#these are shitty photos i took of my tv screen lol

[spirk-trek]

LOVE :)

[struggling-with-time]

Rainy days [Corpse x reader]

Paring: Corpse husband x Female!reader

Summary: “corpse x fem!reader ( she’s also a youtuber ) where they are just friends for a few years, but reader has been developing feelings for a while now. with corpse’s fan base growing so quickly, there’s also a lot of growing attention from other girls ( fans & other social media influencers ). corpse is happy with all the attention, while it is breaking the reader’s heart more every day. basically, super angsty lol and it’s totally up to you how you want to end it!” requested by anon

“please make one where like the reader and corpse fought so its like raining outside and yk the cliche type” requested by anon

Warnings: Angst and jealousy, kinda sad, I’m sorry

Words: 1.8k

A/N: Open for requests. Two requests for one.

Read part 2 cloudy afternoons here

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

You’re happy for Corpse, of course you are. What good friend wouldn’t be happy for their friend when they suddenly start to shoot for the stars? You definitely would. Right? It’s not like it hurts to watch him take in all these girls that throw themselves at him, he has never been happier for the many years you’ve known him. His YouTube channel is finally paying the bills for him, and you’re happy he doesn’t have to fear getting an eviction note, for dancing on the line a little too long. You’re happy that he has all these new friends. You’re happy he’s enjoying himself. You’re happy, because he’s happy.  So why does it hurt so much?

You’ve had feelings for your best friend for quite some time. You tried to push them away, which in return just seemed to cultivate them and make them stronger. You tried your damn best just to be his quirky happy best friend that was along with him for the ride. You never minded being the one to pick up the pieces when he fell apart. He would do the same for you… He would do the same for you, right?

You wipe away a tear escaping from your eye. You’re sitting in the shower crying on the floor. This is really what you’ve become? You think to yourself, as you lean your head back against the wall, looking up at the wooden ceiling.

He would do the same for you…

You dryly laugh to yourself, of course he wouldn��t, because then he would have known when you started pulling away. You wipe the tears away, get up and rise off your face once more, before stepping out. You look at where your mirror used to be. You took it down, not able to face yourself was easier than to accept this is just how you look permanently now. Dark circles underneath your eyes, as they’ve sunken quite a bit.

You kind of forgot how you really looked sometimes, until you caught yourself in something reflective, like your pc when it ran out of power, or your metallic glazed mug. You smile bitterly at the memory, Corpse had bought it to you when you reached 100.000 subs on YouTube, saying the play button wasn’t enough. It used to be a prized possession, now it was one of your worst.

You’re happy you build your YouTube brand on variety gaming, without a face cam. You couldn’t imagine having to explain away the way you looked. The monotone in your voice was hard enough.

I was just having an off day

Sorry, kind of sick today

My microphone isn’t picking up my voice probably.

You sigh to yourself as you collect your phone, and your empty bag. The fridge doesn’t fill itself. You’re pretty sure your fans caught onto something being wrong by the 4th excuse. You lock the door behind you, and glace up at the sky. It seems to be getting darker. You sigh as you realize you’re not going to be back home before it’s raining.

You walk the short distance down to the bus as you wait for it to arrive, you scroll through your twitter feed. It’s filled with pretty girls, much prettier than you are, throwing themselves at Corpse. You get a sudden urge to throw your phone into the passing traffic, but money has been tight lately with your down tuning of content, to take more time to be able to self-pity in the living room with a shitty romance show going on.

You really lost your best friend to your own feelings, huh. What an anticlimax.

You step onto the bus, not noticing the black dressed, black masked guy in the end of it. Watching you intentionally. If you had been able to read minds, you would hear the ongoing battle in his head on whether or not to approach you.

The bus pulls up the grocery store and you get off. Not sparing the other two passengers getting off a second thought. You pull your jacket closer together, as the wind starts getting colder. You finally arrive in the store, just a few seconds before the rain starts to drop.

