#their friendship than they do. can't control their powers and harms someone they care about due to it. the place they were raised is evil

[funuya]

i kept joking about fire emblem while reading danmaca

[wallacejwriting]

DESCENT ☆ an urban fantasy mystery/thriller

the first book in the metahuman initiative series

(both art pieces made by @hunter-kole)

genre | urban fantasy, science fiction, mystery/thriller audience | adult pov | third person limited, single pov

premise | After the violent murder of their family in their small Yukon town, Nat Carter follows the trail to Veda City, a twisting metropolis filled with fellow superpowered people, to hunt down the killer and make them pay.

themes & tropes | revenge, grief/mourning, found family, recovery, self-acceptance, anti-police, queerness & neurodivergence, self-discovery, corruption, rebelling against authority, friendship, learning to love, trust

content warnings | meltdowns, self-harm, suicidal ideation, depression, grief & mourning, graphic violence, death, referenced/past death of a child, bigoted police, bigotry in general, police brutality, ableism, ableist slurs, panic attacks & depictions of mental illness, recreational & medicinal drug use, some religious themes

☾ SYNOPSIS

Don't trust the law. Trust yourself. Approximately 99.5% of all people with superpowers, known as metahumans, live in Veda, an island city off the coast of British Columbia. Nat Carter, a 21-year-old meta who's spent the last twelve years living in the Yukon, has no wish to be one of them. Their family's cabin is all they've ever needed, their parents and sister the only people they've ever loved. On a cold, October morning, Nat's peaceful life is torn apart. The sudden, brutal murder of Nat's family leaves them alone and sends them, impossibly, toward Veda, the city the only clue Nat has to the identities of their family's murderer. But with each step toward the city, it becomes clear that the murders didn't just break Nat's heart and mind, they broke Nat's powers too. And their newfound strength and loss of control draws unwanted attention from all directions. In Veda without a voice, without a plan, and without allies, Nat finds themself unsure how to move forward. Their only chance is someone who can help - a voice to ask questions, a guide to the streets, and a well of information about the intricacies of Veda. But who? There's Mera, the counsellor assigned to Nat who seems to care beyond her job requirements. Or Sage, the teleporter who is the first person to offer Nat kindness in Veda. Or Liesel, their new roommate, who won't let Nat destroy themself no matter how they try. But whoever Nat trusts will be in just as much danger as them, and Nat can't bear to let someone else come to harm. And as it becomes clear that the killer is still chasing Nat, that they're not yet done with them, Nat must race to beat the killer at their own game before anyone else gets hurt. Why did someone kill their family? Why did someone draw Nat to Veda? And why didn't they just kill Nat back in the Yukon? There's a deeper mystery within this city that Nat hasn't yet found. A reason for everything that is happening. If Nat can find it, perhaps they can put their family, and their grief, to rest.

☾ CHARACTERS

Nat Carter: 21, they/them, autistic. A small-town adult who just lost their family in a horrible, violent way, and is determined to find the killer and make them pay, whatever that might mean. Tired, extremely blunt, prone to helping others, easily overwhelmed, always thinking. Has spent their life with selective mutism but it has grown much more debilitating recently.

Liesel Jaeger: 22, she/her. A city woman who wants nothing more than to keep her family as close as possible. Ends up Nat's roommate. Always taking on too many things, always on the go, wants to do and be everything.

Alejandro Hunter: 20, he/him, trans. A laidback martial artist and skateboarder who takes the world day by day. Loves to climb, loves the sun, and is always seeking a freedom he can't quite find in Veda.

Sage Beaufort: 34, they/them. A calm and patient punk who owns a mildly successful pizzeria with fantastic delivery times. One of the Veda Alphas - the teleporter. Loves to watch clouds on their days off. Dislikes the news, police, and any sort of authority figure that steps out of line.

Nicki: Late-20s, he/they. A mysterious person who Nat keeps running into in the city. Helpful, if cryptic, and always appearing at the oddest times. Quiet and solemn, carries a lot of guilt, speaks in rhetorical questions quite often.

Mera Elion: 41, she/her, trans. A social worker who focuses on new citizens of Veda under 25. Determined to give Nat a stable life in Veda and protect them from the police.

Benjamin Madden: 45, he/him. A member of the police force who is assigned to Nat's case. Strongly believes the murders were accidental and becomes increasingly convinced it was Nat's doing. Focused, argumentative, and determined.

Sean Lorenz: 42, he/him. A member of MERCY who is part of the group who brings Nat in. Becomes obsessed with Nat and their case, and is absolutely certain that Nat purposely killed their family and will go to any lengths to prove it.

Dr. Maddie Higgins: 46, she/her. A doctor who works with metas in Veda City and ends up with Nat as a patient. Thoughtful and optimistic, yet often redirects when asked personal or probing questions.

☾ SETTING

Just after WWI, metahumans were first documented in the world, starting with an athlete in the Olympics. Since then, they've only become more prevalent and more well-known throughout the world. Now, most metahumans live in Veda, a city off the coast of British Columbia that is technically a sovereign nation of the UN. The year is 2039 and the world is different from the one we know. Technology speeds ahead in Veda as the restraints of capitalism begin to peel back. Companies work alongside metas to find ways to copy or recreate useful powers. UBI keeps the population and economy steady. Programs to train powers guide the next generation of metas forward. And yet, despite this, many metas are feared, prejudices still race throughout the veins of the city, and the rampant ableism that lifts up June Holiday while pushing down the rest of the Alphas is only getting worse. Crime families and gangs whisper through the city; illegal underground fights and black markets pass cold steel and hard drugs as easily as blood and bone; and a cult with no way to count its numbers walks alongside Veda's citizens, led by one of the most powerful psychics to ever live. To those outside, Veda seems a paradise. But those inside know that the darkness that lurks in the city's corners will never blink first.

