#the way tk is so focused on reassuring carlos even after everything he just went through

[guardian-angle22]

Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 10] -> favorite hug(s)-> 3.08

[marjansmarwani]

somehow we’ll be okay

9.3k || ao3

Gabriel and Owen process their guilt, the 126 comes together in the face of (another) tragedy, and Carlos and TK find comfort in each other. ---- A 2x12 coda, in 3 parts

This took me an entire week to write and I'm not even sure what it is anymore but here it is.

---------------

The shrill ringing of a phone shattered the silence of the Reyes home. 

They had just been settling down for the night when the call came and Gabriel muttered a curse under his breath as he rolled over in bed to grab the offending phone from the nightstand. He frowned when he saw the contact info on the screen. 

“Owen?” he said in greeting, “Is everything okay? It’s a little late for a social call.” 

“Gabriel!” The fire captain's voice was tense and distant. It sounded as if he was driving, and fast. “Have you talked to Carlos at all tonight?” 

“No,” he responded, sitting up in bed, nerves suddenly on edge, “Why?” 

“I don’t think Raymond was done. Do you remember what he said? ‘I’ll take what matters the most from you. At first I thought he meant the 126, but I think there was more; and I think he was talking to both of us.” 

It only took a moment for Owen Strand’s frantic words to process and when they did Gabriel felt a cold chill was over him. “The boys,” he said quietly, fearfully, and he felt his wife shift beside him, sitting up and facing him with a concerned expression.

“I think so,” Owen confirmed grimly. “I’m on my way there now but TK’s not answering. It keeps going to voicemail.” 

“I’ll try Carlos,” he said, desperately hoping there was some other explanation for them not answering, anything but the worst fear Owen had just painted for him. He went to hang up, but he hesitated. “Owen…” he said instead, not sure what exactly it was he wanted to say. 

“I’ll call you as soon as I know anything,” the other man promised and despite everything, Gabriel took comfort in knowing that he and Andrea weren’t alone in this fear. He thanked him again before ending the call and switching to his recent calls list. 

“What’s going on?” Andrea asked him, eyes roving his face for any clues. He didn’t answer right away as he tapped his son’s name and held the phone up to his ear, praying to hear his voice answer. Instead all he got was the mechanical ringing before his voicemail picked up. 

He lowered the phone and met his wife’s eyes. 

“Owen thinks that the arsonist isn’t done with revenge yet. He thinks that he had a more personal goal in mind; something that would affect both of us.” 

He knew he didn’t have to spell it out for her - Andrea had always been smarter than him, after all - and when she placed a hand over her mouth he grimaced, reaching over and squeezing her arm gently as he tried calling Carlos again. It was the same as the first time, so was the next. He could feel the fear and desperation growing within him, but he didn’t know what else he could do. Their son’s home was nearly 20 minutes away from their house - he’d never make it in time to make any difference. He could only hope that Owen would get there in time; that his actions wouldn’t cause him to lose what was most precious to him. 

He stood abruptly from the bed, pacing the floor of the bedroom as he dialed again. Again he got the voicemail and it took every single ounce of his self-control to not hurl his phone across the room in frustration. He took a shuddering breath and sank onto the bed, running a weary and shaking hand across his face. 

He felt the bed shift as Andrea moved closer to him, “Talk to me, corazón,” she murmured, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

“He’s not answering,” he told her dully, “and neither is TK.” He sighed again and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. 

“That doesn’t mean we have to assume the worst,” she reminded him gently, “not yet.”

He nodded dully and reached up to cover the hand on his shoulder with his own. They waited in silence on their bed; joined together by their hands and their fear as they waited for Gabriel’s phone to ring. The moments passed like sand through a clogged hourglass; each one lasting for its own small eternity as they all piled upon each other. 

Finally, his phone rang.

He snatched it up from where it was resting on his knees but paused over the screen before answering. He needed to know - they both did - but this could very well be the moment that changed their life forever. With a glance at his wife who gave his shoulder another comforting, supportive squeeze, he answered, putting it on speaker. 

“Owen?” he asked in a shaky voice, “What happened? Are they okay?” 

“We’re okay, dad.” 

Nothing else could have made him feel the rush of joy and relief that hearing his son’s voice through the phone did in that moment. He sagged in relief, turning to Andrea to see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. He gave her a watery smile before he turned his attention back to the phone in his hand. 

“The house is gone,” Carlos continued; voice low, rough, and a little shaky, “but we’re safe.” 

“That’s all that matters right now, mijo,” he told him. “Everything else we can handle in time.” 

On the other end of the phone he heard Carlos make a noise of agreement that was cut short by a cough. He frowned and shared a glance with Andrea to see his concern reflected in her expression. 

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be in a hospital?” he asked. 

“The paramedics checked us out, dad. And then TK’s captain, when they were done. We’re fine, really.”

“Are you sure? Because…”

 “We’re fine, dad,” Carlos repeated; his voice soft, but firm.  

Gabriel took a breath, steadying himself. “Okay. Your mom and I are on the way, we’ll be there as soon as you can.” 

“Yes, sir, see you soon.” 

The almost professional tone in his son’s voice hurt. He knew that it was likely a shield; a way to keep himself together in the aftermath, but he needed him to know. He had come so close - too close - to losing him, he needed him to know. “I love you, son,” he said, voice tight as he said the words he didn’t say enough. 

“Love you, too.” 

With those words Carlos ended the call and Gabriel felt as if all the energy had just been sapped from his body and he sank down onto the bed once again. He heaved a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes. He could feel his wife looking at him, so he voiced the thought that has been ricocheting through his mind since the moment Owen had called: “This is my fault,” he admitted quietly. “I could have cost us our son, or could have caused him to lose someone he loves.” 

“That’s not on you, Gabriel.”

“Yes it is - of course, it is,” he argued. “He did this to get back at me, to make me suffer. It’s completely on me.”

“Did you want to hurt Carlitos? Or TK?”

Gabriel looked up sharply, meeting his wife’s gaze with wide eyes, “Of course not!” 

“Then that’s not on you. Yes, someone awful did this to hurt you; but that doesn’t mean you did it. I’m not saying I agree with what you and Owen did,” she reminded him in case he did not recall the rather heated discussion they had had earlier in the kitchen about keeping secrets and not considering the possible collateral, “but you didn’t start the fire. Someone terrible did it of their own free will and that’s on them, not you.”  

Her gaze was steady as she spoke to him and her words firm: she believed what she was saying and there was not a doubt in her mind. He wished he could say the same. 

But if there was one thing he knew about her after over 30 years of marriage it was that there was no arguing with her once she made up her mind. So he simply nodded and offered a weak smile. They sat in silence for another few moments before she stood up, walking up to him and placing a kiss on his forehead. 

“Get dressed,” she told him gently, “let’s go see our son.” 

He nodded and rose on shaky legs, sighing as he turned to his dresser. His emotions were still swirling inside of him; turbulent and unrestrained. He couldn’t believe they had come so close to losing their son and until he saw him with his own eyes a part of him would insist on believing they had. So he threw on the first shirt and pants he found, discarding the pajamas he had been wearing on the bed without a second thought. The small details could be handled later; all that mattered right now was getting to Carlos. 

They were in his truck a few minutes later and the half-hour drive to Owen Strand’s house was spent mostly in silence as they each worked their way through the night's events. When they arrived Andrea barely waited for him to put the truck in park before she was opening her door and climbing out and striding towards the house. He followed quickly behind and the front door swung open as they approached, revealing a tall man Gabriel had never seen before.

“You must be Carlos’s folks,” he said with a nod, “they’re in here.” He stepped aside without a word and Gabriel offered him a nod of thanks, but couldn’t find the words as he stepped through the doorway and got his first sight of his son: sitting at the counter, miserable and soot-covered with his hands clutched around a mug of tea as his eyes tracked something across the room. 

Gabriel followed his gaze to see TK - equally filthy and absently pacing as he spoke on the phone. 

“I’m fine Mom, I promise,” Gabriel could hear him saying even as his eyes traveled back across the room to Carlos. “We both are.” 

He offered Carlos a small, reassuring smile before he turned away, continuing to speak to his mother in low tones. Carlos hadn’t even noticed their presence yet, too focused on his boyfriend to catch much else, but when Andrea stepped closer and murmured his name he turned to face her quickly, eyes widening at the sight of them. 

“Mom,” he said quietly, “dad.” 

And then Andrea had her arms around him and he all but crumpled into her embrace, shaking as he let out a sob. Andrea whispered reassurances and Gabriel stepped closer, not wanting to intrude. But the moment he got close enough his wife released Carlos from her embrace and as he straightened he made eye contact with Gabriel. 

“Dad,” he began, but Gabriel didn’t give him a chance to speak. He simply stepped closer and pulled his son into a hug, clutching him tightly. 

“I was so scared, Carlitos,” he admitted, “and I am so, so sorry this happened.” 

“It’s not your fault dad,” Carlos muttered and Gabriel shook his head. He was about to argue the point further when another voice interrupted. 

“He’s right, Mr. Reyes,” TK said, joining them in the kitchen having finished his phone call. “It’s not your fault - or my dad’s. It’s just something that happened. It’s shitty, yeah,” he admitted, “but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You couldn’t have known.” 

Any more discussion was halted by Andrea stepping forward to pull TK into a hug as well. 

“Who is or isn’t to blame doesn’t matter,” she said firmly as she hugged TK as tight as she had Carlos a few moments before, “what matters is that you are both safe.” 

“You’re right,” TK agreed from her embrace, his eyes finding Carlos, “that is what matters.”

There was more to his words, as if he was trying to convey a message that only Carlos would understand. Whatever it was, Carlos seemed to understand as his body - still in Gabriel’s embrace - lost some of its tension. A comfortable silence settled over the four of them, the low tones of the other man on the phone in the corner the only sound. 

Footsteps from the stairs soon interrupted that silence and a moment later, Owen Strand turned the corner. 

He smiled weakly at Gabriel and Andrea before he turned his attention back to the boys, “I put some stuff in the guest room at the end of the hall: some extra clothes and towels. I’m sure you’re going to want to get cleaned up, feel free to use whatever you find in the bathroom.” 

TK nodded as Andrea released him, “Thanks dad,” he said gratefully, stepping towards Carlos. He approached and Gabriel let him go as TK held out a hand. 

“Come on babe,” he said softly, “let’s go get cleaned up.” 

Carlos nodded and took the offered hand, allowing his boyfriend to lead him down the hall towards the stairs. As they walked by the other man ended his phone call and called out to them. 

“The others know now,” he said, “and they’re on their way, just so you know.” 

