#then saw someone on letterboxd say this show also saved their life

[rokurookajima]

this was the shot that sent me over the edge, i was holding it together through dick, the exorcism, everything, but when i saw JEAN PIERRE AND TWINKLETITS WITH CHARLES i fucking LOST it

[leesh]

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

[letterboxd]

Fate.

“The reason that they choose to pick up a gun or punch someone in the face or fight for their lives is usually different than the reasons you’d find for a man.” Terminator: Dark Fate director Tim Miller discusses David Fincher, James Cameron and female action heroes in an exclusive chat with Letterboxd.

Tim Miller is here to save the Terminator franchise. Like many of us, Miller (the director of Deadpool) is a massive fan of the first two films, and not so much of the last three.

Miller’s new film, Terminator: Dark Fate, positions itself as a direct sequel to the iconic Terminator 2: Judgment Day and ignores all the films made subsequent to that 1991 classic. The connection is strengthened by the participation of James Cameron (director and co-writer of the 1984 original and Judgment Day), who has a story credit on Dark Fate, and Linda Hamilton, who returns to play Sarah Connor for the first time since 1991.

In the new film, Connor is one of two people—alongside Mackenzie Davis’s augmented future soldier Grace—attempting to protect Dani Ramos (Natalia Reyes) from the super-advanced Rev-9 terminator (Gabriel Luna). Dani is a young Mexican woman fated to play a critical role in a future war between humans and machines (specifically, an artificial intelligence called Legion).

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

Although Connor prevented Judgment Day in T2, something similar eventually transpired in the future, once again pitting humanity against a seemingly insurmountable artificial intelligence threat. Arnold Schwarzenegger also shows up as an aged T-800, and the film has fun with his presence.

A few weeks back, the Alamo Drafthouse treated audiences who thought they were going to see T2 with a surprise screening of Dark Fate. “This is the third film I’ve always wanted…” was the reaction from Letterboxd member CJSFilms. “Changed the story enough without completely jumping the shark and had some great new characters along with amazing work to the older ones.”

“Part of me can’t really believe I liked it so much, but it’s the truth,” said azureblueworld.

Miller recently spoke with us about Dark Fate, as well as answering some questions about his life in film.

Mackenzie Davis and Natalia Reyes in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

It’s relatively rare in action cinema to have three female protagonists. What do you think that brings to Terminator: Dark Fate? Tim Miller: I think it brings a lot, both in the making of it and in the film itself, because from a plot standpoint, you don’t often have enough stories where women are in these action roles. The reason that they choose to pick up a gun or punch someone in the face or fight for their lives is usually different than the reasons you’d find for a man. You don’t often find a woman killing people for vengeance or these typically macho things. So, I find those reasons much more interesting. This is why I love Sarah Connor. This is a woman who is fighting to protect her child and there is no more powerful imperative than that. So we have all of that and you have Grace coming back from the future. We really didn’t play too much upon it, but Grace is Dani’s surrogate child. She finds her in the ruin when she’s twelve and raises her. So the idea of a mother having to send her daughter back for the fate of humanity is pretty powerful and it’s not the usual male-centric reasons for doing shit like that.

Then, because we had John Connor, the whole male as the savior of humanity thing has been done. But secondly, I just feel like Dani would be a different kind of leader. I always used the analogy of yes, she’s tough and she’s a great leader, but she’s more Obama than Patton in my mind.

Mackenzie Davis is amazing in this movie. What kind of thinking went into the conception of her character, Grace? I remember the moment very clearly because my favorite author of all time, Joe Abercrombie, who writes fantasy not sci-fi, primarily, although his Shattered Sea books are sort of post-apocalyptic. Joe was in the writers’ room, I love him. He’s a great English author. If you haven’t read him, do. We were talking about how there’s always this trilogy of characters: there’s the protector, the hunter and the prey in Terminator movies. We were talking about the protector, and Joe said, “What if it’s this female super soldier who comes back from the future, and she’s all fucked up and scarred and she has to take a lot of drugs because she’s been enhanced with stolen Legion technology?” It wasn’t Legion at that time, it was stolen advanced AI technology adapted for humans and she was kind of a machine fighter. And she has to take these drugs all the time because they amp up her immune system, and jack up her reflexes and things like that. And I thought, ‘Oh, that’s fucking cool’. Everybody else did, too.

And Mackenzie plays her with so much humanity, which is why I really did not want to get the obvious casting takes for that role. They would show me some actors who were super accomplished martial artists or fighters or things like that. I knew that she would be, in many ways, the heart of the movie. I mean Sarah, of course, is the heart of the movie ultimately, but for so long in this film, Sarah is emotionless. She’s a terminator, you know? She’s fucked up. And Mackenzie had to be this person [for whom] you could really identify with her mission and her humanity.

Director Tim Miller and Linda Hamilton on the set of ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

What movies did you watch to prepare for making Terminator: Dark Fate? I watched all of the Terminator movies—good and bad—again, of course. I watch Aliens all the time. Then I watched Alien again, too. Because I think Terminator has moments of tension, for sure. [Alien³ director] David Fincher’s favorite moment in Terminator: Dark Fate, oddly, was the shots of Gabriel [Luna] walking around Carl’s house after they’ve left, in this creepy sort of home invasion moment. So I think Terminator’s always had a horror element to it.

I love movies that have heroes. Movies like Gladiator and Blade Runner are some of my favorites. Gladiator has the heroic element of the person who’s been beaten down but refuses to lose, [that’s] definitely in Terminator movies. Blade Runner has the element of the hero who gets their ass handed to them every time, but keeps getting back up and I feel like that’s kind of what happens in these chase scenes where you can never defeat a terminator. You get your ass kicked but somehow you manage to get away and fight another day until eventually something else defeats them.