☾ SERIES

The Metahuman Initiative is a long-running urban fantasy series focused on found family, mystery, and what it means to be different from others. The series focuses on queer and neurodivergent characters within the metropolis of Veda, an island city filled with superpowered people. The central plot of the series revolves around the murder of Nat Carter's family and Nat's entry into Veda as a result. Each step along the way will reveal new answers and new questions, allowing the world to open up as the series progresses. While this series isn't a romance series there are multiple important romances, including polyamorous ones and monogamous ones, tragic ones and HEA ones. As well, in true UF fashion, Nat has several one night stands that I am very fond of. Yes, future TMI books may include spicy scenes. Relationships of all sorts - platonic, romantic, familial, toxic & antagonistic - are central to the story and nothing in the series would work without them. This is, fundamentally, my passion project. The story that's always been with me and begging to be written.

☆ LINKS | Book Playlist; Series Playlist; Book Tag; Series Tag; Excerpts ; Character Profiles

☆ TAGLIST | @scarthecreator, @aroaceawesomeness, @sapphic-story, @skarmoree, @reminiscentrevelry, @hunter-kole, @pugsanity, @vampywriter,

ask to be on the taglist! either in the notes of this post or in my askbox. taglist will be used for snippets, character profiles, & large worldbuilding posts.

[oat-malk]

i've been trying to articulate why exactly i'm not comfortable conversing with/following minors online, and i think it boils down to:

the kind of things you talk to your friends about doesn't really change with age. when you turn 18, you don't suddenly start talking about Adult Things any more than you would have as a kid. it's the same. your interests might change with age and your priorities in life might reshuffle as you get more responsibilities, but the conversations you have with your friends don't really look any different.

and when you're a young adult, and you're not used to being a Real Adult, you don't get the "wow what a youngster! look at that young baby!" response when you see teenagers going about their day. you don't feel much different at 21 than you do when you're 16. you have to consciously remind yourself that you're not just like them anymore, that at some point in the last few years, you gained Actual Societal Power over the people you're used to seeing as your equals.

it takes a conscious mental effort to remain aware of and careful with that power imbalance. when i was a teenager i could talk to other teenagers about my problems, my love life, school/studies - because we were equals. and suddenly we're not equals anymore and i have to pass everything i say through another filter.

friendship to me is about equality. you listen to each other, help each other out, provide support - as well as obviously hanging out and having fun and joking around. but i don't want emotional support from a teenager. i don't want to complain about my job and my family to a teenager. doing so has the potential to cause real harm; doing emotional labour for someone who you aren't on equal footing with can be traumatic (i know from personal experience). and let's be real, most of the jokes i make with my friends, i also would not want to make around a teenager. i'm just not capable of having a fulfilling friendship with a kid because being a Safe Adult To Be Around requires that i zip my mouth and not talk to them anything like how i talk to my friends.

i can't be friends with a kid, and i don't want to parent/mentor anyone, and i'm much more inclined to spend my social energy on talking to people my age than i am on figuring out how to appropriately reply to some teenager's DM. it's mentally draining at best, and at worst it has the capacity to do measurable damage or get someone in trouble.

additionally, i'm queer + trans + most commonly read as a man, which means that right-wingers already think i'm a groomer. i'm also awkward and autistic and i don't know how to gracefully tell people that i'm not comfortable talking to them without my boundaries coming across as optional. the only way i can effectively enforce my boundaries is to block/softblock/ghost the other person and move on.

i get that it's hurtful when you're a teen and it feels like no adults other than your teachers and family care to talk to you - it's like everyone thinks you're too immature for them. i felt the same frustration when i was a kid and i didn't understand why my age was such a huge issue to the adults i tried to speak to online. but it's really not about you and it's not personal; it's that adults can't relax around you because they have to be in Responsible Mode whenever a kid is nearby.

that's not to say that kids and adults shouldn't share spaces - that's kind of how being in public works, after all. if you're in a communal space, like a park or out on the street, we absolutely *should* be in Responsible Mode because children have as much right to be there as we do. but we also deserve a safe, comfortable, private place where we can unwind and be ourselves and control who we interact with.

i understand that social media isn't completely private, and minors can stumble upon anything i post online. but with features like blocking and muting, i do have some control over who is allowed in my online social circle, and i can flag/censor content so that kids will only see it if they first acknowledge i didn't put it there for them. the internet is not a public place in the same way that the local park is - i can't boot you across the lawn if you approach me in-person, but i can block you if you interact with something nsfw on my blog. i can make my profile an adults-only space and if a kid wanders in then i have the power to remove them to retain my comfort and privacy.

idk. this was a long post. i hope it makes sense. i remember feeling very sad and angry as a kid because it felt like adults never wanted me around and i didn't get why, and i took personal offense to it. i hope if any minor does read this, it helps them to understand. it can be a very stressful argument to have because it's so easily misinterpreted. and i haven't seen very many adults try to explain the reasons why in full detail.

[honeybeanboo]

genshin boys with eating disorders : pt. 1

DISCLAIMER: okay first off! i have an eating disorder and i wondered what my favorite characters would be like in my situation! i am not pro-ed whether it be BED, ednos or anorexia or others. i'm using this for comfort and please do not use this post to further your own disorder!

