#theres also a lot of shit going on with my family
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matrophobia
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#masumi arakawa#masato arakawa#snap sketches#oh my god im going to pass out but my tag ramble is necessary. like especially this time#i was just gonna draw his Actual mom but then i wanted to get saucy with it. also i miss drawing wolves but theres a purpose i promise#ive loved wolves since i was a kid since theyre like. family-oriented and shit. of course a lonely loser ass kid gonna think thats cool#when i think of wolves i think of family- which is what you should think of with your mom right#but a lot of people know wolves are monsters so. ysee where im goin with this one#the flowers and thorns arent Just Random i Double Promise: i snagged inspo from her flower shirt#i originally had the roses be purple to highlight that buuut i didnt want any more color aside from red#did i have anymore notes..... i dont think so. thats all i had to explain :) this is mid ik i just needed it done tho im TIRED#OH HER MULTIPLE EYES its supposed to be inspired by her necklace :) the third eye has a purpose im too tired to explain rn tho#the jo alternative was more depressing since i wanted to put emphasis on his feelings of inadequacy in that#BUT i figured hey. let me have a /lil/ happiness today right. i can do that at least let me draw that at least#ignore the fact i got more bad news while drawing this and almost abandoned it as a result but we push through :)#in any case. im subjecting arakawa to more horrors tomorrow i guess sorry king youve had it good too long. i GUESS#to round this off. Obligatory Vent Portion because myyyyy GOD. i have nightmares about my mom every night#its been that way since like. february- ive always had nightmares bout her but theyve ramped up since The Event#and for the most part i just wake up tired and despondent but sometimes the nightmares just make me wake up gasping for air#like i was TRULY just fighting for my life then and itd been a while since i had a nightmare like that#and just. coupled with how trash my months been. and now that im comm free.(dm me;) ) i figured id express the soul a bit#alright NOW im done. im pretty sure. goodnight everyone come back for part ii of. whatever this was#IM ALL OUT OF TAGS NOW LMAO THATS EPIC ok bye fr
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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#yippee look at that its wander:33#i do not draw my boy enough#anyways ive been thinking a lot about how i wish there was someplace nearby to watch the sunset#specifically that also doesnt have a bunch of people because the entire point is to not do that#cause i like being outside but theres just nowhere to go where im not constantly surrounded by other people#and the entire point of going outside for me is to not worry about people for a little while#it is shockingly hard to be alone ever#because “other people” live in this house because “theyre my family”#and the odds of everybody going someplace but me are so very low#ugh god i hate that the only two things i want are to move out and move on and also to never have to leave#why does everything have to be some stupid fucking moral dilemma man i just wanna worry about dumb shit for once#ugh anyways yay drawing#i havent decided if i hate the background yet so we'll see#and enjoy my epic musical selection that i doubt anyone ever actually listens to but theyre still fun to add#art#drawing#digital art#furry#sfw furry#sfw furry art#furry art#digital drawing#oc#oc art#oc artwork#oc drawing#Spotify
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Chapter 9
<previous -begining- next>
Español en alt
We're so back baby!! (Doesn't continue it for another month or so)
#fnafhs#fhs#:*3#golden fnafhs#bon fnafhs#freddy fnafhs#chica fnafhs#fox fnafhs#bonnie fnafhs#golden/julian stuff#theres a reasonable explanation of why i suddenly stopped w these (not that i made them that often)#got a bit of burnout and a little depression going on lol. along w a shit ton of things happening in my life.#i think i got better by mid October but i didn't have enough time to do fuck all. my family moved out. lots of stuff in school also. crazy#not that anyone really cares lol. i also kinda found out this drawing style that doesn't feel so tiring to do (≧▽≦) yay!.
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ib awoke. violet bpd essay done. i dunno how i wrot 30k wods in 3 day.
