#theres just... so so much to manage... augh

[orcelito]

Oh yeah my drive home went by relatively uneventfully. It was weird as hell to be the only one in the car tho. First time driving alone and it was for an hour+ drive hfkshfk but I managed!!!

I liked... the interstate. After I got out of city area. It was almost peaceful, aside from the annoying slinky-type traffic I was dealing with at a few points. But for the times it was uninterrupted... yeah, that was fine. I can definitely get used to driving.

[thedeafprophet]

*i stumble and hundreds of photos of The Manager Of The Royal Bethlehem fall out of my pocket * Oh Boy Would I!

you do not need to include this in the doodle request because i dont like the in game art take on him i just want to talk about my fave

The Manager to me is just one of Flondon's most interesting and complex characters within the game tbqh. He is someone who is both a villain and a victim, a perpetuator of the system while also being someone trapped within it, and somehow also fighting against it.

He was the first Fallen London NPC i ever became interested in, back when i first started seeing him pop up in my deck. [and being into tma before and big fan of the spiral certainly had an influence here]. I mean, the whole nightmares aspect was ominious and intriquing, and experiening my first time at the beth was so fun. I am a psychological horror fan first and foremost, and so many vibes about him just made me so interested in him.

It was only through playing Heart's Desire that i truly became attached. Learning about his backstory, his connection with the king with a hundred hearts, the tragedy of his actions and choices was heartwrenching. defeating him in the card game and seeing his emotions? seeing this originally otherwordly and almost inhuman, power man brought low? to see him as what he was, a very old man? That, that was compelling. this was something the railway's scene only elaborated on.

I think, primarily with the manager is he's very much to me underlays that trope of 'antagonist that suffers villain decay and joins the protagonists in the later seasons' vibe. he's both someone who sucks so very much, a guy who makes terrible choice after terrible choice, who continues to make everything worse for himself and others. but is also someone who you can see how he got here. a truly ancient man who has witnessed so much. a revolutionary whos, trying, surley. and that means something, right?

...and being someone who struggles with mental illness myself, his character brings a sort of comfort to me. theres a reason most of his fans are people who struggle with mental health is all im saying lmao

In Conclusion:

very ill and dizzy today so for no reason in particular you should all tell me about your favourite flondon npcs and why you like them

maybe ill doodle a sketch of variable and dubious quality. no guarantees but also i wanna draw more npcs so.

(but even if i dont get to drawing you should tell me about your faves i love hearing people talk about their fave lil blorbos,)

[acidsaladd]

incoming rant abt a possible ninjago atla au u have been warned

the gist of the au and what i have in me head is that lloyd is the next air avatar but for some reason the air nomads are skeptical/afraid of baby lloyd so misako takes lloyd and skidadles far away from the temple. because of this, lloyd grows up as a regular kid with no air benders around to teach him air bending And no knowledge that hes the avatar (and therefore that he can bend the other elements)

fast forward to when hes like 9?? 10? wu finds him, surprise ur actually the avatar its training time something something big spiritual evil that might be related to garm something something then wu Leaves and so the training bit falls onto the ninja. which. none of them is an airbender mind u and lloyd Still doesnt know airbending. so they teach him the other elements and Hope that he somehow learns air by proxy

i have a very small and not rlly thought out idea for what an equivalent of the aging tea could be but this is basically it in terms of bg and going forward its just ur usual avatar and ninja shenanigans

ok. now. i have a couple ideas for why the air nomads could be wary of lloyd. one is that they know garmadon is his dad and garm has been cursed by a Particularly Evil spirit and so they think evil dad equals evil son and they dont rlly wanna deal with that so they r like we must get rid of the child he will reincarnate either way its no biggie which,,, uhh yea lets not

the other one is that the nomads have discovered that lloyd is going to be the first avatar that is a direct decendant of the first ever avatar (the fsm) and so they want to like?? harness his power or smth idk.

(the only problem with these ideas is that it kinda relies ok the air nomads having kind of violent and evil solutions to problems so i stil. dont rlly know 😭)

the point is!! one way or another, misako starts seriously fearing for lloyds life and the fact that he might not ever have a choice over it as his own so she takes the baby and Runs.

[abt the fsm, raine lowkey gave me this idea entirely so shoutout raine hello but i was thinking that theres two of them. like. u have the FSM, the first ever avatar, all plwerful godly being. and then u have the dad, the f in fsm stands for Father, this guy is just wu and garms dad. i dint have much else thought out for him just. yea]

now. if i want to talk abt the possible aging tea equivalent i need to talk abt garm. soo augh idk abt garm but i think rhe gist of it is that hes been possessed/corrupted by a spirit bc of a deal he made or for messing with a spirit when he was researching things. the point is hes known as this being that brings chaos and stuff but then wu and misako reveal to lloyd like, thats ur dad actually, and misakos being researching ways to bring him back and lloyd stumbles on this research and decides (not so smartly) that if one qants their dad back one must do it himself so. he manages to contact the original spirit that garm annoyed

so they talk and the spirits like "well i Would give him back but he kinda made me lose my time and energy on him for like,, 4/5 years so unless u figure out a way to give me rhat time back i aint giving him to u" and lloyd goes bet take does from me no biggie

so then lloyd makes this deal not rlly knowing what hes doing and he goes back to the real world and suddenly he has a brand new dad and also abt two whole heads more in height woops

(this all happens post training arc starting so lloyd already knows the ninja and has been living with them for a while)

OK NINJA TIME

so ive been Rlly debating whether i should do the Usual thing and just stick em in the element rhat they have in the show. OR (and this is the idea im leaning more towards) i go with vibes. obviously the vibes are still informed and consider their element in the show

ok first kai and nya. i want them both to be fire nation buut idk if i should make them both firebenders or make them have their usual elements. i do wanna let nya be a waterbender, However since they do live in the fire nation (most likely in a more rural town far from the mainland) nya would be a waterbender that uses mostly firebending styles and techniques. i just have always found this type of mix and match they do with aang and zuko specifically SOO COOL i love it so im gifting that to nya

cole is an earthbender obvi. i havent rlly thought much abt cole bc i immediately decided he would stay an earthbender and didnt question him further.

NOW HEAR ME OUT HERE. i kinda rlly want to make jay earth kingdom and leave him as a non bender. why??? bc the Vibes man. i want to rlly focus on his engineering and tinkery side. i think he would still be rlly involved with bending and stuff and he tries to find different uses to bending outside of fighting. maybe him and cole are childhood friends and jay is always bugging cole to try some of his projects with coles bending.

and finally zane!! hes water tribe but i struggled to settle him on either tribe. i think the northern tribe could fit him in the future but i do think he's originally from the south. i feel like the south gives him more potential to be the specific brand of Peculiar that zane was in the beginning of the sbow. and since this is situated pre war, the southern water tribe would be bigger and better off than how we see them in atla so it would be cool to explore that

so im picturing him as the weird son of the local medic and whatever else dr julien gets up to . so maybe dr julien is teaching zane stuff and he gets Rlly Rlly good so they send him to a bigger settlement with better teachers and eventually he decides to leave the south pole to continue learning and stuff.

i do have ideas abt how wu gathers them together but ive ranted way too much so i will make another post on that if i remember to

[coastalshifts]

Between Esme and your Karkat, who's usually the rescuer and the one in need of rescuing? Is it interchangable? Is the rescuer successful in saving the one who needs their help? 🍋🌶️😏

OH I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD ASK ME THIS LMAO AUGH. augh. aaauuuggghhh... /pos

okay lore dump below

okay so like. karkat *wants* to be the one rescuing her but due to her inherent abilities as a bard of doom, he usually cant. so much of their early interactions are him watching in various states of being impressed, being anxious, and being frustrated towards esme constantly getting distracted, getting trapped, or getting hurt. Its not that shes *clumsy* per se, just that shes sort of always *Doomed*.