I have less of a broad spectrum of movie-watching. I read a lot and that’s where a lot of my love of sci-fi comes from. I tend to—like I think a lot of nerds—you have your favorites and it’s hard to get out of that rut because it’s so not often that good stuff comes around that you can put on that list of favorites.

Gabriel Luna and friend in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

Was there a particular film that, when you saw it, made you say, “Okay, I’m doing this. I’m gonna make movies”? Aliens. The thing that Jim does so much and so well is really gives the characters a sense of reality, that they feel grounded and what I love about his movies also is the writing always feels very organic to me. In too many movies, you can feel that the writer or the director made a decision on what way to move the story based on a plot [point], rather than it coming organically from the characters. In Jim’s movies, you never feel that. In fact, when I met him I was surprised because I thought [he] must write forward from character instead of having some pre-ordained idea of where it’s going to end up. And he said, “No, oh no. I think of: ‘Oh, man. I want to see this big fucking action scene and then I work into it’.” But I guess the magic comes in the fact that you don’t feel that.

He mentioned the flying scene in Avatar, which I loved, which is this falling-in-love scene when they’re learning to fly. I said, “But you have this great falling-in-love scene.” He goes, “I just wanted to do a really great scene of them flying around Pandora in these cool, swooping camera moves and this bad-ass flight sequence. And then it became the falling-in-love sequence.” So that was the surprise for me and a little bit of insight into Jim’s magic.

How many times would you say you’ve seen Aliens? Oh fuck, 50 plus, easy.

What's the sexiest film you’ve ever seen? The sexiest? 9½ Weeks.

What film do you have fond memories of watching with your parents? Poseidon Adventure, the original. I remember Gene Hackman. I remember Shelley Winters’ death where she was the Olympic swimmer who gained too much weight, but she managed to save everybody. Then I remember Gene Hackman jumping out over the fire to turn off that big knob to cut the steam off so everybody else could escape and then dropping into the fire. Heroes. Always heroes sacrificing. I love it.

What classic are you embarrassed to say you haven’t seen? Citizen Kane. That’s easy.

What filmmaker, living or dead, do you envy or admire the most? David Fincher, who I’m lucky enough to call a friend. David hasn’t made a bad movie ever.

What’s it like working with him [the pair collaborated on the Netflix sci-fi anthology series Love Death + Robots]? David’s great with me. He’s much more trouble if you’re an executive who tries to fuck with him. I couldn’t tell you why, to this day, that he and I are friends because I’m so messy and he’s so precise, but he’s been so helpful to me as a friend and as a mentor over the years that I can’t underestimate the value of it. He’s the funniest, smartest guy in the room wherever he is.

Tim Miller on the set of ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

He’s kind of enigmatic. I love how seemingly quiet he is. He doesn’t put a huge amount of himself out there. Well, that’s in contrast to how quiet he’s not when he’s one-on-one or in a meeting, because he loves to talk. He puts on a show and his knowledge of film and filmmaking is so encyclopedic that you really just kind of sit back and watch. When we were pitching Heavy Metal, which was pretty much Love, Death + Robots before it was Love, Death + Robots, we pitched probably 100 times. It was always really great for me to sit back and watch him work, because back then it was pre-Deadpool and nobody really paid attention to me in the room. So I got a front-row seat to watching David work and especially watching him work in the Hollywood system, which is a unique and interesting system.

What’s a film you wish you had made? Saving Private Ryan. Again, I’m such a one-dimensional filmmaker. It all comes back to heroism. The fact that all of them could sacrifice for this mother that they don’t know, where they imagine her hearing this news of all of her sons being dead. That’s really who they sacrifice themselves for because they don’t know Ryan, he’s just another guy. It’s a powerful message about humanity that I thought was great. Tom Hanks is just, he’s the most amazing combination of strong and vulnerable, which I find really interesting in a hero. That’s very human, you know?

If you were forced to remake any classic, what would you choose? I’m very interested to see what Denis Villeneuve does with Dune because it’s a great book and they’ve never managed to make a good movie out of it.

‘Terminator: Dark Fate’ is in theaters now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length.

[donnerpartyofone]

movie review fan lady here. I know it’s not yet BLOGTOBER, but in advance of that, what are some of the worst tropes of recent horror films, in your opinion? Of course, use whatever definition of “recent” suits your answer best! seems like you’re busy with new projects these days, hope all is well and that you have plenty of time to watch however many horror movies you like this fall!

(first of all, sorry for my uneven typing but i’m using a new laptop that has a really intrusive but also totally inconsistent autocorrect thing and I’m just sick of fucking with it) thanks for saying hello! I have been pretty dormant lately, and it’s encouraging to hear from people who enjoy reading what I write. the mental illness got me bad this summer. this was made unnecessarily difficult by the fact that I had arranged a month-and-a-half-long personal leave from work, during which time I expected to be able to return to “myself” and replenish my inner strength by doing only things that I care about, and most importantly, see what kind of life I lead when I’m not being crushed under the heel of my extremely demanding and shameful job–a perspective few individuals will ever have the privilege of gaining. of course, a lot of what actually happened amounted to a painful reminder of how little I’m really capable of as a person. this has been especially hard to recover from with the restored stress of being at the office. I had my first full-blown panic attack on my first day back. although I suffer from anxiety, I have always been hesitant to describe my episodes of escalating, wracking panic as “attacks”. this is because once when I was young, I witnessed someone going into a panic attack after confessing to me her history of childhood trauma; she went into a total fugue state, dragged her limbs, spun in circles, and made faces until she collapsed, never to remember anything about the experience. I thought, “so that’s what a panic attack is. basically, if you are aware of your surroundings, have basic control of your face and limbs, and can recall the event, then you don’t really have any kind of real problem to complain of.” my “panic attack” was still not as bad as that, but it did involve an interesting lapse of motor control on top of everything else, so I guess I’m giving myself credit for it.