The calming ominous music of the store fills your eyes, as you focus on getting something edible that isn’t directly just sugar with more sugar. You pick your groceries carefully, nothing that needs a lot of preparation. But if you eat one more tv meal, you’re going to throw it up. You’re too distracted by what pasta to choose, that you don’t realise the guy in black has now passed you for the 5th time, while you’re in aisle 9.

You choose both and head for the register. You sigh as you watch the long line, there’s only one way out, and you’re certainly not leaving your groceries now. You step in line. And pull out your phone. The lock screen taunting you with a picture of you and Corpse mushed together somehow in his gaming chair, you’re pretty sure it was Dave that took the photo. You shake your head and check the time. The bus just left. You sigh knowing there is a little over an hour before the next one leaves. Fucking public transport.

It finally becomes you, you watch the price tick up further and further. You take your card out. Swipes it through.

Declined.

What? You try it again

Declined.

C’mon, it has got to work. You try again

Declined.

And again

Declined.

And again

Declined.

You smile apologetic to the cashier, as you start to figure out what you won’t be needing too much.

“I’ll pay for her.”  A deep voice speaks further down the line. You know exactly the person whose voice that is.

“Please, you don’t have to-“ You watch as Corpse steps out of the line and puts a box of cereal on the register for the cashier to ring up with the rest of your stuff.

“I don’t-“

“That’ll be 79 dollars and 32 cents, please.” The cashier ignores you.

Corpse pays and gets the receipt, knowing you’re going to beg him for you to pay him back. You used to do the same when you were little. Corpse stands by as he watches you pack your groceries, and he waits for you. He barely recognized you in the bus. It’s been weeks since you last spoke, and even longer since you last saw each other. He knows you were getting bad, but not this bad. He don’t know why he never reached out he knows he should. But there are too many unsaid things hanging in the air, and neither of you wanting to be the one to pick the first one.

He reaches out to take one of the two bags. But you take it right underneath him, and walk to the doors, leaving him to hurry after or be left behind.

“Y/N I-“

He gets surprised by the rain, he hadn’t noticed the darkening sky earlier. You keep walking until he calls out after you again.

“Y/N! Please!”

You stop in you tracks. To think you had missed hearing your name from his lips, he uses it like it’s not the only thing you have left that’s your own.

He jogs the remaining distance and puts his hand on your shoulder, and you let him turn you around to make him face you. He’s not sure if it’s the rain, or if it’s tears that’s starting to fall. He takes the rest of your face in, the dark circles, the clear weight loss. He know, you don’t know how much you don’t look like yourself.

“Listen, thank you, I’ll pay you back next month. But if you’re not going to say anything, I have places to be, and-“

He puts his hand on her chin caressing it. She suddenly looks so small standing there in front of him. You quickly pull yourself back, wanting to lean into his touch, but knowing that it would only make what hurts, hurt more in the end.

“What did you want?” You snap at him. And something snaps in him too, as his brows furrows together.

“Oh I don’t know. Say hi to my best who just up and disappeared from the face of earth two months ago. I wonder what I want.” He snaps back at you, his deep voice nearly emitting a growl of frustration from him.

“So what, that’s what it takes 2 months before you want to find me. Did you get tired of all those girls throwing themselves at you? Did you get tired of your new friends you just cast me aside from? Did you get tired of all the money? Please do tell.” You stretch out your arms in a welcoming stance.

Corpse takes a step back, you’ve never yelled at him like this before. Tears streaming down your face as you’re soothing anger.

“…You think I threw you aside?” Corpse sucks in a breath waiting for your anger to come at him, but instead you suddenly look small again.

“Didn’t you Corpse? The excuse why I could never come over anymore, why you never had time. I was happy for you, you know, I supported you all the way. Heck I even fucking loved you, and you cast me aside, you up and threw away so many memories and a long friendship, just because I suddenly didn’t fit into your new group.” You look him straight in the eyes. “Corpse, I’m tired okay. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t keep picking up your pieces and help you reassemble yourself, for you to keep casting me aside. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t need your pity; I don’t need anything from you. I’ll make sure you get the money first thing next month.”

She takes a step away from him, the before intimate atmosphere now fully escaped.

“All I ask is that we part here. I love you too much to watch you fall apart again.” Your voice is trembling as you turn around heading for the bus stop, leaving Corpse in the rain to fend for himself.