(if you are interested in the essay, wanted to do a deconstruction of violet since the fandom has a bad habit with how it judges her. comes from a lot of stigma, and even though violet's not diagnosed, she's textbook bpd. lol. so. i go into it. talk about her and the schoolkids, especially minnie and brody, some louis and aj, and of course clementine. so ye. anyway. imma actually write my fics now.)
ebby way i lub violet. i lub clementine. and i lub lub louis and violet frendship.
#volt's shit#twdg#the walking dead game#twdg violet#twdg clementine#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg aj#twdg brody#violentine#twdg essay#or well an update or something#IT IS LONG#because i also go into bpd and a lot of its concepts and the like with my own experience#because theres family history and then myself lol#but#i just wanted to talk about a really neato character and a really stigmatized disorder and how it became a clustterfuck for the fandom#cuz like shes demonized a lot#not necessarily on tumblr as opposed to other spaces on the internet but im not on those spaces so they can hush
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Ough
#vent post#why can i not. look tbe way i wwnt#starts violently biting adn tearing at the fabrics arounf me#what the.freak!!!#ehy does everything always hurtall the time#tweaking out#gang the demons are getting my ass again#if i suddenly dropped dead that would fix me i think#i feel like such a fucking bitch for being unhappy with my weight because like. idk. is it fatphobic?? ive heard it be called that before#and also other ppl who have similar weights to mine are happy so. why should i not be#i giggle and i laugh and i joke but why am i actuayly like this browgat the freak#alsow hy am i soo fucked in the head#im like “teehee i just got silly as i grew!” HELL NAH. i was a lil fucked in the head as a KID😭😭😭😭😭#i remember going to bed one night and my mom was gonna read a chapter of a book to me and i specifically chose the torture chapter and it#caused a huge argument in the family#and i also drew SO MUCH GORE in elementary school#like girl😭🙏you have never been exposed to this. what is up with u#there are also a bunch of other instances but my vent art back then was also wild. as in more gore#now its just weirdly abstract with bright colors and a lota eyes#lots. lots of eyes.#whwre was i going with this#idk i hate my head. my little fucked up little brain#the way i think is crazy because emotions are usually depicted as scenes or images or feelings(its different than emotion trust)#and theres still blood. theres so much gory shit in my head. like girl get out of there!!! thats not where u belong!!!!!!#and then also the daydreams#ougghh the daydreams....#i hate the daydreams i wabt them to stop so bad but i physically cannot and also they r one of my few sources of comfort ESPECIALLY in#situations i cant get out of or distract myself in any other way#and sometimes its fine but also sometimes they fucking suck and its scary because im not here im THERE and so much shit happens there#lore drop
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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i feel kinda crazy bc whenever i was a teenager i created this sorta imaginary older big sister who had moved out of the house so in my head i could live w her whenever i wanted bc she had survived it all and was independent and she would also just comfort me in a big sisterly way whenever something bad or upsetting happened and recently ive been going back to that at my big age 😭 and its kinda sad and also just wish fulfillment and also kinda scary bc i really used to think that by my age i'd have everything sorted but i really don't and i know that's normal and nobodies twenties are perfect but some people also have good relationships w their fathers which is crazy just to think about sooo