I never stopped watching movies, of course, but I almost totally abandoned letterboxd, save for a weird stint where I reviewed every single pre-Zombie HALLOWEEN movie; I actually suspect that for some reason, letterboxd only sent two of them into the activity feed, so no one even saw them all. so I stopped writing, and then I developed all this self-imposed guilt about failing to maintain my entirely voluntary pleasure-oriented routine, and my feelings of completely meaningless shame around this made it very difficult to start again. I think there’s also a sub-problem where, in actually recording my viewing habits, I started to get really stressed out about how much of my life I just waste on things I don’t even enjoy, just in order to kill time until I get to go to sleep again. for instance: yesterday I watched FATHER FIGURES, an ed helms-owen Wilson road movie that I was not even slightly intrigued by. in it, helms and Wilson are twins on the hunt for the dad they’ve never known, and they basically plod through a series of dopey vignettes: what if he was a MOVIE STAR? what if he was a FAMOUS FOOTBALL PLAYER? et al, ad nauseam. you can imagine what it’s like. *I* could have imagined what it was like. …but actually, there’s this weird sequence like an hour into the movie where (spoiler alert I guess), at the end of a string of dovetailing red herrings, the twins believe they’ve finally traced their real dad to a Boston suburb. they arrive at the guy’s house, expecting to meet a legendary supercop, only to find out that they’re at his wake. to make matters worse, the house is filled with young Irish American thugs who seem to be constantly on the verge of orgiastic violence, and who are already in a dangerously elevated emotional state. meanwhile, in this context, ed helms discovers that the woman with whom he had a one night stand two scenes ago is actually his sister. his and Wilson’s true identities, in addition to this sexual horror, come tumbling into the light of day at this worst of all possible moments, and the dead man’s own identical twin brother has to lay bare the sordid details of their family history to straighten everything out. I was embarrassed to find myself totally riveted to this sequence, which was something like THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW or THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE: ordinary people are absorbed into a secret, separatist subculture that is ruled by its own perverse systems of honor, incest and violence. I thought, “wait a minute, is this movie GOOD now??” of course the answer was, no, absolutely not! but it had me going for a second there. …but my point is, now I’ve seen that, and I still haven’t seen one single Eric Rohmer movie. part of the reason is, I’m afraid they’ll annoy me. don’t I have any kind of consistent thought? don’t I ever do a single thing with purpose?

god, remember when I used to use the anhed-nia blog to work out all kinds of really intense personal problems? I guess I stopped because I started feeling weird about what I was doing with the format, like I felt bad for people who followed during blogtober and weren’t expecting that kind of thing, which is so stupid, I mean it’s my blog and barely anyone follows it for me to worry about anyway. also the mental illness got me. I started feeling like, “why am I even writing this down, like what’s the point, I’m basically just masturbating and being pretentious and I’m not even having any revelations or whatever.” that feeling persists in my whole life, like a lot of people with depression. the constant why-ness of everything. it can be really extreme, like, “ok, I put my left shoe on, but is that REALLY a compelling reason to put my right shoe on? I mean I could just as easily be doing NOTHING instead!” anyway, watch out world, I might start putting personal problems on anhed-nia again.

but uhhh none of that answers your question. I don’t know if I have a proper answer! like, some things come to mind that are not necessarily “tropes” but I do consider them modern problems:

SETTLING UP WITH REALITY: we have this really sad situation now where, in order for a horror story to be compelling, every single movie has to suddenly slam on its brakes and examine what’s going on with everybody’s cell phone. did it get lost? is it broken? poor connection? as soon as this starts happening, all I can think is, “I’m watching a movie. this is the part where the writer has to take a number of laborious, repetitive steps, the conclusion of which I already know for sure, in order to explain to me that whatever is about to happen in the movie could definitely really happen in real life, for real, because the convenience of cell phones could not have prevented it. the writer knows that I have heard of cell phones, and so now we have to make a dry, methodical accounting of the status of all of the cell phones in the movie. once this has been finalized, the actual story may proceed.” I hate this so much. whatever inherent horror there may be in the failure of our phones in times of peril is completely negated by my awareness of the writer’s felt obligation to go around disabling each and every cell phone right in front of me before we can even begin to address the point of his story. let me put it a little bit differently: when we have a home invasion movie in which the villains cut the phone lines, that evokes a horror that is native to this genre. the protagonist feels personally violated, imprisoned, completely separated from their fellow humans, separated even from the form of reality they enjoyed before their victimhood began. the very definition of “home”, as a place that is private, safe, comforting, and under one’s one sovereign rule, is painfully inverted. that is the point of that specific story, in which the telephone has defined semiotic and psychological significance. on the other hand, the problem of cell phones is completely generic. now, in every horror movie of every subgenre, no matter where the characters are or what they’re doing or what we suspect will become of them, nothing can even happen without this dutiful address of the phones. this is only happening because of an absolutely ludicrous obligation people feel for their fantasies to resemble their reality as closely as possible, which flies in the face of the whole idea of having metaphors that help us explore our emotional and spiritual conditions. PS if you’re the kind of person who can’t watch even a really great movie without holding everyone in it to the standard of your own personal pragmatism and logic, then maybe you should ask yourself why the fuck you even watch movies in the first place.