[spnreactionblogging]

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

[r-ahh-mi]

Number 4. Speaks to me spiritually so imma go with that one 😂

lolll but sameeeee. Enjoy some angssttttt xx

4). “I’m too sober for this.”

________________________________

Reader POV:

I knew it wasn’t going to go away, but I couldn’t even bring myself to swipe the screen to unlock my phone.

He texted me, two years after our break up and the only relevant thing i’d seen or heard from him was his face plastered on a movie poster, and now he’stexting me.

Maybe he’s drunk..maybe he’s high. Fuck, maybe it was one of his friends texting me as a joke; this couldn’t be real, this wasn’t how he really felt, but no matter how long I kept telling myself all of these things, I still had hope. A teeny, tiny glimmer that was telling me to text him back and that ‘maybe this is it’.

How naive for me to even think he would be saying that he missed me, or to directly quote the text, ‘I miss you so much babe’, and genuinely mean it. There’s no way, absolutely no god damn way.

I chucked my phone against the spot on the sofa that was next to me, empty, only a throw pillow or two covering the space that you could be occupying, but nothing more than a sitcom on TV and a lonely glass of wine was keeping me preoccupied, well attempting to at least.

Ugh, i’m too sober for this.

I just can’t fathom why now, why of all the two years we’ve been distancing ourselves from one another that he chooses now to be an ideal time to crash land into my life, more specific, crash land into my text messages. One thing I did find reassuring is that he still kept my number in his phone, just like I had his. I couldn’t bare to delete it; everything else, photos, videos - gone. Hiscontact was sacred to me though because no matter how hard our break up was, he was and is my best friend and the person I never could’ve imagined living without and I couldn’t bring myself to delete the one thing that could instantly contact myself with him, had the occasion arose.

I downed the rest of the wine in my glass and reached for the rest of the bottle set in front of me, not bothering to fill the cup back up, just drinking it straight from the bottle, as my eyes mindlessly gazed into the moving TV screen in front of me.

I couldn’t tell you what was on TV or even what shitty reality series was on because all I could think of was him. His smile, his hair, his hands, his arms, his nose - I hadn’t dug myself in this deep of a hole in a while and suddenly I had fallen back down into it again at even the smallest of contact he attempted to make with me.

I took another swig from the bottle as my phone suddenly began to chime. I stared at it awhile, again, feeling that slit gleam of hope that ‘maybe it was him’, but I was also frightened to find out. If it was him, what do I do? Do I answer it? What do I say? If it wasn’t him, i’d likely throw my phone back into its place in the sofa because, shame on me for getting my hopes up thinking he’d bother to call me.

My thoughts had taken over so much so that I had forgotten about my ringing phone, which had now gone silent, leaving me and the TV alone once again. At top speed, my arm reached for my phone and, to my absolute glee, he really did it.

He called me.

What did he want? Do I call him back?

Suddenly, the cards were in my hand and now I had to decide what to do. Surely, if i didn’t call him back he’d think i hated him, which is half true, but the other half still hopelessly loved him…

On the other hand, if i called back, the outcome was unknown to me and that was terrifying; I wanted at least a hint about what was going to be shared during this phone call, yet I didn’t know how else to do that besides to contact him.

Finally, I unlocked my phone, briefly staring at his name in my ‘recent calls’ folder and never, did i ever, think I would be seeing that name there again. A small smile danced across my lips as I exited out and went to the text messages screen, opening his text.

Tentatively, I began to type several different messages out, attempting to convey to him what exactly I wanted to know, but, that’s the thing, I didn’t know what I wanted to know exactly, if that even makes sense.

However, I settled for a simple choice of words:

-

Y/N: hahaha very funny.

-

20 minutes went by and still nothing. The message was read, but still dead silence. No attempt at typing me even a simple ‘lol’ just so I could stop over dramatizing this whole thing.

Nothing.

I suppose I’ll have to live with my ‘high’ sort of feeling right now of wanting to be near him and wanting to touch him and talk to him and just live life with him, like we used to.