TK smiled fondly and nodded, “Thanks, Judd.” 

Then he and Carlos disappeared up the stairs. 

Andrea looked at Owen, “The others?” she asked.

“The rest of the 126,” Judd explained as he joined them at the counter. “I was about to call them anyways but they saw it on the news first so…”

“They want to come and see that they’re okay for themselves,” Owen concluded with a nod and a small smile, “They’re good like that.” 

His smile faded though as he looked at Gabriel and Andrea. 

“I am so sorry,” he said. “I should have realized it faster. It was right in front of me and I almost missed it. Even as it stands I was almost too late.” 

“You’re no more to blame than I am,” Gabriel told him, “I had the same information and didn’t even think of the possibility until you called me. But really we should be thanking you for saving them. From what it sounds like if you had been a minute later or if they had to wait for a fire company...”

He trailed off, the awful possibility settling over him. They had come so close to losing the one thing that was most precious and it was only thanks to either sheer luck or a miracle that they hadn’t. 

Owen nodded, but his expression didn’t change. They were silent for a moment before he spoke again, “I still can’t help but feel like this is my fault. If I hadn’t gotten involved maybe none of this would have happened - especially not this.” 

Gabriel went to reassure him, to tell the other man that he was wrong, but he stopped. He knew that Owen wouldn’t believe him, because he didn’t. This was their fault; regardless of whether or not their children blamed them. If they hadn’t gotten involved they wouldn’t have had a target on their backs and they would still have their home. 

“It takes two to make a team-up,” he said instead, nodding when Owen met his eyes. He saw understanding in his gaze; the knowledge that this was a guilt they were going to have to live with, but that they could shoulder the burden together - and make sure nothing like this ever happened again. 

---------

“Is it just me or does this place feel different?” Nancy asked as she surveyed the once familiar bar. 

“Does anything feel the same?” Marjan asked wearily from beside her, taking a sip of her water as she joined the paramedic in glancing around the room. 

“That’s because nothing is,” Paul reminded them, “and because it’s been a weird few weeks.” 

Marjan scoffed at that, “Weeks? It’s been a weird day. Our captain got arrested for arson, our fire station was blown up by said arsonist, and then it turns out that was in retaliation for the sting operation our captain secretly put together with our friend’s Texas Ranger dad and included his staged arrest. What part of that is not completely fucking bizarre?”

Paul titled his drink towards her in acknowledgment while Nancy shook her head. Mateo took a sip from his beer. “I’m just glad TK and I managed to get the house cleaned up before shift today so Cap didn’t have to come home to that,” he declared. 

“Speaking of which,” Nancy said, “has anyone heard from my partner? Or his better half?” 

Marjan shook her head, “He said he was heading home once we got the all-clear to leave. And given the discussion that he and Cap had before he left, I have a feeling he and Carlos have a lot of talking to do.” 

“They’re going to need some time,” Paul agreed, “after everything.” 

“I still can’t believe it was all a setup,” Mateo mused with a shake of his head, “I mean I knew Cap was innocent, I just had no idea he was in on a conspiracy.” 

“I just can’t believe they didn’t at least tell TK and Carlos. I mean…” Nancy trailed off, but they all knew what was left unsaid and they had all heard the scene at the firehouse. 

“I guess they did what they thought they had to do,” Marjan reasoned with a shrug. 

“Doesn’t make it right though,” Paul reminded her darkly.

“No, it does not,” she agreed, looking back down at her glass. 

There was silence then as they all let their thoughts wander, all processing the day. It’s only by chance that Majan looked up and happened to glance towards the bar. The hand absently stirring her water with her straw froze and her sharp intake of breath caught Nancy’s notice. 

“Marj?” she asked, looking over to the woman sitting beside her. “What’s up?” 

Marjan didn’t seem to be able to form words because she settled for gesturing vaguely to the bar, and they all followed her gaze to the tv playing idly in the corner. The news was on and there was footage of a structure burning brightly as crews battled the flames. The sight of a burning building would have been familiar to the assembled group regardless, but this particular building was familiar for an entirely different reason. 

Nancy paled and the grin abruptly slid off Mateo’s face, leaving a look of horror in its wake. Paul cursed and pulled out his phone, swiping it open and tapping on TK’s name. It went right to voicemail and they all watched tensely as he scrolled further down the list to Carlos’s name before repeating the process with the same result. The three firefighters exchanged dark, scared looks. The scene on the tv was grim and they all knew first hand that with flames like that, time was key. There was a very small window to escape before escape became impossible, and they all hoped their friends had managed to find that window because the alternative was too awful to think about. 

Nancy hadn’t said a word and Marjan turned to her only to see her trembling and clutching her glass too tight. 

“Nance?” she asked gently, only to get a vigorous shake of her head in response. 

“No,” the paramedic said softly, but firmly. “No. I can’t lose another partner. Not...not again. Not so soon.” 

Marjan glanced at the others briefly to see her own pain reflected on their faces. Then she turned to Nancy, placing a comforting hand on her arm, “Hey,” she reminded her bracingly, “we don’t know anything yet. And TK knows what to do in a fire, he would have done his best to get them out as quickly as possible. Don’t count them out yet.” 

She gave the other woman a smile that was shakily returned. She turned back to the other two, hoping they had a solution or an idea of what to do next but any conversation was interrupted by the sound of Paul’s phone ringing. 

He answered it the moment the caller id flashed onto the screen, picking it up before the first few notes of his ringtone died out. 

“Judd,” he asked quickly, “we just saw the news, do you…” 

He trailed off as their acting captain spoke on the other end of the line, listening intently. After a minute, he relaxed. 

“Thanks, man,” he murmured, “we needed to know. Yeah, we’re all together right now.” He listened for another minute before he nodded, “Yeah, we’ll head over there shortly. Thanks, man, really.” 

With that, he hung up the phone and the other three stared at him expectantly. 

“Do not make me turn to violence Strickland,” Nancy told him after a few more moments of silence, “because I will.” 

“They’re okay,” he told them and the resolution to the tension that had been pressing on them rippled across their table. 

“Alhamdulillah,” Marjan muttered softly and Nancy’s entire body seemed to sag as she leaned forward, placing her head into her hands with a shuddering breath.

“Do they know what happened?” Mateo asked, and Paul nodded grimly. 

“Arson,” he replied, “retaliation from Raymond; revenge against both the men who arrested him.” 

“Ranger Reyes and Cap,” Marjan provided softly, shaking her head. “Shit.” 

“Yeah,” Paul agreed, “it’s a whole mess. And the house is a total loss. But,” he reminded them all after another few moments of silent contemplation around the table, “they’re okay. Judd said they're all at Cap’s house now, and I told him we would head over there.” 

He looked around the table to see if there were any objections but as he expected, there were none. He nodded and took another sip from his beer before setting the still half-full glass down on the table and standing up. The others followed suit and they migrated to Marjan’s car in silent agreement that there was no need to take 4 separate cars and a shared desire to get there as quickly as possible. 

They drove in silence and when they arrived, Mateo led the way in through the front door. They followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the small gathered crowd at the counter. Owen stood up and offered them a smile, “hey guys.” 

“Hey Cap,” Mateo said while Paul added: “Good to see you not arrested.” 

Owen laughed weakly before gesturing towards the others at the counter, “These are Carlos’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes.” They nodded at the tired-looking couple who smiled back as Owen concluded his introductions of the new arrivals to the Reyes. 

They all stepped further into the kitchen at Owen’s insistence before Marjan asked the question that was on everyone’s mind: “Where are they? Are they really okay?” 

“They are,” Owen confirmed, Judd nodding his agreement beside him, “but shaken, understandably. They’re upstairs now, trying to get cleaned up.” 

“It could take a while,” Judd said lowly and the others nodded in understanding - they were all too familiar with the struggle of trying to scrub the remnants of a fire from your skin but that was from a stranger’s fire; someone else’s tragedy. None of them could imagine what it must be like to have the reminder of your home being destroyed clinging to your skin. 

“Man, I can’t believe this,” Mateo said with a shake of his head and it was clear that was a sentiment shared by the rest of the group. 

“Is there anything we can do?” Marjan asked, looking from Owen to the Reyes. “I want to help, I just don’t know how we can.” 

Owen shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Give them time, I suppose. Be there for them. They’re going to have to start over and that’s not going to be easy.” 

There was a heavy silence over the group as they all considered the task before their loved ones. It seemed insurmountable; too much to take on. 

“But they have each other,” Andrea reminded the group, “and all of us. It doesn’t make it better, but it does make it easier.” 

There were small smiles and nods of agreement at that and before long they fell into comfortable chatter while they waited. The conversation wasn’t uncomfortable, but none of their hearts were in it. All of their collective focus was on the pair currently upstairs and despite repeated reassurances that they were fine, none of the newly arrived group would truly be able to believe it until they saw them with their own eyes. 

Nancy in particular seemed agitated, shifting on her feet and glancing up the stairs every now and then. Marjan could almost feel the anxious energy rolling off of the other woman from where she stood beside her. She knew that they were all worried, but she also knew that Nancy was still healing from the loss of Tim. It had hit them all, but none more than her; rightfully so. The thought now that she could lose her new partner - the one she had finally let into her heart - was clearly affecting her, manifesting itself into an anxiety that would likely not fade until she was able to see TK herself. 

Marjan held out a hand anyways, finding Nancy’s under the lip of the counter and squeezing it. She met her surprised look with a soft smile that widened when Nancy relaxed, some of the tension leaving her body at the touch and the knowledge that her burden was shared. 

Hand still clasped with Nancy’s beneath the counter and away from curious eyes, Marjan turned her attention to where Paul was talking through the case with Ranger Reyes and their Captain. Given everything she had heard she had expected more enthusiasm in the retelling of their sleight of hand to trick the arsonist into walking into their trap. But they were subdued as they talked, almost regretful in hindsight. Given everything, she supposed that was more than fair. She just hadn’t been sure they would feel the same way. 

There was nothing like almost losing the people you cared for most in a disaster of your own making to deflate an ego, she supposed. 

She met Paul’s eyes briefly and his expression told her that he had thoughts that she would likely hear later. She tried to tune into the conversation, willing herself to focus on what was happening right before her, but she couldn’t seem to pull her attention away from the stairs and her friends somewhere on the other side of them. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Judd’s reassurance that they were fine, but she had been a firefighter for a long time. She had seen the footage of the flames and the skeleton left behind in the aftermath of their fire on the news and she knew that there was a wide gulf between fine and okay. 

And until she saw them she had no idea where in that gulf they were treading, or how well they were keeping their heads above water.