BICKERING AS DRAMA: this may not be a specifically modern problem, although I *feel* like I encounter it most in horror movies from the last two decades. in any horror story with an ensemble cast, an important source of danger is the dissolution of personal relationships. under the strain of their predicament, people who desperately need to trust and protect each other become volatile, angry, cowardly, irrational. fearing for their lives, they lose their ability to cooperate, or even to agree on one most-hopeful solution to their shared problem. in NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, the ongoing fight over whether to hide in the basement or the attic is agonizing, and helps to underline the preexisting, banal political tension between the main characters–in fact, the corrosive social forces of the 1960s are key to this film’s subtext–which now compounds the mortal threat posed by cannibalistic monsters. alternatively, you can have a movie like John carpenter’s THE THING that is mainly composed of protagonists in-fighting; in that case, the irresolvable conflicts strengthen the movie’s message, which is specifically about betrayal, alienation, and loneliness. what I see in a lot of movies now, instead of a focused, purposeful conflict like those, is a deteriorating situation of multiple characters incessantly bickering with each other over the details of their circumstances. no one is making a salient point, or contributing to our understanding of their conundrum, or revealing something particular about themselves. they’re just yelling and sniping and sulking and badgering each other about minutiae, or about the key problem in such broad strokes that their arguments cease to have any meaning. I actually think that this is a consequence of that same boneheaded obsession with realism of which I complained previously. I often feel like these protracted scenes of petty fighting about granular details are a way for the writer to paranoiacally defend themselves against persnickety viewers who complain about “stupid” characters who apparently fail to exercise heroic levels of sober judgment and practicality. these viewers, who are so happy to hurl accusations of “UGH HE SHOULDA JUST _____” at the screen, as if there is anything “just” simple and obvious about the story unfurling, are progressively ruining storytelling for everyone, necessitating these grueling character discussions about the potential consequences of every hair-splitting potentiality of every situation. 

EFFICIENCY AND ECONOMY, OR LACK THEREOF: …this is sort of a different kind of point that I want to make, so bear with me. as a (secret, amateur) writer myself, I am plagued by the neurotic urge to explain exactly the way things happen in as comprehensive a fashion as possible. like, I don’t know, if I were writing a story about how someone inherits an old house, I’d probably start stressing out ridiculously about the bureaucracy of how this property changed hands, what kinds of officials would have to be involved, how the new owner evaluates maintenance needs, and EXACTLY how long everything would take. i have an irrational fear of leaving things out, when I absolutely need to leave things out in order for the story to simply be about whatever it is about–which is NOT property transactions. it’s not even that I’m anxious about “realism” precisely–this could apply to a fantasy framework just as well–I just lose track of which details are actually important, and which details I should give the audience credit for intuiting (or not even needing to know). because of this, I try to really notice when a writer deliberately, elegantly leaves a big gap in the action, in order to stay faithful to the story’s spiritual identity. I wish I could think of a good example! but I at least have a good anti-example, which is: I rewatched TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION this year for TEXAS CHAIN SAW (sic) MASSACRE Day. that’s a really crazy fucking movie for a whole lot of different reasons, but one thing I noticed about it is, the DP shows EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS. this became absolutely hilarious to me pretty quickly. is somebody talking? point the camera at them! is somebody reacting facially to the person talking? point the camera at THEM! did someone just walk in the door? now point the camera RIGHT AT THEM, and make sure you get the door in the shot and show the whole thing until the door closes and something else happens! it’s so crazy and nervous. there’s a scene where leatherface has to put a character into a cooler where there’s already another character trapped, so he has to pick up the big hunk of machinery that he used to hold the door closed, and then find a place to put that thing down, and then put the character in the cooler, and then turn around and pick up the thing off the place where he put it down, and then turn around and put the thing back on the thing again, and they show ALL OF IT. it really cracks me up, it’s so unnecessary. I mean, the scene is already in chaos, you just have to show a bunch of motion with the piece of machinery coming in and out of frame, but instead you get this like anal retentive breakdown of exactly what happens to every object in the scene. anyway, I try to notice when I’m feeling compelled to do that kind of insane accounting of everything that happens, and I also try to notice when someone else is really good at NOT doing that!

anyway, thanks a lot for the question! it’s really good for me to get a prompt like that. blogtober is coming after all, and I need to Get Amped. this fall I have horticulture classes at the local botanic garden three nights a week, so it’s going to be tough! if you (y’all) have any movies I haven’t reviewed that you’d like me to talk about, I would be very open to hearing about it, I often get stuck. also feel free to follow me on letterboxd to help pressure me into continuing to use it. https://letterboxd.com/donnerpartyof1/

[dr-drckken]

TOBIAS, LIPSKY

T: How quick are they to cry? oooo uuuhh, hmmm...probably like average. as toby is in everything! like he'll try to hold it in when in public but if it's a SAD situation he'll be teary and sniffy. if he's alone he's easier to let it go. you know, just average, just some guy behavior.

O: How much have they changed in the past five years? not that much! if any at all! he's still a little nosy bitch willing to risk it for the biscuit! if anything he has probably gotten worse, thinking that his little stories need to be BIGGER and BETTER and JUICER than all the rest!!

B: Who is the last person they shared a bed with? probably like his sister when they were little. i know, not thrilling at all but that's his life. can i say thistle the cat. does thistle the cat like to torment him like that, i feel like he would.

I: In general, are they organized or messy?  organized!! he's not an A type person but he's got his ducks in a row. like he folds his clothes and they all are neatly in their drawers and he likes to clean. everything has a file spot in his computer, all his USB's have different uses. but he won't go mental if things aren't a certain way.

S: How do they tell someone they’re sorry?  he doesn't because he's never sorry <333 KIDDING ! no, he grovels down on his knees and kisses their feet and begs for forgiveness. buys them gifts! does their chores! cooks them food! would do ANYTHING for them to forgive him!

drakken is coming for you people

L: How often do they post on their social media accounts?  this is my own personal headcanon that doesn't matter but i imagine drakken made accounts across all platforms for his brand and then just doesn't know how to publish stuff. so on twitter i imagine he posts a lot but just saves them to drafts or whatever THINKING he's posting, but is not. same for insta and youtube and stuff. the only social media he DOES know what he's doing on and posts regularly is his blog <3 and on the back alley villain scientist forums that he gets into heated arguments about. also letterboxd and yelp reviews, he posts on them everytime he sees a movie or visits an establishment.