Cold feet guided my body up from the couch and into my bedroom as I plugged my phone into its charger and set it face down on my nightstand.

My dresser seemed to glare at me, knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I saw his old t shirt in the open top drawer where it had lived in seclusion ever since our fight and ever since us wasn’t ‘us’ anymore, but rather separate entities now.

Don’t do it, don’t do it.

My mind was screaming at me not to, but still, my finger glided itself against the soft fabric, remembering how it felt to grab it in my fingers when I was lifting it off of his head right before a night of passionate sex or the countless times we play fought and wrestled each other, me grabbing the neck of his shirt, no doubt stretching the fabric, but pressing my lips to his seemed to ease the situation and everything then felt so fucking right and now everything was so fucking wrong.

Wrong because he wasn’t fucking here like he god damn promised.

With a frustrated sigh, I plopped onto my sheets and attempted to seek shelter within my duvet; at least it was warm even though I wanted nothing but to feel his warmth right now.

My head plopped onto the pillow as the thoughts raced and raced and raced until they exhausted themselves and myself; and i’m sure the booze helped as well. Soon, I was in an unconscious state that I hadn’t remembered falling in and all I could remember was his fucking face. That fucking smug face of histhat I hated and adored at the same time.

Why. Why did he have to do this to me; messing with my feelings like this and then leaving me hung out to dry.

As my mind was floating in its unconscious state, I faintly heard the familiar music again. It took me a few seconds to register what it was, but when I did, I quickly sat up and reached for my phone.

My vision was blurry so I rubbed them vigorously and brought the phone as close to my face as I could without it full on touching.

It was him…again.

The thoughts started racing again as they had been ever since his random appearance on my phone screen, but I had to stop myself because clearly hewanted something, good or bad I didn’t give a shit because he wanted to talk to me.

With shaky hands and even shakier breath, I swiped across my screen to answer his call.

It was silent for a good 5 seconds i’d say, the only thing I could hear was his breathing on the other end and just the sound of it sent goosebumps down my arms and legs; all I could picture was his chest heaving under my palm, but if only he were here.

“Y/N?”, he shakily said, his voice much raspier and quieter than what I remembered.

Fuck, i’m surprised I remembered what it sounded like after these years.

I cleared my throat, silently summoning my vocal chords. “Rami?”

___________________________________

If you’re into this story line let me know and i’ll gladly continue cause I lovveeedddd writing this.

[niktizzy]

*~Myspace Survey~*

1. describe yourself.

I guess I would just call me different. I’m not saying that because it’s hip, I’m more or less lost for words on how to describe myself. I guess a weird cool? Am I cool? Bruh idk 

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

Honestly, I would love to take a trip to Australia 

3. do you have siblings?

Yesm

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

I honestly don’t know, I haven’t dove into that before. 

5. favorite color.

Black

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

I listen to a mixture of everything except like country and blue grass. Mostly listen to pop punk or metal but I do listen to a lot of rap and pop too. 

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are 

awesome)

I love lavender, but it’s more like a plant, so lilacs? I also enjoy white daisies 

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

Immunity 

9. favorite childhood memory.

Going outside and playing or going on a walk with your friends. No cell phones, just laughter and care free living

10. have you ever been cheated on?

Y E P

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

Dark room, candles lit, 65 degrees, plenty of blankets, computer screen lighting up the room 

12. favorite animal.

Sharks

13. what was the last photo you took of?

Baseball field

14. do you believe in soul mates?

Ehhhhhh, 1%

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

The right way, under

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

Barrio: stoner shell, chicken, shit ton of cheese, sauce, pinco, lettuce 

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Absolutely 

18. guilty pressures?

O O F, watching old ass vines, cleaning when I’m getting emotional, listening to my childhood music

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

Probably a mermaid 

20. something most people don’t know about you.

I use to do vocals in a couple bands

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

In a semi small town, it’s alright, I’m still here but traveling for work. I live away from most people now so that’s helpful

22. do you believe aliens exist?

Y E P

23. what was your last google search?

I think something to do with stats

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

Trust is earned, also, if your gut is telling you to leave, you need to leave

25. would you relocate for love?