(and theres the whole 'separated by the green sun and dimensions' thing meaning theres really nothing he can do but watch and try to warn her or berate her.)

I think when they finally meet in person, its in a setting that means theres rarely a chance for them to come to each others rescue in a physical way; however, emotionally? karkat *finally* get to be the one to rescue her, being the Knight hes supposed to be. with the amount of animosity and rage building between esme and dave over the course of the three year journey, karkat has PLENTY of opportunities to step in and guide her away.

- this isnt to say that esme never "rescues" karkat, its just that she has less reason to need to step in; karkat is more so focused on keeping the peace between people (he and kanaya are a lot closer in our universe im thinking, like a big sister little brother dynamic almost (as opposed to the mother/son-esque dynamic of kankri and porrim) hence his focus on emotional labor LMAO) so hes not causing arguments as much. terezi isnt as much of an issue anyways, since she started hanging out with lyofya so much...

- any rescuing that esme does is in their dream bubbles, where she likes to stick close with karkat and help ward off the dancestors if he needs help speaking up; she and meenah love to spar LMAO (i think esme and meenah would be frondly with each other eventually :3) and also!!! she thinks kankri is HILARIOUS as a foil to karkat; it makes her excited to know what her new mom/sister/aunt/insert whatever unique familial relationship will be like!!!

HOWEVER. I know why you really asked that.

So part of our rewrite involves a new pocket dimension in paradox space as a mirror for Doc Scratch's Green Rooms: Cal's Red Rooms. About two years into the meteor trip, esme is pulled into that Red Room due to the Other Clown's manipulative destruction of a certain heart player... and when she comes back, she comes back *wrong*. Empty, like a puppet or a marionette.

and i dont think karkat does manage to safely rescue her. at least not for a long while. but he still tries. and for as empty she seems now, sometimes he can draw a specific look from her, surprise a laugh out of her, and she's *back*, just for a brief few hours-- but she dims, back down to her placid state, eventually. he'll keep trying but damn, if it isnt hard...

THANKFULLY THERES A HAPPY ENDING after a looooot more angst and battle and drama lmao but thats a post for another time!!! for now, theyre lowkey Doomed Lovers...

[arainesque]

ohhhhh this new fic 🥺🥺 little sweetie pie baby george :((((( i love them :((((( its time. for a paragraph by paragraph review. of this work of art. !!!!!!!!!!!!

“Not good. I just-” George sniffled a little, his voice was almost meek, in such a huge contrast to his usual bassy tone. Something in Matty’s stomach twisted just a little. “Just want you to come home.”

IM SICK. meek :(((( because he is! only! a baby! im actually unwell pls i love them so much. an actual physical reaction to his discomfort im gonna throw up and die. in a good way

“I hate that I’m not there with you.” Matty said, cringing at how his own voice had instinctively dropped in pitch, and feeling slightly on edge at how he’d only been gone for half an hour and this is how distressed George had gotten. To the point where his voice had taken on a whiny tone. Where he’d started feeling needy. “I’ll just be a couple of minutes. Got you ice cream and everything.”

something something role reversal for comfort something something voice going down in pitch for comfort something something COMFORT 😭❤️ i just love ur versions of them Aaahh. and george going whiney:( i will always always always love whiney george. forever. and ever. needy whiny george. 10/10. im unwell

“No, I love you.” George drawled and Matty could practically see the pout on his face. Could see it in his head in vivid colours, actually. Could see the heavy eyelids and glossy sheen of his bottom lip.

i need to be put down theres just no way i can be normal after this. listening to sunshine baby on repeat and reading this is a recipe for Emotion ™️ glossy ?!??!?! my favourite word of all time ever at all ?!??!?!?!??!?! its PERFECT. im SICK. i just cant with how vivid all ur imagery is like its so Omg its like gorgina beautiful wonderful u are So ! Good !

“My heating pad is cold and I want you.” Is what George said as he broke the silence.

NOBODY TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN im gonna sob. its broken:((((((((((( :(:((:(:(((((:(:((:(:((:((:(:(:((((( and he wants mattyyy:(((( dont hit me UP i need time to recover. and pictures of iliwys george. i actually just made a noise out loud at this u dont understand. its 9 words and its the best combination of any nine words ever at all. aaaaahhh

George wasn’t in danger, being a human is silly.

this is just so ??!?!? soft ??!?! somehow ?! i dont know. its just so sweet. being a human is silly. im sick and unwell and dead

Matty’s chest hurt with a weird telepathic connection as he slammed the door closed behind him, threw the keys on the drawer in the hallway and managed to drop the bag of groceries by the kitchen counter before sprinting into their bedroom. Hair messy and him being completely out of breath, only to find George shivering under a comforter and two blankets, face almost hidden from the probably ten pillows he’d swore he needed to be in their bed.

i need to be left alone for. a long time. this is so. im so. oh my god. i cant even word it. just the way u put words together is SO beautiful and it all feels so fluffy and soft and gentle and intimate and All the nice words. all of them. he is shivering under all of that because he needs matty !!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH !!!!!!!!! im so full of Feelings over this. weird telepathic connection:(((( getting this tattooed

“Oh, baby.” Matty almost felt sick with how sweet George’s eyes were when he peeked up from under his little fort. All shiny and dark chocolate brown, with a depth to them that lured his whole soul in. Like a siren’s eyes. A siren who, instead of seduction, called for comfort. But instead of anyone, this look was meant for Matty, and Matty alone. And who was he to deny George of anything. “What do you need?”

theyre gonna find me dead with my phone in my hand opened to this paragraph. sweet boy with sweet eyes and a sweet face IM SICK. shiny :((( also "called for comfort" is an insane line to just Casually drop . omg. this is what i mean about ur writing being So GORGEOUS augh i just cannot deal. matty and matty aloooonneee :(((( alexa play Dan The Dancer by Mitski . repeat . AAAAUUAUUGHHHHSHJSKSKAJKA

“Sure you don’t want me to heat up your pillow first?” Matty said, keeping his voice gentle as he massaged George’s scalp with the pads of his fingers. Taking a deep breath to calm himself at how George purred . Releasing pheromones strong enough that people on the streets could probably smell it, let alone Matty in their claustrophobically small bedroom.

no because literally dont even talk to me. purr. pheromones. I AM UNWELL theyre gonna diagnose me with like stage four thousand Georgeism in a minute. no like im so emotional this is so sweet i just want . something . ITS JUST GORGEOUS i cannnnnnt deal with how u write its Too beautiful. i will DIE

“Don’t be sorry.” Matty reassured, pressing George’s head just that tiny bit closer to his throat, to his scent gland. Letting him inhale the scent lingering there and feel his fluttering, yet steady, pulse. “I don’t mind the heat. No pun intended.”

i need a family pack of tissues and a soundproof room so i can SCREAM AND CRY i absolutely cannot deal. i cant even describe why i love this part so much but its just so aaaaaahh

“Do you need to fuck?” Matty said, running his fingers up and down the prominent vertebrae of George’s spine. “Getting mouthy with me.”

i looooove ur wording so much. like. "need to" instead of "want to" ?!?!??!?! because ?!!?!? he needs !??!!?+**×*+ him !?&#*×*#>)×&# vibrating at speeds unknown to mankind. aaaaahh. and the "getting mouthy". i just lovelovelove how uve written it

George’s subsequent inhale, deep and pressed tightly to Matty’s scent gland, almost had Matty convinced. Until George spoke up.

a man of mystery :')))) i love him So dearly i feel sick

“Love you too.” George slurred, and Matty could tell just from the way he could feel George’s muscles relaxing that his body was preparing for heat. “I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t.”