I: In general, are they organized or messy?  eeehhhhhh, i think he's an organized mess. that's a good description. like when he's doing his little projects he writes everything down and keeps his station clean and tidies up at the end. he also cant STAND a dirty work space, so he does clean and do dishes and laundry otherwise he cant function. but he's kind of a mess when he's cleaning, he'll start a task and get distracted and do another task and blahblahblah, but it all gets done in the end.

P: What are their thoughts on going vegan? Could they do it? he doesn't care. i'm sorry, he would never put brain power into that whole argument until he is in charge of the world. and no he could never go vegan.

S: How do they tell someone they’re sorry?  as we saw in that vixxen thread, grand gestures! go big or go home!! but that is a very RARE occurrence since he doesn't apologize for shit since he thinks he is always right.

K: What’s their Youtube suggestions look like?  lots of DIY videos and sciencetube with a sprinkling of reality tv show clips that he watches when he is sad

Y: What movie could they watch over and over again?  any of the Ocean's movies or logan lucky because who doesn't love a heist gone right. also the sound of music because he is actually a big show tunes guy and that is THEE musical. or singing in the rain.

[mattbrothersscriptwriter]

My Top 20 Films of 2017 - Part Two

Ok, so about ten minutes ago I finished watching my last 2017 film of the year. For my FULL list - all 127 films watched in order of preference - jump on over to my Letterboxd page: https://letterboxd.com/matt_bro/list/films-of-the-year-2017/

Alright, top 10:

10. Logan

In a time when a lot of people still bemoan the existence of so many comic book movies (occasionally, with a point) this has been a stellar year for them. Marvel’s triple whammy of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, Spiderman Homecoming and Thor Ragnarok were all excellent, heartfelt, fun knockouts and Wonder Woman was a terrific showcase for both Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins (not to mention hugely important in its own right). Only Justice League really fell back on old tired habits and resulted in a bizarre mashup of tone and purpose and featured the single most damning piece of CGI buffoonery ever conceived in Henry Cavill’s ‘we’ll fix it in post’ deleted moustache. That really is one for the ages.

But I could never have foreseen the power and beauty of something like Logan, a near-perfect capper to a spinoff trilogy that began with the God-awful Wolverine Origins. It’s strengths come from it’s convictions – this isn’t an episodic story servicing a franchise, this is a true stand alone character piece, focusing on the rarest of things – an actual ending to a beloved, previously untouchable, immortal superhero. Played out as a tragic western with claws, the film beautifully champions the importance of family and love, seen (at last) through the eyes of those that never dreamed they would experience it, let alone fight for it. With some fantastic action set pieces to boot too, this one really has its cake and its eat and is also a real sight to behold – I saw it for a second time in it’s gorgeous black and white ‘Logan Noir’ cut and every frame is a revelation. Huge props to Patrick Stewart too, delivering a devastating performance of a character is has also lived with for the past SEVENTEEN years.

9. Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool

This film is a heartbreaker. My God. Definitely the most surprising cinema-going experience I had this year. I went with a friend of mine and by the time the credits were rolling, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house – best encapsulated by a burly scouser sat behind us who was openly saying “Fuck me, didn’t expect that for a Sunday afternoon. Jesus! How bloody brilliant was that!? Got any tissues?’.

Focusing on the later years of Hollywood starlet Gloria Grahame (Annette Bening on Oscar sweeping form), it finds her semi-washed up and treading the boards in London where she meets and falls for Peter Gallagher (Jamie Bell – never better than this) another actor, half her age. The tenderness and straight forwardness of their pairing is so refreshing, never making an issue or point about the older woman/younger man dynamic unless directly challenged by other characters (including Gloria’s bratty sister Joy) or themselves. The most effective emotional beats of this film aren’t signposted and drawn out for Oscar clip schmaltzyness but instead hit you in a sudden burst of passionate regret; hurtful words said in anger or defence – truly proving that the most harmful things you can say to someone you love are all too easy to let slip out before you’ve had a chance to think about what you’re saying. But the damage is done.

The film-making here is exceptional too. What could have been a rather dry biopic is given such momentum through brilliantly executed scene transitions and a flashback-enhanced narrative that keeps us embroiled in the present day scenes of Gloria succumbing to cancer whilst we watch their initial courtships and brutal arguments from the months and years leading up to it. The supporting cast that includes Julie Walters, back as Bell’s mother and Stephen Graham as his brother are brilliant but this is Bening/Bell’s movie and they knock it out of the park.

8. Baby Driver

My big birthday blowout screening of the year, following last year’s Aliens 30th anniversary showing, Baby Driver did not let me down. All the usual energy, narrative foreshadowing and tightly controlled construction you’ve come to expect from an Edgar Wright flick blown out onto a much bigger and more confident scale. The genius pairing of getaway driver crime heist flick and vehicular musical allows for some hugely inventive set pieces, from the opening police chase set to Bellbottoms by the John Spencer Blues Explosion to the car-on-car parking lot duel with Queen’s Brighton Rock echoing through the tunnels.

Ansel Elgort delivers a breakout turn and everyone from Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx and Kevin somebody-or-other are having a ball playing bad. The romance with waitress Lily James initially feels a little under cooked but it all plays into the escapist fairytale of the action and seeing them dance together in a laundromat whilst sharing headphones is one of this year’s purest joys.