#is this readable? i hope not ❤️#i typed up some of my feelings about this in a word doc and just realised like damn i basically have an imaginary friend as an adult#i really am crazy lol#i just feel lonely within my family atm. bc my brother is younger than me so he could never really do anything to help#and i feel like i cant really trust my mam the same anymore..even tho i still love her a lot#and i'm trying to improve my relationship w my dad bc im realising what a hard life he had and that he's not like an irredeemable Bad Perso#and sometimes he'll look at me a certain way or apologise for something small that he would never have apologised for a couple of years ago#and i feel like im going crazy like is he becoming a better person or..? and i feel bad bc im not really doing the same#or maybe i am. sometimes i think im unfair to him considering how he is now but i also cant really reconcile what he is now w/ how he#was then. and then he'll suddenly say something to me in a certain tone of voice or with a certain sharpness and i'll go back to how a felt#as a teenager :/ i rlly dont know what to do about it but i think its because i dont really have anyone to talk to about it#i mean i sort of do. but i also dont actually know how much of it actually happened and how much of it i just made up#but having worked w teenagers yeah they can be little shits but i also cant imagine treating any of them the way my dad treated me#just bc theyre annoying or have an attitude or are a little mean or whatever#like theres actually a lot of ppl i could talk to but also how do you even bring something like this up#how do i say 'oh and i invented an older sister as a coping mechanism and sometimes i still talk to her in my head' without sounding crazy#its 2am here i need to go to bed i have work in the morning 😭 day and night and next day ruined bc my dad spoke to me slightly funny
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happy bday to me! 🎂🥳🎉
for this very special day i wanted to list and compare the presents and interactions i got in the mobile games ive been playing consistently lmao
under cut cause the pics are big
Time Princess
A letter with 10 golden tickets, 100 stamina, and 10000 coins
Obey Me! Nightbringer
1 UR+, UR, and SSR Joker each
3 Demon Vouchers
30 Karma Points
200 AP
30000 Grim
50 Devil Points
Along with a bday video, birthday calls from the characters throughout the day and a UR guarantee for a 10 pull
There's half-off on Devil Tree unlocks
There's also special birthday dialogue in the Surprise Guests:
-- the first Surprise Guest I did gave me 30 more Devil Points
-- and you can press anywhere on the boys and get max hearts :]
What in HELL is Bad
They haven't implemented bday stuff yet so nothing (´。＿。｀)
Twisted Wonderland
A Happy Birthday from the character you have set as your favorite card and a Tenfold Key Set (for rolls)
and last but not least.....*drum roll* 🥁🥁🥁
Love and Deepsace!
Special Happy Birthdays from each guy which include them singing happy birthday to you :3
Birthday Dialogue on the home screen
Presents from each one (items you can use to decorate their desks)
500 Diamonds
5 Empyrean Wishes
1 Bottle of Wishes: SSR
1 Energy Capsule: Powerful
And 2 birthday stickers
#so whb is technically in last place but since its a newer game ill let it pass this year#so time princess is next in line for last place#its a fine gift but since they dont have any characters saying happy birthday it doesnt do much for me#nightbringer kinda surprised me!#i was expecting a call and some devil points#but this is a lot more then i expected :3c#also i go crazy for free UR+ Jokers#i was thinking of adding regular obey me but decided to skip it since i only really just log in for dailies for the most part#(and i dont even do that everyday if im not feeling it)#also theyre practically the same minus the calls (but i have the old ones that i havent listened to yet still)#twst was cute nothing too crazy#(thank you for ur presence lilia)#i liked love and deepspaces happy bdays from the characters a lot because they sang lmao 😭#also i feel very special from them saying all this nice stuff about hoping that i get what i want and that i stay healthy and stuff dwsiiws#it feels like obey me has more in character interactions BUT when i think it about it more#deepspace has the models actually hand you gifts#also the moment you have with the characters feels more personal#but tbf theres more obey me characters and you do get those calls throughout the whole day! (also they give more stuff imo)#so i cant really pick which one i liked more :d#dutp#obey me nightbringer#twisted wonderland#love and deepspace#im now 26....#oh jeez#long post#still doing the same shit i was doing in middle school uashusha (i mean playing dating games)#my personality has refined over the years tho#anyways im gonna celebrate tomorrow with my family :]#this is the end of my post tho ill probably post about the asmo phone call later
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Working more on the local group of Synchronized Light and hoo boy. There's smth wrong with these guys.