It’s still another few minutes until they hear footsteps on the stairs. All conversation dies in an instant and all gazes turn to the stairs to see them descending: hand in hand and miraculously in one piece. 

She’s the first to get over the surprise, dropping Nancy’s hand in favor of closing the distance between them and pulling TK into a gentle hug. He returns it and she allows herself a moment to absorb the fact that he is safe and whole before she moves on - both needing the same assurances from Carlos and knowing that Nancy is at her heels and needs this just as much as she does. 

Carlos’s smile is so dim when he looks at her that she squeezes him extra tight. He seems to melt just a bit in her arms and she feels a pang for her friends. Though they are both whole and mostly unscathed it was clear they were not okay. But that is something that would come, she supposed, with time. She couldn’t help but shake her head, voicing what everyone else was thinking: “I can’t believe this happened.”

“I guess there’s no saying what a revenge-motivated arsonist will do,” TK said with a shrug. There was silence after as no one seemed to know how to respond to that until Paul, who had been studying them, spoke. 

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be in a hospital?” he asked them in a skeptical voice, “You don’t sound good and you look like you’re about to fall over.”

“Thanks, Paul,” TK said with a roll of his eye but his words only further served to confirm that his voice was still raspy from smoke. “And we were checked on scene: both by the 129’s team and Captain Vega. We’re fine, really.” 

“Maybe we should sit down though,” Nancy suggested, studying her partner and Carlos with a critical eye.  

TK shook his head at her but didn’t fight the migration as the group moved to the living room and they settled on the sofa together, just as they had at the intervention all those weeks ago. In some ways this was earlier similar: the group gathered in the Strand living room, the somber mood in the air. But it was TK and Carlos at the center now; both whole and unhurt, but so far from okay. 

They fell into easy conversation as they sat, falling into their usual patterns and habits like breathing. But Marjan made sure to watch them as they all spoke and she saw the way they clung to each other, even if it wasn’t physical. They were far from alone but it seemed that to each of them the other was the only one in the room that mattered. She couldn’t blame them for that and it didn’t surprise her. 

But a glance around the space revealed just how many people were in their corner and just how much love and support was ready for them to grasp onto whenever they wanted and whenever they were ready. She hoped that it was soon because she didn’t like the thought of them shouldering such a burden alone - even if they did have each other. 

She supposed they would come to see that and that they would take the hands that were offered to keep them from falling. All in good time. 

------------

They ascended the stairs in silence, hand in hand, neither of them speaking until the door to the bathroom was shut securely behind them. In the security and privacy of the enclosed and private space, TK stepped closer to Carlos, reaching out a hand to frame his face and gently run his thumb across his cheek. 

 “How are you feeling?” he asked gently. 

 Carlos shrugged non-committedly, “Okay, I guess. I just really want to get clean.”

 “If there’s one benefit of my dad’s obsession with skincare, it’s that there are plenty of soaps to help with that,” TK told him with a grin. Carlos gave him a smile in response, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it by the way it didn’t reach his eyes; Carlos’s smiles always reached his eyes. TK let his own grin fade and let his hand fall from Carlos’s face down to his shoulder. 

 “Why don’t you get undressed,” he suggested gently, “I’ll go grab whatever my dad left in the bedroom for us.”

 He gave his boyfriend’s shoulder a light squeeze before stepping away. He was about to move to the door when Carlos’s hand reached out and grabbed him. He turned back to the other man, to see his surprise mirrored on his face. 

 “I…” Carlos began but trailed off as if he couldn’t quite find the words he wanted to say. TK had a feeling he understood though. 

 “I’ll be right back,” he assured Carlos, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

 Carlos held his gaze for a moment before nodding, letting his hand drop as TK stepped away again, heading once more for the bathroom door. He opened it softly, slipping out into the hallway and closing it behind him. He crossed to the guest room and barely even stopped to glance at the items left on the bed. He simply gathered them all - a haphazard bundle of towels and clothes in his arms - before turning on his heel and heading back to the bathroom and Carlos. He knocked once, lightly tapping on the door before he opened it to reveal Carlos. He had removed his shirt in the time TK had been gone but now he was simply staring at his bare chest and arms in the mirror, his gaze tracing the lines of soot winding across his body. TK set down his bundle and stepped closer, his own reflection appearing besides Carlos’s as he met his eyes in the mirror. 

 “I always find it’s the smell that’s the worst,” he murmured. “That’s the part that always got to me.” 

 “It feels heavy,” Carlos said dully. “Like it’s clinging to my skin and it’s always going to be there.” 

 “We can fix that,” TK promised him.

 He gently pulled Carlos away from the mirror, helping him to remove the rest of his clothes before he turned on the shower. Then he removed his own clothes, tossing their smoke-filled and singed clothes into a heap next to the bathroom door to be dealt with later. He reached a hand back into the shower to check the temperature and when he was satisfied he reached for Carlos’s hand, guiding him into the shower and the stream of warm water. 

 He grabbed one of the soaps off the ledge and squeezed some into his hand before beginning to rub it against Carlos’s body. 

 “It may take a few tries,” he told him, “but we’ll get it all off.”

 He scrubbed at his skin gently, making circular repetitive motions up his arms and across his chest. Carlos watched him quietly, allowing him complete control as he washed away the remnants of the night. TK could see his eyes tracking the soot as it faded into the water and traveled down to the drain. 

 “And just like that, there goes what’s left of our home,” he said darkly. 

 TK froze, looking sharply up at Carlos and meeting his eyes. 

 “Hey,” he reminded him, voice firm, “as long as we have each other, we still have a home.”

 Carlos’s expression turned to one of surprise before he wilted, leaning closer to TK. TK abandoned his scrubbing in favor of wrapping his arms around the other man and allowing the warm water to wash over their intertwined bodies. 

 “My home is you, Carlos, it has been for a while,” he said, his words loud and clear in the confines of the shower and their embrace. “Nothing can change that. As long as we have each other, we’re going to be okay.”

 His words settled around them like the water droplets bouncing off their skin and Carlos nodded. TK tightened his embrace, clutching his boyfriend tighter for another moment before he pressed a kiss onto the top of his shoulder blade and stepped away; not straying further than the hand still on his shoulder would allow. He studied Carlos, taking in the glint of his warm brown eyes and the slump of his shoulders. 

 “Are you okay to finish?” he asked softly, receiving a nod in return. He grabbed the soap again and resumed scrubbing them both, methodically removing the reminders from their skin. 

 Carlos was quiet as he worked but TK had the sense he was studying him, almost as if he was trying to solve a riddle. 

 “How are you so okay?” he finally asked. “We almost died an hour ago and you’re fine. How?”

 TK slowed in his motions as he considered, trying to find the right way to explain. He settled on a shrug: “I don’t know if I am okay. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. Besides,” he added as he moved his hands up to Carlos’s hair, “I’ve been trapped in fire hundreds of times. It’s scary but after a while, you get used to it.” 

 He paused to get more soap and to find the right words. He needed to explain, but he wasn’t sure how. He didn’t want Carlos to feel any less for his reaction, for his fear. 

 “I remember my first time in a house fire,” he said eventually as he squeezed the last of a bottle of shampoo into his palm. “I was maybe a week out of the academy and though you go through training and simulations, nothing can quite prepare you for the real thing. It was a bad one, too: an old house in Bushwick that went up like a tinderbox. I made it through fine, but I was probably shaking for at least an hour after. And that was with training and gear in a stranger’s home. That wasn’t my home, and I wasn’t trapped with the person I loved; worried I could lose them. You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, Carlos; however you are feeling it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

 “Logically I know that,” Carlos agreed. “But…” 

 “But knowing it is different from actually feeling it,” TK suggested, receiving a nod in return. He smiled sadly at the other man, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

 “Sometimes I wonder if your shoulders hurt from trying to carry the weight of the world on them,” he told Carlos softly. “And that’s who you are, I get that. You always want to look out for others; always want to make sure everyone else is safe and happy. It’s why you became a cop and it’s a big part of what makes you who you are. It’s one of the things I love about you.” He paused to smile, running his hands across Carlos’s broad chest: newly clean and red from the scrubbing before he continued. 

 “But sometimes you need to feel things too, Carlos. Sometimes you have to lean on someone else. And I know I might not always do such a good job of reminding you, but I can be that someone you lean on when you need it. I want to be. We’re a team, right? And that means we take care of each other. So whatever you are feeling now, you are not alone. I’m here for you - every step of the way. And if I need it later, when this whole mess finally processes, I know you’ll be there for me too.” 

 “We lean on each other,” Carlos agreed softly, and TK smiled at him again, reaching behind him to shut off the water.

 “Always,” he promised him, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his lips before he exited the shower, “no matter what.” 

 They dried and dressed silently, pulling on borrowed clothes that felt almost foreign against their freshly washed skin. TK spared a glance at their discarded clothes, still in a heap by the door. He debated throwing them out, but he couldn’t bear the thought. They were the only thing they still had that was theirs, after all. He gently picked them up and placed them in the hamper, making a mental note to try to wash them tomorrow, to see if they could be salvaged. Then, task completed, he looked back to Carlos. 

 “You ready?” he asked. Carlos took a deep breath and nodded, offering him a smile that still didn’t reach his eyes, but it was closer. 

 “Yeah, let’s go.” 

 TK nodded, but hesitated at the door. 

 “If it’s too much, if you need to step away,” he began, “tell me. I’ll find an excuse. And even if I can’t everyone will understand.” 

 Carlos nodded and reached for TK’s hand, winding their fingers together. 

 “I’ll be fine,” he promised. “Just, stay with me?” 

 “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured Carlos, squeezing his hand gently and holding his gaze for another moment before they headed downstairs to where their friends and family were waiting for them. 

 The sound of chatter drifted up the stairs as they approached, but it died as they reached the bottom of the stairs and when they entered the kitchen, all eyes turned to them. The familiar gazes were filled with sympathy and relief, and TK forced a smile; holding Carlos’s hand a little tighter. 

 “Hey guys,” he said and his words seemed to be the catalyst needed to break the spell. Marjan is the first to approach, pulling first him and then Carlos into a gentle hug. Nancy is right behind her, squeezing TK tightly and holding on for a few moments longer. 

 “You really need to stop with this almost dying every other week bullshit,” she muttered into his shoulder, “I need my partner.” 

 He chuckled softly, returning the hug, “I’ll try my best, Nance,” he promised. 

 “Good,” she told him, pulling away and blinking away the tears that were slowly filling her eyes, “Because breaking in a new one is a lot of work. I don’t have that in me again this year.”