E H H H 

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

A weird mixture of both

27. favorite book.

Anything John Green writes honestly

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

I’d like to think I’m a extrovert

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

Still do yeah

30. top 5 favorite movies.

Fight Club

The Taking Of Deborah Logan

Major League 

Beatle Juice

You’re Next

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

Yes again

32. what is your greatest fear?

Drowning and not like physically just emotionally 

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

Beer

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

Wear my emotions on my sleeves. Don’t worry, I don’t do that anymore

35. do you believe in ghosts?

Y E P

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

I’m very trusting, so that hurts me a lot

37. should you split the dinner bill?

All the time

38. are you a good liar?

Yes?

39. what keeps you up at night?

Dumb situations I brew up or like, you know, science

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

Phone

41. do you believe in god?

Yes

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

Clean

43. what’s something that offends you?

Ahhh, honestly I don’t really get offended. I guess when people say I have an easy job?

44. favorite food

Mexican anything

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

This is weird, but, Zac Efron 

46. when do you feel the most confident?

When I’m in shape

47. what do you do on your free time?

Do dumb surveys, Nah, I usually do projects around the house or I go out for a drive

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

Yeah lol

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Mhmm

50. did/do you play sports in school?

Yeah: Soccer, volleyball, basketball, dabbled in softball and swimming

51. when are you happiest?

In the Fall

52. coffee or tea?

Coffee

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

Probably my laptop

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

Their smile or their eyes

55. what is your favorite season, why?

Fall, summer is a close second 

56. what makes you laugh?

Literally everything

57. are you a clean or messy person?

Very clean

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

Communication 

59. what was your upcoming like?

Like growing up? I never begged for anything, my parents did everything they could to keep me happy and for that I’m so thankful.  

60. favorite holiday?

Halloween

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

Pay off my parents debt

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

Bacon, pepperoni, extra cheese, light sauce

63. favorite outdoor activity.

Fireworks, baseball, fires, water ballon fights, fires

64. how are you? honestly.

I’m hanging in there, I’m doing pretty well but I still feel like I’m drowning in my emotions and I fucking hate it

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

Beach dawg

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

This is going to sound weird but, the fact that things die then come right back to life. Like flowers, they die at the end of a season then boom they bloom right back and as beautiful as ever. That and just the seasons, everything changing yet everything so beautiful 

67. favorite type of candy?

Seasonal Reeses

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

Rollercoaster

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

It’s weird because like I’ve watched so many so it can just be a mixture of a lot of them but I see myself saying a lot of Talladega Nights

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

Smoking cigarets, get real

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

Lol any work conversation 

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

Ted Bundy tapes atm

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad look, but the whole different color in the bangs, ehhhhhh not a big fan now

74. what do you like to cook?

Fajita’s 

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

I use to work next to a safari and they had this temperamental camel, which was understandable because he had shitty people riding him all day, and like he was a dick and was pretty fun to watch the workers try to wrangle him. So he was pretty cool I guess

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

Letterkenny is up there now

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

Lately my head, in the past, my heart

78. what is your favorite quote?

“It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish”

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

Dude, I have weird crushes to this day. Idk, I don’t like it

80. what’s your love language?

Bruh what, honestly if someone bought me food or took me to a horror movie that would be my “love language”. Super easy boys

81. do you ever feel alone?

E V E R Y   D A Y 

82. ever been bullied?

Yeah, lol. It was rough, then I started taking comedy and you know physical force, and success to bury them

83. are you usually early or late?

The gray area in between

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

Music 85. what do you wish you knew more about?

Science

[fsfantasy95]

Into words

Alright it’s September already. Haha Aug was probably the most happening month after my hiatus from excitement since i think Feb???

But anyway I really didn’t intend to fly two times to the same country within the same month lol. The first one was a genuine holiday trip already in place months ago, the second one popped out only one month before. Er I don’t know what made me decide to go for the second one, probably cos I was captivated by the thought of visiting Xitou, or ok lah maybe I was just being a senseless infatuated fangirl.