#rat rambles#oc posting#rain posting#theyre mostly a different flavor of messed up than my other guys as theyre all like family drama messed up#these guys are not family except for the obvious two they're just all either the worst or going thru it#oh also the girlfired of my ancient girl is a part of the group and they have a name now theyre twisted orbit 👍#orbit has gotten the pleasure of not just having an upsetting backstory but also an upsetting present due to one of her neighbors#and funnily enough its not synchronized light she basically never interacts with those two#instead its the circles second most fucked up lil guy named putity preserved#he is an absolute ass and has been absolutely obsessed with the idea of being the one to find the tripple affirmative for ages#back when the ancients were around he managed to convince his city's council to allow him to experiment on prisioners and after the mass#ascension he has continued to experiment on the various lifeforms he can get his hands on#for most of the time before the mass ascension orbit wasnt particularly invested in solving the great problem so he didn't pay her much#mind but after a certain incident where she broke down and had her memoried shifted through and selectively romoved he started to pay more#attention to her even though for the first while up until the mass ascension she mostly just seemed hollow#eventually after the mass ascension they seemingly suddenly gained an immense interest in solving the great problem#and that was when purity reached out offering to work with them on the project#at first orbit was unwilling but after the sliver incident they seemed a lot more willing to hear him out#which was perfect news for him because the sliver invident made him Furious and he was desperate for a way to revise history#and thankfully orbit's motivation for solving the great problem was exactly what he had been hoping for.#then theres the other two members of the local group endless grains of sand and deep coated mist who are the old ladies of the group#and theyre like old old they were some of the first iterators constructed and it shows#mist especially as her structure is both much larger than a modern iterator and also way less efficient and with much higher steam output#the quirk of this local group is that they all sorta use the same water that's rotated through them all#sand being located by the ocean and mist being located far away on the peak of a huge mountain being the connecting points of the loop#sand fiters a bunch of the water and sends the excess upwards towards a variety of water resavoirs and also mist#mist then slurps up a shit ton of it and outputs a shit ton of steam which condenses to water and flows downwards through the mountainous#area she's perched atop from#this water then forms a series of rivers and lakes downwards through the other 3 and since they require way less water than her theyre able#to all safely recycle mist's outputted water
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if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything
#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but#i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded#people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to#the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times#for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh#n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!!#i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!!#of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own#friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find.#also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids#you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously#elle woods at harvard law type#i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do#not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour#and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best#i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money#itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr)#2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence#im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating#its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still#dp you get what i mean#and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still#if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway#smalltown boy will byers moment#dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are)#also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3
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floating among stars
#super happy art time#sariel#okay this boy was screaming for a doodle#i love him#he's going to be my ruler for tithoniaaa#altho russ and robin are behind him with it and he counts them as part of his whole thing. he does not see himself as the core ruler#anyway#he's born in tithonia but his family comes from altissima. he's in a super prominent family that moved gens ago to broaden their horizons#they own a megachurch and manage shit like weddings and all#he was raised very close to the royal family and grew up knowing the future prince lorenz and twinsies robin n russ#robin and russ are his bffs and russ is his crush. long long time. he has always harbored a love for him that he proclaims#was written before he himself was born in the skies. anyway. hes gay and very very poetic#but hes lorenz' contract/arranged husband and they HATE each other.