 He gave her a smile as he pulled away, pulling Carlos into a hug and lingering there as well, murmuring something to him in low tones. He was pulled away from their moment by Paul appearing before him, wrapping him into a hug. The other man didn’t say anything, but he looked at TK for a long moment as he pulled away, his analytical gaze taking him in. TK offered him a half-smile, and Paul nodded before stepping closer to Carlos. The next hug was full of forceful enthusiasm and TK smiled fondly as he found his footing again after Mateo nearly bowled him over. 

 Once they had all gotten their hugs in his team stood back, taking them in. Marjan was the first to speak, voice low in disbelief, “I can’t believe this happened.” 

 TK looked past them to where his dad sat watching them. Their eyes met and TK knew that they were both thinking the same thing: this could have been avoided. He had meant it earlier when he said it wasn’t his dad or Gabriel’s fault. Neither of them had started the fire and he knew that. He didn’t blame them for the fire. 

 But there were other offenses and other hurts they had caused when they had charged into a situation with no regard for how it might affect anyone else. He didn’t feel up to broaching that subject just yet, he knew he would have to. He suspected Carlos would have some feelings on it as well, once the shock had worn off a bit. For now, they could dance around it and he could let his dad’s silent remorse be enough. 

 “I guess there’s no saying what a revenge-motivated arsonist will do,” he said eventually, pulling his focus back to the group before them. 

 No one seemed to know what to say to that, and he couldn’t say that he blamed them. Instead, he tried for a smile as he took Carlos’s hand in his own again. He could feel Paul studying them both and parried his questions about hospital visits. They were fine - or at least as fine as they could be. 

 The suggestion to move to the couch was a welcome one however and he tugged lightly at Carlos’s hand, guiding him to one of the couches. He let Carlos sit before he settled in beside him, pressing against his side to both provide and receive the reassurance that they were both there. The conversation ebbed and flowed around them and while TK interjected from time to time he mostly let it all wash over him. He and Carlow were both here; they were both safe. Their friends and families were with them and whatever would come they would face, just like he had told Carlos earlier. 

 Now if he could only get himself to believe it. 

 The conversation is light and not too hard to follow (purposefully so, he’s sure, and he appreciates it) and soon they are joined by their parents and Judd as they migrate from the kitchen. Judd comes up behind them and places a warm hand on TK’s shoulder. 

 “I’ve gotta get home to Grace,” he tells them. “She sends her love, and probably some food tomorrow too, if I know my wife. But hey,” he paused to squeeze TK’s shoulder, looking between him and Carlos as he spoke, “you let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all, just ask.”

 TK and Carlos both nodded. TK was about to thank his friend, but Carlos beat him to it, “Thank you Judd,” he said earnestly. “For the offer and for earlier. I…” he trailed off, looking at TK before clearing his throat and trying again, “I don’t know how to ever thank you for that.”

 “And you don’t need to,” Judd said firmly. “Not only is it my job, but it’s what you do for family and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d rather I never have to though, so let’s all try to avoid fires in our off hours from here on out, yeah?” 

 The last bit was directed at the room at large and pulled a few chuckles from the others, but when Judd looked back down at them his expression was soft and his smile sincere. He put his other hand on Carlos’s shoulder and gave them each a comforting squeeze before he moved his hands, giving the rest of the group a wave before he headed out the door. 

 “We should probably be heading out soon too,” Andrea said regretfully. “It’s getting late and you boys are going to need sleep after everything and I’m sure Owen doesn’t need a houseful.” 

 “On the contrary,” Owen countered immediately, “I love a houseful. And it just so happens that I have an extra guest room, if you’d rather stay.” 

 Carlos’s parents didn’t respond right away and TK watched as his dad’s expression softened before he spoke again, “I’m sure you want to stay close, because I know I do. There’s no reason you should have to leave just because we ended up at my house. You are more than welcome to stay, really. That applies to all of you, really,” he added in a heartier tone. “Obviously not Mateo because he already lives here but you all are welcome too, always.”

 “As tempting as that is and as much as I appreciate it, really, I’m pretty sure you’re out of guest rooms cap, and my place isn’t that far,” Marjan responded, and Paul and Nancy nodded. 

 “What Marj said, Captain Strand,” Nancy said awkwardly with a nervous smile. 

 “Likewise,” he said. “I do really appreciate it though, and you can bet I will be over here tomorrow to check in on you two.” At Marjan and Nancy’s pointed looks he sighed, “ We will be back tomorrow.” 

 Owen first glanced at TK and Carlos and upon their nods, he smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he confirmed, smiling at the group. 

 They all rose then, extending their goodbyes, reminding them of the standing offer. Anything you need was repeated over and over again but TK knew that they meant it. There was no false sincerity or empty words here - not with these people, not for them. Eventually, the three of them headed out into the night and Mateo headed off to his room leaving TK and Carlos alone with their parents. 

 There was silence in the wake of Mateo’s door closing, for a beat. Then Andrea Reyes, who had been studying the boys as the others made their exit looked first to her husband and then to Owen. 

 “If you really don’t mind…” she began, but Owen cut her off with a wave of his hand. 

 “I don’t mind,” he assured her. “In fact, it would make me feel better.”

 There was something unspoken that passed through their parents, confirmed with a smile from Carlos’s mother and a nod from his father. But his focus - whatever portion of it that wasn’t honed in on Carlos and the presence of him beside him - was soon interrupted by a yawn that caused all eyes to turn to him. He could feel his face turning red as he stammered. 

 “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude but…”

 “But it has been a long day, and you boys have been through a lot,” Andrea finished gently. “You should go to bed, you need rest. We’ll see you in the morning.”

 Carlos shifted beside him and TK could see him gearing up to argue, whether about his parents staying or the fact that they were fine, but his dad cut him off. 

 “Listen to your mother, Carlitos,” he said gently, “you know as well as I do she’s always right.” 

 Carlos still looked like he wanted to argue, but TK placed a hand on his knee drawing his attention back to him and he smiled. Carlos held his gaze for a few minutes before he relaxed and nodded before standing and offering TK a hand. TK took it with a smile, allowing his boyfriend to pull him off the couch. No sooner was he on his feet than Andrea Reyes was before them, offering them each a hug and a kiss on the forehead. 

  “Go get some rest,” she told them softly, “we can start to figure everything out in the morning.”

 TK glanced over at their dads who both wore sad but sincere smiles. He studied them all; their newly meshed families that had blended so well trying to place this in his head with everything else. He couldn’t but he knew that he would, in time. 

 For now, he allowed himself to be led to the stairs by Carlos and with one last wave to their collective parents, they disappeared up them; shutting themselves into the privacy of their temporary bedroom. The sight of the bed was enticing and TK flopped onto it, suddenly aware of how quickly all the energy had left his body now that there was no more goal to push towards. He heard a small chuckle and the sensation of the bed dipping beside him as Carlos sank onto his side far more gracefully and once he was sure he had settled he rolled so he was facing the other man. 

 “So,” he began, “our parents are having a slumber party.” 

 Carlos chuckled and TK grinned at him before the mood turned more somber again. 

 “This is all kind of surreal,” Carlos admitted after a moment. “Not only did our house burn down but I’m now spending the night at my boyfriend’s dad’s house with my parents staying in the other guest room. It’s just a lot to take in. Especially…” 

 Carlos trailed off and TK shifted so he had a better view of his face. “Especially what, Carlos?” he prompted softly, running a gentle hand down his arm, watching as he tried to get his thoughts in order. 

 “I’ve never doubted my parents love me,” he said after some time, “not for a moment. And I know now that they don’t have a problem with me being gay and they are supportive of that, and us. I even know how much they like you,” he added with a smile, pulling TK’s hand closer and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. 

 TK grinned at him but knew that there was more he wasn’t saying. “But?” he prompted. 

 “But the thought that they are here, that both of our families are together? I’m just having a hard time processing that, I think. It’s a lot very quickly.”

 TK nodded, “That’s understandable, babe. So much has changed recently and you’re allowed to struggle with that, I will never judge you for that. But it’s a good thing, right? Our families getting along?” 

 “It is,” Carlos assured him quickly. “Though,” he added dryly, “I’m not sure how much of our dads scheming we can be reasonably expected to survive.” 

 TK groaned and tucked his head into Carlos’s shoulder, “Don’t remind me. I’d like to think they learned their lesson…”

 “But it is hard to say with them,” Carlos agreed. “Which is why I think we need to talk to them about it, soon.” 

 TK pulled back from Carlos and placed his head back on his own pillow with a sigh, “You’re right,” he agreed, “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I just couldn’t handle it tonight.”

 “Me neither,” Carlos confirmed with a nod. “But I suppose they’ll both be here tomorrow, we can try then.” 

 TK hummed in agreement before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. It wasn’t even that he was ready to sleep yet. There was just so much in his head and he didn’t know where to put it all. There was noise coming from every corner of his mind and he couldn’t seem to drown any of it out. 

 “Ty?” Carlos’s asked, his gentle voice cutting through the dark and silent room, “How are you doing?” 

 TK took a moment to think, to try to organize the mess in his mind. There was really no concrete answer to give, but he turned again so he was facing Carlos before he did his best to answer. 

 “I’m upset,” TK said after some consideration. It took some time to find the right words for everything he was feeling. “And annoyed at our dads and still so scared at what could have been. I’m overwhelmed with everything we have to do now, with the idea of having to start over. But mostly,” he added, knowing that what came next was the strongest truth of all, “I’m worried about you.” 

 Carlos furrowed his brow, “Why?” 

 “Because it was your home, Carlos.” He shook his head as Carlos opened his mouth to argue, “I know it was our home, but it was your home first. You’re allowed to be upset about that Carlos.” 

 Carlos was quiet for a moment, absentmindedly running a hand down TK’s arm as he considered, “You’re right,” he said eventually. “It’s hard. That condo was the first place I could really be myself, the place where I started to build my life. The place where we started to build our life. And I’m upset about it - it hurts to think about. But then I think about what could have been and...I really didn’t think we were going to make it out of there, TK.” 

 His voice grew thicker and tears filled his eyes once again but TK reached across the space between them to gently brush them away. 

 “But we did,” he reminded him firmly. “We did and we’re okay. We may not have a home anymore, but we have each other.” 

 “Which means we will always have a home,” Carlos agreed, echoing his words from earlier. “And I know it’s not ideal, but now we get to start something new together. It’s going to be scary and hard and it’s not going to happen quickly, but we’ll make it work. We have family and friends to help us, and we have each other.” 

