it to her because he was really special and she had never imagined it would have been like that.

Both The Pervert and Aura ask the same question "Tell me how was it?"

Mario throws out synonymous for the words "hot seggs" he is wanting to know what woman was under those clothes that made him feel the way he did, Mario is strictly physical and that's it and while Armando to some point was the same, he knew that Armando also desired a stable and good relationship and to fall in love, as Armando himself told him that.

So Armando tells him she was none of that and that seggs with her was none of that.

"So then?"

"It was like..." He stops to think, looking for the right word when he finds it he smiles, again as if remembering it fondly, "sweet."

"What?" Mario murmurs. "Sweet?" he says in a disbelief tone and low voice. "A-Armando look me in the eyes." Armando does so. "It was really sweet?"

Armando pulls away from the wall he had been leaning and shifts to face him, leaning against said wall again, and after taking a deep breath begins to explain.

"Calderon, that woman is in love with me. What? did you expect for it to not be? It had to be sweet, so yes, sweet." He says explaining. His eyes brows are middle raised, slightly squinting his eyes but his features are soft, he leans against the wall while with one hand he moves in the air to explain things with the other he has it in his pocket. This indicates, roughly, an anxious attitude as well as not wanting to talk more about the subject and that he's upset to continue talking about it.

"I get that she's in love with you but were you really sweet to her too?" Armando, who turned away from him is once more leaning hard against the blinds of the window, arms folded in front of him and eyebrows middle lowers, indicating frustration.

"He was really sweet, Aura Maria. I didn't expect him to be like that. That's why I'm saying that I think he really does love me." She smiles. Aura Maria celebrates with her.

"Okayokay. So it was really sweet for the both of you." Mario raises his arms up in a "I'm innocent." manor.

"Mhm"

"Armando, you're worrying me." He places his hands inside his pockets. Armando is staring elsewhere, worrying his bottom lip with eyebrows middle lowered(almost close together) since he looks somewhat zoned out we can assume that he is in deep thought. "What happened. Talk to me." Armando turns to look at him and defeated lets out a sigh, closes his eyes and goes to sit down and starts to talk.

"I don't know, I have to clear myself. I'm going to try and be as clear as possible with you. Lets see, I-no-best said lets separate two things. One thing is that is ugly, right?(he confused about it now? I'm just joking)." Mario agrees. "And another thing would be that I hate Betty, I don't hate Betty." This time his eyebrows are pulled closer together with really squinted eyes. He is really evaluating his feelings here and making the effort to understand them. "All the contrary, I have an immense endearment for her. She is a very important woman in my life."

(ENGLISH GET A WORD EQUIVALENT TO QUIERO/QUIERE!)

"You cherish her?"(it's the best word I could find to translate this, English is so tragic tbh.)

"Of course." Armando admits, he has a look of relief washed away with panic and now he begins to deny, freaked out by his own emotions he tries to justify his feelings for something they're not. "Of course I cherish her. I cherish her-" he places a finger on his philtrum: anxiousness and hesitant to speak. "like you cherish Sara, your secretary. Yes like my dad cherish Susana his secretary. I-I think that one in life...cherishes a lot of people and the relationship that Betty and I have established is a relationship of..." He starts to fidget with his fingers worrying his bottom lip and staring off at something on the table. "of friends." he stares at Mario and with his hand, open, explains to him. "We're friends and we cherish each other a lot. Man, I start to think and Betty is a person who has always been unconditional with me, who has always been there when I've needed her. She's a person who has saved my life, who risks her life for me every day she's a person( I don't want to use the word love but English you suck so I gotta) I love a lot(he means platonically)" Mario stares at him with raised eyebrows, wide eyes and a frown. "Tell me, why wouldn't I feel that for her? Why shouldn't I feel endearment for her?"