CHARACTERS:

albedo ✔

bennet ✔

chongyun ✔

diluc ✔

kazuha

kaeya

razor

childe

venti

xiao

xingqiu

zhongli

MAJOR TW //

eating disorders, mental health challenges, bodyshaming, dysphoria, self harm, fatphobia

┅ albedo ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: before the traveller arrived, he's had it for a year or so

❂ who knows: sucrose suspects although doesn't hasn't told anyone yet

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of albedo's ed is forgetfulness and recording

he works in his camp all day, at his desk, doing experiments which in itself takes up a ton of his time! what started the behaviors was simply overworking himself and to the point where he was almost getting sick [ :( albedo ] the alchemist would forget to eat, multiple meals a day he would skip, chemicals in the vicinity making it unpleasant to eat, so he would opt for nothing at all

albedo doesn't recognize what he's doing as an eating disorder, he pushes the thoughts away when they remind him of what he's doing and that it's wrong,,, over time, he would end up having a small breakfast and wouldn't eat until dinner, subconsciously slipping into a routine and writing down each meal he would have, taking care to never fill more than half his note-page

chemicals in his lab constantly are bubbling and changing, so even when he decides to eat, they interrupt him and he constantly leaves unfinished food on his desk for sucrose to find later and wonder why he always leaves it there

- has always been secluded but avoids mondstat more and more, sending sucrose into town for errands and stays in dragonspine to do experiments -- this leads to never getting new clothes and in turn, him working to stay in the clothes he has

- denies everything if mentioned, seems confused at the mention

- very protective of his notebook

THIS MAKES ME SAD ALBEDO SOBSD

┅ bennett ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around the time he became friends with razor and met fischl - around 6 months

❂ who knows: fischl definitely knows but chooses not to say anything due to how bad she is with talking about feelings :(

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of bennett's ed is dysphoria and responsibility

as we all know, bennett has always had horribly bad luck and although he doesn't know it, a lot of people admire him for his perseverance, albeit avoiding his company

he almost always finds a way to overcome the overwhelming hopelessness and guilt of always relying on other people for help and bringing them down with him, but as he enters his 15th year, it gets too much :(

when he met razor, and befriended him, the boy was something of a miracle, he stuck around, he helped bennett and taught him survival tactics :D he was bennett's best friend but bennett felt so incredibly guilty about relying on him for protection, friendship, and good food, he began to turn it away and began to disappear without warning to neither fischl or razor

he would go out adventuring, trying to bring back things to cook for lisa, for razor, for fischl, for kaeya, for diona, he felt like a burden and gave back as much as he could to make up for the consequences his company brought

≡ trans bennet headcanon: he's always been told he's small and thin by his dads, even before transition, so after he began to do more physical activity and bulked up a bit, it weighed on his mind

- dysphoria plays a lot into bennett's ed, not wanting to fill out the curves he always hated

- after a particularly bad batch of eggs he had cooked up, he threw up in the cat's tail's bathroom and that in turn started a small purge cycle before someone in town noticed and took his to the doctor which scared him enough to make him stop

bennett i will just sob and cry on the floor

┅ chongyun ┅

❂ restrictive / purging eating disorder [overeating in beginning]

❂ started + time had: started during his intense studying period for his exorcisms (can't remember the specific method he mentions) - around 2 years

❂ who knows: no one, although an older woman that works at Wanmin Restaurant is worried about him

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of chongyun's ed is control and work

chongyun has always been unstable, whether it be physically or emotionally, due to his build-up of ying energy, so it's no surprise when he bubbles over during the crunch of studying. his teacher pushed him harder and harder each lesson and the things he had to do to keep his stirrings in check weren't the healthiest, one of which was eating specific foods in excess

he bubbled over one day and had a full on mental breakdown, but with his family not near the place he took lessons, he turned to the thing he thought was making his ying energy multiply, not the workload but instead the food

the exorcist's disorder waned off when he met xingqiu, it being the happiest time in his life, a friend to talk to about practically everything, but then when his exorcisms began to only cause distress to the people he thought they would help, his energy became too much and he began purging, which helped enough for him to continue [ :( i'm so sad ] the popsicles help to calm his stomach after a purge and he came up with a low cal recipe to eat tons of

- the calories didn't matter much to him, but xingqiu was very into numbers as well as books, so it began to weigh on him

- he passed off any bad mood as just tiredness from his work

- xingqiu, my man i love him but he's completely oblivious although slightly worried about "burnout" for his friend

┅ diluc ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around when him and kaeya were fighting, like really fighting and he hurt him badly - 3 years

❂ who knows: a lot of people suspect, but either dismiss it, or are too scared to confront him due to his intimidating nature T-T

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of diluc's ed is discipline and control

diluc tends to be very critical of himself and very hard on himself, which you may not know just from talking to him, or even from being a friend of his, as he tends to keep a lot of stuff to himself - if he makes a mistake, he takes all measures to make sure it doesn't happen again

when he and kaeya were fighting and things got violent, he burnt him quite badly right on his eye which is the reason why the captain wears his eyepatch - this scarred the brothers' relationship badly and diluc quite took literally took those scars unto himself,,, he would let himself be burned easily by his elemental powers, constantly feeling the immense guilt of their tension :[ he healed easily, but would do it again and again

although kaeya forgives him, diluc continues to remind himself every so often that he is the reason for problems, taking the responsibility to fix them, even though they may not even be his! he acts alone and aloofly even when the other person doesn't blame him in the slightest [ TT ]

diluc doesn't drink, he doesn't want to lose control, he never wants to loose control, which is why people almost never see him eat

he eats in small portions and toughs it out, disciplining himself, trying to prove himself worthy to no one but himself

- people have offhandedly mentioned that the bartender never seems to eat or drink - "hardly seems human sometimes"

- when he was caught by the traveler being the darknight hero, this worsened this "discipline" for himself, the man not thinking himself worthy if he was defeated so easily

≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡

and that's part 1! i'll make a part two soon because this is really fun and i really enjoy making these- i will include a more wide range of eds in the second part which will be kazuha, kaeya, razor, and childe

bennett's really made me sad dang

anyway bye!