 And as they lay there in a spare bed at TK’s father’s house; friends and family alike waiting in the wings to offer them love and support and the man he loved more than anything else in the world whole and safe right beside him, TK knew what Carlos said was true. He moved closer to the other man, readjusting so his arms were wrapped around his torso and his head rested on his chest; the steady beating of his heart a steady companion to help and hold off the fears hovering so close by. It was a reminder too; that they had both made it out and that he wasn’t alone. That he never would be.

 There were so many uncertainties and unanswered questions but there was one thing TK Strand knew for sure: as long as they had each other, they would be okay. 

[bellakitse]

I was born Thursday's Child

“It’s Carlos, sir,” Judd gets out quickly, and TK feels an ice-cold fear run up his spine at the urgency he hears in his friend’s voice. “He was a step behind me, the floor caved, and he went through into the basement.”

*

Carlos gets hurt on a call.

30 days of Tarlos - Day 18

Part Three of Firefighter Carlos! AU, Part One, Part Two

It’s eight pm on a Thursday, TK is rolling up the water hoses they used on their last call with Carlos’ help while the rest of the team details the truck as they try to guess what the letters of his name stand for. It’s become something of a game to the crew when they have downtime. His dad walked away as soon as the game started. He can never keep a straight face at all the ridiculous combinations his crew comes up with and instead headed to his office to do some paperwork.

“Thomas Kayden,” Paul shouts out from the top of the truck, rolling his eyes when he shakes his head.

“Tristan Kristopher,” Mateo points at him with a grin. “Christopher with a K, that feels very ‘city boy.’”

“Tanner,” Marjan starts, smirking at him when he makes a face. “Kingston.”

TK scowls at his friend, and then turns it on Carlos when he hears him snort quietly next to him. He tells his stomach to quit it with the butterflies it gets from Carlos’ beautiful unapologetic smile.

“No, Marjan,” he says dryly, rolling his eyes again. “My initials don’t stand for Tanner Kingston. Did you really have to pick the douchiest name ever?”

Marjan lifts a slim shoulder, shrugging as she sweeps the floor. “If you would just tell us, we’d stop.”

“Let me think about that,” he says, bringing a finger up to his face, tapping his cheek as he pretends to give the suggestion some serious thought. “Nope, I don’t think so. Request denied.”

TK grins as more than one of them scoffs or shakes their heads at him. Judd being the loudest.

“This is ridiculous,” the cowboy grumbles as he turns his sight on Carlos. “Reyes, what’s your boyfriend’s real name?”

Carlos looks up from the water hose, his eyes going wide as he finds them all staring at him. “What?” he asks, shaking his head. “He hasn’t told me.”

“Please,” Judd scoffs again.

“I’m serious,” Carlos says standing up straight, he throws him an accusing look, and this time it’s his turn to smile at him unapologetically. “I have been trying to get it out of him for months now; he won’t tell me, and trust me, I have tried everything.”

“He has,” TK pipes in with a shameless grin. “And I have enjoyed every attempt he’s made.”

TK laughs at the team’s collective groan as they go back to work, he turns towards Carlos, his laughter turning into a soft chuckle as he spots the sweet pink blush on his face.

“Brat,” Carlos scolds him when he sees his grin. “Stay where you are.”

TK shakes his head, dropping the hose to close the small distance between them. He smiles as he places his hands on Carlos’ hips, and he lets him.

They’ve been dating for four months now, they told his dad and the team after their first date, surprising absolutely no one.

The team has been nothing but supportive, but it still took a while for Carlos to be completely comfortable with displays of affection in the workplace, the old habit of keeping this part of himself on the DL at his old station lingering. Now when TK places his hands on his hips, Carlos wraps his around his neck.

“That’s a cute blush you got there, baby,” he whispers teasingly, loving how it makes Carlos turn pinker.

“You are a brat,” Carlos repeats but doesn’t pull away. “You’re lucky you’re also adorable.”

“And hot,” he adds, laughing when Carlos rolls his eyes at him.

“And humble,” he retorts sarcastically.

“Mmhmm,” TK nods, pressing his lips into a firm line to keep from smiling like an idiot. It doesn’t help; he can’t not smile when he’s in the presence of his boyfriend.

Carlos shakes his head softly at him; the look he gives him is tender and fond. “Are you ever going to tell me what the letters stand for?” he asks curiously.

“Does it bother you that I haven’t yet?” TK asks, his brow creasing in the middle with sudden worry. He’s never really considered that it might upset Carlos not to know what his initials stand for. He’s been called TK for as long as he can remember, that sometimes even he forgets the letters stand for something. It’s only when he has to fill out a form and sees his name in full that he remembers with a roll of his eyes. It’s not that he hates his name, it’s just that it’s so pretentious that he can’t help but groan when he hears it out loud.

“No,” Carlos says, shaking his head again. The hands on his shoulders now give the back of his neck a reassuring squeeze. “I mean, I’m curious as hell, obviously, and you keeping it a secret makes me think it’s something hilarious like Thacker Kale.”

“Thacker?” he questions incredulously. “Kale?”

“Hey, the Captain loves kale,” Carlos argues. “He totally could have named you after it.”

TK opens his mouth to answer only for the alarms of the firehouse to go off over their heads.

“To be continued,” Carlos says with a half-smile as he lets go of him.

TK gives him a nod, before turning to get ready. It takes them minutes to get into their gear and into the truck, his father in the front speaks to them through their headsets.

“Alright, we got a two-story house fire,” he starts. “Neighbors called it in, said they heard screams from inside, from what they told dispatch it’s a family of five. Two adults and three kids, it’s after nine, we have to assume they’re all home.”

TK looks around the truck; the crew is quiet and serious as they do last minute checks on their gear. Everyone's expression turns more severe as they turn into the street; the flames in the house are high; they seem to lick the sky.

They jump out of the truck before it completely rolls to a stop, right behind them is Captain Blake and her EMTs.

TK watches as his father assesses the situation quickly before giving them a sharp nod.

“Okay, I want Reyes, Ryder, and Strickland to start making their way inside the house,” his father says looking at the three men in question, they all nod back to him before going for their axes. “Strand, Marwani, Chavez, you’re on the hoses. We need to start controlling this now.”

TK looks at the house, the smoke is getting darker by the second, never a good sign and he feels a moment of trepidation. As Carlos starts to walk by him, he grabs at his turnout coat tightly.

“Be careful,” he says quickly, swallowing hard. It’s not the first time he’s told Carlos this. Usually, one of them says it if the other is going in, and it’s always met with a cocky grin. TK can see the beginnings of it on Carlos’ lips, but he must read the fear in his face because instead of a smile, Carlos gives him a serious look.

“Of course, baby,” he says softly, he gives the hand holding his coat a squeeze. “I’ll be right back.”

TK nods, reluctantly letting go of him, getting to work himself. He, Marjan, and Mateo handle the hoses with his dad; he focuses on the flames that are blessedly diminishing and not on the fact that the rest of his team is still inside.

Over the radio, he hears them as they go through the house and starts to breathe easier as they bring out members of the family. Once Paul has gotten the last civilian out – the father, Michelle and her team already treating the rest of the family – his dad calls out for everyone to evacuate.

“Reyes, Ryder, time to pull out, we got all of them,” he speaks into the radio, it takes a moment for the receiver to static back.

“Roger that, Cap,” Judd's voice rings out through all their sets. “We’re – shit!”

“Judd, report,” Owen says sharply as they hear a crash, the house, now fire-free, creeks ominously.

“It’s Carlos, sir,” Judd gets out quickly, and TK feels an ice-cold fear run up his spine at the urgency he hears in his friend’s voice. “He was a step behind me, the floor caved, and he went through into the basement.”

TK is moving towards the house before Judd is even done explaining the situation; he’s halfway across the lawn when a hand comes down hard on his shoulder, holding him in place. He swirls around, ready to curse whoever is daring to stop him, only to find his father giving him an unshakeable look that tells him before his father even speaks that he’s not going to let him go in.

“Dad – “ he tries anyway, pleading, letting out something between a scream and a sob when his father shakes his head at him remorsefully.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, still shaking his head. “You’re too close, TK; it can’t be you.”

TK wants to argue, but he sees that his father is already nodding towards Paul and Mateo.

“Get him out,” he tells them, his voice cracking as his eyes sting. “Please.”

Mateo and Paul look at him, worried but resolved. “You got it, brother,” Paul says softly as they head back inside.

“I’m climbing down, Cap,” Judd’s voice comes through again.

Judd keeps his radio on as he works, and TK can hear every grunt and huff as he moves, for a moment, that, and Paul and Mateo reporting in is all they hear. Carlos’ radio is silent even as his father keeps trying to call him.

“I can see him,” Judd shouts, it’s followed by more heavy breathing before he speaks again. “Carlos, bud, come on man, I need you to open your eyes for me now.”

TK covers his mouth; it’s the only thing that’s keeping him from screaming. He feels someone behind him, and then a small hand on his shoulder, he knows it belongs to Marjan without turning around. Her hand on him is the only thing that keeps him up when he hears a low groan come through the radio.

“That’s it, man, keep your eyes open,” Judd speaks, and then another pained filled groan follows it.

“T – “

TK grabs his radio quickly, bringing it to his mouth. “Carlos, sweetheart, can you hear me?” he asks, his heart races as he waits for an answer.

“TK,” Carlos gets out, his voice rough from the pain. “It hurts.”

“I know, babe,” he sniffs, not being able to stop the tears now. “Paul and Mateo are coming; they’re going to help Judd get you out, just hold on.”

Carlos doesn’t answer right away, when he does, what he says strikes TK with fear. “Tired.”

“No, Carlos,” he growls. “Don’t go to sleep; stay awake.”

“T-tell me,” Carlos starts, it’s obviously a struggle for him to stay alert. “S-something.”

TK lets out a choked sob at his words; they remind him of when they first got together, of Carlos being there for him when he needed comfort and a distraction from his own pain.

“Tyler Kennedy,” he says into the radio, not caring that everyone is listening. “That’s what TK stands for.”

 ֍֍֍

 Waiting at the hospital is a nightmare, waiting for the man you love to wake up while in a hospital bed is hell on earth.

Paul, Judd, and Mateo had carried out an unconscious Carlos straight to Michelle and her team. TK had watched frozen as they worked on Carlos enough to get him conscious before they were speeding away in the ambulance.

It took everything to keep from climbing in with him, but he knew they still had a job to finish.

Now at the hospital, everyone lingers around the waiting room while he sits with Carlos waiting for him to wake up.

“Your mom and sisters are here,” he says softly. “I finally met Lola, she’s intense, and has decided she and I are going to be best friends and annoy you together. Be ready for that.”