"i didnt mean it, you know i didnt" YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS HAS AFFECTED ME. i actually might die. this is just Ohhhhhh its so soft and gorgeous and beautiful and all the good words (once again) like just aahhh. slurring his words:( im going to explode

“Thank you for putting up with me.”

CAN U STOP u are going to be named and shamed (praised) on my gravestone for this sentence. IM SO

“Do you still love me?” George sniffled, his chest stuttering at the choked cry enough to make their ribs slot together. “ Please , be honest.”

just choked thank u i will die now. oh my god. :(((((((( hes so delicate pls hes so :(((( u write them so well :( i can imagine his insecurity (?) so well. aahhh. ur wording is Once Again so gorgeous. like ribs slotting together Hello ?!?!??!?!? beautiful (as per usual)

Never given him a reason to think he didn’t want to be cremated and mixed with George’s ashes and be spread into a beautiful forest together. Or have their skeletons hold hands as they were buried six feet under. Bodies decomposing next to each other. Souls intertwined until the end of time.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. everywhere, everything by noah kahan. aaaaaaaaaaaaa

“I know it’s my hormones talking. I do. I’m sorry.” George whispered, placing his hand atop the one Matty had rested upon his cheek. “I can’t control it, I do hear you, but I’m not really myself.”

the way hes still apologising even though he is So Sad :(((( my heart ACHES oh im so emotional theyre so sweet and george is so sad and matty is so kind and im Augh going to die because i !!!!!! love it !!!!!!!!!!

“I love you.” George said, grinding his hips against Matty’s side in a way that he knew was subconscious. Not a move, not something he did to consciously make Matty aroused. Because George could get hard even though his head was spinning with thoughts that weren’t sexual, and Matty could too. No matter how many times society’s portrayed alphas as just being controlled by their sexual urges. “I love you.” Repetitive.

seriously u know those like brutalist-esque tattoos people get that are just huge blocks of text. im getting one that covers my entire back but just of this fic. of this paragraph even. its SO BEAUTIFUL?!,?! im in Awe. u genuinely have some divine knowledge of words because im just so. aaaaahh. like hes getting off but hes just So Sad and so needy and :((((( its so :(((((( emotional :(((((((

George whined, burying his face in the crook between Matty’s neck and shoulder. Grinding his hips incessantly against Matty’s side. It didn’t matter how long they’d been together, Matty would still wait for George’s full spoken consent to touch him.

ok very sweet but also Hot ?!?! u always balance it so well like Omg just. matty still being so gentle with him even as hes getting like this and being so kind and just :(((((((( im unwell. seriously. so so so so so so so obsessed

“I know, I’m sorry for questioning you.” George said, making his urges known by grasping the base of Matty’s head to guide him to his own throat, to make him heady with the strong pheromones emitting from the skin there, right by his scent gland. It was so sweet, so intoxicating. So George . Most of all. And in a rare display of vulnerability George continued. “Just scared of losing you, I think. When you’re my entire world.”

u need to STOP. oh my god. "when youre my whole world" ok well then what if i explode and turn into glitter. genuinely just the way u write is so unbelievably Beautiful that just every single time i read one of ur fics i have to go and reread it three times in a row immediately after because its like ?!??!?! i cant miss ANYTHING. every word is getting digested. i need to do a full like fic analysis of this (and all ur other writing tbh) like im in school or something. u actually Need to know how wonderful u are. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh. ok ok ok im very sorry for my (very repetitive...) almost completely incoherent ramblings but i hope ur day has been very nice so far and i hope the rest of ur day (or ur tomorrow idk ur time) is also very nice. i love u goodbye

HI! PLEASE! I'm so deeply in love with and appreciative of ur paragraph by paragraph reviews. They make me so happy to read and actually gives me insight i didn't even have myself!!!!? i love your brain and how you read between the lines and interpret everything. and i LOVED reading these paragraphs through your eyes!!!

I'm so happy the dynamic shone through, because that's really the thing i wanted to have as the main focus. AS WELL AS SWEET NEEDY BABY GEORGE of course. Please tell me we're all in love with him and he deserves to be swaddled in soft fuzzy blankets with all of the forehead kisses and cuddles he needs :(

YOU'RE an angel, thank u so much for taking the time to write this. ily!!!! sm! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[lunaeclipse1057-ao3]

Prev. Prev prev prev. I love your thoughts, especially the turning Phil into a weapon.

God how will Chayanne feel about phil jumping.

BRO IF PHIL FUCKING GOT DOWNED DURING THAT MAN.

UGH MY HEART

I've been thinking, what if Phil died when the workers were trying to kill him

[punkalope]

trying so hard with online classes and self learning but im only able to do so much and i cant tell if its because im not on good meds or something and auugh. augh this is so frustrating.

my classes end on the 3rd and i just...got so busy. theres no penalty since theyre online library classes, but i hate constantly redoing them. im sure i can manage in two days but i wont be able to take noets like before. ugh. ugh.

[morgg-g]

masterpost of all my favourite yabusame interactions/moments because im autistic about them

spoilers for. everything.

also. none of this makes any sense my wording is HORRIFIC and my grammar is worse. english is my first language im just insane

anyways enjoy my incoherant ramblings

okay this one is obvious i think. the the the THEY were the sisters quarreling (or. whatever. gender) alice saw him and reko IN sara and kanna and he just wanted them to reconcile. so he tells them, to reconcile if only in appearance because because he wants to reconcile with reko, but. but he cant. not really. alice and kannas dynamic especially in chapter 3 is SO interesting w his "i cant vote for anyones little sister" and his augh. hes just. theyre just. hm.

more under cut ^^

this i think about all the time. in chapter 2 alice tells sara that he cant play any instruments (vv)

which is just obviously a lie. well, not really because he WAS the bands drummer and he. Cannot play the drums. but thats it!!! the band was his and rekos. Thing. when they were kids. it was their (well moreso rekos) dream (it was mainly alices dream to just. be with reko. the band thing was a side of that) and he TAUGHT her how to play the piano. that was HIM. but shes so much better than him? and he watches her improve to more than he could ever do and watches her. i guess just move past from him. their entire relationship is just full of . time moving too quickly. something something slipping through my fingers?? does that song fit here?? whatever. theyre like that "ships passing in the night" thing. except they. came from the same dock. does that metaphor work? whatever!!!!!! but alice teaching reko how to play the piano always makes me so upset because he CAN play intruments. he plays the PIANO. but he doesnt, in samurai yaiba he plays the drums. and does stage managing. two things that are. ig further to the back?? the drummer is usually at the back of the stage, he is literally staying out of rekos way. and the hanging out in the background is shown in the yaiba cg as well