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLIV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Comfort Me

(9x10)

Hello my friends!!!! How are you? Happy New Year!

This is another meta from this series. This time I will dedicate the entire meta to episode 9x10 Road Trip, it was a very Destiel one, and we could see how Castiel was comforting Dean the whole time, it was so sweet and romantic.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the first for this meta and discussed with me the episode! Thank you girl!

Now, let's start...

You Are my Oasis

Okay, this sounds very romantic, because it is...

When Castiel went to see Dean, because he called him (!!!) at the beginning of episode 9x10 Road Trip, we knew he had to burn Kevin's body, he was tremendously sad, but when he saw Cas... He smiled and... He complimented him, he checked him out, he was really enjoying the sight of Castiel. Cas is Dean's Oasis in this episode, is Dean's comfort. He called him because he needed his help, and because he needed his friend. He needed someone to be there for him. So this episode showed us how Dean relayed on Cas, but not like friends... If you rewatch it, is like seeing one man comforting his boyfriend. Is the sensation that it left me while I was paying attention to the Destiel scenes.

So Dean talks with Cas ... Remember when they talked with honesty? 😭💔

Well, Dean is feeling too much guilt, and Cas is trying to shove that out from him. He is comforting Dean the whole time! He is saying the exact words Dean needs to hear.

And then...

Cas can't let Dean call himself stupid, he stands up to point his position, to remark to Dean his words. To have Dean security with it. And because he understands him... Cas felt he was a dumb too, when he thought he will save Heaven by trusting in Metatron, and that costed him his grace.

And because Cas is beautiful, inside and outside, is delightful for Dean, is his Oasis, is his comfort...

Talking with the eyes

Really, this episode is breathtaking. First we had Dean smiling, checking out his gorgeous angel even when he was so destroyed. And now...

While they were interrogating Crowley, they were looking at each other almost constantly, and is perfect, because, their crossed gazes, being so so close to each other, when Crowley was talking about Dean... About what torments Dean...

CASTIEL: Kevin is dead.

First topic that is carving in Dean's soul, the guilt of Kevin's dead is on the table now, and Crowley made a fest with it

CROWLEY: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

CASTIEL [harshly] Don't pretend you care. You tried to kill him.

CROWLEY: I told him this was gonna happen. I was the only person who tried to warn him. I told him to run.

Crowley is trying to drag the conversation to the fact that Dean is dangerous. Everyone who gets bear him, dies.

DEAN: From what?

CROWLEY: You. How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don't have much in the way of a life-span.

When Crowley exposed Dean's fears and guilt, Castiel reached for his eyes, to comfort him, he is saying DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. LOOK AT ME, YOU ARE NOT THAT. YOU ARE NOT DANGEROUS. I KNOW.

This glare is so beautiful, is so comforting, Crowley is trying to hurt Dean and Cas is protecting him for that harm, with just one look, because they talk like this. With the eyes. And this is very very romantic.

CROWLEY: Now, I can't teach you how to crack open an angel. It's more... art than science. But I can do it for you. All I ask in return is a little field trip. Dying for some fresh air. Chains on, naturally.

DEAN: No.

CROWLEY: No? Of course not. Because if I'm plan "A," I'm sure you have a totally viable, much better plan "B."

CASTIEL [and DEAN pull aside] You can't be considering this.

DEAN: With the chains on, he can't do anything.

CASTIEL: It's Crowley. He can always do something.

CROWLEY: Looks like we need a tiebreaker. Go get Moose, squirrel. [DEAN's mask slips and you can see his guilt]

Unless... Unless, of course, you can't. That's why you're here, isn't it? The poor giant baby's in trouble again, isn't he?

Another Guilt exposition from Crowley: Sam, possessed by Gadreel, now are gone and that's a huge problem now. So...

Second exposition of guilt, and Cas is searching for his eyes again. Another comforting glare to Dean. WE WILL FIND HIM, WE HAVE A PLAN. EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY. SAM IS GONNA BE OKAY.

If this isn't romantic, I don't know what it is. Complicity and comfort on those gazes, so much love and understanding. Cas is there to be Dean's Oasis.

Comfort Me

It was very comic watching Cas and Crowley fighting like children, it was really a sit com right in front of our eyes.

And don't forget the fact that Cecily, the demon , mentioned angel Castiel was hot, and she called him too Capitan Sexy, like... Castiel's sex appeal is well known between angels and demons.

But let's focus now in that important scene when Crowley tried to get Gadreel's name in Sam's body.

Watching Sam's vessel suffering was too much for Dean, and he had to leave for a moment. If you recall that time when they had to lock Sam because he was having this demon drinking issue again, and Dean left, and Castiel saw him but he didn't follow him? Well, this time is totally different, because, Cas was the whole episode paying special attention to Dean, and when he saw he left, he followed him...

CASTIEL: Hey.

DEAN: I can't watch that anymore.

CASTIEL: I understand. It's not Sam, but... It's still Sam.

Castiel is comforting him again.

DEAN [voice cracking with emotion] Pretty much, yeah. How are you doing?

CASTIEL [kind of surprised] You want to talk about me now?

DEAN: I want to talk about anything that's not a demon sticking needles into my brother's brain.

[DEAN looks out a window trying to control his emotions but we see tears pooling in his eyes]

Yeah, humor me, man. How you doing?

CASTIEL: Uh... I'm okay.

Dean asks Castiel to distract him, maybe is something Cas didn't know how to send or how to response, so Dean shows him how.