He reaches out, touching Carlos’ face softly, making sure not to touch the bandage on his head. The doctors had run down the list of injuries, concussion, cracked ribs, and a ruptured spleen. The fall Carlos had taken was a rough one; the debris falling on him didn’t make it any better.

“I’m here, baby,” he whispers, squeezing his hand. “We’re all here.”

TK closes his eyes when his words are met with silence. Carlos is the quieter one of the two, while TK is the one with restless energy. Usually, it’s a calming force for TK as Carlos will listen until he tires himself out, now the quietness was driving him crazy.

“I love you,” he continues. “I know you know that, but I don’t say it nearly enough. I love you so much. I’m grateful every day that Judd recommended you to us. You walked into the 126 and became my teammate, my best friend, and the love of my life.”

He runs his fingertips down Carlos’ cheek, over his neck, and then lets it rest lightly over his heart, letting out a breath as he feels the steady beat.

“Can you open your eyes now for me, baby?” he asks pleadingly. “I told you my name, it’s not Thacker Kale, but it’s still ridiculous. I’m sure you have thoughts. I’ll let you make all the fun you want if you open those pretty brown eyes of yours for me right now,” he continues hopefully.

He lets his head drop on the bed next to Carlos’ hip when his request is again met with silence. He’s taking deep breaths to keep from crying when he feels a hand move over his hair.

“I think Tyler Kennedy is beautiful.”

TK lifts his head quickly, taking hold of the hand that is touching him as he finds Carlos looking at him with tired eyes.

He opens his mouth to speak only for a choked sob to come out, pressing his mouth into a firm line, he breathes deeply again until he can talk without breaking down.

“It’s pretentious,” he says shakily, as Carlos gives him a loving look.

“It’s beautiful,” Carlos repeats softly. “Just like you.”

TK lets out a wet laugh; he can’t stop the tears now as he stands to hover over Carlos.

“Hi,” he whispers with a watery smile on his face. “You scared me.”

“Hi,” Carlos whispers back, looking up at him remorsefully. “I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” he assures him, leaning down he touches the tip of his nose against Carlos’. “Please try not to do it again though. It turns out that I love you more than anything in this world and don’t handle you getting hurt very well.”

Carlos closes his eyes as he smiles, a tear running down his face. “Okay, Tyler,” he whispers.

TK pulls back to look at him, pouting when Carlos grins. “I’m going to regret that.”

[reyescarlos]

there’s no way (that it’s not going there)

for my love @sulkybbarnes on your very special day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARA! my goodness, i’m so glad the universe created you. how lucky we all are that you exist! 💕💜

word count 3.6k || read on ao3

We just dance backwards into each other Trying to keep our feelings secretly covered You touched me and it's almost like we knew That there would be history

As he sits with Michelle inside the Ryders’ backyard, the heat of the late summer evening still kissing his skin, Carlos smiles in contentment at the sight of all his colleagues turned friends and even perfectly good strangers all bound by their shared love for Grace and Judd. It’s because of them that they’ve all gathered today, to celebrate the Ryders’ vow renewal. It’s the perfect atmosphere in every sense, one of joy and festivity.

A few feet away, the happy couple mingles with the small gathering of their family and closest friends. Grace’s melodic laughter soars a note or two higher than the jazz music playing. Judd’s arm is slinked around her waist and Carlos can only stand back and admire the ease to which they orbit around each other. This is what years worth of love looks like. Carlos knows it can’t always have been an easy road, that all marriages— all relationships for that matter— are never without their hardships. But if it leads to something even vaguely resembling this, Carlos wants it at whatever cost.

He’s always been a hopeless romantic, swept up in the belief that finding the right partner could be a salvation. It’s not a sentiment the men he’s seen care to ascribe to. The world of dating hasn’t always been kind to him with Carlos almost always chasing after people who proved themselves adverse to being caught.

He’s vowed to himself repeatedly that he won’t fall down that rabbithole again. But what he hadn’t accounted for was meeting TK Strand, a man that makes Carlos willing to make an exception. TK has only been a part of the fabric here in Austin for a few weeks but he’s already managed to work his way into Carlos’ heart and mind. He hasn’t been able to shake his thoughts about the firefighter since their night at the honky tonk. The attraction he had for TK was instantaneous out on their call earlier that night but it’d only strengthened as they danced later. Ever since, there’s been this energy between them that neither has addressed. But it exists as a third party, living in each stolen glance, each quick retort traded between them like currency.

He and TK have been at this for weeks on end, this constant back and forth where they say so much without actually saying anything at all.

That’s all it ever takes, just one look to light the match. It’s a wonder they haven’t both been consumed by the flames though Carlos would argue he’s been coming dangerously close these last few weeks. At first it was fun, a casual flirty game between the two of them but now Carlos has been getting restless.

He takes in the sight of TK standing with his father under the back awning. Carlos can’t stop himself from giving him a once over, eyes roaming from top to bottom shamelessly. It’s truly a pleasant view with TK dressed up for the ceremony and looking far too attractive than any man has the right to.

“Carlos, if you stare any harder you just might strain those pretty brown eyes for good,” Michelle teases, her hand cupping her chin as she rests her elbows on the table, following where his eyes linger.

Carlos sighs and ruffles his hair slightly, forcing himself to look away from TK and back at her.

“Is it really that obvious?”

Michelle snorts out a laugh, covering her mouth and laughing even harder as Carlos groans.

“Aw, come on, no, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh but my god, Carlos. Do you really think either of you have been subtle this whole time? Anyone that’s spent so much as ten seconds around you both since he blew into town could call it.”

Carlos lifts a brow. “So you see it from him too? It’s not just me, right?”

“Absolutely not. To be honest, I’m actually shocked you guys haven’t hooked up already. It’s long overdue, my friend.”

Carlos picks up his glass for something to do as he thinks it all over.

“I think I just want it to mean something. Maybe that’s dumb, I don’t know but I really like him and we’ve been...in this weird limbo with each other. I don’t know what his endgame is here.”

Michelle tilts her head to the side, casting her glance off Carlos over to TK once more. He’s still caught up in conversation with Captain Strand. The younger Strand must have said something hilarious because Owen cracks a hearty laugh.

“You could do the totally crazy thing of actually talking to him and finding out what his deal is. He seems really into you. He’s been staring at you all night when you aren’t looking and who could forget that night we all went out? I think you got him hooked pretty fast. Reel him in already.”

Carlos chuckles at the analogy but even he can admit Michelle makes an extremely valid point here. This hasn’t been all in his head. Even if they’ve both managed to successfully avoid talking about it, it’s clear that there is something that they’ve been eluding from the moment their paths crossed.

“Screw it. You’re right. I’m going for it.”

Before he can lose his nerve, Carlos sets his glass down and rises from his seat. He can feel the reassuring press of Michelle’s hand on his forearm just before he leaves the table and begins the short but daunting walk over to where TK is standing.

Captain Strand notices him approaching before TK does and the man makes a move that Carlos isn’t expecting. He locks eyes with Carlos and in that brief bit of contact, there’s recognition of some kind and Owen seemingly excuses himself from his son.

Owen walks towards him and gives a polite nod of his head. “Evening, Carlos,” he says as he passes, not slowing down at all and leaving a clear path to TK.

Carlos doesn’t have the time to mull over the implications of this gesture but he makes a mental note of it, marking it as something to investigate later. His main pursuit now is a particular firefighter who has been weighing so heavily in his thoughts for weeks now.

This unspoken thing between them needs to be addressed once and for all. TK looks far too good tonight for Carlos to keep this little game of cat and mouse going any longer. Coming on too strong has more or less always been his problem but this is something he desperately wants and Carlos knows he can’t hold back beyond tonight.

TK soon notices him and stays in place, a slow smile inching across his face. By the time Carlos nestles in beside him, it’s a full on grin. It’s so reminiscent of the first time they ever hung out outside of work. Then, much like now, they were surrounded by this crowd of coworkers and people he’ll more than likely never see again. But it’s all just background noise, so inconsequential in comparison to his primary focus right now.

“Hey,” Carlos greets. It isn’t exactly the smoothest or most captivating thing to say but it had been enough that night out the bar and Carlos is hoping that it’ll prove itself useful enough again now.

TK looks briefly at the party at large, eyes pulling away from the throng of people dancing to Carlos and Carlos’ sense of déjà vu threatens to overwhelm him for the briefest of moments. But he focuses up once more as TK looks at him fully, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

As always, the man’s expression is playful as ever, as if he knows something Carlos doesn’t. Carlos has no doubt that TK is taking a trip down memory lane right now, too. How they were always finding themselves in a scenario like this was beyond Carlos’ comprehension then but it hardly matters. It serves as the perfect ice breaker for them now, a nod to the night that truly set things in motion for them. It makes this feel like a full circle moment, as if everything over the last few weeks has been leading to this.

“Wanna dance?” Carlos asks, tipping his chin towards the other guests bopping to the music.

TK’s eyes roam over his frame but Carlos doesn’t waver or back down. It’s merely part of the script they’ve been reading off of for weeks now. He’s confident that TK will accept, just as he had that night at the bar. The only difference now is that TK’s display of reluctance isn’t him genuinely debating the merits of taking a chance and saying yes, at least Carlos hopes that is the case. They have enough history between them at this point that Carlos feels safe in guessing that they’ve moved beyond that. Now it’s simply banter, a call back to that night.

“Yeah,” TK says after a moment, his perfectly white teeth trapping his bottom lip.

Carlos doesn’t even attempt to downplay how much he notices this, his own lips parting slightly before he pulls his focus back to the task at hand.

Carlos leads them to the makeshift dance floor just as he had that night of the honky tonk. TK falls into step with him, the two dancing along to the uptempo number playing throughout the yard. It’s all too easy to tune everything and everyone else out as he feels both their guards lowering even further. TK is all smiles and it’s the most infectious thing ever.

They dance for a while together, their smiles growing bigger with each new song that plays. Carlos is breathless and yet he can’t seem to stop himself from moving. But a new song comes on, the opening tone far more subdued. Carlos looks to TK, his face covered with a slight sheen of sweat. It makes Carlos’ breath hitch and he can’t help but to want to keep going, even though this is a different terrain than they’ve been dabbling in thus far.

“Do you still want to—,” Carlos begins to ask but TK answers in actions, not words as he slips his arms up over Carlos’ shoulders and begins to sway to the music.

This part is the variable, the break from their usual bit. Instead of dancing around each other with no real contact, they’re now wrapped up closely with TK hugged to his frame, their bodies pressed together, enough for Carlos to feel the firmness of TK’s chest against his.