okay on to the next screenshot

THE BONGOS oh my god. the bongos are, obviously, so much more than just an instrument. they ARE their relationship, and the progression of the bongo. Symbol? i guess? is like. a direct parallel to the progression of their relationship. alices minisode, reko MAKES THEM HERSELF and is very happy and excited to show alice, but she still thinks something is missing. and then when it rains, she thinks its SO MUCH BETTER but alice cant notice a difference, he doesnt think its anything special. reko obviously really cares about alice and SHOWS it here, despite in the future when shes all. edgy and whatever. but alice is. hm. idk i dont wanna say indifferent because he obviously does care about reko alot. but i would say he doesnt quite understand the importance of music to her? like the bongos here i would say both symbolise rekos relationship w alice AND her relationship with music. and then when they get thrown in the bin, alice tells reko that theyre probably no where (again, not quite understanding the importance here). and if he goes back to find them and fix them up, he cant. this is very obviously the Moment where they i guess drift apart. alice comesback and rekos playing the piano without him (see above piano analysis) and yeah. flashforward to yaiba days. he gives her the bongos AGAIN and she almost throws them out (like they were when they were kids). but she cant. she keeps them and treasures them ESPECIALLY after alice's arrest. as alice says, shes indifferent about them in the same way shes indifferent about alice. but shes not. not really. as she says, they are precious bongos like none other in the world (something something, "i know theres better brothers but youre the only one thats mine" brother by murder by death) she just never expressed this. she just kept them for some inexplicable reason. it was just.. a feeling. and then after alice's arrest and she changed and developed into a much more caring person she played the bongos in her new band. DRUMS. alice was the drummer. reko is still like a frontman(or whatever. gender.) but she is also a drummer. alice was the drummer and the opposite of a frontman. she is. hm. not trying to REPLACE him but yk. i am horrific at wording things bear with me here (bare? whatever. just hang on) and then flashforward AGAIN to bongo scene in chapter 2 (i love the bongo scene) where reko smashes (THROWS AWAY) the bongos (AGAIN) and this is the reko that alice knows. this is the reko that he GAVE the bongos to in the first place. and that reko is the one who is indifferent, actually. that reko is the one who HATES him. our reko, the real reko, is stronger than that. but alice doesnt know that. he barely knows the real reko because the "real reko" as we know her was. born??? created??? developed??? after alices arrest. he only knows mean harsh reko. which is why hes so ADAMENT that the fake reko was the real reko when nao (who had known her for less than a week) knew something was off immediately. i think ive gone off track. anyways. bongos are them. when reko says that her bongos are "just ordinary" but "like none other in the world" i feel like that directly mirrors alice calling himself just her deadbeat brother. HE is "just ordinary" but "like none other in the world" (SOMETHING SOMETHING. "I KNOW THERE'S BETTER BROTHERS BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THATS MINE" BROTHER. MURDER BY DEATH.) reko does care about alice, but alice didnt quite know that until it was too late. eughhhhhhhh tragedy

yttd discord server has seen this already but im bringingit back. hinako here is just everything that alice was (or was pretending to be) when he was first introduced, like when he was like "hmph... i am not going to help you worthless mortals..." or fucking whatever he was saying. she IS the like. emo edgy kind of mean villian ish (but also not really) figure that alice, or "gonbee" tried to make himself into in order to make himself into a stranger to reko. and now rekos gone and. well gonbee has been gone(bee) since chapter one(bee) (okay ill stop) and alice is. well hes alice again. and hes greiving and hes actually very close to alot of the cast now. and he sees who he tried to make himself in the form of. a Very Small girl and idk. literally i dont know how to word this. no clue what this means or implies. actually i do have a clue but i cannot bring it into words its literally right there in my brain but its on the top shelf and im not tall enough. alice is WATCHING who or what he was trying to be to distance himself from reko. and now hes physically distant from reko he is not that person anymore yk?? i feel like im repeating myself. whatever. we were ROBBED of more hinako alice interactions!!!!! they are character foils frfr. thank you

another yttd discord server moment. chapter 2, alice is watching reko sing from the doorframe. minisode he is watching her play piano (presumably) from the door frame (he had just gotten in so im assuming he was just in the door). hes always watching from a distance. from the doorframe. not actually properly entering. but just sort of hovering. something something "you were always so far away" brother by alice in chains, i am ILL!!! literally it doesnt MATTER how old they get, it doesnt MATTER how much time passes. their relationship stays the same. it stays distant. and it will continue to stay distant because they can NO LONGER BE CLOSE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CANT. god they are so tragic.

okay, maybe alice WASNT quite standing in the doorframe just sort of.. far away. but i think thematically the doorframe thing is very interesting and also what i picture everytime i replay these moments

stronghold banger. literally idk what i can say about this one. its. its right there. alice is next to a prodigy like reko and hes losing sight of who he is. hes not a musical guy, like he can play the piano !! he likes music!! but talent wise, especially compared to reko, hes just not quite up there. especially not up there enough to be in a band but he cares about reko so he started the band with her. he PROMISED to start a band with her. he planned out his dreams and his future based off of reko because she was the most important person in his life, shown when reko asks what his dream is and he says "well its the same as yours" or something like that. and then when he does the "you and i are different" moment, reko says "did you forget? (your promise)". to her they are the same. their dreams are the same. but they arent, not really. and this again. is the i guess breaking point? to their relationship? they were never the same, alice knows this. but he was still trying to be the same. aka: losing himself. okay i lied i did know what i can say about this one. also that is ALOT of personal interpretations i wont lie im blurring the line between headcanon and analysis here.

okay. reko as an older sister figure (not sure if this is the best screenshot example, but its the only one i had on hand). again. with the bongos, with the becoming a drummer. she is almost morphing into alice?? or not morphing. shes trying to be what alice couldnt be (due to him. being in jail) shes trying to be the older sibling, while alice changes into very very vaguely what reko was. she gets kinder after his arrest because she doesnt have that older sibling anymore so she. i guess BECOMES that older sibling. while alice in jail gets. well not MEANER, when hes trying to be gonbee hes obviously pretty mean. actually yeah based off of how he was in his minisode he does get meaner. they do a flip. they do a switchy switch. this is all very like simplified its so much more than them just becoming each other. they are adopting parts of each other's personality, intentionally or not , because yes obviously they grew up together so theyre going to have an influence on each other but also. they are growing. i guess. not together. 2 years of change without each other. and they come out on the other end as like frankenstein messes of each others personalities based off of purely their memories of each other. does this make sense?? am i making sense?? honestly im making this up as i go along.

i dont have the game screenshots for these so i stole them from the wiki. okay so genuinely i dont know what to say here its there. its right there. he idolised reko and looked up to her (despite her being younger. and also shorter) and. i will not lie to you. alot of this sounds very parasocial despite them actually being siblings. which i think is evident to how reko behaved when in samurai yaiba, like obviously she was very harsh on the band and was this sort of figurehead?? to them?? like in alices minisode stronghold and ursheen talk about her as if theyre like. fans of her. not just bandmates. dunno what to say about that shes just very. distant, yet again. the gap and distance between alice and reko is shown AGAIN and its shown through every single one of their interactions after the flashback in alices minisode. after that moment every one of their interactions is so awkward? i feel like im just repeating myself at this point. anyways.

alice puts reko up on this. perfect pedestal? to the point where he pushes her away because he doesnt want to hold her back. but like. SHE doesnt want that to happen. like yeah reko is kinda mean but their relationship being so strained is like. partly if not mostly alices doing, albeit unintentionally. while trying to make her happy by fading into the background he actually ended up making everything worse. (something something "but you knew from the start it was us didnt you, it just took me a while till i knew" mitski goodbye my danish sweetheart) (hmm atp maybe i should just share my yabusame playlist)

yet again i lied i did in fact know what to say about this

i dont even know how much of this is accurate and canon, and how much of it is my brain being abnormal. its a mess up there. but i love them, these are my analyses(analsysyses?? analysess?? fucking. those.) if these are wrong and out of character ... dont tell me because youll hurt my feelings (jokes obviously im open to different opinions) anyways have tiny them

thank you for reading if you made it this far i hope i didnt give you a headache

[catboymettaton]

s1e8 liveblog

outie Irving moment??? he has a dog! oh his voice sounds so different so much more relaxed. I hope innie Irving gets to meet his dog

that is a lot of identical paintings.

his house is so dark it really contrasts the severed floor

something sensual about that paint

not at all the kind of music I thought he’d like and I think that’s the point!

if they can bring the innies outside can they also bring the outies inside

oh he’s hot when he’s focused like that

I love you elevator scenes

huh. her numbers look really high. I thought she was doing really well? but she isn’t? also the others finished? I thought they never finished?

one last time????? what are they planning.

what did she mean by that.