7. Get Out

Where It soaked up much of the straight spooky horror acclaim this year, Get Out walked a much more tantalising and complex line between thriller, social drama, satire, comedy and horror – and pulled it all off effortlessly. Jordan Peele has long had grand cinematic aspirations as evidenced in some of the larger scale sketches in his fantastic show Key and Peele but this clearly represents everything he wanted to say and do in a debut feature. I think the odds of so perfectly nailing your voice and intentions in your very first film is astronomical but damn, he must be proud, not only of the film itself but the cultural reach, impact and resonance it has had with audiences.

Daniel Kaluuya is excellent as the everyman battling his own (rational) fears and paranoia before his instincts slowly become the domineering voice in the back of his head. Trust in oneself is the saving grace here and it’s great to see an array of other ‘traditional’ characters for this genre twist the knife and reveal their true colours. The “Rose, where are my keys” turning point is perhaps the tightest I’ve gripped the arm of my chair all year. And the eventual climax is one of the best examples of subverting expected genre tropes. Brilliant.

6. Raw

Speaking of confident debuts, Julia Ducournau’s is equally astounding. Not for the faint hearted, this queasy, cannibalistic coming of age tale is a near perfect slice of fucked up fever dream. It follows a young vegetarian attending veterinary college who is forced to eat rabbit meat in a sick hazing ritual – one that her fellow student and older sister has clearly already experienced. Slowly but surely, a triggering of her animalistic appetite grows, coinciding both with her own first steps into a sexual awakening as well as a growing sense of unease that something isn’t right in her family to begin with. 

The plot takes some nutty turns, not least in the last few minutes, but everything works; from the gorgeous imagery to the tonal juggling to the assured performances. This would make an excellent entry in an ‘arthouse does horror subgenre’ triple bill, doing for cannibals what A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night does for vampires and The Witch does for... witches.

5. Jackie

This is a breathtaking biopic - interested less in the broad strokes of history and what we think we know about the aftermath of one of the most infamous events of the 20th century and more in the nuanced, private, personal moments of grief in the public eye. Natalie Portman is astounding as Jackie Kennedy, nailing everything from the look to the voice to the affectations, and its the dreamlike, woozy way that the film unfolds that really draws you in and positions you in the eye of a hurricane. The JFK assassination was a monumental cultural milestone but this story asks you to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who was unavoidably trapped at ground zero - and largely all alone with her memories and emotions, despite the surrounding pressures of aides, the press and the American people.

This is supremely confident filmmaking, incredibly affecting and features another stand out score from Mica Under the Skin Levi.

4. 20th Century Women

The second film on my list for both Annette Bening and Greta Gerwig, this is a wonderful story about the strengths and flaws found in both the family we’re given and the family we choose. With an anecdotal, episodic structure, it is less focused on plot and more on the individual moments that the characters in our lives provide us with; how they affect our own life story and evoke memories of a certain time and place. 

It’s highly emotional, with touching asides and rambling voiceovers telling us numerous stories whilst keeping a sense of an anchor through the relationship between Jamie (Lucas Jade Zumann) and his mother Dorothea (Bening). The supporting cast is uniformly great, from Elle Fanning as the girl next door to Billy Crudup as a lonely tenant/handyman, this one really hit me hard. The late 70s period details, along with the soundtrack, and the sun bleached cinematography recalls the joy of discovering yourself through questionable music, bad decisions and rebellious behaviour. Check it out.

3. A Ghost Story

I doubt any other film this year left quite a long lasting impression as this one did. I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards and became rather obsessed with pretty much everything it accomplishes. It’s a fairly straight forward tale of a couple (Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara) whose relationship begins to feel the strain as they quietly realise they might want different things in life. We’re not privy to many more details, positioned as a voyeur which will continue as things unfold but before long, Affleck is killed in a simple car accident outside his home and seemingly rises from death to haunt his old home, dressed entirely in the hospital bed sheet his corpse was covered in. It’s a genius depiction of the traditional ghost - simultaneously off-putting, amusing, whimsical and ridiculous - and it’s also rooted in logic too. As the ghost continues to watch his Mara grieve for him (mesmerisingly encapsulated in an unbroken take of a depressed Mara eating an entire pie that her neighbour brought round), he (and us) slowly begin to notice time... breaking.

The way the passing of time is visualised here is beautifully simple - rather than the long slow fades that normally indicate transitions, here it is as sudden as the ghost turning around to look over his shoulder, through a series of hard cuts or sometimes, no cuts at all. That feeling of time literally slipping away is brutal and the ghost can do nothing but wander about, seemingly helpless to how fast things change. One moment, Mara packs up and leaves, the next a new family of three have apparently been living there for months. Ultimately, the film becomes a meditation on the importance we embue in places, not so much people. The house is the anchor - the core - of what the ghost latches on to and if you’ve ever had the feeling of wondering who lived in your home before you and who will be there after you’ve gone, this film will dig deep into your mind.

I found this to be a brilliantly low-fi way to tell a huge thematic story and the use of music throughout - including one central track in particular - only adds to it. If you can get past the pie-eating without thinking ‘da hell is this’, you’re in for a treat.

2. Dunkirk

I’m almost scared to put this so high. I’ve no doubt in my mind that it’s a five star film and it’s certainly the most visceral, immediate cinema going experience I’ve perhaps ever had (I caught it at the BFI IMAX, opening night, at a late showing and it truly does fill your entire periphery vision) but a part of me wonders if it will hold up on second viewing - i.e. if seeing it anywhere other than the IMAX will diminish it. Well, I’m sure it won’t be the same but I’m also convinced it won’t matter either because this is clockwork precision film making of the highest order; an exercise in narrative structure as well as simply being the most accurate representation of the event in question as there possibly could be.