DEAN: Good. Good. That's, uh... So, what, you just change the batteries out, power back up? It's that easy?

CASTIEL: It wasn't easy, but I didn't have a choice.

DEAN: Yeah. Well, that's usually how it goes.

Dean takes Castiel's quote to elaborate his apologies, because that time when he kicked Cas out from the bunker, it wasn't easy, but he thought he didn't have a choice. That's why he says THAT'S USUALLY HOW IT GOES.

DEAN: Cas... I'm sorry.

CASTIEL: About what?

DEAN: Kickin' you out of the bunker. That's, uh... You know, not telling you about Sam.

Remember when Dean could say I'm sorry to Cas?? Damn... But really... He couldn't even give a description to what was kicking Cas out from the bunker... Because it was horrible, and friends don't do that.

CASTIEL: You thought his life was at stake.

Castiel keeps comforting him, he doesn't want Dean feels more guilt.

DEAN: Yeah, I got played.

CASTIEL: I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too.

Cas is saying here SEE? I MADE MISTAKES TOO. DON'T BE SO HARD WITH YOURSELF.

This is perfect, how Cas steals another smile from Dean, how Cas comforts him again, all the time, trying to make Dean's weight less painfully to carry.

When they had to decide to enter inside Sam, Dean trusted in Castiel, but that wasn't possible and they had to let Crowley to go inside.

After this, and by the end of the episode, when Sam and Dean fought and they got separated, Cas watches Dean one more time, again comforting him...

To conclude:

Cas behaves in this episode like Dean's support, not just as a friend, because he does it with a dedication and a sweetness of a couple. Dean looks for that in him, and he finds it. The dedication and the support that Castiel gives him goes beyond a simple friendship, because there is intimacy and confidence in their eyes. Love and devotion.

I hope you enjoy this Chronicles, see you in the next ones!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read my previous s9 metas here are the links...

Vol. XL, Vol. XLI, Vol. XLII, Vol. XLIII.

Buenos Aires, December 30th 2019 8:08 PM

[thesagedahlia]

🌑New Moon in Sagittarius🐎

You may need to commit this week to expressing more gratitude & counting your blessings. Another year is closing out, in fact this is the last year of a long decade that may have brought the best, & the worst of times. Don't be narrow minded at this time & maybe laugh a little more; treat life like it's an adventure & that luck is on your side. You may come across some people who are envious of you & will want to tear down your happiness or success, but this is a reminder that this behavior from others come with the territory; you have blessing that they want themselves. You are being granted new beginnings of what you have desired & wished for in your life, but what's standing before you is the need to let go of things that are falling away & be open to positive change & healing at this time. You aspire to achieve stability, so you aren't giving energy to what is keeping you from constructive forward movement. Things have to end before they begin anew & that is stressed with this moon cycle.

♐: you may need to be careful not to let pride get in your way during this time. You can be magnificent without being plain too much. Self esteem is great, but self esteem is not the same as vanity. Creative urges should be followed at this time for some of you, but the main focus here is not to feel so confident that other people are not a factor to you. It is important to balance your accomplishments with a humble attitude, so don't be so quick to develop an ego that will disrupt your inner balance. For some of you a friendship may be ending now, but make sure it wasn't caused in vain & that you weren't trying to strong arm those that mean no harm to you. Your hard work speaks for itself, so you don't have to speak on its behalf.

♑: this cycle may be promting you, as it may be time to take some sort of action. A wonderful new start beckons & you're in the right track. If you're needing a plan for your dreams, you may need a 12 month plan to get you started, or if you're getting closer to achieving something for yourself, now is definitely not the time to be giving up. Going forward, all that is asked of you is to do your best & be okay with that, for the dreams you have in mind may take a while to achieve. Avoid being brash & treat people well as you charge toward your goals. For some of you, a new male may be coming into your life that may be of some sort of significance to you. It is best to be hopeful rather than allowing fears or diving into the unknown hold you back or block you from abundant opportunities that are available to you.

♒: now may be the time to embrace that you & your loved ones are safe. The holidays are coming fast so this may be the time to slow down your personal life & put a little more focus on your family. You may always put your family first, but it is highlighted at this time. For parents, a new cycle is starting for your child(ern) so this ties into family focus as well. For others, you may want to let someone get a bit closer to you, though insecurity may be holding you back (nothing a little meditation can't fix). If you're holding onto some pain surrounding a soulmate or family issues at this time, now is the time to bring healing & sincerity to the situation. This moon cycle will bring up the things in your life that you feel are worth building on, which will serve as motivation to make it happen. Communication may be coming in (or going out) for you.

♓: if you've been holding back in any way, it is time to show the world the real you. This message may also be coming through to tell you that you may need to be more detached from the situation that you're inquiring about. Be aware of your feelings at this time, but also be prepared to move on, for a situation is going to take an unexpected turn. You may have been really focused on what you're working on, but take this time out to find the beauty & romance of life again. For some, a friend may need you & you may be prompted to be there for them. For others, this is a message to get into your heart space since you may have been in your head for some time now. You have the ability to be open & magnetic to others, even after struggling with pain & heartache. To keep you on the right path & ensure your ships are coming in to claim, become open to receiving.

♈: this may be a time where a new cycle is beginning for you, & for some it is romantic. You may need you take out some time to reach out to someone & let them know you care. In case you haven't been already, you need to work on feeling more & thinking less. Matters of marriage or engagement may be coming up for you, but that's only for a select few, also legal matters will go in your favor. You should pay some attention to your appearance but be sure not to be all about appearances, & avoid being selfish at this time. You may have to be more in tune with what you want as far as fulfillment in your life & walking a path to find that will become a focus for you. Creating happiness for yourself is something you have contemplated on manifesting, but a transformation & change must take place before you have the confidence to let yourself go toward it.