#he was raised strict and uncaring by his neglectful parents who mostly want him to push their familys legacy further#meanwhile hes more interested in the growth of things like the country. not his familys church and their reach#i have more notes but theyre all on th and also tumblr has limited tags. i cannot ramble the way i used to AND GOD IS MEAN#but basicaqlly hes a lil gay dude and hes very smooth talking and kind of puts too much on himself but hes super compassionate amd also#LOVES astronomy. hes a big nerd abt the constellations and has put russ to sleep talking about them#he has super powerful holy magic and its pretty unstable but hes working on it. hes kind of reckless and thinks he doesnt need guarding#because of it even tho theres a ton of ppl who want his head for one reason or another#very big dreamer with different ideas than the ppl hes being guided by and he wants the best for his home. hes a sweetie#i pooped this out prety fast despite being intimidated by it. his colors are the countrys colors but with the dark take i used with lorenz#so the royal version? sure-#he made his ribbons on the outfit. he likes threading and stuff and makes braided cords a lot. he based the colors off russ' glasses :3#i wanted to make him look very... i guess nb. he goes by he and they and i wanted him to have a sort of etherally dark color abt him.#shockingly dark hair but very vibrant eyes#and weird skintone#i had it all very mapped out in my head#i love him so much hes my baby
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God I could and should write a whole fucking book by the end of this life here on Lev and his symbols
ill write it then burn it before anyone else gets a copy. or i wont. im supposed to be helping him this incarnation here to get a better anchor in this plane so maybe it would help more than itd be weird - im just getting from him the energy of "yeah no people already effectively have these things, people on my plane already know me inside and out to an extensive degree, may as well have it here too" you know. fair
#ramblings //#ugh god i love his tone saying that tho. i kept trying to prod to see if it was a ''ugh yeah people know me inside and out and Yes Its#Invasive But -'' but no#oh my god man. his like energy towards his people is..... BEFORE I SAY THIS#I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW IM ANTI PROPAGANDA. the biggest reason i dont work with Lu and others is bc theres this tendency to#be like ''we're darkness but also light! we're teachers we're enlightened we're pure in our own way and the kings are here to#teach you how to empower yourselves and they love all worshipers and they reject all tyrannical authority and they are the good guys#against the chrxstian god who (insert specific atrocity that actually was committed by the kings not the 'chrxstian god' - and#''demons'' should KNOW that because it was AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE WAR so either theyre LYING orrrrr) and we're actually#really down to earth and more holy than anyone else bc we're enlightened - i mean uh uh no wait that contradicts us being#against the love and light style of enlightenment chasing'' like. i will tell you that my boss has massacred a lot of people i will tell yo#im anti monarchy and i dont believe that the kings' peoples are any better than 'angels' and i will tell you a lot of innocents on both#sides have been lost bc of royalty and rich families the kings are directly tied to#so i hope you know that when i say the way lev treats his people in his mind is..... holy shit#i pick apart everything he does. ive seen sides of him that are dark af (and i love him for them lmfao) but as soon as his people are#involved... have you ever been w someone getting hot and bothered and a kid walks in that you thought was sleeping and you just switch#completely into parent mode like. he'll have complex fictions w me helping me write stories about corrupt monarchies and shit#and then no. he is like. hes very good at mindset switching and going immediately into different faces but i swear#his ''i am a king and a king is a head of a mass of people - a king is a servant to his people'' mode is like. impenetrable#he is so. fucking intensely single-minded and trained to be a king unlike anyone else. anyway what was i talking about#OH YEAH. his tone w what i wrote in the post. was so switched into that mode of ''my viscera is theirs to eat as Im splayed on their table#and this is divine ruling. this is my purpose with them'' type shit. PURE thought. there is no other energy i can find in it other than#pure ''this is my job and i do it''. pure as in distilled. a pure tone like a sine wave played on a synth as opposed to a string plucked#leviathan //#ive. im nervous about saying the shit ive said here lmfao but ive had his OK before to say it ALSO. AS I SAID. theres no way his people#dont know the massacre was done by the kings lmfao. like. yall were involved. and also you all have to know that one of the#people that pretends to be the christian god is. two of the kings actually and since lev commonly appears to people and lets them#decide who he is bc hes never arsed making a show of Being Leviathan and whatnot im sure hes been called God plenty of times#too but like. cmon. I dont know who started the ''oh the uh the invading heaven and killing off half the population was the#chrxstian god'' rumour but i was first exposed to it through lu and (his wife) worshipers so yall get the blame - that said...