This feels right in a way that Carlos can’t even begin to put into words. He wonders if maybe everything feels heightened because of where they are and what they’re celebrating tonight. But that still doesn’t change what he’s experiencing now, the rush of having TK’s warm body in his arms, more alive than anything. Even though they’re now moving slower than they have all night, Carlos feels the most electric now. It only instills what Carlos has known all along. This is so much more than a crush, it always has been, but now it feels like a tangible thing, a very real possibility and a step up from the hypothetical.

TK peers up at him as they continue to rock gently and Carlos can feel the man’s breaths as they fan across his face like the gentlest, most subtle breeze. The longer Carlos stares back at him, the more he realizes how uneven TK’s breathing actually is, the way it stalls and starts. The only explanation is that TK is nervous. Carlos is well-versed in reading people. After all, he literally gets paid to assess situations. He’s seen countless people he’s interviewed on a call panic and grow uneasy. He’d know the telltale signs of an anxious person anywhere.

“Relax,” he murmurs quietly, just low enough that the words get trapped between the two of them, safe in this private bubble. His hands hold even more firmly, more reassuringly to TK’s hips as if to remind him that Carlos is truly right here holding on to him, keeping him upright and present in this moment.

TK blinks twice and licks his lips. Carlos tries to take his own advice and settle his racing heart but even without meaning to, with doing something as mundane as wetting his lips, TK is getting under his skin. There’s something about this hazy summer night that’s making his mind feel like it’s drifting, floating like the fireflies that flicker on and off in the yard. It’s as if they’re under a spell of some kind. Carlos can’t remember the last time he’s felt a pull this strong towards someone, as if they’re a planet and he’s a helpless moon sucked into their gravity. And yet still, TK makes him feel grounded.

“Carlos, what is this?” TK asks, his voice barely above a whisper. But Carlos catches it all with how close they are to each other, with how much he always seems to hang off TK’s every word.

It would seem that Carlos isn’t the only one keen on getting answers tonight.

“The beginning of us, I hope,” he replies.

Carlos isn’t sure where that boldness comes from but with the words out there, there’s no way for him to snatch them back or undo them. And frankly, Carlos realizes that he doesn’t want to. Clear cut answers. A line drawn in the sand. Clarity. That’s what they need now. Tiptoeing around feelings or pretending as if they aren’t there at all is no longer something that he can accept.

TK eyes him for a moment before slipping his arms off of Carlos’ shoulders, letting them fall at his sides. Speaking outright about this thing that’s been brewing between them is in clear violation of the unspoken rule, he knows but if TK was bold enough to ask, Carlos figures he was right in matching that. Yet now TK is pulling away and Carlos fears he’s said too much, his bravado from only seconds ago now dwindling. But before he can dwell on it for too long, TK is grabbing hold of one of his hands and tugging him off the dance floor.

Carlos knows better than to ask questions then. Wherever TK wants to take him, Carlos will willingly go. TK leads him out of the yard, ignoring the piqued interest of their coworkers who no doubt have questions and assumptions about where these two are headed off to. But Carlos takes a page out of TK’s book and tunes them out as well. Instead he focuses on how easily their hands slot together as if they were designed to hold on to each other.

They come around the side of the house to the front of the Ryder household. A few guests are milling about outside, chatting among themselves. Carlos doesn’t recognize any of their faces, the entire lot of the 126 now left behind in the yard.

TK keeps moving forward, beginning to walk down the block, raking a hand through his hair.

“TK?” Carlos ventures, starting to grow a bit concerned.

With an abrupt stop in his tracks, TK turns to look at Carlos before taking a seat on the curb. They’re only two houses down from the festivities and can still hear the revelry of the reception but it’s distant enough that Carlos feels far removed from it all. TK looks up at the sky, his face bathed in a wash of moonlight, half his features thrown into shadow from the lamppost a few feet away. Carlos settles in beside him, wrapping his arms around his legs.

The silence between them is heavy and with how unmoving TK is now, Carlos knows he’ll have to be the one to breach it if they’re going to get anywhere with each other.

“I know I’m not losing it here, am I?” Carlos asks. “I haven’t been imagining this vibe between us, right?”

TK looks down at his hands and shakes his head. “No, something is definitely happening. I just...it’s starting to feel real now and that’s not something I was expecting to find out here in Austin.”

Carlos considers this for a moment. “But is that necessarily a bad thing?”

It’s then that TK focuses back on him. “That’s what I’m still trying to figure out. It’s one thing to BS and flirt but it doesn’t feel like a game or a tease anymore. If it gets serious, there’s no going back and I don’t know what that’ll mean.”

Carlos’ brows furrow. “And you don’t know if this is worth it?”

“It’s so much more than that,” TK sighs. “Long story short, I left behind a lot of baggage in New York.”

Carlos knows what that’s code for. “What's his name?”

“Alex,” TK mutters, a hint of disgust coating the two syllables. Carlos doesn’t press for details. He simply nods his head in understanding and stays quiet for a beat.

“I can’t speak to this guy and whatever went down between you two but from what I know of you, I think you’re amazing. I’m sorry he made you feel like you can’t take chances or fall for someone again. But, I’m here, TK. I’m here and I’d like to see where we could go from this point.”

TK frowns and fiddles with his fingers again. “If you knew everything, I’m not so sure you’d still feel that way.”

This is a different version of TK than Carlos is used to but he welcomes that. Gone is the facade, the carefully crafted demeanor the man maintains in public. Here with just the two of them on a quiet street under the night sky, Carlos feels like he’s getting to the heart of TK and he likes what he sees. Certainly the man is in a self-deprecating mood, a complete shift from the confident guy out on the dance floor. But he’s being forthright about himself and Carlos can respect anyone that’s being candid. It’s an admirable trait and makes TK even more real to him.

“Maybe you could give me the chance to decide that for myself? Or to show you that I’m serious about this.” Carlos cringes a bit then, worried he’s coming on too strong considering TK’s hesitancy. “I don’t...I hope you don’t feel pressured here. I’m sorry if I’m—”

“No. Honestly, you aren’t making me feel like that. If anything, it’s the exact opposite. You make me feel...free. To possibility, to everything. I don’t know. There’s something about this town and the people here. Nothing is going at all like I expected it to, which is a very, very good thing.”

Carlos smiles softly at this. “Glad I could play a small part in that.”

TK knocks his shoulder lightly against Carlos’ and that tiny bit of contact sends his heart racing.

“Not a small part, believe me.”

Carlos bites back on the corner of his bottom lip and holds his hand out in the small space between them, palm up towards TK who smiles at him before accepting it. They sit in companionable silence for a moment before TK rests his head against Carlos’ shoulder. The reception is still in full swing with voices and music carrying over but Carlos couldn’t be happier with where he is now.

It makes him think loosely of that Oscar Wilde quote. He is quite literally in the gutters with TK now and yet there’s such a beauty to it as they both watch the stars beside each other for a short while with TK still resting on him.

“I could be good for you. Whenever you’re ready. If you’re ever ready,” Carlos amends, stroking his thumb along the back of TK’s hand.

TK sits up and Carlos shifts to face him. TK’s normally bright eyes are darkened now, his expression calculating as if he’s trying to make his mind up about something. Before Carlos can ask what’s on his mind, TK is leaning in, his lips pressing gently against Carlos’.  There’s no rush to it, no haste as if TK is trying to prove something by kissing him. It feels more like an exploration, a tentative dive into uncharted waters.

Carlos matches his pace, leaving this all entirely in TK’s hands but he’d be lying if he said his mind isn’t already spiraling, his thoughts running away from him to the point where all he can think about is the mouth keeping time with his own. TK’s ability to make himself Carlos’ sole focus reaches new heights with this now. Carlos wants all of him, to swallow him whole and keep every bit selfishly for himself.

TK deepens the kiss and Carlos follows his lead, his hands grasping gently onto TK’s hair. TK responds in kind, his nails dragging down Carlos’ back. TK kisses him hungrily and Carlos serves it right back. This is weeks’ worth of tension bubbling to the surface, completely unfiltered. It makes Carlos feel delirious, his breath catching and blood pumping in his ears.

TK lets out a small whimper and pulls away sharply, both of them breathless and panting.

“I’m sorry,” TK says, licking his lips and pressing his fingertips against his mouth.

Carlos shakes his head, waving him off politely. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

TK breathes out shakily, lowering his hand and searching Carlos’ face with urgency.

“I still want to take this slow. I just got a bit carried away there for a second.” Even in the dark, Carlos can see the slight pink tinge to TK’s face.

Carlos leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the cheek, taking his hand again and entwining their fingers.

“Progress is progress no matter the pace,” Carlos says simply. “Point is, we’re moving forward together. That’s all I could ever ask of you.”

[braveclxrke]

911 Lone Star fic - 

TK struggles the cope with the aftermath of being shot; inner demons he thought he left behind in New York follow him to his new life.

Read all the chapters on Ao3 (chapter 1 below)

The pale light crept in from the window, filling the apartment with a warm glow. Carlos carefully rolled over in the bed, over the last weeks he’d gotten used to moving cautiously in the bed, not wanting to knock TK. However, as he moved, he couldn’t feel a body next to him, Carlos looks up to see that TK was nowhere in the room.

“TK?” Carlos called; his voice already filled with concern. Carlos threw the sheets off his bed, walking around the apartment “TK?” If Carlos were moving, he probably wouldn’t have heard it, a small faint voice.

“I’m fine” The voice was quiet, Carlos walked towards the bathroom, trying the door handle but finding it locked.

TK stood in the bathroom, his hands bracing the sink. TK had gotten out of the shower about five minutes ago and gotten dressed for work but was still stood facing the mirror, not being able to bring himself to leave the warm comfort of the bathroom. Today was his first day back at work, he’d been off for around ten days, his dad, the doctor and even Carlos had tried to convince him to take more time off, to heal more but TK wanted to get back, he needed to. “Everything alright?” Carlos called from outside. TK had been staying at Carlos most nights, wrapped up in the arms of the man he swore was just a one-night thing.

“I’m just getting ready. I’m fine” As TK spoke his chest felt tighten like someone had tried a rope around his lung pulling it tighter at every word. TK looked down at his watch. He sighed, a ragged cough following, TK clutched his chest and leaned over the sink, using his other hand to brace himself. TK squeezed his eyes shut, the pain radiating throughout his whole body. Eventually, he pushed himself up, looking into the mirror; TK looked tried, and he felt it. He hadn’t slept probably for days, every position in bed caused his chest to ache and burn, everything hurt; movement, drinking, eating. TK felt his stomach churn and felt goosebumps rise on his skin; maybe he was getting sick, coming down with the flu. TK sighed and headed towards the bathroom door and unclicked the lock, pausing for a moment before pushing open the door. The once warm, steamy air was suddenly cold, and clear. Carlos was stood in the middle of his room, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, today was his day off, the sight of the man-caused the frigid room to feel a little warmer.