♉: you may need to surrender to the divine during this period. Life may be coming to a head for you, maybe even a climax, conclusion, or a turning point, but the odds are in your favor. This may be a time where you can tell you're getting the answers that you need, & a wish you made may be about to come true. Not to frighten or intimidate you, but it is make or break time regarding a situation that is dominant in your life at the moment. The sense of madness in the air is normal, so breathe deep & stay calm. Forgiving someone at this time will help you to release negative energy, so now you're prompted to let go of the past & move on. Fears over new beginnings may need to be looked at, examined, or contemplated over. Know that you want a new start & be hopeful in your faith that you will get one. Any mental obstacles that are keeping you from success will be overcome at this time.

♊: a win-win outcome is forecasted for you during this cycle. It is important for you now more than ever to let go of what is falling away. For some, now may be a good time for a makeover. You may need to make a firm decision at some point, but for now you need to put the focus back on yourself for a while before deciding on anything. Look after yourself but avoid vanity at this time. If you need to change your perspective on something, or specifically someone, you may need to see the other person through the eyes of love. You may need to get more clarity on what your situation or person may be, but it may require solitude in order to do so. If a situation seems to keep you at a loss, there may need to be something that must be let go, even if it means letting go completely. Don't hang on to what no longer serves you.

♋: adjustments may be required for your situation, as you may need to do some reevaluating. Your life may be out of balance & this may be causing your issues. It may be time to hatch a whole new plan. For some of you, something new & exciting is around the corner, but also trust may be required to move this situation forward. You may be well aware of where you have been, but do you have any idea where you're going? This message is a promise to you that not all is lost here. Think of yourself as a vessel that has been filled up overtime. Be honest with yourself about how much of what you've been filled with are negative emotions that need to be released. You may have closed out situations that caused much pain or heartache, but you are getting to a point where you are beginning to know your worth & you're striving forward to that. The obstacles you overcome now will set you up for more stability after change, & you just have to be opening to receiving this.

♌: expect powerful change as this new moon cycle passes for you. Life evolves everyday, so never mind the things that you've been through in the past. Consider this a big 'yes' from the universe for all that you want manifested in your life to start being both within the energy & in front of your eyes. Keep in mind that whatever is happening now is happening for your highest good, so now is not the time to resist. It may not be revealed just yet, but this is an important turning point in your life. This can involve a 'true pair' situation where a reaching out from someone you may have been blocked off from, who is offering stability. This can be a reconciliation coming to pass where balance is restored to a connection that was overshadowed by conflict that has once taken place.

♍: a fiery climax may be approaching for you. If you're in a tense situation, it can be meditated away at this time. You may need to take some time out to have some more fun, & when it comes to dealing with situations that are basically a tug of war between what you want & what someone else wants, you may have to wait some time to see what will happen next, but it is a matter of if you handled a situation as sensitively as you possibly could have without being a baby about it. Being assertive is good, great in this case, but be sure not to bulldoze over anyone. In the same breath, be kind, smile, & be polite as you navigate to where you want to be. You may have been trying to have control over certain situations, but it hasn't been easy for things to be in your favor. You may have to release your intense focus on the things that you can't control & fall into alignment with what is meant for you.

♎: you may need a reminder that nothing is yet set in stone for you, & know that the best has yet to unfold. You're meandering towards your goal & that's okay, life is a winding period that evolves at every day. Staying adaptable is the key to success for you now & keep in mind to make sure you're not being led astray. This energy may be pointing out the places where you've been distracted, & now is the time to focus. Whatever you're keeping up with, stay with whatever is creating positive change in your life. Things may be needing a change, because the energy that you're being exposed to are keeping you blocked or held back from forming actual balance. You may be gaining clarity of what has seemed to be keeping you in the clouds, & you're freeing yourself from those around you that lack the balance that you're seeking.

♏: by the time the full moon in gemini is illuminated, you may have more clarity regarding the situation you're inquiring about. You need to know that, if they haven't already, the answers you need are coming, & this specific moon cycle may bring things full circle to you. This may be highlighting an important conversation that you're needing to have, but be sure to stay calm & refrain from being superficial. This could be a situation where you may need to laugh it off & move on. You may even be noticing someone trying to flirt with you. For those on the working front, job applications have good prospects for you at this time. This could be pertaining to a past situation that has conflicting karmic ties to it. Said situation may have been put to rest, or suspended in the air. It must be confronted to relieve the tension that was brought upon it, & to bring about change & forward movement.

*this reading is intended for sun, moon, rising, & venus placements, & is intended for entertainment purposes only, energy is fluid not linear, roles are interchangeable, take what resonates, leave the rest*

[staysuki]

holy shit, ash. i am positively rEELING with everything you just dropped ahhh

but let's do this 😤

starting with ehaloj, i wanna talk about chan's character. i love the way you write him, i'm literally obsessed. he's usually portrayed as this like strong leader who just always has everything under control and everybody listens to him etc etc but i love that that's not how you write him in this series. i find his character very interesting- yuna was right when she said he was a people pleaser. he does everything he can to have the people around him be happy which is why he takes his job as president very seriously, but it's also why he steps to the side a lot of times. he toes the fine line between a passive leader and someone who just knows when he should or shouldn't step in, but he does it well enough to make his character vv interesting. ngl there are times when i get frustrated with him like the other characters do, but i feel like at the end of the day his decisions work out for the better. im a little nervous with his behavior for this season, though (which completely contradicts my last sentence but at this point im just rambling 💀) beacause somi has a lot of power. she's technically in the right, i think, because you have to admit she always has a point, but what bugs me is that she doesn't seem to care about the students like people- poor eunha, i hope she doesn't get pushed to do anything she doesn't feel comfortable doing.

im interested to see what the conflict in this season is going to be, though. as of now, i can't really tell what it might be, but im vv excited 👀

also, have i ever mentioned how much i love ehaloj? i love how it doesn't just only revolve around the romantics; the character relationships are so authentic and realistic, and i absolutely adore the series for the slice-of-life vibes it gives off. for all of your fics, really. there's always much more to enjoy in your fics than just endgame, and that's what i love about your writing so much. it's relatable and it makes me wistful for a lot of stuff i have yet to experience and stuff i'll never really experience again. does this make sense ?? hehe

okay adding this next part because as i was writing this you updated again so lots to tALK. ABOUT.