"No, no of course. Why not?" Mario reacts slow. He is trying to "Respect" Armando's feelings even though he wants to make fun of him for it but he knows if he does that Armando will stop talking about how he feels, therefore, stop giving him intel. "Why not? It's just this is the first time I hear you say you love her."

"Because I wasn't aware of this until now!" Armando says frustrated. "Until now that I'm faci...facing Betty." He slightly furrows his brows and stares elsewhere with a shocked expression of revelation. He takes in a deep breath and places a finger in front of his lips, thinking this through. "Calderon, cherishing Betty isn't a crime, bro." Notice his tone of voice as he confesses this final part is full of emotion. This fear that he had been carrying within himself for days, weeks or even months, that he cared about Betty deeply cares but was afraid to admit this to himself much less out loud until now, he finally admits it, he finally says it out loud because he is in a desperate need to understand how he feels about her and he accepts it. He accepts that this is how he feels and that it isn't wrong for him to feel like this because she deserves it.

Armando then goes on to say that what they are doing to her is a crime. To do that to his partner in crime, who loves him and dreams of him twenty four seven and that is what is killing him.

"It should be killing you if you did it with repulsiveness but no, you did so, sweetly. Sweetie pie." he sings at the end. Armando now looks at him in disbelief and anger.

"Then how would I have done it? She's in love, how was I going to do it then?"

Mario is now out of his element, unlike in previous scenes, this time Mario is not in control of Armando so he reacts irrationally.

"Yes but you've slept with Marcela who is in love with you and so far from what I understand the hook-ups aren't so sweet." he smiles, thinking he's found footing in the situation and a way to gain control of it.

"Ah don't talk to me about Marcela now." He stands up, annoyed. "Lets not talk about that woman. Let's change topic, yeah? Last night." He slaps the chair. "When I got to my apartment she was waiting for me." He says so annoyed, again.

"No?" Mario asks "surprised".

Skip the scene with Marcela and Patsy Pats; Betty and Aura Maria are still talking in her office.

Aura Maria is telling her that now that they've slept together that she can't stop doing it and blah blah blah I'm only mentioning it because it's funny when Armando walks into the conversation and now it's him he gets a taste of jealousy like Betty did that morning when she saw Armando and Marcela getting out of his car.

The fact Armando believes this is really about Nicolas is funny but also believable. For one, as I pointed out, Armando feels insecure when it comes to Betty and Nicolas, especially now after they've sinned, fornicated if you will, no wait adulatory because he's "committed" to Marcela. Two because he knows that Nicolas spends time with Betty at her house so when Aura Maria tells her to take advantage of the moments her parents aren't looking or when he goes to the bathroom to sneak in there with him and y'know, sha-bang.

Armando rubs his hand with his thumb, indicating anxiety, however he tries to keep his composure and if y'all haven't notice Armando now isn't speaking so harshly to Betty. He is keeping the same tone he has with her whenever he is being vulnerable. As Armando leaves Betty's office after telling her that he needed some paper work, he shuts the door hard, expressing his anger as well.

Once Aura leaves and Betty goes into Armando's office, Armando throws his jealousy fit, but unlike before when he'd yell at her and question her dedication, her loyalty, her love, this time he tells her that she can do what she wants, that Nicolas belonged to her personal and intimate life(again, showing resentment for that), when Betty tries to explain what happened Armando tries to cut her off, eventually she does though. This is similar to earlier that morning.

We then see the power dynamic here, once more Armando is the one that holds the cards and Betty is supposed to do what he says, which isn't a partnership.

[THE LETTER! WHAT WAS IN THE STUPID LETTER BETTY!]

I think those the next scenes[next few episodes] are pretty self-explanatory. Armando completely forgets about the picture he has of AA in his pocket and he makes out with Betty and Betty accepts to not break up while Armando that once the big meeting is over that he'll break up with Marcela and they'll become official, now he has to learn to accept the idea that he has to learn to accept as an idea(So confusing, I know lol) of a potential future where he is open about his relationship with Betty.