Some people have complained that this film does a disservice to its characters but I disagree. The power of this story is that it’s the tale of the everyman - how all of these people, no matter the extent of their involvement or the merits of their bravery, became heroes. I don’t need to see the ‘movie’ version of this - where characters chat about their backstories or show photos of loved ones or do every other cliche around. I KNOW all that is going on within the frame but I don’t need to see it. What we’re seeing is the immediacy of these events, which heightens the terror and the hopelessness felt by everyone on that beach or in those boats or in those planes. The land/sea/sky split is impeccably done and the devotion to practical battle scenes is stunning. The aerial dogfights - in full IMAX - practically made me feel like I was strapped to a wing. But even looking past the spectacle, the performances DO bring out the heart of the characters we’re presented with. From Cillian Murphy’s PTSD riddled soldier to the steely determination of Mark Rylance to the rather genius casting of Harry Styles - the exact kind of kid who would have been swept up in this war - everyone is all in and they all blew me away. Especially Tom Hardy, in perhaps his most restricted role yet (it’s like Bane meets Locke), who garners the biggest cheers.

And Hans Zimmer’s epic score can make me sweat just thinking about it. A perfect compliment to the tightening framework and increasing stakes of the action.

1. La La Land

Where do I even begin with this? Full spoilers ahead, I couldn’t help myself.

Clearly, this isn’t a film for everyone. And I get that. Some people think it’s fine but kinda hate musicals. Others get frustrated with the character’s choices. Others would have preferred it to actually remain a musical throughout. I understand all of these criticisms but for me, it does perfectly what it sets out to do. 

First of all, I personally love the musical numbers - from the jaw dropping opening of Another Day of Sun to the kinetic, glamourous rush of Someone in the Crowd to the heartfelt yearning of City of Stars. I think they’re great tunes, wonderfully performed and exceptionally shot. I think of the long one-shot takes of the first, the swimming pool splashdown of the second and the little smack on the shoulder of the third. They’re rooted in feeling, in character and in the tradition of Hollywood. They wear their influences on their sleeve but never feel like a parody. And to me, the sudden shift away from being a flat out musical at the end of the first act is not a misstep but entirely organic - this is the rare love story that has its head in the clouds (romantic dating montages, dreamlike dancing through the stars) as well as being brutally honest about what we want, how we get them and the sacrifices these things cost. 

The movie starts out as this fantastical anti-meet-cute before morphing into a romantic fable full of wonderment but the moment the characters get together, it switches gears and becomes more grounded in reality. The music largely stops and the real world catches up. Arguments are had, compromises are made, promises are broken. This is the harsh truth of getting what you want at the cost of losing what you’ve perhaps always wanted. The tension between Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) and Mia (Emma Stone) becomes uncomfortable - he’s lying to himself about doing what he must to achieve his real dream, even despite Mia’s support and she is battling her own demons in chasing hers. It’s only when the film brings them to their lowest points does it slowly turn back into being something more magical. Sebastian returns to Mia with the news of a new audition, which results in the most raw song/anecdote of the film ‘Audition (The Fools Who Dream), and just as we’re swept into the happy ending we were promised from decades of these movies, the pair realise they have to do their own thing. “We’ll just have to wait and see”...

The film’s extended epilogue is where it really doubles down on this idea. As we’re treated to a return of the ‘full blown musical’, we see the true Hollywood version of this entire story, played out in dreamlike fast forward. Sebastian leaping off his piano to kiss Mia the second he meets her, the villainous J.K. Simmons snapping his fingers and stepping aside, Sebastian giving a standing ovation at Mia’s one woman show that he missed entirely before, the two of them travelling to Paris and crafting a life together that Mia actually did alone. On the surface, it’s a joyous, colourful, happy finale but the final curtain reminds you that it’s all been... a daydream. The road not travelled. So while the film ends with them both achieving their own desires, they’ve lost one another. This is the all-too-often-true cost of creative pursuit and fulfilment and it’s so rare to see it held aloft in the final reel of an Oscar winning movie that appears to be the exact opposite on the surface. 

It’s daring, brave and imaginative and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I’m too soppy and maybe I’ve just ruined the entire plot for you (I definitely have) but I just couldn’t see anything topping this the moment I saw it. And I guess I was right. Damien Chazelle is a wizard and I can’t wait to see what comes next. 

[thesffcorner]

Marauders

Marauders is a 2016 crime-drama directed by Steven C Miller. Now, before I say anything else, this is NOT a review. I don’t feel comfortable enough to give this film a review, because I watched it at, no joke, a pub, with no sound, only subtitles.

I still watched the film, but I also missed like a good 30% of it, by virtue of being at a pub, so though I don’t think I would like it any better, had I seen the full thing, I still urge you to not take this as me telling you (not) to see this film. This is just me, talking shit for 2 pages, because what I saw of this film was WILD.

Now, I say that but really, this film is a rather generic action movie. What makes it wild is both my experience of watching it, where every time I would look at the TV some baffling new development would happen, but also the leaps in logic this film makes are… just pure confusion.

So, the plot (as far as I could proximate) goes as such: Four guys, who all look wear bargain-brand Halloween costumes of Crossbones from Civil War, rob a bank and kill the manager. An FBI agent, played by Detective Stabler from Law and Order: SVU (whose name is apparently Montgomery) gets put on the case. Before he can even get coffee there is a second robbery where the leader of the Crossbones team, stabs a man in the throat with a bullet(??) and the robbers get away.

The bullet has something to do with TJ, an army ranger who supposedly died but his body was never found. He was part of a rogue unit that kidnapped the former owner of the bank they robbed, and his entire unit was killed by a navy seal team. The guy who got stabbed with the bullet, was the commander of said navy seal unit.