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dndads amphibia au is calling my name but how would it work... the number 3 is so important to the lore/worldbuilding but theres 4 teens......
like obviously scary is sasha, and i think link would be anne. and the core and the doodler work out perfectly
but then whos marcy??? and what do we do with the other one??? taylor has more of a marcy/wit oriented personality, which is kind of necessary to be the wielder of the wit gem, but normal seems more like the type to Trap His Friends In a Frog Dimension Because He's Scared of Losing Them. And it would also make sense for him to be marcy so then taylor could be sprig (bc link and taylor are so close.)
but then it would also be really interesting for scary to be marcy? she's not the wittiest person but it would make more sense for her to live with andrias (who is willy for sure) and doodler-possessed scary would be SUPER NEAT
BUT SHIT WAIT possessed normal is my bae and ik that was a headcanon thats been floating around..... idk im already thinking to much abt it
#this makes no sense especially to my mutuals who dont know amphibia (although theres like. a weird overlap between the dndads and amphibia#fandoms for some reason. like its not abnormal for me to see someone i follow for their amphibia art start posting dndads#i get to go like. another one bites the dust. i think it might be how both dndads and amphibia deal with serious themes + dark shit#and also have a lot of silliness and wacky shenanigans. they also both have themes of family. idk its very interesting to me#im rambling again. oh dear
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hey so um aside from like, art posts i want to take another break from this site a bit. ive been fucking rotting my brain with it and wasting my time there constantly checking in and yeah thats fucking unhealthy im wasting my time and making my already horrid attention span even worse. if anything im on discord most of the time even if i dont respond right away. if you notice me like, late night posting when im tired feel free to send me a friendly ask to remind me and nudge me off but ill try to not let that happen.
ive also been slipping into bad thoughts on occasion again and i barely caught myself impulsively oversharing abt it again - even if i did mention it briefly at some parts i could've been rambling abt it elsewhere or to myself only making me feel worse which...is not good. i gotta get better and before school starts again i wanna get at least the tiniest bit better. this isn't anyone else's fault, just me placing priorities in the wrong places. but um yeah. im still around ofc!!! and i love talking i want to talk about stuff i like a lot!! im very happy to have ppl to talk about club penguin with... but ya ! ill try to not. check in here every 5 fucking seconds on god damn impulse
#like im even more shut in and unfocused on the real world now#which. im almost always im constantly trying to escape reality usually but now its kinda like. bad bad.#and also bc i dont sleep well i constantly feel dazy.#i forget to drink or eat properly sometimes and i feel just horrible and dismissive but#theres other issues here abt that i wont discuss. too personal#you dont need to know that. not like its some dark secret like you dont need to know shit i have going on with my family or whatever#a short break and i already feel like every day is possibly a day wasted...like today#today i promise to myself to go to sleep around 1 am and not 3-4 am#and progress slowly with that#and not beat myself over not being productive/doing what i wanted#today ALL DAY i REALLY wanted to play skyrim but now its too late for it...#i wasted 2 hrs in the morning waiting bc i desperately wanted to avoid talking to a visitor...#its a mess!!!#a lot of it i blame to unmedicated adhd but also me just. not regulating shit well. wrong priorities. and addictive website design lmfao.
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Man this shit ruined my whole mood . And I cant even ask my.mom.for help even tmrw cause shes so exhausted and I dont wsnna bother her but with stuff like this I am SO fucking lost and like. Man
#I think i might be really exhausted. i feel like my brain clouds up if i try too.hard to think about everything currently going on#cause I dont wanna cry. so i guess small stuff like this gets to me more#but i specifically said im NOT doing badly and it drives me up the fucking wall when people assume im sad or suffering. idk why but it#DOES#and i also dont wanna be someone whos mean cause hes struggling. I think thats fucking cringe and if anyone tried to blame anything on the#fact that i got a lot going on rn id be pissed at them. but also man. i think im exhausted.#I dont understand my own feelings and shit ever but ESPECIALLY not currentky and i feel.so.lost and my moms.not there to help me#but theres stuff I just cant figure out on my own#And like the stuff w my friend SHES SUPPSOED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND WHY DOES SHE HURT ME#but also like why do i get hurt cuz its not like its bad#bad as in like serious. at all#but like even my two best friends even theyre not. I dont know. a part of me or something. theyre the closest ive ever been with people#outside my family and i do trust them but . its not. idk I cant explain it but its not . even they dont really get me i guess . and even#they are different from me and make me feel bad#(occassionally)
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