I thought actually finishing a sheet was super rare?????

this is such fun funky music it feels very undertale

how long has passed in universe? we can’t tell and maybe that’s the point

waffle party only goes for one person??? thought waffle party would be for the whole department

“Mr Graner… retiring”

are the outie facts even true. I don’t remember what the Irving outie facts were.

107 hours long? that is not very many? where does she go when she isn’t awake does her outie just come and go?

there’s no way mark is going to mention the overtime in front of the cameras

wait are these the same facts as Irving I really don’t remember

the testing floor. that doesn’t sound good. what are they gonna do to her. I don’t like that.

she’s really pretty in red

milchick that is such a liar voice. milchick that is such a customer service voice

here’s where I confess that I do actually know the truth about Gemma from seeing spoilers. and man this is fucked up

the black elevator from the paintings???????????????? huh??????????????

why does only one person get waffles

what is the gift?????? is it related to his son???????

three weeks since the suicide attempt. and she never told anyone. I see

oh damn everyone’s getting removed today. okay!

the board can talk??????

Natalie fascinates me. I want to know more about her. Desperately

WAIT outie Irving is a painter is that why his innie is into a guy from O&D….

egging kier! okay!

wait don’t mark and helly fuck in season 2. this makes sense

I’m excited to find out milchick’s backstory…

did no one in management notice that the book went missing

imagine if they went up in the elevator together what would happen

YAYYYYYY KISSES YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY glad someone gets their office romance

this would be a really cool place to do an innie cut

do we get to see in the box………

I don’t know how he’s going to get to the room without getting caught ahhhh

that’s a really depressing stack of waffles tbh

wonder who takes care of the kid all day. is he married?

yassss female rage I hope she crashes her car and dies ❤️

these waffles feel nefarious.

so like was the message specifically for him or is it just a generic motivational statement

what in the fuck is this. why are there three of them now huhhhhhhhh

does this mean cobel will stop watching mark at least

oh her shrine!!! she’s destroying her shrine

THERES A GOAT

this is a lot like the magic flute actually

god I’m so nervous I feel like the big wake up is going to happen next episode for the season finale but also there’s still 10 minutes left

what if mark wakes up while talking to Mrs selvig???? Wouldn’t that be fucked up

is he actually considering reintegration?

augh I’m so fucking nervous I wish my brain let me watch more than two eps at a time

SHOW ME THE BOXXXXXXXXXXXXX FUCK IM SCAREDDDDDDDDDDDD WHAT IF HE GETS CAUGHR AHHHHHHHHHHH

I think mark is for sure going to meet Mrs Selvig. But she just got fired so maybe she won’t tattle

oh we don’t get to see the reveals this episode do we. I see that time stamp. fuck. Maybe if I shower I can fit the finale but I’m scared it’ll make me sick

[heylinfanclub]

Thinking bout posts where they talk about it ‘being hard to ask for help’. It’s not like an insecurity thing for me though. It’s a matter of. ‘Idk how’. Nobody teaches you how to request assistance. Once ur out of school people mock you for raising your hand to ask a question. Interrupting/Being Off Topic is rude. Always asking the wrong question or just starting off the request Wrong. People rather advise and scold than Step In. The request is always Too Much or Too Little. Never get the help I need! I’m Jaded! I don’t trust the Process! I barely understand how it works!

I rly hate my inner monologue going very ‘the only one who will always be there for you, Is You’ cause THATS THE FUCKIN PROBLEM WHEN I NEED HELP. We are a social and communal species, that quote is a CURSE. Some things CANNOT BE MANAGED ALONE. especially with MENTAL ILLNESS.

General Example: boy do I Always try to ask someone to accompany me to medical appointments that involve Needles because I am Scared. And it ALWAYS falls through. And it’s rarely just a ‘sorry’, it’s always a ‘sorry, but you should probably get over this fear’. How bout you GET OVER a raised draw bridge? HRRRGHHHHH. I AM SO STRONG AND AMAZING FOR GOING ALONE WHILE PUMPED FULL OF DRUGS AND CARRYING EVERY COMFORT OBJECT I OWN. BUT SURE FEELS LIKE SHIT. hfjfjsjsn. Lowkey this is probably a ‘minor assist’ in the minds of others but meanwhile I am begging for a lifeline to keep me from Avoiding the Doctor and Dying Instead. Idk how to put that into words for people, that isn’t ~Bothersome~ to them. That isn’t ~too much~. I’m Always Too Much. It’s Genetic. You’re LUCKY to catch me on a Composed day. But MOST OF THE TIME, I AM TOO MUCH. Too much even For Me. I have to LIVE in this brain. Augh.

Somedays I am just. On a. Mental. Roll. Someone kick this ball in a different direction tHERES a kind of help I’m sure I regularly need. Love me some conciliatory attention. Not so much ‘you need to chill’ as a ‘hey, check this out **changes the topic**’. I need to be mentally pacified like a fuckin homestuck troll someone slap pap me

I think I’m gonna do it to myself. Or try. As usual. Hrmgmgmlle. Gotta try to Shower AND/OR put away the tarot stuff I took out for today.

[nintendont2502]

got up to MAG 53. so many thoughts already

i love paranoid jon. love him and his stupid fucking supplementals and tapes hidden under the floorboards and the way hes so insanely suspicious of everyone that he thinks his boss is up to something when he (reasonably enough) tells him to stop following people home. incredible. no ones doing it like him. im still fully on team 'jons going to snap and try to kill someone/potentially himself' bc wow hes not doing much to convince me otherwise

MICHAEL !! MICHAEL APPEARANCE!! MICHAEL VOICE REVEAL!! MICHAEL BEING A THREATENING FUCKASS. MICHAEL STABBING PEOPLE

love that guy. what is its fucking DEAL

"i am not a who, archivist. I am a what." incredible

^ ALSO. calling jon "Archivist". i was so fucking right when i said its a far more important title than just a regular job. thats your identity now jonny boy have fun with that

also also. "the loss of this place wouldve unbalanced the struggle too early" cool! great! what the fuck does that mean!!

basira is great. tim thinking her and jon are together has peak me and my also closeted gay friends in highschool energy

jon admitting out loud that he believes a statement is true. ough

why are there so many michaels. michael spiral yaoi hands my beloved. mike crew lookin for leitners. michael salesa who i am endlessly fascinated by. the fuck is he up to

i still dont know how to feel about the institute. i still dont trust it.

cant help but draw connections between leitner's books and the archive's statements,,, someone mentioning that ever since leitners books have been released to the market, rare book dealers keep disappearing or dying (presumably because they own them). a statement giver owning one briefly and clearly being mentally affected (constant vertigo. an almost manic impulse to chase down someone who stole "his" book to get it back). i cant tell if they contain knowledge that outside forces dont want people to know about or if the books themselves dont want people to know whats inside but either way theres clearly something malevolent and harmful going on there.... so how the FUCK can gerard keay and mike crew and jurgen fucking leitner own so many of them and be. alive (because theres no way these freaks are mentally fine). how can LEITNER own that many for YEARS. what th efuck

anyway. the leitner -> tape connection. Archivists are clearly in danger by just reading/recording statements. jon mentions feeling like hes being watched when he just *reads* them. prentiss directly targeted him and the statements in her attack. something out there clearly doesnt want this shit archived and that fascinates me

and. the main thing. the thing i cant stop thinking about

theres,,, categories. very clear very distinct categories that all the statements seem to fall under - and a hell of a lot of those categories seem to have an associated paranormal/otherwordly figure to go along with them? (obviously not all of them so far but im fully expecting more to show up as this progresses) i cant fully figure out what the relationship between the two is (do the figures manifest their respective categories? are the figures created *from* the manifestations of their categories? do they get power from them or do they fuel them? augh). the concrete ones ive managed to figure out so far (with a huge asterisk because im very much aware that theres still 150 episodes left to prove me wrong and i have an insanely limited sample size atm) are:

worms. bugs. potentially rot/decay/meat(??? huge asterisk on this one). obviously prentiss aligned but,,, idk. im honestly leaning more towards the *worms* being the figurehead for this one bc like. jane was a real human person yk. before she got wormed she just... existed normally. in my mind its less jane prentiss as the manifestation of the rot/decay category/fear/whatever and more her just being... a vessel for it, i guess

spirals, hallways, rooms that shouldnt exist. michael yaoi hands

uncanny valley/fake people/people acting unnaturally/wrong. no figurehead so far, but definitely has something to do with circus of the other/whatever the fuck not!sasha is. im not sure whether to categorise statements like the boatswains call (where its real normal people who are just,,, compelled by some outside force to act unnaturally) under this category, but its all i got so far so. shrugs

webs/maybe spiders. feels very archive aligned so far - webs in the tunnels. webs on the tape recorder. webs around gertrudes body. someone describing the archive itself as a web thats captured all of them in MAG 39. feels very much like. the unknown. mysteries. something greater than you that youre trapped within. table that makes you dissociate has a web design. the lighter jon was given from that one statement is described as having a web design. i dont know what to make of that. no figurehead so far

"the vast"? sky too big. sea too big. potentially buildings/rooms too big. insanely linked to ex altoria (or however you spell it. fuck ass leitner book) - the description of the huge creature coming to destroy something that just keeps getting closer and closer and becoming larger and larger until its incomprehensibly huge and *still growing*. that literally manifesting in that one diver statement where she sees the unknowably huge thing (within a section of ocean thats impossibly large and deep when it physically shouldnt be). the sky eating people. anything thats bigger than it should be, almost impossibly so. the lightning figure in MAG 46 (and by extension mike crew) feels incredibly connected to this one (the figure being driven away (??) by ex altoria which is clearly a manifestation/documentation/??? of this particular category) but i cant tell if thats because its the figurehead for it or if its related to something else that hates the vast (like. pokemon type matchup style yk /hj)

darkness. manifests as rooms too dark for any light to get into, lights going out, potentially eyes being clawed out/missing/generally being blind. figurehead feels like it could be that shadow demon thing that robert montauk was killing people to defeat (? somehow) and was later killed by. associations with that cult from the same episode that has the closed eye symbol + the cult that someones girlfriends roommate joined

fire. a lot of fire. a lot of things heating up unnaturally and without any specific cause, a lot of mysterious rituals with scorch marks and burnt animals, that fucking lighter. also a lot of fire destroying other manifestations of other categories/fears which is interesting. im not sure what to make of this one yet. i feel like theres a leitner involved somehow but i cant remember so take that one with a grain of salt

i dont know if this is along the same lines as the rest of these, but. theres something with archives. something watching them. MAG 53 all but confirmed that for me - the alexandria archive having that same feeling of being watched that jon feels (and gertrude, from what i could tell by her reaction). fuck, the soldier outright saying that the feeling in the magnus archives is the same feeling he got in the alexandria archive. im assuming he got that feeling because he was the only living thing in the alexandria archive and tried to read something in there, making him an Archivist by proxy? only explanation i can come up with for why he feels the watching feeling and no other statement giver or institute staff does (unless they do and havent mentioned it). no associations yet (maybe that long fingered one eyed thing in the alexandria archive, but,,,, eh. idk. i get the feeling this thing wouldnt manifest physically), feels very archive specific. feels very Archivist specific. i really want someone who isnt an Archivist to try reading/recording a statement (that isnt their own) to see if they get the same feeling. the watcherr

and then a few loose ones that im not really confident defining as set categories but. theyre something:

theres a lot of tunnels. a weird amount of tunnels. a weird amount of tunnels consistently described as feeling both disturbingly natural and disturbingly manmade. id say this has something to do with robert smirke (since iirc he was definitely linked to the ones under the leitner bulding and *maybe* had something to do with the ones under the magnus institute?) or his apprentice, but - the ones in alexandria.... unless those were made by someone using the same paranormal methods he was. much to think about. if i had to align them under a preexisting category itd probably be michaels but..... idk. it doesnt really seem to fit.

theres something with meat. im tempted to just consider it an offshoot or the rot/bugs/decay/prentiss category but. hm. idk. theres been a few statements that are solely focused on meat. no rot no decay. jon even says something about "its description puts me in the mind of some more... meaty statements" which is. yeah. it implies im on the right track with considering meat as something seperate to rot and decay but. hm. idk

weird mind shit/unreality feels like something? thats definitely been a running theme (vase that gaslights you. guy with the prophetic death dreams) but also < not really much evidence for it so far. feels too vague. temporary placeholder category until i can fully narrow down what the fuck its deal is

finished season one of tma last night ! just gonna dump my thoughts here before i start season two (so i can come back and see how wrong i was lmao)

jon's va is a PHENOMENAL actor, holy shit. like dont get me wrong theyre all amazing, but oh my GOD

speaking of, while im sure the out of universe reasoning for jon putting his entire archivussy into the statements is just bc it makes them more interesting to listen to, i still personally choose to believe that the institute purely hired him for his voice acting skills

theres something.... interesting with jons role that i cant stop thinking about. jane prentiss only referring to him as "archivist". the transcripts (or at least, the ones im using) only referring to him as "archivist". his first impulse being to grab the tape recorder during jane's attack and record the entire thing. the title of archivist is kinda beginning to feel more like... a mask i guess? something that takes over and kinda overshadows your old identity. youre not jon, youre not gertrude - youre just "archivist"

(also something about martin being forced to move into the archives (almost becoming part of the archives) and sasha literally having her identity subsumed and stolen by. whatever the fuck not!sasha is. both of those occurrences only happening because they were acting on behalf of the institute. kinda noticing a trend of identities being lost or stolen or changed because of (and maybe by) the institute, but that could just be a "i connected two dots" "you didnt connect shit" moment yk)

i fully believe the role of archivist is cursed. like one hundred percent. theres something up with that shit and theres no way in hell theyre being paid enough to make up for it

tbf theres no way in hell anyone heres being paid enough to make up for the bullshit they go through. id say they should quit but,,, i dont think they can

except maybe martin. please martin. go live a normal life and write your poetry and stop needing to corkscrew worms out of yourself

"i refuse to become another goddamn mystery" :((

i dont trust the institute. at all. i think at best theyre just a shitty workplace willing to turn a blind eye to some things for the good of their research, and at worst theyre actively hiding something or lying about what they are. theres just been. so many small details that rub me the wrong way yk - the archive team not being allowed to research cases that involve the lukas family in case they pull funding, sasha mentioning research students testing artefacts, the way MAG 37/Burnt Offering starts with jason begging the institute to save his son before acknowledging that theyll never do anything (makes me wonder how many statements they read and dismiss. how many statements they never read. how many people have died because of them?) - and i mean fuck just the general regard for employee health and safety seems to be non existent. also. yk. someone in the building probably murdering gertrude. thats a big thing

worms and rot and decay in the walls and a dead body in the basement. i dont trust them at all

this is definitely just me picking up what the episode was clearly laying out but holy shit gertrudes death feels *wrong*. all this build up, all the signs pointing towards it being something supernatural (the archive being filled with veins (?) in The Dreamers, the ritual site filled with photos of her in Burnt Offering, jane directly threatening the archivist in her statement (which wouldve been gertrude at the time if im not mistaken)) and then its just?? a gun?? and no one finds her body for a year???

that being said the mental image of jane and her merry band of worms sneaking into the archive just to shoot gertrude with a Regular Ass Gun is fucking hilarious

the only episode that really got to me was A Sturdy Lock, and i think that was just bc i got unlucky enough to listen to it on the one night i was home alone. woke up at 4 am, stared at my doorknob for a few minutes and forced myself to go back to sleep

favourite statement is probably a tie between The Dreamers (i love how perfectly it captured the distorted, off, slightly... disturbing vibes i get in my dreams, and as someone who was really vivid really weird dreams - it hit close to home) and Hive (bc holy SHIT jons acting in this was insane. jesus christ. the writing was incredible too holy fuck)

favourite *episode* is Infestation, just bc im a sucker for hearing Jon out of character (for lack of a better term - its fuckin *weird* hearing him emote. i love it) and i love getting more of the other archive staff (especially martin. martin my beloved martin my light more martin forever please and thank you). also jon admitting that he does believe most of the statements and hes fucking terrified of them hits like a truck when youve been making "jon doesnt believe something - take a shot" jokes for the last 38 episodes like i was

jons such a bitch /aff i love him. pathetic wet cat of a man

i fully expect him to try and kill someone next season. potentially himself. hopefully not martin

leitner and your fuck ass books when I Fucking Get You

where is sasha. where is my girl. give her back.

mahtiin :(((

[dullahandyke]

girl who has so so so much fucking homework oh my god: man i wanna make a list of all the comics i wanna read :) < hes not gonna do that either

[golden-buddle]

Hay question about your cryptid au! What do the rogues think of the batfam? Because there’s quite the difference between fighting a man in a bat costume vs an actual inhuman cryptid!

Since theres way too many rogues, I'll just do the Big Ones:tm:

*glances at list* ...augh this is gonna be a long one.

Bane

Pissed the f off, since Cryptid!Batman is already supernaturally strong, Bane needs quite alot of venom to be able to match the Bat's strength.

Catwoman

Amused and very frustrated. Since the Bat isn't human- her flirting doesn't really do anything. The only reason she was lured to the good side was because of Robin and Batgirl. Both of them were fascinated by this weird human and her cats, and she can never say no to kittens.

Harley Quinn

Very very frustrated. At this point in time, she's fully under the Joker's grasp. And she hates that everytime they fight- it ends with her being dropped off at Poison Ivy's.

The Joker

Angry and frustrated. He's made it his life goal to make the Bat laugh/crack. Thing is..

I don't think the Cryptid!Bad has the capability to laugh. His kids, yeah, but as an adult? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Killer Croc

Out of all of them, I.. don't think Waylon's opinion changes that much. Maybe a bit more frustration? But that really depends on if he knows that the bat feeds on fear.

Mr. Freeze

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't really know Mr. Freeze's personality that much other than he's filled with grief because of his wife. He's probably in the same boat as Waylon with opinion changes.

The Penguin

Absolute FRUSTRATION! And fear :) Cryptid!Bats doesn't really wait for legality to nab Oswald like the original Bats does. So the Bats is constantly mucking up his plans as soon as they start.

Poison Ivy

Honestly? I feel like Poison Ivy would like Cryptid!Bats. Not anything romantic or sexual, but just like she's a force of the Green, he's a force of Fear. I can see them working together somewhat. The Bat does stop her if she goes too far, which ends up with them fighting a bit, but with Cryptid!Bats she's probably much more chill.

Ra's Al Ghul

They actually don't interact at all! Ra's isn't interested in Bats as a heir because, well, two completely different species.

The Riddler

SO much anger!! He doesn't understand how this 'lesser being' can manage to solve all of his riddles. Its not actually the bat, its Gordon lmao

Scarecrow

He's So Pissed Off its not even funny. Because the Bat feeds on fear, the fear gas doesn't even affect him. So their fights always end quickly with the Bat winning.

Twoface

In this world, Dent actually got help with his DID- So while Twoface does exist, he's less a Persecutor and more of a Protector.

[its-no-biggie]

wait- thats it? it ends there??????

[getting into HEAVY spoiler territory here. you have been warned]

vash as jesus...... like, okay. i went into the show knowing about how he goes around doing good deeds and gets persecuted due to a misunderstanding. from there it follows pretty naturally that he wants to help everyone, even those who wish him harm. but holy fuck i wasnt expecting all the other shit! like, hes a supernatural being who experiences life as a human, and loves humans even though he isnt one of them? and his love of humanity is what protects him from being entirely overtaken by [sin]? hes literally the gateway between the natural and the supernatural? he is sacrificed for the sins of humanity, which he had no part in, and strung up in the air while [mary] kneels at the foot of the [cross] and cries for him??? all while fuckin Millions Knives quotes the actual bible at him?????

ALSO the scene where meryl asks wolfwood where vash is and wolfwood goes "i dont know" twice in a row before she kicks him in the shin fucking killed me. i was totally primed for the "judas denied jesus 3 times" scene so i liked the subversion! tbh i feel like i missed some of the judas parallels bc i was always kinda unclear on what wolfwoods actual motivation was and who the bad guys were and whatnot. gonna have to rewatch it to get a better handle on that for sure. although even just the way they interact really did most of the work- the way vash trusted him immediately (enough that wolfwood even made a comment about how he keeps showing him his back), and how wolfwood kinda stuck with him for his own reasons and then abandoned him when the going got tough but vash still thanked him for all his help...... like yeah. its clearly there.

also. the scene where some of knives' goons send a ton of enemies after wolfwood to "test his faith" book of job style. like theyre trying to corner him into killing someone (im still kinda unclear on what their motivation was here tbh- for most of this episode i thought these guys were trying to kill wolfwood so i probably just missed it) but then with vash (jesus) on his side he manages to get through it without killing anyone (giving in to temptation/sin). he gets out of an impossibly tough situation with the power of jesus. like????? that is straight out of veggie tales. trigun is what would happen if veggie tales was an edgy sci-fi gunslinger anime. how is this real

there was a TON of other religious imagery, but i dont wanna comment on it too much cause i feel like ill need to rewatch it to really grasp my thoughts about it. something something children are blessed..... something something to get to heaven you must be like a child...... AUGH and how theres heavy heavy religious language around millions knives and his whole operation. vash fighting against the eyes of michael....... jesus tearing down corrupt temples...... the table they used to experiment on kids was shaped like a cross. the twins grew up in a garden with a big tree in the middle. a LOT of vashs humanity is centered around his relationship with his human mother. is this anything. have i gone off the rails. i feel like i need to watch this 8 more times and then i could write an entire academic paper about it. god

and that ENDING- did vash fucking die?? obviously meryl survived, but what about wolfwood? hell, we didnt even get closure on knives! (although that one i feel pretty confident about) and whats the fuckin deal with the other blond kid. im sure theyll address that in season 2 but- was that person at the very end of the episode the same as the one the twins found the same as the one in the picture that doctor guy had?? hmmm (all rhetorical questions- no spoilers please!!)

overall i did like the ending though! i wish it had been less ambiguous and a little less sequel-bait but overall not mad. i also wish the overall pacing had been a little slower? they just kinda throw a lot of characters at you really fast. maybe its the fma brotherhood effect (where they assume youve watched the previous adaptation and gloss over character introductions in favour of jumping right into the plot) and i shouldve watched '98 first, but evaluating it as a standalone there were a bunch of characters i never really got a grasp on even toward the end. plus the jumping between past and present didnt help- not saying that that was poorly implemented, i liked the jumping around! a lot of the timeline was intentionally obscured for dramatic effect and i think it really worked, but that made it hard to realize that the young looking guy from their past is now the really old guy. yknow?

also i TOTALLY called robertos death. i honestly thought he was gonna die way sooner because he didnt really do anything except try to drag meryl out of danger. and then he started getting more focus in one episode and i was like. oh, here it comes. then they got shot at and i was like "oh he definitely got shot there and theyre delaying the reveal" and i fucking KNEW it. still a good scene though, even though i wasnt super attached to him.

anyway. i need a supercut of every second wolfwood was on screen and i need to watch it on repeat until i die. i need to inject the opening title sequence straight into my bloodstream. i need to draw vashs big sad blue eyes right fucking now or im going to explode. this show has me in a CHOKEHOLD

finally started watching trigun stampede and oh my fucking god????

the VIBES. i just started episode 4 and wolfwoods introduction?? dragging a cross behind him????? he hasnt spoken a single word and im already obsessed with him. im also thinking about that one post i saw about how vash is jesus (SO fucking accurate btw) so the image of dragging the cross through the desert was like. oh theyre /intentional/ with it

also vash is such a good character holy shit. hes so unserious and i fucking love the way hes animated. his goofy ass running really sells it. but then he fucking shoots a bullet out of the air and its AWESOME hes so cool but also hes just a silly little guy! and of course the Tragic Backstory really just tops it all off. great protagonist hes so fun to watch

i also really love the evil twin shit, the way Millions Knives has fully committed to the aesthetic is fucking awesome and then he just. destroys an entire town? just for the sake of it?? top tier villain shit. and i like how vash is clearly really skilled but still doesnt hold a candle to Mr Knives. sets up a really good dynamic i cant wait to see where it goes from here

anyway its really just getting started so ill probably post more updates as i go but. so far 10/10 im having a great time

[dualitysdownfall]

medical oversharing in form of sentence fragments below cut

knees prone to hurting after i walk more than usual ("usual" in this case being a very low threshold) particularly in situations like school where im also carrying heavy stuff (not very specific i guess. began couple months ago, not immediately after start of semester which is interesting (what changed???) didnt do good job logging occurrences and circumstances.)

not normal right? what do about this. not bad enough to be debilitating but enough to notice -> enough to cause concern. can power through. semester just ended, no more school anyway. not expecting problem to occur during break. so like should i even worry about this rn?

why this happen though? would simply reducing weight load help? or just minimize walking altogether? not muscular pain. ...wait for problem to worsen? cant think of anything immediately implementable that would reliably assuage or prevent. at least not without knowing whats going on.

i know in my brain preventive care is just as important as addressing stuff thats already happening but. how. feels like making big deal out of something manageable. logically know any issue at all is deserving of attention and relief, indicator of Not Fully Able Bodied but not sure how to address while still certifiably Not That Bad, Actually /genuine (esp considering, like i said, probably not a concern now that semester is over) like idk what kinds of things would reduce/prevent on such small scale without feeling like overreacting. don't exactly want problem to get worse but if it did at least that would justify getting something for it

also not really sure of patterns, again, did bad job recording data. sometimes convinced "i did so much walking today, this is gonna hurt tomorrow" then it doesnt. not sure what exactly triggers it or when. i do know once when it happened, sitting down for an hour made it virtually go away, then i started kicking my legs as a stim and pain began to seep back. like "ooogh augh you're still making us move, why this".

idk theres probably more details but. brain gone

should have carefully logged everything pertinent, would make easier to detect patterns or lack thereof

sometimes pain when laying down going to sleep. very distracting. like what more do you want me to do im already laying down.

like pain in response to movement but on a delay.

at worst maybe a bit unsteady, not thrilled about getting up and moving but can.

[pyonzzz]

*burst through your front door* DID SOMEBODY SAY ALICE MARE?!!!! (God it's been so long now I want to replay that... I remember it being very short and mostly just creepy, made me feel constantly on edge due to the atmosphere at some places)

Also I feel like I need to ask... What amnesia?

Uuuh I think it's from the same series due to naming convention, but I'm pretty sure aside from Heart no Kuni no Alice I've seen at least Spade and Clover no Kuni no Alice. I don't know how big the series is though and I don't know if you knew about the series or just the Hearts one.

I know there is an otome called Shiro to Kuro no Alice which plays with the concept of the looking glass sort of? and separates the typical characters of Alice in Wonderland into two groups depending on what "Alice" you choose to play as, but I don't think it's translated really ;;; I just saw an MV one day with the CGs of the game and thought the character designs and the illustrations were pretty.

Ah... I feel like I should know more because I adore the concept as well but my memory doesn't want to cooperate right now ;;;-;;; (also I know I've seen different games called American McGee Alice but I never really got too into it so is it like... A series??? Because I remember seeing two and one of them definitely looked newer in graphics)

Um... Sorry for the long ask Robin ^^;

shia this is why were friends HEHE alicemare was made by miwashiba who i adore to death and back and will rant about for hours if you give me the chance

amnesia uhm i dont remember much about except for some tsundere red-coloured guy ( shin ?? i think ??? ) and a blue guy named ikuto ( ?????? too lazy to look it up ) but like the mc had amnesia or something and i only vaguely remember it and there were like playing card deck motifs with the 4 guys and i think my brain is trying to twist it into an aiw twist kinds thing HAHAHA

SPADE AND CLOVER MY BELOVED AUGH i recently went to a mall and actually managed to find one of the manga im so happy ( alice in the country of heart : the lizard aide btw ) and AUGHRBDOSHD i used to have a major hyperfix on this game years and years ago before the eng tl got discontinued and taken off the app store and then quinrose got axed and I LOVE THIS ADAPTATION theres a spin off for each suit so you have the main ( heart ) , and then clover spade diamond and then you also have alice in the country of JOKER and UGH I LOVE JOKER and then theres like ?? reverse ??? i think thats the looking glass insp but like we see the main cast except alice iirc as kids / younger but that mmmmmiight be a joker thing .... theres a lot in this series im so sad it never picked up steam because there was so much content that im pretty sure is just lost or super obscure and hard to find now

THAT SOUNDS SO COOL ill def have to look into it !! the name definitely rings a bell like im pretty sure a pal mentioned that to me recently because of one of the vas ( shouta aoi is haunting me ) ( so is toshiki masuda but thats not the va my pal mentioned iirc )

yaya theres 2 released games for amga ( how i shorten it ww ) and a 3rd that im pretty sure is in development hell last i checked !! there was about a 10 year gap between the 1st and 2nd game and i never played them but i loved looking up videos about them when i was younger because i love horror and alice in wonderland hehehe

you think your ask was long . i dont know what " being quiet " or " summarizing your points " mean