“You okay?” It seemed that was all anyone asked TK now, and his answer had never changed since he left the hospital.

“I’m fine” TK pushed a smile on his face, trying to soothe Carlos worries. From the look on his face, it wasn’t working, Carlos walked over to him, his eyes scanning his body and face, TK tried to keep the smile, but he could already feel it falling. Carlos came to a stop in front of him, after a moment or two he reached his hand up, bringing it to TK’s collar fixing a crease in it.

“You know you don’t have to do back?” Carlos didn’t make eye contact with TK, focusing on his collar. “The 126 would understand- “

“The doctor said I’m fine to go back” TK interrupted him, shifting on his feet.

“She said you could take a few weeks to heal, its barley been two weeks” Carlos finished with the collar smoothing it out. Carlos kept his hands on TK’s shoulders. He looked up at TK; his large eyes focused just on him “I know you’re feeling restless, and you want to help but…” TK kept his eyes on Carlos as the man seemed to search for the right words. Carlos moved one of his hands to cup TK’s cheek, causing TK to lean into to comfort, closing his eyes for a second. “-You’ve got to take care of yourself tiger.”

TK looked at Carlos and felt his chest tighten for another reason, and for once, he didn’t quite mind it. TK reached his hand up and placed it on top of Carlos “I will” He quietly said, a small reassuring smile on his face, Carlos matched it. TK leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Carlo’s lips, wanting to stay in the moment for longer but willing himself to pull away. After the solar flare, TK had made a lot of decisions, one of them being admitting to himself that Carlos was more than just a fling. The pair still didn’t know much about each other, but TK was enjoying getting to know the man; his favourite meal, his friends, his hobbies. The horn roared from outside, and both men looked towards the door. “I’ll see you tonight” Carlos smiled. TK gave another swift kiss to Carlos before heading out the door.

TK pulled open the front door; his father was stood outside his car, waiting for TK. His body was tense, arms over his chest, his shoulders tight, TK knew when his father was stressed, he’d seen it when his parents got divorced, when TK had gone out on his first call, his first overdose and now. Owen had made it clear that he had wanted TK to take more time off, to heal more, but TK couldn’t take it anymore, he was agitated and needed to get back to work.

“Morning,” His dad said in a cheerful voice, uncrossing his arms.

“You know I could’ve driven myself,” TK said, walking passes his farther towards the car.

“Nice to see you too son” TK could hear the sarcasm in his dad’s voice, “We agreed that if you’re going to come back, we’re going to do it on my rules okay” This time no sarcasm in his voice. TK paused for a moment before pulling open the car door, he slowly bent down to get into the car, his chest protesting the whole time. TK tried to steady his breathing, but he couldn’t quite get a handle of it, “You okay?” Owen asked, TK went to say something, but he couldn’t get the words out, like the rope around his chest had tightened around the words causing to them to become lodged in his throat “Son” TK looked over at his dad, his face was screwed up in worry. TK took a moment, making small breaths slowly until the burning passed.

“I’m fine, I’m okay” he breathed, sounding like he’d just run to the car.

There was a pause, Owen pulled his lip into a thin line. “If you need more time to-“

TK held his hands up “-I said I’m fine!” He yelled, “Can we just go please?” he muttered, with that TK turned away from his father facing out the window. There was a pause, the car hadn’t started, for a moment TK thought his dad wouldn’t leave, but then the car engine broke the silence, the car pulling out of the drive.

“So, for the first week or so I don’t want you on fire calls, the stress will be too much for your lung, even with the mask and everything” This was the other condition to coming back, one TK was still struggling with. “Other calls, we will decide case by case.”

“You mean you?” TK snapped, still staring out of the window as the scenery went past.

“Yes me, I know you TK you’ll think you’re ready and push yourself too far” It was clear TK’s attitude was starting to grate on his dad, he just wanted to keep his son safe and currently his son was being a dick. “Everyone is excited to see you, it’s all the 126 has spoken about all week, buttercup has missed you the most, won’t get off your bed” TK wanted to be excited, want to be eager to see the team again. Still, it just wasn’t there, and his mind was preoccupied, it had been since he left the hospital. TK reached into his pocket and pulled his headphones out, plugging them into his phone, trying to drown his mind in the music.

After what felt like the longest ride to the station, the pair pulled up. TK looked out of the window, the large doors to the fire station were open. TK stayed seated in the car, he thought once he saw the station, he would be excited, that all the doubt and worry in his mind would have been flushed out but as he sat there staring at what was his second home, his family he could only feel dread.

“Hey kiddo, you doin’ alright?” It was then that TK noticed his dad had gotten out of the car, walked around to TK side and was now crouched next to him, the car door open. “-And before you say ‘you’re fine’ you’re my kid, I know when you’re not okay” TK finally looked over at his dad, he looked exhausted, not only was he dealing with cancer, but now he had to take care of his son; it was meant to be the other way around. TK and his dad had always been close, talked about pretty much anything, and everything and his dad had always understood.

TK once again pushed a smile onto his face, turning to face his dad “Uhh just-just a little nervous to get back to work that’s all.”

His father reached up and cupped his sons face. “And that’s okay” His dad gave him one of his signature smiles before standing up and turning to face the station. TK followed suit, his hands nervously hanging at his side. As they turned the corner into the station, the team were cleaning the truck, chatting amongst themselves. After a moment the group turned around, hearing TK and Owen walking in.

Judd was the first to walk towards him, a subtle smile on his face “Hey kid” He said, his voice more quiet than usual. Judd pulled TK into the careful hug like he was holding a fragile bird.

As they pulled away, Paul came forward, shaking his head.

“Good to have you back kid hasn’t been the same without” With that Paul also pulled TK into a hug, being even more careful than Jud, giving his shoulder a squeeze as they parted

Before TK could respond, Marjan reached up for a hug, a soft smile on her face. Behind her was Mateo. “So, does this make you the probie now” Mateo gave TK a broad smile.

TK gave a small laugh, it is all his chest could conjurer. “Afraid not  probie ” TK joked, pulling the kid into a hug. As TK pulled away, he heard several little footsteps coming into the room, and then a loud bark.

“Buttercup!” TK beamed, the large dog bound towards the boy, stopping at his feet while wagging his tail. It had only been about two weeks since he’d seen Buttercup, but damn, he missed that dog. TK quickly bent down and hugged the dog, petting his head while Buttercup rapidly licked his face.

“Think we know who TK’s missed the most” Judd joked. After petting Buttercup and tussling the dog’s hair, TK quickly got up again and was confronted with a sharp pain in his chest, causing him to stumble back slightly.

“TK?” His dad panicked, grabbing onto his arm, TK clasped his eyes shut tight, taking slow, steady breaths.

“Is-is he okay?” TK heard Mateo spoke, after a moment, TK opened his eyes to see all the excited faces turned to fear and worry.

“I’m fine, I’ m-I’m okay” TK tried to reassure them, but none of the worried faces changed “I just stood up too quick, Buttercup got me all excited” TK tried to joke, he saw some of the worries disappear, but it still lingered.

“Alright alright, time to get back to work” His dad called, the group gave TK a finale smile, a few shoulders squeezes and light pats on the back. TK headed towards the rooms, placing his stuff in his locker, changing into a comfortable work shirt and hanging his shirt on the hook before going back to the bedroom. The room was empty, everyone off doing work. TK slowly walked over to his bed, sitting down carefully. TK took a deep breath, squinting as his chest ached. TK’s head hung a little lower, his eyes feeling heavy.

TK sat on the edge of his bed, grey joggers with a top, TK bounced his foot up and down, he just wanted to get out of this place, having been confined to a bed for a week. “So, your X-rays have come back clear, it seems the lung isn’t deflating and is healing quite nicely, so I feel happy discharging you from the hospital” TK felt a rush of relief, finally. He felt his dad reach over and pat his shoulder, a smile on his as well. “However, it’s going to be around six weeks until your lung is 100% back to normal so I recommend taking it easy, especially with your job, but if you’re careful you could be back to work in 2 weeks if the work is light” TK nodded along to what she was saying. Still, if he was honest he wasn’t listening after he heard the words ‘he can go home’ TK was just thinking about leaving.

“Thank you, doctor; we appreciate it” TK turned to his dad who for the first time in a while had a genuine smile on his face, his eyes full of appreciation.  

“No problems” The doctor smiled back “So before you are discharged, you need to pick up some medicine, you need some pain relief.”

All the excitement TK had felt had deflated “Opioids?” his voice had lost all its confidence.

The doctor gave the pair a strange look. “Yeah, I’m going to prescribe you- “

“I can’t take opioids” TK stuttered, shaking his head.

The confusion the doctor had only increased “I wasn’t aware of any allergies- “

“I can’t take those drugs” TK continued, not giving the doctor any more information.

“Sir you have to understand your wound will heal, but due to the seriousness of it, it will be excruciating-“

“I’ll be fine okay” TK assured her, he had to be.

Owen stepped forward, giving the doctor a small smile. “Doc, could you give us a minute please” The doctor paused before giving a slight nod and leaving the room. “TK…”

TK looks down at the ground, shaking his head. “Dad I know what you’re going to say but…” Tk looked up at his dad, trying to make him understand “I’m not talking those pills okay I’ve already relapsed with all the morphine they’ve given me- “

Owen stepped forward, giving his son a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on his shoulder. “TK that isn’t a relapse, you were shot okay. You need pain med.”

“Yeah, so I’ll get something over the counter okay?” TK could tell his father wasn’t convinced, he just wanted his son to be okay, to be able to take his medication but TK knew the truth. TK knew what would happen if he took those pills home if he started retaking them. It was just a flesh wound, it would heal, TK could get over it, but taking those pills again “Dad I…I can’t”.

TK and his father had spent a long time arguing about the pills, eventually, once Owen had heard from the doctor that technically not taking the pills won’t affect his recovery, he agreed. TK reached up with one hand and ran his hand through his hair. Since they left the hospital, TK had had a constant headache, like there was a small unbroken voice in his head fighting to get to the top. The voice was saying the same thing over and over, but TK had managed to drown it out. With working out, with Carlos and now TK was hoping that work would do the same. TK had to drown the voice out; there was no other choice.