We then get a truly bewildering scene, where the leader of the Crossbones team SKYPES Agent Montgomery, to tell him that they sent him files that Senator Cook (who is played by Bruce Willis) is gay, and that’s somehow evidence that he’s corrupt??? And then Montgomery is overly nice and accommodating to a man who just murdered a CIVILIAN, and a veteran in an ARMED ROBBERY, saying that the files the robbers sent won’t be enough to get the FBI to investigate Cook. Like, my dude, maybe they are busy trying to catch the ARMED THIEVES who have been robbing banks?? Also was the whole bit about Montgomery telling Crossbones that it’s none of his business that Cook is gay supposed to show that he’s an upstanding man? Otherwise, how is his sexuality relevant to his supposed corruption?

Montgomery then goes to talk to Cook and is unnecessarily aggressive with him, even though at this point he has no evidence that Cook even did anything, outside of possibly being gay and not appreciating that Montgomery is baselessly accusing him of things that the fucking ARMED ROBBERS told him. Side note, I realize I am like 12 for finding this funny, but anytime two men in an action movie try to intimidate each other with lines like “you’ll give me what I want or else I’m going to put you against a wall and take it” I just lose it because WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? Is that supposed to sound threatening?

At this point I missed a lot of the film, so I assumed that the robbers attacked Cook’s offices, but no; there is a third robbery in which there is a lot of shooting and SEVERAL security guards die, including one of the robbers (RIP nameless Crossbones impersonator). The FBI is super close to getting the robbers to surrender, when Montgomery bursts in, guns’a blazing, like a fucking cowboy movie, shoots the one guy, takes the second robber as a hostage at gunpoint, and has a standoff with the third robber who takes a woman hostage. And then he FUCKING LETS THE ROBBERS go WITH THE MONEY! What? And Dave Bautista, who does absolutely nothing in this film (except get shot at the end) tells him he saved lives??? WHERE?

This is where I gave up on the film, so the rest is a blur except for the following baffling scene, where Montgomery talks to special agent Wells. Now, Wells has been in the film from the start, and at first I thought he was the main character. He tells Montgomery that he thinks Montgomery is conducting the mission morally and really well (??) by focusing on Hubert and Cook’s corruption instead of the robbers, which, in case it wasn't clear by now, by how the film has awkwardly refused to show us who the robbers are, even makes MONTGOMERY pause and be like huh? So Wells, not a good liar.

Somewhere at this point we get some more explanation of what actually happened. Hubert conspired with Cook to kill his own brother so he could inherit the bank, and Cook staged a terrorist threat and sent in TJ’s unit to Costa Rica. They killed the brother and then got killed as a ‘rogue’ unit by the navy seals. One of the seals was Wells, who was a sniper and he saved TJ. He is now trying to take down both Hubert and Cook. TJ, I should add is barely in the film, and even though he got arrested, I never actually saw him on screen.

The third remaining robber is also a special agent, and his name is Mims. His wife has terminal cancer and he wants to give the money back so he can atone, but Wells won’t let him and ends up killing him. So are we supposed to be rooting for Wells? Because so far he has been an outright murderer, a homophobe, and the only good thing he’s done has been to donate the money, which is like trying to compensate for dumping toxic waste in the ocean by using a metal straw.

Montgomery and Wells have another heart to heart where they essentially just gush again about how good and moral the other one is, and yet again Montgomery lets Wells go, and even tells him not to go after Cook, because he can still use the money to start a new life and atone for what he did as a navy seal. Maybe I missed it, but I just didn’t understand WHY Montgomery was so kind to Wells, at all. This man is a killer!

The last scene is Montgomery sitting down to have wine with Cook (who has escaped in Mexico) and Wells coming to kill him. He and Montgomery have a staring match, Wells puts his gun down, Montgomery kills Cook, Wells kills his bodyguard and then fucking walks away. The end.

My brain has lost the ability to form sentences. First off, this plot is more convoluted then my own first draft of book 1 of a trilogy I wrote when I was 13. There are so many characters and plot points in this film, and all of them are complete dead ends. The main theme is, I think, supposed to be corruption, but nothing that happens has anything to do with corruption! Hubert and Cook pulled a hostile takeover, and used the military as cover, but they didn’t embezzle tax money or something. We never focus on any of the shady dealings Cook has, at most we get is lukewarm commentary on the people who enlist in the army because of poverty, but the film isn’t about that.

The second big issue are the characters. I can understand Montgomery being the lead; he is the every-man, investigating a conspiracy. But why is Cook the final boss when he wasn’t even the one who planned the hit? Why is Wells the leader of the robbers and not TJ, you know the guy who was left for dead, who was framed as an assassin and whose entire unit was killed?

I actually liked Montgomery but that’s because I think it’s impossible to dislike Chris Meloni, he’s just such a calming presence. There was some stuff about his wife being dead (I didn’t really pay attention to that part), but at no point did I understand why he was so sympathetic to the robbers, especially Wells? He willingly committed murder to save Wells, but why? Wells wasn’t a good man, and he should have been punished for the amount of people he killed in this film, regardless of the intentions he had. This isn’t John Wick, he wasn’t the best of all the assassins, he was a guy who got in too deep and got away with it, because the FBI agent after him was… moral.

Two more things. I realize it’s kind of gauche to complain about casting choices, but everyone in this film looked the same. Not only was the cast 99% white, all the actors looked alike, and I couldn’t distinguish any of the robbers or the people who died. Even their names all sounded similar!

Also apparently women don’t exist in this world, except for one FBI agent and one other one who I think was a singer and either someone’s wife or girlfriend.

Would I ever watch this again, fully this time? Maybe, if I have literally nothing else to do. Should you watch it? Honestly, I think Money Monster, Den of Thieves or Triple 9 are all better choices, and at least are ACTUALLY about corruption.

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