ASDLGJHKJFDHGKSLA;FDJHDBSIJOPAI[WEWIUHUGRFDSJKLF STOP I LOVE JEONGIN AND YN'S FRIENDSHIP SO FUCKING MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IDEC IF THEY'RE ENDGAME THEYRE FREINDSHIP IS >>>>>>>> CAN I HAVE THIS PLEASE

ahem.

okay yea, i figured they weren't dating, but i wasn't expecting for them to be "doing something else" along with tutoring. i feel like knowing yn and jeongin, it's probably a project or something that they're working on to help their friends + the school ? like i don't see them as the type of people to be doing something that's like this huge-secret-hush-hush-don't-let-anybody-else-know kinda thing. mostly because jeongin is too smart to be so obvious about something that he might consider harmful to his reputation, and yn just seems like the type of person to like minding her own business and helping the people around her, simple as that. i feel like this entire paragraph made not sense but tldr they're "secret" is probably going to be something "good", i guess you would say. i give up on trying to put this part into coherent words we're gonna need a couple anons to analyze my analysis istg 💀

somi,,, these latest updates made my opinion of somi shift a little. in terms of student council stuff... she has a point with the stuff she's saying, i'll admit (albeit begrudgingly). but she really isn't the nicest person alive, huh? it bugs me that she makes yn do her errands, even if yn doesn't mind doing it, it's still obviously not okay. and really... she could've just stopped at reminding yn that it was against the school rules. she didn't even have to do that, bc im sure she already knew yn and jeongin alr got chewed off for going to each other's dorms. she crossed a line there.

somi and seungmin's convo is also one of the fewest times where we've seen seungmin be very raw. he kinda lost his cool with her, and rightfully so. but my heart breaks for the boy in this fic, he's got so much going on constantly. i wanna give him a hug :((

moving on to slc, this latest chapter was very interesting. the professor has a point, and it's something that i never really thought about in terms of hyunjin's character up till now. yes, he loves art, but why? loving something isn't going to be enough in the long term if you don't have a drive or a reason, which is something i realized recently. i feel like this is going to be an opportunity for us to learn more deeply about hyunjin as a person and not just as yn's nemesis.

i also love yn's mindset on her rivalry with hyunjin. don't bite unless bitten first. it's a rather mature mindset, and im glad because this allows yn to focus on herself and adjusting to her new life rather than just be hung up on one-upping hyunjin. our boy jinnie could take some notes 😐

i went back and reread candy and yn's convos about art again, and i'm more convinced candy is hyunjin. candy says he does art for himself, and is getting a little pressured at the thought of having to do it for others. i feel like this parallels with hyunjin's situation, and you might have placed everything in the right order to make us confused because you're just a genius like that, but as of right now i can't think of anybody else who could be candy.

im hoping that yn looks into the charity candy told her about, though, because if she ends up giving her art to the charity that could be an opportunity for it to be confirmed whether or not the general theory of hyunjin giving art to "heartful arts" but felix and someone else taking it to sell right or wrong. (also, something i didn't catch the first time i read it- what does hyunjin mean "uhh heartful arts i think" ?? you tHINK?? WDYM YOU THINK?? how does he not know where he's giving his art to? does he have like an agent/manager that he just gives his art to, trusting that whoever it is will use it honestly? is that how felix and the other person is stealing his art??)

speaking of, im very lost on who felix's partner in crime is. i wanna rule out jisung, because he seems like he really is frustrated with hyunjin and wants to understand him. i have a feeling he wasn't just talking about the rivalry between yn and him. i think jisung wants to understand him as a person, and i don't think you steal a person's art for personal gain if you care about them 🙈ofc, this might just all be an act but if we go down that route we're just gonna end up going in circles so im just gonna go ahead and say felix's partner in crime is probably not jisung. so far, i think seungmin is the only person hyunjin is remotely honest with. he just seems so closed off and unwilling to let anybody in. i wonder why? 🤔

i also forgot to mention this, but i don't trust wonpil, ngl. how did he save seungmin and hyunjin from j a i l t i me ?? it's not school suspension, it's jailtime. how on earth...? what strings did he pull to do that 😭

which is where im gonna throw out a theory here- is wonpil felix's partner in crime?? unless nayeon is an oc, im assuming this is referring to nayeon from twice (bc they're all under jyp 💀) and she's older than felix, yn, hyunjin, etc so i feel like it'd be hard for felix to get into the party alone unless he had someone who could sneak him in. also, the only two untrustworthy characters atm is felix and wonpil sooo.... then again, wonpil is a professor. this is very far fetched, don't hesitate to shut this theory down and laugh in my face if this is way off LMFAO

also, it has occured to me that we have several small unanswered questions in slc: who is the fifth roomate (sumin, ryujin, lia, bibi,.... and? this might have already been answered but i can't remember or find it for the life of me). also, what was bibi doing near the orientation?? we never really got a clear answer on that, did we?