The next post I'll write is one I'm really looking forward to; AA shows up to Eco Moda and my all time favorite scene that brings and ties together this theory that Armando has thought about, for a long time, about his feelings for Betty and what it means to him, AKA the night of the museum.

'Til then :)

[we-are-inevitable]

for the fic title!! i’d love to see your take on “don’t let me in with no intention to keep me” 👀 (a good ol hozier line)

GOOD LORD how did you know this is my favorite hozier song,, it's so good

ok doing another javid one but:

this,, is kind of an interesting one. i don't know if ive ever seen anything quite like it beforehand, but i think we've established that Jack is just Not Great with relationships. he's in love with the idea of love, though; he's a hopeless romantic at heart, and doesn't always think things through.

which is how he gets stuck in a genuinely shitty relationship.

and he really loves this girl, he does, so he stays- but she's awful. she yells at him in public, she's controlling, she doesn't trust him, she hates it when he goes out with his friends- it's horrible, but Jack doesn't really see it. she says she loves him, and Jack has a very warped perception of love. their relationship is somewhat similar to how Jack remembers his parent’s relationship being, too, so he just rolls with the punches. he thinks it's normal and everything is fine.

so, the fic would pick up near the tail end of their relationship. Jack and Mystery Girl have been having a hard time lately; maybe Kath, who was living out of state while in grad school, moves back to New York and Jack spends a lot of time with her, since they were childhood friends and he misses her. Jack's girlfriend doesn't like this. they argue, they fight.

at the end of it all, jack shows up on Davey's doorstep with a bruise on his face, a small bag of his things, and a cracked phone screen.

i kind of like the idea of this being the first time we see Davey in the fic, too. Davey is Jack's best friend, has been for years, but Jack's girlfriend hated him and didn't really want Jack to see him, so it's... been a while since Jack actually got to see and talk to him, but Davey lets him come in, and Davey lets him stay, because Davey is a saint and it's exactly why Jack knew coming here would be safe.

and obviously Davey has been worried out of his mind for Jack. he's watched Jack become a shell of the guy he used to he; he's not as loud and energetic anymore, because his girlfriend thought it was annoying, and he doesn't paint or sketch much anymore, because his girlfriend thought it was annoying, and instead of being the sarcastic asshole with a heart of gold that Davey knows and loves, Jack is now the ultimate people pleaser. it's so obvious that he's been broken down and he's really lost himself, and Davey hates it. he knows that it isn't his responsibility to """fix""" Jack, and Jack constantly refuses his help because he doesn't want to be a bigger burden than he already is- but Davey is dead set on helping Jack through this. Davey is right there for him through the entire ordeal.

i think the rest of the fic would be very introspective and therapeutic; Jack unpacking what happened and trying to get over this, admittedly pretty long, relationship that he had with his girlfriend. i think there would be a moment, to, when he realizes the abuse that he put up with-- i'm imagining a mundane scene, like him brushing his teeth in the morning, when it all hits him and he realizes that Oh. Oh, Wait, She Treated Me Horribly. Oh No.

cut to Davey walking in on Jack having a breakdown in front of the bathroom mirror bc i'm a slut for bathroom breakdowns <3

ANYWAY this is getting long, so: the fic is more about Jack coming to terms with the way he was treated, but as time goes on, and as Davey helps him through everything and helps him get back on his feet, Davey and Jack realize that they ,, work pretty well together, especially living together. their relationship naturally progresses over time, but Jack is paranoid that Davey might not want him or might get rid of him (like Jack’s ex), so he tries being this perfect version of himself and that puts pressure and strain on everything and it's-- yeah, not a good time for Jack, but Davey takes everything in stride and helps Jack build up his confidence again while also helping Jack trust in relationships again.

"don't let me in with no intention to keep me" in this case is basically describing Jack's inner monologue surrounding his relationship to Davey !!!

GOD i loved this sm, thank you for sending this in !! ilysm kath this was so fun