The holiday trip was good and all (well it is a holiday after all), i think travel companions matter a lot. So thankfully the friends were all easy-going suibian people who dont mind sleeping in on trips, doing nothing on various days, eating lame food etc etc. On the first day we got our hair done at in%, then I dumped the friends to get a photo with Kent Tsai my new obsession!!! He’s a very very cute derpy little boy. HAHAHA I missed one hour of Peici’s concert as a result of that but ok it wasnt too bad. Did i mention peici’s concert was the reason this trip existed in the first place - as weird as it sounds to have arose from jt LOL. Then I met tph’s tw fan to pass her some i-weekly magazines (lolol) and we spent the night roaming around raohe. LOL i think one memorable moment was getting a leg cramp the moment I sat down in the taxi after walking ages at the night market, I was trying to control myself from screaming in pain and attempting to give directions to the cabby at the same time lmao.

On the 2nd day we concurred to sleep in. Jalan-jalan around XMD, random shops and the arcade, went to my favourite GUANG NAN!, I found the camera streets to buy the battery which I very smartly forgot to bring, more jalan jalan and spent the night early at our accom stocked with beer and food. Shiok! Actually this is the perfect holiday itinerary.

3rd-4th was packed with the tour itinerary up to shei-pa. Ok this was suggested by me because I am a sucker for mountainous areas, I am going to conquer all the national parks in taiwan. Not too bad with nice chilly air, although not as chio as i expected hmms. Jt and I attempted one of the forest trekking paths ourselves and shit that was one scary 40mins of our lives HAHAHA. There was freaking not a single soul in the whole forest and the path was much longer than we expected. There was a point when I wondered if I would ever get out of that place. Then we missed some star-gazing guide at night because idk who remembered the timing wrongly wtf hahahahah then we forced the provision shop to sell us beer and cup noodles even though they were already closed.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the bendy roads up were one of the worst..even I felt a bit bad upon reaching the top (I am usually the one enjoying being thrown around the vehicle). Went up further to the national park area - more mountain views, and trekking paths!!! Ok lah my stamina still survivable. Wasted time visiting some boring museum-ish place along the way down and I was late for my Kent Tsai bubble tea shop event. Sucks! Hahaha literally opened my luggage along the streets of xmd to change my camera lens. We did supermarket shopping that night, the loots were a considerable lot hahaha. I remember sleeping around 3am trying to watch xmj’s live after all the packing and watching tv.

Last day was the epic shit having breakfast at the hotel and getting caught in a rat attack. LOL it was damn amusing cos people were screaming and some auntie was trembling in fear just because of one rat. But the rat ended up getting killed right beside our table (VIP zone for us) and I was recording it and we were screaming and laughing so hysterically HAHAHAHA. Shit the singaporean spirit, I was one of the only few whipping out my phone to record the commotion lolololol. We wanted to visit maokong for the last few hours but I think we ended up just roaming the taipei main station underground shops and spending money on arcade and gachapons.

Hahaha definitely an enjoyable trip. We hit 600 for our basketball machine!! and the stupid fruit vinegar drink I bought for kent tsai but had to use it as forfeit to finish the not-so-nice drink XD

Back to work for another two weeks and I was off again. This time for jaydaone only jaydaone. Haha another set of easy-going travel companions, so everything was gooddddd! We checked-in early to get some last minute buys for him (lol the TWG tea smelled funny honestly) and we thought we had much time to jalan jalan and ended up being the last few at the boarding gate.  Took our time to fly there, eat breakfast at the airport, slowly made our way to taichung, and after much walking around finally reached xitou. Shit the bus from taichung to xitou was damn awesome for catching up on sleep. Our minsu owners didnt let us go back to the accom and insisted we toured the monster village first before returning. Oh well never give laoniang here chance to put makeup.... haha we finished the whole village i think by 6+pm. Its not as big as I thought.... but there were some amusing things which we are still laughing over now LOL just some very vulgar packaging boxes useful for scolding people. Cant stop using the phrases after that. Hahahaha bought convenience store food (my mayday limited edition taiwan beer!!) and we were back in the accomm by early night. Idk how we still dragged until past 12midnight to sleep lol . Ate our food (without utensils!!! how can family mart do this to us), drank beer watch TV listened to jaydaone’s radio (and off-ed it halfway cos it was damn noisy) wrote some cards and nuasaied in the room. Shiok.

Up earlyyyyyyyyyyyy as planned but took longer than expected to get ready. So we were behind our own schedule hahaha sucks! We panicked when the minsu person told us it would require around 40mins to reach the event location from the main entrance. Had to forgo the minsu breakfast :c and we made our way direct to the event location. That was quite a climb, and wtf lyc reached even before us. We choped a good spot and yeah of course everybody else just conveniently slotted in without expressing any form of gratitude, ohwells hahahaha but doesnt matter la there is no fierce competition there and then. Lyc appears and sang 4 songs, I wasnt watching him most of the time cos I was busy taking photos. Errrrrr like lol I flew over there just to watch him but end up looking at the camera screen. But I think he was in a good mood c: Haha at the end of the performance we had a mini gathering nearby, it was longer than the performance time. I remember he emerged and was walking down the slope and we went up to say hi. MY PRINCE ON A WHITE HORSE *v* ahhhh hahaha please pardon me while I switch to xmm fangirl mode. I think the rest I should just leave it because I have already recorded it down somewhere and it is not easy to put into words without sounding like a freak. But he is nice nice nice very very nice and I am very very grateful he is who he is. I think I’ve seen him for >15 times but this is the first time(?) i held his hand properly HAHAHA shit this is going to sound erxin but when he was leaving he was saying thanks and he held out his hand so I reached out for it and at that moment I just had this thought that, Oh dear I don’t want to let go yet so I held on and he didnt let go too (!!) I think I had his right and stephy had his left. Hahahahahahaha. Then he gave the kind of look that goes through your eyes and said xiexie. Walao please please kill me please 为什么就是一股温暖满满的温暖我感觉支持你快10年了我青春有你什么都值得了

Lol okay enough hahahaha i think its hard for people to understand. Anyway right after he left we walked back to attempt some last minute sightseeing before rushing for the bus. I remember us scolding some shit while walking HAHAHAHA so much for putting on a fake demure front when the idol’s around. Back to taichung and met with mans the siao last-minute-decided-to-come girl, we created a tiny hoo-ha at uriko’s art exhibition cos they got to know that there were a few singaporeans there lol. But she is very pretty and talented. Now I understand why tintin went crazy over her hahahahaha. Our schedule for the night had two deleted items, one pan wei bo event and one dimdimsum trip, we ended up having dinner at yizhong and trying out the random 100dollar item vending machine. Watched kent tsai and the chi qing nan zi han at night. Freaking 3rd row in a huge cinema i think my neck is very unwell. Walked fengchia at night and found out our flight was delayed by freaking 8 hours!! Ded. Made plans to cancel our HSR tix.

Last day was spent on Kent Tsai at kaohsiung. Haha shit his face was sooooo grumpy that day. We had another round of the movie for the after-show qna and he actually asked us to shhh cos our cameras were so loud. Wtf hahaha this kid. But he is still very cute lah. Then we went to the adidas exhibits thingy and ruifeng night market (extra time cos of the flight delay zzz) and then we slowly took the bus back to taoyuan. Reached airport at 4+am I think. Haha last minute buys at 7-11 and beer. I think I was close to k.o. already, i need sleep!!!! Horrors of further flight delay by 2hrs. Lol kept thinking of how to kaopei the flight carrier. Ended up we didnt use the meal vouchers cos we thought they were for in-flight when they were actually for airport shops zzzzzzzzzzzz. But at the end they gave us flight vouchers and insurance is claimable so Ok lor I dont mind. Luckily I took extra day leave for work beforehand, if not jialat only.

Hahaha awesome awesome trips. Shit once the flying starts I think it is hard to stop. Oh dear. Sigh its back to reality for now... dont know how long I can survive without anymore excitement....... Argh I think i sound like a kid. But whatever lah gimme a break from all these adult life and societal cruelty (and SHITASS people) for once or twice. Bye back to the mundane mundane shitty life.