but that's i have for now :D this was a monster ask, im so sorry. i enjoyed catching up on everything, hehe. im in love with both series and so invested ahhh~~ as always, take care of yourself and we love you, ash! <33

- 🌖

heyyo gibby, welcome back~

tyty! i really wanted to portray each and every character as someone with flaws. even the president whom everyone relies on is someone that has their down moments at times. everyone seems to be forgetting that as a president, he's responsible for anything and EVERYTHING that goes on in campus, not just their little friend group. it's also been indicated a lot of times that chan is often in contact with the higher-ups and at the end of the day, he also just answers to the school (like in yeji's case), he's not the big boss man. dealing with so many things, being put on a pedestal, but still somehow feeling like he's powerless def takes a toll on him. and now that someone with a lot of assertion came into the picture, he easily lost his footing.

i appreciate that!! thank you very much 😭 i really wanted to write a fic that's very story-heavy but isn't centered around romance. i wanted something light but also with a few dark themes (though not as dark as SLC) and just tried to capture overall authenticity, so thank you for the compliment ☹️♥️. there's so many arcs that i want to accomplish (though admittedly, there are some that i just come up with on the spot and i can't wait to share some of the behind the scenes secrets once it's over ajehajshhssh) but hopefully i don't get in over my head here. with the current way season 2 is going (even with the ones in my drafts) there'll be so many things that will be going on at once. i wanna try and capture that frustration of being in the middle of every conflict and not knowing what to do~ thank you for loving my writing! i don't like it sometimes but having you guys here motivates me a lot.

JSHWJSHWJS yes we're seeing a lot of jeongin and y/n friendship this season. this has been a long time coming given the fact that these two's personalities just vibe on a common ground as "outsiders". they've been in each other's circle for a while and it's no surprise that they'd be close. as for that secret however 👁👁 well, it's yet to be revealed but it's coming very soon 💀 that whole bit is not something i plan on dragging out.

i love this part on somi where it feels like it physically pains you to admit that she has good points. it's like "uGh 🙄 i gUESS." JHSJWHSSJW. yeah, somi is... not the best conversationalist as of so far HOWEVER, we've only ever seen "Vice President Somi" and not "Jeon Somi" as a friend. we've seen glimpses of it but we don't really know her full personas yet. justice for seungmin, that man aged 50 years ever since he became a council member, it's like he carries so much on his shoulders 😔💔, even in season one. and now we slowly get to see his story unfold.

as it's going so far, there's currently going to be 3-4 main arcs and then 2-3 side arcs. there will be a central focus on four of the boys but i think overall, they'll all be having a hand in season two (unlike in season one where chan just became an honorary background character). hyunjin may not be as present anymore given the fact that his presence was everywhere in season one but he'll still be here~

this~ i wanted SLC to also focus on the people, not the romance. sure, the endgame is a little more "in-your-face" given the fact that it's literally a hyunjin smau, but at the end of the day, it's still a question of whether or not they'll end up together. hyunjin is just a main character, he's not necessarily the main love interest. hence why i'm slowly starting to unravel his personal life now. the story isn't just all about these two enemies, it's about everything else that's going on in their life.

charity thing is also coming up soon 🙈 AND Y'ALL hyunjin isn't the brightest okay, he just loves art, why do you think he's getting conned in the first place 💔. he saw a website and was like "cool!!". honestly, mood tho. and the "i think" part is probably just a figure of speech 😔💔 (or is it 🤔). the art theft is definitely gonna be a long con though, y/n is definitely gonna check it out but i'm not revealing it yet 🙈 (maybe after the next written chapter).

LMFAO PLS, i love how if you continued, it's literally just gonna be like "i don't think it's jisung—but it cOULD be—but no, BUT ALSO—". I'm really getting antsy on the backstories, like, I wanna reveal the stories already but like, WE'RE NOT READY YET.

This, i barely see any wonpil takers but like i've been saying~ he's not as good of a person as you think he is. he chastises seungmin for illegal activities but it's quite obvious that he's also not the most open of books, he has a lot of secrets and those secrets just end up being a lot more scummy because of the fact that he's a professor. he's lawful neutral, not necessarily good. he's hidden under the guise of "good brother, great teacher" so nobody ever questions him but like— maybe that's what he wanted, to be undetected.

yes nayeon is nayeon from twice. i rarely ever use OCs unless it's a character that's only there to be really really shitty (and have no redemption arcs) because i don't want such a persona to be associated with any idol. (discounting somi and yeji bec those gals have a lot more going on with them than just being antagonists 😤). also about the party— this is felix we're talking about 🤧 my man can sneak into anywhere he wants with ease, evident in the orientation. he's the trusted thief for a reason~

the partner-in-crime though still, it could literally be anyone at this point. and since we're early in the works, it might even be someone who's yet to be introduced~ and don't worry, theories are fun, no matter how far-fetched, i think the only time i ever went ???💀??? on a theory is BS anon's "dots theory" 💀💀💀💀 (i'm sry bub but i'm still confused till this day).

yup, fifth roommate has not been introduced yet. she will be briefly mentioned in chapter 16(?) but i don't plan on integrating her into the story as of yet, she'll def come in handy tho~ bibi, yes, did not say why she was near orientation, we're smelling sussy 🥶 baka 🥸 behavior 🥵 here. the cute answer would be that she was there to check on y/n— but then again, my fics are never truly black and white. it's nice to think that she's being a good sister but hm~

thank you for the monster ask! i love it. thank you so much for loving my fics, i appreciate everyone's thoughts and support as well. i'm glad that you love it so far. honestly if i could find a way to just forego the written chapters then i'd probably constantly updating thrice a day or smth 😔💔. take care y'all

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie